angled-aroace

[angled-aroace]

the reason why you see more detrans women then detrans men is because they are funded and pushed by the right and their white feminity and victimhood is being used to push a white supremacist, misogynist and anti-reproductive rights narrative btw. not because ftms actually regret their transitions more. btw.

[angled-aroace]

this website is so funny because every couple years we repeat the discourse of "which marginalised group is it morally okay for us to shit on?" and somehow nobody ever learns from it. we just look back and go, "hey, remember that time when everyone was joking about how ace people should all be put in meat grinders? that was so messed up. we should not have done that. anyway, here's my topical joke about how polyamorous people should all be put in meat grinders."

[angled-aroace]

do you think that a certain genre of queer person is so obsessively weird about pride flag discourse becuase their flags fill the gaping hole in their personality where a hogwarts house used to be

[angled-aroace]

It really says something that a lot of monogamous people consider polyamorous and aromantic to be "opposites" but every polyam person I know took one look at aromantics and said "they're just like me for real"

[angled-aroace]

I shouldn’t be scrolling through the blog of someone I’ve had blocked for months and I know it but every time I see this one person’s blog I find a new reason to think this person can’t be fucking serious.

Now we can add “calling ace inclusionists from the Ace discourse days ‘the proto transandrophobia community’ and thinking it makes you look good”.

For context she’s complaining about the existence of the term REG and posting screenshots she found I think from @vaspider (since she brings him up specifically in posts about this subject).

But like… yeah we supported aces and aros back when the ace discourse was around. None of us are ashamed of it. Aphobes now call their own past cringe and won’t talk about it. Many openly state their regrets and have come around. Remind me again which one you want to be aligned with here? The ones combating bigotry or the ones who only stopped being open about theirs when they decided it was embarrassing for them? And why do you think digging up posts from 2017 when none of us were using the term transandrophobia is relevant today when we’re actively discussing transandrophobia?

[angled-aroace]

TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! JULIE NEWMAR (1995) directed by Beeban Kidron costume design and original sketches by Marlene Stewart

[angled-aroace]

We (the aro/ace, poly, and relationship anarchist communities) need to talk about backdooring

For all the dirty minded people reading this, no, that's not a buttsex joke. Please take this seriously.

Backdooring is a phenomenon I've observed where someone with more proximity to traditional relationship modalities gets into a nontraditional relationship (for instance, a nonsexual romantic relationship, a nonromantic sexual relationship, a committed relationship that is neither romantic nor sexual, or a polyamorous relationship) with someone who does not share that proximity, and attempts to move the relationship in a more traditional direction— stated simply, it's the use of a nontraditional relationship as a backdoor to a traditional one, specifically one with which the victim is not comfortable and does not consent to.

It often stems from an attitude of "Maybe this person will forget about being ace/aro/poly/RA now that they've met me."

As someone who has experienced backdooring in relationships where I thought I was safe (my ex-girlfriend successfully used our queerplatonic relationship as a backdoor into a romantic relationship that had me doubting my own orientation and personal boundaries for years after the fact, and more than one ex-friend of mine has tried to use the bonds I form with my friends as backdoors into a sexually predatory dynamic) I can say with 100% certainty that backdooring is a form of abuse, and that anyone with a preference for anything besides a monogamous, sexually involved romantic relationship is vulnerable to it.

What backdooring is and isn't

Backdooring isn't two people's feelings or attractions mutually changing after getting into a certain kind of relationship.

If you and your partner originally got into a sexless romance but began to feel a mutual sexual attraction to one another, that's fine. People's feelings about each other are fluid.

But if you're in a sexless romance and you have no interest in sex, but your partner keeps trying to pressure you to fuck them, please, just once, they haven't had any for so long and it would be really nice of you to just do this for them one time, they're probably trying to backdoor you and you need to do something about it because that's not a healthy situation.

If you're in a sexless relationship of any kind and you decide to mutually engage in a kink or fetish that doesn't require direct sexual contact, and you're both receiving an equal amount of enjoyment from participation in that kink/fetish, that isn't backdooring.

However, if someone you do not have a sexual relationship with engages in kink/fetish activities with you without telling you what they're doing or what they're getting out of it, that is backdooring and honestly, it's disgusting.

If you and your partner are in a polycule with some other people but you talk about it together and decide you want to go exclusive, that isn't backdooring.

But if your partner is trying to separate you from the rest of your polycule and get you to narrow your focus to only them, they're trying to backdoor you and you should let them know you won't stand for it.

If you're in a nonromantic relationship of any kind and you and your partner both enjoy playing with symbols and gestures associated with romance, but have no romantic intent behind the use of those symbols, that isn't backdooring.

But if you're in a nonromantic relationship and your partner uses those symbols and gestures with romantic intent, especially if they haven't cleared the use of those symbols or gestures with you ahead of time, that is backdooring and you should shut that door before it opens any further.

You can see clearly how backdooring intersects with and puts the victim at risk of other forms of intimate abuse, such as sexual/romantic coercion, social isolation, fetish mining, and, in extreme cases, corrective rape. It's honestly something that should be common sense not to do to another person, but for some reason, people with more traditional preferences like to see our relationships as less valuable and our boundaries as more freely transgressible.

If you've been a victim of this and want to share your story, I encourage you to add to this, or just reblog to spread awareness.

[angled-aroace]

["you" is used as general you and isn't directed at anyone personally]

radical take: you can't know someone's agab if you haven't seen the moment of assigning it.

(intersex) people get reassigned with different gender later in life. sometimes after days, sometimes after weeks & months & years passed from birth.

trans labels are not indicative of agab.

body parts are not indicative of agab.

how someone is raised is not indicative of agab.

you can't always know whether someone is trans or intersex by their look.

if someone is visibly trans/intersex, it doesn't mean you can tell their gender by their look and moreso tell their agab (by assuming it being "the opposite" (binary shit) of their gender).

if someone tells you they're trans/nonbinary/intersex/otherwise genderqueer, you still can't tell their agab because you don't know their experience and medical history.

and oh, you shouldn't try to guess someone's agab at the first place.

(i can't believe "you can't tell someone's agab" and "you shouldn't ask someone's agab" and "what is in the stranger's pants is none of your business" are hot takes in the end of 2024 on tumblr).

[angled-aroace]

Just had to block a long time mutual for this, but just a reminder that transandrophobia is real and everyone who saying it isn't is no different from the fucks who say biphobia and acephobia aren't real.

People have fundamentally different lives from you and if you can't handle that, you need to get the fuck out more and expand your life experiences and the people you are meeting. No one should have to suffer for your ignorance.

[angled-aroace]

person who openly hates how trans men sexually express themselves who openly hates how trans men musically express themselves who openly hates how trans men draw themselves who openly hates the way trans men refer to themselves but is completely silent about the exact same ways trans women do these things with the same level of 'cringe' or predictability or stereotyping then hit you with the 'transandrophobia isn't real' like my dipshit in christ i think you might just hate the fact there's a word to refer to people like you

[angled-aroace]

I think people need to be more comfortable with illegalism and I’m not kidding. Of course the more legal something is, the safer and easier it is to do, but the more people who disregard the law, the harder it is to enforce. There are plenty of laws on the books that people just ignore and are never or rarely policed.

Becoming more comfortable with little illegal activities makes you more comfortable with bigger more important illegal activities. Additionally, it is crucial to build a wall of silence. Nobody talks everybody walks.

People who give out food without a permit, hold a march without a permit, grow a garden without a permit, are more likely to be people you could turn to to work with on preventing an eviction, or keeping people out of cop hands, or helping your friend Jane get crucial healthcare when it’s not legal in your state.

Communities comfortable with these acts won’t call the cops, and then nobody knows that it’s happening.

People have got to shift from both the idea that lawful = good/ illegal = bad, and that the illegality of something means that’s the end of it, and the only fight left is to make it legal again.

[angled-aroace]

asexuals are queer pass it on

[angled-aroace]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

[angled-aroace]

just a handy little info chart on the spectrums of sexuality.

[angled-aroace]

Stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare stop calling it women’s healthcare

[angled-aroace]

No group of trans people oppresses another group of trans people on the basis of their gender or AGAB.

Cisnormative power structures do not interact with trans peoples' genders the same way it does for cis people. There is no gender that oppresses another gender within the trans community because trans people do not have cis privilege.

Trans women are not "oppressors" for being AMAB, trans men are not "oppressors" for being men. If you believe either of these things you need to shut up forever.

Being bigoted towards 'oppressor' trans people is not "punching up" it is lateral aggression and you are a bigot.

[angled-aroace]

The semi-prevelant idea in recent queer discourse that "trans men hold power within the patriarchy and are oppressors" is eerily close to the TERF talking point that "trans men transition to escape misogyny", it just feels rebranded to be 'trans-supportive'.