apollo0icarus

[apollo0icarus]

got drunk. had a good time. apparently wrote two poems about being a women in the patriarchy. don't remember doing that last bit but i have them so guess i did. anyways life is weird?

[apollo0icarus]

“kids spend too much time on their devices” well what else are they supposed to do? there’s no corner shops with pinball machines in them on every corner anymore. there’s no malls or stores in small towns for teens to hang out in without being suspected of shoplifting or kicked out for loitering. sidewalks are too broken for them to ride their bikes and there’s no bike lane in the street to make it safe for them. i just don’t understand where they expect these kids to go when they keep taking places away from them. and yes having no safe public places for them is what leads a lot of teens into addiction if they end up at a place where people aren’t truly looking out for them.

[apollo0icarus]

The class war is staggeringly rigged against the working class. The majority of households are living under extreme economic trauma.

End the trauma. Abolish Republicans.

[apollo0icarus]

"tumblr humor is only funny to tumblr users" NOT true. those bitches on pinterest love us.

[apollo0icarus]

ABSOLUTELY NAUSEATED BY THE UNREQUITED LOVE TONIGHT LADS

THROWING UP AT THE FACT EVERYONE LEAVES

i exit stage left and immediately you hear sobbing into the mic

[apollo0icarus]

basic human empathy has got to make a comeback divas

[apollo0icarus]

i know my friends are so sick of hearing it. i know they are so damn sick of hearing your name. but everytime i think i've taken a step forward, something brings me three steps back. photos of you don't hurt the way they used to. talking to your sister doesn't eat me up inside anymore.

you.. don't hurt the way you used to.

but i still can't read my favorite poem without thinking about that christmas. i still can't listen to certain songs and gods people still ask about you. do you know that? people still ask about you. "has he come back?" "is he going to move?" and i never know what to say. jesus fuck- i never know what to say.

i don't know why you left. i don't know what i did or if it's anything i did at all. i don't know where to put all these memories down. everything is smothered in you. where do i leave you? where do i get to move on?

i've been writing again... are you proud?

[apollo0icarus]

oh how the grief is eating tonight!

I miss you, my love. I wish you would come home.

[apollo0icarus]

today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

[apollo0icarus]

i haven't prayed in almost two months. i used to pray every day. but the universe took two things from me back to back and i was so angry. i am still angry.

tonight i prayed. im working on forgiving and maybe in the midst of it all, i can forgive myself too.

[apollo0icarus]

i think there's something to be said tonight about family. there's this.. comfortably i often watch others have with their family that makes me feel so removed from all things human. i watch them completely content and happy to be around thoes who raised them and i wonder if i will get that.

my mother is not as mean as she once was. she's actually hardly ever mean at all. but a kicked dog always flinches, right? even if it has forgiven.

and so i sit here and wonder if i will always feel like an outsider. if i will ever be able to do what i watch others do. i almost had that, once. but that is very far away now and one must not rot into the past lest your future rot with you.

there is something to be said about the phantom limb of family tonight. i'm not sure i'm the best person to say it though.

[apollo0icarus]

not to sound like a christian facebook mom but some of yall need to have grace in your hearts for the people in your lives or the people you pass once on the road and never see again like you literally need to stop assuming the worst of everyone and their intentions it is poisoning your brain. you can be careful and responsible without being a miserable person. it is possible i promise

[apollo0icarus]

[apollo0icarus]

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

[apollo0icarus]

just thinking of how our meaning or purpose in life is merely to experience. eating an orange segment, hoping for snow, being in love, returning over and over to one painting, stepping outside for the full moon, submersion in water, having a favourite colour, knowing beauty, feeling alone, feeling connected, feeling longing… it is enough. 

[apollo0icarus]

that pistachio completely sealed in its shell is scared and alone, like a miner trapped by rubble. you need to free it by any means necessary. get the gun from your dad's cabinet

[apollo0icarus]