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How Marvel thinks teens talk: Oh crud, this is sooooo not #woke

How teens actually talk: Gun to your head would you rather fuck Piccolo or Vegeta

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i love the x-men

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definitely the worst/funniest eye contact experience I ever had was about nine years ago, on a roof in a foreign country, too drunk to stand up and trapped in the company of a guy I’d fought in the street earlier that day

I was convinced he was going to instigate a rematch that I was too compromised to win, but also I was very unwell and unafraid to die, so I gave him a piece of my mind and rattled off a detailed list of everything I’d ever thought was wrong with him.

he didn’t reply—just stared me down, wordless, expressionless, cold unblinking eyes in the darkness.

a thought surfaced from the depths of my brain, washing ashore like a globster: this is exactly like wolves. this is a dominance display. a challenge. hold his gaze; do not break eye contact. keep your eyes open and relaxed to show that you are not concerned with his threat… too wide will show fear and submission, too narrow will suggest violence.

I held his gaze.

he moved forward, stalking towards me across the roof.

just like wolves, I thought.

he approached slowly, like he was moving underwater, or through a dream.

this is literally exactly like wolves, I thought.

he came closer.

wolves, my brain insisted.

closer still.

you’re handling this properly for sure.

uncomfortably close.

only when the tip of his nose was physically pressed against mine like fucking Marty McFly and his school principal did my brain finally admit that maybe, just maybe, this was NOT like wolves, and that maybe half-remembered dubious information I’d read in a kind of racist book about wolves once when I was nine years old was not applicable to my current situation.

then his lips pressed against mine and I realized that there are, in fact, other reasons adults make prolonged eye contact that really have nothing to do with wolf dominance displays.

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the problem with not having watched anime growing up is that when I watch anime now I am suddenly assaulted with psychic blasts in which I recognize the source for all mannerisms and aesthetics of my peers

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Corn dogs are named for their traditional meat, the unicorn. As unicorns are now extinct, they can only be referred to properly as ‘Corn Dogs and not “Unicorn Dogs” as they were prior to 2009.

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like at this point im not even upset my cat hasnt caught the mouse its the fact that the mouse is so clearly out witting him at every turn. to make things even worse the mouse now has a mouse nephew thats also eating my cheeses and what not

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my favorite olympic sport is, without a doubt, card games on ice

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ah... your secret technique... in normal circumstances, such a bullet would have no effect on me, but you certainly knew that, my rival... and so, cleverly, you accelerated it with a gun

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kids these days are just too busy being gay to go on my perilous wizard quests

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Check my Patreon out if you’d like to support the comic, even a little bit helps. Or just to check out the reward tiers, there’s some neat bonus stuff and I tried to make them fun: https://www.patreon.com/waitingforthet