inchworm-incarnate

[inchworm-incarnate]

Hi, my two wonderful amazing girlfriends Ivy and Jade are in a bad spot financially right now. No place is hiring and they're both between work atm. If you could help em out with a couple bucks, it would mean a lot to me!!

[inchworm-incarnate]

🌻Positive Result ~ The Eulogy of Someone Still Alive (TW: discussions of death, physical and mental illness)

HEY!! It's been a bit since I wrote one of these. I kind of wanted to do one for Neuron Explosion Show, but I feel like I don't have much good to say about it. At any rate, NES is a bit of a successor to Positive Result despite having been released first. I wrote Positive Result first and in a far longer amount of time and put a lot more thought into it, that's for sure.

This song has been a long time coming for me. I'm not super open about my own mental state online as a safety measure since I am still young, but my music has always been a way for me to... unleash what I feel without guilt, if that makes sense. I'm quite a reserved person despite wearing my heart on my sleeve, but the lack of pressure with music really draws me to the craft as a whole. After all, most of my listeners do not know me on a personal level (nor should they). Those who do know me, however, are able to get a better insight on me through listening to what I have to say in a way that doesn't put as much direct burden on them as talking face to face would. Perhaps my mindset isn't the healthiest, I am aware that it's cowardly. But it's one of the only ways I am able to process my own emotions, trauma, and regrets while I navigate my young adulthood as of now.

That being said, I'd like to talk as openly as I can about the meaning of Positive Result here. This song features a feeling that I know all too well: pure, unfiltered panic. Powerlessness. An extreme sense of mortality.

I was officially diagnosed with OCD when I was around thirteen, but my symptoms started at a very young age, manifesting mostly in the form of health anxiety. The first instance of this I can recall was how at six years old I would check my lung capacity over and over again, convinced that my breathing was constrained and there was something wrong with me. Checking myself mentally and physically for symptoms of something arbitrary and untrue was routine for so long, for so many years, that I thought it to be normal until I discovered the nature of OCD. The disorder is ravenous. It's time consuming. At times, it is inescapable. It is scary. It is completely irrational. And it's shaped me and my personality in many ways.

"I can't halt the fear

To appreciate

everything I seem

seem to have today

(Now I am contorting wildly, feelings clashing, overwhelming)

And I can't control

what's controlling me and

living while I'm dying every day

(Understanding math so vague, I graph a picture of a morbid day)"

Positive Result features my struggle with the part of my OCD that makes me fear contracting and dying of a physical illness. A lot of the lyrics allude to cancer specifically, ("Even though I cannot sense it, I can tell that my cells are revolting/Turning paradigms to sickness"). The imagery of physical cells "revolting" is something I wanted to portray sickeningly straightforward. I considered using the word "turning" as well, like rotting, or like a multiplying cancer, but "revolting" felt more akin to the betrayal I feel when my mind tries to convince me that my "paradigms" are turning to sickness. In this case, "paradigms" also refers to cell mitosis and the multiplication of cancer cells. "Felt only by these hands of mine" refers to the sense of feeling something or seeing something, a symptom, an imperfection, anything, that isn't actually there.

My episodes of panic with my OCD have lasted me months at a time before. At times, they leave me feeling that my fear will last an eternity.

"With a fear that lasts an eternity, counting one, two, three, to the metronome of destiny

In love with earthly frequencies, the ripping sound of frantic waves

It's growing, flowers exploding, round and round, they're breathing, eating me alive"

Now, the visceral earthly imagery in the chorus is more evocative than meaningful. The thought of a flower exploding, wrapping around you, breathing and eating you alive is an uncanny enough thought. But it's the way mortality feels to me. It's the way I imagine slowly dying. Even though I have never been close to that state physically (knock on wood) getting a very scary phone call from a doctor some years ago got me well acquainted with the proximity that we as animals have to the dirt beneath us. ("Letting go and letting blood can never be rehearsed/Oh, you know I'm gonna claim that I'm only getting worse!") That last line in the yelling section in particular refers to the endless requests for reassurance about my own potential, unreal conditions and my inability to believe the people that told me I would be okay.

I'm also really proud of the next little section where the lines, "This survival rate, forever it is plummeting/these statistics aren't re-re-reassuring me," pop up. This refers specifically to checking compulsions via looking up symptoms on the internet/checking survival rates for various illnesses (I used to do that a lot.) This section also alludes to the loss of control, which, in reality, might be the scariest part of the fear of illness for me.

Also, notice the repeated rhyming of "me" with itself. ("Can't you answer me/those looking down on me"... "These statistics aren't re-re-reassuring me"..."Heal me"). When you're stuck in your head, it's quite impossible to live outside of yourself.

"'Cause the world never pauses for the cowardly

It pushes past the plagued and pageless poet’s elegies

But after all, the only person that's without disease

is only six feet deep"

This section refers to the world seeming to move on without you when you're trapped in panic, along with a slight reassuring thought that 'everyone goes through some sort of illness.' Also this interpolates Glass Pen hey guys ahahahahha, I also reference Cryin' Cryin' with the background line "Don't try to fight what you can't see," interpolate an unreleased song with [ REDACTED ], and reference Neuron Explosion Show with "I don't think I'm gonna make it out/with an ardent voice I scream it." I may or may not be going through an inspiration phase of someone I look up to who motifs a lot ahahahhahahahahah

"BRACING FOR IMPACT, WHAT’S REAL IS PLAIN TO SEE

'THESE THOUGHTS ARE JUST PROTECTING ME'

THE BIBLIOCLAST

TO MY OWN STORY"

The line "'These thoughts are just protecting me'" being in quotes specifically refers to something I learned in therapy about the nature of OCD brains and anxiety. How your brain is constantly trying to protect you despite there being no immediate threats to speak of, sometimes none at all. Also I'm really proud of the line "The biblioclast to my own story"!!! I'm a sucker for a good big word.

And that's really the core of Positive Result as a song. I hope it resonates with y'all however you decide to interpret it! In the scope of MACHINA MORI (which you should check out RIGHT NOW BTW) I see it as staring your mortal self in the face and being afraid of what you see. There's nothing comforting about being mortal. At the same time, there's everything comforting about being mortal. But, yeah. It's scary, it is. However, for me at least, even as I live side by side with this disorder, I'm a certified Lover Of Life and no amount of fear will ever change that for me. Despite how hopeless my music has been sounding lately, I hope you are aware that I, as a person, am not one to let go of hope.

Be prepared for what I have in store for this year. Big things coming!

~Kain Angel, 2/15/25

Thank you: Mage, Io, Tomi, Olay, absolutely every one of my friends, MM TEAM

[inchworm-incarnate]

🌹

Eek first time posting here eek! eek! eek!

[inchworm-incarnate]

These men just stole the personal information of everyone in America AND control the Treasury. Link to article.

Akash Bobba

Edward Coristine

Luke Farritor

Gautier Cole Killian

Gavin Kliger

Ethan Shaotran

Spread their names!

[inchworm-incarnate]

I want to remind you of the importance

There is no drinking water in Rafah and northern Gaza, long queues at bakeries and water

Gaza is living a silent war, reconstruction and relief have not happened until this moment, unfortunately

The voice of the oppressed in Gaza is a trust!!

As I always tell you, Israel always violates treaties and does not seek a ceasefire... My family and I are still in dire need of you. Danger is looming over us and providing the necessities of life is still difficult. Your donation will help us a lot in fighting all the plans to starve and displace us.

Donate here for my family

[inchworm-incarnate]

gentankanas

[inchworm-incarnate]

Food for thought

[inchworm-incarnate]

Fire Emblem Awakening Doodles and also Mozu doodles because I forgot she's from Fates oops

[inchworm-incarnate]

I wonder how N feels about service Pokémon

N has a little yap session, as a treat

I think that post BW2 N has a lot of deconstruction to do, but his main goal is still to make pokémons happy. If the pokémons are happy having a ''job'', he won't interfere

Also giving Concordia and Anthea love !!! I need more art of these three together, they really are the siblings ever

[inchworm-incarnate]

n with his hair up

that is all

[inchworm-incarnate]

i havent drawn him as much as i wish i had

[inchworm-incarnate]

The point of the internet is for trannies and furries to meet each other, and for grandparents with undiagnosed autism to teach younger generations about their incredibly niche interests and craftwork skills. Everything else is bloat.

[inchworm-incarnate]

Hello,👋

We are a family from Gaza consisting of seven members. The occupation destroyed our ambitions and dreams and everything we owned from homes, money and factories that were built for us. My ambition was to become a doctor, but for two years we have not studied because of the damned war on Gaza. We went to Egypt to feel safe and to study, me and my brothers, but here was the surprise that was not expected. We wanted to enter Egyptian public schools because of the financial situation that became zero after the destruction of everything we owned, but public schools require residency and we do not have residency. We thought about private schools, but we found them expensive and we cannot afford their costs. We launched this campaign and we hope that the gap will not be closed in our face again. With your help, we hope to learn. Thank you to every person who supports us and feels our humanitarian circumstances. We hope to rise with your help. May God bless you and make you happy.

[inchworm-incarnate]

some actually practical pieces of information that hopefully may quell some worries about Trump's second term:

This article explains the impracticality and illegality of Project 2025, and why most of it is very likely to be legally struck down.

This article explains how, even with a narrow Republican majority in the House, Trump will only be able to pass very bland partisan laws or bipartisan laws.

The ACLU has already prepared a gameplan for combatting the effects of Project 2025.

The state of New York has contingency plans to fight against Project 2025.

like obviously it's still gonna be a rough 4 years, and i'm not dismissing any legitimate worries. i'm just hoping this might ease some anxieties just a little.

if anyone else has some similar pieces of practical information that can dispel some of the panic, please feel free to share them!

stay vigilant and keep fighting, but try not to despair. try to keep a calm and level head as we head into the new year.

[inchworm-incarnate]

queers use to throw bricks at cops and now all y'all do is cry about trans mascs / men existing in a way you dont like what the fuck happened. can we bring the bricks back please

[inchworm-incarnate]

So, I guess as a middle range millennial, I now get to tell all you young queer kids that what you are feeling right now is exactly how it felt in 2004 when we re-elected George Bush, and not only that but many states put in bans against gay/same sex marriage at the time.

This is probably not comforting, but it is true, and it helps me when I feel hopeless: For every revolution there is a counter revolution, for every step forward there is a step back, that things may not be good forever but they will not be bad, either. That we clawed our way to get where we are and we can claw our way forward from here, too. Talk to your queer elders, the ones who have been here before and will be here again and who threw bricks at Stonewall.

When I was a child, if you got AIDS it was a death sentence. Now it isn't. Now you live on.

So I'll quote angels in america: You are fabulous creatures, each and every one. And I bless you: More Life. The Great Work Begins.

[inchworm-incarnate]

There's something so absolutely fucked about the idea of agreeing to do a ceasefire at the end of the week and then just continuing to not cease the fire until the agreed-upon time.

Gaza remains unsafe, and while efforts to rebuild can start with the ceasefire deal, families who need to get out of there should get to do so.

The Al-anqar family, for example, needs funds to get out and pay for medical expenses for six young children. This is a vetted fundraiser at number 6 on the Gazavetters list, currently sitting at €11,755 out of its €20,000 goal.

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