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dudeeee I'm so tempted but so broke

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a ridiculous concept i cant get out of my head is the ferengi having an attitude toward vulcans thats basically "these guys would be SO COOL if they didnt SUCK" bc they could be making absolute bank with their ruthless logic and intellect and they have the second sexiest ears in the galaxy, but noooo, they're too busy deepthroating the federation's boot. BUT if you took a vulcan baby and raised it right, with good ferengi values...

cut to quark showing up one day wearing a baby bjorn and sisko or whoever asking him "why do you have a vulcan baby 🤨?" "i acquired it." "you mean adopted?" "yeah yeah whatever. lets go, t'axevasion, time to launder money with daddy"

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greg davies and alex horne’s apparent bdsm relationship is funny because i do genuinely believe they are doing it exclusively for the bit, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re doing it

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i was going to say who wore the bob better but then i thought why pit two bad bitches against each other…..

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lobotomy

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i do not have high expectations

i just want a guy who’s intelligent, a bit taller than me, has a stoic manner, a dry sense of humor (if noticed), green blood, pointed ears, and tends to go crazy every seven years (as a treat)

can't a girl ask for that much???

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The hell is going on with Tuvok’s kids? How old are they? Why do they do this to me? Welcome a segment I like to call:

Chaos loses their mind over Star Trek continuity ✨

(Chaos loses their mind over Star Trek continuity ✨)

For this week’s episode: In canon, Tuvok’s children have wildly conflicting potential ages, specifically his daughter. Come along for the journey.

To start, Tuvok has a solidified age within canon. Tuvok states his stardate birthdate to be 38774 (“Unimatrix Zero II”), putting his birth year in our terms as 2264. This makes him 107 as of when Voyager goes missing in 2371.

In the episode “Flashback”, Tuvok states he is 29 years old in said flashback two months into serving aboard Sulu’s ship on a three year mission. After this ends, he resigns his Starfleet commission, and six years later, begins Pon Farr.

As an aside, it’s really funny that in this episode, Harry says to Janeway that the nebula they were seeing wasn’t the same as the one the Excelsior saw eighty years ago, which means Janeway should be aware Tuvok’s over 100, so her birthday wish to him later in the show is even more wrong.

Anyways, this makes the absolute youngest Tuvok can be when he starts Pon Farr 38. Another small aside, I did make a post about when the fuck Vulcans start Pon Farr a period ago and mistated Tuvok’s youngest potential at 35 because I forgot about the three year mission. Apologies. Tuvok’s age here is incredibly relevant, however.

He says he and T’Pel raised their four kids during this time between his Starfleet careers. In alpha canon, we only get mention of two of their names. His eldest son, Sek, and his youngest child and only daughter, Asil.

In “Hunters” when Voyager gets their letters, it’s mentioned that Sek has gone into Pon Farr some point in the previous four years, took a wife, and sired a daughter. Now, I’d say that this should put a cap on how old he is considering as far as we know Vulcans go into it in their twenties but who’s to say?

Now, here’s where shit gets annoying as hell and where I think Star Trek writers knew there’d be some nerd thirty years down the line that paid way too close attention and wanted to punish me in particular. Tuvok’s daughter, Asil.

In “Alice”, Paris mentions that Asil was conceived during Tuvok’s eleventh Pon Farr. Don’t ask me how the hell that came up in conversation between them, but it’s mentioned. Here’s the kicker, Tuvok can’t have physically had eleven Pon Farrs by that point. If he was 38 at his first, and with the seven year cycle, his eleventh wouldn’t happen until he was 108, seventy years later.

Let’s go back to my old estimate, and say the Excelsior space docked after the fight with the Klingons and Tuvok got the hell out of dodge. Let’s say he really was 35 when he went into his first Pon Farr. This now allows for Asil to have been conceived while Tuvok and T’Pel were in the same quadrant, but only by a couple years, making Asil about two when Voyager goes missing.

Wow, that sucks. A toddler without her father. But that’s not that complicated, I hear you say. That’s not too much conflicting information, it could be simple as not remembering.

O, ye of little faith.

In “Fury”, Janeway mentions being present for Asil’s kolinahr. Last I checked, two year olds can’t do months in the desert studying alone. Not unless they’re really determined, I guess. Also also, the kolinahr is something adult Vulcans do, so she couldn’t have even been a teenager.

In the episode “Lineage”, Tuvok says that it has been a while since his children were young when Tom goes to him for advice in being a father.

And, just to further make information unclear, in “Once Upon A Time”, Sam Wildman, Paris, and Tuvok are all in a shuttle crash and Wildman gets hurt pretty bad. She starts panicking a little about her young daughter growing up without her mom. Tuvok comforts her by saying his own youngest has been without her father for four years now, but he trusts the people around her to guide her well. Now this may just be me, but I feel like you wouldn’t say that exactly if your daughter was a full blown adult.

Conclusion? I don’t know, man. This show couldn’t keep its head on straight if it was a man shotgunning a Coors Light in the parking lot of a football game.

Star Trek hates me in particular, I think.

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#my post canon archer and tpol truth

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“I wanna be Captain Janeway when I grow up!”

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imagine what ao3 would be like in the Star Trek universe with nearly every type of alien out there using it

Like, imagine there being groups of people out there learning Klingon because they heard their favorite fic in that translation was better.

Or imagine reading a fic of your favorite ship and for whatever reason there’s a lot of emphasis on the hands so you check the authors account and oh that makes sense now they’re a Vulcan.

There’d be a ton of tags about alien anatomy for the more explicit fics (like the mention of a characters antennae or pheromones—not too dissimilar from what we have now but u know how it’d be different)

Writing advice posts for whump that go over how long each species can go without sleep, or until they bleed out, and other such things.

Terms like fujoshi and himejoshi and stuff like fujoing out but for aliens who have genders and sexualities way different than humans do.

I need to know what future fandom is like there so bad

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From Patreon: T'Pring with Cats (Ft. Stonn) [Patreon | Commissions]

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Pinterest is such a beautiful place it gets me

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jeremy irons greatest hits compilation

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I love how you included the porn parody which has Richie Calhoun as Spock going through Pon Farr and getting sucked off while groaning 'oh the human mouth'. Absolutely batshit insane to include that one next to Galaxy Quest and The Orville.

I applaud you for it, and I am tickled that - at my time of posting - it's out preforming Black Mirror, Murderbot, and Raumschiff Surprise.

Never change, internet. Never change.

Also because I made a post on my main comparing Sanctuary Moon to Star Trek and have gotten endless replies and reblogs telling me it's a parody of soap operas, disclaimer that I do know that, it's just obviously also parodying Star Trek

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Dare I say Ezri Julian and Garak...

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Big mood 😂

Normally you can take any middle aged man and put a wig and ears on him, and I will consider him improved tenfold. Koss is one of the few characters where, as attractive as he is as a Vulcan, he's even more breathtaking out of the make up.

The costume department did him dirty.

Like, props to T'Pol for following her heart but I'd have climbed that broad shouldered man like a Vulcan tree.

Don’t get me wrong, I love tucker, but I would fold so fast for Koss. Like no hesitation. No if ands or buts.

But maybe it’s because I am a sucker for all of the Vulcans i see. I mean every one of them.

I mean LOOK AT HIM!!!

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A Quiet Moment with Mon Mothma | Star Wars LoFi

Art by Guy Shield