orpheus-undone

[orpheus-undone]

"Cowardly, is the man that opens a woman's heart with no intentions of loving her"

I ignored you at first you know

Hot rocket

Slingshot

Slippery slope and I have always been rather clumsy

"I just want you to pay attention to me"

I was just working

Just learning

Just being passionate about something that didn't involve myself

Just trying to get good at an introduction that I had been given years prior and never fully understood

But I was excited about it like it was the first day all over again

I was silently doing my work

Typing away and cruising through modules

"What can I do for you?" I'd eventually respond, all sass, no breaks

I'd sing on my walk home

*You make fun of my Instagram posts to invite me into conversations*

A fan of photography

Or any art really

I'd take the bait

Call you out

"Don't tell me what to do"

Tell you to "stay off my ig"

And I didn't know it then

But if I could, I'd tell myself to keep 6 feet

COVID rules

I don't post videos on my socials

And if I do

It's with the back facing camera

I've always believed that my moments are too real to be captured by a phone

Or any camera for that matter

So most of my favorite things about myself I don't post online

I asked my cards about you

You know

#16

"Be wary, this one is a selfish lover." They whispered,

"Or at least prone to lusty, selfish tendencies"

I blinked twice

Swore I'd turn the other cheek

But what kind of a cross follower would I be if I didn't attempt to love the damned

Or at least

Befriend them

Or at least make them laugh

Or at least make their hidden self hatred hurt a little less

"I am not nice", you told me once after I mentioned not understanding why anyone would be rude to you

"You're like the nicest guy I know" I said, sounding genuine but feeling half hearted

I remembered the cards

I didn't give a reaction when you insisted again that you were unkind

Just a small reassurance

"Well. I think you are."

"Easiest $19 an hour you've ever made, right?"

Funny

I'd never made this much

And at this point, nothing about the job felt easy

Or fun anymore

Soon after

You would kneel below me

Asking me to step aside with a little more eye contact than usual

I'd trip while you were counting in my place

You'd catch me

Out of embarrassment and nerves

I said "Thank you" and hid behind a further shelf

Face hot, I'd get annoyed

I don't blush easily, especially in these circumstances

we were beyond Instagram stalking

and making fun of the ways I pulled up my jeans

But you'd hit on everyone

And I don't share

My attention and much less my effort

So I stopped

Entirely

No more exchanges

Just silence

I worked

And went home

My responses, half-hearted with little attempts at recovery

I sang songs

And saw new people

And forgot about you-

Even when you'd message me on Thanksgiving

-almost

I could tell you were over it the day I almost begged to leave on time

Usually a fan of staying late

And keeping to myself

It was probably jarring to see me excited again

I had a date

Someone I had been waiting to see for a while

I had things to buy and had to get ready

While you were keeping your options open

I followed suit and did the same

The difference here

Was that I subtly put it in front of you

Instead of your method

I was stood up anyways

The following weeks you did the same as me

Which should've been red flag #2

I like my men to lead and not be swayed by outside interference

But I let it happen

I just continued my silence and disconnect

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked after having explained my PCOS cramps were killing me,

Sitting on the floor putting whatever into a box for whatever donations

You wouldn't respond

But you'd look at me in silence, again

You continued typing

I continued counting

I didn't know it then but I think that was our first fight and make up

We would laugh a few times after this

Me running up the clock

Offering to work while being punched out

Unwilling to leave

You would ask about my little brother and I would get teary

You would offer me a hug and I'd begrudgingly accept

I'd laugh at your stories to the point of tears

You would come in on an off day and be chaotic to make me smile

Id later agree to call it, "White collar crimes"

"This is where I check out"

So that's where I left you

No response

The title change coming soon after

Not entirely your doing, my house got broken into

I needed a higher pay so I could move, better hours and a calmer environment so I could do therapy

So we sat there

For weeks

Working silently beside one another

Nothing was funny, you knew it

Nothing felt safe anymore, I knew it

One day, you would swear that people are awful

My blind optimism would disagree

I would stand twelve toes down on it but shy away shortly after

The customers would be the ONLY ones left to feel that energy when I encouraged them to care for themselves or when I'd just sympathize and listen

The funniest thing about this, in retrospect

Is no one would ever know any of this happened

Not the beginning

Not the middle

And certainly not the silence that hung in the air at the end

You'd flirt with me one last time

I'd be too shocked to give you a good response

What is there to say when everything else had been unspoken but understood

You'd tell me to go home one last time

And I would spend the remaining months debating if you were ever even real to begin with

- 07/05/25 @2:42am

[orpheus-undone]

[orpheus-undone]