raindovemodel

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First photo shoot in a while. This image sums up how I’ve been feeling about having my face on camera recently. Just starting to get back the confidence and desire to do so. If this comes across Your feed it means somehow the algorithm knows You deserve to know You are loved.

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Tried this again- washing hands, entering, exiting, and using restroom stalls.

I’ve done this experiment prior to Covid-19 and in it I found that it was far more dangerous and confrontational to enter the women’s restroom in gender nonconformity. People hit, shouted, and even had me dragged out. However in a new 2022 study of over 75 binary bathrooms tested (in london area) things were noticeably shifted. I was stopped and confronted about an equal number of times in both restrooms. People in the mens room were more likely to get security involved than before. People in the womens room were more likely to accept that I was allowed to be in there if I explained. But people in the mens room were more likely to demand proof of some kind. Such as an ID or even use of urinals. Overall both were unsafe feeling at times. But to the credit- I felt safer in the womens room than the mens for the majority of the time (and for the first time since doing these experiments). Although in the womens room I have always felt a huge amount of empathy or guilt whenever my natural aesthetic scares someone because I know that fear is rooted in trauma which is valid. But yet- if I have to use the bathroom on my “birth certificate” then this is what a “woman’s room attendee looks like”. Even in a dress I can get reported in the “womens room” often as a product of transphobia when people assume I’m a transwoman. Typically my encounters, even if I’m hit by someone, lead to me holding them in their trauma and telling them it will be ok. That weighs a lot on my conscience sometimes- creating that amount of disturbance and anguish just by existing. We still have a long way to go to create safe places for people just to relieve themselves. But for my safety for now- if I just want to feel the safest and don’t have capacity to educate- I’ll be using the mens room in a collared shirt or jacket. That seems the safest combo.

What do You think?

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I think you’re destined to be in movies, I really could see it. Have you ever thought about acting before?

Considering that I successfully spent the whole first 3 minutes and 10 seconds of my life trying to act like a hetero, cis, and chill baby- I think I might actually have enough experience to be somewhat successful. 🤔🤔

Haha but seriously little known fact? I’ve been auditioned to play Batwoman (when Ruby Rose auditioned), Gren (Cowboy Bebop), Taylor Mason (Billions), Jules (Euphoria), Kai (Greys Anatomy), the person from Deadpool, 8 times now for various Star Trek roles and more. But for almost every role- feedback comes the same. I make it decently far because I’m a good actor. But I’m 6’2.

When casting “genderless”, “nonbinary” or “androgynous” people that have an F on their birth certificate- there’s one main rule for most productions with a male lead role. DONT BE TALLER THAN THE LEAD MALE.

Even though I can literally throw someone my size or bigger across the room- this has been the big obstacle in my auditions. Emasculation possibilities of the lead male actors. It’s frustrating but typical. However, I’ll keep trying! There’s a role out there for me and when I get it I’ll give it everything I’ve got.

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Just came back here to Tumblr because every other app terrifies or overwhelms me- and Tumblr feels like a nostalgic cup of tea and a weighted blanket on a cool rainy day by a fire place which magically burns wood that doesn’t involve ruining the planet.

Anyone else?

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Exactly. You.

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PERSON: You boycotting Lush over donating to an anti-trans organization is perpetuating hate.

ME: It’s not hate. It’s preference.

PERSON: ??

ME: There’s thousands of bath product companies. I have a choice. So I’ll choose what I prefer and because of free speech I’ll disclose why I prefer to shop elsewhere so all my friends can have the best products as well. It’s called capitalism. 🧐😉

PERSON: *stares* (they know that to argue this point they have to dismantle free speech, defend socialism, or say that humans shouldn’t have free will).

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PERSON: Ur whole situation is gross.

ME: What “situation”?

PERSON: The whole trans thing You got going on.

ME: Ah- I see. And what DIRECTION do You think I’m transitioning in?

PERSON stares.

PERSON: I don’t know... but You haven’t gotten there yet.

ME: *laughs*

As a person who is all and no gender- I always have to giggle at situations where people think I’m in some kind of treacherous purgatory

Nope. I’ve arrived. This is the destination. Please enjoy the view and have a snack.

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Never forget the Q in LGBTQ is not just for “queer”. It’s also for “QUESTIONING”.

Meaning we must make space for those currently exploring who they are... to explore. Safely. Consensually. Freely. If they end up cis & hetero it doesn’t mean they were a fraud.

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God to Angel: You remembered to make RainDove a gender right?

Angel: You mean AGENDER...

God: A... Gender... ONE.

Angel: AGENDER... NONE.

*both stare*

God: ... Put aside a few beers for them for them by the pearly gates. They gonna need them.

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Lol I’m exactly what You think I am. And that’s fine by me.

I’m fine by me.

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A haiku to folx on the interwebs who mask their hate in “critique” and sarcastic “advice”.

You’re just so brave

Behind that glaring lit glass

You correct the world.

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Lol I posted a photo on IG about body hair and how we demonize naturally occuring fluff as if the devil sent forth every little fur itself. And I can’t get over how well this exchange went down. We are still chatting.

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“Whatever I am, let it be enough.” - Lila Bard, A Gathering of Shadows

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about the Darker Shade of Magic project, here’s some FAQ’s:

I’m not telling you exactly what it is yet! But I’ll be making a YouTube vid this week going into more detail.

 It will be out to watch on YouTube and all socials at a time when it’s ready. We want it to be the highest quality for you, so don’t want to rush to a deadline.

It’s been made by an incredible group of talent, all who are intersectional and intergalactic in their own way ✨✨

My eye isn’t an effect! It’s a real glass eye 👁😆 (had to make clear as some new followers thought I’d learnt how to pretend!?)

Yes, there will be KNIVES! 🗡🗡

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“DIVEST. OF. YOUR. WEAPONS. OR I WILL DO IT FOR YOU.” Holland growls in a rumble to Lila.

But also- this is how I feel at the moment scrolling through Twitter witnessing any conservative conspiracy theory or call to arms over mail in ballots. 😂😬🥶

Ps I had to learn a Danish accent for this role haha. And do some speech coaching. No ones heard this voice yet- we hope we do You justice in our Lgbtqpia+ / grsm “A Darker Shade of Magic” film!

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Alice says she is to be a called a woman with a trans experience. But a woman first. Always. Well we love when this amazing woman is winning so much as the delicious evil DANE TWINS from A Darker Shade of Magic.

The set was vulnerable- we fought through some emotions together and anxieties. We worked as a team and held each other. Ultimately Alice produced one of the most incredible, powerful and terrifying villains I’ve ever caught on film. She’s absolutely amazing and deserves so much love! (I play Holland in this film and I have to say being enslaved by this amazing performer was gut wrenching and sexy?)

Also also without color correction, greenscreen replacement, FX, sound, etc. here’s a bit of bts of Astrid Dane enjoying some of Holland’s blood.

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Being Lila Bard for our upcoming Darker Shade of Magic production has been a dream! 

Somebody with a disability playing someone with the same disability, can you believe it! If only Hollywood could listen… 

(We both have glass eyes in our right eye, but myself and Lila don’t let it stop us from doing anything!)

I can’t wait to share more with you! If you haven’t seen the latest posts about it, see Rain’s tumblr here

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Prince Rhy played by the best bearded drag queen in London- Miss Terri Box. Shes absolutely owning every inch of this fabulous palace we shot in.

Them: “But- *gasp* LGBTQPIA+ productions are not allowed to have this kind of budget!”

Us: “We didn’t have a budget though...”

Them: “But then how-“

Us: “Magic.”

Them: “But the-“

Us: “MAGIC!”

If any artist is feeling disheartened about being able to create “high budget” indie stuff- just know that You don’t need a large bank account to make high impact projects.

Time is money- so first of all don’t rush Yourself on something You love. Take Your time to really do it the way it deserves to be done. Then it’ll always be lux.

Secondly, let go of the narrative “But I’m nobody. No one wants to help me”. You’d be surprised how many people feel good when they give back- so when they get an opportunity to... they do! I highly recommend asking around. Worse comes to worse You get a “not this time” which is fine. You would’ve gotten nothing had You not asked before. However usually 1 out of 20 asks for locations/materials/assistance You will get a YES! Especially if You start the email with a quick outline of why You think what they hve to offer is inspirational, important or beautiful. When You see the possibility in someone- they often will see it in You too. It’s common reflection psychology.

Go out there and create! We love You so much!

(And if You like A Darker Shadenof Magic stay tuned for more updates on our upcoming film!)