reverieetherealnight

[reverieetherealnight]

How It Feels to Not Get into a Public University and End Up Applying to a Private One

Hey, today I just want to share my experience of applying to a private university after not getting accepted into any public ones. For many people, this might seem like a normal journey but for me, it felt like a big deal in life.

I never planned to attend a private university because I thought I would get into one of the public universities with my exam scores. But I didn’t get into any..not even one. Even tho, I wasn’t that surprised, because I didn’t really study intensively, only focused on the subjects I liked and was good at, hoping I’d do well in them. I did of course and I’m proud of that. But it wasn’t enough to get me into the universities I applied to.

I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I don’t have much money, but I still stubbornly wanted to go to university. It wasn’t because I wanted to avoid work—I just truly want to study. But the financial burden was heavy. My mom constantly talked about how expensive things are, which always made me feel like there was a wall in front of everything I wanted to do.

“I can’t do this… because we don’t have enough money.”

"I can't buy that because there's other things that are worth more than this."

It felt like my life had a limit. At one point, I honestly thought disappearing from this world might be easier than living in it.

But then my mom saw how stressed I was. I couldn’t sleep. I saw my exam results at 2 a.m., and by 4:30, she had woken up to get ready for work. I must’ve looked like I was about to cry. But it wasn’t really sadness—it was the feeling of being completely lost in life.

And then she surprised me. She’s not the kind of person who usually cares about how I feel. In high school, all she ever talked about was how expensive everything was. A private university always felt impossible. But suddenly, she offered to help me apply to one. I don’t know why—maybe because I looked too empty, too hopeless. Or maybe, she finally realized she hadn’t really cared about me until now. I’m still not sure. But the fact that she tried to help me in that moment made me feel like maybe I could keep going, just for one more day.

So I applied. At first, I was worried about the student loan not covering everything. But somehow, I got lucky. The tuition fee matches the loan exactly. So I decided to go for it. And now, for the first time, my mom is truly supporting me. Even with the dorm situation, she’s trying to help.

When I went to apply, I met kind people, teachers who welcomed me warmly, upperclassmen who guided me through the whole process. Even though it might’ve been just their job, or just part of the “welcome” routine for new students, it made me feel better. I didn’t expect to meet such kind people. It made me feel less discouraged.

When I got home, my mom told me I looked sad and gloomy all the time. I didn’t realize I looked like that—maybe it was just the stress showing on my face. Because signing up was just the beginning. There’s still life at the dorm, sharing space with others, starting university. It won’t be my safe zone anymore. Not even my cat sleeping next to me as she always did. I still have to keep trying and living on.

Thank you for reading this. I just wanted to share my story as a beginner writer—and as a kid who's just become an adult. (Is 18 really considered an adult? Haha.)

[reverieetherealnight]

Well, not the first time using this app but still have to learn 😹