sweeterlink

[sweeterlink]

I've developed a general disdain for humanity, and for a while I thought it was because I've concluded that humans are trash. But the more I introspect, I think it comes from the genuine love for humanity and the experiences I get to have, the sensations I get to feel for being one, and how naturally kind I am. The fact that I have a rich soul, a vast internal world. But time and time again, much of humanity has treated me horribly. I want to love humanity so badly, but I am not willing to get hurt anymore, otherwise I might actually die of heartbreak.

[sweeterlink]

I made this epic playlist, so if you wanna feel like you're in a soulsborne game or feel dark and epic, give this a listen!

[sweeterlink]

One of the things I despise the most about people is the urge to dominate. I have been the punching bag for many all my life. I've been that person that made people look better. That, from an outside perspective, has no value and therefore deserving of disrespect, mistreatment, etc. Mistreatment I go through for being myself. My response to it has been sadness, then deep, immense anger, and now to develop a strong sense of self and utmost trust and confidence within myself. I cannot fathom treating anyone with descension because they aren't threatening enough. Or entertain me enough, or look pretty enough in my subjective viewpoint. To many, you're not valued unless you can do something for them. Humanity is fucking disgusting. If there were an apocalypse, I would much rather take my chances being alone than join any group.

[sweeterlink]

Guys send me your music playlists! Spotify, youtube, apple, idc as long as I can access it. I wanna take a listen, pls and thank you <3

[sweeterlink]

If they ain't gonna love me like Meier loves Charlotte I don't want em

[sweeterlink]

Hot take: Kayako from Juon, specifically the Japanese movies, is the ultimate female rage icon.

Imagine dying a death with such strong, intense emotions that you come back as a vengeful ghost. And not just any vengeful ghost. One with rage so steep it manifests into a curse. A curse so potent that whoever steps into the house, even one step, they are done for. And not only that, that person who they interact with, even if they've never been in the house? Bam, cursed. She has no power limit, no creative limit, nothing.

This woman is literally crawling, very slowly, most of the time and she can rip out your jaw? She can pull you up into the attic like she did to that tutor woman in the beginning of Juon: The Curse? She literally just heaved her up there like nothing. Not just the physical, but she can literally quite paralyze you in fear by her presence alone. People say, "oh why don't they get up?" maybe her presence has the same, if not more, power as a tiger's roar, which is known to quite literally paralyze its prey. She can possess you. She can switch between physical states (spirit, semi-physical ghost, or even presenting herself as she was when she was alive???)

And Kayako is by far the most creative ghost I've ever seen. Killing someone from the perceived safety of one's blanket while tormenting them with your son in tow until their last moments? Killing someone via being a projection screen on someone's ceiling? Killing someone by appearing through a wig on the floor? Manifesting in one's baby and be quite literally reborn? My lord.

Juon was made, partially, as a response to the rise of domestic violence during that time in Japan. I think what really highlighted this was when, after Kayako possessed Yoshimi in Juon: The Curse 2. That one scene where she made breakfast and all her husband did was complain about the coffee beans, the food, and she one hit did him in with the pan to the head? Yeah.

That woman's rage and sorrow in death is so powerful that even she herself cannot escape its curse bound in vengeance. So, to be more accurate, it's more like a strong rage and sorrow mix. But still, I believe she is the ultimate boss of female rage. Because she is unstoppable. Kayako's spirit will be fueled with rage and sorrow until the end of time, and maybe after.

[sweeterlink]

I've had an epiphany that is not shocking to anyone. The reason why I tend to like confident, borderline evil characters is because they're allowed to be confidently bad or flawed. While for me, I feel like I am not allowed to be. And these men tend to be androgynous and pretty men. Because I believe myself to not be in the slightest.

Oh and they are who I wish to be.

[sweeterlink]

Bruh they say Vanitas from VNC is an ENTP but I beg to differ. Because if he is an ENTP, he is the most ENTJ ENTP I've come across.

I have my fair share of encounters of ENTP characters, and fortunately or unfortunately (I can't tell) these kinds of characters are a type I tend to simp for.

Take Astarion, for example. He is flirty, charismatic, good with his words, hilarious, sassy. The works. And he is pure chaos, at least when we first meet him. That man is a gremlin, a chaotic, evil little gremlin. He cannot plan or follow through anything orderly to save his life. Not even when plots to kill Cazador.

Also. Dazai. I've only watched 3 episodes of Bungo Stray Dogs, but based on what I seen thus far, the man is giving major ENTP vibes. He is charismatic, funny, a bit sassy, and honestly, so fucking insane. Literally within five minutes of the first episode we see him attempting to, ya know if you know. And the fact he calls out of his work REGULARLY and with Atsushi's initiation trial he had others do the dirty work. AND he tried to off himself AGAIN in the 2nd episode like gadDAMN.

Now, Vanitas. I've watched both seasons of VNC. And yes, he is charismatic, cocky, cunning, etc. Classic ENTP traits. But, and a major but. He not only knows what he's doing, but he plans shit out. He maybe spontaneous with the plans, but he does go into things knowing how to carry himself to get what he wants. Especially with the Chasseurs thing in the catacombs. Also with romancing Jeanne. It maybe spontaneous, but he chose her deliberately. He chose her because he believed she would be the kind of person who wouldn't fall in love with him. He is overall pretty deliberate with his actions and choices, and it's not something that a typical ENTP would do.

Also, he knows how to cook. That is not something a typical ENTP would do. How do I know that? Well we can assume Astarion can't cook for shit and based on what I know of Dazai, I don't think he would either. Honestly, it surprised me to see that Vanitas knows how to cook well. It does not feel very P-y for an ENTP.

I think if anything he's split down the middle between P and J in his MBTI with slightly more P hence why he's an ENTP. Because Vanitas does have spontaneity, but he's more controlled than other ENTPs I know of.

Anyways that's all <3

[sweeterlink]

Midsummer Nights Dream, New York City Ballet Production

[sweeterlink]

Been playing Love & Deepspace for about a week now. And my GYAD. I fell for Zayne after the snow seal date, but then I met Sylus. Game changer, my friend. Like first of all, omfg?? I thought I fell for Astarion hard, but Sylus, bruh, I fell for him even harder. He is honestly so much better than I thought he would be. I thought he would be a straight up villain, but he's not? One thing I really love about Sylus is that he challenges the MC to grow, and that is just. Wow.

And now will you excuse me, I will spend the next 3 - 6 months hyperfixating on Sylus and also slowly acquiring his personality.

[sweeterlink]

Sylus is who Ascended Astarion thinks he is

[sweeterlink]

One thing I notice is that the celebrities/characters, real or fake, that you are drawn are a couple of things. One, they tend to look like you. Two, they exhibit personality traits that are like yours. And/or three, they are people you wish to become.

One celebrity right from the bat I can think of is Taemin. I've been a huge fan of his ever since I was 13, which was like half my lifetime ago already. (It's kinda crazy honestly). I think this is a big example of someone who has those three things. A celebrity-liking stellium, if you will.

The reason why is because I noticed over the years how uncannily similar we look. I'm not as beautiful as he is, of course, but I have concluded that is because our facial structures are pretty similar. We have very different facial features, but facial structure is I would say 65 - 70 percent similar. I think maybe part of the reason I am drawn to him is because of that. There is a physical resemblance in a vague way. And because of that vague similarity I think it makes me feel more comfortable. Because if someone looks like you, you're gonna feel more drawn and comfortable around that person. Idk the science behind that, but that has to be a thing.

About personality traits. Look, I don't know who he is. None of us do except for close people in his life. But I can tell you, based on what I see on camera, that we do have similar personality traits. We're both perfectionistic (I saw a video of him doing a dance performance take and ppl were saying he was doing good but he said something like it was eh, I can do better, even though to us it looks amazing, because we all know how talented he is). We're both introverted (I have this feeling because of how he looks like he hates it there during red carpet appearances and how a lot of things he says is scripted in videos. Ik many idols have that, but regardless.) He is one of us (one of us!) and by one of us I mean an INFP. He is an INFP and I too am a fellow INFP. We ought to be similar if we got the same MBTI, ya know what I mean.

Side note: I feel like he is the only person that makes music that I'm like someone gets it. I'm biased, very heavily so, but no one does it like Taemin. I see the mvs, the dancing. I listen to the music, the vocals. He gets it. He gets the artistry that I feel like the world lacks severely. He feels like a being who is on the border between reality and fantasy, and I am like yes, YES, someone GETS IT.

And thirdly, someone who I want to become. The man has infinite aura. He somehow just outdoes himself every comeback, every time. I don't know how he does it. He is the best dancer I've ever seen. His vocal improvement is astonishing. I'm always so blown away by him. I wish I could be seen how people see Taemin. I wish I could be famous for my artistry, my passions, my talents. I wish to be as breathtaking as he is. Maybe one day I will be.

That is all for now. Bye now <3

[sweeterlink]

an old drunk man told me to enjoy my life and have fun because I’m only 24 and I have so many years and so much life ahead of me and then he went “and you know what? in ten years when you’re 34 you’ll still be young and have your whole life ahead of you” and it was really comforting to me

[sweeterlink]

[sweeterlink]

fashion aura — july 2024 ♥

[sweeterlink]

They say that the characters you're drawn to are similar to you. And I couldn't agree more.

It's been a while since I've played Baldur's Gate 3. And honestly the more I think about it, I feel like I see myself in Astarion more than I thought. The feeling of having to perform, to put on a mask of sorts and be forced to be a certain way for survival. While my case isn't as dire as his, I know how it feels to an extent.

This is because of multiple things. Autism, past experiences, my personality, the fact I naturally tend to see the good in everyone and don't assume bad intent. All those things that make up me have been taken advantage of, ridiculed, shunned, put in potentially dangerous situations, and so forth. I've had to learn the hard way that me as I am cannot be seen otherwise I will be shunned, ridiculed, be put in danger, or all of the above. It could have been worse, and I am very lucky for that. The experiences I've had have been from across the board. Family, friends, strangers. So I learned that no one is safe. So, I am forced to put on a sort of facade. One difference is that unlike Astarion, I'm not good at masking nor do I have the energy to keep up. So my go-to is being quiet. And as I slowly process my experiences over my teens to early 20s, I feel like I have no choice but to be selfish. Otherwise I will be hurt more.

It wasn't until I met my current partner that I realized how much I was putting on this facade. I felt like for the first time in my life someone actually sees me. Someone who is actually trying to understand me. Someone who actually values and cares about me, for me. I don't have to do anything, and still to this day I'm confused by it. I don't know why he loves me. I felt myself melt a little, like Astarion does when you progress in the game. I still have my guard up, but it is nice to finally feel like I can kind of put down the mask. That I don't have to try and force myself. I can actually just be around him.

That is all for now. Thank you for reading.

[sweeterlink]

fashion aura — june 2024 ♥