system-positivity

[system-positivity]

It's been so long since we've logged on or even thought about posting...

I know the holiday season is rough, especially when the state of the world is also quite rough. I'd like to remind people that you aren't alone. People do care even if it seems unlikely.

Mental illness is great at lying to you, I can promise you. It is wrong. You are not as bad of a person as your brain makes you out to be.

[system-positivity]

I don't see a lot of people talk about how their in-system looks / disabilities affect their body while fronting. (hoping this makes sense lol)

for me, when im in front, pretty strongly my source scars have phantom pains. the leg that got amputated (again, in source) feels funkier for me than for others in the system.

sometimes, when I get disoriented enough, i go through the motions of trying to find a prosthetic and prepare that doesn't actually exist. I try to rub creams (usually a pain numbing cream. We can't handle lotion most days) into the end of a leg that's still very much there.

i often end up laughing at the mistakes and usually try to adjust for a false eye. bodily, we have both eyes. one day, I will learn. it likely won't be soon, but that's life! at least I've gotten better at wanting to trim and buff horns that most certainly don't exist. sure, there are other phantom limbs that exist, like, again, for me - i often feel my tail wagging or generally resting against clothes or chairs.

for other alters, i know that it is usually less intense - not always, though. for a lot of bird related alters, they can often feel phantom wings, some can feel their feathers and can sometimes flex their backs in ways that remind them of flying or generally stretching out. Some parts with tails can be so certain that they're there. the number of times one of our littles tries to look for his tail in real life is quite lovingly entertaining.

I wonder if any other systems deal with similar things. I wonder if anyone else finds a sense of joy in the non-human aspects of themselves/their alters showing up in unexpected ways.

PRO ENDOS & ENDOGENICS DNI - THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

i have severe trauma with both communities - fuck off already.

[system-positivity]

This blog runner genuinely does not give a shit if proshippers interact with this blog. we do not give a fuck what people consume in their free time - even if it's problematic. It genuinely does not matter to us, we cannot muster the ability to give a shit.

However, if you harass people, no matter your reasoning, you aren't welcome here.

No, I do not care if they're pro-endo. Don't harass people. No, I don't care if they're a radqueer. Don't harass people. No, I don't care if they're into problematic content. It doesn't matter, don't harass people. You are a certified shit person if you do so.

An alarming number of blogs have followed us that publicly post death threats towards communities they deem problematic. They've all been blocked and will continue to be blocked if more follow our blogs. That behavior is never okay! You're more than allowed to not LIKE someone or even despise their community, but the second you cross the line into harassment and/or death threats, you're automatically the asshole.

We also, legitimately, do not care if you are a paraphile. A lot of paras are caused by trauma, and not all of them are even. Bad. Honestly. There are, of course, ones that are very, very much illegal to act on (pedophilia, necrophilia, zoophilia, otherwise known as The Big Three). So long as you don't act on it, in our book, you're golden.

Having a paraphilia doesn't automatically make you some evil being who shouldn't have rights, nor does it mean you are automatically evil. That's the purity culture talking. ignore that shit. Thought crimes don't exist. Acting on the big three is, however, a legitimate crime in many places and is. Morally not okay, in our personal opinion.

There are. Many. Many, many. Paraphilias that aren't. Even that bad. Honestly?? just reads as extreme kink, and there's fuckin. Nothing wrong with kink, even if extreme. Like. Please stop demonizing people for paraphilias they aren't harming you for just existing. A lot of them, or at least those with the big three, simply need support and help.

- signed mod tubbo_ whos. currently really tired of seeing so so many of our now ex followers calling for the death of people over fucking FICTION !!!! and more often than not DISORDERS / near disorders. Fuck off already. Argue with a wall.

[system-positivity]

Dunno if the anon asking about headspace or not will see this, but I'd like to add my experiences in case they or anyone else having a similar question works. This is mostly directed at anon or anyone else reading it.

We don't have aphantasia and we struggle to have a headspace. Our situation is a bit more unique. But we have never truly had one. It is partly affected by us being a polyfrag system and the fronters not having access to it. But for some people, it can take time to develop. And for others, it just may not at all. And both are perfectly fine. :) However headspace or no headspace works for a system is perfectly real and valid. Systems can be very different and are individual to the person themselves. <3

It was a long while before we even became aware that we DID have one. And even then, the front section where we stay...isn't really anything. It's a void. And we can't see the rest of headspace.

Obviously not exactly what was there, but just to say that headspaces can be real weird. We didn't really "have one" for a long while. We happened to discover there was one, but we also cannot actively think of it or anything. We have struggled with seeing many systems with such unique headspaces while ours is foggy or barely there.

Headspaces are just one aspect of DID and like with any disorder, it can be experienced in many different ways. That would include people that may not have one even without aphantasia. I may have ended up having one, but at the time I really didn't think I would ever have one so I can understand how people feel somewhat with not having aphantasia but also not having a headspace.

Even with us having a headspace, we know it doesn't work quite the same and is actually very difficult for us to imagine. We are extremely imaginative and have a vivid imagination, always able to envision things with great detail. Yet when it comes to headspace, there's not a lot.

So mostly just wanted to say: whatever your headspace or lack thereof is like, it's very real. Since the account holder already answered your question, thought I'd just leave some reassurance and a unique perspective in case anyone may be curious or whatever else. And yes I ended up having one to an extent, but I'm not trying to say "Oh you could have one and not know it" at all. I genuinely just mean, yeah, not having a headspace is perfectly fine and possible for your system. Because we are far from aphantasia and yet still struggle with headspace or seeing it at all. Even what we know is very little for us fronters. And did seem like we didn't have one for a while. So yes and you're not alone. Headspaces are often talked about in system communities so I can understand just wondering that kind of thing. And here's a bit of support and encouragement and love for any systems that don't have headspaces whether they have aphantasia or not. :) <3 /genuine

Honestly, that's quite similar to our experience as well. When we were more pro-endo and groomed to believe we were endogenic we had a greater ability to see our inner world - we uncovered a lot and could even find stuff that a way younger version of ourselves set up to try and cope with severe trauma.

Nowadays, it's near impossible for us to see into our inner world as a fronter. More often than not, a lot of the memories of it get zoinked by the time someone reaches the fronting space. While we've kind of taken steps back in our recovery in that regard - as well as higher barriers between layers than we had previously.

Overall, it's been better for us to treat our disorder as. Well. A disorder. And not some quirky tumblr and discord thing. Overall we've managed to get a better control on our split rate and can manage our triggers better and easier than we used to, while we can't communicate as well as we did in the past - that's okay. It's getting better, and that's all that matters, really. Recovery is never going to be in a straight line. Sometimes, you stumble backwards and there's nothing wrong with that.

Ramble moment over!! We're currently very sick and have a high fever, but I do hope this entire response makes. Sense.

[system-positivity]

hi, just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're getting all this hate. take a break if you need it. try to reconnect to a support system if you have one. stay safe and have fun. have a good day🤎

Thank you anon <3

We've been keeping a pretty careful eye on the blogs, and things seem to be dying down. We've been making sure to take the time to unwind. Hang out with our dog, our partners, and further our medical transition!

I'm happy to say we're getting the ball rolling on a major surgery for gender affirmation reasons. I'm a little scared about it, but I know all will be alright. It isn't our first major trans surgery, but I'm hopeful it'll be our last.

Since we've recently got the information our insurance will continue to exist for at least another year or so we're hoping to get back into therapy, though a big aspect of that is go get a letter for the surgery.

Blah, personal talk, I know! I know! But still. I appreciate the amount of people who check in on us and wish us well, while we don't always respond (and honestly just tend to keep it in the ask box for when we have bad days) it is always heavily appreciated and it motivates us to run our blogs.

I hope you, too, are being kind to yourself and reaching out when in need, Anon. It's important to practice self-care, even if you have to take baby steps to get there. Progress is progress, even when it isn't linear.

[system-positivity]

Hey im not a system, but i have a question (I don't want to ask a pro-endo blog because they'll just say anything goes)

Is it possible to not have a headspace if the system does not have Aphantasia (little to no ability to picture things in their head)?

Just curious, sorry to bother if you dont take questions. I hope your doing well, i saw the discourse. You made your stance very clear and respectful!

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out, I'll do my best to answer your question. ^^

To my knowledge, it is possible for a system to not have an inner world/headspace. Full stop.

Not every system functions the same, and not every system is going to have the same features, so to speak. Despite not having aphantasia ourselves or knowing those with it, we have known systems that do not experience the common aspects of having an inner world.

Obviously, I'm just a guy on tumblr, I wouldn't take this answer as a Holy Bible of Medical Information or anything. But it is what I know and what I've seen speaking to multiple members of the system community. When in doubt, just remember that every brain, every person, and thus, every system will function differently.

It's, in our personal opinion, never wise to trust pro-endos & endogenic spaces for system questions. In our experience, the answers you tend to get are. "Wellll it's valid >3< so it doesn't matter why that happens! Don't be a bigot, uwu." (The part answering this ask has a. Certain. Dislike for that community and it will, in fact, shine through)

I appreciate you checking in! We're doing well all things considered, we've been extra vilagent on deleting and reporting unnecessary hate, and it has significantly gone down the past few days. I'm hopeful that the people who send such things are.. finally getting the hint. But if not, I'm more than willing to laugh at the entitlement and block. I hope you're also doing well, and if you aren't, that things get better soon. <3

[system-positivity]

just wanted to say i’m so happy to find a system blog that’s anti endo after finding so many that are pro endo

it makes us very happy since we have extreme paranoia and trauma from proendo communities. thanks for everything you guys do!

Hey, Anon, I'm happy that our blog is helpful! We deal with the same when it comes to pro endo communities, they really, REALLY, fucked us up and heavily traumatized us.

That is why, in part, we want to create a safe space/blog(s) that is free from pro-endos & the general endogenic community. Trauma victims deserve those safe spaces, and I am happy to continue to provide at least one to two safe spaces for people. <3

[system-positivity]

It's really sad to see so many blogs that inspired this one having to take breaks. I wish every single anti-endo community blog runners nothing but love and compassion. You do not deserve harassment and drama for just. Existing. You are not a bad person for simply. Running. A blog.

I'd like to do my best to step up to the plate for the community and remind people that both this blog and this blogs side blog [ @system-positivity ] are here for people who need!! Want to share stuff? You can! Need a place to vent? Do so here! want to chat? Also, okay.

[system-positivity]

how I feel logging in and seeing two people fight on one of my posts. this is a positivity blog. what the fuck.

[system-positivity]

Btw, korya-elana, I do appreciate the fact you stopped interacting (though i am still upset you did so to begin with - but thats neither here nor there.) And I do not agree with the harshness the other blog is bringing.

Do not whiteknight on my behalf. Ever. I can handle myself.

Do not harass other people. Ever. You are an asshat if you do, you are the problem person - end of.

Do not be an asshole when you can block and move on. Curate your online experience.

Thanks.

Reminder that your trauma WAS and IS enough.

There isn't a scale dictating who had it worse and who has it the best.

If you're experiencing trauma responses, it was, in fact. Bad Enough. It was, in fact. Traumatizing Enough. You aren't faking. It is not all in your head. What happened to you was real, and you're allowed to feel however you want about that.

You're allowed to be angry.

You're allowed to be sad.

You're allowed to wish for things to be different.

You're allowed to be bitter about what happened - and in general, really.

PRO ENDOS & ENDOGENIC "SYSTEMS" DNI - THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

[system-positivity]

Reminder!!!

you are not a bad person for being schizophrenic. You are not a bad person for being psychotic. Your insanity does not negate your personhood. Just because people have treated you wrong due to you illness doesn't mean that you deserved it or earned that treatment

[system-positivity]

oh my god. as a traumagenic system i cannot begin to say the relief I felt when I found this blog. esp with shooing away the endos. it feels rlly good to have our own space back without all the guilt-trippy 'everyone needs to be included!' being shoved down our throats constantly when they should have their own space and not be synonymous with ours when our experiences don't even begin to line up. godspeed dude, with all the shit you get from endos I applaud your patience. you're a godsend. thank you

Anon... you have NO idea how much this means to us. This is the type of ask that would usually STAY in the ask box just for a pick-me-up.

this is exactly the reason we run this blog and our main blog, too. I want to create a space for trauma survivors to feel welcome and not have to worry about endos and their supporters.

We fully agree that endos should have their own spaces, separate from trauma-based spaces. That pro endos, even if traumagenic in origin, should still respect someone's boundaries for not wanting them in their space.

It's hard sometimes logging into this account. Every day, we have to delete people's hate mail and delete harassing replies on our posts. Oftentimes, it's a struggle one that feels like there's no end in sight.

It's.. hard at times to step away and not fall into the rage bait sent. When that happens we log off completely and do something else for a few hours until we feel better.

All that said. Thank you to everyone who respects our simple boundaries. Thank you to everyone who reblogs our posts and follows us. Thank you to everyone whose day gets a bit better by the content of our posts. You and people like the anon here are what keep this blog going when shit gets too hard to handle.

[system-positivity]

hey just want to say your bios wording is confusing since it says pro endo/endos with nothing else there.. but ur dni says endos

hi anon!! while I am a bit unsure as to what was confusing about this (photo below)

I have updated it to this (photo below) to try and make things clearer for others. I hope it accomplishes that <3 thank you for reaching out

[system-positivity]

friendly reminder RAMCOA is real and exists. there are plenty of systems out there who have suffered this abuse and live their lives with the consequences.

i just think people need to remember them sometimes because they deserve to be acknowledged and feel seen too.

[system-positivity]

hope not too many people are hating on you for having endos be your dni, you really shouldnt have to explain your own boundaries. it's really not that hard to respect other people, i hope youre doing okay tho !!

Anon, you have no idea how hard I work at deleting and blocking pro endos from sending me horrendous asks and shit takes in my replies. Out here playing DODGEBALL every single day.

I've been taking care of my partner system, and I'm doing well :]

[system-positivity]

Your posts should be for everyone! Because even if endos don’t recognize that they have trauma, if they relate to systemhood experiences they’re plural, everyone in the community deserves to have access to the content.

If they relate to my posts, great! If they support endogenics or are endogenic themselves, I don't want them interacting with my posts or my blog.

This will not change. It will never change. It is a hard set boundary that I intend to keep. If people continue to break it they will be blocked.

No one is entitled to posts I make in my free time for the express purpose of spreading positivity to those who need it. If they happen to fall on my very minimal Do Not Interact, my posts are not for them. Even if they relate, they can find the content elsewhere.

I do not want people who support endos or endos interacting with my posts and blogs. i do not have a good history with either community due to the fact i was quite literally groomed into supporting endos.

I was actively abused and manipulated my multiple endos and supporters. It took me years of therapy to even acknowledge that fact and how it has (and does) affect me.

I have active trauma relating to endos and their supporters - leave this trauma victim the fuck alone already. Respect people when they state a boundary.

If you wish for a space for endos and supporters, make your own blog and advertise it. It's that simple. If you don't like what I post, talk to me about it (unless you want me to change my boundaries) or block me. It is that simple and costs fuck all.

PRO ENDOS & ENDOGENIC "SYSTEMS" DNI - THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

[system-positivity]

Wait im a cool kid? wait wait what!!!

i think this means im cool?

@system-positivity @elamorsys @antiendosystemterms @syspunk-safe-zone

am i in with the cool kids??