#“are you still here?” D love you should be pretending you don't care about him

[readerconfused]

Mr D insisting that Percy's name is Peter and immediately afterwards yelling at the demigods to get the hell out of the camp I LOVE THIS GOD

[fanttasttica]

I hate you more..

Rhysand x reader

Rhysand always knew how to get on your nerves. He was so good at it, that at some point, you started hating him for it., or as you thought. But as we all know, there is a thin line between hate and love..

warnings: nothing? (Feel free to corect me)

words: 3623

Author's note: At first, I thought I could do this and make Rhysand really evil, but I couldn't bring myself to it :D Sorry!

Rhysand, heir to the Night court, surely knew how to get on your nerves. He was bringing out the worst of you. He was provoking you endlessly, always having that smirk on his face. You wanted to punch him. At first, you really liked him. He was insanely handsome and seemed to care dearly about his friends, but one conversation with him was enough for you to change your opinion on him. He didn't once forget to insult you in some way. It doesn't matter if he insulted your intellect, your opinions, looks or other things, he just needed to do it. Like if it was necessary for his survival. His other friends were better, well you haven't talked to them that much and they were probably just ignoring you, but it was better than what Rhysand was doing. You sighed, knowing very well that you don't have a chance to avoid the High lord's son tonight. As if living in the Hewn city wasn't terrible enough, sometimes you had to endure boring balls, you had to pretend you were enjoying yourself, while trying to avoid certain people and never letting down your smile. You sighed, knowing pretty well, there wasn't a point in fighting it. You did not have the power to change anything and there was no chance your family would understand you and let you stay home, even only if it should be this once.

To this point, the ball was tolerable. You weren't having fun or anything like that, but you danced a few times, like your family wanted and then, they let you out of their clutches. You still had to remain in this hall, but since they did not specify where, you were hiding in the darkest corner you found. This was your favorite place. Usually, no one else was near there, since there was nothing else to do than listen to the muted music or get lost in your thoughts. And that's exactly what you were doing. You were lost in your thoughts, well to be precise, you were daydreaming about life you could have if you weren't stuck here, since your birth and probably for the rest of your life, when suddenly you heard a voice, two voices. “Are you sure no one is here?” someone giggled. You didn't know the first voice, but you knew very well who the other one belonged to. “Yeah, don't worry.” This wasn't good. Rhysand was here, not far away from you, in your hiding place and judging by the muffled giggles and other strange noises.. it was clear what he and his companion wanted to do here. You had to get out of here and if possible, unnoticed.

You had to think quickly, if you wanted to leave before he noticed you. Every second spent here was risky. First, you calmed your breathing and tried to figure out where exactly they were. The absence of light you usually welcomed was now troubling you. After you saw them, really close together and kissing, you noticed there was a little space between them and the wall. Was it enough space for you to make your escape? Well, there was the only way you could find out.. After a while, you decided to try it. Rhysand was slowly taking off the woman's dress and you didn't really have to see more of her or of him. You tiptoed over to them, holding your breath and trying not to look at them longer than it was necessary. You were almost out, before you heard a surprised scream, that made you stop and curse under your breath. You felt two pairs of eyes, watching you in shock. You turned at them and smiled like an angel. “Do not worry, I am on my way out of here..”

You started walking away faster, but something, someone, stopped you. “You are not going anywhere.” Rhys's grip on your arm was strong, there wasn't a point in trying to get out of it, but you still tried shaking his hand off. Well, it didn't go anywhere. Meanwhile that girl you saw before ran away past you, not caring how she looked. “Why were you spying on us?” You almost punched him for this. You raised your eyebrows in disbelief. “You think I was spying on you? Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't find you that interesting. Actually, looking straight to the Sun would be better than looking at you, when you are making out with some girl.” You couldn't believe he would think something like that. It was ridiculous. “Oh, don't be so jealous, my darling.” Another ridiculous thing, you only rolled your eyes at him and didn't bother to answer. “Let me go, Rhysand.” Struggling against his strong grip wasn't making any progress. It only made things worse, his grip tightened around your arm as he pushed you back in the corner where you two met a few minutes ago. Suddenly, you were in the same situation as the girl before, your back pressed against the wall and Rhysands face only a few centimeters from yours.

You didn't know why, but your heart started beating rapidly faster than it was usual. You were looking him in the eyes, not sure what to do now. “Are you sure you want me to let you go? Because it didn't look like that.” His lips brushed against your neck, planting soft kisses along the way. He was surprisingly gentle. His hands were traveling all over your body, as he pulled away from your neck and looked you in the eye, then on your lips, as if he was asking for permission. Permission you didn't give him. Shaking your head, you pulled away, finally woken up from that weird trance you were in. “I.. I.. You.. Don't ever do that again. Am I clear? I do not want this, I don't want you.” After you said this, he finally let you go, backing away from you, but he was still smirking. “I mean it, Rhysand. I hate you.” He chuckled and winked at you. “I hate you too, darling.”

After your last encounter with Rhys, you were avoiding him even more, if it was possible. What was worse is the fact that you were finding yourself staring at him, not knowing why. It was annoying. Sometimes, when he noticed you, he flashed a big smile at you, or winked at you, provoking you without any doubt, exactly like today. “After you saw another of his grins, you turned your head away and began to talk to another one of many people who were here, celebrating Highlord's son's birthday. Once again, you were in the ballroom, wearing a dress picked by your mother and chatting with people she found, as she would say, good enough for you. To be honest, they were only good enough for her. You on the other hand, couldn't imagine more boring people, so when Rhysand interrupted you, you almost wanted to thank him. “I am sorry for interrupting your conversation..” He looked at you. “But I want to ask Y/N for a dance.”

Obviously, you agreed to the dance. Not that you had much to say. How would it look if you would deny the High lord's son? Especially when it's his birthday today? During the dance, you were moving elegantly all around the dance room, not talking to each other, until he decided to break that silence. “By the way, you don't need to be thanking me for saving you. I am glad I could help you.” You bite your tongue, before you could say something rude. This isn't a place for you to curse him. When you did not answer him, he continued, “Did I tell you how awful you look tonight? That dress is awful.” You sighed and looked him in the eyes for the first time since he took you on the dance floor. “Every time you do something.. at least a little bit nice for me, you have to also ruin it by saying things like this. Why are you doing it?” For the first few meetings, you were being nice to him. You gave him a taste of his own medicine after a while, when you really had enough of his rude behavior. “Why wouldn't I? Maybe I just find your angry little face funny.” He shrugged. This answer wasn't enough for you, but it was obvious that he isn't going to tell you anything else, so you endured the rest of your dance in silence.

Over the next few months, many things changed. You didn't know how and why exactly, but the lady of Night was murdered with her daughter by people from the Spring court. And as a revenge, Rhysand and his father killed almost every member from the High lords of spring family. Actually, the only one who survived was Tamlin, who had become the new High lord. You didn't know him or his family, but something in you told you, that his brothers and father deserved their fate. The lady of Night was probably the nicest person you knew. She was more of a mother to you than a biological one. And who could hate her little daughter? It was a tragedy, but two good things came out of it. The first concerned the High lord, or rather the former High lord, who also lost his life. He was replaced by Rhysand, who you didn't see as much of now thanks to his new duties, which was that second good thing. Well.. If you were to be honest, you would have to admit that you started to miss him. Without your arguing, life here was rather.. boring. That was until your parents decided to find you a husband, so you could finally be useful for your family, as they would say.

You didn't allow yourself to believe your family would find someone at least tolerable for you, but they.. did. His name was Lucius. You two were not in love, but you started liking him, as a friend. And it was more than you were ever hoping for. Wedding was set to happen three weeks from now. The only thing missing was permission from the High lord, which your father had to ask for since you were part of a higher-ranking family and he should be back with it any minute now. You were sitting in your room now, when you heard a door slamming hard, it made you jump in surprise. And out of curiosity, you decided to go find out what made someone so angry.

As you made your way in your dining room, you saw your father with your father arguing out loud. “What's happening?” They turned to you, in annoyance. Your uncle scoffed at you and your father shook his hand in disappointment. “He didn't give me that permission..“ This caught you off the guard. “What, why?”  You were understanding his motives. Did he really hate you so much, he was destroying probably your only chance at happiness? You were certain he knew that you got along with your fiance, well now ex-fiance, pretty well. One of his friends was a spy at the end. “And how should I know? Y/N.. Go to your room, practice your dancing and conversation skills. We will find someone new for you on the next ball.” 

You felt a pair of eyes watching you almost immediately after you walked into the ballroom. You didn't need to look at Rhysand, you just knew it was him, so you decided to ignore him. After everything he had done to you, this was the worst and you have had enough. Unfortunately, he wasn't on the same page, because after a few minutes, he appeared right next to you, asking for a dance. And since your family was near and heard him, you simply couldn't deny him. It was almost a tradition. At every ball, Rhysand would try to piss you off, dance with you, insult you and then ignore you until the next ball. Well he was ignoring you and watching you closely at the same time, like now, when you took his hand and allowed him to take you on the dance floor once again.

Music started playing and you weren't wasting any time. If you have to dance with him, you could get some answers at last. “Why didn't you give my father that permission? I got it, you hate me, but this? This was over the line.” Your voice was cold, filled with rage you couldn't hold back anymore. At this point, you didn't care if you would make a scene in front of your family and other people. “He wasn't good enough for you. Plus we both know, you only saw him as a .. friend. If that is what you call people you know for only a month.” You chuckled and shook your head. “And who is good enough for me? And why do you think you have the power to decide that?” He shrugged and pulled you closer. “Well, I am the most powerful High lord, so..” This was undoubtedly true, you felt his power intensively, but somehow, you didn't feel frightened because of that. “And I am surely better than him.” 

At first, you weren't sure if you heard him correctly. You blinked twice, giving him a chance to explain the meaning of his words to you. “I know I didn't actually act like it but.. I love you, Y/N. I always had. You are.. my mate.” After this, you stopped dancing, looking at him, as if he was insane, before you also finally felt the mating bond to fall in place. Maybe you should end your dance with him and then walk off to some empty room, where you could talk this out. Or maybe you should go right away, but the first thing that came to your mind was to turn away from him and run away.

He didn't let you go that easily. He started running after you immediately, shouting your name, but you weren't listening to him.. On your way, you bumped into many people, before you finally got out of the ballroom. The halls were empty, well almost. The few people who were standing here looked at you in shock. You didn't give them the second look as you continued running away with tears streaming down your face. Not quite sure if they were angry or sad, you were only sure they weren't happy. You were mad at Rhysand. You always thought he hated you. He was nonstop rude at you, he made you hate him and you thought he felt the same and now he was telling you this? After what he had just done? This seemed cruel, even for him. You weren't sure how or when you managed to run from him, but you didn't care much. The most important thing was that he isn't following you anymore. You walked slowly to your house, then to your room, where you locked yourself away from everyone.

To your surprise, your family wasn't scolding you the first thing in the morning. And you were sure, it was only thanks to Rhysand. Honestly, it was nice of him, but also the least thing he could do, after everything he had done in the past. During the night, you haven't got enough sleep. You couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and the same scenario was repeated the next night and also night after that. There were dark circles under your eyes as a proof of your tiredness, but you were very well aware that until you clear everything up and think about what you will do next, you won't be able to close your eyes in peace. And although you were trying, you couldn't think of the best way how to approach this.

Another day full of thinking was almost over, when you suddenly were snapped out of your thoughts by a short knock on your door. You stood up from your bed, you were laying on for the past week, not bothering to check your look in the mirror before opening the door. You were expecting to see your parents, but no. It was a beautiful blond girl, Morrigan, Rhysand's cousin. On her face was a sympathetic smile as she nodded to your room. “Can I go in?” Knowing pretty well, it would be rude to not let her, you backed off the way, let her in and closed the door behind her.

For a while, she was silent, walking slowly around your room, scanning it with interest in her eyes. Finally,s he turned to you. “You know why I am here.” You nodded. It wasn't that hard to guess, she probably came not to check on you, but to persuade you into giving Rhysand a chance. “Good.. I just.. I just want you to give him a chance to explain himself. You have every right to be mad at him, honestly I would be very surprised, if you weren't. And I also know that my word doesn't mean nothing at all, but.. I am sure you would change your opinion, only if you would listen to him for five minutes..” She sighed. “He is a good male, Y/N. Not many people can see it, because he doesn't allow them to see it, but he really is.” You did not respond right away, looking down on your carpet, you considered once again your options. You could refuse and remain mad at him, not speak to him ever again.. But you could have resorted to both of these things even after talking to him. In addition, you deserved some answers. Suddenly, your next move was clear. 

After you change your clothes, you let Morrigan winnow you to Velaris, sometimes called Court of Dreams, as she told you. You were surprised that a city like that existed and remained secret to every Fae who did not live in it. As you found out, Rhysand had something to do with that. You saw it only briefly, but you fell in love with this place in a second, hoping that you will have the chance to explore its beauty later, but now, you had to focus on something else. You were standing in front of the door that led to Rhysand's office, calming your breath, before you finally knocked. 

After hearing Rhysand's strong voice inviting you to go in, you didn't waste any second. You were afraid that you could change your mind, even though you were already here and deep inside you knew, this was the best thing you could do. You needed to hear his explanation. Rhysand was standing behind his big wooden table, with a concentrated and a bit worried expression. “Hello, Y/N. Thank you for coming.” You nodded, “Hello to you too.” He gestured on the chair, which stood opposite his, into which he had just settled. The only thing between you two was that table, full of papers. “Why did you do it?” He smiled a little at you. “Not wasting any time, are you?” You did not smile back, your face remained expressionless. He sighed and looked down. “Believe it or not, I was only trying to protect you. You know.. what my father was like. The bond snapped for me actually the first time we met and I panicked. Maybe I don't think he would try to kill you, but I am sure he would try to hurt you psychically.” He swallowed hard. “And I couldn't let that happen. That is why I put on that mask. I was behaving like I hate you, when in reality, you were my first and last thought every day. I tried to do anything to forget about you. Like that one time on the ball, where you caught me with that girl..” He shook his head and looked you in the eyes. “I know sorry doesn't erase the things I did, like practically canceling your engagement, or words I said to you in the past, but if you will allow me.. I will spend the rest of my life making up with you..” 

You were looking at the male in front of you. You thought, you knew him quite well. Not that long ago, you thought he was a spoiled son of the ruthless High lord, not that different from his father. But now? You already knew this wasn't true. He did bad things, but he did them trying to protect you. Maybe he should have used a different way, but did it even exist? After a few minutes of silence between you two, you stood up, with Rhys following by your example. Without a word, you walked around the table until you were standing right in front of him. When you were looking into those gorgeous violet eyes, you knew that you no longer hated him. Actually.. You probably did not hate him for a while now, it just took a while to realize. You put one of your hands on his cheek, stroking it gently. “I love you.” After you said these three words, you could swear that you saw a thousand stars lit up in his eyes. He hugged your waist, pulling you closer, before whispering, “I love you more.”

[buccini555]

✉︎¹ . . ⁽ᵇᵉᵉᵖ ᵇᵉᵉᵖ⁾ 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭.𝟏 | 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭.𝟐 ♡

⎙ H e a d c a n o n s! / x r e a d e r!

⌕ 𝑭𝒕. Inui Seishu, Kokonoi Hajime, Izana Kurokawa, Hanma Shuji, Kazutora Hanemiya, Baji Keisuke and Naoto Tachibana

𝐈𝐧𝐮𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐮

He would be completely melancholic for a while, despite that, Inupi would still love you

It didn't take long for Seishu to realize that your relationship was on the way out, you weren't present anymore, being cold and distant most of the time.

You didn't want to hurt the boy's feelings anymore, so you confessed that you didn't love him anymore.

— "I'm sorry, Inui, but I don't love you anymore." You said, watching him already despondent.

He looked at you listlessly, lowering his head shortly afterwards, avoiding looking at you, despite being disappointed, he still had the same feelings for you.

— "Everything is fine!" He smiled, walking away, Inui didn't want to cry in front of you, but he was completely broken.

𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞

At that moment, Kokonoi realized that money couldn't buy everything he loved

— "You don't love me anymore, don't try to deceive me anymore, let alone deceive yourself." Kokonoi told you during an argument, he quickly noticed the change in your behavior and the way you treated him, no matter how much he did everything to please you, you didn't seem any happier than you were.

— "You're right, I don't love you anymore, Koko." You looked into the brunette's eyes, trying to hold back your tears, it wasn't an easy confession to make.

— "Get out of my way! I don't know what I did to receive this from you, I don't want to see your face or hear your voice anymore!" He yelled at you, something he had never done before, so you just respected his wish.

𝐈𝐳𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

...Even though he was abandoned many times, he never learned to deal with abandonment

— "I don't love you anymore, Izana." You directly, using few words, you couldn't go on with it anymore, so, as much as confessing it was difficult, you would do it.

— "You do not love me anymore?" Izana turned to you, completely listless, he was shaking, even though he tried not to look shaken, those words directly affected him. — "What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?" He looked down, fixing his gaze on his trembling hands, trying to take in the fact that he was once again being rejected and abandoned.

You repeated your speech, the environment was completely silent for a few minutes, making the atmosphere even heavier.

— "Get out, get out of here! I hate you, get away from me!" was the last thing you heard Izana say to you before leaving.

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐣𝐢

He just pretended he didn't care even though his heart was broken

— "Hanma? I'm sorry, but, I don't love you anymore." At that moment, Hanma just looked at you in silence, a serious expression took over his face.

— "Should I care about that? I never even loved you either, you were just a hobby for me like anyone else" He replied, trying to keep a tone of irony, but it was noticeable in his teary look how much he was hurt by your decision .

𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚

He felt insufficient, believing that it was all his fault

Kazutora feared that would happen, as he slowly noticed you pulling away, he didn't question you about it or anything like that, but honestly, he'd been expecting the worst for some time.

You finally plucked up the courage to speak your feelings to Kazutora, when you said they needed to talk, he already knew what it was about.

— "You don't love me anymore..." He said with his head down, waiting for her answer.

— "No, Kazutora, I don't love you anymore..." You replied immediately, as soon as he heard you, he started crying uncontrollably.

— "You better get away from me before I lose control" Was Kazutora's only reply.

𝐁𝐚𝐣𝐢 𝐊𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞

He didn't want to hear what you said, it would be too painful for Baji to deal with that situation

— "You don't feel anything for me anymore, I already noticed, it wasn't even that difficult to realize that" Baji told you, he had already noticed the change in your behavior for a long time, when you finally wanted to talk about your feelings, the same interrupted, he didn't want to hear you.

— "Baji I-" You tried to confirm what he had said.

— "Don't bother talking about it, you better go away, by the way, I'm much better alone" Baji spoke again, clearly he was hurt, and the only way to show it was using his anger, as much as he loved you , he didn't want to see you or hear from you again.

𝐍𝐚𝐨𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐚

He would still love you, Naoto just wanted you well

Naoto was trying to hide the fact that he already knew about your feelings having cooled towards him, so he continued to treat you normally, but, you couldn't hide the truth anymore, so you confessed to him that your feelings for him had disappeared.

— "...Naoto? I don't know how to tell you this... But..." He cut you off with a hug, making you shut up instantly.

— "You don't feel anything for me anymore, do you?" He spoke while shedding some tears, you just nodded your head, without returning the hug from the taller one.

— "That will never change, I will continue to love you, so I want you to be happy with or without me!" Naoto released you from the hug, looking at you with a smile even though tears were streaming down his face.

[utilitycaster]

🔥 each member of vox machina

Vax: really the sadboy narrative for Liam has always been stupid but it's egregiously bad that it started with Vax, who is like, sad for maybe a fifth of the episodes and largely because Liam O'Brien's actual mother was dying, like, with all due respect what the actual fuck, fandom.

Vex: I am the founding and probably only member of the "Vex is my favorite character and also I am 100% cool with Colville's depiction of her." The generosity she shows even very early on in C1 is still a generosity borne of some degree of security - they have a keep by then - and I also just don't think you have to like a character to write them fairly. Granted it's been a minute since I read early VMO but nothing stood out to me as out of line with my understanding of Vex.

Pike: repeating myself once again but I like Pike a lot and wish we could have seen more, but because we didn't, people who say she's their favorite in C1 do tend to turn me off in that I feel they're looking for a relatively flat and widely praised character to project onto rather than a character who goes through more messy development.

Grog: I think he's often underestimated and I was guilty of doing so myself, to be honest, until I saw Travis play more and until I personally got better at D&D. Also I still maintain that playing INT 6 sensitively and well is infinitely harder than playing INT 16, all things considered, and this is yet another reason why people should play high INT more often.

Scanlan: Also underestimated; I do understand being turned off by the whole extremely horny playboy thing but as I've said before Bard's Lament is a major litmus test for me: if you think Scanlan is completely at fault here, you are wrong, and if you think he's not partially at fault, you are also wrong.

Tary: I genuinely love him and think he's a great character and one of Sam's best, but while his character arc is strong the Taryon Darrington Arc of the VM Campaign, through no fault of his own (and partly bc I personally think D&D Hell, especially pre-Descent Into Avernus publication, is kind of boring), is one of the weakest parts of the campaign because it's kind of a grab bag of loose ends. With that said I would happily watch more Darrington Brigade-one shots.

Percy: Percy is also generally a litmus test in that it's like. Is he a good person? Eventually I believe he becomes one, and even before that I think he's very sympathetic and deeply traumatized and like, 24, so I get it, but also, who the fuck cares. This ties into the Essek and the Ashton opinions and all kinds of other stuff but why are people so invested in fucking absolving their blorbo of all sins? I want someone who's lived enough of a life to have done some heinous shit because that's fun and interesting and it's pretend and also because then they can have a rewarding character arc by either working towards redemption or coming to terms with who they are or spiraling into tragedy.

Keyleth: I like Keyleth a lot but I am, as this post indicates, far more sympathetic to Vex, and so while I do think Keyleth is a fairly good person she is also extremely sheltered and naive and terrified of doing the wrong thing and I would have, like Vex, wanted to scream at her half the time were I just a random NPC wandering about the campaign. On the other hand C3-era Keyleth? fantastic no notes she has grown up in such an interesting way.

Tiberius: I think we, and by we I mean people capable of separating the art from the artist, can recognize that his concept actually fucking slapped and unfortunately he was played by someone who absolutely sucked in a myriad of ways. I would love to see the alternate universe in which the same general concept (prodigy sorcerer from Draconia who is full of themself) had to face not just the destruction of their civilization but the realization that they were taking advantage of the Ravenites and while they did not deserve to be killed by Vorugal, had done nothing to justify aid from those they had subjugated either. Like, the alternate world in which one of the current cast members or like, a close friend of the main cast (Ashly, Erika, Mary Elizabeth) played this is one I'd love to see.

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

BNHA 428: This chapter made me annoyed and yet it was still somewhat better than I expected?

Himichako. I like it, it's a good ship- not one I'm crazy about, but the vision is compelling. I mean, the loved girl on hard times who admires honesty but represses her feelings + hunger motifs, and the formerly wealthy and rejected girl who's honest to herself but masks her sadness from others + drinking motifs? Being so similar at their core from selfishness, bleeding love, admiration and imitation? Yeah, why not, sign me up, it looks fun.

(plus Ochako needed a subplot that would shy away from Izuku because oh boi her writing is messy-)

Then the ending annoucement happened and I immediately went "oh no" when I remembered that tidbit. But. Yesterday, I remembered this page from 424, which in hindsight makes sense:

Shoto moving forward and choosing to not dwell on his past anymore, because he wants to know the man he wants to become alongside his family of choice.

Spinner feeling so much grief for Tomura inside his room, his extra Quirks add up to it. Further gut points as it was all because of AFO, but the wrong person is getting the blame.

Ochako looking lost and dissatisfied, not really saying anything about Himiko's status; then her hidden injury which left a scar that'll never go away, nothing can change that.

And then, well, a sky with a chance to fight for a "bright future". Which is the most ambiguous you can get for anything, really, sequel or not.

(sidenote: is it me or the panel where she's touching her stab wound looks like a tangent line?)

Okay so, I went into the chapter, with Pikahlua's translations. It was A Chapter alright-

If it wasn't the antepenultimate chapter, the "filler" would've been welcomed. But I guess it means we should focus on the smaller details, I guess? Like that 1st year saying Izuku filled him with courage and Izuku immediately thinking of Spinner's pain? Yeah he hates himself and that people call him a hero, when he considers himself a murderer, and will never forgive himself for failing Tenko, therapy for him and everyone in Class 2-A please- yeah it was a fun detail. Also the throb of hiding your pain of "defeating" someone you wanted to save but in the end everything is miserable but everyone else is happy and you don't wanna be a bother. Fun.

Also I wasn't the one to point the out, but looking at the uniform (U.A. uniform blazer for boys + the tie with a dot for girls), the student who's a Izuku fan is probably trans/gnc, which I appreciate a lot :D (Damn Izuku attracts so many queer people I wonder if that's a sign- /hj)

Also, I guess Class A stating "[Bakugou], Midoriya and Todoroki were at the heart of it all" then focusing on Ochako is good foreshadowing on how her own battle wasn't fully recorded? It's like saying in the end her fight didn't matter, but the other ones went "well", so she's trying (and slowly failing) to keep her sadness at bay because, well, everyone's happy, so who cares? Another "throb".

I thought since the Todoroki family issues are out in the open, didn't they record the whole thing? Then I re-read it, they only saw the family stopping Touya from exploding. So they didn't see Shoto trying to talk to Touya, which means none of the LoV were humanized. Fuck's sake.

After that, I get focusing on the first years and civilians wanting to help and all, but it feels like a repeat of everything seconds before Jakku, so I assume it's a way for them to pretend things are normal? But not-quite-quoting Katsuki (<- which I will point out for my sake is very much alive and well and- oh boi LFtR will kill me) and Edgeshot here because it made me smile:

"Will you...go back to the way you were?" "I plan to attain something greater than what I was originally!"

So, yeah I suppose he'll be fine eventually. (Best J. really loving Edgeshot even as a worm, honestly, goals)

Again with Izuku remembering saying "[He'll] bring it all back" and apologizing for "not keeping his promise" and others telling him to not blame himself and they can reconstruct as many times as it takes. Again, gave me a little smile, but not for long-

Finally, Ochako pretending things are fine. Hello there, Sports Festival/Provisional License!Ochako I missed you- /hj (I miss the dorms era in general, actually.)

So... *sigh* Full disclosure: I wasn't looking forward to Himichako as we were getting 5/10 pages for the "conclusions" in the previous two, I thought Ochako would be off about Himiko being depressed about the League. But since she's MIA, red flags are now red herrings, and it's better than the dead outcome. If Ochako got another person dying in her arms that'd just break her character.

A blood transfusion takes hours, she couldn't been doing that for more than 20min, if it was gonna kill anyone it'd be Ochako. Either Himiko ran away or got arrested, and Ochako feels guilty because she doesn't know if she's dead or not. Not great, but until I see a corpse she ain't dead. Besides: Touya, Shoto, Edgeshot, Katsuki, Toshinori, Ochako herself, all physically hurt unlike her, and yet they live.

And then we have Izuku showing up. I'm upset he used OFA embers for this, but eh, it's Izuku, do I expect anything else?

Rolling with the assumption Himiko died (like our POV characters), Izuku would need to face his own failure in Ochako- Failed to save two people like she failed Himiko, but it'd be so. Empty. Ochako was true to herself, while Izuku gave nothing but "I want to save that crying kid" while fighting Tenko. The most they can do is bond with "failing" and "this isn't what we fought for". This is not really a moment where he can be a shoulder to cry on, it'd come across as hypocritical /neg.

The only way it could make sense it without being shallow on Mr. Control = Repress Your Heart's part (as he didn't open up to the two people who died in "his watch") is Ochako telling how Himiko loved yet seeing him repressing this part of his is idiotic? She likes people who are true to themselves, which Izuku hasn't been for ages, leading to him realizing something. I thought it'd be through a DvsK3 but. I'll take it, two chapters left, I just want his thoughts (and for them to talk but that can happen in the last one).

They only recorded Shoto stopping Touya from being a suicidal bomb, Ochako floating a bunch of Twice!Himiko clones and Izuku entering a coccon, popping out armless, getting them back, punching Tenko to death. The "I want to save [them]" wasn't registered, it makes sense they're (well, Izuku and Ochako mostly) weirded out about this, dissatisfied like most readers are (sidenote: why when it comes to the trio either Ochako or Shoto get sidelined? So much could tie their stories together and yet-)

It's still a tough pill. I'm not a villain stan, just wondering if those fights were for nothing- the humanity of Tenko and Himiko? Can't be proved for anyone else, since they weren't recorded.

And I don't know if anyone saw the same thing, but those "city lights" look like the bubbles from Ochako's awakening, maybe we'll get a Blackwhip or Entrance Exam callback? Maybe it's what the tagline meant by "hidden feelings", since she unlocked it to reach Himiko and doesn't think anyone would understand why. I hope it's just a nice visual though.

If Himiko is truly dead though... You know, I headcannoned the characters were telling the story through confessionals/recordings to register it to the world so they'd learn from that, but I guess the interviews Aizawa was talking about seemed more likely, which. Well it's something, but I thought it'd be everyone instead of just Class A. Idk. The idea the LoV didn't change anything, or that they did change things but don't get to see it, is bitter.

So uh. Yeah, those are my thoughts. I'm not sure how to feel about it, on one hand I want Izuku to finally open up but on the other, it feels like it'll be at Himiko and Ochako's expense by involving him in something that's theirs now. And there's a chance we'll get the "nothing is fine" from Ochako- god I'm fearing the discourse next week already :DDDD

... Man, and this is a bad timing to be in the fandom, considering the LFtR episode airs this Saturday (which will be yesterday by the time this post goes up and I'll be crying about that instead-), so uh. Yeah, this fandom will be emotionally devastated for two reasons XD

Okay, so I'll try ending this on a more optimistic note: I think Himiko is alive, and Ochako just doesn't know it, which is why we're getting 0 confirmation and a breakdown. Izuku's confrontation with her can make or break this plot, but as long as 1) we acknowledge the emotional, different stakes between the Himichako fight and Tenko vs. Izuku one and 2) it doesn't end in a confession (and let's be real, it won't), then we're probably good (sadly, if you disregard the LoV status). I still think it's an ass pull for the camera battery to go out though.

But no matter how this goes: C'mon, two chapters left now, this one was wasted on the first years, smh, let this sequel hopium be a reality I wanna know who's the 425 guy, not the poor first year who's gonna replace Shindo Yo in fanfics- /hj

[holly-louisexox]

Ribcage X Andy Biersack- Part 29

Masterlist

"There's one thing you should know about me Delia Vincent, I don't date. Got no heart to break and emptiness is safe, keep it that way."

He was adamant in his choices...

...But then things changed.

Author's note:

Trigger warning: Mention of the deadly C word (Cancer) and PTSD. Please be kind to yourself if this upsets you.

-------------

After Delia was released from the hospital, she could not wait to escape Seattle. Thankfully the tests had come back with no evidence of anything meaning she was in the clear; all she was left with were crutches to accommodate her broken ankle. Standing in the airport awaiting the Ohio flight to be called for boarding was all she was looking forward to, although she was also extremely glad that Andy was also flying to Ohio so that she did not have to travel alone in this state; she would have been embarrassed to travel through the airports with a chaperon hot at her heals.

"D, make sure you message all of us as soon as you get a SIM card for your new phone, you've been such a great friend and we have got to stay in contact so I need your new number! Hopefully, we get to work together again soon!" Shevy Rambles "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Of course, I will Shevy, it's been such a pleasure working with everyone." Delia smiles.

"Come here." Shevy calms her tone before pulling Delia into an awkward hug; trying to hug someone whilst on crutches was not a fun experience, Delia felt as if she was fighting to stay balanced; but she welcomed the hug from her new best friend regardless.

"Shevy, please try not to break Delia anymore than she already is." Andy laughs slightly whilst he keeps a watchful eye on Delia's wobbling; the last thing he wants is for Delia to fall and hurt herself more than she already was.

"Make sure you look after her Andy." Shevy is strict as she carefully pulls away from the hug with Delia and stares at Andy "Please don't hurt her."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Andy smiles wrapping an arm around Delia's waist to stabilise her balance and to keep her close to him protectively.

"It's good to see you happy again Andy." CC grins looking between him and Delia.

"It's nice not having to pretend like I don't care anymore. I'm sorry for all the shit I put you all through for so long." Andy apologises. "Thank you for not giving up on me though."

"We could never give up on you Andy." Jake states placing a hand on the singer's shoulder.

"Hopefully you'll be able to join us on our next tour Delia." Lonny speaks up but it's almost a plea.

"I would love to, if you'll all have me." Delia nods making the group, apart from Andy, all cheer a yes.

"Of course we want you on our next tour, I need you with me on our next tour." Andy smiles down at Delia due to their slight height difference before placing a soft kiss on her lips when she looks up at him.

"Okay kids, enough PDA please, some of us are still missing our partners." Jinxx laughs making the two of them pull away.

"Oh Andy, I nearly forgot, I passed your number onto Officer Davies for any updates regarding the whole situation. Although I imagine that psycho will spend a long time behind bars." Lonny states.

"Righ, thanks, Lon." Andy nods tightening his grip on Delia, the thought of Sam made him feel sick. When he saw Sam standing over Delia at that gas station he could have killed him, he wanted to kill him. 

"As glad as I am that Sam is in prison, I feel bad for the families of those other women. I managed to survive, they didn't." Delia confesses sadly.

"I think that's a normal response D but without you, Sam would still be out there. Those families are probably grateful for you as you're the one who escaped and got him put behind bars." Lonny explains as the whole group looks at her with sympathy evident in their eyes.

"I guess you're right Lonny." Delia sighs as she puts on a smile to the group.

"American Airlines flight to Cincinnati, Ohio is now boarding. Please make your way to gate 15." A male voice is heard over the tannoy system which instantly makes Delia freeze up; she knows it is not Sam announcing the flight. But the accent, the authoritative way of speaking, gave her unwanted flashbacks of Sam.

"Hey, you're okay." Andy tries to comfort Delia by gently rubbing her side as he sees the terrified expression on her face, the nurse at the hospital had spoken to Andy privately about the high possibility of Delia suffering PTSD from what had happened. The nurse told him some common signs and symptoms and how to handle it. "It's just a staff member announcing our flight, is it a flashback?"

"Yeah, sorry it's just, the accent and the way the guy said it. It made me think of Sam." Delia confesses; in her mind, she kept telling herself that the situation could have been worse. She was told that the emotions she felt could last anywhere between 6 to 12 months, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. She had been through similar stuff with her dad, but she had ignored it and threw herself into work as a distraction, that's what she wanted to do again.

"D, you trust us right?" Shevy asks wrapping an arm carefully around Delia's shoulders.

"Of course." Delia nods.

"You're going to be okay, we're all here for you. Andy is going to be only a short drive from you and you're going to be with your parents. Nothing is going to hurt you." Shevy breaks it down so that Delia's frenzied mind can process it all. "So why don't you catch that flight with Mr clingy next to you and go see your parents, I know you miss them."

"Thanks Shevy." Delia smiles.

"I'm not clingy Shevy." Andy shakes his head.

"Of course you're not." Shevy grins looking at the two of them after she had removed her arms from around Delia's shoulders "Have a wonderful time at home you two!"

------------------

"They keep looking at me." Delia mumbles to Andy as she noticed the couple in the row opposite them glancing her way occasionally.

"They're probably jealous of how gorgeous you are." Andy compliments trying to get a smile on Delia's face, he does not want to question her or try to brush off her concerns for fear of upsetting her.

"Whilst I appreciate the compliment, look at me, Andy." Delia sighs not able to accept the compliment fully or believe Andy "I've got this hideous cast and crutches, I'm covered in bruises... I'm far from attractive right now."

"You're always going to look beautiful to me Delia, cast and bruises or that killer eyeliner you wore every show day that made your eyes stand out in any crowd." Andy is sincere "I'm sorry you had to go through what you did but I'm here for you, anything you need, you're important to me Delia."

"Thank you, Andy." Delia smiles weakly "Could I have a hug?"

"Of course." Andy smiles back before gently wrapping his arms around Delia's shoulder and softly kissing the top of her head.

"I'm going to be stuck on the sofa." Delia starts laughing suddenly which catches Andy off guard a little.

"What?" Andy asks in confusion.

"I won't be able to get up the stairs to my room, I'm going to be stuck to the sofa." Delia continues to laugh despite feeling tears fall down her face as she realises how shit her situation is.

"We'll find a way to get you up the stairs, even if I have to come over daily to carry you up and down them." Andy teases, although deep down he is also serious, he really would do that for Delia if it meant her being comfortable and getting well-needed rest. "Though sofas are pretty comfortable too."

"That's true." Delia continues to laugh as she leans further into Andy's side.

-----------------------------

"This is the car you've rented out whilst in Ohio?" Delia is shocked as she looks at the Audi A5 that sits outside the airport for them.

"Yeah, it's the same model I have in Los Angeles. They're comfortable and easy to drive, plus they look cool." Andy shrugs, he knew that Delia was talking about the cost of it but that did not matter to him. "Anyway, let's get you home."

After opening the car door and helping Delia get in the car, Andy climbs into the driver's seat before starting the engine. Thankfully Delia and her parents did not live far from Andy's parents so he knew exactly where he was going, it would make it easier for Andy to visit Delia whilst he was here too. 

"You're sure you know where you're going?" Delia asks jokingly "You're not going to get us lost are you?"

"A city that I grew up in?" Andy states as he pretends to think about it "Considering you're only 20 minutes away from my parents I think you're okay."

"Is it bad that I'm nervous to see my parents again?" Delia's tone drops slightly "I've never been this long away from them, plus with everything that has happened and the state I'm in, going home seems different."

"I think that's a normal response, you know they're excited to see you though. Look how happy your mum was to hear you on the phone." Andy explains not taking his eyes off the road.

"That's true." Delia sighs still feeling her nerves. "Going home just feels different, I feel different."

"You're not different Delia, deep down you are still the same beautiful woman who drove me crazy, and you helped me realize what I was missing." Andy sincerely explains as he places a hand gently on Delia's thigh, making Delia's heart flutter. "How about tomorrow we go out, just me and you? We can get that SIM card sorted out, get some lunch, and try to ease you back into not being on the road."

"That sounds great." Delia smiles.

----------------------

"If you go and get the front door open, I'll get your stuff from the back of the car." Andy plans as he helps Delia step out of the door.

"I can take my backpack at least, you don't need to carry everything." Delia argues as she accepts Andy's hand to help get her out of the car.

"No, no. You go and see your parents, I've got this." Andy shakes his head slightly whilst smiling.

"You're not by any chance trying to impress Mum and Dad are you?" Delia teases smirking.

"Maybe a little bit." Andy scratches the back of his neck nervously "Plus I don't want you getting hurt anymore than you already are, it's been a long day; you should rest and-"

"Andy." Delia cuts him off before pressing her lips to his making him instantly relax "It's sweet that you care."

"I'm always going to care about you Delia, like I said, you're important to me." Andy smiles stroking Delia's cheek lightly before placing his lips on hers again. "Come on, let's not keep your parents waiting."

"Okay." Delia smiles as they separate.

Every hop Delia had to take on the crutches hurt her ribs, every hop made her grow more and more sick of her situation. Delia had never wanted to be able to walk normally as much as she did now, yet somehow she thought she deserved the pain she felt; after all, it was her idea to jump out of a window.

"Delia!" Delia's Mum exclaims in excitement after opening the door to see her daughter standing on the other side. "Nick! Delia's home."

"Mum." Delia smiles feeling tears fall down her face as her mother engulfs her in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're home petal." Delia's mum cries as she feels her husband's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Lia, how are you feeling sweet?" Robert asks looking between his wife and daughter.

"Hey dad." Delia smiles looking up at her dad.

"You must be Andy!" Delia's mum grins as she carefully pulls away from Delia before wiping her eyes.

"Yes... Yes. Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. I just erm... I have Delia's stuff." Andy stutters looking between Delia and her parents.

"Don't be silly! Come on in, I'm Tamara, this is my husband Nicholas." Tamara smiles moving aside to allow Delia and Andy to step into the house.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both." Andy smiles.

"Let me take one of those bags from you, son." Nicholas states grabbing a bag from Andy.

"Thank you, sir." Andy nods nervously allowing him to take the bag.

"Please, just call me Nick, son."Nicholas smiles which eases Andy's nerves ever so slightly. "Just leave them by the stairs, I'll sort them out later."

"Andy, will you be joining us for dinner tonight?" Tamara asks as Andy and Nicholas join them in the living room, Andy immediately takes a seat next to Delia on the sofa while her Mum and Dad were sat in the armchairs.

"That's a lovely offer but no, I'm going to be heading to my parents' house, they live about 20 minutes from here." Andy smiles while trying to make sure he doesn't stutter again.

"Oh that's a shame, you'll have to come over one evening though!" Tamara invites him smiling.

"I would love to." Andy smiles back politely fiddling with his hands slightly out of nerves.

"So Andy, do you live with your parents?" Nicholas asks staring Andy down making him all the more nervous.

"No, I live in LA, I'm just visiting my parents and honestly I wanted to make sure Delia got back here safely." Andy states before turning to look at Delia and smile.

"We did offer to help Delia fund a place of our own after she graduated uni as we knew her career choice could be a bit unstable to begin with, but unfortunately she inherited Nick's stubbornness." Tamara laughs slightly making Delia feel embarrassed. 

"Mum!" Delia whines before hiding her face on Andy's shoulder without thinking through what she was doing and that she was in front of her parents.

"I know all about Delia's stubborn side, it's one of the reasons I fell for her." Andy laughs slightly as Delia's parents smile at the two of them.

"Tamara has put up with me this long somehow, good luck to you is all I can say, Andy." Nicholas laughs.

"Truthfully, I feel like I needed Delia to be stubborn." Andy begins seriously "I don't know what, if anything, Delia has told you about me; I wasn't great towards her to begin with. I went through some stuff and it left me quite bitter about everyone around me, the band and other crew acted like they were walking on eggshells around me. But Delia, never once backed down right from the beginning, she was like this fire in the team that somehow melted away the ice I was in."

"We all need a little fire to get us through the tough times, son." Nicholas smiles, secretly approving of Andy already. Delia rarely brought a boy home, but the ones she did he never really liked all that much. "I wouldn't have made it through the whole cancer situation if it wasn't for these two lovely ladies I have."

"Speaking of which, Nick, you must phone the doctors tomorrow." Tamara interrupts.

"Dad is everything okay?" Delia panics as she lifts her head from Andy's shoulder; making Andy feel cold and bare in her absence.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing, just haven't had much of an appetite. Probably stress." Nicholas shrugs.

"Dad-" Delia starts before her dad cuts her off.

"Honestly Lia, I'm fine, it's you I've been worried about." Nicholas shrugs before smiling at Delia. 

"I should really be heading to my parents, it was so lovely to meet you both." Andy breaks the silence before standing up.

"Oh yes of course!" Tamara also stands before pulling Andy into a hug "It was so lovely to finally meet you, Andy, thank you for bringing our Delia back."

"I hope you don't mind me taking Delia out tomorrow, I promised her we'd go sort her new phone out and grab lunch." Andy explains almost asking their permission.

"Of course, go have a nice time." Nicholas smiles shaking Andy's hand "Take care of Delia won't you?"

"Always." Andy smiles back.

"I'll walk you out." Delia states before grabbing her crutches and getting off the sofa.

---------------------

"Your parents seem nice." Andy smiles as he stands with his arms wrapped around Delia's waist.

"Dad seems to like you, which is a first for him. Normally he doesn't like guys I bring home." Delia chuckles slightly as she looks up at Andy.

"He clearly just wants to protect you, which is exactly what I'm going to do too." Andy speaks softly before gently kissing Delia's lips, making her smile. 

"I can handle myself, Andy." Delia shakes her head slightly, she couldn't lie though, she did enjoy the caring side of Andy.

"That's not going to stop me from wanting to keep you safe." Andy grins before pecking her lips again "I'll pick you up at 12, that okay?"

"12 sounds good." Delia nods grinning "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow, make sure to get some rest." Andy instructs kissing Delia once more before carefully unwrapping his arms from her and walking to the car allowing Delia to shut the front door behind him. No doubt Delia's parents were going to bombard her with questions about Andy as soon as she walked back into the living room, but she didn't mind; after all, she was finally happy...

...Or as happy as she could be anyway.

[sweatandwoe]

hello! ^u^

request for a terzo love confession fluff w/ gn reader, just need to feel smth lol

ty sm!! :D

I know you said fluff so there'll be a touch of that here, but I got an idea

Terzo x GN!Reader, Love Confession, Slight Angst, Fluff, Very very slight hint of Omega x Reader x Terzo

-

He needs to confess. It is not a want anymore, it is a need. The longing in his chest is becoming overwhelming, to the point he finds himself drifting into a gloomy state whenever he passes by your room.

Terzo is a man of passion. He never has a plan - he tends to just go with his heart, then his gut, and sometimes his head chimes in when he may be doing something far too stupid. Maybe that was why you hadn't spoken to him in the past week.

He can hear his head chiming in now, that the clergy will have his head for this. But he honestly doesn't care. The third Papa needs to tell you he loves you. Face to face.

The ghouls will help, they're already waiting outside your room. He knows they have probably lingered for some time now, guarding your door the moment he started to feel the need to confess. They always were aware when he was about to do something stupid.

He hopes you don't mind it. That you won't be too angry with him.

Your room is cold. Dark. Which wasn't a surprise, when he sees you laying on top of the plush bed. Flowers surround your head, and petals decorate the length of your body. There's a small shine from the glass coffin lid that keeps you fresh and contained.

He was glad he denied the burial to happen, a point of contention between himself and Imperator. You look like a fairytale in the coffin. Painted lips, a beautiful black robe covering your body. Your hands folded over your waist like you could've just been sleeping. If he flicks his gaze over you fast enough, he can almost pretend like there's a movement.

Almost.

Terzo is a man of action, and the ghouls help him. Drawing the runes in blood, guiding him in action. Omega watches over your corpse with such care, and Terzo knows how much the ghoul misses you as well. His clawed hands rest on your coffin, and he rests a gloved hand on top of the ghoul's hand, giving it a light squeeze before they're both ushered away to light more candles, or draw more runes.

The lid is removed and Terzo speaks words he knows he was forbidden to say. Similar ones he helped curse Nihil with, with his brothers so long ago.

But you'll last far longer than a song.

After it's all stated, he sits in silence for minutes. It's terrible. His chest aches, the longer he watches you remain still. Not a single twitch. And then -

You're gasping for air. Your eyes are so wide, blinking hard from the lights. He can't even imagine how dry your eyes feel now, and you're gazing around near blindly. There's a wildness to you that hadn't been present in life, but he moves his hand over to hold your own and you begin to calm.

"Terzo?" Your voice is rough, and he shushes you, gently. Leaning down to kiss your forehead and he holds your hand tightly.

"Don't speak, amore." He smiles at your wide eyes, and he moves to kiss your cheeks next too. Joy fills his chest, and he can't help but kiss everywhere he can right now, covering your face. Omega is the one who manages to pull him back when you start to feel overwhelmed. "Apologies, tesoro."

"Terzo... I-"

"I know." He holds your cheek, smiling down at you, quieting you again with a soft tone. Your voice sounds so rough, he doesn't think you should speak even though he wants to hear your voice. "And you're back now. It will never happen again. Not while I am here."

The ghouls surround the coffin. A protective barrier, as though the clergy would burst through at any moment. But they wouldn't know the spell had been performed until your living form left this room.

You sink into the coffin bed and glance at him. The fear is slowly leaving your eyes, and he holds your gaze. He will never let anything take you away again. Terzo will put his foot down, you will accompany him on tour if you must. Or he will threaten to retire-

Mist conjures up water, and helps you drink while Terzo keeps a close eye, Omega hovering behind him. Once you've drunk your fill, you look far more lively. A tension still resides in your shoulders.

"Why did you bring me back?" It's a whisper, but now it's one of shock, laced with worry, but at its core, he knows what it is - fear. "Terzo, they'll do worse than they did to me, to you, for this. You can't-"

"I have." He says it firmly because it is already done. There was no going back now. "I love you, tesoro. I couldn't stand to live without you." Leaning forward, he presses his forehead to your own. "The clergy can strip me of my Papacy. I don't care. I do not need to follow their rules to worship the Dark Lord. We can run away together, we can-"

You silence him, by touching his hand. Your fingers are warm now, and he never thought he'd relish so much into that. "I love you too."

His heart is full. He meets your eyes before you share one more kiss, before you whisper his name in question once more. "Yes, amore?"

You lean close to him and whisper, "Get me out of this fucking coffin, please."

With a laugh, he helps scoop you up. Putting you on your feet, but looping his arm around to steady you.

No matter what happens, Terzo doesn't think he could ever regret doing this.

Even if it does cost him everything.

[lazzarella]

Back again with my Wandee Goodday weekly rambling! I will say that, while I'm still adoring it, the editing is starting to feel weird? Like, I know there's not a cut and an uncut version but sometimes it feels like it.

But! I'm also the kind of person who can nitpick something I love to death, so I'm not going to do that because I'm trying to ~ac-cen-tchu-ate the positive as Mr Mercer wrote. And, like, I'm just here to see two beautiful idiots fall in love XD Anyway! Here we go:

- Dee going straight for the necklace! XD

- HAND HOLDING SHOT!!! Will never get enough of those!

- Love that they don't talk >:) (No, really, I'm not being sarcastic lol I love it haha)

- Aww, I want to know what the souvenir is!!

- Love their apologies! I especially love that he said he'd have let Yak beat Ter up if he wasn't a doctor 🤣

- Seriously, though, his apology made sense! I'm totally extrapolating(?) here but I almost feel like he didn't know why he acted the way he did in the moment

- Okay, kissing only once is silly 🤣 but I'm here for silly! And he did say Yak has to learn to wait, which must mean he does plan on kissing him again. At some point. I can just FEEL Kao's long suffering BFF senses tingling however many apartments away haha

- (I weirdly love being frustrated by shows I love??? Just me??)

- Awww! Love the scene with Yak and Yei <33

- Dee didn't feed him?? Tut tut, doctor! Not taking proper care of your boxer guy

- "Let's pound" uh, sure... But right in front of everyone? 🤣

- Lmaooooo, Cher! I love him! Telling Dee the necklace suits him better haha. I love the way that he and Yei have just accepted Dee into the fold and omg they don't know it's "fake" do they??? I would love to see their reactions

- I loved the whole som tam scene

- Hm. I guess Taem *does* like Yak then? Not really keen on that, but I'll just go wherever the show takes me, IDC

- Yak getting horny watching the others get oil massages lmao love that they used that 'o yeah' sound bite

- (actually, there's a bit in one of the songs that sounds like part of O Yeah by Yello)

- but he got his oil massage!! Dee is doing a thorough job

- Ahhh, Yak asking Yei about the consequences of him losing the fight!!! He looks so young there D: and I'm glad Dee asked some stuff, too!

- Okay, but what is UP with the Nazgûl dude???

- Dee knows Yak's lying!!

- ...wait, how does Dee know about the hallucinations to tell Kao? (Is it really a hallucination when you're asleep? Is that not just a dream? I'm guessing this is a translation thing though) Like, I can infer Yak told him at some point, but it feels like a weird choice to not show that. Whatever, I'm not going to think too hard about it

- Boo, Ter!!

- "No because I must bring my special someone" is the best response to Kwan asking if Dee was asking Ter out! Lmaooo (I paraphrased a bit I think)

- Okay, it's so funny that Dee knows Yak is his special someone and that's why he's asking him, and he's happy to let Kwan and Ter and whoever assume that, but he won't tell Yak 🤣

- "Just one more time" ??? One more time for what? Maybe I should stop watching this when it drops because I'm always half asleep by then lol

- Whatever Yak says about it would be nice to have someone cook for him every day and Dee's desperate 'oh pleeeease let it be meeeee' kinda look lol

- Costume time!!! They looked soooo good in the first ones (I don't know if they're specific characters or just traditional)

- I love how grandma describes dancing but I didn't note it down. Oops! It was lovely, though! And very true—you have to be in sync with your dance partner and you have to give and take equally, otherwise it's not going to work and you may hurt yourself or the other person

- Lmao, they're still pretending! So silly after the kiss and I LOVE IT! XD this is what happens when you don't talk. Please keep it up! lolll

- Tbh, I think Dee's equally afraid if he tells Yak how he feels he'll disappear now (he probably has abandonment issues, I get it! He said that thing about presents making him feel like he hadn't been forgotten about a child, so yeah...)

- Product placement time! There hasn't been much though

- Ooh, they're gonna get married :D

- Aww, that was a really sweet proposal!

- Thor is so much bigger than Fluke... Just needed to make a note of that lol

- More product placement!

- Dee! How are you going to feed your boxer man every day when you only have neatly arranged cartons of soy milk and a bowl of apples in your fridge??

- YAY ANOTHER HAIR DRYING SCENE!!! But this time with a hairdryer!!

- I knew Taem would be the reason Yak wasn't at the ball in the previews!

- gee, there aren't many people at the ball

- FUCK. OFF. TER!!

- Yak is going to rock up at the very last second...

- ngl, I thought Taem was into Ohm as well!

- Just say no, Dee! Just say no!

- I mean, that's a pretty good speech, pity who it's coming from lol

- Phew! He pushed him away! I knew he would, but still

- Yesssss! I actually fist pumped at Dee telling Ter he wouldn't be a good dance partner and that HE'S TOO VANILLA bahahahaha

- He was very gracious about it, too, which makes it even better

- Ooh, Ter's crying! Tbh, I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't a manipulative jerk XD he cries pretty, though

- Poor Dr Kwan!

- Dee waiting for Yak is breaking my heart!! Come onnnnn, Yak!

- YES!!! THERE HE IS! Cinderelly, you shall go to the ball! (IDK...)

- "My prince!" (x 2) Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! MY HEART!

- This is the most awkward dance routine lmao I kinda love it

- Ooh! Slow dance time!

- I THINK I LOVE YOU!

- (So what am I so afraid of, I'm afraid that there's no cure for, a love that I'm not sure of... Uh, ahem, where was I?)

- I think my whole heart leapt into my throat!! That was NOT what I was expecting at all and ahhhhhhhhh it was perfect! And Dee's happy little face!!!!! He's so amazed and happy and ahhhhh I don't want to wait seven days to see what happens next!!

-Also was that a new sing playing in that scene or something that already exists? Kinda sounded like Inn singing but idk

- Okay, but I am SO here for Yak trying to woo Dee next week lol like, he so doesn't have to, but I would definitely want to let the handsome man woo me for a little while too XD

- (I bet when Dee says enough and Yak's little face drops, it's going to be when he says the thing about loving Yak for who he is maybe, but IDK, I could be very wrong)

- Anyway. I THINK I LOVE YOU! Yesssss! Yak was so brave!! <333

[buccini555]

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 — 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢

✦𓈒 𓆇 While Ran was busy, you took his phone to look at something random and ended up finding romantic messages from other people...

✦𓈒 𓆇 x m a l e r e a d e r !

✦𓈒 𓆇 𝑭𝒕. Ran Haitani

It was already late when Ran finally arrived home, even so, despite your exhaustion, you remained anxiously waiting for him, when you finally heard the door open, you went to welcome him as usual and then you went up to the room together.

"Wait until I take a shower, hmm? Could you tell Rindou that I'm already home?" The taller man entered the bathroom and handed you his phone, then you went to do what he asked you to do.

Sending the message to Rindou, you noticed some notifications, but you just ignored it all when some heart emojis caught your attention.

"We should see each other more often, my love!" That was all it said, even though you trusted Ran and thought invading his privacy was a terrible idea, you opened those messages and it really was the worst thing you did.

Trying to hold back your tears with each of Ran's words, you just waited for him to get out of the shower, which didn't take long.

"Finally! My day was extremely tiring- what are you still doing with my cell phone?" He immediately changed his mood when he realized he was discovered, still silent, you just looked at him with the biggest disappointment in your eyes.

"Was it nice to spend the day with him too?" You questioned in a single teasing tone, noticing Ran's mask falling.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He pretended to be surprised and questioned in a subtle tone of voice.

"You've always been a good actor, haven't you?" Still ironizing the situation, you questioned him again.

"...I'm not going to sit here and listen to some stupid kid's complaints." Ran said as he dressed in a hurry, he definitely didn't even care about the seriousness of his actions.

"Complaints? How did you have the nerve to betray me? I would never do that to you!" Tired of holding back your tears, you just spoke, making clear all the pain you were feeling.

"I needed to have fun! I just wanted to have fun, okay?" For a moment, Ran stopped what he was doing, looking at you with a look of superiority and saying that he just wanted to have fun.

"Having fun throwing our relationship in the trash? How much consideration you have for us!" Looking directly at him, you replied, with a trembling voice and still trying to deal with the crying that insisted on continuing.

"Shut the fuck up, you're so fucking annoying." Ran shouted before snatching his phone from his hand, making you feel scared of his reactions.

Amid solutions and tears, you could only realize that Ran wanted to blame such betrayal on you. "...You behave as if this is all my fault."

"If you were enough for me, I wouldn't look for fun out there."

"Alright then, go away and have a great time!" You laughed, still watching Ran mock all of your pain.

Seeing who Ran really was, in that moment you just accepted that he had become the worst kind of person he could be.

"Thank you for letting me go, now I don't have to hide anything from you anymore, right?" Finishing getting ready, he continued to ignore you, Ran didn't seem to care about the fact that he was discovered.

"No, of course not, you remain free since our relationship meant nothing to you." Once again, you responded to Ran's taunts.

"Don't talk that shit, man." That's all he said, Ran definitely thought you wouldn't break up with him or something, but, you just ended it that night.

The last thing Haitani heard from you was just goodbye.

"Go away Ran..."

When he realized that you were really firm in your decision, Ran left, leaving you with only the pain of having been betrayed by the one you loved most.

[lorata]

Speaking of the evil witch Gloria, how long was D homeless for? (I know she basically kicked him out in August but I don't remember when the Centre found out) Also Eibhlin would definitely resort to violence if she ever found out about what happened, but, did she ever find out? (Wait now that I think about it, that was probably included in his file right) Did you ever write out Lyme's initial reaction to his file? Like what stood out and made her go "this one, this right here is mine"? (Sorry about the amount of questions!)

he was homeless for just under 6 months? she kicked him out in August and he was picked up sometime in winter

I feel like Eibhlin would have found out eventually, probably when inquiring (tactfully) about Claudius' respiratory issues as he's the only one in the VV with chronic bronchitis. and he's like oh yeah yeah that goes back to when I was homeless as a kid, shit sucked

(eibhlin: kill bill sirens)

re: the last question, I DID write that for a prompt meme uhhhhh *checks math* sweet mercy, 10 years ago

I did not clean this up or anything but have a deep cut.

FIC BELOW:

Mentors tended to be a superstitious bunch; when dealing with the death of a tribute year after year after year, sometimes it was easier to pretend that at least some of it was up to a higher power that only needed to be appeased by wearing certain shoes, or not washing socks, or using a particular headset. Lyme never bothered with any of that; to her it felt more like courting bad luck, the exact opposite of the intention. What happened if that lucky mug broke, if something interrupted the prescribed routine?

No. Sitting and watching her kids die was bad enough without adding additional blame on herself because she didn't follow a particular ritual. Brutus didn't do it either -- no room for the supernatural when there were rules -- and the two of them let the others keep their habits. Everyone pretended not to notice anyway, and while Lyme didn't approve exactly, she still knew not to touch the coffee cup with the cracked handle if Chaff had a tribute last the bloodbath, and if she did a food run she only ever brought Wiress orange vegetables.

But Lyme wasn't completely immune, no matter how much she tried. Rather than enforced habits and catering to the capricious whim of luck, Lyme believed in something else: that tributes and mentors were meant to be, and that the spark of recognition should come soon, and strong.

It made mentoring harder than she'd like -- Brutus puts that kind of thought away until after he has a victor to look after, no point in going for mysticism when it just means that four times out of five they're destined for death -- but Lyme can't help it. Years and years ago, back when she first picked up a weapon in the training centre, Lyme felt her connection with swords like a jolt of lightning straight down her spine. Picking a tribute had that same moment of connection, of feeling right.

Other people, people with facile thoughts who didn't have to help children do their best not to die every year, might call it like falling in love at first sight. In a way it was, only so much more important than love; Lyme had never been in love, never wished for it and would be happy if it never afflicted her, but her tributes -- that mattered. Even if she only had them for a month or less.

The 67th Games are up next, and Lyme puts her name in for the boys. She loves Misha and would never take any of that back, but her first victor excepted, Lyme has always connected better with the boys, the angrier the better. She doesn't bother asking why; let the mentor analysts try to dredge up her psychological profile, but Lyme doesn't care. If ever a girl catches her fancy she'll take it, but the math favours the boys. Brutus and Nero take most of the girls anyway; Lyme does wonder, when she lets her mind go down that road, whether cross-sex mentoring is a kind of penance, since in order for them to stand here in the victors' box another Two got shipped home in a box of their own.

Teyla, the Head Trainer, hands Lyme the stack of files for the short list. "Here," she says. "We have a couple of strong candidates this year."

She doesn't tell Lyme which; they never do, preferring to see if the mentor's instinct lines up with the Centre testing. It usually does, though on occasion there have been surprises. Lyme picks up the first file -- a large, handsome boy named Raymon -- and flips through it. Good scores, of course, and his photos show him alternating between a winning smile and the typical Career scowl of intimidation. Lyme taps her finger against the table, then sets the file aside.

The next one's name is Linder, and Lyme pauses longer on this one -- he's meaner than Raymon, who uses size rather than meanness, and he nearly got cut for excessive violence in his field exam, gutting his final target and spreading the insides out over the grass -- and moves him up into the maybe pile before going on to the next.

The next file is three times the size of Linder's, and Lyme's eyebrows skyrocket. Teyla chuckles at her expression. "Yeah, we have a lot on this one. See what you think."

Lyme flips open the cover, glancing at the name -- Claudius, a good name, solid and Two without being on the nose -- and she leafs through to the photos before skidding to a stop. She sucks in a breath against the sudden ache in her chest, like she stopped a punch from Brutus with nothing more than her torso.

"Ah," Teyla says quietly. "I wondered if you'd pick him."

The seven-year-old who stares out at her from the page is ugly, as Centre children go; there's a note that says he doesn't pass the looks requirement but shows enough determination to allow for an exception at this stage. He has a sharp, crooked nose and dark grey eyes, and his expression is defiant and challenging, chin raised. But there's something in his eyes, a desperation that pinches them at the corners and shakes the hard line of his mouth, and Lyme recognizes it because she saw it on her own face, over twenty years ago.

This is not a boy who showed up to the Centre for the promise of good food and rough play, or who had the choice of attending or being expelled from school, or who wanted the status so he could brag to his friends about having the bracelet around his wrist. This is a boy who saw the Centre as a lifeline, and who, if they didn't take him, would have drowned.

Lyme swallows and turns the page. As the years pass he doesn't get any prettier -- worse, even, as the awkward stage of puberty takes what baby fat he had in his cheeks and makes him lean and almost rat-faced before his teenage years fill him out -- and the desperation doesn't fade. Each year it blazes out of him so fiercely Lyme almost expects it to radiate off the page like physical heat. He knows why he's here, what he needs to do, and he is going to do it.

If his scores weren't impressive then he wouldn't be on the list at all, but even so, Lyme's eyebrows creep back up her forehead. Top of his class in everything from weapons to endurance to media training, and he only has three kills to his name because the trainers didn't need to see any more. Even Lyme had four, their memories burned into her wrist in circles of scarlet ink.

In his hallucination test, when the trainers pumped him full of tracker jacker venom to see what they could dredge from the depths of his psyche, Claudius saw himself alone, unwanted. Lyme lets out a long breath and places her hands flat down on the table.

"What's the rest of it?" she asks, indicating the giant stack of pages.

"Just go through it," Teyla says, and Lyme gives her a look before moving on.

Foster records. Lyme hisses -- Two's system might not be the best but it's better than most, and almost all the kids placed into homes by the Centre are happy with their families -- because Claudius' file shows him bounced from home to home in unprecedented numbers. The foster families didn't want him; the group homes didn't want him. Each file is filled with complaints, of violence, jealousy, bouts of rage.

The final note is a form granting Claudius dispensation to live in the Centre dorms -- in Residential, with the fourteens and over -- from the age of seven. Lyme turns the paper over, stares at it and rereads it five times because that can't be right. No one has ever been given leave to stay in the dorms early, except for this boy. He grew up in the thick of it, surrounded by kids who'd taken their first kill -- when most kids his age were still getting used to playing dodgeball and not getting in trouble for breaking noses.

"He had massive behavioural issues," Teyla says, and Lyme reads through his psychological evaluations ever year and sees the same thing. "One of the neediest candidates we've had. We tried sending him home several times, giving him the chance to leave, but he wouldn't take it. He begged to stay, for us to let him volunteer."

Lyme frowns. "What happened to make him latch so hard?"

Teyla rifles through the pages and hands Lyme an incident report, then watches her carefully and nods as Lyme hisses in a sharp breath and grits her teeth. Allegations of abuse against his birth mother, including emotional cruelty and physical abandonment; she left him on the streets when he was seven, and the Centre didn't find out for almost six months. Since then, the file notes, Claudius developed a strong mother complex, drawn to female trainers who had children at home, though it didn't stop him from achieving a high pass on his first kill, a woman specifically chosen because she'd had children.

It's been a decade and a half since Lyme last saw her father, and her memories of him have faded to a dull sludge of discomfort and vague, swirling nausea in the back of her mind, but she remembers the feeling. How it felt to be a kid whose parents didn't love her, who learned to defend herself because she had to, and who turned to the one place that wouldn't punish her for turning into the only person she could in order to survive.

Lyme has already made up her mind, but she keeps going. There's a supplemental file marked for hers and the Head Trainer's eyes only, and Lyme hesitates for a moment before opening it. It's a sheaf of papers from his schools, starting from the year Claudius entered the Program and going on until he left at the age of thirteen, and Lyme can't remember the last time any candidate's file included anything other than academics.

She gets it as soon as she opens it to the first page, a 100-word essay entitled "My Favourite Victor".

My favourite Victor is Lyme, Claudius wrote in his large, childish handwriting, and he misspelled several words and mixed up letters like d and b fairly consistently, but Lyme reads on. I saw her Games last year. That's when I knew I wanted to be a Victor. Lyme isn't pretty but she's smart. Most other Victors are pretty but I like her because she's not. Because I'm not and people make fun of me but she's not and no one makes fun of her. So if Lyme can be a Victor and be not pretty then I can be not pretty and do great things too. I want to win the Hunger Games and then we can be friends and no one will hurt me ever again.

"There's more," Teyla says, and Lyme turns over the pages and sees that Claudius wrote about her for every essay he could get away with it. She's his favourite Victor, his role model, his hero, his vote for most influential person from District Two. There are crayon drawings of the two of them together, and Lyme recognizes herself even as a stick figure, hair cropped and arm muscles bulging.

By the end of the file Lyme is shaking, and she pushes it away and takes several long breaths. Her first instinct is to say no, to choose Raymon and be done with it because there have been supply delays and a handful of small uprisings all over Panem in the wake of Johanna Mason's victory and that means this year will be different. There's been no word but there's always something, a nastier Arena or an unusual twist, when the Capitol wants to send a message, and Lyme doesn't want to send this kid -- this desperate, broken boy who latched on to the Victors' Village as the only place that would ever love him -- to his death. He thinks he knows what he's doing, but like all of them, he has no idea.

Except. Except there's record of a conversation he had with one of the trainers, where he said that if they cut him he would kill himself because he had nothing else to live for. Lyme could still say no, and the Centre has this on file which means he'd be sent to an asylum on suicide watch until they could deprogram him, but even the thought of it burns in her like a swipe from a poisoned blade.

She can't say no. Not to those eyes, angry and desperate and doing their best to hide the dark flash of hope and greed. Not to this boy, who by all rights should have been trampled years ago but who still stands there, top of his class, and demands that the world pay attention.

"I want him," Lyme says, and she's surprised -- except not -- that her voice rasps hoarse in her throat.

"He'll be a challenge," Teyla says. "His looks alone will limit the kind of role he's able to play, regardless of what the Games require."

"I don't care. He's mine."

Teyla's mouth twitches up in a hint of a smile, and she nods. "I'll put you on the list for his mentor and tell the trainers. The decision will go out next month, but we'll keep the mentors from him until just before the Reaping. I'm not confident in his emotional state if he knows he's getting you."

Lyme nods. She signs the paperwork without recalling much of what she's doing, and when she leaves she has to fight the urge to run back inside, grab Claudius and pull him out, take him back to the Village with her, Games be damned. She doesn't; instead she scrawls her signature across the bottom of the page that signs his death warrant.

His eyes stick with her, burning in the back of her mind, long after she leaves the Centre and the gates of the Victors' Village close behind her.

[halleyuhm]

Manuscript search tag game!

I was tagged by @oh-no-another-idea to find the following words in my WIPs: chocolate, eavesdropping, grief, gay, and super. Beware of little spoilers!

I'm tagging @e-klair @faeveries @rosellemoon and anyone who'd like to participate! This is such a fun tag game, so the more, the merrier. Tag me so I can read your excerpts!

Your words are oblivious, whimsical, queen, mess, and, in honor of the Ides of March, stab.

Here are mine :)

Chocolate, Lunática (rough translation from Spanish)

Cold sweat still drops down my neck, even colder than the snow melting on my skin, but I'm able to breathe again, and the colors have recovered their brightness. Tiaré's hands haven't left my knees. She only takes them off to clean my tears away. The loving touch rips a sob out of me. "I'm sorry. For the panic attack in the middle of nowhere." "For what?" She lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Honestly, Lex, this is the last thing you should be apologizing for. What about having us both out here in the middle of a snowstorm? Or the whole wolf drama and the lies? That's a good starting point if you want forgiveness. Oh, and the bitchy move of taking out your hearing aids so you couldn't hear me complaining? Doesn't that deserve an apology? Or an explanation for that time you were gone four d—" "I get it! Can I invite you to a hot chocolate next weekend and explain? Because it's too long of a story to tell when we are minutes away from dying."

Evaesdropping, By the stars foretold

"You were following me the whole time!?" Ruby's wrath sends a shiver down Zak's back. A rush of primordial power envelops her aura, even if her erratic hand movements betray she's not aware of the energy coursing through her veins. Zak takes a step back. The unpredictable nature of the Fæ is dangerous by itself, but Ruby has no magical knowledge nor, even worse, does she know what she's capable of. "Calm down, Resha" he whispers, holding his hands up even though he would much rather punch her unconscious. "A fight in the Academy will get me expelled and you killed." "I don't care! Nothing is worse than knowing you saw—" She sucks air between her teeth, swaying back and forth with the dragon dagger dancing in her fingers. "Was it fun, Zak? Was it fun eavesdropping on the poor boy with no legs and his desperate sister? Was it like one of your books? Or was the story so boring you will burn it to the ground as you do with everything else?"

Grief, Route LXVI

Her face is rounder than the last time I saw her and, although dark bags rim her long eyelashes, her irises sparkle with joyful hues of golden in green. There's remorse, sadness, something that resembles deep grief when she looks at me. But there's also that glimmer of hope, and that's what sinks my stomach into the abyss.

Gay, Route LXVI

"Okay, and what about...?" Gray leaves the question hanging for such an awkward amount of time I believe he wants me to finish it for him. I grab a lock of hair to braid it but realize I can't do it with just one hand, and I hold the sheets to control the trembles instead. "What about the videos?" I suggest. "No, I don't think they deserve much attention. Whatever you do in your free time is your choice, you know? I'm more worried about..." "Gray, please, you are making me nervous." "Your feelings," he blurts out. "For me." "Oh." I pinch the bridge of my nose to hold in a burning headache. "Okay, that was the most horrible lie ever. I thought it would be ideal if we fell in love with each other because that would add up to my perfect persona. So I pretended I liked you... It's so embarrassing. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable." "It's okay," Gray almost sings when he reassures me. "I was anxious about having to reject you." I gasp and place my hand on my chest as if I was offended. "Would you reject this gorgeous, honest-to-goodness human being? I'm shocked you are—" "Gay," he laughs. "I'm gay. But I would have said 'no' either way because I'm not into blondies." Maeve bends in two and drops the phone, choking on laughter.

Super.

Apparently, I haven't written this word in any of my WIPs except for an unpublished Attack on Titan fanfic, so there you have a bit of angst ._.

"I don't have a damn clue," she says. And when Reiner doesn't reply, she continues."At first, I thought I was right because I was searching for freedom. Such a noble quest! And when I realized you were also searching for freedom but from another perspective, I held to the thought that maybe my way was the best one. But I guess there's a point where boundaries get blurry and right and wrong mix up. And there's no time to try and discern something precise and simple in that mess. Probably what you're looking for doesn't even exist." "So what do you fight for?" She sadly smiles. "To protect those I love. Isn't that enough? You don't have to be a superhero: there are so many things worth fighting for with your bare fists. You can't see it because you are deep in a dark hole, but there's so much love in the world shining for you, waiting for you."

Thanks! That's all for now 💜

[canarydarity]

hiii i don't know if you're still doin that writer ask game, but!! i have ask!! for you!!

22 and/or 27 :D

Yes !! Yes hello am still doing !!! hi friend :)

22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

and in a completely unshocking turn of events, the answer to this question is team rancher <3. I actually think that I have written the highest volume of fic about team rancher out of,,,any other pairing I've written for perhaps. Which is insane to think about. I think they beat out the pairing from my fixation before this by like one </3.

But really I do love writing them so so much,,, they plague my mind (affectionate)

((and also scar. that was not the question and no one asked but I am at all times in a constant state of "i miss writing gtws" even if i am currently writing gtws. yes i love writing desert duo but scar is the star of the show <3))

27.  Favourite line/scene

Oh man this was hard,, I both had nothing I wanted to choose and too much I wanted to choose,, but I picked these small few paragraphs from the small limited life session 1 ficlet that I wrote!

“Cause…we’re the bad boys and we were gonna set up here.” Jimmy finished awkwardly, trying to sound firm and falling flat; the phrase came off like it was said by a kid who was threatening you with a toy sword yet still acting like he could use it to deal you some good damage. 

Tango raised an eyebrow; it took him only a second later to realize that he was smiling (he wondered when that had started). Bad boys, huh? One guess as to where that name came from—but Tango couldn’t let his gaze stray from Jimmy to lay eyes on Joel; he heard him and Etho bickering in the background, but it breached not a thought in Tango’s mind. 

He wanted to laugh, or—no, he wanted to play scared; he wanted to double over and fake being in pain like anyone should do when pretend stabbed by a kid playing with things he couldn’t understand.

I really really liked the "kid threatening you with a pretend sword" metaphor, so much so that I was kind of upset it was just in this little ficlet because I wanted to be able to do more with it elsewhere (and still might). Something about Jimmy trying to be assertive, the rest of ties laughing, Tango privately wanting to play along,,,

And... one more <3 Cause I meant it when I said I miss writing Scar

A cornered animal was a dead animal; when Scar heard that phrase for the first time, still infected with the literal nature of children, he’d imagined an actual corner. Two walls on perpendicular paths, collusion course already set. He’d pictured the animal, cowering, and the predator, towering, and the fear of that image permeated straight through his mind and made a home deep somewhere inside of him. 

He’d learned later on that wasn’t even the correct phrasing—it was actually two phrases wrongly mashed together. A wounded animal was a dead animal, and corner an animal in a dead-end, and it will turn around and bite. 

By that time, it was too late; the sentiment had already stuck. The anxiety didn’t care that the phrase it was founded in had been wrong (no, that would’ve been too rational). It knew only fester, grow, latch onto whatever was to be found and then die—and to die was to decay, and to decay was to poison further; this would repeat uncontested—and, to Scar, unawares—until a corner was, as he thought, the worst place to be.

This intro to the pond fic is just truly one of my favorite scar monologues that I've written ever

Thank you for the ask !! long response,, I got a little carried away </3 thank you thank you :)

ask game

[mangodestroyer]

I've discovered the atrocity that is the movie script Crowley and... wow. What an awful character. I mean, he's just straight-up abusive toward Aziraphale. He cheats in every game of checkers against him because... he's a demon and he just does that ig. He calls him stupid and says he should die because of it. And then he says that he never cared about him and that they were never really friends.

Like, remember how Crowley literally pleaded for Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars and then later got very upset when he thought Azi died? Yeah... movie script Crowley just wanted to go alone and leave Aziraphale behind cause he never cared for him and just wants to watch the world burn because I guess he hates the world too.

What made him save the world in the end? Azi cheated in a game of checkers. Wow... what a compelling character arc! /s

So yeah, idk how any of that makes any sense. I mean, maybe Crowley just wanted Azi to become more like himself because he sure seems to be an abusive d*ck with a huge ego in this version. I really don't know. I still don't get how that would be enough to compel him to save the world.

Also, Aziraphale hardly has any personality in this other than, "I'm a good guy and spontaneously do something bad at the end to surprise my demon friend!" And then he says that, deep down, Crowley is actually a kind demon. What!?

I thought that maybe people were overreacting when they talked about this script, but no, it's actually just that bad. Imo, Crowley himself is what really ruined it. I actually feel offended for book/show Crowley over this characterization of himself. Script Crowley is just straight-up disgusting and has no redeeming qualities.

Sorry for the rant. I really like Crowley as a character and seeing him act like this is kind of upsetting. I'd like to believe that the Crowley we know and love gave this a-hole what he really deserved. The Crowley I know would dish out a pretty hefty punishment for those who mess with his angel. Crowley, please rescue script Aziraphale from this abusive relationship.

Thank God this dumpster fire of a movie was never given a chance. Normally, I don't like it when people complain about OOC because people have different interpretations of characters and whatnot. But this is just... not Crowley at all. There's not even a semblance of him in this... psychopathic husk of a character.

Oh, and I think it goes without saying that making Crowley a psychopath, or whatever he is here, really defeats the purpose of his character. Like, yeah. Crowley is not fucking perfect, okay? He is flawed and makes mistakes and obviously seems to have some issues. But he's still not a bad person. To the contrary! He's just doing his best for the person he loves. His heart is in the right place. He just made some mistakes to end up falling and has to pretend to be evil to not get in trouble with hell. He still makes it pretty clear that he cares deeply for Aziraphale. More than anything in the universe. Point is, he's a demon. He's not supposed to be like this. But he is. Even if he won't admit it.

But making him an actual, 100% demon who can never be redeemed? We literally just got rid of an entire character arc. Tossed it out the window. Who wants interesting stories with complicated characters anyway?

Idk if there's supposed to be more to Aziraphale btw. People seem to focus more on Crowley. From what I've seen, Aziraphale is kind of just bland when you aren't feeling bad for him. He just does good until he does one bad thing that somehow impressed Crowley, ig. Where's that intelligent, brave angel who sometimes has his sassy moments despite having an understandable fear of his superiors in Heaven? You know, the one who charmed a jaded snake demon because he's a clever bastard who defied God to help out the humans? I'm not seeing this with script Aziraphale at all.

Okay, I need to stop.

[jariktig]

fun q; 1, 3, 6, 9, 13 ,23 ,33

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

(a) Being encouraged to be myself, and to know what I wanted to be (my mum still has a copy of The Female Eunuch that she annotated when I was very small with "What I have always wanted for [my nickname] is that she should know who she wants to be", and my parents lived up to that. As did the various educational establishments I went to, and my first boss. And that freedom and the security and confidence it brings has made a massive difference to me.

(b) Being held accountable for my failings, and learning to put them right - again, in all sorts of contexts. One does not learn and grow without that, and there are some memories from my primary school days that still sting and still direct me because the head teacher there was so good at doing it... as are the people I live with now.

(c) Caring for Offspring, and trying to be there in the right way for them, in some very uncharted waters.

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

I've got nowt, sorry. I'm not very cinematically inclined...

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

Best: that whole "these are my people" feeling, and the joy of being able to make the world happier, a bit. And I love the way fandom people leverage their skills for charity.

Worst: there's never enough time, is there?

9. tell a story about your childhood

When I was ten or so, we spent a year in China (my dad was teaching at a uni there), and at the end we travelled back via the Trans-Siberian railway to Moscow and then on to Finland. And on the train there was a boy of about the same age and my brother and I played D&D with him. (There is only so much of Siberia you can look at out of a train window, certainly when you are 11). And I got into a certain amount of trouble because Gervase (not his real name, but it might as well have been) ruled as DM that I could only play a female character if I gave her a charisma of 18. In response to which I hit him, and told him and my brother both that it was my game, and I would be DM-ing from here on out, or we weren't playing at all. After which his mum spoke to mine, and mine spoke to me about not resorting to unnecessary violence even in defence of important principles, and I spent the next two weeks reading Gormenghast and Midnight's Children on repeat while my brother and Gervase played some board game, because I had gone through my own books and was reduced to stealing my parents'.

13. what are you doing right now?

Aside from answering these questions? Defrosting the freezer, and doing some betaing.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

I really don't have anything, again - there have been plenty of people who annoyed me, and a few whom I have very strongly disliked, but I don't think there has ever been anyone I hated in the sense that I couldn't see something worth having about them, or that I wanted to hurt. Among the strong dislikes - I once had a team member who was outright unpleasant to the newer/younger/more junior members of the team, and when called on it would pretend that he'd meant it all in jest. He was also quite hard to get to prioritise the things I wanted done rather than the ones he wanted to do. But on the other hand he did all sorts of good things for charity, and was perfectly personable outside that work context. It was just that he was so terribly difficult for the whole of the team, and ate up such a lot of my work time with managing him.

33. any hobbies? On and off - cooking, sewing, jewellery-making, playing the flute, and all the fandom stuff ofc. And bridge, and crosswords.

[foggyparadisecandy]

[Trauma dumping - scroll on by if you are looking for horny stuff]

I know, I know ... another one. I'm just purging it out as fast as I can. Catharsis in a public blog. Why not?

This one in particular is written for my ex-partner even though I know she won't read it. I just have to play pretend to feel remotely good about things.

Hey D - I want to start off and say that I love you, I care about you, and I forgive you for anything and everything. Please remember that you can always reach back out to me.

Yeah, what you did was pretty shitty tbh. But ... it's ok. I mean ... yeah ... do better. Good people do shitty things on occasion and IDK.

Maybe I'm way off base but everything points to a horrible trauma response. I could be wrong. I don't think so though.

Either way, who gives a shit at this point. I forgive you and the point of this letter is to ask that you don't use your treatment of me or us to beat yourself up.

It hurt. It still hurts. It probably will hurt for awhile but I'm going to come back stronger than I was before so, in the end, it will be a net positive for me. Except for losing you. That ... really ... is awful tbh.

I've told you how much you brightened my life in other letters so I'm moving past that one here. Let's talk about me for a moment and where I'm at and where I'm heading so you can feel like "hey ... Foggy is going to be ok ... I didn't permanently harm him and it seems like he's actually doing well."

And let's really quiet that subconscious that makes you want to feel bad - at least on this particular issue. It's all going to be better than fine for me in the end. I know that and you should feel ok about me.

I've made a lot of new friends who have been very kind and accommodating to my pain. You know I'm a curious dude and it's been very interesting to hear so many stories from other people. Love it.

I've reconnected with some old friends - online and in RL. I've got a pretty full social calendar these days which is a first in ... a loooong time. Pretty ironic considering how much I was always telling you to build connections and my own were thin.

I've started working out. It's only been 7 weeks and I'm doing pretty freaking good tbh. I started doing pushups and planks every time I thought of you but ... that got exhausting fast ... you are always on my mind lol. So I cut back to 30 minutes per day.

I've had it out with my wife about everything. Well ... not exactly everything but most things. I'm not sure where that goes but I know I don't want to go back to a boring status quo situation. You opened my eyes to a new way to exist and I want more, not less. It'll be ok either way - I know that for sure.

I've lost 8 pounds in 7 weeks. This one isn't really a blessing lol. I couldn't eat or hold food down for the first five weeks. Only really started eating again recently. But it is what it is. I wasn't heavy at all but I'm happier thinner so ... a win?

I've ... mostly ... started to be able to sleep through the nights again. For the longest time, the most I could sleep was 3 or 4 hours then wake and could not drift back off. I still ... am struggling ... a bit. Woke up the other morning at 4 am crying. That wasn't fun. But it's rare lately and I'm guessing will be gone soon enough. Not sure if this is a win or if it's me just feeling sorry for myself. I'm guessing the latter but I'm leaving it in here because it *is* better than it was early on so it's progress.

I've started therapy to figure out why I chase after helping others (mostly women) to fill the sad little hole in my soul. Actually ... I already know why. You know all the shit with my mom and ... yeah ... I'm working on it. Trying to get healthy for the first time since I was a ten year old kid. Kind of silly that it took you breaking up with me for me to figure this stuff out. It is really breaking me down to realize my life since ten has been so fucked up with trauma. Can you imagine not clearing your trauma away for that long? Can you imagine that? I hope not. Did you get that hint? I hope so.

I've refocused on work for the first time in a decade. I've set some huge fucking goals. I want to hit it big and I've given my team through the end of next year. I'm going to do it and then I'm going to fuck off from work and shift my priorities to something else - something more fulfilling. It's still to early but I want to take some of those self-improvement things we did together and do something with them for others. I'm using them on myself so I can see how they work and where they need to be fine-tuned. We'll see how it all goes.

I'm trying to figure out what makes me genuinely happy. All of my belief systems have been shattered tbh. I ... don't know yet if that's bad or good or just is what it is. I don't know anything atm about love or happiness or fulfillment or ... anything. I'm still more than a bit lost. You untethered me from everything I knew about myself. I'm not saying this is a bad thing ... I'm saying ... I don't know what comes next. Knowing me, it's going to be fucking great and better than it was. I've always been pretty good at solving problems and making great things happen for myself and those around me (as you know).

I'm doing my best to be kind to myself. I am not sure when the last time I was kind to myself was. I honestly can't remember when I've had a decent thing to say about myself. It's always been "do better" "be better" stuff. I'm working on it as fast as I can. Beating yourself up is an awful way to live. Not sure why I need your splitting on me to figure that out.

I have realized ... despite everything ... I am a good and decent and kind person. I lost sight of that for a hot minute there. I'm not perfect. Hah. Nope. But I do the best I can and I am quick to take steps to change up when I know I've fucked up. But yeah ... I'm good and decent and kind. I know those things now better than I ever have.

And ... you are good too. I know it deep down in my soul.

I see it in you. You are not your father. Far from it.

And you didn't permanently hurt me here. Lots of good will come from this. Believe it. Thank you for everything.

And I believe good things will happen for you. I have full faith in you.

I am no longer in a position to tell you what to do but ... please work on your trauma. For your own sake. And find a new path in life. I know you feel like your current job is your life but ... that job will bring you nothing but misery and sorrow and trauma and damage.

You deserve better. You know that. Deep down, you know everything we shared showed you a different path.

You deserve far better.

You might need to go through some pain to get on a new path but I know who you are. I know you are a fighter and know how to get shit done. You can and will do it. Start planning. Start doing.

And legit ... I'm still here and willing to boost you along in life.

I've always wanted one thing: to see you reach your full potential. It's amazing. The world is waiting to see it.

One final thing that I have discovered and honestly I feel really good about this one - even if you never reach out again:

I love you sincerely and wish nothing but the best.

[m5ria]

Chapter 21: The Memory

“Yo, Ophelia! What's the deal, my girl?

Been waitin' here, my mind in a whirl.

Spill it, daughter, put my mind at ease,

A father's love, you know it won't freeze.”

I stare at the pig-looking demon in what's supposed to be elegant, ruined regal attire. I realize I’m on stage, with lots of eyes expecting my next line, but I completely broke.

“Don’t just stand there, daughter!

You might just look like an otter!”

My eyes search frantically for anyone, anything to save me. Besides the Polonius actor and the stage, everything is entirely black.

“I ... Do you doubt that?”

The first fucking line of fucking Ophelia.

The other demon looks at me perplexed for a split of a second before he chuckles. Some of the audience join him too.

“If I’d have doubted your humanity,

I’d hafta doubt your mother’s too!”

This is not at all the Hamlet I read. This is exactly what Mimzy said: a mix between Hell’s Hamlet and improvisation.

As I’ve come to this conclusion, I finally spot the screen with lines, somewhere behind the curtains on the opposite side of the stage. The best way I can read the lines and pretend to speak to the other characters.

All great and well, except... the part of acting out.

I narrow my eyes and clear my throat:

“D-daddy, sorry for makin' you wait sooo long,

Got lost in love, it - it all went wrong.

But here I am, uhm..., ready to spill the tea,

About what's been messin' with me.”

Yikes... That was awful.

I glance sideways at the completely silent audience. A lump in my throat threatens to make me spill all of my guts. I try to prevent my hands from constant trembling.

I hear someone approaching from behind and, when I turn around, I see another demon. I believe he’s playing my brother, Laertes.

“Oh, my darling sis with curls,

Always with the head in the clouds,

Love plights and all kinds of doubts,

Ever thinking of the great next fucks!”

I stand there, looking dumbly at the demon, forgetting everything. I’m wholly, utterly lost.

The actor who plays my father saves me once again:

“You dipshit, son of a witch,

Don’t just call ya sis a bitch!”

The change in words snaps me to reality. I almost burst out laughing, right there, either from stress or ridicule.

“Listen up, my children, I got some advice to share,

Laertes, you're off to France, so beware.

Ophelia, keep your heart locked, don't let it roam,

No time for love games, focus on your zone.”

Laertes pumps his chest in smugness:

“Dad, ease up, I know the drill, I'm well aware,

Off to France I go, a journey without a care.

But love is my prerogative, it's my own beat,

I'll find passion, adventure, make my life complete.”

And with that, Laertes evades.

Polonius turns to me and speaks:

“Ophelia, my girl, y’know I got your back,

Just tell me what's up, no need to hold back.

In this crazy world, I'm here to protect,

Speak your heart, we'll reconnect.”

“Da-ddy, eros led me down a crazy road,

Hamlet's arms, my ... cunt he once hold.

But his ardor turned to madness, a hot mess,

Left me needy, under duress.”

“Ophelia, my daughter, I warned you clear,

'Bout lust’s twisty paths, my dear.

Ardor can be a treacherous tide,

But we must navigate with strength by our side.

If Hamlet's passion has faltered, it's his own loss,

Find solace within, no matter the cost.”

“But, Daddy, my tits still yearn for his affection,

I'm torn between loyalty and self-protection.

Should I confront him, seek answers so unclear,

Or let him drift away, my core’s deepest fear?”

“My child, tread carefully in this fragile game,

Protect your virtue, don't let it burst into flame.

Observe his actions, listen to his words,

Time will reveal what's genuine or absurd.”

“I'll heed your counsel, Daddy, with a still-wet cunt,

To let go of craving is a painful art!

But in this chaos, I'll find strength anew,

And embrace the path that leads to what is true.”

After my last word, the curtains close torturously slow. I stand there, in my obedience pose, until I can’t see any light anymore.

☽

The rest of the play goes surprisingly better than I would have imagined. Ophelia doesn’t speak too much and she’s not in too many scenes. With each change of lines, I grow accustomed to her character, even if she’s way hornier than in the original play. I shy away, lower my head in subordination, and even blush a little (even if I have to pinch my cheeks in secret).

Who knew playing a totally different person than yourself could be manageable?

Sooner than I'd expected, Ophelia’s last scene means my last push of acting. I inhale calmingly while the succubi demonesses change my outfit into a white revealing dress. I don’t get why Ophelia’s body is so exposed right before her death, and I am utterly uncomfortable, but I manage to keep my mouth shut.

However, when Mimzy comes to see me (again), I barely hold my mass of questions when she declares: “Right, so, after ya last lines, ya hafta go at the back of the stage, where ya willow tree and pond will wait fer ya.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Everyone wants to see Ophelia kill herself,” she rolls her eyes, as if it was obvious. “So, ya’ll act fer the next scene as well, but in the background.”

Of course. What have I expected?

“Alright,” I sigh exhausted. “What do I have to do?”

“Ya’ll hafta climb the tree and hum like a crazy woman and then let yaself fall in the water. Ya’ll hafta stay underwater until the curtains close.”

“WHAT?” I scare the demonesses. “What the fuck am I supposed to do in the water?”

“Definitely not breathe,” she mentions. “It needs to look like ya died.”

“Let me rephrase,” I barely hold my anger. “You mean to tell me that I have to just stay like dead underwater for God knows how long?”

“Duh.” She looks annoyed, as if I’m the absurd one.

“How am I not going to end up dead anyway?” I try to reason with her.

“Ya’ll hafta choose ya moments right,” she shrugs, as if it was a simple answer. “But try to stay at least one minute, would ya? Some folks here like to see others more miserable than themselves.”

“So,” I conclude, pressing my fingers on my eyelids, “you mean to tell me that I have to fall at the right time, so that I stay one minute underwater? When will I know when’s the right time? I don’t even know the next scene!”

“Ah, ya’ll figure it out!” she gestures with her gloved palm.

Growling, I almost launch at her, but the other demonesses hold me by the strings of my corset in place. She walks away as if it's a sunny day.

Nice... My freedom doesn’t even matter anymore.

☽

Ophelia is all alone on the stage. This time, I speak to the audience as if nothing’s there. I listen with open ears to the succubi demoness who whispers my lines.

“Oh, the weight that presses upon my soul,

A tangled web of emotions takes its toll.

My mind, once clear, now drowned in despair,

As madness grips me, unaware.”

My eyes have adapted to the powerful light. I search the audience for familiar faces.

“Hamlet, my dear, where has your love gone?

What has transpired, what has gone wrong?

His words, once tender, now sharp as a knife,

A stranger's gaze, devoid of love or life.”

At last, I glimpse the all-red appearance of Alastor. I can’t figure out his facial expression, but I know he pays close attention to any of my slips.

“I am but a flower, with petals torn asunder,

Lost in the chaos, my soul left to wander.”

Next to him is Angel, recording the whole thing on his phone. I make a mental note to steal it.

“My father gone, my heart in disarray,

I'm adrift in a sea of shadows, led astray.”

Cherri is all smiley, laughing at something Angel has said. It almost makes me forget to listen to the next lines:

“Oh... uh... cruel fate, why have you dealt me this blow?

To strip away love, and let despair grow.

But I shall gather strength, rise from this fall,

Find a path where hope stands tall.”

Right then, I hear an unexpected sound and turn around. Behind me, the crew staff moved the willow tree and what’s supposed to be a pond, but it’s an aquarium. Right, so they can all see me drown.

I’ve missed the lines the demoness whispered, so she does it again. With false determination, I declare:

“For in this turmoil, I'll seek my own way,

Navigate the darkness, find the light of day.

Ophelia, once fragile, now resilient and strong,

I'll rewrite my story, where I truly belong.”

With no other words from the demoness, I realize this is my cue to retreat. Only that I don’t go behind the scenes. I climb the steps to the ground level of the pond.

In the meantime, the other characters enter the scene. I don’t spare them any glance and mind my own business, humming an unnamed song.

I look at the willow tree, which is much taller than it should be. The closest branch is three meters in height. However, it doesn’t look like it can hold my weight, so I aim for the next one... four meters in height.

I take my time, trying to stall as much as possible. I manage to climb the tree as gracefully as I can and reach the branch, still singing.

I spend a couple of minutes pretending to connect with the tree, caressing its trunk or praying, until my ears catch the sound of a voice meant for me. I glance behind the curtains, where Mimzy frantically gestures to me. She wants me to jump. Now.

I breathe long and look down. Only to freeze like a statue.

Only now I’ve realized how high I actually am. The water looks like a rock under me.

My claws dig in the branch. I can’t let myself deliberately fall. I just ... can’t.

Mimzy’s feverish gesticulation and irritated voice rival the hammering heart inside my chest. I breathe quickly, not seeming to catch enough air in my lungs.

I can’t. I can’t fall again.

But I have to. I have to fall, or I’ll ruin everything.

With slow, hard motions, I make myself position to jump.

“Not like that, you stupid cow!” I hear Mimzy. “You want to die! Let yaself fall on the back!”

And hit the water with my back? I might lose my senses for several minutes.

Does it matter how I fall, though?

So, I lean back and let go.

☽

Only when I don’t feel anything around me, do I see the night sky above me. Earth’s night sky.

And I didn’t fall from a tree. I fell from a cliff.

When I hit the end, I don’t feel any pain. Instead, something truly bizarre happens. I start floating, soaring toward the cliff’s edge, ever so slowly. Back to safety.

When my feet connect with the earth, a couple of hands touch my shoulders. As my body bends into a vertical position, the pressure in them increases. My head gradually turns to the one who seems to save me from plunging again to death.

When I finally recognize him, my face drops.

It's him! Cedric! My first love. The one who betrayed me; used me; manipulated me.

He withdraws his hands and starts mouthing things, but I can’t hear him. He’s at first mad, but then his green eyes soften. He smiles welcomingly. I don’t know what to make of any of this.

Then, he starts walking backward. Only that it is not the usual way. It’s ... mechanical.

I don’t get to see where he comes from, as my body turns around without my command. I stare at the forest below, all of it in shades of gray in the moonlight.

I look right below me. Similarly to how airwaves glitch, there’s the image of my broken body, shaking in clarity. Blood flows from me in a single narrow streak like a spring.

My body, once again, veers around without my permission, and I get to see Cedric again, now walking normally toward me. He smiles and talks warmly, until something on his face changes. He’s angry.

Then, he pushes me. And I fall again.

☽

I inhale hard as I reach the surface. I swallow two mouthfuls of water, but other than that, I’m fine. I swim to the edge of the aquarium and exit. Only when I am completely out of the water, do I realize where I am.

I pivot in dread, but there are only the red curtains. No actors on stage.

“Finally!” an impatient voice speaks from under me. “I thought we hafta move the whole thing with ya in it.”

Mimzy gestures to crew members to wait. I climb down the stairs, suddenly very aware of how cold it is outside.

“I gotta say, tho,” she keeps on. “That was the most believable acting of yours.”

I try to say a sarcastic Thank you, but I end up coughing water.

“Or was it acting?”

I stare at her, trembling.

“Right,” she fills the silence. “Bitches! Change her!”

Fortunately for me, my last appearances imply me being unmoving.

While the other actors move me in my coffin, I play over and over, behind my closed eyelids, what I’ve just remembered.

My ex-boyfriend killed me.

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