#(he's been known to be able to devour a Crispy McBacon in less than five minutes. Nile timed him.)

[regina-del-cielo]

Reading Nicky go "what do you mean I am supposed to do cassoulet with olive oil instead of goose fat as the Recipe Dictates?!?" on The Script™️ has strongly re-affirmed my headcanon that Nicky has One (1) Personal Enemy in this modern society:

Diet culture in general, and specifically "fat-free", "light" variations of recipes.

I think we've all come across them at some point. Those recipes where the food is originally meant to be fried, but the "modern" version says to bake it in the oven because "it's healthier". "Sugar-free" drinks or candies (as if they didn't put sweeteners in them anyway). Frying with vegetable oil instead of butter or lard. Using oil instead of butter in shortcrust pastries (it's a recent trend. My mother is Appalled™️ by this one). "Fat-free" cheeses, "fat-free" butter!!!

Don't get him fucking started on margarine.

Listen, the man is from Liguria, he loves olive oil. He has no problems believing that unsaturated fats are better for cardiovascular health, and that eating too much of a thing isn't good in general.

But. If the recipe says "butter", butter it will be. Why should it be wrong anyway? It's good! It's filling! It warms you up! It gives you nourishment!

The post about potatoes having a lot of calories being the whole point of potatoes? That's Nicky's food thesis right there.

Every time Nicky sees a magazine with publicized "miracolous diets" he breaks out in hives.

"Why are all these people obsessed with calories? Why does everyone want to lose weight so bad? Look at this monthly menu, Yusuf. This is miserable. We've eaten army rations that were better than this! And for what? Just to wear skinnier clothes for two months?"

"In this one you're supposed to substitute dinner with a tisane for a week!! This is starvation!!!! And what the fuck is a detox tisane anyway?!?"

"Look at this" *holds up a butter brand* "it says, 'now with 45% less fat'. This is butter, amore. They're taking fat out of butter! It would be like making canned tuna without tuna. É ridicolo, non ha alcun senso!"

Can he do anything about it? Absolutely not. Does he have more urgent things to worry about in his life? Of course he does, and it's not like it occupies his mind 24/7.

Do you think he loses any occasion to buy en masse as many copies of Cosmopolitan and Men's Health as he can get his hands on, and ritually burn them in the backyard of whichever safehouse they're staying in at the moment? HELL TO THE NO.

(And he's not going to budge on tradition, when he's cooking for leisure, comfort and Special Occasions, thank you very much)