#(my brain isn't cooperating on threads at the moment)

[justashadetalkative]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME?: Gossy

(Picrew by Lunevani, found here. Thanks Swid!)

PRONOUNS?: Any non-neopronoun (he/she/they/it)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION?: Discord for any sort of involved conversation! Replies & tumblr messenger are both fine for short-form stuff, though.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: Diamond for the most part; he comes naturally.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: I started roleplaying on online forums ~15 years ago, but I started doing DnD with my parents and pass-a-word-document-back-and-forth style rp with some IRL friends ~18 years ago.

BEST EXPERIENCE?: I don't really tend to think in terms of Grand Moments! I think that overall I've had a pretty good experience just, In General with rp. Exceptions have happened, but they've been mild and manageable.

RP PET PEEVES?: Lack of (positive) ooc communication is the main one that comes to mind. I want this to feel like something we're doing collaboratively, with good will and for the sake of having fun. I do also get disheartened if the initiation of interactions (e.g. ask sending, thread notions) isn't at least sometimes mutual, but that’s like... I don’t expect balance or anything; folk have varying levels of energy and anxiety and idea flow, and that’s natural! I just feel more comfortable with at least the occasional indication of reciprocal interest.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: Angst and fluff are both good! I'd theoretically be open to smut on Discord with the right characters & situation, but I've never actually written it.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: Definitely plots; I am so, so bad at improv, so it's kind of hard for me to respond to ic-memes a lot of the time. ^_^; That said, even when they're a challenge for me I do still like memes! They're a nice way to get new ideas flowing, and I like sending them.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: Long and medium are best. Kind of like with plotting vs. memes, I do best when I have context to build from, and single-paragraph or shorter can start to be more difficult for me to work with.

TIME TO WRITE?: Fffff. Whenever I 1) have time, and 2) can convince my brain to cooperate. It's intermittent, sadly.

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ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?

We're all very queer. :P

Otherwise, Diamond's been hanging out rent free in my head since I was literally 4, so. I think there's absolutely overlap there and that it's also just anchored too deep down for me to untangle or notice specifics. xD

My other muses do often take at least one or two ideas, feelings, or questions of mine and extrapolate those to extremes; see where they'd go if they were big enough and internalized enough to be personality-defining. Clemcy and the fear of death, the arrogant know-it-all tendencies. Ithadel and the deep fear of overstepping boundaries, the self-knowledge of being a wet blanket in social situations. Oscar and the genuine belief that the whole point of it all is for us to care for one another and the world itself.

Phosa and Linast are question-based; I think a lot of their character struggles have grown out of my musings on the sometimes-immense discrepancies between who one is in raw instinct vs. who one is when acting purposefully vs. who one wants to be, and the further difference between true internal desire 'want' vs. wistful thinking 'want'.

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tagged by: @archerwhiterp; thanks! :)

Tagging: @theovergrowth @needleandstory @desertfragments @writedisaster @oflostinfound @hearthtales @discipulusmaleficus

[martyrdove]

@openness — sender takes over while receiver is giving themselves stitches, promising to handle it. ( aqua to griffith. from here. )

being 'untouchable' creates a distance that's difficult to bridge. griffith always thought he liked it that way. her men found a sense of camaraderie in spitting blood and teeth together; they patched each other's wounds and it made them family. their lives became permanently entwined, while griffith watched from above; separate, an island. the distance made it easier - those people could die at any moment, attachments would only weigh him down. there wasn't time for that.

the white hawk didn't know how to bleed. it was rare, so rare, that anyone could land a hit on her, let alone draw blood - that they were unsure how to proceed. for a while, he'd just stared at it, watching the red bloom through the fabric of his sleeve. now, in the sanctity of her tent, they sat, needle in hand—traitorous, shaking hand—and tried to fix what was broken. wishing, just this once, that he hadn't created that distance. the needle wouldn't cooperate, which didn't seem right at all. griffith's hands were clever, those of a master swordsman and a scholar, but perhaps they just weren't equipped for this. maybe healing simply wasn't in his nature.

he didn't know exactly when aqua had approached, but when they looked up, she was there. gentle, and kind, and resolute as always, offering up her hands. dear, faithful aqua; ready to carry another burden, to ease griffith's suffering, so long as he allowed it.

there was trust, in handing over the needle, something that terrified griffith down to their core. to say - i trust you to see me broken and weak, and to think no less of me. i trust you to put me back together. it made them feel ill to imagine. but if anyone could the pieces back in the right place, of course it would be her. the most faithful, steadfast in her commitment to his cause. they could trust aqua, she told herself, but that couldn't calm the storm inside their brain. this doesn't make us equals, he wanted to say. this isn't weakness. but griffith said nothing, only offering a small smile - and the needle and thread.

he closed his eyes, refusing to see her expression, afraid of what it might show.

"thank you, aqua." they said, after some time. silence felt cruel, when she had been so gracious. "i'm afraid i was quite out of my depth there. it's not often i need to attend to wounds."

"you, however, seem to be quite adept at this." griffith thought aloud, trying to avoid screwing up her face in pain while aqua worked. anything to take his mind off of it. "surely there were others injured in the fray, weaker, and more vulnerable. why would you come to my aid, of all people?"

[blueeyedheizer]

All Over Again - Matt (part 4 - the end)

WARNINGS: amnesia, implied sex, super soft overall <3

A/N: it's finally here, the last part to this short story!! I really like this part although I had a bit of a hard time finishing it. It's a bit cliché but i'm happy with it. Also, thank you so much to everyone who still reads my Matt fics, I appreciate you guys so much <3 (PS: I know the transition from part 3 to part 4 is really sudden...I hope the timejump isn't too disappointing) Anyway, enough talking. Enjoy xx

•••

After two months, you are finally released from the hospital.

You weren't surprised to find out that you shared an apartment with Matt, and at this point you didn't mind at all. You felt comfortable around him and despite not remembering your old life with him, you were starting to feel strongly for him. He had been there for you since day one, he never gave up on you even though you still couldn't remember anything about him. You never thought it was possible for someone to ever love you this way but there he was, doing absolutely everything in his power to help you get through this, even when he knew things might never be the same again.

Matt opened the door and you walked in closely behind him, taking a look at your surroundings. The house was quite messy, but you couldn't blame him. His mind had been all over the place these past weeks and he had spent most of his time with you. Tidying around was really not his prioritiy.

Everything around you looked familiar. Somehow, you still remembered where most things were situated, and you had no trouble in finding each room, including yours and Matt's shared bedroom. And yet you had no real memory attached to it. You couldn't associate anything with it. You knew it was there, but the room itself was just like the rest; a blur.

---

Your first week home was mostly focused on resting. You were dying to go out and do something other than sit on a couch and watch TV but the doctor had said it would be better if you spent a few days home to let your bruises heal properly before envisaging going back to your normal everyday life. Matt was just as supporting as he was before, cancelling his plans to stay with you, hoping that you would remember something, just a fragment of your old life with him. But that was a long process, and even though you two were basically back to being a couple it was different. You loved him, but it was different. You loved the boy who visited you everyday at the hospital, not the boy that you had met at a gig almost a year ago now.

In order to train your brain, the doctor had recommended to regularly go through familiar things such as photos, videos and possessions. Considering the fact that you and Matt had a common passion for music and cinema, you decided to focus on this.

You were cuddled up against him, a blanket covering the both of you as the end credits of your favorite movie rolled on the screen.

"Why didn't you tell me he was going to die?" you sniffled, wiping a tear from your cheek while chuckling.

"Didn't want to ruin the experience"

"Well that would've spared me a heartbreak." you pouted. Matt chuckled, pressed a kiss to your forehead then stood to turn off the TV before settling back next to you, allowing you to cuddle up against him. A comfortable silence fell upon you both as he intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand every so often and running his thumb over your skin.

A few more minutes passed by and you glanced at the clock, sighing softly.

"I should probably get some sleep." you announced. Matt kissed the top of your head and you reluctantly pulled away from the warmth of his body.

"I still need to work on some things, I'll join you later."

"Alright."

"Good night, love"

"Good night." you smiled and pecked his cheek before making your way to your shared bedroom. You quickly changed into your night clothes and brushed your teeth before slipping under the covers.

You tried to close your eyes but your mind was racing with thoughts about everything and nothing. You just kept moving around on the bed, changing your position every two minutes, unable to find your usual comfort. You sighed heavily and rolled onto your back, hands crossed over your chest. However a small smile tugged on your lips when you heard the quiet sound of Matt's guitar as he worked on his song. It probably would have lulled you to sleep if your brain cooperated with your desire to sleep.

You spent another fifteen minutes or so just laying wide awake on your bed, waiting for sleep to eventually come. A few more minutes go by and you hear footsteps approaching before seeing the door open, Matt walking in seconds later.

"You're still awake?" he asked and you hummed in response.

"I can't sleep."

"I'm sorry, was it the guitar? I tried to be as quiet as I could—"

"No, it wasn't the guitar. I actually enjoyed it." you chuckled. "It's just me. I have a lot on my mind."

Matt stripped down to his underwear, put on a random shirt then slipped under the sheets, taking his spot next to you. He propped himself up on his arm so he could look at you.

"What's on your mind, love?" he wondered. You shrugged, looking down at your hand as your fingers drew small patterns on the sheets. Your face dropped a little bit.

"Everything." Matt brushed a strand of hair off your face as you spoke, tucking it behind your ear.

"Tell me everything then."

You stayed silent for a moment, knowing that the conversation you were about to start wasn't something easy to talk about on both sides. A few more seconds go by and you finally ask the question you were dying to know the answer of.

"Matt...— what were we arguing about?"

You didn’t miss the way his entire body froze at your words. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, detaching his gaze from yours. Then he shifted and sat back against the headboard of the bed, causing you to sit up as well.

With a heavy heart, he began to explain what happened. How it all started, how he snapped at you when you were just being rightfully worried about not having any news of him over two hours after he was supposed to be home. He was hardly holding back tears by the end of his explanation, and so were you. You couldn't help but feel a sting in your heart at the thought of him raising his voice at you.

"I'm not mad at you." you assured him in a small voice, seeing guilt written all over his face.

"You would be if you remembered. I almost got you killed."

"Don't say that."

"But it's the truth Y/N! If I had just kept my mouth shut and dealt with my anger alone then nothing of this would've happened. You wouldn't have had this accident and you wouldn't have lost your memory. I did this to you."

"And I could've just locked myself in our room instead of going for a drive in the middle of the night." you argued. "You're not responsible for any of this, Matt."

He didn't say anything after that, he just kept his head lowered and shook his head. You could see tears begin to fall down his cheeks. Pulling yourself closer to him, you placed your hand on his face, wanting him to look at you.

"Matt." when he still refused to look at you, you climbed over him so you could straddle his lap. "Matt, look at me." your hand came underneath his chin and brought his face up to meet your eyes. You moved your hand to cup his cheek, gently wiping away some tears while one escaped the corner of your eye. "This is not your fault." you whispered, leaning in to press your forehead against his, your hands moving to the back of his neck and gently scratching. "Okay? This is not your fault."

You stayed like this for a moment then you kissed him, pouring all your emotions into the kiss. Your hands found their way to his head, threading your fingers through his hair as your whimpered softly, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened, both your breathing gradually growing heavier.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he murmured against your lips after pulling away, understanding your intentions. Your thumb brushed softly over his bottom lip as you nodded, still slightly panting for air.

"Have we ever...?" you said and he nodded. You answered with a barely audible 'okay' before pressing your lips back against his. But this time he didn't kiss back.

"Y/N..."

"Do you not want to do it?" you asked as you pulled away, sounding disappointed.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I- I don't know, shouldn't we wait until you get your memory back? Are you actually ready for this?" he spoke hesitantly, and your face softened at his words.

"I don't want to wait for something that might not happen anytime soon." you said softly, brushing a strand of hair off his forehead. "And yes, I am ready."

He looked down sadly, his thumbs stroking your hips gently. Your forehead was resting against his as another tear rolled down your cheek.

"I love you..." you murmured, trying to fight back more of them. "Please don't give up on me now." that seemed to have startled him as he looked up at you almost immediately before cradling your head between his hands.

"I won't. I promise."

You nodded and closed the space between you, your lips meeting in a soft, passionate kiss. Your heartbeat was accelerating in your chest since this was new for you. It wasn't for the old version of yourself, but the new one had never been in such an intimate situation with him. You broke the kiss to pull his shirt over his head, discarding it to the side. You did the the same with yours before cupping his cheeks and kissing him again.

His lips eventually started moving down to your neck, pressing a trail of kisses there as you leaned your head back, giving him more access. His hands started roaming over your lower back and you shyly began to grind your hips, moaning softly.

---

"I love you too, you know." Matt said as you both laid on the bed, your head resting against his chest as his hand moved up and down your back soothingly. The silence of the room only highlighted how loud you had been moments before.

"I know." you smiled. Your hand travelled across his torso, absentmindedly caressing and drawing small patterns on his skin.

Tilting your head up a bit, you laid your eyes on a small framed picture of the two of you that was on his bedside table, one you hadn't seen yet. It looked quite recent. You propped yourself on your arm and reached for the picture, looking at it closely.

"That was the day I came back from London."

You turned to Matt, a genuine smile curving your lips.

"You've been to London?"

"Yeah." he smiled, his thumb caressing your shoulder. "One of our biggest gigs. 450 people, more or less. I'm not sure if they appreciated the music, but they were here." you both shared a quiet laugh and you shook your head, looking down at him before leaning in to kiss him softly.

"I'm sure they did."

You placed the picture back on the table and cuddled back against his chest, sighing in content. You quickly felt your body relax fully against his own, your breathing becoming even, steady, slow. With his fingers running through your hair soothingly you finally allowed sleep to take over, staying snuggled tightly against him.

---

The next morning you woke up to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Rolling onto your back, you stretched your arms and smiled at the thought of last night's events, remembering how caring Matt had been the entire time.

You eventually rolled out of bed and got dressed, pulling on a shirt of his along with your jeans.

Then you decided to rummage a bit through your stuff to train your brain like you had been told to do. You started with the books that were on the shelves; you let your fingers run along their spines, reading their names. Then you looked through Matt's records before picking one and placing it on to play. The Sun Always Shines On T.V. began playing and you smiled when the chorus came on, the lyrics easily coming back to your mind.

You continued your exploration around the room and opened up a jewelry box, taking out a small star shaped earring. Your lips pressed into a thin line and you frowned as you searched your mind, feeling a déjà vu.

And that's when it happened.

***

"Is that...is that an earring ?"

"Huh?"

You smiled and cupped his cheek, tilting his head to the side to take a proper look at the small moon shaped jewel. Then you tilted his head to the other side, noticing another one with a different shape; a small golden star.

"I like the moon one better." you smirked, leaning in to peck his lips.

***

"Matt..." you breathed out. Your eyes widened and you called him louder this time, breathing and heartbeat accelerating as you started crying.

After two more almost desperate, sobbed out calls of his name, Matt came running into the room, a terrified look on his face.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he rushed to your side and cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes were already puffy and red and your breathing was ragged as you cried, hot tears soaking your cheeks, heavy hiccups leaving the back of your throat. You didn't answer, instead you grabbed his face and crashed your lips against his, kissing him as deeply as you could.

Matt immediately understood what was going on and kissed back, his own eyes watering up quickly. You eventually had to pull away for air, your current state making it hard for you to breathe. You rested your forehead against his and played with his earring, unable to say anything.

You eventually let out a small laugh through your tears, smiling softly as you looked into his teary eyes. Then you kissed him again, pouring out all your love and gratitude into it as you held onto him, wanting this moment to last forever.

"I remember."