#(why don't I have a tag for self-indulgent unreadable rambles?)

[willidleaway]

Having worked through all of Class, the 2016 Whoniverse attempt at a sci-fi British Buffy, I can see why they haven’t renewed it. I mostly worked through it for Miss Quill’s scenery-chewing awesomeness and just being the lone beacon of sanity amongst the entire cast.

Ultimately, I’m not sure Class knew its audience very well, between the YA-ish school drama and the frankly horrific level of gore and violence (especially in the first two episodes, but it’s not like the gore completely goes away after that). Or I’m grossly underestimating the taste that modern youth have for gore and violence. I really don’t know.

One thing to be thankful for is that Class doesn’t seem to have operated on the assumption that it would be renewed, so many if not most of the threads got wrapped up within the first series. But on the flip side, it means the narrative got pretty compressed in those eight 45-minute episodes (of which two were a parallel set of stories taking place simultaneously, which is a charming idea on paper and actually worked rather well I think).

I also wish they did more with the Coal Hill setting—past the first two episodes, the actual school life of the students doesn’t seem to figure very heavily. (God’s sake, at some point we’re teased with the possibility of Quill having to navigate a parents’ evening, and we don’t even get that.) It kind of makes the whole thing feel even more like a sci-fi Hollyoaks rather than a sci-fi Buffy, really.

Oh, and one last quick spoilery thought on the finale:

Weeping Angels? Again?

For god’s sake, was having the Statue of Liberty taken over by the Angels not enough? Now you have a giant Weeping Angel prophesied to wreak havoc upon modern-day London?

I mean, the Shadow Kin weren’t terribly interesting villains and little more than an edgier Vashta Nerada with glowy eyes and scimitars, so it’d have been nice to then switch over to a recognisable Who villain. But I dunno, I'm just getting a little fatigued of the Angels.

[willidleaway]

Actually, thanks to the Japan Anniversary Association and the easy-to-use search tool on their website, I believe I’ve come up with some suitable alternate celebration programming for the really, really die-hard Japanophiles.

For example, 14 Feb is Car Insurance Day. Loose partial translation:

Established by the Tokio Marine Nichidou Fire Insurance Corporation. On 14 Feb 1914 (Taishou 3), the company, then the Tokio Marine Insurance Corporation, received the first sales authorisation for car insurance in Japan, with the idea that ‘every day with humans and cars should feel safe’.

Fun titbit: The same company recently became the first Japanese vehicle insurer to cover accidents involving self-driving cars.

More alternate observances after the break.

14 Mar: Aside from March being Life Insurance Review Month, 14 Mar specifically happens to be ... Seppuku Monaka Day.

It’s not actually as horrifying as it sounds. Mostly.

To pass down numerous things about the Chuushingura to many people, the Japanese sweets shop Shinshoudou (新正堂) opens in Shimbashi, Tokyo, which has the Seppuku Monaka amongst its goods.

It’s also Home Inspection Day, but honestly I think I’ve done enough talking about safety for now.

1 Apr: This is important, folks. Mark your calendars. Forget April Fools’. Forget Training Day (the Japanese anniversary, not the film). Forget Online Trade Day. Definitely forget Mobile Phone Strap Day. I hear you ask (because I’m delusional and am hearing voices in my head and also I’m almost entirely confident that I’ve made this joke before): what, then, could it be? Real Estate Appraisal Day? ＷＨＯＰＰＥＲ® Day? Day of Steel? No. All of those pale in importance compared to the major milestone in Japanese society—nay, in human history—that I’m about to reveal to you.

The first of April is the anniversary of the founding of the Japan Anniversary Association, in 1991.

I know, I too thought that it had been with us since the dawn of time. Or at least the dawn of Japan. One of those.

1 May: Coin Day. Get it? Because quasi-homophones!

Said to be one of the most important inventions of humanity, money has a history of nearly three thousand years.

Great! When’s Wheel Day? (Editor’s note—no such thing exists, but there is a Tyre Day on 8 Apr and an Okonomiyaki Day on 10 Oct. Since the tyre is vital to many modern wheels, and the okonomiyaki is also one of the most important inventions of humanity, I find both of these to be adequate substitutes.)

25 May: Well, you could celebrate Terminator Day, marking the day that the first movie premiered in Japanese cinemas. But frankly, doesn’t Bessho Line Day sound far more interesting to you? The Bessho Line is a small rail line connecting downtown Ueda to a hot springs area, and the date is actually taken from the Type 5250 trains (image via here) that used to operate on that line. Look at those tiny round windows!

4 Jul: Nanashii Day! Again: homophones!

What, you don’t know what Nanashii is? Well, that’s fine! It’s perfectly fine with the Toyomaru Industry Corporation of Nagoya, because—well, you see, the day is meant to promote the company’s Nanashii series of pachinko machines.

Yes, pachinko. The Japan Anniversary Association is perfectly fine assigning a day for pachinko PR.

Erm, look, I don’t actually know what kind of pachinko this is, but ... just give me a mulligan on that one, okay?

4 Jul, again: Repair Your PC Day!

Established by Shouin Corporation, based in Ichikawa, Chiba Prefecture, dealing in used PC sales and PC repair. The purpose is to disseminate the ideas of not throwing away and repairing broken objects. Notebook computer repair classes offered for all ages.

Well, until all OEMs follow Apple, who are obviously leading the way to just offering a block of circuitry coated in impenetrable solder. (Editor’s note—you can’t actually coat everything indiscriminately in solder and expect it to work properly. The figurative image stands.) Still, good work in the meantime.

7 Jul: Are you tired of people celebrating Tanabata on the wrong calendar? (I mean, some Tanabata festivals in Japan actually take place on the Gregorian 7/7 date rather than near the lunar 7/7 date, but what do they know about their own customs?) Well, you’re not short on alternatives, which include:

Calpis Day, in celebration of the Japanese soft drink first marketed on this day in 1919.

Moony’s Birthday, basically the fictional birthday of a fictional baby and therefore the doubly fictional birthday of a triply fictional ... teddy bear diaper mascot? Or nappy mascot. Whichever is less confusing to you. Seriously, though, look at that mascot’s profile—name, height, birth date and place, talents ... all that’s missing is blood type. But it does get more and more weirdly adorable as you look at it.

Bamboo Leaf Fish Cake Day, or, if you’re feeling less rote-translation-minded, Sasa-kamaboko Day. It’s grilled fish cake in the shape of bamboo leaves. Kind of cheating listing this separate from Tanabata, because the only reason this day is even on this date is because Tanabata and bamboo are heavily connected. In fact, you might say that a lot about Tanabata hangs on bamboo. Get it? Get ... I’ll get me coat.

Mary’s Summer Valentine Day. Erm. What? Eek, another holiday riding on the tailcoats of Tanabata. And this time, even more explicitly marketing-driven! Move along.

Two other marketing holidays tied to the romantic aspects of Tanabata—one that I literally cannot translate in any other way than Love Day or Day of Love, and, erm ... Love Soumen Day? Yes, there’s a love-themed brand of Japanese noodles. It looks disgusting. Probably actually decent noodles, though.

Ponytail Day, for which the Japan Anniversary Association isn’t even responsible. The Japan Ponytail Association (yes, that apparently existed) went rogue on them and just declared it all by themselves! Those maniacs! They blew it up! Even the twin-tail enthusiasts went through the JAA! This is most unorthodox!

oh god another pachinko-related day just skip it

And finally—Ultimate Day. Yes. You know what that means. ... no, not the End of Time Itself, actually—it means ultimate, the flying disc sport. You know, what some of you call ultimate frisbee. Most of you, probably. Kind of disappointing, really. Could really use an apocalypse this year.

31 Oct: well, Vegetable Day falls on the 31st of every month, but it’s obviously best when it’s facing off against Hallowe’en.

Established by the 5 A Day Association, which engages in food education activities and recommends that you eat five servings (350 g) of vegetables and 200 g of fruits each day.

No, vegetable-shaped sweets don’t count. Eat your greens.

Okay, but listing a monthly event is kind of cheating. Let’s try this again.

31 Oct, specifically: Tohsai Day. It’s literally just got a ceramics company’s name on it. Also, I can’t figure out how 陶彩 is supposed to be kind of sort of read as ten thirty-one.

Oh god, it’s supposed to be kind of sort of read as three-one. Oh and I can’t believe there is an alternate reading of 十 that sounds vaguely like 陶.

I can’t stand this. Go to a different one without homophone-play.

31 Oct, again: Izumo-zenzai Day. It’s red bean soup with mochi. It sounds delicious. It is delicious. I want a bowl now.

Oh, wait. Zen-za-i ... 1000 ... 3-1 ... oh god. I can’t avoid it. I just can’t.

Note to Japan: stop. You’re worse than the Anglosphere’s punniest.

5 Nov: Well, it’s apparently also Life Insurance Review Month in November. For the fifth of November specifically, we have Delicious Conger Eel Day.

Established by Matsuiizumi, a shop in Sakai, Osaka Prefecture, specialising in conger eels.

Remember, buy conger / This fifth of November / Gunpowder, treason and fish / I know of no reason / Why in any good season / You'd ditch such a yummy dish!

25 Dec: Pudding Day!

Established by Ohayou Dairy Corporation, based in Okayama, Okayama Prefecture, maker of milk, processed milk, milk beverages, yoghurt, and other dairy products. Designated because of its many popular pudding products.

Actually, as with Vegetable Day, it falls on the 25th of every month (yet again due to a convoluted pun that doesn’t remotely translate into English)—so no, nobody intentionally went up against Christmas here.

It’s actually the same story with Boxing Day, where Sunsweet of Japan established a Prune Day for the 26th of every month. Nobody designated anything specifically for the 25th or 26th of December. Kind of surprised, really, considering all the crowding around Gregorian Tanabata.

In conclusion: does anyone know of any other examples of these anniversary associations? I desperately want to search through to find out who’s paying these kinds of people all that money to get something on some calendar, somewhere, possibly, but in countries that are not Japan.