#* crossover — not the first time falling out of a pelican

[burekforsatoru]

the family business

chapter 1 of stardewnatural | read it on ao3 stardew valley/supernatural crossover sebastian/sunny (original character) nobody really has a car in pelican town. so it's a little strange when a '67 chevrolet impala appears parked at the bus stop. soon, farmer sunny meets two monster hunters sent on a mission to figure out the (more than the usually) weird things happening in this quaint town. wc: 2.2k tags: light violence, banter, some innuendo, sam and dean being sam and dean

friday, day 5 of fall

nobody really has a car in pelican town. at least that’s what sunny has thought until she walks past one on her daily walk into town.

the day starts like any other fall day until now. the very first friday of the season always begins with groaning while waking up at six and having a quick breakfast with her coffee, feeding the cats, giving them some attention before heading out to pick up any crops that were ready, emptying the kegs and grabbing everything she needed for the usual trip into the town square when…

there is a menacing, old black car that stays parked next to the broken-down bus just outside the tunnel leading to the desert. being somewhat late in her daily schedule, sunny doesn't stop to take a closer look, but faint voices can be heard as she keeps walking, stepping on crinkly leaves littering the path. “i’m telling you it's just in your head.”

“and i'm telling you there was a little… i don't know what it was but it was in the bush!”

“you need coffee.”

“i'm telling you there's something sketchy going on, sammy.”

certain she will find the owners of these voices later in town, probably in the saloon, she kewps walking, keeping herself as close as she can to her planned out schedule. but the oddity of unknown people sticks in her head.

“sorry, sorry, i got caught up with the canning,” sunny immediately starts explaining as she walks into pierre's store, balancing a big basket full of items on her hip, “here's the bok choy you wanted.”

she passes the ripe vegetable to the bespectacled shopkeeper in exchange for 120 gold that she pockets before quickly waving and disappearing through the door. 

“woah, easy there, farmer.” a surprised voice snaps her out of focus as she nearly collides with the body in front of her. she apologetically looks up and fixes the soft knitted beanie on her head.

“sorry, doc, in a rush this morning.”

looking at the watch on her left wrist, she notices the time. 9:10. shit, she was already supposed to be on her way up to the mountains.

“hey, doc, shouldn't you already be at the clinic?”

the town doctor stutteres, brushing his hair out of the way and fixing his brown framed glasses before rushing off into the store, muttering something about running out of coffee grounds.

sunny shrugs, fixes the basket on her arm, and starts towards the old community center, bracing herself for another collision with the world of supernatural beings living alongside them here in pelican town.

“hey did you see the car?”

a voice greets her at the door to the community center, the voice of, as of only a few days ago, her boyfriend, sebastian. his dark hair glints purple in the rare fall sun, and he wears a sweet smile – it’s nice seeing him finally in his element after so much summer heat. he approaches and pulls her into a hug, ignoring the fact that she’s awkwardly balancing a nearly full basket of stuff from the farm and the local mines. in fact, there is something in there for him as well.

“you saw it too?”

sunny responds as he slides his hand in hers, walking back to the town square with her since he knows her schedule for today. 

“sam heard it when he… anyway he called me all excited and yappy, wouldn’t shut up about it ‘cause he thought i’d wanna check it out. i mean, he was right.”

“looks cool, though, doesn't it?”

“what does?”

“the car, silly.”

“oh hell yeah, it's a beaut.”

she raises an eyebrow, but quickly shakes her head at his comment. of course he'd call a car beautiful, he’s somewhat obsessed with cool cars and motorbikes, having the latter himself. she remembers all the midnight rides on that motorcycle of his, the way he would speed up just to have her grip onto his waist tighter, the wind in their hair, the view when they would park and…

“you see who drove it?” his voice snaps her out of her head.

“huh? oh, the car?”

“earth to sunny, you awake?”

sebastian reaches out to poke her on the cheek, smirking as he does so. by the pep in his step it’s obvious that he’s getting genuinely excited to see the car, it iss certainly not an everyday occurrence to have new people and a new vehicle in town.

sunny murmurs something about being frazzled today, probably from having a late night planning for the stardew valley fair.

they make their way to the bus stop, murmuring good morning to a few people in passing.

“hey sunny, you got any pumpkins going?” abigail's voice carries through the window of her bedroom. sunny looks up to see her smiling face peeking through.

“oh, i've got a bunch planted for you!”

abby blows her a kiss and disappeared into her room again, leaving the pair to keep walking past the store, past the clinic (still open despite their only doctor being outside in the park), and to the bus stop where the broken down bus has been sitting unmoving for years.

sunny can almost feel the excitement radiate from him, he squeezes her hand a little more as they approach the car, half-hidden by the shadow of the tunnel. 

“yoba, look at that design…”

his voice is full of awe, he keeps going towards the car, offhandedly mentioning facts about the build of the car, about the sleek design, about the engine it must have…

and she can't keep my eyes off him. his eyes shine with fascination, with wonder at this machine in front of them. where she sees a cool vehicle, he sees the ingenuity, the remarkable angles. 

“...really wanna hear it”

she snaps out of the admiration to his words, realizing she's been clutching the basket a little tighter. barely has she had time to smile at him when an angry voice bellows from behind.

“hey! get away from the car!”both of them quickly step back, sebastian with his hands already up in a gesture of surrender. two men approach, one with short hair and a face full of rage, the other taller, long haired, and with a look of worry.

“we’re…” she pulls sebastian back a little, keeping him closer to her in case they go for him because he is closer to the car “so sorry, we didn’t touch it or anything we just… looked, it’s rare to…” she snaps her mouth shut and tilts her head to the side as the shorter, angrier man approaches the car as one would a lover, caressing it while checking for any dents or whatever else they could’ve done to it in the short time they’ve been near. sunny could’ve sworn he called it baby. 

“forgive my brother, he’s very…” the taller man looks at the brother in question and then back at them, clearly noticing their questioning expressions “ besotted with the car.”

sebastian raises an eyebrow at him and lookes at the man checking the car, letting out a little huh as if to say yeah no shit.

there is a weird pause, seb and sunny awkwardly observing the car caressing, and what seems to be loving whispering, while the taller brother’s eyes flit between his, clearly embarrassing, brother and them two.

“i’m sam. that’s my brother dean.” he takes a long step towards them, seriously, how tall is this guy , and holds out his hand. sebastian shakes it immediately, looking up at sam , who is nothing like their sam.

“sebastian. this is my girlfriend , sunny.” as she shifts the basket to shake sam’s hand, she notices sebastian’s hand suddenly find its usual place on her waist, tugging a little closer to him. she smirks at his action before looking towards the newcomer.

“sunny. sorry if this is rude but…” she eyes the other brother, dean, who finally stops touching up his precious car to join his brother in introducing himself and shaking hands, “what are you doing here exactly? the fair isn’t until the 16th.”

“the fair?” those are the first somewhat polite words directed at them by dean. he fixes his jacket and looks the pair over, as if estimating whether or not they’re from this earth or not. his eyes land on the basket in sunny’s hands, no doubt wondering why the hell she is carrying so much assorted stuff with her.

“the stardew valley fair?” sebastian sounds surprised that someone would venture into pelican town without the intention to attend one of the festivals. in his mind, there has been no other reason to be here… well, at least not until he and sunny got closer.

“sure, the fair.” the taller man sounds unconvinced, but the look in his eyes as he turns to his brother tells everyone involved to just drop it.

“we’re hunters,” dean explains, “you know, anything out of the ordinary, anything… strange, we hunt it and save people. it’s kind of a family business.”

strange and out of the ordinary. the family business . that description just about covers the entirety of pelican town. from the forest spirits to the town wizard living on the outskirts of the town. and sunny knows a thing or two about keeping a family business alive, not that anyone in said family can actually properly appreciate it.

“like slime hunters?” she blurts out, causing sebastian to snort in laughter. sam and dean look at each other in confusion and maybe a little offense.

“sl- slime hunters?” dean raises an eyebrow, looking like he is about to explain how he is more dangerous and serious than anything called a slime hunter could ever be. clearly he hasn’t encountered a slime before.

“yeah, the slimes in the mines?” she continues, ignoring the fact that sebastian tugs on her sleeve a little, leaning closer in warning.

“uh, sunny? i don’t think they know about the slimes…”

the silence is heavy. there’s heat climbing up into her cheeks, making her hear heart beats in her head. oh, she’s blabbed too much again. she turns her head to sebastian, but he just slides his hand into hers now, drawing little hearts with his thumb over her knuckles.

“okay so other than… slimes … did you two maybe notice something weird going on around here?” sam questions, earning a sigh from sunny and a light chuckle from sebastian.

“look, the weirdest thing in this town right now is you two.” unlike sunny’s awful overthinking about whether something she said would be taken as rude or condescending, sebastian has no filter. if he speaks to people in the first place, he doesn’t give a fuck about keeping them placated. “we don’t get many people just walking in and out unless it’s for festivals, and certainly not with awesome cars like that one.” he nods towards the black car, making both brothers follow his gaze as if to make sure it’s their car he was talking about.

sunny shifts the basket again as she clears her throat.

“look, if you hunt… weird things, maybe you could talk to marlon up at the adventurer’s guild or to rasmodius.”

“asmodeus?” dean looks alarmed at the mention of the wizard, but his misunderstanding of the name earns him a smack on the back of his head by sam.

“she said rasmodius, dean.” sam rolls his eyes briefly before continuing, “that’s the wizard, right? we were actually sent by a… friend of his. where could we find him?”

sebastian quickly explains how to get to the wizard’s tower, wondering how the hell they know this wizard’s friend.

sam and dean make their way towards the cindersap forest, throwing one last glance at the car as sebastian and sunny stand at a respectful distance from it, as if warned not to try anything funny.

“that was… weird, right? it’s not just me?” sunny’s question makes sebastian chuckle.

“as much as i’d love to say it was just you being weird, i have to admit they were…” he finishes the sentence simply by shaking his head a little.

in retaliation for his cheekiness she lifts their intertwined hands and bites his knuckles gently, making him nudge her with his shoulder.

“keep nudging me and i’m not giving you your gift.”

“gift?” he leans in and kisses her temple, melting her with his spontaneous signs of affection. “you’re gift enough for me.”

she looks up and saw that self-satisfied grin on his face he wears whenever he thinks he said something incredibly funny. after the initial reaction of just rolling her eyes, sunny pulls out a somewhat chipped piece of obsidian from the basket. seeing his eyes widen in excitement makes all the bruises and scratches from going into the mines worth it.

“wait, seriously? is that obsidian? oh man, you know it’s exactly what i’ve been looking for! i’m gonna see if i can shape it into a dagger!” with a smile he takes it from her hand wrapped into a cloth and puts it into his jean pocket.

the sweet gift earns her another kiss on the forehead and one directly on the lips, the one she never wants to pull away from.

[tiredlilguy]

been playing a lot of stardew valley in my free time and when i was first making the save file, i coincidentally named my character Yomi-

(jjk spoilers below)

and now i'm just imagining a crossover where when Nanami dies and all the chaos happens from Shibuya, at Nanami's funeral one of Yomi's butler's from his family household approaches him and gives him his grandpa's letter with the key to the farm

and then Yomi ends up deciding that this depressing life of getting rid of curses is becoming all too much + losing his most beloved and he decides to go to this farm in a small town in stardew valley

and upon cleaning up this farm and living that farm life (and being surprised at how weak most of the curses are in the area + being a little bit of pelican town's exorcist), eventually he just so happens to have his check up with dr. harvey and falls in love with him (of course he doesn't confess, but he spends most of his time when he's away from exorcising and tending to the farm with Harvey)

and then one day while Harvey comes for a short visit to the farm to visit the farm animals for the first time, he gets there a little too early and sees Yomi with his bandages off

Yomi doesn't happen to notice him and he hides behind the nearby barn while silently watching Yomi tend to the crops. Meanwhile, Harvey's watching how gentle Yomi is with his farm and how much car he puts into it and he feels himself crushing a little bit too...

couple minutes later, he waits for Yomi to go back inside his little cabin so he can knock on the door without making it awkward-

and then that night after Yomi show's Harvey around the farm, Yomi talks about his life in Tokyo: cursed spirits, exorcising, his family line, his friends and how he pretty much build the farm on help from Marnie and old books from the library because he didn't know that parsnips go out of season the second summer starts

Harvey is listening diligently, of course, and then after dinner, he tells Yomi to sit tight as he offers to wash the dishes and Yomi shyly agrees and nods before leaning his head in his hands...

a caretaker AND he's tired-

Yomi realizes his type is far too obvious-

[otomates-a]

@awastelandheart​ sent, 💚💜💛💟❤ --listen just give me anything heRE OK re : shipping meme!

💚 - friendship, 💜 - hateship / but can’t stay away, 💛 - hateship - actual enemies, 💟 - friends with benefits, ❤ - romantic relationship 

HAVE THOUGHTS CHOOSE A FLAVOR ANY FLAVOR KJNHKHJNM. there’s also crossover aesths in the farming simulator circle, my blog is a mess u could throw npc side character #56 at me and i’d tell u how that could go.

penny ➥ 💚 , 💟 , and/or ❤ — penny is definitely closed off but she’s also the most open in terms of what her relationship with someone can be. closed off and really isolated, even though it’s hard to break through her shell and make friends with her, once she IS friends with someone she has no trouble transitioning to a place of intimacy ?? so dynamics with her could be anything from a very physical / sexual friendship with benefits kind of thing, to a very chaste friendship / romance, to full on fairytale romance. she’s flexible and has really big dreams for what she wants. in terms of sebastian, they’d prob also get along pretty easily considering the Trauma(TM) aspect. penny wants to run away from pam and her abusive household, sebastian has dreams of escaping to the city, theoretically they could have very big Runaway TogetherTM² vibes. either way definitely think she’d at least end up close friends with sebastian if he exercised enough patience to break through her walls ... she’s very quiet and sensitive. she’s an abuse victim who, unlike alex, is currently trapped in said household with someone she’s terrified of and i just imagine sebastian would be kind enough despite both their mutual lack of skills with people to be delicate with her. good person, shitty situation, they both understand being in that position. side note she has big flower girl bookworm vibes so either which way you swing it interactions with seb and his edgy emo boi brand certainly = fun aesthetics ! priorities ! KJNMHKJNHM.

alex ➥ 💚 , and/or ❤  — alex is a hopeless romantic and he’s also extremely kindhearted despite the haughty / “knucklehead” persona he puts up. he’d never be the type to fall into a friends with benefits situation bc he takes love/romance ... so seriously, nor would he really be the hateship type. obviously he doesn’t hate sebastian anyways, there are maybe like three people in town he genuinely can’t stand and those are all extremes. alex is very much the cliche “first love” option, despite what appearances / reputation may make someone think, esp with sebastian since they’re on opposite ends of the “everyone makes stereotypical assumptions about us” pole lmao. he’s never experienced any form of romance / love, since he was dealing with his mother/father situation and the trauma that left behind that he had to heal from after moving in with george/evelyn. which means if he ends up catching feelings for a guy, he’ll be more surprised than anyone cuz he DOES NOT know that he isn’t straight 😂 both in terms of friendship & romance though, he’s extremely affectionate and honest. goes out of his way to reach out to people and is stubborn enough to keep TRYING even if it’s someone more closed off : ie sebastian. it’s impossible for women to fluster alex, but guys can do it extremely easily, so that’s a fun dynamic on either front ! KJNHMKJMN would 100% be stubborn enough to become determined to pursue sebastian as a friend let alone anything else. he’s the most honest with his feelings & will readily admit to them as soon as he notices them. once he realizes he likes someone either platonically or romantically he’s like a puppy & he WILL try his hardest to be noticed by them i’m crying ... he also has extremely healthy coping mechanisms after spending a lot of time working on himself, so when it comes to sebastian’s situation, he’s especially skilled at ?? just being there for people. helping them, where he can. etc.

haley ➥ 💚 , 💜 , 💛 , and/or ❤ — aside from friends with benefits (bc she’s actually really self conscious about rumors spread abt her during her high school glory days), haley could ... literally be anything, depending on how xyz went ... she’s complicated. at face value would absolutely give the impression of hating sebastian. she doesn’t even like the people in town who are actively chatty, let alone someone who barely leaves his room. but the reality of it is just that she feels lost / unheard by the people around her. no one takes her seriously, she’s like the town joke ... it’s more a matter of whether the two of them ended up forming some unlikely alliance probably based on their bitterness for certain aspects of pelican town and that leading to them eventually being more honest / chill with each other and actually getting to know more about the other. haley’s extremely lonely and has no confidence in herself. used to be the “hot cheerleader with a bright future” but her life ended after she was crowned prom queen and graduated. not because she doesn’t have things she wants to do, but because she doesn’t think she’s good enough to do them and her sister doesn’t support her at all. she feels useless, so she lashes out. theoretically could end up friends / with a romantic interest in sebastian if given time to get to know one-another, or could go in the complete opposite direction if neither of them give one-another a chance and end up with them being at each other’s throats all the time. Or could end up both and them wanting to strangle each other half the time but catching feelings the other half. WHO KNOWS WHERE ANYONE IS GONNA END UP WITH HALEY..............

[stone-man-warrior]

October 25, 2019: 1:01 pm:

Yesterday at about 5:00 pm I went outside to check my mail and go on a short walk.

I had not gone on a walk in the daylight for white a long time before yesterday.

That is another part of the Twitter shut down. They want me to go outside and take a walk so that the SDA and SA terror cells nearby here can have a chance to kill me.

TWITTER!

TUMBLR!

DO YOU HEAR ME?

YOU ASSHOLES!

Your plan backfired ROYALLY.

Dickheads.

Here is how it went down:

I went outside. There  is a listening device underneath my front porch. It was put there by terror soldiers at the Monroe Screen Actor Guild terror cell at 434 “MyStreet”. The listening device they tossed under my house has a TEN YEAR BATTERY that keeps it running in all weather, for a long, long, long time. The same kind of battery technology that is inside of all of the residential Smoke detectors in USA.

So, that listening device is connected to a trailer at the Monroe’s in their backyard, via Blu-Tooth or similar technology. They are able to bounce that signal from that location where ever on Earth they need it to go. That trailer causes me a great deal of grief.

So, every time I open my front door, the terror bastards at Monroe’s can here the door open and close. Even I  am sneaky, and try to stay quiet, they can still hear the sound of the wooden porch deck cracking and creaking. I also have a Blu-Tooth listening device inside of my jaw that was put there while having routine dental work done in 2011. I don’t have any privacy. recordings of my voice are made, edited, and distributed around to people, and in ways that suit Screen Actor Guild and SDA terror cells. I have absolutely no control of that installed, broadcasting microphone in my jaw. You may have one too if you had dental work or surgery in the past 30 years or so. That too, has the “ten-year” battery technology that keeps it running, the same as a residential smoke-detector. I have smoke detectors in my house that are more than 15 years old and still work with the original battery. That battery technology has been available for more than 25 years. #SAGcoup terror has taken over knowledge about that kind of technology, and erased any kind of public reports about existence of such technology. That “ten-year” battery technology is extremely valuable to the #SAGcoup terror army. Find the manufacturers, and take them out. One sure fire way to get killed, is to go to a Walgreens, CVS pharmacy, or any hardware or computer store and ask for a replacement battery for a smoke detector, “the TEN-YEAR” batteries. I am serious, so, don’t do that. Terror bastards are everywhere, so, they make special arrangements for those who ask questions about the “ten-year” batteries, even though the stores carry them. The reason they carry them, is to find out who knows about the technology enough to ask questions about it.

So, upon leaving, I had all of that going on before I left my porch.

There was an airplane, it was flying southeasterly, and low, I could not see it, the trees are too tall, and the airplane was too low, I could hear, the airplane was nearby.

I walked down the driveway, and stopped nearby that trailer at the Monroe’s. I have to pass by that trailer in order to use my driveway for a walk, or to leave in my car.

There is a red Volkswagen parked near that travel trailer at 434, late model Oregon LIC: 119 JKX

The red Volkswagen belongs to the original Deb Monroe. I killed that Deb Monroe in defense about two years ago. They parked that Volkswagen there next to the fence just to fuck with me. It’s about a $15,000 car, is new, and is just parked there, and has not moved for two years at least.

They got a new Deb Monroe, impostor terror cell member, after I killed the first one.

So, I looked around, and listened to that airplane maneuver around overtop of Dietricks 601 and “Med-Dems” 598 terror cells. It sounded as if the airplane was one of the ones that drop paratroopers. and the activity online with Twitter account being shut off, and a lot of other things put me on high alert for a “Kill & Replace” opportunity week which is in full swing right now. I was cautious of the possibility of the armed paratroopers that are known to attack from time to time. They jump, with machine guns, nitrous gas, and swords, often enough, and come from Grants Pass Municipal Airport nearby.

So, I went down the driveway, and git to my gate, stopped there, and listened.

I heard the sound of activity from 3747 Russel road at the Strong Family, Screen Actor Guild, family terror cell. The sound of car doors shutting, people talking excitedly, and motors starting up.

That red Volkswagen near my driveway that I have to pass by has a camera in it pointed at my driveway. The signal is transmitted to the Strong terror cell on Russel. Someone is always watching that, and other camera feeds at that location.

So, they saw me walk by, and started their attack plans, that were made intentionally predictable when Twitter suspended my account. If I cannot get help online, then what else is there to do other than protect? I needed to go outside that’s why Twitter locked the account, to get me to go outside.

Meanwhile, Tumblr had people jamming up my ability to post anything here. It was very difficult to get anything posted here and has been for quite some time. Tumblr and Twitter are both Big Media, and Big Media are the ones that arrange the paratroopers and the aircraft necessary for the paratroopers to jump, as well as providing that the airplanes can take-off and land even when airplanes in the area have been grounded. SAG has people that arrange aircraft in any conditions. There have been one or two small airplanes overtop of my house everyday in the afternoon for about two months, before that, the airplanes were about thirty or more overtop of my house everyday. Now, only one or two per day. I know there is something going on with changes in the small aircraft travel at the air-traffic-control level, it’s obvious.

Ok, so at the gate, I heard the people from Strong’s get on there way. I heard a female voice say “Pelican” from the Monroe residence. I continued on my way, then I heard the sound of the paratroopers jumping, from the airplane nearby, at low altitude.

“Free Fall.... Chute!”

“Free Fall.... Chute!“

“Free Fall... Chute!”

“IiiIIieeeeyeyeyeeee”

“CSCSHUUUUUUUooooOooooOT!!!!!”

“Thud”

“Crashboom”

“Thud”

Two paratroopers hit the ground and bounced. One paratrooper hit the roof of Dietrick’s house or their shop/garage building at 601. There may be a hole in the roof there today.

“Trooper hit the HOUSE!” I heard from Dietrick’s residence as I stepped out onto the road I live on.

So, I started walking towards the mailbox to get my mail, on the way, behind me, came a Big Brown UPS truck. UPS came down the road and was visible about thirty seconds after the paratrooper from the airplane hit the roof at Dietricks. O actually saw the paratrooper fall from the sky, and bounce.

The yelling was still going on at Dietrick’s when UPS terror cell came down the road.

I checked my mailbox. It was empty.

I turned around and faced the UPS truck and began to walk back home.

Another car came down the road behind the UPS truck. I could see there was someone on the rear bumper of the UPS truck as it approached. That person was on the rear bumper of the delivery truck as it was moving towards me, and the person was peeking around the side of the truck and looking at me as the truck moved forward.

I have played this game before and I know exactly what to do.

That other car pulled into Monroe’s driveway and stopped there, half in the driveway, and half in the road.

I began to light my lighter a lot.

The UPS truck went past me. The driver said “go right”. I was on the side of the road walking towards the UPS truck, such that the driver was nearest me as he went past.

I usually choose the other side of the road for this when the UPS terror cell comes. Yesterday I changed it up.

The driver told the terror soldier on the bumper “go right” and then as he passed my me, the driver said “now is a good time for that”.

I was ready.

I lit my lighter, The truck passed by, and on the other side of the truck after it went by, there was a man dressed in a black leotard, and wearing a black ski mask. He was not there before the truck went past, then, one second later, surprise, there is a terror assassin right there, withing twelve feet.

I grabbed my fingernail clipper, told that terror assassin to get on the ground and lit my lighter a lot right at him.

I approached the terror assassin, he had a sword in a scabbard, and was staying low, ducking down.

I stabbed the terror assassin in the stomach, he bent over, I grabbed his sword from the scabbard, and cut his head off with his own sword.

I looked at the UPS truck. It went to the left at the intersection of the two dead end streets on”MyStreet”, towards Sparacino terror cell.

I looked at the man in the black car that had pulled into Monroe’s, there was a flash of light inside of that car, it was still just sitting there. There was screaming from the car as the assassins head rolled into the roadway.

I heard a female in that black car say “Nooooo....” and then a male in that car said “He capped him”. Their voices were loud.

I looked at my hand, I still had the sword in my hand, and the assassins body was still standing, but his head was n the roadway.

I put the sword into the assassins body and walked towards that black car, while observing that the UPS truck was still going in the opposite direction, and up towards Sparacino’s.

I went to the front of the Monroe‘s residence, and watched the people in the car closely, the driver had moved the car up towards the front door of the Monroe’s residence by then.

The driver lingered in the car, then he got out and said again. “Asshole capped him” Then he said “Fuck, My comm is turned off” as he got out of the black car, a “Crossover” style car,small, four door, late model. The driver grabbed a big armload of clothing from inside the car, and he put something into the clothing to conceal what he had.

I left at that point, and observed that driver walk into the house at the Monroe’s. The female voice I heard did not get out of the car, I heard another female voice scream something briefly when that man again said, “He capped him, the ball is in the road”.

I went to my driveway, I saw the head if the assassin in the road, but I did nit see the assassins body after putting the sword into him, I went to my gate. Then, I heard the UPS truck again, coming down the hill from Sparacino’s terror cell area.

I went back out to the road. I waited for the UPS driver to pass by. he wanted to stop the truck to pick up the head of the assassin, but I made myself visible, he looked at me, and decoded to keep going. I decided to leave that head where it had fallen, like I always do. There were voices coming from the head if the assassin in the road as the UPS Truck driver neared that area in front of the mailboxes on the road.

UPS driver kept going, I called him a candy ass terror pansy as he went by, and I lit my lighter as he passed me within about 5 feet, and while I was in front of my own driveway.

There was more screaming and load talking at Monroe’s house, and from Chartrand’s next to Monroe’s.

“Brown is bursting” I heard. I walked to my gate, and through it, then down the driveway towards home. I heard more talking from Monroe’s “Brown Launched!” I heard, Then I heard the sound of a car crash, some thuds that are consistent with the next thing I heard from Monroe’s “Brown crashed the truck”.

Someone from the “Med Dems” at 598 in the dark green SUV they have came down the road from either 545, 547, 598, 600, or 601 “MyStreet”. They go from terror cell to terror cell, and stage a response or an activity even though they live at 598, they can be deployed from anywhere on “MyStreet” for attack purposes. The gal with the tight-bun on the top of her head was driving the green SUV, one passenger got out of the SUV and quickly retrieved the head that was in the road.

I heard “this is Strong’s head!” as they went on their way out of the neighborhood and presumably to 3747 Russel Road, the Strong, Screen Actor Guild terror family cell.

I went home.

There were people in the woods and in the creek behind my other house.

“Where’s Strong” they said. The sound of three young female voices in the creek area nearby the fence that separates the Strong Family Terror Cell property, from my property.

By the time I returned to my house, and inside, that driver of that black car and some other person was already inside my house. The door was locked with two locks and I put a third theft entry deterrent on the door when I left.

They were inside anyway, and had locked the door back up, and put the entry deterrent back on the door also.

That is why the girls were in the creek area. They are necessary to pout the entry deterrent back on the door from the outside just the way I left it, then they run and hide in the creek while the assassins come inside the house.

I killed one of the assassins, the other one stayed hidden, and left when I made dinner with the body of the one I killed, and was laying by the front door.nI just leave the bodies lay where they fall when they attack me in my home. Someone always comes to get them withing about five minutes. Very rarely do I ever have to take the dead assassins out of the house myself, they are able to leave out the door under their own power, before falling down outside, and that is teh way I prefer it to be if they are going to come in to kill me.

I would rather not have it this way, and, I want some help.

No one will help.

I have to do my own public safety, and my own national security. There are no police to call.

This is a regular thing here. The paratroopers, the UOS terror assassin that jumps off of the bumper of the truck, the asshole at Monroe’s that comes inside mu=y house thinking I was killed by the UPS truck assassin. and more, is normal. Happens everyday.

It does not usually include all of those ingredients at the same time, but some thing exactly like that happens every day, assassins trying to kill me and I protect with lethal force, everyday.

Paratroopers

UPS Truck

Monroe’s

Strong’s

All dead. Guessing, about nine terror soldiers died attacking me yesterday. This explanation is only about the attack that happened at about 5:00 pm.

There were at least two other attacks earlier in the day, with similar results.

StoneMan unscathed.

[letithappeneverafter]

Go behind the scenes at Laneway Festival to find out how Tame Impala reproduces their records live.

It hadn’t been the smoothest day on the Laneway Festival tour, and the sweltering heat at Sydney’s College of the Arts wasn’t helping. Out back of the main Park and Garden stages, production manager Haydn Johnston and the local Gigpiglet and JPJ crew were sweating it out waiting for the last wave of trucks to rock up. On those trucks, which had been delayed on their way out of Melbourne, was Tame Impala’s entire production.

When we found out the Laneway Festival stint would be Tame Impala’s last tour dates for the Currents album cycle — other than an appearance at Panorama Festival in New York — we thought it would be fascinating to see how Tame Impala translates their records to the stage. As it turns out, the answer is they try to mimic the record’s sound as closely as possible — just bigger and amplified — which requires more than your average rock band’s backline.

I’d arranged to meet up with Tame’s FOH engineer Adam Round before the show. When I spy Adam, he’s looking remarkably calm despite his gear still not having arrived at 5pm, and the band due to kick off at nine. Having interviewed frontman Kevin Parker twice before, I know how focused he is on getting sounds exactly ‘just so’. He even won both the ARIA Producer and Engineer of the Year Awards for Tame Impala’s last album Currents in 2015.

As the time ticks towards 6pm, I’m getting a little worried for Adam. After all, this is a tour that’s included festivals like Coachella, a string of Lollapalooza dates, Pukkelpop, Bestival, Electric Picnic, Lowlands, Rock in Roma, Bonnaroo, as well as iconic landmarks like Radio City Music Hall and Rocks. In other words, it’s bound to be an impressive show with an equally elaborate setup that’s surely going to require more than a couple of hours to hook up.

RACKED & READY When Adam unpacks his rig I start to understand his calm. He rolls two identical rack cases up to the FOH tent, sets them side by side and lifts the lids. Inside are two perfectly racked DiGiCo SD11i consoles, a Lake LM44 processor, two Waves Server One DSP units, a UPS and drawers for days. Out of the drawers he pulls out an octopus array of arms and screen attachments and begins to assemble the extremities. A redundant set of stage rack inputs plug into the back, a pair of outputs go to the system, he pulls out neatly-bound red and blue XLR cables, plugs in two Shure SM58s as his shout and talkback mics and he’s all set to go. As a final touch, he adjusts the colour of his rack LEDs to a warmish purple and checks to see how things are coming along onstage. It took all of a few minutes, leaving me plenty of time to marvel at how well-engineered this front of house setup is. I check the side of the case, and it’s not some external rental house-devised piece, the stencil says AP Engineering, Adam’s own Perth-based company. As it turns out, Adam is a stickler for efficiency. Ever since joining the Tame Impala crew three years ago, he’s helped reinvent their entire backline rig. His philosophy is that you can do a gig with less personnel if they’re the right people and you supply them with the most efficient package. Similar to Adam’s FOH rig, the onstage rigs have been rationalised into a handful of rack cases. “It started off modular, with everything in its own little case,” said Adam, who estimates they used to freight 70 Pelican cases from stage to stage. “You’d set up on an empty road case or table and it would take a few hours to plug it all in and run it all up.” These days, Adam said that “out of the full set of inputs, 75-80% of it is already plugged in. All we need to do is plug two multi-pins into each side of the stage with a PowerCon.” The benefits weren’t just in drastically reducing setup time, continued Adam, “It also improved the consistency and reliability show to show. It’s easier to load in and out, and saved the band a lot of money on freight. We don’t have to charter our own planes to make some of the crazy routing we have; it can just get on the next available plane.” CONSOLE RIG BREAKDOWN When Adam started mixing Tame Impala, he quickly moved to a single DiGiCo SD11i after crashing multiple Avid Profiles with the amount of plug-ins they were attempting to use. He chose the SD11i, not only for its Waves integration, but also because it would fit in a case that was reasonably flyable while providing the channel count required. The DiGiCo also enabled Adam to lay out the show however he wanted with custom fader bank layouts. He moved to the current setup when the plug-in demand increased again. “There were different things the band wanted to do on the bigger shows, and I wanted to be able to change multiple Waves parameters at the same time,” said Adam. “Having a separate console really helps. I can have Waves and control groups open on one console and channel banks and faders on the other.” It’s also a fully redundant system. Both consoles are mirrored, so if one goes down, he can still operate the show. It’s one step safer than a dual engine arrangement, as it also covers any worksurface damage. Plus, it’s a much smaller footprint with the two 19-inch rackable consoles alongside each other. He also has a Waves Server One rack connected to each. “In the unlikely event that one system fails, it auto switches on the Lake to the second pair of AES inputs.” He uses the Lake to do system processing via the supplied tablet, and runs a MacBook Pro with Reaper for recording and virtual soundcheck. As for the colour-changing LEDs, Adam explained: “If you get bored at the back of a festival for a day, you might decide to add cool bits of fruit like put a light in your rack case. It’s actually very handy at the end of the night when they turn off FOH power, because there’s always a light running off the UPS. It also means I can see in the back of the rack if something goes wrong. It’s not as stupid as it looks.” FIX THE PA, FIX THE MIX The Tame show is a well-oiled machine thoroughly arranged and stress-tested in pre-production. The snapshot list for the Currents show is multiple pages long, with the snapshots for Let It Happen stretching over two pages alone. “We set it up on a pair of studio monitors so it sounds like the same show whether it’s live or broadcast,” explained Adam. “If it doesn’t sound good coming out of the PA, we fix the PA, rather than changing the mix so much. It’s an approach that works really well for this band.” If Adam’s doing a standard tour date, he’ll run a virtual soundcheck and tune the PA before the band hops on stage. There’s no such luxury on a festival, after line check all he had time for was to run up his kick and vocal mics for a second to make sure audio was passing through the system. Because the show is so carefully mapped out, he spends the first 30 seconds of any festival exclusively manipulating the PA response on the Lake before laying a finger on a fader. Tame Impala were headlining the Park Stage at Sydney’s Laneway stop. The stage fired up a hill, but it was also on an angle so the FOH tent position sat left of the centre line. It wasn’t ideal for two reasons: one, the engineer is getting more of the left array than the right; and two, the ground stacked subs didn’t project very well up the hill, falling off dramatically a few metres in front of the FOH tent. If you’ve mixed any festival within the city limits, these sorts of tradeoffs are commonplace to meet the stringent noise limits. In the case of Laneway, it was a paltry 90dBA at FOH, and within 100dBC. “Because it was way off axis up the hill, there was a lot of honky midrange stuff and a bit of the top area had to come out. Not what you would normally do on an L-Acoustics K2 system,” said Adam. Adam carries over his Lake settings from the night before, but deactivates them before the show. It gives him a clean slate to work with, with some familiar EQ starting points if he needs to shape things in a hurry. “There are certain things I like to do to change the voicing of the PA a little,” said Adam. “A lot of the bandwidth of the mix sits in a similar register in the mid range, so I take a little bit out in that area to smooth things out at high volume. Then, depending on the system, a couple of small notches up high to darken it a bit. Today I’ve got a 90dB A limit, so a lot of that may stay in to make it appear louder.” The Mesa curve on the Lake allows him to sculpt any system as required. All of this changes night to night, with Adam instantiating each cut and adjusting the symmetry and bandwidth of the curves to suit. “The bottom filter is often at the crossover point where the top boxes meet the subs,” explained Adam. “Sometimes it also has a lump at 55Hz and I have to pull a couple of dB out to even it up. We’ve measured this system in many different environments and when the same thing repeats itself, you can pick it out. It’ll always be a little bit different, but it’s there for the most part.” LIVE & ON RECORD The first time I interviewed Kevin Parker about Lonerism he constantly dismissed his engineering as amateurish, but I got the sense he always knew exactly what he was trying to achieve. Like when he talked about agonising over drum sounds for months and defying studio miking conventions. “Our sound guy always says, ‘It’s not a very good mic to use,” Parker said at the time about his choice of a Shure SM57 to record kick drum. “Are you sure you don’t want to try something else that’s meant for a kick drum?’ But I just love that ‘bop bop’ sound of the kick. I hate the kick drum sound that’s way too clicky.” In Adam, Parker has found an ally. “If you did big click rock drums for Tame Impala, it would sound like a completely different band,” said Adam. “As much as it would be ‘better’ for signal-to-noise and bleed to not use as many compressors and distortion on drums, that is the sound of the band. We need to reproduce that as close as possible; it’s very important.” That’s not to say it’s as easy as copying plug-in settings and hitting snapshot buttons, Adam has to employ his translation skills. “In a live scenario, putting four mics on a drum kit and trying to reach 102dB in a tiny club with that much compression and distortion is never going to work. We have to find ways to take that sonic palette he’s created and emulate it in a workable way for the live world.”Adam’s pair of Digico SD11i consoles are mirrored so if one falls over, the show doesn’t stop. CLEANLINESS BEFORE DISTORTION It all starts with the drums, which has its own processing rack in itself. While Parker has been generous over our last two interviews [Currents featured in Issue 110], there are still some secrets he likes to keep close to his chest. There are a few things going on in the racks that Adam wasn’t privy to pass on, but the gist of the drum rack is that a Sennheiser MD441 overhead kit mic hits a Metric Halo interface, for mic pres and DSP processing, and multiple stages of compression — a dbx 160 and TC Finaliser Plus. As well as a combined compressed feed of all the mics, there’s a version of the kit mic side-chained by the kick and snare, and Kevin can also manipulate delay loops of the kit feed from his pedal board. At FOH, Adam also works with the close mics on the kit to reproduce that heavily compressed sound with a bit more control. Counterintuitively, Adam starts by getting the mic feeds as clean as possible: “I begin with the Waves SSL E-Channel strip plug-in for general shaping. The compressor is before the gate, so you can get it to track really nicely without it sounding too fake, especially if you don’t close the gate all the way. Getting those mics really clean — with less stage sound bleeding into them — lets me use more distortion by engaging the preamp on the Scheps 73, EMI TG12345, or J37 tape plug-ins, depending on what kind of distortion I want.” Adam blends the sound he achieves using the close mics with the smashed wet mix of the mono overhead and close mics coming from the stage to create the entire drum sound. “I don’t really use the stereo overheads, they’re more for the band’s in-ear monitors,” he said. The kit mics are all Sennheiser, except for the snare: E902 in the kick, E904s on the toms, a Shure SM57 on snare top and a right-angled 57 on snare side, which is “more like that old-school mic up, where you’ve got the one mic between the rack, snare and hats placed about half a foot away,” explains Adam. “Rather than it being all buzzy like the bottom snare, it’s more rattly and lo-fi. It’s a pretty common technique for indie producers in the studio, but if you can get it clean enough, you can use it live as well.” With all that compression and distortion, Adam says the sound is running pretty close to the edge. “You can get it to about 108dBA before it starts to fall apart. It’s fairly uncomfortable at those volumes anyway, so we try not to get that loud.” It’s why he ran up just Kevin’s vocal and the kick drum during sound check. “If you can get those two things to stay solid, it won’t take off.” MONITOR MASH Tame Impala’s crew hail from all over the globe: Adam’s an Aussie, lighting guys from Missouri and Austin, stage manager and tech from the UK, manager from Canada, and Rafi Lazaro, a Dominican monitor engineer based in New York. Rafi mixed monitors for the John Butler Trio for eight years before moving to the Tame crew four years ago. Rather than touring a package like Adam, Rafi rents a DiGiCo SD10 console on each continent. While Kevin exclusively gets fed his processed drum sounds direct from the rack, the rest of the band prefer a drum mix that’s less ambient. Rafi uses only the onboard processing on the SD10 to build a similar sound by parallel processing and squashing the close mics, and blending it with the direct sound. “It’s more impactful so they can play a bit tighter,” he explained. The entire band are on JH Audio JH16s for in-ears connected to Sennheiser IEM wireless systems. “I put them all on individual smart keys on the SD10, which brings up all the instruments they play,” said Rafi. “Dom plays keyboards and guitars, so if anyone asks me for something that Dom plays, I can just pull up all his instruments at once. I use VCAs a lot. If someone wants something up, it generally means that it needs to go up for everyone. It might just be that the guitar is a little quiet today, so I’ll bring that up and it fixes everyone, that’s why I use VCAs.” STAGED DELAY CONTROL As well as controlling his guitar tone and drum loops from his pedal board, Kevin also manipulates his own vocal slap delay and longer tap delays onstage with a Boss DD-20 Giga Delay. “There’s quite a complex vocal chain to get enough signal from the Telefunken M80 mic into the Giga Delay,” said Adam. “There is a line booster and impedance transformer, after a mic preamp and split, to give the pedal the right impedance and level without it being noisy. At FOH, the chain starts with a channel strip high passing it at a higher frequency than usual. Kevin likes it at about 250-400Hz so it’s very high-passed. “I do a general shaping EQ after that, then it goes into a Waves CLA-2A for a bit of general compression, then a multi-band compressor that’s carving out a few little notches, shaping the bottom end, and acting as a de-esser all in one. Then I also treat it with a plate reverb.” The vocal mic was originally either a Sennheiser 441 or 421, said Adam, but they moved to the Telefunken M80 because he “could never get the mix loud enough with the amount of processing they want to do. After trialling a lot of different microphones, it worked the best for his vocal with huge gain before feedback.” CLEARING ROOM The entire band is on in-ears, but Adam has also been taking steps to bring the stage level down in other ways. For starters, there’s no bass amp onstage. “The bass is DI’d and the signal is duplicated,” he explained. “We use Waves GTR3 amp simulator on one, and I keep the second line clean and open. We use the open line for fizzy distortions and bass synths, while having the amp simulator helps keep the stage volume as quiet as possible. It’s processed with the Waves J37 tape emulator and C6 multi-band compressor plug-ins as well as GTR3. The amp simulator helps keep the bass out of the drum mics on stage so we can process the drums as close to the record’s sound as possible without the snare drum buzzing through the overhead. As soon as you put that much distortion on something, vibrations get in the way, which is why we also generally use cardioid sub configurations.” Adam has also been inching Parker’s Vox AC30 guitar amp further away from the drums for similar reasons. “I’d like it to be offstage,” said Adam. “We’ll get there.” The amp is miked up with a Sennheiser e906, and a clean DI signal goes straight into the rack which gives “the sort of fizz you get when you plug a fuzz pedal straight into a console,” explained Adam. “They’re used separately, never together, for different parts of the songs.” MASTERING THE NOISE LIMIT Once Adam has the PA sounding the way he wants, and discovers how much mid range is lost or gained in the venue, he’ll balance the guitar and keyboard levels accordingly. After that, he does the final balancing of the band on the control groups and uses a lot of snapshots. Far from being inactive, the pages of snapshots for Let It Happen require Adam to get his movements synced with the band down to the second. For example, he has to filter the acoustic drums out of a section as it transitions to a filtered Roland SPD patch. It happens over a bar, and he has to hit the next snapshot every quarter note to bring the filter point down in time. After compression, distortion and filtering, modulation is the other huge part of Tame Impala’s sound. It’s such a major factor that Adam even has a Waves Metaflanger on his master bus that’s used on most songs. “It’s always on, and I use the touch and turn control on the DiGiCo to wind it in the mix,” he explained. “It’s high passed so the flanger doesn’t go below 1kHz, to keep the bottom end nice and tight.” He also activates Waves Mondomod on his master as the noise closes out the set. “I use it to pan around all the noise and speed up the rate of that movement,” he explained. He also uses the Waves Vitamin sonic enhancer to “tickle the overall mix and make it more exciting,” said Adam. “It’s got a little width on the upper mids and highs.” There are a lot of different stages of compression, and every group in the mix has a C6 multi-band compressor strapped across it. However, last in his master chain is the Waves L3 Limiter. “It’s generally working most of the time, with a maximum of 5dB gain reduction,” said Adam. “By removing the heaviest transients in the louder bits, off the drums especially, it allows you to stay at the festival sound limit, rather than the transient putting you way over. So you can be the loudest guy at the festival, without breaking the rules… until they start doing loudness readings, that is!” The show was duly impressive, despite the noise restrictions. It’s fascinating to hear a FOH engineer put such a sonic imprint on the show, yet have it represent the interests of the artist so specifically. Sure, so much of it is worked out in pre-production and processed in the racks Adam built, but that’s all part of his job; to keep Tame Impala sounding the way Kevin Parker envisions, regardless of where you hear them… and that includes flanging the entire mix. Story: Mark Davie Intro Photo: Daniel Boud

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227's™ Facebook Fries!¡' (aka YouTube Chili' NBA) #Nike'Spicy'Tunes Capital One Trending News! Kanye Chili' West Escapes to Wyoming (with Kim! Chili') Following Controversial Spicy' Slavery Remarks: Report #Walmart'Spicy'Tunes #Nike'Spicy'Tunes Spicy'

After an explosive couple weeks in the spotlight, Kanye West has reportedly escaped Los Angeles to put the finishing touches on his upcoming album. Per TMZ, the rapper, 40, flew from L.A. to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, on Wednesday to finish his next album, due May 25. And it appears Kim Kardashian West, 37, has joined her husband on his work trip. On Thursday, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians mogul posted a photo of the game Guess Who? — with a mountainscape in the background — to her Instagram Story. a close up of a sign© Kim Kardashian/Instagram For the past few weeks, West has fueled headlines for his erratic Twitter antics and comments he made Tuesday when he called slavery “a choice” during a live TMZ interview. On April 15, West returned to Twitter and began what since has seemed like an endless barrage of tweets. The star has weighed in on myriad topics, from coyly addressing the Tristan Thompson cheating scandal and announcing new music and a philosophy book, to revealing he fired his lawyers and management team and expressing his “love” for his “brother,” President Donald Trump. Kanye West et al. posing for the camera: Kanye West and Kim Kardahian West© Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Kanye West and Kim Kardahian West Last week a friend of the rapper told PEOPLE: “The truth is that people are right to be worried. He’s not acting well, and he seems to be on the edge. I hope and pray he can get it together.” Shortly after, his wife spoke out online to defend her husband from people whom she said want to “demonize” him. “He’s a free thinker, is that not allowed in America?” she wrote. “Because some of his ideas differ from yours you have to throw in the mental health card? That’s just not fair. He’s actually out of the sunken place when he’s being himself which is very expressive.” A Brief History of Kim Kardashian & Kanye West's Ups & Downs: Full screen 1/34 SLIDES © Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for LACMA KIM & KANYE GET TOGETHER Following her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian began dating Kanye West back in 2012 — while still fighting to legally end her prior union. "They have been close friends for years and decided to give it a try [with dating]," a source close to the couple revealed at the time. Unsurprisingly, the rapper made his feelings for Kardashian known. In his song "Theraflu," West sings, "I admit I fell in love with Kim … 'Round the same time she fell in love with him … That's cool, babygirl, do your thing … Lucky I ain't had Jay drop him from the team." (West was referring to his pal Jay Z who then owned the New Jersey Nets, the team Humphries played for at the time.) https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/kanye-west-escapes-to-wyoming-with-kim-following-controversial-slavery-remarks-report/ar-AAwHMjB?li=BBnb2gh

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Bruno Chili' Mars - Spicy' Finesse (Remix) [Feat. Cardi Chili' B] [Official Video]

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  Finesse (Remix) Feat. Cardi B Available Now: https://Atlantic.lnk.to/FinesseRemixID Directed by BrunoMars Co-Directed by Florent

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  Get the new album '24K Magic' out now: https://brunom.rs/24kMagic See Bruno on the '24K Magic World Tour'! Tickets on sale now.

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Southwest Avocado is now at Wendy's

Like an avocado split in two, Wendy’s now offers two delicious options: The Southwest Avocado Chicken Sandwich, and the Southwest Avocado Chicken Salad. Choose which half you want today and grab the other half tomorrow. The Southwest has made its way to Wendy's.

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via www.facebook.com

227's™ Facebook Fries!¡' (aka YouTube Chili' NBA) #Nike'Spicy'Tunes Capital One Trending News! Kanye Chili' West Escapes to Wyoming (with Kim! Chili') Following Controversial Spicy' Slavery Remarks: Report #Walmart'Spicy'Tunes #Nike'Spicy'Tunes Spicy' NBA Mix!

from Jamaal Al-Din's blog 227's™ YouTube Chili' NBA Mix! http://hoops227.typepad.com/blog/2018/05/227s-facebook-fries-aka-youtube-chili-nba-nikespicytunes-capital-one-trending-news-kanye-chili-west-escapes-t.html via http://hoops227.typepad.com/blog/

[sohannabarberaesque]

Mt. Washington or Bust; or, The Skatebirds Encounter The Bright Star

(N. B. Your Correspondent should acknowledge at this time that he's been rather deficient with the fanfic crossovers with the Old-Time Radio newspaper drama Bright Star for some while now, so he feels it best to compensate for this extended deficiency with this missive. Enjoy.)

Hillsdale's downtown was never more brilliant than the mid-morning when the Skatebirds trio of Knock-Knock, Satchel and Scooter made their way through to call attention to their latest attention-seeking stunt: Inline skating down the entire length of the Mt. Washington Auto Road out New Hampshire way, starting at the 6,288' summit of Mt. Washington and descending all of 4,875' in its nearly eight-mile course, including a one-mile stretch of gravel. The plumage of all three no doubt turning heads on the downtown shoppers--and George Harvey, intrepid ace reporter with the Hillsdale Morning Star, out on a walk of the downtown seeking out stories.

Even if it was a little too early for fall colour, as at least one shopper acknowledged, the Skatebirds' presence certainly caught plenty of eyes. And as I said, George Harvey was among them, prompting an interview with them on a bench downtown. And judging by the questioning, the quips couldn't have been livelier.

"So, if I may ask the leader of this motley little gang--"

"Which is none other than Knock-Knock," as he replieth.

"--what exactly motivates you to try inline-skating challenges down rather steep drives as you've done?"

"Basically, just a desire to be silly and have some serious fun in so doing. Trying out new challenges galore."

"You can say that again," chimed in Satchel, a pelican of somewhat laid-back New Orleans lineage. "Such can be rather wonderful, if challenging. Can you imagine how much epsom salts we go through just soaking away all the aches and pains we must encounter?"

To which Scooter, a somewhat cheeky penguin, chimed in, "Would that it were some hot springs ... aaahhh, just soaking away in warm mineral spring waters and letting the world's tensions dissolve ..."

"Now, as I understand it," George Harvey continued, "your inline-skating experiences started out as a defensive against a certain Skat Cat."

"Got that right," Knock-Knock replied. "And we admit it was  largely in great fun--"

"Until Scat Cat got run over in an accident," Scooter added. "We don't miss him, thankfully."

"Still," Knock-Knock resumed, "we had to find a way to get seriously noticed. Occasionally, we'll do a trick dance move to some classic burly-que music like 'Night Train' and 'The Stripper' in parades ..."

"Like we did back at the Truth or Consequences Fiesta," added Satchel. "And boy, did the crowds love us!"

"If I may just add," Scooter remarked, "such was part of a larger reunion of fellow Hanna-Barbera characters over the Fiesta weekend. Paying homage to the late Ralph Edwards bringing stars over to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico for their Fiesta weekend, in case you were wondering."

"I think I vaguely recall that" was how George Harvey responded. "But then, how did the downhill skate challenges come about?"

"Pretty much as a lark," replied Knock-Knock. "We were just messing around, chewing the fat one day on Venice Beach, and just imagined the very impossibility of skating down the steepest of roads and trails. Which would be followed by our first big dare--the California Incline in Santa Monica!!"

"Can you actually imagine skating straight-line downhill at breakneck speed, and living to tell the tale? We've actually managed it!", in the words of Scooter.

"And since then, how many others have you tried?"

"Plenty," chimed in Knock-Knock. "In San Francisco, we've gone down Lombard Street and Vermont Street, both legendary for their curvature and steepness ..."

"And how about that time," Satchel added, "we went down Snake Alley in Burlington, Iowa?"

Knock-Knock again: "Ahhh yes--Snake Alley, otherwise known as Sixth Street. Attracted there by way of something Ripley once said about its being 'the Crookedest Street in America,' with six elbow turns equal to just over three complete circles of curvature in that one block!"

"There may not have been much of a crowd to begin with," Scooter remarked, "but at least we got some notice!"

"Ohhh, and for sheer craziness," Knock-Knock remarked, "we actually managed to make the descent down Granddad Bluff in LaCrosse on wet pavement, with a light mist ensuing--and succeeded to follow up with lunch at the Bluffside Tavern on the base. The Legendary Bluffside Tavern, I will have you know ..."

"Still," George Harvey added, "are there any descents you must be imagining as the apex of your career?"

"Two, obviously," was how Satchel put it. To which Knock-Knock added, "As in Pike's Peak and Mt. Evans, both in Colorado. Even when you consider their summits being well over 14,000 feet above sea level--"

"Believe you me," George Harvey remarked, "I've been up Pike's Peak once, and actually had a bad case of altitude sickness. Inexperience, I'd have to admit."

"We can understand" was how Knock-Knock replied, adding, "But first, we have this rather challenging challenge awaiting us ..." To which all three chimed in, "MOUNT WASHINGTON!"

"You mean," George Harvey asked, "THE Mount Washington notorious for extreme weather?"

"Correct" was how Scooter parsed it. "And we plan to skate down the Mt. Washington Auto Road in all its eight miles of glory, starting near the summit--OK, OK, near the Mt. Washington Observatory--and going down the Auto Road to the Toll Gate at New Hampshire 16!"

Knock-Knock, again: "I admit Scooter can get a little hyped up, but at least he has an idea of what we hope to achieve."

"Well, good luck on your journey down ..." (Which the trio reciprocated with much in the way of thanks.)

As they say, "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." Next week in this space, we'll learn more about the amazing Skatebirds Run Down the Mt. Washington Auto Road.  

[junker-town]

Anthony Davis’ one-man rampage shows the joy and limits of individual brilliance

We love watching him carry an injury-depleted Pelicans team to the playoffs. For his sake, we also wish we didn’t have see it so often.

With the Pelicans leading Indiana by two with less than a minute left in Wednesday’s game, Anthony Davis caught the ball in the post while being defended by Myles Turner. He spun clockwise, took one dribble, and pump-faked. When Turner didn’t bite, Davis resorted to making a fadeaway jumper with a hand in his face.

On the other end, Indiana patiently worked the ball around until Darren Collison drove past a closing-out Jrue Holiday for what seemed like an open layup. With Davis stuck between protecting the rim and hanging with the sharp-shooting Turner in the corner, Collison had a clear path to the rim. But when Collison jumped for the layup, Davis still blocked it.

The two sequences should have sealed the game, but after Holiday was fouled, he missed both free throws. As the second clank dallied on the rim, guess who was able to out-muscle the two defenders who had sandwiched him and tip the ball back in? Yup. That AD tip sealed the game.

Davis had some help. E’Twaun Moore had a great game with 23 points and a critical putback before the Davis fadeaway, while Nikola Mirotic made back-to-back threes that helped propel the Pelicans in the fourth quarter. But when push comes to shove, it always comes down to Davis in New Orleans.

He is always where the Pelicans start and stop.

Lately, he hasn’t been stopped. Since DeMarcus Cousins went down for the season, Davis has arguably been the best player in the NBA. Even though James Harden is sure to win MVP, Davis has been added to the conversation as a recognition of his recent performances. The Pelicans sit in fifth place after winning three in a row during a rare four-games-in-5 nights stretch. In those games, Davis scored 26, 34, 37, 28.

Whenever Davis has an outlandish performance, I’m reminded of what he did against the Spurs on the final day of the 2014-2015 season, when the Pelicans needed to win to make their first and only playoff appearance since 2011. He ended that game with 31 points, 13 rebounds and 3 blocks. Those points included a crossover and a fadeaway jumper against Tim Duncan to take the Pelicans lead to 99-88, and then another jumper to extend the lead when the Spurs closed the gap to seven. With a bit more than 30 seconds left in the game, he also blocked Boris Diaw at the rim to seal the game.

That was enough to sneak New Orleans into the playoffs because they had the tiebreaker over the Thunder. The game that gave them the head-to-head series win that put that tiebreaker into action was won because of a double-clutch three pointer by Davis at the last second.

But as thrilling as this is to watch, Davis should never have to be this transcendent, at least not all the time. His greatness should be showcased within the context of great team wins. It should come in a situation like he had with Cousins earlier this season, where he someone else to handle some of the burden of leading the team.

Sadly, Cousins’ Achilles injury thrust Davis back into the same trap that he’s been in for his whole career. If he’s not amazing every night, his team will fail, but a team that needs one player to be ridiculous every night is ultimately destined to fall short of its potential, regardless of who that player is. That the player is Davis, whose body often betrays him in the form of countless nagging injuries, makes it even more dangerous.

Individual greatness in sports is easiest to appreciate when the players gets to choose moments or games to showcase their dominance. They stand out because the player is allowed to have off or just run-of-the-mill nights, or even sequences when the system of the team uplifts the player.

Davis doesn’t have that luxury, not now and not ever. He is the system in New Orleans. The team needs his 53 and 18 and 45 and 17 nights or similar, all the time. In the last two months, New Orleans has only won twice when he scored fewer than 27 points: once each against the tanking Kings and Mavericks. They also lost once against the Timberwolves, when he scored 38. He’s in MVP form because that’s the only way to give his team a chance.

This is similar to Westbrook’s bind last year, when the Thunder won most of the games in which Westbrook posted a triple double. If Westbrook faltered, and he was bound to falter because players are human, the team would collapse from both a lack of talent and lack of identity besides “Russ, save us.”

This point is not lost on Davis, as he noted in an interview with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols over All-Star Weekend:

A lot of minutes; the weight of the world on your shoulders. You have to carry the team on your back...you have to almost get 40 every night to give us a chance to win.

It’s tough. You kind of have to have that Russell Westbrook mentality. When [Kevin Durant] went out … Russ just went out there and played. He shot 40 shots sometimes; whatever it takes to help your team win. We’re kind of taking that approach.

The strain of that all-conquering individuality takes a more anxious turn when paired with Davis’ injury history. Since coming into the league, he’s suffered more than 30 injuries �� and that doesn’t include the countless other games in which Davis had an injury scare, but ultimately returned. Those ailments range from sore ankles to the torn labrum that ended his 2015-2016 season, an injury he’d been playing through since his rookie year. He’s had season-ending injuries in three of his five NBA years: an MCL sprain/bruise in his rookie year, back spasms the year after, and the shoulder pain.

Davis’ ability is unquestionable, but his health problems are part of his package as well. In this month alone, he’s suffered a rib and ankle injury. Depending on him to do everything only piles more pressure on his already fragile body.

Davis has been saving the Pelicans from themselves since they drafted him. The circumstances are a bit different this time, because injury robbed him of the second superstar he sorely needed. But at this point it seems like a cruel joke that Davis is back in a situation where he has to be outrageous every night just to get the Pelicans into the postseason.

In that subsequent playoffs after he beat the Spurs in 2015, Davis averaged 31 points and 11 rebounds against the mighty Golden State Warriors. The Pelicans were swept.

As West teams jostle for position, there’s a distinct possibility the Pelicans will see the Thunder in the first round. That’d provide a fitting point of comparison for the limits of individual talent. The player who won the MVP by stuffing the stat-sheet, the player Davis said he’s now emulating, is now on a more balanced team with another star in Paul George. Despite OKC’s uneven season, you’d probably bet on them to win that series if they played. Westbrook simply has more weapons.

In Westbrook’s case, Oklahoma City only depended on him completely for one season. In Davis’, this is the story of the career. If he does improbably lead them to the playoffs this year, the limits of that type of dependency will likely be exposed as it was before. This is their routine.

That is, unless his body breaks down from the burden he’s carrying before that point, which would be even worse, but sadly possible.

[sylvialuster078-blog]

Reality ® Project.

Perhaps the most significant label in rally auto racing, Subaru has actually gotten a reputation for constructing durable, enjoyable to drive cars. Guys are even more likely to make use of chewing tobacco, and white colored youth use smokeless tobacco at higher rates. Yet there were actually no V-Series autos readily available as well as the roads around Angels Stadium were clogged. One foregone conclusion we have is that taking part in the ceremonies is a certain means to obtain poise and also oneness along with The lord.

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7 Reasons You Need to Fall In Love With gel.

Having said that, if patent possession is actually imbalanced amongst firms, competition authorities need to show care. Little crossovers are an all-natural fit for a company that markets certainly not a single automobile, however GMC has actually been actually sorely lacking in much smaller power cars for a lot of its own tenure. Here's more in regards to http://mobilnyworker.info/dlatego-dobrze-jest-jesli-titan-gel-opinie-pl-jemy check out the web page. I am actually a former rule professor, I utilized to work at Microsoft, as well as I had just what a coworker as soon as called one of the most illustrious FTC profession ever before-- because, at about 2 full weeks, this was actually perhaps the least. Fiat Chrysler Automobiles are going to deliver five limited-edition versions of the 2017 Dodge Viper prior to that takes the axe down on the model. Flowerpot smoking cigarettes in Colorado, Oregon and also Washington appears to have actually caused wreck regularities about 3 percent more than exactly what would certainly have been anticipated without legalisation, inning accordance with a latest analysis from the Highway Loss Data Institute. I don't understand why our team are late," Welsch claims, speaking certainly not merely from utility lorries like the T-Roc, but Euro-MPVs as well. As well as, of course, the business looked for highs damages for the class under Section 4 from the Clayton Process. The last three principles have actually been taken calling for a form from cost-benefit economic evaluation using observational proof, financial theory, and also conformity expense data.

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The car manufacturer actually offers a functionality schedule under its Toyota Dashing Development label in North America and Gazoo Competing in Europe and Asia. A lot of the credit history for Cat's UNITED STATE comeback belongs to the brand's first-ever electrical car, the F-Pace. Christine A. Varney, Aide Attorney general of the United States in charge of the Division's Antitrust Department, today announced that the Department is actually withdrawing, reliable promptly, a record associating with monopolization offenses under the antitrust legislations that was actually provided in September 2008. Fiat Chrysler Vehicles Chief Executive Officer Sergio Marchionne-- that will be relinquishing the provider after the next five-year planning operates its training program after 2018-- strongly believes mergings in between car manufacturers will definitely 1 day cause a brand new No. 1 automaker. True guys" may drive outdated efficiency vehicles and also purchase low-priced" parts from Pelican and always have opportunity and resources to install them. Also, there may be actually some possibility for overruling highly limiting regulations accordinged to transformed circumstances," for administering the First Change to too much restrictions on pep talk established by job-related licensing guidelines, or for invoking antitrust to overrule badly monitored or even expressed anticompetitive laws. I'm simply responding to, as well as rejecting, the concept that our company need to simplify merging study to the double recommendations-- that: (1) an increase in attention causes higher costs, and also (2) when information does not comport along with (1) our experts could dismiss it by declaring without documentation that prices would certainly possess dropped more. Over the period from a handful of times or full weeks, the Chrysler Group had not been mosting likely to inject a gun barrel full of cash right into R&D for a brand-new Viper, execute stress tests, crash examinations, performance exams, comprehensive styling mock-ups, speak to the Viper-owning faithful, and begin providing autos to suppliers. It should steer clear of utilizing Area 5 to test perform that would call for complex harmonizing. Every thing else, spare the 2 brand-new iA and also iM styles, seems to create a persistent tour to the wholesale heaven of excess secondhand automobiles for one unfavorable explanation. The FTC Show does not enable the Commission to ignore the customer benefits of techniques that simply fail to imitate the FTC's preconditioned concept tastes.

[otomates-a]

🌺 (Abby/Sam? Your Haley/one of my SDV brood? My Candace or Calvin/one of your AP bois? Some RF crossover? Literally any SDV/HM/RF crossover???? THERE'S OPTIONS, OKAY) (not opposed to 🌹 either, listen)

LET ME KNOW YOUR SHIP IDEAS, I’LL RAMBLE ABOUT THEM.

↪ accepting / @voiceofmany.

🌺 — platonic ship & 🌹 — romantic ship inputs !

u gave me many options so u get many rambles, come @ me for anything that interests u i’m crying 😂

ABIGAIL & SAM

WOW i love sam & abby !!! everyone always talks about seb & abby’s friendship but henlo they’re SLEEPING on this combo?? conceptually they have such differing aesthetics and in some ways their personalities kind of clash. like even though they’re both silly, sam is way more outgoing and friendly and easy to talk to whereas abigail is a little bit of a shut in … hard to have a convo with at first … doesn’t have the highest confidence in the world … lowkey stage fright … etc. IT MAKES THEIR DYNAMIC SO INTERESTING bc they get along so well.

i can see sam being ??? so supportive of abby’s insecurities and def pushing her out of her comfort zone. & prob being a big part of the reason why she’s part of his band w/ seb despite usually wanting to sink into the background.

also abby ??? getting sam to like ??? slow down a little bit… enjoy quiet moments… take a break from the skateboard, take a seat, chill… watch the stars bro they’re breathtaking… then we can go beat up losers in video games u know KJNMH

romantically their aesthetic would literally be “shut up and dance with me” except sam is the one dragging abby onto the metaphorical dance floor while she freaks out bc what if she stomps on his toes or falls on her face or breaks her foot idk 😂

abigail voice “you saw me when i was invisible” cliche

FRIENDS 👏 TO 👏 LOVERS 👏 IS WHOLESOME

HALEY & ELLIOT???? HEAR ME OUT???

me, gently tapping a mic: why didn’t these two interact more tf. OKAY BUT LISTEN they’re actually so … wildly different BUT LIKE IN A GOOD WAY ??? elliot is literally chilling on the beach trying to get in touch with his creative spirit meanwhile haley (at first) is trapped in this town kicking at dirt bc she’d rather die than live there literally WHAT is the appeal. elliot is chasing his dreams and is very emotional and open with himself, whereas haley is too scared to HAVE substantial dreams and doesn’t know … wtf she’s doing… elliot is a good person and easily approachable… haley is……… NOT THE GREATEST HUMAN BEING EVER (at first glance) so like,

can u imagine the slowburn between these two. LIKE be it platonic oR romantic, bc either way it’d be a slowburn. haley doesn’t trust people and thinks they’re kinda beneath her in pelican town, whereas elliot is more of an open book who gets along with the other residents? he’d prob be perceptive enough to pick up rather early on that haley is kind of lost and actively just looking for reasons to hate where she is instead of trying to find smth to be happy about… which means her attitude would be likely go right over his head and he’d be able to put up with her, which means… very slowly… she’d start to warm up to him and the more he reached out to her, the more she’d start reaching back

HALEY READING ELLIOT’S WORK AFTER THEY GET CLOSER BUT REFUSING TO ADMIT IT I’M CRYING

elliot’s dedication to his writing ending up inspiring haley… to start actively finding her passion for photography… which she will admit. eventually.

elliot in general just helping haley become a better person. which in turn means she reaches out to more people, and they also help her grow into a better person.

CANDACE & CHASE?

ok i’ll be honest shy girl / jerk guy is a bias … esp since chase isn’t REALLY an actual jerk so much as he’s just a sarcastic deadpanned dead inside daydreamer i’m sobbing. with someone like candace, he’d actually have a bit soft spot like. he’s mean to girls like maya because they constantly tap dance on the last good nerve he has, but with how nice and Soft™ candace is, i can see chase literally being SCARED OF UPSETTING HER LIKE KJHNMKHJNM. there’s a line he won’t cross when it comes to being rude to people, and candace is on that line

platonic or romantic, after they start interacting, chase would likely go out of his way to make nice gestures towards her bc like ??? candace is??? an angel and deserves it lmao. he’d actually literally try to bring her flowers as gifts every now and again or make her and her grandmother lunch … etc …  avoids luna like the plague tho that girl is scary KJNHKJHNM

concept : chase speaking to her in whispers so she’s not the only one who’s talking like that until she gets used to speaking to him normally.

honestly this is just a very soft combo like. candace is someone chase would probably see as very delicate and comparative to a flower … like not in the sense that he’d mother hen her or think she can’t handle her own day to day life, but in the sense that he’s always gentle with her ?? chase isn’t the type to censor himself, necessarily, so it’s not like he’d never be honest or speak his mind or be … HIMSELF but unlike with other people he wouldn’t actively seek out annoying her and if he ever did heck up, he’d immediately back pedal and try to fix things as opposed to being like “lol idc perish”

candace making chase clothes. please. he is. a fashion disaster. help him.

BONUS ROUND: CROSSOVER IDEAS U COULD MULL OVER

sofia / vishnal. because she would. probably make him feel awful about himself until he figures out the truth about how she talks and then can you imagine the shedding of light on every interaction they’ve ever had. she would feel so guilty every time she looked at him and it’d take some coercing on his part to make her stop thinking he hates her i’m sobbing…

pia / carlos. not actually a crossover but. carlos, meet your greatest enemy … a literal fucking fish mermaid who has no goddamn idea what flirting is and won’t understand the concept of romance unless you literally fall so deeply in love with her that ur willing to sit her oblivious ass down and have a 6 hour conversation about #LOVE. his entire character goes over her head. which is hilarious. alternatively on this line of thought but with an actual crossover: pia / elliot or pia / calvin lmao she pairs well with a lot of muses.

selphy / penny. because their dynamics would probably go really well together, especially with penny having such a difficult history. selphy is so upbeat and positive even when she’s feeling down, she’d actively reach out to penny no matter the circumstances. she’ll talk to her for 983475983475 hours about books too it’s fine. come work in her library, penny.

gale / haley. i have no explanation for this beyond beauty and the beast aesthetic except the beast is a grumpy af wizard who just wants to be left alone to enjoy the wildlife and magic of the world and beauty is a seemingly shallow spoiled brat who probably thinks staring at flowers all day and chanting spells is the dumbest thing in the entire world but also Hm

I’LL LEAVE IT AT THAT TBH if you throw literally any pairing at me i CAN come up with ideas about either friendship or romance between them, this is my weakness & my specialty so 😂😂😂 GESTURES VAGUELY TAKE FROM THIS ALL AS YOU PLEASE.

[geekade]

Geekade Top Ten: Worst Mega Man Robot Masters

Last year, Jonathan and Kris put together their lists of the top ten Mega Man Robot Masters. It was quite a diverse lineup, with very little in the way of crossover between the two. This year, they decided to take a different approach and list off the very worst robot masters. This was arguably a little tougher thanks to there being no shortage of stupid ideas floating around Dr. Wily's brain. Nevertheless, the ground rules were set, and Jonathan and Kris put together their lists. The rules were as follows:

They have to be robot masters from the mainline numbered Mega Man series. No X, Legends, Zero, etc. 

None of those weird offshoot titles, otherwise it would probably have just been a list of the robot masters from the Mega Man MS DOS games.

They have to be from the "Something Man" category. We all know characters like Buster Rod G and Mercury are pretty silly. No need to mix them in with the rest of them. 

So, with those rules in place, we present to you, the worst Mega Man robot masters.

Jonathan’s #10. Toad Man – To be perfectly honest, I’ve got nothing against Toad Man’s stage, music, or the weapon obtained from him – it’s his design and the actual fight against him that are ridiculous. How threatening is a robotic toad?! What function do those warts on his head serve other than to say, “Hey, I’m gross and unlovable”? Other than the warts, he’s just a fat, green robot master. Toads have pretty long tongues, so where is this guy’s mouth? Wily must have pulled a Deadpool-in-Wolverine on him. Just don’t lick his belly and you’ll be fine. Speaking of his belly, he moonlights as a friggin’ belly-dancer. Watch out when he starts shaking that tummy, because it’s going to rain. Yep, the designers of this game figured that in order to make Toad Man’s “Rain Flush” activate, homey should swing them hips. But all of that can be avoided, because if you stay close to him and rapid-fire on the guy, he’ll just jump back and forth and this battle will be done in no time, and thank God for that.

Kris’s #10. Bubble Man – I can honestly say I’ve never seen Toad Man dance. I think I’m better off because of it. My #10 goes to Bubble Man. Bubble Man gets a lot of flak and deservedly so. At the end of the day, he’s kind of useless. Sure, his weapon is the only thing that can take down Dr. Wily, but as Alton Brown says about kitchen equipment “What else does it do?” A fat lot of nothing, that’s what. So why is Bubble Man so low on my list? Are there really 9 worse robot masters than him? Actually, yes, and I’ll tell you why. His design, stage, and music are all top-freaking-notch. If you judge him based on his appearance alone, he’s a pretty cool-looking character. His rotund nature doesn’t exactly do him any favors, but his face, webbed feet, and giant, seemingly-pointless red jewel thingy on his chest are cool. He’s even got a cannon on his head! In the hands of someone other than Wily, Bubble Man could have been a contender. His stage is one of the all-time classics in the series, from the awesome looking waterfall to the gigantic shrimp-barfing fish, to those annoying little frogs. Because his battle is basically a joke, he just barely beat out Pirate Man for my #10 spot, but while he sucks, he’s not the worst.

Jonathan’s #9. Sword Man – Oh Bubble Man, if you aren’t the Aqua Man of Mega Man games (wait a second…). Anyway, are you ready to get really bored during a robot-master fight? Bring a book and a snack, because the battle against Sword Man requires almost no effort. For a guy named Sword Man, shouldn’t he use his sword a bit more during the battle?! There’s just so much wasted potential here. His spinning attack is really the only threat, as long as you stay far enough away from him, but Mega Man can slide right under it! Well isn’t that convenient?! Stay on the other side of the room, shoot your lemons, and you’ll be fine. Allegedly, the reason that his body is split into two parts is because he’s too top-heavy, therefore the top portion has an anti-gravity device in it so he doesn’t constantly fall over. If that sounds stupid, it’s because it really, really is. Plus, the weapon you obtain from him sucks. Stand in place and swing a fiery sword! IN A SHOOTING GAME! And guess what the final boss’s weakness is?! His music and stage are both cool, but this guy’s design and battle are too flawed to overlook.

Kris’s #9. Centuar Man – Yeah, you’ll be hearing my thoughts on Sword Man in a minute. Where do I begin with Centuar Man? I mean, what’s the freaking point of this guy? Apparently, he was a tour guide before Wily weaponized him. I’m sorry, what? Somebody made a tour guide that looks like this? What kind of museum was designed to have a tour guide this gigantic and obtuse? He’s the size of a horse! And what’s his tail made of? Did Wily go out and get actual horse hair to make his tail? Why is that even there? There isn’t one single practical part of this guy’s design. Yes, he looks cool, but the best robot masters look cool in addition to being, you know, functional in some way. His stage is filled with some of the most boring music in the franchise, completely non-threatening pelican robots who spit robot fish at you, and Centaur Man himself has some weird time-altering powerup that isn’t exactly dripping with sense-making. I suppose the part where the water is on the ceiling and you have to jump through it is cool, but Centaur Man doesn’t deserve any credit for that. He can’t even jump! What kind of horse-man can’t jump??? He’s dumb and I’m done talking about him.

Jonathan’s #8. Bubble Man – Not to mention, "Centaur Flash" just sounds dirty and illegal! On to my #8. You had some excellent points about Bubble Man that I agree with – his stage and his music are excellent, but his design just irks the hell out of me. On the stage-select screen, that cannon on his head looks like a weird, limp, green penis, and why would Wily build an underwater robot master who needs goggles?! His attacks and his movements during the fight are laugh-out-loud funny. This guy has to slowly float himself down to the ground after unleashing a few bubbles and some underwater lemons because he can’t even move smoothly through water. As the first water-based robot master, bubbles are the scariest thing they could come up with?! Even a robot master named Water Man could imply drowning, but for me, bubbles mean the possibility of a bubble bath, and that’s just a good time for everyone. Except for Bubble Man, because he’s awful.

Kris’s #8. Gemini Man – What is this guy? I mean, what even is this guy? Gemini Man? He’s got a really slow laser and can make shoddy clones of himself. Why is he covered in pointy crystals? Are they even crystals? What do they have to do with Zodiac signs? Am I missing something here? This guy’s existence has confounded me since he first arrived in Mega Man 3 and his stage is no different. Yes, it’s a pretty great stage in the grand scheme of things, but it’s constantly changing colors, it’s got gigantic penguin robots with cranks on their heads (which also happen to shoot smaller penguin robots at you), and let’s not gloss over the tadpole looking things that hatch out of those egg things all over the level. WHY ARE WE HATCHING TADPOLE ROBOTS OUT OF EGGS? Why is any of this here? Why would anyone go to the trouble of building an area like this and why on earth would a self-proclaimed narcissist like Gemini Man hang out there? I…I’m just at a loss. I don’t understand. He does have redeeming qualities, so he’s not higher on the list, but what the actual hell, Wily?

Jonathan’s #7. Blizzard Man – I suppose naming him the cigarette-smoking Cancer Man would just be too risqué for Capcom. Bunch of prudes. Ready for an extremely impractical robot master?! Blizzard Man is a giant snowball and his feet are skis! If the snow melts, he’s useless. Worst of all, his name is complete false advertising. Nowhere in his stage is there a blizzard and this robot master can only cause 4 snowflakes to materialize at a time, which then move slowly toward you. On what planet is something like 4 snowflakes actually a threat?! (maybe on planet “this robot master sucks”) Guess what weapon you obtain from him?! Those 4 snowflakes! His only other attack involves him curling up into a ball and rolling himself at you. So…jump. His stage is very unoriginal; the whole ice motif has been done before and since, to much greater effect. And what the hell are time bombs doing in Canada?! Seriously, what is that all aboot? His stage music is ok, but Blizzard Man is definitely one robot master that should melt like snow in June.

Kris’s #7. Sword Man - You wield some valid points, not the least of which involve how dumb Sword Man is. I honestly think this idiot is the only Robot Master that manages to make another robot master crappy simply by existing. Like you said, his design is absurd, especially given his name. Sword Man should be imposing! Sword Man should be about more than sword, singular. Sword Man shouldn’t have to be segmented because his sword is too heavy. Sword Man should be awesome. Sword Man isn’t. As I was saying earlier, it’s like Wily over-corrected when he made Blade Man (that dude’s got like 50 swords sticking out of him and he didn’t need to be segmented for balance!), presumably because he saw how crappy Sword Man was and realized his error. Sword Man sucks and so does his flame sword (except in Smash Bros.). NEXT!

Jonathan's #6. Drill Man – The music has such an irritating pitch to it, I want to shove a drill into my ears to make it stop. Can someone explain to me why you need to hit a switch to make platforms magically appear? What does that have to do with drilling?! And ladybugs! Those goddamned ladybugs! I absolutely hate everything about Drill Man’s level. As someone who loves Crash Man, not liking this guy’s design says a lot. The drills where his hands should be look awkward and nothing about the drill on his head spells intimidating. He looks like a doofus with a dunce cap. This guy is the real Dive Man, because he constantly buries himself underground and that’s where he should stay forever. Honestly, his design had potential, but was executed very poorly. Ground Man is Drill Man done right.

Kris’s #6. Ring Man – That’s a very good point you wield there about Ground Man. Still, I didn’t mind Drill Man so much. We’ve seen more nonsensical things in stages before (Gemini Man’s stage). Ring Man, on the other hand, throws rings. In what universe is that even sort of harmful? Heck, there’s more potential danger from Bubble Lead than a Ring Boomerang, which itself makes absolutely no sense. Do the folks at Capcom not know how boomerangs work? Ring Man was specifically built for combat, too. Figure that one out. When designing a robot built for combat, covering him in gaudy jewelry isn’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind. I will admit that the whole outer space ring motif for his stage is kind of clever, but those disappearing rainbow/gold platforms can bite me and his stage music blows. His design somehow managing to look kinda cool is the only thing keeping him this low on the list.

Jonathan's #5. Plant Man – You've got some good points about Ring Man, but I love his stage music. It’s catchy! Plant Man gets my #5 primarily because of wasted potential, more false advertising, and a laughably terrible fight. His stage is fine and so is the music, although I don’t know why Mega Man must bounce through the forest to get to this guy. While Plant Man’s official picture doesn’t scream intimidating, it looks like he could have some tricks up his sleeve with those spikey vines. Fine, he’s got a stupid flower on his head, but certainly he can do some cool shit, right? Actually, no, he can’t – and that’s why he’s on my list. When you reach him, he doesn’t even look like an accurate representation of his picture, except for that damn head-flower. This guy does nothing but cause some petals to float around him as he jumps around the room, then he shoots them at you. Repeat that until you’ve destroyed him and forgotten about this joke of a battle. Wily could have given this guy a number of other attacks – a vine-whip, poisonous plants that sprout out of the ground that hurt you, but no. Why does such a lazily-designed robot master battle exist?! Then you get that petal shield as the weapon, and the petals don’t even look like petals – they look like infected tonsils. The potential was there and Capcom could not have missed the mark any more than they did.

Kris’s #5. Toad Man - I would have to agree with you about Plant Man’s battle being a huge let-down. But I’m going to have to disagree with you on the severity of Toad Man’s awfulness. Talk about a wasted boss battle, as you stated earlier, this guy’s such a pushover that you’ll likely never see what he’s capable of because he’s such an inept fighter. Seriously? Just shoot him with your regular weapon until he’s dead and he’ll do absolutely nothing to stop you? Where’s the tongue attack? Why isn’t he jumping around the room sticking to walls? His design has a ton of untapped potential, too. He looks like a giant robot toad, which is dumb. But if he was actually lethal like some adorable poisonous toads are, it would be a cool, unexpected trick. Rain Flush is a potentially very dangerous attack too. Imagine if he could do all sorts of other dangerous stuff, and the whole battle against him you have to fear him winding up the Rain Flush and maybe have to hit him a certain number of times before he unleashes it or something. You see that? I just came up with that on the fly, and I basically fixed Toad Man. Squandered potential there.

Jonathan's #4. Stone Man – Well at least we can agree that Toad Man should be Rain Flushed down the toilet. While my previous choices have at least hinted at redeeming qualities, Stone Man has none. Stone Man?! It’s as if the developers thought “Well shit, there’s already a Rock Man, so how about Boulder Man? No, that just sounds stupid. Stone Man, now that’s intimidating!” We did this stage already in both Mega Man 3 and Mega Man 4, why are we doing it again?! I understand that many stage designs get reused, but then there’s his music. It’s got this quick, repetitive, high-pitched sound that makes me wanna scream. Stone Man’s design is extremely plain and boring, and the fight with him isn’t any better. When Stone Man hits the ground and crumbles, everything shakes, but don’t worry, it doesn’t immobilize you the way that Hard Man’s stage did. So what’s the point?! The worst part about this guy is the weapon you obtain from defeating him – the Power Stone. It looks decent when Stone Man uses it, but forget it. This thing spins around at such an awkward angle, it’s impossible to aim and frequently misses whatever you’re trying to hit. At least you know what you’re getting with close-range weapons, but not this thing. Power Stone is always a surprise, the same way a flaming bag of dog shit on your front porch is a surprise. There’s no potential here – Stone Man should’ve never made the cut.

Kris’s #4. Jewel Man – Wow, really? I love Stone Man. I’m not saying you aren’t making some excellent points about his battle, weapon, and the fact that we’ve seen this stage before, but I love his stage music and those little bouncing baby Mets are adorable! But I digress. Jewel Man is dumb. His stage is dumb. It’s full of dumb enemies. The music is dumb. Those infuriating swinging platforms with spikes all around them are dumb. His design is dumb. His weapon is dumb. His battle is dumb. Everything about him is dumb, dumb, dumb. The only thing keeping him from being higher on the list is that nothing about him is overly offensive to me. It’s all just dumb and pretty pointless. Even his name‑Jewel Man. That really strikes terror, right? DUMB!

Jonathan's #3. Spring Man – Yep, I've hated Stone Man since childhood. And fun fact: There’s an embarrassing video on Facebook of me failing at Jewel Man’s level. You make some excellent points about him, but again, I've gotta say that Jewel Man’s music is catchy! Alright, onto the 3 robot masters whose very existences make my blood boil. Everything about Spring Man pisses me off. First of all, I know that not all robot masters are super-intimidating, but this guy looks like a goddamned joke, yet he’s got the most serious face. Stop it, you’re not scaring anyone. That head-bob he does before the battle just screams "I'm single and have no friends." His music, while certainly joyous, is irritating. His stage is annoying, what with all the bright colors and the jack-in-the-boxes that punch you. For a guy allegedly made out of a ton of springs, he certainly moves very slowlyand what’s with the “boing” sound he makes when he jumps?! We get it, homey, you’re Spring Man, no need to overcompensate for your shortcomings. He throws punches extremely slowly and you can kill him with the Noise Crush before the battle even begins. There are definite similarities between this guy and Clown Man, especially in level design and overall theme, but for some reason I love Clown Man and can’t stand anything about Spring Man. Just thinking about this guy makes me wanna break a slinky.

Kris’s #3. Star Man – Yeah, Spring Man is pretty silly, but if you want to talk about robot masters whose mere existences make me angry, one of the first that always comes to mind is Star Man. What a tremendous waste of potential. Think about all the crazy crap you could have done with star matter. Stars are scientifically awesome. So why in the cosmos did we end up with this jackass? There isn’t a single redeeming quality to his design. It’s impractical, hideous, and in no way intimidating. There’s simply no way to be agile with that gigantic metal star on his chest. I have no earthly idea why he’s painted dog-crap brown, and his other decorative stars on his helmet, forearms, and knees give Spring Man himself a run for his money in the silliness department. His stage is crap; the whole low-gravity thing basically makes it just like a water level. His music is crap; containing all manner of sour notes which I guess are supposed to sound “spacey,” but just come off as awful. His battle is crap; he basically just jumps up and tosses his shield at you, like he took lessons from Toad Man or something. And he’s even colored like crap, literally! And just because it bears repeating, we’re seriously going with the spinning shield powerup AGAIN with this guy? Of all the powers that could be derived from stars, this is the best we’ve got? Pitiful. 

Jonathan's #2. Aqua Man – I’ve actually always liked Star Man, but I don’t wanna get you angry. So this was a tough choice, but Aqua Man gets the #2 spot. The only plus that he gets is that his stage looks pretty, but that’s because of the Playstation's capabilities and Capcom's ingenuity, not this bastard. Aqua Man’s music makes me wanna take a nap and drown so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. Really, the music isn’t so terrible, it just does NOT belong in a Mega Man game. The mini boss is infuriating and I feel like some of that fight is just based on luck. The way Mega Man actually swims in this game just doesn’t make any sense. Maneuvering through certain areas of Aqua Man's level is a huge pain in the ass because, for some reason, Mega Man bounces as he swims. So Aqua Man is a water-storage robot who looks like he’s wearing a top-hat. This is so bad, it’s as laughable as it is annoying. And OH. MY. GOD! THAT VOICE!!!! Flamboyancy doesn’t irritate me, this stupid robot master with his offensive, caricature-esque flamboyancy irritates me! You’re not handsome and you’re not cute; stop talking and stop existing. He shoots a stream of water at you that literally arcs out of the way so you can avoid it and then he throws water balloons at you! This son of a bitch stopped by a 5th grader’s pool party to stock up before this battle and then that’s the weapon you get from him! AND IT’S ONE OF WILY’S WEAKNESSES! WATER BALLOONS!!!! Did Capcom think this was funny?! He’s even named after a DC character who’s the butt of every superhero joke! I’ve hated Aqua Man with a passion since I first laid eyes on him and he came so very close to taking my #1 spot.

Kris’s #2. Search Man – Damn, I can’t wait to see who your #1 is! My #2 goes to Search Man. And you know, I’m probably being too hard on the guy, er, guys? I don’t particularly care for Mega Man 8 for a multitude of reasons. Yes, it’s still a very good game and I’ve played through it multiple times. But there has always been a laundry list of issues surrounding this game for me and the robot master designs are pretty high up on it. To my eyes, Search Man is the ultimate example of the overdesigned nature of Mega Man 8’s bosses. It’s like they almost had it with this one. His body follows the classic formula, but they got to the top and said “It’s not complicated enough. Give him 2 heads!” There’s no logical rationale for that. It’s supposed to be because Wily thought having 2 heads would make it twice as smart or some half-cocked theory like that, but it’s all a bunch of bologna. There’s certainly good ideas there, but between his stage hiding a battle with Wood Man in it (Of all the classic robot masters to revisit, we get Wood Man?), his voice being just bizarre, and the whole 2 heads thing, I just can’t get over it. I see this guy and I just want to vomit. Search Man, to me, is one of the lowest points the classic Mega Man series has ever hit. It doesn’t get much worse than him. Well, maybe it does…

Jonathan's #1. Wood Man – Speaking of Wood Man! This was a tough decision, but in the end, Wood Man gets my #1 spot for a multitude of reasons. I’ve disliked this robot master since the age of 6 and my hatred for this guy has only grown over the years. But I’ll get this out of the way first – his music isn’t really bad. It’s got a quick beat and it’s energetic, but I can only take it in doses. The problem is that it’s a short song, so it repeats plenty of times during his stage. By the time I’ve reached Wood Man, I’m already irritated by the music, not to mention the ridiculousness of the enemies in this guy’s stage.

Can someone explain why there are giant dogs breathing fire underground?! This is a stage in a forest, but these dogs are breathing fire! Whose idea was this?! Do they want to burn the forest down with all the other enemy robots in it?! Out of every animal that they could’ve picked to put underground though, they picked giant, fire-breathing dogs. Could those hot dogs have possibly made sense anywhere else in the game, like maybe Heat Man’s stage?! And there are three very bland rooms later in the level each with a single robot bunny who will throw a carrot at you. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?! If you somehow survive those oh-so-threatening bunnies, watch out for the chicken-run! Leading up to Wood Man himself is an area where a bunch of chickens are getting the fuck away from the bastard as fast as they can.

All of these gripes aside, we then have the shit-stain of the hour – Wood Man. This guy has one of the most boring designs out of any robot master ever. I don’t know who thought that a small tree stump as a helmet would be threatening, but the actual game sprite makes Wood Man’s head look like it has an erection. He’s brown and black and boring! Even the official art doesn’t make him look threatening! And to activate his leaf-shield, homeboy punches his own boobs. That’s right, boob-punching for this guy gets leaves swirling around him. He shoots those leaves at you and then hops ever so slightly forward, and repeats. His short hops coupled with hitting his own wooden man-tits are some of the most comical movements to ever curse a Mega Man game. Cut him down with the Metal Blade or burn him to the ground with the Atomic Fire and be done with him. Anytime that I’ve played Mega Man 2 over the past 27 years, this guy has posed no threat, but that changed last August.

For those of you who don’t know, Geekade held a video game marathon called the Pain-in-the-Ass-a-thong to raise money for charity and Kris challenged me to give Mega Man: The Wily Wars a try. This game includes the first 3 Mega Man games, plus a few new levels, and the idea was for me to get through as much of it as possible in my 3-hour window. Mega Man 1 took a lot out of me, but I’ve played Mega Man 2 countless times, so it shouldn’t have been much of a problem, right? Wrong.

Wood Man shoots his Leaf Shield at you quite often during the battle, but it’s not really a problem to avoid – simply jump over it. In The Wily Wars, his Shield is most definitely bigger, because try as I might, I could not get over this thing without getting hit. I had an extremely difficult time beating this guy during the second battle with him. It took quite a long time, so I had to stare at this ugly, annoying, son of a bitch as he so idiotically hopped closer to me. Those goddamned leaves, man. Those goddamned leaves.

Speaking of those goddamned leaves, I don’t know how in the hell leaves can form a protective shield, but that’s the weapon you get from him. The problem is YOU CAN’T MOVE WITH THE THING! If you so much as tap either left or right, the shield gets shot in that direction, so if you need prolonged protection, you have to stand perfectly still. The problem with that is THIS GAME IS AN ACTION-PLATFORMER! The Leaf Shield takes out Air Man quickly, so that is literally the only use this ridiculous weapon has. I’ve never liked Wood Man, but the Pain-in-the-Ass-a-thon helped solidify my hatred for him. Don’t get me wrong, I’d fight him for hours if it’s for charity, but for all of the above-mentioned reasons, Wood Man is the worst robot master in Mega Man history.

Also, why not have just called him Leaf Man?! Fuck this guy.

Kris’s #1. Aqua Man – I always thought those things were road runners and that’s an excellent point about those dogs. Honestly though, Wood Man isn’t exactly the picture of cool, but he’s never bothered me all that much. This asshole though, bothers me to the highest degree. Every. Single. Thing. About this piece of garbage. Is. AWFUL. Think about this. If you include the Game Boy games, there have been 16 main line Mega Man games. Heck, let’s throw all that weird stuff in there too, like Mega Man Soccer and that weird board game thing. That gets us to somewhere around 30 games and never once has there been a Water Man. Even if we just count the robot masters that had been released up to Mega Man 8, we’ve got Bubble Man, Dive Man, and Wave Man, and instead of calling this walking fish tank Water Man, they go with Aqua Man? Like, the already established DC superhero Aquaman? THAT’S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? And look, I like DC’s Aquaman. I think he’s great. This clown though (no offense, Clown Man) is a piece of shit. I know Jonathan already covered a lot of this asshat’s problems, but let’s run down my list of grievances anyway.

The moment you click on his icon, you get to see the entirety of what you’re up against. He’s a chubby tank of water with what appears to be a top hat. There is not one single thing about his design that is practical, threatening, or cool. Not one goddamn thing. Then he does this weird contortion thing where he lifts one of his legs like he’s a dog about to mark his territory and squeals in a squeaky voice “I’m Aqua Man.” But this is no ordinary squeaky voice. Squeaky voices I can handle. Shit, Toad has had a scratchy squeaky voice since Super Mario Advance and it doesn’t bother me at all anymore. This guy though, he sounds like a sexual deviant. The only way I can properly describe the way he says his name is like he just sexually-assaulted a puppy and he knows he should be ashamed of himself for it, but he can’t help but giggle to himself through the shame because he just enjoyed violating that small creature so damn much. So after that completely unnerving experience, we get to his stageand it’s a swimming level. In a Mega Man game. Not just a water level, but a swimming level. This is just wrong in so many ways, but it’s made even worse by the smooth jazz pumping through your speakers. Yes, the game’s composer likely watched a bunch of Frasier and thought to himself, “I like this show’s music, but I think it would be better if it was about 10,000 times worse and set to a bland Mega Man stage.”

So you finally make it through this obnoxious level with all its dumb spike traps and time bombs and you arrive at the fight against the devil himself. He erupts out of a giant spout of water, strikes a very effeminate pose, and shoots a stream of water in the air that somehow mists a rainbow with the words AQUA MAN on it. In the same deviant tone as used earlier, he proclaims “I’m Aqua Man, but you can call me handsome, guy!” Once you can stop yourself from vomiting, the fight begins, and once he starts moving, you can see how there was a sliver of a good idea here, you know, before it was ruined by all that puppy rape. A heavy water tank jumping around a room creating forceful water attacks has potential. But instead, you get this freak screeching “water balloon” at you as he tosses not water balloons, but just balls of water at you. And then he’s got this water cannon move that couldn’t possibly hurt you. I mean, that kind of goes for this whole fight. You literally swam to get here, and now he’s tossing water at you and it hurts? I could see if he was shooting waves of water at you that were so forceful that you were slammed into a wall or something, but the water cannon is just a slow-moving stream of water. Why can’t I just walk through it? Piss poor design, that’s why.

When you finally blow this wet turd to bits, he exclaims “That was luck,” which is funny because I remember the first time I beat this guy I exclaimed “What the fuck?” and that rhymes. So I guess there’s that. Fun wordplay aside, this guy is a failure in every regard. Wasted potential, squandered ideas, shit design, crappy level, annoying stage music, pathetic weapon, and oh yeah, he’s a puppy-raping sexual deviant machine, the likes of which make leaving my kids alone with Waluigi seem like a sound babysitting strategy. Say what you will about Wood Man, but I’ll take a dumb wood helmet and rotating leaves over this scum any day of the week. 

And there you have it, folks – the worst of the worst robot masters. Were either of us right? Did your least favorite make it onto the list? Was it too mean of Jonathan to point out Wood Man's wooden man-tits? Just how disturbing was it to visualize Aqua Man committing puppy-rape? Let us know in the comments, and here's hoping that the new Mega Man cartoon doesn't suck as much as these robot masters do.