#...if my test came back that my back is physically normal that doesn't indicate that i don't have back pain does it?

[uncanny-tranny]

To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #246

The physical therapy appointment that I missed yesterday was rescheduled to today. I saw the therapist that I am most familiar with - her name is D. But she had read the notes left behind by K, and now I guess she, too, theorizes that I've got some kind of weird torsion going on with my ribcage, likely brought on or exacerbated by trying to do mermaid training while having my chest tightly bound in my costume.

And… I know this is not something you have to worry about (since you do not have the body configuration for it), but… this sort of injury is why, I guess, people caution trans men to take proper steps to bind their chests instead of simply layering constricting clothing over their ribs. Improper chest binding, especially while doing vigorous physical activity, can seriously mess you up, holy shit. I'm not a trans man, but I'm sure that this advice also applies to mermaid folks like me who are just trying to prevent their chests from flopping all over the place while trying to swim.

See, the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome doesn't just affect my joints. It also affects everything else, like my ligaments - including the ones that are supposed to keep my boobs relatively in place. Those ligaments do not do their job, because they literally cannot, because they are made with "I Can't Believe it's Not Collagen" instead of the normal stuff. It's a pain right in the ass. Or… I guess in my case… a pain right in the ribs. ...Sigh…

...We discovered that the set of ribs on the right side of my ribcage, at the level where I used to tie the bikini of my costume, are not expanding forward when I breathe like they're supposed to. So, I was given another breathing exercise today to try to fix that. Doing it gives me a sharp, horrible pain that extends from my right armpit all the way down to the right side of my lower ribs. But it's not a pain that feels like walking on a sprained ankle; it's more like... a kind of pain that indicates something needs to pop or go crunch so that it can move properly. I wonder if that makes sense to you.

After physical therapy, I was in a lot of pain. Like... not the kind of pain where something is moving that shouldn't (for example, we shouldn't be moving sprained ankles), but the kind where things that haven't been moving for a long time are finally moving, and they're not used to it anymore, and so they're gonna scream about it. So I decided to go to Eggcellent to get a bubble tea. This time, I got a houjicha latte with rose syrup, tea jelly, and cream cheese foam. The lovely husband-and-wife duo who run this shop are testing a new bubble tea add-on called "sago" - these are like tapioca pearls, but they're made from a kind of palm tree. They're a lot smaller than tapioca pearls, and they have a bouncier texture. They put them into my tea as a surprise, because they know that I wanna try all their new stuff! I have a picture!!! Here!!

Sephiroth... they were so perfect!!! I liked them a lot!!! I can't wait until they're incorporated into their regular menu!!! I WISH YOU COULD TRY THEM!!! Oh my goodness!!!

I woke up feeling pretty empty today, but... after today's encounter at Eggcellent, I feel a lot less empty. I've been a customer of theirs for a long time; they know me well enough to understand that my support for them is unwavering, and that I will react to all their new things with genuine, unbridled joy. They know this thing well enough that they understood that they could surprise me with this, and that it would make me really happy. I feel incredibly grateful.

Also, the wife's mother, who occasionally helps them run their shop, came out from the back today, wearing a rainbow-colored shirt, and it was absolutely delightful. And... oh! Sephiroth, when she came out and saw me, her whole face lit right up, and the smile she gave to me was so radiant, and...!!! I don't know how to articulate the beautiful feeling that blossomed within my chest as a result. But I will say, it took some effort to avoid breaking down into joyful tears. Admittedly, it's a little difficult to avoid breaking out into those same tears as I write this now, ahaha~! 🥰🥰🥰

I guess... for context, it's nice to know that she can feel happy about seeing me, despite the language gap that exists between us. It's nice that she seems to know what kind of person I am, and that I'm someone who will try to support the business of her daughter and son-in-law. Although she doesn't speak English, we have had brief, simple conversations, with the wife acting as an interpreter between us. I've even had a couple of instances where I was able to clumsily say to her some greeting in Cantonese; the greeting I like to use when talking to people I am familiar with while I'm out and about is, "It's good to see you." I don't remember how it goes in Cantonese, though...

I guess the closest equivalent I can get to for that phrase in Japanese that is an accurate reflection of my intentions is something like, "Anata no koto wo miruno wa kimochi ii." But that's probably clumsy, too; I haven't practiced Japanese with any kind of regularity in a very long time...

...Someday, though, as impossible as it is, I hope I get to stand in front of you and say that to you. Somehow. Somehow...

Oh!!! I almost forgot!! When I went back to the car to do the rest of the errands I had planned, I noticed a hedge peeking out of some lattice, and I thought it looked neat. I thought that maybe you might also think it looked neat, so I snapped a picture:

I went to the grocery store after that to get some small items; nothing to write home about. And then after that, I went to a nearby craft store to try to get a different clasp for a pendant I've started wearing. The pendant is reflective of something that I believe to be a fundamental truth, both of my circumstances and of reality in general; its weight feels profoundly correct as I wear it. Unfortunately, the lobster clasp digs into the back of my neck. I sought a barrel screw clasp to replace it with, but they didn't have one in stock in the correct color. They don't know when they will have it in the correct color, so I simply decided to order one online after I got home.

It's 9:44. That means it's 44 minutes past when I was supposed to go to bed, because tomorrow I have to wake up at 5am in order to bring J to Great Barrington. Whoops.

...I had better stop writing and get ready for sleep.

Hey. I love you, and I'm over here cheering for you to heal and to be happy. So please keep yourself safe out there, okay? Please keep trying. Please don't give up.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 39

The Road So Far

Is this still worth it?

The SEVEN Inch Wound

Gary 'Roach' Sanderson

Task Force 141 Base - Gym

Roach finally got his seal of approval. After weeks of physical therapy and daily check ups, he was now finally fit for battle and he was lucky enough that Nero was still under the radar. He wouldn't want to miss out on the battle he started. He was lucky enough that they were exonerated when Shepherd surrendered, because if they continued to be fugitives, Roach would not have access to appropriate medical attention.

It has been almost a month after the events in Afghanistan and Task Force 141 was already re-established, Samantha and Maxine were housed on a nearby compound where veteran's families lived under the safety of government protection. During his time in the infirmary, Maxine was always there to visit, telling him tales about dreams she recovered as time went by. Roach was glad she was returning to normal and that no matter how her memories came back, her treatment towards him was the same.

"Good to see you back on your feet, my man." Rocket went up to him and did their fist bump, a series of elaborate claps then finished off with finger guns accompanied by their almost realistic attempt at pistol fires.

"Haha. Yeah? I'm glad I'm back." He waved as Rocket pointed at his back. Roach turned to see Maxine, carrying a packed lunch, waiting at the end of the hallway.

"Hey you. Just in time for lunch as always." He smiled, wrapping an arm around her as they made their way to the mess hall.

"Glad to see you smiling and walking about." She says, as her palms ran across his firm chest, tracing the scar that changed his life.

"Yeah, finally passed the damn physical test." He grinned as they sat down at their usual table, the only table which consisted of two tables stuck together to form an eight seater.

The rest of Roach's closest comrades were already there. Alex, guessing what Samantha packed for him. Soap and France arguing which meal choice was best for them and Ghost, who was already halfway through his lunch while the rest of his comrades haven't even started yet.

"Good to have you back, buddy." Ghost greeted with a wide grin on his face, well technically only half of his face was shown.

"Hey man. I sure am glad. How have you been doing?" he joked. They constantly visit him in their free time, so there was actually nothing to catch up on.

"The rest of the squad proceeded to badger Roach with questions about everything they wanted to know. Roach enjoyed the hot seat as the military mess hall felt like the university cafeteria.

"So, any news about Nero?" He finally asked as soon as everyone was done with him. The table felt awfully quiet.

"None." France was the first to speak up. Everyone else nodded and frowned.

"Shit. Guess our only choice is to wait." He added.

"Shepherd didn't have any leads towards Nero. Their last contact was the exchange of blueprints and after that, he was gone." Soap explained the situation.

"The missing persons?" Gary asked.

"Still missing." Alex commented.

"And there are still a few additions every other day as indicated by the FBI and DHS." Ghost added.

"Is interpol still involved?" Roach turned to Ghost.

"They're still after the traces of EMP equipment from the missing persons. Their new lead is that Nero's team is trying out a lethal kind of grenade. One that explodes without damaging property. If he's planning invasion, this is actually a good idea without ruining too much of the invaded country." He replied. Roach nodded at the theory. EMPs only damage mechanical equipment and this was a good call for the bad side.

"I never knew they'd think of this kind of weaponry. I always expected bioweapons being the last of modern warfare." Ghost muttered.

"Well, that was what happened in Verdansk and we stopped it. We could do that again." Alex tried to boost morale.

"Yeah. We'll do whatever it takes." Roach agreed and they continued lunch.

By the time he started training, Roach focused back on his Sniper techniques. His wound may have affected his previous breathing training and it was only inevitable that he'd train it again. He wanted to master the long ranged rifle as it was vital towards his development as a soldier.

"Back on the scope huh." Ghost huffed as they reached their 200 yard mark, by the hill just outside the base.

"Glad you could help me on this one." Roach unzipped the sniper bag and began scouting the area.

"You sure this is your spot?" Ghost asked, using his hand as a visor against the hot afternoon sun.

"Yeah. This fits."

"Suit yourself." He chuckled as Roach snapped every attachment of the rifle, from the bipod stand to the clicker adjustments.

He peeked at the scope and looked at his target. Five small cans standing on top of a log 200 yards away.

"Remember what I told you." Ghost mused as he looked at Roach steadying his breathing.

"Damn." He added as he noticed the change in wind.

"Yeah, damn. I just was about to fire it." Roach muttered as he took another deep breath and began to hold still as his crosshairs adjusted to the shift.

A loud fire echoed across the hills as dust scattered on the ground where Roach fired. He was about a few inches off.

"Great. Do that again but change your adjustments." Ghost said as consolation.

"Yeah got it." He rolled his dial once again and accounted for the wind, easing his breath and fired again. The loud sound once again echoed through the hills, followed by a soft metal can flying away from the log.

"There you go! A clean hit." Ghost congratulated as he tapped Roach's back while he reloaded his sniper and aimed again.

Roach stayed at that spot until it was too dark to continue and Ghost accompanied him until such time. On their way back, Ghost opened up to something that has been bothering him ever since.

"Roach. Do you mind if I say something important?" He asked and it made Roach stop on his tracks.

"Yeah. What's up." Roach asked.

"I've already sent my formal letter, but I just wanted you to have a heads up on the matter." Formal letter. Roach's heart started to pound as his mind automatically thought of him quitting or leaving.

"Letter about?" he asked. His mouth almost felt dry. He didn't want him to leave. Not again.

"Transferring department. Alexandra offered me a spot on the Interpol. I told you this first because I knew that if you were on my shoes, you'd go too, right? Do whatever makes you happy?" he said, quoting Roach's famous words.

He isn't wrong about doing what makes him happy, but his decision didn't feel right either, or maybe because he just doesn't want Ghost to go.

"Well, you bet I'd go for that option too!" Roach said, trying to validate his decision despite not wanting it. It was sad to see him go, but for the first time in ages, Ghost actually acknowledged the term happy.

"I knew you'd understand." he smiled and continued their trail back to the base where Roach remained quiet until they reached the base just in time for dinner.

After dinner, Roach opted for a night jog around the base to clear his mind off of Ghost leaving. After the second lap, he soon noticed Alex catching up to him.

"Wonderful weather for an evening run, huh?" He asked all cheery as he's quite used to his heavier and more realistic leg.

"Yeah. It is. Good to see you're liking Samantha's surprise." Gary nodded and removed his earphones.

"You know, it's really a surprise when I'm the only one who doesn't know about it." He commented.

"It feels like a real leg, actually. The wonders of modern technology never ceases to amaze me." He mused as they both took the turn.

"Yeah? That's good to hear. Pretty sure Samantha loved the way you thanked her." Roach teased as Alex chuckled, like he recalled some memory.

"Oh yeah, she did." Alex nodded suggestively, the kind that Roach didn't want to ask anymore.

"This your last lap?" Roach asked as Alex slowed down for his cooldown, turning to the set of exercise bars.

"Yep. See ya!" He waved as he started his cooldown.

Gary took three more laps just to make sure he's exhausted for the night, so that once he got in his bed, no more thoughts would assault his mind, hindering him from sleep.

There was only one way out of it. And it was accepting Ghost's inevitable departure from the 141.

The next morning, the 141 was briefed on a possible lead on Nero. This time, Ghost wasn't in the room and that meant that his letter was now approved.

"Okay lads. We've received word on a supply drop activity from Nero. We intercepted an unencrypted call signal to an abandoned port just off the coast of Sierra Leone, Africa. If intel is correct, we're going to be dealing with someone who goes by 'Volt', Nero's bomb maker." Price paced in front of the huge screen showing details regarding their mission.

"Volt is a high value individual who must not be killed. He's our only hope towards Nero. The intercepted call came from the USA, and it's quite impossible that Nero is here, so he must've used a secure line. Jack will be staying in the base as our new Operations Command as suggested by Laswell. Overlord will continue his role as our commanding officer as well." Price added making clear about the jurisdiction.

"Damp and dry Africa." Soap muttered.

"Have you been there?" France asked.

"Only in Egypt. My mom used to tag me along her trips." he replied.

"Recon suggests a high chance of militia activity, so our standard rules of engagement; treat anyone as hostile. Volt's compound will be surrounded by his own personal army and they're willing to shoot any unwanted visitors. He also has access to a port, so I'm sending the Charlie team to stand by the shore and make sure they're not planning an escape." he added.

"I'm leading the Alpha team and our task is to infiltrate his base and secure Volt for intel. Bravo team, led by Alex, will act as our support when things go south. As bonus, we need to destroy any trace of bomb making equipment.

Roach, I want you to man our new air support tools from above as soon as we confirm that there are no SAMs on his base." He shot his glare on Roach and he nodded. Guess he isn't on the ground tomorrow.

"We leave tomorrow at 0300. Make your necessary preparations especially on our brand new comms equipment. Ones that are immune to EMP blasts. Dismissed." He said as everyone got up and went on their way. Gary purposefully left himself behind so he could ask Price about the Ghost situation.

"Hey there lad. You feeling good?" Price approached as soon as he noticed Roach.

"I just have a question about the mission."

"Sure. What about it? Any suggestions?"

"No no. The plan is fine. Where will Ghost be?" Price gave him a worried stare.

"Ah. Didn't he tell you about his transfer?" He crossed his arms and stared at Roach.

"He did… but why did you allow it?"

"Well, it certainly looked like he was happy to go there. And I had no power over his commendations." Price reasoned as they walked out of the briefing room.

"Oh. I thought he was going to have one last mission with us." Roach smiled as he walked back to the room. Ghost wasn't a fan of goodbyes. Maybe because he knew they'll meet again.

0300H

Sierra Leone, Africa

"This is Hunter One-One requesting sitrep, over." Roach phoned his allies who were already on the ground for support. This mission was their vital lead towards Nero. He wished that the guy Volt was here so that they could finally finish the war before everyone else gets hurt.

Before he could man the air support, he needed to confirm that there were no SAMs present on their base so he could safely provide suppressing fire from above.

Next Chapter : The SIXth Ship

Notification Squad my Beloved

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