#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[crawlonthefloorandcry]

I NEED THIS PEOPLE I NEED THIS. ALL THOSE FOLKS TELLING ME TO SLEEP, GIMME THIS I PROMISE I'D BE BELOW THOSE BLANKETS FASTER THAN YOU CAN BLINK- MOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

oh? oh.

[strangertheories]

[snapscube]

WOW I COULD FUCKING WEEP RIGHT NOW

[jinikaris]

FELIX | 'WALKIN ON WATER' DANCE PRACTICE VIDEO (HOLIDAY VER) ♡

[exoticmondobuttrs]

BRO IHAVE TO DRAW NOW AHHHHHHR GRGRG AHHH MY BEST FRIEND IS THE GOAT SHE DREW ME LDR SUN 😭😭😭😭😭 IM SOBBING I LOVE HER SM IM CRYING

I was wondering why she let me rant about LDR 😔 she’s so cool guys i wish she had tumblr so i could tag her she’s my favorite person

She’s @Salolts on TikTok, instagram, and Twitter if you wanna find her other socials guys go show her support she’s so cool

[separatist-apologist]

Sometimes your brain will tell you it's time to deep clean. That's the devil talking

[myyoungroyalsblog]

And I’d choose you;

in a hundred lifetimes,

in a hundred worlds,

in any version of reality,

I’d find you and I’d choose you.

Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars

[onlykiwi]

Bestie's ur honor

[haveihitanerve]

NO ONE BETTER TALK TO ME ABOUT EFFIE TRINKET BEING A BRAINWASHED CAPITOL DOG. 

SOTR SPOILERS KINDA

"Thank you, Haymitch. That was very considerate, especially given your circumstances."

She just dropped her make up box on accident. Haymitch is a gentleman. He stoops down and picks it up for her. Her first action is to be surprised. Not by the kindness, she doesn't think the District people are beasts the way Drusilla does, but because why would he extend his kindness to her. A Capitol mutt. Someone who will be watching the Games. Someone who is safe from the Games. In Effie's mind- Haymitch should hate her. Rightfully so. But he doesn't. He even offers her kindness. Bends to pick something up for her. Gives it back. He doesn't smash it, doesn't smile as he watches her be forced to pick it up. No. He just does it for her.

"especially given your circumstances."

He's to die in a few days. Why should he bother being sweet to her. Just as Maysilee didn't hesitate to smack Drusilla, he shouldn't hesitate to lash out at her. He's going to die. Why should he worry about being considerate. Effie knows and goddamn it if she won't address it and thank him for it. Address him by his name. thank him.

“I won’t hurt you.” “I know that. I've known who you are ever since you helped with my makeup box.” 

She just finished watching the Games. She saw Haymitch’s “brutality” and his violence. His first impulse, because he’s just about on the brink of believing it himself, is to reassure her that he’s not the monster they portray him as. He’s not going to hurt her. 

And Effie just goes “I know.” Just agrees, accepts. Dismisses the very notion that she could ever be afraid of him because of what he did. 

Sure, maybe she believed it all before. But no longer. Not after she met this 16 year old boy and knew who he was before the Games, and saw how they tried to change him after the Games, twist him into an image that he wasn't. She got to witness the propos firsthand and see how they forced Haymitch to appear like a cruel, insensitive, selfish jerk. She knows thats not true. 

Don’t tell me Effie swallows the propaganda and believes in the Capitol. She has a very fragile social standing, so she can’t speak out unless she wants to die, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. That does not place her on parr with the Prep Team. 

She’s Cinna, only less vocal, less willing to risk her life for a rebellion that she isn't really a part of. That does not make her lesser than. That just makes her human.

[netbug009]

monstrosity spoilers

don't mind me just thinking about how mr "i hate water" was so desperate to see his family again he was willing to risk drowning himself to do it

[slutforpringles]

ohhhhhhhkay Daniel we see you king 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

[majikuriboh]

Jude looking like a full course meal in his trailer

[inutaffy]

i saw this on pinterest, saved it to my gallery, and weeks later i see it and immediately i knew what i was thinking about

[cleverxgirl]

Y'ALL WAKE UP! NEW T-REX DESIGN JUST DROPPED!

[man-i-love-folklore]

guys. the hozier/barbara streissand collab???? hello???? it's ethereal. i'm levitating. broadway is so lucky he's not an actor because holy shit THE VOCALS????????? it's on repeat i'm obsessed