#CJ's op watch-through

[dykealloy]

what do you mean jennifer saunder's shrek 2 cover of Holding Out for a Hero didn't play over the entirety of dressrosa arc

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byjiwECylIE

So EruptionFang made a video about Raven Branwen. 

Considering his last video I watched (his Volume 8 Episode 2 Breakdown) was basically him shitting himself continuously because he’s STILL bitter about his headcanon being disproven, I don’t have high hopes.

But who knows, maybe he’ll make a good point.

0:00 - 1:24 “In RWBY, other characters get torn down to make Team RWBY look better, like the show only wants you to like Team RWBY! No one gets to be fleshed out or understood by the show! It’s SOOO disrespectful!”

...

*SMASH!*

Sorry, that was the sound of me faceplanting so hard I smashed a desk in half.

Really, Team RWBY never rises up and only other characters get torn down to make them look good? Yang never had to develop from being reckless as all hell to actually using her head in a fight? Blake didn’t have to get over her own fears and learn to accept help from others? Weiss didn’t have to struggle against her own personality to become a better person overall? Ruby didn’t have to struggle against the world itself and her own worldview to keep going?

This shit that is OBSERVABLE IN THE FUCKING SHOW didn’t happen? Sure, and there are two Adams. Even by the example you visually give (Avatar The Last Airbender)- Team RWBY still rose up like Team Aang did.

And don’t give me that ‘other characters get torn down!’ bullshit. The Ace Ops weren’t made to look bad to make Team RWBY look good- They failed because of their own personal flaws that were already established before that fight (Harriet’s recklessness, Elm’s temper, Vine’s detached attitude, Marrow’s disconnect). And Adam wasn’t torn down AT ALL: he remained the same damn character throughout his appearances and failed through his own failures born from his character.

And funny how you talk about other character not getting developed and yet ignore the Ace Ops’ boss. What’s wrong? Oh yeah, Ironwood IS developed (EXTENSIVELY. As in, we know more about his thought process, reasoning and actions than even WEISS, let alone Blake, Yang and Ruby.) so he just becomes a walking debunking of your OPENING ARGUMENT.

Not even past the intro and I’m already pissed.

1:46 ‘Any character’s righteous revolutions-’

Which didn’t exist, was disproven in the first episode and completely ignores BASIC writing tropes (like ‘Villians LIE’).

But please, keep talking about your delusions.

1:56 ‘There is an inescapable bubble Raven is in by both the audience and the characters!’

Spoiler Alert: It’s a bubble Raven HERSELF made in the first place.

‘A bubble that she’s a coward and cares about no one but herself.’

True and effectively true. I’ll explain WHY later.

(Nothing to say about the ‘Meeting Yang and Raven’ part, moving on)

8:37 - 8:51 *quotes Shane’s letter, portraying it as a cruel choice to ignore the Volume 2 stinger scene.*

So now we’ve moved on to tearing off chunks of Monty’s corpse and Shane’s grief to use for his own headcanon. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone using this- partially because it’s always using an emotional connection to Monty to manipulate the audience. Partially because this was a DUMB decision. 

Where the FUCK would Raven fit into Volume 3? Even the section EF takes from is about a fight that everyone agrees wouldn’t have fit into Volume 3 at all and served no purpose and this is the ONLY mention of Raven. Combine this with how Volume 3 is structured (where Raven can’t do anything that Qrow didn’t already do), how ambiguous the final scene of Volume 2 was, the Mary Sue accusations against Yang at this point and Raven’s revealed personality- She wouldn’t WORK in Volume 3. Just because Monty had the idea doesn’t make it a good one. Fuck, he BROUGHT ON Miles and Kerry BECAUSE he knew he wasn’t a writer and his last contribution (Maidens) was BY FAR the worst aspect of RWBY which proves that even more.

EF, you’re bitching that Raven wasn’t shoved into a Volume already overstuffed and lacking in time and resources. With NO purpose and contradicting her personality.

Congrats on encouraging bad writing.

10:43 ‘It doesn’t make sense that in introducing the maidens and making Raven one, they cut her attacking Pyrrha to get her Maiden powers!’

Yeah- nice headcanon. Too bad your own quote says they didn’t know the purpose, Shane’s letter never says the purpose either and you even say it’s speculation. Also too bad that we’re suppose to SYMPATHIZE with Raven on some level later on and a large part of why Cinder isn’t portrtayed as sympathetic is that she KILLED Pyrrha, Raven’s theoretical target. Thus Raven’s attack would make her even MORE unlikeable.

‘B-but it changes the context of what we know, like Yang’s search for her!”

And how? 

“Through her message to Yang, which was hostile and angry!”

... Really? The message of “I won’t save you again” is angry and hostile? It seems more matter of fact to me, informing Yang she won’t help her again not out of anger or dislike but through her worldview, which would be disconnected from her emotions on the surface.

Qrow’s words never include an insult or attack on Yang, like calling her weak or mocking her. You can INTERPRET it as hostile and angry but that depends on the subjective worldview of the person. The actual words and message don’t carry hostility or anger. They carry apathy.

‘B-but it splits her character in two-!’

Oh my god, did you SERIOUSLY try to pull another ‘Two Adams’ on me?

Raven DIDN’T HAVE a character to spilts in those two appearances. We knew nothing about her as a person. Her saving Yang and that supposed talk could have been for and about ANYTHING. That’s why there were so many theories: NOTHING was known. And nothing about those actions inform her character without context, which Volume 2 never gives.

This ‘first Raven’, like CJ Black’s ‘First Adam’, DOESN’T EXIST. It’s just a headcanon you refused to accept as being debunked.

‘W-well, Raven still looked after Yang when her arm was cut off!’

In bird form. And only bird form. And never directly interacts with Yang. All in a form Yang DOESN’T KNOW she’s in. Suffering from problems RAVEN HERSELF caused. WITH A FUCKING PORTAL TO HER AT ALL TIMES.

‘B-but her actions say that she DOES care!’

I knew PRECISELY what arguments you were gonna make the moment I started this video. Because they’re the SAME DAMN SHIT I’ve seen to defend Raven before. And let me go ahead and tear it down now: Raven being around in bird form means NOTHING. Without Yang knowing it’s her, it is meaningless. It’s WORSE than nothing because it demonstrates that Raven could have been with Yang throughout her life with no apparent cost to her because SHE WAS ALREADY DOING IT. And it means she watched Yang struggle with her abandonment and the toll it took on her family and ESPECIALLY Yang and did NOTHING to fix the problem. 

Even ignoring the portal thing, taking this one scene in a vacuum- her looking at her depressed daughter and then fucking off paints her as either so lacking in empathy that she can’t be bothered to help HER OWN CHILD or so ill equipped to be a parent she makes TFS Goku look like...well, Taiyang. With CONTEXT, (still ignoring the portal thing), she CAUSED this depression by scarring Yang all those years ago and made Yang’s life worse for it. With the portal, she couldn’t even do the barest of minimum standards.

You can try to portray this as beautiful all you want: Nothing is shown stopping Raven from actually BEING A PARENT FOR ONCE before this and after this, we KNOW it wouldn’t be difficult in the slightest and she STILL chooses to not help. It’s one of the worst cases of parental apathy I have ever seen and fuck you for trying to bitch out the creators because you chose to IGNORE CONTEXT.

‘Instead of making it so Raven abandoned Yang because of her Maiden powers, they instead chose to abandon her role as a mother!’

You mean they had a character make a decision that completely fits with how the audience would perceive the character at this point?

Everyone, consider what we know about Raven. She’s Qrow’s twin sister, meaning she’s logically just skilled and strong as Qrow is. She’s also a Maiden, something that gives characters an IMMENSE amount of power separate from their normal abilities. She has a decoy so no one knows what she actually is. She has a portal to and from Yang at ALL times. She’s as strong as the strongest non-Maiden character shown so far, IS a Maiden bolstering her power beyond the Maidens we DO know of and can instantly be there for Yang at any time in her life and get away if someone tries to go after her, which makes no sense if it’s about her being a Maiden because she has a DECOY for this thing.

And yet, with all these things working for her, giving her every advantage that DEFIES the common trope EF is pushing- Raven still ditched her, ditched her a second time and couldn’t even be bothered to give her deeply apathetic message herself. And now supposedly, Raven would suddenly become a mother to Yang...and we’re expected to feel happy about this.

Yeah, no. People would be outraged that Raven got off scot free. In no part

“Everyone keeps being hostile and angry with Raven, who is also being hostile and angry. This means that the other guys are just pidgeonholding her into this role!”

Yes, a trend that Raven HERSELF causes. Qrow is hostile towards her because she tried to act as though she cared about her family to Qrow, a character shown to be a loyal person, but ignores her own DAUGHTER when it’s supposedly about family. Yang is hostile towards Raven because she knows Raven could have been there for her but chose not to, all while she NEEDS to find her ACTUAL family. Even Taiyang’s look at the end of Volume 5 makes sense as if she’s there, that means she’s likely running from their daughter, whom she has failed as a parent YET AGAIN despite Taiyang giving her a generous interpretation.

Raven is being forced into a role SHE MADE FOR HERSELF.

“This isn’t how it was at the beginning of the show. Yang and by extension the audience is sad and curious while Raven and Qrow are angry and toxic.”

Again, you ignore context.

Yang knows NOTHING about Raven and was abandoned by her. Of course she’d be sad and curious.

But Qrow is different. He DOES know Raven, saw first hand what her actions have done to his family while being the type of person who would HATE this and Raven is actively being manipulative while also avoiding him as he asks for help in SAVING THE WORLD.

Later on, Yang finds Raven...after learning that Raven had every chance in the world to be there for her and chose NOT to. All while Raven exudes arrogance and a selfish pride in being a ‘prize’ for Yang to work towards.

Then Raven proceeds to use her as BAIT, abandon her, try to turn her against the family that HAS been there for her, insults the father and uncle who loved and cared for her- all for more power...that wouldn’t even solve the problem Raven has. She stabbed her own brother and daughter in the back...for nothing. Because of her own flaws, something Yang fought against and overcame making her more mature than her MOTHER.

And after all that, she is given one last chance to truly show her love for Yang: to help her and join her. To go with her and put herself at risk for Yang’s safety or at least taking the Relic so Salem will target her instead of Yang. And what does Raven do? Abandons her AGAIN.

Abandons her to run off near her ex, the man she left with a child and a broken heart. She uses her connection to him to run away from her responsibility as a parent, running away from THEIR DAUGHTER. The girl he raised up without blaming Raven for anything, instead trying to paint a good picture of her in Yang’s head.

No shit people are hostile or unhappy with her- She keeps FAILING.

‘Oh hey, they made her an antagonist and thus EVIL! The writer’s CLEARLY think that there’s no way a parent who abandoned their child can be anything other than EVIL!’

... Then how come they portray her as conflicted and sad in the finale of Volume 5?

Much like how Adam’s unmasking fundamentally BREAKS his previous arguments of ‘HE EVIL!’ because it helps humanize Adam and give him pity and sorrow, the same is done here with the finale and Raven’s final actions so far. If Raven were evil, she wouldn’t have tried justifying her actions. Salem, Tyrian and , actively evil characters, don’t act like Raven. And they certainly don’t show regret or sorrow for their actions or conflicts about the results. This goes AGAINST how people perceive evil, even in the show itself.

So if she’s supposedly EVIL, why is her climax all about aspects that are fundamentally incompatible with how evil is portrayed in the show?

Answer: Raven’s not portrayed as evil. She’s portrayed as FLAWED, with actual negative flaws that cause her grief and pain like any normal character. EF is just throwing a fit that a ‘character’ he likes isn’t being treated as positive.

‘Volume 4 wasn’t where we got our first impression of Raven, it was Volume 2 and 3!’

And what impression could you get?

That she’s strong...and that’s it. At least, that’s it for positive traits. Raven is strong because she scared off Neo and that’s all the positive traits we have of her.

Everything else is negative. She apparently doesn’t care enough about Yang to stay around in any capacity for whatever reason. She refuses to see Yang and is largely apathetic towards her. She can be there for Yang but chooses not to. And her own twin brother Qrow doesn’t really like her.

The things we saw of Raven then paint a picture of someone who doesn’t care about Yang in any meaningful way. Even though I’ve chosen to ignore the portal thing, I really shouldn’t because she showed the portals off since Volume 2, meaning since her physical introduction she ALWAYS had a path to Yang but never chose to. EF acts as though these aspects of Raven didn’t exist before Volume 4...when the barest minimum of thought shows them in before that.

‘Their biggest mistake was the Volume 2 end credits scene since it goes against everything they wanted to do with her as a character!’

Yeah...and you argue for including it even though your own source shows that the other writers KNEW this issue.

‘The first impression we got of her was her saving Yang’s life and then confronting her!’

Yeah, and guess what? Those are not inherently positive. She could have saved Yang to manipulate her and use her as a pawn for all we knew. For as many positive interpretations you can give for these actions, I can give a negative interpretation. All because these actions lacked context at the time so it was neither positive nor negative.

The context dictated what these actions were. And context defined them as ultimately positive...but flawed. Which you conflate with malice.

‘The Volume 2 scene was meant to be a kicking off point-’

For what? Once again, the scene is not inherently positive. Raven never shows care or love for Yang in that scene, all she shows is a desire to talk (which without context of what she says, what it means, what her intentions are, how informed she is and how she uses this opportunity- makes it neutral.)

After this you do this cartoonish ‘oh they changed direction!’ thing without a single shred of evidence beyond a letter made by a grief madden man which doesn’t even say what you are saying. You keep assigning direction to something without a clear direction.

‘So how do you address her Maiden plotline with her Yang plotline?’

You make it about her personal failing of trying to use power to hide her cowardice, show that she lies to herself as well as others to justify her actions and show how she fails? Like how they showed that her ditching Yang lines up with how she refuses to take action until backed into a corner, gets confronted repeatedly with her flaws as her daughter (someone far weaker and less informed) keeps going and the show forces her to see how she’s being cowardly?

‘Don’t do one.’

... Translation: ‘i didn’t like what the show did so I’m gonna do selective remembering to make it look like nothing happened. ... What? I did it with Adam.’

Regardless of how you feel about the plotlines- They were BOTH addressed. It wasn’t dropped, it wasn’t forgotten- It was resolved as I have shown multiple times here.

And here at 20:33 I’m ending this. It’s pretty damn clear that Erup-Cole is just ignoring whatever doesn’t fit his view. Instead of taking a look at what happened and trying to understand the pattern that comes, he’s making up a pattern and patchworking it together through cherry picking.

I see that he hasn’t changed from his Adam tantrum, because this is the EXACT SAME VIDEO, just stretched out and about Adam’s MILF form. And I do mean ‘Adam’s MILF form’ because I don’t think a character with such superficial similarities to him getting the same treatment is a coincidence.

Cole, you can’t try selling me something with THIS much bullshit. It’s like trying to serve me a maggot infested steak and telling me it’s well cooked. You’re full of shit and no matter how much you try to hide it, it won’t change.

Your headcanons are not canon and it’s your fault you take such offense. Deal with it.

[anon-e-miss]

Transit of Sparks - Serial Ficlet 14 (I think)

A quartex after the memory purge had begun, Bluestreak was thriving. Prowl was failing. Despite Ratchets efforts, his frame would not remain in a deep enough level of stasis for the CR chamber to work. There were whispers. Sometimes you just had to know when to set down your tools. Maybe it was time for someone else to take over as CMO, Ratchet was clearly too emotionally involved to make the right decisions. Jazz hated Pharma with a burning passion. If that Seeker took a step towards Prowl or Ratchet the saboteur was going to rip his wings from his frame and then throw him off the tallest building in the Heights.

"I hear Chromedome had some trouble with the energon dispenser," Jazz said as the door opened. He did not need to look up from the newling in his arms to know it was Mirage. He did not need to look up to know the mech was invisible. The Towers mech had his quirks, and the Polihexian made use of most of them.

"He made quite the mess," Mirage replied, sounding bored. He appeared next to Jazz, and followed his optics to Smokescreen. "He just couldn't stop tripping over his own mess."

" Thanks 'Raj," the saboteur replied. "They wanna pull the plug."

"I imagine they doesn't include Ratchet," the spy said, his optics shifted to the CR chamber, Jazz’s did too. His spark constricted at the idea.

"No," Jazz confirmed. "Or it woulda been done."

"Then you have nothing to worry about," Mirage replied. "He isn't going to let anyone tell him how to care for his patient. Not Pharma. Not Prime."

"What if he can't get better?" The Polihexian asked, softly. "What if it's just too much?"

"At the gates to the Well, that mech would stand before Unicron and Primus and trick them into thinking it was their idea to send him back," Mirage replied.

"At least he'd try," Jazz said. "Thanks. 'M thinkin' ya came as more'n moral support."

"I came to offer support, but with some Intel as well," the Towers mech replied. “I traced the slagger to Stanix. He freelanced, didn’t belong to either syndicate. He told his drinking buddies he was going overseas to do a really big job. He bought ever idiot in that oil bar a round as he boasted how he was going to make his fortune and his designation.”

“Slagging the Autobot SIC would be big,” the saboteur said. “Cons wouldn’t use this slagger. They ain’t got a fortune to pay, ‘n why pay’m when ya got a thousand nut ’n bolts that’d do it for free, frag got ten we know’ve that’ve tried. So who in the Pit wanted Prowl dead?”

“I looked into Chromedome,” Mirage replied. “And Rewind like you asked. They don’t have the credits, or the connections. They’re afts, but not criminals.”

“Could go back to his Enforcer beat,” Jazz mused. “I’ll see if I can get anythin’ from’em. Anythin’ else?”

“Our leak’s been confirmed,” the spy replied. “A gaggle out of tactics was heard talking scrap about the set up. They denied it, but the slagtard wasn’t the only one to overhear. Prime is dealing with them, he said due to the severity of the situation.”

“He don’t want me beatin’em within a centimetre o’ their lives,” the Polihexian grumbled. “You don’t got the authority... Least we can plug it...”

“Hound enlisted Trailbreaker to do just that,” Mirage said. “We know to keep you in the loop. For now you need to focus on Smokescreen and Prowl.”

“It doesn’t bother ya bein’ round, bein’ seen, askin’ questions?” Jazz asked.

“I’m fine,” the Towers mech said. “I’m being hated for accusing mechanisms about being traitors. It’s an interesting role reversal.”

“Thanks,” the saboteur replied. “Don’t know what I’d do without ya two.”

“You’d manage, if you had to run Ops from in here,” Mirage said, with a shrug. “But we’re here, and we’re both happy to take some of the load.”

“CJ’s treatin’ ya okay?” Jazz asked.

“Oh fine,” the spy chuckled. “He’d watch my every move, if I let him, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“If he ever figures out I got a track on ya, he’s gonna spend his every wakin’ joor tryin’ to hack it,” the Polihexian warned.

“Since only four mechs know, I’m not too worried,” Mirage replied. “We’re all fine, Jazz. You’ll know if anything changes. Let me know if you need anything. We’re rooting for him.”

“Thanks,” Jazz said. “I mean it."

“I know,” the Towers mech replied. “Take care of your bitlet.”

“He... frag, what if Prowl comes through, what if he wants me to break the tie?” The saboteur asked, he looked at Mirage, who cave him a funny look.

“The mech loves you,” Mirage replied. “He’ll bend over backwards to make sure you want to keep it, he will never ask you to cut it from your spark.”

“I love’m, have forever,” Jazz said. “It was never right, never wise. He accepted that, probably only agreed for me. Ended up with Chromedome... ‘n what a fraggin’ mess that ended up bein’.”

“The time never seems to be right for the important things,” the spy warned. “When he comes through, and he will, don’t chase him off again. Or I will be sorely disappointed in you.”

It was oddly comforting knowing that Mirage believed Prowl would make it through this. Spy and tactician had never spent extensive time together, with or without Jazz, but Mirage was one of the mechs the Polihexian trusted most. He was not prone to optimism, and if he believed Prowl would survive, maybe Jazz was not just a desperate fool. The tracking device installed in his spark chamber was for Optimus’ benefit. Jazz knew if ever Mirage literally disappeared, it would not be to hand Autobot secrets over to Megatron but because he had reached that limit. As much as the saboteur had once hoped the noblemech would amalgamate into even the Ops crew, he had mostly given up on that dream. Mirage held himself apart, and it would take some kind of miracle, or deal with Unicron to see that change.

“Ratchet ain’t gonna give up on yer origin and we ain’t gonna either,” Jazz said and he cradled the newling close. “Ratchet’s a miracle worker, ‘n yer origin’s got the toughest spark o’ anyone I know... He’ll pull through.”

[samiii-p]

dance inside pt. 4

CJ says hi

The attached photo stops Daria dead in her tracks. Its not the first pic her friend has sent, certainly wont be the last but a year ago this swimsuit would've hung on the rack as Mandy asked her opinion. These last few though, well, they've all been skin tight and practically painted on the blonde's body.

and i kinda miss you too 💦💦

It's the thirstiest thirst trap picture she's ever seen, and since their "no strings attached" talk, she feels free to let go and say what she's really thinking:

what a coincidence, woke up horny thinking about you today. and now, i kinda want to fuck the shit out of you.

also tell cj hello

Mandy's response comes immediately.

please tell me you're free tonight.

Daria chuckles, typing away:

home at 9 😏

***

“Hands. Stay.”

Daria grunts, and grips the sheets tighter, far away from the naked body she’s aching to touch on top of her. The blonde grind down, swaying her hips back and forth to her heart’s desire deliberately breaking Daria apart piece by piece.

This is not what show had planned when she invited her over earlier.

“Please.” Daria cracks, begging.

Mandy’s hips stutter, as she drives her hips down harder, eyes closed and back arched, moans loud and long. And Daria can’t help but to look on, mesmerized. She’s about to explode.

She licks her lips and tightens her rip in the sheets then lifts herself up, planting a bruising kiss to Mandy’s neck, and she curses riding Daria harder before pushing the brunette back down to the bed.

“What did I tell you? N-No touching …”

A smile accidentally slips as Daria plays innocent. “I didn’t. You never said I couldn't kiss you.”

“S-same, shit,” Mandy moans, body coiling in on itself as she gets closer to orgasm. Her hands slide from Daria’s shoulders down to her breast, she squeezes and breathes deep, “T-thing.”

Seemingly off in her own world Mandy loses herself in the quest to cum all over Daria abs. Daria wants to help, slide her fingers inside Mandy and bring her to the brink hard and fast, but knows it’s pointless to ask again.  All she can do is enjoy the show and try not to think about how she’s dripping all over her sheets probably more than Mandy who furiously worked to get herself off.

She tightened her grip even more, peering down and catching Mandy’s clit poking between her lips and dragging across Daria stomach. The small bundle of nerves, puff out, darkening as all the blood in the blonde’s body accumulate there.

“Fuck – Fuck. Shit, I … I’m,” Plump lips bite down on each other before parting into an ‘O’ as moans rip from the blonde until they transform into screams. A gush pours from her body all over Daria as Mandy shudders violently, crying out her pleasure.

Daria’s knuckles are white as she watches but let’s one go in time to catch Mandy as she collapses on top of the brunette. Waiting as she catches her breath and traces the damp skin of her back as she continues to come down.

“You alright?”

Mandy whimpers, thighs trembling.

“You feel good.”

She cracks another smile.

“So good,” Mandy says looking up, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, releases, and kisses Daria before slowly making her way down.

She kisses her breast, nipping at her hardened nipples. Her stomach and Daria almost blacks out when she slides her tongue over the lingering juice left there, moaning at her own taste before she crawls back up and slides her tongue in Daria’s mouth, sharing. They moan together and Mandy sinks into it enough for Daria to take advantage and flip them over.

She lifts Mandy’s legs over her hip and locks them in clit to clit. Daria’s so wet it only takes a couple seconds before she’s cumming.

***

Smarks Unite @SmarkUnity : @WWESonyaDeville is championship material. Why are you wasting her @WWE?

Daria pins the tweet.

Deville's_Devil @DevillesDevil : @WWESonyaDeville would kill it in another promotion. Sonya vs @BrittBaker. Sonya vs @BeaPriestley. Sonya vs. @SakiKashima. Sonya vs @SuYung or @KylieRae just take my money already because YES PLEEEASE!

She likes this tweet and the internet wrestling community sets hell on fire.

***

Cleveland, OH

Smackdown LIVE

Mandy gets her tooth knocked out after one misplaced kick. It's an occupational hazard but still hurts like a bitch. She schedules a visit to the dentist office the next day and it’s kind of a no brainier Daria plays chauffeur to and from her appointment.

"She's ready now." Dr. Puckett says, bringing Daria to the back to collect her friend. "I gotta warn you though, she's on nitrous oxide instead of numbing agent. She's going to need assistance for an hour maybe two." Tapping lightly on the door, she announces herself and Daria to the dazed patient in the room. "Mandy, sweetie. Your friend is here to pick you up."

Blue eyes land on her standing in the doorway and the dopiest smile preens across the blondes face as she takes in Daria.

“Holy. Shit,” she mumbles, blinks a second too long before her eyes pop open slowly. “You’re pretty as fuck.”

Both Daria and Dr. Puckett blush.

She helps her to the front and Deloris, the orthodontist assistant, recites Mandy’s post-op information along with a prescription she'll need to fill out. They get half way down the road when Mandy rest her head on Daria’s shoulder, half sleep, half awake and says;

"I'm going to marry you so hard one day."

And Daria's eyes widen, her foot on the gas nearly plant through the floor when she remembers the speed limit is 35 not 50 mph and eases off coming to a complete stop at a red light when the blonde mumbles, "I'm going to wife the shit out of you. I'm going to - I'm going to be the wifest wife you'll ever wife."

Mandy wakes up later that afternoon without a clue.

***

Kylie Rae is the first to respond.

@KylieRae I’ll take that match !!! 🔄 @DevillesDevil : @WWESonyaDeville would kill it in another promotion. Sonya vs @BrittBaker. Sonya vs @BeaPriestley. Sonya vs. @SakiKashima. Sonya vs @SuYung or @KylieRae just take my money already because YES PLEEEASE!

Britt Baker likes it.

Swol 💪🏽@BigSwol1 retweets : no one asked but I’d like to throw my hat in the ring too 🔄 @DevillesDevil : @WWESonyaDeville would kill it in another promotion. Sonya vs @BrittBaker. Sonya vs @BeaPriestley. Sonya vs. @SakiKashima. Sonya vs @SuYung or @KylieRae just take my money already because YES PLEEEASE!

The wrestling community goes a little crazy.

Parts: 1, 2, 3

ao3: @samiii_p

[nulledscripts5]

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[entergamingxp]

Achievements or Trophies • Eurogamer.net

Five of the Best is a weekly series about the small details we rush past when we’re playing but which shape a game in our memory for years to come. Details like the way a character jumps or the title screen you load into, or the potions you use and maps you refer back to. We’ve talked about so many in our Five of the Best series so far. But there are always more.

Five of the Best works like this. Various Eurogamer writers will share their memories in the article and then you – probably outraged we didn’t include the thing you’re thinking of – can share the thing you’re thinking of in the comments below. Your collective memory has never failed to amaze us – don’t let that stop now!

Today’s Five of the Best is…

Achievements or trophies! Achievements arrived first on Xbox 360 of course. Do you remember the first time you received one, that little pop-up opening to tell you what you’d been awarded? Bewitching, wasn’t it. A prize, and who doesn’t want to be given a prize? They caught on like wildfire and pretty soon, PlayStation 3 had a Trophy system of its own.

The more common they became, the more creative developers got. Soon straightlaced awards for reaching milestones were only the half of the picture and awards were used to tell jokes, encourage wayward behaviour, or entice you off the beaten track. Today there are hundreds of thousands of Achievements and Trophies out there. Question is, which of them are the best? Happy Friday!

(Where we refer specifically to Xbox 360 Achievements, we capitalise the word, but otherwise we mean achievement to include Trophies and every other kind of award.)

Crackdown – High Flyer

Crackdown had an excellent campaign – it was just hidden in the Achievements. Here’s where you’d find the real keys to unlocking fun in Pacific City. The best designers of the 360 era seemed to understand that Achievements were about encouraging you to play across the general rules of the game rather than just ticking off the story highlights. So it is with Crackdown. You’re a supercop, sure, but the Achievements are largely about the kind of stuff that would, at best, get you landed with an ASBO.

And the very best of the best: High Flyer – Make your way to the top of the Agency Tower. I can still remember the exact moment I unlocked this one. Late in the evening, a quick play session that, as is so often the case with Crackdown, had gone deliriously awry. Slowly as I climbed, the city sounds dwindled. And then at the top actual soundtrack music – a real rarity in Crackdown – started to play, strange melancholic chords that never quite came together to form a theme.

This in a way is where Crackdown ends. Once you can climb the tallest building, what else is there for you to do? But as with the best Achievements it’s also where the game begins: you have learned to speak Crackdown. Now go and play it properly.

-Christian Donlan

‘Apparently this is the hardest Achievement in the game.’ Such nonchalance!

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare – Mile High Club

12th April 2007 is a date I’ll remember forever because it was on that day, after weeks of trying, I finally earned the Mile High Club achievement in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. For those of you who don’t know, Mile High Club requires you to complete the bonus epilogue level of Modern Warfare on Veteran difficulty, and it. Is. Solid. Even now, only a miniscule 3.3 per cent of players on Xbox have unlocked it, and if you think how many people have played…

At that point in my life I was not only a huge Call of Duty fan but well into collecting achievements, and I’d taken it upon myself to get the full 1000 Gamerscore on each and every COD game going. I’d already done it with COD 2 and 3, and I’d unlocked every other achievement in MW – but Mile High Club was my nemesis. Each attempt was a nonstop, repetitive cycle of gunfire, fury and failure, and I’d truly begun to think the achievement impossible to earn.

The level itself is short but as it’s set onboard a plane, your path is linear without room to manoeuvre. On Veteran difficulty, this lack of wiggle room means there’s practically no escape from the constant hail of gunfire and death, which comes at you fast. It feels like the enemies have wallhacks enabled because of their ability to anticipate your every move. You need only expose a tiny part of your body a millisecond too soon and BLAMMO, back to the start.

The worst thing, though, is the mission is timed, and on Veteran difficulty you have only 60 seconds to make it through this army of super-accurate soldiers. But that’s not all. Once you reach the top of the plane, you need to test your aim and nerve by taking out an enemy using a passenger as a human shield, and all while the timer ticks down.

Over and over I tried, two steps forwards, three steps back. One run would come close but the next would fail instantly due to the impossible accuracy of the AI and a bullet homing into my face.

I’d all but given up when one day, it miraculously happened for me. I made it to the end, hit my mark and parachuted, finally, to freedom.

Nowadays I don’t have the time nor patience to pursue such brutal achievements as this, but I’ll always remember Mile High Club not only as the hardest achievement I’ve earned, but also the one I’m most proud of.

-Ian Higton

Oh come on, Ian, it doesn’t look that hard.

The Lego games – One Does Not Simply, Solid Snape, Don’t I Know You?

If timing is the secret of comedy then the achievement pop-up punchlines in Lego’s cheeky adaptations are some of gaming’s best. The Lego games aren’t the only ones to employ them this way of course, but their ability to treat the source material with a side-eye to the camera breaks the fourth wall with frequently amusing effect.

There are examples which the Lego developers have clearly crafted to provide a chuckle at a specific moment, such as the memey “One does not simply…” award in Lego Lord of the Rings, which is unlocked by doing exactly that: walking into Mordor.

One does.

Then there are examples you uncover often by accident. Hop into a barrel and sneak around while playing as Professor Snape in Lego Harry Potter and you’ll get the “Solid Snape” achievement, which is as terrible a pun as you’ll ever see on Eurogamer.

Even better are the achievements it takes a moment to register why you’ve just unlocked them. Play as both Captain America and Human Torch in Lego Marvel Super Heroes, in co-op, and you’ll get “Don’t I know you?” achievement – a nod to actor Chris Evans having played both roles.

-Tom Phillips

A barrel of laughs!

Grand Theft Auto 4 – Warm Coffee

There aren’t many mods more infamous than the Hot Coffee mod for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. It reinstated graphic sex scenes cut from the game and showed character CJ humping like a camel to fill an excitement gauge. It was something Rockstar wanted but was forced to remove – Simon Parkin wrote all about the GTA Hot Coffee mod if you’re interested in the full story. The upshot was a multi-million dollar class action lawsuit against Rockstar parent company Take-Two, and an eventual settlement of $20m. Yeesh.

It’s against that backdrop Grand Theft Auto 4 arrived, the next game in the series, and the question was, how would Rockstar handle sex this time? After all, it’s not like Rockstar to obey the rules. It’s this question that’s on your mind the night you take your in-game girlfriend – there’s a choice of a few – home from a date and get the option to try your luck for something more than a kiss goodnight. My girlfriend was Michelle, if you’re asking, and one night I got lucky.

The screen faded to black. Would it show what came next? Excuse the pun. No it wouldn’t, it turns out. All I saw was the outside of the building accompanied by Michelle’s enthusiastic yells of appreciation. It was only upon exiting the building, thinking about how Rockstar had shown surprising obedience this time around, the Achievement popped up. Warm Coffee. It was a wry smile in Achievement form if ever I saw one.

-Bertie

Great, Niko Bellic – you’re great!

Half-Life 2: Episode 2 – Little Rocket Man

Oh Gnorman; I will never forget our time together in Half-Life 2: Episode 2.

Before my chance encounter with Valve’s spacefaring gnome, I’d almost entirely, and rather snobbishly, dismissed Achievements as pointless contrivances in service to an endless numerical dick-waving contest for those with too much time to kill.

There was something about Episode 2’s gnome-themed challenge, however – appropriately titled Little Rocket Man – that captured my imagination and compelled me to get involved. And so it was, one balmy afternoon, that I found myself fishing an unassuming garden gnome from beneath a bed early on in the game, ready to deposit it in a rocket ship situated several fraught hours later. The resulting adventure – somewhere between slapstick road trip and highly unlikely buddy movie – was one I still remember, well over a decade on.

More than anything, it’s the driving that’s stayed with me; there were the beautiful scenic vistas of course, but most of my attention was consumed by constant vigilance of that tricksy little gnome. Thanks to Episode 2’s flamboyant driving physics, rising anything above a genteel crawl as you traversed the sprawling countryside would invariably make your diminutive companion launch dramatically out the back of your open-top vehicle, causing it to ricochet into oblivion or, if you were lucky, merely wind up several miles behind you.

What followed, then, was a journey of painfully pedestrian progress and comical frustration, as I invariably hit the pedal too eagerly, whipping around just in time to watch my tiny pal wave a sudden high-velocity farewell. Needless to say, by the time I located that rocket ship hours later, it was with a mix of relief and genuine sadness that our adventure finally came to a close.

But more than the experience itself, our time together transformed my view of Achievements, showing me how the best could bring unexpected new life to a game you thought you already knew. They’re the ones that reveal hitherto unseen layers and demand a different kind of thinking, forcing you to find new and creative ways to exploit familiar mechanics or opening entirely new avenues for mastery. Thanks to Gnorman (as he became known somewhere along our journey), I always take time to scan through a game’s Achievements now.

-Matt Wales

Four hours, that’s how long this video is. Four hours.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/achievements-or-trophies-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=achievements-or-trophies-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

[dykealloy]

how does shanks manage to have some kind of sexual tension with every warlord in the sea whilst also having practically zero screen time. ramona-esque dilf of the east blue. luffy wants to be king of the pirates but is stuck sailing through the several deadly seas of his dad's evil exes. they see the straw hat and it activates their fight reflex. half-convinced that shanks gave it away with full knowledge of this

[dykealloy]

[dykealloy]

*average person gets thrown through 3 windows a year* factoid is actually just a statistical error. average person gets thrown through 0 windows per year. Trafalgar Law, who has been experiencing defenestration since he was 10 years old, is an outlier and should not have been counted

[dykealloy]

god's favourite ragdoll princess and the most miserable girl in the world

[dykealloy]

[dykealloy]

genuinely one of my favourite bits from one piece

[dykealloy]

just a silly little guy

[dykealloy]

ikkaku living her best life

[dykealloy]

[dykealloy]

i really hate recommending things on the grounds of "yeah just put 1000 hours into it and it'll start getting crazy good" but you should watch one piece