#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…

[13shapeshifters]

(Ok so this is obviously going to contain huge spoilers for the Raven King) @girlbossfarooqlane , this one goes out to you

When I first listened to the chapter at the end of the book of Cabeswater sacrificing itself to save Gansey, my first thought was that Cabeswater was creating Persephone- was making itself Persephone- to be exchanged for Ganseys life.

It might sound a bit strange in the beginning but hear me out! I have some (good, if i might say so) reasons:

The chapter I'm talking about is chapter 67 of the Raven King. In this chapter we learn quite a few things about Cabeswater, that we know to be true because it’s literally written in its perspective:

Cabeswater is made and remade all the time. It is impossibly old and always young at the same time.

Cabeswater is not quite mortal and can’t sacrifice itself for Gansey, who is quite mortal

The sacrifice has to be a life

Adam/it's magician is the one trying to convince him of saving Gansey, giving it ideas and explaining in what limited way of communication they have

The easiest way of saving Gansey would be to make a copy of him, but Cabeswater knows that that isn’t what the Others would want and Cabeswater is all about making wishes (and not-quite-wishes) come true, so that isn’t what happened

[I would, at this point, like to point out that the way the chapter reads it sounds like Cabeswater is making Gansey new: “But it might be able to refashion him into something new” but that sounds like making a copy of Gansey but since They don’t want a copy of Gansey   Cabeswater shouldn’t be able to do it (see point 5). Although it might be (probably is as far as i understood that scene?) that Cabeswater remade Gansey entirely. As in from the moment he died the first time, the moment Gansey received “a new heart” from the ley-line to save him from certain death by wasps. That moment is the reason why Gansey is a mirror like Blue, the reason why he died the moment Blue kissed him. They kept reflecting power back at each other, stronger each time, and the weaker one had to break.

But if we ignore those two or three sentences I can just continue with my theory I spent too much time on, yknow?]

Cabeswater can’t just kill itself because a) it’s not really mortal (see point 2) and b) it’s all about creation which is- as you might know- pretty much the opposite of murder

Cabeswater mentions that the life-for-a-life sacrifice would only be possible for itself if it created itself a human shape. Let’s go with this. The rest of the chapter is Cabeswater not understanding humans but trying it’s best at creating authentic life

7.1) Cabeswater has no idea how humans are supposed to be

7.2) Cabeswater is going away to create its new life

7.3) Cabeswater keeps coming back to remember what humans are like, which likely results in life that is not quite what it’s supposed to be like but it’s close enough

7.4) It takes Ganseys wonder and regret, his humanity and puts it inside the new life. I will read this as Cabeswater copy and pasting it and not outright stealing it

Cabeswater has a very calming effect on Adam

This is just a collection of facts (with a few of my comments thrown in) so now let’s get to the things we know about Persephone to start connecting them:

Persephone is described as odd due to her youthfulness being side to side with her old wisdom (taken from the Raven Boys Wiki)

She has a concept of right and wrong but it differs very strongly from the “rulebooks” of the Others

Her physical appearance is almost unnatural, especially her eyes. They are described as black, but they turn out to be every color at once. I’m 80% sure that’s biologically not possible

3.1) It could be that her physical appearance is the result of her being a psychic, but she would be the only psychic in the Raven Cycle to have an altered appearance due to her psychic-ness

Maura and Calla meeting was a coincidence (as long as you believe in coincidences, Persephone meeting them was not

Persephone seems to be a sort of mediator of Foxway, she’s pretty much the only calm presence in the books

She taught Adam despite never taking initiative

She dies while scrying

7.1) She can not only see the past, present, future through scrying, she can participate. See: the scene before the discovery of her body in Foxway. She was with Adam one second and the next one she was gone. The cashier said that she was never there. She was projecting herself

So let’s start connecting dots, shall we?

In the chapters just before Cabeswaters chapter the focus lies on Adam and Noah.

Noah's chapter focuses on his life after death and the “time is a circle” theme that has been in every book of the Raven Cycle. Noah goes “back in time” to save Gansey, it turns out he was the one to rescue Gansey, he is the one who started his search for Glendower (which is something I could maybe write another essay on ). So Noah sacrifices his life for Gansey a second time, the first time when he dies, the second time when he moves on.

Adam meanwhile is scrying, getting back his autonomy from the demon. While scrying he sees Persephone, who is dead, and she tells him to take back control. As far as i know (could research) scrying is believed to do three things:

see the past, present and future

give visions coming from the subconscious and imagination

give visions coming from gods, demons and/or spirits

It seems to me that the scrying in the Raven Cycle is based on point 1 since there are multiple occasions where the characters use scrying as a medium to locate the present location of others.

That would not, however, explain the presence of Persephone while scrying.

What Adam is doing can’t be a vision from his subconscious since he is in Cabeswater, he sees how little is left of it.

It could be argued that she too is a projection of Cabeswater, but at that point it’s too weak to do anything, much less create a whole human being while continuously being destroyed.

There is no reason for Persephone to be there, no way for her to be there. Unless she’s part of Cabeswater.

If we start at the beginning (or the end, really) it goes like this: Cabeswater is dying and Gansey saves it. Gansey died and the Others wish for him to be alive again. Cabeswater, being the wish fulfilling forest it is, does everything to do exactly that:

Cabeswater can’t kill itself and a sacrifice would only work if it created itself a human form to inhabit to be sacrificed.

We know that time is not linear, so Cabeswater goes back a few years, and it creates Persephone. It uses up the last of its power to create itself new (always remade, reborn; see facts about Cabeswater point one) and makes itself Persephone.

Persephone is an odd person with eyes that shouldn’t be and who is young yet old and who knows so much about Cabeswater and knows how to help Adam when he is having problems with communicating with Cabeswater.

She takes Adam as an apprentice despite being often described as almost never taking the initiative and as soon as she starts teaching Adam, he stopped having his anger outbursts (See facts about Cabeswater point 8, “Cabeswater has a calming effect on Adam”).

They want Gansey to live so Cabeswater makes itself a person to help his magician help the Others get to the point where they are now (without Adam they would have never gotten to the point of finding Glendower and stopping the demon). So Cabeswater/Persephone gives Adam back his eyes and hands and Adam gives back the idea to trade Cabeswater for Ganseys life in return and Gansey lives. It's a full circle.

But wait! In Facts about Cabeswater point 2 “can’t trade Cabeswaters immortal life for Ganseys mortal one” this theory would be disproven. That's the second purpose of Persephone (the first one being making sure Adam gets to be present for Ganseys death so he can give the idea):

Persephone is the life that gets taken. Her life is the one that gets sacrificed on the leyline so Gansey can live. And one might argue about her dying before Gansey did but I would like to draw attention to two things.

Persephone died while scrying, she went too far out of her own body and never returned.

Adam saw her mere minutes before Gansey died, also while scrying

So Persephone looked into the future and she stayed there, she fulfilled her role as Adams “mentor” and she fulfilled her role as sacrifice for Gansey, giving her soul (not her body) and she never returned to Foxway, dying in the process (see facts about Persephone point 7.1)

This was her purpose, this is her something more that every significant character in the Raven Cycle has.

Obviously Gansey’s quest and sacrifice, Adam’s connection to Cabeswater, Ronan’s dreams.

Noah’s sacrifice for Ganseys life, Neeve’s role in the demon's uprising and end, being the third one in the Maura-Calla party to make it a good number.

Persephone’s something more was to be a sacrifice and she knew it. In that one scene she’s talking to Adam and he asks if she can see her own death and this is her response: “Everyone sees it. Most people make themselves stop looking, though”. She dies in the chapter following this scene, so he knows exactly what she’s doing, that she is going to die and she does it willingly because the Raven Cycle is all about working toward your something more.

Persephone also knows about her origin. She knows about her “connection” to Cabeswater (her being it, really) and it gets “addressed” in the very same scene.

Here a scene:

But Persephone just said in her tiny voice, “But I see now that it could never be. You’re like me. We’re not really like the others.”

Other what? Humans?

[...]

“We’re really better in our own company,” Persephone said. “It makes it hard, sometimes, for others when they can’t understand us.”

^^^The only really “inhuman” thing about Adam is Cabeswater, which implies that Persephone also has a connection to Cabeswater (again, my point here is trying to prove that she is Cabeswater, so that would be the connection) and the talk about not being able to understand them would only prove that further since Adam and Persephones whole relationship started because of communication problems between Cabeswater and Adam.

Here’s the “short” version:

When Gansey died Cabeswater made itself Persephone (with the help of some time warping and circling and stuff) and Persephone/Cabeswater fulfilled her two purposes (it’s just one, really): To make sure that Adam gets to the point of Gansey’s death to share the idea that will save his life and to be the life that is sacrificed.

Her/It’s whole purpose was to give Gansey life and that’s exactly what happened.

[eury--dice]

history, huh?

chapter 4: proxime

check the notes for links to other chapters and ao3!

(also would like to note a general cw for alcohol and child abuse in this chapter - see ao3/message me for more detail and please be safe and avoid if necessary)

Adam kind of wanted to go back and slap his former self before he could announce anything was “perfect.”

It was only once the turkeys were deposited in his room by blank-faced handlers that he began to regret his decision. The turkeys stared ominously at him, eerily silent for all of five seconds before they started to move and gobble.

And they didn’t stop.

SOS, he texted Ronan simply, receiving a lone question mark in reply. 

  iMessage chat to HRH shitty bird boy

Resumed 28 November, 2019, 12:36 am

  It’s the turkeys. I saved taxpayers needless expense and now they’re going to peck me to death. 

  told you to stop playing the hero, Parrish. 

  NOW IS NOT THE TIME

CORNBREAD IS EYEING ME

Some support would be appreciated here

  i’m going to assume that cornbread is one of the turkeys and not a sentient loaf of cornmeal?

  No, Your Highness, I’ve been performing a complicated experiment involving a snack to see if it can gain intelligence. The crocheted eyes appear to be working.

No shit, Sherlock, good assumption. 

And excuse you, in the South, we make cornbread with real corn. 

  if you’re going to jest don’t include hobbies that seem plausible

  The science experiment or the crocheting?

  both. 

  When would I do either of those?

  fuck if i know, that’s your business. 

  Oh shit oh shit oh shit

Meatloaf is gobbling again.

Is gobbling a precursor to attack? 

Would google it but I’m too afraid to take my eyes off of the dinos.

  gobbling is widely known as a war declaration amongst turkeys 

i’m surprised a smartarse like you wouldn’t know this.

  Oh, fuck it, Adam thought, and before he could talk himself out of it and resign himself to a night of gobbling, the dial icon had been tapped and the glass of his phone felt cool against his hearing ear. 

“Have you ever shared close quarters with a turkey?”

Adam could feel Ronan’s unimpressed silence through the phone. “No, I have not. Why the hell would I?”

“Privileged,” Adam muttered. “You don’t know how sadistic these turkeys are.��� 

Cornbread chose that moment to gobble rather loudly and antagonistically. Adam’s eyes snapped to the bird, his muscles freezing in pure fear. “Sorry,” he whispered. 

“Christ,” Ronan said, and his tone had softened somewhat. “Did a turkey make that noise?”

“Yep,” Adam breathed. 

“That is not natural,” he insisted. “What the fuck?”

“I told you!”

A squawk sounded on Ronan’s end, and when Ronan spoke his voice was a great deal gentler than it had been. “Good baby, your noises aren’t demonic…”

“I’ll assume you’re not speaking to me.”

“Fuck no. Every word out of your mouth comes straight from hell.” There was a muffled rustling nose, something that was probably feathers against skin. 

“Your bird?”

“Raven. Keep up, please.”

“Ravens are birds,” Adam said, but it was probably futile. “What’s its name again?”

There was a brief pause on Ronan’s end. “Her name is Chainsaw.”

Adam’s voice fell flat in response. “Chainsaw.”

He heard a kerah. “Something wrong with that?” Ronan said, his accent drawing out the o in ‘wrong’ like it was already a guilty verdict .

“It just doesn’t seem very...royal. Or bird-like.”

“It’s a good cry better than cornbread and stuffing.”

“I didn’t name them,” Adam defended. “Blame the American people.”

“But I already blame them for so much.”

“Add it to the laundry list.” Adam flinched back as the other turkey squawked deafeningly. 

It was the first time he and Ronan had spoken on the phone, and until then, he hadn’t even realized it. All it took was Cornbread’s evil gaze to snap him into reality. 

Silence settled between them for a moment. Adam barely dared to breathe between the awkwardness of his conversation with Ronan and his clearly impending doom at the hands of something only distantly related to dinosaurs. 

“If you get mauled by those turkeys, may I give the eulogy at your funeral?”

Adam snorted, drawn back to the feeling of the phone clenched in his hand. “Ignoring the fact that I’m the son of the President and you’re the Prince of England, absolutely.” 

“Good. I’m already drafting turkey-related jokes.”

“Don’t you dare dishonor me by bringing up the cause of my demise.”

“It’s a good thing Cornbread will have clawed your esophagus out and you’ve no possible way to object.”

“Jesus.” Adam shivered. “Now I have a third part to my nightmare.”

“I would trade you Chainsaw, but she goes for the eyes and I have the feeling you’d rather keep those.”

“Your feeling is correct.”

“Also, I would fucking die for her.”

“...Strong feelings, apparently, for a bird that doesn’t seem royal-approved.”

“That’s half the reason I love her,” Ronan admitted. “Most definitely not approved.”

“Just like your tattoo?”

The line went quiet for a moment. “Yes,” Ronan finally said. “Just like my tattoo.”

That line was back, and Adam inched ever-closer to touching it with his toes.

“No trade, then. I’ll just slowly perish alone in my room. If this causes a fiasco in the press be sure to make fun of me properly.”

“Of course,” Ronan said, just as Stuffing let out a deafening gobble. “Can’t you get Sargent to intimidate them into silence? Or, wait, is it charming them into liking her? I can’t figure her out from your description.”

“Knowing Blue it could be either,” Adam admitted. “And she’s...busy.”

“Busy how?”

“Back in Virginia busy.” Adam stretched out his shoulder, keeping a wary eye on the turkeys. 

“Virginia? With family?”

“Most of her family is Maura, and she’s still here,” Adam hedged, weighing the little he knew about the Sargent family with what he could say to Ronan. “But yeah, of a sort. Thanksgiving’s a rough time of year. She’s trying to help out, even though it’s not technically where she’s from. Raising money, ensuring shelter, I think she’s even got a protest planned.”

“Different shade of Sargent, then.”

“Same shade,” Adam corrected. “Different circumstances.”

Ronan hummed on the other end of the line. Adam scrambled for words, trying to lighten up the air. Stuffing squawked as though to mock his tied tongue.

“She’s been busy for the last few weeks, anyway.”

“What type of busy would this busy be?”

"Just start a new sentence. You sound ridiculous." Ronan stayed silent to his jab, clearly electing to ignore him. “...Date busy.”

“Good for her,” Ronan said, but he must have heard something else in Adam’s silence because he continued. “Wait. No. No fucking way. Not with Gansey?”

“Yes with Gansey.”

“Wow, third wheeling’s gotta be even more fucking awkward, huh?”

“God, I hope not.”

“The way you described them I thought they’d never wake up to it.”

“Me too,” Adam said. “And I’m thrilled for them, but I’m also very offended that their feelings are getting in the way of saving me. Gansey went with her.”

“Oh, you drama queen. Just sleep in Gansey’s room if the gobbling is that bad.”

“They can escape, Ronan, I swear to you. They’re like the raptors-”

“They’re named after fatty foods. You’ll be alright. Go the fuck to sleep.”

“...Yeah, alright. But you need to sleep too.”

“Wouldn't dream of letting you sleep alone,” Roman replied, his tone dry. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

As Adam let his phone fall onto his pillow, Stuffing chose to bash her wings against the cage. After almost falling out of his bed in fright, Adam quickly decided that Ronan might have been onto something about sleeping in Gansey’s room. 

If he made it through the night, he owed Ronan a thank you.

  ***

Christmas rolled around with a mighty fervor.

It felt like one moment, Adam was sitting back down in class after Thanksgiving to crack down on some new essays, and the next he was watching evergreens and pine decorations get thrown up along White House walls in perfect synchrony. 

The normal White House Christmas was an ordeal, one that did its best to stress family but mostly stressed political strategy. Nothing changed that year to make it different, but they did have a smaller affair in addition to all the festivities. Christmas Eve was, in many ways, the eye of the storm. An extreme amount of chaos was behind them, and a deluge to follow come Christmas morning, but Christmas Eve dinner was dependable, private, and blessedly relaxed. Adam, somehow, found himself looking forward to it. 

He sat on one of the staircases - it really didn’t matter which one, as they all blent together, only distinguishable by where they could take him - with the decorations hanging around him and a book in his lap. For once, there wasn’t any work, and even the most work-centered version of himself was forced to concede and enjoy a few hours of pleasure reading. He had grabbed the first book he could find off of his shelf and set off. Apparently, his hand had gravitated towards Fahrenheit 451. Not exactly light enough to match the twinkling reds and golds he spotted in his periphery no matter how he turned, but a personal choice all the same. 

“If you keep sitting on staircases, someone is going to walk into you,” came Gansey’s voice from behind him. 

“It’s their fault for not watching their way,” said Adam. “I’m sitting with my back to them. How am I expected to know?”

“By not sitting on staircases,” Gansey repeated. The air rustled as Gansey lowered to sit on the step next to Adam. “Some nice, light reading?”

“Yes. Everything okay?”

“Grand. Mostly just avoiding Helen unpacking and my parents stressing over napkin rings.”

“Gansey Christmas sounds wonderful,” Adam said dryly. “I assume they’ll all be here tonight?”

“Of course. They’d never miss it.”

“Helen is well?”

“Fantastic, apparently. Primed to get engaged soon, she says, and the helicopter’s got a new paint job.”

Adam could almost forget how much the Ganseys looked like a new Kennedy-like dynasty, but their swarming every year always reminded him. Their Christmas photos, too - always at DC landmarks, bleached teeth and ghost-pale skin and all-American born and bred grins. And the occasional snap stories from Helen of her mid-piloting a flying vessel didn’t help. 

“Glad to hear it,” he said, not surprised to find the words genuine. 

He got to see the Gansey family anxiety for himself only a few hours later, donned in an ugly Christmas sweater Blue had insisted on. Mr. Gansey cast a discerning eye around the room while Mrs. Gansey smiled tightly at his side, dressed pristinely. Helen chatted idly with Blue, though Blue looked prepared to bolt at a moment's notice. 

“Ho-ho-horseshit?” Maura questioned, snapping him away from his reverie and gazing around like a caged animal. Her eyes traced over the pattern on his shirt. 

“Blue’s homemade gift,” he said by way of response, to which Maura only sighed heavily. Her sudden appearance reminded him he had a task to perform, the small handled bag digging into his palm suddenly given a purpose. He held the bag out to Maura with a small grimace, watching one of her eyebrows quirk. “I was told to give you this.”

Maura withdrew an identical sweater from the bag. “Sending you to do her dirty work, hm?”

“I suppose so.”

“Hm,” was all Maura replied, until she lifted her analytical gaze to him. “Thanks, Adam,” she said, and in one of the greatest surprises of the night, slid her arm over his shoulders and drew him into a quick hug. “Now sit down. We’ve gotta start wrangling dinner if we want this to end before midnight.”

Adam took his place next to Gansey at the smaller table, unfolding a napkin and laying it across his lap. The gals at the table slowly began to fill in as Gansey chatted about the recent tabloid conjectures. 

“The youngest is back in the tabloids, you know, trying to get him on drug use again.”

“Oh, really?” Adam muttered, eyes scanning idly over the periphery of the room. His eyes snagged on the Christmas decorations, simpler than the majority of the White House decor. A few string lights here and there, hanging baubles, the occasional pile of fake snow. His finger tapped at the stem of his empty wine glass. 

“Last time he disappeared for public for a while. Heaven knows if that’ll happen again.”

He felt an itch inside his deaf ear, one he knew he wouldn’t be able to reach. “Disappeared?” 

“Yeah, just...gone, no public appearances…”

It was a vague memory, or perhaps a memory of a memory.  Just a snatch of something that made the hairs in the back of his neck stand up. He tried to focus on Gansey’s words, but all at once they started sliding around, unclear and blending with the too-loud noises of dinner being served. A cacophony of clacks and laughs and voices. His head burned. 

Gansey’s voice lowered. “Are you alright, Adam?”

He scooted his chair backward quickly, muttering something like “back in a minute” to Gansey before rushing away. He felt eyes on the back of his head, but he didn’t pause or slow until the door to his bedroom shut firmly behind him and he leaned against it, completely alone. 

“Parrish?” Ronan’s voice said in his ear, low and urgent, and oh. Adam hadn’t even realized his phone was in his hand, much less that he’d managed to press Ronan’s contact or raise it to his ear. He did briefly remember the ringing, but then words were falling out of his mouth and he didn’t waste any more brainpower on how he reached that position.

“I don’t want to…to bother you,” Adam said, and only someone who had known him for a long time would know how much it took Adam to say those words despite the fact that it was a mantra in his head repeating infinitely. Blue, who had known him since the age of five, had heard him say it only a handful of times. Gansey had heard it perhaps a handful more, though that was mostly because Adam felt strangely indebted to Gansey no matter how much he tried to change it. Ronan should not have known, but Adam had a feeling he would anyway. “You hate phones and it’s Christmas Eve and-”

“Adam,” Ronan said abruptly, and the use of his first name stopped him short. “It’s two in the morning. I’m just with Matthew. Talk.”

“Hi, Adam,” came a cheerful voice, somehow sounding like an even better picture-perfect British monarchy member than Ronan or Declan. “Ronan’s told me everything about how he-”

Adam missed Ronan’s ensuing muttered comment, something that most likely resembled a threat, but soon the voice that Adam assumed to be Mathew let out a trailing laugh, the sound growing fainter as he likely moved away from the phone.

“And fuck you!” Ronan called, with his mouth moved away from the receiver, before his attention returned to Adam. “He’s gone now.”

“It’s okay,” Adam said. “I didn’t mind.”

“I know,” Ronan said simply. “But I thought it might be easier. Now go.”

“I-I just,” Adam fumbled with his words for a moment, his free hand curling into a fist on his thigh. He felt, strangely, like he was back in Aglionby PE class trying to participate in a football scrimmage. He’d always come just short of catching the ball. He’d known what he was supposed to do, where his hands were supposed to go, the sequence of events following the initial contact, even the proper footwork. But whenever the ball reached him, he felt the disconcerting motion of closing his arms around nothing, always a second too early or too late, leather slipping from his arms like butter in a hot pan. “Couldn’t be at that dinner any longer.”

“Why?” Ronan asked, and it was a good question, a good question that Adam had avoided so many times over he barely knew how to respond. He almost deflected like he always did, but Ronan asked the question differently than everyone else. There was no expectation in the question, no real drive to know the answer other than making Adam feel better, no guarantee of hearing the full truth or any version of the truth at all. Why. Why respond now?

“I was little,” he said, and fuck why did he go down this road at all? “And everything was overwhelming when I was little, and everything is overwhelming now, but it’s even more overwhelming at Christmas.” Ronan didn’t say it again, but still, it traveled across an ocean to hover over Adam uncertainly. Why?

“I don’t remember a lot about it. I don’t know if that’s because of...how it was, or just because I was so small. Younger than three, I think.”

“I barely remember anything from then,” Ronan said, the closest thing to reassurance Adam had received from him.

“Yeah,” Adam said. “Yeah. I guess. But I remember...I remember the double-wide. The great American double-wide in the great American trailer park with the great American alcohol and the great, raging American father.”

Ronan’s breath shifted ever so slightly.

Adan screwed his eyes shut. “I don’t...my mother wasn’t there. But she was the one who put the Christmas lights up. I couldn’t stop staring at them. I can still remember...they made the tan wall look almost golden. Just where the lights touched it, of course.” His voice trailed off, realizing how tangential it sounded. Softly, he added “I don’t know why I remember those lights.”

“Our minds remember random things,” Ronan said, perhaps to bring Adam back to the story.

“Yeah,” Adam agreed, blinking quickly. “Yeah. He didn’t...he didn’t like that. Me looking at them, I mean. So he...he took them down.”

The silence pressed in at his ears, threatening to close in on him just like walls. 

“I see,” Ronan said. 

“And he…” Adam swallowed, feeling his Adam’s apple scratch tightly against his neck. He pressed his free hand to his deaf ear. “I don’t remember a lot after that, either. But the bulbs were...hot. It was freezing inside, so they should have been, too, but they were lightbulbs, I guess, and so they were hot. At some point, I fell into a railing. It burst my left eardrum.” At that moment, he could feel that second in startling clarity - pinpricks and needles and blood vessels dancing on his skin, sharp, pointed, wild attacks, and the loudest noise he’s ever heard in his life, making him collapse to the ground and forget everything else. Pain, bright and white and flashing and throbbing in time with his heartbeat until he wanted to melt into the floor. Adam was the better part of two decades removed from it, and still, the thought of that moment made his stomach turn over and over.

Adam knew he didn’t imagine Ronan’s intake of breath then.

“And my mother got home, and when she saw we left and never came back.”

The walls pressed closer to him until Ronan said “Well, shit. Fuck. Jesus.”

Adam brought his hand to his mouth, pressing it until the pressure began to ease up in his gut. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, muffled against his fingers.

“No, shit, Parrish. Don’t you dare apologize.” There was a quick exhale, something that sounded like leather sliding down a headboard. “That’s what you remember of Christmas?’

“Yeah. I don’t - I don’t remember a whole lot.”

“Well, thank God for that.”

Not even Blue and Gansey knew that story. They knew the vague details, of course, how his smiles turned tight around the White House decorations and he preferred to slip into his room early on holidays. And that Robert was the reason for his being deaf in one ear. He could just never get the entire story out around them.

Telling Ronan about it was easy, though, in a way that it shouldn’t have been. He was supposed to hate Ronan, even if it became more clear with every passing day that he was far from hatred. 

“I guess I should. It’s not like I’ve done any of that in a long time.”

“You don’t have to.” A slight pause. “I can.”

Adam tried to keep the doubt out of his voice. “You can?”

For a brief moment, Adam thought Ronan might hang up on him. But then he said, “Can I tell you a secret, Parrish?”

After everything I just put on you, you could tell me a thousand secrets. You know I’ll keep every single one. I’m trusting you with a story that no one else knows, that no one else will ever know. I could do nothing less than keep your secret. 

All he said was “Of course.”

“You know my Irish father? My Irish storytelling father? My Irish-Catholic father?”

“Right.”

“He passed down more to me than just his Irish stories.”

It took Adam’s brain a moment to catch up. “I...see.”

“All three of us...well, behind closed doors, that’s what we practice. Believe. Whatever shit you want.”

“Right. So no… C of E.”

“On the record, of course. Off the record...no. None at all.”

Adam hummed in response. He couldn’t think of what else to say. 

“So...I will. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah. Of course.” A knock sounded on the door, sounding suspiciously like Gansey’s familiar tapping. He rose slowly, crossing to fall onto his bed. “I should probably let you go. Don’t want you to have too prolonged contact with any screens.”

“Disgusting,” Ronan said. A beat passed. “Are you a bit better?”

Adam shut his eyes, feeling the tension coiled in his chest ease up slightly. The line between the two of them materialized at his feet, on the backs of his lids, and he could nearly touch it with the toe of his shoes. “Yes,” he admitted. “Thank you.” And of all the words for Adam to say, they were the easiest and hardest to accomplish.

“Thank you,” Ronan said, and if Adam didn’t know any better he would think the words sounded harder to say for Ronan than Adam. But the line clicked and fell dead before Adam could say anything. He stared at the phone for a moment until the screen switched off from disuse, leaving him in the dark. Only then did he stand and cross the room to perch on the edge of his bed.

Gansey’s head poked through his doorway. He hesitated as though asking for permission, and Adam nodded. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything."

“It’s fine,” Adam hedged. “We were wrapping up.”

Gansey fell heavily into Adam’s desk chair just as he always did. “Everything alright?”

“Now it is, yeah.”

He seemed to be trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. “That wasn’t Noah, was it?”

“No, of course not.”

Gansey nodded once. “So it was Ronan.”

“What?” Adam sat up a little too quickly, blood rushing to his head. “Why would you say - how do you-?”

“You don’t exactly have a wide circle of friends. Guessing is easy.”

“I hate your knowledge of my loneliness.” He swallowed roughly. “And we’re not... friends.” 

Gansey cocked one eyebrow. His thumb raised to run over his lower lip. “Really?” He challenged.

And, well. No. Not really. Adam thought of their strings of messages, the trade of information between them so easy and simple. He couldn’t pretend that they were enemies anymore, or that their general feelings weren’t positive.

“Really,” He said, launching himself up off of his bed. Smoothing out the wrinkles in his pants, he glanced back over to his friend. Gansey was studying him with a distantly memorable expression, as though trying to discern a difficult Latin translation but determined not to ask for help. 

“Well,” Gansey said, blinking once, twice. He stood abruptly, noting Adam moving towards the door. “Let’s off, then.” “You’re not British, Gansey, don’t say that.”

“Mm, you’d know all about their phrases, wouldn’t you?”

“Do not.”

Before Adam reached the door, Gasney stopped him, saying his name so lowly Adam almost missed it. He turned and waited for Gansey to speak.

“Are you sure you can go back?” Adam mustered a smile. No, he thought, but Ronan’s voice echoed in his head. Don’t apologize. Maybe he could make it through after all, have a slightly better memory of Christmas. “Yeah, I am.” And he turned the doorknob to let them spill out into the hallway.

  ***

iMessage chat to HRH shitty bird boy

Resumed 29 December, 2019, 5:17 pm

  Look. I’m just saying.

Ignoring the fact that bearer bonds haven’t been legally in use since 1982

That henchman says that they’re valued at $100,000 USD

(£75,700 for your British ass)

and then Alan Rickman says they earn 20%

When the interest rate on corporate bonds was 9% when Die Hard came out??

And also there’s never been a US bond worth more than $10,000??

  stop letting sargent force you to watch die hard

for the love of god stop

it’s a MOVIE

  It’s not Blue, actually.

It’s your best friend.

  henry??? how??

  Netflix party

He got my number (thanks for that)

And wouldn’t stop texting insisting we watch it

Or he (as threatened) will “release the bees??”

I’m not sure what he meant but here I am. 

Accidentally desecrating Alan Rickman’s legacy.

Blue’s here too but it’s not her fault, at least.

  that asshole

how dare i not be included in everything he does

  “Why the hell is Ronan on the guest list?” Adam demanded, casting his eyes over their virtual list for what felt like the hundredth time. Planning for their New Year’s Eve fundraising event/PR dream/blowout party had been well underway since before Christmas, but crucial developments always occurred in the weeklong stretch between Christmas and New Year’s. Like the inclusion of the Prince of England on their exclusive invitation list of all the most famous and powerful twenty-somethings from around the planet.

Blue, seated sideways in an armchair and eating a container of strawberry yogurt at a glacial pace, said “I thought you added him?” 

Adam wouldn’t put it past her to add him and feign innocence - she had some hidden agenda with him and Ronan, anyway, one he wasn’t quite sure of - but her ignorance seemed genuine. At once, they both turned to Gansey. He kept his face blank.

“Good question, Adam,” he said, refusing to back down under their stares. “But the real question is why didn’t you invite him?”

Adam, too, did his best to look passive. “Why would I?”

“He’s your only friend that’s not currently in this room?”

“Plus he’s great for the press,” Blue chimed in.

Adam just looked between them, and Gansey sighed.

“Look, Adam, it’s - it’s great that you actually get along with him. Like him.”

“Do not,” Adam retorted automatically. His phone buzzed, and he felt his cheeks darken a little with the knowledge that it was probably Ronan. Gansey and Blue were probably staring at each other and having one of their silent conversations, but he didn’t trust himself to look at them without giving anything away. Not that there was anything to give away. “You invited Cheng too, right? Ronan won’t come if he doesn’t.” “Thought you didn’t care?” Blue asked, and he shrugged.

“They’ve both RSVP’d yes, Adam, so I’m sure your best friend will be there.”

“Lovely,” Adam muttered, ushering them along the rest of their planning.

Just before eight PM on the thirty-first of December, Adam curled into his desk chair with a textbook perched on his bent knees. Blue, already dressed and made up while laying spread-eagle on his bed, fiddled with the hem of her shirt. She’d managed to convince PR that a self-designed outfit would make a splash, and Adam had to agree with her - she really did have a knack for design and upcycling. 

Technically, they should have been heading down to play host to all types of young, influential people, buttering them up for cash and future favors. But much as the media loved their wild parties, none of the White House Trio were particularly fond of them. They preferred a quieter scene, but quiet didn’t raise money and make headlines. 

That didn’t mean they couldn’t hole up and enjoy the peace and quiet before then.

Gansey, who by far had the greatest social battery, was therefore left to field early attendants and the press on the lawn. He’d come and drag them out of Adam’s room soon enough, of course, but before that time came there was relative peace.

“I guess we’ll get one more of these,” Blue said. “At least.”

Adam lifted his eyes from the book and looked at her. “Yes,” he said softly. “I think I’ll miss them?”

She laughed, a deep laugh that eased a bit of the pre-party anxiety in his chest. “I won’t. I hate this party.”

“But don’t you like flirting with all the daughters of Oscar-winning actresses?”

Blue hummed. “That is fun. They’re never ready for it.”

“They never are.”

“I’ll be doing less of that this year, though.”

“And hopefully forever?” Adam teased. The sudden air of wistfulness descending around Blue gave him a hint of pause. She took a moment to respond.

”Maybe,” she muttered. “Shut up.”

Adam let it go for then, sensing genuine distress in Blue’s stiffened shoulders.

“They wouldn’t be so bad if everyone didn’t get so blacked out.”

“Well, we have liability waivers now. And I think you mean it would be worse.”

Adam sighed. “I guess no one would show up without the promise of alcohol.”

“Exactly.”

Contrary to how Blue and Gansey made him live, Adam really didn’t enjoy drinking that much. When he did, he preferred to do so quietly - sitting in the music room with the rest of the trio, celebrating a good grade with his family, breaking out something to make a night-in a little more exciting. Events like the Royal Wedding were a one-off, where he needed distraction and alcohol presented itself. 

He didn’t want to think about the need for distraction just then, with Ronan and Henry Cheng most likely en route to the White House.

A few quick, precise knocks came at the door. Gansey. He popped his head in.

“You two need to show up soon or it’s going to look suspicious,” he greeted. Blue made a tiny noise of discontent and made to turn her face into Adam’s pillow, but must have remembered her makeup and decided otherwise.

Adam heaved a sigh and stood, smoothing one hand over his hair. He’d straightened and smoothed it down for the event, knowing the cameras preferred him in all of his polished glory. He glanced between Blue and Gansey, but their gazes didn’t flicker from each other. Something about the hunger in their eyes made Adam ache, a tight knot settled in his chest. Gansey moved into the room and Adam out of it. He cast a glance through the doorway over his shoulder, trying to gauge if he should wait for them. By the low, urgent whispers carrying between them and Gansey’s hands rested on Blue’s elbows as they stood nearly flush, his presence was no longer necessary. 

Adam trailed down the hallowed halls until he reached the mingling mass of people in the East Room. He turned on his smile, trying his best to become invisible. It didn’t work. At every turn, another person grabbed his shoulder to catch up, another drink pressed into his hand, another question hurled his way. At some point, he started to feel a bit numb in the fingers, tiredness and giddiness from the schmoozing seeping into his bones.

Blue appeared at his side. Her smile had dampened somewhat, but he could tell she was enjoying herself from the set of her brows. Something, however, was off at just that moment. She inclined her head behind her, and that was all the explanation Adam needed. 

Ronan often had that upsetting effect on people. 

Adam took a moment to observe the scene. Ronan and Henry Cheng stood several feet away, engaged in conversation with Gansey, who walked backwards tidily through the crowd as though herding them towards Adam. Ronan’s face remained passive, clad in his black-leather best. Adam’s skin felt hot and itchy under his shirt, and he looked instead to Cheng. In his Madonna t-shirt, Cheng drew attention to himself in waves. Between his eccentric origin story and absently friendly expression, not to mention the excited manner in which he partook in whatever Gansey was saying, Cheng would surely be the hot commodity of the party. 

“Making friends?” Adam asked Blue, pulling a face at the same time she did. 

“He’s your best friend,” she replied just as Gansey reached them. Blue reached out a hand to stop him from colliding with them, stretching her arm so that it was almost straight, and he caught her hand easily with a squeeze.

From what Adam could tell, their conversation centered around some vague school memory from Eton, but it dissolved as soon as Blue and Adam broke their circle. The brief silence was broken quickly by Henry Cheng, who announced, “Well, if it isn’t the man with the worst opinions about Die Hard.” 

Against his will, Adam felt the corners of his lips twitch. “And the man who cried over Alan Rickman dying in Die Hard.”

Henry shrugged. “I wear my emotions proudly.”

“We fucking know,” Ronan said, breaking his silence. Adam hated how nicely the tight leather jacket accented his pale skin and high cheekbones, looking almost regal in his rebellion. “You monologued about the unbridled joy in your heart over the Madonna song playing when we first arrived.”

Henry grinned. “I will not apologize for being stable in my masculinity, Ronan, unlike all you repressed British types.”

“I need a drink,” Ronan declared loudly, plucking one from the closest tray and downing it in one graceful motion as one might serve a tennis ball. Henry did not appear phased by the sudden dramatics. 

“Now, let’s see if I get everyone.” He turned his head to Gansey, moving around the circle. “We’ve got King Ganseyman, of course. Adam Parrish, the least valid person I can think of for purely petty reasons. And of course our dear Periwinkle.”

Adam cocked a brow and subtly shifted his eyes to look at Blue. She looked fit to claw out someone’s eye even though her own eye scars were obscured in makeup; her hand had tightened significantly around Gansey’s, and he gave no indication of pain from the movement beyond the barest twitch of his mouth. 

“Clever,” she said at last, sparing him a tight, sarcastic smile. “I’ve also read the labels on nail polish to pick up a few new words. It’s nice to know you can read.”

“Yes, well, you have to start your journey to literacy somewhere,” Henry said grandly. “I appreciate your support, of course.”

Adam caught a flicker of amusement pass of Blue’s face. He had a sinking suspicion that maybe Blue wasn’t as averse to Cheng as she put on a show of. 

“Are you literate enough to read off a drink order?” she said. 

Henry grinned, white teeth lining in rows in his mouth. “I suppose I can string a few words together.”

Without letting go of Gansey, Blue surged forward, looping her other arm in Henry’s. The three of them trailed off towards the drinks, Blue and Henry moving determinedly and Gansey, bemused and grinning at their sudden acquaintanceship, lagging a step or so behind. Adam gazed after them for a moment, but Ronan took a step closer to be heard over the music and he turned his head to look at him. 

“She’s gonna have them wrapped up all night.”

Adam raised a brow. “You can read her that well?”

Ronan gave his head the tiniest, nearly imperceptible shake. “No. I know Cheng and Gansey.”

The heat of the room was starting to cling to Adam’s skin; he rolled one shoulder uncomfortably. “Of course. Eton gang’s reunited.”

“For better or worse,” Ronan agreed lowly. 

Adam meant to ask what he meant by that, but he never received the chance. A hand tapped Ronan firmly on the shoulder, and Adam watched as he turned automatically. His face broke into an uncharacteristic grin at the sight of the person behind him. Adam felt his forehead crease as the figure wrapped their arms around Ronan’s shoulders and he hugged them back almost as enthusiastically. For a moment, the only sight was the overlapping of pale and dark skin, the stranger’s feather-pink jacket contrasting with the black leather Ronan wore. 

Then the two separated, and between the black bralette, exuberant eyeshadow, and tight-coiled hair shining under the strobe lighting, Adam recognized Hennessy - up-and-coming London artist, an occasional nuisance. and precisely the type of person that thrived at these parties. 

“You bastard,” she said to Ronan. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“Henry was live-tweeting the whole flight.” 

She scoffed lightly, rubbing at an invisible spot of dirt on Ronan’s cheek. “I've had him muted since uni.”

“Don’t let him hear that you haven’t been keeping up on his page.”

“Aww, it’s sweet you worry for me, little fox, but I can take that pissant any day of the week.”

Ronan pulled back slightly. “Of course you could, but Henry goes more for psychological violence.”

“Yes, well, I can get him in that too.” Neither acknowledged Adam standing nearby. Hennessy shook her head, curls bouncing with the movement and picking up all kinds of strobe lighting. “Where is he, that shadow of yours?”

“Cheng could never be anyone’s shadow. He’s too out there.”

“And you’re the one he chooses not to abandon, hm? How sweet.” When she smiled, she looked very much like a painting, striking and set and venomous enough to burn at the slightest brush. Ronan appeared impervious.

“He’s making friends.”

“Hm. How boring.”

Ronan’s voice lowered, but Adam thought he could hear him say “Jordan’s not here?” 

Hennessy’s lips, the same vibrant shade as her lids, pulled a little tighter. “Nah,” she replied, casual enough. “Working on some deadlines, poor thing.” Her eyes flitted away from Ronan’s face for the first time, landing squarely on Adam instead. Her grin widened. “Well, there’s our treasured host. Late to your own party?”

“I have learned a few things from you over the years, Hennessy,” Adam replied, slipping a hand into his pocket in an attempt to appear more casual than he felt. 

“Fuck, I guess you have,” she admitted. Compared to Ronan’s accent, her voice sounded slipperier and rounder, sliding through the air until it reached his ears. She lifted a hand to land one last pat to Ronan’s cheek before gliding on to land a similar one to Adam. She paused briefly in front of him, lowering her hand. 

“You look happy,” she noted. Waggling her fingers in a wave, she turned back so both Adam and Ronan could see her. “I need a drink to get through all these boring political types. Ta, darlings,” she said, before disappearing back into the crowd as quickly as she had arrived. 

Adam exchanged a look with Ronan. “So you know Hennessy?”

“I’d hope so, yeah,” Ronan said, but he didn’t elaborate. “You?”

“We've met a few times.” 

“Pity,” Ronan said, standing like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his hands. 

Adam rolled a few words around on his tongue - questions, mostly, infused with the sudden jealousy he felt simmering low in his gut - but instead all he said, so out of character, was “Do you want a drink?”

His shoulders seemed to soften slightly. “Can’t let Sargent have all the good ideas, I guess.”

“I’ll tell her you thought it was a good idea.”

“Fuck off.”

Ronan appeared a little more at ease with a drink in hand, and eventually, Adam lost him to the crowd. He stood stranded for the briefest of moments before Henry Cheng appeared, for the second time that night, at his side.

“Adam Parrish,” he said, handing off a drink that looked clear and deadly. It took his fingers a moment to remember to grab it rather than letting it splash to the ground. 

“Cheng,” Adam said, letting the déja vû wash over himself. “Thought we already had our introductions.”

“Of course,” Henry replied, tone too even and pleasant for the chaos around them. “Just wanted a chat with the movie critic, is all.”

Adam cast a skeptical eye around the room. “You’re sure this is the best place?”

“No time like the present, my friend.” Henry threw an arm around his shoulders, guiding Adam towards the dance floor and obscuring his own voice further. “How about you down that there drink and enjoy yourself? You look positively coiled and ready to strike.”

“I’d really rather not. What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, if you’re so connected to sobriety, so be it,” Henry said, stealing the drink back. He nodded over Adam’s shoulder as he lowered his head back down from the drink, and when Adam glanced he saw a flash of Ronan’s leather among the crowd. “Our Ronan is looking fit, no? I’m proud of him for getting out of the house.”

“Some house,” Adam muttered, not expecting Henry to hear. All the same, his companion let out a startled laugh.

“Could say the same to you. But yes,” he said, leaning closer, “between you and me, the palace is always quite disarming.” Straightening and throwing a wave over his shoulder, Henry added, “Perhaps you have more reason to get used to it than I do, however.”

“More reason?”

Henry smiled, then, and somehow it appeared as menacing as Hennessy’s had earlier. Maybe he’d learned from her. “Friends of the royals make quite frequent trips, I’m afraid.”

“What, you’re not approved enough?”

“‘Fraid not. Heir to a fortune is not the same as First Son, Parrish, and I believe you’ve a wonderful slip of parchment ensuring just how approved you are.”

“I can’t find it in myself to be surprised you know.”

“Well, imagine being me if I didn’t!” Henry exclaimed, drawing the attention of a few popular influencers as he splashed a drink in their direction with his aggressive gesturing. “I was only on the receiving end of the HRH’s rants for three bloody years before you wrestled each other in frosting at the greatest wedding of the decade-”

“We didn’t wrestle-”

“And then you turn up a week later, acting all buddy-buddy for every camera you find - well, it would look suspicious had I not known!”

“Mhm,” Adam drawled, cutting his eyes back to Henry. “I bet Ronan can’t keep a secret from you.”

Henry grinned again, baring his teeth. “You’ve read him so well, McClane.” He sighed theatrically barely a moment later. “And debunked my argument succinctly.”

“That’s the price to pay for knowing all of Ronan’s thoughts, I suppose, Gruber.”

“Among many others. I’d expect his Niamh to know that well enough, though.”

Adam felt himself freeze as Henry’s hand came in contact with his shoulder, a friendly pat. His Niamh. As if that meant anything, as if those words fit together in any logical pattern. His Niamh, and his mother’s voice - almost golden. 

“Or you will soon enough, mate,” Henry said. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

And Henry Cheng disappeared into the crowd, popping up laughing with Blue a few feet away.

Adam surrendered gaining any grip on this night right then.

At some point, Hennessy found him, pressing a drink into his palm - what was with all his friends and acquaintances plying him with alcohol? - and said, “Well, I’d think you were avoiding me as you have at the last two of these parties.”

“Never avoiding,” Adam defended, mustering a smile as he lifted the drink to his lips without thinking. “Just generally indisposed at events.”

“You’re making some good choices, then.”

“What’s done must be done.”

She raised a single eyebrow. “Rather defeatist of you, Golden Boy. Don’t remember that from your time on the campaign trail.”

Adam grinned. “I’m a fully realized creation. I have the capacity to change.” “There he is, bringing out the philosophy at parties.” She nodded to something that might have been Ronan if Adam focused his eyes and squinted enough. “Don’t remember him, either.”

“Have I mentioned you look fantastic?”

“I know, darling, and I note your deflection.”

“My point stands.”

“And it’s valued.” She slid an arm over his shoulders, uncomfortably warm, to lean closer to his ear. “But we’re gonna have a conversation when you’re not overwhelmed at a party you don’t want to throw. I’m serious about the ignoring.”

“I know you are.”

“Mhm. And if I were you, I’d go check on your boy. But I’m not you, so I’m going to enjoy myself.”

As quickly as she’d appeared, she slid off into the crowd, joining the numbers of people Adam had completely lost to the mob. Everyone seemed able to navigate it but him.

As the clock neared midnight and another drink disappeared from Adam’s hand, leaving his blood buzzing pleasantly through his veins, he slipped out one of the ornate double doors. He breathed in fresh air like a man coming across water in the desert, the haze around his mind clearing with every breath. He ambled to a free bench, his legs still stiff and straight from overuse. The stone bit into his long fingers as he curled his hand around the bench seat, but he welcomed the feeling because it was so far from the thriving mass of bodies indoors.

At some point, he opened his eyes again. His eyes had briefly registered another figure outdoors by the statue when he first exited. Only once his eyes were open and scanning did he recognize the figure, a silhouette of black leather cut harshly from the ethereal white exterior of the Residence.

“Everything okay?” He called to Ronan.

“Yeah,” Ronan replied without turning to face him. “Just...getting some air.”

It was easier to associate this Ronan with the one he heard on the phone - so far from that royal persona projected everywhere, a voice in a face with no expectations on it. Ronan could have been anyone, his accent lax and his posture eerily straight in a contrast that made Adam feel a bit winded. 

“It’s loud in there,” he admitted.

Ronan didn’t respond, but Adam’s statement wasn’t one that required response. 

“I thought this would be more your scene,” Adam finally said, challenge creeping into his voice. He wasn’t sure if it was a genuine challenge or if he was just falling back on old habits instead of saying something he might regret.

“And I didn’t think it would be yours.”

“Fair enough, since it’s not.”

Ronan threw him a glance over one shoulder at that. “Makes perfect sense to throw this function, then.”

“Well, the media doesn’t exactly eat up overpriced textbooks and econ calculations, so I do what I can.”

“Mm,” Ronan hummed in something that sounded like agreement. “They do love the sex, drugs, and rock and roll, even in places it’s not happening.”

Adam stood, placing his hands on his knees like he had bad joints. “Unless if you actually went to 239 parties last year, I’d guess you know all about that exaggeration.”

“Do you stalk my tabloids, Parrish? The fuck?”

“No, Gansey does. With everybody. He just reads all his findings to me.”

“Terrifying,” Ronan muttered. “If I die of mysterious circumstances, you’ll both be on the shortlist of suspects.” “What?” Adam challenged. “You’ll keep it in the breast pocket of your blazer?”

“Sure,” Ronan replied. “I have to keep it folded up close to my heart, of course. Keep your lovers close but enemies closer.”

Ronan tilted his head in the direction of the statue, silently beckoning Adam to stand by him. It felt a bit like a confession, like his permission implied passing some silent test.

Briefly, in his buzzing brain, he wondered what side of that spectrum he fell on. 

“Did you get sick of watching Blue and Gansey?”

Adam shrugged, pulling to a stop just next to Ronan. He kicked absently at the ground with his toe. “A bit.”

“That has to have been a weird development to get used to.”

“A bit,” Adam repeated.

“Still, it hasn’t been too long.”

“I think they’ve been a thing for longer,” Adam admitted.

Ronan turned his head, and suddenly Adam felt the icy cool of his eyes trained on Adam’s face. “Why?”

Adam shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seems obvious, looking back. They’ve clearly been together for a while. August, at least.” He crossed his arms over his chest, the December-January chill suddenly settling over him. “I think they were...protecting me.”

Ronan snorted, the gesture not a bit princely. “Protecting you?”

Adam fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt.

“I’m damaged goods, Highness,” he said at length. “I’m fragile.”

Even though Adam didn’t turn to him, he felt Ronan’s eyes probe deeper as though imploring Adam to look back to him. “That’s a fucking lie,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

Adam snorted, but Ronan was not deterred.

“You’re not fragile,” he repeated. “If you’re fragile, the world is being held up by - by dental floss and craft glue. No, a weak person couldn’t do what you do. Bullshit for the cameras at least once a week, keep up your grades, work on policy with Czerny, keep up your ratings so that they never dip - that’s too much for someone who is fragile.”

“Oh, then you must be superhuman, with all the bullshitting you do.”

“Of course I am, Parrish,” Ronan said, turning his eyes up and away from Adam.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, elbows rested on the cold metal fence guarding the statue. The night sky hung above them, pale in all of the light pollution of the city, but if Adam strained he could see the faint points carving themselves into the sky and drawing themselves into pictures and promises. Ronan’s heat radiated next to him, leather almost snagging on cotton. The fact that this was their first time seeing each other in person since the hospital photo-op did not escape Adam’s notice, but neither did the easy way in which they managed to coexist despite the time and distance removing them from that point.

When the moment grew too heavy, he said, “Did you look at my Wikipedia page?”

“No.”

Adam arched an eyebrow.

“...Matthew may have done some light Googling.”

Adam laughed. It wasn’t his carefree camera laugh, the ones that kept up his ratings, but it was a laugh nonetheless, one that dispersed through the air as though worried it could be stolen away at any moment. Ronan’s face shuttered abruptly. His expression became inscrutable, and Adam didn’t realize he’d looked happy until he no longer did.

All at once, Adam remembered the line separating them, and he felt certain they were touching it with their feet almost overlapping, face to face and chest to chest.

“You didn’t have to come,” Adam said softly, his normal voice suddenly feeling far too loud for the little bubble forming around them, devoid of anyone else. “Not if you didn’t want to.”

Ronan didn’t speak for a moment, by choice or to gather his words, Adam didn’t know. “I did.”

Adam just shook his head, choosing to stand in comfortable silence. A star winked in the sky.

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via,” Ronan whispered, his lips barely movin g. There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

“Itaque imus ad astra, per aspera,” Adam replied, barely thinking about it. So we go through hardships to the stars.

Ronan visibly started at his use of Latin. Adam smirked as if you say you’re not the only one with a posh education.

“Shooting for the stars, Highness?”

Rona turned his eyes back to the sole bright star. “I might as well be.”

“I’d doubt whatever it is that’s bothering you is as hopeless as that.”

Adam couldn’t take his eyes off of Ronan, noting the way his lips thinned. “Oh, but it is. In my position. In my life.”

“Non ergo qui in vobis sunt terminum tibi.”

Ronan turned his head toward Adam again, and Adam felt a spark of fear over what he might do if he turned his head to meet Ronan’s eyes, blue as a never-ending lake stretching on and on until he drowned against the sand.

He turned his head anyway. The stars suspended above them, the leaves ceasing to rustle and shuffle, the party inside fading away until everyone disappeared into nothingness. Ronan lifted one hand from the railing and slid it along Adam’s cheek, his skin heating and jolting at the touch like Ronan himself was made of electricity and stardust, like the galaxies that Adam had once been were meeting their long lost particles in Ronan’s hand. In Ronan’s eyes, he could have sworn he heard words turning over and over.

Adam heard him whisper, then, the words that must have been bouncing in his head. “Pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death,” he muttered, the tail-end of something Adam couldn’t quite place. He parted his lips to speak just before Ronan kissed him.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, he didn’t worry that he was kissing someone - kissing Ronan . For once in his life, he forgot about everything else. He didn’t worry about anyone inside or what anyone might think. That would come later.

Ronan’s lips pressed to his, and he tried to string a coherent thought together but was instead met with abstract, overjoyed ideas floating aimlessly in his brain instead. 

The press of Ronan against him was hard, sharp lines and corners poking into his chest and his hips and his legs, but his lips were soft and Adam tasted whiskey and powdered sugar on Ronan’s tongue and Ronan’s teeth flashed against his lip and he thought he might die, that the feeling may kill him if he did that again.

He didn’t have a chance to test that hypothesis, because Ronan pulled back and stepped away so quickly Adam almost fell forward onto his face. And then he hurried away, leaving Adam standing like an idiot outside of the White House ballroom at a party he was supposed to be hosting after just kissing a male member of the monarchy.

His only thought was, absently, if they’d kissed at midnight.

[permanent-goblin]

Blue Lily, Lily Blue comments.

YALL KNOW THE DRILL IT WONT BE A LONG ONE CAUSE IFINISHED IT BUT FUCK THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

So, first of all, i fucking want Gansey and Blue to gettogether already, literally i think if anything Adam would be happy for them because i think they understand at this point that they wouldn’t have worked out SO FUCKING HUG, HOLD HANDS AND KISS ALREADY THE FUCKING TENSION IS BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND TOO POWERFUL TO STAND FOR GODS SAKE YOU TWO.

The lack of The Grey Man in this book was weirdly sad, i kept thinking and wondering where the frick he was in all this and I kind of of miss getting chapters in his perspective. Also im honestly wondering how it will work out with him and Maura considering Artemus is back.

And on that not, MAN BLUE FOUND ARTEMUS FREAKING EASILY, LIKE JUST BAM THERE HEWAS WITH MAURA UNMOVING. Idk why i always imagined him appearing in a more fantastical way to Blue, like oh hey im your father or some shit, but like i was so thrown off they he didnt even know he had a child and was like WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE MAURA. and i was like “of course he doesn't bloody know” but i also dont remember the time in  which he vanished, if it was around when Maura was pregnant i get it then, anyways im rambling about that.

I am seeing the end for Noah coming closer and closer and i hate what everything is doing to him, like this poor boy let him be his precious bean self that i silently wished he ended of with blue in another universe.

Ronan and Adam are getting closer so thats good. What's interesting is i started this series because of the love of the RonanXAdam ship, and im glad if they get together or what not, but like im here for Blue and Gansey, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE I NEED THEM HAPPY AND TOGETHER GOD DAMNIT.

I felt allot more somber than i thought i would when Jessie died, like we all knew it was going to happen but a part of me hoped he would live, we will miss you, you spaghettios loving giant.

So Persephone dying didnt ’t mess me up, like im super sad she is dead, cause i loved the relationship she had with Adam, but like the part in her death that messed me up and almost broke me was when blue pretty much begged Calla not to go into the cave. Like Blue had already lost so much, and didn’t need to lose more.

And y’all im living for the animal skeleton bone yard coming alive it was the greatest that ever i swear.

Piper Being a threat was the only thing that threw me off and kind of disappointed me, i think we are going to find out more of her in the last book, but like in this book she was so dull and uninteresting, besides her love of the supernatural, that it fell short for me.

And lastly, FUCKIING, NEEVE IS FUCKING ALIVE GUYS SHE IS FUCKING ALIVE, I HAD HOPED SHE HAD LIVED AND HSE IS FUCKING ALIVE. I’m a little concerned that she might be on the bad guys side or whoever the third sleepers side is but like im glad she is alive nonetheless. But i really hope she isn’t bad in the end, I really liked Neeve in the first book, and i really want her to be on her families side.

My biggest interest is in who the third sleeper is and why he shouldn’t be woken up, like i really hope Artemus has some answers since he literal is integral in this whole thing.

AND WHOO we finally are going find Glendower, fucking finally that dude needs to wake up and make these poor kids happy for the love of god, but also this means Gansey is going to die in the next book which i am not ready for y’all thats gonna tear my heart out.

[sargentr]

so i reread the dream thieves a while back and i wrote down some stuff i hadn’t really noticed/paid that much attention to. some of them are mere observations others are just me. Fangirling. as one does:

* ronan's first love was his family

* adam tried his best to make things work with blue, just like everything else he had tried in his life

* gansey is very well aware of his privilege and wealth 

* ronan has two weaknesses: niall lynch and adam parrish

* noah was there for ronan is ways not even ronan realized

* when ronan was filled with anger for a reason i cant remember, he relaxed a bit when gansey, beside him, answered his phone and said "hey" into it, meaning it was adam. (this is from ronans pov) like!!! theyre so comfortable around each other can i leave

* adam was so furious at gansey for thinking he had made the st agnes bill easier for him that he didnt realize that it had ronan written all over it

* gansey was such a light hearted and carefree person that there was not a single person in aglionby who did not know who he was. it is described that while others tried to fit in aglionby, aglionby fit perfectly in gansey. he was the type of person who the teachers would hold for a second after class to show him the article they thought he might like. HE’S BABY.

* gansey and ronan's relationship was not based on communication.

* adam always thought how beautiful all of gansey's things were.

* ronan lynch was one of those things

* gansey often reminded himself how niall lynch's death affected ronan

* ronan would rather die than kill adam

* the image of ronan trying (and lying) to take his life was scarred into gansey like ink

* gansey and ronan fought a night creature and fit perfectly as a team (gansey's pov)

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: "(blue) wore a dress ronan thought looked like a lampshade. whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, gansey clearly wished he had one. ronan wasn't a fan of lamps."

* ronan lynch is completely and utterly himself the first time he steps foot in the barns

* RONAN REFERRING TO ADAM AS EINSTEIN

* ronan has no chill whatsoever omg when they're in the barns and checking to see if the animals are still alive blue asks ronan to check some of them and he replies to her and adam "you two poverty twins do it"

* confirmed: ronan lynch is a complete cupcake (eg: pressing the small mouse to his cheek to check the heartbeat)

* confirmed: richard gansey is a bigger cupcake for smiling ear to ear while doing the same

* !!!! "and it was his smile that buried ronan"!!!! (referring to gansey and the mouse)

* "... adam replied, his henrietta accent sneaking out, betraying his fatigue. it was something deeper." (ronan's pov)

* second confirm: ronan lynch is a Softie™ (eg: when they were about to leave the barns but ronan whispered so just gansey heard "can i go and see mom?" HE IS ALSO BABY

* OKAY BUT GANSEY AND RONAN THIS ENTIRE BOOK: "i remember when you used to smell like this" referring to when they enter the main house at the barns.

* "ronan loved it so much. he nearly couldn't bare it. he wanted to destroy something." (((this is about the barns. protect this sunshine)))

* when blue saw a picture of a bird in the barns and asked, "are these vultures or crows?" and adam and ronan replied at the same time, "vultures" "crows" NERDS

* "i am being perfectly fucking civil" still to this day, the best thing ronan lynch has ever said.

* "ronan looked at gansey. that look, blue thought. ronan lynch would do anything for gansey" claps slowly

* BONUS: "i probably would, too." thought blue

* matthew lynch was the only thing that made ronan come back himself

* niall left ronan (and only ronan) his entire property

* gansey shops when he's sad

* gansey and adam sharing a LOOK when orla comes in with skin showing

* blue had very few skin showing and gansey wanted to tell he how much he liked hers and not orlas, but then thinking "that's adam's job" what a bean

* how extra can ronan lynch get (a series): making a complete SCENE while opening his car door, sitting inside, closing the door, driving away

* gansey protesting so blue wouldnt go inside the water (bc baby boy probably couldnt handle blue seminaked) and using "you wont be able to see without your eyes getting irritated" as a point

* gansey getting all flustered and reminding himself he'd been looking at orla's naked body for so long but also: HER BIKINI IS SO ORANGE

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: laughing his ass off about ganseys reaction of orla and said orange bikini

* jealous little blue being furious at gansey for just looking at her

* ronan's pulse fastening when thinking about kavinsky

* ronan smiling to himself and only doing so because there was no one to see it

* noah and blue holding hands at monmouth when gansey and ronan arent there okay look at those two

* "sometimes i pretend im him" "which part?" "alive" PROTECT NOAH CZERNY

* when blue was laying on ganseys bed she though "i have a crush on richard gansey" and the following "i dont have a crush on adam parrish"

* okay but the whole kissing scene is adorably cute and the best part of tdt

* BLUE THINKING "oh, this is what i can't have"

* MATTHEW AND RONAN VISITING THE BARNS AND BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING ADORABLE WITH AURORA AND EACH OTHER

* ronan racing kavinsky and having so many mixed feelings

* adam feeling misplaced in DC and constantly thinking of this fathers abuse and I Cried

* adam and gansey fighting and uhhh sorry dick but DAMN adam

* ronan dreaming he's in kavinskys car and not knowing if he loved it or hated it

* blue's voice over the phone taking gansey's mind off the fight he had with adam

* gansey listing the things ronan is inside his mind so he would be angry at him

* "ronan had charm. it was just buried deep. very deep."

* blue fucking sargent being the badass feminist she is when it didnt occur to adam that maybe blue was into politics

* "you wouldnt have gone someplace without gansey. you two make a grand couple. kiss him!" blue giving zero fucks to adam being douchely sexist

* okay first fuck you adam idiot parrish: "nice blue, gansey was right. you are a raging feminist" FUCK YOU

* okay adam losing his temper and literally thinking of hitting blue this is a matter of EMERGENCY

* ADAM STOP BEING A DICK OH MY GOD HE ALMOST FORCED BLUE INTO KISSING HIM THIS ISNDHDJDHDHD

* like ok i get Mans had a rough past n that violence is the only thing he knows but stief what was ur POINT with this part

* adams enemy being his anger. someone protect him from himself

* when blue and gansey are talking in the pig about adam and ganseys just full of hatred towards adam's parents, "who has he ever had to love him? ever?"

* okay but richard campbell gansey the third is a complete and utter SUNSHINE: when he's overwhelmed by blue and gets out of the pig and starts pacing and then realizing it was rudeish and APOLOGIZING like a fucking KING

* lmao gansey saying "i think he should come to terms with his sexuality" at kavinsky gift to ronan.

* "he wondered if kavinsky was gay. he wondered if she should go to the fourth of july party. he wondered where adam had gone" someone just. keep ronan close and hydrated and healthy and LET HIM BE GAY AND REST

* okay but ronan thinks about kavinsky in a matter that is completely and utterly non platonic

* "the grey man gently threw ronan across the breakfast table" nice maggie

* prepare for dialogue:

"theres nothing here k."

"theres only us. i know what you are"

"thats not enough"

"dont say dick gansey man. hes never gonna be with you. and dont tell me you dont swing that way. im in your head"

"thats not what gansey is to me"

"you didnt say you didnt swing that way"

RONAN SAID, "no, i didnt" ..... gay bitch

* ronan calling adam "adam" when he thinks they're in a dream and just then realizing he isnt

* "i know it was you. the rent, i figured it out" adam parrish just slipping information at the WRONG time

* "he was a brother to a liar and a bother to an angel, son of a dream and son of a dreamer" still to this day the prettiest thing ever

* HIS SECOND SECRET WAS ADAM PARRISH

* "adam furrowed his brows to ronan, as if sensing ronan's eyes on him. ronan looked away"

* im shook this book is so good

[two-of-swords-621]

Dream Things

This is my @trc-exchange gift for @quietrook for the prompt “other Gangsey members spending time with Opal”. I hope you like it! it was fun to write. Enjoy!

AO3

Today was the day: the start of the #GreatAmericanRoadTrip extravaganza. It was warm and sunny and the day felt endless. Except the day wasn’t really endless and it was already well after noon and they hadn’t left yet. They were way behind schedule and Blue Sargent couldn’t deal. Henry was surprised she was the one who was worked up about it and not Gansey, but Gansey had been different since, well, you know. He just couldn’t be bothered to let most things bother him anymore.

They were gathered at the curb in front of 300 Fox Way, loading their bags into the Green Pig. “Ganseeeeyyyy,” Blue whined, digging through a massive duffle that she could have easily fit inside. “Where are my blah blah blah…” Henry couldn’t make out the rest of what she said, since she had now climbed into the trunk in pursuit of the missing object. He looked at Gansey, who shrugged.

“Jane, I can’t understand you when you’re half buried in the trunk like that,” Gansey said.

Blue jumped out and glared at him. “My purple leggings. I can’t find them.”

Gansey laughed, which only infuriated Blue more.

“Jesus, Sargent, there are like fifty pairs of leggings in here. How do you even know a pair is missing?” Ronan asked, leaning over the trunk to poke through the bag.

Blue smacked his hand. Hard, too, by the sound of it. “Trust me. I know.”

“Ow,” Ronan whimpered. He held his wounded hand out to Adam, who rolled his eyes playfully, before grabbing it and kissing it gently.

Henry was unaffected by the public display of affection, but Blue teased, “God, you two are disgusting.”

“Disgustingly beautiful,” Gansey gushed.

“I can’t wait for you to leave,” Ronan retorted.

“Oh shut up, Lynch. You know you’re going to be blowing kisses at us as we drive off into the sunset.”

“SUNSET?!?!” Blue cried, as Ronan said, “That was one fucking time, man.”

“Well, there was another…” Adam started to say, but Ronan quickly covered his mouth with his hand, which Adam promptly licked.

“Stop trying to ruin my reputation, Parrish,” Ronan said, wiping his hand off on Adam’s sleeve.

“Too late for that, Lynch,” Henry added.

Blue grabbed Gansey’s arm and twisted it so she could look at his watch. “Oh my God, we were supposed to be long gone by now,” she said, exasperated, pulling at some of the shorter tufts of her hair, making them stand on end. Henry thought she looked adorable when she was stressed.

She ticked off her mental to-do list on her fingers. “I still need to pack the snacks in the kitchen, and then Jimi wants to smudge the car before we go and I have to find my leggings. Urgh.”

“Smudge the car?” Henry asked.

“You know, clear the bad energy.”

“Hey! That car has great energy,” Ronan protested. They all looked at him funny.  “Whatever,” he waved them off.

“Jane, relax. We have all the time in the world,” Gansey said, attempting to gather her in his arms.

She pushed him away. “Not if we want to make it to the Smoky Mountains and set up camp before it gets dark.”

“Ok, let’s figure this out then. You go look for your leggings,” Gansey told Blue. “I’ll go get Jimi. Adam can help her clear the car’s energy. Henry can pack the snacks. You,” he gestured to Ronan, “should probably go find Opal. I haven’t seen her in awhile.”

“Shit,” Ronan said, taking off for the backyard.

Henry was glad to see Gansey take the lead. It felt natural and right. He thought Gansey looked adorable when he was telling people what to do.

Henry headed towards the house, expecting the others to follow, but when he looked back, Adam was directing Blue and Gansey on how to rearrange the bags in the overstuffed trunk. Knowing Adam, it was probably so the bad energy could escape more easily during the smudging, or something.

And Henry did know Adam now. Just like he knew Gansey and Blue and Ronan. They were his friends. No, they were more than that now. They were his family. He smiled at them and then turned back to the house.

Inside, he found Maura and Calla in the reading room, bent over a spread of tarot cards.

“What’s the good word?” He asked, stopping in the doorway.

They both looked up at him. Maura frowned. Calla smirked. “I just can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t go,” Maura sighed.

“Told you,” Calla said.

“That should make you happy, right?” Henry asked Maura. “And yet, you are sad.”

“She’ll get over it,” Calla answered for Maura. “The chick’s gotta leave the nest at some point.”

“I think Blue would take offense to being called a chick,” Henry pointed out.

“Blue takes offense to everything these days,” Calla said.

This made Henry laugh for longer than it should have. Finally, he asked, “I’m supposed to pack the snacks?”

“Oh, I set everything out on the table in the kitchen. It’s all ready to go,” Maura instructed, still shifting around some cards.

“Thanks,” Henry said. “I’ll bring them out to the car then.” He followed the hallway the rest of the way to the kitchen, dodging a cat that tried to weave between his legs. He spotted the reusable tote bags and small cooler on the kitchen table and was about to grab them when he heard a rustling sound coming from under the table. He peered below and saw Lynch’s dream child struggling to open a bag of Tootsie Pops.

“Hey, Opal,” Henry said, crouching down. “Ronan is looking for you.”

She didn’t say anything, but she dropped the Tootsie Pops and held out her finger for Henry to inspect. He could see that she had a thin cut on the grubby pad of her index finger.

“What did you do? Get a paper cut?”

She mumbled something in Latin, maybe, while still holding her finger out to Henry.

“No, I’m not one of your dads. I can’t understand you. Can you say it in English?”

Opal shrugged and kissed her own wound lightly before picking up the bag of candy again.

Understanding dawned on Henry. This was something Ronan and Adam must do for her when she gets hurt. Which means it was likely something Ronan’s mother used to do for him. Which explains why Ronan held out his own hand to Adam earlier. It was the world’s most precious inside joke. Henry thought he might die from too much cute. Ronan Lynch thought he was such a badass punk. I’ve got your number, Henry thought with a smile.

“You want one of those?” Henry asked, pointing to the Tootsie Pops. Opal nodded and handed him the bag. Her refusal to use words to communicate in that moment was all too familiar to Henry. He had struggled with words too when he was younger. Was she young though? Henry wasn’t sure. She looked like a child, but that didn’t necessarily mean that she had a child’s brain. Did she even have a brain? Henry shook off the thoughts. There were too many possibilities to consider and he didn’t think even Ronan fully understood what she truly was. Right now, she was a kid who had a craving for sugar. That was easy enough to understand.

Henry tore open the bag and handed Opal a Tootsie Pop without thinking. She shoved the whole thing in her mouth, stick, wrapper and all, crunching loudly until it was gone a couple of seconds later. All he could do was gawk at her stupidly. She held out her hand for another. Henry unwrapped this one for her and told her not to eat the stick, but she did it anyway. It was only after the third one, that he thought this might be a bad idea. Would she get high off the sugar and then crash dramatically like his little sister used to? Lynch would have to deal with it later and Henry would be miles away by then. He grinned evilly and gave her a couple more suckers.

Henry stood up and put the remaining candy in one of the tote bags with the other food.  Through the open window, he could hear Ronan outside calling for Opal. He looked back down at her under the table and she stared back at him with her big, black eyes. Henry had a thought. If a dream object had helped him communicate, maybe something similar could help her as well. He held out his hand to her and she let him pull her up from beneath the table. Her hooves slipped clumsily on the slick floor of the Fox Way kitchen at first, but she got her bearings and steadied herself.

“I want to show you something, Opal,” Henry said. He reached into his pocket and clutched RoboBee in his hand. He sat down on one of the mismatched chairs so he could be at her level and opened his palm. He briefly worried that she might try to eat RoboBee too, but she just stared at it in wonder. Maybe dream things recognized other dream things - like they had a special kind of kinship with each other. Then he had the absurd thought that Opal was RoboBee’s niece if that was true. Now he was just making it weird.

“What is it?” Opal asked.

“I speak multiple languages too, just like you. Sometimes my brain has a hard time translating my thoughts into words. RoboBee helps me communicate by turning my thoughts into actions,” Henry explained. Opal watched in amazement as RoboBee stirred to life, wings whirring, and lifted off Henry’s palm, hovering between them. She tentatively reached out with her paper cut finger and RoboBee landed gently on it. She squealed with delight, which turned into hysterical laughter. There’s the sugar, Henry thought, but her laughter was so pure that he couldn’t help but laugh along with her. If it weren’t for the hooves and magic, he would record a video of it and post it on YouTube. It would go viral for sure.

“What languages do you speak?” Opal asked when she finally settled down.

“Korean, Cantonese and English,” Henry said. He hadn’t taken Latin at Aglionby like the nerds outside. He considered himself lucky though since Aglionby only seemed to hire murderers to teach Latin.

“I don’t speak any of those, except for English sometimes,” Opal explained.

“I know,” Henry said. RoboBee lifted off her finger and rose high into the air. She looked up with longing, but didn’t ask to keep RoboBee or throw a tantrum like a normal child might.

“Maybe Ronan can make one for you, like his dad made this one for me.”

Her face scrunched up like she was thinking hard about it. “I don’t think it would work for me.”

“Why not?”

“You’re the only one,” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight.

Henry choked up a little. He couldn’t help it. It was overwhelming at times to feel so known, so accepted, by all of them. Even by Opal. He composed himself quickly and stood up. “We should go outside. I have to take these bags to the car.”

“I will help you,” Opal insisted. He gave her the lightest bag and it was still too big for her, but she was stubborn, so he let her struggle with it. She reminded him a bit of Blue in that moment. They made their way outside into the bright summer sunshine with RoboBee trailing behind them.

“Don’t tell Ronan how much candy I let you have, ok?” Henry said, as an afterthought when they reached the car. Adam watched as Jimi finished up the smudging, but the others were missing in action.

“Okay,” Opal agreed, handing her bag to Adam.

“What did you do?” Adam asked, warily.

“Nothing,” Opal and Henry said in unison. Henry gave her a thumbs up.

She beamed at him, but then the look on her face quickly turned to one of horror as she pointed and shrieked, “Kerah!”

Jimi screamed and clutched her chest. “Heavens, child,” she said, fanning herself.

Adam had just enough time to snatch RoboBee out of the air before Chainsaw dove for it, beak and talons bared. She wheeled in mid air before regaining her balance and landing gracefully on Adam’s shoulder. She hobbled down Adam’s arm and pecked at his hand, knowing that he held what she wanted in his closed fist.

“Holy shit,” Henry said, breathing a sigh of relief as they carefully exchanged the endangered cargo between their hands, so Chainsaw couldn’t see. So much for that idea about kinship among dream things. “Nice reflexes, Parrish. I forgot about the other niece.”

“The other niece?” Adam asked, confused.

“Oh, nothing, forget it,” Henry said, waving him off as he stowed RoboBee safely away in his pocket.

Adam laughed. “You should have known better than to let it loose like that around her.” Chainsaw glared at Henry from her perch on Adam’s shoulder.

“Devil bird,” Henry said, glaring right back.

“There you are, brats,” Ronan called, as he walked across the front lawn. “What was she shrieking about?”

“Chainsaw almost ate RoboBee,” Adam explained.

“What a tragedy,” Ronan said. “The world could have used one less creepy spy bot observing our every move.”

“Hey, don’t reduce my very specific magical ability to one of your anti-government conspiracy theories, Lynch,” Henry retorted. Adam snorted with laughter.

“I’m going to miss you, Cheng,” Ronan said, an evil grin spreading across his face, as Opal ran circles around him. “Jesus Christ, what has gotten into you?” he asked her.

Payback, Henry thought. “She may have had some of the candy we packed. I tried to stop her.”

“Liar!” Opal cried.

“I’m sure you tried really hard.”

“That’s the beauty of being the uncle. I let her do what she wants then I give her back to you to deal with the consequences,” Henry said.

“Speaking of consequences, there are going to be severe ones if we don’t get on the road now,” Blue demanded, strolling up to the car from the house, clutching a pair of purple leggings in her hand. Gansey was close behind, along with the rest of the Fox Way contingent.

The remaining bags were loaded into the car and group pictures were taken for Henry’s Instagram account. Fists were bumped and hugs dispersed. Henry settled in the back seat for the first leg of their journey, while Blue curled up in the front and Gansey slid behind the wheel. He started the Camaro and the loud rumbling of the non-existent engine fueled their growing excitement. As Gansey pulled away from the curb, Henry turned to look out the rear window just in time to see Ronan blowing them a kiss. Gansey and Blue must have seen it in the mirrors too, because they turned and looked at each other and laughed. They rolled down their windows and stuck their arms out into the warm summer air, waving and whooping with glee, while Henry pounded on the ceiling. It was finally starting. This was going to be a great trip.

[ronanlyncx]

the best parts of the dream thieves (featuring me crying pt. 2)

part one

- “Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” 

- Ronan’s second secret #gay

- Gansey: “i would have thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminist have big muscles?” i just want to punch him can someone please punch him

- gansey calling ronan an incredible creature #gay 

- “The elderly made ronan anxious” bitch me too!!!

- Ronan wanting to race kavinsky in the pig and adam is like dude no there is like 5 people in here we weigh too much and ronan goes: “noah doesn’t count” “Hey!” “You’re dead!” i love these nerds

- Gansey: “am I in your dreams?” Ronan: “Oh yes, baby” i hate him jsjksksk

- “Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too” #gay

- Gansey and Ronan going to get orange juice at 3:32 am 

- “Unlike some people, my sense of worth isn’t tied into my occupation.” “Ooooooh,” Orla crowed… she traded her Henrietta accent for a gloriously snotty version of the Old South. “Someone’s been hanging out with Richard Campbell Gansey the third too much.” orla just came for blue’s life holy shit 

- “Jane!” “It’s a wizard in box.” “It will do your homework.” “And it’s been dating your girlfriend.” “Are you all drunk?” hey quick question wtf am i reading

- “Why is the tea so good here?” “I spit in it” Blue Sargent is an icon

“Blue Sargent was pretty in a way that was physically painful to him. He was attracted to her like a heart attack.” not to sound like a cheesy white lady or anything but this shit breathtaking bro

- “What do you want, Adam? What do you need, Adam?… Freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes. What do you want, Adam? To feel awake when my eyes are open.” PROTECT THIS ANGEL GET HIM SOME TOILET PAPER WTF (also notice how what he wants continues to drop in difficulty to acquire this is so sad i’m literally a mess) 

- “You be careful, Adam Parrish. ‘Cause one day you might get what you ask for. There might be girls in Henrietta who’ll let you talk to them like that, but i’m not one of them.” i really love this woman

- “He [Gansey] was bare-legged and sockless in his Top-Siders and very clearly a real human, an attainable human, and this, somehow, made Ronan want to smash his fist through a wall” #gay

-  “Adam thinks he saw an apparition at his place” Ronan eyed Noah, “I’m seeing an apparition right now.” this entire relationship is just ronan roasting noah have you ever seen anything so pure

- Noah freaking out about the glitter in the snowglobe #angel

- Ronan paying Adam’s rent i am alive

- Gansey comparing Blue to a platypus

- “He threw me out the window!” “You’re already dead!” amazing

- Blue wanting to get Adam high so he can relax seriously someone let this boy take a nap

- Noah: “Is crack the same thing as speed?” 

- Ashley not going into St. Agnes bc she “refuses to participate in a ceremony that doesn’t allow equal spiritual privileges to women”  NICE

- Ronan dreaming kavinsky a replica of his white sunglasses after kavinsky gave him a copy of ronan’s leather bands #pettygay

- “and he was the boy with the most beautifully interesting car and the most savagely handsome of friends, Ronan Lynch” #gay

- Gansey: “I love this car. I should buy four more of them. I’ll just open the door of one and fall into the other. One can be a living room, one can be by kitchen, I’ll live in one…” what...the fuck

- Declan coming to give gansey a new battery for the pig and Ronan actually doing the most™ “He hurriedly sprawled back in the seat, throwing one jean-covered leg over the top of Adam’s and laying his head in a posture of thoughtless abandon. By the time Declan arrived, Ronan looked as if he had been asleep for days.” this is so extra omfgggg

- “His [Declan’s] gaze followed his brother’s leg to where it rested on top of Adam’s, and his expression tightened.” dude ronan even your brother is noticing your crush u gotta do better

- Gansey thinking that Ronan tried to kill himself after all this time and then finding out that Ronan was attacked by a dream demon thing #shook

- Gansey and Ronan fighting a different dream demon thing with a box cutter and a crowbar how are these children alive 

- “She [Blue] wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.” This is the least subtle homosexuality metaphor i have ever read in my life (also: Gansey crushing on Blue #nice)

- refer to this post 

- “Let’s just go on before Gansey has time to say something that makes me hate him” lmao

- “The air was stained permanently with the pleasant odor of Ronan’s childhood: hickory smoke and boxwood, grass and seed and lemon cleaner. ‘I remember,’ Gansey said thoughtfully to Ronan, ‘when you used to smell like this’” #gay

- Dream toaster

- “I am being perfectly fucking civil” #iconic

- “Don’t fucking swear” #iconic pt 2

- Calla preforming arial yoga through the continuation of Ronan’s reading 

- The entire time they are on the boat adam and gansey have the biggest hard-ons for orla and blue wants to die/kill them and ronan is disgusted 

- ronan complains about the heat like 600 times i love my dramatic son

- Gansey finding the skin of blue’s calf more “tantalizing” than orla’s entire torso boiiiii if u dont get!!!!!

- “Blue cheerfully spit a mouthful of brown water on his boat shoes.” she’s doing god’s work

- “He was struck by what a glorious and fearless animal Blue Sargent was.” I’m emo

- “Gansey, pacing next to his ruined miniature Henrietta, set his eyes on Ronan. There was something intense and heedless in them. There were many versions of Gansey, but this one had been rare since the introduction of Adam’s taming presence.” The fact that adam calms gansey down is so pure and i cannot believe this is canon (also: blue also calms gansey down... i love my bisexual son)

- Gansey being badass asf when him and ronan go to confront kavinsky about breaking in the apartment and ronan going super heart-eyes 

- also i am convinced that this scene is dick’s bi awakening

- “…Gansey leaving for D.C. without him was unbearable. They had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reason’s why he couldn’t say it” #GAY

- “While i’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” #REALLYGAY

- no one in fox way can work a cellphone maura literally had to get blue to make the gray man’s voicemail work

- Ronan blowing a kiss to gansey and adam when they are flying away in the helicopter i fucking hate him jsjsjs

- Helen asking if Adam wants to go into the whole foods with her and adam just stares at her. me too buddy

- “’Pigmy Pouters. Feisty ones!’ Gansey mouthed Blue at Adam. Adam let out a little wail of helpless laughter.” adam parrish laughing: a concept

-  Blue finally admitting to herself that she likes Gansey while laying in his bed

- “I’d ask you out, if i was alive” “i’d say yes” :(((((

- the fact that adam’s dad actually pushed my manz down the stairs at one point i will personally fight robert parrish

- “This is Adam Parrish. Shake his hand. He’s more clever than I am. One day we’ll be throwing one of these shindigs for him.” MY HEART

- Adam literally filling up a whole page describing helen #bi

- when helen asks why ronan wasn’t with them, adam and gansey both get the mental image of the house burning down lmao

- “you gonna race with those shades on, you Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit?” he’s so elegant with words!!!1111!!!

- Ronan thinking Kavinsky is beautiful um this is gross but #gay 

- Gansey calling Blue to calm him down just because she makes him feel “uneven and shattered” im fucking emo

- Kavinsky calling gansey literally anything BUT his name: “Dick three” “dick dick dick” “Dickie”

- Ronan figuring out how to master his dreams and then leaving kavinsky #scammer

- to be honest i cannot believe helen and gansey managed to convince adam about the hondoyota with the literal SKIT they used 

- “HEY, OLD MAN!” “Ronan!” ANGELS

- ronan apologizing for wrecking the pig and Gansey actually not believing his ears.

- “Hey, Churchill tried to negotiate with hitler.” “Did he?” don’t argue with boat shoe about history this man will rip you to shreds

- pink switchblade

- “Times circular, chicken”

- BLUE GOING OFF ON ADAM IM JUST ABOUT TO QUOTE THE WHOLE ROAST

- THE WHOLE ROAST: “Politics! I have no interest. Voting? What? I forgot my apron. I think I ought to be in the kitchen right now, actually. My rolling pin-” “i didn’t know that you-” “thats my point! did it even occur to you? You wouldn’t have gone someplace without Gansey, though. You two make a grand couple! kiss him! (lmao) Well, i don’t want to be just someone to kiss. I want to be a real friend, too. Not just someone who’s fun to have around because- because I have breast!” GO OFF BITCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Adam calling Blue a raging feminist like do boys not know that this is a complement like yes this is the angle i am going for thanks for noticing

- Gansey and Blue’s first drive together #i #am #emo

- “Jane, in this light you... Jesus. Jesus. I’ve got to get my head straight.” MURDER ME

- When Adam woke up at fox way after being asleep for 24 hours or whatever he drank four glasses for pomegranate juice and three cups of tea and then left in the span of ten minutes. i know sometimes these kids act like they are 50 years old but....this is a teenage boy 

- “It was against Ronan’s nature to appear overly interested in anything.” HES SO EXTRA 

- Grey man: “But it wasn’t personal.” Ronan: “It. Was. To. Me.” :((((((((((( also i’m pretty sure neil josten said the same thing to that police officer one time i love parallels. 

- “when ronan thought of gansey, he thought moving into monmouth manufacturing, of nights spent in companionable insomnia, of a summer searching for a king, of gansey asking for the grey man for his life. Brothers.” kill. me. 

- kavinsky dying #goodshit 

[goodverbsonly]

The Raven King

I really wanted to finish this review before I finished Call Down the Hawk, because I didn't want the ending of this series to be colored by the beginning of another. As it is, I obviously DID finish Call Down the Hawk, and now have to parse my feelings about this ending, which I've given a long hard think about, with anticipation over the next few years about what is only technically a new series. Anyway, I have a complicated relationship with the finale of this book, and was sure I was going to give it four stars this time when I read it, but I'm keeping it at five. 

Glendower is dead, and in 2016 this sent shockwaves through the entire community. Dead? Dead, and that's it. In some ways, I could have been okay with this ending, even with all the build-up, but Gansey's death complicates it. I knew Gansey was going to die. I also knew he wasn't going to stay dead. I thought (and felt even stronger when I was rereading BLLB, even though I knew the ending) that there is a simple and elegant solution to this problem; even finding Glendower, the driving force of the conflict in, at the very least books 1 and 3, dead, really very truly dead in the cave at the end of this book could have been done well. Gansey dies to save the world, or at least his world, Ronan and Adam and Noah and Matthew who is far away, and Cabeswater, what's left of it, because they have all given him so much and he has had much more life than he was supposed to have anyway, and he stays dead, like Glendower in his cave, who fled to the new world, presumably to save his world. Obviously, ideally and emotionally, Gansey becomes Glendower. Glendower saves his life in a real way, and he is Glendower reincarnated. Glendower wakes when Gansey sacrifices himself for the life of his friends and kills the demon. I could even be okay with the introduction of a demon so late in the game, instead of a third sleeper of Welsh-historical import. I might even be okay with the way this book ends, with Cabeswater sacrificing itself for the life of Gansey so that Gansey might live again, if only we can readjust the framework of the sacrifice and say: Ronan and Adam sacrificed Cabeswater for Gansey. If only the reality of what the trees were wasn't revealed more than halfway through the last book, if only Gansey survived only his bee sting attack at the age of ten not because of time-fuckery and Noah thinking: I ought to save Gansey's life because I did it before so that he can save me and everyone and stop the demon (I like "time-fuckery" but only in theory, and when things are "time is a flat circle" in a way that isn't narratively satisfying - say Gansey time-slipping because he is a reincarnated Welsh King, but instead is actually a twice-reincarnated magical forest that lets his best friend pull stuff out of his dreams, saved because Noah realized he had to be saved in order to stop a demon - the whole thing becomes too complicated to follow. Then I feel bad, because I feel like I'm too stupid to get that I'm not supposed to follow it, but then I feel angry, because I think that maybe you should just follow through on the narrative you promised, which was largely: three sad boys, one dead one, and a psychic/not-psychic girl look for a dead Welsh king and they GET one. On the plus side, I did understand the mechanics of Gansey's death now, even if I'm not entirely sure if it means he can kiss Blue without there being repercussions in the future. God I HOPE he can kiss Blue! Emotionally - relationships and characters and even 90% of the narrative: you can tell this is something that was worked with love, and is loved by lots of people. It's definitely loved by me. Am I still confused by a lot of the in-between of Adam and Ronan (though actually, most Adam) moving from two boys who were begrudging acquaintances because of the way they were both in love with Gansey (FACT), to boyfriends. Sure, but also the three or four chapters in the middle of the book that go: 1. I think I'm in love with Ronan, that's new since I wasn't aware I liked guys until forty-five minutes ago. 2. Sitting on Ronan's childhood bed because they're having a going away party/18th birthday party for Ronan for Matthew's benefit because things are getting Very Dangerous Around these Parts and if Ronan doesn't listen to Declan he WILL have a stroke (I loved Declan before I read Call Down the Hawk, and I want it on record that I knew all of Declan's Declanisms were because he was terrified that Ronan was going to die), thinking of something Extremely Upsetting From His Childhood, but then Ronan comes in, sits next to him on his bed, and then just....very awkwardly and tenderly...kisses Adam, and then gets up. 3. Ronan sitting on ... the deck...the roof...with Declan and them having something that looks like the first steps of reconciliation. AMAZING, spectacular. 4. Gansey telling Adam in no uncertain terms that if Adam breaks Ronan's heart then Gansey will break Adam; this is insane. Gansey is the love of my life. 5. Everyone leaving. Ronan and Adam making out, and Ronan being UNBEARABLE about the whole thing the entire time. The "I'm gonna put Adam's hands in my mouth" the unending calling Adam "gaunt" and "beautiful" in the same sentence. I feel fine. If the book ended like 250 pages sooner, I probably wouldn't have been that mad about it tbh. Yes I'm confused about when they went from people who couldn't stand to be in the same room together because they were competing for Gansey's affection...(again, this is a FACT) to being in love, but I've also decided that they are teenage boys and this is something that makes them compatible. I don't like Opal. I still don't like her. A lot of my feelings have changed since reading CDTH but actually, not the inclusion of Opal.