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breathenbounce · 5 months ago

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THE WAGON

One of the things you here about people who are addicted to drinking is when they relapse, people say "they fell off the wagon." Sure it's silly and to some it may be offensive. I am offended because why does it have to relate to alcoholism. There are many wagons in the world. Sure radio flyer makes the most classic and it's the one everyone knows, but Step2 and little tikes make durable ones as well. The same holds true in real life, and not just toys.

I believe we are all on a wagon. That wagon is our life. We ride the wagon everywhere we need to go. Sobriety, stableness, etc pulls the wagon for us and as we go through life we load the wagon with things. Much like we talked about on Episode LXXXV, if we overload the wagon, we are most likely going to lose some of the stuff on it, including ourselves as we fall off the wagon. So then we are forced to make a decision? Leave the wagon, which is much easier. OR get back on the fucker. As we begin again our ride on the wagon.

For me the wagon signifies mental stability. Not acting out. Not losing my temper. Being observant and mindful. Two weeks ago, I fell off the wagon, and I have been struggling to get back on. It all began when I caught the flu. I became very lazy and tired. I didn't want to do shit. And why would I, I was sick. It's when I felt better things were messed up.

I haven't cleaned my apartment for two weeks. I started avoiding things I enjoy. I blew off writing this column. Why? Although physically I was healing, I never attended to the mental sickness I was going through. It was like my body got ahead of my mind and intellect, and I didn't notice it. I was instead noticing how depressed I was because I didn't work out. How upset I was that there is a limited number of subscribers to the show. My personal situation in life. I would tend to focus on everything bad.

So I decided to attend a yoga class, and it helped. However, I needed to do more, and I didn't. I decided this weekend I would work out very heavily and I was sore the next day. When I recorded Breathe N Bounce on Sunday, I had so many computer issues, it delayed me about four hours to finish the show. I had to record the first part three separate times. Imagine how frustrating that is.

I noticed I have been eating like shit. Seeing old patterns and thoughts start to slowly creep into my head. I used to do these emotional dumps on facebook. I almost wrote one the other day. I didn't want to leave my place. It got bad.

However I have to remember, as we all do, I am responsible for what I say or do. In the past, if I felt this way, I would go ahead and let everything fall apart. This time, i am conscious of what I am feeling, how I am. It's one of the gifts of learning how to know thyself, and spot patterns and downfalls before they happen.

So this week I am working on a plan to get "back on the wagon" or the horse. I usually say the horse, but I used wagon for this piece. I will remind myself I am human and I will fall down sometimes. However there is one very important rule in life when you fall down.

You get back up. 8 times down, 9 times up.

So as I work on getting my shit together this week, I hope you all are doing well and if you need to get your shit together too, keep in mind that there is someone with you getting shit together. We can do this. Let's fucking go.

Namaste

M

#mindfullness #breathenbounce #yogainspiration #selflove #gratitude #mindfulness #mindset #bpd #love #yoga #wagons #beginagain #getbackup

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rockhardmind · 1 year ago

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kagintonpackage · 1 year ago

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