#I WATED TEN MINUTES FOR MY FRIEND TO COME BACK

[shallow-seas-we-sail]

“Okay!” Alex bellows and claps her hands together, “Next game! You gotta partner up!”

Nia scoots in close around the coffee table and pushes into Brainy’s side, while Kelly settles down on the arm of the chair that Alex is sitting in and cards a hand through her hair.

“I’m with Lena!” Sam claims across the room from the kitchen and runs over with two precariously balanced glasses of wine in one hand, plopping down next to Lena on the couch.

Kara, hunched over in front of the fridge, stands up quickly and lets out an indignant scoff, “That’s not fair! Lena is my partner by default. House rules.” Kara closes the door and jams her finger into the scoreboard stuck the front of the fridge. “See!”

“She’s my best friend!” Kara and Sam say in unison, and Alex swears she can see her sister’s eyes pulse with a burst of hot anger and sinks down into her chair a little further.

“I am the property of no man.” Lena counters, which causes an elbow to jab her in the side from a smirking Sam.

“Ain’t that the truth,” Sam says conspiratorially under her breath, and Lena snorts into her wine glass as she brings it to her lips.

Kara’s brow crinkles as she makes her way over to group and takes a spot on the floor across from the couch, “Fine, I guess I’m the game master.”

Kelly glances down at Alex, who gives a small grimace as she reaches into her pocket and removes her phone, “Uh, okay. So I-..”

“Not going as planned?” Kelly dips her head and whispers into her girlfriend's ear.

“Nope,” Alex reponds under her breath with a pop.

Nia clears her throat and gives Alex a pointed look from across the room and motioning with her eyes discreetly towards the couch.

Alex opens her mouth to speak, but realizes she is taking too long and juts her hand with her phone out to Kara, “You gotta read the questions and keep score.”

Kara eyes her sister suspiciously and she plucks the phone from her hand. She scrolls through the screen for a few seconds before glancing up and looking around the room.

“Really?” Kara deadpans.

Alex tries her best to hide her pained expression, so she picks up her beer bottle and presses it to her lips and tilts her head back with an emphatic thumbs up.

This is going to be a disaster.

Kara rolls her eyes and places the phone down on the table and picks up a pen and paper to keep score, “Okay, so, you gotta guess the answers based on what you know about your partner.”

“Like the Newlywed game?” Nia asks, perking up.

Brainy tilts his head, taking in his girlfriends information, “Yes. Exactly like the Newlywed game, we discussed this earli-.. OOF! ” He is effectively silenced by a sharp elbow in his side. Brainy clears his throat and forces a smile, “continue” he whines through a breath and raises his hand weakly, relinquishing the floor back to Kara.

“What is the Newlywed game?” Lena asks, arching a quizzical eyebrow.

Sam waves her off, “Don’t mind her. She has never had a stay-home-from-school-sick day and watched daytime tv.”

Lena scoffs and presses hand to her chest in offense, “I would never watch daytime tv.”

Sam turns her hands over in a so-there gesture, “See.”

Kara smiles softly, because of course Lena doesn’t watch daytime tv. Though, she does remember the one time she had to convince a hungover and couch-bound Lena not to order Lifelock  just because “Jane Rizzoli said so.” Lena had relented only after Kara made her a mimosa to nurse her headache and sang “Take my identity as a Luthor, take all my money too, for I can’t help falling in lo-..” until Lena’s bright laughter had cut her off and filled the room.

“Hey,” Alex leans forward, snapping her fingers in front of her sister's face, “ground control to Major dork. Let’s go!”

Kara shakes her head, loosening the memory from her thoughts, but a floating warmth remains in the center of her chest. She adjusts her glasses and smiles in Lena’s direction, who has a single finger pressed against her lips and a curious look.

“Wha-.. oh, yeah, right. So, I ask a question, and both of you come up with an answer. If the answers match, you get a point.”

Everyone nods agreeably, and Kara lifts her glass, and takes a long pull of the amber, alien liquid inside, “First question, what is your partner’s favorite movie?”

Alex and Kelly raise their hands in unison, “Terminator 2!”

Alex pumps her fist and gives her girlfriend a high-five, “Yes! And yours is....” Alex snaps her fingers, hoping that perhaps it will jumpstart her brain, “honestly, anything black and white. She’s a sucker for classics.”

Kelly nods and presses a quick kiss to the crown of Alex’s head.

Brainy’s favorite is ‘any movie with Keanu Reeves’, which causes a ten minute reprieve of the game as he launches into nearly a film-thesis-length speech about the transgender allegory of The Matrix until Nia clasps her hand over his mouth.

“Babe, I love that you know that, but just answer the question.” she says.

“Ah, yes. Nia Nal’s favorite movie is the Harry Potter series. She is a Gryffindor and her Patronus is a dapple grey stallion.”

Kara tallies two points each under their score column, and taps her pen against the table with growing impatience as Sam stares intently at Lena.

“God, you had the VHS box set in college. I can picture it on your shelf.. fuck, I can’t remember it!” Sam throws her hands up in frustration.

“Titanic.” Kara says under her breath to no one, and averts her gaze down the point sheet in front her, because how could Sam not know that? Best friend, her alien ass.

“Yours was that obscure French one, Jeux d’enfant,” Lena laughs, “God, how many times did you watch that? I swear you just wanted to impress that French exchange girl. What was her name?”

Sam lets go of a breath, “Esmée.” she says, dreamily, “I could be living in the French countryside right now as a vineyard wife.”

Lena gives Sam a playful swat against the arm, “What’s yours, Kara?” Sam asks between playful attacks and fits of laughter from her friend.

“Working Girl,” Kara and Lena say in unison, and Lena’s laughter dies down, “she always cries at the end.” she says, punctuating with a wink at Kara.

“All of the hair in that movie is just so horrifically 80’s. It would make anyone cry.” Kara counters as she marks down a one under Lena and Sam score column.

The game continues, and Alex and Kelly are so finely tuned that Kara reminds herself to tell her sister to wife Kelly quickly, because she has already started a mental catalogue of what she is going to need for their wedding.

“Favorite TV show?”

“Game of Thrones!”, “Greys Anatomy!”

“Worst handwriting?”

“Alex. She writes like she finished medical school.”

Brainy and Nia seem to find a rhythm, even if Brainy keeps going on tangents about each of his answers.

“Her favorite musical artist is Taylor Swift, but not 1989 era Taylor. She considers that album too popsugar polished, especially since it is widely believed that she played up her so-called ‘beef’ with fellow singer, Katy Perry.”

Kara’s scoring has started on a sideways slant, because every time she ends up on Sam and Lena, she finds herself drinking more and tempering down her annoyance at Sam who can’t seem answer one fucking question right.

Kara instead has started a running tally in the corner of the score sheet, checking off each answer as she mentally screams.

Lena’s favorite junk food? Big belly burger. Check . Silliest pet peeve? Lena hates fliers and leaflets because “They are a waste of our time and trees, Kara. Honestly, if one more follower of Rao tries to shove one in my hand, I’m going to shove a redwood tree up his ass.” Check.

Lena’s favorite color is purple. Check. Lena hates salmon. Check. Lena doesn’t like tequila, but if she is buzzed enough will take a shot of it, but only with lick of salt and a lime as a chaser. Check. Lena hates her brother. Triple Check. Lena takes her coffee black. Check. And Lena always looks like she stepped out of a noir film with a dark shade of red on her lips that Kara is sure, ‘so sure’, would not smudge if she was kissed. Check (tbd).

Kara is throwing her head back, finishing off the liquid in her glass, burning and hot in the back of her throat when Sam answers ‘Maleficent’ for what Disney character Lena would be.

“Oh my god,” Kara shakes her head, “how are you so bad at this?”

Sam seems taken aback and looks between Lena and Kara, “Excuse me?”

“This.” Kara gestures towards Lena and then drunk and loose over the scribbled score sheet in front of her, “You haven’t gotten one answer right. Lena is carrying your team. You,” Kara sits up straight, trying to center herself but sways as she points an accusatory finger in Sam’s direction, “suck.”

Sam looks around the room. Kelly and Nia are both suddenly very interested in their phones, while Alex’s eyes have grown wide, wondering briefly if her sister is going to rear up off the floor and throttle their friend. Lena is staring at Kara with a bewildered look from over the rim of her wine glass while Brainy’s searching eyes move across the room from each person, trying to form the proper reaction to this level of intensiveness.

“Relax, Danvers. It’s just a game.” Sam scoffs as she leans forward to pick up her wine glass from the table.

“No!” Kara shouts a little too loudly, and brings her hand down on the table, splintering a corner and nearly rattling the drinks off of it, “No.”

“Kara,” Kelly leans forward, and with her best therapist voice, tries to defuse the situation, “perhaps we should just take a break from the game, and get some wate-..”

“No. Anyone with eyes knows that Lena is Moana. She would cross oceans and fight Gods and do whatever it took to do the right thing.” Kara says resolutely towards Kelly, and then turns back to Sam, “Lena is Moana. She is a Queen and she is good, and she isn’t fucking ‘Maleficent’!” Kara punctuates with air quotes.

Sam’s eyes grow wide, and she settles a steely glare on Kara, “Fine. You wanna do this?”

“You’re damn right I do.” Kara bites back, pushing her sleeves up her arms, “Lets go.”

“Well, fuck me I guess.” Kelly mutters under her breath as she sits back, defeated. Alex cautiously leans forward, and takes her phone from in front of her sister.

Brainy narrows his eyes and glances between Kara and Sam, “Am I to believe they are fighting for Lena’s honor?”

Nia waves a hand frantically in Brainy's face, “Just.. shush.” she says squeezing her eyes shut, “Shhh.”

Sam finishes the last of the wine in her glass, and juts out her arm in Lena’s direction, a silent demand for a refill. Lena rears back and plucks the wine glass out of her friends hand at the stem, “Oh kay, then.” and cautiously moves from the couch towards the kitchen.

Kara and Sam’s eyes never leave the others as Lena scoots past.

Alex clears her throat and lets a silent prayer float up into the rafters of her sisters loft that Kara has home insurance in the event Sam ends up dangling over the fire escape.

“Describe your partner in one word.” Alex says, and glances up from her phone.

“Bitch.”

“Good.”

Kara nearly digs her fingers into the hardwood floor beneath her.

“How are we gonna keep score?” Nia whispers over the table to Alex.

Alex grits her teeth at the realization and shoots the woman in the kitchen a sympathetic look, mouthing “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no.” Lena shakes her head, “No.” she says, pointedly.

Brainy perks up, “So Lena must determine the answer, and then deem one worthy of her affections.”

Nia smacks him in the chest.

A pair of bright blue and honeyed eyes look towards Lena, who is gaping in the kitchen with one quaking hand holding a scotch tumbler and a wine bottle in the other.

“You must decree it so, Lena. Who gets the point?” Brainy bellows enthusiastically, and then flips a single kernel of popcorn into his mouth with a smile.

“Where the hell did you get popcorn?” Nia asks, dumbfounded.

“Inconsequential!” Brainy declares, shoveling a fistful into his mouth.

Lena swallows hard, and dips her head towards the living room, “Kara.”

“HA!” Kara barks, and raises her hand, which is promptly high-fived by Brainy.

Sam cranes her neck side to side and shakes out her arms, “Again.”

Alex glances up at Kelly, “Is this how I die?”

Kelly gives a noncommittal shrug, and leans over her girlfriend's shoulder, scrolling through the questions on her phone, “What is your partner’s worst habit?”

“Biting her nails when she is nervous.” Sam says, glancing at Lena as she sits, who promptly pulls her thumb away from her mouth.

“Running on three hours of sleep and thinking of a large, black coffee as a meal.” Kara counters.

All eyes land on Lena, leaving her drumming heart echoing in her ears and the steady crunchcrunchcrunch of popcorn filling the room, “Nails. It is horribly unsanitary.” she says with a wince.

Kara curses in Kryptonian under her breath, and Sam sits back on the couch, arms crossed with a smug smile plastered across her face.

Nia raises up on her knees, and reaches across the table, quickly snatching the phone from Alex’s hand, “My turn!” she declares and scrolls for a few moments, “Ideal vacation?”

“Beach, getting her cute, pale ass burnt in the sun with a margarita in her hand.” Sam waggles her eyebrows, and nudges Lena with her elbow.

Lena sways and keeps her eyes set on a single thing; the door, her only escape from this current hell on earth.

“Swiss alps. Skiing and just relaxing in the lodge,” Kara answers with a smile that shifts with a distant look, “bundled in some cozy sweater, hands curled around a cup of Irish coffee. She’d probably read a book and enjoy the quiet of the falling snow. She’d doze off on the couch by the fire, and she’d look so at peace and warm that you wouldn’t want to move her, but you know she’d complain in the morning about the knots in her neck, an-..”

“Okay,” Sam raises her hand, “we get it. You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

Lena turns her head and looks at Kara, who gives her a soft smile, one that she returns.

“Oh, you gotta give Kara that one.” Kelly says, propping her head up in her hand, nearly swooning.

Alex takes in her girlfriend’s dreamy reaction and looks around cluelessly, “I’ve lost her.”

“Whatever,” Sam rolls her eyes, “you’ve clearly never seen her in a bikini.”

“Oh, snap!” Brainy bounces in his spot.

Nia places a calming hand on his shoulder, “Not the right time, babe.”

“Yeah,” Lena concedes with a sheepish smile that she masks behind the tumbler at her lips, “you get that one.”

Kara straightens and gives a quick nod and bright smile towards Lena, who gives a subtle wink.

Brainy flips up fingers on his hand, “So, that makes two for Kara and one for Sam. At what score does Lena determine the winner?”

“Best of five?” Nia offers, and Lena tips her glass towards her friend, “Five is good.”

Nia hands the phone back to Alex, who smiles as she lands on the next question, “Who is your partner's hero?”

Lena nearly spit-takes her scotch, but instead dribbles it down her chin and shirt.

“Well, it sure as hell wasn't Reign, that’s for sure.” Sam mutters under her breath. Lena gives her friend a sympathetic smile, and a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“Oh, I’ve got this,” Kara says, pushing up on her knees so she is nearly level with Lena on the couch. She clears her throat, and pulls back her hair into a tight ponytail, “Supergirl may have saved me, but Kara Danvers,” she gives a sly smirk, donning her best Lena impression, “you are my hero.”

Lena pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and forces a tight smile, “Oh, so you can do me now? You think you’re so clever.”

“Oh my god,” Sam breaths out under breath, and looks over to Alex, “do they even hear themselves? Are they always this stupid?”

Alex closes her eyes and gives a pained nod, “ No, and always.”

Kara quirks an eyebrow and shuffles on her knees closer to the couch, “Am I wrong?” she asks, all the alcohol having burned out of her system. She is simply gloating for the sake of gloating at this point.

Plus she likes the flush that is creeping up Lena’s neck, and settling in her cheeks.

Nia leans over towards Brainy, “Now you can ‘ oh snap.’ ” she whispers.

Alex puts down her phone, “Sorry, Sam. It goes to Kara in the best of five.”

Brainy suddenly stiffens, “Wait,” he turns fully towards Nia, “this is not going according to our original plan.” he says, conspiratorially.

“Ya think?”

“Lena was supposed to partner with Kara, so that Kara would gradually be led into her feelings for Lena. Sam has co-opted this entire operation!” he hisses, “every scenario that I ran had Lena and Kara confessing their feelings to each other with 98.6% success rate, leading to their eventual coupling.”

“Does she always have that lovesick puppy thing going on with her face when she looks at you?” Sam says out of the side of her mouth.

“Samantha!” Lena admonishes.

“What?” Kara’s gaze shifts from Lena to the woman beside her, and a warm pulse flickers behind her eyes.

“Oh, chill with the theatrics. I already handed your ass to you once, I can do it again.” Sam says a little drunk and with far too much bravado.

A round ‘WOAH’s’ quickly moves throughout the loft. Kara is on her feet, along with Alex.

“I’m going to say it. Lena must know how Kara feels. Their future depends on it.” Brainy says resolutely, and stands, taking in a deep breath.

“Brainy, don’t!” Nia pleads, pulling on her boyfriend's arm, trying to reel in the control of a situation that has clearly lost it.

Kara takes a confrontational step forward and cocks her head to the side, “You need a flight back to Metropolis?” she says raising a fist, “Oh? You have a layover? Then I’ve got your connecting right here.” Kara mocks, raising her other fist.

“How about I dangle you over the fire escape and drop you off the side of a building again?” Sam sneers.

“HEY! WOAH!” Lena stands abruptly, positioning herself between the blonde and brunette, “We are all friends here. What is going on?!”

“She started it!” Sam and Kara say in unison, pointing an accusatory finger at the other.

“Lena! You must know that Kar-..” but Brainy is effectively silenced by his girlfriend’s hand clasping tightly around his mouth.

“Shut it.” Nia says curtly, and pulls Brainy back down the floor with her.

Sam closes her eyes for a moment and shakes her head, “It’s just a game. Why are you so bent out of shape about it?”

Kara scoffs, “Because you claim to be Lena’s best friend, and you don’t know a damn thing about her!”

“Defensive much?” Sam counters, and arches an eyebrow as her eyes flit to Lena, “I know more than you think.”

“Sam.” Alex warns, quietly.

Sam scoffs, and rolls her eyes, “Watch this.” she says, raising a finger, “I’m going to take care of this in less time than it took you dummies to set up this game night coup.”

An offended noise rumbles in the back of Alex’s throat, “Wh-..what are you talking about?”

Sam cranes her head back, “Ugh, you’re what? The director of a covert government agency? Kelly has a Phd in psychology, so she should really be better at this. Nia is...” Sam glances down to the woman on the floor.

“A journalist.” Nia finishes.

“A journalist, and Brainy is what, a twelfth generation Texas Instruments calculator?”

Brainy’s mouth falls open, and he lets out an offended, high pitched whine.

Sam turns her attention back to Kara, “You wanna be Lena’s partner?”

“More than anything.” Kara grinds out.

“Oh my god. Grant me the serenity.” Sam mumbles under her breath, “Lena, you have what? An IQ of 168?”

Lena straightens slightly, and tilts her head, “180, why?”

“Because you’re the dumbest genius I know.”

Lena’s mouth drops open, “I beg your pardon?”

“And Kara” Sam glances over Lena’s shoulder,  “I bet you learned calculus at seven.”

“Five.” Kara says, the anger draining from her tone.

“And you probably know all about quantum entanglement.” Sam says with a smirk, which causes Lena to turn around with a surprised look.

“You do?!” Lena asks, affronted.

“Pfft, of course she does. She just likes to hear all the words that come out of your dumb, pretty face.” Sam says with a tone that leaves no room for an argument, “Do you know how long I had to hear Lena go on and on about your stupid, cute, dumbfounded face after that conversation?”

“You think I’m stupid?” Kara asks dumbly.

“You think I’m pretty?” Lena says, giving a hopeful smile.

Sam cuts her eyes to Alex, who raises a hand, effectively cutting her off before she has the chance to ask the question, “Yes, it is like this all the time.”

Sam sighs, “Look, I’m going to ask you both rapid fire questions. You need to answer at the same time.”

“Why?” Lena asks, glancing over her shoulder.

“Because we ,” Sam gestures vaguely around the living room, “can no longer live like this. Just humor me, okay?”

“Fine.” Lena says sharply and turns her attention back to Kara, “Ready?”

Kara gives a resolute nod.

“Okay, great. Favorite color?” Sam starts.

“Navy blue!”

“Purple.”

Lena and Kara both smile at each other, and Kara gives her a playful poke in the shoulder, “Nice.”

“Favorite junk food?”

“Eliza’s chocolate pecan pie, but that is only rivaled by Noonan’s sticky buns.”

“Those little scones from Dublin.”

Lena’s eyes flutter shut for a moment, “God, those are good.”

Kara leans forward and winks, “I’ll make a trip soon.”

Brainy narrows his eyes, “This is actually quite clever. I did not take this into account during my scenarios.”

Kelly, Alex, and Nia nod in agreement and continue watching in rapt awe.

“Who is the little spoon?”

“Lena.”

“Me.”

Sam pinches her chin, and taps her index finger against her lips, studying the two women in front of her, “Anything clicking yet for you two?” When she is met with resounding silence, she continues, “No? Great. This isn’t painful to watch at all.”

“What song best describes the other?”

“Where You Are.”

“Glass Vase Cello Case”

Kelly throws up her hands, and Alex sinks down into her chair, nearly collapsing onto the floor, “Oh my god, from the movie?!” she groans.

“I didn’t know Kara was so emo.” Nia whispers towards Alex.

“We went to Warped Tour three years straight,” Alex says, pulling herself back up into her chair, “It was a whole phase.”

“It wasn’t a phase.” Kara says, keeping her gaze fixed on Lena and taking a tentative step forward.

Sam quirks an eyebrow and takes a step back, “Phew, it’s like a sexual tension black hole,” she glances over her shoulder at the audience behind her, “how do you guys deal with this?”

“You get used to it.” Nia says nonchalantly, throwing some popcorn into her mouth.

“Right, so last question,” Sam claps her hands together and rubs them together,  “are you two in love with each other?”

The collective gasp nearly sucks the remaining air that Lena and Kara haven’t already burned up out of the room.

“Yes.”

“Undoubtedly.”

“Great!” Sam chirps, “My work here is done.”

There are a few beats of silence, and Lena blinks hard, breaking the moment, and bringing Kara back to reality along with her.

Kara’s hands shoot up and clasp over her mouth tightly, skewing her glasses, eyes wide behind the sideways frames

Lena lets out a bubble in incredulous laughter and shakes her head in disbelief, “Oh.”

“Ho-..how did you do that?” Alex asks.

“Sometimes you just gotta light a fire under their asses.” Sam chuckles, and smacks Lena firmly on the backside, the impact sending her forward and into Kara, who catches her with steady hands on her hips as Lena’s arms wrap around her neck

Brainy is the first to stand and offers his hand to Nia, assisting her to her feet, “This is our cue to leave.”

“Mhmm.” Alex hums in agreement, swatting Kelly against the leg, “Let's get out of here.”

Sam scoots past the two intertwined women and gives a sly wink as she passes, “This was a fuckin’ blast. You two have a great night.”

“Oh, they will. There is a 100% probability they will be engaging in a copious amount of lovemaking tonight.” Brainy says, gathering his and Nia’s jackets from the coat rack by the door.

Alex’s face scrunches up, “Ew. Copious?”

“Nice.” Sam says, opening the front door.

Brainy waves his hand towards nothing in particular as he steps into the hallway, “It will be an entire thing in the future. Any available surface will be a target for their insatiable sexual appetite: work desks, kitchen counters, the bathroom stall at Al’s, Alex’s bed.”

Alex turns on her heels in the threshold of the door, “My bed, Kara?!” she shouts as Kelly pulls her back, and leans around Alex, closing the door and muffling her girlfriend's curses.

“I-..I haven’t done anything yet?” Kara says confused, looking back at Lena, who is barely containing her laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

Lena loosens a hand from around Kara’s neck, and waves in between them, laughing “It’s just... have we always been that clueless?”

Kara snorts out her laughter, “I mean... I guess so?” she says with a growing, bright smile.

“Well,” Lena says quietly, bringing her hand up and removing Kara’s glasses, “I’m glad we figured it out.”

Kara hums her agreement, and kneads her fingertips firmly into Lena’s hips, and walks them around her lower back, pulling her in closer, “So now what? I heard something about copious lovemaking ” she says in her best Brainy impression.

Lena tosses the glasses behind her, somewhere forgotten on the couch, and wraps her arms around Kara’s neck, absently twirling soft, blonde hair around her fingers, “How about,” she presses a soft kiss to Kara’s cheek, who turns her head in an attempt to capture Lena’s lips, “you explain quantum entanglement to me.”

Kara drops her head to Lena’s shoulder, and sways in their embrace, groaning her displeasure into the fabric of her shirt before lifting her head and flipping her hair dramatically away from her face with a pout.

“Alexa, play Warped Tours greatest hits.”

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Chan X Reader

(So this fluffy boy needs some fanfiction on him it's been killing me not to write something. And I know I have a few requests but I need this in my life).

Summary: My best friend is a shipper in a way if you think about it.

One-shot

You know falling in love is easy as long as you know what your doing right? Yeah this isn't that kind of story, you expected that though. I'm actually just really in love with my best friends brother. Oh yeah that cliche... yeah I didn't mean for it to happen either.

So how it happened was there was always this really hot guy that was super sweet to me. He's name is Chan and I loved talking to him about as much as I did my best friend. I developed a crush on him pretty fast. So when me and my best friend finally got close. Because we weren't best friends at first because she was scared to get close and so was I. This relationship started in 7th grade and we became best friends in 9th grade. That year I started driving and she and I started calling on the phone.

That's when I heard a familiar voice was she dating Chan? I wouldn't put it past her since he is pretty hot. And plus both of is didn't really know that side of each other. It's still in the early stages of the best friend relationship where you are fully supporting one another but not knowing that side just yet.

Anyways I don't hear that voice again so I don't question it maybe her brother was dating him. Really I'm pretty sure if I was a dude he would capture my heart as well. I just remember her telling me she had a brother. That was older and one that was younger. So I just guessed she was a middle child And she agreed. And I was like 'oh okay, that's cool' and I didn't question any further.

I got my liscence on Halloween. (sorry if you got it on a different or don't even have it that's when I got it). And I told my best friend Hanna and she was so proud of me. Told me to drive myself over there telling me her address and I got over there, she lived like ten minutes away.

I park in the driveway and go over to the door and knock and wait for someone to answer seeing as they don't have a doorbell. Then again, I'm not being hypocritical because ours is broken.

I hear a loud yell of, "I'll get it" I couldn't really decipher who's voice that was because considering I'm outside and never really met anyone outside of Hanna in the family.

The door swings inward thankfully because how fast that was opened I would have been sent flying into the bushes and/or rails.

And it was of a face that I knew fairly well actually. Was she really dating him or was her one of her brothers? That's a good question. Then he does the move. You know that move, when a guy leans his elbow on the door frame and his head on his hand and is acting really cool to impress a girl. Yeah it was that move, "What brings you to my humble abode, (Y/n)?"

Before I can even open my mouth to speak he is pushed out of the way by Hanna and says, "Omg you are so not aloud to get the door anymore, if this is how you are gonna treat people." She grabs my hand and says, "Ugh".

She drags me up the stairs and into her room and she tells me, "Sorry, you had to deal with my annoying brother"

"Wait he's your brother?"

"Yeah the one and only annohing older broth- wait I have this odd feeling, do you like him?" I could lie to her but what's the point she'd figure it. I nod and she squeals, "Omg yes"

I look at her, with a look that says, 'what is wrong with you'. And then she tells me, "Okay so I knew you knew him but didn't know that he was my brother and I know you would be shocked. And I also knew he had a crush on you being his biggest confinement because he didn't want his friends knowing that because they'd tease..." she takes a bit breath, "so when he found out I was your best friend he started begging me to help. And um... this is where you say..."

"Uh what?"

"You would like to be his girlfriend"

"I already admitted I liked him isn't that enough?"

"Just ask him out, I'm tired of hearing his fantasies of kissing your lips. Because they seem so soft and plush to him. Just because I'm obligated to be his confinement as his sister doesn't mean I like hearing how much he would like to kiss my best friend. So do me the favour if dating him already."

"Alright under the condition you tell me who you like" and she flat out tells me. And straight after that she pushes me out of her room locks the door and tells me to get a glass of water for her really loud.

I glare at the door I am so done why did I even... nevermind it's now or never. Or then again, I still got a straight shot to the door to rush out into my car.

When I hear water running in the kitchen and I go in there knowing even if I don't confess she'll be forcing me to get her a glass of watee. Who am I to blame her though. I get into the kitchen and I see Chan and he says, "Oh I heard she needed water and I.." he scratches the back of his neck and that's when I realize how caring he is. I already knew he was super caring but I guess it really related to every part of his life. And I thank him telling him I'd bring it to her. He gives me a grin and thanks me for being so kind to do so when I turn around.

Realizing she probably won't let me in if I don't at least confess when I turn around towards him, and he's right there. I just let my instincts take over me and kiss him, and maybe my fantasies were right to because he's got soft lips and omg he's kissing back and he just wrapped his arm around my waist bringing me closer.

Then we both hear, "I was wondering what was taking my water so long" I jumped so far and so quick in my life I nearly had a heart attack and I mumble to myself, "You are always testing my heart limits aren't you..."

"Finally, I thought I would be stuck hearing his fantasies for the rest of my life. Well toodles" with that she leaves with her glass of water.

I walk over to him and say, "Where does this leave us"

"The beginning of us?"

"First page?"

"Twentieth I could fill more pages than that if what I know about you."

"Keeping it at a minimum? Because I could make more than that for you as well" He grins and lays a quick little peck on my lips and with that we walk over to the couch and sit down when we hear the door bell ring. And a loud yell of, 'I'll get it'.

And here comes a sprinting dressed up as opposed to what she was once wearing when I came over which was sweat pants and a t-shirt. She's now wearing a skirt and a blouse and she opens the door and says, "Toodles, I'll see you guys later" I look at the door and it's the one and we both are in shock and she just shuts the door and we both mumble, "They grow up so fast" I look at him and he looks at me, neither of us expecting the other to have said that and we burst out laughing.

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 45 - Jordan, spiders and dull knives

In the previous chapter: Eddie’s back to the gallery and shares with the rest of the band the lyrics he wrote for the music he could hear through the door. The song is called Oceans. He then makes up an excuse to leave early, since he has a date with Angie, and Stone accepts it without protesting, also because he’s got a secret date too with Grace. Meg calls to the gallery to speak with Mike and suggest they meet and talk about their situation, he starts having doubts about getting back with her and it looks like he’s gonna say no to the invitation. The time has finally come for the much waited date, but Angie doesn’t actually know it’s a date: she thinks the other guys from the band are coming too. Eddie, caught by surprise, decides not to reveal his true intentions and play dumb, so he just tells Angie their friend stood them up because had other things to do. They go out together all the same. Eddie finds a tape in Angie’s car, a cassette she mixed for him. He’d like to listen to it now, but Angie’s not gonna give it to him before he leaves to California. They spend the whole evening at Pike Place Market. Before saying good night Eddie tells Angie he’d like to go out with her again, the two of them alone. Once at home, Angie finds out about Mike turning Meg down and not showing up at her place, Meg learns about her friend’s date with Eddie and asks her thousands of questions about it, hinting at possible romantic consequences. Angie remarks nothing happened and it was just two friends going out. In the meantime, Stone takes Grace home after their date, which went very well apparently, and finds out the infamous broken chair has been replaced with a new one. Grace, after trying to act nonchalantely, reveals she can’t stand the presence of the “stranger” chair in her apartment. Stone suggests to solve the problem by mixin up the chairs, but Grace doesn’t let him, saying that not knowing what the new chair is would drive her mad. After a little playful verbal fight, Stone and Grace finally kiss.

***

“I mean, how can you lose a game like that?” I’m in disbelief as I ask my friend, who’s sitting at the other end of the couch, as he gives me the bowl with popcorn, at least what’s left of if.

“Yeah… What a game though, uh?” 

“Bulls are growing up as a team, they could even win the title this season. If only they stopped losing games like idiots”

Eddie nods, his mouth full of popcorn, while on tv the coach of the winning team, that is San Antonio Spurs, is being interviewed and the phone starts ringing.

“Who can it be?” Eddie asks still chewing.

“I don’t know, surely someone who’d have seriously risked his life, had they called only five minutes early” I grumble as I try and stretch out towards the nearby armchair to grab the phone without standing up from the sofa. And of course it falls on the floor. But bad luck can’t do nothing against my lazyness, I give a couple of tugs at the rug and the phone ends magically in my hands. Eddie watches the scene, half perplexed and half totally resigned to living with an idiot.

I press the button to answer the call and before I can put the phone against my ear, I hear someone coughing on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jeff”

“Angie?” I immediately recognize her and the very moment I say her name, Eddie quickly turns towards me. The poor guy wasn’t expecting to find me here, ready, staring at him with my knowing smile, wating for his reaction, so to conceal his interest in the girl he gestures for me to give him the bowl back, where only a few crumbles and unpopped kernel are left, pretending to have sudden popcorn withdrawal symptoms.

“Yes! Dementia hasn’t got the better of you old man yet. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, thanks, unlike you, from what I can hear, dear young girl”

“I’ve got a little cold, for a change”

“Don’t even try that”

“Try what?”

“Making excuses not to come to tomorrow’s concert”

“I’m not making excuses and I didn’t mention the concert” sure, as if I didn’t know you!

“Yeah but you’re tasting the pulse anyway”

“But I’m definitely coming to the show tomorrow, don’t worry!”

“Ok, I hope so, for you, or Stone and I will never talk to you anymore”

“You’re so dramatic. I should do the same to you then, after the other night”

“The other night? What night?” I don’t know what she’s talking about, but the noise of the popcorn bowl falling and rolling down the floor on my left indicates me who I should ask about it.

“Last week! You all stood us up, don’t play dumb”

“I don’t stand anyone up, wai-”

“OH JEFF! JEFF! LOOK, THEY’RE INTERVIEWING JORDAN!” the little asshole I share the apartment with quickly cleaned the mess he made with popcorn and now he’s turning the tv volume up to the maximum, as he shakes me by the shoulder trying to distract me from the conversation on the phone. Does he really think I’m so stupid?

“Oh, I hear Eddie’s there too! Ehm good, can I… can I talk to him? I’ve got something, ehm something to ask him…”

“Sure… just wait a second, ok?” I put the phone receiver against my chest and calmly take the remote from Eddie’s hands to press MUTE “So what?”

“So what, what?” he gawks at me as if he really didn’t know what I’m talking about.

“What’s this thing about Angie and us standing her up? And why do I sense you’ve got something to do with it?” I go on in a low voice.

“I have no idea, don’t know what you’re tal-”

“Eddie, stop it”

“It’s just a silly little thing, it’s not even worth discussing it”

“If you want me to back you up in this, you gotta tell me everything. If you don’t, well, then you’re in deep shit man”

“Uhm… ok, I’m gonna tell you everything… later” dear Eddie immediately gives in.

“So you really got something to do with that?”

“Yep” he admits and I can go back triumphantly to the conversation with that wreck called Angie.

“Here I am, the volume button of the remote got stuck. Sorry for the waiting… and for standing you up last week. I was busy, you know”

“Yeah yeah, Eddie told me, but you could have brought Laura too. I mean, I understand you want to be alone sometimes, I’m not saying you shouldn’t, you have the right to do that, but we could at least have had dinner together”

“Sometimes you need some intimacy with your significant other, Angie, I don’t know how to explain it to you, I’m gonna draw you a diagram and bring it to you tomorrow, ok?”

“Very funny”

“Come on, it was just a joke to remark you gotta be at the show tomorrow”

“I’ll be there, don’t doubt about it”

“Great! I’m gonna let you speak with Eddie now. And remember to avoid elevators and typewriters for a day, please!” I hand the phone to Eddie, while Angie’s still insulting me while coughing his lungs out “She wants to talk to you”

“Oh ok…” Eddie reluctantly takes the phone, but as soon as he puts the receiver against his ear, after just saying hello, before he can hear any kind of reply from the other end, he’s already changed his facial expression and now has a dreamy one with a big toothed smile. I’d be eager to listen to their whole conversation, but my friend feels someone’s watching him and as he asks her about her health, he walks away, with the pretext of bringing the empty bowl and two empty cans to the kitchen, then walks straight to his bedroom. He comes out about ten minutes later, without the phone, wearing a hoodie sweater under his new jacket and unlaced Chuck Taylors on his feet.

“Are you going out?”

“Yeah, just hanging out” he answers as he sits down on the sofa next to me to lace his shoes.

“With Angie?”

“What? No! I’m not seeing Angie!” if he wrap those laces a little tighter he’s gonna get small deformed feet like women in Imperial China.

“No?”

“Nah, I’m hanging out with… with Ian, my coworker. Then we’re going to Cornell’s maybe” he explains without looking at me.

“Cornell?”

“Yes”

“The one who lives next door to Angie?” I add with a smirk.

“I’m not going to Angie’s, period” he repeats annoyed.

“Ok. You’ve been hanging out with Cornell a lot lately, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, sort of… Why?” he asks, narrowing his eyes on my suspiciously.

“What if Angie gets jealous?”

“Fuck you, Jeff” he snorts and stands up and runs to his bedroom, to take who knows what.

“Where are you going?” I inquire once again when I see him trying to escape through the door without saying bye.

“I’m not going to Angie’s! How many times do I need to tell you?!”

“Ok, ok, I get it, but… aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Do you wanna come with us?” as he asks you can see from miles that he’s bluffing and I’d like to tell him yes, only to see what he’d do then. But I’m not so evil, I’m not Stone.

“Nah, we’ve got a show tomorrow, and we’re leaving the next morning, I’d rather stay at home tonight”

“So what else? Do you want the goodnight kiss?”

“No, I just wanna know where you are at with Angie, what the hell you did with her and why she believes it’s got something to do with me” I list my points counting them on my fingers.

“Now?”

“Now”

“Am I wrong or did you once say you wouldn’t ever mention the subject again and we should pretend we’d never talked about that?”

“Just consider this a little timeout break”

“Well, actually…” Eddie hesitates at the beginning, then tells me everything about his uneffective moves with Angie and us allegedly letting them down, but it’s more mysterious about how their date actually went.

“Fuck Eddie, I mean, how?”

“You said I should have asked her out right? And I did, I asked her”

“Ok, but she didn’t even understand what you had asked her!”

“I thought it was clear”

“But when you understood she didn’t understand… why didn’t you explain?” if your girl’s missing something, it’s up to you to clear her mind, man.

“She took me by surprise, I wasn’t expecting that!”

“You’re an idiot”

“Anyway it all went well”

“You know it’s not a date if she doesn’t know it’s a date, right? I mean, it doesn’t count”

“Oh well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a date, why do people always need to give names to things? Can’t we just stop with labels and stuff? I mean, we had a good time, we’re good, why getting all worked up about it? It’s just what it is and it’s ok”

“Ok” I look at  him for a moment then shrug.

“Ok”

“It’s something. And if it’s good enough for you…” which would translate into if you’re too scared to talk to her seriously, it’s your own fucking business.

“It is, it’s very good” he replies with gritted teeth as he stands up.

Bullshit.

“Are you going now?”

“Yeah, good night”

“Don’t make too much noise when you come back tonight… if you’re coming back” I love to make him angry, I’m becoming a sadist like Gossard and I have no problems admitting it.

“Sure I’m coming back! See ya”

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Unlike Diane Keaton in the movie I saw again some time ago, I feel extremely guilty right when I put down the phone after talking to Eddie. Because friendship, deals, trust, they’re all great, but you seriously can’t call a person at half past ten and ask him out of the blue to come to the other side of town for… for what? For nothing, come on, that’s what it is! Just a stupid little thing.

But it’s not my fault if Meg went out with Melanie right tonight.

So what? What’s the point? You’re not a fucking child anymore, you’re an adult. A normal adult wouldn’t act like that, a normal adult would solve the problem in five minutes, with a slipper, or a broom considering the dimensions, a very strong one, not making a big deal of it or disturbing other people. What’s the point in living alone, wokring and being independent, if I keep turning to other people for this shit?

It was Eddie’ idea though.

Sure, ‘cause Eddie’s a good friend, he’s loyal and keeps his promises and before you even phoned him you already knew he’d have come if you called.

Anyway, it’s also this stupid being’s fault, couldn’t it just settle down in my living room?

It’s also warmer in here… well, that’s an overstatement. Surely warmer than in the bathroom. I could have quietly locked myself in my room, something I’ve already been doing lately because of my cold. Or it could have just hidden better and come out after my pre-sleep pee break, then he (or she?) could have been free to do what he wanted, at least until Meg’s back.

Sure, because nature and every element that’s part of it simply have to know your schedule and habits and respect them, of course!

My internal debate is so absorbing that I don’t notice time goes by, or maybe it’s because I’ve got a temperature: the buzzer rings, Eddie’s already here. I press the button and open the door, wrapping myself tighter in my brownish blanket I carry everywhere like Linus. As I wait for my hero to come rescue me from this shitty situation, I stare at the pink fleece robe hanging at the coat rack near the door and suddenly feel the urge to put it on. It might make me look like a marsh mallow, but it’d surely make me look much more presentable than this overfilled-taco outfit. When I hear the noise of the elevator doors opening and closing through the hallway, I take off the blanket and throw it in the broom closet, quickly wearing the robe. I also look at myself briefly in the mirror, pin my hair up with a big hair claw, all this trying to resist the vomiting reflex caused by my face, paler than usual, except for the thick dark circles around my eyes and my red nose.

“Hey” she smiles as soon as he spots me on the doorway and I suddenly feel more relaxed and less anxious. But also more stupid.

“Eddie, I’m so sorry” I immediately point out, as Eddie hugs me, lingering for a while as he probes the soft fabric of the robe on my back.

“Oh, my favorite anti-stress remedy”

“I know I’ve got problems, I’m perfectly aware about it”

“Don’t stand in the doorway, let’s get in, it’s cold” he lets go of me and gets inside my apartment dragging me along, as I keep apologizing.

“I’m sorry I’m stupid”

“God, there’s no big difference between inside and outside. They haven’t repaired the heating system yet, right?” he frowns.

“You didn’t have to come”

“So why did you call me, Your Majesty?” his eyes soften as he literally pushes me to the living room and it seems I forgot how to walk.

“Because Meg’s not here, she went out with Melanie and I don’t know where they are, I don’t even have her number. And even if I had it, I wouldn’t have called looking for her, she’s been kinda sad lately, I don’t want to ruin her evening”

“It’s ok, my evening was perfectly ruinable instead” he remarks as he goes through the magazines on the coffee table and picks up one, no idea why.

“Oh my god, Eddie, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“Haha no, I wasn’t being sarcastic, it was really a boring useless evening, not even the basketball game gave it a meaning, all it took was you to give it some sense”

“Did you see the game? Shit, how can you let the other team score so many points right at the end and lose like that? That makes no sense at all”

“So you watched it too, huh? You casual spectator who’s just superficially interested in basketball?” he smirks.

“I saw it for a moment, just the ending, to distract myself. And to know when it’d end, so I could call you”

“You could have called before, you asshole, you can call me whenever you want”

“I don’t think Jeff would agree with you. By the way, you didn’t tell him, right? I already gave him enough reasons to make fun of me for two lifetimes, I don’t want to add any more material”

“I didn’t tell him anything, don’t worry, not even that I was coming here”

“Thanks”

“You’re welcome…” he circles my shoulder with his arm and gently presses his temple against mine for no reason, then starts examining my face with those piercing eyes, he’s probably wondering if I’m dead by any chance and I just didn’t notice “Why don’t we just stop beating around the bush and go straight to the point, Angie?”

“Huh?”

“Where’s the monster?”

“Oh! It’s down there, in the bathroom” I point at the hallway and he’s about to go.

“Wait! Don’t kill it, please”

“I know, don’t worry”

“I mean, only kill it if it’s necessary and you can’t avoit it, if you don’t it’s better”

“Ok”

“And if you use that magazine to pick it up, just… just throw it away right after”

“Really?”

“Don’t ask, just do it. Ehm ehm, I mean, please?”

“Ok, princess”

It all takes less than two minutes, after that I hear the noise of the toilet flush, then the bathroom door opening and Eddie shows back up in the living room.

“Did you kill it?!”

“No, I didn't”

“Don’t lie, I heard you flushing the toilet…”

“Oh that! No, I just… since I was there, I had to go, you know”

“It’s alive then?”

“I guess”

“You guess?”

“I don’t know, I just took him gently out of the window, I don’t know what happened to him then”

“Or to her”

“Or to her, hehe, right. I don’t know what the spider did after that, I just set it free, now it’s up to him… or her. It’s big enough to stand on its on feet now. All eight of them”

“Brrrrr don’t make me think of its legs!”

“Anyway, I think I saw it landing on a windowsill at the second floor”

“The nurse who hates us! This is karma. Meg’d be proud of you”

“And you? Are you proud of me?” he comes near and picks up one end of my rope’s belt between his fingers.

“Yes, very proud, thank you!” I quickly pat his shoulder and run towards the bathroom “Sorry if I just leave you there like this, but I… I gotta do what I had to do a couple of hours ago, you know…”

“Hahaha it’s ok, just go”

When I come back from the bathroom, I find Eddie sprawled on the sofa, focused on reading the magazine he took before. I’ll never know if he actually used it or not to handle the spider and I keep myself from asking him.

“Thank you so much, Eddie, you’re a true friend. You can go now”

“Are you throwing me out?” he looks up from the magazine with a little pout.

“Wha… no, of course not! It’s just… well, I’m ill and you’ve got a concert tomorrow and a tour in the next weeks, your first tour with the band, I can’t infect you”

“Nah, I don’t get sick so easily”

“You got sick after one day in Seattle”

“Where’s the tv gone? Did you throw it at the spider to kill it and sent it out of the window too?”

“Are you kidding? What if I missed him and made him angrier, turning him even more against me? I’d never risk it. Anyway, the tv is in my bedroom, we moved it there because there’s where I’ve been drifting along for the past couple of days”

“Do you have a fever? Let me check” Eddie stands up and puts one hand on my forehead and the other one on his, looking pensively who knows where. At some point he pulls away, then puts both of his hands on my shoulders, while he presses one of his cheeks against my forehead. It kinda makes me smile because it’s the same technique my dad used to measure my temperature when I was a child and I was sick and mom wasn’t around, instead of searching for the thermometer, which he wouldn’t have founded anyway, because my father never finds anything. He doesn’t know anything about what we got at home and where it is exactly, the only rooms he knows are the darkroom and the guitar room, he has problems finding stuff in his studio too. Anyway, I just smile internally, on the outside I’m as rigid as a wood piece and don’t really know what to do, since Eddie is the one who’s rubbing his soft skin against mine right now for fuck’s sake.

“So your weapons work as a thermometer too?”

“Hahaha sometimes”

“And what do they say?”

“That you still have a few degrees probably, you should stay warm. Something difficult to do in this kind of fridge you call house”

“That was exactly my plan. Going back to bed watching They live for the umpteenth time until Tylenol has the best of me”

“They live? Never saw it”

“What?! How could you not see it, it’s a great movie!” I exclaim surprised, probably losing that little voice I got left, as he shrugs.

“What’s it about?”

“Aliens and sunglasses”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, and the main character is a wrestler”

“Ok, you’re kidding me”

“Hahaha no, it’s true, it’s a really nice movie”

“I get it, it’s one of those movies that’s so bad that’s good”

“No no, I swear, it’s good for real, it’s a science fiction movie, but also an horror, and has a lot of comedy in it. And also a big social and political message”

“An activist science fiction horror comedy?”

“Exactly! Did I ever tell you I love your ability to cut to the chase?”

“No, I don’t think so. And it’s a really nice feeling, you should tell me things like that more often”

“Come on, you have to watch it now” I take him by the arm, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to move.

“Ok but… maybe you wanted to stay by yourself, you’re sick”

“Since I’m sick and I’m alone, I can use some company, come on!”

“And what if I get sick too?”

“Stone will be there for you, stuffing you with meds and throwing you on a stage, don’t worry” I retort tugging harder at his jacket and finally convincing him to follow me into my room.

“Is it by Mapplethorpe?” Eddie’s sitting on my bed while I’m working on the videoplayer and he looks interested in everything apart from what I’m doing.

“No, it’s by a photographer called Judy Linn” I explain referring to the picture of Patti Smith on my door.

“It’s just beautiful, I like her eyes, and the white gloves. And the videocamera she’s holding, I love the way the camera lens is, well, it’s like it’s coming out of the picture, like it’s going beyond that” Eddie lists basically every single detail I love about that picture.

“I adore that photograph. So, are you ready? Ready to put on your sunglasses and find out the truth?” once I rewinded the tape, I press play and sit on the bed right next to Eddie, adjusting the pillow behind my back.

“Not yet, first I want to know how did your exams go” Eddie smiles at me as he touches a sensitive nerve without knowing.

“I think the movie’s already scary enough, let’s not add any more horror”

“Hehehe come on, you probably were great as I thought”

“Well, no, not at all, I wasn’t great, they didn’t go well, actually they went bad.” I sigh “Worse than I thought”

“Really? You didn’t pass them?”

“No, I passed them all”

“See? You’re talking nonsense, they went good!”

“Ok, but passing is not enough. I basically passed them all with a little more than the minimum grade, I passed Comparative Literature by a hair’s breadth. The best one was the German test, where I didn’t get an extraordinary grade anyway though” I explain as the writing on the screen tells us it’s strictly forbidden to reproduce and illegally copy the movie.

“Ach so”

“I created a monster” he managed to make me half smile and I barely hide it.

“Hehe come on, it’s normal, at least, I think it is. You know, in a moment of crazyness I decided to try and attend college in San Diego, I quit after the first semester, so my opinion doesn’t count much. But I can say the passage from high school to university is always difficult and the first exams are like a mystery at first because you don’t know what to expect, it’s like the first tests are there so you can orient yourself”

“For now, it’s like they were there to make me feel as dumb as a donkey”

“Don’t talk like that, a donkey would have never passed those exams, first of all for the difficulty to grab a pen with hooves”

“If I hadn’t passed them, I’d have drop out one minute later”

“Why? Can’t Angie Pacifico make mistakes?” he jokes, but he actually got the point.

“No. Trust me, I’m not a brainiac, I’ve never been, let’s say I’ve got a good memory and I’m good with words, just add some studying and I always did good at school without particular problems. Here’s different though, I’m not in high school, I’m in college, a college I chose and I pay, I don’t have to study subjects I don’t care about because they’re mandatory, it’s all stuff I do care about, it’s my passion, what I wish will become my job one day, it’s my dream. I’m expected to excel in everything, not to struggle to pass”

“The fact you’re passionate about a subject doesn’t automatically make it easy, Angie”

“Ok so if you attended… I don’t know, Rock University and barely got a C on your The Who exam, would you be proud of yourself anyway?”

“Oh my god, where’s Rock University? I wanna go!”

“It’s easy, it’s right next to Rock'n'roll High School” I smirk.

“Listen, ok, I see you’re disappointed, maybe you just have to find a better method, I mean, how to study, because the problem must be on the how and not the how much, you study a lot”

“And that’s exactly one of the main problems. I’ve always been used at studying in a different way, taking notes, memorizing only key concepts, focusing more on what the professor repeats more often during lessons and just reading quickly through the rest. Here’s totally different. The test where I got the worst grade, for example, for that I basically studied the wrong stuff, I studied a load of useless facts and completely ignored other things that turned out to be important”

“Well, I can say you already took stock of the situation. You know where you made mistakes, don’t you? The next ones will go better, you’ll be prepared”

“I was thinking about retaking that class”

“What? Why?”

“To try and have a higher grade point average and not to give the professor the impression I’m a slacker that contents herself with just staying afloat, a dumb girl who chose film school because she didn’t want to study that much. I don’t want him to think I haven’t done anything for months, because that’s what comes out from the result of that exam. That’s how it looks like, but it’s not the truth. That exam and that grade are not my title, they don’t represent who I am, I want to show who I really am”

“Wow, well, I like this outburst of pride of yours, for a change”

“Thank you!”

“It’s a pity it comes out at the wrong moment, because in this case you’d make a fucking mistake, let me tell you”

“Why?” I ask puzzled after he demolished my will in two seconds. Honestly that’s not the kind of reaction I was expecting, they’re all bugging me about my little self esteem and weak confidence about my abilities, now I seriously think I deserve more than I got and I was hoping for more support, especially from Eddie.

“Because you have other classes now, don’t you? And you’ll have other exams, right?”

“Well, yeah…”

“So you’d end up having to study for those, and you should study very hard for a higher grade point average, as you said, and then you’d also have the old class to attend and the old exam, that’d mean more stuff to study. You’d end up either focusing more on the old exam, leaving out the newest, or studying them all in the same way, your old exam would go exactly like the first time you did it and you’d struggle with the other too because you wouldn’t have enough time to study for everything in the right way”

“Well…”

“And after all, who can assure you it’d go better a secon time? What if you didn’t pass it or got a lower grade?”

“Well, I’d follow the spider’s path, but without grabbing onto the windowsill of the second floor”

“Seriously, it seems to me you want to retake that class essentially for a matter of poor figure made, not for yourself, but rather for the others, professors, your parents, who knows, maybe also for us friends, because you think we all see you as a smart girl who can’t fail at school. I mean, why do you care what other people think or what teachers think? Probably, they don’t think anything. You can do better with the next classes and the next exams, why should you mess with your college schedule and run the risk to fail?”

“Maybe you’re right”

“Of course I’m right. You’re too hard on yourself, you should appreciate more what you managed to do, instead of putting yourself down for what you did wrong. Fuck, you work and study hard, you support yourself and pay your bills and I think you also pay for college, is that what you said?”

“Half of it, the other half of the tuition is paid by my parents. It’s also for them I wish I had done better, they sort of invested in me, and not just economically”

“Well you do all those things and you even have friends and a social life and you passed all your exames, you managed to balance everything, and you did it in a new town. Now, I don’t know your mother, but I had the chance to meet Ray and I don’t think he’s the kind of dad who disowns his own daughter cause she didn’t get the highest grades. I think he’s proud of you no matter what, am I wrong?”

“He is…” you’re not wrong at all, he’d probably be proud of me even if I robbed banks, and that’s why his opinion doesn’t really count.

“Anyway, what I mean is just think it over and over, think about it before making any decision. I don’t wanna act like the wise guy of the day, 'cause I’m not, and I can assure you I’m kind of scared by myself right now, but in this case I think you can say it’s about your future. If I were you I’d take this grades and go like ok, I’ve been kidding up to now, now I’ll start doing things seriously. What do you think?”

“Actually, Comparative Literature alone it’s three big books to study, plus all the notes and the monographies, not to mention the movies to watch. And I can’t even say, ok, I already studied it for the most part, because I’d basically have to study it from the start”

“Exactly. So?”

“So I just have to take this shitty grades and shut up, right?”

“I think it’s the wisest thing to do”

“I guess so… But I can’t help being disappointed”

“Disappointment will push you to do better next time”

“By now it’s just pushing me very far from every kind of scholarship. I’ll have plenty of burgers to serve to go on with my studies…”

“So, what about this cinematic masterpiece? Do we watch it or not?”

****************************************************************************************************************************

“Meg, I have one thing to confess”

“Mmm ok”

“I’m so ashamed, but I gotta tell you”

“And you gotta tell me right here on the landing outside your apartment”

“Oh… hehe no, of course not, sorry, let’s get inside first” Melanie’s curls are shaken by her soft laughter as she put the key into the lock and opens the door. It’s half past four in the morning and after we spent the night dancing and drinking, I gladly accept her invitation to her place for a coffee to help me wake up. I wonder if she would let me crash and sleep on her couch if I asked. Just for a few hours, to avoid getting home at dawn and wake up my roommate, who’s already sick. I hope she feels better, at least better enough to come to the show at the Off Ramp… and by the way, I don’t even know if I’ll go. I mean, I gotta go and I’ll end up going, but I don’t know how to handle the whole situation with Mike after what he said to me. Maybe I could go to the show and then go back home, instead of joining the others at the pub.

Melanie’s apartment is exactly how you expect it to be by knowing her: simple but elegant forniture, little leather sofa and armchairs, brand new tv, same for the stereo, black and white fashion photographs on the walls, design lamps, pastel colors everywhere.

“So, what kind of tragedy you have to confess? Don'tell me you made out with the creepy lawyer when I left to the bathroom” I ask referring to one of the losers who tried to hit on us at the club.

“What? Are you crazy? I’m not that desperate!” she reacts disgusted, as she’s bringing two cups of steamy hot coffee and hands one to me, before sitting down beside me on the sofa.

“What happened then?”

“I don’t know how to tell you”

“Try with words”

“I went to Mike’s place yesterday”

“Oh my god! I didn’t thought you’d really do it, you really vandalized his car?? I thought you were just saying it to vent. What kind of insult did you scratch on it?”

“No, it was just a way to vent indeed. I didn’t do anything to his car”

“So what did you do to the poor guy?” I try and hide with a smirk the fact I’m uncomfortable talking about him.

“Well, I…”

“Was it so bad?”

“Depends on how you look at it: I told him we could get back together” she answers innocently and if I don’t spit coffee on this fucking baby blue sofa it’s only because when she tells me I already swallowed the first sip.

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, I mean, I told him I forgave him and that maybe I overreacted a little… don’t look at me like that, I know what you’re thinking”

“I don’t think so, believe me”

“You’re thinking I’m fucking incoherent, since I had been cursing him and talking shit about him until a couple of days ago”

“Well, actually”

“It’s just that I realized I was making it all too much of a big deal, because Mike surely has got many flaws, but in the end he didn’t do anything really bad, I mean, talking to you I realized there was nothing between the two of you since you stopped dating, so why should I be mad at him? For what? Because he didn’t mention you were his ex? If he didn’t, it’s also because I can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, he probably just wanted to prevent me from making a scene for nothing, that’s what I ended up doing anyway though”

“Yes, but you also said more than once, telling a number of different stories as an evidence, that things weren’t good even before that… am I wrong?”

“Yes, that’s true, but in the end in a couple the guilt is never on one side only, don’t you think? He was clearly distancing himself from me, and that’s a fact, but I made a mistake because I should have tried to understand the reasons behing his behaviour instead of taking advantage of his first false step to dump him. It’s like I was just waiting for an excuse to leave him, but it’s not like that, I cared for him. I still do” she goes on as I bury myself more and more into the sofa, secretely squeezing the corner of a pillow between my fingers.

“Ok, so what? Now you’re ashamed because you got back with Mike after you talked shit about him to me? You don’t have to feel ashamed, you don’t owe me any explanation, in the end you gotta do what you feel like doing, if you made up well good for you”

“We didn’t make up. And I didn’t get back with him” those are the magic words that save the pillow from total destruction.

“You didn’t? But you’ve just said-”

“I said I asked him, but he said no, he doesn’t want to, like at all. He doesn’t want to get back with me EVER! I was so clingy that I definitely lost him, congratulations Melanie!” she puts the still full cup of coffe she basically didnt’ touch down on the small table beside the sofa and ironically claps at herself.

“But why? I mean, what did he tell you? Is he angry or what?” I try and get some more information, maybe Melanie got a more specific explanation than I need to understand what I want.

“I think he is, but he didn’t mention being mad at me. He just said he needs to make up his mind, that he doesn’t know what he feels for me anymore, that he needs to understand… What the hell does he need to understand? He used to love me until a few days ago, when we had a fight, now there’s no reason to fight anymore, so everything should just go back to normal, right? But no, nothing will go back to what it used to be! And why not? I don’t know, I don’t understand. Really, I can’t understand what’s happening, the only thing I know is I made a mess for nothing, because I was happy with Mike”

“That’s not what you used to say though”

“I know! I already told you, I knew you’d have thought I was crazy, but really I don’t know what’s getting to me. All the rage just disappeared, now it seems like I can see it all more clearly. Do you know, it’s like when you can’t sleep at night because you saw a horror movie and now you’re head is full of absurd fears and then the next morning you laugh about yourself and the things that were scaring you just look plain stupid?”

“Ah I don’t have this kind of problem, I’ve got Angie. She just destroys all the pathos and the horror  for me by telling me hundreds of insignificant details about special effects and behind the scenes stories of every fucking movie. And she just makes you laugh your ass off with her comments, she managed to make me laugh with The Exorcist” I drop the subject also because I strangely feel more relaxed. Strangely because actually nothing changes for me, Mike simply repeated to Melanie what he had already told me on the phone. Maybe Beckett was right when he said that two in distress make sorrow less, knowing that this unlucky girl has my same problem has a comforting effect. But that’s not like I’m supposed to celebrate because we’re sharing a disaster, that’s why I feel stupid as I keep drinking from my cup of coffee to hide my involuntary smile behind it.

“I mean, it wasn’t a perfect relationship, but who’s got a perfect relationship? No one has. But as long as I was into that relationship we could make things better, now what the fuck can I make better? A big fucking nothing” my movie-themed nights with Angie are not enough to distract her from the thought of Mike. My mind instead simply filed him back into the single people folder and closed the filing cabinet with a happy hip bump.

It’s way past five when I say bye to Melanie and get back into my car to drive back home. I didn’t realize how much I missed having a car until I had a new one. In this specific situation, for example, without a car I’d have had to ask Melanie to call a cab. And she would have offered me to crash at her place, that by the way was my first plan, at least until the idea of sleeping at her apartment turned into the actual possibility to listen to her talking about how she fucked up with Mike for hours. But now I’ve got my Black ghost, like Angie calls this and my previous car, as a sort of semi-quote of Baretta’s car, and with this car I’ve also got the freedom to run from anywhere and any situation whenever I want to, anyway I want to, without having to depend on anyone else. And it’d be great to have this kind of freedom in general also in your social life, being able to decide to leave when I want to leave, and not when the others decide now it’s time to erase me from their existence; being free to put an end to a relationship because I really believe it’s over and not because the other person can’t decide; free to quit a secret affair because it makes no sense and would just generate more problems and not because the guy just regrets it all. And by the way, even if I had this kind of freedom, would I use it in the right way? I’m always there, complaining, suffering, struggling to understand what men want, but do I know what I want? Do I really want a serious relationship? What are my true feelings for Mike? And for Matt? What if in the end, the only one who’s really made up his mind is Mike?

I open the door trying not to make any noise and for the same reason I step out of my high heels and walk barefoot into the apartment carrying my shoes in one hand. I light up the small lamp in the hallway, just the time to get to my bedroom, where I turn up the light, then I go back and turn off the lamp. I put on my pajamas for the night (well, night… the morning) very quickly to prevent myself from turning into some frozen food because of the fucking broken heating, then jump into the bathroom to remove my makeup. After I finish, before going back to my bedroom to sleep, I decide to check on my ill friend, for no reason in particular, just to see if it’s alright, if she’s awake, if she fell asleep again without turning off the tv or if she’s sleeping with her mouth open and I should really grab a camera and take a picture of her. I tiptoe towards her room, lightly open her door and what I see actually would require the immediate use of a camera, but I don’t know if it’d be more useful to capture the scene before me or my shocked face the moment I see Angie and Eddie in bed together. Well, I see Eddie, I don’t see Angie I just guess where she is, I can’t really see her, at least not immediately. Eddie’s under the comforter, laying on his left side, his face towards the door, that is towards me, the most peaceful and satisfied face I’ve ever seen on a sleeping man. At a closer examination I notice the arm that’s hugging him from behind and the hand he’s holding in his sleep. Without thinking, and without really being aware of what I’m doing, I walk a few steps into the room to see better, more because of disbelief than because of sick curiosity, and now I can see the one who’s sleeping with her face buried into Eddie’s mane of curls is the little liar. At this point I finally realize what the fuck I’m doing here, standing in the middle of the room, spying on two people sleeping together, so I collect my jaw that dropped on the floor a minute ago and quickly walk backwards towards the door, which I basically shut without thinking. Angie’s a heavy sleeper anyway.

When I open my eyes a few hours later, at about 11, Eddie’s still here, I know because I can hear his voice from the hallway, and it takes me my strongest will not to jump out of my room to catch them in the act of flirting like two lovebirds. I want to behave, I don’t want to repeat my mistakes and intrude Angie’s private love life once again. So I wait until I hear Bye, see you tonight and the sound of our apartment’s door opening and closing. I sneak out of my bedroom and run into the kitchen, but I must be very silent because when Angie spots me leaning against the kitchen table, she has a half stroke.

“JESUS CHRIST, MEG!” her cussing don’t match with the big furry pink robe with hearts and her hedgehog pajamas. And her outfit doesn’t match with the rest, I mean, that’s not what you’d wear for a night of passion.

“Oh good morning Angie”

“When did you get up? You scared me to death!”

“As you can see, you’re not the only champion in this sport”

“Hehe I see, I see, the student is surpassing the master” she laughs. You’re laughing huh? You won’t be laughing for long.

“How are you? You look definitely better today”

“Yeah, I feel better, I don’t have fever anymore… I think… and cough less”

“Oh yeah, some medicines can do miracles…” I remark grabbing a banana from the basket behind my back on the table.

“Those effervescent tablets they gave me at the pharmacy are the shit, I must remember not to throw away the box”

“Oh, well, yes, those too”

“And you? Had a fun night?” she’s so cute, playing dumb and asking about me.

“Fine. Melanie tried to get back with Mike, but he blatantly dumped her” I tell her quickly, so we can move on to the juiciest subject of the day.

“What?! But… right in front of you?” she asks dumbfounded as I calmly peel the fruit.

“Nah, it happened two days ago. Anyway, not a big deal, she told me and I acted as if it was nothing”

“I see… what a situation”

“In the end he told her he needs time to think too, so either it’s the story he decided to sell to every girl he’s getting tired of or it’s the truth”

“I think it’s true, Meg. In the end it’s ju-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that too. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about”

“Uhm ok, what did you want to tell me?” she asks surprised.

“I’ve got nothing to tell. What about you?”

“Me? What about me?”

“Anything new you want to tell me?” I insist before biting the banana.

“No, why?”

“I don’t know, you tell me”

“Would you stop talking with allusions? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing happened to me, but to you… You would have a lot to talk about… if only you wanted to”

“You’re not still thinking I take drugs, right?”

“Hahaha no, I’m talking about another kind of addiction”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Addiction to guys! Fuck, Angie, I didn’t think you were such a maneater. Jerry first, then Dave and now…”

“And now who? What?”

“Oh well I don’t know, maybe someone who casually crashed at our apartment tonight, what do you think?”

“Who? Eddie?”

“OH RIGHT! I DIDN’T JUST DREAM IT THEN, HE WAS HERE!”

“He slept here, so what?” Angie shrugs, maybe slighly scared by my yelling.

“So what? So you tell me what”

“What am I supposed to tell you? He came over and we fell asleep watching tv, since it got a little late I told him he could sleep here”

“Here? Right here?” I ask ironically, pointing at the floor and the kitchen table.

“Haha, god, you’re so literal! He slept on the couch of course”

“On the couch?”

“W-well, yeah. Why?”

“That’s weird, I didn’t see him when I came back home”

“What time did you came home?”

“A little after five”

“Oh well, that’s why you didn’t see him hehe we were still snoring in front of the tv by that time. We must have waken up at, I don’t know, a quarter to six, I told him he could sleep a few hours on the couch if he wanted to”

“A quarter to six?”

“Yes”

“A quarter to six is a little late for you?”

“Well, yes, because it’s so late that it’s early”

“Angie, I can see you didn’t recover completely yet, you’re usually a better liar than this” I remark as I eat up the last piece of banana and go throw the peel in the trash, then go back to my place.

“What do you mean, I’m not lyi-”

“Yes, you are, I know Eddie slept with you, so just cut the crap and tell me the story from the beginning” I fold my arms and take pleasure in knowing my victim is about to fall.

“You don’t know anything, that’s not true!”

“I saw you, so there’s no need to clutch at straws”

“WHAT?”

“Before going to bed I looked into your room to check on you, to see if you were ok and needed something”

“MEG!”

“And I figured out no, you didn’t need anything else, you already had anything you needed” I remark with a wink that only makes the situation worse for her.

“Oh my god, look, it’s not what you think”

“So tell me what it is, come on, I’m all ears”

“We fell asleep watching tv and-”

“I sad: Cut.The.Crap.”

“No, it’s true! We saw a movie, then he started zapping through channels and we ended up on those fucking infomercials he loves so much. I dozed off because of fever and medications”

“Yeah, sure, and you woke up at a quarter to six”

“No, much earlier, at about half past two”

“Well that sounds much more credible. Then what?”

“Eddie woke me up, well, he tried”

“I hope he waited for you to be awaken before trying anything” I know, I’m a bitch.

“Stop it, Meg! I meant he tried to wake me up, I barely remember, I was half asleep, I guess he told me it was super late and was leaving and I offered him to sleep here since he also had no car”

“And apparently Eddie’s very literal too, since he got into your bed”

“While I was half awake I think he asked me a blanket to go sleep on the couch and I must have told him something like he could sleep there if he wanted to, that the bed was big or something like that”

“Good girl, Angie! That was pure genius, you’re smarter when you’re asleep I guess”

“And that’s it, nothing happened”

Not that smart after all.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing? We slept, then he woke up, I woke up, he said bye and left, five minutes ago”

“You slept”

“Sure!”

“And you fucked before or after sleeping?”

“MEG MCDONALD!”

“Or both?”

“Neither, Eddie and I didn’t do… that!”

“Oh my god, you can’t even say fuck and Eddie in the same sentence, you must really like him!”

“No, those words together are just too ridiculous to be pronounced”

“Ridiculous. Yeah, sure, really something that makes you laugh uncontrollably”

“Laugh or not laugh, nothing happened, ok?”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious! WHE SLEPT, period”

“Well… from your position, it looked totally different” I go with the second attack without waiting for her to recover from the first completely.

“What do you mean? Why? What was our position?”

“Saying it with an understatement, you were close”

“I’ve got a double bed, not a king sized one, of course we were kinda close”

“But you literally occupied a single side of the bed”

“Hahaha what?”

“You were tenderly all over each other, don’t play dumb”

“You’re making it up” Angie tries to keep her composure as her eyes widens.

“I swear it on anything you want: you were totally spooning”

“Oh shut up! Maybe he just turned in his sleep and-”

“No no, Eddie was on his side, he was little spoon, you were the big spoon invading his side of the bed”

“WHAT?!”

“You were like this, you’re Eddie and I’m you.” I run behind her back and grab her from her hips, stucking my nose into her hair as I giggle “You were breathing directly into his ear”

“BULLSHIT”

“I swear it on my new car” she turns around and I look into her eyes and I see horror.

“Oh shit”

“You were cute”

“OH SHIT” she yells walking into the living room.

“I guess you didn’t wake up like that this morning” I follow up to the couch, where she weakly plops down.

“When I opened my eyes Eddie was already up”

“So maybe he woke up in your arms, maybe”

“OH SHIT!” Angie covers her face with a pillow.

“Come on, I said maybe! Maybe you let go of him during the sleep”

“I’m a fucking molester” she mutters from behind the pillow.

“Come on, you did nothing wrong”

“Sure, I did nothing! What’s wrong in perving on a sleeping guy? It’s because he’s a guy, what would you say if it was the other way round? If a man feels me up in my sleep, wouldn’t you call him a molester? What’s with double standards?”

“Ok, first you didn’t feel him up, you hugged him; second, you were sleeping to, so you didn’t do it on purpose”

“Ok, but poor Eddie anyway, I violated him”

“Oh yeah, poor Eddie… he had such a suffering face… he was clearly so upset he was sleeping into your arms! It wasn’t like he was having the time of his fucking life”

“What the fuck does it mean, he was sleeping! He didn’t know what was happening. Maybe he was having a nice dream, I don’t know, about his surfboard or the Who at the Kingdome” she retorts pulling the pillow off her face and resting it on her legs.

“O Angelina Pacifico rubbing his belly”

“OH SHIT” Angie buries her face down into the pillow once again.

“Hahaha come on, you’re making it bigger than it actually is”

“If I was like that when he woke up, I’ll kill myself”

“Definitely bigger I think”

“Uhmph, this thing with Eddie is getting out of hand” Angie stands up and drops this thing as she drops the pillow on the couch, then leaves to go to her bedroom. As if I’d just let it go.

“What thing?” I ask tagging along like a dog.

“What?”

“What’s this thing?”

“What thing are you talking about?” if she thinks she can just drive me mad she’s wrong.

“You said this thing with Eddie… It means you and Eddie have a thing, right?”

“Eddie and I are friends”

“Yeah, sure”

“Like… special friends” she admits sitting on her bed, right on the side occupied by Eddie a few hours ago.

“HA! I knew that!”

“But not in the way you think” Angie begins telling me about their deal of mutual help in awkward moments, about their conversations, Eddie’s tenderness towards her, the secrets and cuddles shared in front of the tv that she calls with a different and more complicated and much less realistic name. On one hand I’m glad to know it wasn’t just my imagination and that my sixth sense worked just fine, on the other hand I can’t help feeling a little sad because, I mean, where was I when all this was happening? How didn’t I notice that before? The time when Angie was mad at me has passed and gone by now, but the effects of that little fight are still evident, like in the distance between us created by unspoken words and advice that wasn’t either asked nor given. My friend’s opening up right now and it’s ok, I mean it’s more than ok, it’s great, 'cause it means she trusts me again, but the fact is for a certain period of time, even though it was a short one, I wasn’t part of her life, or at least not as much as I used to be and I am now, and that still bothers me.

“Ok, so, help me understand: he calls you just to hear your voice, he cuddles with you, buys you chocolate, saves you from spiders, takes you out to watch the stars… I mean, the way I meant was slightly more porn and less romantic, but it came close” I remark still on the doorway.

“You’re an idiot”

“No, you are the idiot, darling. Can’t it be he just likes you?”

“No”

“And why not?” I ask, expecting her usual rant about being ugly or stuff like that.

“Because he told me”

“He told you? What do you mean?”

“He told me, what does it mean to you?”

“He told you he doesn’t like you?” I sit on the bed with her surprised. Well, if he did and it’s true, it was honest of him to admit he just wants her as a friend, without misleading her. But what you say doesn’t really make sense if you act the opposite.

“Not like that, but yes, he let me know” Angie changes her statement slightly and I sigh in relief.

“Ah! He didn’t tell you then!”

“He made sure I understood!”

“And how?”

“Well, first of all he told me he missed his girlfriend”

“He missed her? When did he tell you?”

“At his birthday party”

“That was more than a month ago, maybe he doesn’t miss her anymore”

“He does miss her still, although he doesn’t talk about her anymore, I mean, the fact he doesn’t mention her anymore is maybe the main sign he still misses her”

“Or maybe it’s the sign he’s into someone else”

“Sure, there is someone else: the imaginary girl he came up with to dump Violet” she answers with a smile.

“The imaginary crush…” I repeat to myself while the wheels in my head start turning.

“Also the fact he doesn’t ever go out with any girl… It’s because he still hurts for Beth”

“Well that’s not correct: he went out with you”

“I am a friend”

“But you’re also a girl. A girl he’s really tender with”

“Eddie clearly let me know he missed his girlfriend, her presence… If he’s so tender and ehm affectionate it’s probably just his character or it’s because he lacks some… well, yeah, some contact, some human warmth, now that he’s not with Beth anymore”

“That’s just stupid, if he only needed human warmth, he’d just hit on random girls who would gladly give him all the warmth he needs, don’t you think?”

“He’d never do that, considering the other person might misinterpret his intentions or getting emotionally involved, like it happened with Violet for example. And that’s why he avoided her” she goes on and it’s when she mentions Violet that a set of alarm clocks go off in my brain at the same time.

“And that’s why he came up with the story of his alleged crush”

“Exactly”

“NO, EXACTLY MY ASS, ANGIE! CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND??” I stand up on the bed with a jump, not before giving her a sound pat on her back.

“Meg, are you crazY?”

“FUCK, IT’S YOU!”

“The potassium in that banana is starting to kick in, I see. Never underestimate mineral salts” she sarcastically remarks as I keep jumping on her bed.

“I consider you a smart young woman, so just think about it: she was with a friend of his, then they broke up badly and then she was dating someone else”

“Who?”

“The imaginary chick who stole Eddie’s heart, don’t you remember, that’s what he told Violet”

“Ok, so what?”

“So that silly girl thought about me, but I don’t blame her, after all there are things she couldn’t be aware of”

“What the hell are you talking about? And can you just stop jumping on my bed?”

“No. Who were you with when you got to know Eddie?”

“Technically nobody”

“And non technically? Come on, we don’t have the whole day”

“Ok ok, I was with Jerry? Why?”

“And we can consider Jerry an acquaintance, a friend of Eddie’s, right?”

“More or less”

“Then you broke up… can I say badly?”

“You can”

“And then who did you date?”

“No one”

“Hahaha shut up!”

“I can’t see where you’re going with this”

“Let’s put it this way: who did you go out on a couple of dates with? Recalling good memories and doing absolutely nothing?”

“Ok, with Dave. And?”

“And… don’t you think it’s a pretty strange coincidence?” with one last jump I sit back down on the bed right in front of her.

“What coincidence?”

“Angie, don’t pretend you don’t understand, please”

“Ok, fine, I know what you’re alluding to, but I’d rather pretend I don’t because I don’t want to offend you by laughing in your face”

“Is it so absurd that Eddie might have a crush on you?”

“Yes, so absurd it’s not true”

“Mmm ok. What about you instead?”

“What about me?”

“What do you feel?”

“What do you mean, what do I feel? Nothing”

“Nothing? Zero? Total indifference? Don’t you care about him?”

“Sure I care for him, I care… as a friend”

“Just friend?”

“Yes” she replies too quickly.

“Isn’t it that maybe you’re enjoying this whole exchange of… human warmth too?”

“Yes… I mean, no… oh my god, you make me feel like I’m a horrible person!” Angie frowns and gets under the covers.

“Hahaha horrible? Why?”

“Because you’re basically telling me I’m using Eddie 'cause I feel lonely”

“Which by the way is the same thing you’ve been telling about him since we started talking”

“That’s different, Eddie’s not using me”

“Uh so if Eddie does it it’s ok, whereas if you do it it’s not?”

“Eddie’s just instinctive, he doesn’t do it with malice”

“Unlike… you?”

“I… uhmph…” Angie pulls the comforter over her head to hide herself.

“YOU LIKE HIM THEN, ADMIT ITA!” I attack her through the covers.

“No”

“Do you want me to start jumping again?”

“Ok, you won, I like him, ok? He’s good looking and also interesting. He’s sweet. And he’s a dear friend and I should act casual and detatched, but no, I’m a slut!” Angie comes out from the covers, her frown now turned into a painful grimace.

“Angie, you’re not a slut just because you let him cuddle you a little…”

“I am! And despite that, I’m gonna end up deluding myself, I already know”

“Illusions become reality sometimes, and other times we’re so confused we mistake reality for an illusion”

“Or vice versa”

“Listen, I don’t know Eddie that well, non as much as you know him, and despite my high hopes, I really don’t know if he’s got an actual crush on you. But if there’s one thing I’m 100% sure about, it’s that he cares for you and respects you too much to use you, as you said”

“I know”

“And that he’s got a nice butt, that’s another important fact” I add and I finally make her laugh, other than start a good old pillow fight.

*****************************************************************************************************************************

“EDDIE! EDDIE!” Angie’s still raspy voice calls me through the dressing room’s door.

Well, dressing room is a big word, I’d say tiny room with tiny couch and ashtrays where the bands that play at the Off Ramp can hang out before and after the show and leave their mark on the walls, already fully covered with writings and signatures. I must have dozed off while I was relaxing.

“Yes, I’m here”

“Can I?” she asks as she’s knocking on the door.

“Sure, come in” I reply as I kick the sweaty t-shirt I wore during the concert under the sofa to hide it.

“Hey, what are you doing just sitting there like that? Everybody’s waiting for you. Well, almost everybody, Stone already left to the pub without you”

“Sorry, I was… I was writing and I lost track of time”

“Did tonight’s live show inspire you?” she goes on, closing the door behind her and walking up to me.

“Sure it did”

“Well, I can see why, it was great. And you really got better, Jeff was right”

“Oh thank you”

“Much fuller of energy and more passionate, I liked you!”

“I’m glad to hear it, your opinion means a lot to me”

“And also the chemistry with the rest of the band, you can see you’ve been playing for longer”

“What about the new song?”

“Err what?”

“The new song… Oceans… the one I dedicated to you tonight�� what do you think? I don’t know what came to me, have no idea how I could to something like that. Maybe the wine I had before the show to calm down has something to do with it.

“Oh that one! It’s beautiful, kind of strange…”

“Yeah, it hasn’t got much in common with the rest”

“But I liked it, it’s really… how can I say it… evocative”

“I’m happy you liked it. And did you like what I said too? I mean, about you and stuff…” I talked from the stage to the crowd and dedicated the song to Angie, referring to her as a special person I adore and that I wish I’d be seeing again after the show. While I was saying the words I thought she’d have run away from embarrassment, but she actually stayed there, frozen and all flushed, but she stayed. All through the song. And I didn’t take my eyes off her the whole time.

“Oh well, yeah, I was a little surprised, I mean, more than a little” she answers looking down at the floor, her hands behind her back.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you” but you did, you asshole.

“Don’t worry, it’s ok”

“It’s just, you know, that song… well, I wrote it for you and I was up there and finally saw you in the middle of the crowd and I couldn’t help it, it was really spontaneous”

“That’s a great song, Eddie”

“Just because of you”

“Hehe no, you’re the artist! Anyway, I really liked the lyrics, when you talk about the bond between the two people, thin as a thread but strong at the same time. And the concept of always being there for the other person, that thing about always coming back” she explains as she sits down next to me on the small sofa.

“Yeah”

“It’s such a great song about friendship, the true one” she adds with a smile and I can’t stand it anymore at this point.

“Angie, there are many things in that song, really, but friendship is not one of them”

“No?” she asks confused.

“No, I can assure you”

“What is it then?”

“Don’t you know yet?”

“How can I know if you don’t tell me?”

“Well, you’re not wrong”

“Tell me then” Angie crosses her legs and by doing this she slightly touches my leg and the fact she’s wearing a skirt tonight and the extreme proximity, don’t help me to stay focused”

“I’m… I’m not not good with words”

“Said the guy who works with words” she jokes with her adorable smile.

“That’s different”

“Don’t use words then” she suggest with a different kind of smile I never saw on her, a naughty one, that hits me like some kind of electric jolt.

Kissing her is not a meditated decision, it’s not something I actively do, it’s more like an inevitable urge I decide not to resist. I’m just a spectator, watching myself taking her face between my hands and press my lips against hers, while her hands are around my hips and her grip gets tighter the moment my lips part against hers and I slip my tongue inside.

“EDDIE!” this time it’s Jeff calling me from the other side of the door.

“Yes!” I answer with a heavy breath, reluctantly pulling away from that kiss.

“EDDIE? ARE YOU DEAD? HURRY UP!”

“Eddie?” this time it’s the sweet voice of the girl next to me calling, while I still stare at the door, until Angie takes my chin between her fingers and forces me to look back at her. She’s stunning, fiery red cheeks, messy hair, messed up make up on her left eye, almost surely because of me, her lips still sligtly parted”

“Yes?”

“Can you elaborate a little more?”

“Huh?” I ask, the bassist’s heavy knocks on the door in the background.

“What you had to tell me, without using words… I don’t think I understand” she seriously explains shaking her head so slowly.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND?? WHAT THE FUCK, ANGIE, I THINK IT’S PRE-” I lose my temper for a moment, until she puts her index finger against my lips to make me shut up.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand, so you’ll have to explain it once again, from the start… you should go on explaining, just like you did before, only… longer…” Angie’s lips take her finger’s place and whisper her request against mine.

“EDDIE! IT’S OUR TURN!” my bandmate yells but I can’t even understand the meaning of his words.

“Ah! Well, I’d be glad to go on… explaining… but, well, Jeff’s calling me and…”

“… and who cares?” she retorts before pecking my lower lip with small kisses then biting him with his teeth.

“Right, who cares? I don't” I mutter with half of my mouth busy “I don’t give a fuck”

“YOU DON’T GIVE A FUCK, HUH? JUST WAIT UNTIL I TELL STONE!” I open my eyes wide and see Jeff standing right in front of me, his arms folded against his chest, looking at me half angry and half amused.

“Hey Jeff, what the-” confused, I sit back up on the sofa, where there’s no one else but me.

“What are you doing? Are you sleeping? It’s our turn, we’re up in five minutes!”

“I guess I fell asleep” I point out as I remember the concert hasn’t happened, not yet, and neither has all the rest.

“Hahaha now it’s not the right time to sleep, try and wake up, come on!”

***

“What about the new song?” Angie asks, breaking the silence inside my truck after we took Mike home.

“What? Which song?”

“The other night, didn’t you tell me you had written a new song, different from the others?”

“Oh that! Yeah, very different, too different. It’s kinda slow, you know, we already have Release, we wanted a more energetic set for tonight show” I explain. Actually Stone suggested we did that song instead of Release, for the opening, but I was against it, strangely Jeff backed me up. Even more strangely, we won.

“I see. The mystery thickens” she chuckles and I casually look down at her legs once again, and once again I see they’re well covered with jeans, not like in my stupid dream.

“Are you tired, Angie?”

“Well, no, I mean, not that much, why?”

“Because I’m not, I’m not sleepy at all”

“Oh my god, really? That’s weird of you” she jokes staring at me with eyes wide open.

“I don’t really wanna go home right now, what do you think, wanna hang out some more? Go somewhere?” I suggest pretending I’ve just come up with the idea, when I actually planned everything in detail. I took my truck on purpose considering that after the show, and after the meeting at the pub, would have left with Laura and gone to her place, Dave would have gone back home to his girlfriend and Stone and Mike would have left with the band van. Angie had also told me Meg would have come to she show only, to avoid awkward moments with McCready, and then would have gone back home by herself. I almost had the whole picture, almost because I didn’t consider Grace. Stone showed up hand in hand with her tonight, of course without giving any sort of explanation about the quick evolution of the relationship, and after all it’s not like he had to. Good for them! Less good for me, because in the end I found myself with and extra unexpected guitarist in my car. Anyway, I don’t know if he did it on purpose but Mike insisted for me to take him home for first and Angie didn’t complain.

“Mmm ok, where do we go?”

“What about a game?” I suggest the moment we drive next to the small court in her block.

“Hahaha at this time?!”

“Why not?”

“And where do we find a ball? Do you bring one?”

“Shit, you’re right” fuck, I could have thought!

“A walk at the Seattle Center maybe?” she wouldn’t mind spending more time with that jerk called Eddie then.

“Ok!” I exclaim as I hit a little more on the gas pedal “I’ve just had an idea”

“Do I have to brace myself?”

“Nah. Not yet”

***

“You are crazy” I heard her say when I’m on top of the stairs that lead to the ticket booth, I turn around and I see her still at the bottom, looking at me like I was… yeah, crazy.

“Come on, why?”

“You said you were taking me to the aquarium”

“I know,” I answer and then point at the top of the Space Needle above us “I changed my mind: this looks much more fun”

“Not that fun to me”

“You said you weren’t afraid of heights”

“I am though, I told you I suffer from vertigo when I look up at high buildings”

“And that’s why we’re going up on top of that building, so you won’t suffer” I walk back down the stairs to reach for her.

“Forget it”

“Aw come on, why? What are you scared of?”

“Well, don’t you know? How do you think you go on top of that thing? With a ladder?”

“Ah! The elevator!”

“Right, the elevator”

“But it’s fast, it takes a little time”

“A rocket elevator, very reassuring. Thank you, now I really wanna go”

“And it’s made of glass, you can see through, it’s not claustrophobic”

“Great, so I could see the exact point we’ll get smashed to pieces when it crashes with us trapped inside”

“Hahaha you’re so dramatic”

“That’s the same thing I’m gonna say to you when you’ll cry as a baby before the crash”

“And this means you’re coming!” I exclaim taking her by the hand.

“No way”

“That’s like the symbol of Seattle, how is it you never visited it?”

“Have you ever been there?”

“No”

“Ok so?!”

“And that’s why I wanna go tonight, with you” I try and pull her towards me, nothing.

“Why me? I’m not a Seattle’s attraction” that’s what you think.

“Come on, it’s like going to Paris and not going on the Eiffel Tower”

“I’ve been to Paris, I saw Tour Eiffel from afar and I’m equally satisfied”

“You’ve been to Paris? That’s cool, I’d love to go there one day, I’ve never been to Europe” I’ve never been to a lot of places.

“And you never will, if we die on this fucking elevator tonight” she pulls away and folds her arms.

“Haha listen, Angie” I get a little closer and she tries not to meet my eyes by looking down.

“I don’t want to”

“Lisen” I put my hands on her shoulders and basically force her to look at me.

“No”

“We won’t die” well, I mean, I don’t know, we could as well die, in the end we’re all dying anyway sooner or later, so we might as well do what our instincts tell us to do when we want to, as long as we’re alive. And my instincts are now teling me that I want to kiss Angie on that fucking observation deck before I die.

“How do you know?” she asks as if it was a serious question.

“I promise you, ok?” I don’t think that explaining my point of view would be a good idea, so I just try to reassure her.

“Umph, Eddie…”

“Trust me”

“Look, I know it’s irrational, that I look dumb and stupid, but I’m scared, for real”

“But you shouldn’t be”

“But I can’t help it”

“I’ll be there with you”

“Unless you can fly like Superman, I can’t see how your presence would be helpful in this specific situation”

“Come on, come with me” she can’t understand it’s her presence that would help me and I don’t know how to tell her.

“No”

“It’ll be fun” I smile and slightly squeeze her shoulders.

“Stop it”

“Please” I smile a little more.

“I’m gonna flatten those fucking dimples of yours with a steam iron”

“Thank you, I know it cost you a lot, it means a lot to me” I tell her when we’re inside, after purchasing the tickets.

“It means you’re an asshole”

“I love you too” I tell her without thinking and Angie doesn’t seem to notice, she’s probably too distracted by fear.

“What if we used the stairs?” she asks as we’re queueing to one of the elevators. There isn’t so much people, we won’t have to wait too long.

“Stairs?”

“Yes”

“There are no stairs, Angie”

“Sure there are! There must be, for staff people, for maintenance and for the cases of emergency too”

“I doubt there are stairs. And even if there are stairs… would you walk up 60 floors?

“Well, maybe…”

“All this to avoid one minute on an elevator”

“Why, does it really take that long?”she grabs me by the arm and gives me a terrified look.

“Nah, even less, I just said a random number”

When the elevator’s doors open and the visitors who ended their tour get out, Angie realizes it’s our turn and, resigned, goes to meet our fate, without letting go of my arm, and I kinda like it. I’d like to stay upfront, so I can enjoy the view while we’re going up, but Angie drags me to the back of the elevatore, and although I don’t like it, I think it’s worth making a small sacrifice for her. The doors close and as soon as the elevator starts going up, Angie holds my arm so tight with both hands that she almost pierces my arm with her fingernails. As we go, the elevator guy tells us we’re moving at about six miles per hour and a little story about the building of the tower, but I don’t think Angie even listens. As soon as we get on top we both let out a sigh of relief, Angie because she’s still alive and I, well, because I touch my arm and I happily find out it’s still attached to the car.

“See? We’re not dead” I tell her as we start walking around the observation deck.

“Don’t celebrate just yet, I can always push you down if you don’t stop picking on me” a definitely more relaxed version of  Angie pushes me away to leans against the parapet to enjoy the view. The night is clear and the view I amazing. She shows me where her house is supposed to be, then my house and the houses of everyone of our friends, the Off Ramp, the Cascade Mountanins and Elliot Bay, the one we had already seen the other night, from much lower, in Pike Place. I pretend to look each time, but actually I can’t take my eyes off her, waiting for her to see me, notice me and for that embarrassing tention to build that usually leads to a kiss. But she doesn’t give a shit about me. We walk on around the deck and she shows me a series of parks and interesting places in Downtown Seattle. At this time I try and focus on the view, but my attention is caught by something else:

“Wow!” I exclaim after I pull apart two of the horizontal safety cables surrounding the deck and wedge my head through to see better “The view is much better with no barriers”

“Eddie what are you doing? You can't” Angie tugs at my jacket two times.

“Doesn’t it say somewhere that if your head fits through your whole body will?”

“Somewhere? Where? By whom? I’ve never heard that”

“Would you like a souvenir?”

“Yeah, since I’m here I’ll go by a postcard and a couple of magnets before leaving. Do you know I collect them?”

“Yeah, I saw about a hundred around at your place”

“Ha ha”

“Anyway, I was thinking about something else, something more particular, more precious” I remark and lean out a little more.

“Like what?”

“Like those” I answer sticking my right arm in through the cables too and pointing at what I’m interested in.

“Those what?”

“Those,” I explain pointing once again at the line of lights hanging from a steel beam something like ten feet from us “I was thinking about taking one of those light bulbs”

“Hahaha yeah yeah, sure”

“That’d be the ultimate souvenir” I pull back and let go of the cables, look around for a moment and realize there’s no one around here and for a couple of seconds Angie’s still sure I’m just kidding, at least until I jump to seat on the parapet and squeeze through the cables again, this time up to my chest.

“EDDIE?”

“Shhhhh don’t yell or somebody’s gonna come around to see what’s happening?”

“Oh I hope so, and I hope they’ll bring a straightjacket. Are you crazy??” Angie grabs me by my jacket again.

“Why?”

“Since we survived the elevator, now you wanna die free climbing on the fuckin’ Space Needle?”

“No, I just wanna take a present for you” I try and get out of the barrier, but Angie doesn’t let go.

“The best present you can give to me right now is come back down”

“Because it wouldn’t be just a simple light bulb, it’d be a symbol, for what I am and what I believe in”

“Do you believe in suicide?”

“I believe in today, in right now, in living each moment as if it was the last one because we don’t know how much time we have left. You said it too, I could die in that fucking elevator as we leave and then I would never know how it feels to be hanging from six hundred feet high” and by the way, I would never know how it feels to kiss you, that is basically the reason why I took you here, as if you need a particular place to kiss someone. The fact is, I’m now intrigued by those fucking light bulbs and I can’t take this thought out of my head.

“And I never knew how it feels to kick your ass, may I have that as a present?” she growls looking around.

“Listen, I’m good at climbing on stuff, I can do it”

“Forget it”

“It’d be such a thrill”

“Can you just experience these thrills when I’m not around? Or not experience them at all, that’d be better”

“Ok, I’m going” I’m about to move but Angie grabs one of my feet and pulls me down so abruptly that I almost lose my balance for real.

“If you move one inch I’m gonna shout so loud I’ll wake up whole Seattle. And I’ll get you arrested”

In the end, after some panicky cajoling by Angie, although reluctantly, I give up my stance and return with my feet on the ground. To cheer her up I buy her three postcards and four magnets, then I complain a little for missing the thrill opportunity. Of course she insults me using a variety of cursing words. And that’s how we spend the rest of our tour, so that when I find myself in my car with Angie I almost don’t know how I ended here. Living the moment huh? Carpe diem? You didn’t live the moment with Angie though, you totally missed it. And as I think about it, I don’t understand time’s made by so many moments that you could enjoy and make good use of. Oh well, I do understand, but none of these moments seems the right one. Is climbing on a tower easier than talking to a girl about your feelings?

“Anyway, you know, I was just kidding before, I’d have never climbed up there” I explain as we walk up the stairs in her condo.

“You were already climbing”

“Haha I was literally just sitting on that wall without moving, I was just faking, to see your reaction”

“Well, I reacted with a lot of bad words, did you like it?”

“A lot”

“This is just bullshit anyway, you’re only saying that to calm my nerves”

“No, it’s true”

“I’m considering not giving you the tape anymore”

“What? No! You gotta give me that tape, you promised it”

“That’d serve you right, as a punishment”

“Come on, seriously, are you really mad at me?”

“I’m not mad, I’m just a little scared” she admits stopping on one step.

“Scared of what? Nothing happened”

“But it could have”

“Anyway, the view was awesome, wasn’t it?”

“It was, it was great to see, even through the barrier” she answers as she starts walking up again.

“So… are you happy you came with me?” I ask as I follow her.

“Yes, but I’ll never set foot up there anymore of course”

“Of course”

We get to the fourth floor and walk the hallway in silence, until we reach her apartment’s door.

“Here we are. Well, good night Eddie”

“Good night to you”

“And bonne voyage for tomorrow”

“Thank you”

“Thank you for the ride, and the tour”

“Even though I scared you?”

“You could have spared me that, but yeah, thank you all the same”

“You’re too good, I don’t deserve you” I hug her and apparently manage to make her laugh.

“Haha right, you deserve a friend who encourages you to climb up the Empire State Building with your bare hands and then films you while you’re falling down” she remarks as I hold her.

“Will you lend her the videocamera?”

“Sure I will” she grumbles as she pulls away and opens the door.

“I guessed that”

“So, bye Eddie, and drive safe. And maybe call me sometimes in these three weeks, ok?”

“I’ll do that”

“Good night” Angie’s about to get in, but I stop her on the doorway.

“Angie, wait”

“Yes?”

“We’re forgetting something here, don’t you think?”

“What?”

“Well… my tape” I reply, missing another good moment.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Angie opens her bag and rummages inside for a while before pulling out a tape for me “But don’t listen to it before leaving tomorrow”

“Ok” I’m about to take it, but Angie pulls it away from me.

“Promise!”

“I promise, Angie, thank you” I say as she hands it to me, then I examine the cover, completely blank “Where are the titles?”

“Surprise! Why would I tell you the name of the song beforeheand, when you can live the moment instead and find out each time?”

“Will you ever stop making fun of me for the living the moment thing?”

“No, I don’t think so”

“Thank god, I hoped so!” I exclaim, while Angie says goodbye again with a quick hug and gets into her apartment, closing the door behind her.

I’m an idiot. I repeat it to myself ten times in a low voice as I lightly hit my head against Angie’s door. You gotta live the moment in the small everyday things too, not just in adventurous challenges. I just had to take her up there, tell her something nice, hug her and kiss her, but what did I do instead? Why is everything so difficult? I jump back in my truck and I’m tempted to put the tape into the cassette player and listen to it, but that’d not be fair, a promise is a promise. So I turn on the radio and uncle Bruce wakes me up from my blues.

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull

And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet

And a freight traing running through the middle of my head

Only you can cool my desire

Oh oh oh I’m on fire

I smile. I know what I have to do and I have to do it now.