#I am extremely sensitive to visual stimulus and process everything way too much :/ but not while I'm blind

[lesb0]

This is random, but do you wear contact lenses every day? I’ve been wanting to shift from glasses to contacts but the internet tells me my options are dailies or monthlies which seems annoying, I don’t want to have to buy new lenses every month lol

no I just prefer to be blind most of the time

[phainesthai-aletheia]

Typing Data

I identify fairly strongly with dominant Ni, Ti, and Ne, and judging axis wise, though I identify most with Ti-Fe, I have my doubts. My current contenders are INTP, ENTP and INFJ, though INTJ isn’t entirely off the table.

Before addressing the functions, I understand extroverted functions as the ones dealing with the object, or abstractions about the object (or derived from it), and in the case of judgement, basing it on criteria that can be derived from the object (with the required assumptions in place). Therefore, I take the introverted functions to be those that deal with what’s derived from the collective unconscious, constellated by the object in the individual, or simply not directly abstracted from the object.

For dominant Ti, most of what I consciously do is reason from first principles, consider sub-implications, re-evaluate bedrock epistemological presuppositions, alter the type of formalism I use to govern the internal logic of my thought, or import systems which I temporarily adopt as true in order to test their boundary  conditions, and ultimately rebuild them. Though I’m very sensitive to the limits of human attempts at logical encapsulation (and those that are inherent to linguistic systems, etc), and therefore allow for the presence of temporary paradoxes and leaps as stepping stones, my natural tendency is to build all-encompassing, piecemeal systems. Though I will at times import systems, as mentioned above - and do this extremely frequently for experimentation’s sake -, the ways in which I articulate and flesh out external ideas are, as much as possible, independent. My identity - which is highly mutable in terms of associated content - consists mainly of intellectual iconoclasm, and the active transcendence of local maxima. Most of what’s initially evident to me about a situation, idea, person, etc, has to do with what I mentioned above. My mind races to comprehend the relevant variables at play, and adopt the most well-adapted view of them in order to best map them. Irrationality and short sightedness, as I understand them are some of the qualities that most annoy me. External perceptions of me include an overly formal presence, pretentiousness, a cold presentation and a significant measure of indifference; friends frequently complain that I break most everything down to the point of ruining their experience of it, or that I’m overly logical, and this somehow impedes a pleasant experience.

For dominant Ni, the impetus that drives my mind towards what I mentioned above is my initial perception (most frequently correct) of a whole that I cannot consciously, logically recover from the fragmented data in front of me, that makes “sense” to me in way that’s initially inexplicable. Perception itself is one of the things I’m most committed to exploring, one of the things I pay most attention to in myself, and care most to understand and modify - reality as it’s creatively constructed in the mind. I pay attention to both the highest order of abstraction, and the way in which it descends to the particular, how contextual embedding can produce a whole beyond the parts, and at times, be the source of most significant data. A lot of my perception is directed towards synthesis, even when a good deal of my process converges, I’m attempting to get at an essential meaning - in the broadest sense. Additionally, my mind automatically distills a definition or pattern down to what presents itself to me as its truest, most basal form (I do something similar with my conscious judgment, but here I’m referring to something which precedes my awareness, the way the data paints a picture). I feel very disconnected from my surroundings (even in the situational sense, disconnected from what  I’m living at any given time in my life), what permates into my consciousness is what it appears to mean with regards to my internal frame, though this isn’t always evident to me. I don’t perceive the current state of almost anything, I perceive ultimate implications and idealized states long before I see that. I grasp trajectory before attempting to account for it, the point of convergence. I get extremely lost when my day-to-day, atomized experiences don’t play into an immanent sense of direction, when I cannot place them on my overarching scheme (and again, some of this I consciously engage with, some I do not), into an ethos, this causes me a great deal of grief. I’m constantly engaged in the construction of a personal vision of life, mostly through playing out what I’ve listed above. The notion that a particular thought process, theory, person, interpretation, conversation, etc, stops short of anything significant, that it is shallow and menial, is one I frequently entertain, and it greatly bothers me. External perceptions of me frequently include pompousness, very reserved, unwilling to engage in “proper” small-talk, too serious, etc; friends frequently complain that I’m too esoteric in my thoughts, that I suck all topics dry by delving into them far too deeply, that I don’t share the stepping stones required to follow my thought process, that I transform all things into metaphysical, or at least philosophical conundrums/matters.

For dominant Ne, I abhor intellectual rigidity and stability, I continually expand my initial data set to entertain more and more possibilities surrounding a given question/matter/idea/etc (or even continue asking associated questions and exploring their possibilities, not settling for an answer when I encounter something that might resemble one, though I am searching for truth). I don’t insist that “truth” be singular - though in some sense, I’m always searching for the most profound nature of that which we call truth -, nor do I insist that it conform to my initial definition of it. I constantly shift lenses, I try to envision things in as many ways as I possibly can - I take the problem of the limitation of motivated perception (and perception in general) to heart. I prefer to under-commit conviction wise. I’m not as attached to specific views as I am to the capacity to shift between them, though this may be locally overwritten at a specific time. I almost never perceive what is actual, I perceive the potential present (if we wish to conceptualize it this way) in an object or an idea, all its implications and latent connections, but very rarely do I perceive the thing itself - I see the manifest state of a thing as just one among many, with the special property of being just that, “actual”. I can often be lost among the plurality of possibilities, and become disenchanted with current projects, as their possibilities appear played out, as I know their final resting place; what made them compelling is no more once I’ve visualized their entirety. Though I don’t need much external stimuli (beyond access to data), I always need a puzzle or cognitive enterprize, or else I feel foggy, unmotivated and be somewhat dysfunctional. I have a distaste for close mindedness, tradition for its own sake, comfort derived from the denial of anomaly, comfort derived from regularity, the inability to expand, and “slow” thinking, for what’s set.  External perception of me often include impractical, physically clumsy, scattered.

In terms of auxiliary Ti/Ne, the issue is precisely understanding the hierarchy, so I don’t believe it would be useful to write that down. What I can’t tell is just what is at the top of the hierarchy, which of these functions would I repress, were they in conflict with each other.

For auxiliary Fe, many of the ways in which I acquire new ideas are related to people, to social environment, and the attribution of value to a given person. A lot of my intellectual experimentation involves (to borrow from Eric Weinstein) running minds in emulation, both to access their full frame of reference, and to understand how ideas and experiences impact a given person, and their mind. Many of my intellectual interests and concerns are ethical in nature - I don’t believe ethics inhabit a domain entirely separate from that of logic, at least as far as humans are concerned. I search for “phenomenological truths” about value and meaning, I take the wellbeing of conscious creatures to be of paramount importance; I care very profoundly about questions of meaning and the construction of value. I have a fairly intuitive feel for emotional atmosphere, and find understanding people’s experience, motives, internal systems, aspirations, etc, to be fairly easy, and frequently rewarding. I don’t consider progress in a given field to constitute “progress” in relation to humans unless it serves them, so in that sense, the ethical consideration reigns supreme. I have frequently ended up in the role of the mediator or therapist due to my capacity to be a warm, yet distant participant, empathizing in the sense of understanding,but not directly experiencing other’s pain, aligning myself instead with the ideal we’ve negotiated for the purposes of that interaction. Interpersonal relationships greatly matter to me, and I require emotional depth to feel satisfied.

For tertiary Si, I systematize and archive data with a focus on continuity, I relate facts, ideas, thoughts, etc, with my impressions of them, providing them with an experiential tint once stored. My sense perceptions don’t depend as much on the intensity of the stimulus as they do on the overlay I apply to them; I often feel as though I’m embedded in a dream world, the sense is that what’s in front of me is playing out in my mind. I attempt to reconcile past impressions and thoughts with present one’s and this process can at times be gradual, and rather meticulous, I maintain a sense of psychological interconnectedness. I value incremental progression, but don’t frequently engage in it, meaning it is not a general approach. I have at times, when rather unhealthy, closed myself off from most everything, seeking comfort in nostalgia, reaffirmation of past-established truths, and aesthetics (also in this fashion).

For tertiary Fe, a good deal of my insecurity stems from social approval, or the lack thereof, as it relates to my self-image as an intelligent, competent, profound and creative thinker (although the majority comes from my own thoughts on the matter); I therefore seek validation of this nature when feeling particularly unsure of myself. At times when I was particularly mentally unhealthy, I have treated all social interaction as a game of sorts, a set of rules one must entertain in order to gain mastery, seeing people as sets of causal repercussions. I have at times felt an unusual sense of despair at a lack of intrinsic value, both in myself, and structurally, occasionally seeking it in others dysfunctionally. I have at times taken joy in being socially disruptive, validating myself through opposition. Most frequently however, I have a sort of stoic composure, and a good diplomatic handle on most situations, meaning I package ideas for optimal reception, and attend to social harmony.

For tertiary Ti, I have at times had extremely poor awareness of my own well-being and emotional state, social circumstances, and things of this nature, my responde being a defence made-up of faulty logic, and an untruthful exaggeration of what I’d describe as my calculating nature. Most of my denial has consisted of just this, more or less thinly veiled emotional turmoil covered by categorical rationalization, a lack of empathy accompanied by an arrogant affirmation of intellectual or moral high-ground, and self-isolation. As for the positive aspects, the proper usage, I stated most of it in the dominant Ti section, including great analytic capacity with a focus on breaking everything down to its constituent elements, or basal assumptions, proper management of emotions due to a capacity to dissociate the experiential elements of a given thing from its qualities as viewed from a third-person stance, etc.

For inferior Fe, my tendency is to detach from emotion, analysing even perceptions of value from a relatively distantanced standpoint, always afraid to taint them with humanity; this goes for interpersonal relationships as well, which I’ve very often struggled to experience as significant due to the mechanistic approach I favor (often very useful to the person on the other end), and the way it combines with the cold-yet-warm sympathy I described earlier. Stubbornly irrational thought is one of the few things that can arouse annoyance in me with some ease, I’m often appalled by it, and can lose social tact in the face of it. At my very worst, I feel foggy, I lose the ability to think or understand myself clearly , I feel limited in my understanding of myself and others, and often develop an irrational fear of rejection or an inferiority complex associated with cognitive prowess. It can feel as though I’m taking action without knowing why, perceiving the action as stupid from the offset, yet engaging in it anyway, something extremely uncharacteristic of me. I can become needlessly confrontative and be easily provoked, something which again, is really a rarity.

For inferior Si, at my worst, I can feel overwhelmed by a fear of never embodying my potential, never amounting to anything, never having a truly revolutionary or transdisciplinary contribution to give. I often dwell on regrets, regrets I don’t even experience as a general rule, let alone spend a significant portion of time on. I can display hypochondriacal tendencies, very poor awareness of my physical well-being, and a have a great deal of trouble focusing on anything. It can feel as though all that’s ahead is eternal recurrence, like I cannot visualize any form of transcendence, like I’ve exhausted myself and all possibilities. I feel as though I’ve wasted time, but continue to do so, progressively distancing myself from vision and action both. I become rather pessimistic and feel unable to connect to external happenings. One of my demons is certainly the construction of mental “castles” at the expense of expansion, and the capacity to leap forth, I fear this greatly.

For inferior Se, I can become uncharacteristically unreceptive to new data, preferring to mull-over already present theories for their elegance, and perceived truth. I have, in extreme situations, taken the form of a hedonist of sorts, engaging in substance abuse, neglecting my desires for meaningful engagement, favoring instead short-sighted nihilistic impulsivity. I can start to feel as though my life is a homogenous blob, each moment, day, week, merely passing by me, tiring me, leaving me with a sense of emptiness; in the face of this, I’m frequently clueless as to the way in which I should proceed, but even when I’m not, I seem unable to take action. I feel extremely disconnected from the physical world, and even my own body, feeling as though I’m ten feet above the ground, bumping into things and injuring myself with some frequency. External disturbances, specifically of the sensory variety can be unbearable, taking on far more color than they normally would, bothering me to an unreasonable extent. At times like this I feel a need to immerse myself in a physical task, tire myself through sheer brute force, though this fails to do anything but momentarily relieve me of my frustration, it can give me room to think. I feel apathetic, unable to live, or become involved in my experience.

As I'm sure you can tell, my main issue is identifying my main approach, I'm hoping that in making a case for each function, and displaying my thought process, you'll be able to discern something I myself have not seen. If this data doesn't suffice, or is in some way inadequate, let me know. Either way, thank you

[giftsofcheer]

Concussions In Children Are Serious Business

I personally would like to share with you a personal hardship that has prompted me to put my family first over my Gifts of Cheer family.  Here's what happened & how it affected Gifts of Cheer.  My daughter, founder of Gifts of Cheer, has sustained a severe brain injury this past September.  It has been her forth concussion, and my far, the worst to date.   Concussions in children are much different than concussions for adults.  Their brains are more fragile and therefore, more susceptible to future injuries if they've had a previous concussion.  And, for children who have had numerous concussions, their susceptibility and risk increases exponentially for permanent brain damage and death.  Concussions in children are NOT something to dismiss.  They are very serious.  And, although our daughter is recovering and getting better, whereas many children die from additional blows to the head, we can't tell you how bad others have it, as some children that survive will have symptoms far more severe than Sierra's... However, Sierra's TBI (traumatic Brain Injury) is serious enough to have changed our entire families lives forever. So, what happened you want to know?  Well, her first 3 concussions were certainly accidents.  She was hit is the head on those first 3 occasions with balls: 1 soccer ball, 1 basketball, and 1 football...  Need I explain why she now has an extreme phobia of any kind of sports ball now???  Anyway, this last concussion didn’t come from any blow to the head.  She didn’t hit anything and nothing hit her.  She simply went to an amusement park and rode roller coasters.  Just the force of the rides we enough to cause her to sustain yet another serious brain injury. How did we know?  What happened?  What’s going on with her?   OK.  So, here’s what happened.  She came home from the amusement park just a few hours after arriving.  NO CHILD IN THEIR RIGHT MIND LEAVES AN AMUSEMENT PARK WILLINGLY.  Right?  Especially when all the rides are free and the lines are short because you are there on a special day where the park is actually closed to the general public.  

So, I received a call as they were returning home.  I don’t care for extreme heat, so I opted to skip the event to allow her and her father to make it a special day for just Daddy and Daughter...   So, I get the call and learn they are coming home only a few hours after their arrival.  They had already had lunch, and had been drinking fluids, so they weren’t dehydrated... But, my daughter said she had a headache.  Alarms bells went off in my head.  My daughter doesn’t get headaches.  Just at the onset of every concussion and on a daily basis throughout her recoveries, but never just to get one for another reason...  So, I knew when she was to arrive home, I was going to have to be a detective and watch her body language for additional signs.

When she arrived home, the signs were there.  Headache, a bit of being off balance, forgetfulness, not feeling well, wanting to sleep, and BEING COMBATIVE, which she typically is way out of character for her...  So, I called her specialist and they prompted us to the ER.  The ER doctors didn’t catch it, but I sure did.  It was subtle and the ER dr was young and busy.  Her eyes were tracking on examination.  Not with every exam, but it was intermittent.  I can see how he missed it, but for a trained professional, or mother who has gone through numerous PT and dr appointments for concussions, this was easy for me to see.

So, despite the ER dr giving her a clean bill of health, her follow up exams with specialists did not.  In the meantime, Sierra had headaches, was sensitive to light, noise, and other stimulus.  She was cranky and tired.  Certainly, this girl was not herself.  Something was wrong.  It was the concussion. So, with locating the right doctors, we learned that her concussion was the result of the force of the rides, most likely.  She had sustained damage with functions between the eyes and brain.  Which basically ends up meaning, she lost her ability to do many things that she had done before with ease.  Her reading level dropped several years and grade levels.  She was off balance and her eyes were not focusing on objects the way they should.  The transfer of visual information to her brain was altered thus affecting her balance, coordination, and cognitive skills were definitely off.  She was suffering delays in her ability to comprehend info and react to it.  Her memory was affected and she would forget things mid task.  She was unable to socialize normally as the delays in processing thoughts and being able to respond to them was way off. So, Sierra had to recover to get better.  She had to stay away from stimulus that caused her physical symptoms. This meant isolation at school, as the noise would trigger her headaches more than any other stimulus...  She needed to relearn and regain functions with the help of physical therapy, occupational therapy, and visual therapy.  And, although these therapies have helped her, they have not been enough.  Sierra now goes to counseling once a week to help her cope with everything she has been through.

Knowing Sierra was going through a tough time, we’ve made many adjustments around the house.  We had to dim the lights, allow Sierra more alone time, reduce the volume on our TV, limit our TV time, work with her, and take her to numerous therapy sessions each week, as well as work with her school to help them better understand how to best help Sierra. Despite our best efforts, Sierra could not stay in school.  It was becoming too dangerous for her with her situation.  She was forgetting where to go, where her classes were, she lost her ability to tell time and therefore keep up with her schedule.  Thus, on numerous occasions, she found herself walking aimlessly in the halls not knowing where to go or what to do.  She couldn’t remember where her locker was, the combination to it, and often times, she didn’t know school had been dismissed.  She was finding herself alone in empty classrooms for hours at a time, and that was when we knew it was senseless and causing her more harm than good by keeping her in school. So, Sierra is now enrolled in a cyber school and is still in recovery mode.   Things had gotten pretty bad, and obviously for a young child, she had to deal with a lot of hardships that other children will never know.  She’ll never be able to play sports.  Never be able to ride any amusement rides,  the things she loved to do are now out of the question, and she cannot even dance or do simple cartwheels without the risk of serious permanent damage/death.  Her personality has even changed.  And, although she is my daughter, she has not been the same girl.  The concussion has changed her. So, with reference to Gifts of Cheer, I want to reassure you that we are still giving, still helping others, still continuing to pray for our recipients, donors, volunteers, and supporters, but we had a bit of a slow down during Feb - April. We found the need to do things slower, so that I could put Sierra first and advocate on her behalf.  She needs the very best shot at recovery, and as her mother, I am passionate about insuring she has ever opportunity made available to her to get better.   So, has Gifts of Cheer been suffered as a result?  I wouldn’t say that it has suffered, but I would say that we didn’t do as much as we could have in the last two-three months.  However, I would like to share with you that we have made tremendous progress over this past holiday season and helped bring cheer to many this year.  I will be sharing this information with you shortly!   Until then, if you can please keep Sierra is your prayers, we’d appreciate it!  And, if you child has had previous brain injuries, we highly recommend forgoing the roller coasters and other amusement rides. Life is too short not to be able to let our kids be kids.  And, with the concussion Sierra sustained, life will never be the same for her.  So, before you go on that amusement ride, think twice.  Is it really worth it?

God Bless!  More updates coming soon!