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abimckeag-blog · 7 years ago

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In Detail, part one

now that I’ve identified the bulk of the experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I feel it’s only fair to explain how I’ve delt with them and what caused them to begin with.

I can’t always identify the roots of my issues, but I can normally come pretty close to knowing what triggered any self destructive behavior or negative mindset.

In this post I want to discuss my struggle with suicidal thoughts.

I know this is a topic that doesn’t get discussed as freely and often as it should.

according to an article written in May of 2017, over 9 million people in America alone consider killing themselves every year.

and to me, that number seems small.

I know several people who have also struggled with thoughts of suicide and unfortunately I knew several people who lost their battles.

I hope that if you are struggling right now you can draw inspiration from my story to seek out help, you should never have to deal with this alone.

before I continue I’m going to leave the number to the suicide hotline here, in case anyone can’t remember the name of that one Logic song, and because it’s a great outlet right at your fingertips, please take advantage of it if you feel the need.

1-800-273-8255, there’s an online chat option if you feel like a phone call would be uncomfortable, remember it’s anonymous, and NO ONE is ever going to judge you for taking care of yourself.

now onto my story.

until I was, around 9 I had no idea what suicide was, I didn’t realize that was an option.

I had a fairly standard childhood, I don’t remember that much to be honest.

I know my parents loved me and my siblings, but I also know they weren’t around much.

both of my parents worked full time and on call as anesthesiologists at the hospital in North Platte and we had a nanny to watch us during the day.

the bulk of my childhood memories revolve around time spent with babysitters and nannies and being forced to go to piano lessons and volleyball practice and dance lessons and the typical childhood stuff.

when I was young I didn’t want to partake in a lot of the stuff my parents signed me up for which I think is normal for young kids, I really wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to suck it up and accept the blessings they were giving me.

but as a little 7 year old being forced to play soccer when all I wanted to do was build forts in my backyard, I couldn’t see how privileged I was to be given these opportunities.

to me, it seemed like the only time I saw my parents was when they were taking me to and from these things and even then my nanny took me to the bulk of the activities, so you’d think I’d enjoy going out and playing sports cause I got to see my parents, but that wasn’t the case.

I wanted to quit them so that we’d have time to stay at home and play hide and seek and just normal kid stuff.

as a little kid though you have no way of conveying that’s what you’re thinking, instead, all you can do is throw a fit and come off as a total brat.

so growing up with your parents not around is kind of rough and I think that really set me up for some not so great life experiences.

I never learned how to communicate with my parents, I never talked with them about important things like religion, boys, puberty, etc.

they sure tried to talk to me about it, but I never reciprocated that connection, I thought if I kept all my issues to myself then I’d seem stronger and more put together.

now all this detail about my childhood, which honestly was a great childhood, I am truly blessed, I know there are so many people out there with stories so so so much worse than mine, anyways, this just explains how I never learned to communicate or find a healthy outlet for my emotions because I only wanted to talk to my parents about all the cool stuff I did that day and not serious issues.

suicide had never crossed my mind until I was probably 11 or 12, I was a really early bloomer and my hormones basically turned me into a tyrant.

I was constantly mad at everything and I found that rebelling against my parents was going to be my new outlet.

I died my hair, I smeared black eyeliner on, I bought black lipstick, I wore all black clothes (still do, but it’s fashion), I listened to loud, angry music, I painted my nails black, I quit going to church, or when I did I was mad about it, I turned into the stereotype you’re already probably picturing.

but the thing is, I wasn’t just changing my outward appearance and physical state, my mental state was deteriorating.

it takes so much energy to be mad all the time and it was exhausting me.

I felt terrible about myself, I turned to starving myself and cutting myself and then eventually binge eating hoping it would somehow make me feel better.

I had a voice in the back of my head telling me it would all go away if I just ended it.

on several occasions I remember raiding our medicine cabinet hoping to find something I knew I could overdose on.

I remember holding a handful of ibuprofen up to my mouth hoping that if I swallowed it I would just disappear, but God was watching me.

he’d been with me this whole time no matter how many times I denied him.

something told me it wouldn’t be worth it, I told myself it wouldn’t work, I’d just end up getting my stomach pumped, and then everything would be worse afterwards.

I didn’t do it.

moving to a new town certainly saved my life in some aspects, for those that don’t know, I moved right before my eighth grade year, I transferred from a lutheran school to a public middle school.

it was quite the shock, it definitely was beneficial but also detrimental for my mental health.

I continued to struggle with the thoughts of suicide all throughout high school.

my junior year of high school was when everything peaked.

I’d made a dumb mistake that summer before without thinking about the consequences.

I lost a lot of friends and those that were once my friends were now the closest thing to bullies I’d ever experienced.

it made me sick to wake up in the morning knowing I’d have to go to school and see them everyday.

the things that were said to me were unbelievably cruel.

I remember driving around late at night just debating if I should drive my car into a light pole or a ditch, I remember considering driving head on into the oncoming traffic on many occasions.

but everytime I almost made the worst decision of my life, God intervened.

now I have never been an extremely religious person, I was raised in the church, my mom has always been on the worship team wherever we were, and my father is an extremely spiritual man, but it never translated to me until this summer.

so during this whole time, I never once sat down and prayed and asked God for advice, yet he somehow still got me through everything.

eventually, junior year ended, and there I was.

still standing.

I met a boy and I fell in love and we were together for my entire senior year, and then in late December, my self esteem dropped.

my mental health was beginning to deteriorate and thoughts of suicide rushed through my brain.

I tried to explain to him what was happening to me, but I couldn’t find the right words and he had issues going on in his life he needed to cope with, and eventually after struggling with thoughts of killing myself for 5 months, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had a full mental breakdown in May and after months of living in a broken relationship, torn apart by my inability to love myself, we ended things.

it destroyed me for a few weeks, but I invested myself so heavily in my job and I changed gyms and started hanging out with friends whenever I could, I just sort of ignored it.

it was when nobody was around and I was home doing nothing that feelings of immense depression overtook me.

I struggled with the worst season of binge eating I’ve ever experienced this summer.

I wouldn’t get out of bed until 1pm on a good day, I’d stay out till 5am, and then repeat the cycle.

then I had my awakening, God was still watching me, he was hoping I’d find him on my own, but that wasn’t the case.

he sent one of my best friends to save me.

I spilled out everything, every bad thought, every raw emotion I’d been holding inside, and I felt free.

they told me about God’s grace and mercy and his never ending forgiveness.

they said “if God can forgive you, why can’t you forgive yourself?”.

I started to look in the mirror and instead of hating the person I’d become, I started appreciating myself for overcoming what I’ve been through.

instead of hating my body, I appreciated it for all the amazing things it’s capable of.

instead of living in regret for past decisions, I let them go.

I stopped dwelling.

but here I am today, laying on my bedroom floor, and I’ll admit that yesterday I wasn’t happy with myself, and the day before that, and the day before that, and even right now I know I’m not 100% content with myself.

and that’s okay.

I still struggle with thoughts of suicide, I have been for 7 years.

I will never be perfect.

I may never stop having dark thoughts, but I will never give in.

I know I have a purpose, I know I have worth, I know I am not useless.

and neither are you.

none of us are.

we are all beautifully and wonderfully made and God loves us so much, it’s completely unfathomable.

if you are struggling today and you need someone to talk, feel free to talk to me, I am here for anyone, but before you talk to me,

I want you to pray.

ask for guidance, ask for forgiveness, and know that you are loved, no matter how far you think you stray from the Lord, he is always right there beside you, just waiting for you to call on him.

now I know there’s a lot I didn’t cover in this, even though it’s very long, but I will continue posting these, hence why this is only part one.

each one discussing different issues I have dealt with and I’m sure some of you are experiencing.

I really hope this helped you, even if it didn’t, I hope you can understand for just a second that God loves you, he always has, and always will.

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choisgirls · 8 years ago

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I've never requested anything before >_< but.... Do you think maybe you could eek out a hc or mini-fic of RFA+minor trio with an MC that is super into the spoops. I'm talking rituals found on reddit, the ouija and exploring abandoned buildings (ghost hunting, if you will. lol) I'm down with whatever you might decide :) Thank you in advance, if you choose to do this! If not, thanks for considering!

A/N: *bows with a flourish* I AMQUITE HONOURED TO BE YOUR FIRST, MY LOVE~

this is late and i am sorry butspook time is all the time~ I will do my best here~

(also boy oh boy im glad youmentioned rituals because i grew up witchy and alongside the normal halloweenactivities every now and again there’s the Samhain celebrations full ofdifferent rituals and spells and i am hYPE, thats the direction i’ll take sincei have another request im working on regarding the ouji so it may not be /all/ spooky,but i will throw some in there since you did ask for spoop!!! im sorry, i reallyhope thats okay;;;;; ;A; if not, i can always take this and re-write some forthose I didn’t make scary!)

WARNINGS: I did mention blood oncewithin this, but there’s nothing too big, but just in case you don’t enjoy alittle prick to the finger, please don’t keep reading!

/it’s a little long so I’ll place itunder a cut!/

Masterlist~

YOOSUNG:

“Oh cool, MC, you bought somecandles!” he called, grabbing one and getting ready to light it. Youscramble after him to get it back, explaining to him that they aren’t forburning around the house to look pretty. “Yoosung, I’m doing a ritual- theblack candle represents your life, your decisions, and your experiences in thepast year, while the white one represents the present moment and year to come!You light this black one and reflect on things that helped you become who youare today, how you’ve grown, what lessons you’ve learned, then you say goodbyeto it all and blow out the candle. Then, you light the white one and reflect onhow you can be your happiest every day, and blow out the flame holding hope inyour heart!” you went on to describe the simple ritual to him, watching ashe stared at you with eyes as big as dinner plates. To your surprise, heactually wanted to hear a little more about why you do this, and what otherthings there were to do. He wanted to join you in this one as well! He wantedto think of all the happy times he can have with you for this next year!

ZEN:

He came home and the house did notsmell like it normally did and he was concerned. He called out to you, hopingthat the smell was something you were doing and doing it safely. He found you standing on a chair in the center of the room,hoping some sort of… stick? Maybe? “MC! What are you doing? You could’vefallen!” he swooped you off of the chair, placing you on your feet gentlybut then suddenly started to cough over the smoke in his face- you quicklymoved it to the side. “Ah, sorry Hyun! I just wanted to banish all of theold energy from our house,” you tried to explain as you continued tosmudge the area around yourself. The look on his face said it all- he had noidea what you were talking about. You asked him to walk with you as youfinished smudging the rest of the house, explaining it was a cleansing ritual-with the herbs sage, mugwort, bay leaf, and lavender tired together with yard,you could hopefully dispel any old or bad energy, leaving the house fresh andnew! He understood after a while, but would never attempt to do it on hisown… if it made you feel better, he would absolutely let you do it.

JAEHEE:

“..MC… can I ask why you’relying in the middle of the floor?” she asked, closing the door behind her.You could often be found throwing yourself across the furniture and laying onthe ground, she didn’t think too much of it until she saw your hands movingaround, then she realized you were meditating and immediately felt bad- shedidn’t interrupt, did she? She sat a few feet away from your head, waitinguntil you were finished to actually talk to you. When you sat up, you greetedher and told her not to worry, you hadn’t even noticed her come in. She seemedto be trying to peek at what was in your hand, so you opened it to reveal asmall opal laying in your palm. You explained that the stone was used as apower stone to help become a conduit of the unconscious mind. When you breathedeeply and allow any and all images, thoughts, sounds, or sensations pass by,you’ll be able to release them from your mind. You even took a handful ofassorted power stones and explained each one to her- you watched her eyes asyou noticed her make mental notes about it all so she could research it in moredepth later. She really wouldn’t be against joining you for one of thesemeditations, the poor woman needs this

JUMIN:

“MC, I don’t understand why youwould willingly participate in doing this to yourself. All you’re going to dois scare yourself to the point you will lose sleep, or you will injure yourselfwith worry,” he said as you scrolled through multitudes of rituals youlooked up online, trying to find one you wanted to try out. “Jumin,sweetheart, it’s Halloween. The point is to try and scare yourself,” youtold him, stopping on one you wanted, turning to find him crossing his arms,shaking his head, and turning to leave the room- he muttered a soft “It’sa horrible idea” under his breath as he left the room. At midnight thatnight, you wrote your name on this piece of paper, pricking your finger to puta small drop of blood onto the paper- you light the candle and turn the rest ofthe lights off before knocking on the wooden door 22 times, all before 12:01am.You open the door, blow out the candle, then shut the door again before rushingto relight the candle and leaving the room, keeping the candle lit. You were tothink about your wish and keep close watch of the flame until 3:33am- as wellas watching for drops in temperature and faint whispers- this would mean theMidnight Man was close and you had to be very careful. You had spent so muchtime walking around, you began to get bored, but were too afraid to stop. Aftera while, you heard faint whispers behind you, and you immediately started towalk faster, being aware of the flame in front of you. You started to panic- ohno. This is real, isn’t it. Why didn’t you listen to Jumin? Why did you need totry and freak yourself out? Turning a corner, your flame went out and you werefrozen in place, your heart immediately beating in your ears. Suddenly, youhear Jumin whisper, “Well, did you get the scare you were looking for,MC?” You dropped the candle to the floor, immediately swinging your armsin front of you until you make contact with his chest, which he returned with asoft “oof” and a soft chuckle before pulling you close to hold you.

SAEYOUNG:

“Legend says that during thenight, a rift will open between the land of the living and the domain of thespirits,” he said in his best story telling voice- he was dressed in ablack, intimidating robe, trying to scare you the night before Halloween. Hehad a flashlight on under his chin and turned off the power to the whole house-Saeran was pissed. Yet, he stayed for Saeyoung’s story, which he continuedafter his dramatic pause. “Communication can lead to wishes being grantedand good fortune- for the living! The other side demands horrific payment fortheir services, ooooooo~” he wiggled his fingers to emphasize the spooky.You stared at him with an extremely unamused look on your face- you couldn’ttake him serious- even when he asked you to play the game with him. Between 2amand 5am on Halloween, the two of you closed yourselves in a small room, staringat a mirror that you couldn’t even clearly see in the dark.“Okay MC, whenthe rift opens, you should feel the room go cold, that’s when you put your handon the mirror and whisper, ‘I accept’. Then, we’ll see a figure in the mirror-a figure way too frightening to describe. Then you must answer all five oftheir deeply personal questions, you must answer honestly- each one you lieabout, they will take one of your five senses. Each one you get correct, youcan place a death curse on anyone you decide.” You tried to look at himlike he was an idiot but being in the dark made that hard. Suddenly, there wasa soft breeze behind your ear, you raised your elbow a little and jammed itinto his stomach hard enough to get an 'oomph’ from him. You knew he was tryingto just scare you. He chuckled a little, pulling your back closer to his chest,he started to nuzzle against your shoulder until the both of you felt the roomget extremely cold in a flash- the both of you turned stiff for a moment beforeyour adrenaline kicked in and the both of you started to push the other out ofthe way to escape the room. Saeran had to hold back a laugh from his place behind the mirror, where he had a portable air conditioner running silently.

JIHYUN:

Always willing to see differentparts of you and anything you like or believe in! So on Samhain, you wanted tohelp him with his past in any way you know how- Mandalas! You told him howmandalas are powerful because they reflect balance and wholeness- drawing oneup helps to express yourself and encourage emotional balance as well as helpingto heal yourself! He watched you practice a few, and had him join in. Drawingthe patterns in whatever colour he wanted, with no pressure to make it perfectwas calming. He turned to you, to thank you for showing him this activity, whenhe saw your page and immediately froze. He wanted to laugh but he was also kindof concerned. Your mandala was more.. in the shape of a common demon mask, andhe… he wasn’t sure what that meant- or if he should ask you about it… Hestill hung it on the fridge regardless, but it scares people when they walk by andyou act innocent, which he finds hilarious.

SAERAN:

“MC, this is stupid, I’m notdoing this,” he stated with a huff, his arms crossed against his chest andyou tried to drag him outside at around 11:30 pm, October 30th. You found thisritualistic game online and you wanted to see if it would truly work! I mean,if you can deal with him, you could probably deal with some sorta demons thatcome out of this. You search for bare patch of ground, waiting until 11:59pm- aminute before Halloween. He watched as you drew a circle in the dirt largeenough to hold your phone- then you plopped yourself down to the ground. With asigh, he sat next to you and stared at the phone for what seemed like too long.You kept staring, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 11 minutes, the time kept increasingand the whole time he kept trying to break your gaze from the phone, but youwere dedicated to this thing and he gave up. After 15 minutes, your phone litup from a call from a private number- Saeran went to answer once he realizedyou weren’t going to- you had to shoo him away quickly. “You can’tanswer!!!! You can’t, this is supposed to happen! Now, we wait for a text, andmake sure not to take the phone from the circle. It’s supposed to be anothernumber that we can call, then we tell this man our address, and he’ll tell usthat we’ll get a package at precisely 11:59 on November 1st!” you staredat the phone explaining it all, as Saeran just looked at you with an eyebrowraised- looking up across the yard, he saw his brother hiding around the cornerof the house, raising a finger to his lips to keep him quiet. Now he knew thiswas a prank and nothing that can truly hurt you- good. He would playalong.“What’s in this package, MC?” he asked, curious as to just whatkind of story his brother planted into your head. “You find a smalltransistor radio with batteries! You can put in the batteries but youabsolutely can’t turn on the radio until 12:15am, then go to the AM channel111.1 and listen- it says the guy from tonight will be muttering and will giveus a headache but we can’t stop listening. At 12:25 am on the dot, the messagewill stop and soft music will play- and until then, so long as you keep theradio on you and turned on, you’ll experience good luck!” you kept staringat the phone, speaking quickly, trying to get the story out before that textcame in. Saeran had to hide his growing laughter, “Okay okay, so wait.This dumb ritual will give you good luck? That’s what this is about?”“Yeah, but apparently, when the radio’s batteries die, everythingdrastically changes. Like, you’ll feel someone tracking your every move, see afigure in the shadows, hear a sound you can’t place, up until it makes itselfknown and comes to claim its payment!” your voice turned high pitched nearthe end of your explanation, as you watched your phone light up from theexpected text. He sat through the rest of your ritual, watching you one momentand turning to watch his brother with a voice box and his cell phone across theway. He’d allow this to happen, only this time, because you did bring this uponyourself.

VANDERWOOD:

“And you want to do…. what,now?” he asked, staring at you in disbelief. You told him about this…insane idea you had to play this creepy game to see if it was real. Why you hadthis fascination with trying to do these scary things, he would never know. Infact, he started to think you hung out with Saeyoung too often- he’s rubbingoff on you. You told him about this ritual you found called the “The ThreeKings”, and you were dying to see if it was the real thing- after all, thewarning did say “do not attempt on your own”- so it had to be scary,right? You made him help you set up- three chairs, two mirrors, and a candleset in a specific position according to the chart online. You leave the roomuntouched from midnight to 3:30am, then you take your place at the King’sthrone, candle lit, as you stare straight in front of you into the darkness.Vanderwood stood, leaning against the wall, watching this all go down. Hedidn’t want you to sit alone and have something… actually happen to you-though he knew it never would. It was all fake, just something to scareyourself, and he will be here once again to reassure you that everything wasfine. You told him that until 4:34am, you must stare only straight ahead, andbe aware of if the light on the candle goes out. For almost half an hour, youstared at the spot in front of you- he got tired of it. Kept telling you howeverything was fake, nothing would be happening, and that you were just goingto scare yourself over your own imagination- when your candle flame suddenlyblew out. The girlish scream that followed definitely did not come out of yourown mouth- though you were the one who blew out the candle in the first placeto freak out your “I-Don’t-Believe-In-That-Shit” of a partner, whichyou succeeded in.

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badgesandlanyards-blog · 8 years ago

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What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like?

*Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.

When it was announced that HBO was going to be hosting an offsite activation for Westword, I immediately added it my short list of “must-do’s” at Comic-con. I dropped by the Hilton Bayfront on Wednesday night to see where the line was located and asked hotel staff if people were allowed to stay overnight in the lobby. Since I hate that people (including myself–especially myself) camp in lines I was thrilled when I was told that no one would be allowed to line up over night or sleep in the lobby where the line was located. With my evening free I went off to meet up with friends and have dinner at Filippi’s Pizza Grotto in Little Italy. We had some delicious and affordable pizza and a very large amount of sangria.

As preview night rolled on press covering Comic-con began to tweet about how amazing the Westworld experience was, as well as mentioning that the experience could be limited to only 100 people per day. As a result, I told my two friends that were going with me we needed to be at the Bayfront before six and I set my alarm for 5am. Being in line before 7am had never failed me before. I figured adding an extra hour to be safe would have us in the front of the line with no issues. We also wanted to have our choice of appointment times because one of my friends had several press appointments Thursday.

The next morning we rolled out a little before 6am, half-asleep and packed up for the day. When we arrived it looked like there were about 35-40 people in line. We congratulated ourselves on our timely arrival, confident that we could secure reservations. Appointments for reservations were supposed to start at 9:30 so we had about three-and-a-half-hours to kill. We sent someone to go get coffee and settled into our camp chairs.

The normal SDCC front-of-the-line expansions began around 7am, and then kept going… and going. For those who have never been in a line at SDCC what I mean by “SDCC front-of-the-line expansion” is when everyone gets in line with their friends. You may be thinking “hey, that’s just cutting! That’s not cool”, and you’re right! It’s not cool. But lines are complicated at Comic-con. I’m not really sure how it got so complicated since queuing is a simple concept, but it has reached the point that you never actually know how many people are in line ahead of you anymore. The line for Westworld expanded from one-to-two people wide to having large groups of ten or more people spanning from the walkway over to several couches placed along the widows.

We were told by HBO staff a little after 8am that we were numbers 85-87 in line and we started to get nervous. By 8:30 we were being told that we would most likely not get to make reservations that day. However, we were still in the 80s. We figured out that we would need to be above 120 to miss out so we decided to stay. We watched two women join a group almost directly in front of us after 8:30 and knew we had been pushed into the 90s. I told security that there was a large number of people there who had not been present before 8am; not really in an effort to get them kicked out because we knew it was impossible (I have never seen anyone pulled out of line at any SDCC event), but because we hoped that they wouldn’t let more people in before we got to make our reservations.

There was a player piano next to the check-in desk that started around 9. It played the Westworld theme and music from the show; drawing more attention to the reservation desk. Two actors dressed as hosts (in the all white dresses and suits hosts wear when they greet guests as they arrive at Westworld in the show) started taking reservations at 9:30. The reservation process was slow. At first, one person at a time went up to the host at the desk to make their reservation. After about 20 minutes they began to process the line in groups.

We finally reached the front of the line around 10:30am. We watched as the last group of people that they had room for on Thursday made their reservation (including those women who walked up at after 8:30 ::boo hiss::). We were told by staff that we could split up and individually make a standby reservation. They took one person for each time slot. I finally got my chance to approach the desk where a female host sat and was instructed to pick a time for standby. After she input my name and information into her tablet I was given a black business card for Westworld that had the address for the Hotel Palomar and my designated time. The host instructed me to come no earlier than ten minutes before my appointed time and that if I arrived ten minutes late that I would miss my reservation. The acting on the host’s part was very well done. They were doing a kind of monotone, calm and collected thing. I went off to enjoy the rest of the day after my friends and I consoled each other for our failure to secure an actual reservation. If you have never been in this situation as a result of late-comers getting in line it is pretty heart breaking. Please consider not letting your friend that woke up at 9am join a line of people who have been in line for more than three hours unless there was an extremely good reason that they couldn’t be there (ie: on-site badge pick-up, medical reasons, young children). The decent thing to do is be considerate of other attendees when an event is extremely limited.

And now on to what happened at the experience.

I arrived at the Hotel Palomar shortly before my designated time (it was a 15-20 minute walk from convention center) and checked in with the same host that gave me my reservation in the morning. I was told that I would be escorted up to the lounge, but that if everyone arrived for the time slot, I would not be able to do the complete experience. I crossed everything in hopes that someone would not show up and tried to console myself with the fact that, if I had to leave, there was something else I wanted to do that was literally a three minute walk from the hotel.

We were escorted to the elevators by the host that checked us in. Once we got off the elevator it was clear that the designers of the activation had done a great job. The design of the Hotel Palomar lent itself to a sleek modern look that complimented the Delos signs that were posted in hallways and on doors that directed guests to “quality control” and “guest services” among other things.

Actors portraying hosts met you in the lounge. They took our cards and greeted us individually by name. Every time that the hosts interacted with the group they would say each person’s name. It was an excellent way to make the interactions with them seem less human. The lounge was a recreation of the rooms where William (Jimmy Simpson) chose his wardrobe and weapons before entering Westworld on the show. There were actual props and costumes from the show.

Amazingly, someone actually missed their appointment and I didn’t have to stop at the lounge! I was extremely excited. So excited that I forgot to take pictures for a few minutes. They escorted us down a hallway past sculptures or molds of heads like they had in the show. The host stopped in front of a door that said “Research and Development” that had a sword fight noises coming from it and, what I assume, was Japanese symbol or something that is derived from one on the door.

We arrived at a hall of doors that were labeled “Concierge Analytics”. They split us up and had us privately meet with an actor in a small empty room with two chairs. I was asked several questions including: what finger would you cut off if you had to, and would you join a group of outlaws shooting up a bar, run away or fight them? The questions were similar to the quiz that you can find at this Westworld website. Then the actor interpreted your results to give you an eerily accurate personality assessment. There was a black hat a a white hat hanging on the wall of the small room. The actor then chose a hat for you based of your personality assessment and placed the hat from the wall on your head for you. I was a white-hat.

After you get your hat you were escorted by yet another host to watch a video introduction to Westworld. The video started to glitch as did the actor/host while we watched the clip. It was a little unsettling. The host then appeared to return to normal and she escorted us to a small recreation of the Mariposa bar. The bar had several bar tenders and a host that was dressed and acted like Maeve (Thandie Newton) when she was the madam at the Mariposa. They made us three craft cocktails that were delicious. There was another player piano in the bar playing music from the show.

Overall, the experience was unique and something that I had never experienced at Comic-con. It is very rare to get to experience something so geared toward you as an individual in a sea of opportunities that are autographs but only on posters the studios supply, and panel halls that are filled with 6,499 other people. The hat was a unique piece of swag and the booze a welcome gift. The only thing that I would change is that I wish that I could have done the experience with my friends. I still feel terrible that they missed out. I found out while I was in the experience that one of the women there had never even seen the show which was a huge disappointment for me since I know several fans of the show that really wanted to attend. Hopefully next year an experience like this will be able to be made accessible to more of the attendees.

HBO’s SDCC Westworld Experience What was the Comic-con Westworld activation like? *Skip this first part if you aren’t interested in the prep/line waiting that accompanies almost every SDCC story.

#Comic-con #conventions #HBO #SDCC #Westworld

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