#I'll draw Pebbles again soon. maybe

[computercuter]

Wu-oh suggestive content under the cut🔞

yay <3 pillows <3

[mintharaestermont]

"something's always getting under my skin," minty pointed out. the fingers that were threading their way moved in a slower rhythm now. she would be ready for sleep soon, now brianna had returned. "you know how it is. get myself in a right state sometimes, don't i? probably just had a pebble in my shoe or something." it had been more than that, a moment of frustration and anger and hurt over king's landing, and the dornish, and valyrians, and the whole bloody lot of it, but it felt both insensitive to bring up now, and something she was utterly exhausted from talking about. "don't remember. point is, ginny was really nice about it. i wouldn't write her off yet."

"it's weird though, isn't it? fiona, i mean. that brother of hers ain't the type to just ship her off, is he?" a frown appeared on minty's face, though she was privately relieved that brianna seemed to be as clueless as she was about it. "and she's the first of us to be getting married, and i've not had so much as an invitation to the wedding. i don't get that at all. don't matter who my brother ships me off to, i wouldn't go within a mile of a sept unless you lot were with me." minty wasn't necessarily a woman who dreamed of her wedding day, but when she did, the husband was a faceless blur. what was in sharp relief was the sight of her best friends beside her.

"we'll be having words about it, me and her. well, we will be if she ever comes back." because neither of them knew if fiona ever would be back. their four had been knocked down to a three, and with the rift between brianna and ginny never more evident, it didn't even really feel like that anymore. just two pairs, with only minthara in common. "she'll write back if you send her a letter, though. she just ignores the bits she doesn't want to answer and hopes you won't notice it. i just asked the same questions again but in bigger handwriting," she shrugged one shoulder.

minty paused for a minute, letting out a soft hum of thought. "i don't think you're imagining it, really" she said when she finally spoke. "she's changed a bit, i ain't even gonna lie. i know i said she was nice in the westerlands, but before i went off on one she was talking about marriage and my family's standing at court, being valyrian and that. it was all proper weird." she stopped to draw breath, shaking her head a little in a way that made the gold jewellery threaded through her braids jingle. "and i think that's just what's always in her head these days. marrying up and who's got good standing at court. the boring stuff."

she threw one hand up, half-hearted and dismissive. "she's still my friend. i still care about her. but i don't like talking about that stuff. it ain't like it is with you, you know? like the way we just chat, or sit here not chatting, and that's fine too." but then, it had always been different with brianna. "maybe she just needs reminding that we liked her before all that stuff. it's still a must be a bit shit for you, though. i always thought you two were proper close."

she looked at brianna then, really looked, then sighed a little sigh. had she not already been clutching brianna so close, she would have tightened her arms, but she didn't think she could without squeezing the life from her. "you're not stuck, bri. you're just... where you are." she could see how it would be easy to feel like she was being left behind, when brianna's entire life was in a state of stasis. "besides, not everyone needs to charge ahead. nothing wrong with staying put for a while to think things through. you'll move when you're ready, and i'll wait for you to catch up when you do."

she would have been content if that was the last word they spoke for the night, falling asleep curled around each other on the chair and waking up with sore limbs from the less than ideal sleeping position, but the moment of drowsy haze was broken when brianna suddenly leapt from the chair. minty sat up, for a moment staring at brianna, wholly unimpressed with what was coming out of her mouth. "what do you mean we?" she grumbled. "you want me to go out there," she jutted her chin towards the window. "in the rain and the cold, all cause johnny the dickhead's been picking fights?" even as she complained, she was rising to her feet, collecting her boots from where she had left them and shoving her feet into them.

"you do realise the little bastards keep coming back because you're so soft with them? if you didn't keep feeding them they'd sod off and run at the sight of people like normal deer." she laced her boots and stood, grabbing one of brianna's cloaks and wrapping it around herself. she paused, and then took another. the rain she could cope with - it was nothing unusual for a stormlander - but the cold was another matter entirely, something minty had never been able to cope well with. "come on, then. let's go feed your bloody deer."

♣️

brianna exhaled deeply, her breath a soft murmur against the warmth of the blanket wrapped tightly around her, as though it might shield her from everything that pressed on her chest. she looked at minthara, her lips curling faintly as minty’s words hit her ears. brianna paused for a moment, glancing at minty with a soft frown. "why were ye upset in the westerlands, huh?" she asked, her voice gentler now, though still laced with curiosity. "something got under yer skin, didn’t it?" brianna’s eyes softened, a flicker of concern passing through her. still, she knew if someone had started on her best friend, she'd batter them.

the familiar irritation that would’ve followed the mention of fiona being a "bitch" was immediately dulled by a sharp, unexpected laugh. "no! she just...vanished!" brianna couldn’t help it — the way minty had said it, so casually, as though she were talking about something mundane, it struck her as entirely ridiculous, and she burst out, her laughter rising like an unexpected storm.

"ah, gods, minty!" she gasped between fits of laughter, clutching the blanket around herself more tightly. "you— ye’re right, though, she’s always been a bloody wretch! but how ye said it, like it’s the most casual thing in the world!" brianna’s laughter died down slowly, leaving a faint but lingering smile on her lips, though her eyes were still heavy with the weight of the world. "oh, aye, that’s it, she’s a proper bitch, our fi. leavin’ without a word. thinks she’s too good for us now, does she?” she looked down, running her thumb along the edges of the fabric. her words were soft, but the slight hurt behind them was undeniable. “if she’d wanted to be gone, she should’ve told us. i'd never understand why she wanted to swan around them braavosi lot, but, no, just vanished like a bloody ghost.”

brianna sighed, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of her own thoughts. she wanted to bring her mind back to something lighter, something that would ease the ache in her chest, but it didn’t seem possible. not now. it was about time someone asked her about her and ginny, considering they were once so close - and it were obvious they were anything but now. "nah, no row." she asked, the words slipping out before she could stop them, her voice quieter now, more contemplative. as though she couldn't quite understand or believe it. "it’s just... surface level now. feels like there’s nothing left to talk about. nothing real, at least."

she let the words hang in the air between them for a long moment, her fingers absently tugging at the loose thread on the blanket. brianna’s heart twisted a little as she thought about the change in ginevra. it wasn’t just the ambition, though that was certainly part of it. no, it was something deeper — something that felt like a barrier had formed between them. "aye, well," brianna muttered, shifting again and pulling the blanket tighter around herself, as though it could protect her from her thoughts, "sometimes i think maybe we never meshed at all, me an' her. i mean... we did but now i don't know. but i don’t think i ever really understood her. maybe we just wanted different things, even when i thought we were the same. it’s like... she’s become someone else, but i don’t see her enough to even know if i’m wrong about that," she added, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

"maybe i’m just seeing things that aren’t really there."

brianna’s words hung in the air between them, heavy and thick, and she didn’t expect any answers. not really. but she needed to say them — needed to let someone else hear it, even if that someone didn’t have the words to make it better. she reached up, brushing a tear that had escaped unnoticed from the corner of her eye, a fleeting moment of vulnerability she couldn't hide. she had never once voiced what she was about to say. "i can’t help but wonder, though..." she began, her voice quieter now, a touch distant. "if it’s all me. if i’m just... stuck, while she’s moving forward. everyone is."

brianna sank deeper into the chair, her eyelids heavy, the weight of her thoughts pulling her closer to sleep. the flickering firelight cast a soft glow over the room, and the soft hum of the evening settled around her, lulling her into a drowsy haze. her mind, still tangled in a web of frustration and confusion, began to drift. she almost didn’t notice the subtle rustling outside her window, a faint crack of twigs breaking the silence. it wasn’t until the sound grew louder, sharp and sudden, that her eyes snapped open. for a moment, she stared blankly at the stone wall across the room, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. then, as if the sound had flicked a switch in her mind, her thoughts cleared.

“oh, for the love of gods, i’ve been meaning to feed the bloody deer,” she muttered to herself, pushing herself upright with a surge of energy, her eyes squinting through the darkness to try and find her boots. “come on, we need to go down to the kitchens. those poor things will be hungry if i leave them any longer, lazy lot they are. and johnny'll come knockin with his baby antlers, he's gotten far more bold since he won his first scrap.”

[penname-artist]

Forgive the tipsy rambling here and, maybe this is just looking back on something having aged through a lot of it but, do you ever just realize how much you've climbed to change as a person?

I guess it depends on the person. Not everyone has the same experience or makes the same steps. Some people hardly change at all. And some people, people like me, you wouldn't be able to look at versions of me more than two or three years apart without struggling to figure out they're the same guy.

Sure, lots of things always remain. You'll probably still like the same things, prefer the same comforts, or struggle with the same faults. No matter how much you change and grow, you're always just gonna be, y'know. You. It's the type of you that makes the change, though; whether to be the you that gives into emotional weaknesses, or the you that controls their ego from overinflating. Sometimes things teach us, events shape us and memories mold us into new characters. But really, it's just us, paving the way to bettering ourselves. Making something out of yourself. Being someone. And being proud of that.

I can't honestly say I enjoy looking into my own reflection, in a physical sense. I've become so hollow, so baggy-eyed and bony-shouldered with the wear of years of pacing holes into the floor. I don't think there will be a time soon I'll be satisfied with the missing and broken teeth, or the acne scars, or the protruding right side of my rib cage. But you know, appearances can't be everything. Even talents can only push you so far in life, the finite detailing of mine having been dwindled off somewhere in the late 2010s. I can't draw what I used to. I can't do a lot of the things I used to.

In some ways you could say I didn't have a choice. That I had to be kind. I can't work like I used to, can't go like I used to. I've developed a bad knee and stiff joints, mental anguish, social overload, muscle spasms, migraines, whatever else happens on any given day. Things I can't explain and things I can't control. But I can manage them, at least.

And I've watched my mother for years, in a far worse state. Fibromyalgia hardly scratches the surface anymore, with a ruptured appendix and a crushed spine about to undergo major surgery. I've witnessed unfairness and fear in the middle of the night, time and time again like some horrible nightmare no one can wake up from. But I've also seen grace, I've watched a woman go from all to nothing and still put a smile on to be the neighborhood mom, risk pain and days of bed-bound downtime just to take a child to a library event. Just to support their eldest child's new identity. Just to exist to love and care for and take care of her family.

I don't know a person who's been faced with a crueler world. I also don't know a person who's worked harder to be kind in turn.

I'm hardly there yet, I'm only in my twenties. The world is so big and so vast and so complicated. I've already tasted cruel, tasted grief as familiarity is ripped from me, as love and longing is left cold and silent as an empty space for someone who never said a word. I've tasted cruel, and born an inked reminder of what it can't do. It can't take me. It can take my friends from me, and it can take my body piece by piece, and it can take my life some unsuspecting day, but it can't take away me. I'm something. In everything I make, I'm leaving something of myself behind. I was here. I existed. I impacted. I did. The world was cruel and it'll keep being cruel but I'm going to exist anyways and I'm going to do anyways and I'm going to be kind anyways, and I'm going to climb this goddamn mountain one pebble at a time, and shout from every clifftop that I was something. It may not have been very much. But it was. And you can't erase me. I was something. And I am proud of the something that I made.

[edit: it's 11:08 PM, I think this took an hour and a half to write and so I'm sober enough to reread it and yeah can we check off the emotional drunk box now please? Please?]

[dearcraziness]

Chapter 25.

Bright and sunny day. There are usually a lot of such days in summer, and friends liked the fact that almost every day they could go outside and walk around the garden and its surroundings for a long time, admiring the majesty and beauty of nature...

However, today friends were especially excited in anticipation of the new. After all, they were going to go to a wonderful island for a few days! So they got up early to have time to pack everything they needed, and then had breakfast. Boris rechecked on the devices, and then the friends went outside. They looked at their house and garden once more, and then teleported to the new place.

The island was really excellent. Most of the palm trees were very tall and large, but closer to the sea their height decreased. The sun was very high in the sky, and its rays were quite hot. In the shade there was a house made of light wood and a small ladder was attached to it. The sea was so clear and transparent that at the very bottom pals could see all the pebbles.

"Wow, it's even more beautiful here than I imagined!" Bendy was the first to exclaim.

"Yes, it's impressive..." said Boris. "We need to explore this area. But first let's go to the cabin and unpack."

"Come on..."

Inside the house seemed bigger than outside. Although there were only a few rooms, they were quite spacious and cozy. And when friends placed their things there, it became even more comfortable and brighter. After the friends put on their summer accessories and left the house. Boris and Bendy began to inspect everything, while Lara and Alice spread out a beach mat and looked at the nature around them, birds that sometimes flew over the bright blue sea. Their voices were almost inaudible. Everything was calm and peaceful around. Even the wind stopped shaking the palm leaves, it became hotter. However, soon a light breeze returned and continued to cool the air.

After a while, Lara said, "I can't believe we're here on such a beautiful island... After all, it's much cooler at home, and the nature is completely different..."

"I like it here," Alice said. "Of course, it's great at home, too, but it's always interesting to discover new amazing places. Especially in summer."

"Exactly," Lara replied. "Well, since we are already on such a beautiful island, what should we do first?"

"Hmm... Maybe we can draw new outfits in a sketchbook?" Alice smiled.

"OK," Lara smiled. "I'll go get our notebooks."

With these words, Lara went to the house and soon found the notebooks. She returned and the girls began to draw new outfits suitable for summer.

Meanwhile, Bendy and Boris walked around almost the entire island. It wasn't big at all, so it wasn't difficult to explore.

"Well, now we can go back," Bendy said when they reached the opposite shore.

"Wait, I haven't observed everything yet,"Boris said, squinting a little. "We need to make sure that nothing will harm us."

"But we've already been all over the island. Peaceful place."

"It won't hurt to make sure of this once again. Safety is above all!"

"Totally agree..."

The friends continued to look at everything there and after a while went to the other end of the shore, where Lara and Alice were sitting. The girls have almost finished drawing the outfits. The only thing left was to give them colour. Lara was the first to finish. Alice noticed that Lara had done everything and looked at her outfits.

"Wow, how beautiful it turned out!.."angel said."Everything is drawn so well..."

"Thanks," Lara replied. "I think your outfits are also very beautiful. May I see them when you're done?"

"Of course, I almost finished... But I like your outfits a lot better. There are much more detailed..."

"Well, details don't always make an outfit better, because a lot depends on the style and colors... I'm sure your clothes are great too."

Alice smiled. She almost finished decorating the last outfit and after a couple of minutes she said, "That's it, I'm done... Although, I thought they turned out a little different..."

Lara looked at angel's outfits and... They were even more beautiful than she thought!

"Wow, what beautiful outfits!" said the imp, examining each of them. "To be honest, I like yours better. As usual..."

"Yes, and I often like your outfits more than my own." Alice said.

The girls smiled and laughed. After all, it's so great to appreciate each other's creativity. To value more than one's own. However, friendship and friends themselves are much more appreciated. They are priceless, as is the time spent with them.

Soon Bendy and Boris came. Boris brought a beach chair from the wooden house and began to read the newspapers. Bendy noticed that Lara and Alice had started building a sand castle and joined. After a while, the castle was ready and Bendy went into the house to get small flags for the castle towers. Returning back, he noticed Boris was sitting quietly and reading various newspapers. Then Bendy came up and exclaimed, "Boris, let's go finish building the sand castle!"

"Mhmm, no, I'd rather read..."

"Let's go." he said more firmly, with an indescribably demanding expression on his face.

Boris looked at him and decided that it was better to agree.

"Okay, I'll be right there..."

"Great." the imp smiled and went with flags to decorate the castle.

The four of them finished everything faster and soon the castle was ready. It turned out to be quite large, so there were several flags on each turret. Friends really liked their sand fortress, and it was right to place the castle away from the shore so that the waves would not get to it. Although, the sea wasn't rough. On the contrary, the waves were gentle and calm. Then the pals decided to go swimming, except for Boris. He said he would join later, because he hadn't finished reading the most amusing newspaper yet...

In general, friends were happy to relax in such a wonderful place. Of course, you can also do various interesting things at home, but spending time in a new place is also great, especially with ones who you cherish the most.