#I'm alive. kinda. I guess.
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it's been 58 days since I watched haurchefant die. I miss him.
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I'm sick rn but hey. i can still draw. with only mild inconvenience!!
i fucked up eucerin a bit but i think it's good for using no ref
here. have some ms pain too
#silverware's art#object fool#eucerin object fool#animatic battle#animatic ab#its time for the#clock itft#acid ab#exclamation mark ab#printer animatic battle#doorstopper ab#eyepatch ab#i'm. not tagging the rest. (ms paint ii guys n popcorn) cuz they're not worth tagging (small. under the cut)#guys. i'm alive. i just amn't doing shit that's like. productive?? just not that motivated. so take this#but eating over 10 cough drops has helped. i guess.#don't ask why i don't just use the colour picker. idk. i just like making my own colours.#all the poses in the second imag are redraws of the ab intro btw!! very silly!!! :))#i'm missing a school dance thing though so. like. that kinda fuckin sucks. missed free cake n cheep shit :(#uhh. if youre still here send a request in my askbox if ya want. i'll probably do it :/
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Stuck at my mom's house until the 27th, can't finish the comic I was working on until then :( here's a rough Cowboy!pinup sketch of Bumblebee and some Breakbee + Piston angst:
#I'll delete this later i just want to talk about it :3#not featured: WHY Piston is pulling a [REDACTED] on their sire#rubbing my hands together like a fly ooooooh do i have some angst in the works for you guys i just don't have a perspective tool rl#Okay i had the idea of a cute Bumblebee and Breakdown in cowboy hats with a bonus piston but then i had an Idea#yes that but then follow up later when its time to pick a side piston does a cowboy accent very sadly like they have to pretend its not real#the REASON is s3 bee and break fighting in the dome and bee lost on his back with Break towering above him with a [REDACTED] pointed at him#and Piston is beating on the glass WAILING for them to stop#but the view point is slightly behind breaks so he's HUGE and bee is small and Piston is even smaller in the foreground#they stop fighting but Piston can not forgive their sire for that Piston took after Breaks they were thick as thieves but no no#they saw the look in his eye the fear in bee and he only stopped bc shockwave called him off yes he was hesitating to pull and shaking#like a leaf knowing he was being used like a rabid dog to take down the autobot he has to pretend to hate but Piston will always wonder#if he'd do it and they can't decide and it eats them alive but that's their carrier and forgiveness is not cheap#bumblebee does what he can to talk Piston down its just business he didn't really mean it they ve had centuries of faking it but Piston#oh sweet Piston childish days are over their spark has been hardened#they arent on a path of violence or vengeance but when breaks seeks them out “come with me we can be a real family on cybertron ”#piston says “we already were”#and later later we land on the So i guess that's it....i guess so.... you best get on out of here then#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#does piston ever forgive? no but they understand things kinda get better but it's different now#i think they're scared that they'll end up like breaks bc they're so much like him they looked up to him and loved him so much#and now they know they have the capacity to do something like that and be used like that and they're scared#just so so so SO scared and it bothers them breaks was forced into it and they just want to SCREAM#they just want to run away with their parents away from the war where no one can bother them and live quietly#transformers#maccadam#transformers oc#tf piston#worry not i shall draw these once I'm home#but i have a laundry list of other things i want to draw first
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seeing a lot of Karma prediction posts and I'll just say, if Till is alive, I think he's definitely going to sing. does that make it a MiziTill duet?? idk
also saw someone talking about how it's going to focus on Mizi's survivors guilt (of course), but you know who else is gonna have survivor's guilt??
anyways let's just hope I'm wrong about everyth- uh, idk do you prefer Till alive but doomed (remains a human-pet of the segyein) or do you prefer him to stay dead but at peace??
#alien stage#alnst#alien stage till#alnst till#alien stage theory#alnst theory#till in alive#in pieces#I wasn't going to tag but then figured eh what the hell ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#plugs my own posts too cause I'm kinda curious what ppl would answer lol#I say either or bc I made that theory off all the till is alive info so uhhh...#pick your poison#tangentially related but if it shows what those green patches are#my best guess is for medical experimentation#for Urak's human editing company wtf ever#bc he's had them since he was a little kid#but they're on and off??#so I don't think they're for his stronger shock collar and I don't think they're to drug him either#I'm not sure they even do drug him?? it'd probably be better if they did 😬#anyways throwing that out there as another theory that I'll type a post about too later ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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#i feel like i've landed on what i'm still struggling with with this storyline#and i think ultimately it comes down to how it kinda retcons parts of 4x12#like obv during that ep tk couldn't have known what would happen with his brother#but the writing of carlos saying he may never be ready and tk saying okay#marrying him promising he was okay if it never happened#feels incredibly disjointed with this idea of not living their lives on pause / starting their future#when that future in question is adopting a child#like idk i don't like the writing and framing of that#i think they could have still done this storyline and not written it that way#linking carlos not being ready to gabriel's murder just isn't accurate - he told tk that when gabriel was alive and well#idk. this show occupies such a special place in my heart i can look past anything#this is just something i'll need to sit with for longer to make peace with i guess
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oh, of course! it's kaiser who sees god in ness, not the other way around 🙄 obviously
#how come that religious allegory in kainess is always the other way around! like. it's literally all there!!!!#devotion only works if it's mutual #habitina personal#alexis ness#kainess#I think we are past the point where we can admit that kaiser's christian metaphor was built almost entirely on his aching need to find >>#someone who would have worshipped him as long as hes devoted to making himself worshippable. i think#i have a mouth to scream#on some days i wake up and they make no sense. on other days i wake up and they're the only ones who make sense#ness is a creature of love he's obviously going to try and redeem that man! that's where the devotion comes from. apart loneliness. >#KAISER however. doesn't really have any reason at all to demand redemption from ness if not the envy that is eating him alive. like alright>#he is going to surround himself with people (one person) who is sorta able to feel and process emotions semi normally. because he's>#unable to do so himself. right? are you following me#sorry i always go kinda crazy for them in the tags it's just. kainess means a lot to me! and they're not even all that doomed#wrote this BEFORE ness made himself kaisers Real and Actual only way to metaphorical redemption btw. i just keep guessing kaneshiros >#next moves I'm unstoppable#zweimam#this will surely make me add some new words to that one. Kainess Religious Allegory wip#doomed yaoi curse
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I am not immune to any cutes - including Rick and Morty cutes, unfortunately (Patreon)
#Doodles#Keroppi#Princess Tutu#Ahiru#Rick and Morty#Drizz#Tinkles the Magic Ballerina Lamb#And friend - and tree lol#Cure#And the really cute preying mantis girl from Vindicators 2 - what was with that miniseries having a bunch of cute designs anyway#This really is a RaM-heavy cutes dump - look if they're cute they're cute! I can't help that!#From the top first tho! Lol#Got the urge to draw some of my Sanrio faves - Cinnamoroll specifically - but I ended up only drawing Keroppi#I didn't think I had all that much of an opinion on Keroppi apart from y'know - cute lol but I like him quite a lot I think!#Simple little guy :) I like those kinds of squishy little guys haha#I already like Kuromi too so I guess I just?? have several faves now?? Alright cool lol bully for me#I can't explain the baseball uniform outside of the stripes and sometimes I just wanna draw a batter - OFFxSanrio when lol#Random e'phant for funsies :) I can't imagine what has me wanting to doodle a little trunk creachur for some reason haha#And then an Ahiru! Hweh!!! I'm still glad I added Princess Tutu to my rotation but hweh ;;#Might have maybe been poking around AO3 for post-canon fics of her being happy - not even necessarily Fix-It Fics just - she deserves happy!#There was a quite cute one of Fakir comforting her during a thunderstorm by running a sinkful of water for her :') Cute#And then the rest - Rick and Morty sheesh#Who could have figured there'd be so Much cutes! Like I personally kinda like the RaM aesthetic - especially the colours they're really nice#And yeah like Tinkles is designed to be endearing on purpose - which now that I think of it that's another thing I really like isn't it#Gigglepies and Osomons and Twonkies... Yeah the parasitic good-memory alien fits right in with that#Too bad we never see their real form while alive it's only their illusory form until they die aw#As mentioned Drizz and the Mantid girl are both so cute like this isn't fair honestly - and those trees??? In the flashback??#There's nearly matching ones in Webkinz actually which I think is very funny lol#Cure is absolutely no help with any of this - doesn't help that Never-Past-Bedtime-Land and Froopyland are both kinda like where she lives#I blame her for enjoying hopping back in she refuses to shy away from enjoyment pfbtl okay fine
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Okay it's not the au that I've been losing it over tonight but I have also recently been thinking about a potential Portal au for saf but I just cannot nail down the casting. There are so many fun possibilities. I think it could be really cool to do something with Tatiana and Barb being prominent. But then I can't stop thinking about just how much Owen could fit as GLaDOS, thereby probably making Curt the Chell in this paradigm (could do something funky with their backstories too) (also. Still Alive, Want You Gone, and also You Wouldn't Know have such Owen vibes it's unreal). But then also I remember Atlas and P-Body:
Like. Look at them.
#i think curtwen chelldos might be my favourite but i feel a bit bad for being so biased#like yeah it's my au and i make the rules but also. the perfectionism and self-criticism#anyway though owen would flood a room with deadly neurotoxin at the first possible opportunity if he went through that.#was based when she did it and would be based if he did it#being deliberately vague to avoid portal spoilers for people who aren't familiar and don't want spoilers#anyway more ideas if we did go for curtwen chelldos then i think barb or cynthia could work as cave johnson? kinda leaning towards barb#cynthia's got the angry boss rant vibes but i think barb's mad scientist swagger might be more important to me#idk who wheatley would be though (i think there is some argument that could be made for curt as wheatley instead but#i don't really want to cast curt as the character whose existence is for the express purpose of 'being a moron')#like. could be bvn i guess?#idk#i could see sergio being one of the other personality cores btw. maybe space core lmao#idk who would be ratman. (the informant????????)#if owen is glados though i think the vocal shift towards the end of portal still alive could potentially be the dma->owen voice shift#could be interesting having the dma as a voice module#though having the dma as a voice module for how we see glados throughout portal still alive idk how well that works with how he is in canon#anyway rambling. i'm all over the place with this one#saf portal au#ig?#definitely was spooky#you opened the box
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It was a surprise to me that you are Russian. In general, I don't care who you are for, whether it's Zadr, Datr or Zatr, it doesn't matter of me!
Reminded me of a dialogue I had one time. - Jack are you british? - No. - Thank fucking god. I guess I just don't have that russian vibe to me or something😭😭😭 Also shoutout to all of my fellow zadr (and datr) goobers!! And thanks for the support, appreciate it a ton < 3
#ask#/Also I am actually not a zatr shipper.#/I'm neutral about it. It's an ok ship. Just not for me.#/I kinda enjoy them more as frenemies personally.#/Also unrelated I guess but I don't even know how I would classify myself ethnically.#/I mean I am the whitest person alive who lived in Russia his whole life but my closest family are all from Uzbekistan.#/Eh you can make up your own headcanons about me tbh.
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i actually don't remember what the case was when orphan black had delphine get shot and left for dead, but i remember since this was after lexa all the lesbians boycotted and suddenly she was alive in the next season.
that's lowkey what these answers are giving rn lmfao.
(and to be clear i'm not really sad about siuan from a bury ur gays perspective - it's the possible racism. all the lexa aftermath shit is just what's most prominently embedded in the fandom representation controversy part of my brain.)
#wot tag#wot spoilers#i'm guessing this just means like. siuan stays alive in their mythical dreamplane thing unable to pass onto the next life without moiraine#or some shit idk the book lore#rather than like... oh she survived getting her head chopped off#but .#in either case? the options are delphine's twist OR the really bad clexa mindchipscape that had to get adr put in#in some failed attempt at public relations atonement#when really none of this had to happen at all <3#if sophie was on board with this... i want to believe things weren't as bad as they seemed#but also. workplace dynamics.#and did they have to go THIS HARD WITH IT#i have not yet watched but man it just seemed brutal to an unnecessary degree#and kinda weird that she has to die early despite her book story continuing#while moiraine got to live on despite dying seasons ago in book terms
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Inside me there are two wolves (I love Nobara and Gojo, I'm not sure at all I want them alive)
#jjk spoilers#Just in case#But like. Come on#I hope if I do go on this will be coherent in a not messy way#It felt. You know. At least from the sidelines it seemed good that these people were dead idk#It's true Nobara didn't die like Nanami did but idk#I hope it will make sense#And I'm not super into the idea of Gojo being alive. I actually. I guess I actually kind of love him#But I am not sure I would like that in the story idk#I have to read it though to decide but for now it kinda looks. Sort of. Cheap?#I hope it is not so#Emotionally. I am very glad the girl is back haha#She's such a dear too#The kids in this are a joy tbh#Feeling very Nanami about them. Making me reconsider teaching and having kids can you believe#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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I might need to get a momento mori or something i stg I keep forgetting that I have a time limit on this earth
#j talks#growing up as a we'll do it later family#and then just. struggling to get things done but also dealing with...#depression i guess#just kinda. get so wrapped up in the miserable part forgot that i have the ability to control my life on some level haha !#trying to remember that i'm gonna die anyway why wish for it if i'm luckier to be alive#anyways. i cleaned part of my closet today and honestly. IT WASNT EVEN THAT HARD IT WAS A MIRACLE#i keep just. doing things. and its been like wow. i can just do shit#i'm not tired and dying i can do things. i can change my life.#<- pain meds fixed me today
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Yeah I like Killian and Emma but it's so corny when they do the whole "I'll always find you" mfer ☠️😭 that's Snow White and Prince Charming you are not them
#I think they've done it at least twice idk#but that's snow and farming no one can do it like them#they've crossed that threshold that I'm expecting them to be sickeningly sweet and say stuff like#be more original for killian and emma#I like them together but man why do they make everyone have more chemistry than them 😭😭 cuz why her and alladin more alive than her n hook#I'm just not really feeling it for them this season I guess? idk it was during the underworld stuff where it just felt kinda lame I guess#i also didn't like the dark hook stuff it was lame as hell#dark emma wasn't as fun or evil either so that was a let down but so far I like the untold stories this is so fun#hehe especially jasmin and alladin he's so#once upon a time#ouat
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Legitimately begging Bandai to make more Figuarts that aren't Premium Bandai exclusive, please
#dragon ball#dragon ball z#dragon ball super#frieza#(yes this is about his figures)#(kinda)#my issue with Premium Bandai is that you have pretty much one chance to lock in#you have to grab your preorder at $60- actually I think it might be up to $70 plus whatever shipping there is#that price is never going down and if you miss your chance to get it at that initial $70 you are now at the mercy of eBay sellers#and it'll keep going higher#the only characters that get standard releases are all of the Dragon Ball poster children#the (main) Saiyans maybe a Piccolo or Frieza if you're lucky#the standard releases have more of a chance to price drop into your budget or even see them at a Target or on Amazon#I'm realizing how lucky I was that Final Form Frieza made it to Amazon for under $40#alas I broke his halo accidentally and my super glue skills are subpar- I guess he'll have to be alive so long as replacement pieces are#overpriced on eBay
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#what do you mean I'm just supposed to live and be okay with everything that's ever happened to me#and then be able to flipping talk about it#idk how to#and i can't do anything until i gaslight my whole self into believing it's fine#because i can't live being miserable#but it is fucking miserable#but i can't talk about it without being cripplingly scared of breaking down#and its *fine*#it was easier sometimes to live in misery#misery eats your time#but has no obligations#but sometimes it'll leave you later#but when it doesn't... well then things happen#and it's easier to believe things would be over if you're dead then#and if you don't die?#idk help and limbo and sometimes still having to stay alive in horrific circumstances#the world isn't fucking fair i guess but nothings changed yet for me and I'm just supposed to live because it's *fine*#idefk if it'll be *fine* when all my parents give a shit about is marriage what kinda future is that to hope for
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