#I'm posting from the past rb

[pathetic-gamer]

Okay I think I'm ready to fight the demon king :)

[softceleste]

Christopher Briney and Suki Waterhouse in Dalíland (2022)

Please do not save, repost, or edit these gifs for any reason, use the reblog button instead. Also please do not interact if you’re a celeb rp blog or if you write taboo content on your blog, thank you!

[eldritchships]

Okay I think that'll be it for now. Congrats everyone on surviving Wave 1 of me catching up on saved posts

[sonicfrontiers]

stop putting "reblog this golden potato for good luck" type posts on my dash i feel like i'm going to have a meltdown 👍

[koushirouizumi]

{Blog P.S.A} For New Followers

Where to Find Me: MY "ABOUT"+F.A.Q {READ FIRST}: Here (About) + Here (F.A.Q)! {People who don't even glance at these before leaving commnts inquiring about my Thoughts on Things get Ignored} [Trust Me I'll Know] AO3: Hikari AMVs Index (All Old & Newest AMVs): here! {Currently/Mainly creating for Digimon, Adventure-related franchise} [also appears at times: 02, tri.~Kizuna~The Beginning, Frontier; less often: Xros Wars {Pt 2 of original XW is my personal favorite}/Young Hunters; Ghost Game; Tamers; Wonderswan games-verse; everything post-02 mainly being original Japanese version based] Other {+Digi}-Sideblogs: izzyizumi (main Digimon blog) hikari-m (official Digimon {news+art} archiving+general Fandom commentary; Asks or follows may come from here, Depending) taichi-x-koushiro (Archiving for Yagami Taichi/Izumi Koushiro as Ship) IF YOU ARE A NEW FOLLOWER OR LURKER, I'd really appreciate if you can send me an Ask (you could also leave a quick introductory comment here, on my pinned post) and introduce yourself (you do not need to expect a response from me), even a short description like name (Pennames are definitely fine!), preferred pronouns (if any) and/or what brought you to my page and what you're staying for (Especially if you were here for resource{s} posts/reblogging, I've been curious if they've been helping anyone!) The reason I am asking this is because lately there's been a huge uptick of spam blogs following with particular "patterns" to their Likes, Follows, etc. and in order to prevent from being softblocked by accident if you are not actively blogging, it'd be great to know in advance if you're a real person. Aside from AO3 the only other 'active' archives of social media that I have are my much older Livejournal and Dreamwidth accounts, and even they're not quite in use these days. However, if you also have active LJs or DWs and actively blog, feel free to let me know too!

{And, for Clarification to anyone "Wondering"}:

[No, I will not discuss related current events further than this or in Tags. Anyone who attempts to push my boundaries on this will get Blocked]

FOR OFF-TUMBLR CONTACT, PLEASE DM: {Note: I will NOT respond to harrassing DMs and will only autodelete/block, so please don't waste your time}:

{Currently a infrequently active Koushiro RP Journal turned into personal archival blog. Please DO NOT spam it with non-Dreamwidth RP relevant comments. All comments are SCREENED first.}

It’d be very, very cool if people could also learn to read my FAQ page linked on the sidebar before sending Asks or interacting directly with either of my blogs or myself, because I’m seriously TIRED of people ignoring it and my rules for interaction.

I am a {diagnosed since childhood} Autistic, G.N.C {Gender Non-conforming} + THEY/THEM Jewish blogger. I reblog about those topics here for that reason. {Also my Ko-fi is here.}

* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT WITH ANY OF MY POSTS IF YOU BLATANTLY HATE/DISMISS, OR EXPECT ME TO HATE/DISMISS THE ADVENTURE [+02] + TRI + KIZUNA + 2020 CHOSEN, KOUSHIRO (*ANY KOUSHIRO, INCLUDES FOR EXAMPLE: TRI!KOUSHIRO, OWG!KOUSHIRO, 2020!KOUSHIRO, KIZUNA!KOUSHIRO), TAICHI (*ANY TAICHI, INCLUDING 2020!TAICHI, TRI!TAICHI, KIZUNA!TAICHI), DAISUKE MOTOMIYA (or “DAVIS”), SORA TAKENOUCHI (*INCLUDING 02!SORA, TRI!SORA, 2020!SORA, KIZUNA!SORA), HIKARI YAGAMI (*INCLUDING 02!HIKARI, TRI!HIKARI, KIZUNA!HIKARI, 2020!HIKARI), MIMI TACHIKAWA (*INCLUDING 02!MIMI, TRI!MIMI, KIZUNA!MIMI, 2020!MIMI), MIYAKO INOUE (*INCLUDING KIZUNA!MIYAKO), ALL/ANY OTHER DIGIMON GIRLS SUCH AS IZUMI ORIMOTO {FRONTIER}, JURI KATOU {TAMERS}, JUN MOTOMIYA {02}, OR MEIKO MOCHIZUKI. THANK YOU (I WILL PERMABLOCK IF YOU FORCE-INTERACT OR BLOCK EVADE)

* PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT IF YOU CAN’T STAND MY SHIPS TO THE POINT YOU CAN’T EVEN BE RESPECTFUL WHEN INTERACTING WITH SOMEONE WHO SHIPS YOUR NOTP. (I WILL PERMABLOCK YOU IF I NOTICE)

** THESE RULES ALSO APPLY TO MY OTHER BLOG.

*** DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU SUPPORT HARASSMENT / BULLYING / ABUSE (I WILL INSTANTLY PERMA-BLOCK YOU) OR IF YOU SUPPORT / PLATFORM PEOPLE WHO DO.

NOTICE: I am much less active on a personal level on this blog nowadays (in the sense of making personal posts or fan-works/posting fic; I still reblog informative posts). I am slightly more active on my other socials, but most of them are private and friends-locked to older groups of mutuals. If you are curious or wanting to interact about Digimon (especially Adventures or about my favorite characters and ships for this fandom) specifically, please feel free to message me about them, but please understand I may not add or speak with anyone that I do not fully trust or know well. (It will help if most of your stances on social-justice issues align with and don’t blatantly conflict with my own. I tend to not add/follow people anywhere whose posts I cannot filter [i.e. there are many popular Western media fandoms / mega-fandoms I’m not in which I blacklist, types of fanworks I don’t personally care for that I blacklist, etc]. I do not do follow-backs so please do not follow or interact here expecting one). It will also help if you read my FAQ first and agree to it before asking.

PLEASE FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH MY FANDOMS LIST (notably more the major fandoms but) BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH ANY POST ON THIS BLOG. If I check/quick-vet your blog and find nothing but hate{watching} posts/“Critical” posts for my fandoms (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE), unless I’ve reblogged from you first, I MAY HARDBLOCK YOU.

[edaworks]

And while we're at it, it's For all INTENTS AND PURPOSES

NOT

For all INTENSIVE PURPOSES

...because the latter would indicate that your next point applies to SUPER HARDCORE, FIERCE, HIGHLY FOCUSED PURPOSES ONLY, and I don't think that's what y'all want out of that.

IT’S NOT ‘PEEKED’ MY INTEREST

OR ‘PEAKED’

BUT PIQUED

‘PIQUED MY INTEREST’

THIS HAS BEEN A CAPSLOCK PSA

[mbrine]

I have hacked the mainframe (Inspect Element) (UPDATED FOR HALLOWEEN BOOP WAR)

MAX - 1000

LOL - 1500

OMG - 2000

WOW - 4000

*-* - 5000

WHY - 6000

PLZ - 7000

AAA - 7500

;_; - 8000

0_0 - 8500

T_T - 9000

MAX - ~9200? (Hard to tell, I've overshot this twice already)

BOO - 9500

TUM - 10000 given

BLR - 10000 received

How to Super Boop

On desktop, hover your mouse over the Boop button for around 5 seconds, and it will do 2 spins.

Once the button is done spinning, click on it and you can send a Super Boop!

EVIL BOOPS can be accessed by allowing the animation to play 3 times before clicking

One way to get Super Boops on mobile is using a web browser to access tumblr. Use "Desktop Site"/"Desktop Mode", then click and hold the button to send the boop. That'll convert it to a Super Boop button. It seems pretty inconsistent though.

For all clicking enthusiasts, do click this too, trust me, it's just as satisfying

Omg thanks everyone for the boops, I've been butterfly clicking the boop button for so many different people for the past 6 hours and I'm exhausted

I'm pretty sure this is also my most engaged post on any platform I've ever used, thanks for all the RBs and likes <3 <3 <3

If anyone's crazy enough to try reaching 10k without an autoclicker, here's what I did

Ok, one more tutorial for the boops before I go to bed for real.

How do I check my exact given and received boop count?

NOTE: You'll need to refresh the page to update the counters, unless there's another method to check the live count

Chrome

Go to your dash ("home" tab).

Press f12, or right click and select "Inspect Element"

In the window that pops up, click on "Sources" then "dashboard" under "www.tumblr.com" (Pic below for reference)

In the window showing the code, press Ctrl+F and type in either "givenCount" or "receivedCount".

Ta da! (Pic below for reference)

Firefox

Go to your dash ("home" tab).

Press f12, or right click and select "Inspect Element (Q)"

In the window that pops up, click on "Debugger", then "Sources" and "dashboard" under "www.tumblr.com" (Pic below for reference)

In the window showing the code, press Ctrl+F and type in either "givenCount" or "receivedCount".

Enjoy formatting (Pic below for reference)

Gonna take a break from Tumblr for now, my fingers are in shambles and I'm pretty sure I can hear the mouse clicks echoing around inside my skull. Thanks to everyone for making this random Singaporean guy's day, mbrine signing out! ❤

Here's a link to A vetted Palestinian family fundraiser masterpost by @/el-shab-hussein and A masterpost on how you can help Palestine

Happy April Fool's Day!

October 31st changelog:

Removed "bait links", now the link actually says where it directs to

Updated some info regarding tiers

[onlyangel4]

healing a heart i didn't break. LH44. MV1. SMAU. part three.

cheater! lewis hamilton x reader. max verstappen x reader.

when your boyfriend of three years fumbles, his rival is there to put the pieces of your heart back together bit by bit.

warnings: 14 year age gap with lewis. cursing. cheating.

author's note: our girl finally getting the treatment she deserves

prev // next

faceclaim: camilla morrone

y/ninsta posted a story

written: nothing could keep me away from austin

y/nupdates

liked by user12, user45, user62 and 15,629 others

y/nupdates: it is official mother is not missing the austin gp. she had us wondering whether she would be present after the news that dropped on friday and her not being present at qualifying but she is back in the paddock. as usual arriving with charles and alex. fits like this are one of the many things that make y/n the perfect wag.

view all 530 comments

user12: i'm so glad she didn't miss austin she is on the record so many times saying that it is her favourite date in the calender because of the chaos.

user45: the fit! y/exbff could never

user62: she is a better woman than me, i would be in bed eating my weight in ice cream if what happened to her happened to me

y/ninsta posted a story

written: change of scenery

f1updates

liked by user22, f1fan7, user54 and 250,028 others

f1updates: lewis hamilton faces engine failure during the 23rd lap and DNFs in austin.

view all 5,682 comments

user22: i call that karma

user54: oh no what a shame

f1fan7: y/n cursed that bitch

user52: the way the sky camera man knows exactly what he is doing. it cut from lewis getting out of his car to y/exbff looking all concerned and then to y/n sat in the rb garage just sipping her drink with a straw unbothered

f1

liked by maxverstappen, y/ninsta, f1fan32 and 920,310

f1: and he does it again. max verstappen takes poll at austin with norris in second and russell in third.

view all 19,283 comments

f1fan32: can't wait to see what mad max has to say about lewis' dnf

user61: he is going to have so much to say but red bull will silence him

y/nfan2: the way he hugged y/n when he got off podium. this friendship was so unexpected but it is so perfect

user51: they are so sunshine x grumpy coded and i love it

y/ninsta posted a story

written: an outfit change before dinner with my favourite people

y/ninsta

liked by maxverstappen, danielricciardo, alexandrasaintmleux and 761,982

y/ninsta: these past few months have been some of the worst of my entire life but the people in these picture + many more have made it one hundred times better. i love you all and i miss seeing you in the paddock however i am sure that with our many group chats i will still manage to annoy you all. so many exciting things on the horizon.

view all 7,284 comments

maxverstappen: going to miss your light in the paddock

y/ninsta: and i'm gonna miss all the free redbull

danielricciardo: and where did you get that last photo from

landonorris: i was about to ask the same thing

y/ninsta: you are both so stupid you stole my phone to take it

alexandrasaintmleux: charles is laughing at me for having tears in my eyes

y/ninsta: we are practically neighbors babe, you will see me all the time

y/nfan: y/n living in france? is she back in her model era?

carmenmundt: gonna miss my garage buddy but this is the right choice my love

y/ninsta: thank you my love

taglist: @sinofwriting @toldyouitwasamelodrama @formulaal

@minkyungseokie @shrbehndwn @gr1mes-cc @nichmeddar

@liberty-barnes @kravitzwhore @annaluna12

[networklovemp3]

3:33am ⏾

joshua x (gn) reader tags: 18+ MDNI, nsfw, not super explicit (m.) masturbation scene, used panties, fluff, silly sweetest of all time shua word count: 1.78k words an: my first time writing and posting something smutty!! please be nice and lmk how it is, i wrote this way too late at night but tried my best to edit it. likes and rbs and any other timestamp thoughts/requests are appreciated! i'd love to write more!! <3

after you both fell asleep earlier than usual, joshua wakes up in the middle of the night, mouth dry and feeling hot everywhere. there's a terrible ache in him, a want, a need, but he looks to his side and sees you're sleeping soundly one pillow over.

sighing a frustrated but quiet breath, joshua knows himself enough to know he won't willingly wake you from your sleep that you desperately needed. instead, he carefully peels himself away from you and the bed, and heads for the bathroom across the room. the door barely clicks shut, one of your night lights glowing on the wall, and he is alone to deal with himself.

joshua thinks about calming himself down so he can just go back to bed. he thinks about distracting himself. he thinks he should have better self control than this. he thinks about taking a cold shower, if only he could without waking you up. he thinks about you. he thinks about you. your warm skin back in bed, the way you snuggled into him before falling asleep, one of his t-shirts hanging off your shoulders... fuck.

so maybe the self control thing isn't working for him. he might as well get this over with as quickly as possible before you wake up and start to wonder where he is. he's already reached past his boxers and has one hand on himself, the other white-knuckled on the counter, when he spots the laundry basket in the corner of the bathroom.

he knows it's kind of gross, and probably disrespectful on some level, but before his blood can reach his brain to think it through joshua has your silky blue underwear in his hand and then wrapped around himself. it's so cooling and soft and smells like you and... oh. he presses his lips together to contain the noises that wish to escape and squeezes his eyes closed so tight they almost hurt.

it feels so, so good and he was already so pent up that the race ends almost as quickly as it starts, finishing all over the blue fabric as he fights for any sense of control. after his muscles start to relax, joshua allows himself a minute to control his breathing and to clean himself off, then he's rushing to get back into bed with you. he slips under the covers, this time wrapping himself against your back with much more relief settled into his bones.

"...shua?" he hears you murmur and his heart stutters with a brief flash of irrational panic. "i'm sorry, baby, did i wake you?" joshua places a soft kiss on your neck, trying to calm himself down. you sigh at the sweet brush of his lips, turning around to blearily blink up at him once, twice, three times. "no, just felt you coming back to bed," you whisper back to him. he presses another kiss to your forehead, and one on your nose, and you smile up at him so warmly.

you're placing your head back on his chest and sliding your hand innocently down his bare waist and across his stomach when joshua catches his breath involuntarily, still sensitive enough from moments ago when your fingers glide just above his waistband. suddenly, your eyes are shooting back up at him with an accusatory and confused look. "what did you do?" you ask, and joshua closes his eyes for a moment.

"i..."

"you just jerked off, didn't you!" you breath out all at once. "how could you possible know that!" joshua stares back at you in shock, doe eyes wide in the dark. "i know you only jump in your skin like that when i touch you after you've just finished," you roll your eyes knowingly, "now why did you do it without me?"

"i didn't want to wake you, you were so tired earlier. i just took care of it quickly by myself." he explains gently, but you still pout up at him. "i wouldn't have cared, shua, seriously, you can just wake me up next time. i wish you had." you place your hands gently on his shoulders. "oh... do you want me to....?" misunderstanding you, his eyes trail downwards meaningfully, with that concerned crease you love between his scrunched eyebrows.

"no, joshua, not right now," you sigh in affectionate exasperation, "sometimes... sometimes, i just want the opportunity to please you."

"you do please me though, like, all the time?" he blinks at you, still in confusion. "i know, i just mean... i mean pleasing you and that's it. sometimes i just want my boyfriend's dick in my mouth and that's all!" breathing out the last part all at once, you realize you had been keeping that thought in for quite a while. after all, you really do enjoy pleasing him.

"oh, um, i.... didn't know that's something you wanted," joshua looks utterly taken aback that you'd been wanting that, and that he has played a part in keeping it from you. after a pause, he smiles a slow, sinister smile down at you. "i think we can manage to arrange that in the future though, if it's what you really want."

you smile back at him and nod, feeling pleased to be on the same page finally. he pulls you close to him again and you both melt back into a comfortable, if slightly charged, silence. it doesn't last long before you think of something else.

"were you thinking of me, before, in the bathroom?" you whisper shyly into the base of his neck. you can tell he's smiling when he responds, "yes, of course. i'm always thinking of you. actually... i might've used your panties to help me out too."

the gasp you let out is playful, and you try to pull back to look at him again but he stops you in his tight hold. "i didn't know you were dirty like that, shua!" you tease, and joshua can feel his ears are turning cherry red. "you don't think it's kind of... weird and gross?"

"no, to be honest, it's kind of really hot... maybe along with my idea you should let me watch sometime..." you trail off in thought, and joshua lets out a strangled groan above you as if you physically harmed him.

before you know it, the entire conversation is being laughed off with many future acts in mind, and the two of you slip back into sleep before the sun rises.

[boyfhee]

ㅤ ꣑୧ㅤㅤ:ㅤCANDLELITㅤㅤ𝒻t.ㅤㅤ성혼

﹙10097﹚ SYNOPSIS . . . the dating scene sucks, especially when the only person you want to be with is your roommate.

꣑୧ GENRE . . . roommate au, 'i hate them but they're hot' kind of energy

꣑୧ WARNINGS . . . profanities, drinking i mean lots of drinking we need alcohol shortage here, sunghoon smokes, mentions of one night stands, one very suggestive make out scene in the fourth section, undertones of cheating but not from sunghoon or reader, implications of sex although it's very light

꣑୧ NOTES . . . hi ( _ _; ) drowning in nervousness as i'm posting this. it's my first long fic after months ... i think the last one was in may or june 23 ... so please be nice >< don't know why but this didn't turn out how i wanted it to and it's definitely not one of my proudest works, but i hope u guys like it nonetheless huhu TT happy reading and please rb and drop feedback, it's highly appreciated ^_^

001. WHERE THERE’S HEAVEN THERE’S HELL

sunghoon is spiralling again. 

a part of it is because of the endless assignments from classes, but that’s no news. he knows it’s his fault for procrastinating and waiting till two days before the due date to even think about working on them— unlike jake who somehow attends classes probably four times a week and is seen in the football fields instead, and still manages to be the first one to submit his essays. it’s admirable, annoying at most. when he sat down to do his sports science project three days before it was due, sunghoon realised why his professor gave them two months to finish it. 

but realising your mistakes and working on them to be a better version of yourself are two different things.

for one, sunghoon believes those assignments are useless. no one cares about the impact of sports on society, maybe except heeseung and jake but again, in sunghoon’s mind, those two are never important. second, he’s too perfect to be working on himself. sunghoon is the best version of himself. he was born the day his uncle died, and his dad inherited the entire chain of restaurants his family owns across the country. he’s too amazing to be worrying about getting a degree he can buy— he thinks the university should be honoured he’s choosing to study— but that’s simply because his mother doesn’t want him to turn out like his sister. 

back to the matter at hand— as he puts the beer can on the table and sits back on the couch, his eyes travel to the door yet again. seventh time in just a minute, he’s keeping a record of how you make him wait. 

if there’s one thing he hates is being irresponsible ( coming from the great king of irresponsibility himself. ) you said you’d be back by twelve, and it’s half past one in night and not a soul knows your whereabouts. thirteen texts, seven missed calls, his phone is at forty-one percent and sunghoon is at his limit. if it wasn’t for your mom he wouldn’t give two flying fucks about where you are and how you’ve been.

sunghoon is actually surprisingly obedient and well-mannered, as opposed to the popular belief. he gave you and your mother the whole tour of the apartment the day you moved in. even made some coffee which isn’t much but your mother had loved him. he could see it in the way she looked at him with those sweet eyes, holding his hands as if he was her own son, and asking him to look after you. 

‘please take care of my daughter,’ sunghoon thought he was getting married. instead of a wedding bell there were warning sirens going off. to this day he doesn’t know why she asked him that, minutes after she saw a dead cactus in the balcony that he killed by overwatering. he couldn’t even say no to her and just nodded, looking over at you briefly and noticing how you look like you were a bit embarrassed. sunghoon doesn’t know why he’s so serious about ‘taking care’ of you. he thought it would be easy, but you had to be devil’s favourite spawn and sunghoon happens to be your target.

however, he can’t take this anymore. he has a morning class and waiting till two am while drinking beer has done more damage to sunghoon than it should. he gets up from the couch with a sigh, leaving the empty cans unattended for a night as he makes a mental note to clean tomorrow. it isn’t until a click from the door stops him in his tracks. 

“i’m back,” your voice is quiet, a yawn following immediately after your words as you look down while taking off your shoes. you’ve been drinking again, sunghoon can tell it from a mile away. 

“you’re late,” he speaks over the silence, hands on his torso as he’s giving you those squinted eyes and doubtful looks. if sunghoon didn’t know any better, he would assume you fucked someone at the club with how messy you look at the moment.

“yeah well, we had to take gigi to the hospital,” your lazy voice isn’t much louder than a whisper. you stumble towards your room, a hiccup followed soon after by the same quiet and slurred tone. “she ate something weird,”

he huffs at your words, knowing it would very well be just another excuse. “you could’ve at least texted,”

“my phone died,”

“i’m sure your friends would be happy to lend you their phone,” he pauses when he feels himself getting a bit annoyed. a soft sigh falls off his lips as he looks down at the tiled floor before looking up and speaking in a much calmer voice. “i’m just saying it’s not exactly safe to be out alone on the streets this late at night,”

“i wasn’t alone,” that piques his interest. “jay drove me back,”

and sunghoon felt his whole world stop. “jay?”

“yeah, jay, park jongseong,” your voice is surprisingly sweet when you take his name and it bothers sunghoon for some reason. his face scrunches up when you bite back a smile, hoping it’s the alcohol not because of what he thinks it is. “he’s nicer than i thought,”

sunghoon is not unfamiliar with the name park jongseong.

he hears it every day on and off the campus, more often than he likes. first things first, he’s just as popular as jake, for being american, which brings sunghoon to the question— why in the world would he leave america to study in korea when jay could have attended one of the ivy leagues with his face and money?

and the second and more important question, why in the world is park jongseong dropping you home at two in the night?

sunghoon only watches you in disbelief and astonishment as you stumble to your room, mumbling something incoherently. your words ring in his ear like sirens. ‘he is better than you’ jay is better than sunghoon. he scoffs almost offensively in your direction. that has to be the biggest lie of the twenty-first century.

he follows you to your room, reaching out to grab your arms when you almost trip but you manage to balance yourself. he opens the door and turns on the lights for you. “why were you with him to begin with?”

“oh, you don’t know?” and you turn around with eyes wide open as he shakes his head like a deer in the headlight. “he asked me out,” 

sunghoon didn’t get a single ounce of sleep last night. 

it’s your fault, clearly. had you been back earlier on the time, nothing would’ve happened. and jay— sunghoon sights at the thought of him, eyes narrowing as he grits on his pen as if he’s going to break it into two. 

“dude, are you hungry?” jake pokes sunghoon by his shoulder, dragging the latter out of his trail of thoughts. 

“what?” sunghoon shoots a blank look, one that makes his friend sigh in concern. afterall, it’s not everyday he sees sunghoon chewing on a pen. “i’m not,”

“you’ve been out of it since the morning,”

and sunghoon has been out of it since jay’s name fell from your lips. 

he’s not your friend, definitely not the first guy you’ve called by his name after sunghoon. but something doesn’t sit right. even after tossing and turning in bed for the whole night, he can’t figure out what bothers him more— the fact you said jay is better than him, or the fact that he asked you out on a date.

it’s the first one, he convinces himself. who you date is none of his business, he can’t be arsed enough to care about your love life or relationship status. ( although, he does care a little because he’s nosy. ) what bothers him more is that jay is, to put it in simple words, a player. all that face and no empathy for emotions is a waste, and to think you don’t know this— or maybe you do and yet still chose to go out with him, is beyond sunghoon’s comprehension. 

“what do you think about jay?” he asks abruptly, catching jake’s attention, looking at him a little too intently for an answer. 

“he’s a nice guy,” a casual reply before he gets back to his assignment before jake looks back at sunghoon with newly found interest. “he turned in my spanish essay last week, oh and drove me back from the bar a few days ago after you ditched me. why?”

sunghoon simply shakes his head, getting back to his books even though his focus is nowhere near studies. at this point, he doesn’t know if it’s jay distracting him or you. even your words keep playing over and over again in the back of his head. jay and nice in the same sentence doesn’t seem fit. sure, he helps his friends and drops his girl back home, but that’s only three days before there’s a new girl in his arms. 

002. RUNNING OUT OF SANITY

sunghoon doesn’t hear the door click open when you come back from your classes, too busy in the balcony while humming a tune that you recognise immediately. you take off your shoes, noticing how he taps his foot along with the melody, and it’s quiet in the apartment, apart from the sound of traffic and wind rustling through the trees around.

“i don’t like people who smoke,” smoking is not on your list of likes, but you find yourself next to sunghoon whenever he’s with a cigarette. just like now, when you return from yet another one of your dates— or meet-ups as you prefer to call it right now— with jay. it wasn’t really planned. you bumped into him after classes and he was on his way back home, so you asked him for a coffee. 

he almost jumps at your sudden voice but manages to compose himself, scowing at the distaste in your expression before scoffing, the cigarette still dancing between his lips. “good think, i’m not looking forward to be liked by you,”

he studies the frown on your face, glares as if your eyes are shooting daggers in his direction. it’s amusing to him how easy it is to get on your nerves. he leans against the metal railings, hair falling over his forehead. his eyes stay on your for a few seconds before he holds the cigarette between his index and middle finger, putting it away from his mouth and blowing out the smoke in your directions. he laughs mockingly when you step back, fanning out the smoke with your hands, cursing under your breath.

“are you crazy?!” you exclaim in annoyance, coughing slightly at his poor attempt at entertainment. your frown deepens when he mumbles a quiet apology although not meaning it, from the looks of it, and lifts the cigarette back to his lips. 

“you’re back early,” he states casually, tapping the cigarette butt and watching the ash fall down from the balcony before a taunting chortle falls off his lips. “did jay dump your ass or something?”

your nose scrunches up at his actions, although mostly at the tobacco you can still smell in your air. you look down at the road, watching a mercedes passing by. “no, he had to go somewhere so he left early,”

“i knew it! he’s good for nothing,” and he drops the cigarette to the floor, crushing it with his foot even though at the back of his mind, he knows you’re going to yell at him for cleaning that up. “what kind of guy can’t even spend time with his girlfriend?”

“we’re not dating,”

“that’s worse!” he emphasises, and a pause follows as he looks at you with a confused expression. “wait— didn’t you say he asked you out?”

“he did, but he said he wants to wait until exams are over,” there’s a hint of displeasure in your voice. his eyes travel down to your fingers, especially the ring you’re fiddling with before they’re back on your face when you speak again. “we just decided to hang out,”

he practically scoffs at your words, quite literally in disbelief. a knowing sigh comes out of his mouth as he stands straight, this time standing with his back against the railing, feeling the cold metal though his thin white t-shirt. a part of him wants to laugh at your stupidity and point at how naive you are, while another part of him wants to find jay and beat him to pulp. he doesn’t know why there’s anger pooling in his stomach at the mere thought of jay just messing around with you. 

“what a sick bastard,” he huffs with a tincture of annoyance in his tone. “how much do you want to bet he’s playing with you?”

“you’re the one who’s sick,” and even though it clicks with him that you’re referring to a few minutes earlier when he smoked all in your face, sunghoon still frowns when you call him sick. “he’s just prioritising his studies, there’s nothing wrong with that. at least he doesn’t smoke while being all up my face,”

you two just bask in silence after that.

he doesn’t have much to say— actually he does, but he doesn’t know how to put it in a decent, coherent way. of course, your reaction won’t be the most pleasant if he told you he wants to punch jay’s good for nothing handsome face. he wonders what you’re thinking when he looks over at you. you seem happy whenever you talk about your supposed ‘future boyfriend,’ yet it’s evident that you’re upset. he likes to think you’re having your doubts too. it's reassuring to him for some reason— because that’s good for you, of course. if you’re upset, you have your doubts, and if you have your doubts you might not fall victim to whatever sick game jay is playing. 

“oh, actually, he doesn’t smoke,” but then you speak in a matter-of-fact way, as if comparing him to jay before giving him a mocking smile. “he’s better than you,”

those words ring in his mind for a good while. 

you go back inside and he hears you shut the door to your room as an annoyed sigh falls off his lips. hearing that jay is nice from jake was another thing, but hearing to say he’s better than him leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. and he doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, these little changes in how he usually is, it’s new. it’s frustrating him out. 

it isn’t until his phone vibrates that he’s dragged out of his ocean of thoughts. his brows furrow when he notices the time, having realised that he basically wasted the entire noon even though he didn’t attend classes after giving heeseung an excuse that he’s sick. his eyes squint at the sender, and then a groan escaping his lips when he opens to read it. 

noh chaeun  4:15pm hoon! my last two classes have been cancelled are you up for some coffee?

sunghoon doesn’t reply, rather leaving his classmate’s messages on seen, too bothered by his inner turmoil to spend time with her. it’s not like him to be this way, to be so bothered over something that doesn’t concern him. you’re definitely not someone so significant and jay is definitely not the first guy you’re with. in fact, he has seen you kiss that guy from one of your classes— as much as he hates to recall that incident now— and had sneaked up to tell your mother about it over the phone when she had called you.

you’ve never had a serious relationship, not after meeting him. in his head, you always came back to him and he’d be lying if he hadn’t joked about it with his friends during the initial few weeks after you had moved in. when he had mentioned to jake that you’re pretty and his friend had teased him a few days later, saying his ‘crush’ was with this other guy, sunghoon, did in fact, say he doesn’t care because you always come back to him; or rather his apartment, actually, but whatever fits the joke. 

that day, he had a good laugh out of it and the joke died back then itself, more so after he started complaining about you to his friends. your habits, your actions, the things you say that tick him off, your quirky and quick remarks— everything. perhaps, even about your habit of arriving late on weekends from parties and ruining his sleep because you forget the key most of the time, so he has to wake up and open the door for you, but not guys, never guys. 

it hurts his head to even try and figure it out, to find the reasoning behind the pang in his chest every time you mention jay. he likes to think it’s just harmless competition although for no reason, even though both of them have done plenty of things to piss each other off just for the fun of it. sunghoon thinks he can live with it and walks back inside to the living room, until he sees you walking out of your room on phone with someone, the name of he who shall be mentioned rolling off your tongue again, and he finally pulls out his phone with a frustrated sigh. 

sunghoon  4:21pm sure, i’ll pick you up in ten

“actually, my mom wants to invite your family over for dinner this weekend,” the girl in front of him speaks with a smile after muttering a quiet thank you to the waiter after he gets their order. “she’s very grateful  for the donation your dad made for our art gallery and wants to thank properly,”

“talk to my parents, then,” it’s a simple reply, too bland and forced for her liking.

sunghoon hasn’t spared her a single look in the past ten minutes that they’ve been sitting together at the table. firstly, he doesn’t know why he drove to a restaurant when she asked for a coffee. it’s not even close to dinner time, and the awkward yet sweet smile on her face didn’t make it better for him, so he ordered starters and drinks to drag their little impromptu dinner out. 

“sunghoon, to be honest,” chaeun tries to strike up a conversation again, despite the constant lack of effort from his side. “i want you—”

“hey, isn’t that jongseong?” and he cuts her off immediately, finger pointing outside the glass panes beside them as he stares in the direction behind her with brows knit together in shock. “who’s that with her?”

“jongseong?” she repeats the name before turning her head, forming an ‘o’ when she spots a familiar figure through the multitude on the streets. “ah, that’s myung jihye. she has been pursuing him for a while. i guess he finally agreed,”

“they’re dating?!” his voice is full of surprise and disbelief unlike hers, so seemed to be happy for the girl instead. he stares outside with a heavy silence as the couple disappears between the crowd before looking at the girl in front of him.

“oh, i wouldn’t say that…i don’t know but it’s possible they are.” it doesn’t miss her attention how sunghoon’s fingers tighten around the fork. “everybody in our major knows jihye has crush on him and they’re probably a thing by now,”

and he wishes you were here with him right now so that he could show you the true colours of the dear guy you’ve been going out with, the one who’s supposedly ‘better’ than him. he wants you to realise that his words weren’t false and he isn’t sick, after all, and if you’d cry, he would be down to tell you it’s not the end of the world. that there are a hundred other guys better than jay, ones who won’t even breathe in front of another woman, who’d treat you better— hell, i can treat you better if you ever give me a chance— and then a pause in his train of thoughts.

he looks at chaeun, who’s looking back at him with a perplexed look and her own set of questions. his mind replays those words yet again, and he screams internally.

what the heck?!

surprisingly enough, sunghoon has been thinking about jay for the whole evening now, obviously not in a good way. his eyes keep travelling to the knife stand on the kitchen island occasionally and every single time, he has to convince himself that murder is not the right answer to anything. 

for some reason, he can’t stop imagining your smiles while on date with jay. not that he has ever seen those— wish i could— as he slaps himself out of his state of mind yet again. not only that man is playing with you but on jihye who’s apparently his girlfriend? he lets out the ugliest scoff known to mankind, because in sunghoon’s head, jay is a sick joke made by biology.

he waits for you to return from your shopping spree for about an hour, having beer as a company. he tries to stay awake although his eyes get droopy, and then every ounce of sleep leaves his body when he hears the door unlock. 

“yn,” he practically jumps out of the couch, it almost scares you. he accidentally bumps into the living room table on the way, knocking an empty can of beer to the floor but too busy to bother picking it up. “i have to tell—” his eyes go down to the eleven shopping bags in your hands, as he counts them. “— wait, what did you shop so much for?” 

“oh, i have to attend a family wedding next month,” his chest feels warm when he sees you smiling and looking so excited, and it’s making him go crazy on the inside because he doesn’t know what is happening to him. for some reason, he starts imagining you in a gown, like the one you wore for the fresher’s party, but then he forces his mind to get back to the point. “i’m thinking of asking jay to be my date,”

and his heart drops down to his stomach.

this has to be a fucking joke, and he tells himself. for a split second, he thinks he didn’t hear you properly. maybe you said jake because, well, jake did tweet a ‘date for rent’ form five months ago when he needed money to buy tickets for a post malone concert that cost more than his gentle monster glasses ( not that he got any money but at least they got a good laugh out of it. ) 

you remove your shoes and put the shopping bags on the couch before sitting down as well, letting out a heavy sigh. “you look like you saw a ghost,”

“a ghost would’ve been better,” he catches you looking at him when he mumbles under his breath, sort of grateful you didn’t hear him before sunghoon would rather not have another argument with you over how jay is not only a bad choice, he’s the worst choice. 

he looks over at you when you pull out your phone, fingers fluttering over the screen as you text someone with a giddy smile. he considers telling you what he had seen earlier, but god, he loved to see you smile like that. the way you press your lips together to suppress a grin, looking ever so happy as if you have won a lottery. he doesn’t think you’ve ever smiled like that at him, and it aggravates him even more when he realises that you probably smile like that every time you see jay. 

jay is getting everything he isn’t deserving of, and it pisses sunghoon off down to his bones. 

but again, he can’t bring himself to tell you the truth. you look too happy for your own good, it pains him physically to even imagine your reaction when you’ll come to know the truth. and then he pulls himself together, telling himself that it is your fault in the first place to trust someone like jay and ignore the warning signs he was giving you. 

in the end, he leaves without having any further conversations with you, going to bed two hours earlier than usual even though he knows he isn’t going to get any sleep. sunghoon is convinced he’s losing his mind, faster than a day ago actually. he lets out a frustrated groan and covers himself with his blanket, hoping to catch some sleep. 

it’s going to be yet another long day tomorrow.

003. A CHANGE OF STANCE

sunghoon thinks you’re hot.

what the fuck?

“i asked something,” you remind, pulling him out of his trail of thoughts and he flinches slightly, making your brows furrow in confusion. “how do i look?”

“huh— what? oh,” he takes in your appearance again. hair down, make up done— you’re wearing your favourite lip tint? and the best dress he has seen you in so far, looking so mind blowing it actually blows his mind and short circuits his brain. 

even your favourite lip tint … sunghoon doesn’t know why he’s looking at your lips in the first place but little does he know he’s fucked. 

absolutely. completely. fucked.

nonetheless, he manages to compose himself, clearing his throat and sitting up ever so elegantly on the couch, legs crossed, the magazine still in his hands. “you look…t-terrific,” 

you can’t help but get even more confused at his words, wondering if it was a bad idea to even ask him for his opinion, even though you play along. “like in a good way or a bad way?”

“in a terrific way,” he blurts out, eyes wide open as panic settles in slowly inside his stomach, and he’s stuttering, shocked, surprised, fucked, again. “you look terrific in a terrific way…so terrifically terrific in the most terrific way possible,” 

“are you high?” 

well, he would say he is! never in the two years that he has known you did sunghoon think he’d find himself floored, figuratively, and speechless, literally, at the sight of you. and he’s not saying you look bad on other days. you look good, in fact. good as in plain and presentable, but never in a good good way and definitely not in a hot way, of course. 

“anyway, i’m going out. receive my parcel for me if it arrives,” you move to put on your shoes, taking a few seconds to pick between the two you think would suit your outfit. for a moment, you consider asking him to help you choose— as you look at him up and down peripherally, and he looks terrified. and you shrug it off, grabbing one of your loafers.

“where are you going?” he asks after a good minute of silence, sounding calmer than earlier as he gets off the couch and walks up to you. his nose scrunches up in disapproval as your hands move to one of your jimmy choos for a brief second, before you decide to go back to your initial pick.

“date,” he takes a moment to register your words, despite this happening many times.

a date. he scoffs softly, looking away, arms crossed. 

a date, again. sunghoon doesn’t give a fuck. 

“with jay,” you continue, this time with a sweet smile on your face that makes his heart flutter for some reason. maybe, he does give a fuck. 

now, sunghoon should feel bad for his fellow friend of a friend because he’s on a date with you, but instead he wants to snap his neck in two. the name is starting to give him an ick— jay this, jay that. you’re hanging out with jay, having coffee with jay, going on a date with jay, shopping with jay, next would be going to bed with jay— he pauses immediately, shaking his head. he doesn’t really like the sound of that.

“whatever,” he tells himself when you walk out of that door, looking all pretty and excited. he doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up over a date, that too with someone who— according to sunghoon and chaeun— is dating someone else. he would pay to see you back home all miserable and he would point fingers at you and laugh, saying he told you already while you had your conscience and rationality clogged up with the possibility of getting dicked down. 

but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re on a date with jay fucking park. and you’re looking hot. 

he sighs, slouching back on the couch, looking outside at the bright blue skies and then sighs again. he needs to be lobotomized.

it’s three in the noon and sunghoon is drowning himself in misery and pity. and soju.

a glass after another and then another, along with two empty bottles already on the table. even the owners are giving him a weird look and heeseung can only let him ruin his reputation so much.

“there, there,” the senior takes the half empty bottle of soju from his hand and puts it aside, sighing pitifully at sunghoon. “that’s enough for today. you need to stop drinking,”

“heeseung,” sunghoon looks up at the guy in front of him, looking horribly pitiful, eyes a bit unfocused from the alcohol settling in his system. “do you know yn?”

and heeseung pauses for a few moments, not knowing what prompted him to ask this question. more so when you and heeseung went to the same highschool and even were in the music club. he nods slightly in doubt, raising his glass to his lips. “of course,”

“do you think he’s pretty?”

“of course,”

“do you think she’s hot?”

“of course,” it takes heeseung quite a few seconds to respond and sunghoon sort of wants to punch him in the face for agreeing because he feels a certain way when others find you hot— but he would claim it’s soju giving him heartburns. “why are you even asking this suddenly?”

“she went on a date with jay,” he responds in the most miserable and sullen voice known to mankind. his shoulders practically slouching at the mention of he-who-shall-not-be-mentioned, finger tracing the rim of the glass in front of him with incoherent whines falling off his lips.

“so what?” jake interjects, beckoning the owner for yet another bottle for soju. it was necessary, as heeseung had warned earlier while arriving at the restaurant, considering sunghoon’s impromptu text about wanting to meet up. 

“jake, did you hear what i said? she’s on a date with jay. park. jong. seong,” the youngest spells out every syllable, sitting up straight as he gets defensive. “she thinks he’s madly in love with her or something but she’s wrong! the day i went out with chaeun, i saw him with jihye and guess what? chaeun said everyone knows they’re a thing but apparently, yn doesn’t know this. i’ve told her so many times that he is not worth it but she won’t understand she’s fucking dumb oh my god,”

and…silence.

absolute fucking maddening silence that made sunghoon go even more insane before jake finally decides to speak, albeit in disbelief. 

“that monologue was unnecessary,” the foreigner pours in another glass for the three of them, filling them up completely, knowing this is going in a new direction yet a one that has been anticipated by both him and heeseung. “besides, since when do you care about her?”

“she’s my roommate,”

“you like her,” heeseung exclaims, and silence follows again for a few seconds before sunghoon gasps scandalously, slamming his glass down on the table which turns a few heads in their direction as jake mutters an embarrassed apology for it.

“i don’t,” sunghoon speaks in a voice much calmer than his previous tone, even leaning in towards the table to put emphasis on his words. jake pours himself another glass, scoff at his words while shaking his head mockingly which only pisses him off more.

“i knew this would happen,” heeseung continues, stating it as a matter of fact while nudging jake to pour him a glass as well. “saw this coming from a mile away when you cried over her going on a blind date the last time you got drunk,”

he can’t point out when that must’ve happened, but he doesn’t refute his words, simply letting his eyes travel across the room for a few moments. the frown on his lips deepens when he meets jake’s knowing gaze as he gets defensive once again. “i’m telling you, i don’t like her,”

“you said that about hello kitty but she’s everywhere in your room now,” he turns his phone with the screen up when he feels jake’s eyes on it, or particularly on the hello kitty sticker on his phone cover as the boy nudges him for another glass. “go on, you’ll need it.”

and sunghoon does, drinking more than he usually does thanks to jake filling his glass again and again for the sake of his sob story. the cab drops him in front of his apartment and he stumbles his way to the elevator. the silence sobers him out for some reason as he leans against the walls of the elevator and thinks about you.

perhaps you’re still with jay, sharing smiles and stories, kisses if you’re brave enough. he likes to think you are not, that you would chicken out— it makes him feel better about himself. he imagines you holding hands with him and then shrugs that thought off his mind just as quickly, huffing at the bitter taste it leaves in his mouth as he walks out of the elevator once it reaches his floor.

sunghoon planned to take a shower and sleep, but every thought water downs to nothing when he spots you crouching next to the door with knees pressed up to your chest. he can’t see your face, but he knows you’re sad, and it makes him stop in front of you, his heart accelerating when you look up at him with glistening eyes.

you look miserable.

and sunghoon has no reaction. he’s frozen, hands on his side as he stares at you. he was supposed to laugh at you for your stupidity. but you look so utterly sad and heart broken, god, he wants to punch jay in his throat. yet again, every single thought leaves his mind when his eyes fall back on your face, his hands instinctively opening out to you as he speaks in a voice as soft as a feather.

“let’s go inside,”

004. CANDLELIT 

“he said it was a bet,” you speak over the silence, fiddling with your fingers. you look up at sunghoon— who’s sitting with legs crossed in front of you while you’re curled up in one corner of the couch. “and that he never meant to drag it out for so long but he didn’t know how to tell me,”

“a bet?” he scoffs bitterly, looking away for a fraction of a second before his eyes are back on you. “what an asshole,” 

it’s not the first time sunghoon has said that. in fact, asshole is all and the only word he uses to define jay. you still think it was a stretch, for jay isn’t that bad. sure, he lied to you and played with your feelings— which you will never accept that you had feelings for him because you don’t want to look pathetic— but he wasn’t rude. well, at least he paid for all the three dates you two went on with the locations being some high end restaurants or bakeries. 

on the other hand, sunghoon stares at you in silence. his eyes trace over your sullen face, and then to your fingers. for a second, he considers holding your hands…roommates can do that at least, right? to comfort one another, but then he catches you looking up at him and he averts his gaze to a distant corner. “don’t start crying now!”

“i’m not! i didn’t even like him that much…” and he can’t help but suppress his smile at the pout on your face as you refuse to look at him. it’s adorable, he never thought he would ever say that, but it’s true. your mannerisms are cute, you’re cute, and it’s eating his brain cells.

“is that so? you talked about him like you two were in love or something,”

“stop it!”

he stares at you quietly for a few seconds again. even though you’re being defensive out of embarrassment right now, trying to prove to him that you’re not heartbroken, sunghoon knows you’ll be crying the moment you’re behind the closed doors of your room. on other days, he wouldn’t care so much. not more than giving a few pats on a back and telling you to suck it up despite the concern in his voice. today, however, he feels differently.

you got played. it’s your heart that’s broken. you feel like a fool, and yet sunghoon is sitting in front of you, trying to find words amidst awkwardness and hesitation. his heart feels heavy for you. it’s unfathomable on his part.

he suddenly remembers the day you mentioned that jay is better than him. he almost scoffs at that, again. well, you might harbour feelings for the american guy but at least sunghoon never had you holding back your tears. and he swears it would never come to that, if you ever have feelings for him because sunghoon would be a better boyfriend— and then he comes back to his senses as soon as those words register inside his brain, cheeks heating up at the sudden thought before he clears his throat. 

“do you want ramen?” he manages to change the topic ever so swiftly, getting up from the couch and already walking to the kitchen without waiting for your response. apparently, getting away from you would ease his heartbeat, although hearing your voice has just as much effect on him as your presence or a mere thought of you.

“are you cooking?”

he lets out a breathy laugh at your words, getting two packs of ramen from the shelf. “of course, do you think i’d ask you to cook when you look like you went through a divorce and lost the custodies of all your three kids?” 

you frown at his words, although ending up laughing at them just a second later. it’s hard to not laugh at how silly he is sometimes, if you ignore his annoying tendencies. sunghoon puts the water to boil, fighting back a smile at the sound of your laughter. it’s better than seeing you all sad over a guy who doesn’t deserve you.

you get off the couch as well, making your way to the kitchen, wanting to help him since he listened to your sob story. it’s quiet, and you hear slight rumbling outside as you take a quick look at the weather outside through the windows and then within a few seconds, thunder pierces through the silence hanging in the room. 

sunghoon flinches visibly, freezing in his stance before the sound of heavy rain fills the kitchen. he turns on the electric stove and it blows out. all the lights in the apartment go out, darkness settling in and disturbed just as quickly as the room fills with bright flashes of light, illuminating your face for a short second before it’s dark again.

“wait, i’ll get my phone— oh,” you reach out for the back pocket of your trousers, quickly get your phone and turn it on for the flash light before it powers off. “out of battery,”

he takes a blind step into the darkness when it thunders again and he notices you standing with your arms around yourself when the light surges in the room for a moment again. he hopes you won’t push him away if he puts his arm around you, but then you two bump into each other. a quiet apology finds its way out of your lips, and he can tell you’re flustered. 

“where are the candles?” he asks to distract you from the fact that he’s holding your hand and pulling you aside gently, so you don’t crash into each other again. your hands feel oddly warm in this cold weather, and it only flutters his heart even more.

“second shelf from the right i think,” your voice is interrupted by thunder again and your hands instinctively tighten around his fingers. and then a loud thud follows, causing you to gasp slightly. “are you okay?”

“i can’t fucking see,” his voice is strained, oozing off pain as he lets go off your hands. you open your mouth to speak before he bumps into something again. something falls off the counter, perhaps the spoon by the sound of it and he apologises shortly after. it’s harder to navigate around his own apartment, more than he had imagined.

sunghoon manages to find the candles, setting them on the counter with pure intuition before lighting one of it up with the lighter he always carries around in his pocket. he turns around, almost bumping into you and before he could say anything, he sees you pressed up against one of the counters, face illuminated by the dim candle light. 

you’re close, too close, he’s afraid you can hear his heart going crazy at the proximity. his mind is telling him to step aside but he’s too lost looking in your eyes, ( as you are too ) with you looking so impossibly beautiful under the faint golden glow. 

“is this okay?” he whispers softly and you simply nod, not a word coming out of your mouth as you find yourself entranced by his face. sunghoon has always been aphrodite’s son, as his admirers would call him, and now that you’re seeing him so closely, you’re realising he’s something much more beautiful.

it doesn’t slip your attention how his gaze settles on your lips for a quick second, your body tensing up at the sudden movement. your breath hitches as he leans closer, dipping his head down. your heart is racing while he feels like his heart has stopped— it’s timeless, as he finds himself just a few centimetres away from your lips, not wanting to stop even though he gives you a chance to pull back, whispering softly, “can i?”

you nod. and sunghoon doesn’t waste another second, capturing your lips with his. 

it’s still at first, with your lips only pressed up together for a few seconds. it’s only a few seconds after he pulls back ever so slightly, and then tilts his head to the other side and goes in for another kiss, this time moving his lips slowly against yours. he feels you tense up for a brief while and then melting as you kiss him back, your fingers lacing around his tenderly. you flinch when it thunders again, breaking the kiss, but feeling shivers down your spine as you feel his breath on your lips. 

he takes a few seconds, fingers ghosting up your hands to rest on your waist, tugging you closer as he brushes his lips against yours. “focus on my lips,”

and he kisses you again, this time a bit more firmly, albeit it’s slow and gentle at first, his lips moving against yours in a way that's both comforting and exciting. but as the moments pass, he presses in deeper, more insistently. he lets his body press more firmly against yours, his chest touching yours as his tongue gently teases at the seam of your lips. it was working, the way his lips move against yours, it calms your nerves from the thunder but lights them up again when he nibbles gently on your lower lip, his fingers digging into the skin of your waist as he continues to kiss you so fervently. 

it takes a passing second for you to realise what you’re doing. it surprises you, however not enough to pull back, or maybe the way his tongue feels against yours stops you from doing so. you’d be lying if you say you hadn’t thought of kissing him before— as early as two days after moving in. and now that you’re actually kissing him, everything feels like a fever dream.

he tucks your chin up with his fingers, pulling you in closer to deepen the kiss. he is a good kisser, sunghoon uses that to boast about himself, he has always been good at this— kissing, bragging, making your knees weak, and all you could do was melt into him wet and sloppy kisses that he plants on your skin. 

he dips his head down to your neck, pressing sloppy, open mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, pulling your blouse aside to get a better access to your collarbones and shoulders. it felt like his body has a mind of its own, and he’s only following right behind. when a soft gasp leaves your lips, he moves back to your lips again, wanting to swallow every little sound you make that makes his mind haywire. 

your breaths are heavy, hands around his neck with fingers grazing the skin of his nape. a movement that makes him moan softly in the kiss as he presses you against the counter, holding you between his arms. his hand that's resting on your hip moves up, tracing the curve of your waist and then sliding under your shirt to rest on your bare skin, lips curling up in a subtle smirk as he hears you gasp yet again. 

“sunghoon—” you pull back, getting a quick glance at his half-lidded eyes when the lightning from the thunderstorm fills the room. he can still feel your laboured breathing on his lips and it does nothing but pull him in even more. after all, sunghoon would be lying if he said he didn’t imagine doing this with you.

“we’ll stop,” he pecks your lips, then trailing his lips down your jawline and to your neck, leaving a trail of gentle kisses along your skin. “when the candle goes out,” 

005. WHERE THE LINE FADES

when sunghoon wakes up the next morning, he’s met with cold empty sheets on the side and the memories from last night start flooding his mind. his heartbeat accelerates at the mere thought of you, especially how you were last night and every time his name fell off your lips in bliss and pleasure— he would’ve preferred waking up to you rather than emptiness. 

he lays idly for a few minutes and stares at the ceiling, looking for where it all had started. was it the day you told him jay asked you out? maybe not, he doesn’t like to think of himself as a jealous person. it must’ve been when you asked for his opinion on your outfit, he tells himself, you looked too good to be true that day. a few seconds more and he sits up with a soft groan, seemingly unable to find answers to any of his questions.

the weather seems to have improved as he notices the cosy sunlight outside. he slips on this shirt before walking down to the shared bathroom, rubbing his eyes softly and brushing his fingers through his hair with a sigh. he puts his hand on the door knob and looking up in surprise when it opens on the other side.

“oh,” the slight hint of shyness on your face doesn’t escape his gaze, just like how enchanting you look this early in the morning with hair wet from the shower. you bite slightly on your lower lip before the awkwardness in the air is disturbed by your voice. “morning,”

actually, it must’ve all started the day you moved in.

“morning,” he replies back, rubbing his nape and looking away. the weight of questions lingering around makes it hard for him to look in your eyes. “would you like to have breakfast?”

you nod and follow him into the kitchen after making a short trip to your room. 

you steal a few glances at him while eating your breakfast, feeling your palms sweat at the thought of bringing it up to him. you avoid it for a few minutes, tossing the question around in your head while trying to make small talks about the ketchup, as bad as it could get. it feels a bit suffocating until you finally decide to address the elephant in the room. “so about last night—” 

“it was a mistake,” he cuts you off immediately, a heavy pause following shortly after. he looks up in your eyes for the first time since the morning. “let’s just forget it,”

and his words leave a bitter taste in your mouth. it could’ve been just another one night stand for you had it not been with sunghoon— your roommate, the person you see everyday, the person who managed to give you butterflies the day you moved in. your fingers tighten around the spoon and you consider arguing back for a moment before you push that idea further back in your head.

it could be just another thing added to the lists of things that have been buried, like the time you and sunghoon almost kissed in the elevator last year.

“right,” you nod quietly, convincing yourself that it’s not a big deal. that he’s just another guy in your life like jay. actually, you don’t feel like wanting to compare them anymore. you don’t know where the line marking the difference fades. “of course, yeah,”

you don’t even like the sound of that.

“yeah,”

you don’t wait another minute before leaving your unfinished breakfast on the table and going to your room. his eyes follow your movements, conscience nudging him to chase after you. he contemplates it for a while, and then you walk out with your bag. “i’ll see you after classes,”

and then sunghoon doesn’t see you for the rest of the morning.

or the day, in fact. usually, you two end up bumping into each other at least once, but sunghoon doesn’t see you around for the whole day. he skips spanish, deciding to go back to his apartment earlier than usual. he turns on the tv, deciding to watch a football watch with beer on the side while waiting for you. an hour passes, then another, and another.

there’s no sign of you.

it isn’t until he rings up a few of your friends that he hears that you’re staying over at giselle’s for the night. he wouldn’t blame you, couldn’t, not after everything that went down a night ago. you needed some space and so did he, but somewhere inside he wondered if he should’ve been honest with you when you brought up that topic during breakfast instead of saying the first thing that came to his mind and dismissing it.

but, he dismisses it again, letting you be on your own for as long as you need, knowing you’d come back soon.

which you do, the very next day, much to his surprise. he had expected you to avoid him for at least a week. he notices the way you look when you return early in the morning, tired and exhausted as if you hadn’t got a single ounce of sleep. there’s silence engulfing him but you walk to your room before he could even open his mouth to speak. and then you ignore him for the rest of the day.

he starts feeling annoyed at some point, trying to come up with a reason for your actions. he tries striking up conversations with you and you give short responses, or just nod. when you walk away without answering him when he asked about your day, sunghoon wanted to grab your wrist and pull you back for a second, but he dismisses that idea just as soon as it pops up in his head. he doesn’t even realise how quickly time passes in silence, not until he returns from heeseung’s apartment after spending two nights and one day with him and jake and checks his phone, realising it’s already close to being a week till you’re gone radio silent. he notices a few texts, mostly his study group that have been planning meet-ups to study, one that he rarely attends. his eyes especially squint in confusion at the texts from your mother, saying she had been trying to get in touch with you but getting no response. 

he was on his way to his room when he heard the door unlock. a pause, the click of the doorknob strikes through the silence, followed by your footsteps. he takes a few seconds to sort out his thoughts before speaking. “your mom texted me since you weren’t picking up her phone,”

“my phone died,” you give a simple response, almost too quickly for his liking. he lets his eyes follow your movements as you take off your shoes and jacket, putting it on the couch. 

it takes him back to the day you told him about jay asking you out. 

it was exactly the same— you arrived late, your phone had died. he was asking the same questions, albeit laced with annoyance. today, it’s hesitation, maybe slight doubt. sunghoon can’t stop you from seeing jay, but the idea of you being with him bothers him more than expected. so, he follows up with yet another question. 

“where have you been?” he asks, wanting to maintain a casual demeanour even though his heart is pounding in his chest just from being near you. he isn’t expecting any response, actually, however he’s met with surprise when you actually reply. 

“with jay,” the words fall from your mouth as if you’re used to them, used to saying his name. there’s an awkward pause before you clarify. “we had dinner together. he wanted to apologise properly,”

“that’s— that’s great,” he manages to squeeze out, but sunghoon thinks jay could’ve left you alone instead of meeting you if he wanted to apologise so bad.

you definitely had feelings for jay, even though they didn’t go as deep for you to come home sobbing your eyes out the day you learnt the truth. to sunghoon, that is enough of a reason to hate him even more. just the mere thought of your heart sinking whenever you’d even think of jay made him fist his hands, nails almost digging in the palm of his hands. 

sunghoon doesn’t have much experience with girls. in fact, none at all. flings are one thing, and girlfriends another. he has had both— none too serious. the first time someone asked him out was in highschool, although he’s surprised it didn’t happen much earlier. that time, just agreed to go out with her because his friends were in relationships too and he didn’t want to fall behind. it wasn’t soon before it turned into a competition after he got into university. not his best self, it isn’t something he’s proud of now that he thinks about it. 

and sunghoon isn’t half better than jay in that aspect, although obviously not as bad as to bet on going on a date with another girl while he already has a girlfriend. however, if you had feelings for him— as he thinks while watching you walk to your room— he wouldn’t let a single tear fall from your lips. 

“about that night,” he follows you into your room, practically hearing his heartbeat echo through his ears. he gulps nervously when he notices you looking at him with a sliver of hope in your eyes. “it wasn’t a mistake,”

“oh,” and you stop in your tracks, having no idea how to respond. an awkward pause follows as you bite your lower lip habitually before speaking, feigning a casual tone. “well, we can still put it behind—”

“i don’t want to,” he blurts out, cutting you off mid sentence. you notice how his voice is quiet as always, yet there’s panic and anxiousness behind those eyes. “i mean, i tried to, but it’s difficult. you’re always on my mind,”

there’s a silver of determination behind his voice. it’s surprising and equally anticipated. sometimes, he feels like he thinks of you every minute no matter what he’s doing. it was never this bad, these days even the regular banters between you two give him butterflies. and sunghoon understand that he might be far from your type in men. perhaps, you actually prefer someone like jay, who treat you to a fancy dinner to apologise, or maybe that guy from a few months ago who can’t remember the name of. 

you and sunghoon can be polar opposites and he would still be standing here, fingers fidgeting nervously with the hem of his denim jacket, looking so uncharacteristically out of place. he would choose to have this talk again, as much as he hates confronting, because it never about who your type is and always about the fact that you’re sunghoon’s type— as he realises this when you tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, looking at him with lips pressed together. you look cute, more so when you’re awkward, and he can’t believe he’s coming to terms with this but god, he is falling for you. 

he is falling hard, and falling deep. it’s nothing like him, you make him nervous, almost as if knocking him out of air whenever your eyes meet, and he would gladly suffocate to death. it was quiet with too many questions hanging above his head, and he noticed the way you fiddle with your fingers with the cutest expression known to mankind and sunghoon knew he was screwed. 

“i’ve got it so bad for you, yn, really,” —he speaks as if he’s out of breath due to the nervousness— “really bad. i tried to keep you out of here,” he said, pointing at his chest, cheeks flushing red as the words fell off his lips. “but you won’t go, you just won’t.”

and sunghoon has never been so…out of place, for the lack of better words. it’s amusing, even to you, the way he is right now. the sunghoon from three weeks ago wouldn’t even care but he, now, is pouring out all of himself, as if stripping him naked of his emotions and letting him see what lies behind the suave smiles and prideful words. as if showing you how easily you have him going crazy, right out of his mind and how he can’t help but just stare blankly as his eyes travel down to your lips occasionally— as they do now— and it leaves you in a frenzy when you notice it. 

“i can’t stop thinking about that night— not in a weird way, just…” and you’re just standing in front of him, trying not to laugh at his antics. he’s cute, a pause, what the fuck. and then you just go along with it, knowing there’s no point denying it anymore now that you two are having this conversation.

you notice his little mannerisms, like how he can’t look in your eyes for the life in him, how he keeps shifting his weight from one leg to the other. it’s adorable, especially the way he can have all the attention in the room with just his mere presence. that’s sunghoon for you, with a presence so heavy it’s loud even when he’s silent. it’s so loud you can practically hear his mind, of all the words you know he wants to say but can’t. there’s a hitch in his breath, his eyes meet yours for the first time in the past few minutes— i like you— they say, and the next thing sunghoon knows is that you’re kissing him. 

“i like you too,” you whisper against his lips after pulling back, your lips brushing against his. sunghoon feels like every single nerve in his body has been sparked, giving him goosebumps when you slowly intertwine your fingers with his.

of course, you know how he feels even before he could say it out loud. maybe, he just made it obvious for you to guess, otherwise sunghoon likes to think of himself as someone who can hide his feelings well. he lets go of your hands as soon as he feels you lace your fingers with his and instead, cups your cheeks ever so tenderly and leans down to capture your lips with his, smiling in the kiss. “i love you,”

˃ᗜ˂ : if you made it till here, i'm sending each one of u kisses >< thank u for reading, i hope u liked it. ps i had to put my heart aside and write jay's name ... never again will i put my man thru this huhu TT he's too good to do these things

[halflife2dotnet]

none of my other posts are gaining traction and i'm kind of freaked the fuck out about things.

if you can afford it, please don8 to help me get a car. i cant deal with my abusive (and most likely dying) mother driving me home while neurotic and driving erratically, putting our lives in danger. (feel like i should mention the other car is still having problems. instead this is taking place in the shitbox that the main breadwinner of the house uses for work. Great)

this goal has been stagnating for 2 weeks while i have a limited yet unknown amount of time. please if you can afford to send anything, every dollar counts. i need autonomy from my abusive home situation and you can help even if it's just with a quick rb.

if we meet at least half this goal that's enough for something reliable. the other half is for getting the FUCK out of this house somehow.

if 400 ppl sent 10 dollars i would be able to secure a whole car. if 500 people sent 20 dollars that would put me past the entire goal!

[omegaversereloaded]

🎄🍬Merry christmas everyone!!🍬🎄✨️✨️

I hope whoever is reading this is feeling okay this holiday season. I'm changing up the format of this post because i want to do something a little different with this one.

If you follow me, most of you know Ibrahim @wolf-aid ! He's amazing and had been through so much unimaginable pain this past year in gaza. Yet he remains persistent and so kind.

Recently, he made a post to help raise money for a hospice providing food to displaced Palestinians, and it's done very well! People have been sharing and donating gladly, which is incredible, and we thank you all for doing so from the bottom of our hearts. However, Ibrahim has been raising money for his own family independently of that campaign and donations have been rather slow lately!

Ibrahim is a little brother to me, i love him dearly and i can't stop thinking about how much he is going through this holiday season. As you celebrate christmas, hanukkah, and new year's, please consider sending a bit of money my brother's way. Your support makes him very very happy and gives him much needed hope for the future.

Also, if you can't donate, can you reblog this with some kind words for Ibrahim? He has been getting harassed by a lot of awful people on this site, and it's been an additional strain on his mental health.

If you have a pet, bonus christmas points if you rb with a picture of them! 🐶🐱

Thank you all, and happy holidays!!! 🍬🎄✨️

[vamplvs]

TOO YOUNG (TO KEEP LOVE FROM GOING WRONG)

INCLUDES -> bob reynolds x ex!reader WARNINGS -> depression, addiction, past drug use, just really bad relationships/significant others all around (only in the past, i promise. they're both working on themselves), panic attacks, angst, hurt/comfort, getting together (again), reader has some undisclosed/implied mental health issues WORD COUNT -> 6.5k SUMMARY -> your history with bob is from a past he'd rather forget, one that haunts him every day, and it all comes crashing back when he runs into you at a coffeeshop.

NOTES -> this fic is my baby, and i've been working on it for nearly a month now. there have been so many revisions and rewrites, but i'm so excited to finally post it! i promise it's not all as sad as it seems, but pls keep the warnings in mind. as always, comments and rbs are much appreciated! also if anyone wants to ask abt my hcs for bob’s scars and such my inbox is VERY open and i have thoughts

every day that bob gets out of bed is a good day, he tells himself. well, that's what yelena and his therapist tell him, so it must be true. it's a good day when he works a brush through his hair, when he makes himself breakfast, and when he does his laundry.

it's a good day when he gets through another chapter of that new book he picked up last week while he was out. he has it marked up with sticky notes, reminders of passages he liked or things that made him think—and, as much as he is loathe to admit it, definitions written in the margins. it's already lovingly worn, and he's only halfway through it. but he can't resist the urge to go back through it sometimes, just looking back at what he took note of and why. it's like his own personal window into his mind. he's sure that dr. fieldstone will have a field day with that if she ever finds out.

it's an even better day when bob finds the energy to go out for the day. he's discovered bookstores, record shops, and even the occasional restaurant he likes. there's a vietnamese place only a few blocks away from the tower that's become a regular take-out spot for the team. a block away from that place is a cat shelter with the sweetest old maine coon named maximus. he belongs to the owner, and bob always takes the time to pet him when he's in the area.

bob's been enjoying running small errands for the team. sort of, anyways. it's not like he likes the errands themselves—there's nothing particularly exciting about picking up groceries, after all—but it's that he gets to do something for the team. it's that he gets an excuse to go out. while they're all off saving the world from this week's supervillain, bob is out getting sugar, eggs, some garlic, and whatever else the kitchen appears to be missing.

today's task, however, is coffee. last night the team arrived worn and ragged after the mission valentina sent them on, and bob's current mission is, hopefully, cheering them up with overly expensive coffee from the place yelena and walker both like down the street. they never seem to go together, but he recognizes their takeout cups with the logo printed on the side. walker would never admit to it, but bob knows he was the one to find it.

the coffeeshop is familiar, even though he's only really been there once or twice with yelena. it's a cozy, hole in the wall kind of spot—just hidden enough that it hasn't been overrun by the hustle and bustle of manhattan. it's got warm lighting and a wall covered in old magazine cutouts and framed pictures that date back decades.

he's got everyone's orders typed haphazardly in his notes—shit, he can't remember if walker wanted his drink iced or not. usually, walker's got a cold drink when bob sees him with one, but the weather's been strangely cold recently, so maybe he's changed his mind. bob certainly would.

 just as he's about to step in line and make a last minute decision, a voice pulls him back.

"that you, robert?" and it's a voice he only just recognizes after years of putting it out of his mind.

he turns and sees you. his heart nearly stops. what are the odds that you're in new york? especially now during his "recovery," as dr. fieldstone puts it. you still look like you, but you've grown now, changed in some way that bob can't quite define. you're still just as beautiful as the last time he saw you. by the time his mind catches up to his ears, discomfort is starting to bleed into the air.

"y-yeah! hi," he puts a hand out awkwardly to shake yours. the weight of your hand in his is familiar, almost nostalgic. the thought nearly makes him recoil.

"long time, no see." you say it with a gentle smile, but he recognizes the way your smile dips when you're trying to be polite. he recognizes the way you scan him for signs, the same way you used to. "you look... good, different."

"yeah, um, getting sober does that, i think." he winces at his own words, remembering the fight you had the last night he saw you through the haze of some cocktail-from-hell he had conjured up with some people he certainly shouldn't have been around. it had seemed like a great idea at the time.

—

though the memory is foggy, he remembers you coming home to him tearing apart the kitchen and yelling about spies and malware.

bob was wired. it's like he was dialed up all the way to 100, and man, was it good. until it wasn't. until he was sure that his phone was tapped, and that there was a camera in the apartment watching his every move. every cabinet in the kitchen had been flung open and searched through, a mess of pots, pans, and cutlery decorating the once neat countertops.

"can't stay sober for a day, can you?" your words were harsh and grating, and it only sent bob further into an emotional free fall. that quiet voice in the back of his mind, the one that lingered when he was high no matter how desperately he tried to erase it, hissed that you weren't supposed to see him like this. he was worked up, angry and scared, and there was no going back.

"you don't understand! they're-" he had gestured wildly around the kitchen, as if that proved anything. as if you could see the government's secret eye on the apartment if he just yelled about it loud enough.

"they're not fucking watching you, robbie, you're high!" there were tears in your eyes, he remembers that now. "you said you'd get sober. two nights ago, you promised." and he remembers how defeated you sounded, the way your voice broke.

"you knew i was like this when we started going out." bob remembers the rage he felt and how sick it made him the next morning when he finally sobered up.

"yeah, but- i mean, jesus, robbie, this is going to kill you someday!" you were across the room from him, and he vividly recalls the way you had backed up when he stepped towards you like it's happening in real time all over again.

"maybe i want it to!" he had shouted. he had shouted at you, the last person in the world who deserved it. the person he called the love of his life. it felt so right to say in that moment, and that's what scared him the most. "finally put me out of this misery."

your face had dropped, and it was the only time that night you had taken a single step towards him. "don't say that-"

"why not? it's true." he had laughed in your face, and god, that made him nauseous now.

"don't you dare fucking say that."

you had left that night, telling bob you wanted him out of the apartment within the next day. he found out later that you were holed up in a friend's place bawling your eyes out.

bob doesn't remember if he ever put your kitchen back together, or if he left that to you.

he's not sure where he was in between your apartment and his own, either. there's a week of missing time that bob woke up from dazed and hurting.

—

you simply laugh, and at least this sounds more real than your smile looked. he's not sure how you're laughing, honestly. he was awful- "i'm glad you're doing better."

"me too." silence settles between you two as bob debates the merits of literally shoving a foot in his mouth. it might be better than everything he's said so far.

"saw you were with that new avengers crew on tv, and i couldn't believe my eyes." he laughs, but it's stilted. do you know about the void, too? "i mean, the robbie reynolds bunking with congressman barnes and the, uh, the knock-off captain america?" you gesture vaguely at the mention of walker, like you're trying to remember his name. "it's totally wild."

"y-yeah, i'm- i got lucky."

before he can say anything else, the barista calls your name. you bid him a quick goodbye, and his palms are sweating by the time you walk out.

the rest of his day goes by in a haze of remembering, a walk down memory lane he'd rather not take. he stammers his way through the coffee order, and nearly gets run over by a very angry taxi driver on his walk back to the tower. the drinks get dropped off in the kitchen with a brief text to yelena telling her he's back, and then he's off to his room to read.

because today is a good day, he tells himself.

today is a good day, and he's going to get through another chapter of that book if it's the last thing he does.

his footfalls are loud in the wide hallways of the tower. they echo gratingly back at him, getting louder as his heart rises in his throat. god, it's been how many years now? he remembers that part of his life through highs and lows, through the way his breath still whistles out his nose from a perforated septum, and the track lines left on his elbows and thighs. he still can't wear short sleeves, and-

the collar of his sweater is constricting, he realizes. too tight against the skin of his neck, and he can't breathe.

he can't fucking breathe.

his lungs are tight, held close by ribs he's all-too aware of. and his sweater- it's choking him. the once soft fabric slices at his neck like it's a tourniquet. his hands find the cold wall of the hallway to guide him back to his room. he can hardly see past the black spots that speckle his already tunneling vision.

breathing. air. he needs that.

he takes a shaky lungful and pushes forward, stumbling until he finds the door to his room.

the doorknob is icy in his hand, the only solid thing he feels around him. the floor is starting to slip away from under him, and the walls only get closer and closer until they're pressing in.

it's a miracle he makes it to his bed before he collapses outright.

but he does. and it's still a good day because his book is sitting on his bedside table.

if he can just get his hands to stop shaking, he'll pick it up and flip to the next chapter. if he can just get his breath to stop coming up so fast, or get his vision to focus on something in the room, it can stay a good day.

but he doesn't, and he can't. he's frozen in place, trapped within his own too-tight skin, as he lays on his bed, staring out at the wall in front of him. that look in your eye—the one of terror, concern, and worst of all, love—infiltrates his mind unbidden.

the sound of the door opening is muffled, or far away. bob can't quite tell. it should be right there, but it isn't. and he can't get his head to turn to see who's walked in.

"bob?" comes yelena's voice, still miles away from where he is in the vast expanse of his bed. "you've been here for ages." has he? he only just got back.

he makes a small sound in the back of his throat when he feels a weight at the end of his bed, a hand on his knee. yelena doesn't move for an eternity. she just sits, gently rubbing his knee until he can force air in and out of his lungs again.

"bob, can you talk yet?" she says eventually, and that's the reminder he needs to move again. that she's been sitting for so long he needs to explain something.

"i saw someone i knew when i was-" he cuts himself off with an unsteady breath. when i was still using, goes unspoken but heard all the same. he's cold, so very cold—is that why he's still shaking? yelena's warm hand on his knee is only doing so much.

"who?" her voice is so gentle when she says it, like there's something quiet in the air she doesn't want to break. bob wishes she would.

"my- um, my ex." his whole body tenses when he looks at her, but he finds nothing but care and worry in her eyes. "i was horrible when we-"

"hey," she interrupts before he can keep spiraling, "you've changed. i know you have." her hand is heavier on his knee now, a grounding force. but has he? he still itches for that high every day. he misses it. yelena interrupts his train of thought again. she could be a mindreader, and bob wouldn't be surprised. "did they seem uncomfortable?"

"who wouldn't be?" he mumbles into his pillow, a pitiful little sound.

"did they talk to you, bob?" she presses, pragmatic as always.

"y-yeah, they said hi. said they were glad i was going better." at least his voice is less shaky now. small victories, like dr. fieldstone tells him.

"then they don't hate you," and she says it with such finality that he almost takes her at her word. yet, there's a lingering thought: you'd seen bob at his worst, and you don't know the half of what he's done now. hell, even he doesn't really know.

"but-"

"no one talks like that with someone they hate" yelena pauses like she's still searching for the right words, "or someone they're scared of. i wouldn't." she pats his knee a final time before standing. "walker is making dinner, if you want to join us. or i can bring you something-"

"yeah," he says, without letting her finish her offer. the thought of being in a room with walker and alexei makes his head spin.

yelena hums, and bob knows it's a promise that she'll be back.

—

bob returns to that coffeeshop nearly three weeks later. yelena had urged him to go again, and dr. fieldstone agreed. he likes the coffeeshop, and he shouldn't be afraid of seeing his past there. this time he brings his book with him. he's determined to find the small space safe again. so he sits in the corner with a warm drink and his book propped open on his knee.

it's peaceful. there's quiet music playing throughout the shop, and people head in and out in their own worlds, leaving bob to his own devices. he marks up the pages, using his color-coordinated sticky notes to keep track of where he is. 

he's glad he started reading it. it's complicated and makes it brain work overtime, trying to catch up on the words he's lost. dr. fieldstone says having trouble reading and understanding is just one of those things using did to him—and, more importantly, that it's something he can get back. so he picked up a dense fantasy novel, the kind with a million made-up names and places, to start on that.

dr. fieldstone was proud of him for it, and he's proud of himself.

"you're back," he hears you say, and his head shoots up, taking him out of his train of thought abruptly. you're standing across from him with your drink in hand. this time he's sure his heart stops beating. "mind if i sit?"

before he thinks twice about it, he nods, dumbfounded.

"i thought i might've scared you off," you say sheepishly, like it's your fault at all.

"no! no, that was-" he fumbles his way through a halfhearted excuse. the skeptical brow you raise is more than enough proof it doesn't work.

"so... you a fan of this place?" your voice is so gentle, deceptively so. 

"my friends are." he neglects to mention that the friends in question are walker and yelena.

"thought you'd just give it a try, then?" you flinch when the words come across more confrontational than you intended. "sorry, i am glad you're back, i don't know why i said that so..." you trail off.

"it's okay," he mumbles back. silence settles like a weight between you again.

"what have you been up to outside of, y'know, the whole super team thing?"

he doesn't tell you he's not really on the team. he can't. if he does, that opens up a conversation about the void, and the thought alone has him sweating. "um, therapy, mostly, and some reading." he points to his book with all it's uneven notes poking out of it and dog-eared pages.

"that's good, man! i'm happy for you."

you're- what? you smile at him with so much honesty it's hard to look at.

"what about you?"

the conversation carries on, and it's easier than he expected. it isn't smooth, not by a long shot, but you're still sitting with him, still inviting more conversation.

small victories, he hears dr. fieldstone say in his head.

he can tell you're still wary around him, your smile flickering just enough any time his past comes up. you dodge any response that might be a reminder of your relationship or those several months you spent together. but you're talking and laughing with him, and it's good. it's really good.

it's so good it scares him. his heart's been pounding since you sat down with him, and he hopes you can't see the sweat that's starting to bead on his brow.

it's been an hour by the time you finally check your phone. 

"i'm glad we got to catch up, robert," you say with a smile.

"it's just bob."

"right. bob," you amend, trying the new name out. "i have to go, but... think we could do this again some time?" 

—

he finally brings you by the tower after several months of meeting up for coffee—several months filled with what started as carefully navigated conversation, that has now turned into something new. you tell him about your own therapy and the steps you've taken to be better. he eventually tells you about dr. fieldstone and the void. he nearly cried when he did it, but you smiled and nodded like he hadn't told you he was responsible for all of new york reliving their worst memories. you had repeated that same, "i'm happy for you, bob. i'm proud of you for doing all this."

he had been ignoring the growing warmth in his chest every time you spoke to him like he was worth something, too.

you're nearly vibrating with excitement as the tower comes into view. when he brought up learning how to cook, you demanded he show off a little. and if his heart raced when you said you wanted him to cook for you, that's a secret he will forever hold tight to his chest.

"walker's an asshole, but he's sorta nice once you get to know him, and yelena's real sweet. she's just a little scary at first-" he spends the walk from the coffeeshop giving you a run down of the team in case any of them are home when you get there. 

"so, yelena, huh?" you ask when he's finished with his spiel.

"yeah, what about her?"

"nothing, just- you're so excited when you talk about her." there's something indecipherable in your voice that almost sounds like jealousy, but bob knows better than that. he knows better than to hope for something that won't happen ever again.

and what's he supposed to say to that? any real reason makes his throat go dry. she helped me through one of the toughest things i've ever been through, and i can't even remember most of it? she's become one of my closest friends and understands me like no one else does? except, maybe, for you. 

"she's great, you'll see," is what he settles on, and the way your smile stays stiff tells him that isn't the right response.

the tower is blessedly empty when you get there, which gives you and bob ample time to spread out ingredients around the kitchen. he's settled on a fairly simple pasta dish—comfort food—and you've taken up a seat at the island.

"so, what's it like in the tower?" he can feel your eyes on his back as he sets a pot to boil on the stove. his sleeves are pushed up to his forearms, not daring to go any higher despite the heat from the fire.

"empty, a lot of the time." you hum, and then he adds. "not lonely, though. it's just a big space, y'know? when everyone's back from missions or press or whatever, we all have our spaces. it's kinda nice."

"right, yeah." he hears you stand up, and you're by his side in a flash. he doesn't miss the wary glance you send his arms. "anything i can help with?"

"well, uh, the garlic needs dicing." he pulls out two cutting boards and knives—one set for you to dice the garlic on and another for him to chop up onions.

it's quiet as you both work, and a few weeks ago bob would have been desperately trying to fill up the silence with some kind of conversation—if only to keep from having to suffer through your unresolved history. now, though, it's different. it's almost comfortable.

almost.

he's just too aware of your presence next to him, of the way you glance over occasionally. it has goosebumps dancing across his skin. he pointedly stares down at the onion he's slicing, careful not to cut himself. not that he can really get hurt anymore, he has to remind himself.

"how's that new book you picked up?" you ask abruptly, like you can't stand the quiet anymore.

he does his best to breeze past the thought that maybe it wasn't as comfortable as he thought and launches into an explanation of the world and its characters—explaining why he likes the main character, but the villain is sympathetic, too. he still gets caught up on some of his words, like the word he's searching for is hidden behind some mental block, but you don't seem to care.

you listen to all of it with rapt attention. you ask all the right questions to keep him talking, and nod at the right times.

but there's a part of him that can't quite shake the thought that you're doing this for your benefit somehow, that you don't really care. he thinks about the way you kept looking at him, how your eyes landed on the crook of his elbow.

something cold flares in his chest then.

it's only interrupted by yelena's voice from the door.

"bob! you didn't say you were bringing people over."

"you must be yelena! i'm-" you put a hand out to shake hers, but she brushes past you to get to the fridge. bob notices the way you bristle.

"oh, i know who you are," she says with something akin to a feral grin, picking out a bright can of soda, "bob talks about you often."

"does he?" you raise an eyebrow at him, something unreadable in your gaze.

bob shrugs one shoulder sheepishly. "yelena asks about the coffeeshop a lot." he leaves out the part where yelena asks to check up on him, to make sure that he isn't spiraling about it like he was in the beginning. but he's good now, scarily so.

"it's one of my favorites."

"so you're the reason i ran into him months ago!" the harsh look in your eye fades to kindness with a wide smile to match. "i have to say, i'm pretty glad you showed him that place. you've got good taste."

"so does bob," she replies, giving you a brief once over, and you laugh something awkward and stilted.

bob has never wanted to melt into the floor so badly.

"i'm, uh, making some pasta," he says, before yelena can say anything else stupidly revealing, "if you want some after."

"oh, no," yelena shakes her head in mock deference, "i wouldn't dare disrupt the date. besides, i have a mission tomorrow morning." then, she disappears down the hall.

bob hears you make a quiet, choked off sound by his side, turning quickly to get back to dicing the garlic. his ears burn.

"she's nice." you sound so strained that bob nearly laughs.

"yeah, she's..." he trails off, looking for any decent way of describing her. "yelena," he finishes lamely.

you laugh at that, and something uncomfortable and scalding settles in bob's chest.

"so..." you're leaning against the counter, now, looking at bob, but he can't bring himself to return your gaze. "you talk about me?"

"i mean, yeah, uh, i guess." he very nearly winces at his own fumbling. "yelena knows about... us, and everything. she's curious, i think." and she's determined to meddle with his carefully crafted bubble of sanity he's finally managed with you, apparently. it must be a good sign that he's better, though. he knows yelena, and she wouldn't do that if she still thought he was struggling like he was all those months ago.

"right, of course." he catches your eye for just a moment, and sees that same, frustratingly unreadable expression. "and she's the type to joke about this being a date?"

his ears go hot, and he looks back down to the cutting boards in front of him, making quick work of gathering up the diced garlic and onions and tossing them into a pan with some oil. "i guess so, yeah."

tense silence settles over you, and it makes his skin prickle.

"so, if this were a date-" bob makes a concerted effort not to choke at the thought, "would she still be making jokes?"

"probably. she's like that," he manages, voice thin.

"okay, good to know."

he doesn't know what to do about the softness of your voice, or the racing of his heart, so he focuses his attention back on the stove instead.

—

yelena nearly doesn't come home from the next mission.

there's blood pouring from a wound in her side that the others refuse to tell bob the details of. her steps are uneven, breath too ragged, and bob can't think straight enough to be of use in the med bay. alexei is the one to carry her there, while bob stays frozen in place.

it's one of those missions where valentina makes sure to rub in just how useful bob would be if he was smart, or maybe strong, enough to manage being sentry—and the void. if he had been out there, would she have gotten hurt? could he have stopped a bullet or a knife? why won't anyone else tell him what the hell happened?

"bob," comes bucky's voice from behind him, and a heavy hand presses on his shoulder.

"yeah." his voice is rough, unsteady. it takes effort not to flinch away from bucky's hand.

"this isn't on you." how bucky's able to read him so well, bob will never understand. "she'll be fine."

there's something soothing about the low rumble of bucky's voice that has bob retreating to his room, footfalls heavy on the tiled floor. the image of yelena covered in blood plays through his mind again and again, superimposed over valentina's incessant urging for him to crawl back into the suit.

but he swears, just out of the corner of his eye, that he can see black, wispy tendrils of the void clawing at his skin and the walls.

he sits at the edge of his bed, picking up the thick hardcover on his nightstand. he can't quite read anything on the pages, eyes darting over words that warp and twist in front of him.

dr. fieldstone is only a call away, he knows that. she's on call for a reason, for moments like this where it feels like months of progress slip through his hands like sand. but his phone is already buzzing in his pocket when he pulls it out with numb fingers.

he sees a missed call from you and a series of texts:

we're still on for coffee right?

hello?

it's been an hour where are you

everything ok?

bob can't move. he stays frozen, looking down at the already dimming screen of his phone. shit.

his hands won't cooperate. they won't open his phone, shaking too badly to type in his passcode as nausea climbs up his throat.

shit, shit, shit. he was supposed to meet with you for coffee, like always. before yelena came back with a hole in her side, before his knees locked in the common room, before valentina's whispers of failure wormed their way through his head. before the shadows in the corners of his room had started to grow faces.

he can still make it out to you. it can still be a good day, despite yelena laying in the medical bay or your missed call or bob's rising panic. dr. fieldstone can tell him as much, if his fingers will just dial the number.

but that means months of work with you gone. that means you seeing him like this again, breathing hard and fast, tears burning in his eyes, and the sting of bile in the back of his throat.

—

"robbie?" came your voice from somewhere in the apartment, but bob couldn't lift his head up from the bathroom wall. his body ached. "hey, where are you?"

he let out some kind of garbled sound halfway between a grunt and a sob. you were in the doorway moments later, eyes wide with panic. they softened upon seeing him curled up against the wall, and you were kneeling by his side before he even saw you move.

"hey, you're okay," you muttered, tugging him tight against you. "everything's okay, now."

"n-no, it's- fuck." his hands scrabbled for purchase against your back, like that would keep him from falling further into a spiral. he couldn't speak, couldn't find words or put them in the right order, like they were blended together in a horrible smoothie of vowels and consonants.

it was always like this when he came down. the panic, the incoherence. and you were always patiently waiting for him to start taking deep breaths, to think.

it was two weeks later that you left him in that kitchen.

—

it takes bob a week to respond to you.

he feels guilty, a pit settling in his stomach every time he thinks about it. he didn't mean to ignore you, but with yelena out and valentina's taunts lingering like always, he barely finds his way out of his room at normal hours.

sorry. yelena's hurt

his screen is already dimming when he decides to send another text.

can we still do coffee next week?

you don't text back for hours, not that bob expects you to. you have a life, things to do outside of respond to bob and go to coffee with him. he understands that, even if his chest hurts every time he thinks about you. he knows that your probable anger is justified, and logical, but it doesn't stop the chill at his fingertips that spreads down his spine.

he spends his day frantically doing anything that needs to be done in the tower, buzzing with nerves. he makes quick work of the dishes that have been sitting in the sink and his laundry. he's done laps around the building, exploring nooks he's never seen before—and finds a great empty office with soft chairs, one of them facing the westward window of the room.

his phone goes off somewhere between one task and the next—when he's still buried in the need to do something before he tears his own skin off.

yeah sure

two simple words, and they have his head spinning.

—

street lamps flicker above him as bob walks through manhattan and towards the coffeeshop. it's later than usual for the two of you—at your request. bob's usual exploration of the city typically happens during daylight, when there's an endless hustle of people for him to fade into. 

the city at night time is a different sight entirely. the streets aren't quite empty—they never seem to be, here—but they're quieter than the usual bustle of midday. and everything seems to glow. neon signs, street lights, the cozy warmth of indoor lamps in apartment windows. despite it all, it's still loud. there's a group of college students ahead of him laughing with their bags slung over their shoulders, sirens a block over, and the ever-present honking that pervades the city regardless of the hour.

it's nice in a way he can't quite define—certainly nothing like florida, and for that, he's grateful.

he finds you sitting at a table by the window watching people pass by. you've got a warm drink in your hand, and he's not sure you see him approach until you raise an eyebrow at him and gesture to the drink sitting on the other end of the table.

you ordered for him.

"thanks."

"sure." you pause, and bob lets you have it. "what happened last week?" his stomach dips.

"yelena got hurt." he still sees flashes of that dark red staining the floor, the lingering fear that his best friend could have died and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"yeah, you said."

"she's okay now. it was scary for a few days, though."

"i bet." every response from you is clipped, and it sends him fumbling for more to say.

"yeah, um, it was rough, y'know? i thought i was gonna lose one of my best friends."

"i know the feeling." even you wince at your tone, no doubt remembering the same things that bob is. your eyes scan over his face for a moment, taking in flashes of an expression bob isn't entirely sure he's making. "sorry, i didn't mean-"

"it's okay. i get it." 

but that must be the wrong response, because your brow furrows, and you're standing before he can figure out what the right response could be.

"i should go. this was a bad idea."

"no, wait-"

you're out the door before he can finish, but he's already racing after you. he knows he fucked up by ignoring you, that he should've just come clean, but he doesn't want to lose you over it.

"wait, i'm sorry!"

"bob, enough!" you whip around to face him. the glow of a street light illuminates the planes of your face, casting harsh shadows across it. "just, stop, okay? stop apologizing, stop being nice, stop all of this."

"w-what?"

"we can't do this again. i can't do this again." bob's body goes cold. "this was a cute little fantasy while it lasted, but- we won't be good for each other."

"no, you don't-"

"don't tell me i don't understand, or that you're better now. this isn't about you, bob." 

but it is. he knows it is.

"jesus, you're doing it again. enough with the self-flagellation. you're terrified when you're around me, and i can't-"

"i'm not!" his outburst is so sudden that it silences you. "i'm not terrified of you."

"you didn't see the look on your face just now."

"listen-" frustration bubbles in his chest something vicious.

"no," you growl, stepping closer to him. "i see the way you are with yelena, and-"

"is that what this is about?"

"no! it's about the fact that i haven't seen you in a t-shirt, and it's the middle of the summer. it's about the fact that we haven't had a single conversation about us without you veering the topic away like it'll kill you just to think about it." the accusatory finger you jab into his chest burns him.

"okay, fine! you scare the shit out of me," he yells over you, and that keeps you both quiet for one long moment. hell, it seems to hush the whole city. "i just don't want to hurt you." his voice is devastatingly quiet.

"i don't want to hurt you, either," you say, voice cracking around every word. silence settles over you like a cloud. it must be an odd sight, the two of you standing, breathing hard, in the middle of a sidewalk in manhattan. "god, i must be crazy for how much i still care about you, huh?" you run a hand over your face, looking away from him like it hurts.

"yeah, probably." he makes a miserable sound that's something like a laugh.

but you join him, and for a brief moment, he dares to think that maybe he can fix this. 

"if we do this, it's-" you suck in a sharp breath, "we can't undo history, okay? that's not how this works."

"i- i know, and i'm sorry, i-"

"no, god, bob, i don't need you to apologize. not again. i just-" you look into his eyes and it's horrible and revealing. "we were both shitty, and we can't undo that."

"you didn't-"

"bob, i left you high, panicking, probably on the verge of some crazy, self-mutilating bender in my apartment. you were scared, and i left you there. and you know what's worse? it felt so right. i was so angry, and i said so many terrible things to you when i was like that."

"that's not your fault."

"yes it is." you sigh. "then you disappeared, and the next time i heard about you, it was on the news. i spent years thinking i hurt you, or left you to die, or something."

bob's heart breaks. none of this is your fault, at all, and it never will be.

"i was so scared for you, and i didn't know what to do about it." you pause, like there's more you want to say to him. he doesn't fill the silence, just lets you find the right words. "and then you disappeared again for a week, and i couldn't stop thinking about what happened to you. if- if you were back on some bender, or hurt, and i thought it was because i made that stupid comment about a date."

"i didn't mean to," he says in that same, quiet tone. 

"i know."

"i was scared, too." you look at him with eyes so wide his heart hurts. "i was scared for me, too. and you." he whispers it like it's a secret.

"i know, bob, i know." you pull him into a hug so tight he swears he can hear his bones creaking, superpowers be damned. his hands pull you close, grabbing at the material of your shirt. he realizes, now, that his eyes are stinging with unshed tears.

"can we try again? if- if you want you, i mean," he mutters into your neck.

"yeah, i'd like that." you pull away from him, and the hand you put on his cheek is so gentle that it sends his tears over the edge. you don't say a word about them as you wipe them away. "we'll take it slow, yeah?"

—

the sun sets steadily, lighting up bob's room in the warm glow of sunset. he's learned to love slow days at the tower, where there isn't any pressure to do anything but the things he wants. he takes time to read, to catch up on the movies that have come out in recent years, to lay wrapped around you, of all people.

he's still not sure you're entirely real, if he's being honest. historically, he hasn't had the best luck with the way his life unfolds. it's usually one great disaster after the next—even if his ideas seem great at the time. but with you tucked into his side, maybe things can still turn around for him. maybe they already have.

"i'm glad we found each other again." your eyes are impossibly soft when they look at him. "my friends called me crazy when i said you were the love of my life, but look at you now."

bob flushes, and your laugh is light and airy.

"you're beautiful, always have been. but this version of you? yeah, he's even better." your fingers card through his hair and end up on his jaw. "i can't believe i get another shot with you."

you're telling me, he almost says. instead, he just hums, pulling you closer.

[gettinontopic]

Let me know if this is an inappropriate addition, because I'm not trying to derail from the point that a lot of white trans men project past "white woman fears" onto trans men who aren't white without considering that Black trans men and other trans moc literally never experienced that. But I'm worried it might end up being derailing, so I didn't add it to that post.

That projection attitude just reminded me of how I wasn't really treated like a "fragile girl" to protect when I was a kid, because I was disabled. I was treated as super violent and aggressive, and if I did express any sort of upset, adults got pissed.

It just makes it seem like the white trans men doing that are ignoring the existence of different types of trans men on multiple levels in order to... I don't know, try to attack the entire community under a guise of righteous self flagellation or something?

Nah this is like, exactly it. If you added this I'd probably rb it lol.

Many of these fucking dudes are projecting their experiences onto the whole community, and its fucking weird.

Many of us are not white, or we are disabled or various other intersections that kept plenty of us from being the scared white woman these dudes are osessed with paiting us all as.

[cloudedangels]

Rules

No one under the age of 18 is allowed to interact with this blog. Do not ask to be on a taglist if you don't have your age in your bio or pinned. no racists. i am queer so homophobes and transphobes dni, dni p*dophiles/maps or apologists for either.

About Me

I'm bunnie or blu, I'm 25, chronically ill, black & bermudian. currently I play a lot of lads and write a lot of smut. My Lads blog: @deepspacebunnieblue is where I rb and store all of my favorite reads, fan arts, and occasional headcanons. lots of snapshots, gameplay and just me yapping about lads. My main is @bluest-bee!~

Bunnie Blu (@cloudedangels)’s Masterlist and Taglist (will update as i write)

Smut Fics

Test of Control (18+ Complete For Now)

Three Part Fic

Pt 1: Caleb disappoints MC. He gives her the reigns to tease/punish Him

Pt 2: Caleb is given control but wants to further prove himself. Still Sub!Caleb. Includes oral(f)

Pt 3: Caleb shows unannounced. MC strips the Colonel off of him. They both get what they wanted all along (piv)

If you would like to be on a taglist for this fic in case I expand comment or reblog with tag [ 🐶 ] <- for test of control

Lush Vibrator Series (18+)

Two Parts Currently Out, Reader insert.

Pt 1: Caleb finds your vibrator…and curiosity gets the best of him, <- a fan favorite lol includes vibrator control and piv at the end and filthy dirty talk

Pt 2: Caleb in your bed using the vibrator on himself… sub!caleb, caleb is painted as curious, so obsessed with you he needs to feel what you feel.

Coming Soon-> Pt 3: Caleb Controls your vibrator from SkyHaven…

Coming Soon-> PT 4: Controlling him,,, you control it… on him this time (it’s only fair)

If you want to be added to the taglist for this fic, pls comment or reblog with the tag [ 💥 ] <- for the vibrator fics

📖Ongoing...📖 (Stories and Series)

EXTENDED LEAVE. (Reader x Fem!Caleb), wlw. Five Parts. Expect Yearning, mutual pining, yandere-ish Fem!Caleb. 18+ Not Quite just a smut fic but is still dirty. 100% does have smut scenes, slow burn sapphic lifelong romance, butch!caleb my beloved, this fic is my personal favorite if i'm allowed those :3. cute, sad, fluffy and spicy

🍎read part one 🍎 part two 🍎 part three 🍎part four🍎 part five 🍎

Coming Soon… -> part 6. One month passed, lines undeniably crossed, 3 more to go. What is to come?

If you'd like to be on the taglist for this series, plss comment or reblog with the tag... [ 💙 ] <- for extended leave

Only You (Currently not smut, might stay fluffy maybe a little angst coming at least, but idk)

Pt 1 : caleb gives mc a do-over of a night from their old days, heavy focus on a dress, a dinner of braised wings, and near confessions throughout the night.

Coming Soon: More Parts! Open to requests or brainstorms on that.

If you'd like to be on the taglist for this series comment or reblog with the tag [ 🍒 ] <- for only you

Others 

> 18+ fem!caleb - series of drabble/headcanons

> 18+ drabble/hc - random things that make caleb horny 

More Writings Coming Soon...

a very late birthday fic (caleb, probably 18+)

Husband!Zayne Fluff

Zayne x Ovulation Oneshot/Drabble

Zayne x POTSie Fem!Partner

If you'd like to be on the taglist for all caleb fics comment or reblog with the tag [ 🍎 ]!

If you'd like to be on a taglist when I start writing for zayne, comment or reblog with the tag [ ☃️ ]!

If you want to be tagged in any or everything [ 🐇 ] is the emoji for u!

my ao3 is @/cloudedbunnie nothings posted yet but i plan to post all of my past fics soon! as well as any new ones >w,<

[elysian-fawn]

nawt at all shifting related but it's my bloggie's first ever anniversary for existing here uwwaaaaghahgsd (⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄   ̫ o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝) feeling very #emotional abt it and i will make it the dash's problem !!!

my first ever shiftblr mutual award goes to the most wonderful @lalalian (˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶) thank u for investing in whatever potential u saw when all i had on here was rb's bc i was SO debilitatingly shy to post abt my drs for like the first six months i had this blog ꒰ still am ,, but i'm trying not to be LOL ꒱ i remember being so excited when you followed me bc i was like " yayayay omg am i actually on shiftblr now ?? like this is srs and not some silly joke anymore ??? " LOLLLLLANSKAID

@chaysreality222 another one of my most eeeeearliest moots <333 i miss seeing u active on here ,, but i still hope ur enjoying your time and having a wonderful set of experiences <3 ur 2025 comeback was the best one yet & i hope you'll be active in time for shiftblr's summer szn bc shiftblr needs it's resident ocean girl !!!

@jadeshifting SAWBSSS PLS COME BACK SOON MOOTIE I NEED TO SEND YOU MORE PATHETIC LUCIFER SCREENIES UGGGHHH though i do hope you're having a good time away <33 ty for being so kind 2 me under the comments & rb's to my posts <3 you are the literal only person in the entire world i know who's seen me on my most . . . weirdest hear me out and for that i shall protect you with my life LMAOOOOAAHAHAHAHAAHADJADFHJKADH

@thalassandra one of my most recent mutuals AGGHGHGH !! i'm placing my bets on one of the cutest of blogs here bc your posts are so charming and i knoooow you'll be a shiftblr favourite very soon my fellow sorcerer princess 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ <33

@lolashifts one of my v v v v v v v v kindhearted mutuals EVERRR !!! it's always such a delight seeing your blog in my notifs bc i know i'm sure to leave reading wtv message you leave behind with a smile ₍ ᐢ.ˬ.ᐢ₎ one of like six other aot shifters on here alongside @evangeliooon LOLLLL ur both so sweet and darling and understand me & my very incessant obsession with eren like no other LOOOLLL <33

+++ all the rest of my other mutuals arghrgrhgr i just do nawt want the post to get far too long and i'm pretty sure there's a limit to mentions but just know that i deeply appreciate each and every single one of you omgie :(( !!!! you've all been v kind to me on here and for that i so greatly cherish our mootie bond LOL

& saved the best for last ofcccc ! a v v v v special thank you to the remaining 640 of you guys that follow me ໒꒰ྀི ᵒ̴̶̷ ᵕ ก̀ ꒱ྀི১ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ i am very appreciative that you liked a post of mine or my blog enough to follow it & to think that some of you have stuck with me since the start or during the pink theme from my blog if you remember it is genuinely crazy LMAOOAOAHAHAHA i'll bring it back one day trust 🙂‍↕️ it is still mind boggling that over 600 people decided to fw me like hello ??? T~T so insane LOLL

arrrghgghghg it's just so crazy to me how fast this past year has gone by ( said by girl who says this every single year ) , but i'm very glad i decided to make this blog on a whim during the eclipse day last year of all days LOLL it's brought me a lot of joy being here , having some of the sweetest words woven in the rbs under a post i make , being able to share little snippets of myself and seeing the positive reception to that & seeing others inspired by me as well ughghghghg my fave ever !! i love it here and hope i still am active on here next apr.8 <33