#I'm. gonna try to be more consistent about replying to things bc I'm tired of doing like. two replies then losing threads in my drafts

[byanyan]

spent yesterday trapped in bed with what wasn't quite a migraine but was close enough that doing anything other than sleeping was a miserable time. so that was fun. feeling a lot more functional today though so I'm gonna be around to do some stuff

...also, pretty sure I've decided to go in and delete a bunch of drafts. not everything, but probably most of them. anything that's been plotted or even discussed a little, I'll be holding onto bc I still have muse for those, but a lot of the stuff that hasn't been plotted/is more inconsequential will be cleaned out. I took too much onto my plate (my own fault) and I just need to clean up a little so I feel less overwhelmed. if I drop our thread(s), I'm sorry, but we can get something new and fresh going sometime soon!!

[rahleeyah]

I try not to comment on how people comment bc the thing is like. I'm grateful for every single comment people leave and I want to encourage engagement but I also understand how hard it can be to leave those comments in the first place. I'm not ever gonna post anything demanding comments or saying you have to comment or that you have to do it in a certain way but sometimes I feel like maybe there's a disconnect where people maybe don't realize how their comments impact the writer.

When I receive multiple comments about how the readers want more, "the only thing wrong with this chapter is how short it is!! I want more!!", "I can't wait for the next one!!!", "post more now!!!", that is, to me, utterly demoralizing. It doesn't feel like a compliment. I try to tell myself it is, that it wasn't meant to be an admonishment, but it is. Those comments aren't replying to what has been written. They aren't praising what has been written; those comments aren't in conversation with the chapter at all. It is not engaging with the published chapter at all, not saying anything about what happened or how they felt about it or what they might have liked. All those comments tell me is how much I've disappointed you.

My multi chapter fic updates are always, always, always 2000-2500 words. It has been this way for over a decade. I do this for two reasons.

The first reason is that this is the amount I can write in an hour after work. When I'm tired, when I've been going all day, I set aside some time between work and cooking dinner to write and that's how much I can do in that time frame. If I only wrote the 2k and didn't post it, just left it to finish the next day, a) I would lose all my momentum and the tone would change and it would require more editing b) the lack of consistent engagement (bc y'all would only get one single chapter a week (if that much!!) this way and almost no one comments after the first 24 hours a chapter is up) would make me feel like no one cared about it, which would disincentivize me to continue and c) I would get so fucking bored and overwhelmed by how long it was taking to move the story forward that I'd never finish. Multiple 2k chapters a week is the method that allows me to make the most consistent progress on the stories.

The second reason is that until about April of this year I was posting 4-6 times a week, and I'm still averaging 3-4, all on weekdays, and this length of chapter is easy for people to consume in a relatively short period of time in their own busy lives. I want people to see the notification email and be able to read the chapter then, not have to wait (and forget about it) or worse just skim it bc it's too long and they don't have enough time.

I update this way for me but I do it for the readers, too. I could try to force myself to write longer chapters, only update once a week, or god forbid go radio silent for six months at a time and only post a story when it's done but why would I want to do that? How lonely that would be for me! And how much less fun would that be for the readers? When the updates come like this there's conversations happening, there's a back and forth between me and the readers that sometimes changes the direction the story goes, there's opportunity for readers to think about it, to imagine different scenarios, to have the ongoing updates be something to look forward to, to really feel emotions and enjoy it, and sometimes I think commenters don't realize what it would cost if I did do what they're asking for. And sometimes I think they don't realize how bad it hurts, to work hard on something and be proud of it and be met with a chorus of "you are not good enough - do more."