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ragnarockz · 2 months ago

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Tip Jar 💰

Have another cowboy!Agnes/Vidal because yeah....yeah 🌵🤠🐎

The little segment of the poem I used at the end is The Bull by Ocean Vuong

Been thinking of Agnes in chaps and bull fighting/riding and then evgar was like, HERE! CHAPS! And you know what? YEAH. YEAH, GOOD!

Also, you know...the bull as a metaphor...yada yada yada...but maybe that's me as a Taurus talking 🐂

Inspo while writing: We Ride at Dusk

Agnes thinks she can fight the bull that stares her down from inside of its pen. I watch in silence as her chin juts out and her hands shove deep into the pocket of her jeans. Her hat is tipped back so she can get a clear view of the animal pacing around and the way his horns cause him to lower his head. I see the connection in her eyes as she watches him and maybe, for a split second, sees herself locked inside that dusty, gated area that will never contain the multitudes she contains inside of herself.

She tried once or twice to sign up for bull-riding but they always saw right past her; even when she tried to put her name down as something masculine and swore up and down she was a man. They simply wouldn't let her ride; wouldn't let a woman into the mans world of bull-fighting and bull-riding. She swore under her breath as we rode home that night from town; the windows rolled down and the hot light burning like stars on the tip of her cigarette between her lips. Her hair was covered in dust and straw and she couldn't for the life of her, stop staring at me in sideways glances.

Maybe the bull wasn't good for her and what it did to her insides; her mind and soul. She was seeing herself too much into these animals and refused to acknowledge it. She tried hard to let the feelings wash over her as she filled our days tirelessly with different tasks, different minuscule problems that could be fixed. Hammer and nails and money. They were tools to fix but nothing came close to the way she needed to fix herself beyond such things and they, were things, Agnes never spoke about.

Sometimes, in the early morning, I would watch as her fingers lingered over the pair of chaps she had and I would speak up softly from behind the blanket and ask her to put them on. Just them; nothing more. Her smile was lazy and sleepy but her eyes were wide away; sparks like embers burned behind them. I didn't ask for much but when I did, when I found my voice to do so, Agnes would obey without hesitation.

I'd sit up from my resting spot and watch her dress herself; focus on the sinewy muscles in her arms and the hardened, defined muscles in her legs. The way the end of her ponytail covered one breast and then the other; depending on which way she'd flick her head to the side. Her eyes never left mine as she held me there and made me wait for her to walk closer to me. I was always obsessed with the chaps she had picked out for herself. They were a warm, russet brown that molded around her and appeared as if they were a second skin to her. The fringes down the side of each leg made her look taller; sturdier. It gave her the appearance of a puffed out chest of an animal showing off its physique. The buckle around her waist was pulled tight and it was what I used to pull her in closer to me; basically standing over me.

My mouth easily connected with her skin; kissing her as she stood before me completely bare. She shivered even though it was humid in our tent; wiggled herself into my mouth as my tongue passed my lips. I traced her, tasted her. Up and down and relished in how she felt against my tongue and how the hair she let grow wild and unkempt tickled the tip of my nose. I breathed in deeply then and closed my eyes and that was Agnes cue to grab my hair and hold me up against her cunt; desperate for more of me. It was my idea after all and I knew, I had to give her what I promised. I never broke my promises; never to her, at least.

My tongue moved upwards and teased to enter inside of her but didn't. I heard her swear somewhere high above me before my tongue reached her clit and she stopped talking altogether. She was holding her breath as she held onto my hair and waited for something to unfold, waited to become undone.

And she did, very easily but that may have come from herself. Agnes would hold back a lot; try to push things away. She would go around pretending like she didn't need things, like she could tamp down on the sand and make it give way. She didn't realize that the sand would move around itself; be picked up by wind and footfall and even sometimes, rain. That was her; holding back until she spilled herself over and usually, those times, were either around my mouth or fingers.

It was my mouth this time and I almost failed to catch it.

My tongue had never moved this quickly; slipping down to push inside of Agnes then. I tasted her quickly as she came; her fingers gripping my hair and pushing me in closer, deeper. I moaned against her hot skin and tried to lap up every single drop that fell from her. Her hips rocked and her muscles rippled and I knew she was close a second time; knew she had more to drag out of herself and offer me up on a silver plate.

Agnes tried again; a few more times after that to join the rugged men that stood around the pen and smoked their hand rolled cigarettes and cigars. She tried to join them and pressure her way in; swore up and down that she could right and that should could fight. Better than anyone, better than them. They told her to go home; told her to stop posing as a man in women's chaps. They told her to go home to her dyke lover and forget about the bull; forget about fighting and riding.

There is no bull for her to ride or fight; no bull fit enough for her. No puzzle piece of her to match with; connect with. The bull paced around in its pen and didn't look at her this time, not with the air that hung between them in uncertainty, in misunderstanding.

She came back home to me that night and hung up her chaps before tending the fire outside and putting on a pot of coffee for us; silent just like the desert at night. She told me about what the men said to her; what they said about us. Told me how they shunned her, turned her away, told her to come running back to me. And she knew then, as she brought the tin cup up to her lips, that she couldn't disagree. There was no room to argue when it came to me and how she felt; how she needed to come back to me each and every time. How, she swore as she looked up into the night sky, she would crawl through the desert just to get back here.

Forget about the bull and the men and the chaps. Forget about it all because she knew, no matter what poured from her, she would have the stars and me.

I didn't

want him. I didn't want him to be beautiful - but needing beauty

to be more than hurt gentle

enough to hold, I

reached for him. I reached - not the bull -

but the depths. Not an answer but

and entrance the shape of

and animal. Like me.

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dianaburnwood · 4 years ago

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HITMAN 3: First Impressions

This post is full of SPOILERS. Also, it is LONG, so.... yeah. Be prepared lol

HITMAN 3. Also known as: Diana’s Game.

Dear GOD I am in love.

I’m going to do my best to make this coherent. But. I am still freaking out. And I have SO much more to explore!!!! This won’t be very in-depth because I played each map exactly once so far. There’s so much left to see, conversations to overhear, opportunities to exploit - but, I DO have some first impressions, oh hell yes.

Menu:

That menu music!!! I was not expecting that at all. It was a mix of choral and classical with previous themes intertwined, and it reminded me of Blood Money. Speaking of Blood Money, this game is Blood Money.

Dubai:

Very, very beautiful. Kinda thought Grey made it all about himself lol of course he wanted to say “in your face” to the partners, but it was like 47 was just there to pull the trigger, like he’d not been hurt by them too. But, I really liked it. Trapping them in a room and watching them freak while Grey watched me kill them?? Helloo??? Popping off HARD from the start and I love it.

So - here’s the thing. I don’t get the timing. Diana tells them then that Edwards escaped. Did he escape just before the boys got to Dubai? Or were they unavailable to reach until then? It seems that the message Grey got at the end of HAVEN was after Olivia hacked the HAVEN servers, and then the boys were out of reach so after Diana discovered Edwards was gone, she couldn’t tell them until Dubai? And it was shown to us in a different order to leave us hanging? I dunno. Maybe? It seems weird.

THE CUTSCENE here omg - once again establishing that 47 and Diana are ride or die. “Diana will make it right, she always does” - BABE. BABE. SWEET BOY. His little face when Grey doesn’t trust Diana. OMGGG.

Dartmoor:

I went the murder mystery route, of course. I figured it was Emma from her conversation with her husband, but I got all the clues after just to be sure. Can’t believe Carlisle just handed 47 the file on Edwards and then went out alone on the balcony like I wasn’t gonna kill her??? Bitch????? do you forget who i am?????? Anyway, the murder mystery was SO much fun, but I can’t wait to infiltrate this manor in other ways. Lots of Beldingford vibes here.

THE CUTSCENE bdsfgafhlsjfah WAHT????? Ok so HOW did Edwards know where they were? And - ok, so it made for an amazing scene, but Grey is a badass. He is a mercenary genius that duped the ICA and brought Providence to its knees. How did he get himself surrounded in the woods by CICADA? But he did, and it was beautiful, and he literally only shot himself to save 47, and the LOOK in 47′s eyes on his balaclava face - I just bfjKSFasad. I can’t believe he died so early tho. I was very sure he’d die somehow, but SO early. WOW.

Berlin:

fucking hell. Berlin. fuck. fucckkkk.

I wanna shout out to Mini (not gonna tag you in case you’re avoiding spoilers) but hot damn girl if you’re reading you were BANG ON about 47 wearing Grey’s coat. I really didn’t think it was his. It was. It is such a beautiful way for 47 to express his emotions about this death without actually saying anything. Omg. It was perfection. I’m crying thinking about it.

BERLIN was where this game really upped its... game. Like WOW. 5 targets, and it’s the ICA. Clearly Edwards went to the ICA board at this stage and was like uhhhh so you need to take these ppl out. HOWEVER I am amazed that the ICA is like “oh, ok”. DO you not remember what happened in SOUTH DAKOTA.

But going after the ICA is a fucking trip and I love it. I love how 47 says each agent’s name to himself. I love how he listens in and the team handler realises it. I love how she pulls the rest of her team out once you get 5. I love that the ICA agents use disguises too!!! This is truly APEX PREDATOR and I love that they named it that. Y’all think you have the balls to go up against 47??? bitch?????

But the fact that you have to find the targets and none of them are marked is so fantastic. I found 6, but I have no idea how many are actually available - but I’m gonna find out!!! The club is HUGE as well, and lots of throwbacks to Contracts, especially with the biker gang. Amazing. Amazing level. I’m so excited to replay it.

Also they really addressed the elephant in the room with the ICA agents describing 47 as a caucasian male, bald, average height and ppl being like uh that’s every man here, and then he said yeah but he’s got this big tattoo lmao

Chongqing

ok this is where I started to think this game was my fanfiction. Inside the ICA? Showing off how truly international it is, and high tech. Hidden in plain sight. Ready to dismantle in 12 hours if needed. SO perfect. This lore builds on Absolution and Blood Money ICA lore in wonderful ways.

Also, I don’t know why the IOI and DK of the logo looked different in the trailer, they must have been just hard to make out. Cos in the game, the ICA logo is the same as all previous games.

Also, analysts do client vetting? Intrigue. Always assumed that was part of the handlers’ job. I take it all back Diana, you have never done anything wrong in your life, ever

I killed Royce by firing the ppl she recommended so she’d get trapped in the data core cleaning. I killed Hush (what a name I love it) as his patient.

Working with Olivia is really fun. I missed Diana, but Olivia brought a whole fresh perspective. I also really like how neither Grey nor Olivia are as good as Diana - they both fucked up while guiding 47 at least once.

47 saying “...I will leave you to prepare” to Olivia, I yelled fdagsfa

Also I love how 47 decided to expose the ICA exactly like Diana did in Absolution. Those two. One of a kind. My heart. And his desire to protect her. I love that the files showed their start together. Olivia saying “I can see why you...” and then she stopped herself. We all KNOW what she was gonna say.

AND AND AND AND

the cutscene - I screamed

“47 has one weakness. Me.”

I swear to fucking GOD, IO has seen into my soul. I’ve said all along that Diana is 47′s weakness, and he is hers. But to hear it said, aloud, by my girl? WHAT???!!!!!

Mendoza

Ok. OK. OKKKKKK. OK. I can’t even write about this one. This was where I was pretty sure I was hallucinating the entire level. This is my Diana and 47 dreams come true. This is insane. This is EVERYTHING.

So we have OUR MOMENT IN THE SUN. She puts her HAND on HIS HAND and he looks in fucking wonderment at it. ahugarhiewEG;FEJGHEFlejlhsgfes;gjrsgt. I can’t. I can barely get through writing about this.

Diana - the dress, the Jolie thigh slit, the jewellery, the hair (they finally fixed her fucking hair), SASS. “I have tango fever” omg.

How do these ppl not have a pic of 47 by now lol

I followed Diana and Vidal around cos I was entranced by my girl. Diana was fucking amazing each time. So much sass. Little did I know I interrupted them enough times for Vidal to say “ok son let’s talk”. I saw the tango and I was like omg imagine if I could dance with Diana.

well.

WELL.

Anyway, got to kill Vidal via her own setup for me, and that was amazing. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I snuck into the house to kill Yates, and overheard him calling Edwards’ voicemail. Also, it is April 2021?? So, yeah. My previous dates were way wrong lol.

And then, ALL MY DREAMS CAME TRUE. Diana and 47 fucking dancing the tango? I was pissed that I was in a security guard outfit, next time I play he will be in his tuxedo baby.

Diana’s comments to 47 when he’s in disguise tho, I was freaking. As security “you look like a true professional. I feel so much safer with you gentlemen around” aaahhhh

UH HE FELL TO THE GROUND COS OF POISON fngjfagfljgnsdfa

I am so glad I was right about my baby girl tho. She even told him “you didn’t have a choice” about her parents. Good. I’m so glad I was right about that. But omg it broke my heart to have 47 so, SO, SOOO sure of Diana all along, defending her to Grey and Olivia, knowing, KNOWING that she was on his side, and then, he eventually started to doubt it.

I was screaming at my screen - this is BLOOD MONEY! SHe is doing what she did in BLOOD MONEY!!!!

But, for a second, 47 wasn’t sure anymore. And Diana played her part well.

Carpathian Mountains

Ok, what I love most about Contracts was how it gave us an insight into 47′s psyche, and this game upped that tenfold. Him seeing all his targets surround him? Him imagining Diana and the Constant dancing together? Him imagining her say terrible things about him, things he’s thought about himself deep down, always, omg, but he finally snapped out of it. Ironic that thinking about Grey snapped him out of it, when in life Grey had not trusted Diana. But 47 came to the realisation on his own. Diana would never betray him.

opening that door and finding out you’re on a fucking train?????? I screamed.

I am a bit disappointed that it turned out Romania wasn’t significant, they just happened to be passing through. But omg the fact that you are “subject 47″ again. I freaked. This is 47′s worst nightmare.

I love that you have a free pass to kill everyone in this level. I did it in stealth anyway, cos it felt wonderfully tense to sneak through that train. But wow. This is another BIG risk that IO took. The train was straight out of Uncharted, and crafting a silencer for your pistol??? Hello The Last of Us????? But I don’t care. They used those elements super well.

I think some people will be angry at this game because parts of it (especially the last level) were a departure from how HITMAN and HITMAN 2 worked. But I love it. I love that they took risks to tell the story they wanted to tell, and those risks paid off.

47′s undying loyalty to Diana, omg. Telling Edwards bye bitch, I’ll never forget who I am again, and Diana thinks you suck. <3<3<3<3<3

ENDING

OH MY GOD. ONE YEAR LATER????? 47 obviously took some time off cos he fucking needed a break. But he’s back, baby. Ending on “it’s good to be back” was wonderful. The game ended where the 2015 trailer for HITMAN started, and I’m crying. He’s ready to continue with Diana, and not because it’s what he was made to do, not because he doesn’t know what else to do, but finally, because he CHOOSES to do that.

But one year later? What does that mean? Has Diana rebuilt the ICA like in Blood Money, or will she and 47 work together without anyone else? They’ll need the infrastructure that an organisation like the ICA has though. Diana said she would dismantle Providence from the top down once Edwards was gone, but how? Does that mean dismantling what’s left of the ICA? They were one and the same by the end of the game. All that didn’t just disappear. I’m left with so many questions.

I was disappointed Diana wasn’t in the cabin when 47 got there. And I wonder why she wasn’t. She knew he was coming, but they are clearly still on good terms. Maybe she wasn’t sure what to expect. But does that mean they hadn’t spoken in a year since??? But she didn’t sound surprised to hear him, and he had coordinates that he was following, so I think they arranged to meet. But her phone was in there when he arrived, and she wasn’t. Maybe he was tracking her phone? Did she come back there to him after?????

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT

the game

ended

with 47

smiling

And for that I will be forever grateful.

Ok bye, I need to play it again. RIP work tomorrow lol

#hitman 3 first impressions #hitman3spoilers

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toseeornotosee · 7 years ago

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First Post! “Beautiful Boy”

Sooo first off, let me say that this has been a long time coming. I’ve always been interested in movies and film ever since I can remember. The films, cinema, the movie stars and the roles they play can transport you into a whole different realm, dimension, an array of emotions, fun adventures, and overall a new experience to which you may have never encountered had you not seen the film. At least, this has been the experience for me!

Having said that, there’s also many films in which I have watched and have left feeling completely unmotivated, very uninspired and asking the question, “why?” or “how?” or even just, “REALLY?!”. “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets”, “Now You See Me 2″, and “Downsizing” fit that category, just to name a few. In fact, even though I had free passes to see “Downsizing”, I almost left halfway through the film, that’s how bad it was; please do not see. (I even told friends that I would pay them not to see this film, ha). So this leaves us here. I will do my amateur film critic best, and try to act as a guide to let you know which films to see or not to see, hence the title, get it!?! (shout out! you know who you are). I’ve divided this into three parts: Plot, Performances, and Poignant moments, I think that should sum up a movie well enough. :) And first on the list we have “Beautiful Boy”; which actually inspired me to write this blog because it’s so great! Here we go...

Plot!

“Beautiful Boy” is a raw, emotionally elevating, and relevant look at a father/son relationship in the midst of horrendous drug abuse. The film is actually based on the best-selling pair of memoirs from father and son David and Nic Sheff; to which I have not read them, yet. Incorporated through the film, flashbacks show the depth of love between David Sheff (Steve Carrel) and his son, Nic (Timothee Chalamet) (sidenote: how does one get the little asterisk on the ‘e’ in tumblr? hmm). Various moments from being dropped off at the airport as a little boy about to board an airplane to more simpler scenes in which dad and son are talking in Nic’s bedroom show the dynamic relationship they have for each other. In one flashback scene where Nic is dropped off at college, David learns that his son is addicted to and has tried many drugs including heroine and LSD. Numerous counseling sessions, rehab check ins and checkouts, as well as various relapses occur, taking a toll on every character involved. From David’s new wife, (Maura Tierney) saying Nic can no longer come home, to the little kids that are home constantly asking where their big brother is, to David himself reaching his wits end, your heart is pulled in so many different directions depending on which character you empathize at that moment. It ultimately culminates in a desperate call from son to father asking for ‘one more chance’ and ‘this time will be different’. David simply responds with ‘no’. Too many lies, broken promises, and overall distrust has soured the beautiful relationship these two once had. However, there’s a redemptive ending; don’t worry! You’ll just have to see it to know what happens, I won’t give it away. :)

Performances!

Timothee Chalamet’s performance, much like in “Call Me By Your Name”, is breathtaking. The tension, angst, fear, anxiety, are all wrapped in a emotional blanket that you can’t help but wear; it’s that palpable. I caught myself thinking, ‘how does he do this???”. You can’t help but empathize and feel for this child, who, despite what he says, absolutely needs help. It’s a whole other level, and definitely Oscar worthy.

As for Steve Carrell, I thought he did a pretty good job in this serious role as a very loving, devoted, nurturing, and undeniably frustrated father. In the more frustrating scenes where he raises his voice, it immediately reminded me of an angry Michael Scott, haha. If you were to close your eyes while he was yelling, you would be transported back to Dunder Mifflin where Michael is yelling at Dwight for some reason. I wish he would’ve played more with his voice projection/inflection a la Daniel Day Lewis in “Lincoln” or “There Will Be Blood” or even Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada” (maybe a stretch, but it’s still applicable!).

Speaking of, ‘Office’ fans will love that Holly and Michael are back together in this film! (sorta) Amy Ryan, who played Holly in ‘The Office’, plays a small but pivotal role as the mother of Nic and ex-wife of David. It’s quite funny to see them “together” again, but in such dramatic roles; makes me wonder about the casting choice for the film. People will immediately think of Holly and Michael from ‘The Office’. Only once do they share a scene on screen, but I can’t help but wonder how fun the set must’ve been that day. :)

And lastly, the pivotal performance of the film is undoubtedly TIMOTHEE CHALAMET’S HAIR. I already knew from “Call Me By Your Name” how magnificent it was, but in this film, it truly is NEXT LEVEL. So much so that after seeing the film, one of the first comment’s my friend and I said to each other went something like, “HIS HAIR THO”. It’s like a Finesse, Vidal Sassoon, and Pantene commercial came together and made a voluminous, curly, and luxurious child that’d be the envy of anyone alive. Definitely jealous.

(this gif doesn’t do it justice, but just a small preview)

Poignant moment(s)!:

I’ve found two moments that I loved or stood out to me the most. Fans of the amazing film, “Mr Holland’s Opus” will love the wave of nostalgia that hits them when there’s a “beautiful beautiful beautiful, beautiful boooyyyy” moment between father and son. Be on the lookout for it!

There’s another moment when David and his wife show up to a meeting of some sort, I believe either AA or something along the lines of that, but more focused on drugs. A woman talks about a friend that she has just “lost”. However, she goes on to explain how she’s been in mourning for some time, and it’s not a new feeling by any means. She’s been in mourning for years as she’s seen her friend slowly slip away, does not recognize her, and is literally dying in front of her eyes. The person she once knew became a clam shell, a ghost of her former self. Her friends constant drug abuse had prepared her for her death. This scene was very touching and extremely moving; and to have that perspective made so much sense because the film truly shows the effects of constant drug abuse.

Overall!

To See! Definite See! Must See!

#movie #moviereview #beautifulboy #timotheechalamet #stevecarrell #movieblog

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sapphicscholar · 8 years ago

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Guru! What's a tea dance? And I feel like I'm lacking gay history, and I know you're a good source of books. Now that I actually have the time to read them what do you suggest. My only queer history knowledge is Psychological History since that's my degree, which is all full of shit so! I need better books and history! Please and thank you!

So I’ll be honest about the tea dances part of the question, I know them primarily from my studies of Victorian literature and culture (I know, I know, I am the epitome of hip and cool and really shouldn’t rub it in so much), but tea dances are making a resurgence in gay (or at least gay-friendly) culture, so I’ll hit ya with what I know and give you a link on a more modern historical perspective. Basically they’re afternoon parties that were all the rage in Victorian England–seriously, it’s one of those things that got entire conduct books devoted to it just to ensure that you served the right kinds of food and didn’t embarrass yourself–and the tradition made its way over to America by the early 20th century. Anyhow, they were to be held in the afternoon (about 4-7 normally) and were less formal than traditional dinner parties, featuring buffet-style dining options and live music for dancing, which became the central focus of the later twentieth-century gay tea dances. Here’s an article on the history of the queer scene’s reclamation of tea dances. There are points in it that I suspect could be nuanced, but it’s still a pretty decent overview. In much more recent history, there’s been an increased interest in these dances once more–both as a name for a kind of Sunday afternoon/evening pre-party on the gay circuit scene of the 90s and early 00s and as a return to their more traditional roots as the main event but for an audience of primarily LGBTQ folks.

As far as books, ooh so many! But here are a few:

Randy Shilts, And the Band Played On (1987) – more a work of investigative journalism than anything, the work is a stunning indictment of the indifference of the US government during some of the worst years of the AIDS crisis, but it also provides a good bit of gay history. Shilts has a few other books, including a biography of Harvey Milk, and they’re pretty accessible reads.

Lillian Faderman does a ton of work in lesbian history, but her most notable/comprehensive works of history are Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present (1981), Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America (1991), and the co-authored Gay L. A.: A History of Sexual Outlaws, Power Politics, And Lipstick Lesbians (2006)

Leila J. Rupp is another fairly prolific author, though her topics vary more. A Desired Past: A Short History of Same-Sex Love in America (1999) is a short but pretty decent primer, and then there’s Sapphistries: A Global History of Love Between Women (2009), which is longer, but I find to be a better written work.

Hidden From History: Reclaiming the Gay & Lesbian Past (1989) by Martin Bauml Duberman, Martha Vicinus, and George Chauncey is a bit outdated when it comes to more current research, but with several different contributors, it’s got quite a bit of variety in topic. Plus Vicinius, who’s also written the very well done Intimate Friends: Women Who Loved Women, 1778-1928 (2006), and Chauncey, who wrote Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940 (1994), are both excellent, if very different, scholars of queer history.

Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community (1993) by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy and Madeline D. Davis is one of the very few books that actually looks at working-class lesbian history (most of the others have a rather wealthy, white focus). Miriam Frank’s Out in the Union: A Labor History of Queer America (2014) also does some of that work, but she’s looking from the 1960s to the present and, I think you’ll be able to see quite quickly, the project is substantively different.

Queer Brown Voices: Personal Narratives of Latina/o LGBT Activism (2015), edited by Uriel Quesada, Letitia Gomez, and Salvador Vidal Ortiz, and Restoried Selves: Autobiographies of Queer Asian / Pacific American Activists (2004), edited by Kevin K. Kumashiro, take as their time period of study a much more recent history of activism, but they both focus on those non-white activists who are regularly overlooked in documentaries of Stonewall and the like.

Marjorie Garber, Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (2000) isn’t strictly history, but as a few people have put it, a comprehensive study of bisexuality was long overdue. Garber is also just fun to read in general.

Leslie Feinberg, though better known for Stone Butch Blues, and Susan Stryker both write trans history which is all too often a still underdeveloped field of study.

Karla Jay’s Tales of the Lavender Menace: A Memoir of Liberation (1999) is a memoir, but in the sheer amount of detail, it could just as well be listed under history. Jay tells the story of her involvement in the gay rights and feminist movements and the ways they clashed and failed each other (and succeeded as well!). There are a few nsfw moments, as there are in most queer memoirs, but it’s nothing particularly shocking.

Michael Bronski, A Queer History of the United States (2011) is an accessible, broad overview. There are certain sub-topics that don’t get much focus, as happens when one writes a relatively short piece on a broad topic, but it’s a good read.

John D'Emilio, Sexual Politics, Sexual Communities: The Making of a Homosexual Minority in the United States, 1940-1970 (1983) and, with Estelle Freedman, Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America (1988) - the latter doesn’t focus exclusively on same-sex intimacy, but rather looks at how we’ve conceived of sexuality in general in a U.S. context.

And while we’re at it with thinking about all sexuality as something relatively modern (thanks, Foucault!), I’ll throw out Jonathan Ned Katz’s The Invention of Heterosexuality (1995) as another good one to read.

Anyhow, I could keep going since this is literally what I do much of my research in and hope to go back to teaching one day relatively soon, but I suspect this list is already much too long. Hopefully you’ll find something on here to be an enjoyable read!

#ask me #ltoliviabenson #book recommendations #lgbtq history #queer history

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ramrodd · 5 years ago

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Republicans like me built this moment. Then we looked the other way.

Republicans have long been anti-intellectual, anti-science and anti-education. Now the bill comes due.

COMMENTARY:

Here's the thing, Stuart: Wiliam F. Buckley, Jr., is the source of the problem. He made Fascism charming and white supremacy ideologically attractive. Everything you say about movement conservatives is both true and understated, and, since 1981, it has been Joe McCarthy Conservatives like you and Roger Stone and Newt Gingrich and Steve Bannon who have been committed to creating exactly the state of incapacity on display with America's Hovid-19 response.

Gore Vidal got it exactly correct: William F. Buckley, Jr., was a crypto-Nazi with serious homoerotic sensibilities which were probably nurtured as opposed to incubated by Yale's Skull-and-Bones. His mode of debate originates from the ad hominem perspective of his effete elitism and is the prototype for all the clever crypto-Nazi fast talking career activists, such as Rush Limbaugh, Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro and white supremacists like George Gilder and Antonin Scalia, who aren't so interested in ferreting out the "Truth" as in demonstrating how clever they are and why you shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

That's why Donald John Trump* is so popular with his MAGA hat white bigots: there are few things more fun than going to a football stadius and chanting "nigger, nigger, nigger" for four hours.

In 1971, there were two agendas in the GOP: Nixon's critical path that was on course with Affirmative Action for the transformation of the Military Industrial Complex to the Aerospace-Entrepreneurial Matrix necessary to create the infrastructure necessary to support a moon colony over a 100 year capital trajectory, beginning with a NASA-Soyuz lab by 2001, like the movie; and

A deviant path defined by Public Choice economics that has been implemented by Joe McCarthy Conservative activists like you committed to blowing up Affirmattive Action.

As I write this, Norah O'Donnell just reported that America has the most reported Hovid-19 cases in the world. Everytime you encounter a statistic like this in regards to the incapacity of the federal government to respond to any similar challenge, pause for a moment and consider the figure of William F. Buckley, posed in the conceit of the Romantic Hero (like John Galt), standing on the wave of the future shouting "STOP!"

Here's the thing: Nixon-Moynihan's Affirmative Action was a precursor to the Green New Deal and Paul Krugman's dynamical modeling in "Selling Prosperty" reflects the process theology of the Nixon-Moynihan legislative package that was designed to catch the global synergies wave from the public investment in Apollo 11. If either Carter or GHW Bush had been re-elected, the chances are we would have put humans on Mars by now. Silicon Valley is just one legacy of the Apollo 11 global synergies wave.

The opportunity costs of all things William F. Buckley are the 19 years delay on establishing a permanent moon colony in 2001.

Speaking as an Eisenhower Romney Republican, if I was to identify a domestic conspiracy committed to Vladimir Putin's alleged agenda to destablize America, I'd start with William F. Buckley's farm system for recruiting, training and nurture crypto-Nazi career activists, the Young American's for Freedom.

Back in the day, when I was an ROTC cadet and Firing Line came on after the libraries closed, I used to watch Buckley perform his patented Fascist sophistry. I didn't hear the Buckley-Gore cat fights during the Chicago Police Riots nor Gore's perfect "crypto-Nazi" characterization until the 80's or 90s, but, back in the day, that would have fit my own evaluation, perfectly.

The core technology of Nixon-Moynihan "Affirmative Action" is Democratic Socialism, which, of course, is the core technology of the US Constitution.

The core technology of Public Choice is John Locke's Tory Capitalism which originated with the Magna Carta: life, liberty and property.

Thomas Jefferson posited the moral basis of Democratic Socialism as "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" that is the economic engine of American-British constitutional capitalism.

Mitt Romney is the only competent business executive in the Republican Congressional Caucus. Moscow Mitch, like Donald John Trump*, is a useful idiot for Putin's agenda and the same sort of Libertarian hypocrite as Rand Paul.

Speaking as an Eisenhower-Romney Republican, Mitt Romney is the last of the adult leadership from the Nixon-Moynihan "Affirmative Action" agenda who saved the 2002 Winter Olympics and created the template for Obamacare. As the only Congressional Repbulican to vote to convict, he is the only reliable patriot opposed to Putin's disinformation and destablization agenda. Repent of your Joe McCarthy Conservative brain washing and rally behind him.

0 notes

apexart-journal · 6 years ago

Text

Lucia Vidales - NYC - Days 11, 12, 13

I can't believe its Friday again

it feels my english is improving in every day conversations. May be it is just my confidence.

I get less lost in the subway. I´ve phisically internalized some sense of how time is lived here.

Today I went to Queens for the first time. Its easy to talk from what is nearer to me right now, so I won't write in chronologic order. It felt less white than Manhattan (no ofence), similar to Mexico City in a way, I liked the glimpse I got from it. I heard great music (Mardi Grass Jazz) there was an amazing Tap dancer in the band. I rolled the rhythms with my body, closed my eyes and got so many ideas for paintings.

I have mixed feelings about I won't be painting for a whole month, and that this is a kind of self-imposed condition.

Before Queens I had a great meeting, so unexpected in a way and it let me a big impression. I met Tom K. who was very generous and shared with me some aspects of his life that are unique as in every person´s life, and in other ways so different from all people I had met so far. He was amazing and kind and also gave me a new perspective of things. I feel so privileged to have meet him as a apex-art fellow. After the meeting I thought I should have asked him what did he felt the last time he looked at the city from the top of the Empire State building.

Wednesday was a great day too, I was looking forward to meet with Nancy for psychotherapy session. Both times I´ve gone with her have been so relieving and the conversation has given me so much to think through the week. I have the feeling I talk so much and yet time is not enough. I thanks her for helping me have in mind how the time we keep living though it is a gift we give to ourselves; And in a more concrete way, this fellowship is such a present for us as well.

As great complement to inner reflection was a cool movie I saw later called Pariah. It was so moving and empowering. It was about a queer black girl who goes out of the closet which has a relationship with Nina Simone as an inspiration.

I enjoyed whitchcraft, dance, astrology class. I learned about the sky and how it affects us, which made sooo much sense with my feelings. Hipster but worthy. I got a very nice massage form the teacher and felt lighter after it.

Then I went to the State Criminal Court which was an interesting experience but I hated it. I spent so much time there :-( the place has a very heavy environment and I was specially sensitive after the class. There were two cases, I attended a fraud which in the end did not involved much of a judgement, as the women accused declared herself guilty. Therefore I went to see the second case, I´m glad it did´t opened in the end, it was a murder case. Seeing that many police and very tense people, even a man carried by some policeman with hand cuffs was a very unpleasant experience, even scary. I also though about how hearing can turn morbid so easily. Even movies can be morbid, but this was no movie.

-------------------------------------

I loved Braille class!! I learned the alphabet and wondered why I never took a course like that before. Got some ideas and so much inspiration about how blind people attending the class go though life, their sense of space, presence and how even our language is so sight centered. It was snowing and for me was not easy to go around, and even it is an obvious fact it might be very hard to get through the city without seeing.

Yesterday night I met Ryan and some of his friends, artists and a movie maker. It was interesting as we saw a couple of art shows about black working class in New York and heard a lecture by an historian about the same topic. It was great, I just felt some historians feel their approach as the most legitimate to the past. :-S Then we had dinner and it was fun.

By the way:

Chinese typewriters are amazing

I was not aware of how racist are so many ways of depicting Chinese language in popular culture.

Now I know how to make a dumpling (size of three) with the shape of a rose ;-)

notes:

- no-thing is all-ways

-Anything can take you other places and times, otherwise art could be made of only certain things and its time would be predictable.

#Lucia Vidales #Inbound from Mexico City

0 notes

ramrodd · 5 years ago

Link

COMMENTARY:

Here's the thing, Stuart: Wiliam F. Buckley, Jr., is the source of the problem. He made Fascism charming and white supremacy ideologically attractive.. Everything you say about movement conservatives is both true and understated, and, since 1981, it has been Joe McCarthy Conservatives like you and Roger Stone and Newt Gingrich and Steve Bannon who have been committed to creating exactly the state of incapacity on display with America's Hovid-19 response.

That's why Donald John Trump* is so popular with his MAGA hat white bigots: there are few things more fun than going to a football stadius and chanting "nigger, nigger, nigger" for four hours.

A deviant path defined by Public Choice economics that has been implemented by Joe McCarthy Conservative activists like you committed to blowing up Affirmattive Action.

The opportunity costs of all things William F. Buckley are the 19 years delay on establishing a permanent moon colony in 2001.

The core technology of Nixon-Moynihan "Affirmative Action" is Democratic Socialism, which, of course, is the core technology of the US Constitution.

The core technology of Public Choice is John Locke's Tory Capitalism which originated with the Magna Carta: life, liberty and property.

Thomas Jefferson posited the moral basis of Democratic Socialism as "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" that is the economic engine of American-British constitutional capitalism.

0 notes