#SHE'S SO WITTY she even does it without any profanity

[unhonestlymirror]

You can endlessly look at three things: how fire burns, how water flows, and how my younger sister beats the しt out of kremlinbots

[bebepac]

With You

This is chapter 29 of the The Life of Riley.  To catch up with what you’ve been missing  please click:  The Life Of Riley Masterlist

This is @wackydrabbles​​ prompt # 83:  That makes my  {body part } tingle. which will appear in bold. 

Jaiden Brooks and Sal are my own characters.  All others belong to Pixelberry. 

The Book:  TRR (Liam’s last night in New York)

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Word count: 1992

Warnings: Sexual Innuendo, profanity. 

Summary:  Riley takes Liam to the Statue of Liberty 

Song Inspiration for this episode: I Like Me Better  by Lauv

I don’t own rights to the music. 

Riley giggled.   He pulled away from her with a sheepish smile.  “What?  What did I do?”

“I’m ticklish there. You were tickling me, the way you were gently touching me there.”  

He wrapped his arms around her hips pulling her closer to him again.  “Not on purpose.”

Liam smiled again. Gently touching her. "Like this?"

"That makes my whole body tingle."

He kissed her cheek, his lips drifting to her neck. He nibbled on her neck. Riley pulled away.

“Do you really have to leave tomorrow? Or is this just a game you and your buddies play and you really live on the upper east side?  It’s clear you’re some rich guy.  And you’re just down here for the night, slummin’ it?”

“Riley don’t do this….”  Jaiden said.  “Don’t push him away because now you are starting to realize what this could mean.”

“I don’t understand?”

“And I’m just another notch you’re trying to get on your belt tonight.”

“I wouldn’t treat you that way Riley.  I don’t know much about you, but I know you are more special than that.”  

His voice softened.

“And if I did have the privilege to be with you for the night, I would treat your body like a sacred temple.”

“So you’re going to take your shoes off and not touch anything?”  

“Annnndddd… Riley just killed the mood with her horrible jokes.”  Jaiden shook his head.

Liam burst out laughing shaking his head at her.  

“Maybe she didn’t… Maybe just maybe he likes that about her.”  He watched the pair.  They were now closer than ever.

“I mean…. It’s where my mind went. Be honest. You’re really from far away aren’t you?”

“That’s it Riley… believe in him…”

“I crossed an ocean to get here. To meet you.”

Riley’s breath hitched.  

There was a beep.

“That must be Sal!”  

The small boat pulled up next to them.  

“Your chariot awaits My fair Riley… plus one.”  

“Why thank you kind Sir Sal!!!”  Riley did a curtsy that surprised Liam.  It was definitely court approved. If he could get her to Cordonia, her transition might go easier than planned.  

Liam hopped down onto the boat first.

He held out his arms to Riley.  

“Jump, I’ll catch you.”  

Jaiden thought he would do just one more thing.   He’d seen that boy Tucker do it to another boy on the playground when Riley was little, that caused him to completely topple over. Just as Riley jumped, Jaiden kicked the back of Liam’s left leg causing his knee to buckle.   He caught Riley but fell on his back, Riley falling on him.

Sal laughed.  “Damn kid.  You’re clumsy. You’re supposed to catch her.  But I guess it worked out for you.”

“We have to stop meeting like this Liam.”  She whispered as she looked down at him from her straddling position.  He gripped her hips.

“I don’t know… I think it’s not so bad.  Getting kind of used to breaking your falls. I think you’re the clumsy one, Riley Brooks.”  

“He’s not wrong Riley. You are clumsy.”  Jaiden smiled.  

She stood helping him up.  

He zipped her jacket.  “I want you to stay warm.”

“So what brought you here to New York?”

“A bachelor party.”  

“Who’s? Don’t tell me that guy Tariq is actually getting married?”

“No actually, for me.”  

“Whoa, so you’ve been playing me this whole time?”  Riley backed away from him.  “I trusted you.”  

“I am getting married… I just don’t know who yet.”  

“How does that happen?”  

“It happens when you’re the crown prince of a country.”

“You’re a crown prince.”  

“Why are you not surprised?”

“I told you, you seemed different from them.”  

“I am different from them.”    

"Of Cordonia?"

"Yes, how did you know that?"

"Your credit card. I have never seen a gold credit card like that before. I always remember the unique ones."

"Good memory."

Liam glanced up. "There she is."

He rushed to the front of the boat.

Liam was in awe.

"She's beautiful."

"Why was the Statue of Liberty on your list of things to see?"

"Because she is a beacon of light for Freedom."

"You said you're a Prince, you can't get freer than that. You can do a royal decree and get whatever you want."

"And I am. Crown Prince, that means…"

"You are taking over the family business….

 I see what you did there now. Witty. Meaning… you'll be King someday."

"Despite popular belief, royalty is the last thing but free. We are the exact opposite.  We are bound by duty.  Every choice I make people are watching. Every move I make must be calculated and thought about carefully.  Not only for myself but my family, my country, and my people.  Riley, when you get married someday, what’s the reason you think you will choose to do so?”  

“For love. Why else?”  

“In my life Riley,  It’s not that simple.  People marry for alliances, for duty, love is very rarely on the list. You learn to love who you’re with. That’s my reality.”

“Then why did you come here?”  

“For more.”  

 She chuckled.  “You know that’s kind of like a movie right?”

Liam looked confused.  

“Coming to America?”

No recognition registered on Liam’s face.  Riley gasped.

“What are you doing after this?”

“Going back to the hotel, going to sleep, why? What do you have planned for me?”

“Come to my place.  And don’t get any ideas, I’m not gonna ride your royal scepter tonight.”

Liam coughed, and laughed at the same time. “Excuse me, my what?”

She glanced at his crotch and back up into his face.  “Don’t play dumb Liam.”

“What I’m hearing you say, is not tonight but sometime soon?”  He inquired, winking at her.

She laughed.   “Do you want to come to my place to watch a movie with me?”

“I’d love to.”

The boat pulled to a stop, idling in the water.  

“This is as close as I can get you two without all of us going to jail tonight. I’ll give you two some privacy.  She’s like a granddaughter to me Liam.”

“Yes sir! I will be on my best behavior."    

Liam slipped his arms around Riley from behind pulling her close to him.  Immediately she felt warmer.  

“I know what you said, about how your life is supposed to go.”  She turned in his arms so she was facing him.

“I’ve never felt this free in my life before Riley, as I have tonight spending this evening with you. I feel like I could be a different person. Thank you.”  

“I really believe you can be different Liam, if you are willing to fight for it.”

“Why do you believe in me like that?”    

“There’s a sparkle in your eyes.  I saw it when I ran into you on the street.”

“Ahhhh so she admits it now, it WAS your fault.”  

“No that is not at all what I said Your … Lord… Ship… Wreck…. Rrrrrrr mateys.. Batten down the hatches.  Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum…. Scallywag… Walk the plank.”

“Okay now you’re just saying random pirate phrases.”

Jaiden smiled.  “He’s already head over heels for her.  You deserve this little sister.  All the hurt was for this, for him.”

Liam had never laughed so much  as he did with Riley.

“So what’s the right term then?”

“To call me?  Or are we going out to the seven seas to pillage and plunder? Avast Ye Hearties!!!!!”

Riley laughed, hitting his chest.

“If you wanted to address me with my proper title, it’s Your Highness.”

“So official.”  

“But that’s not how I want you to see me Riley.”

“You’re ‘Just Liam.’ I get it.  You came here wanting what I take for granted everyday.”

He nodded, resting his forehead on hers.  

“We have to get back.”  

“Thanks Sal for bringing us out here.”  

“You’re very welcome.  I like this one Riley.  I never liked Von much.  Felt like you were settling with him.  You deserve the world.”

When they got back to the dock, Liam helped Riley off the boat.

They walked at a leisurely pace holding hands.  It was a peaceful silence between them.   “We have to cross here.”

Jaiden whispered in Liam’s ear.  “It’s safe to cross.”  

Riley had looked away for a moment to press the button on the crosswalk so the light would change.

Liam was starting to cross the street.

“Liam!!!” she screamed.  Grabbing his arm pulling him back.

“What the hell!?!?!?!”  She screamed at him again.  

“I thought it was safe to cross?”  

“NOOOOOO!!!  Look, we can’t cross until the light changes.”

“I don’t know what happened.”  

“You scared me!!!! Are you alright?”  

“I’m fine.”  

“Just my luck I got a Crown Prince killed on his last night in the United States.  Talk about an international incident.  So what exactly is the jail sentence for that?”  

Liam laughed.  “Probably death.”  

“Greaaaaattt.”  

They were silent for a few moments waiting for the light to change.  

“I love that song.”

Can’t help falling in love, was playing on the radio of the person stopped at the light.  

“May I have this dance?”  Liam asked.  

Liam and Riley slow-danced in the middle of the sidewalk.  

“Last thing sis.”  

Jaiden whispered to the cab driver to turn up the music.  

People watched the pair as they danced.  Both completely enamored with the other.  

“I think you can handle it from here.”  Jaiden faded away.

When traffic started to move again, it broke the trance the song had over them.  

They waited for the light and crossed the street.  

He followed Riley into a small apartment building.  

She stood at the door.   “I have a roommate, so we need to be quiet coming in.” 

 Liam nodded, sticking close to her. She tried being quiet when she opened the door as it was well after 1am when they arrived.

“Well it’s about time your ass decided to show up,” Daniel said when she walked through the door.

“DANIEL!” She glanced at Liam standing right behind her.

“Oh shit, I was only kidding!!!!!!!” Daniel remarked when he realized she wasn’t alone, choking on his beer.  “Riley is not an ass,  it’s how we joke with each other when we're late coming home.”

“Liam this is Daniel, my roommate, and brother from another mother .”  

“Nice to meet you,” Liam chuckled. The look on Riley's face was priceless. She has the best absolutely mortified expressions.

“Daniel, this is  Liam, Bachelor number four.”

“Stop playing, the bachelor party table, this was the one that was late?”

“Liam, what you don't know is, I covered your table tonight because Daniel had somewhere to be."

"And how was it?" She directed her attention back to Daniel.

“Still going baby, just taking a breather.”

“Well if you will excuse us.”  She took Liam’s hand pulling him through the apartment.  

“Sorry it’s not much, but it’s ours.”

"No it's ok. You have a nice place."  It was small and clean, and they were very effective in using the space they had.  He was impressed.

She turned on the TV in her room.   “I’m gonna get comfortable.”  She took a few moments to change and shave her legs.

She put on a tank top and a pair of boy shorts. Liam stared at her body in awe.  Everything was covered, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

“You look like you’re in pajamas.  Am I staying the rest of the night?”

“You should, it’s late, and honestly this is not the best neighborhood.”

“Well I usually just sleep in boxers at home.  But I can keep this on.”

“Please make yourself comfortable.”    

She bit her lip, as he undressed in front of her. He could feel her eyes on him watching.  Then he climbed into bed with her.  They curled up on the bed together and turned on the movie.  He wrapped his arm around her.  She snuggled closer to him.

She was ready for whatever the rest of that night would bring.

Tagging:  @dcbbw​​     @bbrandy2002​​      @indiacater​​     @hopefulmoonobject​​     @queenjilian​​ @sillypapermango​​ @mom2000aggie​​       @gkittylove99​​     @gabesmommie1130​​       @zoehanji​​       @queenwalton​​      @kingliam2019​​        @jessiembruno​​      @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​​   @hopelessromanticmonie​​      @kimmiedoo5​​      @furiousherringoperatortoad​​      @jared2612​​      @sevenfuckslefttogive​​      @batgirlassociationofgothamcity​​       @marietrinmimi​​       @lovablegranny​​      @iaminlovewithtrr​​      @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful​​      @sanchita012​​      @yourmajesty09​​      @cordoniaqueensworld​​     @theroyalheirshadowhunter​​ @gibbles82​​      @amandablink​​      @secretaryunpaid​​     @axwalker​​      @burnsoslow​​      @sweatyrysconnoisseur​​      @royalromancer​​    @neotericthemis​​      @nala-raines​​     @kingliamandriley​​      @sfb123​​      @twinkleallnight​​      @kat-tia801​​

[cloudsrust]

Do u have any personal head cannons for the OFF folks??? I am 👂👁👂

*cracks knuckles* Let’s see how many of them I remember- it’s been years after all sygdhf. Headcanons under the cut since it’s quite long.

Elsens: (think I already talked about these ones but Imma repeat them here for order. Also yes starting with the Elsens because I love them to bits sobs;;)

-Since they are so many, they start off with numbers as their names. To have one of their own they gotta either earn it or they just use nicknames among each others. -They cannot normally travel through zones on their own will. They can only do so through a demontion/promotion or because of the will of their Guardian.

-Being bitten or wounded by a spectre isn’t always mortal for them, the stress of the attack can be however. Not because they become burnt (gonna get to it to the next point), but because they either: A) get eaten/killed off by the spectre due to them being vulnerable in that state, so they aren’t able to fight back. B) They’re disposed off by their guardian as damage and stress control. (Would’nt want other elsens to see them on a rampage and become burnt too afterall.)

- I believe they can still live after turning burnt- they won’t have a head anymore but they can be calmed down to go back to their “normal” lives. Having no head means no eyes- so from that point on they’ll have to live with being blind. In Zone 1 being blind, or just remotely impaired for that matter, is a death sentence- unless Zone 3 is searching for blind workers specifically- after all they got a certain job in which not seeing can be preferable..

- This is an headcanon I got by seeing the artwork of the artist @/katatumuripai (Their Elsen art is both cute and creepy- but extremely cool looking! I really suggest you check ‘em out!). Spectres/other enemies only attack if they sense deep fear or if they are threatened (approaching them can easily be seen as threat too)- but if they’re left in peace and not forced into contact they’re safe to be around. They can even warm up to a certain Elsen and become like pets for them. Batter:

-*Deep breath* ...nonbinary Batter. Agender/Gendervoid to be more precise. They got a mission to fulfill, they got no time for stuff like gender. (Also idk why but I feel it fits their whole thing of purity.. really no idea why it does tho;;;)

-Their eyes are always closed, as if in some kind of trance- especially when the Puppeteer is in control of them. When left “stringless” they can open their eyes, but why should they? (enter a whole speech of them wanting to keep themselves pure even in mind/not wanting to see the world in such state for personal taste.) I like the idea of you only seeing their eyes once you’re not in control of them anymore- in the Judge ending. (Also explains why you literally need to throw eyes at your opponent to know their weak points/stats lmao.)

Zacharie:

-If you ask him what’s their gender they’re gonna answer either “Merchant” or ignore the question. He vibes with any pronouns.

-Under their mask? Void. Just a pair of frog like eyes starring back at you.

-Has a collection of unusual/rare items (the ones you can collect and give to them for either the Aries card or the Ashley bat (Can’t believe I still remember that after 5 years lmao)) that he would never sell (shocking I know.)

-He might look a bit out of shape/weak but they have an impressive strenght. Better not mess with them.

-This is... very self indulgent but- they travelled across all of the zones not only to to fulfill his role as a merchant but also to collect enough colors for Sucre (ex. the Red of the meat fountains, the Blue of the library walls, the Yellow of the sand in Zone 0, etc.). They wanted to paint a rainbow for her in their hiding spot (Yes I still think about “Somewhere over the Rainbow” as the ending song to this day sdhsgds). Every reset he hopes to have enough time or well... luck- to do so with her before the world is turned OFF.

Sucre:

-Genderfluid Sucre... and she likes to use she/her pronouns the most! (She likes the sound of them.)

-An artist at heart. No matter what she got she will find a way to turn it into art- be it painting, music, dance, crafting.. anything goes!

-Was found and adopted by Zacharie as a sibling. They have a very strong bond.

-Extremely hyperactive and willing to know others but will get uneasy/anxious if there are too many people around.

The Judge/Pablo and Valerie:

-Very good at table top games/card/chess, no matter if they require skill or just luck- they seem to always win! A match between the two of them is a sight to behold.

-Both love to read, but Judge prefers witty comedies while Valerie is more interested in unusual tragedies (eh.. see what I did here? ..I’ll show myself in the corner.)

Dedan:

-*Even deeper breath* ...Italian Dedan. Listen I know the creator might’ve been joking and I don’t even know how nationalities or stuff would work in OFF bUT- I’m using the headcanon. (I need a badass and scary Italian character in my life y’all;;).

-Following the previous headcanon, he slips into Italian cursing when EXTREMELY angered. (And I don’t know about you all but when someone starts screaming profanities in Italian I get SCARED- it’s just so harsh,,)

-He is quite good at sewing, he needed to get good at it to fix up his coat (A gift from the queen herself) after every spectre attack- but he took a liking in it.  He now makes leather aprons out of the cows’ coats for his barns’ workers.

-He has retractable claws, kinda like a feline.

Japhet:

-They can change their size/body age- like a phoenix but they do so on their own will. (That’s how I explain their size changes during their boss fight. -At times they like to choose an Elsen in their library and just use their head as a nest for a nice nap. (While in their smallest form of course.)

Enoch:

-A good cook- but I wouldn’t trust his choice in ingredients..

-(Tw: possible cannibalism mention) There is a rumor around the lower class elsens of his factory that he eats his own rebellious employees whole- it’s just a rumor they hope.

-His body is very.. malleable. (Him using the tubes of his factory to get to the station before you)

-He smells like a snake, using his tongue. (listen he got no nose sdsgdhs)

The Queen:

-She is known as the Queen of a thousands faces because her expression/traits depends on the feelings/emotions of those who see it. The reason why we see her without a face is because we are seeing her through Batter’s “eyes”, a being with no emotions or feelings.

-Those tentacle arms are perfect for hugs and you can’t tell me otherwise.

-Her hair can move by her will.

Don’t have any headcanons for poor Hugo unfortunately,, These are all the ones that I remember right now though!

[ellewritesathing]

Ten Things    VII

Summary: If there’s one thing you have to know about Harvey Kinkle, it’s that he rarely thinks things through. So when he meets (and falls for) Sabrina Spellman on his first day of Baxter High and finds out that she can’t date anyone until her tempestuous sister does, it seems like the obvious solution is to get someone to date her so he can go out with Sabrina. A not so obvious choice for the challenge is Caliban, but, hey, it’s not like Harvey thought that far.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 7

Word-count: 3k+

A/N: before you read, i would just like to say, from the bottom of my heart, yikes 💕

For the most part, you rejected cultural, social, and gender norms - being raised by Zelda and growing up with Ambrose had pretty much insured your rebellious streak - but there was a part of you that had always wanted to go to prom. 

It was cheesy and lame, and a huge part of you still hated school dances thanks to Nick, but there was always a small, tiny part of you that craved the experience. You wanted to buy a tacky dress that you’d never wear again, dance with a high school sweetheart that would feature in all your stories, and just - for one night - be like everyone else. 

Now that you were sitting in the parking lot in a tacky dress you'd never wear again and staring at your reflection in the rearview mirror while you waited for your high school sweetheart, you were starting to have your doubts. 

Sure, Sabrina had helped you pick out a dress, Ambrose had done your makeup, and Hilda had twisted your hair into a style that made it seem far less unruly than it usually was, but that didn't change who you were underneath it all. You looked as close to perfect as you’d ever been on the surface, but underneath you just weren't sure if people like you got to be like everyone else. 

“Hey.” Sabrina reached over and touched your arm lightly. She looked as perfect as she always did, somehow more so with the annoyingly kind smile on her face. People like Sabrina were built to go to prom. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you lied with a smile. You twisted the bracelet that was just too big for your wrist. “Just wondering how Ambrose is coping with the tragic loss of his prom date.” 

Sabrina laughed, leaning back in her chair and tilting her head up to the roof. “I’m sure he’ll find some way to go on.” 

You gave her another smile and then the car fell into a familiar silence. It was slightly different than usual though. Ordinarily, it was because neither of you had anything to say; tonight, it was because you had too much to say. Anticipation and nervousness hung in the air. 

You looked up from your bracelet to find Sabrina watching Nick go into the school. With a sigh, you asked, “Did he ever tell you that we dated?” 

“What? No way!” Sabrina spun around to see if you were joking. Her surprise crushed any nervousness in the car. Her wide eyes narrowed as she took you in. “But you hate him.” 

“I didn’t always. I mean, he was so totally dreamy and, like, did you know he does modeling on the weekends?” Laughing off your impersonation of Sabrina’s cronies, you shook your head and picked at the details on your dress. “He was different back then. I was still figuring things out. We just kind of … made sense at the time.” 

“What happened?” Sabrina asked, concern taking over in the absence of surprise and suspicion. 

“Homecoming. He didn’t really respect that I wanted to take things slowly,” you said evenly. “It ended in this huge fight and he threatened to tell people we slept together anyway. I told him if he ever did that, I’d tell everyone that he made me wear his mother’s clothes first and that those swimsuit photos were, uh, very heavily edited.” 

Sabrina laughed and leaned back in her chair again. “Wow, you and Nick …” She let out a long breath and shook her head. Then she frowned and shuddered. “Gross.” 

It was your turn to laugh and sink into your chair. You grabbed hold of Sabrina’s hand and looked over at her. “Yeah, it is pretty gross.” 

The two of you were quiet again and anxiety filled up the space between you. Neither of you had ever been in this position before. Neither of you had ever been speechless before.

“Are you nervous?” Sabrina asked quietly. It felt like the slightest noise would shatter the air you breathed.

“A little,” you confessed. Light from one of the lamposts filtered through the windshield and hit your intertwined hands. It was hard to believe, when the two of you sat like this, that you hated one another six months ago. “I really like him, Brina.” 

“Me too.” 

“I keep feeling like I’m gonna mess it all up somehow.” 

“Me too.” 

You turned your head to look at her, maybe to tell her that she was crazy if she thought she could mess anything up or maybe to tell her to say something longer than two words, but you didn't get the chance to say anything or confess any more secrets.  

Caliban and Harvey knocked on yours and Sabrina’s windows with three quick blows and the two of you sprang apart. You cursed them out with some very descriptive and lengthy profanities, but unlocked the doors for them anyway. 

Instead of yelling, Sabrina laughed, stumbled out, and wrapped Harvey in a clumsy hug. 

While you were marveling at how easy it was for her to be, Caliban opened your door. He hung in the frame, the smell of ocean-scented shampoo and reckless ambition filled your lungs and washed away your anxieties. “You look lovely,” he said with a quiet smile. 

How you responded would define your night. Could you be like everyone else for a night or were you simply not built for that kind of easy lightness?

Deciding to leave the anger in the car for the night, you gave him a playful smile and tugged on the edges of his jacket. “You’re not so bad yourself, Sparky.” 

Before Caliban had the chance to respond, you smoothed your hand along his jacket and settled your fingers lightly on his neck. Your other hand held onto his shirt as you pressed a kiss to his lips. 

"I should get dressed up more often," Caliban murmured when you pulled away. You gave him another smile and he stepped back and held a hand out to help you out of the car. 

The two of you made your way into the school without a single witty one-liner escaping either of your lips. 

--- 

Harvey had heard of people who got quiet when they were nervous and about how, even when they felt like they were going to explode, they appeared cool and calm to the untrained eye. Unfortunately, he realized he would never be one of them. 

From the moment he and Caliban surprised the two of you in the parking lot and Sabrina nearly toppled him over with that hug, he had been unable to keep his mouth shut for more than thirty seconds.

It wasn’t like he wanted to make Sabrina’s ears bleed with bad jokes and unclever observations about the dance around them, or ramble on about his history assignment and how Theo finally worked up the courage to ask Robin to be his date. If he had it his way, he would be as charming and cavalier as Caliban was when he was with you. 

But he wasn’t. Harvey was anxious to every eye, trained or not.

Sabrina, thankfully, seemed to find it cute. She’d kiss him whenever he needed a distraction and even managed to convince him to dance. Granted, he would have done anything to make her smile but still. It’s not like he was any good at it. 

Harvey would step on her feet at times and go left when he was meant to go right, but Sabrina didn’t mind. She’d laugh and lead him in the direction. She was perfect. 

If all dances were like this, then Harvey was starting to think they might not be so bad, anxiety be damned. 

Looking over at you and Caliban, he figured you guys were thinking something similar. Caliban had given you his jacket and the two of you were holding onto one another and dancing in place. It was a very sweet scene, made funnier by the fact that Harvey knew the two of you were probably scheming something terrible instead of whispering ‘sweet nothings’ (as Ambrose called it). 

---

"You can't tell me you don't know any dances," Caliban said, an amused smile on his lips. "I've met your aunts and I don't believe they wouldn't teach you at least one formal dance."

"I know one," you said. Before he had the chance to ask which, you rushed to add, "But it's not really something you can break out at a school dance without looking like an asshole," you told him. 

Caliban laughed and shook his head at you. "I hate to break it to you, love, but everyone here already thinks we're assholes. So, just tell me what it is so we can stop swaying in place."

Begrudgingly, you dropped your gaze and mumbled something into Caliban's chest. 

"Sorry, what was that?" Caliban asked. 

You sighed and looked up at him. He could have sworn that you almost looked nervous. "Ambrose taught me to lindy hop before he figured out that Sabrina was a much more agreeable partner," you said. 

"The lindy hop," Caliban repeated. As he said it, an image of you and Amrose swirling around the living room with all the furniture shoved up against the walls popped into his head. It was sweet. "We could try it, if you want." 

"It's been years," you said quickly. "I- I don't even know if I still remember how to do it!"

Caliban knew that arguing would get him nowhere, so he let go of one of your hands and twirled you out instead. When you spun back into him, muscle memory had the two of you bouncing around and stepping in sync in no time. 

Soon, you were laughing and twirling and looking as carefree as Caliban had ever seen you. And then the first punch was thrown. 

---

Before all hell had broken loose, Harvey had spent his time talking nonstop and keeping an eye on you guys as well as watching over Nick. He’d been moping for most of the night, just drinking from a flask while some girls tried to flirt with him, but Harvey knew better than to underestimate him. Nick could be a loose cannon.

Although he stayed away for most of the night, Nick eventually got rowdy and staggered over. His speech wasn’t slurred but alcohol tinged every word. 

He pointed a very accusatory finger at Sabrina. “You’re supposed to be here with me,” Nick snarled.  

“I’m not supposed to do anything,” Sabrina said. “Nick, you should leave.” 

“What? Am I ruining your perfect night?” Nick looked over at Harvey. He wasn't sober enough to glare, so it was a sloppy, angry look. “You screwing the new kid now?” 

Harvey let go of Sabrina to take a step closer to Nick. “You are way, out of line, man. Just get out of here before I kick your ass.” 

“Oh, please. Save the knight in shining armor crap for someone who gives a shit.” 

Some other words were said, but they all led up to the same thing: Harvey punching Nick just above his jaw.

--- 

Though Harvey had a pretty decent left hook, Nicholas appeared to be a bit of scrapper, sloppy as he was. Caliban didn’t have the chance to say anything before you’d torn yourself away from him. Not a single beat was skipped before the two of you went to break up the fight. 

You’d pulled Harvey back at the same time that Caliban pulled Nick back by his wrist and pinned it behind his back. Caliban gave you his best smile - the two of you made a good team. 

“Oh, of course, you came to the rescue,” Nick spat, craning his neck to scowl at Caliban. “Caliban. What kind of name is that anyway? Actually, I don’t care. I want my money back.” 

Your hold on Harvey faltered. Both he and Sabrina were frozen next to you, and Caliban just knew you'd pieced it together. “Your money?” you asked.

“Awww, didn’t anyone tell you kitty cat?” Nick asked. He laughed as Caliban twisted his arm to make him shut up. “Your boy here is on my payroll. He only asked you out because my buddy Ben Franklin asked.”

Something inside you clicked, anger replacing the momentary shock, and Caliban knew there was no going back. You pushed Harvey away from you and scoffed. “Unbelievable.” 

“It’s not what you think,” Caliban rushed out. 

“Actually, it’s exactly what I think. Isn’t it, Nick? You wanted to go out with my sister and paid him to get me out of the way?” you asked. Your voice was shaking even though you were remarkably composed, but Caliban knew the rage that must have been under your skin. He’d never meant to hurt you but it was too late for that now.

“Exactly,” Nick said. 

You shook your head and stormed past them, knocking your shoulder into Caliban’s on your way out. Sabrina called out to you but you ignored her cries, Nick’s laughter, and everyone else. 

As much as Caliban wanted to punch Nick’s face in, he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t go after you. He shoved Nick down to the ground and raced after you.

---

You’d been angry before. Anger was when Sabrina borrowed your favorite shirt and ruined it, or when Billy said something ignorant and/or offensive. That's how you knew that this wasn’t anger. This was a blind fury mixed with hurt and betrayal, accompanied by some very stubborn tears. 

Your first instinct had been to hide in the bathroom and clean yourself up, but you ran the risk of someone finding you if you did that. So, instead, you made a b-line for your car. Harvey would take Sabrina home, and you were too pissed at both of them to care if he didn't, anyway. All you needed was to leave before you blew up. 

But Caliban wasn’t making your escape easy for you. He rushed after you and grabbed your hand just as you got to the sidewalk that led to the parking lot. “Look, I can explain-” 

“No!” You spun around and pushed him away from you. He looked hurt and confused but he had no right to be. He used you. He knew how you felt and he used you anyway. “I told you to tell me,” you said, hitting his chest weakly and struggling not to cry at the sight of him. Your voice shook. “I fucking told you and you just-” 

“I couldn’t tell you!” Caliban’s voice wasn’t shaking but it definitely wasn’t his usual cool tone. “I couldn’t, okay? I had feelings for you long before Nicholas was in the picture and-” 

“I don’t care! You lied to me, Caliban,” you said. You couldn’t yell at him anymore; it hurt too much. “I trusted you and you lied to me.”

Caliban couldn’t yell either. His voice was raw and shaking when he spoke again, but he reached out and touched your face gently before he tried. He wiped away one of your tears with his thumb. “I’m sorry.” 

“I hate you,” you lied, voice trembling. 

“I know.” Caliban's voice was quiet as he pulled his hand away. He hadn't looked away from you once. “I should go check on Harvey.” 

“Then leave.” 

Caliban gave you a solemn nod and turned to head back inside. The doors swung shut behind him and you started crying. Ugly, broken, and embarrassing sobs. When your hands went up to your face, you felt Caliban’s jacket brush your skin and your anger flared back up again. 

You ripped your hands away and tore the jacket off, throwing it to the ground as hard as you could. Something clinking inside caught your attention. Warily, you bent down and felt for whatever it was, eventually pulling out his car keys. 

You got to your feet and pointed the keys towards the parking lot. Somewhere in the distance, his car beeped and a terrible, impulsive idea started forming. 

---

There were a lot of things Sabrina could put up with, but Nick Scratch was not one of them. She picked him up off the floor after Caliban threw him down and then she punched him in the gut. It was a lot more painful than they made it look in the movies, but man, did it feel good. 

“That’s for breaking my sister’s heart,” she told him matter-of-factly. He was still in the process of recovering when she hit him again and burst a vein in his nose. “That’s for Harvey.” She kneed him in the one spot she knew he definitely didn’t want to be kneed. “And that’s for me.” 

Ignoring Nick's broken wails, Sabrina stormed out of the dance. She blew past Caliban and a dozen confused freshmen, and went to look for you. Your car was still in the lot but she couldn’t see you anywhere. She tried calling multiple times but there was never any answer. 

She’d just about given up when Harvey showed up, but then you picked up before he could say anything. 

“Oh, my god. Are you okay?” Sabrina rushed out, clutching Harvey’s hand. 

If there was one thing you hated, it was dumb questions. Your annoyance was evident when you snapped, “I’m just peachy.”

“Where are you?” Sabrina asked.

“Can you pick me up on the other side of the mines?” you asked. “Give me half an hour first.” 

“Anything you need,” Sabrina said. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you, too.”

Sabrina held onto the phone even after you’d hung up. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of what you were going through. Because of her. Taking a deep breath, she let go of Harvey’s hand. “I need to go.” 

Harvey’s face was full of concern. “Can I come with you?”

“No. I need to talk to my sister,” she said. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I had fun before …” 

Before she crushed you. 

Part 8

Tagged:  @t-a-i-l-o-r-m-a-d-e​  @miss--moose​  @marrypuffsstuff​  @harryscarolinaa​  @igorsbby​  @foji2000​​  @hxlalokidottir​  @artaxerxesthegreat​​  @thxmagic​​  @strawberriesandknives​​  @xealia​​  @hotmessindisguise​  @acciomaximoff​  @reheated-coffee​​  @shelby-x​​  @perseny-blog​​  @millie-753​​  @luneerius​​  @shizzybarnaclee​​  @lettherebelovex​​  @throughparisallthroughrome​  @ietss​  @thebookwormlife​  @mechanicalanimalz​  @mariamermaid​  @nqbmf​  @caliban-is-my-girl  @shephard17895​  @andie-kathleen​  @clockworks-world-to-fandoms​  @luquincy  @marina468​  @olivia-west-allen  @drrramaaaqweeen​  @roxytheimmortal​  @blondeeee-e​

[always5hineee]

Hell and Back- Chapter 31: Antidote (Trial 47)

Word count: 1873

Chapter warnings: Mild language and themes

-----

       "[Dare] 47: Create an antidote." She read out in befuddlement. Admittedly, most of the challenges were presented with little to no context, but this one's title was already concerning.

       "I assume there's extra text?" Kyungsoo asked. His prediction was correct.

       "Yeah, it says, 'One of the players has consumed a poison of considerable strength. The players will be given approximately one hour to create an antidote."

       "Wait, who's eaten recently?" Suho asked, looking around. None of the boys said anything. "We're going to find out sooner or later." He continued impatiently. Still nothing.

       "Wait, who's the limited power?" Sehun asked. Without even looking at the screen, nearly all of the other boys along with Y/N mumbled,

       "Lay." It would make sense, obviously, as his healing powers would have proven more than useful for a situation like this. And without Tao, the results of the limitation could be... less than desirable.

       "We can't create an antidote without a recipe. Or at the very least a knowledge of what substance was put in the food." Kyungsoo pointed out. Chanyeol was quick to mention,

       "But if we don't know who ate it, we don't know exactly what was poisoned, or what was in it, or anything."

       "We could try creating an antidote that would cure most general forms of poison?" Kyungsoo offered.

       "Or it could react badly and make it worse." Kai pointed out.

       "We could, uh..." Y/N didn't want to say it, as it hadn't turned out so well the last time. "We could ask for assistance. In the search bar."

       "We haven't taken the time to think out other options, though." Suho countered.

       "It's not like we have a lot of time to begin with," Kris said impatiently. "One of us is dying here, and we don't even know who."

       "Just... give me a minute to think." Well, one minute turned out to be more like ten minutes as Suho paced around. Kyungsoo was also deep in some sort of logical process, no doubt convoluted beyond his own understanding at this point. Lay leaned back against the wall, sliding down as his head tilted back, eyes shut. Unsure of where else she could be of help, she chose to go talk to him.

       "Hey, uh... everything all good?" She asked, sitting against the wall next to him. Audibly trying to swallow, he nodded.

       "Yeah, it's just..." Before he even finished, he was staring up at the ceiling, not saying anything. She wasn't sure if he had zoned out, fallen asleep with his eyes open, or what. Touching his arm lightly, he jerked away from her, looking surprised at his own actions. She figured she'd just startled him, until his arm moved involuntarily a second time.

       "S-sorry, I didn't mean to-"

       "It's fine." She said without a second thought into the matter. "You were saying?"

       "Huh?" He tried to think back to the question. "Oh, I'm alright, I just have this splitting headache..."

       "It seems like you haven't been feeling all that great." She pointed out. Laughing weakly he shrugged.

       "Yeah, well... Has anyone?"

       "Fair." Before she could continue, Kris groaned from where he'd been peeling off paint from the wall.

       "This is ridiculous. One of us is probably dying and we're just sitting here."

       "It could be Lay." Chen pointed out, strangely more perceptive than she was used to. "He's been kinda iffy. Y/N just said so, even." She had forgotten that in such a quiet atmosphere, people were bound to listen in. Still, they weren't wrong.

       "Lay?" She asked. He shook his head.

       "That's impossible. I barely ate at all, and what I did was given to me and you. I made it myself, there was no difference. If anything, you added extra sugar to yours, so you should be the one that got sick. It's not me."

       "It's getting old." Suho growled out of nowhere, receding back into his occasionally-angry personality that only seemed to arise in certain situations. "Everyone is going to tell us everything they've eaten today, and we'll decide from there." Starting in order, most of the boys had eaten breakfast together, meaning they'd consumed the same food. Xiumin had also eaten a roll from the kitchen, so it could have been him. When they got around to Baekhyun, though, they quickly realized what had happened.

       "I ate breakfast with everyone, and then I had an extra drink before we left, and then I ate a cookie that I found on the drum kit, and-"

       "You what?!" Suho asked, putting a hand to his face. "That is so obviously it, are you kidding me?"

       "Why were you even eating food that was just lying around?" Kai asked, visibly disgusted. Baekhyun shrugged, unsure why everyone was freaking out.

       "It was a perfectly good cookie."

       "Evidently it wasn't, seeing as how it is full of poison." Kyungsoo exclaimed in exasperation. Baekhyun could only do so many stupid things before one of them came back to bite him. It was all the group could do not to be thankful that it was to his own detriment rather than theirs. Still, now they had to fix it. "Is there any of it left?" The man asked in some tiny semblance of hope.

       "Why would I leave any of it??" He asked in confusion, nearly driving the other man to madness just out of sheer uncaring regarding the situation.

       "Suho. I don't think we have a choice." Kyungsoo muttered under his breath, glancing to Y/N's hand, in which sat her phone. He was insinuating that they'd have to ask the app for assistance. They'd seen what it'd done to lay, and although he was able to help himself, they weren't sure what the repercussions would be this time. Everything always seemed to get worse in this game, especially on repeated instance, so there was no guarantee it wouldn't just make things worse. Still, they had nothing else to go on.

       "Baek, are you okay with that?"

       "What? Oh, yeah, sure, do whatever."

       "Do. Whatever." Kyungsoo repeated, trying not to lose it. Finally, he just turned to Y/N. "Alright, ask for the ingredients, I guess." Clicking into the search bar, she asked quite simply, what is the recipe for the antidote? Surprisingly, it did not reply with a recipe, or even a witty reply. It responded, For which player would you like the antidote? Confused, she read it a second time. Showing it to Suho, she asked,

       "Does that mean more than one person is sick? Or is it a test to see if we figured it out?" He looked over is as well, but finally just said,

       "I guess put in Baekhyun." She did so, allowing it to load as a recipe came up. It was all things that could be found in the vicinity, which made sense. It wouldn't really be a fair game if it was material they didn't have access to. However, as Kyungsoo read over the list, his eyes dimmed in concern.

       "These are all pretty complicated reactions. If we get even one thing off, we could just poison him a second time."

       "Let's try not to do that." Bakehyun laughed, spinning a pencil between his fingers nonchalantly.

       "Is there anything we can do to help? Xiumin asked as Kyungsoo and Suho began walking towards the kitchen.

       "Honestly, there's more of a chance of something going wrong if there are too many of us in there. Just wait, we'll handle it." It didn't feel right to do nothing as Baekhyun sat there, potentially dying, much as Kris had expressed a few moments earlier. Still, it wasn't like they had a choice. About thirty minutes into the whole affair, he finally showed the first signs of illness.

       His signature obnoxious grin had begun wavering, forehead just lightly beaded with sweat. He mentioned rather randomly that it felt kind of hot with a weak laugh, just before he threw up all over the ground. Chen had wondered aloud if maybe that would have miraculously ejected the poison from his system, but his symptoms only grew worse. By minute 40, he was lying on the ground shivering, but still sweating.

       "How's it coming in there?" Kris yelled, obviously trying not to act concerned, but nonetheless kneeling at Baekhyun's side. After receiving no response, Y/N chose to go and check on them. Walking into the room, the two were arguing under their breath about something, which couldn't have been good.

       "What's the problem?" She muttered. "No pressure, but we're running out of time. We don't know how long exactly it's been since he ate that thing-"

       "It's the last piece." Kyungsoo said, wiping the sweat off his forehead. He was visibly stressed. "It doesn't have an amount. They did that on purpose, the fucking-" Before he could complete his list of profanities, Suho cut in.

       "We know that if we put too little, it won't work, but if we put too much, it'll react badly with everything else."

       "So all you need to do is put just a little bit less than that, right?" Y/N said.

       "What do you mean?"

       "He needs enough of it that it'll work, but you're afraid of the bad reaction. Do you know which parts of the chemicals will react badly?"

       "I- Kyungsoo does, yeah?"

       "Then just do the littlest bit less than that, yeah?"

       "How are we supposed to calculate that, though? Those are, like, big numbers."

       "Suho, your item is literally a calculator. Also, you have a phone." The boys looked to each other as if they were stupid. Kyungsoo immediately grabbed his phone and started typing something in, as she moved back outside to check on Baekhyun. His shaking had increased to be more like spasms, uneven but more violent, subsiding occasionally. Everyone was crowding around him, undoubtedly making it worse for him.

       Only moments later, Kyungsoo and Suho rushed in, holding a plastic cup with an admittedly strange colored liquid. Shaking Baekhyun's shoulder lightly, they tried to get him to open his eyes and listen to what they were saying. His expression was a strange mix of sad and gross, saliva glazing the corners of his mouth and all of his skin strangely hot.

       "Baekhyun, you need to drink this-" Suho held it, pushing him.

       "Get him up." Kai said, rolling him out of his positioning onto his back and trying to pull him upwards. His eyes were fluttering open and shut, but he didn't seem to really know what was going on. They tried to put it to his mouth, but he struggled against them, tilting his head away.

       "We're running out of time-" Xiumin mentioned nervously, although rather unhelpfully as well. Finally, Kai reached his hand around the boys face and held his nose shut while Suho poured it down his throat. He had no choice but to swallow it if he wanted to be able to breathe. Honestly, she was surprised he didn't completely pass out. Once he had swallowed, he shivered in disgust.

       "That shit was nasty." He mumbled, before falling asleep in Kai's arms. No one knew if he was alright, but they'd have to just wait and see if he woke up.

Go to Chapter 32

[internetremix]

In IR lore, what are the personalities of your personas? Basic likes and dislikes?

Kristen: Goggles is An Child and behaves as such. She's very cheerful, very curious, a bit mischievous and also 100% obsessed with making fanwork of her internet family... like a goddamn weirdo. She'll usually be hanging out with everyone, spot some sort of inspiration, squeak with joy and then rush off to write or draw. She's also the defacto leader of the Smol Squad, which is composed of herself, Shyner, Jojo and Chi-chi, and she's usually the one squeaking out ridiculous plans in muppet for dumb shit like stealing cookies and trying to trap people in fanfiction scenarios. She likes to help and can often be found doing such things as assisting Xander in his many schemes or just popping up to provide shit like charts or hold things for other people- basically whenever it would be funny to have some goddamn muppet backing something up.

She loves plush toys, particularly Crockernanner, and also loves sugar, star decorations, and cuddles. She likes being picked up and loves attention, and she's pretty consistently attached to at least one person, often her big brother Split if she's not with the Smol Squad. She is in eternal war with Phill since he bullies her constantly, and will occasionally try to set up elaborate traps for revenge only to fail miserably. Also she's a huge weeb. She does not like to sleep and will often go days without it before being dragged off by some bigger person to take a goddamn nap you ridiculous child.  She is also very afraid of thunderstorms, she doesn't like loud noises or the dark.

She also has... various flaws and problems. But those are spoilers and I have no idea when/if we’ll be doing story stuff with IRsonas so I don’t want to give too much away with that.

Sorry this is very long, I think about my child a lot.

Jojo: JoJo is also a very happy child... like, stupid happy all the time. Like, they don't really have a concept of being angry. they're either manic happy or a bit sad. They love to find any way to make anybody smile or laugh, whether it be a somber happy, or a crying fit of laughter. They thrive off of happiness. They're a bit mischievous as well, and will try to play pranks and swipe things to chew on. They'll just appear in random places you'd never expect. like, in the pantry, the vent, or in your drawer. They chew things all the time to keep their dragon teeth sharp! They do tend to come off as obnoxious and kind of useless sometimes? But that's ok.

They love happiness, rocks, swimming, sandwiches, Vanilla coke, coffee, pianos, stars, ghost stuff(horror genre), and laughter. JoJo is pretty similar to Goggles now that I think about it x_xJoJo is best friends with Phill, and will always be on him in some way. Like his leg, back, holding onto his scarf by their teeth, etc. They're also very close with Goggles and Shyner, and Scott (even though Shyner tries to chase JoJo off with knives, JoJo will take it as a game of tag or something)JoJo doesn't like being yelled at or being told to go away. They get spooked easily by loud noises. They always get paranoid when they think someone is mad at them and will go to ungodly lengths to make them not mad or slightly annoyed with them, which sometimes makes people more annoyed with them than they were before.

JoJo is just an exaggerated version of me XD

Atwas: Atwas is fairly easy going. They make light of things often, and often hide serious sentiments behind jokes. They’re the type to roll with goofy and silly situations, and are very “yes and” type that enjoys escalating things in the name of light-hearted fun. They enjoy playing pranks, especially ones that take advantage of their hologrammatic nature (being able to enter and ‘possess’ electronics is something that they take advantage of often). Being technically in the cloud and a part of the internet at all times, they will often chime in with fun (often unrelated or humorous) metrics about situations and people as they occur—and often forgets that having a HUD isn’t something everyone has access to.

Being ‘technically’ invulnerable, atwas isn’t phased by the more dangerous things that go on in the IR tower, but usually prefers being a spectator or commentator as opposed to being an active participant in general shenaniganry. They don’t have any particular animosity towards anyone, and will occasionally help manage technical parts and functions of the tower.

They enjoy things like tech, cold weather, tea, fun statistics, darkness; and aesthetics like Film Noir and Retrowave.

They dislike things like excessively hot weather, being interrupted, getting too personal, having to put in a lot of “effort”, and being out of the loop.

Shyner: Shyner can easily be summed up to a tsundere in denial, and is the definition of an agent of chaos. If something goes wrong, she’s the one pouring a trail of kerosene to let the fire spread. She's loud, impulsive, and really doesn't give two shits. While quirky and charismatic, she’s also sarcastic and witty, reveling in the amusement of making fun of others. She’s often stubborn and impatient, thinking highly of her own beliefs and angered by those who dare to challenge her ideals. She also lacks a filter, and enjoys garnishing her words with colorful profanities. Filled with gripes of past trauma, she’s engaged in a constant internal war of turmoil and grief. She’s incredibly cautious and closed off around those she doesn’t trust, and can be very selfish.  Despite this, she’s loyal to the few people she cares about, going out of her way to put them first if a dire situation were to arise. She’s also very sneaky and mischievous, often finding amusement in spying on others. Her MBTI is INTP-T.

Her hobbies include stargazing, ghost hunting, spying, and Satanic worship. She enjoys melancholy vibes, horror movies, animals, thunderstorms, and has an unhealthy obsession with sweets. Yes, this child will stab you without hesitancy if you take her cookies. She dislikes seafood, big crowds, kiddie leashes, and is afraid of experiencing intense emotion she doesn’t understand.I love my satanic smol bean very much. If I may be so bold as to dive into the nitty-gritty psychology, Shyner possesses many flaws, a lot of which I personally struggled with growing up. She is a reflection of my past self, some gripes with my current self, and the perception of how I could have turned out if I hadn’t met my family at IR. Hiding behind the exterior of being a merciless bully, she still has an intense internal desire to be a good person, but gets frustrated and often derails herself in the process of fighting her desire to act on impulse. She keeps most relationships with people at arm's length, fearing that if someone were to think highly of her, it would only be a matter of time before they’re disappointed. If we were to go full-fledged story mode, she would most definitely have an intense character redemption arc, making the revelation that being shitty to those who care about her isn’t the way to run from her problems and hide away from her own sense of self-insecurity/hatred.

Phill: Phill likes mischief, bad jokes, sexual undertones, Jojo, sexual overtones, bullying Kristen, and the colour pink. That's it xD

Jojo: :D yay

Alex: Alex don't give a shit but is for whatever reason the bossman and is also as powerful as silver age Superman, just don't try actual murder of the crew and he won't yeet you into the sun

Moon: 2019 Moon is an idiot. If we didn't know any better, we would assume he was born from nothing but an old head of lettuce in Satan's refrigerator. Think like Scott from Monster Prom, but different. He knows his right from his left, but the compass is still just "NESW" to him. Impulsive, lovable, and kinda loud, this muscley dumbass will do practically anything you tell him to if he finds it enjoyable. When paired with a few people, he works well as a second to many dynamic duos. Brodingles and Moon/Split and Moon are two really good ones, dangerous shenanigans ensue. Can and will rap like a beast, any challenge to a freestyle will result in a career ending and a death being sentenced. Extroverted people pleaser, definitely shooting high to perform and when adapting to a character, goes a little too hard. This man played Gander in Charlottes Web and didn't stop making goose sounds for months. Did I mention he's also a disney princess? Singing, animals, mortal enemy falling to their death? Everything

Dawn: ToonWolf/Dawn's personality falls within the confines of recklessly adventurous who doesn't think things through entirely. They like to try and rope others into going on various hikes, treasure hunts, mythic/cryptid searches, etc. Unapologetic sailor mouth. They will fight for friends and family. Various animals, trinkets, treasures, and cool but useless garbage are brought back to the tower often (oops theres a liiiiiiitle bit of hoarding). Sometimes those animals consist of dogs, cats, lizards, bears, wolves, The Great Noble One, horses, lions, elk, you get the idea (Can I keep them?Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeee??????????).

Overall they are most comfortable and relaxed in/around water and likes a whole lotta things including sailing, swimming, adventure, stargazing, animals, mythology/legends, friends, family, and drawing.

They dislike waking up early, limitations, being talked down to, boredom, desert/hot/humid/dry weather, coffee, and the movie "Cube"

Tex: Tex is an avid cryptid detective + has a surprisingly good intuition when creating conspiracy theories about them to follow. Mm lots of memes and disguises. Smart, but usually just off on their own thinking about other stuff.Totally has a wall in their room dedicated to figuring all the cryptids out with like, red string and everything.

[lovelybuccky]

Three Things That Are Certain (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Your mother once taught you that when you feel afraid, you should look at your surroundings and find at least three things that are certain, just three things that you know to be true. However, a collection of photos are found from different points in history, and you are in every single one. Questions are being raised, and you are finding it more and more difficult to name those three things. But he is there to remind you of what they are.

Warnings: Violence, profanity, graphic violence and descriptions of pain in later chapters.

A/N: Woo chapter two! I know I basically just uploaded chapter one but I don’t actually have an upload schedule yet sooo...yeah haha. Also Bucky is actually in this chapter so that’s good :’)

Previous Chapter

It always amazing how much can happen in a day. Just this morning you were buying flowers at the market, finding anyway to brighten up your bleak apartment. It’s only temporary, you would tell yourself.

Then on your way back you were snatched away and beaten to pulp, flowers scattered across the alley floor. Eventually you woke up, experienced another beating, prepared yourself for death and then Captain freaking America turns up flies you to New York.

So a pretty eventful day.

Now your in the Avengers Compound, and it’s weird. It’s a stark contrast from your apartment in Berlin. The sofa your sat on actually has a cover, the fridge appears to be fully-functional, and you can walk around without your feet sticking to the floor. It’s very plush, and you’re just not used to it.

You squirm in your seat, shaking hands clinging onto your hot mug, a blanket draped over your shoulders. You should have been taken to a proper interrogation room for questioning, but after watching you intently throughout the journey here, Captain Rogers insisted that you were questioned in the comfort of the Avengers living room. These were special circumstances after all.

Only the Captain, Widow, Falcon and Hawkeye were on the mission, but the rest of the Avengers were brought together upon your arrival. It was easier this way, everyone getting all the information at the same time. There was a moment of silence before Stark finally broke it.

“So, were you born a freak or did they make you that way?”

“Tony-“

“What? This kid has been travelling through time, does it not make you just a little bit edgy that she could literally be playing this moment over and over again until it goes her way? Because I don’t think you are fully aware of what she’s capable of, Cap.”

“I am aware, but she’s just a kid, Tony. Yes she’s powerful, but so are all of us. We don’t know her intentions yet, she’s no more of a threat to us than we are to each other.”

All eyes are on you, and you swallow reflexively. You try to think of something witty to say, a sassy comeback to lighten the mood, but you realise it’s probably not the right time and you are just too tired. Clearing your throat, you interrupt the discussion, “I’m…thank you for the generosity you’ve shown towards me. I understand you concerns, they are completely justified. I will try to answer you’re questions as truthfully as I can, and I can assure you that my powers are no threat to you. They scare me just as much as they scare you…”

That last sentence comes out as a mumble, inaudible to everyone in the room. Well, almost everyone. Your gaze flickers to a familiar pair of blue eyes, staring back at you. They seem softer now, and there’s something else there that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s not pity, not sympathy but almost…understanding?

Your eyes shoot back to Stark’s as he clears his throat, and the questioning begins, “Okay, let’s start easy. Were you born with these powers or were they given to you?”

You hesitate, “I wouldn’t say given…Hydra made me this way, against my will.”

“So you were an experiment?” Widow questions.

“I…guess so.”

“You guess so?” Falcon pushes.

“Well, I don’t know how many there were before me.”

“There are others like you?” Hawkeye chimes in.

“I-I wouldn’t know…I was kept in isolation, only let out for tests and training.”

Cap’s turn, “Training?”

“Yeah, you know like…physical training, combat and-“

Now everyone wanted a turn.

“You can fight?”

“Uh kind of, it’s a bit more complicated than that-“

“What’s complicated about it? Can you fight, yes or no?”

“Well, yes, but only when-“

“Then how did they catch you so easily? Why didn’t you just go back in time to before they caught you and attack them when they least expect it?”

“Well-“

“Clearly they didn’t catch her so easily if she’s managed to avoid them for like…70 years. What’s up with that by the way? How are you the same age in all of these photos?”

“It’s-“

“Dude, do you know nothing about time travel? Obviously she hasn’t just been wondering around for 70 years, she could go back right now and get her photo taken in some other point in history and she would have only aged five minutes.”

“Actually, it’s not as-“

“But if you think about it…”

It’s never-ending. You can barely get out one answer before two more questions are fired your way. Everyone is talking over one another, talking over you, and it’s starting to get overwhelming. Yeah, you usually don’t have trouble holding your own, but you’ve had one heck of a day and you are exhausted. You can’t even think straight anymore, your mind a whirlwind of answers and your own questions that had formed over the last few hours. How did Hydra find you? How did the Avengers know to rescue you? How much do they actually know about you already? Are you really safe here?

Vision becoming hazy, your eyes fall back onto the one person who hasn’t asked any questions. He scans your face, instantly recognising your distress and uncrosses his arms, “Guys. Guys…Hey!”

The room goes silent. Everyone’s staring at him now, and Stark’s arms are up in mock surrender, “Frosty has spoken. Everybody run for cover.”

Bucky ignores his comment, “It’s nearly two in the morning, can’t this wait until later? She’s clearly not a threat to us, otherwise she would have done something by now. Look at her, she’s been through enough today. She’ll be more useful to you when she’s had some rest and can answer your questions properly. Steve, Nat, Clint, Sam - your mission wasn’t easy, you need a breather too. And for the love of God,” he glares at Tony, “ask one damn question at a time, your giving me a headache.”

They continue to stare back at him, mouths agape. Clearly this doesn’t happen often.

Steve is the first to recover from the outburst, “Bucky’s right. This isn’t going to work if our head’s aren’t fully in it. We’ll get some sleep and continue this in the after noon. I do have just one question though,” his gaze settles on you again, “what’s your name?”

You can’t help but laugh, the fact that nobody had asked until now summed up this situation in all its absurdity, “Y/N, my name’s Y/N.”

He smiles genuinely at you, “Y/N, I’ll show you to your room whilst Nat and Wanda find you some spare clothes. You’re welcome to anything in the kitchen, and if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask.”

A fraction of the weight is lifted off your shoulders - not much, but it’s enough, “Thank you…Captain.”

He shakes his head, “Please, call me Steve.”.

You nod and let him lead the way, painfully aware of one set of eyes following you on your way out.

Coming out of the bathroom, you towel dry your hair and sit on the edge of your bed. Nat and Wanda had found some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a pair of thick socks for you to wear. They were obviously unworn, you don’t recall a time when you wore something so soft.

Glancing at the clock, you see it’s just past 2:30am, and suddenly a wave of exhaustion hits you. You hang up the towel and crawl into your bed. The covers are warm and fresh, and the mattress is so soft beneath you you feel like you’re floating. It doesn’t take long for the realm of sleep to welcome you with open arms.

Your eyes shoot open, sitting bolt up right as a bead of sweat trickles down your forehead, your chest heaving. It was just a dream, you think to yourself, it wasn’t real, just go back to sleep. Laying your head back down on the pillow you blink at the ceiling.

But it felt so real. You dreamt you were back in that God forsaken chair, leather straps holding you in place. Through a glass window you saw your family and old friends, facing away from you. You screamed and cried for them to turn around, to save you and take you home, but no sound came out. Tears were streaming down your face as they yanked your shoulders back and injected you with that sickly green liquid. The last thing you saw were the faceless figures of the guards and scientists that surrounded you, before you started falling, spiralling into the abyss.

…yeah this just won’t do.

Leaning across the bed you check the clock. 3:24am.

Okay, you could run off just two hours of sleep, right? Not that you had much choice anyway, there was no way you’d be able to fall back asleep now. You climb out of bed and head for the kitchen. A glass of water would probably help. Ideally you’d have a cup of coffee, but you didn’t want to risk waking up the others, especially not after all they had done to rescue you from that hell-hole.

Flicking the switch to the kitchen lights, you’re startled when you see another person in there already, setting up the coffee machine.

It was him.

He looks over at you, taking in your appearance, “Couldn’t sleep?”

You shrug, “Bad dream.”

He nods in understanding before chuckling slightly, “Me too.”

You look at each other for a moment, both recognising that neither wanted to push the other further, and both understanding that that was okay. He’s the first to break the silence, “Coffee?”

“I-uh…that would be great, thank you.”

You plop yourself onto one of the breakfast stools as he busies himself making the coffees. It’s silent between you two, but it’s not tense or uncomfortable, it’s just kind of…there. After a few minutes he slides your coffee across the counter to you, “Listen, I’m sorry about the others earlier. They were tired and…well this kind of thing doesn’t usually happen. I promise they mean well, we’re all just a bit…spooked, I guess.”

There’s a slight Brooklyn twang in his accent, and for some reason it makes you smile, “The Avengers? Spooked? I almost feel quite proud of myself.”

He laughs at that, and it makes something inside you buzz. His eyes crinkle at the sides, a full toothed smile caressing his features. Seeing him like this is odd, seeing him smile is odd, but something about it still makes you feel warm inside and you can’t pin point why. You dismiss it, it’s probably just your lack of sleep.

His eyes scan yours for the second time that evening, what he’s looking for you don’t know. He stops abruptly though, a realisation hitting him, “I-um, I’m sorry I-uh never properly introduced myself, I’m Bucky.” He holds out his hand for you to shake.

You take his hand in yours, shaking it as you chuckle to yourself. His eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What?”

You stop for a moment. You were going to have to tell him and the others eventually, you might as well jump this hurdle now and get it over with.

“We, uh…we’ve actually met before.”

Next Chapter // Masterlist

[alyssabethancourt]

A Unique Spin on the Fantasy Genre

from the blog It Came From the 20th Century, filmmaker Jonathan R. Skocik:

Okay, strictly speaking, this falls outside the parameters of this blog, since it is not from the 20th century. However, I’m making an exception in this case because I want to help promote an excellent book that deserves to be read.

Elves, castles, magic, kings and queens, swordplay, imaginary languages – yes, we’ve seen all this before, and Alyssa Marie Bethancourt’s debut novel, Mornnovin has them in droves. That is not to say these elements are automatically tired in any way. There’s a reason we keep revisiting them. But in the wrong hands, they can admittedly feel stale or even silly. Fortunately, Ms. Bethancourt knows her genre, and navigates the material with ease. The best fantasy will make you forget that it’s fantasy, allowing you to completely buy in to what you’re reading. Mornnovin is such a novel. Beyond this, however, and perhaps more importantly, it gives us a wholly fresh perspective in that the author is autistic, and her elven characters are also coded as such.

Bethancourt’s elves are emotional basket cases. Their feelings run the gamut, their internal lives raging storms of passion, guilt, and self-recrimination, yet they are expected to maintain a veneer of stoicism that would make Mr. Spock proud, even to the point of making elaborate hand gestures to indicate their feelings rather than allow a genuine emotion to reach their faces. These elves are no Vulcans, though, and their ability to maintain this cool facade is, shall we say, less well-perfected than their sci-fi counterparts. This is, in fact, an amazingly on-point depiction of the autistic experience. People on the spectrum spend most of their lives learning to hide what they’re really feeling, having been told over and over that their expressions of emotion are inappropriate. For this reason, autistics are often viewed as cold, rude, and distant. But this is largely learned behavior, the only reaction that makes any sense when it seems like everything you do is wrong.

That Bethancourt’s autism stand-ins are literally not human reflects the feeling many on the spectrum experience of not really being a part of humanity, of being aliens in their own world. This is further illustrated by the state of isolation in which the elves of Mornnovin have placed themselves. They live in Evlédíen, also called the Valley, hidden away from the rest of the world to protect themselves from the humans who once tried to exterminate them. The Purification, as the humans call it, could be viewed as a parallel for the erasure experienced by autistic people every day. Often, the lives and perspectives of the autistic community are ignored. The clueless and ignorant have even gone as far as to say that autistic people are not even really people, and that those on the spectrum actually have no inner life, no genuine feelings or sense of identity. What is this if not a low-key extermination, if not in fact, at least in spirit?

Onto this stage emerges our heroine, Loralianasa Raia, nicknamed Lorien. Though she’s over a hundred years old, she’s only just on the cusp of adulthood in elf terms. As the crown princess whose parents have long-since been murdered, she now faces the unwelcome responsibility of ruling her people. To make matters worse, this coincides with a global war among the humans as well as a sinister plot that soon drags the elves back onto the world stage. Lorien now faces the almost unthinkable decision to expose the existence of her people to the rest of the world in an effort to save the very people who once brought them to the brink of extinction. This funhouse lens coming-of-age story perfectly illustrates the exaggerated gravity that an autistic person faces upon joining the adult world. In much the same way that Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer used monsters as a metaphor for growing up and learning adult responsibility, so does Bethancourt use her fantasy landscape of imagined cultures in a global war engineered by a vengeful sorcerer.

Of course, no coming-of-age story would be complete without a romance, and Bethancourt does not fail to deliver the goods. The concept of lovers bound by a telepathic link has perhaps been done to death in numerous online fanfics, but this manages to feel fresh, perhaps because of the earnestness with which it is written. It might also have to do with how truly endearing the love interest is. Naoise (pronounced Nee-shuh) Raynesley is the prince of Grenlec, a kingdom at war with their longtime rival, Telrisht. We meet him in the first chapter and there’s instant sparkage with Lorien. He’s bright, kind, open-minded, thoughtful, and witty. Indeed, he borders on being a Mary Sue, though thankfully never quite crosses the line. By the end of their first encounter, Naoise and Lorien are mystically joined, and though separated afterward for a large chunk of the story, their love grows stronger and stronger through the psychic bond they don’t even know they share. Visiting each other in dreams, they become each other’s only solace from the hellscape their world has become – though Naoise arguably has it worse, being that he’s stuck on the front lines of a battle that seems frustratingly unwinnable for reasons that will eventually become ominously clear.

As the story unfolds, we’re introduced to a colorful cast of supporting characters as intriguing and memorable as anything offered up by J.K. Rowling, Marvel, or even Tolkien himself. There’s Lorien’s sister Lyn, who having been raised away from her people has never learned their stoicism and therefore expresses herself with some delightfully creative profanity. We’ve also got Naoise’s womanizing brother, who manages to be charming despite being a total heel; a mercenary named Cole who struggles to outlive his shady past; the brusque elf warrior Sovoqatsu questing to fulfill a sense of purpose; and Sefaro, a good-natured ambassador from a distant country who serves as the moral compass of the group. Aside from the main party, there’s Lorien’s taskmaster guardian, Tomanasil; Naoise’s overbearing father, King Lorn; and a mysterious fairy named Sun.

But the greatest gem, for me at least, is the villain, Kataki Kurome, a sorcerer grieving over the murder of his wife at the hands of the humans. He engineers the war between Grenlec and Telrisht as a way to thin the herd and lessen the task he’s set for himself of annihilating humanity. He easily could have been a thinly-written mustache twirler, but Bethancourt gives him depth, pain, and a cold civility that at once makes him relatable and utterly terrifying. His cold determination, detached sense of purpose, devious craftiness, and sheer power make him seem utterly unbeatable. This, coupled with his age and inflexibility make him the perfect foil for the young and idealistic Lorien, who was already overwhelmed by the adult world even before the shit hit the fan.

No character is ignored, and Bethancourt not only gives depth and individuality to all of her primary characters, but breathes life and personality into even the most minor characters. Such a task naturally requires a lot of breathing room, and Mornnovin is not a short book. But it never overstays its welcome, and indeed the epic scope of the proceedings demands the necessary space to unfold. Beyond that, the pace never wavers, and the novel’s bulk is never daunting. Quite the contrary. This is the kind of expertly-woven story that draws you right in and keeps you anticipating each new development. Mornnovin isn’t just one of the best fantasy stories I’ve ever read. It’s easily one of the best novels I’ve read in recent memory, and I eagerly await the next installment in the series, due out next year.

Mornnovin is printed by Dogwood House press and is available from all major online booksellers.

Full disclosure: I am married to the author. However, this is my honest assessment of the piece.

-- Jonathan R. Skocik

[all-the-k-pop]

System Failure - simulator/gaming!au

[quick thanks to @lunariaabyss for letting me use this prompt and quick thanks to @elfinloser for helping me with some details. Love you guys! and you all should check out their writings too :)]

Description: You are stuck in a game. No one can get in, and you have to figure a way to get out. There are many dangers you will encounter, but can you do it alone?

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: none (for this chapter)

Part one:

"This game is enduring problems. Anyone still in the game, will have to get out and anyone not playing won't get in. We cannot help you get out, it is far beyond our reach. Good luck."

You covered your ears as the voice of the lady repeated over and over. Her voice becoming the only thing you heard, reiterating in your head as any other noise drowned out.

You got down on your knees and covered your head, much like what you would do for a hurricane or tornado situation. You screamed. It wasn’t just one of those one time things; it was one of those screams from your lungs where you could feel it through your whole body. You uncurled yourself from the position you were in and continued letting out your anger over the lady speaking.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I COULD DIE IN HERE! LIKE, FOR REAL,” you shouted a string of profanities at the sky until you got light-headed, and your throat hurt from yelling so much. Your anger was all gone, but then came the sadness. Your shouts got more silent and tears streamed down your face.

“Why do I have to be stuck here? I don’t even know if anyone else is stuck in this stupid game,” you fell to the ground again. Sobs racked through your lungs, and your body was lurching with every wretched snivel came out of your mouth. Mumbling quiet questions to no one in particular, you feel asleep on the ground.

You felt someone shaking your shoulder lightly. You let out a few audible mumbles, “I don’t wanna go to school mom…” you flailed your arm in the direction that the shaking was coming from.

Whoever was shaking you, didn’t stop. “Uh, ma’am,” you heard the person say.

‘That… doesn’t sound like my mom… The voice is too deep,’ you thought and sprung up, fully awake. You looked around and saw a man; he was covered in green slime and blood. You attempted to slap him, but he grabbed your wrist.

“Is this how you greet the people who saved your life?” he said. You looked around and saw six more heads pop into your view.

“Are you okay?” one of them said as they kneeled next to the first guy.

“You guys saved me?” you asked, your voice low, almost at a whisper.

“Well, yeah. We weren’t going to let the ogre kill you,” one of the boys kneeling next to you said. He held out his hand and helped you to your feet.

“I’m Taehyung, but everyone calls me V,” the guy who woke you up said as he shook your hand. “That’s Seokjin, but we call him Jin,” he pointed to the other guy who kneeled next to you. “Hoseok, but we call him J-Hope,” he pointed to a man with bright orange hair. “Yoongi, but we call him Suga,” he pointed to a guy who looked done with this game. “Namjoon, but we call him rapmon,” he pointed to a guy who smiled and had dimples. “Jimin,” he pointed to the shortest guy with black hair. “And Jungkook, he’s the youngest,” he finished and pointed to a guy who was pretty tall with brown hair and highlights.

“So I’m guessing you didn't take the news about the game well?” Namjoon asked you, gesturing his hand in a circle at your face. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I didn’t,” you wiped your cheeks harshly, not wanting them to see you in such a vulnerable state. “I wasn’t even good at this game. How am I supposed to get out?”

“Are you kidding?” Jungkook blurted out. Everyone looked above your head, where your username showed, “You’re the number one player.”

You were really taken aback. You never checked the stats of the game, not caring what place you were in. “I am?” you asked, looking at your wrist checking the status for once, and sure enough, there was your name in first place. You checked your wrist again and glanced at each one of their heads to see their places.

Vmaster95- 2nd

Jungmaknae97- 3rd

Sugasleeper93- 4th

Jimin95- 5th

Hobiangel94- 6th

Rapmon94- 7th

Jincook92- 8th

“So we’re all in the top?” you hesitantly asked them.

“I guess so,” Jin replied.

“We have to get out of here somehow,” Jimin trailed off.

“So, do you guys-” you were cut off by the loud screeching of a coffinling. It landed in front of the eight of you and cocked its head back, letting out an earsplitting cry.

‘I guess this is a battle,’ you thought to yourself, pulling out your weapon. She was a beauty: black case, holding it on your back, black handle with red horizontal stripes. The blade was clean since you continuously took care of her throughout the game. You looked to your left and right; the boys had all pulled out their most skilled weapon.

Taehyung- spears. While spears and swords are very similar, spears are led rule-confined. They have an undying faith, loyalty, and trust that makes spears their greatest weapon. Their long-length weapons of choice serve to prevent enemies from engaging into close contact with the second line of defense. They're loyal to who they believe in and that’s what makes them such good people. Spear users can be quite stubborn.

Jungkook- ax/hammer. The axe or hammer is usually the province of a brute, though not necessarily one who’s mean-hearted. Many wielders of these brute-strength-based weapons specifically enjoy battle. These weapons rely on leverage and strength.

Yoongi- fists/knuckledusters (aka brass knuckles). Those who brawl rather than mastering a particular fighting style are seen as more brutish and quick to anger. Handy in a fight – a good emergency backup – but, isn’t set for ‘winning’ a fight.

Jimin- bow. The bow is a celebrated long-range weapon generally used to indicate a particularly noble type of heroism, and often a connection to nature.The claim that in real life, soldiers would choose a bow over a crossbow because they felt the latter offered an ease of use that was unworthy of chivalric values.

Hoseok- sword. Slash people's heads off when he's angry, but this doesn't mean he's ruthless. Unique and brave enough to charge at enemy head first. Aggressive and offensive personality.

Namjoon- knife/dagger. Often used by crafty and witty people because while wielding one, it takes skill to quickly dodge and counter oncoming attacks. It takes the ability to predict the next attack and to counter it at the perfect time. A knife can often have a lot of alternative ways to kill (being laced with poison, serrated, or often times, dual sided). Knives can be used in short range and throwing proves it’s a flexibility and the user’s ability to turn on a dime, being able to backtrack and reroute as many times as they need to. Because of it’s wide array of usage, one needs the skill and wits to yield the multi-purpose blade.

Seokjin- glaive. With a defensive personality, he does not attack first. He maintains his position until he is really in danger. Courageous, but also slightly cowardice. The only one with backup weapon as a frying pan. Whip it out as a stunning mechanism and if they ever need, something to cook food on.

Taehyung went first, throwing his spear at the creature’s eye. It dodged, causing the spear to graze it’s ear. Taehyung went to grab for his spare spear, but the creature fringed him aside like he was just a little fly. Jin went over to him to make sure he was okay while Namjoon was up next. He twirled his blades in his hands, holding them both so he could slash the one-eyed ugly monster. He ran towards the green thing and swung his right arm, then his left, cutting the cofflinling’s stomach open, causing green ooze to spill out. He became covered in the stuff, his eyes covered from the guts. The monster took this as an opportunity to shake him off, flying in the eastward direction. Jungkook and Hoseok stepped up to the game, gripping their weapons in their hand tightly. They hit it from both right and left, you saw that they were doing pretty good, and soon Yoongi joined, punching the spots that Namjoon tore open, so the creature would become more wounded. You went to check on Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Are they alright?” you asked Jin.

“They should be fine. They only have some bruises and cuts, which Jimin can fix easily,” he called Jimin over, and he got to work. You turned around and charged towards the boys, letting out a small battle cry. They stopped, turning around quickly to look at you, hurtling towards them, the monster was distracted by the boys so it didn't see you coming, as he flung them in every direction. They landed without damage as you jumped, cutting the monster's head off. As you had jumped though, you felt a stinging in your leg. You ignored it as the head fell down to the ground, and you landed in front of the boys.

“That was a nice move, y/n,” Jungkook said as he wiped the guts off his ax.

“Thanks,” you said and bent down, letting out harsh breaths as you held your knees looking down.

“Are you okay?” Taehyung asked you putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I'm totally -” you couldn't finish as you stood up straight, wobbled on your feet and fell sideways.

“Y/n!” the people you just meet screamed as you felt someone catch your head before you blacked out and hit the ground.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: BRIT AWARDS SPECIAL

So, welcome to... a Tuesday? Yeah, it’s not exactly a usual time for me to post on this blog but it’s not just your everyday episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – That’s right, it’s the 40th ceremony in the annual BRIT Awards celebration, where we – or at least ITV – commemorate the greatest in British pop music. I’ll be celebrating in full force this year, but not by tweeting manically like I did last year – well, there will still be some tweeting; follow me @cactusinthebank – but instead by writing my live commentary right here. I did this a couple years back so I figured I’d bring it back again in traditional, over-analytical, unnecessarily nitpicky fashion. I’ve got an Excel document like I had last year to make not of who wins and compare it to who I think should win. I’m all prepared – it’s time for the 2020 BRIT Awards... unfortunately hosted by Jack Whitehall.

COMMENTARY

Interestingly (This is 10 minutes before the show begins), the International Group Award, Best British Video, Outstanding Contribution to Music and Global Success Awards have been abolished, and British Breakthrough Act, Critics’ Choice Award and British Single of the Year have all been renamed. Also, the BRITs caught flack for less female artists being nominated although last year there was a record amount nominated so I feel like sexism claims can’t really ring all that true in my opinion. It does often seem like male artists have dominated that year of pop music, just as it feel female artists have the previous year, and the BRITs have noticed that, so it just feels a tad lop-sided towards the males this year. I’m playing Devil’s advocate, sure, and I wouldn’t say 2019 has been a bad year for British women in music, but I am able to somewhat defend this decision. I feel like I’d just say that as a little pre-amble. In fact, I’ll add this: this will be less formal and grammatically correct than a normal RTC episode, and perhaps a bit less wholesome or family-friendly. Also, if none of this makes any sense, that’s because it’s out of context completely, and this will make absolutely no sense unless you’re watching it with me or had watched it prior to reading this, but that’s the joy in this! Scorecard at the ready, 19:58, it’s the BRITs in two minutes, and I am prepared to make fun of every issue I pick out.

Jack Whitehall is so unfunny lol Like Haha She Is Cleaning Lizzo Flute But He Look Like Masturbate Ha Ha

I feel like they did not know what they should do for this year

The intro with him trying out iconic BRIT Awards outfits is kinda cool actually

I wonder how far into the future they plan for these. Like are these skits pre-recorded by three months or so

Mabel didn’t really hit that note huh

I won’t really be paying attention to this one because I’m filling out scorecard and all to update it for this year but Mabel is less energetic than she was on the Graham Norton Show months ago

Can’t tell if Don’t Call Me Up has soured on me a lot or this is just a bad performance. Probably the latter

Is this the vocal loop from Mad Love or something I don’t recognise it

Nevermind I’m so dumb it’s from Don’t Call Me Up

The telephone on the screen Because Ha Ha She Says Call Me Up is a bit on the nose

I don’t think they realise she also has a song called Ring Ring

“Please welcome your host Jack Whitehall” No go away

Audience did not like the Boris Johnson joke or even the Chris Martin one lol this gnarly dude is BOMBING

Rod Stewart has eight children what the f

“Horny scarecrow of rock and roll Ronnie Wood” I hope that is on his CV

“A bit of witty banter from Dave” Jack Whitehall Shouted Out The TV Channel Dave

Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved genuinely makes me want to eat a living frog this live version is better though he’s not straining that much

I saw a BBC News piece on a boy with cancer and this was used in the background and I understand it’s a sad, sappy piano ballad but it’s literally just about a break up like that’s a tad unfitting and kinda undermines the illness and tragedy surely

Niall Horan looks SO infused

The production value for these little transitions seems to have improved it actually looks cool and not dated garbage

Lewis Capaldi will win Best New Artist

Lewis Capaldi won Best New Artist

It’s his first BRIT Award but what’s the point in celebrating he’s gonna win like seven more

Dude is coming up to the stage with a bottle of beer in his hand bruh

I bet this dude is going to be the Adele and just get drunk and swear every time he gets an award

He hugged Niall Horan for a concerning amount of time

The audience chanted ‘DOWN IT DOWN IT’ he did not down it

He just shouted profanities into the mic after 40 seconds of delaying it, but the audio was muted so I have no idea why Jack Whitehall Loves This Man

Lewis Capaldi’s music and personality clash so hard like I saw an advert of this man making funny faces set to Someone You Loved and it was so odd

That advert played right after the BRITs by the way lol

Why is Lewis Capaldi on another advert singing Someone You Loved again like stop stop stop pelase i ccant getsv awytsuavforrnjeofityre

JHE’S BACK FOR ANOTHER ADVERT GO AWAY YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT

Why would Mastercard proudly sponsor this sh

How the hell is FKA twigs nominated for best female artist like cool and all her album was good but Huh

I guess they put one alternate win each time

Mabel will win Best Female Solo Artist

Mabel won Best Female Solo Artist

Oh yeah I forgot people actually make speeches

“There are so many amazing women in this category” Mabel Listens To FKA Twigs

Don’t thank your record label they are crooks

I forget that Mabel is Neneh Cherry’s daughter that’s wild. Neneh Cherry won a BRIT too, I think this same award. Cool. Neat.

Jack Whitehall’s sarcasm and dryer wit is not exactly the best fit for the BRITs. For once I miss Ant & Dec

Harry Styles Is Literally Wearing Pajamas

This is an ok song and with actually good vocal mixing it’s better but he does sound a bit off. He did get robbed before the awards happened though lol

I am sick of guys singing ballads with a e s t h e t i c backgrounds like can we get some volcano eruptions up in this

The Rising Star and British Producer Awards (new awards) were already given out I feel like cheating

Literally the only nomination for the British Producer of the Year was fred

He won

Another break bruh bruh bruh give me a break

Harry Styles’ Pajamas Are Wet Now He Was Standing In Water

Little simz is on an advert afterwards with an amazing song from her amazing album but she’s not nominated for any award

Im so tired like this shit is keeping me awake last year i fell asleep during a jess glynne performance

Liam payne performed a month before the ceremony and his album fell 31 places on the chart in response

Jack Whitehall called himself a lanky streak of piss this man might get an Ofcom Complaint

Lizzo’s really pushing that title track huh

Lizzo didn’t censor herself on the Grammys but her breathy ‘uh’s are making some lines unintelligible lol

This is a good song though

LOL SHE STOPPED FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CONTINUE HER SENTENCE BUT NOBODY SAID THE LINE YIKES

I guess she forgot Truth Hurts didn’t even peak in the top 20 here

Good as Hell is the one people here care about

She knows that they didn’t respond in Truth Hurts because she said ‘sing along if you know it’ lol

She kinda messed up but to be fair she is walking and singing with the audience

That White Guy With The Crap Hair Killed It

Drummer is going wild

I love the extra guitar flourishes in Juice this is pretty cool actually, her interpolating Cause I Love You at the same time is pretty epic this actually sounds pretty great I’d love for this whole medley to be on streaming

She yelled ‘biiitch’ but the mic did not catch that

Ronnie Wood Really Got The Positive Vibes

Lewis Capaldi will win Best Male Solo Artist

(Michael Kiwanuka got like no applause god damn at least give them pity applause)

ROIGHT and tha winna ***upside down*** is STRORMZY

Stormzy won Best Male Solo Artist

(Second time by the way)

Clean version of Vossi Bop kinda slap Ngl

Stormzy TOWERS over Ronnie Wood lol dude is tall

“Um.”

“Best Male is nothing without incredible females” Cool cool

Ronnie is about to tell Stormzy why he thinks he should go back to his own country and that He’s Not Actually Racist

(Those allegations are baseless. My lawyers advised me to say so.)

Jack Whitehall touched audience feet

We’re already nearly an hour in wow

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADVERT BREAKS

Yes Yes

Hell yeah dave is awesome, he got his Top Boy co-star to work as a hype man before him

I think this is Black? If so that’s amazing I love that song

It’s Black he has it written on his white piano

The only white piano is slowly turning more black

I like the headlines and all the imagery on the piano it’s really cool

Dave is a tad off beat but he’s also playing a double-sided piano so understandable

A white dude is playing the other side of the piano I’m sure that’s symbolic

He is aggressive in this delivery damn he’s killing it

Some of this imagery is beautiful – especially the BRIT Award being covered by black snakes and the Arabic writing transitioning into an Africa with colonial borders

This was an amazing performance, especially with the violins. Incredible.

OH THERE’S ANOTHER VERSE ABOUT BORIS JOHNSON

The least racist is still racist damn right

This works as an obituary as well damn.

I’d have to analyse this whole thing but this was an incredible performance oh my god

I want this on streaming

When did this man help a terrorist plot wh

Paloma Faith Sounds Like A Robot Who Is Vaguely Feminist

Burna Boy will win International Male Solo Artist

(I so want Tyler to go home with it though. Could go to Post as well)

It’s just whoever shows up gets it though so

WHOA

WHAT THE HELL

TYLER THE CREATOR WON HOW

TAHT IS AMSGWYUFE

THE RADIO HOST SAID IGOR WRONG BUT ITS OK TYLER WON

Tyler, The Creator won International Male Solo Artist

This gnarly dude just said ‘errr yeah errr’

“Shout out to all the British funk from the 80s I try to copy”

LOL THE THERESA MAY CALL OUT HAHAH

I FORGOT HE WASNT ALLOWED IN THE UK

Bts is not a british group, presenter

Coldplay will win Best British Group

Foals won Best British Group

I am actually so surprised lol at Tyler and Foals winning their first BRITs

More alternative dudes winning I guess. Neat. Means a lot

Stop thanking your corrupt labels

The name’s eyelash

I haven’t actually heard her Bond theme yet

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho

I like it. The whispery tone of her voice, the eerie strings (cello?), and slick guitar really fit the Bond franchise. Thank you Billie Eilish, very cool!

No Don’t Talk To Lizzo Don’t Talk To Anyone Jack Whitehall

“There was so much energy they could have done the whole performance for me” well not exactly mrs. Lizzo

This is so awkward we can’t hear what Lizzo is laughing at Harry Styles looks pissed

‘floutists’ is the name for flute players huh

I’m so confused what is going on

Lizzo is threatening jack Whitehall with a flute and within the transition to the break i could hear a slight faint shout from jack in the background

Is everyone ok

More people that i wanted to win than who i expected to win are winning

Sam Fender is haha funnie but nobody in the audience thinks so lol

Celeste is performing she’s the new Rising Star award she has already had a bit of a crack but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the song

This song is ok

Bit boring tbh. Audience is getting tired too. This is lasting like 5 minutes and the song is pretty flavourless and repetitive. Yawn snore

We’re about half way through and I’ve kind of lost interest ngl

Honestly lewis capaldi did better than celeste on jah

Jack Whitehall is having a mental breakdown right now. Understandable

Billie Eilish will win International Female Solo Artist

Billie Eilish won International Female Solo Artist

Lizzo looks so disappointed for whatever reason lol like did we really think anyone else would get this award

Sporty Spice is in the background dancing to everything i wanted that is not a song you dance like that to it’s about suicide

This speech is going terribly

Why are so many of these gnarly dudes signed to polydor

Thank you Billie Eilish very cool

No Jack Whitehall Don’t Talk To Harry Styles

Harry Styles looks like he hates Jack Whitehall so much

The Lizzo-Harry-Jack Whitehall love triangle is Awkward And Awful

Lizzo is the only reason the brit awards are good

Ok the exchange about Harry Styles not being taken seriously was pretty funny

In fact this whole exchange was very funny And Partially About Incest

“Is one of these lucky ladies your date?” “That’s my sister”

Lizzo is chugging the tequila

Harry Styles Looks Like He Pissed Himself

The BRIT awards have suddenly become very confusing

Epic Stormzy Time

Genuinely have no idea what song he’ll perform. Probably Vossi Bop?

Stormzy Should Keep The Singing To His Backing Vocalist And Choir

Gospel beat sounds sweet

I think this is supposed to be Lessons but the studio version is so much duller than this version. This one is pretty cool. I think it’s the choir

I’d be surprised if he only does Lessons. Also the production value here was crazy. Full band, pyrotechnics and all.

Oh yeah it’s Vossi Bop time he’s got the red lighting

Nevermind it’s Wiley Flow lol but still

Reminds me of when Kanye did All Day (also the audio got muted for a long period of time just like when Kanye did that)

This one is more choreographed though lol

Why did he perform two of the least popular songs first though

Burna Boy is coming out for Own It alright, he sounds just as good as studio, probably because He’s Not Actually Singing

I don’t like this song but the choreography is great, stage presence is good and the visuals are incredible. Really shows that even with the worst material, you can make a song sound as lively as ever. The horns the live band added to Own It sound beautiful

Burna Boy’s little solo bit was great

He got away with saying “Sucking on their mums” nice

I hadn’t heard Rainfall before this I don’t think (it sounds familiar though), but the mashup with Praise You was great. I love the sight of Stormzy in front of family members, the young men in black outfits from Wiley Flow, the tropical clothes-bearing women from Own It, Burna Boy, the live band, and all. It’s really a nice diverse sight to see. Cool cool. This probably means absolutely nothing but I Am Knackered

Someone You Loved will win Song of the Year

I really hope it’s Ladbroke Grove though. It and Location feel very emblematic of 2019, in a way that I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber DEFINITELY isn’t

Someone You Loved won Song of the Year

“Biggest winner of the night so far” there’s only one award left mate

Lewis Capaldi Is A Very Funny Man

“Thanks to my grandmother for dying”

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho [2]

Heard a very british voice say “i luv yoo bilie” in the audience lmao

Lewis Capaldi will win Album of the Year

I’d prefer literally anyone else to win this award. Only one of these albums was a 7/10 or above but Lewis Capaldi’s album was unlistenable

OH HELL YEAH THE ONLY GOOD ONE WON

Dave won Album of the Year

Epic I love that album. It could very well have been Capaldi but since Dave won the Mercury Prize I guess he would have been a better prediction

People are screaming man’s lost for words

“Jesus Christ!” dude’s so astonished lol

I loved Dave’s speech actually very inspiring

“Jack, I’m gonna do this one for your mum, Hilary” bruh  rod stewart really saying ‘ur mom’ jokes out here

I love Rod Stewart’s raspy voice man. Orchestra’s great. This is beautiful lol

Gnarly dude got the guitar solo

Conclusion

I cannot be bothered to write some massive conclusion but most of the performances were great and emotionally powerful, especially Stormzy, Dave, Billie and Rod Stewart, and even those who were a bit crap performing were very funny on stage, like Lewis Capaldi. The on stage banter was really cringe-worthy but Jack Whitehall, Harry Styles and Lizzo had this really funny triangle going on. The outro with Ronnie Wood and the rest of Rod Stewart’s band was great, Stormzy’s extended performance was sweet. This was actually a pretty great BRITs, to be honest, and all of the winners, except a select few, deserved it, and if they didn’t, it was pretty expected. There could have been some more winners – off the top of my head, Slowthai and Little Simz weren’t even nominated, but hey, Tyler won. That’s great. The scorecard will be on Twitter. In the words of the BRIT Award winners in 2020, “errr yeah errr”, and thanks for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[surge42-blog]

Do What Thou Wilt: A sermon by Ab-Soul

Ab-Soul's Do What Thou Wilt album is perhaps one of his most controversial offerings. Soul having called it a love story and female appreciation album, it baffles many listeners when they listen to the album because it seems as if Soulo is throwing too many concepts all over the place.....or is he? After a random listening of the album I picked up a something out of nowhere. EVANGELISM The album starts out aggressive as it kicks off with RAW(backwards). Soul starts out by evangelizing listeners as the Carson native raps "another Baptism by Pastor Black Lip". What is he evangelizing them from? Well it's answer in hook which goes "we don't wanna hear that whack shit no more",which could be directed towards his contemporaries who rap about money,hoes,clothes,drugs dealing, and glorifying the gang life. The "battlemongers"(haters) called him a reject as he puts considering how much negativity he's gained from his previous album "These Days...",but Soul doesn't allow this to deter him. Then comes the most notorious part of the sing,which is a jab at Jay Electronica who was featured with Kendrick over the controversial Control track. It should be noted that there has been tension between Kenny and Jay after the chain of events set off by Lamar's verse. Ab protests that "it hurts when an O.G who was supposed to be a G.O.D is standing next to King Kunta(Lamar) feeling like Tobi",he means that it saddens him to see a respected artist as Electronica shows signs of having an inferiority complex for a song verse that was not really supposed to have bothered him...or anyone for that matter. This song is called RAW(backwards) which is WAR,not physical but rather a war of words,Soul's preachings are a weapon to fight against the problem he is yet to elaborate on. "Cause we don't die, we just multiply,divide and conquer": Ab-Soul's fan base or rather converts keep growing despite any hindrances (These Days...). He warns listeners that "the truth is scary" and that they must brace themselves for his teachings and making the listener anxious. "Wicked as Aleister Crowley" is a line Soul has used time and time again...not to be misinterpreted by any means,he is comparing himself to Crowley because Soul has cult following of fans similar to how Crowley had a cult following of converts. The next song Braille comes in with a wonderful Bas feature. But why Braille? Braille is a writing system used by the blind in place of normal alphabets,it is an unusual alphabet system for the normal seeing person which makes sense as I continue to explain. The song begins with the hook "Try saying something new,ain't nothing new to say, everything been did each and every which way" in reference to the wack shit that Soul spoke of: the repetitive songs about money,fame,women etc. But he continues "you ain't never seen it done like this" meaning Soul is about to bring something new to the masses,something out of the ordinary kinda like making non-blind people read Braille..am I right? The song doesn't seem all that 'new' as you listening to it,Soul uses a generic flow,and raps about the same things he just called wack("we went from Pentos to Benzos" along with the braggadocio that ccomes with hip-hop), although he does keep his witty lines accompanied by Bas' killer verse. This song seems more like a parody of today's music really...until the end of course. The beat becomes distorted and Ab raps "What the tongue can't taste,what the eyes can't see,what the ears can't hear",it's about his subject matter of the album,stating to the evangelized listener that it makes no sense or better yet,it is unfathomable. Huey Knew THEN begins to play its sinister instrumental. This song is about the financial prosperity of the black man as Soul begins with a rendition of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air theme. Will Smith on the show portrays a young man from his low income lifestyle in Philadelphia moving to a neighborhood of wealth. Soul raps "I gotta shoot a fuckin' free throw to make my point". A longstanding stereotype about the black man is that the only way a black man can make it out of poverty is through basketball. Now onto Huey, the man who the song is named after. He was a civil rights activist fighting for the equality of the black man in order give him a chance to prosper but the system has been designed to keep the black man from achieving: the guns and drugs prevalent in black neighborhoods which lead to gang wars and the likes. Black out is used as a metaphor for death,black out being a minor sleeping state which is considered the cousin of Death which is in turn reaffirmed by the reference of the pale white horse. Telling white lies refers to the underhandedband shady dealings of gangbanging which also leads to the demise of the black man. "White lives matter when I black out" means white people become the topic of discussion in the death of a black man(such as the case of Trayvon Martin). Soul talks about "looking for shortcut to be an icon" but later says he's only doing it for the money,but not in a condescending way,he means he's doing it to make a living for himself as a black man with limited opportunity. And then the line "your 16 is pint sized to me" is referring to the rappers he addresses in RAW(backwards) and Braille meaning that their raps are meaningless to him,and furthermore lack true meaning to him. In the first three songs of the album Soul directs our attention away from these unnamed rappers and directs us towards him instead. This is the evangelism phase of the album. But wait...there's more. Huey was part of the Vanguard and it is a known fact that women were not allowed to join in. This sets the stage for the next song. THE SERMON Now that Ab-Soul has converted you and baptized you into his religion, he begins his sermon to the new and old converts(fans). He begins his song Threatening Nature with "this time around we're taking atheists to church,serving serpents with sermons with curse words". He talks to not only the nonbelievers of God but also the sinners using his profanity filled raps. Soul says his heart pumps the same blood as Jehovah's son or rather Joseph meaning Jesus. White people have long used religion to paint other races as inferior,but this statement by Soul challenges such a notion firstly because Jesus was a human like anyone else and on top of that he wasn't even white to begin with,this is continuing the theme of racial equality from the previous track. He challenges (threatens) the norm(nature) that he is white. Soul then switches the focus from race to something else...gender. He says "coming with lies to tell fairies(women) out of nowhere to help my selfish desires(sex)",Soul talks about how he deceived women into sleeping with him. "My life is about the vices(sin)" no explanation needed. Then he opens the first book of the bible and takes us to the garden if Eden. He talks about Adam,"If Eve never ate that apple he'd be mad sad",apple in this sense refers to Adam's sexual organs(the forbidden fruit),"and would've never pulled the leaves off of Eve and seen all that ass like a true man",Soul details how men use women as sex objects by using the example of himself and Adam and he says its "10 times harder fighting temptation". Men are tempted to feed their primal urges to have sex with women,but he is by no means defending men. Soul criticizes men by telling them that they bow down to pray to a man they don't understand (God) and get on one knee to propose to women(getting married without understanding the true meaning or purpose of marriage). Oh I love this part,"in grade school I learned about HIStory but what about HER story,did anybody ask?". In history women are not represented as much as they should and thus are overlooked in most cases. If it's not about the founding FATHERS,JFK,the first man on the moon, Martin Luther King,or Obama then it's rarely about women. "Tryna flower Queen Elizabeth",in a male run world it seems that in most cases the female power(Queen Elizabeth) is always shut down and dismantled(deflower). Soul says Genesis is the genealogy of Isis. With all that is going on around the world I can bet all my money that we all thought about the terrorist group ISIS...you know I'm right. But I think Soul is referring to the Egyptian goddess worshipped as the ideal MOTHER and WIFE. Isis is held in high regard and using her to symbolize Eve says a lot. "The chicken came before the egg"...uhm,hold that thought for now I'll explain that later. Soul goes back to HIStory when he talks about his ancestors picking cotton to their liberation from slavery today(Huey Knew) but we were so focussed on everything else that we forgot about speaking out on sexism because "the black man could vote before the women could". We sing hymns in church but what about the hers Soul asks with his witty wordplay. "Hilary Clinton tryna get ahead in the senate",Hilary was so close to making history as America's first female president the most powerful spot in the world,something that seemed like a dream at first but the fact that she didn't become president proves Soul's point even more on how the female power is always shut down. Soul says "getting head and I'm sinning"(female sex object theme). Men don't want to see a woman in power,they rather they cook,clean,pleasure them in bed...such a travesty don't you think? TESTIMONY OF THE PRIEST In mid-sermon, Ab-Soul takes a moment to talk about his sins as a man. The beginning of his testimony starts with Womanogany. In the song Soulo uses the imagery of Aphrodite (goddess of love,beauty,pleasure,and procreation) and her son Eros (god of desire,erotic love, attraction,and affection) and how they play tug of war with him. Aphrodite symbolizes genuine love while Eros symbolizes lust and thus Soul struggles between forming a genuine relationship with a woman and sleeping with a woman just for the sake of sleeping with her. This theme echoes throughout the hook that goes "I LIKE girls that's in LOVE with me". Soul manipulates women's attraction to him to please his sexual desires and confirms this when he says "gave her morning wood and rolled my wood in the morning" (one night stand). ScHoolboy Q's part on the hook "From the womb to the tomb nigga,keep that womb in that tomb nigga" is about some of the women aborting their babies(from the womb to the tomb) after Soul defiled them. A SINNER'S PRAYER The testimony continues as Soul details his calls for God's favor (an invocation) in the next song. Soul has been womanogamous(slept with so many women) and worries that his behavior might harm him as he symbolizes pussy as destructive and dangerous (Sexually Transmitted Infections). "That's why the wealthy need welfare",many affluent(wealthy) men have used their money for sexual favors and like Soul they fear for their health. In the hook Soul raps "He is I and I am Him" meaning he is a God...or rather God the Son(Jesus), symbolism he used heavily in "These Days...",and he also raps "I pray to Lord my soul's a G,if I O.D before I awake,I pray I ressurect on the third day". If you look closely at that line Ab is spelling out the word GOD,and also with the ressurection part he is praying it the Lord that he reaches a state of godliness and righteousness before he dies. Soul continues comparing himself to Jesus as people talk about him at barbershops and white kids wanting his autograph, his fame is spreading just like that of Christ, and like Christ he too is challenging the norms of his time. This prayer to God as I said is for Soul to be righteous and flee his sinful nature(sex). But like any recovering sinner he stumbles too as he says "Come suck Jesus'(Ab-Soul's) penis on Venus (desire)" going back to treating women as objects of sexual fulfilment. This is also relates to how women would want to satisfy Jesus in anyway they can(story of Mary Magdalene),the only difference her is that unlike Jesus who didn't seek sexual pleasure, Soul did. The Crowley and Jesus references go hand in hand because they also thought Jesus was spreading an evil doctrine although he was trying to enlighten people. Soul talks about "faith without the 'h' ",it is fait(fate) which is destiny...our destiny to go to "where the arc of the covenant is still" (Heaven). FELLOW SINNERS We move on from the struggling Ab-Soul and focus on his peers on Wifey vs. WiFi. This song is about Soul's friend,Riley. On verse 1 Riley gets arrested for possession of drugsdrugs and we hear the cell doors close on him. The hook is Riley reprimanding his girl(Wifey) for complain about missing her calls when he has to deal with matters of doing time in prison. In verse two Riley complains to Soul about his(Riley's) mother always arguing to him(most likely about his mistakes which lead him into prison), and calls her devil which Soul reacts to by telling Riley to "chill" and Riley continues to insult his mother(misogyny theme) by correlating the word "MOM" to it's corresponding numbers on the dial pad (666). Then we move on to Riley on the inside of prison,portrayed by BR3. This details Riley's survival on the inside of prison and somehow making many to send to his mother. He asks "why did I have to lose the case?" and continues "I feel like Biggie when he lost faith". Riley's life has been controlled by the system because of the life he chose(drug dealing,banging,etc). He has lost faith in having a better future and lost faith in God (although he reaped what he sowed). His life has spiraled and to top things off he suspects his girl is having sexual relations with other men. Riley chose the thug life which is about the masculinity that comes with street cred,and machismo which is evident in his disrespect of his mother and girlfriend. There's a Boondocks reference here. Huey the older brother is the activist fighting for civil rights of black men and Riley the younger brother is the one with an affinity for the thug life. But even with this difference they share one thing in common....they forget about the women. Riley aught to repent from his sinful ways like Soul but he doesn't. IT'S A SINNER'S WORLD Riley is saddened that he had to lose his case. But some sinners were luckier than Riley who are able to elude the clutches of prison. They are better off because they don't allow the system to send them off to every black man's perceived destiny (prison) so they beat the case like runaway slaves fleeing from their oppressors. But they're oblivious to the fact that their actions contribute to the control system. Straight Crooked sheds more light on the situation on people like Riley. "A prisoner's best asset is his liability (lie ability)",the criminals who beat their cases in the court room lied their way out of their situations and misleading the law enforcement (don't snitch). Ab calls the government a Muppet show or rather a joke of a system which is used to keep the black man from succeeding. Huey tries to break this system to give the black man equal opportunity to financially prosper but in failing to do so people like Riley resort to criminal activity to try and financial prosperity. All the efforts seem to be in vain. DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER Portishead In The Morning begins with Soul reviving his Jesus reference by calling himself a demigod (half human half god). Soul tells us he's "the brightest silver lining" and urges the converts at the service to not "make me take my light back". This sentence relates to one of Soul's lines "You can have all my shine I'll give you the light" as in the phrase "shed light"(knowledge/information). Like Jesus he tries to spread a message and urges listeners to withhold this knowledge which has been withheld from them by the system (forbidden knowledge). He asks congregants if they view him as man carrying a message(prophet) or think this is just Soul using a gimmick for financial gain(profit). They acknowledge his intellect but they tell him to dumb it down to gain greater appeal from the masses. Ab-Soul tests the male listeners in his sermon by asking a trick question: "Do you really wanna go to Heaven? Ain't no bitches mentioned". There are no female figures mentioned to be in heaven, all Angels that have been mentioned have been male, God is male,cherubs have various body parts with the head of a man. Soul paints a picture of divine sausage fest but the question is used to test the hearts of men, would they rather go to heaven or go to hell to fornicate as much as they want to. He references his song from Control System "Bohemian Grove" which is about the club of the same name which rejected women from joining, which it has been criticized for being misogynistic. In a way Soul's question is also sarcastic because he knows women are allowed in heaven(I ain't sexist,I'm inviting sisters too) so why doesn't the Grove do the same? Soul grabs the attention of atheists when he says the devil is a creation and not a creator and quotes the scientific law "energy is not created nor destroyed". God is energy because he is the uncreated creator. He uses science to prove the existence of God to the atheist converts. Describing the devil in an opposite way makes him less powerful and godlike and making him more inferior (Soul is not a satanist guys remember that). Soul ends with "God gotta be a thot". Let me explain, this song comes after two songs about sinners and criminals who have no problem in disrespecting women so this is where Soul addresses the misogynists in the room because God gave birth to Adam, thus making him a lifegiver meaning God is a female in that sense so by disrespecting the females you're nalso disrespecting God too. THOT is a term of disrespect for women so therefore if men call women thots(that.hoe.over.there) then you're pretty much calling God a that too....I hope you understood what I meant in that explanation. So when Soulo talks about the blood from your brain and beat rushing elsewhere (penis) and can't think and can't run(function) which is pretty much how men are when they are around these so called thots,they get horny and let their instincts drive them without thinking about what is it they are doing(which is defiling women),so this is Soul sort of asking you "you defile women,do you want to defile God too now?"(obviously the answer from the congregants at Soul's funeral should be no). Soul is teaching them a harsh lesson here to respect women. THE TRUTH IS SCARY Ab-Soul pretty much dropped a bombshell in the previous track which made way for the scary truth he spoke of earlier in the album which is God's A Girl...but it's more of a question from the congregants "Reverend are you really saying God's A Girl?". Some might think Soul contradicts himself,"you shit on us for calling women thots but you call them bitches",but Soul has stated in an interview with Soul that nowadays the term "bitch" is more of a term of endearment, kinda how men calk each other dawgs(dogs) so the female equivalent would be bitch. God's A Girl? is a second testimony by Soul. He starts by saying "you got me crying with a hard dick,I love you so much that I hate this shit",Ab trying to keep to his promise to refrain from his sexual urges says he cares about women that he hates the fact he has this urges in the first place, but then Soul reverts to sin when he says "come have sex with Jesus(Ab-Soul)" and "do your job" followed by a woman moaning during sex. He now uses women as sex objects again and being misogynistic again by telling the woman to do her job(sex). He thought he learned from his mistakes on Womanogamy but failed as he gives in to temptation. He shows the men he addressed in the previous song that "I too am not perfect so don't feel too ashamed when you also slip up". Soul raps "all I got is Goddess,I'm a heroine addict"......Soul becomes womanogamous again. The song pauses as Soul has a conversation and in the background we hear SZA's chorus on God's Reign...you do the math. In the second part of song,Soulo fell off way hard as he talks about going to rehab and the possibility that he might relapse(Soul's repentance and return to sin). He winds up acting like the rappers he addressed in RAW(backwards) as Soul raps about the "wack shit" too such as indulging in alcohol with peers,trying live recklessly like a rock star, getting fellatio in an expensive car and bragging about having more money than certain individuals. Towards the end Soulo contemplates his actions. "On the mountain top about to cry cause it gets so lonely up here",like any rise to fame it gets lonely at the top,he has the money but not the happiness. "Is anyone out there? Can anybody hear me?" is where he references his song from Longterm 2 of the same name where he raps about selling his soul and "Am I the next Shakur or an attention whore"...this is what Soul became,"I could save you with quotes"...this is what Soul needs to be again. This is the point of the song where he gets sense knocked into him and he realizes how much he's fallen and scrutinizes the world around him which is the "generation of complacency (self satisfaction)",the same world he became a part of for a moment. Soul vows to better himself to do the right thing when he puts his "right hand in the Bible with you". In his testimonies he has just revealed to us his demons and vows to try his best to change for the better and to leave his life of self satisfaction and misogyny. Now Jesus (Ab-Soul) goes back to his mission of trying to teach listeners. He raps "my ancestors came on a mother ship so I had to take it farther(father)". A child is born of the mother and lives under the rules and guidance of the father,Soul's ancestor(Adam) came on a mother ship(given birth by God) and lived under the rules of his father(also God). The song title is a question of whether God is a girl or not but the way Soulo puts it he is saying "Yes,God is a girl....but...he's also a man,so he's both" meaning God is equally male and female. This is a powerful revelation from Soul because what this teaches us is that even by divine law men and women are equal(the whole point of feminism). TAKE THE TRUTH AND EAT IT And Now You Know the scary truth Soul was hinting at in the beginning,the theory that the chicken(mother) came before the egg(child). At this point Soul knowing that this is a lot for you take in tells you to "try to relax". This track serves as a revision as Soul rreprises the line "I'm just a youngin' Del Amo"(Huey Knew),"cups with ices"(alcohol from God's A Girl?). Soul talks about being "miseducated, misled,misinterpreted, misunderstood, mistaken,misjudged" and a misfit causing mischieve. Majority of these words pretty much mean "I had things all wrong" and noting the "mis-" prefixes Soul is saying not only did he have women all wrong but also that he was doing them wrong. When he said "all you feminists should be on my dick for this shit" he meant they aught to be Stans (dickriders) for coming with a such a powerful and elaborate means of promoting feminism. Soul says he would change out the 'y' in mystery with an 'i' meaning that he is now figuring out women and what they want...which is to be treated as equals. He references the Bohemian Grove song intro. Thus reminding us of the objective of gender equality. Soul alludes to his conception in the womb as he talks about meiosis and mitosis (cell division) and floating through a body of water(sperm swimming in uterus) and says "And you know why I love my momma so much" is because his mother gave him life(God's A Girl) which hints the hook of the next song. At the end of the song Soul takes a misogynistic pledge which is basically a summary of his old self and also clarifying to the male listeners on what constitutes to misogyny. THE PAIN OF THE PRESENT D.R.U.G.S is a call for help from Soul. Soul talks about his personal and emotional issues and the pain he tries to take away with drugs. Mac sings "I can't help myself I think I need some help" but the only help present to Ab is his drugs which have become his crutches. Towards the end he says "Aderall Admiral give Danny credit",Aderall Admiral is a song by Danny Brown about the drug Aderall. It should be noted that at one point in time Danny went onto Twitter to vent about his internal pain telling people that he doesn't do drugs because it's cool,he does drugs becausenhe has problems in his life and Danny has hinted at suicidal tendencies on his song "30". Soul referencing Danny in such a way tells us that behind the calm shades lies a broken man as we see in the album cover. He openly asks us his "brethren" to alleviate his pain. Ab-Soul has been using the Jesus symbolism throughout the album,so this moment on D.R.U.G.S is reminiscent of Jesus crying during prayer asking God to free him from the suffering he'll endure during his trial and crucifixion. This is the moment in the Bible where Jesus shows that he too is human with fear and pain. Soul is human too with problems like anyone else even though he keeps his composure in the public eye. In the music video for this song Soul calls to check up on his mom(God) and says he'll be coming home soon. But in Soul's background we can see Jerusalem as he says he's coming home(Heaven). This means souls will be crucified for our sins(album art of These Days...) and ascend to heaven. Don't Ruin Us God Said is lyrical reference to Lupe Fiasco's song "They.Ressurect.Over.New" which Soul is featured on. This means Soul will die and rise again (his song Stigmata) into something new and transformed....or rather reincarnated(which is the theme of T.R.O.N) this could also be hinting at Andy Weir's short story called The Egg where God says we are all one entity living out different incarnations of ourselves also giving a secondary meaning to Ab-Soul's line "he is I and I am him,they ain't me and I ain't them" meaning we are all different incarnations but we are one. This theme of unity ties in with the feministic theme of the album of male and female equality or in spirit science terms: unity of male energy(logic and analytical thinking) and female energy (creativity and abstract thought),unity of yin and yang to find peace and thus reach nirvana, a place of no suffering. This is the penultimate conclusion of Tetsuo & Youth which life,death,reincarnation("proceed to the next level") and finally Nirvana. Tetsuo & Youth is the game and Do What Thou Wilt is our instruction manual to get us to nirvana. TRIBUTE TO THE DEAD Evil Genius is a memorial service of Alori Joh(Ab's deceased girlfriend). He gathers longtime Alori Joh collaborator and friend Javonté for the ceremony. Soul first talks about himself as the misunderstood "evil" genius although his motives are good and talks about how Alori would help Soul as a partner in crime and calls her an evil genius too because she understood Ab and his motives. In the hook Soul references the song "Let You Shine" by Alori which he referenced on "The Book Of Soul' too,plus he even samples the song on Evil Genius but the song is distorted and gives it a ghostly feel. The last time Alori was heard was on Section.80 and Control System and so this is like Alori's ghost ressurecting and Teedra Moses' voice which is eerily similar to Joh's indeed makes it seem like she is rising from the grave. On D.R.U.G.S,Soul has a void in his heart which only Joh would've been able to fill and thus Soul realizes even more how alone he is and starts to break down. A BISHOP'S TEARS On Lonely Soul reiterates how much he is misunderstood as he baffles people like the Baphomet. The Baphomet anatomy is all over the place and is confusing and misunderstood by onlookers but in the madness there is meaning,kinda like Soul's lyricism,but the only person who understood Soul is dead and gone and he feels out of place. He sulks in this song telling people to "Leave me (a)lone". He goes back to his crutch,drugs[lavender(purple kush) and pastel green(chronic)]. When he is asked "What happens after Control System?" he replies "the system controls me". The loss of Alori hit Soul so hard and it heavily accounts for his reckless nature in his testimonies stated above and how the depression he felt made him even more vulnerable to the system and sinning. He says "a coward killed my brother Georgiano and his momma"(the thug life/Riley). The loved ones around him are dying and adds on to his depression. The only person who could help was Alori. Soul is the male energy which is destructive in the absence of the female energy (Alori),emphasizing the importance of a woman in a man's life. Soul is the Black Lip Pastor and Alori was his priestess. Alori made "The Love Religion",an album full of live songs dedicated to Soul. In the absence of the priestess,The Black Lip Pastor now takes over The Love Religion and is about to minister to us what the law of this religion is....."Love is the law,love the only law" as SZA sings. Soul gains his composure at this point of the sermon. Ab revisits the past and in a way "The Law" can be seen as a bonus track for "The Love Religion". He talks about getting money to feed his female(Alori). "We are divided to restore the balance" and remember the song by Alori "Happy Medium ft. Ab-Soul" where the couple is engaged in argument(divided) and they make up after Soul says "You know I'm tryna make your family my in-laws". The song is nicely completed by Rhapsody as she says "we took him(men) to heaven where those golds and arcs are at" as a cherry on top to what Soul has been saying throughout the album in the importance of women in the lives of men and reaffirming that male energy cannot function without female energy. THE END OF THE SERMON YMF is Soul rapping up the sermon. The hook basically means that Soul is a sinner like everyone else and in a way states that we need love to get through life. Love for each other not only as blacks and whites,natives and foreigners, but also as men and women. "Another portions of the big picture that you'll leave out of the portrait that you will paint for me",Soul is the portrait,and the woman in his life is destined to finish the portrait and finally make Soul to be whole. God is love God is peace God is a man God is a girl Women are the missing piece of men needed to bring peace into their lives and as such should be treated with respect. Soul is a Young Mind Fuck who is misunderstood, waiting for a woman who'll understand him so Soul can be at peace in this lifetime and reach a state of Nirvana. At the end of the song God in His female personification brings light into this surround by darkness. I'm not sure if I'm 100% correct but one thing is for certain.... DWTW will go down in history as one of Soul's most powerful albums.

[brandbaskets]

New Post has been published on https://brandbaskets.in/hbo-succession-review-todays-news-our-take/

HBO Succession Review - Today's News: Our Take

Succession, HBO’s new drama series with a comedy pedigree, is a combination boardroom and family drama spiked with acidic humor that will make you grateful for your own dysfunctional family. You all may be broke and screwed up, but that’s better than being a Roy.

The series tells the story of a multibillion-dollar family business, led by media mogul patriarch Logan Roy (Brian Cox), a bastard of the highest order. Logan is 80 years old and in declining health, and his son Kendall (Jeremy Strong) is his heir apparent. Kendall plans to modernize the company once he’s chairman and CEO by investing in digital media and moving away from the archaic old media properties that Logan is still fond of. Kendall genuinely cares about the company, but he also wants to step out of his father’s shadow and get the power and prestige of being the boss. But the old man isn’t ready to step down. On Logan’s birthday, the day Kendall is set to be announced as the new CEO, Logan decides that he’s going to stay on for at least another five years. Not only that, he wants to redraft the family’s trust to give more equity to his children’s stepmother Marcia (Hiam Abbass).

Kendall is furious, and tries to get his siblings Connor (Alan Ruck), Siobhan (Sarah Snook) and Roman (Kieran Culkin) to side with him against his father, but they all have their own agendas. Connor, the oldest, doesn’t want to be involved in the business; he just wants to stick with the winner. Siobhan — “Shiv” for short — also isn’t involved in the business, and is pursuing a career as a political consultant, but she still has her own ideas about how the business should be run, especially since her manipulable fiancé Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) is an executive in the theme parks division. And Roman wants to be COO, a job his father offers him before he suffers a stroke that complicates the plan of succession even further.

Kendall takes over as acting CEO and plots how to keep himself there; meanwhile, his father recovers and plans to take back what’s his. Alliances shift, names get called and business gets way, way, way too personal. It’s basically Arrested Development.

HBO’s Succession Looks Like It’s Funny, but Not a Joke

The story is inspired by the family business squabbles of media moguls like News Corp’s Rupert Murdoch and National Amusements’ Sumner Redstone, which gives it a sheen of timeliness. Showrunner Jesse Armstrong wrote an acclaimed screenplay about the succession fight at News Corp called Murdoch that never got produced and probably got expanded into Succession, though Armstrong is careful to note that Logan Roy is not Rupert Murdoch and there are elements of Shakespeare’s King Lear, the Scottish Clan Maxwell and even the British royal family woven in.

Armstrong is previously known for his work on sharp-edged British comedies like Peep Show and The Thick of It, as well as Veep, which Armstrong wrote for in Season 1. Veep and Succession also share an executive producer in power whisperer Frank Rich, and Veep and The Thick of It creator Armando Iannucci is a clear influence on the new drama. Succession doesn’t have as many jokes as Veep (what does?), but it shares a similar interest in exploring the personality defects of powerful people (greed and hubris, mostly), as well as an abiding love of a witty and profane turns of phrase.

Succession, like Veep, also has a quasi-documentary visual style expressed through shaky handheld cameras and herky-jerky zooms. On Succession, the aesthetic is grating, giving scenes a distracting seasick quality. It’s like watching a Bourne movie without any action sequences.

It’s kind of a tough hang in other ways, too. The characters are all so despicable that it’s hard to care about any of them. The Roys are a “nest of vipers,” as one semi-estranged member of the family puts it, and the unrelenting cruelty with which they treat each other is tiresome, especially when the wit of the dialogue sags, which happens occasionally in the early episodes. HBO sent seven episodes of the 10-episode first season for review, and the show gets better as it goes on, but early episodes can be tough to get through, especially when they’re spending time with bumbling nephew Greg (Nicholas Braun), who the show doesn’t figure out what to do with until Episode 4, and Kieran Culkin’s Roman, who’s such an awful, crude prick that he sucks the air out of every room he’s in. You’re not supposed to like him, but it’s unclear if you’re supposed to dislike him this much, too.

Veep Returning to HBO in 2019

The pilot is directed by Adam McKay, who started with comedies like Anchorman before moving into drama with the excellent financial crisis polemic The Big Short. McKay and Armstrong want to make a work that shows the hollowness of the lives of the loveless superrich, but the level of contempt and outrage that animated The Big Short is hard to sustain over the length of a TV series. You have to want to spend time with these people, and Succession‘s rich jerks aren’t as smart and fun and larger-than-life as the talking Wikipedia articles on Billions, premium cable’s other prominent show about the miserable lives of the wealthy. To McKay and Armstrong’s credit, though, they don’t make being a soulless rich psycho seem cool, which these types of shows and movies usually can’t avoid.

What saves Succession is the strength of the performances, especially from Brian Cox and Jeremy Strong, and how much the writing improves as the schemes start paying off and the show settles into a groove. Cox growls and hectors with disappointment etched into his craggy face, playing Logan as a former King Midas who doesn’t realize that his ability to turn things into gold has turned into turning things into dung. Strong, in his first lead role, rises to the occasion and makes Kendall into a man who’s doing his best with what his father gave him, which is boundless wealth and an unfillable emptiness at his core. He can do that Donald Trump Jr. thing where his face is blank but it still gives away exactly what he’s thinking.

Succession won’t be for everyone, but if you’re in the market for something that will make you grateful for what you have/want to do some class warfare, check it out.

Succession premieres Sunday, June 3 at 10/9c on HBO.

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