#Signatureblock

[thekingjameshrmh]

[-----------------------------------------] LORD HIS EXCELLENCY JAMES HRMH (& HMRH) of Hougun Manor & Glencoe & British Empire MR. Damian A. James Williamson Wills Mr. James A. Williamson et al. Willtech R34P 308/350 IAMSONWILL KING JAMES HMRH KING JAMES HRMH Great British Empire -HRjJ -DA. [--------------------+--------------------] | @CA_23562_AX<--------+ @CA_22562_AN<--------+ @Willtech101<--------+

[jeevisms]

All The Best, Jeeves

Recently, I’ve been paying quite a lot of attention to signature blocks and sign-offs in email. What I have come to find is that the signature block (to include the sign-off) truly is a representation of the sender. Maybe it is just the semiotician in me, but I can’t help reading into the signs and rhetorical choices in a signature block.

Before I get to deep in to this topic, let me say that a catalyst for this was an article my husband forwarded me titled “41 Ways to Sign Off an Email, Defined” by Robin Edds of Buzzfeed. (Here’s a link. I recommend you read it before you read the rest of this post as it may take some of the “funny” out of the article and just make you feel irritated/insulted.) Before I tackle sign-offs let me attack signature blocks. I want to address the “formal”, usually initial signature block first; then I will look at the “reply” signature.

I will be the first to admit that a signature block can be a useful and informative tool. If done well, it will contain the sender’s full name and primary contact information: phone number, physical address/location, perhaps even a fax number (should anyone still use a fax). One piece of information I’ve never quite understood is the email address. Why do people put their email addresses in their electronic signature block? Doesn’t the very fact of me having sent you an email imply that you have my email address? Aren’t you more likely to REPLY to my email rather than retype my address or click on the automatic hyperlink to start a new email to me? If it was a letter sent via snail-mail, I could totally understand putting an email address in there but in an email? Really?

I’m also intrigued by much of the other information people put in a signature block. Let’s consider a few pieces.

Job Title Ok. I can handle that one. It’s important to know who I am talking to not only from a standpoint of their individual identity but also what level of (perceived) authority they have. Am I talking to a Technician or a Director? Am I getting an apology from an ID number in a cubicle or did the Vice President respond personally? (Of course, by “personally” I mean that her executive assistant has authority to copy a form letter, enter my specific details in it, and hit send on the VP’s behalf.)

Similarly, I don’t need EVERY title you have. Just your primary title will do. In fact, could you just stick to the one your company actually lists you as in the payroll department? Coordinator of this, Director of that, Supreme Grand Boobah of the Loyal Order of the Knights of Nothinginparticular.

Yes, I have my job title in my signature block. I put it in there so people know what my role in my company is. My role isn’t the most prominent but it is one that has a very specific function.

Credentials At my “company”, it is customary to list your “degrees” in your signature block. (i.e., BA, BS, MA, MS, PhD, EdD, etc.) Granted, in my industry, degrees are the goals but the competition to “prove” intelligence seems primarily focused on how many stars you have and what color they are. Some of the people I correspond with on a regular basis have signature blocks that read like a Wheel of Fortune puzzle before it’s been solved. “T, please, Pat.”

I don’t put my degrees in my signature block. (See below in case you’re wondering.) I guess I look at it like “Who cares?” Just because I have two degrees doesn’t mean I “smart”. I know plenty of people with doctorates who are some of the most moronic people I know. Just read the email above their signature block and often you can tell if they have any actual intelligence at all or if they were just handed a Certificate of Participation. (I hear that’s the parting gift when you lose on Wheel of Fortune—a “Thank you for playing” certificate and a glossy 8 by 10 of you, Vanna, and Pat.)

But it isn’t just their degrees people put list. People in my company list that they are MBTI Certified, recipient of the thusandsuch award, a member of this organization, or an officer of that committee. They put logos of companies, departments, and clubs. Seriously? For what? Why don’t the guys just start ending their emails with pictures of their penises next to a ruler so that they can compare? For the ladies? I don’t know? Bathroom selfies? I’m not sure how you could then compare between the sexes. Maybe someone out there can create a conversion chart. (Points deducted for “duck face”.)

Flourishes This one is idiotic but to my husband, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. You know what I mean. Fun, zany, or unintelligible fonts. Emoticons, pictures, or quotes. Some folks even go so far as to adopt some form of “stationery”. Really? Why? Unless you’re a grandmother, don’t.

The one that irritates me is the one who uses a standard font for the block and a “Script” font for their actual name. Really? Who are you fooling? Just put your damn name down there. I’m not going to believe that your physical signature looks anything like that. It doesn’t make your email more fancy or official. It just makes you look like a douchebag. You’re not that important. Get over yourself.

Many of us have a “reply” signature as well. I use it. It’s a little less formal but not every email needs my notarized signature. Mine is simple: —��Jeeves” (Granted, it’s not actually Jeeves but you don’t need to know who I am really am, do you?)

I think most reply signatures should be that easy. I mean, what else do you need from me that you don’t already have from my primary email? Do I need to consistently remind you of my title? “Harriet Jones, MP, Flydale North.” (Some of you might get that.) If you don’t know me by the time I reply, that’s your problem.

Let me move on to the sign-off. Hopefully, you’ve read the original article and have some context for where I’m going. My husband has been using “Cine Sera” as his sign off for years. It’s different. It’s one of the things that made me notice him when we first met. He inspired me to adopt “Gratias” as my sign off. I love Latin. It’s a little different. It says “thank you” without the snark. Both of ours are non-committal enough to be acknowledging but not invested.

But, I want to focus on one specific sign off: “Best”. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT’S HOLY? How can you even use that as a sign off? It makes NO sense. The only thing it says to me is that the sender is too lazy or busy to finish a thought. Let’s look at what the word “best” means:

(All of the following are taken from Google Dictionary.)

adjective: of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality.

noun: that which is the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable.

verb: outwit or get the better of (someone)

OK. Now let’s break these down. Best as an adjective means that it is describing something. Best what? Wishes? Regards? Dreams? Travels? Pasta Noodles? Hamster Farts? BEST WHAT, DAMMIT?

*Of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality*, *Jeeves*

Best as a noun. Real simple. This is the best. Like Macs, iPhones, the NY Giants, or vanilla ice cream. Are you declaring yourself as The Best?

*(I am) The Best Jeeves*

And as a verb? To better or outwit someone or something. “The Knight bested the dragon.” Hmm, are you challenging me to outwit you? No sweat.

*(C’mon you,) Best Jeeves!* (Show me what you got! I bet my signature block is bigger than yours!)

Dammit! BEST is not a sign off. It doesn’t say anything. It’s like signing off with:

Green,       Jeeves

or Toy Truck,         Jeeves

or Digesting,         Jeeves

If you use “Best” as a sign off, you are essentially inviting me to an electronic round of Mad-Libs. Don’t make me guess. If you want me to have a nice day, then wish me good day. If you want me fuck off, then just say it!

Fire Hydrant,

Jeeves, M.A., B.A., CHEM Soldier, Cop, Butler, Bartender, Instructor, Coordinator, Advisor, Consultant, Brother, Son, Husband, Dog Owner, and BMW Driver jeevismstumblr@gmail.com

-“Live. Love. Laugh.”