#Well She's a Sergeant Actually so... Sergeant!Pomni

[how-to-train-your-pomni]

Pomni: So... what exactly are you two? Some sort of... weird, polygonal being Caine created?

Salesperson ENA: Hmm... I must be misunderstanding the meaning of your question. I am the only one you are speaking to. Are you suffering from some sort of delusion? *Perks Up and Smiles Deviously* I know someone who is quite known very well for his extraordinary experience in *Lowly* delusional circumstances.

Pomni, wide eyed: Uh... N-no thank you. I think I'll pass on that.

Ragatha: What my friend here means is... well... How do I put this?

Jax: Ya got two faces, toots.

Ragatha: JAX!

Jax: What? It's literally out in the open! We've seen both sides operate, why am I getting yelled at for asking... Uh... *To ENA* You, pronouns.

Salesperson ENA: Whatever you prefer. And, speaking of sides, perhaps you and your colorful group of collective colleagues would be interested in-

Jax, tuning ENA out: Why am I getting yelled at for helping you two idiots ask them a simple question?

Gangle: Do you work like my mask? One represents Comedy, the other Tragedy.

Salesperson ENA: *Tilts Her Head* Why make such an infaccurate statement? You have only one face, just as I and everyone e- *Goes Silent the Moment Jax Slaps Gangle’s Comedy Mask Off* Oh...

Ragatha: JAX! AGAIN, SERIOUSLY?!

Jax: I was helping Crybaby make a point, Rags.

Gangle, sobbing: I was doing so well...

Kinger: Don't worry, Gangle, it's alright.

Jax: Oh, Kinger, I forgot you were here.

Kinger: *Chuckles* Understandable.

Salesperson ENA: Oh... Oh... *Starting to Glitch* O-o-oh... Oh...! OH! AGH- *Switches With Meanie*

Meanie ENA: *Growls* NICE GOING, ASSHOLES! WHAT, DO YOU FIND SOME SORT OF HUMOR IN PULLING AT MY NERVES?!

Jax: Do you want the honest answer, or...?

Meanie ENA: I WANT WHATEVER ANSWER GIVES ME ENOUGH REASON TO *Pulls Her Megaphone Out of Thin Air* RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND USE IT AS MY NEXT JACKET, PETER COTTONTAIL!

Jax: Ooh! Intense! I think I like you a lot more than that shifty salesperson side.

Meanie ENA: ARGH! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK-

Jax: Say, speaking of, do either of you happen to know anyone who specializes in military outfits or affairs? Pom-Pom here's been needing a wardrobe change for a while, and it'd only be fitting.

Meanie ENA, visibly shocked: I... M... M... *Grunts and Switches Places With Salesperson ENA*

Salesperson ENA: A fellow militant traveler, you say? Well, why didn't you say so sooner? *Excitedly* I've been gifted a target, you see, and, while it is quite amusing to peruse these lands with a mission, only God truly knows how cravely I've been for someone of similar interests.

Jax, enjoying every second of this: Oh, yeah? Well then, *Shoves Pomni Towards ENA* Sales, meet Pomni. A high ranking officer of her... uh...

Pomni, flatly: Brigade.

Jax: Yeah. That.

Salesperson ENA: *Scuttles Up to Pomni With an Excited Smile* My, my, my! Why, yes; I can see it in your eyes! The undiluted passion to bring forth undeniable justice to your team! The fire, the brimstone, the true Hell on Earth! *As Her Head Floats Closer to Pomni* Shake my hand, fellow soldier. Let me learn and collect the ways of my sister.

Pomni: Uh... Maybe later. Once we've... *Snaps as an Idea Forms* Once we've gathered every bit of intel about this target of yours. *In a Firmer Voice* Tell me, soldier, where is our enemy located?

Salesperson ENA, practically giggling: *With Stars in Both Eyes* Our target rests upon the hills of the mountainous region beyond the waters! *Stands Straight and Salutes* I've completed the first half of the mission, ridding the lands of toxic smoke! *Takes a Second to Stim* I took on jobs of interest along the way, though it is as God intended, for me to be used as a vessel of hope and satisfaction for those surrounding me!

Gangle: That sounds really lonely.

Salesperson ENA: *Shrugs and Looks Back at Pomni* So, my deliciously cucumbered individual-

Ragatha: "Cucumbered individual"???

Salesperson ENA: *Ignoring Ragatha* Blessed be the lord for dropping your presence in my path of justice!

Jax: Yep! Pomni’s definitely gonna help!

Pomni: Wha- We ALL are going to help!

Jax: Nah-uh, I'm not some brainwashed grunt you can tell what to do just because you were a soldier.

Pomni, frustratedly: I was a Strategist who spent years working my way up to be a First Sergeant.

Salesperson ENA: *Gasps in Awe* Where have my manners been? I'm a disgrace of a soldier! Falling behind in my training and dishonoring a Sergeant! Throw me in with the soldiers of yesterday! I plead- Nay, beg for forgiveness, Sir!

Pomni: Ugh, okay, fine. Whatever. Just... Never grovel like that again.

Salesperson ENA: Sir, yes Sir! *Salutes and Grunts as Meanie ENA Takes Over*

Meanie ENA: What the- What happened? Oh, Runas, what have I done???

Jax, all too eagerly: Poms here is your Sergeant now!

Meanie ENA: *Slowly and Cautiously* My... My Ser...? *Pauses for a Second Before Twitching and Standing Straight and Saluting* SIR! READY FOR MY COMMANDS, SIR!

Ragatha, sarcastically: This certainly won't blow up in our faces.

Jax: I know, isn’t it great?

Gangle: I think we might have different definitions of the word "great".

Kinger: We do? I thought great only had one meaning.

Ragatha: We're gonna die here.

[how-to-train-your-pomni]

Imagine if Pomni Had Been a Military Sergeant in Her Actual Life and the Constant Anxiety is Just a Result of the ~Mysterious Developer(s)~ Not Wanting an Aggressive Character in the Circus

Jax: *Pulls a Prank on Gangle* HAHAHAHA! I can't believe you f[!^$&]ing fell for that!

Ragatha: JAX!

Jax: Ah, c'mon, she's fine! Right, Crybaby?

Gangle: *Whimpers*

Pomni, groaning: *Walks Into the Room With a Headache*

Jax, smirking deviously: *Almost Too Sweetly* Hey there Pom-Pom~

Ragatha, frustratedly: Jax...

Jax, ignoring Ragatha: What's wrong, Poms? Does the wittle jester have a headache? Didn't sleep well?

Pomni: Jax, I'm not in the mood right now.

Jax: Oh? Well, I'm always down to clown whenever you are~

Ragatha: JAX!

Jax: Whad'ya say, Shortstack? Would you be up to letting me be the rabbit you pull outta your-

Pomni: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU TENDER HEADED MAGGOT!

Jax: *Reels Back in Shock* I- Wha- Huh?!?!?

Pomni: Did I stutter, Peter Rabbit?! I want you out of my face, out of my way, AND STAND STRAIGHT, GOD[!&$%!] IT! WHAT ARE YOU, A F[!&$^&]ING CONTORTIONIST?!

Jax: *Stands Up Straight Instantly* What the- Why did I just-

Pomni: YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO OR AT ME UNLESS SPOKEN TO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT STUPID F[!^$&$]ING GRIN AIMED AT ME UNLESS I INVITE IT! AM I UNDERSTOOD?!

Jax: I-

Pomni: AM I UNDERSTOOD?!?!?

Jax: Y-yes sir! Uh, ma'am! I mean-

Pomni: *Rolls Her Eyes and Storms Off*

Gangle, once Pomni’s gone: *Absolutely Dazzled* Wow... she was so... Commanding!

Ragatha: Yeah. That was... kind of scary. Are you okay, Jax?

Jax: I... need to go to my room. And think. About... stuff. *Speedwalks Away With His Ears Flat Against His Head*

Ragatha, clearly exasperated: That can't be good.