#a lot of sayo..

[fujoshiromiya]

better half

[teratomatica]

and if you are loved by many people, i'm sure that everyone will be able to see you someday

[sayori-occasionally]

YAY HELLO!11!!!

This is a ddlc Sayori-centric blog! I'll be doodling her occasionally. As the name suggests.

Artist is @shkika! Follow me there for more art and stuff I'd appreciate it. I use she/they/it pronouns with no preference.

CW/TW- EVERYTHING DDLC TALKS ABOUT/SHOWS CAN APPEAR ON THIS BLOG! I'll do my best to tag it, but be warned.

_________________________

Possible questions you may have:

-Will other dokis appear here?

Yeah most likely, but I mostly draw Sayori.

-Is there shipping?

Probably not? Possible-ish? I don't really care about ships much tho.

-Is this a roleplay blog/can I send requests?

On the former not really dedicated, but if I really like an ask maybe. Idunno! Reqs are fine, but this is mostly a self-indulgent thing :3

-Can I ask you opinions of the game/characters/discussions?

I'm a yapper as you can tell. Feel free.

[lunarlagomorph]

no matter how much time passes or how much i get into other vns or how my view of umineko changes sayo will always be the number one character where i will cry if i think about her too hard

[shinecons]

little light in the darkness icons! [300x300]

[cinnabunney]

i think my issue w a lot of umineko fandom takes is the lack of empathy in a story that was structured very much around empathizing with your explicitly shitty family

[the-insanity-of-mojiru]

❝ おやすみ ❞

It's my Saniwa Anniversary today, one year since I started playing regularly again.

[batbeato]

What is the relationship between witches and their human selves in Umineko? Thinking about that today. (Also has Higurashi spoilers.)

The first thing to look at should be the simplest: Bernkastel. Bernkastel is only associated with one human self, Furude Rika. In Higurashi, Rika is shown to sometimes act as her "witch self": this is her "self" which holds the trauma and knowledge of all of her loops. In Saikoroshi, Rika feels entirely divorced from the human Rika she was meant to be, 'the Rika of this fragment', and feels like she is no longer Rika, but the witch, Bernkastel. Contrast this with the end of Matsuribayashi, where Bernkastel seems like an entirely separate entity to Rika, speaking as though Rika is someone else and going on in the world of Fragments.

We know that Rika is on the "gameboard" in Hinamizawa celebrating her victory with her friends, but the witch-Rika, Bernkastel, is still trapped in the loops/scenario, toying with possibilities - the traumatized part of Rika that was left behind.

Rika embodied and was Bernkastel, and Bernkastel originally was Rika, but ultimately, Rika and Bernkastel have become separate existences. We can see callbacks to Rika in Umineko, like when Bernkastel names her piece "Furudo Erika" (a riff on Furude Rika), and we can see that Bernkastel is still affected by what happened to her as Rika from her response to Erika mentioning it in EP6.

Since I've brought up Bernkastel, I should also discuss Lambdadelta. Thanks to SotsuGou, people primarily associate her with Satoko nowadays, but she actually bears resemblance to two Higurashi characters: Takano and Satoko. For example, her eyes were originally yellow, and she also has a side story showing her interactions with a child who wanted to become a god - Takano. It's also mentioned that she lost a game against Bernkastel in the past (which Takano did, though as of SotsuGou, Satoko has as well). She lays a trap for Bernkastel in another side story, which links her to Satoko, and she has red eyes in other versions of her sprite, which link her again to Satoko.

However, Lambdadelta is never confirmed to have been born from Satoko or Takano, despite her connections to them. I can't really speak further on her relationship with them as human-to-witch-self without assuming one or the other or both.

Then there's Featherine, who seems to be a mixture of Hachijo Tohya and Ikuko. She has Ikuko's appearance, but also uses Tohya's name. As the witch-author of the story, she likely comes from both of them. Her primarily being based off of Ikuko in terms of appearance and personality may arise from Ikuko doing most of the writing, or from something in their relationship (interpersonal or as writers).

However, she often seems to show feelings that may come from Tohya, such as her kindness towards Ange in EP8. And yet, this contrasts her cruelty at the end of EP6/in EP7. This likely comes from her existence being based off of two different people: she is the witch born from the author 'Hachijo Tohya', who is in truth both Tohya and Ikuko. She is a single entity disguising two people.

Featherine's given backstory is that she sleeps for long periods of time, only to be revived by a new story. She is Bernkastel's master who taught her how to "eat meat" (likely, to cannibalize stories for entertainment, rather than being part of a story), and Bernkastel also revived Featherine at one point. Featherine is also connected to Hanyuu by Eua in SotsuGou, who appears to be similar to her. However, there is no known connection between the humans here, only the witches.

This can have various reasons:

The simplest is that Higurashi and Umineko have the same actors in different roles. In Higurashi, Bernkastel may have been born from Rika, but in Umineko, Bernkastel is born from Ikuko's cat, Bern. The links between the two Bernkastels are fun easter eggs without much consequence, and the same goes for any other cross-VN relations or connections. This is also the most boring answer, in my opinion.

Another is that, even if Higurashi and Umineko have both taken place in the same universe, that does not mean that the Hinamizawa and Rokkenjima gameboards exist in the same universe. Higurashi in the world of Umineko might be a story that Ikuko wrote. It is possible that Hanyuu was a character she projected a lot onto, as a woman who was rejected by her community, killed by her husband, and now clinging to the companionship of her descendant, Rika. Ikuko herself was exiled from her family, removed from the outside world, and was very lonely. The story was abandoned, but somehow Bern, her cat, gave her inspiration to finish it: thus Bernkastel the witch, a mixture of her cat and her character, Rika, was born and had saved Featherine. Some other explanation of events may also serve to connect the characters together.

Overall, however, regardless of reasoning, Featherine seems very disconnected from Ikuko and Tohya. Part of this may be due to the additional layer that Featherine is in the story, while Ikuko and Tohya are alive, human writers that exist outside of it.

This is very different to the close, interwoven relationship that Eva and Evatrice have. Evatrice is separate from Eva, but in the sense that Evatrice is Eva's childhood trauma and discarded dreams personified as a witch. They share a body on the gameboard, and are only fully separate in EP8. For them, there is no full separation or denouncing of them as Eva: they are both Eva, just with a focus on different parts of their lives.

I also want to mention Ange: her final transformation into the "witch of the future" at the end of the story coincides with the 'death' of Ange, and her rebirth into Yukari. Ange was a witch, but in order to live on, she is reborn into Yukari who is a 'white witch' and an author that brings happiness to children. She leaves behind her old identity while still carrying the memories of that time (as evidenced by her emotional reunion with Tohya). However, up until this point, Ange as a witch had no separation from Ange as a human. Maria and Battler are similar: they become their witch-selves, with no separate human self remaining (except, in Battler's case as a higher-level witch, for his gameboard/piece self).

...Technically Virgilia is a witch, but she is one made by a fantasy conception of her, rather than Kumasawa's own decision to become a witch. There isn't much of a relationship to be had.

I saved Beatrice for last for a reason.

Some people consider Sayo to have become Beatrice, given the events of the Confession chapters of the manga. However, there is also room to interpret them as similar to Bernkastel and Rika's relationship, where the witch and human were once one, but have since separated.

For example, Beatrice's red truth that the sin Battler committed wasn't against her, as well as her discussion with her piece-self (Sayo) in EP4, promising her that she will take care of everything, may indicate that Beatrice does not feel that she is 1:1 with Yasuda Sayo.

Another thing to consider is Sayo's conception of herself: she speaks of the world as though she is like a director or god, distinct from it. "I'm modifying the world so that Beato is me." "I'm done acting the part of the servant." Sayo herself doesn't appear on the stage: only Beatrice does. Her personas (Beatrice, Kanon, Shannon) are the only versions of herself allowed to appear. She also narrates separately from the trio in EP7 - "Then, Beatrice. From now on, you will carry the bud of love. In other words, the role of being infatuated with Battler and waiting for his return will go to you."

Much like Rika, Sayo embodied Beatrice, considering her to be a secret "witch-self" separate from her "daily-self". However, Sayo did not even consider her "witch-self" to be herself completely, instead speaking of Beatrice in the third person. In that case, where is Sayo, if she is not Beatrice (and certainly not Shannon or Kanon, who are also explicitly created by her)? She refers to "us" (all three personas and herself), indicating that her "true self" is none of the three, but separate.

In that case, with Sayo holding themself to be separate from Beatrice, Shannon, and Kanon, can Beatrice really be said to be Sayo, and Sayo to be Beatrice, rather than the relationship of "Beatrice was once Sayo" that Bernkastel seems to hold with Rika? Is it more of the enmeshed relationship that Eva has with Evatrice? Or is it the disconnected relationship that Featherine, as the author-avatar, has with Ikuko and Tohya?

If we go by Confession's depiction, Sayo's truest self is Beatrice, as she becomes her within the catbox and acts out the role of Beatrice. But if we go by EP7, Sayo doesn't seem to align with any of her personas as a truest self, even Beatrice. All three of them are acknowledged as separate from Sayo, which fits with all three of them existing separately within the catbox. Sayo did not directly or fully "become" any of the three, so all three hold equal status as 'furniture' that need a soul to become real and to be loved (see: the EP6 love duel).

Since the two depictions appear to conflict, I would say that both of them (and all others on this spectrum) should be permitted in the catbox.

Witches seem to have varying relationships with their human forms. Are they cocoons they were nurtured in and they left, or are their human selves still an important of them, witch and human interlinked? Or do they distinguish themselves so much from their human forms that the connection is difficult to see? However, their human selves always shape their past and who they are now. There is no fully severing the connection between reality and fantasy.

[miraclemaya]

Miss Maya,

Do you think that Sayo would ever be able to catch on to some of Chisato’s issues and adapt her behavior to make things easier for her? I feel like it’d probably be too big a task for her, but not impossible with enough time and help from others.

Regardless, what I really wanted to pick your brain on is Chisato’s reaction upon realizing that Sayo is being considerate and mindful around her. Or even that she’s doing it in a way that’s helping her change and grow.

Would the revelation that someone is changing her for the better scare her? Enrage her? How would the thought of her girlfriend seemingly walking on eggshells around her make her feel? It feels like it’d be a juicy moment where she recontextualizes a lot of Sayo’s actions.

Then again, I only know of these young ladies through your postings on their escapades, which is why I am eager to hear your thoughts.

Hello anon!

Sayo would definitely catch on yes. Much of my posting focuses on Chisato because I'm ill about her, but really I think even with just canon, Chisato and Sayo are more similar then they are different. Both are people hiding very particular feelings of inadequacy or meaninglessness behind their masks. Of course, Chisato's are more varied and complex, but that only works better because Sayo is an honest girl and I believethat would help her see past Chisato's walls a little bit. As for Maya headcanons, Sayo could, if not exactly know, be able to very accurately guess a lot of the particular feelings of predatoriness that basically subsume Chisato's being when it comes to sex and romance in my mind. And Sayo would 100% try to help her, even if they were just friends, I think. She's a kind and earnest girl.

As for how Chisato would react, well I think Chisato is deeply aware of how unhealthy a lot of her mindset is, but it's just not something she can let go of, or perhaps it's only in certain moments of lucidity that she can acknowledge how not good it is. Like, obviously Chisato is aware she's surrounded by a bunch of gay girls, that at least amongst her peer group it is a normal and accepted thing right? But she can't shake the constant need to perform a certain kind of cishetro femininity that has been her grounding point and also defense for so long but also has rubbed off onto what core self of her's there is. And then like other general, perhaps you could say BPD problems with relationships she'd have right, like Chisato has been an actress for a long time, and though part of her hatred of it stems from her ever constant need to wear and develop new masks one after another until whatever 'Chisato' is supposed to be is slowly lost, I think perhaps there are other parts of the job that she does not like. Like she's most certainly been treated as a sex object to some level for a while I feel like, I mean even just pastel pallettes has some bikini events I think, but certainly there is very little chance that this hasn't been the case before as well right like Chisato is used to being desired in a way that is purely objectifying, so she is probably aware that her reaction to a relationship that is not that would most certainly not be healthy. Like her, for example, getting upset when she perceives Sayo as not finding her attractive or mocking her apperance or something like that is sprung from her own ideas about her worth that have formed because of all this constant proping up as an object of beauty and dwsire that has been done to her, so like if Sayo isn't 100% attracted to her, it must be over because what else does Chisato have, she's barely even a real person. But she'd also be aware enough that she knows that this is an unhealthy thing for their relationship right, she knows she's overreacting but she can't help it as it were.

Would Chisato be upset if she realized Sayo was trying to help her? I don't think so, at least not like a normal type of upset. I think a part of her would be in disbelief that Sayo cares even that much about her, another part cursing herself for manipulating Sayo into trying to fix something that is unfixable, another part desperate to repay Sayo in some way for it, and another part that just genuinely loves Sayo even more because of her care. She would certainly be uspet by her ever constant revelation that she is, as you put it, making Sayo walk around on egg shells, which only unfortunately makes those eggshells more prominent. That's the thing, it's all feeding into itself and it's making it worse and better it's a complicated thing is what I'm getting at, their relationship I mean.

But it certainly is not hopeless. I need to get around to writing the ChisaSayo fic, but in my mind their relationship starts purely sexual, becomes romantic and they start dating, and then Sayo starts trying to rope Chisato into her hobbies. And I genuinely think that's probably one of the most important things she could do for Chisato, both because the reassurance it would offer of Sayo introducing her to all the different parts of her life and also because Chisato needs some hobbies, needs things outside of acting, to better differentiate her sense of self from her masks as it were. And I think she'd be very glad to do it by Sayo's side as well.

[fwuitgummyy]

It sort of irritates me when people cannot look at how Togatas trans identity works within the context of Fire Punches story. It's not there for just the hell of it, there's a reason hes trans in the first place and it's presented the way it is lol. Togata is a story mechanism, and a story where Togata could properly work through the aftermath of being outed would be a story where all of its guts get rearranged. It just wouldn't work. Is criticism warranted? More then likely! But also I think we should consider what it is it's trying to say first.

[teratomatica]

[writer-and-artist27]

Tumblr Story: Trying for the Right Reasons

Note (March 11, 2024): For @partialdignity and @lunarimpact — all to help ease your exhaustion from a long day. I love you both platonically very very much. 

Was listening to this for extra feels, if you two would like.

-----------------------

“MAGIC PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES FROM ‘84! These are three ingredient cookies which means I have some serious doubts!” 

Despite the loud volume of the video playing out on the flat holographic screen hanging over her head, Vy looked remarkably determined in her ponytail and apron when looking up at it. “Just three, huh… maybe Rem and Sayo would like these since it doesn’t use up much.”

“Because a normal cookie contains butter, milk, salt, baking powder, flour — this recipe just says ‘no!’” 

Notepad in hand, Vy started scrawling notes onto what looked like an already crowded paper. “Sounds about right for three-ingredient cookies.”

“We start with one cup of peanut butter!”

“Peanut butter — 1 cup…”

Not even a few feet away, both Archer EMIYA and Saber Artoria exchanged weary looks. Thanks to Vy focusing on the video above her, she didn’t notice their growing concern from their places in the kitchen doorway. “…How long has she been playing that short, Archer?”

“Honestly, Saber, I might have lost count after the second or third time.” But Archer EMIYA doesn’t move from his spot, leaning against the side of the doorway with a face. “The fact she’s been laughing less with each repetition is the more worrying part.”

“A half cup of sugar plus one eggie!” 

“Sugar — one half cup, then add one egg…” Vy muttered, not even paying EMIYA or Artoria any attention.

“And that’s it!” The man on the screen lets out a disbelieving laugh once he reaches for a wooden spoon, mixing them all together with a louder, “This is not how you make cookies!” 

Yet to the Servants’ surprise, Vy immediately closed her notepad with a huff, stuffing it into one pocket of her apron before reaching back to tighten the hair tie keeping her ponytail together. “If it’s for friends, I’ll make it that way. So I’ll take your challenge on, Dylan Hollis. Melted tray of peanut butter or not.” 

It was when Vy started scurrying around the kitchen to start pulling out baking sheets with one hand and the largest jar of peanut butter she could lift with the other that EMIYA stepped forward. Artoria felt tempted to stop him, if only to hear him out on what he was exactly doing — but EMIYA beat her to the punch by saying loudly, “Be Vy.”

Vy paused mid-motion in taking out one of Chaldea’s containers of sugar, blinking owlishly past her lopsided glasses as she looked up at him. “...Shirou?” A half-embarrassed, half-shy smile formed on her face once she straightened her back, her previously energized movement slowed down to a quiet lull as she placed the container onto a nearby shelf. “What’s up?”

EMIYA crossed his arms. Artoria opened her mouth, but once again, he beat her to it. “As much as your efforts are commendable, do you have any idea if Rem and Sayo even like peanut butter?”

“Archer,” Artoria found herself hissing. 

Still, in spite of her protest, Vy didn’t move from her place in the middle of the kitchen, her hands free enough to grasp at the hems of her apron. “…Not really,” she said quietly, but the smile on her face didn't disappear. “But I remember how they both liked this YouTuber from before Chaldea. So that’s something.” 

EMIYA hadn’t uncrossed his arms in the time it took Vy to fidget in place. “…But you don’t know if they’ll take the cookies, Be.” The words are gruff to contrast the soft timber his voice took, a boyish kind of edge coming into his next sentence as he says, “They might not even thank you for it.”

Yet, to both EMIYA and Artoria’s shared surprise, a pout surfaced on Vy’s face, just as bright blue stars surfaced in her brown eyes past her glasses. “Who says I’m doing this to be ‘thanked’, Shirou? Baking cookies isn’t supposed to be for saving the world!” With a quiet muu, she turns her head away, going back to the laid out baking sheets to start cutting some cookie sheet paper from a nearby dispenser. The video was still playing out above her head, this time muted, but the bright grin on Dylan’s face seemed to match Vy’s energy as she said, “…I still don’t know if saving the world is even in the ballpark, anyway. But I’m still gonna try. And I can make three-ingredient cookies work to help cheer up some stressed friends. Peanut butter’s a safety, anyways...” Almost immediately, she pulls out a mixing bowl, measuring a good 2-3 cups of peanut butter with a spoon to dollop into the thing. “Besides. Baking cookies is the least Vy the human can do for the friends nearby instead of catering to the idea of being something like a ‘hero.’” 

Artoria glances at EMIYA again, and it’s for the briefest moment, just the smallest of microseconds, but—

“Kindness and friendship comes with cookies! Double servings, fork crosses and all!” Vy declared, completely oblivious to the moment behind her, but Artoria didn’t mind it. Because for once—

In just that sliver of time, in the moment it took for Vy to start mixing peanut butter and sugar, EMIYA looked more like the Shirou she remembered from Fuyuki with the lack of furrow in his brow and the warm, proud smile on his face. “…I’ll get the gift bags ready for you then, Be,” he said, a hint of pride in his tone emerging to match the rare look on his features. “Just don’t burn the cookies.”

“Considering these cookies apparently ‘cheated,’ Shirou,” Vy called out from over her shoulder while cracking 2-3 eggs at once into her mixing bowl, “baking is magic enough to prevent burning!” 

“Don’t let Boudica or Cat hear you say that, then. They might get ideas for the next dessert buffet.”

“Meh, like what?” 

“Don’t ask me.”

“You brought it up, Shirou! Who else am I supposed to ask?”

“You weren’t supposed to take it literally, Be…”

Artoria did her best to conceal her chuckle while taking a mental note to help EMIYA find some nice ribbons to tie the gift bags together. For Rem and Sayo, purple and blue looked nice in her mind. 

Their strategy conference room could afford a tray of magic peanut butter cookies sitting in bags to cool outside the door.

[heartbeatbookclub]

It's 2 am as I start this, and I feel the need to put pen to paper on this thought, so to speak, because it's something I think about with relative frequency.

This is going to be more of a personal musing on my experience with Doki Doki Literature Club, and why it had such an impact on me when I first played it, as opposed to any more concrete analysis, so I guess you can keep reading if you want to know more about me as a person and my overall personal relationship to it.

Something I think about often in reference to DDLC is its status simultaneously as a satire on visual novels and all of the tropes therein, as well as a love letter to that genre, explicitly. It's very readily apparent if you've played a good few "weeb" visual novels that it very much fits that bill. I think my first experience with it makes it especially funny in that respect.

To give context, I first experienced Doki Doki Literature Club like a month or two after it came out, in a Skype call (shows how old I am) with 2 or 3 of my friends. During this period of my life, me and this small group of friends spent lots and lots of time just hanging out in Skype calls like this, doing whatever we pleased, spending time well into the next morning just enjoying each other's presence and seeing what fun shenanigans we could get into on the internet.

One frequent passtime of ours was playing visual novels. Not just any visual novels, no; we went looking for the most low effort, mediocre, low hanging fruit of visual novels we could download for free. The goal wasn't to enjoy a good story, the goal was to find something amusingly bad, whether in cliched, awkward, lazy writing, or in sheer absurdity. I still do this sometimes, though it's admittedly with a different thought in mind now.

I don't think this perception we had of visual novels, being that they're typically sloppy, cringe-inducing messes is necessarily uncommon even now, but it was especially common back then. It was "weeb shit", simple as, but even deeper than your typical weeb shit. The perception was something like watching High School DxD unironically; it's just weird.

And I don't really think the perception of visual novels being that way is necessarily inaccurate; there is a very low bar to entry to actually creating a visual novel just by the nature of the medium, so really, anyone with enough passion for a project and time on their hands can make one. As a consequence, there are a few egregiously bad visual novels, there are a few really excellent visual novels, but there are a great many just sort of okay, somewhat mediocre visual novels, and lots of visual novels created with not so honorable goals in mind.

And one thing we really enjoyed was just exploring what existed in the depths of unpopular visual novels slipping through the cracks of what people saw. For most of it, we were making fun of it, but there were a lot of points where we found stories which were mediocre, but ended up really enjoying our experience with it. I think an important thing to understand with that lower barrier to entry is that it enables people who really are passionate about telling a story to tell a story that has a lot of heart, and you can see all of that heart as a diamond within the rough of the actual construction. Even in VNs with more polish, typically there are still cracks right around the edges, where you can see just a little bit of the humanity that goes into it. It's sort of magical.

And Doki Doki Literature Club was an odd edge case, which successfully played with all of my perceptions of it. DDLC is probably the only game whose story is reliant on a plot twist where I actually went in completely blind. By all appearances, it was a silly little visual novel made with no sense of irony, and I spent a great deal of time laughing at its contents, completely unaware that they were in on the joke.

And my perception of it being this way I feel like colored a lot of what happened next when I looked into it. I forget exactly when our playthrough ended--we didn't make it to any of the deeper stuff, I watched a Let's Play for that--and I forget how the whole series of events following that went, but somehow or another, I learned of some of the true nature. Namely I saw what happened to Sayori.

It reminded me of Corpse Party, when I actually thought about it.

I'm not going to go deep in depth on all of my thoughts about Corpse Party nor any of its history, but to be frank, Corpse Party reeeally sits in that realm of "mediocre, but lots of heart" to me. I don't really think Corpse Party is very good, particularly elaborating on a lot of the lore, but I really enjoyed it when I first experienced it, and it's still something I occasionally like looking back over. It's deliciously dark, and is extremely effective at creating an oppressive atmosphere out of what's ostensibly a collection of happy warm anime character tropes with little serious personality outside them.

So when I say that Sayori's death reminded me of Corpse Party, I mean that the way it paired playing the happy warm visual novel setting straight with extremely grim subject matter was done well.

Really, there were only a few other examples of this kind of media I could think of that really effectively utilized the exact kind of gut punch that DDLC did. Everything about the way the game framed itself around it, up until the final plot twist, really did feel like they were just elements of a visual novel playing themselves out. Sayo-nara really sets that tone for me--it still gives me chills sometimes when I hear it, because it sounds perfectly like what a "Bad Ending" theme for that kind of ending would likely sound like. It plays itself remarkably well into creating the setting, it really effectively feels like it is a normal visual novel falling apart at the seams.

I think that, more than anything, is why DDLC made such an impact on me when I first experienced it (which is remarkably different than the kind of mark it leaves on me now), it played so effectively with a genre I was so familiar with, and simultaneously played "mediocre visual novel with lots of heart" straight while also completely knocking "deep and terrifying existential horror" out of the park.

It's hard to truly describe, but there's just so much that feels so right about DDLC just being as it is. There's such a unique quality to the way it's written, to the way it's constructed, that goes down to its bones. It feels like that exact brand of junk food media you go to visual novels for. You don't necessarily want to think too deeply about the characters, or the setting of the story, or any of the deeper themes surrounding it; you just want to experience a nice story with some anime girls.

And then it yanks the rug out from under you, and makes you think it's junk food media with a side of deep and disturbing horror.

And then it yanks the second rug out from under that one, making you realize it's something much, much deeper.

I think something else it really appealed to, to me, was just that sense of being on the edge of the world which most indie games of that sort always give me. There are a shitload of examples I could give for this, but this sense I'm describing is the opposite of the sense which games like Undertale give me. Undertale's world feels lived in, it feels like it exists in a much, much wider concept of a great, sprawling world where billions of people live.

DDLC feels like you and the 4 girls in it are the only people in the universe. There are all of these environments you inhabit which ostensibly have other people who pass through them, live in them, there are implications of people, but inside this world, there's only you.

I think it just appeals to my desire to be transported to a complete other world for a little while. A limited space, where only things important to this experience exist, for this pure feeling of emotional catharsis. And that's something a lot of these sorts of simple visual novels appeal to; the goal isn't necessarily to tell some deeper story, it's just to present beats as they happen. DDLC takes that, and plays with it, both in a textual sense, as though these fictional characters exist and are somehow aware they're fictional, and in a meta sense, by directly playing around with your expectations and the way the entire thing is framed.

Or something like that.

Fun fact 1: Doki Doki Literature Club (specifically Sayo-Nara, still one of the few songs I can play entirely by memory) is what got me to start learning piano. I taught myself to play, and started mostly with the DDLC soundtrack (Which is very simple to play by ear, by the way, it's pretty much entirely C major.)

Fun fact 2: What initially inspired this thought was this video, which really reminded me of other visual novels we/I played that would utilize this particular style of music.

[mapledream]

umineko has done so many positive things for my mental health. im totally serious. im starting to think reading it during the most vulnerable period of my life was probably the best time.

[bornfromfragments]

tohya was kinda insane writing all of that in retrospect tbh???? Writing fanfic about his sister jumping off a building killing herself and then a person bearing Too much thematic resemblance to his own sister molesting him like. HUH! I read a meta about how as writers sayo have a clear objective about what she's set out to write (also she have a much more negative view of the ushiromiyas bc of her upbringing which were reflected in ep1&2) while Tohya was just all over the place and does not know how to process all of that, it was too sudden for him on the island also he was hit in the head too hard (but had a much more positive view of the ushiromiyas which were reflected in ep 345678) and yeah thinking back like . He didn't help ange or Eva at ALL post massacre in writing all that shit LMAO

[droopywrites]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬

Satoru Gojo

[Chapter 14] Long-Awaited

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Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader

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You become busier and busier as the charity event comes up, and you’re extremely nervous once the day hits. If everything goes to shit, the blame won’t fall on you because this is Satoru’s event– He could berate you for… something, but you aren’t getting fired. You’ve seen him go back to his old shell, whenever you look at him you start to see glimpses of his eighteen-year-old self, and it takes everything in you to put up a cold front.

The night finally arrives, and you’re getting yourself ready for the exciting event. You’re wearing a simple long black dress, and you’re finishing up the effortless makeup that you told yourself you wouldn’t spend too much time on. Yet, you find yourself wiping away the most minor mistake and redoing the step all over again. 

“Ren’s got a tummy ache and doesn’t want you to go.” Your mom leans on the doorframe of the bathroom, and you sigh before you stick out your bottom lip. Your baby boy has been as clingy as ever, and as much as you wish to spend the rest of your evening with him, you have to leave. You still have to work.

“Ren, come here, baby!” You yell, and your mother moves out of the way so the boy can pass to the bathroom. It’s taking longer than usual for him to pop up. You crouch down when he’s in front of you, and you kiss his cheek, leaving a stain of red lipstick on his skin. You would laugh at the sight, but worry consumes you when your lips touch his skin and you feel it warm. The back of your hand touches his forehead, and you look up at your mother, “He does have a slight fever. Nothing worrying though.”

“I’ll keep a close eye on my favorite grandson.” Your mother says, making you chuckle. Ren is her only grandson, of course he’s going to be her favorite. You doubt she’ll be getting more in the future. She grabs your son’s hand to take him out of the bathroom so you can finish getting ready without your clingy baby by your side. “You want some ice cream, honey? We can do whatever you want when your mom leaves.”

You’re almost going to tell your mom to not allow the child to do whatever he wants when you’re gone, but surprisingly enough, you hear him reject the offer. It makes your brows furrow, but you try to put yourself in his shoes. When you have a cold the only thing you want is to lay in bed, snuggled up in a blanket so you understand. You try to focus on doing your makeup since you have to get going soon, after all, you have to show up early to help set up the event. You’re not invited, you’re responsible for helping set up. In other words, this is part of your job.

Ren doesn’t want you to leave when he sees you walk toward the door, but you assure him that you’ll be back soon. Tomorrow you’d do whatever he wants to do but you have to leave for the night. He reluctantly agrees, and you leave him behind to begin your work night.

The moment you get to the hall, you dread all the work you have to do. At first you’re worried, thinking about Ren, but ensuring that everything turns out as desired is what takes over your mind. You’re the one that’s making sure everything turns out as perfect as possible, which should be Satoru’s duty, yet he’s nowhere to be found. But you’re sure he’s worried since it’s his first big event, so you give him the benefit of the doubt.

Ten minutes before guests are expected to arrive, your boss finally appears. Satoru looks as handsome as ever, wearing a black tuxedo, his hair slicked back. You try not to admire how good he looks, but you’re sure he notices. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment on it.

“Sayo took forever to get ready.” He puffs out a breath, and you peek your head to find the woman, but you don’t see her. “She’s in the car… Apparently her makeup still wasn’t ready.”

“Oh…” You respond, and you try to tell him that everything is set. Decorations are set. Drinks are ready, food as well. We’re just waiting on guests.” You inform him, and you can tell by the way that he looks you up and down, he isn’t listening to you. You feel yourself get more and more nervous with every passing second. “Mr. Gojo?”

“You look stunning.” He compliments you, and your face gets warm. You don’t respond though, you change the topic back to the event that’s about to happen, although Satoru doesn’t want to listen to it. The place looks perfect– Plus, he can’t do much now. He grabs two glasses from a tray that sits idle on a table, and he hands one to you. “To a great event.”

“Too early to cheer, is it not? No one has gotten here yet.” You respond. You almost feel bad for responding to him like that, so you assure him, “I think it’ll be fine though.”

He clinks his glass with yours, and you watch him bring the glass up to his lips and take a sip. You follow his lead, and you put it down immediately after. You feel your heart flutter as you look at him, and you force your eyes to avert.

“Will you need me the rest of the night, Mr. Gojo? My cat is sick and I want to leave early to take care of him.” You share, and his brows perk up. He ends up nodding his head, not wanting you to leave early for a stupid cat. “What exactly do you need? I thought you and your wife handled everything else.”

“Just need you around… You represent the company.” He says, and your brows furrow.

“I thought you did since you’re the president.” You tell him.

“And you’re my assistant, therefore, you also represent the company.” He argues. You look at the entrance of the hall, and you watch how Sayo walks in, wearing a stunning red dress. She always manages to make you look inferior, simply by walking inside a room. You understand why Satoru chose her over you, if you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t hesitate.

You look back at him, expecting him to watch her with his mouth agape, but he’s staring at you. You sheepishly smile at him, bowing down your head before walking away. At the very least, you’ll have Shoko and Suguru with you. In the end, you’ll manage to sneak out to go back to being with your son.

Hours go by, and the event progresses smoothly, Satoru makes a beautiful speech that leaves you surprised– Something that reminds you of his old self. It’s refreshing to see that he has the ability to be the man that he once was, even if it’s for a split second. You’re seated with Suguru and Shoko, and you converse to kill time.

“How is Ren, by the way?” Suguru asks, and you smile at the mention of your son. You’ve gotten no calls, so you can assume that he’s doing better.

“Poor baby is sick. I just want to leave to be by his side.” You respond, and it catches Shoko’s attention.

“Sick? What does he have?” She questions.

“A cold, didn’t seem anything bad when I left.” You answer. After you answer, her mind drifts elsewhere, and for the first time in the night, you follow her eyes. Her gaze is set on the woman that’s next to Satoru. She spends around a minute staring at Sayo, before she feels your eyes on her. She rolls her eyes before standing up and walking away from the table. It’s a weird reaction, so your response is to follow after her to ask about it.

You stand up to follow after her, but just as you rise from the chair, Satoru approaches your table. “I hope you’re not thinking of leaving.”

“I have to talk to Shoko.” You say, and you walk away from the table to go after her. Satoru’s brows furrow and he takes a seat beside Suguru, asking,

“What’s up with them?” 

“Wish I knew.” Suguru answers. “Shoko’s been out of it.”

Satoru then mentions your name, “How’s your relationship progressing? Do you see something more in the future with her?”

“Satoru, focus on your event.” Suguru shuts it down immediately. “Everything is going well, don’t ruin your night by finding out about something you don’t want to hear.”

“It’s just a question, geez.” Satoru rolls his eyes before standing up. He’s about to leave the table, approach another one and ask how everything is going so far. He mutters, “I’m allowed to ask, aren’t we friends?”

“That’s the one part of my life that you aren’t allowed to ask. Not after what you did.” Suguru responds, making Satoru scoff before walking away.

While they sort their problems out, you look for Shoko, finding her in the bathroom. She fixes her makeup, and you clear your throat before asking, “Everything okay?”

“Mind your business.” She sounds hostile, and you don’t want to push her boundaries. But she’s your friend, and you’re wildly curious to know why she’s been so focused on Sayo. She stops fixing her makeup and glares at you. “If you aren’t going to fix your makeup or pee, then leave.”

“Do you like her?” You ask, since it’s the only possible explanation. Of course, she could also like Satoru, but you doubt that she does. Shoko has never really been interested in men.

“I told you to mind your business.” She repeats. You decide not to push it further. You decide to take a short break, taking your phone out of your purse to check if you’ve missed anything. It hasn’t ringed once so you’re not too worried. You realize that you accidentally silenced your phone, and when you check, you feel your heart drop.

Shoko looks at you through the mirror, watching as you turn a color that’s not your own, your eyes widening. She forgets that she’s mad at you and worriedly asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Ren’s in the hospital, I have to go.” And she watches as you run out of the bathroom, and she stands dumbfounded.

When you get to the emergency room, Ren has already been moved to a private room. He’s laying in the hospital bed, not in as much pain as before since he got his medicine. You look at your mother, who sits beside her grandson, giving all her attention to him.

“What is it?” You ask, worry translating in your voice.

“An appendicitis. He has surgery very early in the morning.” Your mother answers. She watches the tears that have accumulated in your eyes stream down your face as you look at your son. You should’ve listened to him and stayed when he told you he was sick. “I contacted Mrs. Gojo before coming to the hospital and she arranged for everything to be quick. She’s stopping once the event finishes.”

“Thank the lord for the power of her money.” You answer, going to Ren’s side. He fights back his sleep, his lids heavy and closing on their own. You kiss the top of his head, and grab his little hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier, honey.”

“It’s okay.” He says, although he could’ve used you by his side when he was getting injected.

“I promise that after this, we’re going to spend a lot more time together.” You respond, and you’d be worried about making an empty promise, but you’re done. You’re quitting. Your job is consuming you, and you need to pay more attention to the little boy that’s in front of you. He’s your everything, and time goes by fast. You then look at your mother, “You can go, mom. I’ll keep you updated.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving.” She tells you, and a chuckle leaves your lips. Nerves were eating her alive when the doctors took him to run some tests on him, she can’t sleep soundly tonight if she isn’t close to Ren. Her stomach growls and she says, “I might get some food. But I’ll be back.”

“Of course, mom. I’ll be here.” You try to smile at him. You take a seat in her old seat, and you keep your eyes on Ren. His eyes keep closing on their own, and you lay your head on the empty space of the bed, about to fall asleep just like him. 

Ren has been your entire world for the time that he’s been alive, you have no idea what you’d do if something would happen to him. You still can’t wrap your head around the fact that when he took his first breath, he automatically became your first priority. You’d die for him.

You slowly drift off, and you hear Ren mutter ‘daddy’, and you feel your heart swell. He’s probably thinking about his dad again, and you begin to wonder how he imagines his father. Does Ren think they look alike? Because they certainly do, they’re practically twins.

Until you hear it again, and you lift up your head to look at your son. Yet, Ren’s eyes are wide open, and you’re paralyzed. You can’t move your head to look at the direction Ren looks.

Your eyes follow his gaze, and you nearly puke at the sight. Wide blue eyes are staring at the both of you. He takes deep heavy breaths, completely baffled at the sight that’s in front of him.

You murmur, “Satoru…”

So Ren isn’t a cat.