#aaah goodbye... I don't know if i'm ready...

[nebularyo]

Leave it all down here

It's future rust and it's future dust

[noa-de-cajou]

Day 22 : Long distance/say goodbye

Celyan belongs to @thal-ent

____

“... What the fuck.”

“Well, hello to you too, Cel.”

“It’s seven in the morning, Cyane. Couldn’t you call me, like, an hour later?”

Aaah, the half-asleep, full-asshole greeting. My favorite. Celyan really hates it when I call them early. Well, it's already evening for me, so, let them suck on it. And I don't mean my dick.

“Well someone needs to get your horrendous sleeping schedule back on track.”

“And it sure as hell ain’t going to be you,” they groan. “Is being on the other side of the globe fucking with your head? It’s empty enough as it is.”

Heh. They know they're the only one who can actually make it empty. I hear shuffling sounds on the other side of the call, they must be getting their glasses. I guess they can’t put the camera on, which sucks ass because I kinda miss their sleepy face.

... I’m never saying that out loud.

“Nah, Jakarta’s nice enough. Just… You know, super rainy. It's messing up my hair.”

“Yeah, saw that on TV.”

“... You watched ?”

A silence.

“No. Just happened to see it on screen at the bar yesterday.”

Yeah, right. A texan bar broadcasting an indonesian program about politics. Let's pretend it’s plausible.

“Uhuh. You liked it?”

“Didn’t understand shit, even if the questions were in english.”

“I'll explain it to you later then.”

“Were they difficult? The questions they asked you.”

“Well, kinda? They were a bit wary about having an american politologist talk about their system, which, is, you know, fair. But I handled it fine, I think?”

“Sure hope so. Even if it would be hilarious to watch you mess up in front of the entire indonesian nation.”

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’m telling you, people are good to me here.”

“You going to stay there for a few months more then?”

Urgh. I knew this was gonna come up. This is why I called in the first place.

“No, but… I got an offer to go to New-Zealand after this, and, uh, I couldn't really pass it up. So I… won’t be in the US for Christmas. Or New Year’s.”

There’s a brief silence on the other side of the phone. With Celyan, it feels like hours.

“Your dad isn't going to like that.”

… Yeah. My dad. Of course.

“He already knows. He’s a bit sad but he knows that’s a good opportunity for me.”

“Sure sounds like it.”

Their voice feels really dry for some reason. It’s always dry tho. More or less. Just more than less right now. No use worrying about it, right?

“But I'll be back shortly after. Like… Second week of january. And I'll come by your apartment so we can, you know, catch up.”

“More like you want me to get your balls back to their original color.”

“Ha! And what if I do?”

“I’ll make you beg for it, you know, the usual.”

“Pft, like I'm the one who's going to beg! Anyways, I'll keep in touch about the dates.”

“You have the keys. Why bother telling me when you get there?”

“Wow. And here I thought you’d have enough tact to come pick me up.”

“Strategic error on your part.”

“I admit.”

I look at the time. Almost 8pm already. Shit. I’m supposed to go meet some people for dinner. But I don't wanna leave the call. But I have to. But I don't wanna.

“... I… kinda have to go, Cel.”

“Did the hotel catch fire?”

“No but my stomach is screaming and I have plans. Well. If you're not working when I get back.”

“I’ll make it work. And I'll put the camera on, if you behave well enough.”

“Bastard.”

“You want me so bad.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

“I really gotta go now. See you later?”

“Yeah. See you later, sunshine.”

The call hangs up as my heart jumps. Nearly thirteen years and still that damned nickname has the same effect on me than when they used it the first time. I just hide it better.

I should probably get ready.

…

My room feels really empty all of a sudden.

Can’t wait to go back home.

[casspurrjoybell-30]

Cry Me A River - Chapter 8 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Saying Goodbye

"Aww, look at you brother, having a wittle tea party with your mate."

"Shut up," Alastair growled.

His brother pranced in, casually, as he sat next to me.

"Hello again, cutie, I don't think I've formally introduced myself. I'm Keith, Alastair's older and more handsome look-alike."

He winked, as he reached his hand out to me.

I placed my hand in his only to be pulled into a bone-crushing hug,

"Welcome to the family, cutie."

"Too tight," I whimpered, struggling in his tight hold.

Alastair growled, pulling me out of his tight embrace.

"Don't touch him, your idiocy will rub off on him."

"Aaah, brother always..."

At that moment Michael came barging in, his blond hair all over the place and blue eyes blazing,

"Keith, you idiot. How could you leave me alone in bed, especially after..."

"Aaaah, sugar."

Keith jumped up from beside me, pulling Michael into his arms.

"Don't 'sugar' me."

Michael kicked Keith where the sun doesn't shine.

My eyes widened as Keith doubled over, groaning in pain.

"Shows you, leaving me alone in bed after fucking me senseless."

"Sorry, sugar," Keith managed through sharp breaths.

"I was going to get you some water when I saw Ali poo having a tea party with his mate. I wanted to join in."

He pouted. Wow, pouting Keith is so similar to pouting Alastair.

Michael sighed.

"Typical."

His eyes softened as they landed on me.

"Hey, River, how's your stomach? I can bring you more medicine if you need."

"Umm, it's not so bad anymore. I barely feel it anymore."

I gave him a small smile.

He smiled back.

"I'm glad to hear that."

Keith picked himself off the floor, groaning as he did, before wrapping his arms around Michael's waist and leaning his head on his shoulder,.

"You know, Michael actually invented that medicine all on his own. My little genius," he cooed, kissing behind Michael's ear.

"It's not that big a deal," he muttered.

"That's amazing, Michael," I exclaimed in complete awe.

"Thanks, cutie," he smiled.

Ugh, not him too.

"I can feel you groping my ass, Keith," Michael hissed.

"I can't help it, I'm horny again," Keith said, kissing up Michael's neck.

"Well, maybe you should've thought of round two, before ripping my ass in half. No sex."

Keith had the expression of one who was just told his cat died.

"I'll be gentle this time, please sugar," Keith asked giving small kisses up Michael's neck.

"No, back off horn dog," Michael smirked, not stopping Keith from kissing up his neck.

He looked like he rather enjoyed seeing Keith beg.

"Can you guys not have foreplay in front of me." Alastair hissed.

"What jealous, brother because you're not getting any?" Keith smirked.

My eyes widened.

Is he upset that he hasn't had sex with me yet?

I know it's customary for mates to mate almost immediately after meeting but I don't want to do it yet... especially after finding out about his past lovers.. .what if I can't satisfy him?

What if I'm not any good?

"No."

My eyes widened, again.

"River and I will make love when he's ready and wants to. Unlike you, who mated hours after meeting yours, I actually want to get to know my mate and have a formal mating ceremony before I make love to him."

He sounded so sure, so sincere.

I think I've just fallen in love with him all over again.

"Wow, brother," Keith smiled widely.

"Love really does change someone, doesn't it?"

He stepped away from his lover and patted Alastair's back harshly, causing a choking sound to escape him.

He then turned towards me.

"Good job with this one, cutie, you've got him wrapped around your little finger," he smiled.

I smiled to myself.

'Do I really?'

I looked up at Alastair through my lashes, to see him smiling warmly at me as he finger swept lightly against my cheek.

I felt a blush rise up my cheeks as I looked down.

"I love you, beautiful, you know that right?" his voice was so soft, so gentle.

I nodded, not being able to coherently form a sentence.

He smiled.

"I would never do anything to hurt you, not purposely."

'Where is he going with this?'

"And because of that, I'm going to have separate from you."

'No.'

"Just for a little while, love, don't look so frightened," he brushed his fingers gently through my hair.

"When a wolf meets its mate, the dominant one will go into heat a few days after meeting."

My eyes widened.

"I can't take any chances of my wolf taking over and forcing you, so I'm going to be going away for a while."

"Love, don't cry."

His throat bobbed as his eyes softened.

'I'm crying?'

He padded his thumb gently by my eyes.

"I hate to see cry, love but I'd hate myself more if I stayed and something happened."

"Can't Michael give you something to help?"

'Please, say yes.'

"If he could, I wouldn't be leaving you, love," he smiled.

"Trust me, if I had another choice I would have jumped at it. Leaving you is not something I'm looking forward to."

His eyes grew sad.

"I'm going to miss you," my voice cracked.

"I know, love, I know more than you'll ever believe," he smiled.

"I don't know what I'm going to do to stay sane without you," he laughed a small, broken sound.

"I'm going to be having Keith and Michael stay with you, as annoying as the couple is, I trust them to take good care of you while I'm gone."

My tears seemed unable to stop.

The idea of him leaving, being alone in this strange castle without the one person keeping me together was quite daunting.

"The idiotic couple will keep you quite entertained, love before you know it I'll be back holding you in my arms forever and more."

He was trying to console me but it wasn't helping.

Though Keith and Michael were considered my... family now, I didn't really quite know them well yet and yet I'm going to be spending time alone with them for.

"How long are you going to be gone for?"

"It depends on how long the heat lasts, for some, it can last a few days, other weeks. I've once heard of a wolf whose heat lasted two months."

My eyes widened.

"But, that's not usual, love that was just a strange occurrence. For many, it usually only lasts nine days."

I don't know why he's making it sound like nine days is nothing.

Nine days is over a week.

"Shh, love, I know it seems daunting but it's all for a good reason that I'm leaving. We'll make up for the lost time when I get back," he softly rubbed circles in my trembling hands.

"How about you write me a list of all the things you want to do when I get back, while I'm gone. It'll keep you occupied and give you something to look forward to."

He smiled and I nodded reluctantly through sniffles.

"Come," he motioned me towards the bed and he laid back against the cushions and opened his arms to me.

I crawled into his arms, nuzzling against his warm chest.

"Let's just enjoy each other's company for a bit," he said nuzzling against my hair and breathing in my scent.

I smiled against his chest breathing in his musky scent.

He always smelt so sweet yet manly at the same time, like a musky cinnamon.

I breathed in his scent as it lulled me to sleep.

And when I woke, he was gone.

[layanasstories]

Please bare with me on this part... I tried and tried, but this is the best I could do.. 😩😖

Oblivion

THIRTEEN

"With you to Duskwood?" he blinks and frowns a little in surprise "Sure. But why do you want to go there?". I looked up from my hands, my red cheeks had subsided. "You don't mind?" I ask him. "No of course not." he replies with still the same look "Why would I be against that?". "Because I promised you, I wouldn't go." confused by my own answer, I fell silent.

"If that is what you have read, that was years ago. When it was still dangerous for you to go there." he tried to reassure me. "That's the thing, I haven't read our texts yet" my eyes widen "Does that mean-" I don't dare to finish my sentence, afraid I'll jinx my improvement. We both remain silent and look at each other. Then it's Jake who breaks the silence. "If you want to go to Duskwood with me, we will." there's a smile on his face, with those damn dimples. "I will have to book the train tickets, pack my bags and make a plan." I think out loud. "Why train tickets?" he asks me. "Because I don't drive a car. I once got my driver's license, but never renewed it because I took those pills." I answer him like it's the most normal thing. "And why should you drive?" was his next question, with emphasis on the you. "Oh, can you drive?" I ask naively. He sighs "Yes, I can. But I don't drive a car. So if you're ready for an adventure, I'd be happy to take you with me on the back of my motorcycle, if you are up for it".

How does this man manage to get more and more attractive with every sentence he says. AAAH!! A motorcycle!! YES!!

"Oh that sounds like fun, yes. I'm up for that." I keep as calm as I possible can "But shouldn't you first arrange something with your work before you can leave? Because I do". "There are things you don't know about me, even from before the 'incident', so let me put it this way. I have plenty of reasons why I don't have to." a mysterious smirk appeared. "Fine, keep your secrets" I shake my head and wave it away with my hand. "And I have to find something for JJ and Rickie." I continue planning out loud "How about we go the day after tomorrow?" I look up to him. "I can go, when you can go," he smiles.

It was around one when he left, which gave me plenty of time to write my resignation letter, print it out and go to work. At half past three I reached my work building, in the metro I had already called HR that I would come by and why. When I had arrived at the front of the building I paused for a moment, looked it up and down and took the a moment to reflect. As far as I could remember I wasn't impulsive or reckless in my decisions, I always had a routine, I always planned ahead, I didn't do spontaneous things. However, I am doing that now for the most part. I would never just quit my job, now I do. Not completely reckless of course, I know that I have more than enough money in my savings. A digit with five zeros behind it should be enough for a long time. That's what you get if you never go on vacation or do things other than sitting at home. Which also means I can easily bridge the notice period of my contract with my free hours that I still have to take. And as for my cats, I had asked Andy if he was willing take them in, and he said yes. We've talked enough in our coffee breaks that he wants pets for his kids. After my visit to HR, I went to Andy. We had agreed that tomorrow, on Saturday his day off, I would bring the cats. Then I went back home. Saturday passed quickly. I had said goodbye to JJ and Rickie, and after seeing the super happy and cheerful faces of Andy's children as they each took a cat in their arms, I knew I had made the right choice. Then I went shopping. I had asked Jake what I needed to travel on a motorcycle. And after I bought all the stuff I needed, I got something to eat for the evening.

I look forward to our journey. We have to cross the whole country to finally get to Duskwood. That's why I went to bed early, I want to be well rested.

[zensbae]

Emotions rule over the night

~{What if you ignore Jaehee and go to meet Zen in secret when it first comes up? Spoilers for Zen's route}~

Pairing: Zen x mc

General - slice of life, bit of fluff

2089 Words

You've just wrapped up the last of your email replies for the day, it's getting late.. you look out the window of the apartment to see a full moon begin to rise, "Wow, it's so beautiful.. I wonder what Zen's up to?" leaning back in your computer chair, you sigh softly.

Your phone ringtone suddenly sounds off, screen illuminated with Zen's name and profile picture. You smile and flick accept, but in the process you launch your phone off the desk and onto the floor beneath you.

Scrambling out of your chair, picking it up, you bump your head on the desk, "Aaaiish-!"

"Is everything okay, Jagiya? Did I call at a bad time..?"

"No, no it's fine! Sorry I threw my phone when I went to answer;; I was surprised you called. Uhm, I was literally just thinking of you.." The words tumble out as you try to stand up again.

"I was looking at the moon and thinking of you too, Jagi." He says softer than his usual tone.

A warm tingle brushes your cheeks, "No way, that's what I was doing when you called, we really are connected aren't we?"

A soft laugh escapes his lips on the other side of the line, "I told you, physically we may be apart, but we're always connected~"

"Well next time I want to call you first, lovely Zen~"

"Aah, I really like it when you call me that.." He says with a sigh. You can imagine him blushing, which makes you blush.

"Oh-! Hey, so, the reason I called is... I meant what I said before about not listening to the others. I really want to meet you.. what do you think of that?" he breaths out wistfully

"Yes!! I really want to see you! But do I go to you, or do we meet in the middle since you can't come to me?" You say, leaning forward in your computer chair, elbows on your desk.

"We could meet for coffee in the middle, and go from there?" Zen says,

"Hmm, let me see.." You say, pulling up Zen's address from his fan page, he's actually pretty far away.

"There is a SirenCoffee at [names the address], that is about halfway, I think.."

"If I took the subway I could make it that far.." he says

"Uhm, is that okay with your ankle though, am I being too inconsiderate..? We can meet closer to you.." concern beginning to nip at your conscience.

"Babe, my ankle will be fine, I want to go to you so badly I couldn't stand it if I didn't try. I would rather go closer to you regardless, a lady shouldn't really be out late by herself.."

"Oh, you meant tonight?!" You gasp and stand up from your desk

"Yeah.. i-is that too soon?"

Twisting your hair in your fingers, you bite your lip, "No, I just thought maybe you meant tomorrow.."

"The reason I was thinking tonight, is it's less likely one of the others might see us or notice our absence from the chat?" He puffs out a breath, and inhales again, it sounds like he's outside.

"Zen, are you smoking?"

"Yeah; I'm sorry, I can't help it right now, Jagi. I'm tired of holding still.. I can't exercise, or practice the dances for my new role.." he admits begrudgingly, you hear him sniffle, "I've never had to be so still before, it's hard. I'm kind of pathetic, right?"

"No, never! Cheer up, Zenny, I want to see you tonight.. so put your cig out and get ready to go to the subway station."

"Oh! Oh my God, really?!" You hear some shuffling, the scratching of a cigarette being put out.. a door opening, "Umm.. but I meant it when I said I didn't want you going too far at night;; Let's meet closer to you."

"Okay so how about we meet at [address of closer SirenCoffee], is that too far for you?"

"No, no not at all! I work close to there fairly often actually!" He laughs, "So.. what do I look for so I know it's you?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret~" you quip, getting a whine out of the actor in response.

"B-but Jagiya, that isn't faaair, you know what I look like.."

"You'll just have to wait and see~! I'm getting ready to head out now, see you soon!"

"Okay see you soon, babe!" he responds

You smile to yourself and hang up, so you can start getting ready.

~*~*~*~

You've been walking about 5 minutes, and you hear your phone ping, a text! It's from Zen, he sent a selfie of himself waiting for the train, it makes you blush because he sent this one to you personally and not in the chat room.

You reply, ">_< I'm almost there, warn me next time you're sending a selfie so I don't fall in the street!"

You get a, "Ooh, Jagi!! You should be more careful, this is a problem.." in response.

"Or you could not send me selfies when you're going to see me in 10 minutes?" Laughing, you roll your eyes and tuck your phone back in your pocket.

First one to arrive at the coffee shop is you. Ohhh, this is perfect, you think to yourself.

Sitting at one of the tables facing the street, you flick your lock screen and wait, he's sent you several more texts. This boy is going to be the end of you, making you giggle at your phone like an idiot in public. You get engrossed in trying to bypass the app to get a teaser pic sent to Zen.. should you just send a text directly to him outside the app? That should work.. but what kind of pic do you send?

...

A familiar voice hums out behind you.

Turning to look, you see that handsome face you've grown attached to.

"Well? I found you without seeing a picture! Are you impressed, jagiya?"

"Is that why you texted so much?" a tinge of red dusts your cheeks, "but wait- how did you sneak up on me with crutches?!"

"I've been practicing~" He winks at you.

You gently extend your hand to him, "I'm mc, it's a pleasure to meet you~" taking your hand in his, he gently shakes it.

"Aaah.. it's so nice to meet you. You're cute.. so much cuter, than what I imagined." he grins at you, a light blush dusting his cheeks as well.

Zen is so stunning in person, his silver hair shines in the light, giving off an ethereal glow. He's wearing a charcoal grey hoodie, white v-neck t-shirt peeking from underneath, and black jeans. His frame is lean but toned, just the perfect balance. The crutches and boot cast look so out of place.

"Wooow, you're so handsome in person... ah, but where are my manners? Please sit! Let me know what you want to order!" You say, gesturing to the seat.

"Aaa, it makes me so happy hearing that from you, thank you Jagiya~"

He takes a seat, you move aside to take his crutches and lean them against the wall beside him. He gets his wallet out and palms money off to you, "I'm taking care of this, so don't worry about the cost for yours, okay? I'll just have a hot coffee with a splash of cream."

That smile, it makes you weak in the knees. Is this real, is he real? You just smile and nod, turning to go to the counter. Feeling his gaze on you makes you smile, and suddenly you're too aware of yourself at the same time. So you order an iced drink, cause it's hot in here.

Bringing the drinks back to your table, you place his in front of him, "It's because you smoke isn't it? Isn't that the cliche.. black coffee and cigarettes?"

This gets a laugh out of the actor, "Doesn't it break the cliche because I had cream added though?"

"Potentially.."

"I want to quit, you know.. it's just hard, I've done things on my own for so long I need a fall back when the stress gets to be too much. So I smoke, and I drink beer at home." He lets out a sigh, "Is it not admirable that I do those things, and not seek out worse things for stress relief?"

"VERY admirable yeah! For as attractive as you are you aren't a player" You stifle a laugh, and clear your throat, taking a drink of your coffee.

"Ohhh this is good! Do you want to try it??" You ask leaning toward him. He nods and takes your straw in his mouth, "Mmm.. cinnamon?"

"Yeah! It's not too overpowering and it highlights the taste of the coff..ee-" You're staring at his lips. Indirect kiss. It's so cliche, but it doesn't stop your face from flaring up.

"It's sensible, like you.." he smiles gently, cupping his face in his hands, the look he's giving you is adorable, "Aaah.. this is what I needed, I'm sorry for bringing you out when it was getting dark, Jagi.. I needed to see you."

"Honestly, I needed to see you too. Jaehee's not wrong to act the way she did, but it was starting to wear on me.. is this actually okay, Zen? For us to be seen in public like this?" You search his eyes, being met only with the sincerest warmth.

"If it's what I want, it's fine, besides if anyone asks we can just say we're friends." A light smile plays at the corners of his lips, as he goes to take a sip of his coffee.

Pondering, you ask, "Are we just friends?"

"Well I want to be more but.. I want to give you time to get ready, and I want to be ready to protect and be beside you.. properly." He lets out a deep sigh, "I knew you were a good person the moment you showed up in the chatroom.."

"Thank you for believing in me, Zen.. I've honestly never done any of this before, it's been exciting, and I feel like I belong somewhere for the first time.."

Gleaming at you, Zen takes your hand in his once more, "You make sure and tell me if there's anything or anyone that bothers you, mm?" You feel like you could cry, why is he so sweet and considerate when you just met him?

The two of you talk for a few hours, long after your coffees are finished. It's only when you're informed the store is closing that you realize how late it is! Good thing the trains run until midnight. Helping get Zen his crutches once again, the two of you set out into the brisk night air.

Of course, he insists on walking you as close as he can, but you decline.. it's not that far and besides, Zen has a train to catch!

"I'm really bad at goodbyes.." you admit, looking to your feet

Zen leans forward, "Babe, look at me.."

"Yes?" Sheepishly, you meet his gaze, level with yours.

"Thank you for tonight, I mean it.. thanks to you I can face forward with a smile on my face, and so can you, yeah?"

"Yeah.." You offer him a smile

"Good girl.. now hurry home and text me when you are safe inside.. okay? Bye, Jagi!" He gives you a little wink and turns to walk away.

You reach out, hugging your arms around his middle, "Goodbye Zen, thank you for tonight and I'll talk to you on the messenger later!" you can hear his heart ba-thump loudly in response.

As you turn and walk away, you glance back, and Zen is standing there, his cheeks flushed watching you walk away, "ZEN, YOUR TRAIN! GO!!" you shout back laughing, as he waves and turns to go.

When you get back you text him like he requested, humming to yourself you save the selfie he sent to you before.

Within the next day Jumin says he's sending you to see Zen, but neither he nor Jaehee know you've already met. It's your secret and you can't wait to see handsome Zen once more. ❤️

~{I've had a pretty rough week, but writing zen x mc cheers me up, so here's something inspired from a text I got when I was playing}~

The text in question: