#all of which ask the same thing and have you upload the same documents

[the-jackalope-coffee-co]

just mass applied to more jobs and I can't keep doing this y'all, someone needs to hire me

[naburi]

WILL YOU AVAIL ME AGAIN?

DAHYUN X READER

TAGS: DILDO PLAY, LUBE, BODY OIL, TONGUE PLAY, MISSIONARY, DOUBLE PENETRATION, DOGGY, ANAL

3.4K WORDS

Midnight and still awake, browsing to find a video that will satisfy you for tonight. It seems like you're looking at identical girls, fake big boobs, slim limbs, small waists. They all look the same which you find boring, not until you found her video. Her smooth thick legs are spread to front her tight pink slit, pleasuring herself in front of the camera, only wearing a face mask to hide her identity. “She looks like my coworker”, you said. Milky white skin, thick legs, broad slim shoulders. You didn’t give too much thought to the similarities not until you saw your coworker later that day.

You’re a young corporate man who can’t find romance to have a meaningful connection. You thought finally finishing college will improve your sex life, but what you found is the opposite. Everyone is busy in the fast paced workplace. Nobody has the time to build relationships, you are all too tired to go out to satisfy your sexual life. That’s why you start to lean on watching adult content. It’s easy, quick, and convenient as you can all have different platforms to have access to numerous adult content creators.

“MS. KIM,” you caught yourself calling Ms. Kim's attention. The thought of the woman you watched last night flashes on your mind. Dahyun looks back, “Hi, Mr. y/n, can I help you?,” she asked politely while still baffled you shouted her name. “I… I… No, I don’t have anything to say,” you say nervously. You don’t even know why you called her name. Feeling embarrassed, you apologize to Dahyun and quickly go back to your cubicle. The woman was left standing processing what just happened.

“It’s her right?” You said to yourself, rushing back home, not even bothered to change clothes. You pull out your phone to go back to the website you found the video. You found her page and surfed through her contents. Her first upload was 6 months ago. She goes from posting just the bottom half of her body, cropped from shoulder up, to revealing her head which still keeps her identity with a white face mask. She consistently uploads every week, most of her videos are just herself playing with her slit with different dildos, she also posts a quick video teaser having an intercourse but you need to subscribe to her page to have access to her adult contents.

Dahyun has a great image in your company. She's the youngest but already has few promotions due to her work ethic and dedication. There are rumors that her quick ascension to the corporate ladder is not because of her hard work but due to what she can do for you after work hours. The rumors didn’t hit the ground enough because of how well she befriended everyone in the company. Her young angelic face helps but what caught everyone’s heart is her bubbly personality that shines bright in the dull and depressing workplace.

It’s been a week now, you took every instance to get an interaction with the company’s princess. From personally passing some documents, to having conversations with someone in her department. Dahyun is not in the same department as you thus making your investigation more complicated. You thought about stalking her social media accounts but all are in private. You started befriending her close coworkers but good things about her are the only thing they talk about. Finding proof that they are the same person seems like an impossible task thus you finally gave up. Nothing would change if you prove that they are the same person, it’s not like you will snitch on the company’s princess after all.

Heavy rain pours just as you’re about to clock out. You and your coworkers are standing outside of the entrance waiting for the rain to die down. A white SUV pulls up in front of you, the driver’s window rolled down, its Ms. Kim, “come inside, I'll drop you off at the subway station.” Some of your coworkers who also take a subway with you ride the SUV. Everyone is too shy to take the passenger seat including you. “You can’t all fit in the back, one should sit beside.” She said, nobody what’s to go in front but they manage to convince you. Sitting tightly on the passenger seat, your colleagues at the back keep asking questions to Ms. Kim, as they also what’s to get close to her, while you’re sitting quietly due to shyness.

Dahyun’s phone that’s on the dashboard lit up revealing a notification. You notice a familiar application icon and the text that says she has a new subscriber. This is the proof that you're looking for, Ms. Kim is an adult content creator. Your colleagues in the back didn’t notice the notification and Dahyun just casually turned down her phone, thinking you don’t know what the notification is all about. Everyone is thanking Ms. Kim for the ride, She noticed how happy you are but not giving more thoughts about it.

Arriving at home, you now have more reason to watch all her contents, you're watching the company’s princess pleasure herself. Everyone's beloved coworker is in an adult site spreading her legs for views and money. It's been a few nights now and her masturbation videos became repetitive. Your high needs satisfaction thus you now subscribe to her paid contents to watch her get fucked by different men, from local Koreans to foreigners, she let herself get fucked to make an content. Her most viewed content is where she pours body oil all over her body which highlights her white skin. Her glowing white oiled up skin, made the sex more erotic. Her buttocks made a heavenly sound as the guy is hitting her from behind, her small oiled boobs get massaged sensually before she takes the cock inside her again. Dahyun wails and moans under her face mask as she gets fuck harder. The few bucks you spend for her content is worth it.

You smile and interact with Ms. Kim during the day while touching yourself watching her contents at night, this has become your routine until she has not been in the office for a few consecutive days now. Nobody knows why she’s absent for a few days now and her manager doesn’t want to disclose her reason. Watching her videos doesn’t hit the mark anymore. You’re about to go sleep but a notification pops up on your screen. Dahyun just dropped a new subscription based content. You can subscribe to her live stream where you can select what kind of dildos she will use and what position she will do a live masturbation. How this works is you're gonna give her gifts during the stream for her to follow your instructions.

She announced that the live stream will start tomorrow at midnight. You’re one of the first subscribers that’s in her live, her legs spread open just like the first time you saw her content. Her one hand is caressing her slit while her other hand is fondling her breast, Different sizes of dildos and lubes lined up to her right side. One viewer starts giving gifts with his comments on the stream. She asked Dahyun to use a thick dildo. She lubes the dildo and slowly inserts it in her slit. The thickness of it gives her a hard time as her slit didn’t even get to warm up. Few attempts pass by and she finally gets to put it all inside her, she starts to moan as she’s pumping the thick dildo inside her.

“Use the tentacle dildo and sit on it,” one commented. Dahyun reads this as she gets notified for the gift. She poured lube to the dildo and started stroking it to spread the lube. She sticks it in front of the screen as she slowly impales herself in the tentacle shaped dildo. The unusual shape gives Dahyun a different sensation making her more horny, she grabs both of her boobs as she’s sitting up and down to the dildo. She started to play with her boobs without even an instruction. She’s massaging her under boobs upward then focusing her fingers on her nipples. One of the viewers commented that she should use oil as she’s caressing her boobs. Dahyun follows, quickly pouring oil on her chest, smothering it all over her boobs, her boobs massages get more erotic due to how smooth she caresses her two mounds.

“Use the black dildo, in your anal, sit on it” a viewer commented. The black dildo is noticeably inspired by a big black cock, it's shaped like one and in great detail. Dahyun uses two hands just to pour lube all over the dildo. She turned her back to the camera as she’s slowly sitting on it. Her big butt is now in full view, the sight of her ass taking the big black dildo is too erotic, Dahyun groans as her ass is getting stretched. The viewers are praising her on how erotic she is, they commented that her moans are heavenly. They keep giving gifts even without instructions as they are pleased with what she’s doing.

To your surprised, Ms. Kim is finally back in the office. Everyone greets her and wants to know the reason for her absences. You're happy to see your colleague but you’re too embarrassed to greet her as you know the real reasons why she’s having a hard time walking around the office. You heard that she’s saying to your coworkers that she has a sprained ankle is the reason she can’t walk straight. Nobody bats an eye as the company is just glad to finally see their bubbly princess.

You thought everything goes back to normal but it’s been a week now and Ms. Kim has nowhere to be found, her manager said that she filed for a long leave due to personal reasons. You took the subway with heavy feet as you’re saddened by the news, it seems like you developed an affectionate attitude towards your colleague and just wants to see her do well again. After taking a bath as an attempt to lift your mood. You saw a notification from Dahyun’s page. She’s offering a VIP subscription where you can meet her face to face. This subscription comes with a hefty price and you need to abide by 5 sets of conditions: you can’t remove her face mask during the session, you can’t asked for an oral sex, you can’t ask for her personal information, you can’t record anything during the session, you should wear protection during intercourse.

You didn’t waste any time and avail her VIP subscription even though it’s worth half of your monthly salary. After sending your payment. You received a message where she sends you a time and date where you can meet her. It’s on Saturday afternoon, in one of the hotels in the city. The sudden realization that Dahyun will know that you’re one of her subscribers sent you into a frenzy. You don’t want to cancel your meet up as this golden opportunity may not knock again.

It’s Friday night, you do a quick shopping for self care materials as you want to look good and smell good when you finally do it with Dahyun. You are embarrassed to buy packs of condoms as it’s been ages since you last bought one. It’s the day of the meet up. She sends you a message that she will wait for you in the room. You're now in front of the hotel, standing nervously while wearing… a face mask. You plan to also somehow conceal your identity to Ms. Kim because you don’t want to destroy your working relationship with her. This plan fails miserably as Dahyun can’t hide her shock expression the moment she opens the room door.

There’s an awkward air in the hotel room. It seems like the two of you might not do it out of embarrassment. The silence in the room was broken by a pop up message on her phone. You notice how her expression changed as she read the message. Whatever is in the message is enough for Dahyun to ignore that her coworker will share the same bed as her. She laid her conditions in a serious tone as she removed her clothing, sitting naked on the center of the bed waiting for you to make a move on her.

You strip down your clothes in nervousness while only leaving the face mask. You awkwardly sit in front of the naked woman. You look in her eyes to see her expressions, but she doesn’t have any, it looks like she’s ready for whatever you want to do with her. You first touch her boobs, your two hands awkwardly reach to her mounds, carefully playing it. Dahyun knows that both of you will get satisfied with you still being cautious. “Mr. Y/n, I know it’s you, you can remove your face mask and do me as you please,” she said finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Dahyun’s message wakes you out of your nervousness. You’re here fuck the company’s princess and that’s what you do, you remove your face move and instructed her to lay down. The woman that you have been watching every night is not laying down in front of you. You position yourself on top of her reaching her two boobs again but this time, caressing them like how they deserve. Dahyun's boobs perfectly fit her body, and shaped her body to great proportions. The woman groans on how aggressive you mauled her boobs but you can’t help yourself due to how soft they are. Her pink nipples that you saw her playing on her content are now in the tip of your own fingers.

Dahyun yelps as you play her nipples. This encourages you to use your tongue to pleasure one of them. Flicking her nipple in a circular motion she grabs your hair to press your head even closer to her boobs. You notice that Dahyun also brings her toys with her. You reached out for her bag on the side table, from watching her oiled body to being the one pouring it to her. You pour directly on her nipples which caught her off guard by the wet sensation. From her nipples to her boobs, you massaged her body, smearing the oil in the process. Her white milky skin glistening, her smooth skin gets slippery making it easy to caress the rest of her body.

You pour oil down to her legs as well, massaging her thick legs, your fingertips move dangerously close to her slit which elicits a gasp from Dahyun as she’s anticipating it. You notice how she got wet after you massage her legs. You lick her slit up to taste your colleague. Dahyun keeps moaning as your tongue explores her slit. From her slit up to her clit, you lick every part of it, making your goal to eat Dahyun well. Your tongue focuses on flicking her clit, the woman jolts her hips in pleasure. You hold down her waist to keep her in place while continuing your barrage on her clit. You notice wetness in your chin due to Dahyun getting more wet. You hardened your tongue now and inserts in and out of her slit. The woman pushes your head down even more, while her other hand is stimulating her clit. You suck and lick your colleagues till she shakes her hips due to orgasm.

Dahyun is laying down letting her orgasm flow till she feels your tongue is now exploring her ass. Her ass is as pink as her slit, you spit on it as lube before you slowly lick her ass. Her legs started to move uncontrollably as she’s not used to her ass getting licked. From soft circular motions to fast in and out of her ass, every touch of your tongue elicits a loud moan from Dahyun. You notice she used one of her dildos to rub her slit while you're eating her down there. This signals to you that she’s ready.

You stand up to wear a condom while Dahyun can’t wait as she’s already shoving a dildo in her slit while she’s waiting for you. You smirk as your naughty colleague can’t wait any longer. Spreading her legs up. You position your cock in front of her slit that still has a dildo inside it. You pull the dildo out of her and it reveals how her slit forms into a hole that accommodates the size of the dildo. Dahyun is looking at your cock seamlessly entering her slit. The feeling of a warm cock can’t beat any size or shape of a dildo she thought. You hold her small waist as you gradually quicken up the pace. Hands on her face masks to cover her mouth, she’s embarrassed how her coworker can make her moan this load. Her muffled moan only adds to your fuel to fuck the company’s princess like she’s your slut.

You hear Dahyun calling your name through her covered mouth, her walls tightening, the woman is near her orgasm. You now hold her wide hips to get a better grip of her as you rammed your cock deep inside her as face as you could. Dahyun let go of her mouth to let a loud moan echo all throughout the room. You let her orgasm again while your cock is still inside her. Pulling out, you want to keep her slit stimulated. You put the dildo back inside her as you asked Dahyun to masturbate using her dildo while you fuck her from behind. You position her in a doggy position, her ass still wet from your tongue assault earlier on. She felt your tip bump in the entrance of her ass. Dahyun’s face is in the bedsheet, one hand plowing the dildo in her slit, she felt your warm cock slowly entering her ass. The woman groans lowly as she’s taking it all deep in her. Dahyun tight ass is no Joke, even though this ass takes the biggest of dildos, it’s still tight like it’s begging to get worn down. Dahyun has a big white ass which is impaled with your cock. Every slap to her meaty ass leaves a red mark of your hand. You both groaned as you started to move your cock in and out of her. You remember the endless nights you watched this big ass of her get fucked by dildos or other men, but for this moment, it’s yours to destroy. You plow your cock slowly and deep in her ass making sure your tip reaches as deep as your can. Dahyun is now biting her face mask, muffling her cries of pleasure. You began to move your cock at a quicker pace which made Dahyun speak inaudibly. She can’t move her dildo anymore as she’s getting too stimulated on how you fuck her ass. You’re now maintaining a quick pace plowing her ass, Dahyun cries your name as all she knows now is how your cock pleasuring all parts of her tight ass. She tried to reach for your arm that is holding her hips to signal you that she can’t take it anymore. Dahyun is about to turn into a mess. Her body drops on the bed but you still keep fucking her ass. Dahyun doesn't know how long it has been but she noticed when you asked her if you can cum on her back. She can only muffled a “Yes,” before you remove your cock in her ass and spray paint her back with all your cum.

The woman fell asleep for a few minutes before sitting up like she’s in a hurry. She asked if she could leave now, still catching your breath. You agreed to leave together. “I need money, my brother is sick, he will undergo operations next week,” Dahyun said as she’s driving you to the subway station. Without asking a question, she answered what you’re terrified to ask. You listen to her story while she’s driving you to the subway station. Her parents are too old to work, her family is only dependent on her. She asked if you can keep this between the two of you. She said she will go back to work after her brother’s operation.

“Will you avail me again?” Dahyun jokingly asked.

[steelheart-redux]

how often do you draw/how do you manage to do. that much work (uploading a comic every tuesday and thursday(?)…) is there any tips you use to save time and also sanity. also hi your comic is really good both art and story wise…

hello!

well. how do i update 2-3 times a week. i will be honest one part of it is just that i am kind of nuts. do not try to match my update schedule unless you also have the Evil Need To Output Pages As Fast As Possible. it is perfectly okay (and frankly more normal) to update at a slower pace. i just naturally draw very very quickly, and am going a little bonkers from having these guys stuck in only my head for 2 years.

but in terms of actual advice. most of my advice is aimed at people who live at the whims of their dysfunctional brains, so it boils down to making the creation of comic pages Not An Arduous Task.

for me, that comes in the form of doing as much work as possible upfront.

i keep comic planning (writing the story, researching things, scripting if i do that, thumbnails, etc.) a fairly separate thing from actually making the comic panels. i make Big Decisions and set up everything i need page-wise on days that i have more motivation, to make it easier to do work on days i have less.

for example, say i'm feeling pretty foggy today, but i know I wanted to get page 54 done. So I go, and instead of seeing a completely blank document (scary!), i see this:

the composition is already there, the dialogue is decided (though admittedly i do change that a lot), and i already have a zarian render ready to go. the thinking is done! i just have to do the legwork, which at that point is pretty mindless. i watch a lot of youtube while i do these.

i also organize my pages in a weird way that i find rewarding, but this answer is pretty long already lol. i'll elaborate if asked.

so that's sanity. as for time, i've talked about using 3d models for characters and props. you don't have to make them if you don't know how, i know csp(?) has built-in asset libraries, and there's plenty of stuff online. make color palettes, if you can! i didn't know procreate had a color palette feature for way too long!!!! also, reuse backgrounds! please reuse backgrounds. if you're like me and get kind of squinchy about doing it, just blur it (comic style allowing) or use props and characters to cover up more noticeable things, and/or draw over things to make it slightly different. i've used the same background panel six times in the past few pages. did you notice?

lastly, don't beat yourself up for not following your planned page creation schedule to a T. things happen. life happens. it's okay. but also, if you're like me, know there might be some days where you do have to give yourself a bit of a kick in the pants to get things going. all the stuff i talked about above is designed to make that easier.

i hope this makes sense, and thank you for reading!

[baekguuuuu]

Daylight

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mature Content (nothing too detailed), lyric-inspired: Daylight

Word Count: 26.7k (im really sorry... again)

Summary: Born, raised, and bred in the city. Life took a dramatic turn when the things you cope with became the reason for the conflict with your father. 

With your bags packed and the cigarette you sneak inside your suitcase, you hope for the best where life will bring you when you hop on the train with no specific destination in mind. 

Skyscrapers. Blinding artificial lights. Traffic jam. Fast-paced environment. Overpriced nourishment. 

Cigarette. Alcohol. Parties. Two-faced people. Hookups. 

Those were the things I was surrounded by as a person born and raised in a big city. 

Harmful lifestyle, people are being controlled by money, everything must be documented on social media—or it never happened, people whom you call friends even though they’ve been stabbing your back since day one, relationship that should be called situationship in the first place. And last but definitely not least, parents who weren’t there physically. 

When I found out that my supposed-to-be friends in university have been hanging out without me, despite the fact that I have asked them countless of times and they would decline my invitation, saying that they were busy, or something came up, or their mother had asked them an errand—all those bullshit, but in reality, they were together. 

I should’ve just stayed at home, eat junk food on my bed while watching Netflix, instead of going out alone and finding out that they’ve been shitting on me since our freshmen year. 

But no, I didn’t. 

If it wasn’t for my problem with falling asleep, I wouldn’t have gone to a pub by myself, ordering a few drinks to get tipsy so I could get some rest. I sent a message to our group chat, trying my luck if someone was available. And obviously, they all turned me down. 

“Yeah—I know! She looks so dumb when she smiles!” 

I was in my second glass when I recognized Lisa’s voice, trying so hard to be husky and chic at the same time. No name was mentioned, yet my heart started thumping inside my chest, slowly turning my head to peek over my shoulder to glance where the voice came from. 

And I was right. Lisa, Wendy, and Soyeon were there... and some guys. Probably their date—I don’t know. Then my eyes landed on a particular person who I’ve been seeing for a few weeks now: Eunwoo. Given that we weren’t official, I thought we were hitting it off. My brows drew together when I followed the hand resting on his lap, which was Lisa’s. 

They all said they were busy, and it was too late for them to go out, yet here they are. Giggling, flirting, drinking, and talking shit when they thought I couldn’t hear them. 

I didn’t understand myself when I decided to stay for a few more minutes to hear what’re their thoughts were about me. Each and every word they would spat added a needle poking in my chest. 

“She should be ashamed, to be honest. Her older brother has had good reputation since high school to university, and she has the audacity to just exist—” 

“Are you done?” 

The look on their faces is fucking hilarious when I finally had enough and stormed to their table with the most blank expression I could ever done. I can’t be more thankful that the pub has dim lights and they can’t probably see how red my face is. 

Who will pay for the afternoon snacks in university now that I know what they’ve been doing behind my back? How will they be able to get a ride to campus now that I’d probably never hang out with them anymore? And whose luxury item they’d be using to take a photo and upload it on Instagram? 

From a couple of shots to get some sleep turns into almost half of a bottle, and finding myself making out with a man who wears oversized and overpriced clothing until sobering just a little bit because of disappointment when this man, who removed his clothes sloppily as soon as we got into a cheap motel we could find, finished in less than two minutes, leaving me hanging and frustrated.  

I groan and ruffle my hair before turning my head to look at this pathetic human being who couldn’t even last up until I’m close at least. I put on my clothes and leave the motel, palming myself that the sky is starting to get brighter yet still looks dark. My parents will definitely go apeshit on me. Again. 

Did I spend the whole night—an awful one—awake, drunk, betrayed, and sexually frustrated? 

Yes. Yes, I did. 

I started walking home, totally intoxicated, at six in the morning, makeup smudged and reeked of a combination of alcohol and puke; while healthy enthusiast people would go for a run before starting their day. 

“Good morning to people who wake up on my bedtime,” I’d slurred loudly, clumsily waving a hand to them. Of course, I’d always received a look from head to toe, probably wondering about the condition of my organs at that point. 

“Don’t you think you’re too much?” 

I tried drowning my dad’s nagging by sticking my head further down the toilet bowl while I let out the immoderate booze I downed the whole night. 

My dad is the typical businessman. We’re not super rich to the extent that we have a butler or a red carpet by the front door—I think, but we do have some helpers to get shit done here at home. He’s become strict now that I’m older, but he did spoil me as a child, like a toddler-child, not the elementary-child because all I got during that time was trauma. 

I’m not saying he’s not a good father, but he’s really uptight, mainly to me, especially when I started getting into trouble as early as nine years old—I stabbed a classmate with a sharp pencil, but that’s another story to tell. 

My mom is the typical housewife of a businessman. She’s into wine and aesthetics. You know, she likes spending loads of money on marble things, antiques, and charcuterie that she never eats. She’s the madam of the house. Although, she’s the gentle parent among the two of them, and has no bad blood with anyone from being so friendly that she signed up to, at least, nine charities. 

She’s always present in those charities, volunteering—all that stuff, but never once was she present to my piano recital, school performances, parent-teacher conferences, the list goes on.  

“Can you guys—” she hurriedly closes the door and curtains that could be a reason someone might see the chaos inside our house, “—stop it? It’s not even seven in the morning!” 

I heard my father scoff, and even though I was staring blankly at the pearl-white toilet before me, I could imagine how he rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval. Like he always does. “Yes, of course. What our neighbor thinks is more important than controlling your daughter. It’s your fault she’s become like this—” 

“What do you mean my fault? You’re her parent, too. And why are you talking like that? We’ve all been in this stage of life—” 

“I didn’t.” 

Ah... how can I forget about my older brother, Kyungsoo, who exists in this world to make my life miserable as it already is. No, I’m just kidding—or not. We have the typical sibling-relationship. Our priority is to annoy each other, until one of us snitches to our parents. 

Unlike me, who struggles to get a bachelor’s degree, Kyungsoo made it like a walk in a park that our dad thought’d be the same for me. He’s now aiming for a master’s, and he shows that he’ll continue until he gets a PhD. 

I close my eyes, on the verge of crying, because I know where this will go now that Kyungsoo has decided that adding fuel to the fire is a good idea.  

“See?” My dad’s voice was so loud that I felt the vibration on the walls. “Stop making excuses for the behavior of your daughter. It’s the choice she made—it’s the path she wants to go. Why am I still paying for her school? Her car, clothes—even uses my card to buy alcohol and cigarettes—don’t be surprised that I know! I always check your transaction history.” 

He ended his sentence by pointing his index finger at my face as soon as I pushed myself up from the floor. I wanted to say something—things that have been going through my mind, but I’m tired... physically as I haven’t gotten a blink of sleep, and mentally... for so many things I couldn’t comprehend. 

I know the three of them are waiting for me to rebut but what they didn’t expect was for me to nod my head in confirmation. 

“Yeah... I smoke and I drink a lot, I even used your card for motels—” 

I already saw it coming on how he would react, but not like this. Although, it’s not the first time he had to discipline me physically, nobody predicted that the side of my head would hit the wall from the impact of his hit. The scene is a bit dramatic with my mom’s gasping and Kyungsoo bulging his eyes out. I don’t think it’s that serious as I still feel okay, just a bit dizzy, though my lip got cut and is bleeding from the actual slap. 

Deep down in my heart, I hope that my dad will apologize for his outburst, but I know I deserve it when he coldly said, “I’m done with you.” 

My dad didn’t throw me out directly—or he did—but he clearly stated that he didn’t want to see my face under his roof. I tried to call my friends but remember, I have none now and haven’t been in touch with my high school friends for years. It’d be weird to call them asking for a place to stay for the rest of the summer break. 

Obviously, he confiscated the credit card I typically use and the car I received as a gift when I finished high school. 

I didn’t even get a chance to take a rest even for a short while, and immediately packed my belongings with a heavy heart. I know what I’ve done, and I kind of deserve this punishment he’s giving me, but could I at least have an apology? Because that slap hurt so bad. 

Alright, maybe he thinks that I do not deserve anything for all the headaches I’ve given him. But can he at least ask me what’s going on? How’s school? Did someone hurt me? Am I okay? I can’t even remember the last time he asks me if I’ve eaten. That goes for my mom as well. 

“Where will you go?” 

Kyungsoo asks with a low voice while he watches me struggle to zip the suitcase close. I had to sit on top so my clothes would be compressed a little bit. I can only manage to carry a duffel bag and a large suitcase by myself; hence I must compromise. 

“Here and there,” I curtly respond, not batting an eye to him. I grab a plain t-shirt and walk towards the ensuite bathroom to change. Although I still have alcohol in my system and I’m still quite dizzy, I can’t deny the fact that my clothes smell terrible. 

“I can ask Junmyeon hyung if you can stay at his place,” he says right after I leave the bathroom. “He’s rarely home and I—” 

I scoff, rolling my eyes as I sling the duffel bag on my shoulder and grab the handle of the suitcase. “Why do you even care?” 

Kyungsoo looks taken aback by my reaction, perhaps thinking that I’d be kneeling before him in happiness that he’s offering his friend’s apartment for me to stay while our dad takes his time to cool off. “Of course I care, you’re my sis—” 

“No shit, Kyungsoo,” I laugh incredulously, not letting him finish his sentence. “Just few weeks ago, you literally said to my face how embarrassed you are because I’m in the same family tree as you.” 

I saw how his jaw went tight, seemingly out of words. And I could feel the lump in my throat; my eyesight got glossy as tears started to form in the brim of my eyes. I’ve never talked nor confronted them about the way they communicate with me. Whether how hurtful their words were, I would swallow my pride and isolate myself with despicable things I’ve done. 

I walk past him with the initial thought of not looking back, but I have something that needs to get out of my chest. “And no, Kyungsoo, you do not care about me—no one in this house does. So don’t act like a big brother now, it’s too late to do that.” 

Nowhere to go... 

Those are the words I’ve been repeating as I stare at the train station from a distance. I still have some cash that I kept hidden in case of emergency, and now I want to pat myself on the shoulder for thinking ahead—even though, this is not a good thing. 

I’m tired and starving.  

And I’m hoping that my life won’t be dark and cruel as it already is that it would suddenly rain when summer just started. 

I heave a deep breath, closing my eyes before I wheel my things with me. I cross the road as I walk towards the train station, with no specific destination in mind. 

My eyes are wide open, looking at the big screen with the details of departure and arrival times from and to the places I’ve never heard of before. Until my eyes reached the last town on the list, it would take almost five hours. It rings a bell, but I’m unsure where and when I’ve heard of it or if it’s just a figment of my imagination. 

I paid for a one-way ticket, bought myself a convenient store rice ball and a bottle of water, charged my phone to the outlet at the corner of the waiting area, and hoped for the best. 

I’ve been out of the country, of course, but travelling to somewhere with little to no money, with no backups or whatsoever, is terrifying. I don’t know where it will get me, however, I’m already desperate and I, honestly, want to get out of here for a while. 

I still have a year left in university, so there is a massive probability that I’ll be back before the semester starts. Even though I’m struggling to pass my course, I don’t have the desire to just drop out. Even if it means that I must start making money to support myself, I’ll do it. 

You don’t know how to do anything. How will you survive? 

I can hear my dad’s voice inside my head, reminding me how useless I’ve been to the family. 

Nuisance. 

I was labeled when I got into a massive fight with my brother in high school. I got into trouble when I hit him with my fist, but he was never once reprimanded for the way he talked to me since we were kids.  

My surroundings rushed when the town's name printed on my ticket was finally called to board. People gather their belongings and fall in the queue, waiting for the sliding door to be opened.  

So, this is it... 

I can’t wrap my head around that twelve hours ago, I had a black credit card with me, drinking with no limit, and now, I only have at least a hundred bucks in my pocket and clothes from a quarter of my closet.  

My suitcase was left on the baggage area at the end of the carriage, while my duffel bag was thrown on the overhead compartment. I plug my AirPods that thankfully got into my pocket earlier—or am I still drunk to remember that I brought it with me, while I watches the window beside my assigned seat displays buildings to transition slowly to trees and empty fields. 

When I jolted awake from the vibration of the train halting to a complete stop, it reminded me, like an ice-cold bucket of water splashed on my face, harsh and cruel, that I was, in fact, not dreaming. Most passengers are greeted by their loved ones when they exit the station. 

Unlike the one in the city, the station in this town is open air, facing the blue ocean with the sound of seagulls singing around. My heart feels like it's being tickled by a soft feather when the warm breeze of summer air hits my face.  

I can’t describe the smell, but it’s nothing like the air I breathe back in the city. There’s a distinct smell of the ocean, though it’s not unpleasant, but more on cozy sentiment. The sun shines bright and there are trees planted all over the place, contradicted with the cloudy and polluted city I grew up in. 

“Young lady—miss!” 

A faint voice interrupts my thoughts. I turn my head on the side and look over my shoulder to see an elderly woman walking briskly towards me. Her hair is white, her skin is wrinkly, and the top of her head only reaches my jawline.  

She gives me a kind smile, handing me a phone in her hand. “You dropped this.” 

My eyes widened as my hands frantically searched for the device I thought was in my pocket. “Oh, shit—oh, my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to curse. I—” 

“It’s alright,” she gives my hand a pat, chuckling and seemingly amuse by my reaction. “You’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I mumble an appreciation for the kind gesture before shaking my head to answer her question. “Uh, no. Not really.” I chuckle, a bit embarrassed that my appearance probably screams tourist. 

She looks delighted with my answer, setting her bag on the ground before clasping her hands excitedly. “We haven’t had visitors in this small town for such a long time! What a pleasant surprise this is!” 

“I mean,” I give her a smile before bashfully looking down at my feet, “trying something new, I guess.” 

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, getting her bag from the ground. “Do you have an itinerary? Or would you want me to help you?” 

I hope my eyes didn’t glisten in relief when I look at her in disbelief. But then I remember how we were taught for ages to not talk to strangers, regardless of gender and age, to not trust anyone, to not take anything from them nor go with them to places. 

The old lady must have read my expression that she laughs, the corner of her eyes crinkling as they shaped into a crescent. “The sun is up, and there’s a lot of people around. I’m not going to kidnap you, dear. I’m old as you can see and can’t move fast. You can ask me questions about the town, and I will answer them. That’s it. All of us here get excited when someone visits this small town. Forgive this old grandma, my dear.” 

Warmth creeps up from my neck up to my face from embarrassment, concealing my scarlet red cheeks by looking around to act as if I’m looking for something. “I—uhm...” I rub the back of my neck, trying to get my brain to work despite being sleep deprived and hangover. “To be honest, I really don’t have any idea where to start. But would you happen to know where I can find a place to stay? Like an affordable hotel or something?” 

I internally cringe from the way I deliver the last few words. I sounded like a spoiled brat, and it’s not my intention. Maybe I should’ve asked where I can earn money instead... right? 

“Oh, dear...” her shoulders slumped as she sighs, looking like in deep thoughts while she thinks thoroughly about my inquiry. “We don’t really have hotels around here, but some families offer a room in their home for a price.” 

The horror-thriller movies I’ve watched before quickly flies out my mind, and I am that desperate to find a place to stay. 

“Do you happen to know where I can find one? But I only have a limited budget, so...” I grimace, internally crying with my situation. 

“Hmm... let me see,” she fished out a flip phone from her purse, dialing a number before pressing the device on her ear. I watch her every action like a lost sheep, making me realize how I took my lifestyle for granted. 

“Youngmi! It’s me!” she exclaimed, my shoulders flinching from how loud her voice is. “We have a visitor—yes! I’m surprised myself. But she’s looking for a place to stay—for how long?” 

She turns her focus to me, covering the phone's mic with her other hand. “For how long, dear?” 

For how long? Why haven’t I thought about that? I don’t know how long I’d be staying here... will my family look for me? Or am I getting my hopes too high for nothing? 

“Uh—two months, maybe?” 

The old lady looks stunned for a few seconds before clearing her throat to inform the other person on the line. “Two months, Youngmi. Is it okay—or? Okay, okay.” 

The phone call ended with a sigh and I’m not taking it as a good sign. “No?” My voice was small and quiet, feeling a little too hopeless with the thought that I’d probably sleep on the street tonight. 

She shakes her head, looking at me with sad eyes as if reading my mind and pitying me. “Her daughter-in-law will give birth anytime soon; she can’t lend her spare room that long. I’m so sorry, dear.” 

“Oh...” the corner of my lips curved downwards, feeling dejected, yet it was expected since nothing was planned with this little trip of mine. “That’s okay, though. Thank you so much for helping me—” 

“I have a spare room if you’d like,” she proposes, cutting me off in the middle of my dilemma. “I live by myself. My husband left this planet almost two years ago, but I do have some animals to keep me company. If you don’t mind some creatures waking you up early in the morning.” She ended her sentence with a chuckle, and I couldn’t help myself but smile, it’s contagious. 

“I—how much would that be?” I stutter, my heart thumping inside my chest for a couple of reasons. One, she could be a psycho despite her sweet appearance and would murder me in my sleep. Two, I only have a hundred bucks with me and have no other source of income. Maybe I can sell some of my things to pay for my stay? 

The old lady shrugs her shoulders, laughing quietly before patting and gently squeezing my arm. “I’m fine with how much you’re willing to pay. I’m already old and don’t need much money.” 

In a hurry, I unzip my duffel bag and hand her the crumpled bills in my hand, looking a bit guilty from how they are stored. I’m aware that what I’m doing is risky, but I can’t think of anything else other than a roof over my head. “This is everything I have right now, but I’ll find a way to pay you more—I swear.” 

The old lady looks lost for a minute, her eyes shifting from the messy bill on her palm to my round, pleasing eyes. “It’s—it’s alright, dear. Calm down. But—” she nods her head to my things. “We don’t really have public transportation here, and I usually walk. Are you alright with walking?” 

I don’t even go to the  gym to do a heavy workout since I prefer Pilates and yoga, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? Hence, I nod my head with a tight smile, hoping to God that it doesn’t look forceful. 

Or it did. 

She has a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head, dialing another number on her flip phone. “Baekhyun-ah! I’m so sorry to call you suddenly—ah, of course, this grandma knows how to use her phone now. Are you busy right now—oh, that’s great! Is it alright if you pick us up from the train station? Of course, I’ll pay you.” 

I am greatly astounded that this grandma seems to know everyone in this town, when I don’t even know our neighbor’s name even though we’ve been living beside them all my life. I’ve heard stories about how countryside residents have tight communities, unlike in the city, but witnessing it is another level. 

We both waited in front of the station for almost ten minutes until a beaten, on the looks of it, pick-up truck pulled up.  

A young man, looking around my age, jumps out of the truck. He has dark brown hair that seems really soft to touch, and a clear, sun kissed skin. He’s wearing a loose white T-shirt and a light blue jeans.  

“I should charge you double for interrupting my little date, Gran.” He laughs, giving the old lady a quick hug. “How’s your trip to the dreadful city?” 

The old lady who was addressed as Gran by this man, who I believe is Baekhyun from the phone call earlier, poked the side of his stomach, clicking her tongue. “It was fine, and we both know that you’re not on a date, Baekhyun. Everyone is out of your league.” 

Baekhyun places his hands on his chest, faking a grunt as if he has been hit. “That hurts, Gran-gran.” 

“Enough with the chitchat! Come, help us with these bags.” she pushed Baekhyun playfully to where my things are placed, and I think that’s the only time he notices that I was here the whole time. 

Now that he’s up-close, I’m able to see the moles on his face that look like a constellation, how droopy his eyes are, and how can I miss his triangular-shaped lips of his. It’s so pink, and glossy—what the hell am I thinking? 

“Oh, hi there,” he greet. Hisis facial expression immediateldroppedps, except for his ey, which quickly scanned my suitcase, shoes, andmy head. The tone of his voicbecamees hostile, far from his enthusiasm earlier. “From the city?” 

Five words. It only took him five words for me to realize that he’s not really fond of the city... or living creature from the city. 

“Yes, I am,” I answer him politely, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “Is there something I should be concerned about?” 

I saw how the corner of his eye twitches before he literally throws my suitcase on the back of his truck. My eyes widen and I swear I could hear my heart breaking. “What the fu—that’s a Rimowa’s special edition!” 

I’m fuming and I bet his ass that my face’s probably scarlet red, at the same time, praying that there’s no dents on my suitcase.  

“Baekhyun!” Gran scolded, slapping his arm, though she can use some force so Baekhyun and I can be even. “That’s not very nice.”  

Baekhyun, who is visibly upset for no reason at all, opens and closes the driver’s seat with so much force that I can’t help but flinch on how loud the door slammed. “Well—for starters, I’m not trying to be nice, Gran.” 

Gran looks at me with pity in her eyes, although I’m unable to comprehend what is happening, and what he saw in me that he made him this ill-mannered, when just few minutes ago, he was all friendly and making jokes with Gran. 

I have no choice but to shrug my shoulders, silently telling her that it’s fine and I’m not bothered at all. I really am not, yet somehow, I am. Or maybe I’m still hangover? 

When I open the passenger’s door, I’m instantly greeted by Baekhyun’s blazing eyes, trying so hard to look intimidating, but hey—that’s my life everyday back in the city. 

I roll my eyes, holding the door open for Gran to sit beside him instead, and I’ll take the seat beside the door. I haven’t been inside a vehicle which allows three people in the front—but I’ve never been in a pick-up truck before, so hey, who’s complaining? 

We drove for a few minutes in a very awkward silence, with me trying my best to look to my right and watch the trees and small houses on the side of the road until we reached the coastline, which, unfortunately, was on the left side.  

I’m appreciating the nature and this town in peace, being really careful not to glance at the man behind the wheel even for a nanosecond, but he seems to have a huge ego and scoffs.  

“Never seen an ocean before? Going to write blog about it so developers can get a piece of our land?” 

“Baekhyun!” Gran warned, scowling so hard that I’m starting to question if coming with her is a good idea. Because I seriously can’t afford any incident. 

I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself and think of something relaxing and such, but the drop of alcohol in my system acts up, and something in me just snaps. “Okay, listen here, you motherfucker—” 

Adrenaline rush. That is what to blame for my sudden outburst. I can’t even remember the things I said because it’s obvious that they were nonsense and full of swearing. I probably uttered made-up curse words by each alphabet to showcase my pride and to prove this Baekhyun that I’m not backing out from his ego. 

I only stop when Gran shakes her head and places the side of her head on her palm, looking helpless since she’s sitting between Baekhyun and me.  

Fortunately, when I’m done swearing that my mama wouldn’t be proud of—but hey, since when did she, the pull-up truck halts on the side of the road and I didn’t even confirm with Gran if this is her house before I hastily open the door.  

I give Baekhyun one last look, and I’m not surprised that he’s already looking at me with much hatred and somewhat disgust. It takes a lot of me not to flip him off right there and then as Gran already looks so done with us. 

My breathing is restraint, fists turning white from how I’m gripping my palm, when Baekhyun decided to piss me one last time before driving off right after getting paid by Gran. 

“I won’t be surprised if you brought air purifier in that ugly looking suitcase of yours!”  

“It’s fucking Rimowa!” 

My glare didn’t leave his pickup truck once he drives off, chanting in my head to get him stung my bees on his dick. That is until I heard my metal suitcase being picked up from the ground I came back to my senses.  

“Gran—I,” I shake my head, closing my eyes, totally embarrassed from the way I behaved earlier with the man I’ve met for fifteen minutes. “I’m sorry—I hope it’s okay for me to call you Gran.” 

“Yes, my dear, don’t worry about it.” She smiles kindly, patting my arm to assure me. “I would like to apologize as well. Baekhyun can be quite... obnoxious.” 

“Obnoxious is quite an understatement for him,” I tried to laugh it off, dusting the duffel bag freakin’ Baekhyun threw on the soil. I mean, he could at least throw it on the pavement since it’s fabric and—oh... I see what he did. That motherfu— 

“He’s a nice kid, he really is. He just can get a little sensitive to people from the city.” Gran explains, gesturing with her hand to come inside her lawn. 

“What’s the deal with him anyway?” I distractedly ask, observing her pace and silently praying that there’s no bunker or some weird stuff around. Still having the thought of a scenario in thriller movies. 

I thought when she mentioned earlier that she has animals around, I’m thinking they’re just cats and dogs, and probably some rabbits. But what I didn’t expect to see is a barn with hens and roosters, pigs, goats—wait, is that a donkey? 

I was asked to sit in the breakfast nook in the kitchen where windows are on each corner, making the natural light be the source of brightness of the house. A mug of warm tea is placed on the table in front of me and I look at it skeptically, just a precaution and Gran laughs, shaking her head in amusement. 

“I didn’t put a potion or somethin’ on it,” she chuckles, “you want me to take a sip first, so you know it’s safe?” 

My cheeks flush, and I shake my head, abashed that I got caught doubting her. “Just so you know, I’m broke, and I have no money with me. I drink a lot of alcohol and I smoke, so you won’t make good use of my organs. I’m basically useless.” Okay, the last part hurts a bit. 

Gran laughs so loud, holding her stomach as she does. “You’re so clever, dear.” 

I scrunch my nose, repeating the saying: May the odds be ever in your favor, as I raise the mug to my lips to take a sip of the tea Gran prepared. “You’re the first person to say that—oh, this is good! What’s in this?” 

“Just chamomile tea with a teaspoon of honey.” Gran answers, her lips raising a little bit, though it almost interprets as sadness as she thinks of some long-lost memory. “Anyway, dear—” she changes the topic quickly that I wasn’t able to pry, “just bear with Baekhyun. I’ll talk to him to get him to apologize. There's no excuse for what he did, especially to a lady.” 

“Well, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get any dates,” I shrug my shoulders, seemingly impressed with how my brain works to roast Baekhyun until this moment.  

Gran laughs out loud once again, and I take a sip of the tea again, which is weirdly comforting and somehow nostalgic. “So, Gran, sorry for prying, but what’s up with that dude again and the piece of land he was talking about?” 

Her jolly expression immediately drops, a wave of sorrow washes through her eyes, and her shoulders deflate before she heaves a deep sigh. “I—it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Baekhyun was just referring to typical businessmen who like to buy everything they find pretty for their own interest.” 

My lips purse while I nod my head, understanding her sentiment since my father does the same. I can’t even count with my fingers how many enemies he has because of it. “Yeah, they’re the worst.” 

“Okay, enough about this town,” Gran chuckles, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the topic. She takes the seat in front of me and intertwines her fingers before resting them on the table. “You appear to be hesitant, but I have a feeling you’re desperate. I’m not going to pry, but everything okay, dear?” 

“Yes, Gran,” my mouth curves into a smile, the doubt in me slowly dissipating, however, I’m still not ready to share my story nor give a quick overview as to why I’m here. Maybe some other day, but not today. I’m beyond spent. “By the way, Gran. Why aren’t you asking for my name? Aren’t you scared that I might be a criminal or something?”  

She snorts, giving me a dirty look. “You went ballistic when Baekhyun threw your things but didn’t raise a finger to him or me. I’m pretty sure I’m safe.” 

I press my lips together as a flush creeps up my face, still embarrassed by my outburst earlier. “Okay, let’s not mention that ever again.”  

I give Gran a kind smile, reaching my right hand to formally introduce myself. I tell her my name as we shake hands. She asks for some basic information, and I willingly answer. “I still have a year left in university, and I’m turning twenty-two in November. I live in the city my whole life and I don’t really have a good relationship with my family, so I can’t say much about them, but that’s another story to tell.” 

We talk for over an hour before I’m unable to stop the humiliating yawn coming out of my mouth. Gran shakes her head with a fond smile on her face before asking me to follow her to the spare room she has. 

The room is completely empty, except for a few dusty boxes on the corner that I probably won’t get near because I’m allergic to dust... I think.  

With the use of teamwork, Gran and I also managed to unbox and inflate the air mattress she got from Secret Santa from last year’s Christmas. I have no idea how to follow a manual and Gran is too old for such things. We both laugh it off and call it a night. 

I didn’t see Baekhyun again until my third day here. 

I came out clean to Gran the next morning. I stayed in her house and told her about my shortcomings in money. I had to ask her for sources in the town since I still had to feed myself, although she reassured me multiple times that I shouldn’t worry about basic stuff. 

She looked disappointed, nonetheless, and didn’t comment further on the situation as to why my dad kicked me out of the house.  

Since locals don’t know me yet, Gran decided to let me help in her barn instead. Taking the light tasks for now; such as feeding the animals, collecting the eggs from the hens, cleaning their stuff, and the lists go on.  

It’s a lot of adjustment since I do nothing at home, and have zero knowledge in basic home chores, what more working in a barn. But Gran is patient towards me, teaching and guiding, before letting me do the job for the rest of the day. 

On the second day—and the third day since I stayed here, Gran let me do the delivery. Nothing much. I just have to deliver the eggs to the market, get the money, then I can come back to the barn.  

I feel like a loser when Gran asked me if I know how to ride a bicycle since she doesn’t own a car, or vehicle, for me to use to deliver the eggs to the market.  

When she pulls out her flip phone and dials a number, I already know that my day will be ruined. 

“How come a human being can’t ride a simple bicycle?” 

I shut my eyes close. The urge to slam my head on the windowsill is too much. I can’t keep track of how many timeshas had said those words. 

For a second, I decided to protect my peace and let this be done with, butkepteeps going on, uttering the most sensitive topic in my life. “Didn’t your father or mother teach you?” 

“How come a human being like you won’t stop talking?” 

That seems to shut him up as he has his lips pursed when I peek at him at the corner of my eye. The veins on his hands become prominent from how tight he’s gripping the stirring wheel. Feeling like a little pride in me, I decide to continue—you know, just to piss him off since I don’t have my suitcase with me. “What? Did I strike a nerve?” 

No response. 

“You must love your truck so much that you both won’t stop making unnecessary noise—” 

My hands are fast to hold on titot on my seatbelt when Baekhyun swerve on the right, extending his arm to open the passenger’s door. I’m still catching my breath and my heart is still pumping rapidly in my chest. 

“Get out.” 

“W-wait, are you serio—” 

“Out!” 

He didn’t scare me. He looks nothing scary. But he looked visibly upset that I started to rethink what I had said. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, he doesn’t have the right to talk to me the way he’s done since we met.  

Once again, I glare at his truck as he drives away with the eggs Gran asked me to deliver. It’s his problem now. I can just be honest with Gran and tell her how Baekhyun kicked me out of his truck in the middle of the road with the blazing sun in the sky. 

I keep cursing Baekhyun on my way back to Gran’s house. I’m really bad with direction that I circled the same intersection for at least three times. I’m sweaty, flushed, dehydrated, sunburned because I freakin’ forgot to wear sunscreen—and I’m not even sure if I packed any because I was hella hangover that day.  

“Thanks, Gran! See ya later!” 

Speaking of the devil. My heart is full of hatred when I hear his voice, the owner of the voice who is reason for my suffering; the reason why my skin is burning and my head spinning. 

Baekhyun looks surprised upon seeing me slowly walking towards the porch where he and Gran are, then his expression turns into amusement when he realizes I’m fuming with anger. 

“You motherfu—” 

I was cut off, or more like, my rage was cut off when Gran merrily called my name, clasping her hands together. “Dear, thank you so much for delivering the eggs. Though we were a bit late than scheduled, Baekhyun here told me that the market paid him well. And he lost you in the crowd? Is everything okay?” 

The corner of his lips quirked up, while the corner of my eye twitched. Lost? He freakin’ left me, kicked me and let me walk kilometers away from this place. “L-lost...?” 

“Yes, you got distracted, remember? I told you to stay close since the market can be quite crowded in the middle of the day.” Baekhyun lies through his teeth, and I’m amazed that he didn’t even stutter.  

I’m about to expose what really happened but he’s quick to walk towards where I am, bumping his shoulder with mine, not before eyeing my burnt face. “You look like Peppa Pig,” he whispers to my ear, making sure Gran won’t hear. 

I gasp loudly, having the strong urge to punch his face. However, before I can even react, he waves his hand to Gran who returns his smile, “I’ll get going now, Gran! Call me if you need anything!” 

I look at Gran incredulously, but she just shrugs her shoulder before chuckling. “You two are adorable.” 

“Ew—Gran, no!” I almost fainted right there and then. 

It’s no news that I’m having trouble sleeping, much more in this unfamiliar town, not in my room nor my bed. Though I did manage to close my eyes to rest for a bit, it’s far from sleeping to recover my energy. 

I’m already up before five in the morning and couldn’t be more surprised how chilly it is when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

My phone has been untouched since I got here, hence I have no access to the internet, and Gran flip phone is not really functional except for making calls and texts.  

I tried to do some physics I learned in high school to balance myself on Gran’s old cruiser bicycle, so I won’t bother—or more like interact with Baekhyun the next time I have to deliver something again. 

But again, I’m not the wisest kid in the block, never was, and I can’t tell you how many times my face came contact with the ground. I’m close to getting really injured and was about to give up when a familiar, unpleasant, roaring engine pulled up beside where I am. 

“What do you want now?” I groan, praying to heavens to know what I did wrong to be punished this early in the morning. 

Baekhyun chuckles in amusement. He’s wearing a plaid shirt under a white T-shirt. His hair is a mess, and obviously unwashed. “Oh, now you’re learning how to ride a bicycle.” 

“Just—” I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself so I won’t make a scene like I have been doing around him. It’s too early and most people are still asleep. “Be on your way, Baekhyun. It's too early to deal with you.” 

“Hey, come on now,” I groan once again when he turns off the engine and gets out of this truck. “Gran texted me to give you a chance—mind you, that old lady doesn’t text anyone. So, don’t waste the chance I’m giving you now.” 

He sounds so arrogant, and I’m aware that he’s doing it on purpose to get on my nerves. I press my lips together before forcing a smile, breathing through my nose as I raise my head a little to look at him in the eye. “Can you come closer?”  

But he smiled mischievously, shaking his head. “I know what you’re gon’ do. You’ll bump your forehead on mine. I’ve seen that trick everywhere, so puh-lease.” 

I nod my head and smile innocently. “No, no. I’m not going to do that, I’ll hurt myself more than I’ll hurt you. I just have something to say to you.” 

“You can say it to me with distance.” 

“Then I’d rather not say it.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, huffing, before leaning his ear closer to me. “You’re so stubborn. What the heck you want to tell me—ah!!!” 

I normally don’t resort to violence, and I just mentioned earlier that I do not want to cause a scene, especially when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

I just had to do it. 

As soon as his ear was a few centimeters away from my mouth, even though he was not yet done talking, I opened my mouth and sink my teeth on it. I meant to let him experience my wrath just a little bit, however, I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I bit him harder than I intended to. Or maybe I didn’t expect him to squeal like a girl. 

Expectedly, Gran walks out of the front door with a lamp in her hand, still in her sleepwear and obviously just woken up from how loud Baekhyun was. Not only Gran, but the houses nearby light up to let us know they were awakened by the noise. 

“I’m so disappointed to both of you.” Gran shakes her head as me and Baekhyun sit in her living room, the latter holding his ear as he pouts. “I don’t understand why the both of you can’t get along? Or just be civil with each other? If you don’t like each other, just don’t talk, don’t interact—and I don’t even want to know how Baekhyun ended up with a bleeding ear.” 

I can only roll my eyes when Baekhyun points his finger at my face, plastering an innocent face. “Oh, sure. Blame it on the person from the city, because I’m the bad guy here, and you’re an innocent countryside jerk.” 

He looks taken aback by what I said. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times like a fish out of water, but no words came out from his mouth. 

“Okay, now...” Gran tries to calm us down, more specifically to me. “Dear, please... let’s keep everything in place and talk calmly. Can we do that, please, hmm?” 

“I don’t know your beef with people from the city—” I ignore Gran and lock my eyes with Baekhyun who looks surprised as the old lady standing in front of us. “—but there are thousands of people living there, millions even, and I do not know each one of them. If you have a problem with them, then take it out on them, not on me! I don’t even know you and you’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me the minute we met. And now you’re going to blame me for—” 

“Okay, dear, calm down...” Gran had to sit down between us and place her hand on my arm, “you made your point, and we understood it. Right, Baekhyun?” 

The guy just stares at my face, not moving a single muscle, that, until Gran nudges his knee. “Y-yeah...” 

“And what do you say, Baekhyun?” Gran presses on, urging an apology from him. 

Baekhyun sighs, licking his bottom lip. “I—I’m sorry...” 

“Thank you, Baekhyun,” Gran smiles before turning her attention back to me. “Dear?” 

My eyes widen as I gape at her. “Why me—” 

“It’s never okay to hurt someone, dear...” 

I sigh in defeat, definitely agreeing with her sentiment. “Fine. I’m sorry for biting your ear.” But I don’t think I need to apologize for anything else than that. 

It feels like déjà vu the next time I see Baekhyun. It’s almost five in the morning, and I’m teaching myself to ride a bicycle again when his truck pulls up.  

“’Sup?” 

I dramatically groan, placing my feet on the ground to balance myself as I watch him get out of his truck. “What now, Baekhyun? Do you want your other ear to get bitten this time—and why the hell are you out this early?” 

Baekhyun scrunches up his face in judgement, or disgust—I can’t really distinguish. He places a hand on the handlebar just beside my own hand and wiggles it as if to test if it’s sturdy enough. “I think this need a little bit of fixing, and I can see from here how rusty the chain is, we might need to oil or, worst scenario, change it.” 

He ends his sentence with a smile, which made me frown because he never smiles when my presence is around. My face contorted, unable to comprehend what was happening. Then I raise my brows at him to answer my question earlier, and I’m glad he gets the message. 

“I help with the boats at midnight, and we just finished a while ago. This is like my part-time job. And no, I don’t want my other ear to get bitten, thank you very much.” 

I look at him skeptically, “Okay... and what are you doing here? Talking to me like a normal person?” 

He sighs, his chest puffing out as he does. “Well, we were off to a bad start, and I do realize how jerk I was to you. And I would like to apologize for the way I behaved. I also want you to know that I’m not kind of a person.” 

“Gran wrote that script, yes?” I roll my eyes, though I can’t stop the corner of my lips from curving up. 

Even with the lack of bright rays of the sun, and the only source of light is from the lamppost on the road, I see how he smiles as well. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Very,” I chuckle, slapping his hand away from the handlebar. “The choice of words was much mature and totally far from who you are.” 

“Hey! I rehearsed my lines all night. Be appreciative, can you?” 

“Oh, I will, once you fixed the chain something—I’m not really sure what’s the function of,” I get off the bike and push it towards Baekhyun who drops his expression to a deadpan. 

“Will I be getting paid?” he asks, taking a quick look at Gran’s old cruiser bicycle.  

“Well, I don’t have extra money,” I sniff, looking away to hide my broke-ness, and play it cool. And I was quick to stop him when he was about to drop the bike when he learned I don’t have money to pay him. “I can show you my tits? Guys like chest, right? They’re not that big but they’re pretty decent—” 

“What the fu—” 

“Okay, okay! I’m just kidding, sheesh!” Or not. 

“Just stop talking. Can you do that, please?” he emphasizes the last word as he started working on the bicycle and I nod my head like an obedient child. 

Almost half an hour later and a greasy Baekhyun, I’m finally back on my bicycle, learning how to cruise without falling face first.  

By six-thirty in the morning, Gran walks out of the front door, beyond surprise to see Baekhyun helping me attach a semi-large basket on the rear rack of the bicycle. “Lovely morning, kids! And Baekhyun, you need a bath.” 

I look at the man in topic, eyeing him from head to toe and boy did he need a good ol’ scrubbing. “He does.” 

Baekhyun looks me dead in the eye before raising his brows. “Seriously? After I explained what a chain does to a bicycle after I taught you how to balance yourself by pedaling because physics wasn’t working, and gravity was failing you?” 

“Shut up! That’s supposed to be a secret and not to be said out loud.” I walk past him, purposely bumping my shoulder on him. “And you stink; you really do need a bath.” 

“Okay—come on, come on. Don’t ruin the bond you just created,” Gran waves her hand for us to go inside. “Let’s have breakfast together. And Baekhyun, please, help yourself in the bathroom.” 

And I received another glare when I snickered not so subtly. 

Since that eventful morning, I’ve been civil with Baekhyun. We may bicker here and there, but no ear-biting incident has ever occurred henceforth. 

I’ve also been delivering stuff to the market, or sometimes door to door, when Gran needs a helping hand. My bicycle journey is going well, though there were few minor troubles, but nothing serious that should be cause for concern. 

At times, if he had time, he’d go with me to the market or around the town—or maybe, most probably rather, Gran forced him to. 

And that became the reason as why I met Jisoo. The gorgeous lady that is way out of his league. 

“Gran’s right, everyone is out of your league,” I mutter as soon as Jisoo is already out of sight.  

We stopped by the bakery which Jisoo’s family runs and where she works. She’s nice and friendly, already asked me to come by next time I’m free so she can give me a proper tour around. And I didn’t fail to notice how Baekhyun ogles at her. He looked like he was about to whack my head when I used that term to explain how he was looking at the lady. 

“Not everyone, because that means you’re included,” he simply answers. My eyes widen in shock, gaping at what he just said. Fortunately, he immediately clears things up, but not before rolling his eyes and scoffing. “I am the one who’s out of your league. I’m way better than you.” 

Although I find it offensive, I sigh in relief and wipe an imaginary sweat on my forehead. “Phew, for a minute I thought you were flirting with me.” 

“I’m offended.” 

I think it’s been over two weeks now or so—I don’t know, I stopped counting the days. 

I’m scared to turn on my phone. I’m scared that there will be no text messages nor calls from my family asking my whereabouts or showing their worry on my well-being.  

I’m scared because I have a feeling inside me that I already know the answer to that. 

Always have been. 

The clock shows two in the morning, and I’m on Gran’s roof with the pack of cigarettes I didn’t forget to bring along. Putting a stick between my lips before inhaling deeply, holding my breath for a second, and exhaling the smoke out of my mouth. 

This always made me calm; my nerves feel soothed, my mind would stop running for a minute, and the smell developed as a comfort to me. 

Although I know the risks of smoking, it’s the only way that I know of to cope in life... my life. 

“Holy crap, I thought something was burning up here.” 

I almost jumped from the roof when a voice interrupted my deep thoughts. And my reflex is to throw away the butt of the cigarette after squashing down the tip.  

I peek over my shoulder and see Baekhyun carefully scooting next to me, making sure that his movement won’t make a fuss and wake up the owner of the house. 

“What the hell? Do you really appear everywhere I’d go?” I roll my eyes at him, taking another stick from the box and offering it to him, which he declines almost immediately. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Baekhyun mumbles while he watches me flick the lighter to the tip of the cigarette. “That’s not really good for your health, or mine, since you’re exposing me to secondhand smoking.” 

I chuckle at him quite lowly, looking up to the dark sky filled with stars, which I don’t often get to see back at home as the light pollution in the city is crazy. “Tell me something I don’t know, Baekhyun, then I might be interested to listen. And you’re the one who came up here, you’re free to go and save your lungs, mister.” 

I expected another smart response from him per our usual banter, but when I heard nothing, I carefully remove my stare from the sky to look at him, and more than surprise to see him already looking at my face with expression I can’t define.  

“W-what?” My voice tried so hard to sound my normal self, but it came out breathless.  

He blinks as if he’s snaps out of his trance. “I—n-nothing... I’m just curious...” 

I sniff, sitting up straight before smiling innocently at him. “Oh, I like where this is going. You’re curious about my life. Okay, Baekhyun, ask away. I’m so glad finally pique your interest.” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s about to toss me out of the roof, so I instantly shut my mouth and smile even more. Then he clears his throat, exhaling heavily. “I’m just curious... I mean I know your name, but from Gran. I know we’re almost the same age, and you’re from the city. However, when I asked Gran about why you’re here, because you’re obviously not here to be a tourist, she won’t tell me.” 

My eyes squint at him for a second, and then I proceed to raise a brow at him. “So, you want the tea?” 

He tilts his head, seemingly confused. “What tea?” 

“Never mind,” I purse my lips, breathing through my nose, trying so hard not to say something ridiculous. 

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m just kidding, I know what tea means. For your information, we’re quite civilized here.” 

I exhale in relief, holding a hand on my chest. “Oh, that’s great to hear. I was about to say green tea or chamomile tea.” 

Baekhyun laughed out loud, “You’re so lame!” and I had to place my palm on his mouth.  

“Shh! You’ll wake Gran up!” When he nods his head, I disgustingly look at my palm, playfully wiping it on his shirt. 

“So...” he trails off, poking my arm with his finger. “You deliver eggs to the market, but you use a very expensive sunscreen. You’re not here for a vacation, aren’t you?” 

“Not beating around the bush, I see.” I tried to laugh it off, trying my luck that maybe he’d change the topic, but he raises his brows as he waits for my answer. “Well... it’s a long story.” 

“I’m done working, so I have all night to listen.” he answers immediately, pushing my shoulder with his. “Come on.” 

I exhale through my nose, lifting the cigarette up in the air. “You see this? My dad hates this, and alcohol. I do a lot of both, apparently. So, he threw me out of the house. He also confiscated my credit card and I only had around hundred bucks, so Gran took me in.” 

It’s not like I’m not comfortable telling people what I’ve done to get my father ballistic, but I honestly don’t know how to put what really happened in words. I don’t know how to verbalize things, emotions, and such. So, I’m really out of place when Baekhyun waits for another word to come out of my mouth. 

“End of story,” I grin at him, hoping that he won’t be able to read my mind.  

He looks at my face for a few moments, not leaving my eyes as it feels like he’s staring into my soul, as dramatic as it may sound. “That’s a really long story,” he shakes his head, and the tone of his voice is sarcastic. He stood on his feet and dusted his pants, “You seem no fun. I’m going home now.” 

I send him a glare before scrunching my nose at him. “I’m just confirming your assumption of me being a spoiled brat.” 

“I never said you’re a spoiled brat,” he quickly denies, looking at me like I have two heads on my neck. 

“But you’ve thought about it,” I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

“You can’t blame me for that though. You keep saying: it’s Rimowa, it’s Rimowa, that I had to search on the internet what the heck is a Rimowa. I honestly thought it was a freakin’ country!” 

It was my turn to laugh out loud, and he had to put his palm on my mouth. 

The next time I see Baek,hyun it is almost five in the morning. I couldn’t sleep; hence I let my curiosity get the best out of me and went to where the “boats” are. 

It’s still dark, although the streetlamps illuminate the path on the way there. As I near the dock, my surroundings come from crickets to men shouting and laughing, I’m not sure anymore, but they’re thunderous. 

“Excuse me,” I raise a hand to a middle-aged man who’s about to pass by. He looks confused as he waits for me to talk. “Is Baekhyun around?” 

The man's frown fades away. Baekhyun’s name must’ve rang a bell. “Oh, Byun? I think he’s still on Youngtae’s boat.” 

There are hundreds of things going through my mind at once, but the most significant of them are: Baekhyun last name is Byun, which I haven’t heard until now—and I do hope that he’s the only Baekhyun in this town, and the other one is, who the hell is Youngtae and how would I know where his boat is? 

I know that people in this town know each other like they know the alphabet, but I’m not from here and I’m having quite a hard time adjusting when it comes to this kind of scenario. 

I can only chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck before pointing my thumb behind my shoulder. “Yeah... I think I’ll go for now but tell him I said hi.” 

The man, who looks really buff and has a tattoo sleeve on his left arm, slowly nods his head, perhaps unsure what is happening... as why a woman casually walked to the dock and asked for someone but would leave eventually. “Yeah... sure—you’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I have no idea as to why I did it, but I exaggeratedly sigh—I don’t know, probably in relief that someone recognizes my naïve-ness of this town, even though I’ve been here for almost a month now. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Yeah—” he points his fingers on his ear, “locals don’t do that.” 

I didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then I realized he was referring to my earrings, several of them. My mouth forms an O shape and I nod my head to his arm as well. “Locals don’t do that either.” 

He laughs, extending his hand out for me to shake. “You got me there. I’m Hanjo, but just call me Han, people here call me that.” 

I nod my head, giving him a smile before telling him my name. “So, you’re not from here as well?” I ask, genuinely curious if he’s from the city, too. 

“So, Byun knocked you up?” he doesn’t even miss a beat and immediately changes the topic, though I did get shocked by his assumption. 

“Excuse me?” 

Han clears his throat, looking like he sobers from the way I change my tone of voice. “Sorry, that came out harsh. That Byun guy tends to play around when he’s out of town, and I thought you were here because of that.” 

I’m still looking at him skeptically, and the corner of my mouth almost drew back a snarl. “Uh, no, we’re just friends—sorry, I can’t stop myself from saying this, but I do not appreciate how you’re addressing Baekhyun.” 

“Oh, sassy—you from the city?” he tried to laugh it off, althoucouldI can see that he didn’t mean to be rude, probably just how guys talk, or I don’t know, guys their age. 

I opened my mouth, about to say something smart, but I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I look over Han’s shoulder, and it’s a bit of a challenge since he’s quite huge, and see Baekhyun’s surprised, at the same time, smiling face. 

“Hey! What brings you here?” Baekhyun pats my arm, showcasing his perfectly aligned teeth, he then gives a nod to Han. “Hey, Han.”  

“Byun, I thought you’ve dropped out years ago. How can you still score someone from the city?” Han asks Baekhyun, and I had to remind myself that they are both males, and that’s just how they communicate... I hope.  

But what caught my attention is Baekhyun dropping out. From what? University? He attended university in the city? 

“Come on, Han.” Baekhyun chuckles, though the tone of his voice goes one note down, making him sound so manly. “That’s not a nice way to talk to someone you don’t know.” 

“Oh, but we know each other, right?” Han turns to me, calling my name as if we’ve been friends for decades. I can only make a face, turning to Baekhyun as a silent signal to get me out of here. Acouldn’tcan’t be more glad that he got the message instantly. 

“Okay! We’ll get going now, Han. Don’t drink too much, okay? Gran wouldn’t be so happy that you’re causing trouble here.” Baekhyun holds my arm, bringing me along with him as he walks away, not waiting for Han to respond. 

Baekhyun asks me to wait in his truck while he gets his things from the boat. He comes back not even five minutes later, not beating around the bush, when he removes the thin sweater he’s wearing and changes into a clean T-shirt. 

“Okay. Thank you for giving me a show, really enjoyed it.” I tried to play it cool, hiding how my cheeks blush when I saw the curve of his abs. Damn, he’s been working out. 

He laughs, throwing his sweater on my face and my nose crinkles at the smell. Sweat and seafood. He starts the car and starts driving, and I didn’t bother to ask where he’s taking me, though I have a hint that he’ll just drive me back to Gran’s place. 

“I have a question,” I break the silence, looking at his side profile, and I can’t believe I missed how his nose looks good on this side.  

“I had a hunch you have,” he chuckles, not taking his eyes off the road. 

I click my tongue, glaring at him for a second. “You said that Gran wouldn’t be happy with what Han was doing. Do they know each other? I mean, yeah, everyone knows everyone here. But you know...” 

“Hmm...” Baekhyun purses his lips as he thinks, and I almost coo at how he looks ado; ate, at the same time, almost slap myself for thinking that way. “I’m not sure if I’m in the position to tell you that.” 

“Oh, come on. I thought you like tea!”  

“Green tea or chamomile?” he repeats the joke I told him the other day, earning a glare from me. “I’m kidding. I’ll tell you, but no follow up question about it, okay?” 

I nod my head excitedly like a child. 

“Gran is Han’s mother.” Baekhyun simply said, shrugging his shoulder as if everyone should’ve known about this information. 

I can only gape athim, before verbalizing my thoughts. “I thought Gran doesn’t have a kid. I obviously guessed wrongly.” 

“Kids.” 

My jaw almost dropped on the ground, and my eyes went wide as a saucer. “No fucking way. Where’s the other one? Or how many she has?” 

“No follow up question, remember?” Baekhyun smirks, raising a brow.  

“Oh, come on. You’re no fun!” I groan at him, wanting to slap the smirk off his ,face but he’s driving, and I don’t want to risk it. 

Baekhyun laughs this time, shaking his head. “Well, I’m not going to be like you who didn’t finish her story.” That did earn him a slap on his arm, though not forcefully. He whines, rubbing the spot I hit before continuing, “Gran has two sons. Her oldest is out there, conquering the world, and you see Han... you already saw where he is in life.” 

My figure stiffens for a while, and it takes me a little while to slowly sit up straight, looking ahead of me. I didn’t want the ride to be weird, so I snickered, giving Baekhyun a playful look. “That sounds really familiar.” lookedlook into each other’s eyes for only a few seconds since he had to focus on the road, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything. But I know. I know that he has a feeling what I meant by that. 

The only time a word was said was when I realized that the road he drives on is a different route to where Gran’s house is.  

“Where—” 

“Consider yourself lucky,” he stops the car on the side of the road, pulling the handbrake before unbuckling his seatbelt. I have no choice but to fo his suit. I jump out of his truck and follow him wherever he’s taking me.  

We trek for ten minutes and I’m starting to catch my breath. “Y-you, motherfu—” 

“Just wait and see, it’ll be worth it.” Baekhyun claims, and his enthusiasm rubbing on my unfit body.  

I sit next to him on a bed of grass with little white flowers all over it. “You didn’t even ask me if I want to be driven back to Gran’s house, or if I want to torture myself by hiking before six in the morning, without breakfast, mind you.” 

“Hey, be appreciative, can you?” he bumps his shoulder with mine. “This is secret hideout. I brought you here because you look like you’re turning into a panda—what the hell happened to your eyebags, seriously?” 

His tone was playful, and I’m aware he was. He’s only doing it as a part of our normal banter-slash-daily conversation, but I smile sadly, shaking my head. “It’s nothing...” 

“Hey, come on,” he sighs, scooting closer to me, “I just gave you a tea that I’m not supposed to talk about. A little trust here, please?” 

“I’m—I—” I exhale heavily, biting my bottom lip, contemplating for a while if I should be talking about this to someone I barely know. But then, he has been there for me despite being a jerk at first. “I’m having trouble sleeping.” 

He nods his head; judgment is absent on his face. And I take it as a good sign that he’s listening to me. “Did it start when you arrived here?” 

I shake my head, starting to f my tears forming on the brim of my eyes, and I’m more than surprised because I can’t even remember the last time I cried. 

Was it when my parents didn’t attend my middle school graduation? Or was it when no one remembered my sixteenth birthday?  

I don’t know. 

“Two, three years ago? I don’t know—I honestly can’t remember.” 

Baekhyun heaves a deep trembling breath, trying to look calm as possible. “Have you got it checked? Are taking medication to help you sleep?” 

I shake my head once again, looking ahead. “No. My dad will know since I didn't really have money of my own and used his card back home. He checks all my transaction, and I’m scared that they might found out about it.” 

“Then, how do you cope?” 

I shrug my shoulders, turning my head to look at him, giving him the most genuine smile I can ever give, although it’s a sad smile. “Alcohol makes me sleepy, and cigarette soothes my nerve.” 

He doesn’t say anything for a good minute or two, and I’m starting to get worried about how I shouldn’t have told him my troubles, but when he spoke, his voice is much calmer, soothing, and quiet. “Now I know why you were always up to learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the night.” 

I laugh at his statement, the corner of my eyes crinkling in the process. “Yeah... I couldn’t sleep so , I might as well tire myself out.” 

“Is it also why you were at the dock?” 

I nod my head, “Yep, decide to take a long walk then try to go to sleep. But I saw where the dock is, and the rest is history.” 

Baekhyun hums before patting me; his mouth curves up into a gentle smile. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.” 

I don’t know what to say or how to react. But all I know is that I’m glad I told him what happened to me. My eyes didn’t leave him for a minute until he tilted his head in the direction in front of us, asking me to look at it.  

I didn’t even realize how long we’d been sitting there. The dark sky slowly turns golden. Rays of sun start peeking out at the line where the sky meets the sea. Seagulls start singing like they did when I first arrived here in this town, the sound of waves of the ocean hitting the shore... it’s incredible. 

I hold my breath, mesmerized by the majestic viewthe  of sunrise in this partthe  of the country. My first instinct was to curse to express how gorgeouswast is, but Baekhyun cuts me beforcould can even open my mouth. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

My head turns to look at him, a huge grin on my face to show how much I agree with his statement, but when my eyes get the sight of his face getting hit by the soft ray of sunlight, I am lost for words. 

Words wouldn’t come out between my lips, and I feel like I turn into a rock when I force myself to look away from him.  

It feels like I can’t look at anything else but him. 

Beautiful indeed. 

A month in this ,town and I’m handling it quite well than I expected on my first day.  

Of course, it’s not sunshine and rainbows with unicorns every single day. I’ve had a fair share of bad days. Although most of them were nothing serious, I could still say: Tomorrow’s a new day! 

But nothing compares to what happened when Jisoo asked me to hang out, and she’d tour me around the town—properly, as she clearly claimed.  

Don’t get me wrong, it went well. She’s probably one of the kindest people around here, next to Gran, but then again, everyone in this town is friendly and welcoming.  

I didn’t have the bicycle with me that day because Jisoo insisted on picking me up from Gran’s house and we went around the town in her sedan. And when the sun started to set, she offered to drive me back to Gran’s and of course, I agreed because I don’t have the will in me to walk that far, but surprise, surprise, Baekhyun’s truck pulled up on the side of the road, honking noisily to get our attention. 

I’m aware of his little crush on Jisoo; he made it obvious the first time I met the latter, and he made it obvious again this time. 

Of course, I brushed it off, reminding myself that we have nothing going on between us and convincing myself that I don’t have anything going on for him—and I really do hope I’m doing a great job on that. 

However, it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was splashed on my face when I heard their conversation. 

“Chivalry is not dead, Baekhyun?” Jisoo giggled, pushing Baekhyun’s shoulder with her hand, and the man had the cheek to blush. “Always ready to pick her up, huh? Never seen you put an effort to a girl before.” 

“Oh, it’s not like that...” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s from the city, and I’m doing Gran’s a favor.” 

At that moment, I had to rethink if I had the stamina to walk all the way back to Gran’s. I wanted to be alone, but Baekhyun literally pushed me inside his truck. 

He might be thinking that I’m just being sulky since I do that quite often when I lose every time we bicker. He acts normal as if he didn’t say those words earlier about me, being well aware that I was around and could hear them perfectly. 

I close my eyes and pretend to take a rest while he tells a hilarious story from his day job. Though I’m pretty tired, I still have some energy left in me. I just don’t want to see his face. 

But Baekhyun is quite smart. He figures out three later. Okay, that might be long for others, but I’m still civil with him, to the point no one notices how I tried so hard to avoid him unless necessary. 

I may not be academically smart, but I can be quite observant. I’d be up extra early to finish the errands Gran listed out for me the night before—she doesn’t usually do it, but I kind of forced her to, so I’d know in advance what I’d be doing for the day. 

Then, when he’d come over unannounced, I’d go feed Gran’s animals their second dinner. 

Everything was going well for me until I got invited to hang out with Jisoo and her friends. I really wanted to say no, but Gran looked so happy when Jisoo came knocking on her door. 

“Oh, dear, it’s alright! I’ll pack the leftovers and put them in the fridge. You can heat it up when you’re still hungry once you’re back.” she said when I tried using her meatloaf as an excuse for me not to go. 

That’s how I met Jongdae, the talkative but gentlemanly guy; Minseok, their hyung who’s always looking out for others if they have enough beer in their system and send them home.  

I’m really bad with names and can’t remember most of Jisoo’s circle, but they keep talking to me because, apparently, they’re Baekhyun friends and heard about me from the man himself. 

“Why is he not here, though?” Curiosity got the best of me when Baekhyun’s friends were were here, and of course, Jisoo’s here. “Did he not get an invite?” 

Jongdae laughs and slaps my shoulder like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Minseok chuckles at the sight before taking a swig of his beer. “Baekhyun’s always invited. In fact, he’d be there before you can invite him. But we don’t know—said that he’s not feeling well or somethin’.” 

I frown upon hearing that. He seemed fine when he dropped by this morning at Gran’s. “What—is he sick?” 

“He’s sick alright,” Jongdae snorts, drinking his beer, and Minseok nudges him with his knee. “Hey—you know what? Let’s take a picture to capture this moment.” 

My expression twists at the sudden change of subject, nonetheless, I force the best I could ever give as soon as Jongdae put his phone an arm away after switching to the front camera. “Say: Baekhyun’s sick!” 

I didn’t follow him, though I did manage to sneak an eye roll before he hit the capture button. 

“Send it to me, I’d like a copy,” Minseok says, taking his phone out from his pocket. Jongdae nods his head, tapping the screen of his phone before gasping out loud. 

“What?” Me and Minseok choruses.  

Jongdae turns to us with wide eyes, “I mistakenly sent it to our group chat instead of personal message. Okay, I’m going to put my phone to DND before someone spams me.” 

I roll my eyes once again but can’t fight the smile spreading on my lips, thinking how ridiculous yet fun experience it is to hang out with these guys. While Minseok looks like he’s going to smash his bottle of beer on Jongdae’s head. “Can you stop being so dramatic for once?” 

The night is filled with laughter, beers, and some fun games that, I must admit, are fun. I don’t think I can remember the last time I enjoyed the company of being around other people, or people in general. 

I’m on my third bottle of cold beer, chatting between Jongdae and Minseok, when the bottle in my hand magically disappears. I haven’t had alcohol for quite a long time—no judgment, that I’m already tipsy. I was about to fight anyone just for a bottle of beer but was met with Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“Oh, that was fast!” Jongdae cheers, pertaining to Baekhyun. He claps his hand and pats the space beside him for the guy to sit. 

But instead, Baekhyun motions me to scoot a little so he can squeeze in the space between me and Jongdae. And of course, that receives a grunt from us. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him in a small voice, though his two friends definitely heard me as they both snicker at the same time. 

Before Baekhyun could answer, Jisoo appears in front of us, holding her own drink and a bit red, probably from drinking too much—she’s not very subtle with her drinking, but I guess everyone needs a little loose from time to time, no one’s judging. 

“Baekhyun! I thought you couldn’t make it!” 

I’m not interested in seeing their interaction as I’m already sulking as it is, so I tried to reach out for my beer that’s still in Baekhyun’s hold, but as soon as my fingertips touch it, he clicks his tongue at me, giving me a warning look. 

Jongdae crosses his legs, leaning on his hands to look at Baekhyun mockingly. “Oh yes, Baekhyun. I thought you said you were too tired and not feeling like it?” 

He really does look tired, and I’m also confused as to why he’s here. But he just kicks Jongdae’s feet and glares at Minseok who frowns because the guy is literally younger than him. “I don’t trust you guys with alcohol.” 

“Pssh!” Jongdae dismisses him by waving a hand on his face. “We both know that’s a lie. You trust us the most.” 

“He’s drunk,” I murmur, which receives a hum of agreement from Baekhyun that makes the hair on the back of my neck rise.  

He turns his head a little to the side to peek over his shoulder. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath tickling my lashes. “You?” 

I shake my head a little, my words getting caught in my throat that I have to put an effort to respond to him. “No, not really.” 

Jongdae couldn’t stop his excitement and let out a high pitch laugh that caught the attention of other people around.  

I’m the one who breaks the eye contact, clearing my throat before looking the other way. I see Minseok already giving me a small smile, wiggling his brows. He manages to murmur, “adorable,” before drinking his beer. 

If I heard that a few weeks ago, I’d probably have had the same reaction when Gran said the same thing. But now, I can honestly feel the heat creeping up from my neck to my cheeks. I’ll just use the alcohol as an excuse if someone notices. 

As more empty bottles scattered around the area, few people gathered where we are, and not to mention they decided it was a good idea to put me on the spot to ask questions—thanks to Jongdae who practically announced that I’m a tourist here. 

“So, wait,” A girl named Bomee slurs, tilting her head as she speaks, “your dad threw you out because you drink a lot?” 

I seriously need more alcohol in my system before I can answer her honestly. But Baekhyun here wouldn’t give them back every time I’d get a new one, and he’d give it to Jongdae instead who, I believe, puke couple times already. 

“Sort of?” I answer carefully, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Then why did you keep drinking if your family hates it?” A guy named Jaebom chimes in. And Bomee hisses at him for being so insensitive. Though, I don’t mind because all my mind can process is how they seem to be invested in my story. 

“Well—how do I explain it?” I exhale through my nose, biting my bottom lip, and my leg started to bounce, feeling a bit anxious if I should answer the question.  

But then I feel something on my bare knee since I’m wearing shorts. I shift my focus from Jaebom and glance at my side. It was Baekhyun’s thigh. He keeps his gaze ahead of him but left his thigh on my knee. 

The corner of my mouth lifts for a second before pursing my lips. It’s probably time for me to let this out, as to why I did what’s been done. To what really goes on my mind that no one bothered to ask. 

Until I arrived in this town.  

Until I met these people. 

Until I met this man who oddly calms my storm.  

“I’m not really the favorite child,” I start, giving them a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “The most common misconception is that if you’re the youngest, you get attention, love, everything. But that doesn’t apply to my family. 

“I don’t remember it well, but I had a good relationship with my father until I started school. He immediately saw the difference between me and my older brother. He’s way smarter than I am. He’s polite and I get in trouble from left to right even without trying.  

“My dad started to compare me to my brother as we grew up, and I believe that’s the main reason why I developed resentment towards my brother. My mother... she doesn’t care, she never did. She’s always been busy with her charity events that would make her look good to the public, and of course, her friends. 

“However, despite their busy schedules, they’d clear everything to attend my brother’s graduation, school events and such. But they’ve never been on mine. That’s probably the reason why something in me snapped when I was in high school.  

“I was in the wrong circle. I got in trouble for drinking and smoking. It wasn’t my attention, but for the first time, my parents went to my school, although for a reason that’s nothing to be proud of. I misunderstood the rebellion just to get their attention. 

“But now I’m in my last year for my undergrad, it just became an escape. I no longer care for my parents’ attention, but I became dependent on alcohol to sleep, and cigarettes to calm down. And to be honest, I’m scared to get checked—because what if something’s wrong with me? Who’ll take care of me? I can barely hold my shit together. Or will it worsen my situation in our house? As they’ve already seen me as a burdensome. 

“So, yeah. I’m here because I don’t have anywhere else to go. I bought a train ticket without knowing anything about the destination. Don't get me wrong, your town is freakin’ awesome, exquisite, but I’d sell my soul for a cheeseburger and chicken nuggets right now.” 

I end my speech with a deep, trembling sigh, forcing myself to give them a smile, but it immediately drops when I see most of them tearing up, especially Jongdae who’s already hammered. 

“Hey—what the heck, you guys.” I chuckle awkwardly, sitting up straight to look at them one by one. Jisoo even had to excuse herself as she cries, while Jaebeom looks at me apologetically, “I’m sorry. I—I shouldn’t have had ask you that...” 

“No, no!” I walk over to them, feeling guilty for ruining the mood. I try to calm them down, but Jongdae, being dramatic as he is, starts to sob, talking to himself as he thanks his parents for loving him despite being such a headache. 

Minseok looks at me fondly, though there’s a hint of pity and sadness in his eyes. “This is such a good reminder to be kind. We don’t know who’s struggling silently, and what we can only do is to be kind.” 

I smile at what he said, nodding my head in agreement. “Be kind.” 

Baekhyun finally gives up around two in the morning. I’m about to bid him good night but then he waits for me to get on my feet. “What—why?” I whine, not wanting to leave as I’m honestly having fun joking around with his friends and others. 

Baekhyun sighs my name, dropping his shoulders. “Please? No one here will drive you home; everyone has alcohol in their system—no, Jongdae, you’re too drunk to drive, just sleep here.” 

I groan loudly, giving him a glare. Nonetheless, I wave goodbye to everyone, promising that I’ll see them again soon.  

I sit on Baekhyun’s truck, rolling down the windows so the chilly night breeze will hit my face soothingly.  

“You okay?” 

I can only grunt in response, resting the side of my head on the window frame. 

“Sure? Or you’re too drunk to tell?” 

“Baekhyun—” I close my eyes before pursing my lips. “I only had two bottles because you won’t let have any as soon as you arrived. If I was drunk by two bottles, I’m sober enough by the window time you kept snatching all bottles in my hand.” 

He looks taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I do admit that I feel a little guilty about it. “H-hey, I’m sorry. I can make a U turn if you want to go back—sorry...” 

I gnaw my bottom lip, wanting to slap myself for overreacting to something not big of a deal. “No, it’s fine. Just keep driving.” 

He keeps driving alright. I’m in daze when I realize that it’s not the way back to Gran’s house, and we’ve been on the road for almost an hour—and that’s without traffic!  

From trees and the shallow sound of waves crashing to the shore, my eyes meet with bright lights and buildings—though nothing compared to the big city, but my heart couldn’t stop fluttering seeing such familiar sight. 

“Baekhyun, where—” 

“You said you wanted cheeseburger,” he simply said, not even letting me finish my question. “And this is the nearest one from the town.” 

And boy, did I wish to still use the alcohol as an excuse when he saw how red my face is, but then I remember how I mentioned that I sobered enough. Dumb. 

Fortunately, he doesn’t say anything. Just a subtle smirk on his face, and he shakes his head a little. 

Two cheeseburgers, ten pieces chicken nuggets, two large drinks and fries to share, we are seated on the back of his truck with the tailgates opened, in an empty parking under a starry night sky. 

“Wait—so, you’re telling me you attended an Ivy League in the city?” I ask him with wide eyes, unable to believe the information I heard about him. We are talking about life and stuff, and I finally convinced him to tell something he hasn’t told me before. 

Baekhyun casually takes a huge bite of his burger before nodding his head. He looks up to the sky for a few seconds before meeting my curious eyes. “Yeah... got a scholarship and stayed there for two years.” 

“Holy crap, so you’re really smart! Damn, I could barely pass a minor subject. What the heck, Baekhyun? Why did you stop?” 

He chuckles, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger. “Slow down, woman. You sound too excited.” 

“Of course, I am!” I huff, reminiscing about the time when I dreamt of attending an Ivy League, but my GPA didn’t cooperate. 

Baekhyun gives me a soft smile, eyes dancing around my facial features. “Is it the lighting here or you’re extra pretty today?” 

I must admit that it did make my heart go crazy, and the butterflies in my stomach dance, or whatever crap people call it. 

And it didn’t help when he chuckles huskily upon seeing my reaction. “I didn’t like it. It was the first time I had been away from my family for that long, and people were so different. Life was too busy, and the pressure of a job title right after graduation was insanely unrealistic.” 

I nod my head in agreement, totally understanding his sentiments, especially now I’ve lived in his town for a month. I saw, experienced, lived the life they have. Quiet, simple, and peaceful. 

Contentment.  

Contentment is the city will never have. 

“I was studying Psychology, and I was really interested in the subject. It was the environment I couldn’t keep up,” he continues, “now I’m twenty-four years old, living in his parents’ walkout basement.” 

“And you’re happy,” I smile at him, and it makes him stare at me, unblinking, he then mirrors my smile, though his was wider and the corner of his eyes crinkle. 

“That, I am.” he grins widely, and it makes my heart flutter seeing him like this. “I’m delighted you used and instead of but.” 

“Oh, of course,” I shrug, smiling more widely than I already am. I honestly didn’t think about that—it just came out naturally. “But hey, can I ask you something personal? And it’s totally fine if you don’t feel like telling me.” 

Baekhyun nods his head, turning his body to face me, his legs touching my outstretch limbs.  

“Why did you hate me so much the first time we met?”  

That seems to catch him off guard. He pulls his head back before pursing his lips. “Y-you sure Gran didn’t tell you? Or you just want me to put on spot?” 

I look at him weirdly before shaking my head. “No, I’m genuinely curious. You went apeshit when you barely know me. You were an ass—sorry. Anyway, Gran only told me it’s about something businessmen wanting to take the town.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, exhaling heavily. He takes the last bite of his food and crumples the wrapper before putting it aside. “Okay—it’s no secret in the town that Gran’s eldest son is a very successful businessman.” 

I gape at him, eyes getting wide. “I didn’t know that!” 

“Well, you’re not exactly from the town and—” he only stops talking when I glare at him. “Moving on, when I was still in the city, I met a girl—why are you looking at me like that?” 

I didn’t even realize I’m frowning until Baekhyun pointed it out. I instantly wipe my annoyed expression that automatically came out when he mentioned a girl. Since when did I become possessive? We’re not even together romantically. “What look?” 

Baekhyun looks at me skeptically, though he’s unable to hide that little smirk on his face that I’ve been wanting to slap off. 

“I met this girl—we’re not together anymore so calm down—” 

“I wasn’t even asking—” 

“You want me to continue or not?” he raises a brow in my direction, and I sigh in defeat.  

“Sorry—continue.” 

“So... I took her to the town to tour around, and of course, to meet my family. I thought it went well because you know, it’s normal for people to take pictures and document everything. However, I never thought that it would take a drastic turn when her short clips posted on the internet became viral and several investors immediately came to examine the area. And surprise, surprise! Gran’s eldest was one of them.” 

I’m listening to his every word carefully and when he mentioned how the town became viral, it came crashing to me as why it sounded familiar back in the train station at the city. I now remember passing by a short clip a couple years ago. 

“Gran’s sons are sort of estrange to her and her late husband. So, when he found out that his mother lives here, he thought he had better chance than other men in suit.” 

I nod my head, slowly absorbing much information in the middle of the night. “And I’m guessing Gran hated the idea?” 

“Hates it. She got angry at her son who didn’t contact them for years, and had the audacity to ask them to convince the people in town to sell their land to him. But more importantly, she cares for everyone in town. What will happen to locals if hotels and resorts are all around?” 

I did hear from Gran about what happened with her husband about a year ago, and now I’m connecting dots. “Poor Gran...” 

Baekhyun sighs, looking up in the sky. “Yeah... Gran and Pop-pop were everyone’s favorite grandparents in town. When Pop-pop passed, it took a toll on all of us. You met the youngest, Han, and he’s not really someone you can rely on, even when it comes to his parents. So, we promised Pop-pop that we’d take care of Gran then the next day, he’s gone.” 

My mouth curves down and I look at him with sadness in my eyes. I just can’t imagine what they’ve been through. “I’m so sorry...” 

But Baekhyun smiles at me, patting my cheek as an assurance. “It’s okay. And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize as well. You didn’t deserve that. I was an ass, damn right.” 

“Well, forgiven since you bought me cheeseburger and chicken nuggets.” I giggle, raising the wrapped greasy burger in my hand.  

Baekhyun laughs as well before straightening his back. “And for your information, this is all me. I’m doing no favor to anyone.” he bumps his shoulder with mine and I bend my neck a little to meet his eyes.  

“What...?” I raise an eyebrow to him. 

He clears his throat before speaking, “Should we now talk about us?” 

Taking a bite in the middle of this kind of conversation is not really ideal. But in my defense, I didn’t know he was going to say that. My cheek protruded with the burger still in my mouth while I look at his eyes, unsure where this conversation would take us. 

“W-what about us?” 

His expression hardens, but it quickly vanished when he realizes I’m quite lost with what he’s going to say. “Gran’s animals will be overweight the next time you avoided me when I come over.” 

“Oh.” was all I could say. I drop my shoulders and sniff, looking ahead of me. “Don’t worry about it. There are times I could get extra sensitive—I’ll get over it.” 

“No, baby, I—” he lets out a deep trembling breath, sighing my name afterwards. “Sorry, that just came out.” 

I can’t do anything but to smile awkwardly, mumbling an, “It’s okay.” Because no one has ever called me that kind of endearment without intimate intercourse before. 

It’s weird... yet nice. 

“Okay. I—Gran stopped forcing me to help you when you bit my ear. She thought that it might get us both on each other’s bad side further. She made me apologize but that’s it. Hasn’t ask anything since then.” Baekhyun huffs out, asking me to look at him, and I did. “I just see you in a different light now. I don’t know when it started. Maybe when you started making jokes about your stupidity with riding a bicycle—or when I finally had the chance to get to know you better on Gran’s roof—minus the smoking.” 

I was about to hit him with my fist, but I’m so glad I didn’t, and chose to let him finish what he’s about to say. 

“What I’m saying is... you make me shy, edgy—those stuffs, and I’d blabber the idiotic thing I could think of. I’m sorry.” 

“I—uh...” there’s a lump in my throat that’s hindering me from responding to what he just said. Though, really, I’m just out of words. “Okay...” 

“Really—that’s it? Okay?” his face went blank, eyes getting droopy as ever. 

“What do you want me to say?” I counter, my voice gets higher. “I thought you like Jisoo. So, you know? I didn’t think about it that much.” Lies. But who’s letting him know? Obviously not me. 

“I didn’t say I like her—” 

“You were ogling at her, Baekhyun!” 

“I’m aware it was inappropriate, but she was wearing a low-cut shirt and flashing her cleavage on my face, okay? I’m sorry if you misunderstood it.” 

“Mind you, I offered to show you my boobs in exchange for some bike lessons and maintenance, but you were too prim back then.” I argue, crossing my arms across my chest, purposely lifting them up to be visibly in better shape. “But I guess Jisoo’s cleavage makes you shy and edgy.” 

“You—” Baekhyun groans, rubbing his face tiredly. “You’re so stubborn, aren’t you?” 

I shrug my shoulder, taking a bite of my burger... angrily. “I’ve been told. But thanks for the reminder.” 

Neither of us said a word for quite some time. We are just seated next to each other at the back of his truck while I finish the food because apparently, I’m too stubborn. What he didn’t know is that I can be stubborn and hungry. 

In all honesty, I do like Baekhyun. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. He makes everything around me brighter. He makes me see colors. He makes me realize that life can be beautiful. 

Especially now he admits that he initiated everything he has done for me without Gran’s presence. And it’s a lot to take... though in a nice way.  

However, I’m not going to deny the fact that I’m quite hesitant since I still have to go back home. I still have a year left in university. And I don’t know my career from there. I’m not even sure if my dad will take me in to work in his company, nonetheless, dropping out just like that is not part of my initial plan. 

If we ever, stating out a huge possibility, got together, in just a few weeks, we’d cater to a long-distance relationship that rarely works for other people. What are the odds it’d work for me... for us? 

And I believe coming out clean about the uncertainty must be verbalized to Baekhyun to be fair. 

“I still have a year left in university, Baekhyun,” I murmur, glancing at him at the corner of my eye and see that he’s looking at me intently. “I need to go back to the city before semester starts.” 

I see the small frown between his eyebrows as he absorbs my intention. “That’s it?” 

Now, it’s my turn to narrow my eyes to him, clenching my jaw as I face him properly. “What do you mean by that’s it? I’m not dropping out—” 

“Who said about dropping out?!” he cut me off, his voice got way out of control and can be considered as yell. He notices how I jolt on my seat, leaning my body away from his. He exhales through his mouth, calming himself before speaking again. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to shout. But can you hear me for a second? Because it looks like I’m the only one who’s willing to make us work.” 

I open my mouth to counter his words, but nothing comes out, coming to a realization that he’s right. I roll my eyes at him just to show him I’m not mad or something. I grumble, “Fine.” 

He smiles at me fondly, scooting closer to me. He snatches the food wrapper on my lap, putting it aside, before grabbing my hands. And I swear to God, my heart almost couldn’t take when he places his puckered lips to my knuckles, kissing them lightly repeatedly. 

This man really knows how to sweep me off my feet. 

“I like you, a lot.” he admits, smiling sheepishly and I don’t miss the shade of red on his cheeks. “It’s embarrassing how much I think of you in a day. I thought I was just worried about you because you’re not from around here. But then I started looking for you even if we were in the same room. You listen to my stories without judgement, you laugh at my jokes even when I know they’re not funny—I don’t know. It’s just... I like you, and it’s too early to say if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you, but I just want you to know, I’m willing to get there.” 

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until Baekhyun calls my name. I blink several times to snap out of it. “B-Baekhyun, I—” I swallow the lump in my throat when my voice cracks. 

“Before you say no,” he cuts me off again, smiling kindly. “I just want to let you know that I will never cheat on you even where you’re in the city and I’m here. I will make sure to give you peace of mind every day.” 

I look at him longingly, gnawing my bottom lip with my teeth. Unable to find the right word to say, or more likely, unable to come up with a decision to my dilemma. “That’s a huge thing to say, Baekhyun...” 

He sighs in relief when I finally said something, although it’s not a yes, but he just looks glad it was not a no. He grins widely, interlacing our fingers together and placing them on his lap. “It is. But that’s to prove my conclusion on how much I like you. I’m surprise as you are.” 

I finally let out a chuckle, hitting his chest with my fist, though with not much of force but he still grunts. “Anything else I should expect from you?” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s going to cry in relief when I said that, and I feel bad for acting so distant that it stresses him this much. He closes his eyes for a few seconds with a wide smile on his mouth before responding to my question. “Hmm... let me see. Well, I’m quite good in bed.” 

I know he meant it as a joke since that’s just how we always communicate, but he looks so surprised when I agreed in a heartbeat. “Okay, I’m sold.” 

“Wait—seriously?” 

I nod my head, grinning innocently at him, or at least I’m hoping it to be. “What can I say? I have needs.” 

“No, baby—” I thought he’s going to take back the endearment, but the butterflies in my stomach flutters when he doesn’t. “I mean—okay, that’s good to know, I’ll make sure to take care of you. But are you serious—you’re not playin’ with me? You’re saying yes?” 

“Yes, Baekhyun,” I thought my smile couldn’t get any wider, but it does. “I like you—though, I can’t say if I like you a lot as well, but—” 

He had to give me a death stare to make me shut up. I giggle, getting the courage to throw my arms around his neck, giving his cheek a smooch. “I like you a lot, Baekhyun.” 

When I pull my head back, still in his arms, we are inches apart, staring at each other’s eyes then to our lips. I can’t help but sigh when our mouths finally meet. I climb to his lap, hands on his shoulders, while he holds my waist.  

His lips are soft and warm. Like a hot towel after a shower during winter. Comforting. It almost tastes like hot cocoa on Christmas evening. Sweet and satisfying. 

We had to cut everything and pull away from each other when I felt something beneath me. Baekhyun looks embarrassed and uses my tongue as an excuse for his hard on. I laugh at him, getting off his lap but not before giving his mouth another kiss. 

He looks beyond surprised, yet excited, when I ask during our drive back, “Hey, can I stay over?” 

It’s my first time seeing where he stays. Since it’s a walkout basement, it has its own entrance a few steps down from the main ground. 

It’s tidy, except for the unfolded clothes on the armchair at the corner, and he has a typical twin-sized bed, and a few clutters on the wall shelves on the other side of the room. 

He asks for two minutes while he cleans up, though what he’s done is to just hide the clothes in his closet and smoothen out the bed sheet. 

Somewhere along my pun, “Are we going to fit in there?” referring to his bed while laughing makes me hot in an instant when he said, “I can top so it’d be fine.” 

I try to laugh it off, sitting at the edge of the mattress. “I only meant to sleep here, but you seems to have another idea in your head. I’m not sure if I like it.” 

With what he said a while ago, he has the audacity to blush, stammering with his words, “H-hey! You’re the one who shoved your tongue in my mouth. I thought—” 

I’m wheezing from laughing too much, holding my stomach as it starts hurting. I cough and catch my breath when I glance at his pouty face, watching me make fun of his conundrum. 

“I’m just kidding, come here,” I extend my arm, reaching out to him before flopping on the mattress. 

Baekhyun makes me feel loved, special, and cherish me as a woman as he kisses my body while peeling my clothes off my body. He never forgets my emotions while getting into his desires. 

I appreciate his time to set the mood by touching me like I want him to, tasting parts of me like a starving man. Then asking for consent before proceeding to enter once he secured protection. 

No one had bothered to ask me on my previous experiences. 

That night, I can consider it as my first time making love. 

My first time feeling loved. 

He kisses my mouth when he comes, then makes sure I’d reach my peak afterwards. I can’t remember the last time I felt sexually satisfied, but I definitely won’t forget this one. 

Our foreheads lean on each other as we bask in our warmth and presence. We kiss each other’s mouth, nose and cheeks, giggling with each peck. And my eyes close blissfully when Baekhyun bends his neck to kiss my forehead, leaving his lips there for a few seconds before sighing.  

I can feel his heartbeat on my chest when he does that. Whatever I’m feeling, he’s feeling it too. 

Baekhyun’s right. It’s too early to say it’s love, but same as him, I’m willing to get there. 

That night was the first of so many nights we’d spend together. 

No one can beat Gran’s reaction when she found out that me and Baekhyun are together-together. She said that she didn’t expect it since she saw how we fought, bicker, and threw nasty words at each other that it gotten to a point where it got physical—my fault, sorry. 

She gushed until the word came to almost everyone in town. I’m no longer Gran’s visitor as they once called me. I’m now Baekhyun’s girl. 

Baekhyun is probably the sweetest, at the same time, manliest man I’ve ever met. Okay, I’m exaggerating but I’m so proud to call him my boyfriend.  

It’s no news that I could say that I grew up without a man figure in my life even though I still have a dad, and I’m not really close with my older brother. And I’ve dated quite a few back in the city. 

But with Baekhyun... damn it’s different. It’s good different. 

Back in the city, it was only sex, alcohol, look cool together, sex, move on to different person, and repeat. 

I mentioned to him that he’s like my first real relationship, and it boosted his ego. I have no problem with it since Baekhyun might know how to piss me off, but he’s never crossed the line, and I can’t see him doing it.  

That’s the thing about him. He’s too respectful. At first, I was skeptical, thinking that he’d done something, and was just acting like that to prepare me for the worst. “Of course, I ought to treat you right. We’re together, aren’t we?” 

It’s shameful to say out loud, but I gave him head that night. 

Also, Baekhyun didn’t wait a week, or even a day, for me to meet his parents. It was awkward since we fell asleep the first night we got together in the basement and were awoken by his mother knocking on his door. I suggested waiting it out and I’d hide under his bed or closet, but he brushed me off, asking me to wear one of his oversized T-shirts before opening the door. 

His mom was cool about it, in fact, she even asked us to go upstairs to the main floor to have breakfast. There, I met his dad, who looked so happy his youngest son got laid. No word was spoken to say what happened; it was just that obvious, even Baekhyun’s older brother kept wiggling his eyebrows to us. 

Oh, of course, sex is great. He really proves he’s good in bed. The only struggle we had in the first week was with where to do it without any hindrance. Because apparently, “Baby, you’re adorable, but please—you’re such giggler.” 

I didn’t even get mad at him when he said that. Instead, I laughed even more, and he had to put his mouth on mine since we were at his place and his family was right above us.  

Since I’m quite ticklish, I had to learn to control my reaction when he’d run his hands on my bare body. That happened when he sneaked on Gran’s window on the second floor where I’m staying. I was about to sleep but felt the air mattress dipping beside me then an arm wrapped around my waist.  

Gran is a light sleeper, so I had to bite my lip and swallow the noise down my throat. Imagine the person who’s taking care of you inside their house caught you having sex in the mattress you both struggle to inflate. 

That'd be embarrassing. 

But most of all, my favorite moments with Baekhyun are when we’d just lie on bed, or his favorite hangout spot where the golden sunrise view is always spectacular. We’d be in each other’s arms, appreciating the comforting silence. 

In our clothes, yet intimate. 

Though, I’m not discrediting him for his ideas of dates. I’ve never been to sweet ones, so he makes sure he’d put his best effort, like picnics, walking on the shore with shoes in our hands while the sun sets in such beautiful collusion of red and yellow colors. Or if he doesn’t have work, we’d hang out on Gran’s roof to stargaze.  

We still bickered, yes, but it was nothing serious. Mostly, just to make fun of each other until one gets pouty and sulky. But that’s mostly me because I do like his affection when I’m pouty and sulky. 

Baekhyun is becoming my favorite person, and I’m not complaining even a bit. 

And not to forget there’s the simple, domestic kind. You know, just hanging out at each other’s place. Doing things normal people do. 

Mind you, I haven’t done the dishes, laundry nor folded clothes—or any house chore, in my entire life. That was until I arrived here. I must help Gran at her house because that’s the least I could do for someone who put roof under my head and food in my tummy. 

She did have a hard time teaching me basic things but there was nothing that could stop me from learning. Even if it means cuts, burns, and even bruises. Those were just small boo-boos and they healed in a few days. Now I have started enjoying doing the laundry or folding clothes with Gran’s old music playing in the background. 

Hence, when Baekhyun dropped by one late afternoon to inform me that he had work in the nearby town and wouldn’t be home until the morning, I decided to pay his place a visit.  

Right after dinner, I told Gran that I’d stay the night at Baekhyun’s, and she looked confused since she knew that he was out of town but let me go anyway. 

It was not the first time I’d be staying at his place even when he was not around. This usually occurs when he’d be working in the dock, and I’d wait for him in his basement. I already know where the spare key is, and let myself in. 

As expected, a pile of clothes was still sitting on the armchair in the corner of his room. He may be tidy in other things, but not when it came to the business after washing machine. I tied my hair in a ponytail and got to work.  

His mom even came down to check since she heard noises and thought it was someone else. She offered to help but I assured her I’d be fine. She looked at me fondly, telling me that I could go upstairs should I need anything. 

His clothes neatly folded in his closet, his bed sheet was nice and clean, and his floor was vacuumed and mopped. And I was spent. 

I never expected anything from him in return every time I’d do these kinds of things, but he just does.  

Sometimes it was a bouquet of flowers, or sometimes he’d take me out of town to eat the food I was craving. But my preferred is his simple kiss on a cheek and a, “Thank you, baby.” 

Orrr... occasionally, I’d prefer a kiss while sleeping in his bed as soon as he got back and cuddling through the morning. 

Baekhyun does the same. When he’s not working, he’d help me at Gran’s place. From simple chores to heavy ones. 

Just like today. It's Sunday and I told Gran that I will stay to help her clean the house. I still haven’t turned on my phone, so it feels almost magical when Baekhyun appears out of nowhere. Most especially now that the roof needs to be cleaned. 

The day was almost perfect until Han suddenly came in from the back door in the kitchen. I roll my eyes at him, and he gives me the same sass.  

When he found out I’ve been staying as a guest at his mother’s, he got agitated since Gran doesn’t even give him a room to stay, but she’s giving one to a stranger. Although Gran still feeds him when he’s around. A mother will always be a mother. Can’t relate, to be honest. 

I’m dusting the living room when Han decided that it was a good idea to rant to his mother. Well, I heard about how hates his older brother, yet wants to experience the kind of wealth the brother has. Gran doesn’t look bothered, nor pleased with the subject, but I don’t want to butt in especially it’s family affair. 

I go upstairs instead to let me ear rest for a while before I have to hear Han’s voice again. Walking inside the room I’m staying in, I peek out the window to see Baekhyun on a ladder leaning against the side of the house as he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. 

“Hey there, baby boy,” I lean my arms on the windowsill and give him a playful suggestive look because I know how annoyed he gets with the pet name. 

He groans loudly and I can’t help but to laugh, “Stop with that weird crap, please!” 

“What do you want me to call you then? Daddy?” I raise a brow at him before squinting my eyes to annoy him even more. Kidding aside, I just got goosebumps upon saying that word. No, nuh uh. Will never ever repeat that, ever, again. 

“Ugh! Baby—” 

“Mom! They’re not cleaning, they’re just flirtin’!”  

I jump on my feet when Han’s loud voice and when I look over my shoulder, he’s standing there with a bowl of cereal that I bought with my own money.  

In the background, we heard Gran yelling, “Leave them alone!” 

I raise a brow to Han to piss him off and he threatens to hit me with a spoon. Baekhyun’s voice can be heard from outside the window while he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. “Han, please don’t do that to my girlfriend.” 

I plastered a smug face to Han because, even though he’s almost double the size of Baekhyun, the latter is surprisingly an expert in some kind of martial arts that instantly flew over my head the second I heard it. Was it wushu? Taekwondo? Karate? I don’t know... oh! Hapkido! I honestly don’t know anything about it, but—yey! Supportive girlfriend here. 

Han scoffs before rolling his eyes. He then points the spoon to the boxes in the corner before walking out of the room, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just clean this up.” 

I truly want to say something back to him, but Baekhyun calls my name to calm me down, because he knows how much I get triggered when Han does this kind of shit. “Just leave the boxes there, baby. I’ll carry them down once I’m done here.” 

“What am I going to do then?”  

“Just stand there and look pretty for me,” he grins widely, the corner of his eyes crinkling in the process. Although I roll my eyes at him, I can’t hide the small smile on my lips that’s slowly spreading.  

I ignore him and walk towards the boxes that have been left untouched, thus dusty, since I got here. Baekhyun once told me that Gran and her husband moved here more than a decade ago from their hometown to live a quiet life. But being the good parents they were, they still brought their sons’ pictures and memorabilia of them. 

By the third box, I hold my breath since the surface is very dusty and I’ve been sneezing like crazy. And instead of helping me or anyone in the house, Han just sits in the living room while watching the television with his feet up on the table.  

As I’m about to approach the back door by the kitchen, the bottom of the box gives up and the contents of the box scattered on the floor. Fortunately, I hear no breaking of glass, so I internally sigh in relief before groaning out loud, crouching down to pick them up. 

“Need help back there?” I hear Han ask from the living room. 

“I mean, if you have a kind heart within you, why not?” I respond sarcastically that earns a hearty laugh from him. 

We start picking up the items and they’re mostly framed pictures and a few documents. The last time to be picked up is a picture frame facing the floor. My hand casually reaches out to it and even makes sure that the frame is still intact.  

In a split second, my facial expression drops, and I can feel how my heart starts thumping almost loudly in my chest when I flipped the frame in my hand. 

There is a photo of Gran and her husband with a young man in a graduation gown, seemingly fresh out of university, flashing a wide smile on his face for the camera.  

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Han interrupts my thoughts and I raise my head to look at him with wide eyes. “That’s my hyung. He’s not a ghost yet, but he’s dead to us.” 

I can’t find words to say nor get any of my muscles to move. However, I did feel how my bottom lip trembles uncontrollably, and my breath becomes ragged. With all the energy left in me, I close my eyes and breathe through my nose, holding it for few seconds before exhaling heavily—a technique Baekhyun taught me to calm myself down in case I feel like my thoughts are winning against me. 

“Oy—you okay?” I feel Han’s hand on my shoulder as he tries shaking me a little bit, and I nod my head a little bit. 

I croak, “Y-yeah...” 

Han looks hesitant, grabbing the frame out of my hands and settling it down on the counter, and does what he thinks is the best solution: call for his mother. “No, you’re not—Ma! C’mere! She’s not breathing!” 

Even with my condition, I still found the strength to glare at him as he can definitely see that I’m still breathing, though heavily—almost hyperventilating. 

Baekhyun obviously heard the commotion, and he arrives first, clumsily and almost tripped from how fast he ran. He pushes Han aside and holds my face in his hands. “Hey, baby... breathe, come on. Follow what I’m doing.” he starts breathing in pattern, showing the basic skill to live, slowly, so I’d be able to grasp. 

My mouth starts getting numb and my body gets a bit heavier as well as my eyelid, but my mind is very much conscious that I know how Gran gasps loudly when she gets in the kitchen, seeing me in perhaps limp state.  

“Hey—damn it!” Baekhyun shakes my body as he curses my name, trying to get my eyes open when they’re about to close. “Look at me, come on. Breathe, please—Han, get a paper bag or somethin’!” 

Even with my eyes getting blurry, I’m still able to see Han looking so confused and unmoving on his feet. “H-huh—what for?” 

“Just fuckin’ get it!” Baekhyun yells. And I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him cuss—well... except when we’re in bed, but that’s another story to tell. 

Han hastily looks for one and hands it to Baekhyun. The latter immediately places it around my mouth and instructs me to breathe as he counts the seven second rule. I lift my eyelid to look Baekhyun in the eye as I try to normalize my breathing and he smiles at me when he notices I’m following him, and my muscle slowly relaxing and the tension is slowly fading away. 

My hand finally raises to hold Baekhyun wrist that’s holding a paper bag on my mouth. I pull it away gently and he sighs in relief, pulling me in to kiss my cheek and wrapping his arms around my figure. I whisper an apology right to his ear and he just shakes his head, continuously caressing my back to give me much comfort I need. 

Han also exhales loudly, holding a hand on his chest. “Phew! You scared me back there, kid.” 

Gran also sighs in relief; her eyes are teary, and her hands clasp on her mouth, thanking heaven that I’m fine. 

I send them both an apologetic smile before taking another look at the picture on the counter as I peek over Baekhyun’s broad shoulders. 

He, the man in the picture, might looked younger but I know him very well. Those bright and hopeful eyes in the past have turned into dreadful pairs; the wide smile when he was young was now a scowl; his sun kissed skin had become pale and wrinkly. I’m bewildered that his once seemingly cheerful soul is now lifeless. 

I may add one more reason to probability as why our he prefers Kyungsoo more than me. He really did look like him when he was his age. 

It’s already evening, a few hours after the incident, and we are all seated in the living room. I’m at the end of the couch, coddled up in a blanket and leaning my head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, while Gran and Han sit on the armchair across from us. 

The picture frame now sits on the coffee table in the middle of the living room as I stare at it, while the three of them still have no idea what happened earlier, and what’s going on right now. 

“Dear?” Gran finally breaks the silence. I lift my head from the picture to look at her. She has the gentle smile she always wears, and my heart breaks when I’m starting to absorb all the details, I’ve gotten from the moment I arrived in this town up to now.  

What are the odds of this happening? For real? 

I put my feet down on the floor and raised my head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. I clutch the blanket on my lap so that my fingers start to turn white from how tight it is. 

“Gran,” I had to swallow the lump in my throat so that I wouldn’t cry by uttering only one word. Baekhyun places a hand on my back and that’s more than enough encouragement for me to continue. I point my index finger to the frame on the coffee table, “That—that man is your eldest son?” 

Before Gran can even open her mouth to answer, Han clicks his tongue impatiently, “What’s this all about?” 

I decided to ignore him, focusing on Gran who looks lost for the first time I met her. “Gran...” I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to roll down my face. “When you saw me at the train station... did you recognize who I was?” 

That makes Gran narrow her eyes as she recalls the day she approached me. She then shakes her head slowly. “No, dear. Your face was unfamiliar, and you really did look like a tourist as I remember.” 

I nod my head, acknowledging her answer, before stating my full name out loud, making the three of them confused as ever.  I extend my hand to reach out for the picture and shows it to her and Han.  

“And this man,” I sniff, pursing my lips before plastering a half-smile in Gran’s direction, “is my father.” 

The next morning, I’m awoken by the birds chirping outside the window and my head laid on Baekhyun lap while his fingers comb my hair. He’s sitting up on the air mattress and blankly looking ahead of him. 

“Hey,” I call out to him, and he instantly snaps out of his trance. “Did you sleep?” 

“Good morning,” he bends his upper body to give my lips a quick kiss before returning to his previous position. He shrugs his shoulders, chuckling weakly. “I tried but couldn’t.” 

Guilt crashes through me when he said that. Now I doubt any of them fell asleep. But I did. Like a log. Which should be surprising owing to the fact that two months ago, I needed alcohol to fall into slumber. 

Last night, Gran was speechless, and she told everyone to discuss things tomorrow since it had been a long day for all of us. Han was quite useless if you may ask me, though let’s spare him for now as he really looked beyond shock yesterday. 

Baekhyun had to call to say that he wouldn’t make it to work last night and stayed with me. Hence, I sleep like a baby. 

My mind is running thousand kilometers per hour again, and I almost jolted out of bed to look for the family picture taken when I was in middle school that’s been hidden inside my wallet just in case they might think I’m just playing with them. But someone knock on the door and Han’s voice speaks on the other side, “We’ll be downstairs.” 

Baekhyun and I quickly wash up before dragging ourselves back downstairs where we left off last night. However, contrary to my expectation, that Gran would still looks gloomy like last night, she’s back into her cheerful self, setting the table with pancakes, eggs and bacon—wait, is that Han in an apron? 

Gran then holds my hand and makes me sit, and I look at Baekhyun who looks dumbfounded as I am. He shrugs his shoulders before taking the seat right beside me.  

Remembering that I brought with me the photo I’ve been keeping in my wallet, I fish it out from the pocket of the shorts I’m wearing, handing it to Gran who freezes for a second before accepting the photo. 

Gran's eyes become teary as she smiles sadly, placing a hand to cover her mouth before walking towards Han to show him the photo. She walks back to hug my head on her chest, dropping a kiss on my hair. “I only dreamt of meeting my grandchild.” 

Han made fun of me throughout breakfast on how I looked ugly crying, and of course, the braces I had back in middle school. Gran is so happy that she wouldn’t let go of my hand and ask about Kyungsoo whom I was thin thread close on forgetting. 

“He sucks, Gran,” I casually respond, sipping my OJ. “But he’s smart, so you’ll be proud of him, nonetheless.” 

The three of them laugh out loud at what I said, and I can’t stop smiling from how my heart is full by this sight. Gran and Han asked questions about my childhood, but mostly it’s just Gran and Han would just butt in to get on my nerves. He may be my uncle, but it will never erase the bond we created at the first place to piss each other off. 

“Uh-oh,” Han suddenly said, looking at Baekhyun with a mischievous grin on his face. “What are you going to do, Byun?” 

Baekhyun’s expression instantly drops, and his eyes widen in realization that I can’t understand. “Shit.” 

“What?” I ask Baekhyun to look for an answer, but he looks like he’s contemplating his twenty-four years of living. Then I turn to Han when I get nothing from my boyfriend. “What the hell is happening?” 

However, Han just gives me an innocent smile, raising his mug with his pinky lifted in the air.  

“Gran?” I desperately ask the last person who might explain to me what Han meant.  

The poor lady shakes her head at those two men, before turning to me. “Baekhyun here got carried away when your father tried to bribe people to sell their land to him. The two of them may or may have not exchanged nasty words.” 

I gape at Baekhyun who’s ready to apologize but turns baffled when a grin slowly shows on my face. “Oh, shoot! It’s an early karma for my dad! Like, you probably know what’s going to happen and took an early revenge.” 

Baekhyun looks at me like another head grew on my neck, totally taken aback. “What...” 

Han’s laughter booms around the house that I swear the walls shook when he did. “No need for DNA test. You're really your father’s daughter.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, scowling at him. 

“Byun, just a warning—run while you still can.” 

“HEY!” 

After all the commotion, Gran asks me to go to the living room to discuss something important. She specifically told Han and Baekhyun to leave us alone in the house since we both know the two have them have the tendency to eavesdrop.  

“My dear...” Gran reaches out for my hand, giving it a gentle pat. “I’m so glad you’re here. I still can’t believe the miracle that just happened. Your dad... he—” 

Gran shakes her head before sighing deeply. “You might notice that your Pop-pop and I were not present in your life. Your dad used to be a kind-hearted soul, gentle and loving son to us. But money took those traits of him away. I can count in my hands the time I’ve talked to your father since he moved out. He became estranged and even got married without us knowing. 

“Before you or your brother came, we visited him in the city from our hometown, in hopes that we could at least grab lunch with our son. What we didn’t expect was for him to be embarrassed at the sight of two old people from the countryside. He didn’t shame us publicly, but he did tell us to stop seeing him, especially in his work.” 

A tear escapes my eye before rolling down my cheek when I heard how my dad treated his own parents. I know I’m not close with him myself, but I can’t see myself sending old people who would travel hours just to see me. What the fuck, dad? 

“He did send money through his secretary,” Gran continues, smiling sadly, “saying that it should be enough and there’s no need for us to bother him in person. Your Pop-pop got really angry with your dad and threw his secretary out of the house when he came by to drop a check. 

“That’s why we moved here, to stay away from our eldest son’s radar. Sadly, he didn’t even bother to look for us. And I believe Baekhyun already told you about the story when he found out we live here.” 

Despite my sorrow, I purse my lips and close my eyes, ashamed that we’re caught in act gossiping about other people’s lives.  

Gran chuckles, leaning forward to caress my cheeks. “You have your father’s eyes, my dear. Don’t let the kindness in you be gone, okay? For your Gran?” 

I lean on her palm, smiling widely before nodding my head. “I won’t, I promise.” 

She nods in approval, dropping a quick peck on my forehead. “Now, I know your father threw you out of his house, but he’s still your father, dear. You’ve been away for two months. He’s worried.” 

My shoulders quickly drop, realizing that she’s right, at the same time, I’m scared that they’re not even looking for me, and probably celebrating that the nuisance of the family is out of the house. “I don’t know, Gran...” 

“My dear... your Pop-pop used to cry at night worrying about your dad, if he was eating well, or if he was safe having big names as his competitors.” Gran says, encouraging me to be a bigger person. “I’m not going to stop you if you want to stay here. You’re more than welcome, you know that. But for your beloved Pop-pop's sake, please at least let your dad know where you are and that you’re safe. He might’ve been cruel, but he’s still a father. But I will not deny how disappointed I am about the slap you mentioned. And if he doesn’t want you, as I’ve said, you have me... you have us here. And if you want to finish your studies, I’ll help you.” 

I think about it for a few seconds, coming to realization that Gran’s word makes sense. I let him down and he doesn’t want to see me, he made that clear, it won’t hurt if I let him know that I accidentally travelled five hours away from the city, meeting my paternal grandmother who turns out to be the sweetest and kindest soul that made my inner child feel loved and cared for. 

I know I said before that no matter what happens, I will still finish my undergrad in the city. But do I really want to go back to the city? If you’d ask me two months ago, or even a month ago, I’d answer yes in a heartbeat, but now... I don’t know anymore. 

Gran is here. She’s old, and I truly want to be with her, take care of her. I’m being realistic when I think about the years she only has left. And I want to make up for the years my dad, her son, wasn’t around to be spend time with them. Gran and Pop-pop's children were too busy growing up that they didn’t realize how their parents are growing old too... and now Pop-pop's gone. I want to be there for Gran. 

And Baekhyun. The person who taught me that love can be golden, and not black and white.  

We might have had a bad start, but for the short time we’ve been together, he made me feel something I’ve never felt before. He listens to my thoughts, understands my sentiments, and has never judged my past. He makes sure that I won’t feel alone in this world anymore by his words and actions. “You have me—you will always have me. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I will always be by your side.” 

When night comes, I’m left alone in the room I’ve been using for a little over two months now. I finally have my phone that’s been left untouched since then. The charger is plugged as I gather courage before holding the power button. 

When the familiar logo on the screen lights up, my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and when I confirm my pin on the lock screen, my hands start to get clammy. I set the phone down and watch the number of messages coming in as minutes go by. 

Some of them are from my former friends in university that I don’t bother to read the preview and scroll down further on my inbox. Most of the messages are from Kyungsoo, asking my whereabouts, spamming me with concern questions, frantically searching for me since none of his friends or my so-called friends don’t have any idea nor have seen me since I left home. He mentioned in his messages repeatedly: Where are you? / Do you need money? / I’ll send you money if you need it. / Mom and dad are worried sick. / Call me, please. 

But a particular message makes me cry in an instant as soon as I see whom it was from.  

I hope you’re safe and eating well. Dad | Received 11:07 PM 

I’m sorry. Please come home. Dad | Received 5:06 AM 

Gran is right. No matter what, he’s still a father. My thumb hovers the call icon on the upper right corner of the screen, closing my eyes and swiping left instead, making the screen go back to list of messages and tap the one with my brother’s name on it. 

It rings three times before I heard his voice on the other line. “What the fu—where are you? Please tell me you’re still alive.” 

“You’re smart and dumb at the same time. How can I make a call if I’m dead?” I chuckle, though shakily as I couldn’t stop sobbing after hearing Kyungsoo’s voice for a long time. “I—I’m okay... I’m sorry for making you all worry.” 

“Are you still in the country?” 

I nod my head then remember that he can’t see me. “I am.” And I had to stop myself from saying: I only had a hundred bucks when dad threw me out. What country can I afford? Republic of Poverty? Thank goodness I realize that it’s inappropriate to get sassy with him at this moment. 

I heard rustling of sheets from his line and I’m guessing he’s getting out of bed. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.” 

“I—” I can’t stop choking a sob, leaning the side of my head on my palm as I cry. “I don’t want to go back, Kyungsoo.” 

“Huh—what?! Wait, let me get dad and mom.” Then followed loud steps he takes as he strides to where our parents are. There was a commotion on their side, and I heard my mom shrieking, “Oh, my God!” 

“Sweetheart?” It’s my dad’s voice, and I haven’t heard him call me any endearment since elementary. “A-are you okay? Please tell me you’re somewhere safe...” 

I snivel, wiping my tear-soaked face with the hem of my shirt. “I’m okay... I’m okay—I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey—shh... it’s okay.” My dad hushes on the other line, and my mom’s crying can be heard in the background as well, chanting a very soft, “Where is she? Where’s my baby?” 

“Tell me where you are, sweetheart. I’ll come get you.” And I heard Kyungsoo saying that he’ll come too. “We’ll come get you. We’ll be okay.” 

“I—” I take a deep trembling breath before continuing, reminding myself what Gran told me. “I’m here at Gran’s.” 

There’s a pause on the line before my dad asks, “Where?” 

“I’m here at your mother’s, dad. Gran. She’s been taking care of me for the past two months. It’s a long story, but we just found out recently that we’re related.” 

“You—you’re at my mother’s place?” 

“Yes,” I answer firmly, deciding to let him know about my plan. “And I want to stay here with her.” 

This time, it took him almost a minute to answer. I’m biting my nails in anticipation about what he’s going to say, however, all I know is my decision is final. 

“Go get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

The next morning, when my dad said we’d talk, I thought that another call would come in, or I would have to call them back. However, when Han came knocking at Gran’s front door during breakfast to inform us that he’s here along with my mom and Kyungsoo, I wanted to hide somewhere, realizing that I’m not ready to see them as I was expecting myself to be. 

I’m engulfed in a hug by my mom as soon as she comes in the door, and my dad following behind her. He looks like he’s fighting back tears, pursing his lips while he raises his hand to pat my head.  

However, his demeanor fails him when Gran walking in the entrance of her house, smiling sadly at his son, my dad, who instantly breaks in tears before walking towards his mother for a hug. I lost count of how many times he apologized to Gran, and when he pulls away, he says, “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” 

Having no physical affection for my brother growing up, I stand in front of him awkwardly with a twisted face. “Do we need to hug as well?” 

Kyungsoo scoffs, shaking his head with the corner of his mouth curve up in a small smile. “You fucking moron—” he pulls me to him, wrapping his arm tightly around my body. “I was so worried about you. I’m so sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have said those words when I didn’t mean it.” 

I return his hug, burying my face on his shoulder as I cry. “I’m sorry too. And thank you for offering to send me money, I really appreciate it.” 

He laughs out loud as he pulls away, giving the side of my head a playful smack. “From all of the things I texted you, that was the only thing you remember.” 

I grin widely, “Of course.” 

There was a long catch up with the family, more specifically Gran and his two sons. My dad and Han finally sat down and talked by themselves in the living room, while my mom and Gran chatted in the living room. 

I brought Kyungsoo to the barn behind the house, letting him meet my fellas for the past two months and I can’t help but smile that he is enjoying feeding them. Never in my life had I imagined I’d see my brother carrying a bucket of chicken feed while throwing them on the ground with his bare hand. 

I was smiling while I watch Kyungsoo do the things he’s unfamiliar with when I’m suddenly lifted from the ground and spined twice. The strong grip around my waist is too familiar for me not to know who it is, and to think that there’s only one person who’s been doing this to me. 

“Good morning, baby,” before I can even react, Baekhyun places his mouth on mine for a chaste kiss. And if it isn’t for the burning gaze at the back of my head, I’ll return his kiss with the same fondness.  

And I guess Baekhyun realizes that because he pulls away with a scowl. I raise my brows to him, silently telling him about Kyungsoo behind me. Fortunately, he got the message, and his eyes followed where I’m referring to.  

“Oh, hi there,” Baekhyun casually greets Kyungsoo with a nod of his head. He then turns to me, “Gran’s guest?” 

“Uh...” I peek over my shoulder just to see Kyungsoo’s squinting his eyes on me. He knew what I’ve been doing in the city, and words won’t be enough to explain how much he hates it and rats on me every single time. Though, I’m praying that he’s not seeing Baekhyun in a different light and thinks that he’s a one-time thing while I’m here in this town.  

Then I turn to Baekhyun with an awkward smile, “Yes...? Some sort, but he’s also my older brother.” 

I watch how my boyfriend’s face turns into horror, facing Kyungsoo with wide eyes. I haven’t told him about the phone call since he had work last night and stayed the night at their house since his mom needed him for something. 

“My parents are also inside the house—but hey!” I try to break the tension with a laugh, clapping my hands in the process, “I’d like you to meet Kyungsoo, he’s my older brother. Kyungsoo, this is Baekhyun, my boyfriend.” 

Kyungsoo looks at me weirdly, like he’s not expecting me to say the word: boyfriend. And I roll my eyes at him, nudging my brows to Baekhyun’s directly to tell: Yes, he’s my boyfriend. Shake his hand or I’ll break yours. 

Fortunately, they did introduce themselves in a civil manner. Although my worry leaned towards my brother who’s been up my butt since we were kids, however, Baekhyun must really have charm over people, and they look like they are having a decent conversation. 

When my dad and Baekhyun faced each other after their infamous heated argument back then, I thought I was going to pee my pants. Dad didn’t look so happy that I’m dating Baekhyun, but my mom did look surprised yet happy that I settled into a real relationship with someone. She got too excited and babbled, “Are you guys thinking about marriage?” 

And the horror on all our faces, especially my dad who’s about to burst, but I’m grateful he didn’t say any insult to the person I care about romantically.  

Han nudges my dad’s arm with his elbow, and I still can’t believe that the two of them are on talking terms again after the story I’ve heard here and there. “Hey, hyung, I know you don’t trust my judgement, but I can vouch for Byun right here. He’s a good guy and I never see him hurting your daughter. The opposite actually. He’s been taking care of her from morning to night since day one.” 

I send Han a grateful smile, and I glance at Baekhyun to see he’s doing the same. Han may be a jerk at times, likes getting on our nerves, but I’m really, really glad he appreciates and doesn’t turn blind eye at Baekhyun’s effort.  

Gran nods her head in agreement, “Yes, Baekhyun here never left her side even though they didn’t get along at first.” 

I look at Gran with huge eyes, and she smiles at me innocently. She could’ve left the last part out. Seriously. 

“Sir, may I tell you something?” Baekhyun chimes in and all attention turns to him. My leg bounces anxiously while I wait for his next words. “I’m in love with your daughter, and I respect your opinion as her father. But I will still stand with what I’ve said two years ago.” 

Han closes his eyes, palming his face. “You could’ve stopped with you respect him as your girlfriend’s father, you fuckin’ idiot.” 

I peek over my lashes to see Baekhyun’s expression. I’ve never seen him so serious, firm and... he kind of looks hot. What the hell am I thinking?  

But wait! Did he just say he’s in love with me? Wait—what?! My eyes that are ogling at him go wide as saucer and a squeal threatens to escape my throat. 

“You don’t have to worry,” my dad finally speaks, having the same expression as Baekhyun. “I will not go stand between you and my daughter.” 

And I almost laugh out loud when all of us sigh in relief, even Kyungsoo looks like a ton of weights have been lifted off his shoulder. 

“But you, young lady,” he continues, pointing a finger to my direction. “I understand that you found someone here, but is that enough reason you don’t want to go back and finish your degree?” 

“Huh? What—you’re not dropping out!” And now it’s my turn to get the attention. I jut my bottom lip to Baekhyun who looks visibly upset. 

“Okay! Who wants to help me make lunch—I think everyone. Come with me to the kitchen!” Gran cuts the tension between us, and all of them immediately stand up, except for my brother who looks interested in the conversation that’s about to happen. If it’s not for our mom who had to pull him by his arm forcefully. 

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but I stop him before he can say anything. “Okay—first of all, I want to stay here with Gran. I’m not dropping out because of you.” 

He scoffs, running his fingers through his hair. A habit of his when he’s annoyed. “You’re not a good liar, you know?” 

I open and close my mouth several times before settling with a sigh, defeated. “Okay, you’re right. Gran’s part of it though. So, don’t get full of yourself.” 

“Baby—” he groans, ruffling his hair this time, and he sounds so frustrated. “This is such a bad timing to say, but I love you. I really love you, that means I want the best for you.” 

I whimper when I finally hear the three words no one has ever told me. “Baekhyun, I—” I inhaled sharply, “I love you too. And you are part of the reason why I don’t want to leave this town. I now don’t know how not to be with you. Please...” 

He had to close his eyes when look at him with tears running down my face. “Please don’t cry.” 

“You dropped out of college and turns out just fine, why can’t I—” 

“No, I did not turn out just that,” he grits his teeth and realizes how strong his reaction was, so he reaches out for my hands and holds them. “I—I have to juggle several jobs a day to make ends meet. I may be fine with it but for you, my love, I want nothing but the best.” 

“But—” 

“I know you’re capable, I’ve seen you since you arrived here. You’re the one who said before you don’t want to drop out, and I’m asking you to honor your words,” he drops a kiss to my knuckles then on the corner of my mouth. “And I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you’re assuming. I’ll always be here, I told you that. Just one year. If you still want to be here, then I will not stop you. And if you decide that you’ll stay in the city, and God forbid, with a new hot guy, then I’ll support you.” 

I chuckle at the last part of his sentence, “But you’ll cry if that happens, right?” 

“I’ll cry, drink until I vomit, and ogle at someone’s cleavage.”  

“Hey!” I smack his chest with my fist, and he laughs, pulling me to his chest before wrapping his arms around my body, kissing my temple afterwards.  

“So, one year?” 

I contemplate for almost a minute, before pulling away a little just to look at him in the eyes. “We’ll still see each other, right?” 

Baekhyun nods his head, displaying a gentle smile on his face. “If time permits, I’ll go to you. And if you have nothing going on, you can come here. We can also Facetime every day if you want.” 

I try to say something funny about Facetiming every day but realizing that I won’t be physically with him every day saddens me. Baekhyun’s been my light and I’ll be stepping out to the world again without him this time. It scares me, but for him, I’ll do it. 

I cried until nighttime that day. My family left me alone with him, knowing that we’d be separated in a few days. He held me close and made love until the soft rays of light peeked through the windows. Keeping our mouths on each other while chanting our love to one another. 

“I love you.” We said to each other with a last kiss for a while. 

It’s different now. 

My life has turned a hundred and eighty degrees since I came back to the city. I can’t remember the last time I drank alcohol or the last time I lit up a cigarette. 

I’ve been eating dinner with my parents and brother, telling each other’s day and just catching up, or ranting if someone’s day had been difficult.  

I also got part-time jobs here and there, earning my own money instead of being too reliant on my dad’s credit card. I don’t even use it anymore. I’ve also been hanging out around people who make me a good person and forgetting the people whom I used to know. 

Coming out clean to my family about my struggle with my thoughts, I also started going to therapy and they’re supportive of it... of me.  

And yes, you might wonder where he is. Well, you see— 

I’m just kidding. Baekhyun and I are doing great. He’s been visiting at least twice a month, and I go to visit the town when I have a long weekend. Though our time together is short unlike before, we always make the best out of it. You name it, dates, sleeping in, or you know, it’s me we’re talking about so sex will never leave the conversation when it comes to our relationship. 

Gran also visits, specifically on special occasions and holidays. The three of them travelled to the city for my birthday, and it’s going to be my favorite for a long time.  

When Christmas came, Kyungsoo and I went to visit the town since our parents had made prior arrangements months ago, hence they were unable to cancel. We decorated the Christmas tree and received allowance from Gran and our uncle, Han. 

We’ve come to an agreement that it was the most fun Christmas we had in our entire life. 

Time flies so fast that I didn’t realize graduation was approaching right around the corner. My dad sat me down to discuss my decision and assured me that whatever it might be, he’d support me. 

I told him that it didn’t change. He smiled and told me that he was expecting it. He then proceeded to discuss his plan to help. He said that I could reject his offer, but he’d be happy if I accepted it. 

I immediately got into a call with Gran, telling him about Dad’s plan to invest in Agriculture in the town instead of building hotels and resorts. Gran asked me about my thoughts on it, and I told her that it could help locals get more sources of income, and the focus would be on them. 

Gran sounded so happy and agreed. I didn’t understand why she kept thanking me, but when she said, “You changed everything for the better,” I bawled my eyes out. 

After graduation, I told Baekhyun that I’d be staying in the city for a week to think. You know... because it wouldn’t be me if I’d boringly tell him I’d stay for good in town. 

I almost told him that when he looked visibly sad during our daily Facetime, but I’m glad I held my ground. 

It was only five in the morning when I arrived. I drop my things at Gran’s and hop on my cruise bicycle to his basement, my face getting hit by the once unfamiliar but now loved cold breeze when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

With the spare key in my pocket that he had given me, I open the door and see his silhouette sleeping soundly in his twin-sized bed. I remove my shoes before closing the door behind me. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed, trying not to wake him up as I lift the blanket and sneak beside him... Baekhyun. 

But my efforts went in vain when he groaned and lifted his head. His eyes look droopy as he stares at me confusedly. “Love?” 

I grin at him, leaning to kiss his lips. “I’m home.” 

The surprised look on his face makes the dimmed basement brighter. He hugs me tightly and kisses parts of my face repeatedly. “Welcome home, my love.” 

Yes, home... 

This is my home now. He is my home. 

And it’s brighter now. 

[cherubdisorder]

THE GREAT LIL TRAUMA BOY INCIDENT (( STOP SUPPORTING O96O ))

Last year I had been sent an email from YouTube regarding a copyright strike on Lil trauma boy which I assumed to be one based on sample usage but turned out to be someone who had reuploaded my work under their name without prior contact or consent from me. Ever since then I’ve had an active back and forth with YouTube, Spotify and my distributor with proof of the work being mine in a full on document. As predicted none of them cared enough to look into my document and had completely swept me away, leaving me to never be able to upload the entirely of gabber due to them having copyright on my work.

I cannot express to everyone enough how much that entire scenario had impacted me, since I’m not a big artist nor did I ever think I’d be in a scenario like this, but due to the sudden rise in popularity the song had I guess it just caught on.

I wasn’t the only target here. They also uploaded the following without permission:

- lesbian vampire furries by Gabbra Kadabra (Foxi Boxi)

- Malo233 by K1osk

- Dr. Loonylegs gets E.Coli and dies by 4Lung

- Kawaii loli attack by nasty maid grinder

- insomniac by memoboy

As far as im aware and from what I’ve been told NOBODY here has given consent to this person. They’re profiting off of our work.

Ive made it very clear that I’m all for making my work accessible for people but I’ve made it very clear around that time that I didn’t want people to post my work on Spotify. I’m fine with people reuploading my work on YouTube with credit, but this was done behind my back without my permission on a platform I didn’t want to be on at the time.

All I’m asking you people for is to NOT STREAM ANYTHING THEY PUT OUT and to REMOVE IT FROM YOUR PLAYLIST. You’re giving someone who stole work money that was supposed to go to small artists. I know damn well how much this person is making off of Spotify and YouTube music and it just upsets me that this is happening. I don’t even give a single fuck about the money but I DONT agree with someone STEALING AND PROFITING OFF OF MY WORK, SAME FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE THEY STOLE FROM. This person has around 60K listeners that they shouldn’t even have. Give that to the actual artists they stole from. If you want to listen to a certain song so bad PLEASE put it in your LOCAL FILES. It’ll be accessible to you only and also don’t give money to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

At the end of the day I want people to not take my shit for granted. While I may be very laid back with a lot of things regarding my work, this is shit you should never pull on me.

I don’t care if I’m being pathetic by bringing this back up but I NEED PEOPLE TO BE AWARE. Please don’t give this person any more attention. Remove the songs, add them in your local files and even you want report them for plagiarism. If you care about us artists please do something about it.

Thats all, hope to never speak of this ever again!!!!

[ancientstone]

Okay Brits I need you to start paying attention.

We are likely in a General Election year.

We are going to be voting which political party we want to govern us the next five years. As of yet we don't have a date (the latest it could be held is January 2025, though it's probably going to be in 2024), but you need to start listening to what's going on so you can be ready and make an informed choice.

In the last General Election, the turnout was 67.3% across the UK. People often say they didn't vote because they didn't understand the politics or "they're all the same anyway."

When a General Election is called, Polling Day will be 25 days later. If you're working, busy, or just have life stuff happening, you may not have time to do the research you want. This is why it's important to start doing things now.

1. Are you Registered to Vote?

You can register to vote here.

You can check if you're registered by going here.

You must 18 or over on Polling Day to vote in a General Election.

You must also be one of the following:

A British, Irish, or qualifying Commonwealth citizen. (You can check here if you're a qualifying Commonwealth citizen)

Be resident at an address in the UK (or a British citizen living abroad who has been registered to vote in the UK in the last 15 years)

Not be legally excluded from voting

According to the website, while registering, "You’ll be asked for your National Insurance number (but you can still register if you do not have one). After you’ve registered, your name and address will appear on the electoral register."

There is also an option to register to vote anonymously "if you're concerned about your name and address appearing on the electoral register for safety reasons." The link to that page is here.

You can register to vote by post by going here and printing out the forms.

If you would like a step-by-step guide to registering to vote, here is a page that has a pdf doing just that. It is also available in Welsh.

2. Get a Photo ID

We now need to show a photo ID when turning up to the polls.

Here is a list of valid forms of photo ID.

Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to get a valid ID, otherwise you will be turned away from the polling station.

If you vote by proxy, you need to "take your own ID when you go to vote on someone else’s behalf. You do not need to take theirs."

According to the website, "The name on your ID must match your name on the electoral register. If it does not, you’ll need to:

register to vote again with your new details

take a document with you to vote that proves you’ve changed your name (for example, a marriage certificate)

Small differences do not matter. For example, if your ID says ‘Jim Smith’ instead of ‘James Smith’.

If you do not have a type of photo ID that allows you to vote, you can apply for a Voter Authority Certificate."

3. You need to apply to vote by post

You can apply here.

You need to be registered before applying.

To apply you need:

"The address where you are registered to vote

Your National Insurance number or other identity documents, e.g. a passport

the specific date of the election or referendum you want to make a postal vote, if you only want a one-off postal vote

You’ll also need to upload a photo of your handwritten signature in black ink on plain white paper.

If you cannot provide a signature or one that always looks the same, you may be able to apply for a postal vote signature waiver within the service.

You might be asked for extra documents to identify you."

The linked page has an option for downloading an application form to send in by post.

4. Start Researching!

Think back to the last few years.

What did you like, and who did them? What about the opposite?

Is there something local happening in your area, and who is pushing for/against it?

Look up the parties' social media - what do they promote, promise, and call out?

Here are some resources:

An overview of the political parties

BBC News page for current politics

How many MPs are in which parties

Information on General Elections/when ours will likely be held

The other key political events in 2024

General info around voting, elections, boundary changes, etc.

TL;DR

2024 Will likely be the year the UK votes for the next political party in charge.

You need to register to vote.

You need a photo ID to take with you.

You need to apply to vote by post.

The best time to start looking into the parties and what they do is now, so you can be informed later on.

The rest of the world is welcome to share this!

[yoomiwrites]

Sugar Rush³

Note: This will be the last part for today. I mean, all I'm doing is to upload em here, but I don't wanna spam lol. Btw. I always had a Fanart for each chapter back then, which I won't use now since I don't know the artist and wouldn't be able to give them their credit.

The night sky was a blanket of inky blackness, shrouded in clouds and thick fog. The stars, the moon, even the distant houses were swallowed by the gloom. I was utterly exhausted. The last few days had been a whirlwind—clashing with the admirals, and of course, facing Akainu’s ever-present doubts about me. My body felt heavy as I trudged through the hallways, moving slower than a walk, barely dragging myself forward to deliver the final report of the day to Kizaru.

I knocked softly on the thick, wooden door, and from inside, a quiet, familiar voice called out, "Hmn, come in."

Opening the door carefully, I stepped inside, bowing briefly as I prepared to speak. But my words caught in my throat the moment I looked up. The sight before me was... unexpected, to say the least.

Kizaru sat casually on the sofa, his eyes lifting from the book in his hands as a sly smile curled his lips. But it wasn’t just him. Aokiji was sprawled across his left thigh, sound asleep, and Akainu rested on his right shoulder, equally lost in dreams.

"Psssh, (L/N)-san~," Kizaru whispered, snapping me out of my half-frozen shock. He gently closed the book, placing a finger to his lips in a gesture for silence. With the same finger, he pointed toward his desk, signaling where I should leave the documents.

Nodding, I moved quietly across the room, stifling a yawn as I laid the papers down with care. My only thought was to get out of this bizarre situation as quickly as possible. However, Kizaru had other plans.

Before I could make my escape, he wrapped an arm around my waist and effortlessly pulled me onto his free leg. A surprised gasp escaped me, though I quickly bit it back as Akainu stirred with a low grumble. The last thing I wanted was to wake him.

"What are you doing, Admiral Kizaru-san?" I whispered, trying to wriggle free from his grip.

"Don’t resist, (L/N). You’re tired. Let’s sleep," he murmured softly, his voice almost a lullaby. He rested his head on my shoulder, peering at my now undoubtedly bright red face with a grin of pure amusement.

"I would like to sleep," I replied in a harsh whisper, "but in my own room. In my own bed."

"But why?" he asked, his tone teasing as ever. "Look at them, aren’t they cute~?"

I glanced hesitantly at Aokiji, whose hair was, as always, ridiculously tempting to touch. After a moment’s pause, I reached out and gently ran my fingers through his hair. It was as soft as it looked. He grumbled contentedly in his sleep, and I quickly withdrew my hand, unsure of how to react.

"See? So sweet, hn~" Kizaru’s voice was a soft hum, clearly relishing the situation. I couldn’t help but smile, realizing he was mocking my earlier words from the start of the week—when I had, quite foolishly, referred to the admirals as “sweet as sugar.” He hadn’t forgotten, of course.

My eyes wandered over to Akainu. His usual intensity was nowhere to be seen. He looked completely peaceful, and despite myself, I reached out and gave his nose a little poke with my finger. In any other moment, this would have been unthinkable, but here I was, sitting among sleeping titans.

It wasn’t long before the sheer absurdity of it all hit me again, and I turned my gaze to Kizaru, who, unlike the others, was still very much awake.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice barely more than a tired whisper. Despite my growing discomfort, it was hard not to admit that the warmth of his body against mine was becoming... oddly comforting.

He looked at me with that familiar lazy smile. "You’re part of our family now, (F/N). Go to sleep."

Three hours passed. Three long hours of sitting there, surrounded by these powerful men, all of them peacefully asleep while I remained wide awake, unable to relax. Sleepless and plotting my escape.

But as I shifted, a single thought crossed my mind, one I would’ve never imagined needing to think: Oh, Kizaru... next time, please let me go to the bathroom first.

[fountainpenguin]

I see you've been uploading your older Total Drama fics to ao3, so i was just wondering what exactly prompted you to do that?

Desire to organize, mostly. I think they're best read in a certain order, so when I moved them to FFN in the first place, they were uploaded in a specific order, but there's nothing to indicate they benefit from being read from the bottom of my profile to the top. AO3 allows me to slap them all in a series with built-in Next buttons, allowing easy flow to the next one.

Consistency. I cross-post my FOP works anyway; might as well do it for Total Drama too. I like documenting my writing journey, seeing how my style and interests have changed over time. There are definitely elements of my style that have stayed for 10 years, which is neat.

[cnt'd]

Making small references more accessible. There are a few jokes from my TD 'fics that have appeared in my FOP and MCYT 'fics too.

- Kevin Crocker freaking out in Come What May when Trixie and the other popular kids gave him cartoon physics pills so he could visit Shirley's pizza place. CP pills showed up multiple times in my TD 'fics, such as "You're Not Okay" and "Borderline." --- In my TD 'fics, this was how I canonized the Skatoony game show, where Canadian cartoon characters played trivia games against real human kids. Thus, the canon became "You need these to exist outside your dimension" and it just made sense that Kevin would have to do that in a pizza place that marks the boundary between Fairly OddParents and Jimmy Neutron after those shows had their Jimmy Timmy Power Hour crossover. - There's a scene in Origin of the Pixies where H.P. tells toddler Sanderson to collapse to the floor and scream when he gets beeped by a magic detector. H.P. - who had already been cleared by the detector - then rushes to him and yoinks the item before anyone can see it. --- This is a reference to the TD 'fic I just posted yesterday ("Eva Scotta") where Trent collapses at the metal detector and Eva gets there first. Eva didn't take anything from him, but I'd always wanted to write someone with ill intentions sneaking things past security. - Red Life Tango giving Grian information in exchange for cookies is a nod to "You're Not Okay," where Cody bribed Zeke with taffy. Both Tango and Zeke do the same "Keeping their hand held out longer than necessary in the hopes of getting extra treats" move, which was intentional on my end to make this a direct parallel. - In the end notes on One and a Half Birds Chapter 11 (a 'fic set in the time period Martyn and Mumbo were married), I described a hypothetical mistletoe situation: Mumbo kissing someone else without thinking because he doesn't consider it cheating - mistletoe kisses are just a game - vs. Martyn getting upset because he does consider that cheating. --- Back when I wrote "Chris Missed," I was asked if Duncan had been about to cheat on Courtney by teasing Lindsay about kissing her while she wore mistletoe, and... honestly, the thought of mistletoe kisses being cheating had literally never occurred to me until that moment (I'd assumed people were generally in agreement that it's a non-serious tradition and no one starts relationships because of a mistletoe peck - to my memory, I'd never seen media portray it as cheating, but that's probably because romcom media isn't prone to having characters already in a relationship - so I had to rethink my worldview on kisses and how different people interpret such situations). --- I specifically wrote Pixels Mumbo (who's more flippant about the husband roleplay than Martyn) with that kind of energy: not malicious, not dumb... but there are things he does that he doesn't even question, and he doesn't register what he's doing as something that could hurt Martyn's feelings. I described this in the end notes and I think it's interesting; now people can find the 'fic I was referencing in my AO3 gallery if they want to (as opposed to searching my FFN). What I'm saying is that Pixels Mumbo would absolutely have a 2nd (3rd?) kid with Grian despite being married to someone else and he'd be confused to discover Martyn is annoyed by that.

I doubt there's anyone who'd want to read all works in all my fandoms and catch little nods like this, but they're there if anyone ever does. The building on existing content never stops.

Considering how rampant generative AI is getting, as well as messages I got years ago from people complimenting how fast I write and that I seem to put out content like a machine (This was said in a complimentary way; I considered it a compliment), I like showing my past roots to emphasize that I've been actively posting fanfics for over a decade. It would break my heart if people avoided projects I've worked hard on due to a mistaken belief that me having so many longfics means AI was involved. Avoid them for any other reason, but not that one!

If I'm the one to post my own 'fics, it decreases the likelihood of someone re-uploading or otherwise plagiarizing my 'fics and other people not recognizing them as mine.

People who like my 'fics and are aware of my AO3 can now find and bookmark them on AO3, if that's their preferred reading spot. It's my preferred place, and I'm more likely to read my own TD 'fics if they're there.

FFN's been losing popularity and some functionality across the years, and although I don't expect it to go down soon, I feel better diversifying the places where I post. Let's say that I fell into a coma or died, then FFN went down. Even if AO3 continued for many more years, I wouldn't be able to transfer my works if I'm not available. My 'fics would be lost forever unless someone drags them from their original site, which was built for art and has terrible writing search features.

My 'fics have been around a while, so maybe people have downloaded copies, but I'd rather just make them easily accessible since it costs me nothing and can bring more eyes to my profile.

I put a lot of years and work into those 'fics and I don't want to lose them. I remember FFN purging M & E works in the past, and I've heard of other purges my whole fandom life. All my Total Drama 'fics were G or T [apart from "Blue Tiara" which is only M for language], but I can just imagine how much it would have sucked to wake up one day and find things I'd worked hard on deleted with no up-to-date copies. I'm so grateful to AO3 and it's anti-censorship, no-purging policy. We love an archive that genuinely is an archive!!

Very grateful I currently have a safe storage for all my 'fics in their edited, up-to-date states. I've put years of my life into these works and it would suck to lose them.

This isn't specifically about my TD 'fics, but many themes I enjoy writing are just better suited to AO3 than FFN or the public publishing world. I LOVE second marriages, learning to love again, and stepfamilies, but that tends to involve either death or divorce, which may be censored on some sites or in the publishing world (Allegedly you can't market a book as a romance if there's a divorce in it?? What kind of anti-stepfamily bull is this??) I like reading things that let me take my mind away from this world and embrace a different one, but I (speaking only for myself) am yanked out of the experience if everything in that world is too perfect and nice and fluffy. I like the arguments and divorces. I like the cheating, the death, the break-ups, the children getting lost or kidnapped, and people getting hurt. I like exploring what makes people tick. - One of the things that drew me to Total Drama was that they actually broke up their couples. Even their popular couples. This was game-changing to me as a media consumer who was always frustrated that people ended up with the first person they dated or showed attraction to and always got a happily ever after... especially if they never seemed to disagree with their partner on anything ever. It just felt unrealistic to me. I was floored by TD's willingness to say "It's okay not to marry the first person you date. It's okay to leave a relationship that's no longer working." I love it for that. - Yes I'm still furious they retconned the major Season 3 cheating plot in Season 5 despite solidifying at the time that it was, in fact, cheating. That's SUCH a gut-punch to see blame removed from the cheaters... As far as I'm concerned, Gwen is straight-up gaslighting Courtney in All-Stars by claiming Court and Duncan had split. lmao. - Bless Grian for standing unequivocally by his cheating arc in Double Life despite getting so much backlash from fans because he broke up the fandom flagship for it. But when his Season 5 came around, he flat-out stood by "Yes, I cheated, and BigB treated me right..." and it's everything to me. As a lover of not retconning and of engaging with drama media, I will never take his commitment to the cheating plot for granted for as long as I live. Thank you, G... That man is a storyteller <3 - I'm also a huge believer in "Just because that person wasn't right for you, that doesn't mean the time spent with them is wasted or bad." Wanda and Juandissimo, for example, still deserve fluffy stories about their dating life even though they didn't end up together, and I like writing them happy. Life is about self-discovery and in leaving people if they're not the right fit. I love stories that depict that, especially without demonizing people when they break up.

Basically, AO3 has given me a place to explore all the interesting bits and bobs I want to, knowing that my content has a place there. I feel like censorship on other sites (or self-censorship out of paranoia regarding site rules or my followers' view of me) stopped me from reaching my true potential with TD 'fics. I don't think there's much I would've done differently- I like the goofy tone my TD works have. Maybe I would've delved more into the dark side of Feral Zeke, but I do like what I wrote.

I'm not sure I'll go back to writing TD 'fics, but if I do, I'd like the option to post them on AO3. It would be silly to post new 'fics on AO3, reaching to meet that audience for the first time, without having my other 'fics accessible for people to read.

Another reason to post is to overcome some feelings of "cringe" by posting even the pieces I think are objectively bad or flawed in some way. I have a Mal-centric piece titled "Some Son, Some Pride" that was never uploaded to FFN because I didn't know how the legal system works and didn't want new people on FFN (where I was trying to make a good impression) to make fun of me for it. I don't want to post it on FFN (where it will forcibly be placed at the top of my gallery), but it's going on AO3 when we get to the "Posting ROTI" arc.

People joke with me about "Dude, why on earth are Tyler and Sierra a ship in "Precious" and "Blue Tiara?", but what they don't know is that in 2013, I wrote a far future 'fic that mixed up some of the couples and paired a few characters with people outside of Total Drama, and it was about the cast meeting at a reunion when they were older. Tyler and Sierra were a couple there, I liked the idea, and then I just ran with it.

But because I never uploaded "Down the Road," no readers who haven't been with me since the start have that context. I'm at a point in my life where I'm no longer held back by the "cringe" of how poorly written I think it is, and I'm ready to share it with an audience that might appreciate it.

Tyler/Sierra is so funny to me. "Blue Tiara" is a MESS of "how not to handle situations," but I still like it. Some of my favorite lines and character reactions are in there, so I'm glad to provide bonus context as to why the wedding happened in the first place. "Blue Tiara" was (iirc) the last TD 'fic I posted before I fell in love with Fairly OddParents, and I think my love for relationship drama and "getting tangled up in bad relationships" plots was really starting to show. I wrote a lot of chill, goofy TD works, but it turns out what I really love is drama. And writing about adults... Once I started writing about adults who had the ability to get fired from their jobs or lose their children, it was hard to go back to characters where that terror wasn't an option, haha. I'm sorry to everyone who's been waiting for "Factor It In" updates. There's no untangling aspec identities, major parent/child drama, or death scenes in it and for this, it has been de-prioritized by my heart until I'm ready to write fluff again. lol.

It's nice to introduce my work to a new audience. I pretty much never search for 'fics to read on FFN unless I know the fandom has a bigger presence there; I do think FFN tends to favor cartoons more than AO3, though that's personal speculation. Up until the release of "FOP: A New Wish," for example, I'd say the FOP community was much bigger on FFN than AO3. I think it's flipped now.

By posting my old TD 'fics, I'm also testing the waters to see if people respond well to me posting my old work. I keep all my AO3 my statistics off (except I do get emails for kudos and comments), so I don't know how many people are reading them or when, but I haven't received any annoyed comments from people telling me my work isn't worth posting or that they didn't subscribe to me for this stuff, so that's nice.

I have a ton of 'fics that predate Total Drama, many of them Mario. I have multiple completed longfics that predate my Mario content (and belong to a fandom that would likely appreciate what I have to offer), but that requires me to face older writing and weird plot points I wouldn't opt for today. Part of me wants to post them for preservation purposes, but I probably won't. It's nice to feel like my TD work is being welcomed on AO3, though.

I would like to post more Mario work someday, and it's nice to see if people react negatively to my TD works before I consider posting things that are even older.

Noah is a character I grew very attached to and had a desire to analyze. It was through writing him and trying to understand his behavior (For example, him seemingly expressing interest in Bridgette during World Tour despite never showing interest outside of that one moment he hugged her) that I discovered aromanticism and then asexuality...

... which led to my immediate reaction of "Wait, my experiences with not feeling attraction aren't universal? Attraction is REAL? I thought everyone was making it up! I thought we were just using it as shorthand to hastily convey on-screen relationships in absence of the ability for a movie to last a realistic amount of time to fall in love. What do you mean people were serious when they would tell me "You can't choose who to fall in love with?? I just thought that was a skill issue of theirs and they were just suckered in by pretty faces!"

I've since seen enough people share personal stories to believe sexual attraction is a real thing, but it was a big moment for me. I still regularly forget to write my allo characters as allo and I spend hours studying people's explanations of what attraction feels like, but it's part of the process by now.

From that moment on, I played with Noah as a way to test the waters regarding aspec content. There's a whole arc from "Lions Under Palm Trees" about him struggling with his identity (and pushing himself past his own boundaries in a desperate attempt to win Emma's affection) that I wrote and never posted, which is a shame. That's the good drama right there. But again, it's one of the things I'm more comfortable sharing on AO3 than FFN, with its censorship risks.

I love aroace Noah with my whole heart, and if those 'fics are helpful to anyone learning more about aromanticism and asexuality, I'm glad to share them.

I'm 11 years into recognizing myself as aroace (and proud), and I'm grateful for these 'fics for helping me realize that! Thank you Noah for being a good vessel to experiment with.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not "writing more representation" on X or Y thing, but then I remember there are plenty of people who can write those things using their own experiences. I'm very content with my writing focusing on aspec stories, because that's what I like to read and write.

[Mention of Internet drama & past sadness - 10 years ago]

Another reason to upload the 'fics is just... Interest checking whether anyone would be interested if I continued the WIPs I left behind. There were some one-shots I was working on and abandoned (Ex: Zoey at a dog shelter with Vito, who's terrified of dogs). I'm sure I had more, but this is the main one I remember.

I'd be interested in finishing "Beatin' Path" and "Lions Under Palm Trees," as I loved both of those 'fics dearly and had a ton of scenes written for them. I just reached a point where I didn't feel like they were worth posting. I want to see what the fandom's like on AO3. If people express interest, I'll seriously consider finishing them (and "Lyin' Queen," which I scrapped because I had second thoughts about the big plot twist I wanted to do).

I love Leonard. He's such a wild character and I still base some of my characterizations on him to this day. Right now my goal is to close out the 'fics for my current fandoms, but I'd love to put his stories to rest too. If I end up not finishing those 'fics, I'd at least like to post those scenes in my Skeleton Train series on AO3 (for scrapped scenes).

My TD experience has been weird, especially lately. When I search my username, I can stumble across Reddit posts, TikToks, TV Tropes pages, and Tumblr posts from people saying they really loved my Total Drama 'fics and highly recommend them.

Honestly it's been a shock... because the way I remember it, my time in the fandom [more than a decade ago] was marred with people being very rude about my 'fics and my character analysis posts. I don't want to share details because I want to offer privacy of anyone involved, but I got bullied and it sucked.

I chose to leave the TD fandom not long after since I didn't feel I was liked, and I didn't want to spend my time writing 'fics for people who wouldn't engage with them in good faith. I just wanted a fresh start.

It's been 10 years and I've long moved on from it; I spent my time in other fandoms I love and probably wouldn't have written for otherwise. But I also don't want to pretend it didn't happen, because it affected me hugely for years and it does play into my relationship with fandom and 'fics today (I'm still extremely reluctant to "engage in fandom spaces" outside of posting my 'fics).

It's weird to realize people genuinely like my TD stuff. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that could possibly be true, or that anything about my writing style is genuinely liked.

Years ago, I hated the idea of posting my TD works to AO3 because bullying had convinced me they were "bad." It sucked, it hurt, but I simply found a new fandom and started from scratch. I figured I'd never post my TD works because they were "old" and I'd "outgrown them" and it was best not to show them to the new crowd I wanted to meet on AO3.

And yet... my TD legacy continues to follow me. Thankfully in a positive way. I see people post my 'fics in rec threads, and I sit there staring mutely at the screen and want to cry. I wish younger me had known people would one day love these 'fics. That people would make posts about how these are their fandom favorites, that they completely changed their view of these characters, and that they consider at least a few of my works some of the best in the TD fandom.

Even 1 week ago, someone made a Reddit post saying they loved my TD 'fics and that it really affected how they saw the characters and their desire to study psychology. That's everything to me... and all these comments, TV Tropes page compliments, and recs list found me on FFN. If these 'fics really are good, it's about time I shared them with AO3.

I don't really expect to get lots of hits, kudos, or comments there, but I at least want my works to be accessible if FFN were to disappear. I'm so glad I didn't delete them, even though there was once a time I wanted to.

[voices-of-hope-county]

Oh noooo, shoot, that sounds complicated… :( I’m interested in finding out which tracks play and when because I’d noticed that in the Original Game Soundtrack, 11/31 are lyrics taken from John’s songs, and I’m thinking, surely that means something! So I’m currently trying to do a deep deep deep amateur analysis on the lyrics and such and relating them to the Seeds. The scope of my tiny personal project has suddenly become so unimaginably large… I don’t want to ask you to do all that work for something that might not be anything at all and is basically all in my head. If possible, because I don’t know how to seek out the files myself, I’d like to see the triggers and which tracks/numbers correspond to which, and I can work on figuring it out in my own time and then I can report back to you if you want? (Also I can come off anon if that would make things easier but I will be shivering like a wet rat left in the rain bc being perceived is scary)

I also had no idea that the songs had different names ! I have to take the time to listen to them and compare, since this is literally another layer to my analysis that I simply must pursue DX

Also somehow I think Dwight Feeney just sounds right 💯

That is indeed complicated and very time-consuming because, again, to precisely identify the music files and know which track(s) from the official album(s) they potentially are from, you need to look for and listen to them individually... and there are hundreds of them! I could only confirm "700376074" was "Now That This Old World Is Ending"/"The Resistance" because I listened to it, but the official track names never appear in the files and you have to do your own research to figure out which is which.

In the document that provides context for the game's audio files, it seems music tracks are grouped by mission and/or character, but when exactly (or if) they play in the game is unclear. Also, some of the contexts are vague, and dozens of files can be in the same category. For example, I see there is one called "Play_MUS_FATHER_010" with 38 files listed. When I try to locate and listen to them, it appears they are related to the final mission and the beginning of the credits, but some of them are missing (which means they were cut) and it turns out they are not even listed in chronological order.

The fact that 35% of the music from the Original Game Soundtrack contains lyrics taken from John's songs sounds interesting but, since the official albums are only a small (maybe not representative) selection of the full soundtrack available in the files, it may be a coincidence and not mean anything in particular. In theory, I could try looking for all the contexts/triggers and the corresponding files but, to be honest, this would really be a lot of work and, in the end, only useful to you if you already have access to the files because the list would just be a series of codes and numbers...

However, if you want "unreleased" tracks, there are people on YouTube like DE4AL7 or Miseyxo who have extracted, identified, and uploaded Far Cry 5 music they found in the files. There are many videos on their channels and I have seen them take "requests" in the past, so maybe they still do. They seem more knowledgeable than I am about the game's music and have probably already figured out what most of the files were and when/if they were triggered in the game, so I think they will be able to help you better than I can.

I can still try to find information about a few specific tracks or missions, but everything has to be manually "decoded" and identified, so this really takes a lot of time :’)

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

2, 11, 25, 58!

from these writer asks thank you! :)

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Depends how long the piece is. Most of the time: I just hit the ground running either right when inspiration strikes, or after the idea has marinated in my brain for a little while. After I write a handful of paragraphs (maybe 1-3k words?), I have a better idea of how long I'm actually going to take to tell the story, and start my "notes" paired document where I sketch out a general outline/sequence of events. I keep the notes document open on the right half of the screen and my actual working document on the left, shifting between them as needed. After I get to whatever feels like a comfortable stopping point for the first chapter, I check how much of the outline that's actually covered, and guesstimate chapter amount and breakdown from there. For longer works, I do put more detail/time into the outline, including random later sentences or passages as they come to me, just so I don't lose track. For things under 10-15k, I'm more comfortable just winging it and keep any outlining fairly lose.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Oh man. Not sure if this means to read or that i've written myself, but let's go with recent reads. Hmmm also I'm gonna do 3 Veilguard (won't mention any spoilers or even pairings but those following me who have seen my Veilguard posts can Guess lmao) and then 3 pre-Veilguard since Quark can't click the da4 ones yet. Perpetual disclaimer that I only really read things under about 15k these days, so they're all one shots or short chapter fics!

veilguard:

In Spite Of You (11.5k) by BlazingQuill

the baseless fabric of this vision (15k) by teddywesworl

At The End Of Her World (11.5k) by flowersforthemachines

and pre-veilguard:

Somewhere I have never travelled (5.5k) by debit: DA2 Orana POV (& background FenHawke), recent discussion about ye olde kink!meme days had me recollecting this one and how much i loved it, so I went to find & reread it on AO3 :)

nothing on my tongue (11k) by EllsterSmash: series of short Solavellan vignettes, lovely exploration of their relationship over time. And the (pre VG so only hypothesis/vague) ending in Ch. 23 makes me very sad which is what i look for most in a piece writing

Lost by @baejax-the-great (2.5) is coming to mind next bc i read & reblogged it again this month, bc i love me some FenHawke angst!!!! Oh how miserable to consider the long-term effects of lyrium in one's skin...

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Hahaha as is typical my favorite fic I've ever written has the least number of views--Like Teeth Against His Heart, my DAI-era Solavellan prose-poem. Also on AO3, but formatting for poetry is hard and weird, so I like the booklet view of the tumblr upload.

It's also the piece I wrote for the Solamancy zine, which means probably more people who ordered the zine did actually read it--but I don't get to see people's reaction to physical merch/they can't just leave a comment online as easily, so it's hard to tell! But at the same time the people who have bothered to find it to comment on anyway are always SUPER kind so that's rewarding in its own way ♥︎

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

Oh definitely brainstorming first, followed by writing. I concede to making outlines only because my brain is too fallible to just hold it in my head the way I'd prefer/used to be able to, and my editing is more reluctant copyedits than actual true editing, with rare exceptions. I save my more rigorous planning, revision etc for original works rather than fanfic--especially since those usually involve a lot more worldbuilding/lore notes since it all comes from me vs a fandom wiki. But as I've shamefully admitted online many times, I'm one of the rare weirdos who is perfectly happy to write 5-20k words and then just... sit on them for myself forever. Rotating characters through situations in my head is the way I get to know the characters; writing it down is how I cement those thoughts & feelings. Sharing them is like... a fun extra, and sometimes what I have feels like something I can thread enough plot through to make a good story, and sometimes is just for my own whims and i don't need to give it an audience.

I think that's why so much of what I actually have published on AO3/tumblr comes from prompts--there's more a push to actually post something if it comes from a request rather than my own head (though this past year I'm trying to be better at that, and actually dig out more of my personal works to post). I like the "writing challenge" aspect of a prompt, of thinking about characters/situations outside my instincts and what i can add to it that would also make it compelling to myself.

[lezbfrenz]

tl;dr - i got a promotion, HR sucks and tried to block it/ make me jump through some more hoops, my boss fought for me and it's going forward as originally promised.

i got a promotion last month, but it wasn't starting until next week.. yay!! or maybe not. apparently HR goofed and uploaded the 'wrong' job description in our system for the promotion i received. my boss pre selected me as the candidate. the job posting was JUST for me, no one else would have been selected over me. there are 2 analysts on our team, and last year the senior analyst quit without notice & without me being trained on a lot of things he did, but i took it in stride and reverse engineered a lot of things so there was barely a blip in reporting and did the work for 2 people for half a year.

it was a promotion well deserved, i think. my boss was always happy with my work, never complained. i attended a mentorship program and i feel like I've grown a lot in the last year. she's really proud of me. i try and bring positivity to the team, i always help out when i can, and i do my best to share as many training documents and information as possible to make things easier for everyone.

but, the issue here... because of course something always has to go wrong in my life. the job posting HR loaded was for a senior position, but it was not exactly correct. in the requirements it said I must have a 4 year degree. they did not verify this BEFORE giving me the job offer. they wait less than a week before updating me in the system (my official promotion was supposed to go into effect 6/16), to ask for it.

a couple emails back and forth, and basically HR stated that they would not give me the promotion without the degree, OR my boss would need to submit a service ticket to get the job description updated, reflecting the correct job requirements, and then i would 'reapply'.

my boss showed me the actual job description months ago. it didnt match what was posted on our internal job posting when i applied, but HR has always messed those up so i ignored it. it was wrong when i applied for a buyer role, when i applied for a jr analyst, so no duh when i applied for a sr analyst. the 'real' job description stated that you need a 4 year degree OR (emphasis on or) 5 years or more equivalent analytic experience. which i have, plenty of. i have at least 9 years of analytical experience as a buyer, a sourcing specialist, a materials planner, as a vendor manager. I've done it all basically. i dropped out of college when my mom died, because the FASFA requires 1 parent on the application until you're like 26, even if you have been independent for years and don't speak to your other surviving parent, and i refused to get any loans. a lot of my friends are still paying loans 10+ years later.. every time i try and build up savings, it disappears. car breaking down, hvac or appliances need replaced, lost my job - 3 times in last 6 years. all my savings, bye bye!! no savings, no college. 🤷‍♀️

anyways.. this stupid lil hiccup in HR went from bottom of the totem pole, to supervisor, to manager, to director. i was absolutely devastated about all of this. i could not concentrate at all in the last few hours of my workday. i have been in the negatives for almost three years now, going paycheck to paycheck and using credit cards to pay for essentials like groceries. my partner lost their job last year and is making half what i make (when we used to make the same). the promotion will give me a couple extra hundred per pay check every 2 weeks. it would help us get out of the red.

i have no idea what my face looked like when i brought my boss into this. i was still copied on the emails back and forth between her arguing with HR, and when I went into her office after their last reply stating i wouldn't get it until some extra BS tickets were submitted.. somehow i didn't cry but it was a close thing. she doesn't like to swear at work but she did say 'what the FUCK?!?!' after i closed her door, in regards to HR.

i have never had a manager fight for me like this before. usually i get unsupportive leadership, who just keep piling more onto me, and make excuses why they can't promote me or give me a raise. or say i wouldn't be a good fit for a higher position and i need to stay where I'm at. my current boss has been amazing. i have no idea what i did to deserve to be treated so well. im going to miss her when she retires in the next year or so.

i left for the day in the worst of moods. about halfway into my drive though, thankfully, she called me to let me know that she spoke with someone higher up in HR and it is being fixed ASAP, that we are going forward with the 6/16 start date with my promotion. and she told me not to worry about a thing.

i was shocked, and nearly side swiped a big ass truck when she told me, but man.. i thanked her and we ended the call but it took hours for my anxiety to go away. i just want to stop being stressed all the time. it was so hard for me to ask for a raise/ promotion as it was (after being told NO so many times, you kind of stop asking), it just feels like another hurdle just as a nice lil 'fuck you'.

anyways. if you read this far, thanks? have a good evening/morning/day

[mollyencrypted]

A03 is being a fuck and won't let me upload my last Bingo entry, for 'Shatterdome Food Sucks', so, in an attempt to get it in whilst it's still 31/08 somewhere (I think), I'll post it here. (I was, regrettably, a minute late finishing in my own timezone.)

"So, you're the photographer, huh?" Yancy drawled.

The woman nodded, blonde curls bouncing with the movement. "Felicity Kincaid," she said brightly, holding out a hand, "here to document Shatterdome life for the folks back home."

"Yancy Becket", he replied, "here to show you Shatterdome life the way I see it."

"And to steer me and my camera away from anything classified, right?" She didn't seem irritated, simply amused.

Yancy shrugged. "Pretty sure everything here's already been in Wired. Lightcap's got her projects, but those are in other 'Domes. Nothing of interest in Anchorage."

"There's plenty of interest in Anchorage," said Flicker. "There's the Ranger program, for one."

"And there's the Ranger program in Lima too," Yancy countered.

"Is that where Lightcap's projects are, then?" Flicker asked innocently.

"Nope," said Yancy, holding up a finger to 'shush' her. "You're not getting it out of me that easily. Besides, anything I could tell you would just be a guess."

"Relax, I'm just a photographer," she said, smiling. "The only things I'm writing are captions, and I don't think they'll even print those. Your secrets are all safe with me."

Yancy sighed.

"Besides, I've got all day to get them out of you."

-

Flicker looked around the small room curiously, snapping pictures of Raleigh's photo wall and the bomber jacket slung across Yancy's shitty desk chair. At least he'd put his socks and underwear away (or at least shoved them in the nearest drawer, which was pretty much the same thing), and at least Raleigh was, by some miracle, not there bothering Flicker by mugging for the camera. 

"I'm surprised you only have to share with your brother," said Flicker.

"Pilot privilege," said Yancy, trying to obstruct her view of his unmade bunk and knowing it was too little, too late. "We have to put up with our co-pilots, something about bonding, but other than that the space is our own. The support guys have to share, though. Jaz won't stop complaining about her bunkmates."

"And Jaz is…"

"My sister. She's in J-Tech, works on the Lady." Yancy walked over to Raleigh's Polaroids and pointed out a smiling little girl with dark hair, flanked by two young blond boys. "That's her as a kid. You're going to need Rals' permission to publish those, by the way."

"I'll ask when we see him," said Flicker. "Does he know where Lightcap's projects are stashed?"

-

No matter how many times he saw her, she never failed to take his breath away. Lady Danger towered above Yancy and Flicker, immense and shining and deadly, testament to human ingenuity and resilience.

"Pictures don't do her justice," said Flicker, awestruck, but taking as many pictures as she could anyway. "She always looks smaller on TV."

"It's hard to grasp the size of her in person," agreed Yancy, "even stood next to her like this."

One of the techs buzzing around her like insects surrounding their hive came over to them. Dark-haired under a terrible greenish due job where Yancy was blond, but with the same bright blue eyes. "We getting a new sister, Yance?"

Yancy rolled her eyes. "This is the photographer you were briefed about, Felicity Kincaid. Flicker, this is the other woman in my life besides the Lady, Jazmine Beckett."

Jaz wiped a greasy hand on her overalls before shaking Flicker's own hand. "That's Jazmine with a Z," she said, "fuck knows why. Is Yancy taking us to lunch?"

"My treat," Yancy grinned, and led the way to the mess hall.

"You're an engineer, then," Flicker said to Jaz. "Do you know anything about these secret projects?"

-

It dawned on Flicker that 'treat' had been a sarcastic description of a Shatterdome lunch. Not only was it provided free of charge, so Yancy couldn't have paid for it even if he'd wanted to, but it was quite possibly one of the worst things she'd ever seen.

"Tastes better than it looks," said Raleigh Beckett, slipping into the seat next to Jaz and across from Yancy. "You must be the photographer."

"Flicker Kinkaid," she said, skeptically pushing what looked like mac and cheese if the cheese was powdered milk around her tray. "You must be the co-pilot."

"Did everybody know about this except for me?" Jazmine said between mouthfuls of suspicious meatloaf.

Flicker tried to occupy herself by taking pictures, but since she'd already gotten the lunch line whilst she was in it there wasn't much to capture but the food itself. Whoever used her pictures would be able to spin this as a noble sacrifice, no doubt, because the pasta did not taste better than it looked. It tasted of pasta and powdered milk.

Yancy cut his meatloaf in half, moving one chunk to her tray. "The pasta is appalling," he advised, "but the meatloaf really is better than it looks."

He was right, and in thanks she decided not to ask about Lightcap's secret projects. She wasn't expecting an answer anyway.

-

"So this is goodbye," she said, as the helicopter pilot finished her final checks.

"It's been nice having you around," Yancy admitted. "It's good to meet new people who aren't jaegerflies in bars."

"Remind me to tell you about Naomi sometime!" Jaz piped up.

"Remind me to tell you never to talk to Jaz," Raleigh said, putting his sister in an affectionate brotherly headlock.

Flicker had the siblings' contact details, now, and they had hers. She seemed to like them, and Yancy liked her. If they spent more time in contact, they might even be friends. Maybe more.

"I think one of Lightcap's projects is in Hong Kong," he said as he hugged her goodbye, "and one of them is in Sydney. You didn't hear it from me, and nobody else heard it from you."

She hugged him tighter. "Understood, Ranger Beckett."

They separated, and she gave a half-mocking salute.

Then she climbed into the chopper, and was gone.

(Yancy refused to tell his siblings that he already missed her. Raleigh knew anyway, and told Jaz.)

[christanworkshop]

HOWTO: Installing Third Party Firmware On Flipper Zero

There are many new Flipper Zero owners and I see the Flipper Hackers Collective Facebook group is starting to get inundated with questions about firmwares and such, so I though I'll write a quick guide to get everyone started as easily as possible. If you just got your Flipper Zero, I would highly recommend that you get yourself familiarised with the stock firmware first and how to use the qFlipper app that you install on your computer. You can find all the documentation over here. After you have learnt how to use your Flipper Zero and understand the basics, you can then jump into exploring other third party firmwares. Here are the most popular third party firmwares:

Unleashed Firmware

Xtreme Firmware

RogueMaster

These third party firmwares can have different user interface design, different bundled apps, animations, etc. Generally speaking, they will be a little more complicated than the stock firmware as they are adding more functionality.

Now would be a good time to make a backup of your Flipper Zero micro SD card. If anything bad happens, you can always flash your original firmware again and restore your micro SD card contents and you will be back to where you were, so this is a pretty safe thing to do.

In general, the process to install a new third party firmware is to download the latest firmware from the Github page of that firmware, connect your Flipper Zero to your computer, run qFlipper and use it to install from the file you downloaded. This is the same process regardless of which firmware you choose. There are other ways to do this, but this is probably the most straight forward.

I will go thru the example of installing RogueMaster firmware below, but it's the same for all the others.

The Steps

First, go to the Github page of the firmware you wish to install. The links are provided above. Now scroll down a bit and look on the right side of the page, you will see a "Releases" section. Click on the latest release. In the next page, you can read thru the list of changes in this version and other information about this firmware. Some firmware might release several variants of the same version, like whether you want the extra apps or animations and such. Scroll down to the “Assets” section and download the .tgz file of the variant you want. In the screenshot below, I chose the RogueMaster firmware that includes all the animations.

After downloading the firmware file, run qFlipper app and connect your Flipper Zero to your computer using a cable that supports data connections. If you are unsure, just use the cable that came with your Flipper Zero. If your Flipper Zero is locked by pin, you must unlock it now. On your qFlipper app, click on "Install from File", then select the firmware file that you downloaded earlier. You will be asked to confirm if you want to install the file you selected, so go ahead and click INSTALL.

You should now see the qFlipper app go through the update process and your Flipper Zero will show that as well. The screen on your Flipper Zero might flash a few times during this process and that's perfectly normal.

Once the qFlipper app is done uploading the firmware into your Flipper Zero, you still need to wait for your Flipper Zero to complete its part of the process, so don't disconnect your Flipper Zero just yet, until you see the success screen on your Flipper Zero.

That's it. Now you can click the right arrow button to go thru some screens and you will be back in your Flipper. Depending on the firmware you chose, things can look quite different, so you need to take the time to familiarise yourself with it. In general, all the things you learnt when using the stock firmware are still there and works the same, though they might be located in a slightly different location or you might need to use different button presses to get there. Play around with it and you should be able to figure it out.

[noisytyphoonnerd]

An Open Letter to Athena P regarding “RANKING CARTOON CRASHOUTS” as uploaded to YouTube on July 1, 2025

Dear Athena P,

So, sorry to bother you on a platform other than YouTube where my concern happened, especially as my concern as the video of concern is so recent. However, I put all my thoughts into a text document that *exceded YouTube’s character limit for comments* and then had to delete my Part One and the responding Part Two because YouTube has (probably) flagged the two beefy comments back to back as spam preventing my comments from being viewed when not signed into my account. So I’m probably shadowbanned from commenting–a real shame because I wanted my concerns to be visible to other people who might be participating in the same unintentional disregard of other human beings that your ranking and the related public perception around D.W. and specifically the time Arthur punched her, in my opinion, contribute to.

**Specifically, how statements like yours may have negative consequences on children *and* adults but especially autistic people like myself.**

Buckle up!

Bit of context, I’m autistic (this will be important later), barring being shoved I was hit by another person exactly twice as a child, the first time being when my grandfather spanked me when babysitting and was no longer allowed to babysit after that, and the second time being when during a game of playing doctor with the neighbors one of my friends started hitting me in the crotch with a plastic toy–thank goodness my genitals are internal, it still fucking hurt! In fact, I hit people far more often as a kid during rough play or what in retrospect were unrecognized meltdowns (also, for the record, I only ever hit my parents during meltdowns, and hitting others in meltdowns stopped stone dead when I turned Arthur’s age of 8) than ever received hits from others, all of this will be relevant.

Also relevant, D.W. was my favorite TV character growing up and still held in high-esteem to this day just to state my bias. While I’m fine and dandy with other people not liking her or even disliking her in general since media is subjective and my opinions on a single cartoon child are not the be all and end all, I have a caveat. As someone who’s been occasionally peaking in on the over-18s side of nostalgic “Arthur” fandom for about the past 5-10 years (I’m 23), I’ve seen a lot of disproportionate hate lobbed at D.W. including people calling her a “bitch” or even the C-word (which is such a no-no even when talking about adult women in specifically the US I’m not even typing it here), calling her “sociopathic,” “psychotic,” and fully “evil” in like a supervillain kind of way with no good qualities that I don’t *ever* see lobbed at fictional male characters who behave in more normative ways in adulthood but are still jackasses.

Now for why the autism thing is relevant here: I’m not the only person who’s gathered an autistic headcanon on D.W. based purely on the source material, and while a headcanon is not the same as an intentionally written and stated portrayal of something, I bring this up because there are autistic people both children and adults who relate to D.W. myself included, and the vitriol can and will hit us too! Here’s a post from *2016* and not even the first (note there are oversimplifications and less than concrete language about autism in this post, but here’s proof it exists): https://autisticheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/140049186412/again-not-mine-dw-and-perhaps-the-brain

**Now onto my essay-like ramblings:**

**First thing’s first:** D.W. is in preschool, she’s 4-5 years old depending on the episode, and every child around that age that I’ve met has been a little terror, and I say that lovingly. Their impulse control hasn’t really come in yet, their curiosity can often extend beyond their ability to resist and ask questions, and they’re very much still learning about the world from the ground up.

When my little cousins were 4 and staying with my family for the summer a few years ago, they were the greatest humans on the planet and three years later I’d still adopt if it came to that (not that I’m ready to be a parent, I just love them so much I’d buckle down and **figure it out**), but they were also absolute terrors. Their hijinks included:

Pouring a full bottle of maple syrup on the floor.

Ruining an entire large box of Kraft macaroni and cheese by pouring bleach into it (yes, we adults should’ve put the bleach out of reach, but I don’t have kids, my father’s a useless piece of work, and my parents hadn’t had a 4-year-old in 16 years at that point so oops! Our bad!)

Getting food on every living room surface such that we’re still finding moldy crud three years later.

And putting a plastic fork in the toaster (thankfully not a metal one!) and pushing the lever.

Did my cousins deserve to be hit? No! Did we hit them? Absolutely not, we don’t and have never believed in hitting anyone without consent but especially not children! Does their father use corporal punishment and yells that could wake the dead with a cold shudder as his only responses to their bad behavior from the time they could walk until the present? Yes, and all it’s done is traumatize them and make them incredibly difficult to talk to person-to-person like my parents did raising me, but CPS absolutely isn’t going to treat two little Black girls with poor widowed father than that so better to keep them around the rest of the family!

Beside my family stuff, no! Arthur being 8 and also still having poor impulse control (and the poor emotional control that often accompanies it in children) and also still piecing together the world doesn’t make D.W. *more* deserving, it only makes *his* response more understandable. He still shouldn’t have done it, his parents still should’ve explained to him why he was in the wrong, and he still should’ve apologized. But, that’s not what the writers wrote.

**Second thing’s second**: How does D.W.’s behavior read to me as a late-diagnosed autistic adult who really related to D.W. *on a spiritual level* as a kid beyond just the typical kid stuff of seeing forbidden though intriguing items and not listening to “don’t touch?” A thing, which, by the way, when I was a child, did lead to me damaging my father’s computer stylus and prompting him to yell at me senseless for several seconds at her age, causing me to be overwhelmed with sensory overlord and perceived threat, so if I didn’t cry I’d be truly surprised!–which will be relevant! My dad calmed down, removed the broken clip from his stylus so it could be stored safely again, and I don’t remember what happened next on account of my age. He still *never* hit me and this situation would’ve been worse if he had.

All that leaves for D.W.’s crimes is that she didn't know model *planes* can't fly, didn’t empathize with her brother as he picked up the pieces, and couldn't read his face well enough to run and save herself. I hope I don’t have to explain why whether you read D.W. as autistic or not, someone becoming more “deserving” of violent retribution because they behaved in an age-appropriate (though still undesirable) fashion because they took language more literally than expected, didn’t display empathy in the “correct” way, and couldn’t read someone’s emotions on their face can *and will* lead to autistic kids *and adults* being violently hurt more often than allistics!

**Thirdly,** on D.W. screaming out in terror at being punched, then screaming in terror just the same at having the spot iced, it’s well documented that autistic people can and often do experience sensory information, pain, and our own internal body cues differently than the general population! We’ll tell you that ourselves even, this shows up outside the lab too! (Yes, *too.*)

Also, what’s the biggest stereotypical autism symptom after lacking empathy and social skills but before being obsessed with one particular thing (often trains)? Oh yeah, hypersensitivity to sensory information–to be clear, not every autistic person presents as low on empathy (I’ve been told by my own therapist repeatedly that my empathy, compassion, and ability to humanize others is shockingly high regardless of my autism, and I’ll be the first to tell you *that’s why I’ve been abused by multiple people and didn’t immediately run ‘cause “what if I don’t know the perfectly understandable reason they’re like this” and “what if they don’t mean it like that”*), as obviously socially impaired (masking is a thing, I’m late-diagnosed partly because of that), hypersensitive to sensory information (some of us will be the opposite or appear to be stark average with senses but still be autistic because of other aspects of the spectrum), or have a “special interest” (I have a special interest–fiction writing, no trains, but loads of us are literally Just Some Person™ when it comes to interests and talents).

So, someone reacting to being punched like D.W. is depicted as, may very well be hypersensitive to touch or pain and scream like they’ve been murdered because of it, and it *will* turn out that many of those people are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent.

**More of my my specific anecdotes:** Oh, and here’s something specific to my inside lived experience as an autistic person who was once a child that might not seem obvious to either allistic people or autistic people with dramatically different presentations. Social and emotional overwhelm.

When I was repeatedly hit in the crotch as a kid, even though I was still feeling the physical pain long after I’d been hit such that I was useless at my piano lesson right after, I did not scream or hit my aggressor while it happened–because I wasn’t socially overwhelmed, so in the spirit of de-escalating like my parents always taught, my *7-year-old self, so younger than Arthur* merely covered my crotch with my hands to block further blows, then I went home and tattled, prompting my mother to teach these kids about appropriate body boundaries in play (i.e. Don’t touch the no-no square) and nothing like that ever happened with us again, *‘cause sometimes tattling is the right thing to do.*

I mean, if as an adult your co-worker punched you so hard you were knocked over, even if you wouldn’t personally call the police (‘cause ACAB, they’ll probably make the situation worse), you’d at least tell your boss! You’d *tattle!* I will never understand why children in the US are expected to act like they’re in prison where snitches get stitches even if their parents and teachers are willing and able to do *something* to make the situation less awful at least usually! – Children in abusive homes though, I get the prison mentality and salute those children for their solidarity!

You know what things *did* make me scream and cry like I was being murdered? Feeling threatened, being yelled at by adults or teenagers, being physically restrained in my movement, and being emotionally overwhelmed–and my bottomless compassion comes with a massive helping of big emotions as my factory default.

One specific example where these things collided was when I was, again, about D.W.’s age–can you see why I’m writing a whole goddamn essay about her now? I was with the other little kids on Sunday at my family’s liberal church of wokeness (not it’s real name, lol), and trying to play with a friend of mine, and all the kids had glasses of water to drink. I wanted to play princesses ‘cause I was being raised as a girl (nonbinary now, they/them) and going through my “princess phase,” and she wanted to play zombies–I was afraid of zombies as a concept at that age, and when I was that little I was extremely sensitive to the mere *mention* of things I feared by name such that words like “blood” and “die” would send me into intense anxiety (not quite a panic attack, but stage one in having one), so when she tried to combine our games and play “zombie princesses” I became actually physically anxious and upset because that would require the death of my beloved Thing™!

**Also, I’m Hard of Hearing, likely always have been but only got diagnosed *this year,* and I have a mild stutter that gets much worse when I’m anxious, so I was only hearing half of the words her tiny child voice in the range I’m mostly deaf too was uttering and trying to respond while st-st-st-st-stuttering ‘cause I was already starting to freak out!**

Since talking wasn’t working, I threw my water on her to make her stop. She didn’t get outwardly upset, and later our mothers both laughed it off and the friendship was unharmed, but the teacher was pissed. He screamed in my face, turned bright red, and made me sit in time out for the rest of the morning (which could’ve been as little as 10 minutes or as long as 50, I can’t remember), and… between the sensory overlord of a loud adult voice in a range I could hear better, the perceived threat of someone bigger/stronger/older than me openly and intensely aggressing at me, the shame of committing a punishable offense, the upset at not being able to play with the other kids anymore, the need for my mother to hug me ‘til it was over, *and* the complete inability to have my side heard by my friend much less the adult who only saw the ending… all on top of the fact I had already become so anxious I couldn’t form words right before he yelled?

Ooh… you would’ve thought they were vivisecting me in that classroom I screamed and cried so intensely. I didn’t know it yet, but that was a meltdown. Different from a tantrum since, from what I’ve heard, tantrums aren’t the result of your brain going into overload and wrecking your entire sense of sanity and bodily integrity, but meltdowns feel like the world is ending while you’re helpless to stop it.

And D.W. reacting like she was being murdered when she was iced? Guess what for me and some other people across neurotypes I imagine, *cold hurts,* having a fresh bruise touched *hurts,* and most importantly here: After a meltdown, whether your local autistic is 4-years-old or 40, we will be physically and emotionally vulnerable and hypersensitive for days, weeks, if not *longer* right after. And we’ll be more prone to having more meltdowns during that timeframe as well, so it can be a vicious cycle when our needs are chronically neglected and perspective (whether spoken, signed, or otherwise communicated) chronically dismissed or overwritten by others.

Aftermaths of my meltdowns between ages 17 and 23 have included but aren’t limited to: Losing hearing in one ear temporarily for at least the following day for seemingly no reason (that ear’s my worse of two awful ears, not sure if that meltdown is part of why), new and worsening clinical depression, inability to fully rest from sleeping, worsened to ability to mask causing damage to social life, migraines (like, actual migraines with and without auras), nausea, and diarrhea. I’ve also heard of other autistic adults who report being more susceptible to respiratory infections and be sick longer after having a meltdown.

**And these are the things that happen *to adults with life experience!* D.W. is a preschooler! Meltdowns. 👏🏽Are. 👏🏽 Serious! 👏🏽**

Even though I personally wouldn’t personally read D.W.’s second scream as a meltdown in the way I might the first one (although we don’t follow her the entire time or see her internal experience of it, so this is very subjective), it is a completely expectable reaction for an autistic child recovering from a meltdown!

Honestly, if I as an adult were to have a meltdown after being punched to the ground by a larger adult man (since I think a 3rd grader punching me wouldn’t make my life flash before my eyes, lol) at full rage capacity (from the pain, the social problems that may have led to me being punched, and whatever emotional stressors may have accompanied the situation), the only reason I probably *wouldn’t* scream again at the hospital receiving ice is because I’ve been honing my masking game *since I was D.W.’s age,* I’m visibly half-black and visibly AFAB (two groups that are less likely in the US hellhole I live in to be taken seriously by doctors, Google it if you wanna be depressed), and I know from years, and years, and years of experience that if I have *any* semblance of a grip on my reaction to “normal” discomfort that feels like torture to me, like having ice applied to a bruise I better keep up my poker face unless I want to be punished.

And as an autistic adult who’s visibly not white and has a history of mental illness, my punishment may include forcible in-patient “treatment” at a mental hospital, physical restraint, and forced drugging *since all of those things still happen in the US and elsewhere to people like me.* (Google it if you wanna be severely depressed and/or righteously angry.)

**Final thoughts:**

Saying “Get ‘em again for me” about what Arthur did to D.W., regardless of if D.W. is autistic or not, is *dangerously* close to saying kids like me at her age have less right to bodily autonomy and compassion than their peers. And worse, since those kids grow up–hey, how are you!–it’s a bit like saying that if we *don’t* react to actual neurological overwhelm and a complete inability to self-regulate any further than expected by outsiders, then we *also* deserve less bodily autonomy and compassion than our peers because we failed at “normal.”

And since, surprise, we grow up, so reacting to the extreme pain of ice on a bruise after a body-ratting blow and resulting meltdown with screaming in agony and terror would be valid as hell!–And it’s the kind of thing that if we get unlucky we won’t suddenly not have had the crime of being physically assaulted nullified, so our loss of bodily autonomy and safety can instead come from our own punishment: Say, being locked up (in jail or a mental hospital), restrained, drugged immobile, and in some place electroshocked *which still happens in some countries.* In a way, your approach to Arthur punching D.W. feels, at least to me, like telling us to mask even in the worst moments of our lives! And since not all autistics can mask, and those of us who can aren’t universally as fluent as I was at my social peak c. 2019 when I was 17 and hadn’t yet lost a bunch of social skills due to the pandemic.

Arthur’s parents still handled the situation of him punching D.W. in response to her breaking his model plane badly. They were the adults in the room! They should’ve figured out that two wrongs don’t make a right long before Arthur!

That said, as an adult, I’m completely on the side of Arhur’s friends here even though as someone who once was Arthur’s age too, and had friends with younger siblings, I was *never* on my childhood bestie’s side when she was throwing blunt objects like rocks and possibly an actual Christian Bible (definitely a book, and also we were teens at that time) at her younger brother during their latest war!

Anyway, that’s all I have to say on this matter.

I hope to any god that’ll listen I never have to make a public statement about D.W. Read ever again ‘cause I’m scared of her anti-fandom and would much rather avoid vitriol.

Still love your videos, and to anyone else reading this I hope you found this valuable and won’t bully or harass either Athena P or myself with regard to this.

Hope you’re life’s either going great or will soon start to,

Sincerely, NoisyTyphoonNerd

Edit: Corrected my own goof.

[mylegalsoftwareblog]

Going Paperless: Steps to Digitize Your Immigration Practice

How to run a smarter, faster, and more organized paperless immigration firm in 2025

Still wrestling with overstuffed file cabinets and endless paper forms? You’re not alone. For many immigration attorneys, the shift to a paperless office can feel overwhelming—but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, going digital could be the single best decision your firm makes this year.

And no, we’re not talking about just scanning a few forms. We’re talking full-on law firm digitization—a smarter, more efficient way to manage cases, streamline your workflows, and better serve your clients.

If you’re ready to make the leap to a paperless immigration firm, this guide is for you.

Why Go Paperless?

Let’s be honest: Paper takes up space. It slows down your process. It creates room for errors, missed deadlines, and lost documents.

Going paperless saves you time, improves security, and helps your team collaborate better—whether they’re in the office or working remotely.

Most importantly, it helps you serve your clients faster and more efficiently. And in immigration law, that can make all the difference.

Step 1: Start with a Clear Plan

Before you toss the file cabinets, take a moment to plan. What systems are you currently using? What are your biggest pain points?

Ask yourself:

Which documents are always on paper?

How are we storing case files right now?

Do we have a secure cloud system?

Set a goal: full digitization by a specific date. Break it down week by week. A paperless office doesn’t happen overnight—but it doesn’t have to take a year either.

Step 2: Choose the Right Tools

This is where things get exciting. The right software can transform your practice from cluttered and slow to streamlined and efficient.

Our top pick? MyLegalSoftware.com

Why? Because MyLegalSoftware is built specifically for immigration attorneys and small law firms. It helps you go paperless the smart way—with features like:

Legal document automation

Case-by-case task tracking

Secure cloud storage

Smart deadline reminders

Easy document sharing with clients

It also makes document scanning for attorneys simple. You can upload, sort, and attach files directly to each case. No more digging through folders.

Bonus: It works seamlessly for hybrid or remote teams too.

Step 3: Start Scanning Everything

Once you’ve got your software in place, it’s time to bring the paper mountain down.

Set up a system for document scanning. Start with current cases. Scan everything into your case management system and organize it by client or matter.

Label your digital files clearly. For example:

“I-130 Petition – Johnson”

“Asylum Affidavit – Lopez”

And remember—once you scan and upload, shred what you don’t legally need to keep. Less clutter, more clarity.

Step 4: Automate What You Can

You’re not just going paperless—you’re going smart.

Legal document automation tools let you create templates for common forms and client letters. Instead of rewriting the same email or redrafting another I-485 cover sheet, let your software do it for you.

MyLegalSoftware lets you:

Auto-fill common USCIS forms

Reuse client data across documents

Create task lists for each case type

It saves time, reduces errors, and keeps your team consistent.

Step 5: Train Your Team (and Your Clients)

Change is easier when everyone’s on board. Walk your team through the new systems. Show them how to upload files, access case info, and share docs securely with clients.

For clients, you can set expectations too:

“We’ll send all paperwork digitally.”

“Please upload documents through our secure portal.”

Most clients prefer digital anyway. Plus, it speeds things up.

Step 6: Backup Everything

Even in the cloud, you want to have a backup plan.

Set up automatic backups for all your digital files. Many platforms, including MyLegalSoftware, offer built-in backup features. You can also connect to Google Drive, Dropbox, or another secure cloud solution.

The goal? Peace of mind. If something goes wrong, you won’t lose anything.

Step 7: Make it a Habit

Going paperless isn’t a one-time project—it’s a habit.

Scan new documents right away. Use your software daily. Avoid printing unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Over time, you’ll notice the difference. Less time searching. More time doing real legal work. Happier clients. And yes, way less clutter.

Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Ditch the Paper

Going digital is no longer a “maybe.” It’s a must.

A paperless immigration firm is more efficient, more responsive, and easier to manage. And with the right tools—like MyLegalSoftware—it’s easier than ever to get there.

Scan and store your documents securely

Automate legal documents and tasks

Keep your entire team in sync

Access files anywhere, anytime

If you’re ready to turn your piles of paper into a smarter, faster, digital practice, start now at MyLegalSoftware.com

FAQs: People Also Ask

1. How do I start a paperless immigration law firm?

Start with a plan. Choose the right software (like MyLegalSoftware), scan your documents, and automate your repetitive tasks.

2. What are the benefits of a paperless law office?

Less clutter, faster workflows, easier collaboration, better security, and improved client service. Plus—it’s eco-friendly!

3. What is the best software for digitizing legal documents?

MyLegalSoftware stands out for immigration attorneys. It offers document automation, smart task tracking, and secure cloud storage.

4. Is document scanning for attorneys secure?

Yes—when done with the right tools. Always scan into encrypted software and avoid storing sensitive documents on local hard drives.

5. Can a small law firm really go paperless?

Absolutely. In fact, small firms benefit the most. With the right tools, going paperless is faster, cheaper, and more effective than ever before.

[xaltius]

The Best Free AI Tools You Need to Know Now in 2025!

The AI revolution is no longer a futuristic dream – it's happening right now, and the best part? Many of the most powerful and innovative tools are incredibly accessible, often with generous free tiers or entirely free access. As we navigate mid-2025, these AI companions are transforming how we work, create, learn, and connect. Whether you're a student looking to ace your exams, a professional aiming to boost productivity, or a creative spirit wanting to bring your visions to life, there's a free AI tool out there for you.

"Free" in the AI world often means a robust free plan with certain usage limits or features, which is usually more than enough to get started and achieve amazing things. Let's dive into some of the top free AI tools making waves this year!

For Supercharged Productivity & Organization

These tools help you manage tasks, meetings, and information more efficiently.

Google NotebookLM:

What it does: An AI-powered research and document analysis tool. You upload your sources (PDFs, text files, Google Docs, even website URLs), and NotebookLM becomes an expert in your information.

Free Perks: Analyze large documents (up to 25 million words across 50 sources per notebook), ask questions about your uploaded content, generate summaries, and synthesize information across multiple files.

Why it's great in 2025: Moves beyond generic chatbot responses by grounding AI in your specific documents. Excellent for researchers, students, and professionals who need to distill insights from extensive materials.

Notion AI / ClickUp AI (Free Tiers):

What they do: These popular all-in-one workspace and project management platforms have integrated powerful AI features.

Free Perks (Typical): AI-assisted writing and summarization within your notes and documents, idea generation, task automation suggestions, and even basic content creation.

Why they're great in 2025: Seamlessly integrates AI into your existing workflows, making planning, note-taking, and project management smarter and faster.

Fathom / Otter.ai (Free Tiers):

What they do: AI meeting assistants that record, transcribe, and summarize your online meetings (Zoom, Google Meet, MS Teams).

Free Perks: Automatic transcription, generation of summaries with key action items, and searchable meeting archives. Otter.ai also allows for collaborative note-taking.

Why they're great in 2025: Saves enormous amounts of time on post-meeting admin, ensures everyone is on the same page, and makes revisiting key discussion points effortless.

For Creative Writing & Content Creation

Unleash your inner wordsmith or streamline your content marketing efforts.

ChatGPT (OpenAI - Free Tier using GPT-3.5/GPT-4o limited access):

What it does: The pioneering conversational AI that can generate text, answer questions, brainstorm ideas, write code snippets, and much more.

Free Perks: Access to a very capable large language model for a wide range of text-based tasks. GPT-4o's free access (though potentially with limits) often provides multimodal capabilities too.

Why it's great in 2025: Remains a versatile go-to for quick drafts, idea generation, summarizing text, and even learning complex topics. Its conversational nature makes it highly intuitive.

Claude AI (Anthropic - Free Tier):

What it does: A strong competitor to ChatGPT, known for its proficiency in handling longer context, creative writing, and producing more natural, coherent text.

Free Perks: Generous context window, excellent for summarizing long documents, drafting detailed content, and engaging in nuanced conversations.

Why it's great in 2025: Often praised for its thoughtful responses and ability to maintain consistency over longer interactions, making it a favorite for writers and researchers.

Grammarly (Free Tier):

What it does: An AI-powered writing assistant that checks grammar, spelling, punctuation, clarity, and style.

Free Perks: Real-time suggestions for improving grammar, spelling, and punctuation across various platforms via browser extensions and app integrations.

Why it's great in 2025: A staple for ensuring error-free and polished writing, whether it's emails, essays, or social media posts.

For Stunning Visuals & Design

No graphic design skills? No problem!

Microsoft Designer (Free AI Image Generator / Integrated with Copilot):

What it does: Leverages DALL·E models to generate images from text prompts and offers design templates and tools.

Free Perks: Create unique images, social media posts, and simple designs using text prompts. Easy to use interface.

Why it's great in 2025: A user-friendly option from a major tech player, making AI image generation accessible to everyone.

Canva AI Image Generator / Magic Write (Free Tiers):

What it does: Canva, the popular design platform, has integrated AI image generation and AI writing assistance.

Free Perks: Generate a limited number of AI images per month, access AI writing help for social media captions and design text, and utilize a vast library of templates.

Why it's great in 2025: Combines AI power with Canva's intuitive drag-and-drop interface, making it a one-stop-shop for many design and content needs.

Ideogram:

What it does: An AI image generator known for its impressive ability to accurately generate images with text in them.

Free Perks: A limited free plan that allows users to generate images.

Why it's great in 2025: Solves one of the common pain points of AI image generators – rendering legible and contextually correct text within images.

For Coding & Development

Your AI pair programmer is here.

GitHub Copilot (Free for Students & Verified Open-Source Maintainers):

What it does: An AI pair programmer that suggests code and entire functions in real-time, right in your editor.

Free Perks: While primarily a paid service, it offers free access to students and maintainers of popular open-source projects.

Why it's great in 2025: Revolutionizing coding by speeding up development, helping learn new languages/frameworks, and reducing boilerplate.

Tabnine (Free Tier):

What it does: An AI code completion tool that supports a multitude of languages and IDEs, with a strong focus on privacy.

Free Perks: Basic AI code completions and suggestions for individual developers.

Why it's great in 2025: Offers context-aware suggestions and can learn from your team's codebase (in paid versions), enhancing coding speed and quality.

Replit (Free Tier with AI features):

What it does: An online IDE with collaborative features that has been integrating AI for code generation, explanation, and debugging.

Free Perks: Access to a collaborative coding environment with some AI assistance for common coding tasks.

Why it's great in 2025: Lowers the barrier to entry for coding and experimentation with AI-assisted development features in a browser-based environment.

For Research & Learning

Simplify complex topics and accelerate your learning journey.

Perplexity AI (Free Version):

What it does: An AI-powered search engine that provides direct answers to questions with cited sources from the internet.

Free Perks: Real-time web searching, conversational follow-up questions, and transparent sourcing of information.

Why it's great in 2025: Excellent for getting quick, summarized answers with verifiable sources, making it a powerful research tool.

ChatPDF / PDF AI (Free Tiers):

What it does: Allows you to upload PDF documents and "chat" with them – ask questions, get summaries, and find information quickly within the document.

Free Perks: Typically allow a certain number of PDF uploads and questions per day/month.

Why it's great in 2025: Invaluable for students, researchers, and professionals who need to quickly understand or extract information from dense PDF files.

QuillBot (Free Tier):

What it does: An AI paraphrasing tool, summarizer, grammar checker, and citation generator.

Free Perks: Limited use of paraphrasing modes, summarization, and grammar checking.

Why it's great in 2025: Helps students and writers rephrase content, improve clarity, generate summaries, and check for writing errors.

Choosing the Right Tool for You

With so many options, consider:

Your Needs: What specific task do you want AI to help with?

Free Tier Limitations: Understand usage caps, feature restrictions, and if watermarks apply (for image tools).

Ease of Use: Is the interface intuitive for you?

Privacy & Data Security: Be mindful of what data you're sharing, especially with newer or less established tools.

The Future is Free

The AI landscape is incredibly dynamic, with new tools and updates appearing constantly. The trend towards democratizing AI means more powerful capabilities will continue to become available for free or at low cost. So, dive in, experiment, and discover how these AI tools can enhance your productivity, creativity, and learning in 2025 and beyond. Leveraging these global tools can unlock immense potential in your studies, careers, and entrepreneurial ventures!