#also I can't think of any logical reason for mike to flat out lie about stuff

[strawberrymangomochi]

Just a rant about something I got thinking about after yesterday's discord revelations:

There’s this fucked up phenomenon that sometimes happens to conventionally attractive autistic people (especially those who are late diagnosed and/or have learned to “mask” their autism well) where neurotypicals are initially eager to be seen associating with them and try to befriend them because they seem "put together" and “normal” on the surface. But as the neurotypical gets to know the autistic individual better (and the “mask” slowly drops as the autistic individual grows more comfortable around them) they can suddenly turn aloof, distant and in some cases even outright hostile, abandoning the friendship and acting as though the autistic person somehow deliberately “tricked” the neurotypical into believing they were someone they weren’t. Humans have a lot of preconceived notions about what a "normal" person and a "weird" person are supposed to both look and act like, and when the visuals don't match up with the actions, people can get very uncomfortable very quickly.

The cruel irony of it is that the autistic individual really isn't trying to do anything malicious, they're just trying their best to follow society's very convoluted unspoken rules of social interaction-but every relationship, no matter platonic or romantic, will reach a point of intimacy where those rules get too murky for them to successfully interpret and the inherent "weirdness" of the autistic gets exposed. Depending on the specific scenario the neurotypical's rejection could lean more blatant or more subtle-in a grade school setting it might escalate into bullying, in a workplace setting it might mean a more subtle exclusion of the autistic individual from their coworkers, in a romantic setting it might lead to neglect or even abuse by the neurotypical partner-in any case, it has a seriously damaging effect on the autistic individual's self-confidence and sense of worth.

It's also a phenomenon that generally worsens with time-we typically allow some room for "weirdness" in kids and younger teens who can't-and aren't expected-to have mastered all of our strange little unspoken rules of society. But by the time one reaches the age of majority, our collective patience for any deviation from the norm rapidly begins to wear out.

I experienced this firsthand: I was a very "normal" looking child-my clothing was simple but cute, my hair was always done up in a neat braid or pony tail, I had a cute smile and big round curious eyes, I was a little tall for my age but so were many of my classmates, so I didn't stand out in any particularly negative way. I had some hyper-fixations, sensitivities and an overall "quirkiness" which made more than a few teachers raise an eyebrow, but since I was usually well behaved, earned good grades and put on a happy face in public, any minor faux pas was quickly forgiven and forgotten about since I was "such a smart, kind girl from a lovely family" (sound familiar?)

But as I get older, and have less and less mental energy to mask like I used to, the looks of endearment have turned into looks of irritation, confusion or concern, alongside some judgmental comments from people who don't understand why I sometimes think and act the way I do, and why I inherently struggle to navigate certain situations, even when I'm very much not trying to cause trouble or be difficult. Especially because, in the words of my coworkers, I look like "a regular, pretty, twenty-something gal who has her shit together" (spoiler alert: I do not have my shit together.)

Unsurprisingly, given society’s double standards when it comes to maintaining one's physical beauty I’ve seen this discussed among autistic women more so than men, but given Luigi’s...above-average looks I really have to wonder if this sort of thing ever happened to him, and if it had an impact (among other potential factors) on his struggle to find a community for himself post-college. Goodness knows it hasn't made friendships easy for me.

And for the record I’m not trying to downplay the very real struggles of anyone who’s autistic and doesn’t match society’s ridiculous beauty standards, but this is a real thing that I’ve had happen to myself many times and seen happen to other women, just for having the audacity to, uh *checks notes*....not perfectly conform to stereotypes? I guess? And since I think most of us are increasingly confident that Lu’s on the spectrum, this could have made for some VERY frustrating and demoralizing experiences, especially for a guy that was praised for so much of his life for his smarts and his ability to just “figure stuff out”.