#also yes I'm pretty damn sure some of the things he's saying/texting are his way of putting out feelers for Something

[buysomecheese]

It's fucked up that barely anything has changed yet I feel so guilty

[7-deadly-cats]

killing me softly | 12

K M S M A S T E R L I S T | <- P R E V I O U S | N E X T ->

✿ G E N R E ✿ she fell first, he fell harder | slice of life | drama

✿ P A I R I N G ✿ s1!rafe cameron x overthinking!reader (f)

✿ C O N T E N T W A R N I N G ✿ swearing, suggestive language, ruthie being a bitch, rafe showing signs of jealousy & protectiveness, also rafe making suggestive comments & sexual jokes, virginity mention, reader slowly learning how to handle rafe, slight overthinking/anxiety, chat pics containing cursed images lol

✿ S U M M A R Y O F L A S T P A R T ✿ unfortunately, cara had totally forgotten that her mom's 50th birthday was on friday—the same day as kelce’s party. still, you insisted she shouldn’t cancel just for you. in art class, rafe surprised you with his effort for your project, and the dynamic between you had shifted into something more teasing. you were pretty sure he was actually flirting with you this time—on purpose. later in physics, topper texted to ask if you needed a ride on friday. apparently, cara had mentioned it to him. you agreed.

✿ W O R D C O U N T ✿ 4.4k+

✿ A / N ✿ i had sm fun with this one even though it feels kinda rushed and floppy BUT i can't wait to write the party and i didn't wanna drag on the pre-party stuff for another part. hope you guys enjoy it though and holy shit, i'm so scared of what will happen next bc i don't know yet either. lmk what you think of this one <3

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W E E K O N E // T H U R S D A Y

Thursday morning had completely thrown you off your game again.

First, Cara's sudden announcement that she'd totally forgotten her mom's 50th birthday being on Friday; then Rafe (honestly, you could just end the sentence there), who had looked unfairly hot in that stupid cap of his and there was the way he had flirted with you (yes, we’re staying delusional); and finally Topper, asking if you needed a ride on Friday night (which made zero sense because you lived like two seconds from Kelce's house—but hey, who cares, as long as you didn’t have to show up to the party alone).

At least the afternoon spared you from more stress.

Well, that kind of stress anyway.

After school, Cara had driven you home and stayed for lunch with your dad. Afterward, the two of you disappeared into your room to (A) pick an outfit for tomorrow night—because no way were you dealing with that stress last-minute—and (B) because you’d asked her to hang out so you wouldn’t spiral alone with your thoughts because MR CAMERON HAD GIVEN YOU ENOUGH MATERIAL FOR A WHOLE OVERTHINKING SESSION HOLY SHIT.

And (C), she was your bestie. Obviously you loved hanging out with her anyway.

“—and then you pair it with some cute brown western boots, like full cottagecore farm princess vibes, and Rafe’s gonna be like ‘Yee fucking haw, bitch,’” Cara concluded, holding up a cream-colored dress she had pulled out of your closet—one you didn’t even know you owned.

You sat on the edge of your bed, knees pulled up, raising an amused eyebrow. “You do realize no one at that party is gonna be wearing anything even remotely like that. I don’t want a spotlight on me.”

Cara frowned and threw the dress onto the already overflowing chair. “Girl, the biggest spotlight is already on you—and it starts with an R and ends with afe Cameron. So, use the damn stage while it’s still lit.”

“Jesus, save the metaphors for Ms. Langford,” you replied, laughing.

“Hey, if I wanna flex my literary devices, let me.”

You just grinned at her and flopped back on the bed with a groan. “Ugh, it’s all so... messy and annoying and just... why can’t he just say if he’s interested or not? That would make things a whole lot easier. But nooo, it’s this weird maybe-flirting-but-also-not thing—like, what even is that?!”

“Men,” Cara replied simply.

You frowned. “That doesn’t help.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe he’s thinking the same thing?” The mattress dipped as Cara sat down beside you. “Maybe he doesn’t give more obvious signals because he doesn’t know how to read yours. I mean, do you even give him any?”

As if Rafe ever overthought like that. His brain was pure 'in-the-moment' mode. He wasn’t like you, running through every possible scenario in your head at all times.

“Well, I don’t know,” you said, eyebrows scrunched.

Then you suddenly sat up, meeting Cara’s gaze with a little smirk. “I flustered him yesterday. Or... I think I did.”

“WHAT?” Cara’s brows shot up. “And you didn’t tell me?!”

You laughed. “I was so dead tired yesterday, I completely forgot.”

“WELL TELL ME NOW HOLY SHIT.”

“Okay, okay.” You shifted into a cross-legged seat. “It probably just made him uncomfortable but I kinda went on one of my little rambles again. Told him I appreciated how he doesn’t make a big deal out of stuff—like when I’m awkward or mess up. And then I don’t know... he just went quiet for a few seconds. Almost stunned? He had this look—caught off guard but also lowkey touched? Like he hadn’t expected it...? Ugh, I don’t even know.” You laughed nervously. “He probably just thought I was having a weird episode. He already thinks I’m mentally unstable anyway.”

Cara just stared at you, brows raised, mouth slightly open. Then she shook her head, holding up her hands in a slow, dramatic woah-woah-woah-woah gesture. “Holy fucking shit. I—WOW. I don’t even know what to—GIRL. YOU FLUSTERED RAFE CAMERON.”

You smiled sheepishly. “Yeah but—”

“NO BUTS. Oh my god, do you even—like, ahhhh.” Cara jumped off the bed and brushed a blonde strand out of her face. “I wish I’d seen that. I mean, goddamn, WHAT. I haven’t even seen you two interact yet!”

She frowned dramatically and shook her head again. “Okay, screw my mom. Well—no, I am going to her birthday. BUT. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. Y/N. We’re both so dumb.” She held her hands up like she’d just had a full-on divine revelation. “Kelce’s party isn’t gonna end at midnight. Let’s be real, it’ll probably start properly around then. So I’ll just come by after my mom’s thing. I HAVE to see you two together.”

Oh.

That actually didn’t sound like a bad idea and—wow, how had your brain thought of every possible scenario except that one? Like??? What was the point of overthinking if not for this kind of thing??

You smiled, cheeks warm. "I’m not sure Rafe sees it that way. Him and I spending the party together, I mean."

That would be... oh god no that would be—WHEW—like, that would 100% mean he actually liked you in some way.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, JUST IMAGINE.

AND DIDN’T HE EVEN SAY HE WANTED TO BE YOUR WINGMAN???? PROJECT-PARTNER-ZONED BUT STILL!!!

“If he doesn’t, I’ll beat his ass,” Cara said, scrunching up her nose. "Dude literally invited you. He better make damn sure you have a good night."

You know what? YES. Like, who invites someone and then just ghosts them? The bare minimum would include a conversation, right? …Or two or four, maybe more hihihi.

God, you just wanted to hug Cara. You’d been freaking the hell out about this crazy-ass party, and in less than two hours she’d somehow made you look forward to tomorrow night.

You nodded amused. “Assuming I’m the only one he invited—sure.”

Cara frowned and waved it off. “Then he’s for the streets anyway.” She tilted her head with a mischievous grin. “And Topper’s still an option. He’s not bad-looking, he’s sweet, sure his mom’s a helicopter parent and—”

“I’m not becoming Ms. Thornton.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Still think you and Barry—”

“No.”

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W E E K O N E // F R I D A Y

“No?” Rafe raised a brow, clearly amused, as he zipped up his backpack. “Why not?”

You, on the other hand, grimaced, your cheeks burning hot, and prayed that half the econ class hadn’t just overheard Rafe asking if he should bring condoms for you tonight for when some dude would get you laid (his words).

But THANK THE UNIVERSE, most people seemed too busy packing up to head to their next class.

(And yes, you had sat next to him again because... IT JUST HAPPENED, OKAY.)

“Because…” God, why did he always put you in these situations? “I don’t plan on…” HOW DO YOU EVEN PHRASE THIS?

“Fucking?”

THIS GUY.

Staring straight ahead, you kept shoving your things into your bag. Now even your neck was on fire. “Yeah,” you finally muttered through clenched teeth.

Rafe let out a quiet, amused breath. “You scared ‘cause it’d be your first time?”

OKAY NOPE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??!!

It was bad enough your entire aura apparently screamed "VIRGIN" loud enough for him to notice—he had to bring it up IN SCHOOL in a FULL CLASSROOM?

You met his cocky smile with a dead-ass frown. “You scared to ever think for a second before opening your mouth?”

And whether that pissed him off or not, you honestly didn’t care in that moment.

Rafe had a whole personality spectrum going on but this asshole side of his? Yeah, not it. And just because you were—unfortunately—down bad for this boy, did not mean you had to take whatever came out of his pretty damn mouth.

But Rafe just smirked crookedly and slung his backpack over one shoulder (yeah, dude, we see your biceps flexing). “Keep that attitude for tonight. I'm sure there's a guy who's into that.”

BRO.

But before you could come up with something to throw back, a fake-ass-smiling girl popped up next to your desk, her glossy white Prada bag (girl this is a school, be fr) hanging perfectly on her shoulder. Her bestie Gracie stood right behind her with the same plastic smile glued on.

Ruthie’s big eyes fluttered right at Rafe as she said, “I’m assuming Topper’s playing taxi tonight again.”

Your stomach dropped. What the hell did she mean by that? LIKE WHAT? Topper had NOT mentioned Ruthie joining his ride.

Rafe gave a barely noticeable shake of his head, lips in a hard line. “Not for you.”

Ruthie tilted her head with a smile. “Did he tell you that?”

“I’m telling you now.”

You’d never heard Rafe sound so calm. It was... unsettling. You weren’t even the one he was talking to and it still gave you a weird feeling.

And that made it worse—because you felt so out of place here.

Ruthie’s brows twitched. Then, for a split second, her dark eyes locked onto yours—and seriously, she visibly looked you up and down before turning back to Rafe. “Is your new girlfriend coming too?”

AYO WHAT.

NONONONO DON’T BLUSH DON’T BLUSH DON’T BLUSH.

fuck.

Rafe let out a scoff, scratching his chin with narrowed eyes. "Come on, Ruthie. Fuck off. Go annoy someone who gives a shit."

Oh boy. She was lucky she wasn’t a guy because everything about Rafe screamed he was one second away from punching someone.

Ruthie’s lips pulled into that same fake-ass smile, and this time she addressed you directly. “Y/N Y/L/N, right? Funny how we’ve never spoken, even though you’ve been here as long as everyone else.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, face all fake-innocent. “Anyway, I hope it’s not gonna be another one of those parties where some girl ends up crying ‘cause she got ditched by a guy. Always so sad to look at.”

This fucking bitch.

Cara definitely would’ve slapped her for that.

And you know what? You were still pissed at Rafe from earlier, and this? Nope.

You just smiled politely and swung your bag over your shoulder, voice friendly. “Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

Three funny things happened in that exact moment: Ruthie’s raised brows, Gracie throwing her a not-so-subtle side-eye of agreement, and fucking Rafe letting out a clearly amused breath.

And Miss wannabe-netflix-meangirl-whatever did not like that one bit.

She was just opening her mouth again when Rafe cut her off, waving her off with a hand. “Jesus, enough already. Listening to you whine gives me a fucking headache.”

And that... actually wrapped up that little interaction.

“She’s such a fucking annoying bitch,” Rafe said as he walked beside you through the hallway.

Which—uh yeah—was kinda funny, because you had History next and he wasn’t even in your class and—

Never mind. Kelce and Topper were in your class. He was probably just tagging along to see them.

You didn’t have enough brainpower to think that far ahead anyway, since you were walking so close together you had to focus not to bump into him like a total clumsy idiot.

“I think she watched Mean Girls too many times as a kid and decided to make that her whole personality,” you muttered.

Still lowkey overwhelmed by everything that had just happened but also… a little amused by how it all played out.

Rafe chuckled again and you could feel his gaze on you. “You really should talk back to her more often. Might actually get her to shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything bad,” you said, briefly meeting his smirk. Which was technically true but sure, okay—your line could be interpreted as a soft dig. Oops.

“Shit, did you see her face? That was some ‘I’m ending you tonight’ type shit.”

Even though he sounded entertained, you still felt a little uneasy. Because yeah—Ruthie was a shady bitch. Everyone knew it. And she was always the first to start gossip and stuff spread fast on Figure 8—even if it wasn’t true.

“What? You scared of her?”

You blinked, meeting his eyes again. “What? No.”

“You suck at lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Sure.”

A frown crept onto your face. “It’s not like she’s gonna actually start a fight or anything.”

Then again... there probably was a reason “ruthless” and “Ruthie” shared the same root letters.

“Dunno,” Rafe shrugged. “I’ve seen her swing at another girl with an empty beer bottle before.”

Your head snapped to him, brows raised. “Now you’re lying.”

No way that was true. How had no one talked about that?

Rafe raised his hands innocently, still amused. “It's true. At some little beach party she threw last year. No clue what they were fighting about but the crazy bitch just swung at the other chick with an empty beer bottle. It was fucking wild”

Honestly, what shocked you more was that Rafe had been at a Ruthie party to begin with.

And before you could stop yourself, you heard yourself asking: “Why’d you even go to her party?”

OH GOD. That came out way too dry for something that was supposed to be a casual, joking question. FUUUUUCK.

Someone please shoot me now.

Rafe seemed slightly surprised by the question too, his brows lifting just a bit.

UGHHHH.

Then he just shrugged, eyes on the staircase ahead. “Had her annoying friend on my ass at that time but the free drinks made that crazy-ass party kinda tolerable.”

Oh.

Something tugged deep in your chest.

You remembered now—for like a week or so, Rafe had had a thing with Ruthie’s bestie, Gracie Malone. And the thought of them, how Ruthie and Gracie probably saw you now as just another one of his temporary girls... and not knowing if Gracie had maybe really caught feelings for him...

Yeah, that made you a little nervous about tonight.

Not knowing what to say, you just nodded, gripping your bag strap tighter. A somewhat forced smile on your lips. “Fair.”

Rafe just let out a soft chuckle and—OH MY GOD OMG OMG—softly bumped his shoulder into yours as you climbed the stairs.

OH. MY. GOD.

It was something totally normal. Happens all the time when people walk side by side—no intention, definitely not. No, you’d just taken a dumb step and ended up too close to him, and then he was the one who brushed against you with his next step, but—

GIRL STAY CALM.

“Yeah, so if you don’t wanna end up with half a beer bottle lodged in your brain, you should maybe hire yourself a bodyguard for tonight,” Rafe joked, turning the corner with you.

You bit the inside of your cheek, sensing an opportunity in what he'd said—something that even YOU could use as a basis for—

“Why, you volunteering?”

And there it was, out in the open—HOLY FUCKING SHIT AHHHHHHHHH.

Your heart launched into a full-on death sprint and every single nerve in your body started buzzing under your skin. And then you felt uneasy because he probably thought that was just some awkward, pathetic attempt at flirting, WHICH IT WAS, and he was SUPPOSED TO somehow get the hint that you liked him but—

A boyish chuckle escaped his lips and he raised his brows in disbelief. “You want me to play Prince Charming for you?”

Heat crept up your neck but you just smiled awkwardly. “You just looked like you’d really love to deck her one.”

“Oh, you think I like hitting girls now?”

“Girls no. Furies, yes.”

GIRL.

Rafe just laughed, an honest sound that sent a warm feeling spreading through your chest. “Shit, I think you're the one who’s gonna deck her tonight.”

Great. Your horrible attempt at flirting had ended in… whatever this was.

“Ayo, Rafe!”

Kelce’s loud-ass voice echoed down half the hallway. He and Topper were already standing outside the history classroom with the rest of your class, waiting for Mr. Davis to arrive.

You braced yourself for your fight or flight to kick in—But… it didn’t. Which was weird. WHY THE HELL NOT?

Rafe dapped up Kelce and Topper, and you just stood there like some NPC waiting to be addressed, unsure of what to do. Leave? Stay? SAY HELLO?

“Yo, Y/N, Rafe already told us he’d be bringing a date tonight,” Kelce said, eyeing you with a grin full of shining white teeth. “You excited?”

NEVERMIND, FIGHT OR FLIGHT ACTIVATED.

AND WHAT??? NO WAY RAFE HAD CALLED YOU HIS FUCKING DATE. Definitely just Kelce bullshitting.

“Dude,” Topper said with a scoff.

Your cheeks burning, you just let out an awkward chuckle.

“You made Ruthie shut up,” Rafe said, eyebrows raised unimpressed. “This bastard should be easy.”

Such a great friend.

“Ayo, what.” Kelce raised his brows, looking at Rafe and nodding toward you. “How come we didn’t adopt her sooner?”

DUUUUUDE.

And your face just hit a new level of heat.

Though it was kinda cute how Kelce and Topper were looking at you right now like two dumb little boys in awe.

You just smiled sheepishly and shook your head slightly. “I didn’t really shut her up.”

“You basically called her a crybaby,” Rafe countered (Kelce gasped) and turned to Topper with furrowed brows. “She wanted you to play her taxi again.”

Topper shrugged. “I got two seats left.”

OH. Now that was interesting. Could Topper Thornton actually… tolerate Ruthie?

You weren’t sure if he was just extremely polite and somehow blind to her mean girl energy, or if he was so aggressively nice it looped back around to ass-kissing, OR—and this was the worst possible option—he actually had a thing for fucking Ruthie Whitmore.

Kelce clicked his tongue. “Shii, Top, since when are you into evil chicks?”

Rafe, on the other hand...

“The fuck do you mean two seats?” His brow twitched, lips curling into an irritated smile. “Who’s the other bastard you bringing?”

...

Okay, um...

Topper hadn't told him.

Aka you were the bastard.

Topper eyed him irritated, his thumb pointing toward you for a second. “I’m picking up Y/N first, then I’ll swing by for you. Thought I'd told you yesterday.”

"You didn't." There was a shift in Rafe’s whole posture.

Subtle, wouldn’t even be noticeable unless you were used to reading people’s body language closely. His chin lifted a bit, shoulders squared, and his gaze sharpened just slightly.

You felt it the second his eyes landed on you. The intensity in his stare sent a damn shiver down your spine.

He looked like he might kill someone right now.

But why? Didn’t he want you to go with him? Was this too much for him? Too territorial? Some random chick from school being picked up by his friend for a party you could’ve easily walked to?

“I hope that’s not a problem,” you said, giving a smile that came out way more uncertain than you intended.

It’s not a problem and if he makes it out to be one then the fuck?

But his look made it very clear: it was a problem.

And the air between the four of you had suddenly thickened with this really uncomfortable tension, all of it directed squarely at you.

“Outta the way, outta the way.”

Mr. Davis. THANK GOD.

The middle-aged teacher, arms full of books and a giant bag slung over his shoulder, clumsily made his way through the group of students in front of the classroom, trying to unlock the door with his free hand.

“You better hurry, dude,” Kelce said to Rafe, tone sing-songy. “Jones won’t be happy if you’re late.”

Rafe just scoffed, an annoyed glint in his eyes. "Don't piss me off."

With one last unreadable glance at Topper, he turned and walked off toward his class.

And now that you were left alone with the other two, it was like everyone silently agreed that they were very grateful for Kelce’s well-timed distraction.

“He’s pissed,” Kelce commented.

Topper raked a hand through his hair. “Yeah.”

“I wonder why,” Kelce added with a cocky grin aimed straight at you. Then he headed into the classroom like he hadn’t just dropped a mini bomb.

Great. Just great.

Topper sighed and turned to you but you beat him to it: “It’s fine, I can walk. It’s honestly--”

“No, no, it’s all good,” he interrupted, his voice calm and reassuring. “It's my fault. I thought I'd told him yesterday and he's probably more pissed about Ruthie having approached him than this." He gave you a friendly smile. "Don't worry, I’ll talk to him later.”

You raised your eyebrows slightly. Why the hell did Topper need to check in with Rafe about picking you up anyway? Sure, Rafe was kinda the alpha in their little trio or whatever, but seriously? That was a bit much.

Still, it was none of your business and your brain already had enough material to spiral over. And if Topper said it wasn’t about you, then it wasn’t about you, right?

Ha. Ha.

So you just nodded, gave him a polite smile, and said, “Okay.” Then you followed him into the classroom, trying not to fall into a pre-party panic during the next two hours.

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EXTRA SCENE containing the convo with Rafe and Topper + a little Rafe POV.

-> i strongly recommend to read this

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You set your phone on your desk and ran your hands down your face.

Rafe Cameron, ladies and gentlemen.

Ugh, seriously, you didn’t even know, like, THIS GUY.

He messed you up so bad and turned your brain so upside down, it was nearly impossible to even start thinking about him. It was like his whole existence caused a short-circuit in your brain.

Which was crazy—and also kind of a paradox—because he made you spiral so much it almost looped back into nothing, like a vacuum that reset your thoughts.

… and somehow, that was kind of soothing.

Especially, because you’d somehow reached a dynamic in which you weren’t really afraid of saying the wrong thing or pissing him off. And that was mostly thanks to him, because during your little argument the other day, he had made it very clear that he did NOT want you second-guessing his mood or overexplaining things just in case he misunderstood them.

That was really hard for you but your positive-thinking-slash-delusion system had been a big help—plus the fact that Rafe didn’t dwell on things or embarrassing moments. Most of the time, at least.

Okay, the whole Apple Pencil thing was an exception, and the way he kept making suggestive comments that flustered you, and--

Okay, he did dwell on things.

But he did it in such a... skillful way, it didn’t feel like he was mocking you, more like playfully teasing you.

And part of you kind of believed (more like wanted to believe) he did it to get you out of your head. Even if he just enjoyed putting you in awkward situations, him short-circuiting your brain was a nice side effect.

You leaned back in your chair and looked up at the ceiling.

Then there was the whole thing with Topper...

Why had he offered to give you a ride yesterday if today he suddenly decided he’d rather drive Ruthie around? Especially when Rafe was also supposed to be picked up by him—and it just seemed so out of character for Rafe to back down because of Ruthie.

Especially since Topper had said he’d work things out with him. Had it really gotten so bad between them that Rafe would rather drive himself than let Topper give him a ride?

That made zero sense in any universe.

Or could it maybe be...?

You scrunched up your face and shook your head. No, that would be insane.

And yet...

God, you didn’t even dare say the thought out loud in your own head because it made you feel like you were putting too much importance on yourself. Like some hopelessly in-love naive girl from a crappy early 2000s high school rom-com.

GIRL, IT’S OKAY, IT’S YOUR OWN HEAD LIKE??? NO ONE’S LISTENING WHAT THE FUCK.

Okay, okay—could it be that Topper texting me and making plans behind Rafe's back, actually made him... jealous? IS THAT WHY HE WAS ACTING SO WEIRD TODAY IN SCHOOL AFTER HE FOUND OUT??? AND THEN HIM ASKING ME IF I HAD A CRUSH ON TOPPER??????

HOLY SHIT.

SO DID HE WANT TO PICK ME UP INSTEAD OF TOPPER DOING SO???

EWMJKDNGHXJNHFZCDDMHCUNGFKSHMSDFVHNFDAICHDFS.

You leaned forward and buried your face in your lap with your eyes squeezed shut. Absolutely secondhand embarrassed from yourself.

I’M FUCKING INSANE. LIKE HE IS RIGHT, I’M CRAZY.

A knock on the door made you jump and sit up straight.

“Yeah?”

Your mom poked her head into the room, her eyes briefly scanning the mess of clothes all over your floor you hadn’t cleaned up since yesterday. A smile on her face. “Everything okay?”

You nodded awkwardly. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“I’m heading into town, wanna join? I wanted to look for a dress for Veronika’s party tonight.”

Ohhh right. Your mom was also going to the birthday of Cara's mom.

And honestly, that sounded perfect—there were still six freaking hours until 9 PM. No way you were able to spend that time alone without losing your mind.

And hey, maybe you’d even find a better outfit for later.

A smile crossed your face. “Sure, I’ll just get changed real quick.”

“Great. I’m waiting downstairs.” With that, your mom closed the door behind her.

Okay.

The buzzing in your nerves wasn’t here yet. Which was weird. But a lot could change in six hours, and worst of all: Rafe’s moods fluctuated like crazy.

It was basically a gamble trying to guess what mood he’d be in when he picked you up later.

And how he’d act at the party—that was a whole other level. And not even your fucking overthinking brain dared to make predictions about that...

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EXTRA SCENE wheezie showing rafe how to use reaction pics

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K M S M A S T E R L I S T | <- P R E V I O U S | N E X T ->

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T A G L I S T F O R M (taglist for this story is CLOSED but you can sign up for my other stuff through this link)

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[bookshelf-dust]

strawberry love

patrick zweig x fem!reader

gif by @beelarson

word count: 2,037

warnings: swearing, a smidge of anxiety, this is a sort of situation where reader matches patrick’s freak aka they are smartasses to each other, flirting, a little drinking but both reader + p are of age

synopsis: patrick, your not-quite-boyfriend-but-might-as-well-be-because-you’re-both-down-bad, wants you to spend the night at his place. your anxious brain hates change in routine, and he does everything he can to make you comfortable.

a/n: first fic for the challengers boys!! i am very pleased with how this turned out and i think i’ve managed to get a hold of patrick’s mannerisms and his personality. this is also a bit of a new dynamic for me, but i think this fic’s atmosphere is a good one. happy reading <33

————

You are so fucking grateful that Patrick is on the other end of this phone call and not sitting next to you because, if he was, he’d see how your fingers are shaking and lift them up, going “What’s this?” with that stupid fucking smirk of his. 

And he’d look at you in that teasing way that makes you hate him more than anything.

“So, what’re you thinking? Got some excuse as to why you won’t come spend the night at my place?”

You can hear the grin growing in size across his face. You’re sure he’s sitting back on his hands with the phone on speaker as if this is the most casual experience of his life. 

“Patrick, I—”

“Be honest with me here, angel. S’all I’m askin.’ We need a fuckin’ code or something now?”

“I’m just anxious as shit and any change in routine fucks with me and so that makes me not want to put my brain through that by coming over and also…it’s you.”

He laughs. “It’s me?”

“Yes! You’re too fucking relaxed all the time and you’ve always got your googly eyes on me a-and it’s like you want me to join a damn cult, Zweig!”

Patrick laughs even harder. “You need someone to counter your constant state of panic. And where else would I have my eyes?”

“Oh, fuck me sideways, you shithead.” He hears you slap your palm to your face. “Pain in my ass.”

“You want me to pick you up, pretty girl? I bet that’d ease some of your stress.”

You sigh, all dramatic and high-pitched. Your heart is doing somersaults against your rib cage. That would help, actually. Then you don’t have to plan what time to leave, accommodate for traffic, shove all your shit in the car and let your thoughts engulf you on the ride over. 

“Y-yeah, fine. Whatever.”

Patrick knows that tone. “Hey. You know I’m gonna take care of you for real, right? That I just wanna see you and get you to be present for a little, yeah?”

Your voice softens. “I know, Patrick. Just let me pack an overnight bag, okay? And text me when you’re on the way.”

“Why don’t you pack a few extra things? You know, just in case you can’t get enough of me and need to stay a few more nights.”

You hang up the phone, leaving Patrick giggling to himself against his kitchen counter. 

————

Patrick’s lips are warm when he kisses both your cheeks in quick succession. “Hi, dove.” He takes your bag from your shoulder and walks off toward his bedroom, putting your things down next to his dresser. 

He’s back quicker than should be humanly possible, bringing that cocky ass smile with him. 

“So what, you come over and don’t even want a hug from your favorite person on the planet?”

You grin, and he flushes with excitement over that victory. “Oh, fuck off,” you say, walking into his arms. 

He smells faintly of nicotine and mints, probably those ones that Sonic gives you because he has a stockpile of them in his glove box.

His chest is firm and hot beneath you, and when you press your cheek to it your mind races with thoughts you don’t want it to have. So naturally, you pull away slightly, keeping your hands on his hips. It makes him bite his lip. 

“You smoke today?” you ask, raising a brow.

“Yeah, why, you want one?”

“You keep it up, I'm not gonna be able to hug my favorite person on the planet that much longer. Pretty pink lungs gonna fuck you over.”

He lowers his head and levels with you. “You want me to quit?”

“I can’t make you, Patrick.”

He bites the inside of his cheek. He loves how you say his name.

“Oh, you could make me do anything, baby.” His teeth shine at you, and you swat his stomach. You go to push him away but he grabs your waist and starts kissing all over your face, the top of your head, the tips of your ears. He does it again and again in an effort to make you laugh. 

When you feel his fingers dance at your sides you escape him, “Don’t fucking try it!”

When the laughter in the room dies out, Patrick takes your hand and walks you to the kitchen. “Come on. I’ll make you a drink.”

You sit on one of his two barstools, stifling a laugh at the pitiful creak it makes. “Do you even have anything other than beer or whiskey? Because I don’t want either of those.” 

Patrick opens the refrigerator, motioning as if he’s clutching an aching chest. “C’mon, angel, don’t hurt my feelings. You think I wouldn’t buy the things I know my baby likes?” 

You brace your elbows on the counter and try to peek in the fridge. It’s not necessary though because he’s pulling out a container of frozen strawberries for you to see. 

“You got me stuff for—” 

“Strawberry daiquiris? Duh.” 

He places two bottles of rum on the counter, one full and the other half empty. You watch as he moves around the kitchen, gathering up the parts to the blender, which are for some reason in different cabinets. He gets out these fancy glasses (his only ones) someone gave him one time. 

“And,” he starts, “I remembered that you like it with a little less rum than most recipes call for so you’ll actually enjoy it.”

You tilt your head at him. He’s so pretty and he remembered all that shit just for you. “Lean over here for a sec, Patrick.”

He does as you say without question, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. You press a kiss to the tip of his nose. He loves that. The first time you did it he tackled you and asked you to do it again and again. 

You kiss his forehead and then the back of this hand, because boys should have their hands kissed too. 

Patrick’s cheeks are on fire. You take his face in your hands and let your gaze travel over each and every one of his pretty freckles. Your thumb rubs across his bottom lip and he moves closer, desperate for you to do anything. To give him anything. 

“Thank you for bringing me over here just to liquor me up,” you quip, your smile growing fast, eyes crinkling with humor. 

He nips the palm of your hand. “Yep. Just hopin’ to get you relaxed enough so you’ll confess your love for me, princess.”

You move away from his grasp, grinning softly at him and thinking how easily you’d confess that to him anyway. “Get back to work now, Zweig. Your strawberries have captivated me. And the curly straws.” 

His laughter is contagious.

————

Two strawberry daiquiris, and some of Patrick’s later, your anxious brain has finally settled down. You feel completely calm, and being with him makes you feel so comfortable that you don’t worry about adapting to a new space.

You register that he’s been distracting you all evening. He made your favorite drink, he’s been showering you with affection, he put on an episode of Jeopardy because he knows you like that smart feeling you get when you answer a question right. 

You’re laying on his chest, one hand snaked up underneath his sweatshirt to rest on the soft of his stomach. His skin is unbelievably warm and your fingers run back and forth over the short trail of curls there. 

“Who is Donald Sutherland, dumbass,” you say, annoyed that no one knew who played Mr. Bennet in Joe Wright’s adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. 

Patrick’s hand pushes under your shirt and rests on your spine. He starts scratching your skin lightly, up and down, up and down. You blink up at him. “That feels good.”

“Yeah? All you gotta do is ask and I’ll do it.”

“Well, will you please keep scratching my back for me, Patrick? It’s very soothing. Keeps me present.”

“‘Course I will, angel.”

“I know you like your physical affection,” you say, squeezing his hip lovingly. He kisses the top of your head as if to confirm your statement. 

“Have I succeeded in providing an anxiety-free sleepover environment for my girl?”

You push up onto your elbows so you can make eye contact with him. He leans his head back a little bit, teasingly making himself look more serious as if you don’t always have his full attention. 

Your eyes move from his to his lips and back. You start to nod. “You have. It feels like all the outside stressors don’t exist here.”

Patrick leans into your hand when you put it against his cheek. He is beaming. 

“You wanna go to bed, dove?”

“Yes, please.”

Patrick heaves you upward and over his shoulder, making you howl with laughter. You both get ready for bed quietly, doing your respective routines and getting everything settled. 

You meet Patrick in bed, padding over to the mattress in your panties and a big t-shirt. Your hands are keeping the shirt pulled down on instinct, making it look like a dress. When he sees you, he thinks he might combust. It takes everything in him not to. 

You’re so fucking sweet and perfect and gorgeous and you’ve got no clue. And you’re in his bedroom, pushing onto his bed and laying with him. Him, of all people. 

You roll onto your side and face him. He’s a little stubbly and his curls are a mess, but somehow he looks more gorgeous like this than when he’s all prettied up. He smells like toothpaste and that Old Spice deodorant he uses. Your bare knee brushes his, but neither of you move away.

Your gaze falls on the only source of light in the room aside from the moon; the children’s night light that looks like a tennis ball. Art got him that as a Christmas gift, and Patrick would be lying if he said he didn’t actually like it. 

You move your hand close enough to his body that you can feel the warmth of him, but not enough that you make any more contact. 

“Patrick, I don’t think friends treat each other the way we treat each other.” You realize your fingers are trembling. 

His smile lines grow as a grin spreads across his face. “You think so?” he asks, sarcasm dripping from every word. 

You nod, still looking at the tennis ball. Then his fingers are on your chin, coaxing you into looking at him. “D-do you think we should be more than friends?” 

Patrick’s hand hasn’t left your face. His thumb traces over your eyebrow. “I think we already are.”

“Could we maybe m-make that definitive?”

“Is this you really confessing your love for me?”

You roll your eyes so hard you might as well have rolled out of the bed. “Fuck off.” You swat at his chest and attempt to move away from him. 

He’s laughing and then he’s pulling you flush against his body, securing you there with a firm arm around your back. “You want me to be your boyfriend, don’t you?”

“I hate you.”

“Well, yeah. And I want you to be my girlfriend, angel.”

“So I can make googly eyes at you as often as you do me now?”

He squeezes the fat of your hip. “Oh, you already do. You just don’t notice how obvious it is that you’re infatuated with me. You looked like you wanted to eat me alive in the kitchen earlier.”

“The bad part is that I know you’d let me.”

“So you don’t deny the allegations?” He holds his fist up to your mouth, mimicking a microphone. 

“No, Patrick. I do want you to be my boyfriend. And I want to do this all the time. I hate how easy you make everything.” He chuckles, biting his thumbnail. “It’s not natural to be this calm. And I hate that you’ve made me a sap.” His brow raises just before you continue, “I brought clothes for like, three nights.”

Patrick hugs you to him so quickly, laughing into your cool skin. 

“I fucking knew you would.”

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

note: none of the gifs or images i use are mine! i get most of my images from pinterest or here, and gifs from about the same. please let me know if i ever don’t credit someone properly!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - There's 3 Good Shows Holding a Ton of BL Cr*p on their Shoulders

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2025 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - So darn adorable1 I love the whole shopping trip thing: Mom out with the gay boys is great.

GIVE ME MOAR OF LEE AND HIS PHI. Pretty please?

ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I love the way Thame is basically like, in my head we are totally dating and acts that way with Po. Yet he hasn't actually discussed it with the poor man. Thame is such a pouty babygirl. Jun is a little shit. All in all, this installment was a little slow but I remain charmed. 

The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - I’m actually quite enjoying this. I really do just wanna spend most of my time with this pair watching them kiss (please don't make Noeul act mmm'kay?). So I’m really glad we’re on episode three and the show seems invested in supplying us with kisses already. Thank goodness.  

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - mostly I just feel sorry for Fadel. boy is so tired of everybody else’s gay drama queening. 

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 13 of 24 - I actually like how they are portraying Yotha’s character in this (with relation to his mother). It’s pretty authentic to that kind of situation and personality type, I enjoy that. I also like that Wa dumped Klao for being too jealous. good healthy decision, should have stayed that way.

Sangmin Dinneaw (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - it just keeps moving through absurdist and ridiculous to gratuitously sexual to mind numbingly dull. I never know where I am with this show. At least it’s not boring... until it so much is. Also my cancer danger signaling is going off hard core. Beware.

I'm like one of those dogs that can sense and epileptic fit, only for death in BL.

Flirt Milk (Sat YT) ep 1 or 10 - Star hunter is back this time with terrible facial hair. I’m putting it on the no fly list right up there with wigs. Apparently Thailand and fake hair are mutually exclusive. The lead ingenue looks a little bit like Yim, and I think they mean to give him a similar personality to Yim’s usual characters, but frankly I found him insipid, dim, and boring. Literally every other surrounding character and couple-to-be is more interesting than the mains. The linguistic bit was cute tho. 

Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - heavy sigh.

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 17 end? - supposedly still coming

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

When it Rains it Pours (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2-3 of 10 - I’m enjoying these second 2 eps a lot better than the first ep. It’s leaning into the premise and I like a quazi Cyrano de Bergerac thing. It’s got that chewy Japanese “who knows where this is going?” seasoning. But one thing we can be sure of is Japan can always veer sideways given the right pothole. Or should I say plothole? Anygay, I like the way they’re different with each other via text than in person, I like that we’ve already had some language discussion and negotiation, I like the cool banter between these men. And they are men. I like how very adult this is. I’m interested to see where it’s going. Color me suitably intrigued, in a refined manner.

Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 7 of 12 - Ooo I love the side couple!!!! They are soooooo cute. Kissing to seal a debt? Adorable. Also, yes please keep Ever 4 shirtless forever. I applaud his design, functionality, ans aesthetic choice. Rah rah rah. More manual labor in BL! Pun intended.

Impression of Youth (Taiwan Weds Viki) eps 3 of 9 - I like the secondary couple a lot more than the primary. Shocker.

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 16 of ?? - I bit the bullet and finally watched the 2 parts. It really did not need to occupy that much of my time. I did watch it on 1.5, which is not normally what I do with foreign language shows, but I’ve lost patience with this damn thing. I didn’t actually mind the student teacher side pairing, I didn’t like it either. I thought this was the final episode, and then I saw that there was an 2 part ep 17 announced. So i guess not. Have mercy.

Oh yeah and trigger warning all round.

It's airing but......

I Will Turn Back Time (China Gaga) 6 eps - It’s Chinese, no idea if it will end well or not. But it’s the stepbrothers trope. Still, I’m not gonna watch it until it’s done.

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai) - It's done. Did anyway watch it? Thoughts?

In Case You Missed it

End of year wraps are here!

2024 Trend Report

MY BEST & WORST BLs of 2024

Best Kisses (and sex scenes) of 2024

BL's 2024 Quirky Awards

2024 Awards - Quick Picks

Next Week Looks Like This:

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Love a lift and kiss. Show me your muscles by picking another boy up and smooching him silly. (Your Sky)

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part fourteen

authors note: this one is loaded, and there are some hints/tidbits spread throughout, but also.....please don't hate me. 😭

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive themes, angst

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 12k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

Bianca: Hi. I know you asked for space, and I will respect that. I just want you to know I talked to dad. I made him be honest with me, and I know the truth now.  I completely understand if your decision is that you want nothing to do with me. But please know, I had no idea, and I would love the chance to be in your life. I am not our father.

Bianca: It may have started with him, but it can end with us.

Rereading the text for what must be the 18th time, you feel just as conflicted and confused as you were when you first received it a few days prior. It’s been a bit easy to ignore it, to let it sit unanswered as you focused on getting as much work done as you could before leaving for Vegas. 

Thankfully, as the game is on a Sunday, you, Callie, and Alexis got an early morning flight to Vegas where you were met by Joe at the airport. After Callie had her sweet meltdown at seeing Joe again, the three of ya’ll met up with the twins, Trin, Kaylah, Jon’s wife, and the rest of the kids at the hotel.

You were a little nervous about Callie meeting her other cousins, as you know kids don’t always get along right away. But all anxiety is melted away the minute Callie and Jon’s daughter, Ellie, bonded over a common love of Disney. It’s a wrap from there, so much so that Callie feels comfortable enough to be left with them while you and Joe leave to get your tattoos.

Your current location. 

“Let's play a game.”

Joe’s suggestion is greatly appreciated because it pulls you away from hyper-fixating on this text and just what to do with said text. However, it’s also questioned because what the hell kind of games do people play at ya’ll’s big ages?

“Joe, we are too damn old for games—but what is it?”

He laughs at your quick change of tune. He must know that inner competitiveness never really goes away, even if you haven’t been in that competition space in literal years. “I'm gonna show you a house, and all you have to say is either you like it or not. But, you can't ask any questions.”

“A house? Like an actual house?”

“Yes, baby. An actual house.”

His sarcastic tone doesn’t help. Asshole. “And I can’t ask you any questions about a literal house we’re thinking of buying?”

“Yup.” 

Pouting, you murmur, “This game sucks.”

“Okay, Callie.” He messes around on his phone, giving a couple touches before he hands you his phone.

You nearly drop the damn thing, mouth ajar in awe. “Joe, how much—”

“No questions, remember?”

Sucking your teeth, you continue to scroll, each photo evoking another level of wonder. The house is stunning and huge. A literal mansion with landscape and design that looks like it was ripped right out of a luxury HGTV special. Swiping through the photos, each allow you to see that the beauty is not only matched but in many ways exceeded on the inside. A massive kitchen with two ovens, spacious bedrooms, almost equally large bathrooms, movie theater room, a separate building in the humongous backyard that you could easily see Joe turning into a personal gym, and so much more.

You really focus on the outside photos, eyes softening. “She's always wanted a backyard….” It's so easy for you to imagine Callie running around freely, swinging on a swing, maybe even helping you tend to a garden you see more than enough room to plant.

You can see yourself in this house.

“I like it,” you finally answer. There's no need to lie to him, and you're pretty sure he could tell you love it based on your facial expressions alone. “Now can you tell me how much—”

“Nope.”

Sitting up, you shove on his shoulder. “Come on, that's not fair.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Leati.” You can't remember the last time you called this man by his first name. Years, most likely. You used it sparingly, far and few in between, mostly reserved for moments like this when he was pissing you off. 

“You can complain all you want. I'm not telling you shit.” That only irks you more, and he’s indifferent to your obvious irritation, which pisses you off even more. If anything, he sounds almost amused at your frustration. “I'm gonna ask the realtor to arrange a tour. You can ask her then.”

Suspicious, you accuse, “your ass will probably tell her not to tell me or to lie.”

“Maybe.” 

It’s the fact that you know that’s something he would do too. “So my name wouldn’t be on the house? Is that what you’re saying?”

At that, he looks your way, clearly confused but mostly offended. “Of course, it would. Your name will be on everything. I just can’t give you too much information now because you’ll push back and say it’s too much.”

“So, it is expensive,” you conclude. He sighs, heavily. “Joe, we don’t need anything too extravagant or over the top. You know I’m not materialistic like that. I don’t want you feeling like you have to—”

“How many times do we have to have this conversation?” There’s a hint of irritation in his tone, but it’s not entirely unwarranted. Joe has told and showed you multiple times that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you and Callie. It’s just you being…..well, you. “Anything I do for you, anything I do for Callie is because I want to. You should know by now that I’m a man who won’t do anything he doesn’t want to.”

Sitting on his words, you answer, “I know.” And you do, you’re just so damn slow in actually accepting this. “I’m sorry, I just—I’m stubborn. You know this.”

“Yeah, well get un-stubborn.” His hand on your thigh gives a teasing squeeze but before you can inquire about just what kind of alone time you two will have over this weekend, a man walks out, heavily tatted, dressed in semi traditional Samoan attire and wearing a friendly smile.

Joe stands up to greet the man, introducing him as Mike. It’s a name you’re familiar with as you recall eons ago when Joe would rave about his tattoo artist and the man’s insane talent. 

“This is my girlfriend, Y/N.” It’s both strange and welcomed hearing Joe introduce you as such, like it’s almost too good to be true, even if there’s not an ounce of reluctance in his voice.

“Nice to meet you,” you greet, accepting his handshake. “And for getting us in on short notice.”

He waves it off. “Joe’s always welcomed here anytime and as his girlfriend, so are you.”

It stands out to you just how many people speak so highly of Joe. You've always thought he was a genuinely nice guy, but hearing it co-signed by others definitely shows what a gem you’ve got. “Great design choice, by the way,” he compliments, directing his next question toward you. “Joe mentioned you were a bit nervous about the placement….”

“I think I’m good now,” you answer. Tattoo pain is temporary, but placement is forever. You especially don’t want to “settle” for something that has so much meaning. “Same placement as his, but he can go first.”

Mike laughs, clapping his hands together. “Sounds great. Let’s get started.” 

________

You’d completely forgotten how extremely frustrating it is to get ready to go clubbing, and understandably so given at your big age, that’s not really a thing. However, Alexis absolutely refused to accept your decline to go out with her and even convinced Trinity and Kaylah to tag along. 

The bitch even took it upon herself to bring an outfit for you, knowing you definitely didn’t pack for this kind of outing. 

And while the dress is definitely fire, it’s a pain to get on given the cutouts and need to clasp the chest part. Not to mention, your arm is still a bit sore from the tattoo. Granted, Callie’s excitement at seeing how both you and Joe got her name tatted on you was more than worth all the pain. 

This dress though….it’s not worth shit.

“Fuck.” This was so much easier two bra sizes ago, but between trying to hold them together and clasp the hook on the dress, you’re just about ready to call it a night before the night can even truly begin. Settling frustration aside, you grab the robe off the counter and slide it on as you stick your head out the door. “Babe?”

His deep voice replies seconds later. “Yeah?” 

“Can you come help me with something real quick?”

“Mommy,” Callie groans, and you can only imagine the scowl on her face. She loves spending time with her daddy. “We’re playing.”

Your lips curve into a smile, assuring her, “it’ll only take a second, baby.” 

Joe walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“I need you to clasp my dress for me,” you explain, removing the robe and holding your breast with your forearm. “I’m gonna hold them up, and I just need you to—what?”

His eyes slowly travel up and down your body, but his overall gaze reeks of confusion and a level of disapproval. “Where’s the rest of it?”

You’re not stupid, very much aware of what he’s asking. But, you’re also stubborn, a fact he’s well aware of given the fact that you talked about just that this morning. “The rest of what?”

His answer is simple. “Your outfit.”

Muscle twitching in your jaw, you attempt to divert the conversation. “Come on, everyone else is almost ready—“

“I’m serious.” 

Huffing, you slap on that sweet, teacher voice and bring your hands to his chest, allowing your breast to fall open and freely. It doesn’t miss you how his gaze moves downward and lingers. “Joe, I love you, but you met me post-college. Trust me, this is tame compared to what I used to wear clubbing. And we both know I’m gonna wear what I want, regardless, so I just need you to swallow that annoying ass male pride, which I know you will, because you love me enough to do so, and just strap my titties down for me, okay?” Leaning up to kiss his cheek, your finger moves in a figure eight down his body. “Besides, when I get back tonight, you get to rip this same dress off me, bend me over this very same counter right next to us, and make me watch as you fuck me, hard, from behind.”

Your sex drive has always been on the higher end, but it’s been even more intense in the past couple days, and while your last few intimate encounters with Joe have been more loving and sweet…..that’s not what you need right now. 

You need this man to fuck you in the way only he can. Choking, spanking, biting, a tad bit of degrading, hips bruised from how tight he holds you with backshots that have you speaking in a different language. The whole nine yards. 

Your words paint such a vivid picture that’s clearly too far out for his comfort as his hands move to your ass, squeezing roughly. “And what’s stopping me from doing just that right now?”

God has a cruel sense of humor because before you can even fix your mouth to respond, the very reason why makes her presence known. She knocks on the door with all the irritation in her little body. “Daddy, are you almost done?”

Eyes twinkling with mischief as you step back to hold your breast together, you remind him. “that is why not. You’re on daddy duty tonight.” Joe doesn’t say anything and instead finally hooks it for you. “Thank you.”

“At least pull it down in the back or something,” he grumbles and actually tries to pull down the back of the dress.

“Baby, I have an ass. It’s gon’ shift right back up as soon as I move.” Sure enough, one step is all it takes for it to roll up just a few centimeters below your ass. Unlocking and opening the door, you beam at Callie. “He’s all yours, baby girl.”

“You look so pretty, mommy!”

“Thank you, baby.” You lean down for a kiss on her cheek right as Alexis walks in. Callie goes to lead Joe back into the “living room” area as Alexis welcomes herself into the hotel room. You’re not even gonna bother asking how she got a key. Her dress, unlike your all black little piece, is sparkly, short, and strapless. It’s very much Alexis.

She gasps. “Girl, that dress is fitting and your boobs are sitting.” 

Winking and lifting your breasts, you laugh, complementing, “you look amazing.”

“Duh. I’m me.” She brushes her shoulders before peeping past you to say hi to Joe and Callie. “Hi, future brother-in-law and part time child.”

All you can hear is Callie asking Joe what a part time child is as Alexis grabs you by your wrist and starts dragging you toward the door. “Come on, Trin wants us to do a TikTok before we leave.”

Instantly, you’re scowling. “A TikTok? Girl, we are too old for that.”

“I swear, you act like you’re 75 sometimes,” she dismisses, walking you out the room and across the hall to the other room where Jimmy and Trin are staying. You’re still impressed how they all managed to get rooms not only on the same floor but literally all across each other.

Must be a rich people thing.

Walking into the room, you see Trin and Kaylah are dressed a bit more modestly then you and Alexis, not as much skin showing but still very much giving club vibes. 

Compliments are again exchanged among the four of you, but Kaylah is the first to say, “girl, I’m surprised Joe didn’t have nothing to say about your outfit.”

Chuckling, you inform, “he tried, but he knows I don’t play that. I’m a grown woman. Imma wear what I want. Besides, I know how to shut him up.” 

What’s implied doesn’t need to be explained but not according to Alexis who of course blurts out, “that’s right. Sitting on your man’s face will do it every time.”

“Please excuse her. She ran out of her Lithium.”

“Ehh, they tried that. Didn’t work for me.” It’s the fact that she’s probably dead serious too. “Okay, now which trend are we doing, Trin?”

Trinity's smile, like everything else about her, is bright and beautiful. “I was thinking the Wanna Be one by Meg and Glo.”

Instantly, you know Alexis is sold. “That is my damn song.” She then points to you. “This one needs to go last though, because when I tell you that thing moves like water. This bitch can twerk like Megan.”

One thing you’ve never been is a liar, so you can’t find it in you to call bullshit on Alexis exclamation. You’ve always been super flexible, courtesy of cheer, and twerking has always come a bit natural to you. But, it was really when you started hitting up the strip clubs in college and made acquaintances with the strippers that you learned all of the tricks. 

However, it’s also been years since you last stepped out on the town, and your joints start to hurt from just sitting too long, so the hype may be a little bit undeserved after all.

“That was also before I had a baby, Lex.”

Alexis brushes off your downplay. “She can even do the hand thing. You know, where you put your hand in between your ass cheeks while you still shaking? Iconic.”

Studying her closely, you realize why she’s so amped already. “You pre-gramed, didn’t you?”

She presses her lips together and then goes into denial. “I plead the fifth.” Laughing, she tugs on your arm. “Come onnnn.”

“Fine.” Caving to Alexis is typically the best outcome because the bitch is relentless when she wants something, especially when she’s already tipsy. 

However, Trinity seems just as excited as she directs the three of you to the bathroom where she already has the phone propped up and everything. 

It ends up being a fun time that reminds you so much of those days back in college where you and Lex and a few other girlfriends would spend a damn near hour taking the “perfect” photos for the “gram” and even longer to come up with a witty caption. You even show off a little bit of your twerking skills, nothing too crazy, much to Alexis chagrin. 

Arriving at the club and being escorted to the VIP section, courtesy of Alexis, the ladies order a round of drinks while you settle for a simple bottle, never glass, of water. After your whole fiasco during Christmas, you can’t see yourself sipping even a glass of wine for a while.

It’s a nice blast from the past but also suddenly a bit irritating with how noisy and boisterous everything is. The club is packed, and you’re grateful to be seated up and away from everyone else. While Alexis starts to get her buzz going, Trin partially surprises you by asking for your approval to upload one of the videos to TikTok and a photo to post on Instagram. It’s only partially surprising, because Trin has always been a real one. 

You agree and even helping her with a caption. 

Something bout’ that melanin ✨

Pulling out your own phone to check in on Joe and Callie, you’re surprised to see you have a bunch of IG notifications. This leads to you realizing that Alexis, at some point, posted a couple of photos she made you take on your profile. She even took it upon herself to come up with a caption that makes you both chuckle and shake your head. 

ya favorite athlete’s favorite athlete 😌

It’s not a huge deal to you, as you’d went ahead and made your Instagram private again a couple months prior. It’s a feature you toggle on and off, knowing that only the people you want knowing and seeing your page would even know how to find you. However, with Joe being back in your life and having a few posts with Callie’s face in them, you lean on the side of caution and just plan to keep it private from here on out.

It’s the comments though that really make you pause. 

@user1 omg y/n!!! That body been giving, sis! 

@user2 HA! Always was that girl. Still that girl. Miss you, cuz!

@Mariaaahhhh___92: This really how you wanna do this?

@BigLexPurr: Say it louder for the BITCH in the comments before me. I mean, in the back. 😃

@user3: If only I looked like that after having my baby lmao You look amazing, Y/N!

@RomanReigns Damn straight.

With all the swiftness and quickness, you block Mariah, not needing or wanting her and Alexis to get into a whole spat under your post. But Joe’s comment is definitely one that takes you for surprise, and you wrestle with whether or not you should acknowledge it but eventually decide to do so with a simple reply. 

@yourusername @RomanReigns 😘

You make a mental note to roast his ass for being in your IG comments like that but put your phone away when WAP comes on. Of course, it’s only appropriate that the four of you rap along to every iconic, spiritual lyric spit by Meg and Cardi. Alexis even influences you into doing a little twerk on her that she absolutely captures on Snapchat.

You don’t even need to ask her to know she’s gonna waste no time in sending that over to Joe. How she managed to get him to accept her add on Snapchat is something you’ll never understand. 

“I need some more drink, but I don’t want to get up,” Alexis whines, shooting you the puppy dog eyes.

“Gee, why don’t I—”

“Thank you, friend!”

Shaking your head, you make your way out of the VIP and through the crowd to the bar. Placing the order, you wait patiently, praying that what you know is bound to happen doesn’t happen. A waste of a prayer, because that unwanted happening appears in the form of a crooked smile, bad haircut, and height that can’t exceed 5’9.

He just leans back against the bar, as if waiting for you to, of all things, acknowledge him. That makes you laugh aloud. The fucking irony. 

You decide to take the lead and dead this thing before he can run whatever play he thinks will work on you. “No, I don't want or need you to pay for my drink, and I don't need anything put on your tab. I'm good.”

His smile doesn't deter. If anything, he looks even more intrigued. This was always the part you hated about clubbing. Men who can’t seem to conceive that you “playing hard to get” is actually and really just complete and utter disinterest.

“Oh, you more than good, ma.” His gaze resting on your chest much longer than what's appropriate is both irritating but expected. Men see titties and lose all sense of self-control, the little that some actually do possess, that is. “I'm just trying to see how good.”

You were over this conversation before it even started, hence your readiness to put an end to his fruitless hopes and your irritation.

“My man is 6’3, 287lbs and fights niggas for a living.” Tone both bored and casual as you list off basic facts, you ask, “He's home right now watching our 6 kids. Still wanna do this?”

It's the way his eyes go wide that makes it hard for you not to laugh. That should definitely do the trick. “Naw, I'm good. You fine, but you ain't that damn fine.”

“That's what I thought.” Taking the Martini from the bartender, you saunter your way back over to your section and hand it to Alexis.

“I take it homeboy was trying to take you home.”

Chuckling, you nod. “But, I handled it.”

“Oh, I'm sure you did.” She then turns to the group. “This one was always vicious when turning down bums at the club.”

“Cause sir, why are you talking to me with your uneven fade and height that starts with a 5?”

Trinity and Kay fall out laughing, but you’re dead serious. You’d been called arrogant a couple of times, but it never really affected you because you know you just have standards and refuse to settle.

And clearly…..it worked out.

“I really wish we could do this more often,” Kay suddenly shares, and it takes you a bit by surprise. There was a level of trepidation regarding meeting Josh’s wife. You know they’ve been together since they were in high school, which means there’s a good chance she knows Joe’s ex-wife. A chance they could be friends.

And if she’s anything unlike Mariah, she wouldn’t want to chop it up with the woman who slept with and had a whole baby for her friend’s husband. But so far, Kay has been nothing but kind, a bit on the quiet and reserved side. It’s an interesting dynamic considering Josh is anything but. 

“Do you live in Florida too?” Alexis suddenly asks, sipping her Martini. When Kay nods, Lex slaps you on the arm. “Well, this one will be moving there probably before the end of summer, so maybe ya’ll can link up more often.”

Intrigue paints both Trin and Kay’s faces, as the former asks, “seriously?”

“Yeah, umm, Joe and I were actually looking at a house earlier.” A thin layer of excitement re-emerges as you reflect on the photos you saw. You really do like that house, but it feels so much like a dream, like the expensive houses you look at and critique on Zillow knowing damn well you can’t afford them. 

And you can’t, but he probably can. 

You know he can, or he wouldn’t be showing you in the first place. 

“How do you really feel about moving?” Trin questions. “You still live in your hometown, right?”

“I do.” It’s a valid question, one you, if you’re being honest, sometimes go back and forth on. You know you want to move and ultimately will, but there are still some moments where you feel a bit unsure. It’s to be given, you’re sure, as change can be difficult. “There’s a lot of things I’ll miss, like being away from my mom, but….I want to be with Joe, and it’s what’s best for Callie.”

“She really is a sweet child. You did an amazing job with her.” 

Kay’s compliment warms your heart. “Thank you….that means a lot to me.” Callie is your pride and joy, so to hear others speak highly of her, of how you raised her thus far will always be the best kind of compliment. 

“You’re a teacher, so you’re off for the summer, right?” Trinity suddenly asks. Nodding, she continues, “you and Callie should go on the road with Joe this summer then. Maybe not the whole summer, but a portion. It’ll be fun. I’d love to have ya’ll, and you know he would too.” 

It’s a suggestion that you find yourself actually considering. Outside of PD, which can be done virtually with some prior arrangements, there really would be nothing stopping you from tagging along. Callie would be ecstatic, and something tells you Joe would too. 

Kay then shoots Trinity a look that you can’t quite decipher. “isn’t he….” 

As if awareness dawns, Trinity mutters, “oh, shit, I forgot.” 

Understandably curious, and always uncomfortable with being kept out of the communication loop, you inquire, “what?”

Trinity looks a bit nervous but then answers casually, “Oh nothing, I just forgot they’ve, uhh, gotten a little strict now about family coming on the road. Something about it being too distracting for the wrestlers.”

Alexis seems as skeptical as you are. There’s something they’re not saying. “Isn’t he literally like the face of the whole company? I feel like if he wants them there, then they’ll be there.” She has a fair point. “Look how he takes time off to come fly and see them.”

That actually brings on a question you’ve been wondering about for a while. Directed to Trinity, you ask, “do you know if he gets in trouble for that?” Trinity looks a bit unsure of how to respond, and you know immediately it’s because she’s trying to figure out how much to say. “The truth, please. I can handle it.” 

With a heavy sigh, she relents, “Jon mentioned Joe said something about them talking with him, but I get the sense Joe told them to fuck off. Professionally, of course.”

You’re not sure how to feel about this. The last thing you want is for Joe to risk all of his hard work for you. And you know it’s more for Callie than anything, which you get, but he still has contractual obligations he needs to fulfill.

“I can tell you this…..they can say what they want, but Joe doesn’t play about you and Callie, so he gon keep hopping on flights as much as he needs to.”

“He was really happy when he found out about Callie,” Kay adds in a soft tone with a kind voice. “I remember overhearing him talking with Josh, and he told him, “she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Crying in the club definitely wasn’t on your agenda for this trip, but here you are, trying to blot your eyes with the back of your hand. “Ya’ll, I didn’t wear waterproof mascara. Don’t have me out here looking like a racoon scaring folks off.”

Alexis chimes, “Joe won’t mind. It’ll keep him from coming up in here beating some poor soul’s ass for trying to holler at you.”

Kaylah snorts. “She’s not too far off. All them fools are super protective and territorial.”

“I’m just trying to figure out when ya’ll are gonna stop being selfish and slide one of them my way. It’s obvious they fertile as hell, so there’s gotta be an eligible cousin or uncle or something.”

It’s the fact you know that Lex is dead serious. Thankfully, Travis Porter comes on and that’s enough to bring all of ya’ll back to your feet like you’re 21 all over again. And that’s the dominant and recurring theme of the entire night: dancing, laughing, talking, Alexis being unhinged. 

Wash, rinse, repeat.

The four of you end up returning to the hotel shortly before midnight, the perfect time as somehow, the guys got all of the kids down for bed and were just waiting to make sure you all returned safely. 

Sitting around one of the hotel rooms, you all just chop it up, sharing various stories, no one really tired enough to call it a night.

“See, that’s the thing that people don’t realize. Ain’t a whole lot of difference between Joe and Roman. Uce been had that dog in him.” Jon starts off, sitting up as he explains. Somehow the topic landed on when they were growing up and how Joe’s always had “parts” of Roman in him. “Like one time when we was kids, we was playing a basketball game and he showed up late talking about “aye, let me join.” We tell him, ‘sorry man, we already started.’ He takes the ball, chucks it over in the neighbor's yard, talking about “ain’t nobody playing now.”

There’s a chorus of laughter, but your jaw drops open as you look at Joe, an easy task as you’re perched on his lap. “Did you really do that?” It’s almost inconceivable to see this man do something like that, especially as a child. “Joe, that was mean as hell.”

It’s the fact that he doesn’t deny it and simply shrugs. “Should have let me join in.”

Covering your mouth and shaking your head, you go to scold him for being such an ass, regardless of how long ago it was. But, Alexis soon adds in her two cents, looking your way. “I don’t know why you looking shocked and disappointed, you weren’t much better when we were in college.” She then directs her attention to the group. “So, we were cheerleaders, and Abby Lee Miller over here was a total nightmare during competition season.”

Gasping, you sit up, Joe’s big arm locked around your waist to keep you on him. “I was not.”

She rolls her eyes and takes a drink before admitting, “girl, I love you, but you were a bitch when you were in competition mode.” This is the first time you’re hearing this, so of course, it takes you by surprise. You won’t deny that you could be a bit…..intense during the season, but as captain, there was a shit ton of responsibility on your shoulders. Someone had to take the lead. “There’s a reason we had a whole group chat without you called, ‘Deliver us from Y/N’.”

“You had what?” This is news to you. As far as you were concerned, you had a great relationship with your teammates. It’s why your head coach let you take charge so much, especially in your junior and senior years. “Because I was doing my job?”

Alexis continues, ignoring your questions which is both annoying and predictable. She loves to tell a good story. “She’s the reason I’m hoping and praying Usher doesn’t perform More. It was the song for our Nationals routine, and when I tell you she was on us like goddamn slaves. That routine was hard as fuck, and she ain’t care one bit. It was hella good, like she choreographed the shit out of it, but it was so technical and draining. Bitches in the corner vomiting during practice, and she like ‘get a bucket and keep it pushing.’”

All eyes land on you, waiting for a response, but it’s hard to retort the truth, so you settle on justification. “Okay, that was their fault. I told ya’ll not to eat an hour before.”

Alexis claps her hands as everyone else around laughs. “I rest my case.”

“No wonder ya’ll go together so well,” Josh mutters, taking a drink of his beer. Kaylah slaps his arm but doesn’t say anything in disagreement. 

“What I’m hearing is it’s gon be a two night A&E special. First night? Surviving Joe. Second night? Surviving Y/N.”

Jon’s delivery is really what sells it. You can’t even hold back your laughter. Leaning back into Joe’s chest, you lift up both hands to flip them off. “Ya’ll not gon’ keep talking about my man.” Partially joking, partially serious, it’s not missed upon you how Joe’s deep chuckle in your ear is followed by his fingers innocently moving against the outside of your thigh. 

“You and your man was clearly out here terrorizing people,” Trinity laughs with a shake of her head. “That’s so crazy too, because you don’t give off that energy, Y/N.”

“I’ve calmed down a lot since I had my daughter.” And it’s the truth. Along with age and an extreme respect for your field along with your professional reputation. “But yeah, college Y/N…..she was something else. A little bit of high school as well, but mostly college.”

Alexis makes a sound and then blurts out, “tell em’ about the time you bust that stripper in the head with a bottle, and she had to get 75 stitches.”

Understandably so, there’s a round of shocked expressions and questions following Alexis so casually dropping one of the wildest experiences you had in college. 

You hear Jon ask something about if you have a criminal record, but it’s really Joe giving you that ‘you gon explain?’ look that makes you cave. 

“Oh lord, I can’t believe I’m about to tell this story.” You turn to Joe, warning. “You’re not allowed to hold it against me either.”

“Let me hear it first, and I’ll let you know after.” You know he’s joking, but still, you hit him on his arm. He’s supposed to hold you down, no matter what. Aggravated assault and all.

“Okay, so were at the strip club—”

Jon can’t help himself, asking, “damn, you got down like that?” 

He has no idea.

“You gotta remember, we were cheerleaders, so we spent a lot of time with the football and basketball teams. And they asses was always there, so we would tag along cause why not? I always had a good time. The food was good as hell too. Anyway, I was dating a football player at the time—”

Alexis slaps Joe on the arm. “She’s always had a type.”

“Yeah, ‘ain’t shit’, clearly.” You grab Joe’s jaw, clarifying. “Except for you, baby.” He mutters his approval, and you continue, “so, I was dating this dude, and he was cheating on me, which was fine. I wasn’t really into him anyway. But, turns out the girl he was cheating with was one of the strippers there and a classmate. I don’t know how the stupid bitch didn’t realize who I was before that night, but whatever. I guess she caught feelings for him or something and saw me as the problem? Mind you, I was dating him before he even started fucking her, but she called herself trying to step to me. And she was talking shit, which I didn’t necessarily care about because one thing I’ve never and will never do is fight over a man. Any fight I ever got into was because they said something about my mama or someone else I love.”

“How many fights you done—” Trinity elbows Jon who grunts and then mutters for you to keep going.

Chuckling, you do so, “so she calls me a bitch….okay, but then calls my mom a bitch, and at that point, I’m seeing red. Cause now my food is cold, I was about to get a lap dance that’s not gon’ happen cause now I gotta beat her ass, and all over some wack ass dick. But now she done bought my mama into it….absolutely not.” A beat. “I didn’t hit her first, because I never hit first, but I did say some slick shit that I knew would provoke her.” You decide to leave out exactly what you said given how graphic it was. “And she hit me, but then this other bitch joins in—”

“And that’s when I get involved,” Alexis chimes, raising her drink high and proud. “Because what you not gon do is jump my motherfucking best friend in front of me.”

Laughing, you continue, “so Alexis crazy ass is beating her friend, I’m on this girl, but then she calls herself trying to stab me with the heel of her shoe or something cause obviously I’m winning—”

“This some WorldStarHipHip shit if I ain’t ever heard—” Trinity hits Jon for his interruption and motions for you to continue going, clearly and deeply invested in the retelling of this wild ass night.

“I’m mixing on this bitch, cause one thing about me, I know how to fight. I just choose not to do it.” And it’s true. Fighting is a last resort, always has been for you, but make no mistake, you know how to throw down. “Anyway, I snatch the shoe out of her hand, grab this bottle of Hennesy I see near me and smash it over her head.”

“And it was lights out.” Alexis says dramatically. “That bitch was laid out like a crime scene. Patrick Star headass.”

Wiping the tears from your eyes from your laughter, you continue, “so someone calls the cops. They show up, and I’m starting to get nervous thinking she’s gonna press charges, because I bust her head open. She had to get stitches and everything. But I had made friends with the owner of the club—-that’s a whole other story—and basically, he refused to provide her with any video footage, made sure no one said anything about what happened, was friends with the cops, and they just chalked it up to a bunch of drunk girls being stupid. And I got off.” Clapping your hand to signify the end, you rest back against Joe. “The end.”

There’s a slightly understandable moment of silence before Kaylah calmly asks, “How drunk were you?”

That’s an easy answer. “Oh, I wasn’t drunk.”

“So….you did all that sober?” Trinity asks, like she needs to just make sure she’s following correctly. 

“Yup.” You pop the ‘p’ and look over at Joe who’s all of the emotions, primarily, amused, surprised, and strangely turned on. “Wild times.”

Jon is the first to speak after that. “Man, I always knew I liked you, Y/N. Your ass a little crazy, but I fucks with it.” 

Laughing, you explain. “You gotta keep in mind, I was like 19 at the time. I was young and definitely dumb in a lot of ways. I’ll be 32 this year and have grown a lot. I have zero desire to put my hands on anyone. I have a child and a career. I may be tempted, but I’m not going to actually do it.  I have too much to lose”

“And that’s why she has me.” Alexis lifts her drink. “I don’t have much to lose cause I’m rich enough to get off. Plus, she’s all boring now. You see how early we’re back. Back in the day, we’d club hop until like 4 in the morning. At least up until Junior year,” she gestures to you with her outstretched thumb. “That’s when this heifer had to get all studious on me.” 

“4.0, Summa Cum Laude.” You make a little pose and laugh. “I just got my shit together, and clearly….” you lean back to look at Joe. “ —it paid off.”

—----------

Obviously, you’ve never attended a professional football game, let alone the fucking Super Bowl, but even knowing that, you’re partially surprised by just how many damn people are there. It’s absolutely jam packed, and you’re suddenly grateful for the security detail that escorts the group of you to your seating area.

Joe holds Callie and keeps your hand in his which impacts you in a strange way that you can’t explain. This whole trip has been him being unabashedly open about you and Callie, and you’re starting to think that’s the part that’s still a bit difficult.

For three years, you felt like some secret he kept hidden and stored away, so to be so “displayed” so publicly is such a stark contrast you’re still trying to sit with. It’s not a bad adjustment, just an adjustment nonetheless. 

The section rented for the group is surprisingly spacious enough for everyone, and you and Kaylah immediately go delegating, having the kids all in the back rows with the men front and center to see the game they’ve been praying for all year. You knew Joe was a huge 49ers fan, hence your not being entirely surprised when you found a box at your apartment door with a bunch of 49ers apparel for you and Callie to pick from for the game. He also, in true Joe fashion, sent you both sneakers with the 49ers team colors of black, red, and gold. 

And one look at Callie as she interacts with her cousins, you can’t deny how adorable she looks, especially as they’re also sporting the apparel because of course his whole family are also fans. Granted, you can’t deny how adorable she looks all decked out like her daddy. You took a more subtle approach, agreeing to the letterman jacket and sneakers, combining them with the 49ers long sleeved crop top and stretch black pants.

There’s a lot of getting everyone settled and you warning Alexis not to make a damn fool of herself, which apparently she’s also dead set on. Something about needing to be ready to be either a consolation or celebration prize for whatever player she was going home with tonight. 

When the game starts though, it’s absolutely fascinating watching how intently focused the men are, not wanting to miss a single second. You’re suddenly really grateful you’d briefly spoke with Callie about how this game was very important to Joe, so his attention may not be on her as much as she wants but that’s okay because he’s just a little busy. She responded well, and you can see how helpful it is for her to be around not only other kids but her cousins.

The ease of their connection and ability to play together is something you’re so grateful for, so happy to see. It definitely makes you even more excited about moving, about her being closer to family. 

That thought reminds you to ask Joe when he wants to talk to Callie about that, about moving. It feels like something the two of you should do together. 

Ironically, you’ve never really been a huge football person, so your interest in the game and who wins is pretty slim to none. You’re there for a good time and, most importantly, Usher’s performance. Kaylah seems to be on a similar wavelength, so while the rest are deeply invested in arguably the most important game of the year, you two engage in casual dialogue. 

She gives you some much appreciated tips on the area, specifically regarding school systems and other resources for Callie. She mentions a dance school her daughter also attends classes at, and that immediately catches your attention cause Callie has given some indications she wants to do ballet. And while you have your reservations, it’s mostly been because of financial reasons.

Not that daddy warbucks over there won’t handle that for you. 

There’s also a lot of photos and videos that get taken to commemorate this moment. Most of which are headed by life of the party, Alexis. You’re grateful though, happy to have her here. She even catches your attention when Callie maneuvers her way over to Joe, tugging on his pants leg for him to pick her up. You start to bring her back by you, but you end up watching Joe pull her up, kissing her cheek as he patiently tries to explain the game to her.

It brings a warm smile on your face, and you use your phone to snap a photo of them. It’s from behind, but the lighting, the way Joe is pointing and Callie following his line of vision, there’s something about it so wholesome and moving.

You set it as your lock screen. 

By the time halftime rolls around, the men are all in great moods given their team is so far dominating. However, you and the rest of the ladies present are in a great mood for entirely different reasons. 

The minute you hear the opening chords of Caught Up, you’re in a completely different world, similar to the happy space of attending concerts in your teens and college days. Alexis is definitely your number one hype woman, but really, Trin and Kaylah are just as lit. The guys are definitely enjoying the show as well, but Usher has been that man for you, so he’s your only focus. 

It only gets exponentially better, and the minute he starts to perform Yeah joined by both Lil John and Ludacris, you and Alexis are shouting out every single damn word of Luda’s iconic verse. 

It’s definitely a moment you’ll absolutely never forget.

Unfortunately, the halftime show seems to be a bit of a climax as the third quarter progresses, and the tide seems to start turning in favor of the Chiefs. Similarly, it’s not missed upon you how the younger kids seem to be slowing down. Callie is definitely ready for bed and understandably so. It’s been a long day and is way past her bedtime. After a brief discussion with Joe and Josh, it’s decided that you and Kaylah will take the younger kids back to the hotel, especially since you both have very little interest in how the game plays out but respect the guys needing to stay. 

And Alexis wild ass most definitely stays behind for….obvious reasons.

Joe, of course, doesn’t let you and Callie leave without a hug, kiss, and telling you both he loves you. A tradition of sorts now, definitely one you’ll never get tired of.

Security escorts the smaller group of you to your vehicles, and by the time you’ve reached the hotel, the younger kids are tapped out. You manage to get Callie out of her clothes, into her jammies, and bonnet on her head before she passes out in her bed. 

Kaylah has a similar experience with her kids, the two of you plopping down on the sofa together. 

“I hope they pull the win. I don’t know if you’ve ever been around Joe when the 49ers lose, but he’s not pleasant. None of them are.”

“I get it,” you chuckle. “I’d be pissed if I paid all that money to see my team lose too.”

“At least we had our good time seeing Usher’s fine ass.”

Laughing, you slap hands with her. “I know that’s right!”

As the laughter dies down, Kaylah gives you an earnest smile. “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I really am glad you came on this trip. I’ve heard both the twins and especially Joe speak so highly of you, and they definitely weren’t wrong. More importantly, I think you’re really good for Joe. I haven’t seen him as happy as he is with you and Callie since we were in high school, really.”

“Can I be honest with you about something?” Her kind words make you feel comfortable enough to be forthcoming with her. “I was a bit nervous you wouldn’t like me.”

Her eyes widen. “Me? Why?”

“I guess…..I worried you would feel a sense of loyalty to Joe’s ex-wife, and given how we got together…..

She nods. “I can understand that, but…if I’m being honest with you, I’ve probably had more meaningful interactions with you in these two days than I did in all of the time they were together. Don’t get me wrong, Jadah was super nice and chill, but she never really interacted with us like that. She mostly kept to herself.”

“What was the deal with their marriage?” It feels a bit off asking her, but given she’s known them for so long, she of all people would be the person to ask. “I know….I know he told me they only got married because she was pregnant and that….that she miscarried.”

It’s when you say that she gives you a strange look. “Y/N…..they didn’t have a miscarriage.” Before the shock fully wears off and you can ask her what happened then, she explains in an understandably sad tone. “It was….it was a stillbirth. She was 8 months pregnant.”

Your stomach…drops. That….that’s not what you expected to leave her mouth. Not at all.

Thinking back to that brief conversation with Joe, he never really specified what happened. Just made sure you knew Callie didn’t have a sibling. You’d just assumed a miscarriage is what happened. 

But a stillbirth….your brain can’t even begin to comprehend the heartbreak they must have experienced. To be in a headspace that you’re welcoming your first child for the better part of a year only to have it so cruelly ripped away in such a horrific manner….it’s devastating.

“I didn’t….”

“He didn’t tell you?” You shake your head, and she offers a sad smile. “I’m not surprised. Joe seems very open with you and obviously trusts you a lot, but that….I know that messed him up real bad.” 

Just like finding out he’d missed out on almost five years of Callie’s life. You’re starting to understand more and more why he came at you so hard initially, it was more than warranted but most likely pulling from his prior trauma as well. 

Kaylah continues, explaining gently, “I don’t know…I don’t know if it’s a good idea to push him too much on discussing it, YN. He’s never even really talked about it to the twins, and they tell each other everything. I’m sure he’s never fully processed it. Then again, I don’t know how you can ever process something like that.”

Hearing this has suddenly entirely soured your mood, and you have no ill feelings toward Kaylah. Just the opposite. You’re grateful she felt comfortable enough to be honest with you. You just wish the truth didn’t have you with this dull ache in your chest.

—----------

The 49ers loss hits you harder for reasons completely different than actual fans. It makes you sad for Joe, a sentiment you were already struggling with, to be honest.

Anticipating he’ll be looking for some sort of distraction, especially with Callie knocked out for the night, you try to get your shower finished before he makes it back to the hotel. It’s a wasted effort, because not only does he make it back before then, but he scares the hell out of you when his hulking frame joins you from behind under the steaming hot water. 

But before a single word can leave your mouth, his lips are on you, and you know instantly that he plans to take his emotions out on you in the only way that’s most appropriate. 

Fucking.

Joe fucks you against the shower wall, on the bathroom counter, in the exact way you promised him the night before but couldn’t follow through on because you were tired. He’s rough, rougher than you’ve had him in a while, and while it’s exactly what you wanted, it also saddens you that you know he’s disappointed. 

It’s just a game, yes, but there’s something about a loss at this level that makes it hit deeper. It also doesn’t help that you were already feeling a tremendous amount of empathy toward him after finding out about his loss. 

Body completely used and thoroughly fucked, the end of your sexscapade finds you both, naked and worn out. Your body is draped upon his as his finger moves around lazily across your back.

It’s a comfortable silence when he asks, “was I too rough with you?”

Lifting your head, you give him the strangest look. How long has it been since ya’ll really fucked? He’s clearly forgotten how you get down. “Did you seriously just ask me that? This is me, Joe..” Laying your head back on his chest, you remind him of your only rules in the bedroom. “Unless I’m bleeding or passed out, never too rough.”

Laughing, he flicks your arm as you kiss his shoulder. Changing gears a bit, his expression softens. “Thank you for coming, for bringing her.” 

“You never have to thank me for that.” You remind, because it’s the truth. You’d escort Callie to Siberia if that’s where he was. “But we do need to figure out when we’re gonna talk to her about moving.”

He seems to also remember this is a thing, asking, “how do you think she’ll feel?”

You have to take a second to think about his question. It’s something you’ve definitely considered. Callie has only known your town. That’s her home. What would it be like to uproot her? You finally settle on the best, honest answer you can muster. “I think she’ll be a little sad to leave her preschool friends, definitely my mom but what she wants more than anything is to be a family, so she’ll be happy.”

“Does she know we’re together?”

“I—I don’t know actually.” It’s not really something you’ve thought about until this very moment, just kinda assumed that it was a given. “Well, shit, maybe we should tell her that too.” 

He chuckles. “I’m sure she’s probably put two and two together.”

“Probably so.” Callie is definitely one smart cookie, and it wouldn’t be too far fetched to assume she’s realized you and Joe are dating. “Oh, and going back to moving, it’s Florida. Disney is in Florida. That’ll definitely be a selling point for her.”

Joe’s hand moves up and down your side, soothingly. “We’re going the week of her birthday, by the way.” 

Peeking up at him, you double check what’s really obvious but also still so surreal. “To Disney?”

“Yeah.” 

“They let you off for a whole week?” That’s a stunner, for certain. “Coming off a Wrestlemania win? Damn, just how heavy is your pull now?” 

“What?” He seems confused by your question, like he doesn’t understand what you’re saying. And that’s puzzling to you because there’s nothing confusing about what you’re asking. You know enough about WWE to know how this works. He’s gonna retain at WrestleMania and be subsequently thrust deep in promos and segments. “Oh yeah….I’ve got it handled.”

Waiting for more is a waste of time with this man. He can be so coy sometimes. “You’re not gonna tell me anything more, are you?”

“Nope.” 

“Ass.” His elusive behavior is becoming both familiar and given but still annoying nonetheless. Regardless, you take your turn, switching topics a bit. “Have I told you how proud of you I am? Cause I am. So so proud of you, Joe. I always knew you could do it.” You lift up, biting down on your bottom lip as you push some of his hair back. “You’re gonna hold the record for most main events at Wrestlemania. Beating Hulk’s record. Thee fucking Hulk Hogan. And once you whoop Ken doll’s ass, you’re gonna have the third longest title reign in WWE history. Do you know how amazing that is?”

His hand is on your hip, making soft circles. “It’s not everything….”

Scoffing, you dismiss his dismissal. That is quite literally everything he ever told you he wanted. “The hell it isn’t. I remember every conversation we ever had about this, Leati. Your worries. Your hopes. Your dreams. This is what you’ve always wanted and worked your whole life for.” He’d always been so open and vulnerable about where he ultimately wanted his career to go, the burning desire he had to make it happen, and to see him do just that means the world to you. It should mean the world to him.

But there’s something off about his tone, and you can’t quite make out if it’s because he’s still reeling from the loss or something else. It almost feels like everything you’re saying is going in one ear and out the other because it no longer means that much to him. You know that can’t be the case. Not with how long he’s been grinding and working his ass off. 

His tone and expression are both appreciative as he shares, “I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much your support meant to me. You always knew the right thing to say.”

You lean down to kiss him, nice and slow. “I’m just really good at that shit.” Biting down on your bottom lip, you slowly start to snake your hand down his chest. “I’m really good at a lot of shit actually.” Whatever is bothering him, you know one way to help.

A really really good way.

Chuckling, his jaw clenches when you try to wrap your hand around him, fingers unable to connect from his width. He’s already hard for you. “You lock the door?”

You’ve never been so grateful for hotel rooms with bedroom doors that lock.

“Of course.” There’s no time wasted in moving so that you’re on top of him, reaching to align him just right so you can sink down on your favorite pastime. 

“My turn….”

—----------

Someone knocking on your door, loudly, at 11am, just hours after you land back in town wasn’t on your agenda for the day.

You, Callie, and Alexis caught an early morning flight that was difficult for everyone giving how crazy busy the weekend was, but especially for Callie who was already sad at having to say bye to her dad again and was still tired from lack of adequate sleep. 

You’re especially happy you chose to take today off and keep Callie home from preschool. You definitely need time to recover.

But life has a way of lifing. You’re immediately annoyed, looking beside you to see that Alexis is also stirring in her sleep, mumbling something about ‘fuck off.’ Sighing loudly, you stare at the ceiling, almost ready to leave whoever it is outside. But then they knock again, and you know this isn’t someone you can avoid. 

Even if you’re very tempted. Reaching for a robe, you pull it on and tie it around your wait, sliding your slippers on to make your way to the front door. Not even bothering to look through the peephole, you rip it open, ready to curse someone out when you see who it is.

Alyssa’s striking blue eyes are the first thing you noticed followed by the shine of the police badge attached to Officer Austin’s uniform. 

Why the hell is a police officer and one of the town’s social worker at your door?

“Hi….” You have to clear your voice, sleep weighing it down with coarse grit. “Is…is everything alright?” Panic briefly sets in. “Is it one of my students?”

This is the part of being a teacher that guts you, when a child is being harmed or at risk of being harmed and you have to make a call that does both a lot of good and a lot of bad. Alyssa has been the social worker you’ve worked with the most, but this is definitely the first time she’s come to your house about a case.

“Y/N…..” Her expression is grim, and you realize quickly that whatever it is is not good. Not good at all. “We received a report against you.”

“A report?” Your hand is gripping the door so tightly, you’re certain splinters are going to embed themselves into the pads of your fingers. But it’s a much better feeling than what’s starting to grow in the pit of your stomach. “What—what kind of report?”

There’s hesitation, and you understand why when she clarifies. “An immediate danger report.” 

“No.” Your stomach drops. “Alyssa, you can’t—-you can’t be serious.”

Your head is absolutely spinning. This…this can’t be right. A social worker and police officer cannot be standing at your door saying that someone called DCFS on you and made a report that not only is Callie in danger, but she’s in immediate danger. 

You’ve had the unfortunate experience of being the one to make reports, working plenty with Alyssa and the local police to navigate these cases. And it’s in that experience you’ve learned the definition of an immediate danger report and what it requires.

The immediate removal of a child from the accused home and custody.

They want to take Callie from you. 

Officer Austin speaks in an equally sympathetic tone. “Trust me, Y/N. I’ve known you since you were a little girl, and this makes me sick to my stomach. I hate it. I know it’s all lies and a waste of time and resources, but you know the law. We have to—“

However, you’re focused on Alyssa as you know the police are only brought along in case the situation becomes hostile. You have no desire to get physical with law enforcement, but you will get down on your hands and knees if that’s what it takes to keep your baby with you. “Please don’t do this. Alyssa, you know me—“

“I do, and that’s why I arranged where she’ll be released to your mom for custody and I got a hearing scheduled with the judge for you on Wednesday. It’ll only be three days—” If it wasn’t for the pending mental breakdown, you’d be more appreciative. You’d much rather Callie be sent to stay with your mom instead of put in emergency foster care.

You’re not sure if you’d be able to live with that. 

“Oh my god…..” You feel like you’re going to pass out, suddenly aware of Alexis' presence as she too asks more questions about what’s going on and who made this report. She’s, understandably, pissed. But, her last question is a no brainer. 

There’s only one person you know who would have a motive to do something like this.

“Three days without speaking or seeing my child! You know how attached she is to me, Alyssa!” It’s also in your experience with these types of situations that you know zero communication is allowed between the child and parent being accused until the emergency court hearing takes place. 

Three days without being able to speak to Callie….pain like this should never be allowed to be experienced. It’s a nightmare turned into reality. 

She truly looks remorseful, and you know she finds this just as ridiculous as you. “My hands are tied Y/N.”

Voice low, you finally ask, “what are the accusations?” If an answer was given to Alexis, you didn’t hear it, and regardless. You need to ask for yourself.

“Y/N.”

You repeat, no room for argument or refusal in your tone. “What…are the accusations, Alyssa?”

She swallows, answering in a low tone. “Child endangerment. Specifically….you’ve been accused of leaving Callie unintended to meet men for sex, and the accusation that made it immediate danger….is that you plan to prostitute Callie.”

It takes everything in you not to projectile vomit right on the spot, as you move your hand to your stomach, bent over. There aren’t enough words to describe your disgust and revulsion. 

Alyssa starts to provide more basic information regarding getting Callie back, but it's a waste of time.

You know this. You’re more than well aware of how this process works. Just never in a million years did you think you’d be involved in one of your own.

Absolutely defeated and crushed, you ask, “let me talk to her first, please.”

“Of course.” 

Alexis stays behind to follow up with additional questions that you’re partially paying attention to, but the majority of your focus is on staying upright. You could throw up and pass out on cue at this very moment. That’s how overwhelmed you feel, but the second your shaking hand opens Callie’s door, it’s an even bigger battle.

She’s still sleeping. 

Your sweet, innocent child is still sleeping, probably trying to recover from all the festivities from this weekend. And you have to wake her up. You have to wake her up to undoubtedly break her heart.

“Oh God…..” Hand on your stomach, you take three, big, deep breaths to settle your nervous system. Callie can’t see how much of a wreck you are. That’s only going to make it worse.

Sitting on the side of her bed, you clench and unclench your hands to minimize the shaking before gently pushing on her shoulder. “Calista, baby, I need you to get up.” It takes a couple of times, as you knew it would because you know your child like the back of your hand. The child who you would never do anything to endanger or any of the other egregious accusations made against you resulting in this nightmare.

Eyes blinking open, you chuckle at the pout on her face.

“I’m sleepy, mommy….”

“I know, baby.” You clear your throat, playing off the way emotion catches you, almost exposing the seriousness of this moment. “But…mommy needs you to get up. You….you’ve gotta go by grandma, okay?”

She looks at you, still with that pout and very much still partially sleep. “Can we go later?”

“No, baby. I—” This is inarguably one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. “I can’t go with you.”

And this is when you see her pout deepen. “Why?”

“Callie….” Hand on her face, you try to ignore the sound of your heart shattering. “You’re not gonna see mommy or be able to talk to me for a couple days, baby.”

And you knew, you knew before even opening your mouth that her eyes would begin to water that telling her this harsh but necessary truth would cause the reaction you’re starting to see. Her face is reddening, mouth dropped into a permanent frown.

It tears you apart to do this to her. “Baby, please don’t cry. It’s only for three days and—and you’ll have grandma, and—and auntie Alexis will visit you, and I’ll make sure daddy talks to you as often as he can—”

“But what about you? You’re my mommy.” She rubs at her eyes, crying harder. “Why are you leaving me?”

Pulling her into your chest, you swear to her, “listen to me, Callie, I will never ever leave you. Okay? The…the people who make sure little kids like you are safe and taken care of just want to make sure I’m a good mommy to you, o-okay?”

“But you’re the best mommy,” she cries into you, and a sob leaves your throat at that. Callie’s heartfelt tears, the fear and confusion in her little voice. It rips your heart to shreds. You hold her as long as you can before helping her get dressed and

gather a little backpack with a few items. 

You know she already has mostly everything she’ll need at your mom’s already.

Everything except you. 

Alyssa allows you to hold her as you walk down to the police car, but it’s when Officer Austin opens the door and Callie begins to cry, asking him, “please don’t take me from my mommy!” that you break again.

It’s impossible to keep your composure with your four-year-old child begging not to be taken from you. Pulling it together, you kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, reminding her that you love her, and that you’ll see her again before she knows it. It’s the best you can do, it’s the only thing you can do. 

Setting her down on the ground, you crouch in front of her, placing both hands on her cheeks. “Ms. Alyssa and this nice officer are gonna bring you to grandma right now, okay? I promise I’m gonna get you as soon as I can, baby, and no one will ever take you away from me again, okay?” 

She doesn’t say anything, face still full of heartbreak. She hugs you again, holding on tight. “I love you, mommy.”

Voice cracking, you whisper, “I love you too, baby.”

Eventually finding the strength, you break away and stand up to see Alyssa wiping a tear from her eyes. She then forces a sad smile and takes Callie’s hand, leading her into the back of the police car. Even being buckled in, you see Callie continuing to look back at you, sadness morphing with helplessness. 

And that’s the last view you’ll have of your daughter, looking hopeless and confused as to why this is happening. 

But you know exactly why this is happening. 

And you know exactly what you need to do.

“Y/N…..” 

Alexis watery eyes are a brief view you have before dashing up the stairs and throwing open your apartment door. Shaking hands manage to grab you car keys off the kitchen island as you head back for the front door only to find that you can’t march out because Alexis is standing in front of the door. 

“Move out my way, Alexis.” 

“Y/N. You’re upset. Okay—”

Snapping, you shout at her. “Move! Now!”

She doesn’t hesitate to match your energy. “Not until you fucking calm down!”

Snapping, you scream. “She just got my child taken away from me, Alexis! Don’t tell me to calm down! I’m gonna smash her fucking face in!”

Never…..never in a million years did you think Mariah could be capable of something like this. That she could be evil as to call DCFS on you, make up lies so horrific that it sickens you to even think about them, and have your child ripped away from you. Damn what this has done to you. What about Callie? Was she even thinking about how traumatic this would be for Callie?

She’ll be thinking about it when you stomp her head into the fucking pavement.

“Hey! You have every right to be upset, okay? But, this is probably what she wants! She knows they’re not gonna find anything on you, but you go over there and beat her ass, it puts the spotlight on you and then gives them a basis to question your fitness.” Alexis is such a sound voice of reason right now, but it’s hard to heed when your literal heart has just been ripped from your fucking body. “You need to focus on doing what you need to do to get Callie back, okay? Call Joe—”

Joe.

You hadn’t….you hadn’t even thought about him. How can you explain this to him? Explain to him that your child, the child he just found out about not even six months ago is now technically in custody of DCFS because of your friend. Is that even forgivable? Beyond that, how crushing is that going to be for him?

Eyes watering, you shake your head, volume a few octaves lowered. You feel like you’re about to have a panic attack. “No, I can’t—-I can’t tell him.”

Alexis steps to you, placing her hands on your face, centering you. “Yes, you can, and you will. He needs to know, and you need support right now. I’m here for you, of course, but that’s the man you love. You need him.” Her expression then darkens. “And don’t you worry about Mariah. I got that hoe. Believe that. You don’t have to put a hand on her. Imma do it for you.” 

Alexis words do both everything and nothing for you. Granted, you’re not sure if anything will be substantial enough short of having your child returned to your custody or all of this being some sick joke. 

You’re not even sure when Alexis walks away to grab your phone until she’s reaching it to you. “Call him, sweetie. I promise you he’s not going to blame you. He’s going to be upset for the same reasons you are: because this is all bullshit. But please, Y/N, just….call this man.”

Finally taking the phone, she nods with a small smile. She then goes to remove her earrings and pull back her hair. “I’m gonna go curb stump this hoe.”

Alexis goes to the back, and you just stare at your phone. You once thought calling Joe to tell him about Callie’s existence would be one of the hardest phone calls you would ever have to make. 

God, you were so wrong. 

Trembling fingers tap on the phone to bring up his contact, and with tears streaming down your face, you hit call.

Whether for better or worse, he doesn’t answer, forcing you to leave a voicemail message. 

“Hey.” It’s a fruitless and meritless effort to keep your voice strong when you feel anything but. “I–I need you to call me as soon as you get a chance….please.” Hitting end, both you and the phone drop on the floor. On your knees, you finally release the sob you’d been holding in for the past twenty minutes. Moments later, Alexis is besides you, comforting you.

Not that it does any good. 

There is no good left.

Only pain.

[lukolabrainrot]

Calm theory anon here!!

So I'm a bit frustrated with some fans pages today. So my instant reaction is to put them in their place, but I'm gonna try to go at this in a different way. We all know that Nicola has achieved in her career. She's getting accolades finally. And people are upset because Luke did not comment on her social media post. They feel that he should comment something. I want to ask you the ones that are actively shitting on Luke consistently if you put all of your life on social media? When your friends are doing phenomenal, do you go to their page and congratulate them consistently? Is Your whole life lived on social media? No right. Social media is a tool used to share bits and pieces of your life. It is a five seconds snapshots of your life. I may like a picture of my friends but then text them or call them and give my congratulations. Or sometimes I like to do it face-to-face. We do know that they are shooting Bridgerton. We do know that Luke and Nicola are probably already shot scenes together. We do know that they have each other cell phone numbers. We do know that they hang out off camera. So why do we think he has not said anything to her? Luke seems to be the type of person that does actions. Like for example Nicholas said that Luke was the first person That wished her happy birthday. That means he beat JVN, JD, Douglas, Camilla. We also know that he gave her a camera that she cherishes. Which shows that he took his time buying that gift. He is a thoughtful person and we know this cuz of nic and jade. So really who is the social media comment for? It's not for Nic because I'm sure he can tell her to her face. No the social media comments are for the fans. That's all we want to see some type of interaction between the two and so we give him shit every time he doesn't comment because we want to see their interactions. I'm gonna say this doesn't owe us anything. He does not owe us a damn thing we did not stick up for him. And how do you know he hasn't thanked her in someway shape or form already in person? We don't know.

There is so much criticism when it comes to Luke. Every little thing he does is criticized to point where he's had to get off of social media or at least limit his interactions and that's because of fans. Luke gave us a phenomenal performance in his role as Colin. Then he gave us six more months worth of tours that we all cherish. What did he do so wrong that he consistently gets hated on? He dated a girl. He should not be held liable for somebody else's decisions and actions. Contrary to what people think Luke cannot control grown people. He cannot control their actions. He cannot control what they post. Yes, he didn't stop being friends with them. But He's also human people. He's known Rory for how long? Years it's not easy to break connections with people. Maybe I give a little grace to people because I am flawed myself, and I would hate to be judged the way that Luke is being judged. Sorry I went out a bit of a rent. It's just people are pissing me off. Thank you for the safe place to speak.

💯

Ok I have to get this off my chest... these are all just my personal feelings/thoughts on all this:

If he did he would have just gotten TONS of hate under his comment… N would have had to clean it up and it would have turned into being about him and not her accomplishment.

I'm pretty certain these two are spending a LOT of time together BTS currently... I'm sure he congratulated her!

Just because he didn't comment on her post doesn't mean he doesn't support her or is happy for her... and guess what, he liked it so the fans knew that. That man ADORES and ADMIRES N, NO ONE can convince me otherwise.

SM is NOT a direct indicator of what is going on BTS. It is such a small part of our lives.

[zoniteillusion-pyritedreams]

Im curious is ni-ki possessive person as a partner?? Im curious it has different views from other readers some says no some says yes so? Thankyou♡

🖤✨ “What’s Niki of Enhypen Like As a Romantic Partner?”

aka: Possessive Boyfriend or Chill Bae? Let Aphrodite + Nyx Spill the Divine Tea 🍵

Okay Dreamweavers, gather ‘round.

I lit the candles, put on some sultry background music, and asked Aphrodite to give us the full 411 on Niki's love game while Nyx sat in the shadows making sure the truth got through. 😌💋

And oh ho ho girl... the cards gave us a novella.

We’re talking drama, depth, devotion, and just a touch of chaos. Let’s break it down so even your emotionally unavailable ex can understand. 💅

💌 Niki as a Lover: The Light Side

(The green flags, the soft-core romance anime vibes)

Dedicated as hell. When Niki falls, he falls hard and he’ll work to make it last. He's not the type to do half-hearted love; he puts in the effort, learns your love language, and shows up consistently. Expect thoughtful gestures, late-night talks, and surprise “I was thinking of you” texts.

🧠 Deep and introspective. There’s a very “I think about everything before I say anything” vibe. He’ll analyze how he feels, what you feel, and what the future holds. Low-key might write poems about you and never show you. 😭

💗 Emotionally intense but loyal. His love isn’t light and fluffy it’s soul-deep. He's all about emotional fusion, but only with someone who truly gets him. Once you’re “his person,” YOU’RE IT. Full-on ride-or-die.

🧸 He gives safe space energy. You’ll feel like you can be your messy, soft, and chaotic self without judgment (He likes a little mess & also Loki gives off that he likes a partner that might be a little jealous). He wants to nurture and be nurtured.

🌒 Niki in Love: The Shadow Side

(The drama, the angst, the inner monologue that sounds like a 3AM Tumblr post)

😮‍💨 Overthinker with a PhD in spiraling. He will absolutely create 15 different scenarios in his head about why you didn’t text back, all within 4 minutes. One missed emoji and he’s questioning the relationship like it’s a final exam.

🖤 Possessive? Yes emotionally.

Not in a creepy “don’t talk to anyone” way, but in a “I want to be your favorite person, why am I not your favorite person, tell me I’m your favorite person” way. (He's competitive for attention + emotionally moody if he feels neglected.)

🧨 Can bottle things up until they explode. He’s not always great at expressing when something hurts or upsets him... but you Will feel the energy shift when he’s mad. Silent stares. Minimal words. Vibes. 😬

💤 Loses steam if he feels taken for granted. He wants passion and connection (Low key Edward Cullen X Bella Swan vibes. I literally just thought of that one line from the movie where he was like. You're like my own personal brand of heroin or this is the skin of a killer Bella and then how they just mutily stare at each other for like 20 minutes in silence that kind of intensity vibes) so if the spark fades or feels one-sided, he pulls back/either to fix it or protect his heart.

💔 Big heartbreak scars. He’s been hurt (I don't know this man is just very Twilight coded cuz again I thought about that scene where Bella's just sitting in her room and it's like 7 months pass by and she's just sitting there staring out the window. It's definitely what his little heartbreak felt like. And I say little heartbreak just because like it's definitely giving me like Middle School romance I don't know why. I'm pretty sure this boy didn't go to high school and I mean that in like typical Idol fashion where they just start working so damn much that they don't have time to go to school. And I'm also pretty sure I've heard people talk about that so I definitely don't think it was like a teenage romance it feels like it was a preteen romance that might have happened before like the fame and everything came along but it really shook how he felt about love and shit like that. I also feel like he's definitely had a few like situationships as a Idol not a lot but enough of them that makes him feel like okay if I'm not getting passion and attention from my partner then like fucking Tinkerbell I will die bitch I will end the relationship before they do because I feel like that's how all his situations ended like the other person started drawing back and then he noticed and then by the time he was going to do or say something it was too late so now he's like I will beat you to the punchline.) and those old wounds still echo. So if you ever trigger abandonment or rejection feelings, even by accident, he might emotionally withdraw or lash out before you get the chance to hurt him.

🔥 Is Niki Possessive or Low-Key?

Answer: Possessive but not in the “you’re mine” way.

More like... “You’re my comfort person and I want to mean as much to you as you do to me, and I’ll quietly melt if I feel otherwise.”

He won’t cage you, but he’ll crave reassurance, emotional validation, and proof that he matters. A little clingy when he’s in love, but it’s the cute kind. 💞

🌕 Niki’s Love Vibes

Deep, emotional, & intense.

Will work HARD for the relationship.

Loyal to a fault, but gets in his head often.

Needs someone soft but grounded—who reassures him but also gives him emotional freedom.

Can go from chill to emotional hurricane if ignored or misunderstood.

Wants something real, not surface-level love. This boy is here for the soul connection.

✨ Disclaimer: This is a tarot-based interpretation meant for entertainment and insight. I do not know Niki personally, and this reading is all about vibes, not verified facts. Sending love 💖

( also in case any of you guys are wondering why I keep getting disclaimers at the end it's because I had one too many ask before of people sitting there and telling me that other people did not sit there and read certain people the same way. And accusing me of not knowing what the hell I'm doing and that shit's annoying like this is a divination tool people change all of the damn time. I literally do readings on myself like once a month and even the way that like my life is going changes constantly nothing is set in stone people change all the time. Also people pick up on different energies all the time so if I have to do a disclaimer so people will stop sitting there and thinking that I'm like purposely giving out information that doesn't make sense as far as they're concerned or they don't understand it that's not on me it's on you.)

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

taking away mc ships, what are you shipping in the our life cinematic universe?

okay so mcs are all off the table damn

hhhHHHHNNNNGHHH i had to think about this one for a minute

quick tldr:

lee/ren

derek/ren

baxter/liz

cove/baxter

opal/cliff

vianca/liz

serenity/tamarack

cove/tamarack

derek/tamarack

derek/qiu

okay so my first one might be a hear me out-er butー lee and ren. our sweet cousin lee and ren murray. LIKE CAN Y'ALL SEE MY VISION??? they would be the cutest girlfriends. like, lee is bright and forward but she's gentle and patient enough that ren's shyness wouldn't be something that grates her? and she'd gently coax ren out of her shell

lee doesn't give 'outdoorsy' girl, but she would definitely try out camping and hiking for ren because lee's the type to go out of her way like that. so yeah, definitely ship lee and ren for sure

another compatible person for ren that i can see is derek? like omg that would so fucking cute to me! both of them are sportsy, derek is literally a golden retriever in the shape of a person. he's very considerate and he takes that into account if ren comes over to hang out with his family, knowing when she needs her space

but if derek is putting too much pressure on himself, ren is there to tell him just that. she doesn't say it unkindly though. she just wants her bf to not be his biggest critic. and they love doing any outdoor activity together. when they get their families together, its suarezs versus murrays and afterwards they go to a family restaurant and talk the night away

ironically enough, even though baxter had a canonical crush on qiu when they were kids i don't see it moving past that. it's a crush fond to baxter's heart and he keeps it at that, a fond memory. definitely would never tell them ever. but if i was gonna ship him with anybody in the expansive universe of ol...

hear me out but i feel like liz and baxter would be surprisingly compatible. like, she doesn't take any bs and would get the guy to talk and open up. but if someone comes for him, she is right there in his corner ready to bat for her man. they'd have some good banter as well i think?

i think cove and baxter could also work if it's their step 4 selves. baxter is finally done running away from things and being more genuine and vulnerable and while cove is slow to warm up to people, he would see baxter is trying and slowly but surely their "we only hangout if our mutual friends invite us to the same space" turns into texting each of their own accord and eventually that becomes hanging out of their own accord

then the next thing you know, baxter is asking cove out on a date

oooh yes, i see it more clearly. cove and baxter would be a delicious slowburn for sure, it's drinking and leaving no molecules

i ship opal and yusuf together and i'm really hoping something comes from that when we get the full game however comma.... opal and cliff? i kinda see it and it kinda eats

outside of vianca's canonical gf, vianca and liz give power couple vibes. i don't think i need to expand on that, we all know i'm right and we all know it would eat

if i can't be with my autumn queen tamarack, i would want her to date serenity? they just seem like they would be the cutest cottage core gf/goth gf combination and the two friends in the group that everyone goes to for advice/drama. they gossip about it over tea and still they're the most wholesome couple you know

cove and tamarack also just seem like they'd be very cute together? summer boyfriend meets autumn girlfriend. in a childhood neighbors to friends to lovers type beat, i know they wouldn't get along as their step 1 selves. cove would be pretty put off by how loud and wild tam was at first. plus, neither of them would really like the same activities as the other

tamarack finds the beach boring and stagnant because she's a forest girlie and it isn't like cove is one to just be in the forest and forage mushrooms all day. but during one night when cove tries running away, strangely enough it's the loud girl he doesn't normally enjoy being with sticking with him the whole time and a friendship is birthed from that

step 2, cove is so there for tamarack when she is dealing with everything with her parents. and by step 3, he's telling tamarack he's been in love with with her since they were teens

chef's kiss, cove/tamarack hits different

step 1 derek sees this:

and immediately falls in love, i don't think i need to expand further on that. y'all know how derek is and i feel like everything i said about cove comforting tam can be applied here as well. he'd try to shoot his shot with making a marriage promise with tam too i see it very clearly

and, don't get mad at me for repeating myself but

step 1 derek sees this:

and immediately falls in love. but since qiu is a popular kid, good luck, my guy. at least derek can rest assured knowing that qiu's his good buddy and slightly more special than the rest. i think with qiu he might feel too nervous to do the marriage promise thing since qiu is a popular kid and who knows if he's already received a ton of those

in a scenario where they aren't close as step 1 folk though or qiu pushes derek away during their step 2 phase, derek is hurt but he still tries putting in the effort to rebuild that bridge, letting qiu know he's there regardless of what they're going through until finally... qiu reaches back

they had their ups and their downs but qiu appreciates derek not giving up on them and sticking with them through the hard times

by the time qiu is back to their normal rizzler self, derek's busy with sports and it is hard for them to meet up with each other but they stay in contact. but step 4 would be when they get together because derek let's it drop he had a crush on qiu when they were kids "haha definitely over it NOW though" (he is not)

qiu gains a crush on derek between steps 2 and 3 but never said anything because they kinda felt after being such a jerk to derek during a good chunk of high school, he doesn't deserve to pursue him but after hearing derek had a crush on him qiu decides they're gonna shoot their shot (happy ending ofc though)

i'm leaving terry and randy out of this though, they're too fucking cute for me to separate

[girlylukehughes]

Get him back!

trevor zegras x reader, jamie drysdale x reader, part one of the suneater au!☀️

part one, part two

Warnings: asshole trevor, cheating mentioned

wc: 1078

Y/n “Peach” L/n had met Trevor Zegras last summer while visiting her parents in Michigan. She was sitting in a tall barstool, simply people watching, when the tall blonde boy tripped over his own two feet and landed on the floor right in front of her. “Damn so people really do fall for me huh?” she said with a cocky smirk on her face, and an even cockier one appeared on his. “Yeah totally my plan of action here,” he said with a laugh, “I'm Trevor.” Peach reached her hand out to help him off the floor, “Y/n, but everyone calls me Peach.” Looking at her Trevor could probably tell why, her hair was the color of a ripe peach, “I'm guessing that has to do with the hair?” he questioned. “Partially, also because I grew up on a peach farm in Georgia.” So that’s where the accents from, he thought. “Well Peach, I’d love to buy ya a drink.” With the smile widening in her face, he already knew her answer would be yes.

Two months after that the fighting started. On their nights out his eyes would wander from his girlfriend to the other women in the bar. His ego didn’t help either. One night Peach was finally fed up with it and started speaking her mind. “You know it really sucks you scour for other women when I’m literally right next to you.” She scoffs, throwing her keys into her side table by her apartment door. Instead of feeling ashamed he just let out a small chuckle. “Babe I’m a professional hockey player, I’m 6’2, and I mean, come on, you’ve seen my body. Why wouldn’t I look when I could get anyone else I wanted.” Peach could feel the tears brimming in her eyes but she blinked them away and turned around. “For fucks sake, your ego is bigger than you dick I swear, and that’s saying something. Also Trevor, your height is literally public record, try knocking two inches off that.” In reality the relationship should have ended with that conversation, but he was so much fun to be around. Sure she thought his friends were weird for encouraging his behavior when they knew he had a girlfriend but when they’d go to parties and not come home until the early hours of the morning, all she could think about was the fun they have.

July 2022

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pic-ingpeaches: another song, another club, anther bar, another dance

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^pic-ingpeaches: ok weirdo

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After every fight Trevor had a way of making up for it. Whether it was getting her nails done, new shoes, a new bag, or some jewelry, it was always something expensive but never something thoughtful. After she caught him cheating she should have called it quits. But the next morning on her beside table sat a plane ticket to France.

November 2022

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pic-ingpeaches: city of love with my lover

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Peach had finally had enough when winter turned to spring and called it off after an argument about Trevor trying to get with her friends. Everytime she thought she missed him she’d just remind herself of all the shitty things he did to her. She didn’t know if she loved him, and she wasn’t sure if it was hatred or embarrassment she felt, but one thing she knew for sure was that she wanted to get him back. She wanted to make him jealous, make him feel as shitty as he made her feel. She’d see pictures start to pop up in her Snapchat memories and it’d make her miss him and she’d get upset but the sadness and longing never overpowered her need for revenge.

Many letters and long winded texts had been drafted but never sent when she’d miss the way he kissed and the jokes he’d tell her that had her clutching her stomach with tears in her eyes. Peach would pour her heart out and almost hit send or put them in the mailbox when she’d see her friends' faces in her mind, because they all knew what he did. They all knew he’d continue to do it.

June 2023

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pic-ingpeaches: he said I was the only girl, but that just wasn't the truth

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jamiedrysdale: he’s an idiot

^pic-ingpeaches: truest words ever spoken!

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user59: damn if someone would cheat on you I’m FUCKED

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When Peaches ran into Jamie while getting coffee they sat down and caught up, one coffee meet up lead to two, which lead to three times a week. After a month of them meeting up three morning as a week Jamie had a proposal, “Go on a date with me, a real date. Not morning coffee but a nice dinner.” Peach really wanted to, she really did, but she wasn’t going to ruin a friendship. “Peach, you said you wanted to get him back right? This is the way to do it. Make him jealous, make him feel embarrassed.” Her heart was beating a mile a minute, “Jamie, I do actually like you, like romantically, you know that right? Like this wouldn’t just be a ploy to get back at Trevor, I’m in this for real.” Jamie’s face lit up, “I’m glad we’re on the same page then.” “Well then Drysdale, pick me up Friday at 6.” Grabbing her bag she wakes out of the coffee shop, sending him a grin over her shoulder.

When Jamie showed up that Friday he had a giant bouquet of flowers in hand and a nervous look on his face. She was stunned, Trevor never got her flowers, hell no one had, but here was Jamie. Standing outside her door with at least $200 worth of flowers in his hands. The night was great, full of teasing jokes, blushes, and a sweet kiss at the end of the night.

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❌tr*vor❌: what the fuck

read 3:20pm

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[checkoutmybookshelf]

Ok, it's no surprise that I deeply enjoy Much Ado About Nothing as a play (and there are some truly delightful film and filmed staged productions), and there's a lot of talk about the scene between Beatrice and Benedick after Hero and Claudio's aborted wedding (Act IV, scene i).

What I don't see a lot of though, is how Benedick literally accidentally talks Beatrice into asking him to kill Claudio.

Yeah, Beatrice didn't walk into that scene ready to ask BENEDICK to make this right. Let's walk through the lesser-quoted lines from this scene.

We all know the iconic, "Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while," but then we get this little exchange:

Benedick. Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged. Beatrice. Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her! Benedick. Is there any way to show such friendship? Beatrice. A very even way, but no such friend. Benedick. May a man do it? Beatrice. It is a man's office, but not yours.

Benedick asking if a man may do "it" is a blatant offer to try to fix things, but it's pretty damn clear at this point in the text that he has big-ass heart eyes and hasn't thought this offer through, because the way to right Hero is to either get Claudio to recant--which he's not going to do because that is going to make him look like an absolute dingus and it will embarrass Don Pedro--or else to kill him in a duel. To ask a man to kill his best friend--even if that best friend is a complete and utter chungus--is cruel. It is one thing to call a friend out for being a dick to Hero, but to ask for Benedick's to be the hand that kills Claudio is a whole other level that Beatrice is going out of her way to excuse him from.

She is explicitly--and correctly, frankly, given the chains of command and power dynamics involved--excusing Benedick from being responsible for Claudio's behavior and correction. And while yes, part of dismantling the patriarchy is men holding each other accountable, murder is not accountability, it's the beginning of a goddamn blood feud. So Beatrice is over here very subtly going "You have clearly not thought this offer through, and I'm not going to ask you to kill your best friend." It is not his office.

And rather than hearing what Beatrice is saying, Benedick goes and MAKES IT HIS OFFICE by declaring his love for Beatrice. Which like...aside from this being not the moment, it just makes it even clearer that Benedick is not actually listening to Beatrice here. His focus is on her, but Beatrice is razor-focused on Hero and the fact that Claudio just more or less ended Hero's life. But here's the other thing.

I subscribe to the "Beatrice and Benedick had a prior relationship before the play and it ended badly" theory, because I think it explains a lot about their dynamics. But that also makes this scene a little bit risky and pointed. Because yeah, while Beatrice warns him not to swear he loves her and then eat his words, if they have a history, then her "Kill Claudio" is not just a request. It's a test.

He already didn't choose her once, presumably for way lower-stakes reasons. So to ask him to choose her, to be on her side, with all of what that means, is a test of a possible new relationship. And it's one Benedict comes perilously close to failing, because of course he's not going to kill his best friend and brother-in-arms.

And just like that, Beatrice is out, because Benedick "dare easier be friends with [her] than fight with [her] enemy." His choice is not her, and she will not be anyone's second choice. Especially given that choosing Claudio means that Benedick is engaging in the infuriating mental gymnastics where Hero can have been done badly wrong, but Claudio somehow isn't Hero and Beatrice's enemy.

This is not a complicated situation; Claudio was absolutely in the wrong, caused harm, and needs to be called on the goddamn carpet for it, and Benedick is over here trying to "both sides" it. I'd have been out too, and then he has the nerve to insist that he and Beatrice be friends before she's allowed to leave the stage! I adore that she then full-on goes off on him, and every single time Benedick tries to get a word in edgewise, Beatrice comes up with another argument and just cuts his ass off. There is no "letting him explain," there is no "I'm just playing devil's advocate," there is no "trust me, I know Claudio." There is only the facts of what happened, and Beatrice hammering them directly into Benedick's head. Lots of productions cut out the attempted interruptions by Benedick in favor of letting Beatrice run with a monologue, but if you look at the text, he tries FOUR SEPARATE TIMES to interrupt her.

But Beatrice just steamrolls on, and the thing is, it works.

Beatrice hits and refutes key arguments that we can just imagine Benedick bringing up. The bullshit logic of him being in a romantic relationship with Beatrice while supporting Claudio's actions. The undeniable public slander of Hero. The bullshit that is slut-shaming and measuring a woman's worth by her virginity. The divide between an "ideal" manhood and the reality of men's behavior. The nonsense that is how easily men are valorized for slandering women. Every point brought up and thrown in Benedick's face until he is left with only one final question; the only possible question that could matter at the end of this scene:

Benedick. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?

And Beatrice is very, very sure. Which ultimately is enough for Benedick to choose her, and agree that yeah, Claudio needs to be called out and corrected, and he is now on board with taking that responsibility.

It is kind of wild to me that this scene begins with Beatrice trying to protect Benedick from the reality of the situation, and insisting that if he wants to be in love with her, if he wants to be in her life again, then this time he has to choose her for all that that means. And as Beatrice makes clear, what that means is a disruption--if brief--of the patriarchy and the status quo. Being with Beatrice means that Benedick has to stop being the prince's jester and stand against toxic masculinity and harmful patriarchy in a real, concrete way.

It's Shakespeare, so that doesn't stick beyond the happy ending, but it is here, and Beatrice really said "if you want to be with me, you have to stand with and for me and the women around me" when it was clear Benedick wasn't taking no for an answer.

[mpreg-consandvans]

"Your middle school bully was right: our music is gay!" say The Gruesome and Gorgeous, announcing four band member pregnancies

Article originally published by Metalcore Media Group, May 6th 2024.

Following in the footsteps of their good friends and labelmates, Rotgut Potluck, five-piece outfit The Gruesome and Gorgeous have announced that four members of their lineup are expecting children in the coming months.

Pictured above are the band's five members. Starting in the front row, going left to right, they are: bassist Wendell "Dell Harms" Hammond, lead guitarist and screamer Joseph "Skinny" Montaigne, lead singer William "Billy Valium" Schoenbaum, and keyboardist Blaine "Valium" Schoenbaum. Behind them sits drummer Dorian "DD" Biltmore.

I got the chance to interview the band as they prepare to play their final mini-tour before taking an indefinite parental hiatus.

Metalcore Media Group: First of all, congratulations to all five of you on your upcoming parenthood!

Skinny Montaigne: Thank you!

Billy Valium: God, yes, thank you! MMG has been such an incredible help in us getting our career off the ground that we only felt it was right that you guys get the scoop.

MMG: So, guys, let's get this out of the way - what inspired this sudden choice to collectively come out of the closet, both with regards to your sexual orientations and your pregnancies?

Dell Harms: I'll speak for myself - I was just tired of hiding. I'm a private person, but I see the way our country is going and I know that we need more queer people out on the frontlines being loud. If I have to be loud, I'll be loud and proud about the fact that I'm a gay man who's having another man's baby.

Blaine Valium: Based on the long discussions we had before deciding to do this, Dell's description goes for pretty much all of us, though with the nuance that all five of us are at least partially homosexual, but we don't all identify as strictly gay. I consider myself bisexual.

DD Biltmore: And I'm somewhere in the pansexual spectrum. Obviously, I'm also not strictly a man [DD Biltmore came out as non-binary in November 2022], so I don't really strongly identify with "homosexuality" as such, but as shorthand, I would still definitely consider myself "gay" or "queer".

Billy: All of which are things we had to really sort through before we made this decision. Obviously, with this tour coming up, it would've just sparked a lot of rumors, so we had to get out in front of the story, because it isn't something any of us is ashamed of and we want to be very clear about that. All of us are pregnant by choice.

Dell: Some, more choice than others [laughs], but yes, all ultimately by choice.

MMG: Let's expand on that. Who was the first to get pregnant and what was the story there?

Blaine: [raises hand] That would be me. After our last round of touring ended, I went home and spent a solid week with my boyfriend. He was...well, he was happy to see me, if you catch my drift.

[Billy laughs and shakes his head]

Billy: Okay, little bro, I think that's all we need to say about that. [He pats Blaine on the hand]

Blaine: But yeah, we got a little careless and I quickly realized that my cycle was out of alignment. I got the positive test on day 24 of being pregnant, or something crazy early like that. I immediately texted Billy and was like "Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I think I ruined next year's tour".

Billy: Ironically enough, I got that text while Dell and I were actively in flagrante and it was a real slap in the face. [Dell blushes] We've been boyfriends for about four years, for the record.

Dell: We are open, though. Both of us have a few other partners on the side, but we're definitely still very much together and very much in love.

Billy: Oh, baby... [Billy leans over and kisses Dell] you're damn right I love you. Anyway, Blaine texts, we're hot and heavy, I'm suddenly all aflutter, everything's fucked, the condom comes off or something...I'm still not 100%, but I'm pretty sure that was when Dell got me pregnant. The night was weird, so I don't think we talked about it much in the moment, since I was trying to goad my brother into giving me more details. That was that.

Skinny: After Blaine texted Billy, I was next on the list, since Blaine knew that I've actually been trying to conceive for a couple of years and he didn't want me to feel like he was slighting me by getting pregnant on accident when I've been actively trying and still couldn't make it happen. He's very conscientious about things like that.

Blaine: I try to be!

Skinny: And thankfully, I was having a generally good day, so I didn't take it personally.

MMG: To be clear, Skinny, you were interested in becoming a parent for a few years before this? Were you in a relationship or just generally aiming to have a child?

Skinny: I turned 30 during the lockdown and it really put some perspective in my life. I had been in a lockdown pod with Anjo and Stevie from Rotgut Potluck for like 11 months and they were discussing fatherhood a lot at that time. I found myself kind of realizing that I also wanted to be a father, even though I wasn't in a relationship. I looked into my options and they were mostly out of budget for me. Besides, if I may say, I'm pretty good at sex, so I figured it wouldn't be that hard to find a nice guy to put a baby in me and go. Turned out a guy wasn't the solution at all! [Skinny turns back to face DD and beams at them]

DD: You're so fucking corny! [laughs] But yes, it was maybe two days after Blaine's announcement that Skinny came to me and was like "I know this is crazy, but you're one of my best friends in the world and I want to have your baby."

Skinny: Okay, it wasn't that blunt.

DD: It was pretty blunt.

Skinny: I buttered you up with your favorite candy first and I promised it didn't have to become a thing, at the very least.

DD: But it did become a thing. And then I put my thing in your thing and now there's our thing growing inside you.

Skinny: [turning back to MMG] You see what I have to deal with? They're like that every day. Just as corny as me. Our kid's gonna be a 80% cornball by weight.

MMG: So that just leaves Dell's pregnancy.

Dell: This is one of those situations that I have to be very particular about how I say what I'm going to say about my own pregnancy. Despite being in a relationship with Billy, the chance that this baby is genetically related to him is maybe twenty percent. It doesn't ultimately matter, because either way, he and I are going to raise both our kids together as siblings, but based on the timing, there are definitely other partners of mine who are likelier to have seeded me.

Billy: Blood is meaningless to me, if I'm being honest. It's all arbitrary. As long as you have people who love you and want to be there to raise you as their own, the rest doesn't matter. Dell's baby is just as much my child as the one growing in me.

MMG: Obviously in the wake of Rotgut Potluck, we're seeing a lot of other guys in the scene start to be more open about their sexualities and relationships. Most recently, Rad Herman of Seeker posted an Instagram photo announcing his engagement to his male manager and the fact that he was pregnant with their third child. A lot of fans were shocked that he'd managed to hide two previous pregnancies. Do you think this indicates that the scene is getting more accepting of queer people and fathers?

Photo taken from Rad Herman's Instagram account.

Skinny: Without a doubt, I would say. I don't think we would've felt comfortable coming out without the amazing supportive responses the RP guys and Rad got from their fanbases.

DD: I think Rad is also an interesting case in general, because to those of us in the scene, he was very much not closeted about his orientation or his pregnancies. He and [manager Owen Steinbrenner] did not hide the fact that they were in a relationship at all and we actually toured with Seeker during Rad's second pregnancy.

Dell: Billy and I are even [Rad Herman's second son] Grayson's godparents, after the bonding experience we had on that tour. Rad and I are a lot alike, in that we both crave a private existence away from being famous. I even briefly considered going his route and trying to keep my pregnancy a secret from the public, as he did. Six years of that would be too much for me, though. Mad respect he managed to keep two entire pregnancies under wraps.

Billy: If I could just jump in, I also wanna give a shout out to a genuine hero of mine, who was holding it down for punk dudes having babies over 40 years ago: Sherm Whittaker of Needle.

Photo courtesy of Sherman Whittaker's estate, taken in September 1981, depicting Whittaker backstage after a Needle show at CBGB in New York City. He was four months pregnant at the time.

Billy: Needle is an incredibly underrated band and Sherm's drumming is a major reason why their music stands the test of time. He was a transgressive, rulebreaking talent, the kind you only get maybe once in a generation. The fact that he recorded that solo part on "Have I Forgiven You" while seven months pregnant with his daughter and it's almost unreplicable by even the most talented drummers today really demonstrates just how good he was. Of course, it also says a lot about how things were back in the day that his life ended up where it did.

MMG: Refresh my memory on that. I'm not very familiar with Needle, beyond [their first and only LP] The Trademark Trackmarks.

Billy: Well, a few weeks after he gave birth, he was kicked out of the band and shortly thereafter, couldn't pay his bills and got evicted. No place would hire him and he couldn't even get housing, so he and his baby girl were living in a shelter. All the while, Needle is releasing The Trademark Trackmarks, which is chock full of his work and he's not seeing a dime of the money because they didn't put him on the credits, but he doesn't have the resources to find a lawyer. He turned to sex work to make a living and eventually had to surrender his daughter to the state, because it was impossible to rely on the kindness of strangers in the dangerous environment he was living in. He fell into a depression and started using drugs to cope. One day, he misses an early morning meeting with his case manager, who comes to the shelter to look for him and finds him dead in his bed of a heroin overdose. He was only 26, which is so beyond fucked up.

Blaine: Literally my age right now.

Billy: Exactly. If we were living back then, we'd have been in dire straits just for being men who love men and want to start a family naturally. Much love to Rad, Stevie and Anjo, and all the other guys in hardcore making the hard choices, because fatherhood is for many people, a privilege, but either way Sherm Whittaker is a goddamn martyr for us. Laws are written in the blood of guys like him who just wanted to live their lives and were beaten down by the system at every turn.

MMG: Turning to music, can we expect a change in the signature Gruesome and Gorgeous sound, now that you're all opening up about your lives and relationships?

DD: I don't think the new material we've been putting together is a big departure in sound, but I do think it will recontextualize a lot of our older work. Unfortunately for our fans, your middle school bully was right: our music is gay! It always has been.

[Other band members laugh]

Skinny: We always had hard moments and soft moments, but now everybody knows that that was mirroring a physical object in all of our lives that gets hard and soft. [Everyone laughs again] In the new stuff, I'm still screaming plenty and keeping my voice in even better condition than usual, since pregnancy has been changing my vocal range a little bit and I have to keep on top of that. We're still the same band we always were and we want to keep giving the fans what they want.

MMG: Can you tease anything upcoming?

Billy: [Glancing at Skinny] Well, we definitely will need a few more months in the studio before we start talking about any plans for another LP, but we can actually tease a few small things. Skinny and I were invited to do some guest vocals for a band we both adore.

Skinny: We can't say exactly which band, but let's just say that we were overjoyed and freaked out when we got the offer.

MMG: Is that...is it [Las Vegas happy hardcore band] Joyfreaks?

Billy: Shhh. [Holding a shushing finger up to his lips and winking exaggeratedly]

MMG: Well, guys, we're out of time, but thank you so much for giving us the chance to write this piece. Best of luck with your pregnancies and any upcoming music!

[2af-afterdark]

Giggling, kicking my feet, twirling my hair, I'm so glad you like my thots :3 Bael is the first character to get me this down bad and I need to do something with the brainrot, so you can 100% expect more in the future teehee

Also, this has been plaguing my thoughts for a while and. Are we going to talk about the very noticeable yandere and/or cannibal vibes Beel gives off? Like, it's not even just vibes at this point, tbh. There's that one sprite with his crazy smile, one of Bael's first chats says that Beel is "the type to fully immerse himself in whatever he likes" and then talks about having MC around so I'm pretty sure it also applies to his romantic interests, one of his homescreen lines goes something like "I keep thinking only about you whatever I do" and I'm pretty sure he was the roughest with Minhyeok during the first event (I expected it to be Levi, but he pretty much just scowled, meanwhile Beel grabbed him by the throat and honestly seemed like he was considering snapping Minhyeok's neck for getting his scent all over MC). I'd say there's a good chance he'll turn out to be at the very least pretty possessive and/or obsessive, if not downright yandere.

And the cannibalism is like. Literally just there. He ate the fifth seraph, and while technically cannibalism is eating your own species, I'd say angels and devils (and humans) are similar enough for it to count. Then there's the fact that during the current event he just casually fucking brought a bloody bag "big enough to store a demon" and asked to cook the contents (and people were only debating whether it was an angel or a demon corpse or maybe human hearts). I also can't remember the specific examples, but I recall that there were a few chats where I felt like he wants to eat MC's ass and not in a kinky way. Bro's the type to say "I could just gobble you up" and do.

Anyways, I'm starting to realise I cannot be trusted with a keyboard, I keep sending you these long-ass wall of text asks, I'm sorry 😭

— 💛

I understand you. I am also ace as fuck, but fictional men in need of a hug and a vacation are, like, the biggest fucking turn on. I feel that real deep emotion that makes my head dumb. lol

And, yes. I did notice. That's why I wrote Indulgences, actually. Bell is very cannibalistic and eats so many things that strike terror into the hearts of man. Ate an angel, ate some meat of unknown origin, implies often that he should totally be devouring MC. Like, eating and sexual metaphors have been interchanged for a long time, but with him... Sometimes it doesn't feel like a metaphor...

I know he has more lines about "eating" MC, but this is the one where I did a doubletake and actually wondered in what way he meant he'd eat them.

Interestingly enough, I get the cannibalism vibes, but I do not fully get the yandere vibes. In fact, I'd say he gives some of the least yandere vibes... in a sense. Bell is actually rather chill about MC seemingly spending time with others and has virtually no possessive tendencies when compared to devils like Leviathan or Bael. In fact, out of the interactions I've unlocked with him, he seems to almost never bring up lines that can be interpreted as keeping MC to himself.

That's why the moment with Minhyeok stood out so much. It was a moment where Bell actually showed a real possessive moment over MC. Although, it is unclear if he was being possessive or protective. I mean... this stranger walks through your electrified fence to get into your home and they smell like your squishy human? God damn right he's about to freak the fuck out until he has an explanation. Bell is actually very protective overall.

((I don't have screenshots since I didn't take them at the time AAAAAAA))

[vesselandmoon]

Random thoughts for Occasional Misbehavior

Just because it's a side fic that has no plot and is mostly smut doesn't mean I don't have sweet headcanons for it so... yes. This is them and no, there are none that are NSFW so I'm going to smut tag. Still, I don't want to take up space so it'll be below

While I don't subscribe to the idea of love languages in a serious way, I think it can be interesting to assign traits to characters and see how they manifest. So since OM has five characters I gave them each a love language and this is how I think it manifests for them. I might add to this as I have ideas.

Vessel - Physical touch - This one is likely obvious at this point haha. I feel for him it comes across as wanting to be in contact at all times, even if it's a small touch. Holding hands, touching elbows, grabbing wrists, lingering touches. A lot of skin to skin. Most likely to want to shower or bathe with the other person and it doesn't even have to lead to anything more. He's busy composing? Halfway through he's going to remember the other person exists and go tackle them. Spend a few minutes holding them, cuddling with them, then go back to work. Worst thing someone can do to him is deny him these things. It will break him if he hugs his person and they do not reciprocate or if they are distracted while he's trying to get some affection.

II - Words of Affirmation - II would be the most likely to send random texts through the day or write letters for his person. He loves to make his person feel wanted even in some small way. It's not uncommon for him to write on his person in their sleep. Something cute and inconspicuous they might find by accident through the day. He also likes to leave messages on the bathroom mirror so when it fogs his person gets a cute reminder of how pretty he find them. Lots of praise. He is proud of his person, he notices the things they do to take care of him, he sees a lot of what they do and loves to make them feel valued. For him, he is hurt if his person is negative or critical of him. Them raising their voice or if he talks and he feels ignored.

III - Gift Giving - I can see gift giving from III being a bit unhinged. It isn't about expensive gifts, he will love you forever if you think of him enough to bring him a bag of candy from the store. He is a bit of a hoarder in that respect, since if it's not edible he will keep damn near anything he's given and even after that person is gone, he will have a hard time giving up what they gave him. Think of him a little like a crow. Found a pretty rock the color of his person's eyes? He'll bring it to them. Cool buttons that are their favorite colors? Prepare a space for a jar of them. He has a solid understanding that others may not see these trinkets the way he does and doesn't expect them to keep everything but don't let him know the item wasn't kept. That being said, the worst thing that could happen to him is an ex bringing him a box of items he's gifted them with while they were together.

IV - Acts of Service - I'm going to say in the context of this story, he is a bit of a mother hen in a way. Now, that doesn't mean he's mature and nurturing all the time, but there are ways he shows he cares. For example, feeding his person off his fork or with his bare hands. Walk in on him cooking, be prepared to take piece from his fingers for a taste. He makes sure they're fed, have clean clothes, take care of themselves. Stressed out? He wants to give you a massage. He'll do the laundry this time, don't worry about it. Sink full of dishes because you've been overwhelmed? He'll do that too. His acts of service go beyond domestic measures and he will absolutely be their scary dog privilege in public. Just don't take advantage of these things. He loves when he's considered too and if he feels he's doing too much, he might question if his person is using him.

Celie - Quality Time - She's a simple creature in a lot of ways and loves the most basic forms of quality time. Feel like going to the gas station at 2 am for a snack? Her person better wake her up to go with them. Even that is precious time. Watching movies, night rides, or even sitting at opposite ends of the couch with just their foot touching her leg, she's content. Being in the same room is enough but she will act like a puppy if her person gets up and leaves without saying where they are going. Not that she demands this of them, but if they are gone too long she will wonder where they went. Cancelling plans too many times is devastating to her, especially if it's over text and not conveyed in person. At the very least, the other person should attempt to reschedule or she will question her worth in their life.

[sunset-a-story]

Writer Q&A Tag Game!

I got tagged by @touloserlautrec on this one and you can see their answers here.

I'm not sure who hasn't gotten this one yet but I'm no pressure tagging @squarebracket-trick @captain-kraken @vsnotresponding & @tisiphonewolfe (and open tag)

1. What motivates you to write?

The whole absurdly-large scope of Sunset is going on in my head whether I'm writing it or not. You know when you have a song oppressively stuck in your head and the only thing that helps is to listen to the song all the way through? It's like that. If I don't write it out, my brain just churns it over and over on a loop.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Ooo. Hrm. Here's something from Arc 2.

Gerrit's heart sank. The idea that this sort of attack was more than a sporadic phenomenon was a dreadful, heavy thing that he didn't have proper words for. But that was the benefit of telepaths--he didn’t have to. When Gerrit would normally have needed to look away, attempting to grasp his fingers around some sort of words that even remotely fit the gravity of what he was being told, instead he just looked at Penn and felt. Penn held his gaze for a moment and Gerrit felt a gentle nudge of his telepathy. Penn understood. “Go.” Penn clapped him on the back.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

It's tough to pick! I'll say Marek just because I enjoy his antics and stalwart refusal to be a "serious corporate adult" while being one of the most competent people in the Corp. (Plus he and Baguette are a package deal.)

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I guess I'd have to say planning/mapping the big picture. Sunset covers a lot of threads that all branch out to affect others down the line with cascading consequences. It's all connected somehow and I feel like I do a decent holding it all in my head.

(That and I think I can write some pretty damn funny dialogue to break up the tension of the rest of the story.)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The people! It's so amazing to meet so many supportive writers and get to get excited about everyone's projects. Listening to other rant about their oc babies brings me so much joy.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've been using StimuWrite 2 which has been a great motivating tool. It's a program helps to keep me focused and I can create a mini fake coffee shop background with it.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I love our take on telepaths because it's not a matter of just hearing thoughts or seeing them like on a movie screen. It's synesthetic and young telepaths have to learn to translate this internal language.

Each telepath's experience is different. Penn's is heavily smell-based like information he takes into his body from outside. Jake's is more external with sounds and physical sensations pressing themselves onto his skin, wrapping around him. Reeve's is more internal with tastes and colors that flow from the backs of his eyes and down his throat like a liquid--so if his knack gets overwhelming it can make him feel like he's choking or drowning.

I like to think that how telepaths perceive their knack has an influence on them in the same way that what knack someone has will influence who they are. (This also makes conflict between telepaths really interesting to write!)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Allow yourself to have fallow times where you aren't writing. That's part of the process. I think the saying is something like anything in nature that is producing endlessly without rest or renewal is dying.

Don't give up on your projects, write that shitty first draft, but don't beat yourself up with guilt when your brain needs a break.

[summercourtship]

Um… hi Kyra! Be prepared bcs this will be a long one…

So, I finished KCU about four months ago, and let me just say that I think it’s a masterpiece, everything about it is perfect, one part in particular that I loved was how relatable the reader was (Believe it when I say it, it is HARD to do that, especially when you don’t know WHO is reading) I could definitely see myself doing exactly what she was doing! I loved how possessive Kylo Ren was and how he as also extremely conflicted about the reader herself, you managed to portray his turmoil really well! A part that BROKE me was when Leia was talking about how he got his soulmate phrase… Damn… you’re telling me this kid, that already thought of himself as a monster, was super happy that he HAD a soulmate, because that was a confirmation that he could be good and be loved unconditionally by someone, only to have his hopes CRUSHED when HIS MOTHER read to him what it said???!!!! DAAAANNGGG GIRL!!! You woke up and chose violence!!!!

But anyway, let’s get to the point that I wanted to get… ahem… if you’re comfortable… AND ONLY IF YOU’RE COMFORTABLE… (if not, ignore this part all together) I wanted to know if you have plans to continue it, i have been searching in your profile (stalking) for a reason why you stopped(not that i am obligated to have one!!) and the only thing i could find was that you stoped writing for KCU was bcs you felt that people wanted to end in a certain way and you didn’t (I could be wrong btw it has been a long time since I saw it) and that’s so sad! BUT I am really happy with the chapters we have! I love re-reading them! In the end you should put yourself first, if it’s not making you happy then you should not stress about it!

Also… if you don’t have any plans for it… I think it would be really cool if showed some BTS! I saw the other ask saying the same thing about STBOTDI (amazing fic btw) and i thought “hey it would be pretty neat if she did it for KCU too!” so if you’re feeling generous, feed this starving woman?

Anyway! thanks for listening to my rant! Thats all Folks

oh, kingdom come undone, my beloved. thank you so much for your kind words- it's been a while since I've looked back on KCU. I'm pretty sure I cackled when planning the part with Kylo's soulmark and the revelation about how it appeared because it's so sad lmao.

I do have plans to continue it, eventually. I want to go back and edit earlier chapters (and truly EDIT them, like overhaul level of editing) because I want to put it back on track to the vision I had for it originally. A big part of why I kinda fell out of love with writing it is because I felt like there was going to be a lot of people upset that I didn't make "Ben Solo" happen because fuck that shit, I like Kylo Ren bc he's a piece of shit who is sad sometimes not because he's an uwu soft baby who made a lil mistake.

But also, I started writing it in a really hard time- I had been dealing with extreme isolation due to both COVID and some things that happened with my friend group that ended up separating me from them (I had my family and I'm very grateful but there were months before I returned home from my college apartment because I wanted to be independent and believed it wasn't that bad and ended up just... not coping well with that, I'm afraid). I started planning KCU when I was in Pennsylvania for my grandmother's funeral and was writing it while dealing with extreme anxiety and depression combined with the struggles of being on different medications. So, while I do hold KCU in my heart and I love it, I do view it as a time capsule and know that I was writing it to distract myself from and cope with the shit I was dealing with. All of that makes it hard for me to go back to it because it feels very vulnerable, even if it doesn't come through in the text. I don't know if that makes sense.

BUT yes, I would love to one day go back, give it some TLC, and finally finish it for you all. I don't know if I have any BTS I could share right now because I really want to sit down with it and fix it, but once I'm comfortable with the state it is in, I will share.

Thank you so much. <3

[weixuldo]

Enigma// Ch 11

Anakin x F!reader

(a/n: this chapter is decently long, but for the next chapter be prepared for several time skips… gotta get to the climax of the story hehe)

NSFW

Unexpectedly, Anakin invites you to an impromptu dinner

Warnings: Sex, Cursing, vaginal sex, Oral sex

_________________

After Anakin opened up to you he started to contact you more frequently…much more.

He would ask you about your day, text you encouragement about your classes, or just text about random things on his mind. Not that you minded, but you were a bit surprised that he was initiating more interactions than you were. 

Recently your mind had been racing with thoughts, what were you doing? Was this ok? Why did you feel this way?

You would lie on your bed and just look at the ceiling and think.

Yes, this “thing” you had with Anakin was questionable to an outsider’s opinion; an almost 40 year old army vet and an underclassman college student who doesn’t have her life figured out.

But you really liked him and genuinely felt safe with him. Hopefully he felt the same about you; you really wanted to believe he cared for you.

Almost as if he could sense your thoughts, your phone lit up with a text from him.

“Hey, if you’re free tonight, would you want to get dinner?” 

Your heart was racing, he had never asked to do something with you other than maybe come to his house. Before you could think, your fingers had already pressed the small letters on your phone screen.

“Of course!”

Fuck, you sounded too enthusiastic…

You tossed your phone to the other side of your bed and hugged your pillow tight; your mind raced with trivial anxieties.

What if I responded too fast?

Did I sound too childish?

I should have just said “sure”...

What if he thinks I'm too interested?

But just as quickly as you responded, your phone dinged again. 

“Ok, would you like to meet there or would you like me to pick you up?” 

Pick you up? You didn’t think he could drive…

“Actually my car is having some work done right now, so would you mind picking me up?”

You tossed your phone once more and watched anxiously as the three gray dots blinked across the screen to indicate he was typing, which, you knew took longer because he had to speech-to-text it, but damn were you on the edge of your seat. 

“If I minded I wouldn’t have asked.”

Typical Anakin, you laughed at how worried you were over a stupid text. 

Soon enough the sun began to set and Anakin was on the way. Your heart pounded as you anxiously waited in your dorm… What were you doing… no really. What were you doing?

You and him were in totally different places in your life, you were still in college for fucks sake.

You didn’t know what you were doing with him, did you ever want to date him? Why were you doing this to yourself? 

Even if it did work out, how would you navigate life with him? Would you be able to help him with his accommodations? Would he-

Your phone buzzed, scaring you.

“Hello?

Hey, I'm here. Should I park, or..

“No it's alright, I’ll be right out” 

Alright.

As you gathered your stuff you took one last look in the mirror. You looked good, you tried not to get too fancy but also not too casual. Afterall, who’s to say this “dinner” was even a date…

You locked your door and headed out to the lot. 

The weather was nice and the sky was painted with beautiful shades of oranges, yellows, and pinks. You spotted his car outside of your hall, it seemed to be pretty normal from the outside. As you got closer he turned his head to the side and nodded to you. 

The car had a lingering scent of fresh eucalyptus, most likely from the cooling gel he used on his limbs; not that you minded. You closed the door and smiled at the man beside you.

He was dressed in gray sweats, a white shirt, and a forest green zip up; his hair seemed to be a little more kept than usual and you could smell hints of cologne.

“Hi,” you said as you buckled your seat belt. 

“Hey” he responded, looking back over your seat to pull away from the curb.

His right arm sported a hook-like mechanism that fit onto a steering knob in the center console. He rotated the peg to steer the car as his other hand controlled the speed and brakes. You were quite astonished as to how the car functioned, it was remarkable that technology allowed for him to drive, a few years back it would have been impossible. 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer” he said, eyes not moving from the road. 

“Huh? Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean..”

“Relax, I’m just being an ass,” he said lightly, shooting you a teasing glance. 

You smiled and looked out the window at the darkening city. 

__________________________________

You arrived at this italian restaurant downtown that was pretty well known for having the best spaghetti in town, not too fancy though. That's good. Keep things neutral.

Anakin drove up the row looking for a spot, there was one available one at the front of the establishment, it was a handicapped one; but he continued to go for the spot.

Oh.

He could park there, how did you forget? 

He headed towards it when another car quickly cut him off and claimed the space. He cursed as he slammed on the breaks. 

“Fuckin idiot doesn’t know how to drive” he huffed, swiveling the steering knob away from the spot. You watched intently as an arrogant looking guy got out of the parked car, he didn’t even have a handicapped sticker or tag.

What an ass.

The only other spot left was at the end of the lot, farthest away from the restaurant, you knew Anakin could walk there, but you still felt bad that you had to park so far; though you decided to keep your mouth shut, he already seemed embarrassed enough that he was robbed of a spot (a handicapped spot, no less) and you were still figuring out how to navigate his ill temper. 

Instead, once the two of you were out of the car, you gently wrapped one of your arms around his left, garnering a surprised look from the older man. 

“Something wrong?” he asked, almost worriedly.

You smiled up at him, “no”.

He pursed his lips slightly and nodded his head before returning a small smile to you. If he had given you that look when you first met him, you wouldn’t have been able to notice he was even smiling at all. 

___________________

The two of you shared a nice meal in the dimly lit restaurant talking about random topics that came to mind. Most of the time a wide smile was plastered on your face and the rest of the time was you just observing the man in front of you; he was sweet- caring even, you never would have imagined the guy you met at the bar could have as much heart as the man in front of you. 

“Well, I guess that's what I get for being a smart ass,” he laughed, finishing an intriguing story from the other day.

You smiled and placed a gentle hand on his gloved one that was lying palm down on the table; as he saw where your destination was, he looked up to meet your gaze.

“Well I like your smart-assery” you giggled at your made up word.

‘’Smart-assery’?” he questioned with a playful grin.

Rolling your eyes you nodded, “Mhm, the quality of being a smart ass”.

His starry blue eyes trained on your glowing face as he grabbed his wine with his free hand; he lifted the glass and announced “well. Cheers to a new phrase, coined by no other than our own y/n” he teased. 

You felt your cheeks heating up, but you joined him in his comedic toast.

Soon after he paid for the meal and the two of you set off; he offered for you to go to his place or back to the dorms and obviously you went with the handsome man who you had taken a particular interest in. 

After starting a random movie in his living room, you found yourself inching closer….and closer…and closer.

Before you knew it, you were practically lying in his lap, you divert your attention from the tv up to him. He actually seemed pretty into the show, but you chose to be bold; lifting yourself up on your elbows, you gently tilted his jaw towards you and let out a breathy sigh when he looked into your eyes. 

His brows upturned in interest and you slowly brought his lips to yours in a sensual kiss. A stifled moan escaped his throat as you reveled in the feeling of his cool stiff arm dragging itself up your body. 

He shifted his position so that you were straddling his lap, his quickly hardening member pushed up against your core.

The kiss broke and you drew yourself back to take in the sight of the man that was under you; a light blush flushed across his charming face, his sandy hair falling nicely around his face, and his chest increasingly rising up and down.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“No reason, but if you don't like it, i'll stop” you teased the older man, though you already knew what his answer would be.

“I never said I didn’t like it” he responded, eyeing your plump lips. 

Soon enough you were riding ing his thigh and had a handful of his sandy hair in your hands.

As you rolled your hips against him you could feel the top part of his prosthetic and the way he trembled a little when you would moan.

His mechanical hands gripped your back as best they could and his face was plunged into your chest, kissing all over you. 

“A-anakin” you called drawing him closer to you.

“y/n you are so fucking beautiful” he said grabbing the clasp of your bra. 

You smiled and leaned down to his ear as your dominant hand brushed over his bulge,

“I want you Anakin”.

He halted his movements and his brows furrowed a bit causing you a shred of worry.

“All the way?” he asked gingerly.

“All the way. ”

“Please don’t tell me that unless you really want to… last time we were drunk…i- I don’t know, I don’t want you to regret-”

You knew he was coming from a place of insecurity, he felt like less of a man because of his disabilities; you remembered after the first time he immediately covered his body and went back to defensive responses. But this time he was actually communicating his concerns, he was allowing himself to be vulnerable. 

You felt a swell of pride… he trusted you.

You placed a gentle hand on his left cheek, “Anakin, I won’t regret this, I want to…I want you” 

That seemed to flip a switch in him, because he took in a sharp breath before turning you over on his couch so that you were underneath him. Your eyes widened at the sudden motion and you drew in a breath. 

He grinded his clothed cock into you as he continued to make out with you. Soon you helped him discard his pants. He hovered over you and lowered his gaze southward then back to you, “may I?”.

You nodded and before you knew it he was between your thighs, a strong grip on both of your thighs and his skilled mouth, hard at work on you.

As his tongue passed over your most sensitive regions you gasped and writhed under him. You lost track of time as your mind went fuzzy from his mouth; you felt your climax approaching, just a little longer….just a little..

You gasped at the cool gust of air that passed over your pussy as Anakin sat up. You looked at him with needy eyes and he stared back mischievously.

“Ani?” you panted

“Did you think I was just gonna give you what you wanted that easy? Hmm?” he mused, tracing a metallic finger down your stomach. 

“Well, I do think you’re ready to take me,” he inquired, wiping you off of his face with a smile.

He situated himself over you and waited until you nodded for him to go in. Once you did, he pushed himself into you and both of you couldn;’t contain your moans. You were tight. Maker, You were so tight. You felt so good around his cock. 

Shivers ran through his body with every thrust he delivered. 

He felt like his old self with you, he felt young and hopeful. And it wasn’t solely from the sex;  he had no thoughts of self hate or felt like you were treating him any differently than any other human. You were special. 

His mind was consumed by fantasies of spending his days with you, not that his pride would ever let him admit that, but the sight of you under him just felt right.

On the other side of the duo, you felt conflicted. Of course you were wrapped up in how good he felt, but you worried you were becoming too attached.

For fuck’s sake, you were in college and he was in his late 30’s, how could you be sure he wasn’t just hanging out with you so he could hit?

Though, no matter the age or his possible intent you still wanted him to like you…and possibly, even more than “like”.

Your thoughts were severed by the knot in your stomach snapping and the following flood of pleasure that filled every part of your body.

Your back arched and his hips snapped to yours. You moaned at the feeling of his dick twitching inside of you, his warm cum started seeping out of you as he slowly pulled himself out of you with a groan. 

He was breathing heavily and slumped himself against the other side of the couch. He reached for the tissue box on the end table next to him only to find the box empty. He sighed and rested his elbows on his knees before hoisting himself to his feet and heading down the hall.

You were left still an overstimulated mess on his couch; where was he going? You definitely were not supposed to follow him, but you also didn’t wanna get cum on his couch (even if it was his own doing). You began to get up to go to the bathroom when he returned with some towels. He handed you one and used the other to clean himself.

Once the two of you were finished you threw the discarded towels on the ground and both respectively got lost in your thoughts. 

Usually he would go back to being an inconsiderate prick, so you were surprised when he called your name to come to him. Of course you followed and ended up with your head against his chest as he stroked your hair. 

He grabbed a blanket from the chair to his left and tossed it over you and grabbed the remote to resume the show. His uncharacteristically sweet actions surprised you as you felt yourself drifting asleep next to his warm chest. 

No matter the fact that he would probably go back to his normal asshole self tomorrow, or the fact that your encounters were always unpredictable, you just couldn’t pull yourself away from the enigma that was Anakin Skywalker.

***

a/n: i’ve been so busy recently, but i really miss this story!! i hope you all still enjoy this one because next chapter imma speed up the timeline a bit to get to the juicy plot points heheh- as always, ty for reading!!

taglist: @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana