#and does ALREADY steal shit. but. it's for funsies

[toffeebrews]

Abyss headcanons (cause why not)

(Abyss is owned by @/metakazkz and not me. None of this is canon this is just for funsies :3)

Abyss has hundreds of nicknames by his friends, "Munchkin" "Saber" "Fluffy kitten" just to name a few. It's to the extent people who don't know Abyss well don't know his real name, or even what name to go by.

He sounds like Hunter from Owl House

Abyss often murmurs to himself like Deku does in MHA. He also outwardly monologues.

Once he gets the hang of teleporting places he goes to actively annoy and prank other people. Common targets include Nightmare, Cross, Error and eventually Killer at some point. His schemes include stuff like stealing their shit and throwing wadded paper balls at them and leaving. So devious /sarc

He met Color on accident when he was still getting the hang of teleporting places.

Perches places

Loves shiny objects, birdbrain (as in... literally birdbrain). Collects Jewels, gems, shiny rocks etc whenever.

He adapted his coat (with the help of Mecha) to have more inner pockets to support his jewel collecting habits. Sometimes he opens his coat and says "wanna take a look at my wares?"

He's made jewelry of some kind for everyone in the abyss team :3

Curses sparsely, mostly in French.

Embarrassed and Insecure about being younger than most sanses. Type to puff out his cheeks and go "I'm not a child >:(!" Attempts to do things to make him appear older or "cooler"

Judges Color's Coffee habits because how could he drink hot black coffee??? Not an iced cappuccino..

Has an aversion too being touched, but will under some circumstances. He doesn't have a fear like Error, he just doesn't like it.

Blunt, will say directly "I don't like you."

He has a fear of needles along with hospitals.

Short tempered

His bones crack pretty easily, he'll heal anyway but it still sucks ass (for lack of a better word).

I had more but this post is ridiculously long already so I'll stop here

[ultimate-marysue]

Jason's Civilian Identity Headcanons ranked according to me, myself and I:

Reveals his identity to fuck with the rest of the Batfam: I could see it for his villain era, and honestly it's the worst thing he could do to Batman, but I just don't see it. He still wants to help people and eliminating all Gotham vigilantes goes against that. 1.5/10

Rejoins the Waynes: It's not so much that I don't think it can happen, just that it would be very hard to justify. You can explain it away, but it would call a lot of attention to him and I don't think he wants that. Still good for fluff fics and it can be a fun concept 5/10

Psychologists/psychiatrist: the idea of any bat deciding to actually help the people at Arkham get the therapy they need is Wonderful, I just don't think Jason would be the best option for it. His whole thing is that some people aren't worth redeeming/don't want to be redeemed and need to be permanently taken out to avoid the death of innocents. I would love to see psychologist Jason, but much like the above I don't think it fits him. 5.5/10

Theatre actor: listen, this one's just silly. Got nothing to add, it's silly and I love it as a concept. Personally, outside of everything else, I think Jason would get stage fright, but in theory I love this. 6.5/10

Remains legally dead just for funsies: honestly, Jason weaponizing being dead to get out of doing shit is comedy gold. It's not the most elaborate, but it's a staple for a reason 7/10

EMT/firefighter: listen, is it sustainable to be a first responder and also a vigilante? Probably not, that's why I see this option more for Dick/Cass...but the flavor is so good. Sometimes a headcanon is just: he'd look good while doing it. 8/10

School counselor: I just think that Jason taking the "heal your inner child" thing too literally is both funny and fitting. Anytime he suspects there's something wrong going on, he investigates the families as the Red Hood. The principal doesn't know how he does it, but respects the shit out of him. 8.5/10

Librarian: now we're getting into the excellent stuff. He could use the money he steals to open a super aesthetic bookshop with a program for kids from low-income houses. Personally I see him more like a public library clerk giving recommendations and extremely knowledgeable in all the programs the library offers for free. 9/10

Mechanic: this one just fits so well. He has the knowledge already, he enjoys it, and it would be really easy to get into. It's giving working class hero, it's giving return to your roots but in your own terms. All his older colleagues are baffled at how he knows so much stuff about so many different models and vehicles. Plus, I do headcanon Jason as either gay or trans or both and I find very funny the idea of this group of traditional macho guys becoming the world's strongest allies. 9.5/10

English teacher: perfection. Jason goes back to college, gets his degree and starts teaching at Gotham's public school. I just know he would be so good with the kids, getting them interested in learning and going the extra mile for them. To me this option is for a Jason that's been doing some healing, a Jason that believes he deserves to have a normal life. He could also teach at college and be a meme amongst students. I think it would help him a lot to have a gaggle of teens treating him like he's this endearing but utterly boring teacher. Realizing you're not a violent monster but that, in fact, everyone sees you as just some guy. 10/10

Bonus occupation: PTA Dad Jason. Give me over involved dad Jason fighting with Deborah because "no, actually it may be your kid's fault". Both parents and teachers simultaneously love and fear him because he's invested in his kid's education and that means he wants what's best for them. He will shut down coddling parents and he will harshly criticize shitty teachers. He has a way to make things happen for the school and everyone is half convinced he's in the mafia for it. Just, domestic good dad Jason. +10000

[hedgiwithapen]

This is an odd one but Cisco as The Flash for AU headcanons?👀

I think I've read a fic with that premise (I know I have, I just. cannot recall Details like. title or writer.) So if I Plagiarize that fic by mistake please no one yell at me ok? ok. 1. now this IS partially from the fic I think, i'm already being a criminal, but like. it was still Nora Allen who died, not Ms Ramon (who I have named Pilar and no comics contradict me so!) and Eobard is very like. well shit, gotta adjust the Plans. on the one hand, can kill barry whenever, don't need him, but on the other hand what if I do? what if he also becomes the flash at the correct time for him, and this thing with Cisco doesn't work out and then I am stuck? bro's playing 5d chess against himself and it's not helping. so barry lives, for now, and Dante sits in an ugly plastic chair waiting for cisco to wake up. 2 I think for Cisco to get struck by the lightning it goes like this. Ronnie and Cisco both go into the accelerator. Two of us can get the vents (or whatever Ronnie was doing faster than one.) and the thing is it almost works. it almost works. almost is never enough. someone-- maybe hartley, in this au, maybe a distraught caitlin, closes the door at the 2 minute mark. all that energy goes up and out-- and the lightning bolt strikes into the heart of star labs along that same path. when the fema crews etc go shifting through, they find no sign of Ronnie--firestorm-- and Cisco, lightning scars branching down his body, comatose. 3. Cisco picks his name right off the bat. Barry starts writing about him-- and not very positively (barry had the blog in e1 and the writers forgot but I did not) because he what if that's the guy who killed my mom?? Joe, Joe /look/. And Cisco is a little offended! goes to confront Barry (who tries and fails to hit him with the CCPD's second shittiest microscope) and goes hey, could you not?? first " the man in the lightning " is a damn mouthful, I'd rather something like, i dunno, Sonic Boom, or The Flash, and furthermore I was all of 8 years old when your mom died so uh stop it??? there is a very tense moment and then they're Friends Now. Cisco doesn't understand why Wells is so deeply against having a CCPD liason??? we need one? this guy already believes in the impossible and also someone killed his mom and we can help! what do you mean no ??? ok fiiiiine. 4. Eddie, not Joe, is the one who sees Cisco fight Mardon. Eddie is more than happy to be the new liason to star labs, this is Great!!! he can use this to win over Iris and Barry! (he has big crushes on them both. potentially he gets over these crushes and he dates Cisco, I think that'd be fun.) 5. Cisco obviously does not build the cold gun, so Snart never actually manages to steal anything in central city, but he sure does try! it really does not work out for him. kidnapping an engineer to build you a weapon would be one thing if you could. you know. hold on to said engineer. Cisco Simply Dips. 5, right? fuck it one more for funsies 6. while cisco's in the coma Caitlin keeps a tv going with every episode of Star Trek queued up. constant background noise. Dr. Wells can't decide if he's learned his lesson about fucking with time or if he's so sick of the music he's going to go back even further the second he gets a chance and make them compose something else.

[moonfurthetemmie]

Entropy

just for funsies here he is again. look at him isn't he pretty (pretty MISERABLE lmaooo gottem) (,,,really though. he is miserable.)

Looks like he hasn’t slept in days. He probably hasn’t.

Just generally looks frazzled. he is straight up never having a good time

Wings are useless. pretty, tho. More yellow because they came from Dream.

Despises himself and boy does it show most of the time. his hair hasn't been brushed since he Happened.

Definitely not be taking care of himself as much as he should be

Two moods: Angry/Spiteful and Tired. He can tone the angry down, but really only bothers around Jasper. Hanging out with Jasper for a while will eventually shift his mood to Tired. this is supposed to be Tired and he still looks mad

his clothes are usually barely coherent. Anything that reminds him of Obsidian or Dream he absolutely hates, but those are also things that he likes. As sort of a compromise with himself he mixes stuff from Dream’s general style and Obsidian’s general style. Really only in form and function, though.

For colors he usually goes for something neutral, or sometimes white, but when he’s out of fucks to give it’s just a mess. He tries to avoid black, but…black goes with a lot of things. So if he has some fucks to give but not enough to put a lot of effort into it, he ends up with a fair bit of black.

weirdly chill about stealing clothes, considering he's partly Dream…? maybe he's too pissed and tired to really think about it. Stealing clothes isn't on the same level as other shit, anyway

As both Dream and Obsidian are used to wearing a necklace around, he wears one, but it’s not Dream’s or Obsidian’s. Obsidian’s one necklace wasn’t necessarily important to him like the charm from Ani was to Dream, but it was something he wore a lot

On the off chance that Dream and Obsidian end up intentionally fusing multiple times, he will steadily get more chill with his existence. He's never happy about it though

Dream's Lawful Good and Obsidian's Chaotic Evil makes Entropy bounce around the alignment chart like a windows screensaver.

He's inherited Dream's sword skills and Obsidian's enhanced physical strength. If he can reach an equilibrium/peace, he will discover that he can, in fact, still fly. and also summon thunderstorms. uh. watch out?

Entropy's having the worst time of them all. Dream and Obsidian were on two very different ends of a morality spectrum and *really* didn't like each other, and unfortunately for Entropy that has resulted in him hating both of them and, by extension, himself.

You can't ever really tell what he'll do in any given situation. He might try to help one time, and he might intentionally try to make it worse another time. He might think he should let these people who clearly didn't do anything wrong go, or he might say 'nah. fuck them up. it'll be fun'

And there's pretty much no instance in which he's not somehow conflicted about whatever he's doing.

He avoids the JMV manor, Obsidian's whole team, and JR. Dream and Obsidian both would hate people knowing they were fused with this other bastard.

There is one exception, and that is Jasper. This started as a one-off joke about the only thing Entropy not being conflicted about was having Jasper cook for him still, and now it's just canon. Haven't figured out if he's dragging Jasper all over hell or if he's actually staying somewhere, though. Either way, because Jasper's cooking being fucking amazing is the only thing Dream and Obsidian would ever agree on, Jasper is the only one who's ever seen Entropy even kind of calm. he's not sure how he feels about this

Jasper needs to get away from him though. See, Entropy has inherited several things from Obsidian. Things that Jasper is already, unfortunately, rather familiar with. But Entropy has also inherited Dream's social skills, so he knows how to convince Jasper to stick around regardless.

before we go any further i would just like it to be on the record that I am aware that i made entropy the unflattering (to put it lightly) bipolar stereotype. i did not mean to. but upon realizing that in the discord server, one of my friends said it made sense with the character and he's right so off we go

In the instances where Entropy is trying to convince Jasper to stay, and is saying he won't do any of that shit again, he probably does intend to stop, but then the 'other side' comes out. He could stop. He could. But he's too deep in his absolute self-hatred that he hasn't bothered to figure out how. also he's trying to find a way to un-fuse and end his suffering so why bother improving yourself to keep your friend hahaha

Entropy is trying to be very careful with him, regardless of which of his halves he's feeling most like. Because even when he's acting more like Obsidian, there's still clearly a fair amount of influence from Dream's personality. and dream has already lost several people he cares about. Entropy couldn't handle being the reason he loses Jasper

Dream’s sword isn’t part of his magic; it’s a tangible, entirely physical object. This means, unless something happened to it before he and Obsidian fused, Entropy still has it. Entropy has very mixed feelings about it, but this is one of the few times when he doesn’t sabotage himself.

As much as he may want to snap it in half at times, just to stick it to Dream, he knows he’s the only one who’s really going to be upset about it. And it’s going to be more painful than he can bear. He probably doesn’t carry it around anymore, though, out of fear that he’s going to do something really impulsive and stupid one day. Same with his charm from Ani, and Obsidian's signature necklace (though to a much lesser degree; it doesn't have the same emotional significance)

Also. Jasper...As I said, Jasper needs to get the fuck out. But unless something happened prior to Entropy becoming Entropy, he has some of Obsidian’s magic in him. Which Obsidian did specifically so he could track everyone in the manor in case they tried to escape. Jasper will not be able to get away from Entropy. If he thinks he’s managed to get away, he should start praying that Entropy is just trying to find a good bribe to get him to stay and isn’t planning some horrible ‘punishment’

If he’s around and there was gay shit happening with him and Obsidian, Entropy’s feelings around Jet are probably very similar to his feelings about Dream’s sword and the charm. Jet’s the only thing Obsidian cares about other than himself, even if he denies it. So as much as Entropy may think he deserves to die, he can’t do it. It’d do him more harm than good.

Oh, yeah. One more thing.

Obsidian's team, the Meme Squad, Justice Reigns, and the Resistance in JMV are all working together to try and un-fuse Entropy. the resistance is being super shady about who they are but Obsidian's team just silently agrees to pretend they 100% believe their 'underground militant organization' isn't the resistance.

Aaand, as a side effect of all this confusion, Jade and Zuli got out! i was thinking they ended up staying with the Meme Squad but I don't remember if I said anything about it or if I just thought it really hard.

bonus from the discord server

also he almost got a mullet

[theamityelf]

Ive started writing again mweheheh

Heres spme sillies for u

its kamuegi of course but i have shoved in my pblivious human and ancient feral god shit cause delicous. anyways its a genshin au but ignore that for a minute so i can yap about the freakiness of these two. Kamukura is like an ancient thingy that was insertef into Hajimmy, whos a puppet. Now we have this freaky archon eating guy who is just scary. Bro does have a stomach mouth, based him off a species ive already made called “the hungry gods” basically, semi-parasitic ethereal level beings that use shells (like Hajimmy) like a snail would, and eat things alive ro steal their very existence. Kamukura was an artificial one formed by dottore that was shoved jnto hajimmy, then fucking force fed gnosies and several hundred people from hopes peak before being let loose. Anyways, current storyline, Makoto is like… its like holding one of those squeeze treats in front of a cat, he wants ro literally eat him so he can conserve his mind forever, and hajimmy, being a freaky fucking puppet suit thing is like “I WANT THAT BITCH I N S I D E US BUT NOT IN A FREAKY WAY-“ (also based off a species i have, morphs, basically they rest over an object, and fuse things like veins and organs, creating a double, which is another thing 😭 I have a lot of very freaky things)

but Kamukura also doesn’t want to kill makoto. Bro knows if he absorbs him, little guys mind will be destroyed by the rest of them in there, he’s more focused on subtly making makoto stronger mentally cause end goal, bro knows humans die and he ain’t ok with that

main story is just makoto tryin to survive with his freak ass boyfriend he keeps tempting cause he literally shoves his head into the stomach mouth for the funsies (the class 77 girls were doing a photoshoot)

only other person who does that is hanumaru but that’s cause he’s freaky and thinks that Izzy is also freaky (he is not) and he is just a silly little guy who gets bitten. Everyone gets bitten.

I gotta sleep now I’m sleepy as you can probably tell 😭😭😭 I just wanted to show off the goofy little guys cause they silly billy.

anyways here’s a car

This is a really cool premise; it's already a lot of fun! I really love the tension between Hajime, Izuru, and Makoto and the idea of Makoto just joshin' around with the stomach mouth, lol. Also, obsessed with the art!

[theimperiumchronicles]

Happy STS! Your characters are invited to a Halloween party; costumes required. Tell me what they're dressing up as and how the night goes. 🙃

Happy STS that tripped and fell over into Monday. ;)

I'm going to skip @theimperiumchronicles and go with some of the others cuz they need love <3

****

@devil-in-the-details-ay

Astaroth - the grim reaper

Yara - A butterfly (at Asti's insistence)

Their night would go lovely because it would not be spent in Hell. They would be on Earth. Where...you'll find out in the story later. ****

@the-andromeda-effect

Caliban - Scrooge (Adira picked it out, everyone else finds it HILARIOUS)

Adira - Aphrodite (Caliban picked it out)

Theron - Toth

Lars - Agent X from Men in Black

Marcin (2nd Bodyguard) - Agent K from Men in Black

The party will be, of course, at the mansion. Adira will have a blast as those around her relax some knowing that all is safe on the estate grounds. There is lots of laughter and fun, not one drop of worry. (this will be vastly different from the Halloween one shot for this storyline)

****

@magical-mistakes-vm

There is a theme here - the whole cast will be dressed up in 1920's attire. Think Magical Mistakes does Peaky Blinders. Of course Vollrath would be Tommy. Balor states that Mahala is NOT Grace (because not dead) or Lizzie (for reasons)...she's some nebulous 3rd female who Tommy doesn't fuck over. *snorts* Balor, being the older brother, is of course Arthur. Baldur grows out his beard to go as Alfie. Elmar does his best to pull a Luca. The party would be hosted by the Coven. No one is going to piss Vollrath or Balor off because...reasons. Mahala would get to meet many of the others from the Coven that she had not already met, which would go very smoothly. The night would be a great success with everyone having a fun time in the 1920's theme.

For funsies, Balor and Elmar both decide once more to try and "steal" Tommy's girl. Now...this goes as expected...but at least this time most of the time they're laughing at the Blinders jokes that go along with it. The only hitch is that afterwards Vollrath and Balor both get teased mercilessly regarding haircuts till they grow out. Definitely season 5...lawd... ****

@princess-of-thieves-id

Diyan/Noar - Capt. Jack Sparrow

Inara/Renisa - Elizabeth Swan

Arik - Will Turner

There will most likely be at some point a sword fight. Someone is going to get slapped, most likely Diyan/Noar. And, just like the movies, Elizabeth Swan will be leaving the party with Will Turner. *laughs*

****

Tapperhet

Meeri - Snow White

Einar - Prince Charming

Lorcan - Huntsman

Elio - King

Thieran - the apple

Hilarity. The night will be pure hilarity. Why did Thieran pick the apple? Because he wasn't damn well going to be the Queen, she was a right bitch. So, instead he wanders around looking like a cast member of an underwear commercial and making way too many jokes involving apples, and fruits, and...it's bad, okay. Just try not to think too hard. That being said, the others all agree he would have slayed in a gown!

****

@behindthesemasks

Melania - her mother. *dies* Who else would be fitting but to go as Marie LaVeau? Marie, coincidentally finds this hilarious and lends her period garments and does her hair and makeup.

Nic - Papa Legba

Alexander - Hamlet

Ambrose - Baron Samedi

Cade - Gede Nibo

Marie - Manman Brigitte

Gabe - Diable Tonnere

Klaus - Baron Criminel

Erik - Guede L'Orage

Dontanion and Francois don't need to dress up, they scare the shit out of people as is.

If you think ANYONE is stupid enough to disrupt a Meirs-LaVeau party on Halloween, of all nights, you would be wrong. Everything will go perfect, because if not...those Loa mentioned...well, they won't just be costumes....

tagging @raincoffeeandfandoms and @call-sign-shark cuz I think you'll find the one for Magical Mistakes a wee bit humorous even if you don't know the characters from that one. (put pics below so you can try to do an imagine)

Also, Sharkey, I can see Heaven partying it up with LaVeaus...

@blind-the-winds - look what our Magical Mistakes babies are doing!!

@saltysupercomputer - Looook at them all, they's all having funsies!!

@aziz-reads @toribookworm22 @pheita @writingmaidenwarrior

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

My bastard boy cat was a bastard child to my old lady cat and just kneaded a blanket while yowling as if he’s the one who was put upon. Anyway, here’s Stranger Things Season 4 Episode 6. Let’s see what’s dumber: the show or my cat.

1.) Patrick’s corpse looks too goofy for me to feel bad for Jason right now.

2.) “Eddie is a vessel for Satan.” Lmao this was a dude who like last episode swore he didn’t believe in the Supernatural. Not to tell him his business but I would not be jumping to Satan even when I was a kid who believed in that shit.

3.) Also, maybe the cops should be worried about a teenager who already hunted down Eddie once when he’s being like ‘EDDIE IS A VESSEL FOR THE DEVIL’. Like I’m gonna be real with you, small town cops will put you in psych ward against your will for less.

4.) I need everyone to understand that even though America’s military fucking LOVES torture, torture does not work. It does not work. It will get you a false confession long before it will get you a real one. Part of the problem though is that media fucking looooooooves torture. Like this isn’t bullshit ‘media makes you violent’ nonsense. Congress literally cited the show 24 during talks about whether torture works. Because it always worked in the fictional bullshit garbage TV show 24.

5.) The shot of El walking down a hall with a team behind her while Brenner talks about how she had a LITERAL STROKE is hilarious.

6.) To be clear, you do not repair broken or dead connections in your brain. Once those are dead, they’re dead forever. They do not come back. You create NEW routes.

7.) Can we talk about how Kali has not been mentioned once? Did the Duffers forget she exists? Like Brenner sucks but he’s not an idiot, so he should be aware that someone is killing people from the fucking place.

8.) Sneaky Eddie steals a walkie with his tongue out.

9.) I love that Robin talked about Eddie’s doe eyes.

10.) The cops releasing Eddie’s name and photo as a ‘person of interest’ in this town based on Jason’s stupid testimony that sounds insane is B-B-B-Bonkers.

11.) Poor Eddie is like, very close to a breakdown and I do not blame him.

12.) Why can’t they just tell Argyle that Suzie’s family is Mormon.

13.) Okay no one ever mentions people are being bonkers in Suzie’s house. Also there are so many kids.

14.) Argyle has a mega crush on Eden that people also never mention.

15.) I’m glad Joyce and Murray survived their plane crash but how did they do that with zero injuries.

16.) Oh, the traitor is still alive too.

17.) I will say that leaving someone in the middle of nowhere tied to a tree is actually killing him. Lmao Like not to get into ridiculous semantics, but just because it wasn’t directly 100% by your hands doesn’t not make it murder.

18.) Yuri decides to help them though because the show can’t actually have either of them do anything terrible.

19.) Oh Antonov is like, catholic or some shit.

20.) What is with this feast?

21.) Hopper was doing SOMETHING on the floor during this rando telling people about upside down monsters.

22.) Hopper was the first dude to figure out the last meal shit????

23.) has anyone edited this plinking scene with El to put a horse into it?

24.) Brenner saying One didn’t exist is hilarious. Like, no kids, we just started at 2 for funsies. Like maybe just say he died or something.

25.) Oh now they finally mention Kali, but still no mention or attempt from anyone actually in charge. Just a memory of a mention.

26.) “We should have just told her the truth”. Sirs, I don’t think you actually know the truth.

27.) When exactly did Steve practically invent Skull Rock as a make out spot?

28.) Lucas is so goddamn sweet.

29.) Why would Robin of all people hint that Nancy and Steve should get back together???????

30.) Robin and Nancy are cute.

31.) Dustin’s dads calling him a butthead is great.

32.) this town hall is bullshit.

33.) Oh god, Jason and his stupid crew. I hate his stupid face. Also suddenly he’s not giving details. Probably because no one would actually believe him. Why doesn’t he just say ‘vessel for Satan’?

34.) Oh suddenly some of the people in the crowd realize their kids are accused cult members.

35.) Jason I wanna beat you silly.

36.) WHY THE FUCK HAS NO ONE CUT HIS MIC? WHY HAS NO ONE ARRESTED HIM FOR ATTEMPTING TO INCITE A GODDAMN RIOT?

37.) Jesus Christ, Powell, you are 5 minutes late and a dollar short.

38.) why are they lying to Susie oh my god.

39.) I love Eden.

40.) Karen, don’t call the cops, oh my god.

41.) “The thing I do now, apparently. I ran.” This implies that this is a new development for Eddie.

42.) Dustin’s gate reveal.

43.) Steve pointing out they can’t put Eddie in danger via a walk in the words.

44.) I’m gonna be real with you, technically Eddie’s statement is nonsense since the Shire isn’t burning into after everyone gets back from Mordor.

45.) IDK who needs to hear this but putting extra black people in the show just for most of them to be background or killed is like, not actually representation.

46.) It’s actually kind of nonsense that Henry is so obsessed with El in the past.

47.) Yuri has a point. He doesn’t need to need to do anything to them at this point. Either they succeed or they die.

48.) Ohhhhhhh Murray is now Yuri and Yuri is now Murray. That’s smart. Maybe. If they’d actually established that no one knows what Yuri looks like, which they didn’t do that first.

49.) Antonov is kind of right about hope. Also, people can absolutely defeat a demogorgon. Hopper should know that. So man I hope this is a distraction or something, because damn, otherwise what are you doing?

50.) Oh Hopper and Antonov got taken out.

51.) I also don’t know how they got a demogorgon here.

52.) Oh, Hopper did have a plan. Good job, bud.

53.) Okay I know what the internet is and I know how I got access to it in the 90s, but I just realized I don’t know how Suzie’s household has it in the 80s.

54.) Oh, Eden and Argyle were getting high.

55.) Maybe one of you two cops could have actually done something about Jason before he became a riot inducer. Maybe when he accused Eddie of being an agent of Satan.

56.) Robin would put Nancy in charge.

57.) “Miss you already.” Robin, you’re the queen of my heart.

58.) What’s with the bully group of kids?

59.) For real why do these kids fucking hate El?

60.) El literally does not know what happened?

61.) Nancy watching Steve and Robin watching Nancy and Eddie watching Steve. Also, Max approves of Steve’s chest hair, almost guaranteed.

62.) Merman Steve Harrington. He can hold his breath for at least a minute.

63.) Max distracting the cops.

64.) damn he really does get just yanked across the ground.

65.) Nancy jumps in. Dustin gets caught by the cops. Robin follows. Eddie calls it stupid and then follows seconds after.

66.) Steve’s first time in the upside down. And he gets to fight mutant bats with an oar and immediately get his ass kicked as he’s strangled. There was like, definitely a version of this where he died.

[godzexperiment]

me realizing even more thoughts of nix 'i stash knives everywhere'

-that verse where he just has a whole abandoned town to vibe in? the amount of knives he would not only be able to own but the weird ass places he could hidey hole them? like something about already keeping dozens of knives on his person+pinprick but then him just pulling knives out of who knows where to fidget with? (not counting if he quite literally bends the layers of reality to do so)

-'human' nix with the impulse but not much space for follow through (does hidey hole other belongings+spares and such around though ie you can't steal my shit or fuck with it if I keep it out of the barracks) that being said still lives up to the 'how many knives do you have on you right now' & being like .... 'are you joking or do you actually want an estimate' (but does probably magnetize an issued knife to the inside of his locker for ~funsies~)

[synkyng]

peter’s criminalsona, patrick harvestman. he’s just scamming rich people (and sometimes killing them) and goes an extra mile to look like someone else bc it’s fun <3 he needs the enrichment

[weebsinstash]

Every day I get closer to writing the "You vs YouTwo trying to steal your identity in the Spider Society" fic (which, the fic even has a name as I slowly build it, I'm calling it Imposter Syndrome because, you know, 1 Reader is starting to get depressed and feel unneeded even before YouTwo comes along and 2. Well. It's self explanatory)

But anyways I keep thinking of all of these dramatic interactions and scenes (shit I was listening to John Mulaney stand up just to write dialogue for Peter Porker, for funsies) where, thinking of either Reader being kicked out of the Spider Society and such, and them having to literally hunt you down and search for you, but. What if YOU came to them?

It's been like 3 months since you "died" after the Society mistaking you for your double and removing the dimensional watch that kept you tethered down, and there's a palpable air of depression. Spiders go to the training room you used to teach your classes in and leave flowers and mementos and share stories of their times spent with you. Maybe they even do something fucking dramatic like set up a memorial, like a plaque with your name and photo or something, but, something to help remind them to be wary of who they bring into the Society and appreciate the ones they have and so on so forth, and also like I imagine there were Spiders who were so attached to you that this entire incident makes them leave the Socety for good (like maybe Hobie equates the way you were exiled to fascist tyranny and hates Miguel more than he already does for letting it/helping it happen, for example)

But, anyways, months later, but not too terribly long for them to stsrt to forget about you, just enough time for the guilt and depression and the longing to marinate, and some Spiders are hanging out in the food court, Peter B and Jess and some of the others managing to drag Miguel out of his lab to eat and be around other people because he's just been holing up by himself almost 24/7 since you "left". Dude's a fucking mess, man, you can literally just look at him and see the dark circles under his eyes, the unwashed hair, the body odor because he fucking lives in that suit, and half the cafeteria is wondering if he's about to start crying into his stupid silly ass Miguel burger and

*FWOMP*

Some loud ass undescribable noise as the fabric of the universe suddenly shifts and, you glitch right back in and slam down on the floor besides their table. The entire room freezes as they literally had no idea you were still alive as you scramble to your feet, the first thing you notice being the food as you DIVE for Miguel's burger, snatching it right off his plate and beginning to absolutely devour it like literally gobbling that shit as the man amd everyone else is AGHAST. You've lost a significant amount of weight (like, an unhealthy amount for the time that has passed) and you're covered in bruises and scratches with tears and holes all over your suit. Your hair has knots and tangles and your Spidey suit is beyond dirty with a raggedy jacket and a tattered backpack on your body. You've just been constantly bouncing in and out of different dimensions, ricocheting all over the place this entire time, which made it hard for you to eat, sleep, bathe, do just about anything normally. One minute you're trying to swipe some food from a market because you have no money, the next you're glitching again and you're lost in an apocalyptic wasteland, or a thick jungle, or even places where shapes and colors don't operate the same as we can even comprehend it

You're constantly dropping the food because your hands keep glitching but you're clearly obviously starving, and Pavitr hands you his chai to help wash everything down, but you still pick up several beverages on the table and absolutely chug them as your friends are just stunned into silence, still in shock, quickly morphing into all kinds of different emotions. Joy you're still alive, horror and pity for your current state, guilt and anguish that all of them did this to you. Jesus, have you even been able to drink water? Like if you didn't have Spider powers you probably would have died by now and it's easy to see you're weak on your feet

And from here I see two options and I'll go with the less exciting one first:

Reader is so fucking hungry and malnourished and weak that after the Spiders make room for you to sit at their table and eat their food, you being just genuinely so fucking worn down from constantly not being able to eat and sleep properly, that you basically show up, eat the entire table's worth of food, and all but fall into a food coma right then and there because this is like the first time youve been able to sit and mildly relax for WEEKS, like here comes Spider Plushie for the save like he's trying to slide across home base, loyally stopping in front of you and directly under your head as you just kind of, slump forward, the little guy making the perfect pillow as he keeps your forehead from smacking against the table, and you're just, like O U T out as Miguel cradles you in his arms because, oh my god he thought you were gone forever, and he won't let anyone else touch you as he marches you straight to, wherever the fucking doctors in this place are

But option TWO: suddenly you pause your gorging as some burps rise up in your chest and you suddenly have some calories pushing enough energy to your brain that you finally look around, like REEEEALLY look around. The entire room is dead silent, some starting to cry with joy and relief, others still stunned, many looking absolutely confused, and your eyes eventually meet with Miguel's. He doesn't look quite as run down as you, but WOW is this one sad haggard looking dilf, and you blink at him for a minute. And then look around. And back at him. And around. And to him

And your expression morphs into something so fearful as you force out a nervous laugh, "oh, wait, it's... you guys..." And the second everything clicks for you, you're IMMEDIATELY TAKING OFF, and despite your weakened state you actually make them really work for it because wow that adrenaline kicks in as you for your life because you're thinking "shit they still think I'm the fake and they'll kill me this time if they get their hands on me" when in actuality Miguel is getting his ass on the intercom system ordering all available units to stop you so they can put a bracelet back on you so you aren't lost again, which i mean it is but isnt even a yandere thing at this point, youre literally going to die without some sort of dimensional tether. But during the chase Miguel realizes you aren't using your webs, and you're actually not nearly as fast as he's seen you before, and he realizes with a broken heart, oh Jesus you're literally too malnourished to produce your organic webs within your body, or a lot of it, anyways. You must REALLY be in bad shape

And I imagine like, the chase comes to a halt, not when they catch you, but when your physical exhaustion finally catches up to you. Sweetie you barely ate anything for the last several days, suddenly gorged on a whole spread of food, and then started sprinting and jumping and climbing and parkouring on shit. You HAVE to stop running because you're literally getting sick and VOMITING, like, your former students and fellow Spiderpeople and of course Miguel are hot on your heels and they all pause and give you space because you're literally having to throw up in a gutter with sweat pouring down your face and entire body developing the shakes as, oh no, you feel your strength leaving you as you can't even hold yourself up, collapsing onto the ground, barely conscious as something scoops you up with the gentleness of handling glass, your eyes unable to stay open as you whimper things. "Please don't kill me... I'll leave... I'll never come back..." before you pass out

Miguel has you immediately checked by doctors while the staff have to limit the amount of people trying to come and see you (because, uh, there are a ridiculous amount of Spiders invested in your wellbeing) and only he's in the room as the medical team details your current state. Severe malnutrition, sunburns, broken ribs, a finger or two in crudely-improvised splints, telogen effluvium aka temporary hair loss from illness/extreme stress, you're probably starting to come down with a cold of some sort, potentially something dramatic like pneumonia.

You sleep for like several days straight while hooked up to IVs and fluids because your body just needed to heal THAT badly. By the time you wake up you feel like you're rising from the dead, your entire body aching and heavy, taking minutes to blink yourself awake to take in your new surroundings. You've got a private medical suite that's pretty well-secured, and when you try to scratch a sudden itch on your nose, you feel a weight on your wrist after going to move your arm. Oh, it's another kind of watch, although this one doesn't have nearly all the features and buttons of the first one, and when you keep rotating your wrist over and over, you can't seem to find the latch to take it off, because, well, there isn't one

Miguel is already in the room with you, either having been working on a laptop or just legitimately sitting there watching you sleep for an unknown amount of time, even if its completely dark in the room. He's gotten himself all cleaned up and back to normal and looking like his old self again but he's honestly not even sure what to say to you. Emotions aren't really his strong suit? Where does he start, apologizing for this whole mess or promising it will never happen again?

The only guarantee for now is that you will NOT be leaving Nueva York again, or even so much as leaving his SIGHT, so long as Miguel doesn't want you to, and trust me, after being tricked and having you ripped away from him, to see you in such a vulnerable sad state because of his own actions when all he wanted was to protect you, he's got a whoooole lotta things he wants to do and talk to you about. First and foremost? Vowing that he's going to make everything up to you, starting now, by being your most devout protector

[techtakesoff]

let us play a game sburbanalysis mods. and by game i mean ummm what land would you give a violetblood thief of hope. who dreams on derse. and then after i will tell you the land i gave him. for funsies

- Land of Dreams and Desire. As Hope is an aspect very based upon these two thematics, it only makes sense that SGRUB in this player's case would be surrounded by it. But there's a catch.

The smiles on these consorts seem a little too forced. Is everything okay? Something deeper must lie beyond this, and it's up to the Thief to figure out what. External tampering due to the Denizen?

Maybe a traitorous sessionmate, if you have the right classpect for the session. The Thief needs to find the source of this forced overexcitement, and steal the reigns right underneath them. You can't outclass a puppet master.

- Land of Fields and Gratitude. This is more of a reference land to Shaymin, the mythical pokemon of gratitude. I think it could work here due to the thought process of it, stay with me here.

Flowers. Flowers upon flowers. For a seadwelling troll, this might put them off, depending on situation or stance of living in the sea versus on land. Thieves are generally given a good hand upon lands, but to be fair the only Thieves in comic are shown favour towards the narrative.

But in the case this Thief is given a more shit hand, this could work well as a driving force. Pissing off the Thief who drives to take the desires of everything just perfect. This land could serve well under a more "classic" Thief. One who plays an antagonistic role, especially a Thief of Hope, works perfect for this land.

- Land of Carnivals and Calamity. Maybe the natural order of this land is to work off of a no-rules situation. Chaos and discourse is everywhere you turn in this ever-blaring land, even though this is more of a purpleblood-like land idea, it could spare well for a violetblood, as royalty/near to sure loves entertainment, no?

How does life fare when you are the attraction, though? Inspiring everyone? As if you weren't already a catalyst to begin with? No. That won't fare well for you, dear Player.

You see the hopes and dreams of these individuals making a fool of you, and you cannot handle it anymore. Your goal is to confront the Denizen and tell them off directly. This will almost surely lead into a battle, which must be won for the Thief to succeed in their endeavours.

- Land of Coral and Chaos. Take Carnivals and Calamity, change you from being the clown, to the jester, and place everything underwater. But be warned, these consorts do not like being made the fool, and will attack you every step you take towards their direction.

This is a quest moreso suited towards people with Yaldabaoth as their denizen, as this is a TOUGH quest to get out of alive. SGRUB knows that this player will make it, and will fight tooth and goddamn nail against this Player.

This Thief has gone on their bullshit for too long, and it's up to this Player to either be sat the fuck down and humbled by their antics, or to do what a similar "negatively aligned" class of Hope to do, and break the core aspects of the land to nothing, slaughtering everything within their path and to live up to what they think they were supposed to all along.

Good luck, and I'm excited to see what you choose.

[rnelodyy]

c!Dream and the rules

(/dsmp /rp, all names refer to characters, not content creators)

I think one of the most striking parts of Exile is something that I rarely see talked about, and it’s Dream’s rules. Or rather, how his rules were made to be used as justification to hurt Tommy.

The thing about exile is that, outside of the initial rule of “Don’t go back to L’Manburg”, Dream never told Tommy the rules, yet constantly operated under the assumption that Tommy already knew them, and had accepted them. The rules also changed constantly, without Tommy ever being notified until he was already in trouble.

The second time Dream told Tommy to put his armor in the hole, he didn’t tell Tommy to do that right away. Instead, the conversation went like this (slightly edited to remove stammering and unrelated dialogue).

Dream: Do you have, uh… something you wanna put on the floor here? Tommy: Yes. (drops two pieces of red concrete as Dream digs a hole) Dre-eam! You’re evil. You’re evil. Dream: Anything else, Tommy? Tommy: Nope! Dream: Oh c’mon, I know there’s something else you wanna drop down here. Tommy: (panicking slightly) No, there… (messages BBH “take this and run”, throws him the disc BBH had gifted him earlier) Um… I don’t reckon there is! (pause) Dream: Okay, are you suuuure? Tommy: YES. Dream: Alright… How ‘bout your armor, Tommy? Tommy: Well, no, this is- I actually earned this myself. Dream: I know you did! Tommy: Leave me alone. Dream: Just drop it in the hole, Tommy. Tommy: Wh- no, NO, you can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit, what do you mean?! Dream: (sing-song) Tommy… Tommy: What? (Dream hits Tommy with his axe, taking over half his health) Tommy: (screams, drops his armor) OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY!

The only rule Tommy was aware of at this time was that he wasn’t allowed to go back to L’Manburg. Dream had taken his armor the night before, but there was no indication that he expected Tommy to do this constantly. Taking his armor upon initially arriving at Logstedshire made some kind of sense, allowing Tommy to keep it would run the risk of him trying to fight his way back into L’Manburg. Taking his new, very shitty armor (seriously it was an iron chestplate and a pair of golden leggings he got from a ruined portal chest) made no sense at all, so the fact that Tommy was confused and refused to cooperate at first isn’t unexpected in the slightest.

And the thing is… Dream was aware of this fact. Throughout the conversation, he never really sounded annoyed, and was actively teasing Tommy at times. This isn’t a good thing btw, it’s a sign that he was fully aware that Tommy didn’t know what he wanted from him, and that that would create a situation where Dream could “put him in his place” as it were.

If you’re a parent, and your kid does something that’s not allowed, without knowing it’s not allowed, you don’t start off with a beating. You sit them down, calmly explain the rules to them and explain why those rules are there, then send them on their way with the knowledge that they shouldn't do it again.

This interaction wasn’t an instance of Tommy acting out and Dream correcting him. This interaction was a trap. Dream set Tommy up to fail by not telling him the rules beforehand, and when Tommy offered even the slightest bit of resistance and asked why he needed to drop his armor, Dream jumped straight to beating him. It’s a powerplay, plain and simple.

This is demonstrated again with the destruction of Logstedshire. Dream got pissed that Tommy disobeyed him by having hidden chests with gear under his house, and retaliated by destroying everything Tommy had built, destroying every item he’d collected, killing his pet and only foodsource, barring him from the Nether, banning everyone except himself from visiting, and telling him to start over from scratch after a whole lecture about how Tommy betrayed him.

Again, I wanna point out some specific lines from this lecture that illustrate my point very well.

Dream: You were lying to me! You were lying to me. Tommy: No- Why was I lying?! Dream: What do you mean, why were you lying?! Tommy: I wasn’t hi- I wasn’t- Dream: You hid things in a chest knowing they were things I wouldn’t want you to have! And you hid it in a way that way I would never find it!

Except Tommy didn’t know that. The contents of the stash were all items that Tommy had obtained previously without any issue (diamonds, emeralds, iron, ender pearls, some pickaxes, and some purely sentimental items like flowers, a jukebox, and pictures of Tubbo and L’Manburg). In fact, the vast majority of them came from Tommy’s aboveground storage, which Dream had full access to, and had looked through before!

Dream also never said Tommy wasn’t allowed to hide stuff, and there was nothing to suggest he didn’t want Tommy to keep secrets from him.

There’s been a theory floating around for a while that Dream knew about Tommy’s item stash beforehand, since it was a very strange place to dig a hole (like, right in front of the house in the center of Logstedshire itself, instead of out in the plains where the TNT wouldn’t damage any structures), and Tommy had previously forgotten to cover up the entrance ladder. While Dream hadn’t looked inside the house, he would’ve definitely heard Tommy place the block back.

If this theory is correct, then this was yet another trap. Dream knew Tommy had a hidden room, and instead of just saying “hey, I don’t want you to have a hidden stash, go put this back and fill in the room” (which would’ve still been bullshit btw), he went COMPLETELY ballistic, destroyed EVERYTHING Tommy had, and while doing it, kept admonishing Tommy for betraying him, said shit like “I thought we were friends”, and even accused him of preparing to attack Dream. Again, a powerplay.

Hell, even the exile conflict itself is this! Tommy was exiled for griefing the king’s property while being a high-ranking official in L’Manburg. Except Fundy, the then-president’s son, CONSTANTLY griefed Eret’s shit after the L’Manburg war, ranging from ripping down one of their towers to “shrink” it, filling another tower with water, and multiple elaborate plots to steal the throne from under their nose. But apparently, between all of that shit and the exile-conflict, the rules were silently changed, meaning Dream could exile Tommy for breaking a couple blocks and placing some rude signs in George’s house. Even the punishment itself was changed without warning, as Tommy went from being exiled from L’Manburg to exiled from “everywhere that’s ever been touched.”

...I was originally gonna make a different point here. I may put it in the reblogs, because I still think it’s very interesting. But, in the middle of writing this essay I had to stop because it was late, then I spent the entire next day packing up because I’m in the middle of a move. It's now the next evening, I'm sat in my new room, on my camping bed, I opened this doc because I pretty much forgot what I typed, I reread it, and then I realized… This isn’t an isolated series of events. This is a pattern for Dream.

Before Tommy first joined the server, there were only three set rules: no stealing, no griefing, and no killing people. Except by that point, those rules weren’t enforced at all. In fact, Dream broke all three at once at one point, by killing George and burning his diamond armor because he didn’t feel it was fair that George got to run around in full diamond when everyone else still had iron.

Tommy joined the server, and broke the rules like everyone else. He stole shit, broke shit, killed George for funsies… and he got exiled for it. Seriously, they dumped him in an empty snowfield for breaking rules that nobody had enforced for weeks. So technically, the Exile-arc isn’t even the first time something like this has happened to him!

During the events that would eventually spark the Disc War, Sapnap stole a bunch of Tommy’s items (including the only Netherite chestplate on the server at the time), and told him he’d only give the stuff back if Tommy helped him with a conflict he had with Ponk. Long story short, Dream tried to intervene and was killed by Tommy and Sapnap, and Dream stole Tommy’s discs to force him to apologize. He then kept the discs, and the Disc War followed. Sapnap, despite being the aggressor and arguably forcing Tommy to participate in the conflict, was never punished.

This proves not only that the rules can change whenever Dream feels like it, but that they’re arbitrarily enforced. Dream refuses to punish his friends for the same crimes he endlessly fucks over Tommy for.

L’Manburg was created in part because of the fact that the rules were unevenly enforced. Tommy, Wilbur, and later Tubbo were repeatedly killed, stolen from, imprisoned, and even held hostage for very minor crimes, while the people killing, imprisoning, kidnapping and stealing from them were able to do so without impunity.

This was also the point where Dream just started making up new rules; there was no rule against having governments on the server, or making a separate area where Dream’s rules wouldn’t apply, so Dream banned governments, and used this new rule as an excuse to kill them, take their items, and tear their land to shreds.

And that’s another thing: the punishments for breaking Dream’s rules are INCREDIBLY harsh.

Kill him non-canonically one time? Your most prized possessions will now be dangled over your head and used to hurt you for the next few months.

Make a country with different laws that doesn’t infringe on anyone’s territory, has no desire to expand, is explicitly pacifistic and open to trade negotiations? You’ll be forced to fight a war you’re in no way equipped to fight, you’ll be betrayed and murdered and have your land destroyed in front of your very eyes until you literally have no choice but to surrender.

Mildly vandalize the king’s house, which nobody else has ever been punished for? You’ll be dragged into court, exiled from your home, and subjected to weeks of abuse until you believe that all of your friends hate you and you actively want to kill yourself.

Hide some stuff in a secret chest? Your only shelter will be exploded, your pet/only food source will be killed, all your items will be destroyed, you’ll be banned from the Nether, and none of your friends will be allowed to come see you.

This is all such disproportionate retribution it’s ridiculous. It’s like punishing someone for speeding by blowing up their car with a ballistic missile.

So to sum up: Dream’s rules are arbitrarily enforced, and he can just straight up make them up on the spot if he feels like it. Sometimes, he won’t tell you a rule exists until you’ve already broken it, and you’re treated as if you broke it out of malice instead of genuine ignorance. And if you do break a rule, and he decides you have to be punished, it will always be a punishment so harsh it doesn’t even ATTEMPT to fit the crime.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty fucking corrupt and tyrannical to me.

When people say Tommy deserved exile, or made Dream spiral into villainy, or abused Dream somehow (seriously I’ve seen this take multiple times and every time it makes my brain melt) by breaking the rules, I would invite them to take a step back and ask themselves, why did that rule exist? Did Tommy know it existed? Was it enforced for everyone other than him as well? Does the punishment fit the crime?

Dream has a bad habit of making up rules, or enforcing old ones that were never enforced before, to punish those who threaten his power. None of the Dream Team were ever punished for anything, despite committing the same crimes as the L’Manburgians. That is, until they founded Mexican L’Manburg (i.e. went against Dream’s rule), at which point they were attacked by Dream and George was dethroned for “not being neutral enough.”

Tommy should’ve faced consequences for what he did. But those consequences should’ve come naturally, and been carried out by the people he hurt. Like, if Dream hadn’t intervened, griefing George’s house would’ve resulted in George griefing Tommy back in revenge. In fact, he DID do that, by turning Tommy’s entire house into granite and putting the Jump In The Cadillac picture on his front lawn.

These are natural, proportionate consequences. Exile was none of that. The Disc War was none of that. Everything that happened to L’Manburg was none of that.

Dream’s rules and how he enforces them are inherently corrupt and tyrannical. To pretend it’s anything but is disingenuous at best.

[fuckable-old-man-battle]

  Xigbar stared down at the tablet screen. Who the fuck was trying to put Showie back with her ex. Who the fuck was stealing her. 'Bestfictionaldivorce'??? They were apart for a REASON. 

He resisted the urge to frisbee the damn thing out the window. No, he needed the tablet if he was going to keep an eye on things. He couldn't lose his head if he wanted to get her out of there. 

Why did he want her back so bad? He didn't care about her. He was just her goon. Just her fuckin' goon. Frankly, this made things easier for him. No one to make him scrub soup out of rugs, or get shot in the face, or make him cut her hair, or… You get the picture. Showie is nothing but a distraction. This could be his ticket out of here. 

But instead… Xigbar scrolled through tumblr a bit more. No, he– he wasn’t that much of a dick. He couldn’t just let Showie get dragged off to some tournament with her ex. He kinda… owed her one? Maybe. Yeah. Sure, let’s go with that!

Xigbar sighed and decided to try and talk to… Stanley. Hm. He didn’t really want to, but the original post that ‘bestfictionaldivorce’ had made had mentioned him and the Narrator.

He pulled the snowglobe out from his pocket dimension and checked– no, the Narrator was still inside. Good. He gave a few shakes, just for funsies.

He didn't want to actually talk to him yet. Not unless he was sure he had to. Might as well just cyberbully him instead. 

… Cyberbullying didn't work. Not entirely. Whatever, though. He can be civil. Not like he's never worked with someone this pathetic anyway. At least Stanley could be more counted on to get shit done than Demyx.

A quick knock in a one-two pattern rapped on the door.

"'S open!" Xigbar yelled. He didn't want to get up.

Stanley opened the door and walked inside. He squinted at the… equipment that had been used to give Showie her most recent makeover, and then sighed.

[So, what’s up?] he signed.

"Showie's missing. I found something on Tumblr, but it's… We need to get her back. The post mentioned you, too. And your Narrator."

[Ok. Back up. Show me the post. I didn’t see that. I don’t follow you. Only some button stim blogs.]

"Here." Xigbar handed the tablet over to Stanley, already pulled up to the post. Like he'd been staring at it.

" @bestfictionaldivorce:

FUCK IT

Showie and her Ex-Husband from @white-boy-bracket are now in the running! Why? Because why the fuck not

also Stanley and The Narrator are back in the running, going against Showie and her Ex!"

Stanley looked at the post, scrolled down a tiny bit, smirked, and handed the tablet back to Xigbar.

[Yeah, that’s probably not good. Also you did push the button. Ha.]

"Shut the fuck up."

[I haven’t said a word.] Stanley signed with a grin. [Okay. Is the Narrator here, or was he taken too?]

"He's still here. He's not fucking important right now! Do you have any idea what Showie is going through right now?" Of course Stanley didn't. He hadn't seen her flashbacks. 

[You’re right.] Stanley signed quickly. [The Narrator isn’t important at all. We should only focus on her. Alright. Well, I… you went to a different tournament before, right? How does that work?]

"I didn't have a choice. I just got pulled there."

[So…. okay, well, how’d you get here? You weren’t an original competitor.]

"Election fraud. It happens enough and then I'm here. It comes with the crown, I guess." Weird time to flex being Election Fraud King.

[Right. That.] Stanley signed, glancing over at Xigbar’s… laurels was perhaps too kind of a word for his sash and crown, but they were still trophies. [Hm. Well, I guess… I’m going to get pulled there eventually. I could try saying please a lot to summon you. That sometimes makes election fraud happen?]

"It can't hurt." Xigbar tried to force his leg to stop bouncing. Being stuck here was driving him crazy. Who the hell knows what kind of shit Showie was having to go through right now? 

[And, once I’m there, I can help her out. Her ex, yeah? I can… I don’t know, try and make things less awkward for her? And if Narry’s there, he could… uh. I. Maybe do something? He is an eldritch being.]

"Right. The tentacles. I saw some of that when we got teamed up together when we got sent to Fuckable Old Man Battle."

[I’m sorry, Fuckable Old Man Battle?]

"Yeah. Other tournament. They had a season two. He was in from the get go, but I got sucked in later. … He had too much shit to say about my bikini."

[There were bikinis? There. Did he wear a bikini.]

"NOW ISN'T THE TIME TO BE HORNY, STANLEY." 

[SHUT UP.] Stanley signed aggressively. He pinched his brow, and then sighed. [Okay. Okay. Moving on. I will try to help {SCEPTER}. I will try and get Narry to help {SCEPTER}, which might be a bit difficult, for… a number of reasons. Uh. Could you… clear one of my commands, before I go?]

"How do I do that?"

[You give a new one. Duh. Okay, so… {SCEPTER} gave me one, so that… I can’t be happy if I’m around him. It’s gonna be really hard for me to talk to the Narrator if I can’t be near him. So. Please help.]

"Fine. Whatever. You can feel whatever the hell you want around your Narrator."

Stanley smiled in relief. [Thanks! I knew you’d help. It’s nice to be able to know I can do that again. Okay, any more prep I should do?]

"Do whatever you have to do to get the election fraud to happen. I need to get in there." He needs to protect her.

[Gotcha.] Stanley signed, and then did twin finger guns. [I’m gonna go press some of my buttons. If you’re feeling stressed out I have one you can borrow. Bye!]

Stanley turned around to leave.

"This doesn't mean we're friends. The second she's safe, it's back on."

Stanley turned back around and grinned.

[Oh, please. You’re an awful liar.]

"What."

[What?] Stanley signed. [You lied about the purple button, and you’re lying now!]

"As if. I didn't lie about the button. I was being vague. And I am definitely not lying now."

Stanley frowned, and it seemed like two separate codes were trying to fire in his brain simultaneously. He clutched his head and shut his eyes.

"Are you having a mental breakdown right now? I don't want to carry you back to your apartment."

Stanley grimaced and opened his eyes slightly. He started to sign, though his hands were a bit shaky. [Not any mental illness. Just. My will. It. It hurts. I.]

Stanley took a deep breath in, and then let one out.

[I know you’re here for me. But I don’t need your help right now. Thank you.]

  What.

  "What do you mean by that?"

[You’re not… a bad person. You wouldn’t ever hurt {SCEPTER}. You’re different. You’re nice!]

Xigbar froze. He's… different? That wasn't Stanley talking. No. Stanley knew perfectly well how cruel he could be. That had to have been some kind of command from Showie. 

Something in his gut twisted. 

"Just… Go. Get out of here. Go get yourself ready for whatever the hell is coming."

Stanley nodded, and quickly turned on his heels to leave.

When the door closed behind him, Xigbar sat back down on the couch and put his head in his hands. Showie thought he was different. He wasn't. She just didn't know. 

But he almost wanted to be.

@misspelled-magic

[therenlover]

that list says blurb, so here we go...

young Daniel, LIL era Daniel, playing Sky in Mamma Mia and singing Lay All Your Love On Me

((Okay I took this shit and ran in another direction with it because @creme-bruhlee loves to indulge my ridiculous ideas. Sorry lol))

How The Danny Bunch Would Do Performing "Lay All Your Love On Me" From Mamma Mia From Worst To Best

Number Seven: Laszlo Kreizler (The Alienist)

Poor Laszlo would be absolutely miserable trying to do the whole number.

Like... the whole dance includes push-ups and barrel rolls and all that crazy cardio stuff, so with his arm being the way that it is he would just have a terrible time.

More than once he'd get stuck like a turtle on his back unable to get up from both physical inability and just plain exhaustion.

He'd probably be taken out of the number at his own request about 2 weeks into rehearsals, so we'd never get to actually see him in the diving suit and flippers.

Honestly, it would be for the best though.

I can't imagine how John and Sara would react to seeing him perform.

His dignity would be safe for another day, at least for now...

Number Six: Checo (Paradise Mall)

Checo, though attractive, would not want to be there at all.

Like, he has a million better things to do with his time that don't involve humiliating costumes and hours worth of dance rehearsals every week

He probably wouldn't even show up for the actual performance.

That being said, he'd be around a little longer than Laszlo, and he would actually end up wearing the cute costume at least once, so he doesn't get put in dead last

When it comes to the actual dancing he wouldn't put in any effort

Like... he'd consistently not actually know the moves and would be several beats behind because he'd just halfheartedly follow along with what the other guys were doing.

Checo has potential, and if he actually tried he'd be higher on the list

But he refuses to try, therefore, he is at the bottom of the people actually dancing.

Number Five: Niki Lauda (Rush)

Ah, Niki. What can I even say about Niki...

He, like Checo, does not want to be involved at all.

That being said, Niki is not a quitter, so he would show up and give it his absolute all because he might hate it, but he would refuse to be anything but the best.

That being said, effort can't save everything.

I feel like it wouldn't matter how much Niki rehearsed the moves or did his best to do them right.

He would just look really, really ridiculous.

Not that he would accept that. No, no, no, he would be convinced that he was the absolute best, and when he was confronted with facts that showed him that his assumption wasn't true, he'd get really, really bitter.

In fact, he'd probably even put aside his need to be the best and team up with another dancer if he thought it would mean someone else wasn't better than he was anymore.

More on that later

Also, Niki would look like a fool in the costume.

It's flattering on a lot of people, but with his bouncy little curls it would just be a hot mess

Number Four: Ernst Schmidt (The Cloverfield Paradox)

Schmidt, like Niki, does not want to be involved and is not gifted with the talent that is being able to dance with any semblance of internalized rhythm.

He's a scientist, not a dancer, and that's for good reason.

That being said, Schmidt's attitude is really what sets him about Niki.

He might despise being involved and complain about the experience to anyone who will listen, whether they're in the cast or just strangers, but he would give it a good effort and wouldn't try to tear other people down just because he's a bad dancer.

In the end, he wouldn't do too badly, and he's on the better end of things as far as the Dannys go.

I also think that by the end of the experience, he would be secretly glad he was involved.

Even for hot-headed guys like Schmidt, it can be fun to blow off some steam and just have some stupid fun, even if you make a fool of yourself while doing it.

If any of his teammates recorded it, though, he would simply kill them, so if anyone had a tape of the performance it would have to be a big secret.

Number Three: Andrea Marowski (Ladies In Lavender)

Oh, sweet Andrea would be having the time of his life and I refuse to believe any different.

I have no doubt that he'd be the one that dragged all the other Dannys into this and they couldn't say no because lets be honest, who could risk making Andrea upset? Nobody. Not even the most heartless of bastards.

Andrea is a musician, and he's decently fit and pretty young, so he'd probably do alright with learning the actual choreography.

What he lacks in skill he'll make up for in heart.

That being said, he probably would get so caught up in the excitement of it all that he'd trip over his own feet a few times like an overexcited puppy, so he wouldn't be the very best.

Everyone would tell him he was though, and it would make his whole life.

As for the costume, we basically already saw him in something close to it when he wore the one-piece bathing suit in Ladies In Lavender, so we know he pulls it off well.

He'd look extra funny in the flippers though.

I can see him doing the goofy run with them on backstage and just grinning like a fool saying "Look! Duck feet!"

Number Two: Helmut Zemo (Falcon and the Winter Soldier)

Now, Helmut Zemo may be getting older, but I am a firm believer that he was trained in dance for at least part of his young adulthood.

That means he would pick up the choreography fast, and execute it with a dancer's precision, especially since it isn't super tough skill-wise, it just takes the ability to keep a rhythm in your body and the strength to do the cardio of it for several minutes.

Zemo can do both of those things.

That being said, he is getting older, so he would have some struggles when it came to the more strenuous moves.

The biggest setback for Zemo isn't his skill, or even looking silly in the costume (though I personally think he'd absolutely kill the look)

No, his issue would lay with his ego, because Zemo, even if he thought the whole thing was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard, would need to feel like he was the best.

Just like Niki, he'd get bitter when he realized the attention was going towards someone else.

So, inevitably, he would team up with Niki to do whatever it took to distract the audience and win back the eye of the watchers.

Nobody likes that asshole, so he doesn't to be on top; sorry Zemo.

Also, just for funsies, Bucky and Sam absolutely would come, and they absolutely would make fun of him for it forever as he defended it as an "expression of his inner youth and freedom"

And, Number One: Alex Kerner (Goodbye, Lenin!)

Now, this may come out of left field, but hear me out.

Alex is young and attractive, so he's already got that going for him.

He's also a laborer (he installs satellites) so he would probably be able to keep up with the physical aspects that would be required.

The biggest thing that would make him the most charming and adorable one up there, though, is that he would be doing it all to see little Paula smiling up at him from the audience.

So, even if he thought that whole thing was stupid, he'd put his heart into it.

That combined with his other traits would be enough to win over everybody who saw him as a shining diamond in the rough.

Also, come on, just imagine Alex in one of those wetsuits. He would be too hot for his own good.

Zemo and Niki would totally try to steal the spotlight, but Alex would just be so endearing that nobody would take the bait.

Basically, I wanna give Alex a big smooch after frothing at the mouth as I watch him do high kicks in those stupid flippers

BONUS ROUND

Young Daniel Bruhl would be the one actually playing Sky, because he's the leading man of the bunch.

He'd probably get all shy about the vocal aspect of it.

He would kill it though, no matter how humble he acted about the whole thing.

His costume would be a little different, just swim trunks and the flippers, but he would still rock it and have everybody drooling because duh.

Nobody would be paying attention to him for most of it though.

Because let's be honest, Daniel is wonderful, but the fools doing his backup dancing would be causing enough chaos that people couldn't help but be distracted.

[harpersplay]

4x10 and 4x11 Thoughts

Doing the bare minimum after being a parent for 13 years is not impressive. And I can't believe they are trying to equate doing that with Beth's years as an involved & active SAHM. (Gasp! Dare I defend Beth? Will I get my hater mantle taken away? I've said over & over that Beth's character has suffered the most from the shit writing. I truly have no idea how Beth stans think the show is good when every season Beth—as a character—gets worse & worse. And often because she is written at the expense of male characters.) And he's not a good dad. He's still fun dad (and also gross Dad. Who the fuck puts syrup on pancakes until right before you eat them?!?!?!). Giving his young children containers of Oreos (and encouraging them to lie to their mother) and risking their stability by again making shitty financial/business choices. Oh, and good dad (and good mom) are preparing to flee from prosecution and—I guess—just live on the run forever. Super great childhoods they're planning for their kids.

I was not at all clamoring for a Dean & Rio scene. Like ever. Luckily, it wasn't that bad. There was no swordfighting over Beth. And Dean got to see how Beth interacts with Rio (she talks to him with that haughty annoyed tone) which helps him to finally realize (JUST LIKE BETH TOLD HIM IN 1x6!) that Beth does this because she wants to not because the evil moose forces her.

Dorothy built her own store and career and none of the girls give a millisecond of thought to stealing the press. And that's after they've spent months using her store for illegal activities. Oh, and the obvious culprit when (if? because who knows with this show) Dorothy calls the police is going to be the former employee with multiple brushes with the law. But, great plan.

And, ugh, of course the girls are shocked that Diane & friends expect to be paid. They've only been doing this for years. Why would they learn anything? BTW, don't think I missed Beth mocking Krystal's voice. Where all the anti-misogynists at?

Breckin Meyer plays a really good creep. And someone actually did some research; because creeps make connections by being super tactile. I hate this MRA/MLM story. Why does it exist? Why is Vance at Dean's meeting with the lawyer? Is there some sort of budding cult leader/acolyte confidentiality?

So Stan is now getting directly supplied by the purse connect. Presumably the "Woman in Room 216." But why would she work with them? Weeks after she gets involved with Gene, he gets busted and spilled everything. So why would anyone in the criminal world work with Stan who was seen out & about as Gene's right hand? Why does Stan have access to the strip club? What about the "he" that owns the club that Gene mentioned? We know the city seized it and is going to auction it, but they don't just let people come in & out in the meantime; especially when it was a place used for illegal activity. Why does the show think this is unimportant to address but Dean montages are needed?

Ruby is all the way fucked up in this whole stupid Beth vs Stan nonsense (Reason #763 why she needs Black friends and it's super sus that she doesn't have any). She wasn't being neutral AT ALL and she was more on Beth's side for no reason than fake drama. Stan is probably the character we've seen undergo the most on a spiritual/moral/existential level. Ruby started at a similar place from him, but she at least went in knowing she was doing whatever she had to for Sara. Stan didn't find things out until the Hills were already in it. He's had multiple conversations with Ruby about what all this has done to him. He's calibrated his worldview of right & wrong. And for Ruby to tell him to "take the high road" was a slap in the face. Beth told Ruby she lied to Stan and Ruby was still on her side. Also, Stan was totally justified in what he said to Beth but the show is going to align him with Dean to neutralise the truth of his words. (I mean, the fact that he's a Black man has already been enough for people to say he's being "mean" to Beth.) And Beth yelling at Ruby to not defend Stan? No. Nope. That white woman needs to mind her own house.

The Kevin storyline is stupid & gross. First they used him to portray Annie's rock bottom. I don't know, having sex with your married ex while his wife is pregnant is more rock bottom to me. As is trying to fuck with your therapist's fiancée for funsies. And then he knows stuff about lacrosse, so suddenly he has some worth. Not because he's a human being. It's all incredibly offensive. But to have Annie, who has seen firsthand the problem with food waste and has been shown to have zero issues with Ben's transition (Not that she should have any. Just that it is a very, very common narrative for parents who will say they love their children to still express concern about how difficult life will be for them. And then they have some learning moment and credits.), be this judgmental character? It's plot > character again. And Annie has to start having feelings for him. Because, of course.

Ugh the casino. Just like the strip club fake bachelorette party, the writers just had an idea for a "fun" scene and did it regardless of how stupid. See the girls are always unlucky except in this moment when they need to be. Isn't that the most clever thing ever? Casinos monitor everything (Ruby actually points this out, which makes it worse) and the girls were acting completely suspicious. They would have for sure drawn attention. And then we have the added stupidity of the timeline being fucked with again to make a "clever" line work. Moments/twists/scene > plot > character. Always. The background actors in the scene were really earning their checks, tho.

Beth & Nick planting a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

[hexalene]

A non-chronological, non-comprehensive list of some of the exhausting bullshit I have had to put up with enforcing our impossibly gentle masking policy. Sometimes we were able to enforce, most of the time we just let them in. For funsies, I was injured and in a sling for most of this shit:

1. “SHUT UP you fat fucking bitch you’ll never amount to ANYTHING in your STUPID FUCKING LIFE now get OUT OF MY WAY!” *proceeds to ram her grocery cart into my side*

2. “I’m not going to comprise MY FREEDOM.”

3. *grabs screaming toddler and runs in, holding the child between us, as if that will prevent me from noticing they don’t have a mask*

4. “No, I won’t wear...oh wait, I mean I have a medical condition.”

5. “I have a medical condition. It’s like cancer, in my face. It’s too painful to wear one. It’s also too painful for the face shield. It’s cancer.”

6. “What’s it called? I have asthma, I can’t wear one.”

7. “I’m overweight. I can’t wear one.”

8. “I’m not putting that MUZZLE on my face”

9. “The virus isn’t real, idiot.”

10. “I’m in a wheelchair, I don’t have to do anything you tell me.”

11. “I have an emotional support dog.”

12. “If you give me that, I’m just going to throw it away, so don’t even bother.”

13. “My sister is in the hospital, so I don’t have to wear one.”

14. “I’m not touching that thing.”

15. “The mask is more dangerous than the virus. It’ll stop the oxygen from reaching my brain.”

16. “I served in the military.”

17. “I’m only grabbing a coffee, so like, why bother?”

18. “My sister is a nurse and she says it’s not real.”

19. “Fuck you.”

20. *ten minutes of screaming at me, the managers, and passerby about his precious American freedoms being violated*

21. Two men in qanon shirts, openly carrying firearms. Clearly desperate to fight. Did not engage.

22. “Shut up.”

23. “Look, you’re that same bitch who was here last time, I don’t fucking care, just fucking leave me alone. I’m not wearing it.”

24. *grabs the whole box and throws it in the trash*

25. “Come on sweetheart, you know this is all shit. I know you wouldn’t wear one of you didn’t have to worry about your job. It’s so awful they’re making you cover your pretty face.”

26. “I’m not ruining my lipstick.”

27. “What are you going to do about it? I’m going in no matter what.”

28. “It’s against my religion. Jesus would never wear a mask.”

29. *pretends to not speak English* (note: came in daily speaking unaccented english for a year previous, only suddenly loosing this skill with the pandemic)

30. “Is this fun for you? Do you like harassing people??” (Literally. Just. Doing. My. Job.)

31. “Open this fucking door, I’m not talking to some employee, get your fucking manager.. SHUT UP. Shut up, get the manager, I’m coming in here.”

32. *holds a tissue over their face* “this counts.” (It does not)

33. “I’m over 65.” (DUDE)

34. “I’m pregnant.” (BRO)

35. “Get your manager, I’ll take you guys to court.”

36. *refuses the mask and proceeds to wave a fucking EMF reader over my body, because apparently the virus is a ghost*

37. *holds mask on their face as if they’re putting it on, put drops it as soon as they think I can’t see.*

38. *gets mad, proceeds to SPIT ON THE PRODUCE DISPLAYS* (we had to pull and waste out the whole fucking shelf fuck this guy)

39. *physically shoves me out of the way*

40. “I’m allergic to masks. I can’t have anything on my face at all.”

41. *talks on their phone, talking louder to “drown” me out while trying to speed by*

42. *has a literal pink fuzzy sleeping mask over their mouth*

43. “This is all going to go away after the election, so don’t sit here and pretend it’s real.”

44. “The president isn’t wearing one, so I’m not wearing one.”

45. “I’ve never been to CHYNA.”

46. “I don’t support BLM” (????????????)

47. “Oh I already have it, so it doesn’t matter.” (Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!????????? IS THAT PRESENT TENSE????????? He was not allowed in, for the record.)

48. *a repeating anti-masking offender, wildly drunk and three times my size, barreled by me, proceeded to open and drink mouthwash right off the shelf. Made several sexual advances at me and another female employee, so we got to step aside while the male management dealt with him*

49. *a literal pair of panties, the creep*

50. *this dude fuckin rolls up in a fuckin $700,000 car, parks on the fire lane, leaves his fuckin door wide open with the KEYS IN THE IGNITION AND STILL RUNNING, moonwalks the fuck in with his dog, and waves me down like I’m the goddamn host at a restaurant and tells me to go get my manager, but to “take a long time, because I’ll be finishing my shopping while you’re gone, and they’re not going to stop me.”

51. *gets caught swapping price tags, AND refusing a mask* “pull that stupid thing off your face, HONEY, I can’t hear anything you’re saying.” Proceeds to tell management that I am “a serious problem, the rudest bitch she’s ever met, and she will NOT be coming back to this store. They should fire me, because she’s never been treated so rudely before. Take that little girl off the schedule. What happened to customer service?” Reminder: she was caught stealing while I was trying to enforce the mask policy.

52. *I offer a mask, get shut down with bullshit “me and my five kids and husband all have a medical condition” whatever. I say all right and go back to my station. Bitch calls the store after she leaves and screams that I discriminated against her and her family.

53. “I’m a priest.”

54. *a pair of police officers who come in while I’m stuck with a different and more boring antimasker, without masks, I try to stop them, but they laugh. Dumbasses. The station is down the street. We called and reported them to their superior. Got a NICE official apology for that one.

55. *wearing a literal fursuit, which....counts.....I guess??? This person was actually fine, but I’m on a ptsd flashback and they’re there*

56. “Only if you have toilet paper.”

57. “We can’t wear those things. How will we get herd immunity???”

58. *a pair of basketball shorts*

59. *a sock*

60. *a “mask” with the mouth cut out

61. No wait I’m stopping here, this is literally endless

Please for the love of god be kind to your essential workers, we’ve been doing the normal work routine on hardcore survivalist mode all 2020, and I am so ready for the vaccine please please please let this year end