#and i've been too out of social spoons to be active on discord and stuff

[ky-the-squiddy]

Hope life is treating you with kindness.

Hi, yeah, yep, I promise I'm all good, don't worry 💙

My '''''brief''''' break from tumblr last december because of travel kinda just never stopped 'cos I wanted to see what difference to my life it'd make, and honestly? It's been a helluva lot easier to manage various day-to-day stuff without feeling like I'm getting stuck on the hamster wheel that is my dashboard. I do miss the hellsite (affectionate (derogatory)) at times, but with the limited spoons I've got, tumblr ain't getting 'em

Life's doing alright though! Currently a bit stressful because of work nonsense and because my family is flying halfway around the world to visit in about a month so I've got a lot of prep to do before they get here, but it's good stuff because maybe potential promotion?? and also I miss my dad and brother and grandma and I haven't seen them in over 5 years now

The world gives me kindnesses by surrounding me with understanding and patient people, by letting me grow a herb garden on my windowsill, by keeping the one old man who runs my favourite tea shop in the market in good health, by playing out the corvid soap operas on the rooftops across from us (my partner has named the fledgeling rook Baby Kazoo), and by letting me keep taking life one breath at a time

I hope it's doing the same for you, Super 💙

[rainbowtvz]

the transition into my being 30 years old has been mostly depressing.

my gf is scheduled to move in with me in a few months though so thats something to look forward to.

long post ahead as i ramble and update u all!

i lost a friend group because they rather play ball with an antisemitic racist asshole who literally targetted me to try and provoke me every single day, instead of reflecting on their defense of said asshole, removing the problem (the asshole) and growing and changing as people. if darth still follows me here for whatever reason then you're just as racist as your buddy because you have cosigned his behavior and words multiple fucking times and told him the above is perfectly okay and acceptible. oh and then you lied to my girlfriends face about kicking this guy, and proceeded to cover up what happened. ^-^ i hope you get your just deserts buddy.

i reunited with an old friend and we're dating now so thats exciting. love wins !!!

socmed and stuff like self shipping has taken a backseat in my life as i struggle with SAD and becoming older. i've contemplated many a thing, and went to my therapist for advice on how to handle stress better, including how to control my own reactions better, when its appropriate to "take a break" from being an advocate, stuff like that.

the quotations should clue you in that i don't believe in taking a break from being an advocate or activist, not really. i think that you should carry those same morals and integrity with you into every aspect of your daily live, not just when you are directly engaging in activism. but having downtime is important too, just not at the cost of going back on your stance. giving a shit is a full time life course, not something you can dress up as in public and take off at home.

i think the downtime is more knowing when to not engage and giving yourself space to wind down and not just shrugging off an activist costume. i will ALWAYS care, but theres a time and place to make it loud.

i pretty much knew this and had this stance already but its nice to realize i'm not letting anybody down by not engaging 24/7.

and realistically, my own life comes first. i can't speak up for or help and support others if i can barely take care of myself.

trying to stop bedrotting, also. not sure its working

very low on spoons and i haven't really been socializing outside of maybe 3 people and occasionally in a youtubers discord.

desperately hoping that as the season changes i'll feel less down.

i drew something for the first time in many many months. i want to draw more but the motivation and ideas are not there.

been playing a lot of stardew !!

is very fun.

i think the whole "ohhhh 30 is when fandom people start to get weird" is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. its been kind of mystified and treated as a tale of caution, which is fair, but i think the more i try to actively resist it the more i'm like "okay but who cares"

BEFORE ANYBODY BLOCKS ME FOR THAT

i'm not like, going back on my moral or ethical stance dhjdhghjdj i just find myself with a lot less energy to care and be outspoken about it, which i felt coming on for a while now. i tend to block and move on (and warn people when appropriate) now more than ever.

arguing seems pointless because i am not going to convince anybody to change their minds, lbr. i just stick to me and mine

and more about the self fulfilling prophecy bit, i think if i wasn't so stubborn and rigid in my beliefs i could see myself going down that path as a form of apathy. so i wonder how many others had the same happen to them.

i think it's natural to question things, as i've been taught by my father growing up. so sometimes i think things like "why is this bad and immoral/unethical" and the answers come easily. like for instance i just found out the wicked years book series has incest in it (apparently) and my reason for disgust was because it (incest) is harmful, abusive, traumatizing, and can result in inbreeding. and even if the latter is not a concern, the first 3 still are.

i'm not going to explain in detail for the apathetic because again, i'm not going to convince anybody and why are you on my blog anyway

its just interesting i guess to ponder my own beliefs and to reassure myself that yes, i still have the same ones and that's not changing anytime soon.

and in instances where it does, then i want there to be a good reason. the reason tends to be "i still have the same opinion i just don't care to debate it because it's not solving anything and just causing stress for myself"

go drink some milk.

in further updates, gavin newsom is trying to ban "hemp thc" in california. admidst all the other shit going on in this state, the country, and the world. very cowardly, dude.

i've been a gavin newsom hater for ages since i learned that he keeps accepting bribe money from PGE, i am not surprised, but i am majorly disappointed still. its unfortunate that he's been one of the best governors we've had in my time alive. just like how obama was the best president we've had in my time alive. they still suck, just sometimes they don't suck in a way that benefits the marginalized and opressed.

another thing my therapist and i talked about in ways to reduce stress and conflict is to be up front about political stances and let the normies and right wingers filter themselves out. i genuinely hate talking politics when so much of it affects me and people i care about but i guess letting people know i don't tolerate the intolerant is important too for peace of mind and safety.

anyway, stardew, have i mentioned stardew? abigail might be a potential f/o. and i hate that i have a type lol.