#and if something happens to sam it equally happens to dean and vice versa. because they're two halves of a whole

[incesthemes]

there's a somewhat subtle but notable development i've noticed in sam between seasons 1 and 2, in that he becomes much more willing to lie to the people he's trying to help—he starts finding lies a practical necessity and the truth about the supernatural as something to avoid in polite society.

in bugs, sam urges matt to tell his father about the curse, make him understand the severity, while dean instructs him to lie his ass off so his father will get the hell out of the house. this episode favors dean here: larry obviously doesn't buy the curse story, and it's proven to sam that the truth can in fact be more harmful than a lie.

then by salvation, sam seems to have integrated into himself that lying is necessary: when he proposes that they tell monica and her husband the truth, that a demon is coming for their baby, it's a joke. dean registers this joke with a sardonic grin and sam instantly agrees this is a Bad Idea. he's learned from his mistakes.

the development across season 1 is, here, that lying is necessary for them to do their job. people don't believe in supernatural phenomena, at least not insofar as it pertains to themselves, and they'd sooner get arrested than do any actual saving of the day.

case in point.

all this to say i think roadkill is an interesting episode. much of the conflict between sam and dean centers around what information to disseminate to molly, what she should know and what she shouldn't. they go back and forth trying to figure this out, often unprepared for her questions and hiding the truth in obfuscations and white lies. neither of them are so cruel as to tell her anything blatantly false, but neither of them are willing to tell her the full, unadorned truth.

sam has learned his lesson: he keeps everything he tells her in the realm of plausible deniability, refracted through layers of half-truths that don't actually tell molly anything about her situation. even though he is the one who outright proposes that they tell her the truth, he is the one who, surprisingly, ends up telling her the least.

instead dean is the one who offers up the most blatant truths throughout most of the episode. in this sequence, sam even resists the truth, still convinced that obfuscation is what will further their goals most. the truth will make people think they're crazy, it'll get in the way of doing their job. he's not wrong, either:

and until the end of the episode, he continues to bury the full truth and speaks in roundabout ways to keep it from her.

many such examples.

anyway, what i also find interesting about this is that while sam commits to this lesson he learned in season 1, dean is rather forthcoming about the truth. clearly he doesn't like the idea of telling molly what's going on, but he's still quite often the one to offer up a plain, truthful explanation over sam's much nicer obfuscations. which is a little strange, considering he is the one who typically pressures sam into lying and constantly reminds him of the value in lies. not that dean has never cut the crap and offered up the truth—there are plenty of episodes where he does just that—but since a major conflict of this episode centers around this point of contention and since dean has already expressed his unwillingness to tell molly the truth, i can't help but raise an eyebrow.

what this episode also does, however, is parallel molly and sam. similar to maggie in playthings, molly is a monster by circumstance, lonely and afraid. she functions as an allegory for sam as his destiny develops and his fears about his impending doom heighten, and when sam speaks to her he is also speaking to himself, about himself.

ultimately, i think this indicates a development on dean's part, as well. after croatoan and hunted, dean has no more secrets to keep from sam, and he's chosen him as his codependent life partner. more or less, he's "taking responsibility for himself" by abandoning his duty and devoting himself entirely to sam. and sam values the truth: he's resistant to lying to civilians about the supernatural and only reluctantly gives up after a full season of grappling with it, and when it comes to his brother one of the first demands he makes of dean in season 2 is that they no longer keep secrets from each other (it's their major point of conflict between 2x02 and 2x04, after all). it's easily deduced that this stems from his life of exclusion, and it's understandable that sam wouldn't want dean to keep secrets from him now that they've evolved their relationship into codependency. and now that dean has abandoned his duty for sam, dean can eschew the life of secrets and exclusion he's been both knowingly and unknowingly implicit in up until now.

so if molly is sam, then dean telling molly the truth seems to indicate an olive branch of sorts. it's an indication that even if he doesn't want to, dean will tell sam the truth—he's fully committed to the relationship, especially after born under a bad sign where he reasserts his commitment to sam above all else. i think it's a nice symbolic gesture to indicate his character growth. the honeymoon phase that takes place between hunted and what is and what should never be do a lot to explore how their relationship can grow in weirdly positive ways that we really don't see again until like—god, like season 10, and their only barrier to bliss for this stretch of time is sam's all-encompassing existential angst trying to pull them apart (unsuccessfully so, until all hell breaks loose).

but all that said, i think the way truths and lies are explored in roadkill are indicators not only of their own personal developments, but also their developments with each other. molly functions as the conduit through which sam is explored—both dean's relationship to sam and sam's relationship to himself. she reveals what sam fears and what sam values, and she showcases how time has passed for sam and dean and what that time has done for them. sam has learned the necessity of a lie, but he keeps his lies as close to the truth as possible, laced in obfuscation and omission. dean has learned the value of the truth, at least when it comes to his brother, and even if he knows it's dangerous and stupid to tell the truth he will put himself out there anyway, for sam's sake.

i don't know. i think it's interesting.

[kissingcullens]

Sam killing Dean at the end of the show is so big brained, thank you for sharing it with us

Listen!!

They could never pull it off, but if it was done WELL, I think that would have been amazing. Again, in a perfect world, I personally would have preferred a happy ending and atonement from Dean...

...and TBH my gut instinct is that having Sam kill Dean himself would be too fucking brutal, if only for how much that would fuck Sam up... (haha, unless...? 👀)

...but if the writers “always knew they wanted to kill Dean...” smh! They could have really gotten some flavor and some DRAMA by making Dean Vs. Sam the final conflict??

Maybe under the leadership or manipulation of somebody else, maybe not... idk how it would happen but of course it would have to have a good amount of buildup; a few seasons at least- and it would have to be done in such a way where both men have powerful motivation so that the audience FEELS the conflict and it feels genuine and inevitable.

But what could be more climactic, personal and impactful for the FINAL season than to finally have that battle between Sam & Dean the writers kept flirting with and flinching away from!?

Silver vs. Flint!! Betrayal! Drama!! Tragedy!!! Brothers on opposite sides of a divide too great to cross... Dean knowing Sam so well that it’s easy to anticipate his next move, and vice versa...

Like the way that the central conflict in the series was so often Sam and Dean being pitted against one another- (Lucifer vs. Michael obviously, and they had a whole thing about the goddamn Mark of Cain for gods sakes; the original fratricide)

-and how much of their dynamic is Sam shrinking to fit into this box of acceptable behavior to avoid violence from Dean, while Dean loses sight of his original justifications for his own violence (to protect Sam, to protect people...)

The way that in S1 John told Dean “You will have to either save your brother, or you will have to kill him.”

The way S4 Dean said he’d rather let Sam die than allow him to be a monster... the many Sam stand-in characters that Dean murders or tries to kill, like Amy, Cyrus, Jack, the Rugarou, etc...

And that becomes an overarching theme for the show, and we see a Dean who, for whatever reason, comes to believe that he and Sam are on opposite sides of a conflict... planning to do something SO heinous that Sam finally believes that Dean is out of control and needs to be stopped. (Maybe it involves Jack?? Or even the return of Amy’s young son, who would be a teenager or a young adult by now...)

The way that the show could expand on how Dean’s tragic flaw; the thing that Dooms him, is that he can’t grow beyond the tiny box that Hunting and his father have put him in, and that he would even kill his beloved baby brother to maintain that status quo... as long as Dean cannot accept otherness or ambiguity, he and Sam are inevitably fated to clash.

Dean becomes his father... becomes even worse than his father, because for Dean, Hunting and annihilating the Other becomes THE End Goal in itself, and his motives and moral qualms get obliterated one by one as with each hunt he crosses his own boundaries of morality...

And yeah, maybe there’s a huge fight, or maybe Dean accepts another possession-style bargain, or maybe Sam just chooses to side with the Monstrous and they fall out and Dean hardens his heart against his brother. (“I don’t have a brother.”)

OH and you know how you can compare “first and last scenes” for parallels?

What if the last fight was Dean breaking into Sam’s living space, just like he did 15 years earlier when he was just a young man breaking into his baby brother’s apartment in the middle of the night... but this time it’s with deadly intent.

And Sam’s original goal to escape his abusive family (a family that is unable to accept him, and equally unwilling to let him go) finally comes to its shocking and inevitable, violent conclusion. So good!

It would be tragic of course; maybe Dean has his Darth Vader moment where he flips at the last moment and saves Sam from the villain sneaking up to stab him in the back and sustains a fatal wound himself, and you have that heartbreaking scene dying in your brother’s arms, repenting... the pain!? The DRAMA!!!

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Make Way For The New

Pairing: Abaddon x Demon!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: demon!reader, minor angst, minor fluff

Summary: You enjoyed your time on Earth, but you love being a demon just a little bit more. You have a new life, and if you’re going to continue to love it, you need to get rid of your biggest obstacles... the Winchesters.

Fandom: Supernatural

abaddon (2019 card) for @heavenandhellbingo​

if you want a thing done well, do it yourself for @as-the-saying-goes-bingo​

missing and presumed dead for @badthingshappenbingo​

betrayal in @ladiesbingo

traveling woman in @spnfemslashbingo​

abaddon for @spnvillainsbingo​

Author’s Note: Yes, there will be another part. Maybe a third depending if you guys want it. This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

There are two sides to you: the past and the present.

Before, you did everything with the Winchesters. You met them when your life was at stake because a dragon captured you to eat. Yes, you were a virgin back then, but you quickly corrected that issue to prevent that mistake from happening again (or, that’s what you tell yourself). In reality, Dean was just too magnetic to stay away from.

Working with the Winchesters led to some really fun nights and some of the lowest lows you’ve ever seen yourself in. You three trusted each other with your life, always taking risks that the others wouldn’t. You used to put others before yourself all the time. It didn't matter if you know them or not. To you, everyone’s lives were worth more than yours… it’s why you and Dean got along so well.

You two became closer after you two had sex, even if it was the only time it happened. You’ve flirted with him almost every day, and there have been times when you two would make out, but it never went beyond that. It was just easier to sleep with someone you met in a bar and forget they existed the very next day. It was harder to do that with Dean since you lived with him.

Working with them was fine in the beginning, but the more hunts you went on, the more you realized how much you wanted a family. You’re always saving families and watching them reunite, and you long for one of your own. Dean tended to remind you that he and Sam were your family, and while that was true, you really wanted kids and to build one from the ground up.

It’s why you went your separate ways.

Sam and Dean wanted to continue to hunt, and you really wanted a family. That didn’t mean you weren't going to help if needed, you just weren't going to pick up a gun for them anymore. Whatever they needed, you helped from the comfort of your home. You kept in touch with them every day, told them about the men you were dating, and got so excited when one relationship lasted more than four months. They supported you from the Bunker, and you supported them from your apartment on the other side of the country. The only problem was that something was always dragging you back into hunting whether that would be a monster in your hometown, Sam and Dean needing your help on a hunt since they didn’t know anyone else, or whatever it was.

You got sick and tired of bailing on your boyfriends because you had to fight some monster. It wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to you. You ended up doing something you never thought you, as a hunter, would do. The need for wanting a family overcame the voice inside your head telling you not to do it. Of course, you never told Sam or Dean what you did… in fact, they hardly ever needed you for hunting after you did what you did.

You sold your soul for the apple pie life. Ten years being happy with a family is better than a lifetime of hunting monsters and never getting anywhere.

However, before you could get what you want, you died because you were in an accident. Now, you don’t know if it was some douchebag demon cashing in on souls early or if it was truly an accident, but it didn't matter because you went to Hell.

At first, it was torture getting tortured on the rack. It felt like a century being on there, but only a few years had passed. You’re used to getting a lot of pain from hunting with the Winchesters, but you’ve never experienced pain like that before.

You broke sooner than you hoped you would.

Instead of being tortured, you decided to do the torturing. It was nice to cut into skin that wasn’t yours. You knew Dean had gone to hell and was an excellent torturer, but you were better. You actually came up with ways that haven't even been invented yet. Everyone in Hell feared you, was scared when your name came into conversation. You got so good at torturing that anyone who was refusing to talk, did when they heard you were coming in.

After a few centuries of bringing the worst pain unto anyone that dare get in your way, you were promoted to a crossroad demon. It wasn’t as fancy as torturing souls, but you did get to see Earth. If you missed anything while you were human, it was being on Earth. Hell is great, but an argument can be made for Earth being a bit better.

After doing a few years being topside, you were a free demon, able to jump between Hell and Earth whenever you pleased. Crowley really wanted you to grab demons who were misbehaving and bring them back to him (injured or not), but you managed to slip into your old days of going to bars and picking up men.

Along the way, you met an equally scary demon, Abaddon. The only difference is that she is a Knight of Hell, and you’re not. You’ve never really clicked with anyone since going to Hell, but you did click with her. She never cared for other demons as her only goal was to overrun Crowley and become Queen of Hell, but you she cared for. There is something about you that taps into her emotions like no other.

You two became the dynamic duo, never going anywhere without the other. Whoever got in her way got in yours, and vice versa. There is nothing you two don’t do together, and that includes going to Earth to enjoy human things. You even traveled the world to see what you couldn’t when you were human.

The bar you two are in is lively with chatter, laughter, and all around good energy. You’ve been a demon for way too long, so you actually miss things like this. Abaddon is in one of her better moods which is why she agreed to something like this. The waiter just brought over your fourth round, and you take your glass to clink to hers.

“To us,” you grin.

“To us,” she smiles widely.

You down the shot, feeling no effect whatsoever. When done, you lean in and kiss her tenderly, glad to be by her side. It’s not every day that you can do this with her, so you’re cherishing each second until you have to go back to work. Your assignment: the Winchesters. But, more on that later.

“You know, I’ve never really understood Princes and Knights of Hell. Do you have wings?” you ask, staring at her in adoration.

“No, dear,” she chuckles. She cups your cheek with her right hand and rubs your cheekbone with her thumb. “That’s angels.”

You bite her thumb gently, and she pulls away with a smirk. She is about to suggest something else to do that’s way better than sitting in this dingy bar, but her phone rings. She’s still getting used to cell phones, but she answers it, nonetheless. You don’t know who is on the other line, but by the looks of her face, it’s not good news.

“What happened?” you ask once she hangs up.

“It’s those damn Winchesters… always getting in the way,” she growls. “They just won’t quit.”

You get an idea, suddenly, you and just smirk at the thought of it.

“You know, I used to work with them when I was human. Apparently, we worked pretty well together. I can make them stop… for good.”

“How?” she asks, intrigued.

All you can do is smile widely as the wicked thoughts enter your mind.

Sam and Dean have yet to find Abaddon and kill her before she takes over Hell and becomes Queen. They’re not getting any closer, and the Mark on Dean’s arm is itching for something more… powerful than mindless demons and monsters. Dean slams his bag on the library table with a frustrated huff.

“We’ll get her, Dean.”

“Yeah, when?”

Dean’s phone rings, and he stares at the strange yet familiar name. It takes a few seconds, but it clicks in his mind that it’s you… after all this time.

“It’s Y/N,” Dean gasps.

“She’s alive?” Sam asks, just as shocked.

Dean answers the phone and puts you on speakerphone so that Sam can hear.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

“Hi Dean. Long time no… talk,” you chuckle, keeping up the innocent facade they know you to have,

“Where the hell have you been? We thought you were missing or dead!”

“I’ve actually never felt better. I needed time for myself, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going away.”

“It’s been years, Y/N. That’s a little long for just ‘going away’. Where did you go?”

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know how to find Abaddon,” you grin and wink at Abaddon herself.

“What did you just say?”

“I heard down the chain of command you’re looking for her. She’s not far from where you are, actually. We can sit here and talk about how I know where she is and all that or you can come meet me and help me trap her. I heard you have the Mark which means you have the First Blade… you can kill her.”

“Where are you?”

“Believe it or not, Wichita, Kansas. She’s always been close just watching you. It’s why you can never find her.”

“Alright, we’re on our way.”

“Okay, drive safe,” you say sweetly.

As soon as you hang up the phone, you lose the sweet facade and give Abaddon a smirk.

“You want them to stop following you? You have to take out Sam first. Dean will be so hell bent on getting revenge, and that’s when we can use the Mark against him.”

“You’re so bad,” she grins and pulls you in by the waist.

“I know,” you chuckle.

You meet her halfway and kiss her, excited to use your skills on your old life… flushing out whatever good that used to be inside you.

Sam and Dean make it to Wichita in less than two hours, meeting you at the local bar. You told Abaddon to hide and wait for your signal. You dressed how you used to so that the brothers wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. If you want them to trust you after being gone for so long, then you really have to act the part.

“Sam! Dean!” you gasp with a smile, rushing over to them in excitement.

“It’s been too long, Y/L/N,” Dean chuckles and gives you a hug.

You remember what it’s like being in these arms, but you want to know what it’s like to watch his blood spill over them. Sam is next, and you silently size him up. You may be a badass demon, but they have been doing this a long time. If you’re going to get rid of them, then you have to be smart about this.

“Is she still here?” Sam asks when you pull away from him.

“Yeah. On the outskirts of town. She’s been there all day. I don’t know what she’s waiting for, but better make our move now.”

“Wait, are you sure you’re good? You seem a little too eager.”

“Let’s just get her while we can. Then, I’ll tell you all about where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. Spoiler alert, I think I’ve done every sex position there is.”

“Gross,” Sam shakes his head.

“Nice,” Dean says at the same time as his brother.

“Come on, we need to get going.”

You lead the Winchesters to the edge of town where an abandoned farm is. On that farm is a barn where Abaddon is hiding out. You gear up with the Winchesters when you notice the Mark on Dean’s arm.

“Does it hurt?” you ask, motioning to it.

“I try not to think about it.”

You and the brothers head inside quietly, guns drawn. There is no one in the barn, and it takes Dean two seconds to figure out that she isn’t here, or that something isn’t right.

“Where is she?”

“Right here,” Abaddon smirks, entering the barn from where you three came in.

Sam and Dean turn, and yours and Abaddon’s eyes turn black.

“So glad you could join us,” you chuckle darkly.

You raise your hands, and Sam and Dean go flying across the room into the back wall. They hit their heads on the tables, causing them to black out. You and Abaddon high-five each other before heading over to them.

“This is going to be so much fun…”

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why! Follow my library blog @queenofdeansbooty-writes​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can follow that if you can’t be tagged!

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[mattzerella-sticks]

Slide (1.3k, Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen, post-canon fluff)

Suptober Day 9 - Electric (ao3)

           Halfway through the second chorus, between the shimmy-dip and the kick-turn, it hits Dean. Barrels him over like a runaway train that nearly makes him lose count and miss a step. He recovers, keeping time with the music. Not drawing any suspicion or undue attention. But Dean felt like all eyes should be on him, even though it wasn’t his day.

           It was his brother’s, and contemporaneously his new sister-in-law’s, too.

           Sam and Eileen wed hours ago. Near the Bunker, between two large trees with fairy lights strung on the branches. Dean stood by Sam’s side in their best suits as they both watched Mildred walk Eileen down the aisle, wearing a simple white lace dress that midway on her calves and holding a bouquet of Easter Lilies. His brother grinned wider than Dean ever saw, even though twin trails of tears ran across his face and his shoulders shook with the force of earthquakes. Continuing even when Eileen reached the make-shift pulpit, cheeks equally shiny. All throughout Bobby’s sermon Sam sobbed quietly. He warbled his vows, forgot simple phrases in sign, missed Eileen’s hand several times while putting her ring on – his emotions getting the better of him. Well inside never running dry. It made the entire affair beautiful, although the kiss was far wetter than Dean cared for.

           Thankfully Sam stopped crying during the walk back. Maybe because of how, the entire way, the newlyweds never let go of each other. Or perhaps the secret signing Eileen did the trick. Fingers pressed into the skin along the open vee of his button-down, calmed Sam enough that he could take one breath without shuttering. Whatever the case, Dean was grateful. Because Sam could sob all he wanted during the wedding, but there were no room for tears at the reception.

           Their guests gathered in the Bunker’s main room. Converted for such a special occasion. Map table blanketed by a huge, white tablecloth found in storage. It held all the food Dean and Jody spent preparing days before, as well as the three-layered wedding cake. It was surrounded by smaller tables, where groups could settle as they ate, conversed, and took breaks when their feet tired of dancing.

           Dean, despite his age, refused surrender.

           Charlie barely waited for Sam and Eileen to finish their first dance, switching the music for something upbeat. The makeshift dance floor crowded as everyone joined. Even those like Bobby and Claire overcame their gruff exterior and let the music flow through them. Weddings were a treat, especially in the hunter community. No one wasted moments like these. Where the outside world, its monsters and shadows, faded into the background. Forgotten, because nothing bad could happen during something so good.

           Dean whooped, he jumped. He krumped, sprinkled the lawn, and did the damn robot. Using a catalogue of moves better left in the past where he found them, Claire snorted into her drink. Dean heard her but didn’t care. He was enjoying himself.

           Cas was, too. Though not the best dancer, he egged Dean on. Telling him which moves he liked and laughing as Dean repeated them, exaggerating the movements. Dean tipsy on the atmosphere and the fourth glass of wine and more that he thought little of how much a fool he looked.

           Especially when the playlist changed, and an old standard came on.

           “Everyone!” he clapped, drawing attention, “Everyone, set yourselves up!”

           The few who recognized the song, like Dean, listened. Others stood around confused, mirroring their elders regardless. “What’s going on?” Patience asked, “What are we doing?”

           “The Electric Slide,” Jody said, nudging her, “it’s really easy. Just follow along!”

           Cas found Dean, tugging on his sleeve. “The Electric Slide?” he asked, “What’s that?”

           “It’s a sort of line dance,” he explained, helping Cas spread himself. Still clueless on matters of personal space. “We’re all gonna be doing the same dance, and it’s quick to pick up. Trust me.”

           He nodded, although Dean doubted he fully understood. Unfortunately, they ran out of time. The song truly started, and so did they.

           There was a learning curve. Dean noted Cas struggling in the beginning, watching Dean do the moves. Cas’s body horribly copying his. But as Dean said, it’s not that hard. With every turn, Cas gained confidence. Steps were faster, more assured, and Cas looked less thoughtful – fully present in the moment. He kept staring at Dean though, blue finding green. Cas danced with crinkled eyes and a mega-watt smile. Laughing along with everyone else, but different than the rest. In on a joke no one else knew. Beautiful. Dean wished he had his phone, to take a picture of Cas. Then, he wished this song would never end. That Cas could stay like that forever. It was the next wish, a simple prayer, that did it.

           The song fades, and the crowd breaks from the pattern. Back into the clusters they originally were in. Swaying with the slower rhythm.

           Dean stands there, frozen on the dancefloor. He couldn’t dance – couldn’t move – all other higher functions short-circuiting, systems crashing. Mind playing a constant loop of an unprompted desire, freely admitted.

           I wish he could look at me like that forever.

           He reboots, drawn back into reality by a hand on his shoulder. Cas’s expression shifted; brows drawn in worry and lips curled. “Dean?” he asks, “Are you okay? Tired?”

           Dean smiles, stepping closer. Looping his arms around Cas’s shoulders. It is a wedding, after all. “Nah,” he shrugs, “I can go all night. Dance with me?”

           Nodding, Cas slides his hands onto Dean’s waist, their weight a delightful pressure. They’re silent for a few moments, the music talking for them. Until Cas finally asks the question that marred his face with stress lines. “What were you thinking about?”

           “What was I thinking about?” he repeats, guiding Cas towards the fringes of the crowd. Voice low, his next words only for them to hear. “I was thinking how we should have the Electric Slide play during our wedding.”

           Risky, but Dean’s willing. When will he have a moment like this again? If not here, Dean would most likely confess it during a hunt while covered in monster guts, or over C-grade burgers at a highway diner surrounded by a bunch of nobodies. That’s not how he wants to tell Cas.

           What he wants is this. Cas in his arms and vice-versa, dancing. Smiling. A memory he can replay years into the future. That, when his day comes, will be waiting for him behind a white door with his and Cas’s names on it.

           Cas glances at their family, and then back to him. Blushing, lips twitching as he fights against the giddiness that bursts inside. Dean aware of it by how tight Cas’s grip on his waist became. “Oh?” he asks, feigning seriousness, “Don’t you think that’s a bit too forward?”

           “What do you mean?”

           “Talking about our wedding when we haven’t even been on a date yet.”

           “Then let me take you on a date,” Dean says, “after that we’ll go pick out matching rings. And, since everybody’s here we can do a quick little something and Electric Slide our way into marriage.”

           His composure cracks, Cas snorting at Dean’s response. He dips his head, temples pressed against each other. Mouths close enough Dean might steal a kiss, if he were inclined. Not yet. Dean waits for an answer from the other man.

           “We’re not having our anniversary be the day after your brother’s wedding,” Cas says, “I want a day that’s all our own.”

           Dean agrees. “When were you thinking?”

           “Perhaps in the fall…”

           “I like that. A fall wedding sounds wonderful.”

           “And we can have it all, the ceremony and the reception, at a barn.”

           “We could have it on a freakin’ plane for all I cared, as long as you’re standing across from me.”

           “I love you, Dean.”

           “Love you too, Cas.”

[mittensmorgul]

Whenever I see a Dean+food post about how cute/funny it is that Dean is so food obsessed, it makes me sad because of course he’s focused on food, he starved as a child to feed his brother.

Aw, I get it. But before I get into that, apologies because I said I was gonna reply to this the other day, and then... didn’t do that >.> The timestamp thingy says it’s now been four five days since you sent this, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to reply sooner. I really wanted to give this the amount of mental attention it deserves, you know? Didn’t want to half-ass this one. :)

So let’s start with the cute/funny Dean and Food things, and then work our way to why it’s just so heartwrenching when you dig down a bit. Because Dean DOES love food. It’s one of the simplest little indulgent pleasures he’s ever allowed himself, and he does derive a great deal of joy from getting to enjoy the foods he loves. He turns up his nose at things he doesn’t enjoy, and sees little point to eating foods just because they’re “healthy” if they don’t also taste good, you know?

Contrast that to Sam whose issues with food have always been linked to health and “purity” because of HIS personal issues-- feeling “impure” or “unclean” because of what was done to him as an infant, even if he didn’t have a label or an explanation for those feelings until he was an adult. And that’s equally sad in its own right. I mean, look at the sort of stuff Sam gravitated toward as a child, the Froot Loops Dean capitulated and let him eat in 1.18, marshmallow nachos that Sully remembered were a favorite of his in 11.08, and Dean’s creative recipes for mac and cheese that included marshmallow fluff in 10.12. Sam definitely has a sweet tooth, even though he now chooses his options from the Healthy Food menu most of the time as an adult. It all goes toward his long-standing wish to be normal, to feel normal, to have some control over his own life and his own body.

Back to Dean... His issues with food are very different from Sam’s. Unlike Sam, Dean remembered bits of his life Before The Fire. He built up a mythology of those almost-five-years that wasn’t true to life, but idealized the things he did remember as Acts Of Love from his mother. Notice that almost all of his flashbacks and memories of his early life revolve around the kitchen, of Mary making him a sandwich or offering him some pie. Even though he later learned that Mary hadn’t actually cooked any of it herself, it wasn’t the “home cooking” that was important, but the sharing of food out of love. And this is something Dean did his very best, even as a very young child, to give Sam that sort of experience. There was very little he could do as a child himself to shield Sam and provide him any sort of “normalcy,” especially when we know just how insecure their ongoing relationship with food actually was, but as much as he could, Dean still tried to give Sam something “happy” even when it fell short of “healthy.”

Because for Dean, who last experienced this directly when he was FOUR YEARS OLD, food lovingly prepared and served = love. And that’s both wonderful and heartbreaking, you know?

I personally have a tendency to take happy things and find the sad in them, and vice versa. A post I added something to years ago and turned it sad, I commented something like “when we play headcanon roulette, sometimes everyone loses.” And that’s kind of how I feel about Dean vs. Food.

He both clearly derives genuine pleasure from food, while having such a complicated history with it that has its roots in both the most joyous and most painful memories of his entire lifetime. But the fact that he allows himself to have an ongoing mostly-positive relationship with food, to genuinely indulge in what he loves and squeeze every drop of joy out of a cheeseburger or a pie or a croissookie... whatever he eats, he treats it like it’s important and worthy of his attention. You rarely see him eat without that sort of focus and intent, you know? He’s determined to enjoy what he puts in his mouth.

Sort of the opposite of Sam, even as seen through 14.13 and “the Sam that would’ve been if Dean’s wish had stuck.” Rather joyless, yes? Austere? No matter what influence Dean tried to have over Sam’s experience of food, Sam is just... different, and finds his joy elsewhere. His eyes never light up over the prospect of an indulgent meal. I think in part because Sam never experienced that early childhood whiplash that Dean did, because Dean did everything in his power to shield Sam from the worst of it by sacrificing his own share, by means of theft or going hungry himself so that Sam wouldn’t have to.

This exchange in 4.04 is pretty telling... I mean, it was at a time when Sam was secretly dealing with his own “hunger” for demon blood and the power it brought him, even if we didn’t know this detail yet. But Sam’s reaction to this exchange is distinctly different from Dean’s, and it is an ongoing theme between them throughout the series:

SAM: No, we talk to him. Explain what's happening. That way he can fight it.TRAVIS: Fight it? [He laughs] Are you kidding me? You ever been really hungry?[This gets DEAN's attention, who's been looking at the papers SAM brought with him.]TRAVIS: I mean, haven't-eaten-in-days hungry?DEAN: Yeah.TRAVIS: Yeah. Right then. So somebody slaps a big, juicy sirloin in front of you, you walking away?[DEAN looks thoughtfull for a second and then admits "no" without words, only raising of eyebrows. He slowly looks over at SAM.]

Sam... doesn’t really get it. He’s never really experienced that sort of hunger the way Dean clearly has. Sure, we will see him devolve into that sort of hunger for demon blood over the season as he becomes addicted to it, but that’s always paralleled more to a drug addiction sort of hunger than an actual physical hunger in a food-sense of the word.

Typically when Sam and Dean are asked if they’re hungry over the course of the series, I can only think of ONE occasion where Sam replied “I’m starving.” And that’s after his soul was returned to him in 6.11. In 6.12, that’s his response. Every other time in all of canon, it’s a shrug, or an “eh, I could eat, I guess” type of response. There’s never any sort of personal emotional excitement about food the way Dean reacts.

So while the roots of Dean’s child-like joy in food are incredibly painful, he’s never let that tarnish his happiness at the prospect of a good meal. He’s never let his relationship with food sour into bitterness, and that does say an awful lot about Dean as a person, the way he demonstrates love for the people he cares about, and his own ability to experience such pleasure for himself, you know?

So it’s both sad as a reminder of the origin of it all, but also HOPEFUL, because as an adult, it’s probably the simplest and least complicated source of pleasure that Dean regularly allows himself. He knows what it’s like to go hungry, he knows what it’s like to struggle to provide for his loved ones, and as an adult now who isn’t beholden to people for their own survival and wellbeing, providing a good meal is a tactile demonstration of stability and security for him, in addition to a simple way to demonstrate his love for them without having to put it into so many words.

Both heartbreaking, and heartwarming. Depends on what direction you’re looking at it from, you know? You can only focus on the negative, or only focus on the positive, or you can choose to understand the whole of it and see how much it really tells us about Dean as a person. It’s complicated and messy, but there’s also a simple joy to be found there, and I think that’s why a lot of people just lean hard into that particular read. We want good things for Dean. We want him to experience joy more than heartbreak. And if a slice of pie or a family meal does that for him, then that’s what we hold on to.

[spnfanficpond]

March Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission. 

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE MARCH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @emilyshurley

All I Want (series) by @katehuntington

I got chills because of how well written Michael and Dean are. Hell I somehow mixed up the fic for something that actually happened on the show while watching.

Nominated by @coffee-obsessed-writer

A Mutually Beneficial Arrangement (series) by @kazosa

Its a Dean Winchester x reader AU and tells the story of a fake dating situation that would be both beneficial to Dean and the reader. What makes this fic so so special, is the dialogue between them. Its so natural, and so incredibly well thought out. The Easter Eggs dropped in it throughout the series just makes you giddy with excitement and the grasp she has of all the characterizations is so on point. The fluff will make your heart just explode with rainbows, yet there is a nice twist of angst that comes at the expense of other characters. Its the best AU I’ve ever read and I literally drop everything the second I see a new chapter out!

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

All I Want (series) by @katehuntington 

As I said when I reblogged it, “that scene is one of my all time favorite things to ever happen on the show. WOW! This is so well written, I am in love! I was totally in the room with the boys and I could feel the emotions and see everything happening! Can’t wait to see what happens next!” The first time I read this, I was hit so many times with ��Dang that’s a good line” or I love this whole paragraph" feels! It’s a fantastic read and I am so excited to see what else Kate has in store for this fic!

Nominated by @manawhaat

The Pageant Predicament (oneshot) by @hunterscabin

Ok, this is not only a wonderfully fluffy, fucking adorable fic, but it’s also incredibly IN CHARACTER, which is all the more impressive when you take into account that this is her first Sam fic! And Dean’s goofy ass in perfectly in character, too!

It’s got all the things that are good. Sam’s big fucking warm comforting hands on her shoulders, the sincerity that’s just so damn SAM, the confidence boost, and the little mention of the scar is such a subtle yet beautiful way of tying everything together and making it realistic.

I like, totes adored this.

Sneaking Into Sam’s Room (drabble) by @impala-dreamer​

Ok so this is just a drabble and yet I have felt SO MUCH with these words. They are well picked, well placed, and stimulating! Seriously, you have a fucking GIFT if you can make me feel this much just talking about kissing. Phew!

When In Rome (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer​

Wow. WOW! Okay, so if you like Cockles, this is a must! It’s sexy, it’s daring, it’s subby Mish and Dom Jensen and it fucking murders my vagina. That’s all I have to say. I’m a wet mess. It’s just... go fucking read it.   

The Walls That Bind Us (oneshot by @mrswhozeewhatsis​)

Saint Michelle always, always, always has an incredible way with words. A way with delving into these characters and expressing their innermost thoughts in a way so personal, so vulnerable, that I simply cannot bring myself to believe that it’s fiction. 

“The walls of his prison weren’t made of stone, but they were just as unbreachable.”

I mean COME ON! That’s such a simple phrase but one of the most accurate statements I’ve ever read about Dean Winchester and his emotional torment. Seriously, this one hurts, but it’s goddamn gorgeous. As is everything on her masterlist. Everything!

 Nominated by @oneshoeshort

The Woodsman (series) by @thecleverdame

George's take on a royalty A/B/O AU series is so well written and thoroughly articulated. Sam is the woodsman and the reader is a French princess who's never left her home until she had to. Anything I read of her's immediately sucks me into that universe as if I'm really there! So worthy of an AFA! 

Spanner In The Works (series) by @bamby0304

I'm such a sucker for any mechanic!Sam AU. And this one has a simple yet immersive story tied to it. It details blossoming love, a reader who is unsure of where she stands in the world with her insecurities, and her journey to finding herself with her ever-growing crush on Sam, and vice versa! It's still ongoing but it's SO worth a read! Also def worth of an AFA! :D

Nominated by @evansrogerskitten

The Things We Don’t Believe In (series) by @thecleverdame

This fic has every delicious element of AU + A/B/O. Alpha business man Sam is panty melting hot and I genuinely love the reader’s characterization. The story is so rich and well developed. I get so excited when I get a new notification for the story. And she’s one of the best Sam writers in the fandom so all of her fics are worth nominations. 

The Letter (oneshot) by @atc74

It’s a well developed AU that kept me guessing and wondering about the reader’s past. And I loved psychic!Jensen portrayal. 

Being the Bait (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid (listed as  ravenangel33)

This fic was the perfect blend of tension, fluff, and hotness. It’s always incredibly hot when Dean is watching the reader, even more when she’s undercover as a stripper. And I love so much how he cared for her after! A hot Dean fic from one of our best Sam girls! She can do it all.

Embrace The Future (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic was so swoon worthy! Romantic Jared sharing his heart and orgasms. Made me equally wanted to make love to him and also just cuddle him and feed him candy :) This is incredibly sweet and sexy.

Nominated by @supermoonpanda

Wet Uniform (oneshot) by  @meganlpie

I Love this Coffee Shop AU!!!

Nominated by @erins-culinary-service

Cursed To Karaoke (oneshot) by @flamencodiva

I know this is about the reader and Dean being cursed, but Sam is the best in this. His comments throughout the fics are hilarious! 

I Can See Clearly Now (oneshot) by @kate-huntington

Not sure if this has been nominated before or not, but always meant to and finally doing it. It’s so angsty and heartbreaking plus the gifs in between the story really make our seem like your watching everything play out. I love it!

Nominated by @risingphoenix761

Comrades In Arms (oneshot) by @slytherkins

Dean and Benny in Purgatory? It’s a lot more chill than it sounds. The banter had me giggling, and the ending was a sucker punch to the feels.

Nominated by @wingedcatninja​

(Just found @winchestersinthedrift and have been going through her Dean masterlist. Her writing is amazing with eloquent prose, perfect characterization, and scorching hot smut. Here are 4 of her fics up for Angel Fish Nomination.)

And Beyond (oneshot) by @winchestersinthedrift​

What appealed to me in this one was the spontaneity of the moment.  

Second Best Suit (oneshot)

Dean tied up? Yes, please! Also, I could almost hear the sounds he was making.  

Untitled (phone sex) (oneshot)

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd be able to walk after hearing Dean jack off over the phone. 

Untitled (Bondage) (oneshot) 

It's sub!Dean, which is my weakness. But also, the way it's written, I felt like I was there. 

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[team-free-will-oneshots]

Being Sam and Dean’s Twin Sister Would Include...

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a while! I got a request for specifically headcanons, so I thought I’d give it a shot! Let me know if this is a format you’d like to see more of! Thanks to @witch-of-letters for the request, hope you enjoy!

Being Sam’s twin sister would include...

- Discussing books and academia with him and feeding off of each other’s enthusiasm while Dean rolls his eyes and teases your “nerdiness”

- Sam always being able to tell what you’re feeling, sometimes even before you realise yourself, and knowing exactly what to say.

- He’s the voice of reason whenever you’re being irrational - he’s not afraid to call you out.

- The two of you generally get along really well, aside from occasional sibling competition or bickering. You don’t argue too much - you’re both mature and realise that you’re dealing with way bigger problems than any silly disagreement.

- He’s great at giving you advice, and vice versa. You know each other better than anyone else and trust each other implicitly. You both know that you can always turn to the other for advice on a difficult situation.

Being Dean’s twin sister would include...

- Bickering. The two of you always seem to be disagreeing about something, whether it’s what to have for dinner, whose turn it is to shower, or more important things, like how to approach a difficult hunt.

- Speaking of hunting, Dean is insanely protective of you. He’s lost so much, and knows firsthand how easily things could go awry. He’s already lost Sam (more than once) and couldn’t stand seeing the same happen to you.

- You’re equally as protective of him. Although you’d never admit it, you both care for each other deeply, which can outwardly translate into aggression if one of you thinks that the other is making a mistake.

- You’re both super competitive - you’ll turn anything into a competition, from drinking to the amount of kills you can get on a big hunt. And if one of you ever wins over the other, you’ll never let them forget it - you get bragging rights for at least a week.

- You know all the embarrassing stories from his childhood, and love to mortify him around new friends.

- You are the only one he’s ever really vulnerable with, because you’re one of the few people he wholeheartedly trusts not to judge him, despite your playful banter.

- Though you both enjoy complaining about each other near constantly, you understand each other better than anyone else ever could.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

From Dare, To Love (A Destiel Fanfiction)

CHAPTER TWENTY: “I got an extra side of the bed.”

You know what they say; time flies when you think you're falling in love with Dean Winchester, the adorable and irresistibly handsome football captain who is obsessed with his car and makes a mean pie if you trick him into doing so, and the baddest-reputation-holding guy of your class is trying to make you fall in love with him, on a dare.

They do say that, don't they?

Well, time flew. From an unbelievable first date, which affected Castiel's impression of Dean more than a little bit, they'd gone out several times.

For the second date, Dean took Castiel to the famed Roadhouse. They had their usual pointless banter which always made the both of them smile, and pinches of insightful conversations all mixed up to form a heck of a time.

For the third, Castiel volunteered to plan the date, and ended up taking Dean to his favourite beach restaurant, and after a meal of PB&Js and Pies, they ended up spending most of the night, sitting on the beach, barefoot, digging their toes in the sand, and just talking. Castiel remembered reaching home in the early hours of dawn - they'd left the beach at midnight after the Coast Guard told them off for the fourth time, but spent a little extra time in the solitude of the Impala - and Gabriel pretending to be the overprotective dad which Charles never was.

Things just escalated from there. Dean Winchester seemed lesser and lesser mysterious as they spent hours just talking to each other, but the new charisma was more based on familiarity, his natural flair of words and smiles, and the true Dean Winchester, which hardly anyone knew. Castiel was one who did.

And from the first kiss shared in Castiel's bedroom, things had definitely escalated. Each morning when Castiel took his place in the front seat of the Impala, there was the peck on the lips; each Lunch, be it Dean's table, Castiel's able or some other one where they sat, Dean would attempt to kiss him and Castiel would object, before they were on full frontal display; each afternoon after school, Dean pushed Castiel up against his secluded locker - he was Dean Winchester; of course, he had the corner locker where people seldom drifted - and had his way with Castiel's smiling lips.

It looked to be, and was, a very happy time.

And as for Castiel, he hardly ever thought back about the dare. It was just a fleeting memory from time to time, but he almost always pushed it away, when it threatened to interrupt bliss; or Dean pushed it away, with his overwhelming words or breathtaking smiles. And Castiel somehow knew whenever Dean was lying. If he lied about an affair with Anna in the past embarrassedly, Castiel understood; or when he denied a crush on Daphne from Scooby-Doo, Castiel saw right through it. He was, therefore, sure that all of the possessive gestures, the feeling-filled 'Cas's, and the stolen kisses in everyone's absence but Led Zeppelin's, were not lies. He didn't even stop to think what would happen, if they were. They...just couldn't be.

He didn't want them to be. He liked Dean Winchester. A lot. And he really hoped Dean wasn't kidding when he claimed that he did too.

***

"...and so I'm not talking to that giant moose." Dean ended, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his lips, and Castiel smiled bemusedly.

"Dean, it's not that big a deal..." He tried to coax, but was cut off by a glaring Dean.

"Not that big a deal!?" Dean repeated in a high falsetto, which could never have been Castiel, since his voice was deeper than Dean, himself. Castiel desisted from pointing that out, although the expression on Dean's face would've been worth it. "He called my driving reckless, Cas! My driving! The one thing I'm good at!" Castiel decided to skip the part where he corrected him and reminded him that he was good at a lot of other things, like football, cooking, playing the guitar, and so on. "And he didn't just call me reckless! He called my driving reckless! That includes me and Baby! He called Baby reckless!" Dean looked almost hurt.

Castiel sighed. "He didn't mean to call the Impala anything. He just meant to insult your driving skills."

"You really think so?" Dean pursed his lips, affording a small smile, almost like a kid who'd been told that Santa was, in fact, not a lie.

Castiel nodded. "Of course! Sam loves Baby almost as much as you do." Castiel stifled his urge to grin at Dean's boyish reaction to his ridiculous explanation.

"Nobody loves Baby as much as I do, but I guess you're right." Dean appeared to be genuinely contemplating it. "But he did still call my driving reckless, and I'm not gonna forget and forgive."

"I'm sure he apologised..?"

"Only twice." Dean grinned, his dimples popping up. "I need at least a ten 'sorries' and a few-."

"I'd forgotten you Winchesters were sorry-hoarders and sorry-misers." Castiel grinned.

"One of the first things you ever said to me." Dean smiled, his annoyance subsided. "Anyways, how is the new Wayward Sisters doing?"

"Great." Castiel smiled. "Sales are rising as days pass, and dad's been doing lots of book-signings and conventions."

"You know, that series would be perfect for LARPing." Dean shrugged.

"Charlie said literally the same thing yesterday." Castiel grinned back. "You guys are like two peas in a pod."

"You know what they say," Dean winked. "Great minds think alike."

"More like dorks think alike." Castiel chuckled, as Dean pretended he didn't hear him.

"What about Gabriel?" Dean asked suddenly. Ever since their first date, when Castiel had gotten all emotional and said that stuff about his family, Dean had been very empathic about anything concerning it. And since Gabriel was recently contemplating moving back into Paradise, he was loudly supportive of it; for Castiel's sake. It was kinda sweet. "Any eligible renters yet?" He grinned.

"No, not yet." Castiel smiled. "But he'll find someone. It's a freaking large apartment in the best part of the city and furnished by Gabriel to his extravagant tastes."

"True." Dean shrugged. "Maybe I can move in." He offered. "Then, along with being my boss' client's son, you could also be my landlord's brother." He grinned stupidly.

"Seriously?" Castiel had to bite his lip to hide his smile.

"Yeah! You can move in with me. I got an extra side of the bed." Dean smirked.

"Shut up." Castiel frowned back, as Dean laughed at Castiel's deep frown as he swerved into his usual parking spot, reserved for Dean Winchester's Impala. On one side of it was parked Benny's motorcycle, and the other, where usually Jo's Toyota stood, was empty.

"Jo's late today." Dean pursed his lips, as the both of them got out of the car, slinging their bags on their shoulders. "That's unlike her."

"Yeah, she's the only punctual one of your group." Castiel agreed, as Dean rolled his eyes at the jibe. "What? You, as usual, are late even today. I wonder why she isn't here yet."

"It's your dad's doing." Dean grinned. "He wrote such a great book, that Harvelle Publications got a ton of new business and Ellen had lots of work. Jo probably skipped school to help her with something."

"Aren't you being Sherlock Holmes-y today?"

"I'm way more adorable than Cumberbatch." Dean grinned. "I've got fuller cheeks." He added, chuckling.

"It's called a jawline." Castiel laughed. "Natural contour."

"I have a jawline, and natural contour." Dean appeared offended almost, and Castiel almost laughed. "Man, as we get closer and closer, you're beginning to appreciate my devastatingly amazing looks lesser and lesser." Dean squinted his eyes intelligently, as the two of them marched down the hallway towards Castiel's locker.

"Makes you wanna rethink things?" Castiel challenged, with a playful laugh, as they reached his locker, and Castiel opened it with his key in a flourish and begun sorting out books into his bag and vice versa.

"None at all." Dean fixed his gaze on Castiel daringly. "As we get closer and closer, you're getting better and better with your sarcasm, and finding me more and more lovable." He imitated his tone from before.

"What makes you think so?"

"The fact that," Dean licked his lips, as he wrapped his hand around Castiel's wrist, and held him against the lockers, pressing up against him with all of himself. "I can now do this without you complaining about it to the teachers." He leaned in, his eyes teasing Castiel's.

Castiel gulped, unmoving because he couldn't, his face illogically close to Dean's. He felt a shudder run through him. "I never complained to any teacher..." He begun mildly, knowing Dean had only been joking, but still wanting to say something for the sake of it.

"Yeah, because I'm so good at it; You've got no reasons to complain." Dean closed the gap between their lips softly, his arm leaving Castiel's wrist, and wrapping around his waist instead, as he ducked his head for Castiel to reach him more comfortably. Castiel responded thoughtlessly, pressing into the kiss eagerly, his eyelids fluttering shut, as his hand moved up Dean's arm, till it was on Dean's bicep, his other hand clutching onto Dean's AC/DC T-shirt.

Dean was an unbelievably good kisser; it never felt as if one was ever formulating the kiss, and one was letting it happen, they were both equal contenders, always hungry for more after pulling away after one, yet always tender and slow. Dean's kisses made Castiel weak in the knees, and he hoped he wasn't the only one who felt that way; anyways, Dean was always keen on kissing him. Castiel loved kissing Dean Winchester. It was an ethereal feeling, overwhelming excitement, and comfort, and none of the tension which surrounded them before the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Castiel pulling away for breath, and Dean taking a step backwards, Dean had an admiring smile on his face. "You're somethi-" His phone rang, interrupting him. He raised it to check the caller dismissively, but his eyes widened when he saw the name on the screen. "U-uh, I need to take this." He hurriedly muttered, pulling away completely, leaving Castiel feeling almost alone. "Be a minute." He added in a rush, before walking away to a corner, and picking up the phone.

Castiel studied Dean for a moment, wondering who the call could've been from, from Dean's agitated expression, and shuffling feet. Then, not wanting to violate his privacy, he returned to his locker, trying his best to not mind the several people who were watching him - the guy who just kissed Dean Winchester again.

When Castiel had finished packing his bag, he slung it on his shoulder again, and turned to Dean, to see if he was done with the phone call. Dean looked like he was finishing up, and Castiel waited patiently, reminiscing on the kiss that happened a few minutes ago, which had Castiel's insides feel like flowing honey and rampaging butterflies.

Dean walked back to Castiel a second later, an inscrutable expression on his face, and a shocked look in his eyes.

"Hi," Castiel cautiously touched Dean's arm. "What was that about?"

"It was..Ellen." Dean muttered, almost haphazardly. "About Jo."

"What's wrong!?" Castiel immediately frowned, his eyes widening. "Is she okay!?"

Dean shook his head, taking short breaths, and visibly tensing with each passing moment. He looked distracted, like his mind was processing a hundred different things at once. "Turns out to be my dad's doing, not yours." He cleared his throat nervously. He looked frantic.

"W-what happened?" Castiel frowned deeper. "Did she meet with an accide-"

"No." Dean cut him off. "She's fine..she's not hurt. Dad just..." His voice trailed off. "Fuck." He murmured under his breath, incapable of articulating himself. Castiel felt Dean stiffen, as he continued to curse under his breath. "Fuck. I gotta go. Cas, I gotta go. I gotta go. Fuck, I need to be there."

"Dean, calm down!" Castiel rushed. "Where are you going?"

"The Bunker.." Dean murmured. "Sam - I'll take Sam with me." He spoke suddenly, as if it suddenly struck him. "He'd wanna know...I'll take Sam." Dean continued to blabber.

"S-Sam will be in the..." Castiel begun, bewildered himself. "In the.."

"I'll find him." Dean completed. "I'll get him. I-I'll catch you later, Cas."

"Hey, are you okay?" He interrupted.

"Yeah, I'm good." Dean hesitated. "I can drive back. It's cool."

Castiel bit his lip worriedly. "Dean, should I come?"

"No." Dean hurriedly shook his head. "It's fine." He forced a smile on his face. "I'm good. I'm fine, okay? I'll just get Sam, and I'll see you later, and - fuck, I just need to g-go."

"I'll tell Coach Singer you had an emergency." Castiel tried, eager to be of some help to Dean in this shockingly moved condition. What could have happened to make him like this!? Was Jo okay!?

"Emergency, yeah." Dean muttered, as he almost sprinted off in the direction of the game room.

Castiel kept staring behind him till he disappeared from the hallway. Then, his mind in turmoil and utter confusion, he begun trudging along to Mathematics.

Was Jo okay? Was Dean going to be okay?

Should he have insisted on accompanying Dean?

Is that what someone who liked him should've done?

He just hoped Dean would return soon, and tell him what happened, and actually be fine. School without him would be boring after their usual routine, and he'd constantly be worried about Jo and Dean. He just wanted Dean to be fine.

He took his place on the second bench. "Good Morning, Ms. Tran."

***

A/N: Hi, wonderful humans! Here’s tags for today’s chapter:

@just-some-supernatural-trash @emmii4 @supernaturaltakeover @thegirlbetweenthewolves @alwaysbringabananatoapartyrose @ohparis @alex-the-trash-master @imabinomialbitch @lucile-carter @suckerfordeansfreckles @firelight789 @frownyfacecas @sama-lam-a @helloimthetrickster @destielsangel @wolffuchs @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @mishaspuella @theshippinglife4me @matokii95 @speak-only-in-spn-gifs @kassyfreaksout @bowtiesandflannel @xxwinchesterx @19agbrown @winchestergirl-13 @thatsherlockianfangirl @ace-of-black-hearts @rachelehurt @sassysousa @waifukeef @massacnaed @birds-of-forgiveness @binkmoi @wellofwoes @destiel-otp-of-the-lord @mellomish @iankabra @go-live-your-dream-assbutt @leslais @anarchiana @w-ayward @twofacemoon @the-devils-date @destielwinchester09 @cheesecookie @blue-eyed-angel13 @ash-in-a-trash @kemiller2008 @but-for-the-gods-three-days @playfulpanthress @lynriiyah @malmuses @wingedbabyinatrenchcoat @whimsicallywittywillowfairy3 @graves-to-discover @betaken

Remember that I’m still accepting tagging requests, and those of you wish to stop being tagged, I completely understand! Either way, just drop me a message or a comment on this post!

This chapter is dedicated to @destielsangel who’s a great friend of mine, and who just recently read this book on Archives Of Our Own, and who also recommends the best fanfictions ever! Most of my favourites, were suggested by her! She’s an amazing human being, and I always have the best time talking to you! Thank you for everything, and I’m lucky to have found you!

And all of you other readers, stay tuned for another update this very week! Take care of yourselves, and don’t forget to do the things that make you feel good! 

Keep It Sailing!

[let-me-be-your-home]

Let’s not HATE...

DISCLAIMER : - I am a Supernatural fan, loyal to the brothers but accepting of every character included on the show. I respect everyone’s choices of loving and shipping whichever character or pair they wish to. 

It JUST saddens me when I read hate for characters of Supernatural from the Supernatural fans itself. One characters fan hating another characters or the characters fans etc. I don’t mean to preach, I don’t mean to dictate that you should love or like ALL characters, because fandom is freedom. You get to love and adore whoever you please, and criticize whoever that doesn’t match your interest. But Supernatural is such a “team” based show that it surprises me that someone can like one character but ‘hate’ the other. 

The show and its characters have been written in a manner where Dean and Sam as brothers and team balance each other out. Where one lacks short the other makes up for it and vice versa. Even their flaws make them more beautiful because they make them real. I’ve always believed that you can’t love any of them just individually. You can love one more but not completely hate the other.

Sam and Dean are brothers and this show should be about their bond and it has been the standing stone of most of the story. I am not denying that I love the brothers co-dependency and their bond, it’s what sets this show apart and made it what it is. The brotherly bond has to come foremost because it is the soul of the show. But we can’t forget that the story also has to take a course where it highlights their individual journeys and character developments. They are their own people too apart from being each others only family. 

It’s a fact that it’s always been “Sam & Dean against the world” but it’s not like they wished to be the only survivors. If they did form family on the way or happen to get some lost family back, that’s supposed to be something they SHOULD be happy about. Being just the two people left for each other in a world and life like they lead, it’s TERRIFYING. 

So it’s completely normal if Dean & Sam find a friend ‘Castiel’ on the way and Dean forms a “Team Free Will” or if Sam has a phase in life where he wants to get out of the hunt to try at the normal life he desired. Those characters cant always make us happy with their every action but they have to take their individual journeys to develop as characters to make the brotherly bond more profound eventually. 

I read individual fan characters always displeased about what their favorite characters get to do and don’t on the show. And it’s sad because for the large part of the show I’ve felt the show has balanced its content pretty equally among all its characters, especially the leads. 

Why not watch the show in its entirety for all characters and stories. We don’t have to like it of course (even I didn’t think Season 12 matched up to the shows former quality) BUT the fact is that every story and secondary character does act as catalyst to the main story if handled well. Hating on other characters SIMPLY because they aren’t your favorite makes it painfully selective viewing.  And how can one enjoy a STORY when you don’t accept every part of it.