#and yet for some mysterious unexplainable reason this does not stop me from experiencing Emotions

[bogkeep]

hm okay seems i am still in the confusing and precarious situation of "being torn apart by too many emotions. like wolves" and i don't feel super pleasant to be around right now. i will try to sequester myself a little as not to get all bitey and prickly towards people around me who are just trying to be friendly or helpful, and i do apologize if i slip

[inloveandwords]

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this

Go to your Goodreads to-read shelf.

Order on ascending date added.

Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books

Read the synopsis of the books

Decide: keep it or should it go?

    The Book of Love (Magdalene Line Trilogy #2) by Kathleen McGowan

Maureen Paschal thought she might rest and work on her book after discovering the gospel written by Mary Magdalene that revealed Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married. The truth of their story rocked the world and made Maureen a target of those who did not like her discovery and a heroine to those who did. Then Maureen receives a strange package containing what looks like an ancient letter written in Latin and signed with a symbol. She discovers that its author is an extraordinary woman whom history has overlooked — or covered up — Countess Matilda of Tuscany, and in the letter Matilda demands the return of her “most precious books and documents.” Maureen soon finds herself in a race across Italy and France, where hidden dangers await her and her lover, Berenger, as they begin to realize that they are on the trail of another explosive discovery: the Book of Love, the Gospel written in Jesus’ own hand. As Maureen learns more about Matilda, an eleventhcentury warrior countess who was secretly married to a pope, she begins to see the eerie connections between herself and Matilda, connections she must trace to their source if she is to stop the wrong people from finding the Book of Love and hiding it forever. Weaving together Matilda’s little-known true story and Maureen’s thrilling search, “The Book of Love” follows two amazing heroines as their stories intertwine through time. Maureen is immersed in the mysteries of the labyrinth, the beautiful poetry of the Song of Songs, the world’s greatest art and architecture, and Matilda’s amazing legacy…until a potentially fatal encounter reveals the Book of Love to Maureen — and to the reader.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: Dear me from June 27, 2011… y tho?

The Six Rules of Maybe by Deb Caletti

Scarlet spends most of her time worrying about other people. Some are her friends, others are practically strangers, and then there are the ones no else even notices. Trying to fix their lives comes naturally to her. And pushing her own needs to the side is part of the deal. So when her older sister comes home unexpectedly married and pregnant, Scarlet has a new person to worry about. But all of her good intentions are shattered when the unthinkable happens: she falls for her sister’s husband. For the first time in a long time, Scarlet’s not fixing a problem, she’s at the center of one. And ignoring her feelings doesn’t seem to be an option…

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: It is my personal mission to read every Deb Caletti book ever written. Also, I own this book already.

Dead Beautiful (Dead Beautiful #1)by Yvonne Woon

On the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Renée Winters was still an ordinary girl. She spent her summers at the beach, had the perfect best friend, and had just started dating the cutest guy at school. No one she’d ever known had died. But all that changes when she finds her parents dead in the Redwood Forest, in what appears to be a strange double murder.

After the funeral Renée’s wealthy grandfather sends her to Gottfried Academy, a remote and mysterious boarding school in Maine, where she finds herself studying subjects like Philosophy, Latin, and the “Crude Sciences.”

It’s there that she meets Dante Berlin, a handsome and elusive boy to whom she feels inexplicably drawn. As they grow closer, unexplainable things begin to happen, but Renée can’t stop herself from falling in love. It’s only when she discovers a dark tragedy in Gottfried’s past that she begins to wonder if the Academy is everything it seems.

Little does she know, Dante is the one hiding a dangerous secret, one that has him fearing for her life.

Dead Beautiful is both a compelling romance and thought-provoking read, bringing shocking new meaning to life, death, love, and the nature of the soul.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This is already on my bookshelf. I don’t plan on unhauling it just yet 🙂

Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby

Annie loves Duncan — or thinks she does. Duncan loves Annie, but then, all of a sudden, he doesn’t. Duncan really loves Tucker Crowe, a reclusive Dylanish singer-songwriter who stopped making music ten years ago. Annie stops loving Duncan, and starts getting her own life.

In doing so, she initiates an e-mail correspondence with Tucker, and a connection is forged between two lonely people who are looking for more out of what they’ve got. Tucker’s been languishing (and he’s unnervingly aware of it), living in rural Pennsylvania with what he sees as his one hope for redemption amid a life of emotional and artistic ruin — his young son, Jackson. But then there’s also the new material he’s about to release to the world: an acoustic, stripped-down version of his greatest album, Juliet — entitled, Juliet, Naked.

What happens when a washed-up musician looks for another chance? And miles away, a restless, childless woman looks for a change? Juliet, Naked is a powerfully engrossing, humblingly humorous novel about music, love, loneliness, and the struggle to live up to one’s promise.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: This had been on my bookshelf for a long time, but I actually recently sold it back to Books a Million since my sister forced me to watch the movie. I didn’t love the movie, so I don’t plan on reading the book either.

Secrets of Eden by Chris Bohjalian

From the bestselling author of The Double Bind, Midwives, and Skeletons at the Feast comes a novel of shattered faith, intimate secrets, and the delicate nature of sacrifice.

“There,” says Alice Hayward to Reverend Stephen Drew, just after her baptism, and just before going home to the husband who will kill her that evening and then shoot himself. Drew, tortured by the cryptic finality of that short utterance, feels his faith in God slipping away and is saved from despair only by a meeting with Heather Laurent, the author of wildly successful, inspirational books about . . . angels.

Heather survived a childhood that culminated in her own parents’ murder-suicide, so she identifies deeply with Alice’s daughter, Katie, offering herself as a mentor to the girl and a shoulder for Stephen – who flees the pulpit to be with Heather and see if there is anything to be salvaged from the spiritual wreckage around him. But then the State’s Attorney begins to suspect that Alice’s husband may not have killed himself. . .and finds out that Alice had secrets only her minister knew.

Secrets of Eden is both a haunting literary thriller and a deeply evocative testament to the inner complexities that mark all of our lives. Once again Chris Bohjalian has given us a riveting page-turner in which nothing is precisely what it seems. As one character remarks, “Believe no one. Trust no one. Assume all of our stories are suspect.”

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: This is on my bookshelf, but I honestly don’t plan on reading it. Time to unhaul it!

Midnight Bayou by Nora Roberts

Declan Fitzgerald had always been the family maverick, but even he couldn’t understand his impulse to buy a dilapidated mansion on the outskirts of New Orleans. All he knew was that ever since he first saw Manet Hall, he’d been enchanted-and obsessed-with it. So when the opportunity to buy the house comes up, Declan jumps at the chance to live out a dream.

Determined to restore Manet Hall to its former splendor, Declan begins the daunting renovation room by room, relying on his own labor and skills. But the days spent in total isolation in the empty house take a toll. He is seeing visions of days from a century past, and experiencing sensations of terror and nearly unbearable grief-sensations not his own, but those of a stranger. Local legend has it that the house is haunted, and with every passing day Declan’s belief in the ghostly presence grows.

Only the companionship of alluring Angelina Simone can distract him from the mysterious happenings in the house, but Angelina too has her own surprising connection to Manet Hall-a connection that will help Declan uncover a secret that’s been buried for a hundred years.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I have two shelves full of Nora Roberts books right now and I’ve only ever read one series by her. While I enjoyed it, the only reason why I own so many of her books is because I inherited them from a friend. TBH I don’t know that I’m ever going to get to reading most of them. I hate reading mass market paperbacks and 99% of them are in that format. At some point, when I gather enough books, I’m planning on getting rid of most of my mass market paperbacks. For now, though, I’ll hang on to this.

The Letter (The Christmas Box Trilogy #3) by Richard Paul Evans

Nineteen years after the death of their young daughter, an estranged couple finds a letter at the base of the girl’s gravestone. Feeling in his heart that the letter is from the mother who abandoned him as a child, the husband embarks on a poignant journey of self-discovery and renewed love. The bestselling author of THE CHRISTMAS BOX brings another universal message of hope and love to Spanish-speaking readers.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: It’s part of a series I haven’t read yet!

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

“Come to me–come to me entirely now,” said he. “Make my happiness–I will make yours.”

Born into a poor family and raised by an oppressive aunt, young Jane Eyre becomes the governess at Thornfield Manor to escape the confines of her life. There her fiery independence clashes with the brooding and mysterious nature of her employer, Mr. Rochester. But what begins as outright loathing slowly evolves into a passionate romance. When a terrible secret from Rochester’s past threatens to tear the two apart, Jane must make an impossible choice: Should she follow her heart or walk away and lose her love forever?

Unabashedly romantic and utterly enthralling, Jane Eyre endures as one of the greatest love stories of all time. This must-have edition of a timeless classic is beautifully presented for a modern teen audience.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: MUST. READ.

The Taking by Dean Koontz

On the morning that will mark the end of the world they have known, Molly and Niel Sloan awaken to the drumbeat of rain on their roof. It has haunted their sleep, invaded their dreams, and now they rise to find a luminous silvery downpour drenching their small California mountain town. A strange scent hangs faintly in the air, and the young couple cannot shake the sense of something wrong.

As hours pass and the rain continues to fall, Molly and Niel listen to disturbing news of extreme weather phenomena across the globe. Before evening, their little town loses television and radio reception. Then telephone and the Internet are gone. With the ceaseless rain now comes an obscuring fog that transforms the once-friendly village into a ghostly labyrinth. By nightfall the Sloans have gathered with some of their neighbors to deal with community damage… but also because they feel the need to band together against some unknown threat, some enemy they cannot identify or even imagine.

In the night, strange noises arise, and at a distance, in the rain and the mist, mysterious lights are seen drifting among the trees. The rain diminishes with the dawn, but a moody gray-purple twilight prevails. Soon Molly, Niel, and their small band of friends will be forced to draw on reserves of strength, courage, and humanity they never knew they had. For within the misty gloom they will encounter something that reveals in a terrifying instant what is happening to their world – something that is hunting them with ruthless efficiency.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: This is 100% not my thing. Why did I add it?

Called Out of Darkness: A Spiritual Confession by Anne Rice

Autobiographical spiritual memoir providing an account of how the author rediscovered and fully embraced her Catholic faith after decadesas a self-proclaimed atheist. Begins with her childhood in NewOrleans, when she seriously considered entering a convent. As she grewinto a young adult she delved into concerns about faith, God, and theCatholic Church that led her away from religion. The author finallyreclaimed her Catholic faith in the late 1990s, realizing howmuch she desired to surrender her being, including herwriting talent, to God.

Date added to TBR: Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: This is the second book in a series. I got a little excited over the name, apparently.

  Here are the stats

Previous Total TBR Count: 1896

Updated Total TBR Count: 1951

Total Ditched Today: 6

Total Kept Today: 4

  Bye-Bye Books: Decluttering my TBR March 2019 This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

[trishgibsontx]

throw out the labels (“friend”, “family”): it is OK to go “no contact” with anyone who can’t stop abusing you – overtly or covertly

photo by Nelson N. Castillo

it is OK to go “no contact” with anyone who can’t stop abusing you – overtly or covertly.

this might sound like an obvious one. a no-brainer. but…due to our social conditioning, it is not obvious. at least not to the mind. perhaps obvious to the heart, though. the heart never lies to us. it is our brain that creates the bullshit logic while our heart bleeds out and we suffer in all kinds of ways for not listening to it.

the biggest theme I see in my work (which is, 99% cognitive behavior talk, by the way – please note my fancy disclaimer, too, which allows me to be as free as I can be in this way with my work!) is people who are stuck in their tracks due to “obligatory” relationships in their life. many of these people have been trapped, prisoner, even developing medical conditions by way of these relationships that they think they don’t have permission or courage to cut ties with. the true destruction of these relationships is the meaning that we give to them, and that they give to us…words like “family” and “blood is thicker than water” and themes like “I’ve known this person for 20 years, our history is so strong” can literally kill us.

some of my most miraculous and “unexplainable” (by standard medicine or science) cases of mystery illness — and I’m talking debilitating conditions that were present for 20 years — “vanished” once I helped someone to understand their unconscious connection to a sick relationship in their life that they were not letting go of (for reasons referenced above).  do you think that is an accident or a coincidence? it’s not. the population of individuals whom I work with are not easily persuaded by bs. I’m not treating drugged-out tree-huggers. I am working with lawyers, doctors, psychoanalysts, high level financial professionals. they are not seeing me because they are down with the alternative, but rather because they have done and seen all of the “regular” channels. it didn’t work. because, when it comes to a spiritual problem, those channels do not work. not ever. my “gift” is seeing beyond the veil of programmed illusion and conscious awareness. and I will tell you that in each of my “medical miracle” cases, I knew the root cause BEFORE the session. that’s how palpable it is in my own body and awareness for the person I am to see. energy does not lie.

we gravely underestimate the impact that others have on us, energetically. this impact is also known as “cords”. every cord is different, depending upon the relationship dynamic. but imagine that you are a computer (*NOTE: many of my references and analogies are purely MINE, born out of my sessions — they are not mainstream or used yet in other text, and I am taking plagiarism very seriously these days as my themes and concepts are being regurgitated and thus used incorrectly. I have a full-time staff and one of their duties is to scour the internet for plagiarism as I write my first complete book. if you enjoy my concepts and they make sense and you are a writer, please use your own terms or credit my years of case-studied work and references. be responsible and accountable in the land of the intangible and intellectual property*). each of us is, in fact, an electronic. on any given day, we are pulling in infinite numbers of signals, both from 3d and 5d sources. energy travels faster than thoughts, feelings or words. or actions. those signals with the strongest/most ingrained energy signatures are the ones that are the most hidden, the most unconscious. insidious. they often come from sources that we tend to break all of the sovereign emotional and cognitive being rules for: “family” and “friend”. and then they repeat in our outer world, in “new” relationships that we form. but the energy signature is still the same. a core template. an outline from which we then live our conscious and unconscious lives. so when those “newer” relationships fail, we can return “safely” to the initial imprint or signature as we blame the newly conscious experiences. because we have never looked underneath the hood of the car aka the template or spore origin.

we don’t look underneath the hood of the car, aka ask ourselves regarding a particular “friend” or “family” member: “if I just met this person and they treated me this way, would I tolerate it?”. because the answer, in many cases, at least the cases I am referring to and will refer to here, would be no. if something is showing up “out there” in our world, in the form of “stuck” or “patterned”, we can be sure that it is already under the hood. however, we typically don’t dare look there. why? because there is too much fear. for one, we naturally crave a tribe. we crave “safety” and “support”, even if it is bad for us. many of us would rather be with a bunch of assholes than be alone, so as to not ever have to feel alone. with this fear, the mind will bury — often until we reach the point of physical or otherwise sickness or stuckness — truth. the truth being, how does this individual affect me?

I have personally, in my private practice sessions, worked with talented therapists and doctors who held onto relationships akin to the above their entire lives due to the social norm and brainwashing around “why” we need to keep a particular relationship / individual in our life. even knowing what they know for their own work, or the way that the brain functions. because like I was, they were sucked into the story. when we would get to unconscious parts of their very being during the session, and it was stated in black and white terms as to the truth of their relationship with their “friend” or “family” member, it sounded CRAZY that that person would ever be in their life. even for another day. or another moment. the tolerance of behavior on the part of my patient was remarkable. by the way, the reason that I reference certain fields / titles like psychotherapy and medical doctor here, is because these are the people we go to or think of going to for help — and even they are not all free from the conditioning. if they can’t be free, if they can’t avoid the labels and therefore the abuse, then who can? and who can do so easily, without proper collective permission? what we need is far more collective permission.

it may be awhile before we each get that collective permission, as labels are still as powerful than ever. for some more good juice on this, please read through Elizabeth Gilbert’s piece on Tribal Shame. but what do labels do? well, as we all well know, labels in general imprison us. but typically we spend so much time on the obvious labels that are a sin, encompassing topics such as racism sexism etc., but what about the other labels? what about the pathological guilt that we suffer when we even think of leaving behind a relationship with a powerful label such as “family” or “friend” and the weight that comes behind it? well, those labels make many of us extremely sick.

the thing with abusive relationships, whether they are overt or covert, is that we can not “just leave” one. there is a huge process involved before we even reach the point that we finally walk away. if there were not a process involved, then we would have very few challenges in our outer life such as repeating patterns at work, in intimate relationships and so forth (even with perfect strangers). our minds have powerful ego, and our minds will keep us entrenched in the problem because we think we can “fix” it or figure it out. this is the trap for us all. the last place that we ever want to look, is the place that might leave us completely and utterly alone. and so we choose, instead, unconsciously, to suffer. until the patterns that we have experienced in the outer world, or the manifestations in our body can not be “fixed” anymore. it is when we have exhausted all “regular” channels for assistance or explanation that we begin to consider leaving what does not serve us.

once we are able to identify the above patterns — and I highly suggest therapy, self-help in any form, meditation, etc to go inward and reach this point — we must ask whether we truly want to continue them. for some of us, depending upon the nature of the relationship, we might just lightly distance ourselves and that might work. but for other relationships, we recognize that they will only kill us. I am of the understanding and experience that 99% right is 100% wrong. but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way for everyone.

for example. I had been through many years of self-help and therapy hopping, and I was in the throes of success with my healing practice when I had dinner with a friend I had for nearly 20 years. in that one dinner, everything that could ever hit me in terms of moving to end that relationship aka meridian line aka energy signature aka cord hit me. it seemed like what will sound like the simplest thing on the outside, that lit up my unconscious like nothing else. as we sat with a group at dinner, I experienced the fact that talking about my work beyond totally surface level, or even at all, was totally off-limits. now, my work is my core. my soul. I do not expect everyone to understand it. I have another friend for over 20 years, and I would not expect her to understand every nuance of it or even embrace it. I have some girlfriends from college who don’t fully understand it, but they fully accept it and it doesn’t feel like I’m talking about politics when I discuss it in a group setting. it feels natural and supportive regardless of their take on it. well, at this one dinner, I saw that on a fundamental level, I am not accepted by this person. in part yes, because this person does not accept themselves. they don’t accept many people, actually. but that was not the point. all in one instant, I realized that in order to maintain this friendship, I would have to continue to be a fraction of myself. it reminded me of everything I had to fight against as a child. there I was, relatively fresh out of total poverty and housing court, fully in my purpose, and I had just worked with a wonderful actress whom we would all be so honored to meet. yet I couldn’t even speak about my experience (not the actress, I do not name names). but it was more than just this seeming surface level reasoning. there were layers — years — of lies, selfishness, betrayal and other things that I. JUST. OVERLOOKED. it was a watershed moment and it reminded me of all that I never wanted in my life, yet had always tolerated. and so that day, it all changed for me…in one instant.

the important thing to keep in mind here, is that a realization like this often does not come with anger. or frustration. because by the time we get to such a point of realization, we have already created and repeated those patterns with newer or our newest relationships in the outer world – where we get distracted by anger and frustration that accompanies them. it’s just that those new relationships now begin to fail as the reasons for our lack of happiness or discontent, and we actually discover that lack in more thickly ingrained regions of our life. so I was not mad at this “friend”. or anything. I was just…done. just like that. but really, it was a train that went off the rails so many years prior. I did not even feel judgmental toward this person that day. I genuinely wanted the best for them! like, I can’t express this enough, I was not even angry. I truly felt for this person. and grieved the end of the relationship as I knew it. I was also grateful because it lit up a pattern that I no longer needed to repeat in other areas of my life. it allowed me to get deeper into the spore of this pattern…

when we are ready to truly let go, it is not accompanied by readied anger or pain. we have already been there thousands of times over. when we are ready to let go, however, there is still the outer-world tangible decision that is made. obviously the person does not just evaporate. we will, of course, experience 3d consequences. the consequences being their pain, their anger, their frustration: because we are not allowing them to continue the dance with us. the outer-world difficulty that I faced was basic stuff (again it was basic at that point, because I had been chipping away at this realization in other areas of my life for years! so to them, while it seemed I just “woke up one day and changed”, that was so far from the case). basic stuff like battling guilt for doing what was best for me. I prayed for months following that, to God, to please guide me in this socially taboo “decision”. I knew I might be judged by mutual friends, even “family”. but the level of self-care that I was practicing at that juncture in my life was simply more important. I wanted happiness and I knew that in order to live in alignment with myself, I could not lie to myself on a core level any longer. and I would have to lie to myself, in some way, to continue that friendship.

if long-term “friendships” are important or difficult in terms of ending dynamics, then just imagine “family”. our little electronic beings have been downloaded with not just beliefs, but SURVIVAL mechanisms that tell us no matter how we are treated by them, they are there to protect us (even if they are doing the OPPOSITE). we are faced with push-back on a primal level, not just a cognitive level. and then, of course, push-back on a 3d tangible level (by others around them). this is pure ego and it’s the hardest ego to kill. it is the ultimate addiction. and here is the thing about it. like my reference above to a particular “friendship”, going no contact with a biological family member is also unplanned. un-orchestrated. it will occur only when the soul and the mind and the body are aligned enough to eliminate what is most toxic to our very being.

years ago, I met an incredible artist through my practice. when we sat down at the onset of the session, she let me know right away that she had been “no contact” with her entire family since her Saturn return (around 28). initially, I thought, well, there must be some serious baggage that she has not moved through, as she does not know how to forgive. or she is holding onto anger. and…NOPE. after 6 hours of conversation, there was not a thread of anger or discomfort around the subject of her biological family, or her life. she had cut off the entire system. in fact, there had been no seriously debilitating ONGOING (she did go through a lot earlier on in life) trauma or direct abuse that she experienced at their hands at the time of separation, but rather the realization that they did not live in truth — and including them in her life would only further perpetuate any shred of lack of truth that she carried. she was stuck at the end of her 20s, she couldn’t fully explain it, and the moment she “let them go”, her entire life changed. she is one of the most brilliant artists of our time. you know her name.

the process of getting to this point and executing this level of self-love is different for everyone. and believe me, I see SO many different cases. people who have done it, people who are close to doing it, and people who want to do it and can not figure out “how”. in her case, she had suggested to a key “family” member that they attend therapy with her. this person was so convinced that their was nothing wrong with them (as usual — toxic people NEVER do therapy, p.s. — they “don’t believe in it”, at least not for themSELVES), they said no. and so that was her exit. they showed her the exit door. she didn’t open it, they did. in the case of going no contact, it is important to note that we almost never need to open the door first — a toxic or abusive relationship will illuminate a door when it is time for us to walk through it. so, how do we know? what do we do when we know? how do we handle it?

we “know” when we can not seem to stop a pattern or manifestation in our life, and we blatantly see the connection to the formation of that energy signature. like when we have a breakthrough in therapy along the same lines. or on our own via conversation with a close friend. but it’s all the same thing. for example, one day I was going about my business, and this random thought popped into my head: “what would my life be like without xyz person?”. it seemed like a crazy thought, because I could not imagine how that would ever be possible. societal norms and all. and “what would people think!!?” (side note — you care less and less about what other people think when you live in your TRUTH). initially I thought it was a passing thought, but similar to my former friend, I could not escape the feeling that my life would be infinitely better with the absence of this ink, going over and over an energy signature that had kept me hostage to prosperity and abundance, love and intimacy, and so forth. I simply could not escape this thought. and so my first action came from my higher self: the knowing that I could not continue this signature any longer. I didn’t know what to do about it, but that was also part of the problem — I was always trained to be responsible for others’ actions and figure out the “solution”. with this one, I just left it in God’s hands. I decided that I would simply state my truth, and the rest would work itself out. it was my hope, of course that once I stated the truth, the energy signature would re-write itself. but that is not up to us. that is up to another person’s free will, and the Universe at large. as I stated my truth, I was met with the most horrific resistance — not an amicable discussion, not one shred of love as the word “friend” or “family” would otherwise indicate or suggest. I was met with attack. they were showing me the exit door, and I didn’t have to be responsible for coming up with the idea of an exit. because it was not my idea. it was theirs. I prayed on this for weeks, went to my dance class, shared my truth with my wonderful teacher at that time, and cried about it for the first time in years. but the 3d logistics still seemed cloudy. how was I to “leave”? it was similar to the concerns I had with my friend at dinner in the beginning of that end. but again: when something is not serving us, when it continues to disservice or abuse us with no end, it will illuminate for us an exit door. there is not a tremendous amount of work to do here. it is no longer our responsibility, and that is a KEY factor in “letting go” of these relationships…

there are always key elements of abuse in any relationship that does not serve us, that we think we can not get out of, that we need away from. otherwise it would not feel or be toxic, and we would not repeat the patterns of such in our outer-world. but these facts can get foggy for us, as we are bombarded with other people’s opinions, stories and realities. another person will NEVER walk in your shoes, so it is VERY IMPORTANT that any decisions you make around no contact are yours and only yours. it’s like 12 stepping alcohol or drugs. VERY MUCH the same, in fact. personally, my limitation is around consistently abusive behavior — that has no rationale, no awareness behind it, or is callously aware. the past IS the past, yes, and I am the most forgiving (to a fault) person I know. but I have STANDARDS for how I want to live and therefore be treated. when someone can not stop abusing me, either covertly or overtly because they are so unconscious (or they just do not want to change — it doesn’t matter which, by the way!!! justifying their behavior is a TRAP and it will keep you patterning in the outer-world, ignoring the spore of the energy signature you are dealing with!), it’s over. I don’t want to change anyone. I can’t. all I can do is live my truth, state my truth and let the Universe or the God of my understanding do the rest. I am optimistic, I do believe in change and miracles (obviously), but I am not stupid: I can not change another person. and if what they do and say to me and about me is damaging, then I am choosing to abuse and damage myself by continuing said particular relationship. no matter “friend” or “family”.

we often think that it takes an angry person to cut someone off. IT IS QUITE THE OPPOSITE. it takes a VERY angry person (not always obvious on the outside, folks!) to continue a dysfunctional relationship. because think of all of the energy that requires, and the outer-world butterfly effect that automatically ensues!? the actual definition of surrender and acceptance is acceptance THROUGH surrender. if I can not make myself sick enough to stay connected to someone, I must let them go. if I have to make myself sick in some way, to stay connected to someone, I must let them go. by letting them go, I am actually accepting them. that’s right. by holding onto something that is sick for us, enabling abusive behavior, we are reinforcing the energetic signature and actually HOPING that person will change. that — is insanity. it is only by fully surrendering and ACCEPTING THEM THROUGH THAT SURRENDER that they even stand a chance at changing. and it doesn’t matter, either. the way another person behaves is not our responsibility. the way we allow another person to treat us IS our responsibility.

some of the “deal-breakers” for me had nothing to do with the “past”, and everything to do with the PRESENT. because the present WAS the past, just through a different maneuver. at different ages and stages of our life, different maneuvers are required to achieve the same end-result: but the intention is the same. so my deal-breaker is intention. and in each case I have personally relative to no contact, and in those of whom I advise, intention is center stage. we can discern intention by repetition. we need not give someone, a loved one, a manual on how to treat us. I will also note, that the behaviors on the part of each person I have gone no contact with, are not mistakes. many of them are punishable by law. all of them, no self-respecting individual would EVER repeat to endure: unless, of course, the active label of “friend” or “family” was in place to keep the hood of that car down.

we will also find, once we go no contact with a person, that the queen ant has an army running with her. these are her enablers, often part of the cancer spore. do not expect these people to stay in contact with you. this is the crux of this entire topic: the real possibility that we will be left completely, and utterly alone. but really, when were we already NOT utterly alone in the context of a dysfunctional relationship or abusive relationship? we will find, when we reach a certain point, that we were actually alone all along. an enabler is often just as toxic as an abuser. because they are weak. and they will throw you under the bus in a hot second to defend their reputation. they will “look the other way”. “brush it under the rug”. it does not matter if they are a “friend” or a “family” member. an enabler is someone who has witnessed, on some level, the behavior of your “friend” or “family” member and pretended that it doesn’t exist or never did. or, who makes the acknowledged behavior ok because they are a “friend” or “family”. never trust an enabler. each enabler, we find, has a different intention. all just as sick as the person we so desperately need distance from so that our life can grow. be willing to be shunned. smeared. and trust that those enablers are suffering far more than you are, because they don’t have the spine to live in any kind of truth. be willing to let everyone go — mutual “friends” or mutual “family”.

if you can believe it, and without getting into any horrific and unbelievable truths related to them, there was actually a person in my life who had the most horrendous things to say about me. to everyone. not only were they obsessed with me, but they were also obsessed with using anything I did in my life to make THEM look good — and claim credit for it. and I’m being extremely basic and light here. I kept them in my life, knowing and experiencing their nonstop duality and abuse, because of a label. a fucking label. that made me sick, and disrupted my life. but I did it for reasons that many of us do it. I honestly didn’t know better at one point, and I feared for my life to know differently. until I woke up “one day”. and gently shared my truth and my process with them. and I was shown the exit door. and this time I didn’t have to be responsible for something. and I took my whole life back. because I could not change what was not good for me. but I could certainly change my exposure to it. and that was all that mattered. and I wasn’t angry real-time. I wasn’t mad real-time. I had processed most of all that. I mourned. I prayed. I prayed not to be guilty for doing what was so necessary for my soul. and I also prayed to stop hoping for this person to change or be what I once had dreamed them to be. I prayed for my addiction to hoping, wishing and dreaming about things being different. I knew that was I was doing was right, but I still fought feeling like a terrible person. be willing to feel like a terrible person, by the way, when you go no contact. it won’t be true in the end, but be willing to feel that way in the interim as the ego chemicals leave the body, mind and spirit.

the logistical components of the above examples are difficult because we live in this human world with these very base definitions of relationships and what they MEAN based on said label. that is the hardest part for me when I let go of someone who fits a label. the logistics. one night, after knowing that I HAD to let go — that my life actually depended upon it — I was shown a dream that I will never forget. it negated all logic (logic being going no contact). it showed me that if I continued on this path, and I let the Universe sort out the rest, that I would know an internal peace that I could not even dream of. the feeling I had in this dream, which felt incredibly lucid, overwhelmed my body and mind in a way that I can’t explain. I woke up in a state of bliss that lasted the entirety of the next day. the voice inside of me said “just…keep…going. in this direction”. it was the most unchartered territory I had ever been in, yet my body and higher self were fully directing me at this point. even whilst my mind suffered. not so coincidentally, just a few months after following this voice, my entire life catapulted “next level”: in terms of business, inner peace, and overall well-being. the validation was overwhelming and I was so relieved that I did not make the “wrong” choice.

in conclusion, the most difficult component for me has been to let go of trying to analyze the conscious and unconscious aspects of said person’s behavior that I was exorcising from my life. I went back and forth, for months, with each case of no contact (there have been many), unconsciously looking for any way to blame myself for choosing myself. I would come up with lists of reasons that they were not to blame, because they were not conscious of their abusive behavior. and then I would come up with lists of reasons that indicated there was NO WAY they were not conscious of their behavior. many of them, they were just never held responsible for their behavior in life. actually, in each case of “main person” (enablers excluded) no contact I’ve had, no one has ever told these people that they are to blame. for anything legitimate in life. no accountability. on the flip side, that is ALL I had known. so I realized that no amount of analysis would ever bring my gaslit and manipulated ego adrenaline the kind of validation I needed to know whether I was doing the “right thing”. the “right thing” was what was right for ME. period. no details included.

some of us finally reach a point in life when labels no longer matter. for some of us, we spend our lives fighting labels in the outer-world, because what we are really fighting against is an energy signature that is toxic to us. but the mind will protect that intention. and for some of us, we actually dare to look beneath the hood of that car. we look only when we have nothing left to lose, no anger left to engage with, no more patterns to repeat born from some unhealthy unconscious aspect of self. we look when we are ready to throw out the labels — ALL of the labels.

  The post throw out the labels (“friend”, “family”): it is OK to go “no contact” with anyone who can’t stop abusing you – overtly or covertly appeared first on The Medical Intuitive Blog: Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy By Elaine™.

from Trisha Gibson http://www.themedicalintuitiveblog.com/2017/08/20/throw-labels-friend-family-ok-go-no-contact-anyone-cant-stop-abusing-overtly-covertly/