#and I'm really tired of writing for the same kiddos over and over lol with generally the same topics

[gracieheartspedro]

For Cryin’ Out Loud

pairing: post-outbreak! joel miller x fem!reader

how to help the palestinians and what it means to write for the last of us characters

word count: 7.9k

description: living with joel is complicated, especially when you can’t sleep due to nightmares. when you find yourself in his bed, you can’t help yourself. but joel sure can. give him a day to mull it over.

warnings: pretty slow burn, kinda forced proximity, kinda angsty, unspecified age gap (don’t like it, don’t read it), joel gives you tons of nicknames (darlin’, kiddo, etc.), discussions of nightmares and possible mental illnesses, some fluff, reader isn’t really described, joel is kinda a gaslighter, he’s also a bit pervy, unprotected p in v (wrap it y’all), oral (f! receiving), dirty talk, joel like worships you!!!!!, joel licks his fingers clean, giving genitalia pronouns, joel’s a big boy. think that’s it. lemme know what I missed!

author’s note: I really enjoyed writing this. the idea is pretty simple but I love domestic jackson!joel. I promise i’ll try to switch it up soon and write something that isn’t jackson!era lol. support your fav fics by reblogging and commenting!! thanks love ya <3

For some reason, you always find yourself standing at the threshold of the front door when you cannot sleep. 

The air was especially brisk tonight. You wrapped yourself in a gray chunky sweater you found in the lost and found in Jackson’s thrift store, hoping to regain some warmth. Your bed may have been comfortable, but it was the place where nightmares usually plagued you. 

It was too late to be awake, and you knew that if you were caught, you would hear it from Joel. He always reprimanded you. Every time he caught you up late, it was like your father woke up and found your hand in the cookie jar. 

The dynamic between you two had changed since arriving in Jackson, and you almost resented him for it. When it was just you, him, and Ellie, you were managing a family unit. Joel was always the protective father, you being the mom or the voice of reason, and Ellie being chaos. 

When Ellie and Joel’s relationship shifted, he took on a fatherly role for you. It bothered you. A lot. 

In a moment of contemplation, you hear footsteps coming down the steps behind you. 

He’s wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt, his hairy tummy something you did not see often. 

“What are you doing awake?” He questions, his voice groggy with a twinge of annoyance. 

You do not feel like explaining yourself, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to get out of this situation without a justification. 

You huff, leaning your back against the door frame so you can get a full look at the broad man. “Can’t sleep. Thought staring into the darkness would help.”

He grunts, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How’s that workin’ for you, sweetheart?”

You could not close your eyes without the haunting dreams that seemed lively and so real. Every night, you had the same recurring ones. You were being chased, hunted, or murdered. Or all of the above. You would wake in a cold sweat, not wanting to shut your eyelids ever again. 

“Hm,” You say, staring back outside for a brief moment, “‘Was better when you weren’t looking over my shoulder.”

He chuckles, “Get back to bed.”

“I can’t, Joel.”

“You can and will. You’re no good when you’re tired.”

“If I close my eyes, Joel, I will just have the same goddamn nightmares I have every night. And I will end up doing what I’m doing now, which is trying to get some fresh air to forget them.”

“You’re not gonna forget ‘em with some fresh air. You just need to… get over them.”

The breeze picks up as soon as he says it, almost like the world knew the tension would have to be broken with some frigid air. You retort with, “And how do you get over yours?”

"I just accept them," he says, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "I don't have time to dwell on them. There's always more important things to worry about."

"I'm more tired in the morning when I just endure them." You explain, trying not to cry about it. But you are so sick of them. The same thing every night.

“I get it. One day they will subside, I’m sure of it. But for now, you gotta-”

You just want him to shut up. At the same time, your mind is trying to remember the last time you did not have a nightmare. The memory makes your stomach churn. “You remember that one time we were forced to share that sleeping bag? Back in Pittsburgh?”

“Yeah,” His tone was wary, “What about it?”

"That was the first night I didn't have it." You explain, your voice a bit shaking at the insinuation. You don’t want to face the fact that Joel, the man that you have known for going on 10 years, kept your nightmares at bay. The same man who continuously rejected you and told you that he was old enough to be your dad. The same man that told you no, I don’t like you like that. I never will. That Joel. 

“And? Why are you bringing this up now?”

"Because every night I go to my bed and I'm forced to face them alone. When you were there... they didn't even bother holding my mind hostage.”

He took another step closer, closing some of the distance between you two. He towers over you and you can’t help but stare up at him in awe. Joel has always been a complicated part of your life. You consider him your sexual awakening, honestly, but he will never ever know that. Over the years, he’s only gotten more handsome. 

But now, he has a curious expression written all over his face.

"Are you saying you want to share a bed with me?" he asks, his voice gruff and low.

You suck in a deep breath, not wanting to answer. You knew that was stepping over a boundary for Joel. He liked his space. He didn’t like you impeding on that space, especially. Your bedroom was the furthest away from his for a reason.

"I don't know." You manage to say.

Joel's gaze darkened, his expression was completely unreadable. You wish you could read his mind, but you should be grateful you can not. 

Because in Joel’s mind, he’s trying to formulate a way to convince you to stay away from him altogether. The wall he has built over the last decade was intentional. He did not want to hurt you any further. He already knew you had feelings for him, but he was an old man. He did not want to drag you into his mess, all the baggage he carried. He looked after you, he shared a home with you, and that��s it. Strictly platonic. 

He shifted on his feet a little, unable to tear his eyes away from you. You shook like a little leaf.

"You don't know?" he repeated, his voice a low rumble.

You nod, "I don't know if I want that."

You do want that. But you want more, too. You knew you would be playing with fire. You would just be disappointed. 

Joel’s temptations are buried deep but they still fester every now and again. Some days he would catch a glance at you getting dressed in the crack of your door and have to take a cold shower. As soon as he felt those emotions bubble in his chest, he would try to distract himself. Maybe he would take a longer patrol. Maybe he would go to the Tipsy Bison and try to find a woman to take home. That one never really worked. 

“Well, what do you want then? Because standin’ at the door and letting all the cold air in ain’t gonna work for me or you.”

You look down at your picked-over fingernails and contemplate your next sentence. You don't want to be heartbroken in the morning when you wake up and he's there sleeping peacefully next to you and you're not... his.

"I want to sleep with you."

Joel was not expecting such a blunt response from you, but he appreciated you not beating around the bush about it. He gestures for you to step out of the doorway so he can shut the door, which you do. 

He looked down at you, his eyes raking over your face, taking in the exhaustion and uncertainty. 

"You sure?" he asked, his voice a gruff whisper.

You just nod as he locks the front door. You couldn’t believe you were doing this. 

Joel couldn’t believe it either. Maybe it was the tiredness or the instincts he felt to protect you, but he was not mad at the idea of sharing his bed with you. 

You signal for him to go upstairs, “You lead the way.”

-

Joel’s room was always off-limits to you. So when you step into his small little world, you take it all in. 

The artwork around the room was mainly nature landscapes. He had a big dresser right at the room's entrance with picture frames of Sarah, Ellie, and other family members. You were even included in one photo—a picture of you and him on some horses from last year. 

A shirt littered one side of the bed, so you took that as it was probably his side. Unfortunately for you, it was the right side. You felt a pang of guilt realizing you would probably end up restlessly lying in Joel’s bed if you were stuck on the left. 

Before he can pull back the blanket for himself, you stop him. 

“Uh, can I sleep on that side?”

He completely halts in his motions, turning his head towards you with a blank expression. “My side? Why?”

You lick your lips, already regretting this whole thing. 

“Because I have had this superstition since I was a kid that I could only sleep on the right side of the bed."

Joel wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. He can tell you are at war in your head about the question, your expression practically anticipating his rejection. 

"Superstitions, huh?" he said, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips."You and your weird beliefs."

You watch as he crosses to the other side of the bed and lifts the blanket. Is he actually letting you have his side? Maybe he doesn’t hate you. 

“You could also call it a compulsion, but superstitions seem more fun and less like a mental illness.”

He laughs this time, his deep chuckle making you feel a bit more relaxed about the situation. You did not feel like a burden as much. You walk to the right side and pull back his navy blue sheets and blanket. The spot looks warm and inviting so when you crawl in next to Joel, you start to realize that you’re back in the same situation you were in years ago in that sleeping bag. He was so close and warm and you wanted nothing more but for him to hold you and keep you comfortable.

But then another thing came to mind before you could imagine his arms around you. 

You usually sleep on your right side or back, but now you don't know what to do because you didn't know how Joel slept.

"Do you sleep on your side or back?"

Joel studies you as you fidget beside him, your uncertainty causing him to smirk slightly. It was almost endearing, seeing you be completely out of control of your surroundings. He remembers back when you were traveling with him you had an obsessive need to straighten up everything before you fell asleep. You had to roll yourself up in your sleeping bag the same way every night. 

"Usually on my back," he said finally. "But I can sleep on my side, too."

You swallow, trying to picture yourself sleeping. For some reason you felt the urge to have control of the situation, dictating exactly how he has to sleep, too. "Can I... I'll sleep on my side if you can sleep on your back? Is that okay?"

Joel had to suppress a smirk at your request. You knew he was trying to hold back a snarky remark. Instead, he surprises you.

"Sure, you can sleep on your side," he agreed, shifting his body weight onto his back, "’n I'll sleep on my back. No big deal."

You turn to face him, tucking the pillow further under your head. You can tell his eyes are heavy from exhaustion. You know it's time to shut up, to go to sleep, but you feel the need to say something else to him. Sometimes your brain concocts questions and statements and you know you shouldn’t say them, but your mouth betrays you.  

"When was the last time you had a girl in your bed?"

Why the fuck would you ask that? You think to yourself. It fell out of your mouth like drool.

Joel's eyes widened at your blunt question, surprise and a hint of embarrassment coloring his expression. You knew he was probably just expecting you to lay here next to him, maybe roll around a bit, then sleep. But instead, it’s an interrogation.

He took a deep breath, his mind rattling around as he tried to think of a response. He didn't want to admit what his genuine answer was to you, but he too could not help himself.

"Why do you want to know that?" he asks, his voice steely.

You hate that he even responded because now you needed to defend yourself.

"I uh, don't know. I don't know why it matters."

Joel chuckled softly, noting that you probably just had a case of word vomit. You always told him you were infamous for putting your foot in your mouth, especially in awkward situations.

"Curiosity got the better of you, huh?" he asks, rubbing his face with his hands. “You just can’t help yourself, sweetheart.”

He shifted slightly, rolling onto his side to face you, his gaze studying your expression.

You smirk, grateful that he's letting it slide. When he turns onto his side and he's at eye level with you, your face drops a bit. He is ruining the vision in your head. He’s throwing a wrench in your plans.

"You're supposed to be on your back, sir."

Joel couldn't help but chuckle softly at your comment. He knew he was supposed to be on his back, but the new angle allowed him to see you better in the faint moonlight.

"Don't worry," he said, a hint of humor in his voice. "I'll turn back over in a minute. Just... enjoying the view for a bit."

You roll your eyes, lifting your hands from under the covers and lightly hitting his arm. You knew he was just fucking with you now. 

"Okay, for that, I want to know the answer to my stupid question."

Joel let out a low laugh, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. He shook his head, amused by your persistence. You start to think about it and you have never really seen him bring anyone home. Maybe it had been a very long time and he was embarrassed. 

"Alright, alright," he said, a hint of resignation in his voice. "Last time I had a girl in my bed..."

He paused for a moment, his eyes dropping to the covers, his mind racing to find the right words.

"Go on..."

Joel took another deep breath, his voice dropping even lower as he spoke.

"It's been a long time, kiddo," he admitted, his voice pierced with a bit of shame. "Almost ten years, if I'm being honest."

Your eyes widen in surprise. "No way... You've never just... got it on with someone in bed?"

Joel's face flushed with embarrassment at your blunt question, a mix of shock and slight irritation flashing across his eyes.

"Jesus, you really don't hold back, do ya?" he muttered. He shifts a bit, trying to get comfortable in a different way. He hadn't expected the conversation to turn so personal, so quickly and he did not want to face you anymore. He was mortified. 

You mentally slap yourself in the face.

"I'm sorry, I am just tired and delusional. Uh, you don't have to answer that."

Joel could practically feel the humiliation radiating off you and he too felt the exact same way. You knew how to add to an already awkward situation.

"No, no, it's fine," he reassured you, his voice a bit gentler now. "I get it. You're tired, and your filter has taken a backseat."

"Yeah, exactly..."

He shifted on the bed, turning onto his back again, his gaze shifting to the ceiling, avoiding your curious stare.

You could not help but stare at his side profile. A prominent straight nose. His downturned lips are surrounded by some fine lines that show his age. He was a beautiful man now, but you can’t help but imagine him back in his 20s. He had to have been a hit with the ladies back then.

Joel could feel your gaze on him, studying his face. And while you were not scrutinizing him, he felt like a commodity in a museum or something.  He forced himself to keep his gaze on the ceiling, refusing to meet your eyes.

"So… ten years and no sex?”

You could seriously, not help yourself.

"Correct.” He grumbles, still not meeting your stare.

"Damn, Joel." You mutter, adjusting a bit to sit up a little more on your pillow. "I seriously thought you were sleeping around the whole time we have been in Jackson.”

He finally turns your way, a bit of offense on his face. “Why would you think that?”

You shrug, not wanting to insult him. But that’s how you formulated your grudge towards him. It was easy to just chalk everything up to problems with random women you have seen around town. 

“You just give off the energy…”

“What?”

You huff, laying back on the pillow. “I don’t know, Joel! I feel like when I’m around you all the ladies think you’re handsome. They stare.”

“They are staring because you’re always following me around and we aren’t married or… together. They think we are odd.” 

You had never heard such things around Jackson, but it does sort of make sense. Everyone was probably just confused because you two lived together but were not a couple. You can admit it is bizarre, but it just did not feel like an option any other way, in your mind. So Tommy gave you two a bigger house and you set up separate rooms. 

But in actuality, Joel secretly told Tommy that he did not want you too far from him. So when Tommy couldn’t give you any other houses nearby, Joel just told him that you two would be roommates.

“Well fuck ‘em.” You mutter, trying not to sound too offended by the thought of people gossiping about you two.

Joel just nods. You settle by tucking your arm under your pillow. You yawn, the exhaustion now taking over your body. You watch Joel grab a pair of reading glasses from the side table and a book. You decide not to bother him, especially because he probably wanted to just read himself to sleep instead of being interrogated by you any further.

You close your eyes and eventually fall asleep. The deeper you get, Joel notices how your breathing pattern changes. When he’s finally ready to get some shut-eye as well, he watches as your body crawls closer to him. Your arm swings over his stomach and rests on his forearm. He is so shocked he does not move a muscle. 

You adjust some more, not knowing what you are doing. Your leg creeps up and tucks right between his. You snuggle your face right into his chest. The only movement Joel decides to make is slinging his arm over your shoulders to pull you in tighter. 

It’s the first time in years that you two slept soundly, with no interruptions. No nightmares, no sudden intrusions, nothing. Silence and snores fill the room and that’s it.

-

When you wake up, it’s slow and gradual. Your brain hardly computes that you’re laying on top of Joel’s shirtless frame, until your hand runs across his warm tummy. 

You crook your neck up, looking at the handsome man you are spreading across. 

His lips are slightly ajar, letting out hardly-there snores. They are so pretty and pink and you cannot help but touch them with feather-like fingertips. You would feel so guilty waking him up-

His eyes slowly open taking notice of your actions even though you tried not to stir him. Your eyes fly open in shock, but he does not seem very annoyed. He smiles. 

“Mornin’ darlin’,” He says in a deep sleep-laced voice. You smile back at him, loving that he decided to call you the nickname you always got giddy over. You press your fingers into his chest before replying.

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

His hand comes up from your shoulders and tucks some hair behind your ear as he stares down at you, “That’s good kiddo. I’m glad you slept well.”

The intimacy is almost too much. The way this is how it would be if you woke up to Joel every morning. It sends your brain into overdrive and you force yourself to ruin it a bit.

“Woulda slept even better if you didn’t talk so much in your sleep.”

Joel froze for a moment, his cheeks immediately flushing pink with embarrassment. He sits up a bit more, adjusting to the brighter lighting in his room. He knew he had a problem with talking in his sleep. Ellie used to talk about it all the time. He dreaded hearing what he was saying while curled up next to you.

"Uh... what did I say?" he asked, trying to maintain his composure.

"Something about it felt so good to be pressed up against someone, I don't know..." 

You could not help yourself and started to laugh. You knew you were going to get a rise out of him. 

Joel's face flushed an even deeper shade of pink as you started to laugh, clearly amused by your joke. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, his mind racing as he tried to come up with an excuse. He was just dreaming, it was not about you. 

"W-what?" he spluttered out instead of making an excuse. "I didn't... I didn't say anything like that."

You have a shit-eating grin on your face and you press your hands on his chest to prop yourself up. You enjoyed watching him squirm.

Joel's eyes flickered down to your hands on his chest. He sickly thought they felt so right placed there. He imagined what you would look like fully mounting him. 

He tried to keep his expression neutral, but you could see through his stone-cold exterior.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?" he grumbled, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"Fully fuckin' with you." You giggle, hoping he is not really that mad at you. 

“You’re a brat.”

You move your foot slightly, running it up his leg. It sends shockwaves up his body, having you so close and moving around so seamlessly. 

"No, you said something about how beautiful, alluring, and incredible I am. Said I was the girl of your dreams…"

"Yeah, right," he said, a hint of playful sarcasm in his voice. "You expect me to believe that?"

"So, you don't believe me?"

"No, I don't believe you," he says, his voice stern but playful. "I think you're a dirty little liar, trying to play me for a fool."

"A dirty little liar, huh? Well, it's good to know that you don't think I'm beautiful, alluring, and incredible." You giggle at his acknowledgment, knowing he caught you red-handed.

"Oh, I never said that," he smirked, a hint of teasing in his voice. "You are all of those things, darlin’. But you're also a dirty little liar who likes to play games."

"So you think I'm beautiful?" You crack, the biggest smile painted on your face. You don’t even care that he’s calling you a liar because it does not matter. Joel thinks you are beautiful. 

“‘Course I do.”

You push yourself up onto your butt, sitting crisscross next to him. He secretly wishes you were still curled up on top of him. 

“You always this nice in the morning?” You ponder, your fingertips starting to toy with the hair on his stomach. He tries not to pay mind to it, letting you have full access to touch him. 

But it’s driving him insane. The way you look freshly woken up, completely enamored with the idea of him calling you beautiful. You have some puffiness under your eyes and your lips are more swollen than usual.

“I am always nice to you.”

You let out a scoff, “No, you’re not.”

He notices the shift in your tone and starts to get defensive, “Now you’re just lyin’.” 

Joel always loved to gaslight you in these situations. You knew better than to let him get away with it, especially now. “No there was that one time you told me you did not like me and that you would never like me. How you are old enough to be my dad-”

“Because I am!”

And there’s the wall. The only constant in you two’s relationship. He was so good at throwing it up when feelings were being expressed. When vulnerability was presented, Joel could not help but reject it. 

“And the world’s fuckin’ ended, Joel! Big deal!” You almost yell, moving your hands from him. 

Why does he already miss your hands?

He huffs, crossing his arms over his soft chest. “We have had this conversation for the last 10 years.’M not sure why we keep rehashing it.”

“And every time you turn me down it’s another fuckin’ stab in the heart.”

“You know why we can’t,” He practically growls. You can not stand to even look at him anymore with your bitterness and irritation taking over. 

“Whatever, Joel.” 

As soon as you say it, you’re already leaving his room and heading to your own. When you slam the door, you hope you have made your point. You want to scream and punch a hole in the wall, but instead you just furiously stomp around the room and grab your clothes. You had patrol at noon, so you needed to get to the mess hall before breakfast was over. You try not to cry as you strip down and get dressed.

Joel sits in bed, reeling. He hates that it has become a conversation every six months. He hated that rejecting you always sent you into a spiral of hating him for extended periods. It’s not that he did not want you, it was simply just not in the cards. He was too old to be in love. He was too old to play house with you. He just could not submit to the idea of leading you on, especially because you had so much more life to live. 

He finally works up the courage to get out of bed and put on some clothes. He opts for putting on his typical jeans and thick flannel. It was getting colder and he knew by the end of the winter, you would end up with half his flannels anyway, so he had to enjoy them while he had them. 

You storm downstairs, going to the back door for your boots when you spot him in the kitchen. 

“You got pat-”

“Yes.” You respond quickly, shoving your foot into your shoes. He stands behind you with a mug full of tea, watching your every move. 

“Who are you-”

“Jesse.”

He was asking his usual questions, which you were not in the mood to answer. 

“Hey, can you-”

You snap your head back at him, giving him the glare you gave him as a warning usually. By now, he takes it as a hint and backs off. But not this time. 

“Can I what?”

He rolls his eyes, “Can you fuckin’ not be a brat about this?”

You wish your glare came with knives. If that were the case, Joel Miller would be dead on his kitchen floor. 

You are so thrown off by the question that you just watch him get angrier when you do not respond. 

“Are you serious, right now?” You press, keeping your voice from cracking. 

He brings the mug up to his mouth, taking an obnoxious sip. When he pulls the mug away, you notice how steaming it is. “You always pull this shit-”

“No, you do! You do this shit to me every fuckin’ time, Joel. You sweet talk me, make me feel comfortable, have me lapping everything up in the palm of your hands, and then you snatch it away. Then have the audacity to get mad at me!”

You are yelling now and it is throwing him off. Joel knows better than to interrupt you like you do to him. You were the kind of person who would calm down if you felt heard. 

The way he knew you down to your core made this all so painful. Because if he was not so stubborn and true to his convictions, he would have fucked you the moment you touched his lips this morning. 

“I ain’t tryin’ to make this harder than-” “Too fuckin’ late.”

You think back to the moment last night when you knew you were going to hurt your own feelings by sleeping with him. You knew better, yet here you are, still blaming him for your stupidity.

He stands there, still holding his mug, staring you down like a wounded doe who got pierced with an arrow. He feels guilty like he misled you. Before he can say anything, you are lacing up your boots and leaving out the front door without another word. 

-

All day long, Joel wanders around the house trying to get rid of the pit in his stomach. Nothing works. A shower. Reading a book. Cutting wood. As soon as he tried to use laundry as a distraction, he reached into his hamper and found one of your t-shirts. He held it close and smelled it, trying to wrap his head around how he got here. 

You spend all day, silently fuming on horseback with Jesse. When he tries to get you to open up, you ice him out and tell him to focus on the trail in front of him. 

You get back by sundown, the sun setting making it a lot chiller than you expected. You decide to take the long way home, wanting to avoid being home for as long as possible. You were not ready to face Joel, let alone share a space with him. But unfortunately, during your patrol, you fell into some mud and needed a shower. The more time it spent on your clothes and body, the grosser you felt. 

You open the front door, announcing that you are home. It was a habit you and Joel developed after you both pulled guns on each other during late-night arrivals. 

You hear Joel mumble something from the living room, but you do not stop to listen and continue on your way upstairs to the bathroom. 

You strip down as soon as the door is closed, tossing your muddy clothing into a hamper in the corner. You would get them washed and hung as soon as you shower off. 

You hear Joel’s footsteps creaking around the upstairs hallway as you scrub your body with homemade soap and warm water. 

When you start to dry yourself off, you hear Joel grunting something in the hallway. You wrap yourself in a towel and peek your head out the door. He’s on his hands and knees wiping something off the hardwood. “What’s goin’ on?”

He looks up at you, your body only covered in a bleach-stained blue towel. It makes his head spin. He can’t even be mad that you tracked in mud. 

He swallows, gripping the cloth he’s using tighter. “You got mud everywhere.”

You step out, not even really thinking about the fact that you are not properly dressed in front of Joel. You were still mad at him, anyway. Who cares what he thinks?

“Sorry, I could’ve cleaned it up.”

He returns to wiping the wood, “It’s fine, I got it, kiddo.”

You accept his response and move on to your room, but the draft you leave behind drifts to Joel’s nostrils. Your soap smells like lavender and it always sends his mind racing when you are fresh from a shower. He clears his throat, trying to get through the emotions filling his chest. 

But it’s been like this all day. You’re all around him even when you’re not physically here. How can he get away from you? Why is he trying to run in the first place?

He’s on his knees in your hallway, cleaning up your mess, sniffing the air you leave behind because he’s fucking in love with you and he cannot help himself anymore. 

Joel starts to think about how peaceful he felt having you next to him last night and how he would love to feel that way every night. For once he’s not thinking about what everyone else would think. For once he’s thinking selfishly and caving into every desire he has ever pondered about you. How would you feel under him? How would your lips feel pressed against his pulse point? 

His body was on fire, thinking about you. 

You are fiddling with some clothes in your dresser after you flick on the overhead light. You do not hear him come into your room behind you. 

You are so wrapped up in your own thoughts that when he clears his throat to announce he’s in your room, you scream. Loud. 

“For cryin’ out loud, woman!” 

You grip your towel tighter when you turn and see him standing at your mercy. 

“Joel, what the fuck?” You yell, gesturing to the fact that you are practically naked. He does not care, of course, and his ears are ringing from your piercing scream. He gathers himself as you shift back, trying to create some distance from him.

He is trying not to gawk at the fact that your grip on the towel against your chest is only pushing up your cleavage. He’s biting back everything. “Can we talk?”

“Talk about what? The fact you crept into my room when I was trying to change? Are we past boundaries now?” 

You are pissed, trying not to rattle off another million things to discuss with him. He’s only really talking about one thing. 

He scoffs at your last statement. “Boundaries were already out the window when you crawled into bed with me last night.”

Silence fills the room as you completely stop breathing. The anger you originally felt dissipates. 

“Joel-“

“I ain’t doin’ this back and forth anymore,” He starts shifting in his spot, unsure if he really should be doing this. “I can’t live how I've been livin’. Somethin’s gotta give.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused. 

“You are the one who won’t give, Joel.”

As soon as you say it, he practically drags himself over to you. Completely destitute. You have never seen him look so desperate before. You can tell that he’s been at war with himself ever since you left this morning. His eyes never lied.

His hand creeps up your bare arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. 

But then you remember his words from this morning. You start feeling like this is just a moment of weakness for him and that he will regret it later. You had to stop it before it was too late. You did not want to deal with the consequences. 

“Joel, you said we can’t-”

“Fuck what I said,” He cuts you off, “Do you want this?”

You stare into those brown eyes, searching for a sign of hesitance. You cannot believe Joel is being this vulnerable with you. 

But, you do want him. God, you have wanted him so badly for so long. You have searched for him in every man you have ever been with since knowing him. 

Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. He takes note of your parted lips, every word failing you at that moment.

“Darlin’-”

“Yes,” You finally manage. “Yes, I do want this.”

It’s all he needs. He closes the gap between you two by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his space. His lips crash onto yours, not wasting another breath of air waiting to indulge in his sickest fantasies. 

You are all Joel ever dreamed about. He knew that once he caved and physically gave in, his world would be shot and everything would revolve around you. For years it had been a teetering object on a cliff, one nudge would have him falling. He always managed. But now, he was falling head first. 

His lips move so perfectly with your own. Your hand released your towel and found the tufts of his curls at the base of his head. You did not care that the article pooled around your feet, leaving you completely bare in front of Joel. You have wanted this all along. To be uncovered, to be stripped down to the rawest form. He broke the kiss briefly just to scan your naked body, his forehead pressed against your own. 

“Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

Your heart stutters as his hand traces your stomach down to your hips, all the way down to your ass. He stops there, grabbing a handful. 

“I need you,” You choke out before pressing your lips to his over and over again. “Right now.”

He mumbles “jump” into your mouth and you do so, his hands working quickly to hike you up onto his waist. He carries you to your bed, wasting no time dropping you onto your back. 

He cannot get enough of your soft, swollen lips. Every time he pulls away slightly, he dives in again even more aggressively than the last time. 

You are so hypnotized by the way he feels on top of you. In the light, he seems so much broader than he was last night. He’s still fully clothed, to your dismay. You start to tug at his shirt, motioning him to remove the articles that are in your way. 

He throws off his shirt before he stands up at the edge of the bed and pushes down his jeans. 

“Joel… I-“

He just shuts you up with another passionate kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth like he’s trying to melt into your mouth. Your hands trail up his back, gripping onto his shoulders, holding him down so he is pressing against your nude body. 

“God, I have wanted this for so long,” He sputters, trying not to sound too desperate. “Been wanting this.”

That’s when his hand reaches down between your thighs and gathers the wetness your slit has to offer. His fingers dance across it, starting from the top all the way to your spongy entrance. 

“Please, Joel.”

He loves the lust-laced tone you speak with when you say his name. It almost makes him cum there and then. 

You watch as he makes his way down your body, peppering kisses from your shoulder to your hip. When he parts your legs, you feel quite exposed. The adrenaline of being so spread for him manifests into a moan. 

“You are divine, baby.”

The use of that adjective is so-not-Joel that it makes you giggle. He notes your reaction and decides to sink down into you. When his mouth gets close to your core, it’s no longer a laughing matter. 

He uses his fingers again, using them to spread open your pussy lips. He cannot keep his eyes away from how dripping you are. “This all for me?”

“Y-yes, Joel.”

“God, I was a fuckin’ fool for so long. Could’ve had her earlier and I never fuckin’ caved. Such an idiot.”

Him giving your cunt pronouns was enough to have you throwing your head back and shuttering. His touch was magnetic like he knew exactly what buttons to push as he rubbed his fingers and palm over your core. 

“Yeah, you’ve been missin’ out. Every night…” You swallow before looking down at the man that is enamored with your pussy, “E-every night I would lay in this bed, fuckin’ myself just thinkin’ about you.”

He growls at the statement, before teasingly kissing your clit. “Every night, hm, kiddo?”

“God, yes.”

Your eyes squeeze shut as he leans forward more and dives in. His nose is pressed firmly against the top of your pussy, nudging forward every time his tongue enters your hole. When that motion became consistent, you began to note the rumblings in the pit of your stomach. A familiar build-up that you managed to get when you were playing with yourself. 

His fingers move in tandem with his lips and tongue. While his middle and pointer finger slide in and out of you, his lips wrap around your clit. It’s overwhelming and all-consuming. 

You do not know where to center yourself, so your hands grip the bed sheets you were completely soaking as Joel pulls the first orgasm out of you. 

“That’s it, baby, she’s cryin’ for me, hm?”

You hardly make a noise, the orgasm is so earth-shattering that you just writhe on the mattress. 

“Oh my god…” You groan, finally able to catch your breath. When Joel removes his fingers from you, you watch as he slowly brings them up to his lips.

When he inserts them in his mouth, you gawk at him, unsure how to react. He watches your expression and chuckles darkly.

“Mm, never seen a man enjoy the taste of ya?”

You shake your head. “Never expected to hear those words leave your mouth, either.”

“Wait ‘til you hear what else I got to say.”

He stands up beside the bed, grabs your hips, and brings them to the edge. He is tossing you around with ease, bringing your lower body flush with his. He yanks down his briefs, revealing himself to you. You instantly take notice of how well-endowed he is. You never thought you would ever be close to his cock, let alone have it lining up at your entrance. 

“Joel…“ You stop him with your small voice, but still welcoming him in with your legs opened wide, “I don’t know if it will fit.”

He grins, “It will, baby. Just relax for me, okay?”

You watch him slide his member along your center, the feeling so blissfully overstimulating. You whine a bit, raising your hips to his. 

But Joel continues his torture, enjoying the way you’re squirming under him. The way your eyebrows are knitted together, your eyes shut as you grind up into him. It’s the prettiest sight. 

“Ready?”

Your eyes fly open as you watch him ease his way into your core, the sound of squelching filling the room. You don’t think you have ever been this wet for someone. 

“Oh my fuckin’ god, Joel…”

He smiles as he inches in, “Squeezin’ my cock so good, darlin’.”

When he’s fully sheathed inside, he tests the waters by drawing out slowly. You roll your hips in a circle, trying to feel out every inch of him. He fits, but you know once he starts to move faster, the stretch will become overwhelming. 

He’s trying to focus and not blow his load immediately. You look so beautiful below him, your tits slowly shifting back and forth every time he draws back and forth. He reaches out, wanting to feel the flesh between his fingers. God, he craved every inch of you, he realizes. 

You open your legs as far as you can, letting him hit you at a different angle. The movement allows him to slip in a bit more seamlessly, so when he speeds up his thrusts, you don’t feel like you will completely split in half. 

He brings your leg up to hips, and feeling your soft delicate skin against him makes him lose all sense. His hips snap faster the more you moan out for him. 

“Fuckin’ Christ, girl. I can’t believe I was missin’ out on this cunt,” He babbles, “Need this cunt every day from now on. Gonna have you all to myself every night.”

You are too fucked out of your mind to read into those implications.

“‘M all yours, Joel.”

He smiles, slowing down a bit. “Keep talkin’ like that and ‘ll finish a lot sooner than you.”

You sit up a bit, your eyes flickering over his entire body. He notices you checking out his nude frame, which makes him feel a bit more bold. He leans down, capturing your lips in a hungry kiss. You love the way his tongue slips into your mouth so effortlessly. When he opens his mouth, his facial hair tickles your nose a bit which makes you smile. When his hips pick back up to a quicker pace, it sends you gasping into his mouth.

“Please, Joel,” You whine, that familiar build starts up but this time it’s like a freight train. Moving so quickly down every nerve ending in your body. “I’m gonna cum.”

“‘M with you, darlin’. Soak this dick. I’m right behind ya.”

His dirty talk causes the crash. Your body practically lifts off the mattress. You cry out so loud you are sure a neighbor could hear you. You try to gain your bearings, but you are panting like you just ran a mile. 

Joel fucks you through it, but the restriction your pussy is putting on his cock sends him over the edge. His hips stutter into yours, his seed emptying into your spent hole. He just keeps repeating your name as his thrusts slow down.

He has never had such a visceral orgasm in his life. His knees are weak and can hardly keep up his weight. He practically falls on top of you, which does not offend you at all. His warm sweaty body on top of you is almost reassuring. 

“You okay, kiddo?” He finally mutters as his hot breath fans the nape of your neck. You just nod, bringing your hand up to his salt and pepper hair. You tug lightly, smiling to yourself. 

“I’m more than okay.”

He finally sits up, his cock spilling out of you as he adjusts his position. Your hole drips a mixture of cum onto your newly clean sheets, but you could care less. It’s just another thing to hand wash tonight.

Joel stumbles to the middle of the room, picking up your bath towel. He uses it to wipe himself up before coming over to you. Your legs are still slightly apart so he decides to clean you up a bit. He’s gentle, knowing that you are probably still sensitive.

Once he finishes up, he crawls next to you as you continue to recover. Your bones felt like jello so standing up to adjust yourself was not an option.

So instead of facing him, you stare up at your ceiling fan as his eyes lock onto every detail of your profile. It brings him back to one night you two shared under the stars a couple of years ago. It was his turn to keep watch so you curled up in your sleeping bag by the fire. He admired you from across the flames, the orange hues lit up every angle of your face. It was at that moment that Joel realized that he could not picture his life without you. You had weaseled your way into every facet of his life and he used to resent the impact you had on him. You were younger, more patient but still stubborn like him. You made him laugh, like genuinely laugh, for the first time since the infection. While you may have been a bit impulsive with your emotions, he envied the way you could say exactly what you were thinking. 

Joel did not want to love you, but it was impossible not to. 

You finally look over at him, noticing the softness in his gaze.

“Are you okay?” You pose, scrunching your nose. 

He gives you a toothless smile, his eyes crinkling a bit. “I just can’t wait to sleep next to you for the rest of my life.”

tags of people I love and who may wanna read (no pressure I just love u) (some of u did ask tho) : @ashleyfilm @hockeyhughes @pedrospookie @guiltyasdave @amanitacowboy @myownwholewildworld

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

To help with my lack of motivation!!!

I’ve decided to start writing for my OC characters here! I did have a side blog, BUT it’s just... a LOT of work to try to write for both blogs when I can just merge the two together!

So! I will be posting snippets of my OCs and their lives! If y’all are interested, please feel free to IM or even send in an ask! I’ll answer any questions if there are any!

The reason I’ll be doing this: Because this blog is mainly Haikyuu, yeah? Which is great! I love Haikyuu! And so do you all! BUT I also like other things! I like my OCs (which are not Haikyuu related at all)!!! 

I think this addition will make me much happier... and even help my writing skill grow! 

Obviously, this doesn’t mean I’m going to STOP writing for HQ altogether! I still have a GREAT number of requests in the box! And I’m working on them a little everyday! But I also like writing for my OCs! So I’ll be just adding that onto the content you all.... rarely see on this blog anyway lmao

Anyway! My OCs and general info about them is below!

Kiara: Goddess of War (Fuck Athena lmao) Mayan Native, generally an even attitude, though a short temper/little time for nonsense, doesn’t like the gods/doesn’t trust them. Rough Childhood - like traumatic - Thousands of years old, looks about 28 at most. Hispanic Hottie ;d - dark hair that she grows and cuts at random - dark red eyes - tribal/fire tattoos that fade almost completely into her already tanned skin - pretty short? About 5′4″-5′5″ - Curvy figure! By curves I mean moderate bust and butt, but she’s got a tone body from her constant training! She can control fire/lava and can pretty much make herself a super nova in desperate situations.

Ikal/Joshua: Kiara’s son! God of Mischief (Fuck Loki lmao) Mayan Native, Happy go lucky! Super optimistic! Can befriend literally anyone! Very patient and kind, gentle but able. He’s got his mama’s temper tho! Pretty rough childhood... not as bad as his mothers, but still bad. Thousands of years old, looks 26 at most. Hispanic Cutie :3 - dark short hair - wide dark brown eyes - tribal/runic tattoos that fade almost completely into his already tanned skin - P tol! About 5′10-5′11! Lean and tone, a hunter’s body! Really good with bow and arrow attacks, he can create illusions of himself/what people see - really good at mind games!

Aidan: God of Darkness. Caucasian American, born and raised in NY as a trust fund baby! Womanizer/dickhead - Arrogant and Rude/Demanding - Had traveled the World a dozen times and slept with women from every single country/state/region within! A new God - Cocky about his powers, though he genuinely doesn’t like them, can control shadows. About 29 years old when he was made into an immortal. Black short hair - hard gray eyes that always seem to be judging/analyzing - white boi! - V tol! About 6′0-6′1! Takes care of his body to impress the ladies ;D In between Built and Lean! Works as CEO of a huge company his parents made from the ground up after they pass in a tragic accident.

Markus: God of Destruction. Tanned Spaniard. Very distant in anything he does due to his power - with a single touch he can completely crumble anything regardless of it’s makeup. Gets pretty defensive pretty easily - but very vindictive when pushed too far. Dislikes Kiara bc she pushed him into the immortal life, though he wouldn’t give it up if he was asked. Loves Joshua like his own son/brother! Pretty even childhood, horribly disrupted when he turned 25 and almost died from an attack in his city. Thousands of years old - younger than both Kiara and Joshua - looks about 24. Spanish hottie ;d - slightly shaggy dark brown hair, doesn’t go past the tips of his ears, likes to push his hair back from his face in a slicked back style - green/blue eyes - P tol! About 5′11-6′0! a bit more built than Joshua but less so than Aidan. He’s a drifter, only finding fixed homes when he’s located Kiara to mess up her living in that area.

- Different Universe w/o Gods -

Caine: Asshole. Twin brother of Sam. Caucasian American, born and raised in San Francisco, CA. Hot-headed, Cruel, Aggressive and Rude - doesn’t give a single fuck about anything, very abrasive/harsh. Distrusting of everyone - due to how he was ‘raised’. A thief for a living - steals from the rich for him and his brother to live comfortable. A complete criminal, always carries a gun/knife on him somewhere. Moved to Los Angeles, CA with his brother for College - Getting a degree in (literally can not remember... I’ll insert it when I’m reminded of it!). Dirty Blond, slightly messy, hair - Emerald/Jade green eyes that change shade with his moods - White Boi! With a Californian Tan - P tol! About 5′11-6′0! In between lean and built. Has tons of scars on his body from a horribly traumatic childhood. Surfer boi! Ocean helps clear his head. Great at hand to hand combat, but a nasty drunk when he hits his super lows. Hates Sam in the worst of times, tolerates him in the best.

Samuel “Sam”: Sweetheart! Twin brother of Caine. Caucasian American, born and raised in San Francisco, CA. Kind and sweet - gives a lot of fucks for everyone around him, even if they’re complete strangers. Very gentle/generous. Not gullible, but very trusting of other people. Compassionate for his brother’s upbringing. The tech of the ‘team’ - disables the cameras and security systems for Caine when they go on their ‘runs’. Doesn’t like to carry around weapons, but knows not only how to use one, but also how to disarm and disassemble weapons of any kind in a split second. Moved to Los Angeles, CA with his brother for college - Getting a degree in Law - in case he and Caine ever get caught. Dirty Blond, slightly messy, hair - Sky/Ocean blue eyes that change shade with his moods - White Boi! With a Californian Tan - P tol! About 5′11-6′0! In between lean and built! Only has 1-2 scars from childhood accidents/defending his brother. Good at defending himself in any combat, usually has to hold back his brother from going and killing a bitch. Adores his brother and will do anything to protect him from further neglect.

Annnnnddd that’s about it! Like I said above, if you wanna know more (or even ask them questions) just shoot something into the ask box! 

And please expect some pieces from their lives to be posted on here every now and then!

-Admin Satori <3

[kazimirfiles]

I'm copy and pasting this since my pea brain can't always describe myself, so let's go! CREEPYPASTA MATCHUP TRADE CREEPYPASTA MATCHUP TRADE!!!

I'm a really quiet person, preferring nonverbal communication, but I'm also timid around people.

My friends say I'm really caring and funny, i noticed that I'm usually a parental figure to people younger then me, but I'm not the best at caring for myself. I definitely do care too much for people/animals, even objects sometimes. I like water a lot, not for drinking but the feeling of it or the noise it makes! Water is like, sensory heaven frfr. I'm also into creepy things, it's been my special interest since I was a lil kiddo !

Five positive traits would be that's I'm (according to others) understanding, funny, positive, caring, and a good listener! Five negative traits (that I've noticed) are that I'm quite awkward socially, I easily become a nervous wreck, timid, and I can be too positive. (Quite a few people have gotten upset at me for that last one </3 /lh)

I guess it would be important to mention things like my bad memory and obliviousness to my surroundings. I focus too much on things rather than barely focusing at all. I'm also not active at all, I'm super low energy (physically) and I tire myself out a lot, though I have a pretty energetic personality. My ways of showing affection are physical touch and quality time! I'm super touch starved tho </3 as most of us on this site are /j

I don't like traveling too much, going places im unfamiliar with is usually something I avoid. I also hate ovens, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY BUT IM LIKE- SO SCARED OF OVENS? Reaching in them freaks me out LMAO, same with heated metals.

I should also mention that people being angry in any way will make me panic, my lil' pea brain does loops around my skull whenever someone around me is angry, especially when it's someone I care about but I can't help them. Probably the 'tism workin' with past experiences /lh

Idk if you'd like physical traits, my pfp resembles me quite a bit but I'm 5'7"! Cute things about height differences are just so /pos

Anyways, I'm so excited to see who you'll write!! Just please make sure the character is 18 or over! Have a funky fresh day!!

HELLO! I too am also scared of ovens I’m ngl LOL. Anyways, here we go.

You’re matched up with…

Eyeless Jack!

• Okay, first thing’s first. How did you and Eyeless Jack meet?

• It was very simple actually. A couple of friends (who are not the best influences on people) convince you to go to a nearby forest with them. A camping trip basically!

• Let’s just say that these “friends” I’m talking about were nothing less than immoral. Well, they were immoral, mostly by cracking disturbing jokes out loud in the forest and disturbing the wildlife they find in the forest. The whole time you just walked behind them with a timid look, wondering how on earth’s fuck you managed to hang out with such shitty personalities.

• One the bad and less than socially-acceptable jokes that one of your friends made just so happen to be heard by Slender himself. Surprise, surprise, you guys walked into his territory.

• Slender’s existence doesn’t really have a purpose. He’s a demon that kind of just wanders around, finding and tinkering with things that fascinate him, sometimes even just straight up taking thing with him to his mansion (that includes people as well).

• He was not very pleased with the ludicrous jokes your friends were making. If there’s one thing Slender likes to tinker with, it’s humans. He finds them to be fascinating creatures, somehow capable of deep existential thought. He thinks it’s bizarre how humans are capable of being saints one second and complete psychopaths the next minute.

• Within the blink of an eye, Slender snatched all of you up and into his mansion, all within a millisecond. You all found yourself in a cage in a room that was filthy. The smell of blood and something rotting was filling your nostrils to the point of it being unbearable.

• Lemme just say that it was quite a disorienting experience for you to see a tall, pale-white, skinny man with no face in a suit standing before you. Immediately afterwards, he killed your “friends”, given that he saw no use for them afterwards and ultimately saw no redeeming qualities.

• But you? He kept you alive. Why you may ask? He couldn’t help but notice that out of all the friends, you seemed to have an ounce of humanity still left within you.

• Those “friends” of yours were corrupted, evil, and wicked. Even if they were just teens, Slender himself knew of the future awaiting for them. No, he doesn’t have future-telling powers. It’s more like he observed their current behavior and played out a future timeline in his head for each of your “friends”.

• Slender kept you around for more experimentation. He’s a very curious thing, so he very much wanted to figure out why you were the way you are.

• And that’s when Slender kept you around his mansion. Yup! This is your new home now whether you like it or not!

• He let you explore a bit but he did warn you of some residents here.

• To be honest, you were a bit scared to explore, but the fancy paintings, the chandeliers, and the fancy rug carpets overwhelmed you quite a bit.

• You just sat on the couch, eyes red with dry tears due to the grief of being separated from your home. That was when a certain someone who had exceptional hearing came walking down the hallway.

• It was Eyeless Jack. You were a bit frightened at the tall man with a navy blue hoodie and a mask with two eyeholes standing frozen mid-walk.

• It was kind of awkward really. He didn’t really know what exactly to say to you. The only reason he came out of his room was to check where that crying sound was coming from.

• He didn’t talk to you actually. He just turned the other way and walked back to his room. He didn’t forget you though. In fact, he was practically waiting the whole day to tell Slender who you are and what you’re doing in the manor.

• The whole day passed and everyone else also walked by, giving you weird and confused looks. Nobody really talked to you though. They just walked by and ignored you.

• The next day you woke up to Slender standing above you while you were on the couch. It was quite the jumpscare, honestly, but this thousand-year-old demon really is out of touch with how humans interact.

• After a few talks of where you are and what your purpose here is at the mansion, Slender assigned you a partner to help keep watch of you.

• That person was none other than Eyeless Jack! From the very start, Slender could tell you were a quiet and timid person, so he figured that someone who’s on your level could help you relax more. Well, besides the fact that Jack is a cannibal, he does know how to control himself.

•And from then on, that was when your relationship bloomed! It was kind of slow at the start but the goodness of your heart almost made him attached to you.

I decided to end it here since I took too long. This pretty much only includes on how you two met. Hopefully you enjoyed!

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Since we're on that thing with entitled minors. I just remembered this story, and I think it's a bit funny. Not super related to my dolls, but also kinda is?

Most of my main characters are in their 30-50's, they might start out a bit younger, but most of the story plays when the characters are in that age range, just because as a teen, I grew tired of stories focusing on 14-19 yo's, since it just felt like the same thing over and over. So I decided it'd be interesting focusing on "older" characters. Well, you don't actually know at first read that they're that old, though I do mention them not being teens and stuff. Well, some kid who apparently was on the same server as me, server focuses on writing characters and world building, had the strangest freak-out when they found out that most of my characters "middle" aged, (I don't even think 30-40 really counts as middle aged these days?) and apparently thought it was the grossest thing that I'd make my MC's all grown adults.

LoL. Anyway, this was all in a convo I had with another server member when we compared and just had a small convo about our progress. That kiddo was lurking, and then literally went to a mod and complained, the mod just contacted me and said the minor had been telling them I was being creepy, and I was excluding* them, even though I'd never interacted with the kid before.

Few key words the mod gave me was that it was predatory, creepy, and that I was making the kid feel unwelcome. Repeat, I never interacted with the kid before, the kid was not even joining the convo, and I didn't even talk about anything even close to the NSFW line, it was just the most basic convo about "Yeah ok, So A is 30, and B is 40'ish, but they don't really interact after their first meeting until a year later." Just that kinda stuff. If that wasn't enough, kiddo then had a petty rant while I was AFK, and wrote an essay about how it was iffy for us adults to focus so much on how much older a character is from being a teen. And if you write a character old just for the sake of being old, you must have issues with people being young. Tl:Dr for the entire probs 1000 word essay: If you have old characters and mention it, you are weird because you must be a creeper to specifically mention a character being old instead of young, and it's sus if your young characters grow old.Yes, you read that right. And yes, the kid insinuated you're a pedo for NOT writing teen characters as your MC's, or for having teen characters become 30+ yo adults bc you're aging up a "minor" bc aging up means you wanna frick them. * Excluding is a more specific rule about several people ignoring a single person for no reason when the person is actively engaging with the others. If you have a problem with a person you tell a mod, not do schoolyard bs like ignore them. It's taken seriously so I guess that's why the kid said it, and why mod mentioned it. Only way I can relate this to my dolls, is that these characters are represented by a few dolls I own. And Bonus story for that, because I had a similar experience in a way.-

I buy adult sculpts which often still look young because there's no wrinkles, or anything in the sculpt itself, bc let's be real, there's no real middle ground specifically for mature older looking sculpts. You either have kid-teen dolls, smooth skinned adult, or deformed shrivelled oldies. The few who technically would work just aren't my aesthetic sadly. So I normally get mature sculpts, and then add in small wrinkles, like under eye, crowsfeet, and smile lines, while doing the face-ups. Twice I've gotten a comment that I'm doing "the face-up wrong" because the doll aren't "intended to have wrinkles" and one said that me using "young" sculpts implies I'm sexualizing teens. Just for reference, the pics I got this specific comment on, is on a pic of two Loongsouls I own, and each of those is on the mature body sculpt so 68-75cm, which I'd argue are their clearly adult sculpts/sizes.

~Anonymous

[sunlightandsuffering]

since we're talking about those extra pages man am I not over it. I'm tired of being made to feel like a bad person for not liking the idea of her being stuck with an NPC like Historia was (don't even get me started because I hate it sm) or Jean whom I love sm and he really doesn't deserve a life of being Mikasa's second choice. I like to think she adopts a few kids from the orphanage. I don't think she'd really explore the Azumabito side of her because she made it clear she's not interested in that side of her. I just think it would've been so sweet and beautiful if she took in orphaned babies. and I want Mikasa to be happy but really even if she did love again, no one is going to be Eren. the husband would have to be okay with being cucked by a ghost for the rest of his life and where's the dignity in that? yeah if she truly moved on good for her and I would love for her to find that kind of happiness again but genuinely speaking from life experience, every love will be less after that. no one is going to be the boy that murderered for her before he even knew what she looked like or sacrificed himself so that she could live that peaceful life she wanted. I know some people say that it happens but honestly some people just don't love like that again. and I just feel like yams just stuck that there to show that despite moving on, she still loved Eren to her grave. but I think that's kinda messed up for the husband. anyway Mikasa adopting orphans forever. sorry for this massive rant. I'm just so frustrated with this take that not wanting to see my girl settle for less makes me a horrible or immature person. because it's not fulfilling for anyone to see her end up with some faceless dude or even Jean when she showed NO interest. her marrying him would only happen if Eren died and come on. anyway I'm going in circles again lol. it feels good to just let it out.

THANK YOU!!! SEE THIS IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR WHEN THE LEAKS CAME OUT 😭😭😭 kin omg, let it out man, idk why this take was so big, like I really CAN'T understand it. but boy was it popular and irritating as hell jfc. I like orphanage Mikasa 🥺🥺, thats the best girl, like she totally would, its a good combo. Gives her something to focus on other than Eren, something productive, but also it's not too emotionally draining ya know, she's not expected to give herself wholly to another person, she's just taking care of kiddos, like Carla did with her, doing her part to give back. Kids are easy to love and she wouldn't feel like she's betraying Eren, bc srsly if I as a fanfic writer was to delve into Mikasa's emotional trauma of even ATTEMPTING to love another person after Eren, it would not be pretty I can name like 6 different emotions and write an entire prose about how supremely the whole idea would fuck with her before she could even considering loving someone else.

But also think maybe our girl would be trying to stop some human trafficking, like she is still a fucking badass on the side, and she's righteous as hell, she'd totally kick some ass and be a dark knight, taking down crime rings and the works bc she was almost trafficked. Which is a whole other trauma not explored that much.

U ARE VALIDATED THO BOO, I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [okay so we all know the mood is that he sees whatever she's posted and literally goes there immediately with no thought of who else could also be cos he NEEDS to check that she's alright. The drama of it all] Ava: [but luckily no one is there and she'd be so shocked but also grateful 'cos no one wants to be alone and feeling unwell, esp. not in hospital] James: [when he'd have to say he was her brother so he can take her #awkward] Ava: [lollol finding that more amusing than you would otherwise 'cos concussion breaking your awks] James: [oh she'd be so cute I can't] Ava: [just hugging him so hard] James: [we all need that moment but sadly it cannot last forever because he'd have some driver doing circles endlessly cos there's nowhere to park at hospitals ever] Ava: [seriously, and it's so expensive] James: [when you were so desperate to get in there you didn't think about how long it could have taken like she could've been admitted and that driver is just lowkey out there for the rest of time] Ava: [lmao i wonder how long he'd wait for that bag before getting bored, luckily they'd low-key be ready to get rid 'cos too busy and overcrowded] James: [practically pushing her out the door as soon as they saw someone show up for her so he doesn't even have time to give her a feelsy speech lol] James: [just help her out to the car boy, you've had a lot of practice with drunk girls in heels and it'd be the same vibe] Ava: [just saying thank you over and over] James: [meanwhile he's asking her if she's okay over and over like every step they trying to take here] Ava: ['Oh God, you must think I'm so stupid, I swear, they came out of nowhere'] James: ['We both know you're not stupid, Ava' shout out to that text cleverness 5ever tbh 'I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt'] Ava: ['How have you been, I've been so worried' shoutout to this concussion giving me shameless freedom lol] James: [when you can only shake your head because 1. you ain't been good 2. you don't wanna tell her any of it and 3. you don't think you deserve her worry/ want her to worry about you] Ava: [sad face] James: [stopping to stroke said face, don't fall over girl, he's got you] Ava: ['James-' and then just looking 'cos what can you say] James: [looking back at her cos likewise but then you gotta drop them eyes cos so sad] Ava: ['you look tired' and making more of an actual effort to get into this car] James: ['I am tired' but helping her in and doing her seatbelt for her because not gonna see her struggle ever, telling the driver her address because there's nowhere else you can take her but home even though you have no idea if as soon as you get there someone is gonna show up for her and you obviously don't want that] Ava: [patting your shoulder like 'you can come sleep' like no no one can babe] James: ['no' but a little smile cos she's cute af 'I'm supposed to keep you awake'] Ava: [when you make a face like 😏] James: ['by which, of course, I mean, you've got a 8 hour date with Edward Cullen ahead of you'] Ava: [grinning like a fool but then being like, wait 'you'll stay though, can you?'] James: ['I'm not going to leave you alone' oh the heavy unspoken implication that she might not be if the friends or fam descend 💔] Ava: [resting your head on him as a silent thank you but then lifting it like 'so awake, promise'[ James: [stroking her hair and keeping an eye like] Ava: [being like let me tell YOU a story and honestly God knows but it'd be cute and she'd be trying to match his storyteller energy] James: [when that's lowkey the moment he falls in love with her bye] Ava: [asking the driver to play the new moon soundtrack] James: [loling and honestly when was the last time he did that, we all know it was when they were together] Ava: [live the emo life and love it babes] James: [he's GOTTA dance in his seat to keep her awake, no other reason #notanerd lol] Ava: [just clapping and cheering him on like nothing to see here driver God bless] James: [so not what that man was expecting to 👀 or 👂] Ava: [freaking out drivers is low-key a fave] James: [the one time you're happy about London traffic tbh] Ava: [even though we ain't gonna interrupt, you don't know that boy] James: [speaking of, probably send a text or something to check on the kids because you just ran like assumedly they at their grandparents but] Ava: [never leaving 'em with Chlo we all know] James: [lord her and Jay would kill each other] Ava: [I'd genuinely be worried for her safety so don't blame you remotely boy, least her parents are invested] James: [literally though & you can have those grandparents forever babs we ain't taking them away from you] Ava: [awkward that your mum never shows but that's just that on that] James: [lbr that's for the best stick with your dads kiddos] Ava: [we all know it, even if Matty might not end up remembering much] James: [Ava lowkey her mum now oops] Ava: [and Jay's actual auntie...lol what a tangled web we weave boo] James: [at least they can all stay connected] Ava: [true facts] James: [makes my heart happy even if it's weird] Ava: [lean in to how weird this family is James] James: [they weird af but they're better than the one he's got #noshadetoTeddythough] Ava: [all the shade to you Chlo, sort it out] James: [her poor future children & husband] Ava: [honestly, good luck] James: [he'd have to be about everything she is or else what the fuck] James: [anyway we've been sidetracked get to Baze's house you two] Ava: [movie marathon awaits, what else do we vibe or shall we just try and see what comes out, like] James: [let's just run with it and see what happens because we extra and anything could be said and done tbh] James: [imagine how awkward it'd be when they get there because he'd have to send her in first and just be shitting himself in the car like is anyone there or no] Ava: [at least you know full well no one is there 'cos business trips forever so you're just at the door shaking your head and doing the 'come on' gesture] James: [he'd just help her to the sofa like immediately & get her blankets and pillows and painkillers (even though it wouldn't touch a concussion headache) and a phone charger and everything else she could possibly need cos Chloe's got him trained like a dog] Ava: [low-key pulling at him, gently, like boy sit down] James: [when you are then looking at her like what did I forget/ do wrong before you realise] Ava: [squeezing his hand because you can only say thank you so many times, putting the film on but then pausing and gasping so dramatically 'coffee, I promised you coffee' and going to get up like can you be careful please] James: [thinking she's in pain or something because of that gasp so being at her side like 0-1000 and slowing her down cos they can do it together thank you] Ava: [making a face at herself like ffs when she catches on 'I'm not trying to age you' and touching his non-grey hair and wrinkles like totally necessary yep] James: ['but you're offering me coffee, what's next red meat or red wine?' but no actual shade cos we both know he doesn't care and none of that is what's aging him anyway, taking her hand from his face and gently kissing said hand before handholding to lead her to her own kitchen like let's do this] Ava: ['I don't know where my cigarettes are' shrugs and smiles like sorry not sorry, smiles even harder but lowkey stops breathing when, kissing ontop of where he just kissed her hand, then getting to this all-singing all-dancing coffee machine 'you have to pick the most daring option, one you've never, ever tried before, okay?' and waggling her finger like so serious about this] James: [takes his own cigarettes out of his pocket and slides the pack over to her 'okay' and does pick, really concentrating on the decision even though there'd be so much shit he hasn't tried and we all know he could just pick option 1 and be done] Ava: [takes one out and puts it behind her ear for later 'cos no need to light up in your parents home, just watching him 'cos so cute and then nodding like yes, good choice and picks the same, setting up this machine 'cos they're always more confusing and/or time-consuming than they need to be I swear] James: [where's the lie you gotta have the knack I swear, his turn to watch her now though because she's beautiful doing anything ever and he missed her so bad] Ava: [ahh coffee goodtimes forever] James: [he needs it cos he is tired af so thanks Ava you babe] Ava: ['do we talk about what happened, or do we write it off?' when you just saying this casually whilst waiting for your coffees] James: ['I don't know' because he is genuinely torn between wanting to and also not] Ava: ['Wait and see how we feel' 'cos no rush or pressure here 'you better carry these though' 'cos we don't need burns as well ty] James: ['wait here a minute for me' because carries the drinks through and then comes back for her because why not carry her though as well obvs] Ava: [does and loves it 'I've missed you, you know'] James: ['I know now' just giving her 😍 casually 'I've missed you too'] Ava: [😍 right back 'Ask anyone' when you're talking about your mood but you realize that sounds like you been telling the world lol 'I mean, I've been a delight' 🙄] James: [when you shake your head like no it's okay 'I overreacted about your cousin, I'm sorry' takes a deep breath remembering that whole sad ending moment 'And I'm sorry for fucking up the start of your summer' because she loves it and he knows] Ava: ['I understand why, understood, whatever. And I am still sorry, I was just too excited and-' sighs like, you know, squeezing his hand again 'I promise, that's all sorted now though' 'cos clearly told her it's over by now, 'cos thought it was anyway; she nods like thanks but shrugs like it's okay too, don't worry 'Sure even I can't be grumpy in the Seychelles, like'] James: [blatantly almost kissing her because he understands the whole being too highkey thing because he was (*cough* is) too but doesn't because she's going away 'when are you going?'] Ava: [sad face like you didn't just say you aren't gonna be grumpy 'when my parents get back, couple of days'] James: [strokes her face again like he did earlier 'you'll feel better by then' because someone's meant to watch you for 48 hours actually NHS website says] Ava: [😈 me 😇 her looking at him 'how did you even- why- I-' continuously cutting herself off 'cos you know he was checking in on you now and you know he came without hesitating so it doesn't need to be said 'Oh, James'] James: ['Ava' saying her name with SO MUCH feeling that I cannot 'I had to' when you mean so many things by that like you had to go but you have to stay now and you had to make sure she was okay today but also you had to keep checking on her the whole time] Ava: [definitely gonna go in to kiss him can't stop that soz] James: [we all know it was only a matter of time and that this is gonna turn into a not at all casual make out session] Ava: [you honestly deserve it lads] James: [that coffee gonna be cold and they won't even notice] Ava: [the movies are also not being watched lmao but no one cares rn] James: [on pause forever sorry not sorry] James: [but eventually like after AN AGE one of them should lean on the remote or whatever so it starts playing and they're like wtf] Ava: [when you shit yourself like who is here but then loving 'cos hi Edward] James: [we all shitting ourselves and all loling] Ava: ['he's very possessive' no lie] James: [looking at Edward and then kissing her again like when you're trying to make someone jealous] Ava: [when you're loling too hard into his mouth like 'scuse me] James: [kissing her neck instead so she can have her adorable lol] Ava: [reacting to that in a v different way] James: [we back at it again at krispy kreme soz twilight saga] Ava: [i swear to god the ily curse is so real] James: [this always happens to us, don't talk for a bit lads, wink wonk] Ava: [its because we give them such high-pressure situations but yes, you should fully hook up 'cos haven't yet] James: [I wonder if the orgasm headache thing would work for a concussion one or not] Ava: [my boo says #experiment] James: [imma google it but I don't expect an answer] James: [nobody is telling me but if it can help a migraine I don't see why it wouldn't] Ava: [you'll be fine bitch, just a shameless excuse that he needs to hang around longer] James: [we should totally also do the shameless thing when he falls asleep and then wakes up immediately but is like oh no how long was I asleep because not only worried about her we know] Ava: [for sure, just there chilling like 🥰 'not long, but you looked peaceful'] James: ['I was' and more 😍 'I am' just snuggling happily because deserved af] Ava: [kissing the top of his head 'good' then lying down and snuggling harder 'I'm so glad you're here, that you're okay'] James: ['I'm glad that I'm here & that you're okay' kissing her forehead and holding her so tightly because he was so worried that something much worse had happened to her] Ava: ['It was kinda scary how much I missed you- like I said I WAS extra but I think, no, I still am, I can't lie to you'[ James: [when you are just falling so hard for her rn smiling like look at this perfect 😇 'you don't have to miss me any longer, minus however long you're spending in the Seychelles, of course'] Ava: ['Yeah?' trying but failing not to sound so hopeful 'And two weeks, so not as long as it has been, not that I was definitely counting or anything'] James: ['I was afraid, no, I am afraid but very few things have ever scared me as much as when I saw you were in hospital & I thought-'] Ava: [just holding him back even tighter like you could not be closer 'I'm so sorry I scared you, I won't ever do it again, even if I get hit by something more substantial than a 90lbs mum on a lightweight bike' and shaking her head with a lil lol 'cos it is funny even though it can be as bad as a car crash actual sometimes] James: ['You scare me in the best ways, you don't have to stop, I don't want you to' because think of the new things he's already done and the new things he's already felt, it makes me emosh goodbye] Ava: [when that's the hottest thing you've ever heard like 'scuse me round two] James: [you've actually got all night for once so make the most of it lads] Ava: [like literally no one needs it more than him so I'm allowing it, there's enough shit happened, happening and still to come] James: [amen to that] Ava: [happy bubble forever] James: [if only like, he is NOT gonna wanna leave in the morning but maybe we could say that like Jay has a playdate with friends or something cos soz babe you can't keep a secret so he just gets the baby and comes back] Ava: [that would be a moment] James: [just casually meet each other how cute] Ava: [have a normal, happy day like you're meant to oh] James: [you all deserve it truly] Ava: [meet your potential future stepchild babe] James: [do we wanna have them go out or stay in?] Ava: [🤔 obvs really want them to go to Kensington Park 'cos Peter Pan and like obvs I doubt anyone who would be bothered to report to Chloe is gonna be there but it is risky so maybe save it idk] James: [we will bookmark that for the future because MUST but they could take Frank on a walk somewhere cos we ain't referenced that sweet sir even if it's just through the streets like] Ava: [that's a good shout, you better be a good boy lol] James: [and don't cockblock them rn please] James: [they'd look like a little fam, I am FINE] Ava: [and lowkey behave more like one in one day like the bar is so low tah Chlo] James: [the scolding tea] James: how are you feeling? Ava: 😊 So happy Ava: Only a bit tired from the whole staying awake thing and you keeping me awake, like 😏 Ava: oh, and Frank said you've redeemed yourself so well done there too Ava: how're you and the girls? James: I'm happy to hear all of that James: has your dizziness gone? James: we're fine, but tired too Ava: Yeah Ava: barely a headache Ava: and my parents get in early AM so I should be all set to go when they do get here James: how much packing is there left to do? Ava: All of it but deciding which 14 bikinis I wanna take shouldn't take too long James: are you sure? I think it would take me a really long time to decide Ava: I'll put some stories up Ava: You can help me Ava: I reckon I need your clearly more considered opinion James: of course you do James: you wouldn't want to spend the entirety of your holiday wishing you'd chosen differently Ava: so true Ava: especially as I'm not allowed to pack my pout James: everyone is well aware of how important the pursuit of a tan is to you, darling, anything that jeopardises that, well, it's bound to be very pout inducing James: you'll be forgiven Ava: I don't know if my family is as forgiving as you Ava: perhaps they don't like my pout as much Ava: they definitely aren't as supportive in bikini related decision making James: I'll dedicate paragraphs to both James: multiple lengthy ones Ava: It'll seem gratuitous in the movie but nothing is too much for the book James: as long as it remains included in the director's cut James: or else I will be devastated Ava: I'll demand it in my contract Ava: I think it'll be a first in favour of taking your clothes off instead of keeping 'em on James: thank you James: you do deserve a multitude of firsts, honestly Ava: you deserve so much Ava: much more than I'm allowed to give you Ava: that reminds me Ava: as I can't give you anything as a thank you, I've had to get creative James: so much of what I deserve is negative & there is nothing you owe to me in any capacity, thanks included James: but I'd never want to discourage creativity Ava: Shh sh Ava: in the spirit of firsts and trying new things Ava: when you're all less worn out, go to [a sassy but kid-friendly cafe/restaurant that's a bit out there and exotic and definitely nowhere Chloe has ever made you take her] and tell 'em you're eating on me, yeah Ava: then when I get back and you're free, you're coming over and I'm cooking James: Ava Ava: It's already arranged, I go there all the time, it's the 2nd best Brazilian food I've had James: you've been to Brazil for the 1st, haven't you? I can tell Ava: Actually no, mores the pity Ava: but my Uncle is Brazilian and a chef, my cousin too Ava: having a big weird family has unexpected perks Ava: if you like it, I already have a recipe lined up that's meant to be 🔥 but even a novice like me can master it James: you'll have to wait patiently for my review because I regrettably can't send you a picture of my face after the 1st mouthful to serve as one, but okay Ava: I'll do my best Ava: though having any patience when it comes to you doesn't seem to be my strong suit Ava: arguably not a virtue I'm known for, ever, but especially now James: I'll do my best not to miss you so hard that it's physically painful but that doesn't appear to be my strong suit either & as previously agreed, I won't make any promises I'm forced to immediately break Ava: Oh Ava: Knowing it wasn't just me finding out that painful cliche is painfully real is somehow a comfort, to know you'll want to avoid the feeling as much as I do from now on but it also hurts me even more, the idea of you having to feel it at all in the first place Ava: but there is no conflict in just how hard I'm looking forward to seeing you again after this ill-timed holiday James: I don't ever want you to be in pain because of me, I have to insist on only the good cliches going forward James: devastatingly a postcard can't be included in that Ava: Hmm, got any long-lost great aunties I can pretend to be? 🤔😂 James: If I do my wife is bound to be aware of them, their current financial situation & any possible health concerns they are facing Ava: Valid Ava: Don't need to give her any more reason to 💀💀💀 me Ava: At least no holiday is complete without the obligatory narcissistic poolside shoot James: suffice to say I've never had a complete holiday, in that case Ava: I bet you've had to be cameraman plenty though Ava: so rude when you're so nice to look at James: & yet I've never been trusted to pick a filter Ava: 🙄 Ava: does she not know that you're an artiste James: no, it's our secret Ava: 😊 I like that James: I like you Ava: I like that more James: I wish I could see you again before you go Ava: Me too Ava: I kinda wish I weren't going James: how early are your parents getting back exactly? Ava: like 4am kinda early James: I won't make you stay awake again James: I know how tired you must be Ava: 🥺 James: I'm so relieved that I can't see that look on your actual face Ava: It's 💔 Ava: but I'll survive Ava: about James: you're a very strong person Ava: You James: I'm not Ava: You are though Ava: you put up with so much shit James: is that strength or is it weakness? Ava: I think it's strength Ava: You can't necessarily stop shit happening or get shit out of your life Ava: no matter how strong Ava: and you manage to do all the shit you have to regardless James: I'd like to think you're right Ava: Then you should Ava: I encourage it Ava: 🤓 me James: you are undeniably clever Ava: Try to be Ava: when I'm not standing in the middle of cycle paths, obviously James: I heard you say that bike came out of nowhere Ava: Yeah Ava: I miss you already Ava: Frank is not as good a nurse, like at all James: if you can fall asleep now, I'd feel less guilty about the prospect of asking you not to later James: should I hypothetically be able to get away Ava: 🛌🏃 Ava: Promise James: I can't give you a promise back Ava: I know Ava: but this way, I either stay asleep and that's that Ava: or I get the best surprise to wake me up James: what did I do to deserve you? Ava: This is the part where I say something very bad but Ava: you don't seem capable Ava: you're just James: whatever it was, I need to know so I can keep doing it Ava: just be you Ava: another cliche you've proven to be true and real James: this fortnight without you is going to be really cliche James: there's no chance of it existing beyond the 1st draft Ava: not even for my eyes only? James: well James: maybe Ava: Please please please James: okay James: you are my fairest critic & you do have beautiful eyes Ava: Yours are better Ava: but I won't be too jealous if I get to look at them more James: I definitely can't promise not to be envious of everyone in the Seychelles who will get to look at you more than I can Ava: Do you ever get a decent lunchbreak? Ava: we could facetime James: I'll figure something out James: because my dad takes the longest lunch breaks, you'd be forgiven for thinking it's the 80s Ava: 😏 we love a throwback 🙄 James: I'll take Matty to work with me, she'll distract whoever I need her to Ava: She is very cute Ava: I see it James: I won't be saying anything the like of that if she won't sleep tonight though Ava: 🤞 for you and her Ava: shame she's not yet at the walking stage Ava: Frank is so 💤 James: I can't keep her in any kind of routine, it's frustrating for both of us Ava: That's hard James: it's harder for her than it is for me, she never knows what's happening Ava: She'll get there Ava: I was the worst baby Ava: hopefully before you totally lose your mind, 'course James: I find it impossible to believe you weren't 😇 Ava: I was pretty premmie so my poor parents were confined to perpetual bright light for ages when I got home James: both the girls were so late James: that was an entirely different struggle Ava: I can imagine how delightful Ava: usually excusable but when you set the bar low to begin with 😬 James: the last thing I want to do is badmouth her to you, but as we know, sometimes things write themselves Ava: I feel you Ava: not a cliche I particularly wanna be either James: of course not Ava: but you can vent, you know Ava: I don't even have to reply, just if you need to put it somewhere James: no, I can't Ava: okay, just a suggestion James: so much of this is already not fair to you, Ava Ava: I don't think it is Ava: you've never lied about any of it, you're always realistic about what you can and can't give me Ava: and I'd like to help, in any tiny way I'm able James: you don't know what she's like & I'd rather you didn't have to know James: let's keep it at you don't do sympathy Ava: I know very little but that's not positive so it doesn't take your author level of imagination if I wanna go there without your guidance Ava: and it isn't sympathy but okay Ava: I won't mention her and you don't have to either James: I just can't have you seeing me differently because Ava: I'd never see you differently because of what she's like as a person James: it's too big of a risk for me to take, that you'll end up thinking less of me than you do now Ava: You can trust me Ava: but you don't have to Ava: I won't push anything, I don't need to Ava: as much as I want to take things fast in so many respects, I'm never going to take it where you don't want it James: it isn't you I don't trust James: I'm not a reliable narrator, she's made sure I'm not Ava: However...intertwined and diluted you feel your story got, because of her, because of whatever Ava: it's always gonna be your story to tell, if you want it Ava: and I'll always listen to how you tell it James: Ava Ava: James James: if it was a story I was in control of I'd come to the airport & tell you not to go James: cliche or not Ava: and I'd stay Ava: but that's far too much like a happy ending and we've only just begun James: you're right again Ava: don't sound so surprised 😉 James: I was actually trying to decide where it falls on the scale of ideas & habits, good, bad or somewhere in between James: that you always seem to be Ava: Have you drawn a conclusion yet? James: I couldn't possibly tell you James: you're supposed to be asleep Ava: damn Ava: you'll tell me in the morning? James: yes Ava: Okay, I'll go, as long as you know it is so reluctantly it's practically under protest James: & I won't stay here hoping you don't, as long as you know it's under identical conditions Ava: Noted Ava: Goodnight and sweet dreams for whenever that happens for you then, love James: thank you