#anxious attachment

[bealittlesblog]

🧁《A PSA for caregivers & a message for anxious littles》🧁

Inspired by a good friend of mines - @cloudy-sky21 ^W^ !!!

Everyone voted for both <333

《To Caregivers》

If you're planning to/caring for a little with trauma, anxiety, or abandonment wounds, please understand this!

🔍 - their attachment to you isnt manipulative its survival. When someones been left, ignored, or emotionally gaslit, sometimes your kindness feels very risky.

🚨 - "clinginess" is often a protest against silence/inconsistency---we view that as danger. Your disappearing act isnt neutral to us its terrifying.

🧴 - stability and gentleness aren't luxuries its medicine for us! Comfort rituals like predictable check ins, soft affirmations, reassurance n kind words are vital!

🛑 - never label a little as "too much" for needing reassurance. Ask yourself whether or not you're equipped to handle the storm and if not then please dont, we dont need you to fix our issues or pretend to care!

📍 - gaslighting a little by invalidating their emotions or rewriting reality isn't just harmful-its traumatic. We remember how unsafe it felt even when you forgot what you said.

《To Littles》

To those who suffer from anxiety disorders or have strong attachment styles, you're not alone! And no you're not a burden. 🙌🏽🌈💜

🌙 - you aren't weak for craving steady connections, wanting someone to stay is an ache left behind to those who didnt.

🧸 - your regression is a safe space! If someone enters it, they shall do so with compassion not control.

🔐 - feeling anxious about being loved and being hurt is a trauma loop which isn't your fault.

🌷 - you're allowed to set boundaries in order to protect yourself; you get to say "this feels too fast." or "I need consistency to feel safe."

💬 - you are not responsible for managing other people's emotions while struggling with your own.

P.s - If you guy's want me to make a post on how to cope with anxiety issues as a little pls lmk! 💌

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♡ Mooties ♡ - @l1lprincessti @stardewkiddo @sodaslittleplace @sweetsugarpuff @furyyroads @tearyeyedsealpup @punzie-nini @livvylittle @sleepybby00 @rosiestunicorn @pyjamadbananas @mx-owls-crew @kittylovez @angelcakez @sweet-sunny-bunny-13 @lil-crybunny @wisdmqueen @pinknerdyprincess1214 !!! And everyone else !!

[ch4nn3l4st4tic]

[inkskinned]

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

[nofuckingideawho]

someone hug me and tell me I'm worth it

[oversnow]

Telling you that I need affection and reassurance feels like a death sentence

[theambitiouswoman]

Attachment Styles in Relationships

Attachment styles are the ways people feel and act in relationships, based on their early experiences with parent or guardian. There are four main types:

Secure Attachment:

Healthy: Feeling comfortable with your partner and being able to share your feelings and needs openly. Trusting them and supporting each other without feeling overly worried about the relationship.

Unhealthy: Becoming overly dependent on your partner, feeling anxious or upset if they spend time away, or constantly seeking reassurance and validation.

Anxious Attachment:

Healthy: Expressing your emotions and needs to your partner, and valuing emotional closeness. Feeling secure when your partner reassures you and staying connected during difficult times.

Unhealthy: Constantly worrying about your partner leaving you, feeling jealous and possessive, or becoming too clingy and demanding in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment:

Healthy: Valuing your independence and personal space while still being supportive and caring toward your partner. Understanding your emotions and expressing them in a balanced way.

Unhealthy: Pushing your partner away emotionally, avoiding discussions about feelings or conflicts, or being emotionally distant and unavailable.

Disorganized Attachment:

Healthy: Recognizing and addressing past traumas, working on building trust and emotional stability.

Unhealthy: Reacting impulsively or unpredictably in relationships due to unresolved traumas, struggling with forming and maintaining deep emotional connections, or experiencing extreme emotional highs and lows.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Anxious Attachment Style

Common Anxious Thoughts, Emotions, and Reactions

THOUGHTS

Mind reading: "That’s it, I know s/he’s leaving me."

All-or-nothing thinking: "I’ve ruined everything, there’s nothing I can do to mend the situation."

"I’ll never find anyone else."

"I knew this was too good to last."

"I have to talk to or see him/her right now."

"S/he can’t treat me this way! I’ll show him/her!"

"S/he is so amazing, why would s/he want to be with me anyway?"

"I knew something would go wrong; nothing ever works out right for me."

"S/he’d better come crawling back to beg my forgiveness, otherwise s/he can forget about me forever."

"Maybe if I look drop-dead gorgeous or act seductive, things will work out."

Remembering all the good things your partner ever did and said after calming down from a fight.

Recalling only the bad things your partner has ever done when you’re fighting.

EMOTIONS

Sad ⚜ Angry ⚜ Fearful ⚜ Resentful ⚜ Frustrated

Hopeless ⚜ Despairing ⚜ Jealous ⚜ Hostile ⚜ Vengeful

Guilty ⚜ Self-loathing ⚜ Restless ⚜ Uneasy ⚜ Humiliated

Hate-filled ⚜ Uncertain ⚜ Agitated ⚜ Rejected ⚜ Depressed

Unloved ⚜ Lonely ⚜ Misunderstood ⚜ Unappreciated

ACTIONS

Act out. ⚜ Attempt to reestablish contact at any cost.

Pick a fight. ⚜ Threaten to leave.

Wait for them to make the first reconciliation move.

Act hostile—roll eyes, look disdainful.

Try to make him/her feel jealous.

Act busy or unapproachable. ⚜ Act manipulatively.

Withdraw—stop talking to their partner or turn away from him/her physically.

Attachment classifications come from watching babies’ behavior.

Below is a short description of how anxious attachment style is defined in children. Some of their responses can also be detected in adults who share the same attachment style.

This baby becomes extremely distressed when mommy leaves the room.

When her mother returns, she reacts ambivalently—she is happy to see her but angry at the same time.

She takes longer to calm down, and even when she does, it is only temporary.

A few seconds later, she’ll angrily push mommy away, wriggle down, and burst into tears again.

Where Do Attachments Styles Come From?

Initially it was assumed that adult attachment styles were primarily a product of your upbringing.

Thus, it was hypothesized that your current attachment style is determined by the way in which you were cared for as a baby:

If your parents were sensitive, available, and responsive, you should have a secure attachment style; if they were inconsistently responsive, you should develop an anxious attachment style; and if they were distant, rigid, and unresponsive, you should develop an avoidant attachment style.

Today, however, we know that attachment styles in adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors, one of which is the way our parents cared for us, but other factors also come into play, including our genes and life experiences.

Source ⚜ More: On Attachment ⚜ Writing Notes & References Writing Resources PDFs ⚜ Avoidant ⚜ Secure ⚜ Disorganized

[cringesandheroinbinges]

i get why everyone uses me. i put 100% into people who put 0% into me. why wouldn't you take advantage of that??? you get endless love, support, and devotion without having to give me the same.

[vxmpyree]

Nikto with a very clingy reader sounds so silly, so clingy he can't even go to the bathroom without tears in readers eye's you know?

giggles and kicks my feet (im turning this into angst). no beta we die like men

[hades in the dead of winter - my dead girlfriend]

[P. 1 ⇨ P. 2] anxious attachment! reader x avoidant attachment! nikto.

nikto is never home.

at first, you thought you’d be okay with it. he would get deployed every couple of months, and come back to you quietly. 

this is not the case. nikto gets deployed once a month, and does not return for a week, maybe even two. you find yourself lingering in the spaces he frequents, wondering, hoping, that he will return safely. and he does each time, although it is with swollen bruises and itchy scabs. 

your friends caution you on the habits of military men often. they say that they are promiscuous, that they fall easily into the arms of other women while deployed. you say “no, not my nikto,” but at times you wonder if he really is seeking the company of others while away from you.

he’s quiet when at home. in the beginning, he was always chatty and cracking poor jokes until your cheeks hurt. there’s now a perpetual silence, one that stretches out for hours. only you try to interrupt it, and when you do he curls away from you and closes up, unwilling to speak more than a few curt words. 

does his heart no longer yearn for you? you don’t know; he won’t talk to you. he doesn’t respond to all the texts you leave him at work but you know that he’s reading them.

every passing day, you grow more and more afraid. 

you start clinging to him, hardly letting him get up without you. you’re whispering pleads and begging for some sort of reassurance that he still loves you. he dismisses these fears, muttering that everything is fine while turning away from you in bed. you’re left curled up and staring at his scarred back. 

your lips struggle to form a question, to press him on why he’s pulled away from you, but in the end, you remain quiet.

[todostoast]

born to say do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me do you hate me forced to say wyd

[x4ver1a]

if you don't fight for me, chase me, beg for me, or obsess with me, do you even truly love me?

[nyaandoll]

anxious attachment style flag

𓏵 couldn't find a flag 4 anxious attachment style so i made one myself!

〈๑꒡ᆽ꒡๑〉flag by me !

[nofuckingideawho]

you just ignored me for three hours the fuck you mean good morning?

[oversnow]

I'm so replaceable

[bigbuffcheetopuff1312]

You think YOU’RE tired of my BPD?

Guess what, so am I.

At least you’re not stuck with this shit 24/7

[insatiablexi]