#aro culture is not a monolith

[tangents-within-tangents]

Local Ace overthinks headcanon and shipping culture

Happy ace week, my friends! Imma be posting some aspec hc's this week so I felt the need to overexplain my personal stance on orientation headcanons and such

To start, as with any and all fandom things: to each their own. People can do whatever they want, and (for the most part) I can choose what I do or don't engage with. I know that hc and shipping and stuff is mostly for fun, or for seeking/creating representation, no hate to anyone who does it and enjoys it.

But also sometimes things can be problematic and I can still be bothered by those things. Even things that are 'just for fun' or 'not for you' can impact and reflect our views and behaviors, so it's still worth speaking about.

Aro/ace-spec identities are really diverse and complex, and we're really underrepresented as is. We have historically and chronically been plagued by problematic misconceptions and tropes, both in canon representation (or lack thereof) and fanon mindsets. Some of the main issues to be aware of with this topic specifically:

The majority of (sometimes unintentional) representation being non-human characters (like aliens and robots) implying that sex/romance = humanity and/or a fulfilling life. (Here's some video essays that touch on this: X X)

Related stereotype issues like racist or ableist de-sexualization and infantilization of certain groups like Asian men, physically disabled people, or people with autism. (It's an intersectionality thing bc yes those people can be aro/ace as well but it's still complicated) (more video essays! X X)

Common erasure of historically aspec characters in favor of allo plotlines bc that's "more interesting/realistic". Or ignoring canonically established aspec characters in favor of allo shipping (often excused by the fact that some aro/ace people do have sex/relationships, which is true but the complexities and nuances are often ignored and there's lots of double standards) (Here's some posts that touch on this: X X X)

Amatonormativity's over emphasis on sex/romance as a fundamental and necessary part of life, which is often reflected in how media and shipping culture are generally allo-centric, and it can just get pretty pervasive at times (note: we aren't a monolith obv, some aro/ace people enjoy it and participate too, but others don't and it is hard to avoid) X X

So while I know there's lots of reasons for shipping and headcanoning, and for the most part there's nothing wrong with it and people aren't trying to do these things, there are still issues that exist. Honestly seeing posts talking about these things has been really validating for me bc it let me know like yeah this is a problem other's have noticed too and I don't have to just accept it.

So with respect and awareness of nuance, ship and headcanon however you want. The rest of this post is about my own personal preferences and such. I'm not necessarily trying to persuade anyone here, I just have some thoughts I want to put into words:

For me personally, when it comes to characters' sexualities/gender identities/etc, I prefer just to stick to whatever is established in canon (or in confirmed intentional coding), and, if nothing is specified, headcanons that are based in canon evidence (more like theories I guess, as opposed to reimaginings or straight-up projection that knowingly ignores parts of canon. Which is fine and fun if that's what you like but to me there is a distinction). This is because:

1: While fandom culture is all about freedom and creativity, I do think it's important in this day and age to recognize actual canon representation and strive towards that because that is what will reach more people and have impact (and personally I think that writers' intentions should actually be given more thought/value)

2: I think that shipping/hc/fandom culture in general tends to perpetuate amatonormativity (specifically in devaluing/erasing friendship and non-romantic love), and sometimes leads to harmful parasocial queer speculation in real life (though again, I know that's not the intention but it's still a thing).

3: Generally, unless it’s explored as a part of a reimagined fic or something, just saying a random character is aspec (or whatever identity) when they did not present that way at all in the actual media doesn't really help me feel seen.

For example, I've seen a lot of people headcanon Mabel Pines as aromantic and that really threw me off bc in the show she is obsessed with romance. Like if other's see themselves in her that is great I won't stop you (the idea is that her crushes are comphet, which is not something I personally struggled with, and maybe I could see it if I rewatched the show with that in mind) but when I watched the show, I specifically did not connect with or relate to Mabel BECAUSE of my ace identity (yeah this post was mainly about her lol) so it just doesn't do much for me to claim her as aspec, in fact it feels counterproductive.

Sometimes it can feel really tacked on too, like 'well it's not confirmed that this character has sex so they could be ace', or 'some ace people do have sex so they can still be ace.' And like sure yes they could be but often it's like a kid show or something so none of the characters' sex lives are relevant or explicitly confirmed. Just bc they aren't not ace doesn't mean that they are, or that saying they are is meaningful if the character/story doesn't actually speak to anything related to the ace identity or experience. (This can happen with canon characters too, like Sponge Bob being asexual means absolutely nothing to me, especially since I get the sense that the creator said that more in a 'sea sponges reproduce asexually' type of way :/ )

So basically, in terms of representation I prefer the theory/interpretation type of headcanons that have supporting evidence of some kind, because that evidence is what makes me see myself in a character and feel represented in some way by them. So that's the type of headcanons I'll be posting, and that's why I'll be discussing evidence and explanations, even though I know plenty of people have fun and find value in just claiming identities without any of that.

Another thing I feel the need to overexplain is kinda the reverse of that. I think it's important to recognize that a character does not have to be a certain identity for you to see yourself in them. Like that sense of relatability and representation is still valid even if they aren't, and I think it's good to leave space for that ambiguity.

This is coming mostly from the fact that I have always valued platonic relationships (between any and all genders) long before I ever knew I was ace. I've always wished that was better normalized and represented in media and real life. I think that is just as important as queer representation, and sometimes they can counteract each other.

Like yes Min and Ryan could be gay and if that's what the writers were going for despite restrictions, or if people see themselves in that, great! But I would also love for this story to give a close friendship this much narrative value for once.

Merida does not HAVE to be aro/ace (or lesbian) to not want to be forced into marriage with a stranger at the age of 16 (in fact she specifically says "I'm not ready" and "not yet"). But regardless, aspects of her story are still really relatable to us and applicable to living in amatonormative society.

Mako and/or Raleigh do not NEED to be aspec for this glorious refreshing no-romo moment to happen (nor does one need to be aspec to appreciate it)

And maybe claiming them as aro/ace could even undercut the power of this platonic bond (like saying the only way they could not be interested in each other is if they are not interested in anyone (same if you said they are gay, as if that's the only possible way for a man and woman not to be attracted to each other)). But it's still a moment lots of us aspecs love because platonic relationships AND aro/ace characters do go hand in hand and BOTH are so rarely portrayed in media.

So these ideas also play into my preferences, and I want to acknowledge that my headcanons don't have to be definitive (which like I know that is normal amongst fandom culture anyway) but are more about pointing out aspects we can see ourselves in and relate to, especially in a media landscape that is so lacking in representation and understanding of our identities.

[hunkygreenbean]

i mentioned this briefly in my post abt different forms of acephobia ive personally faced, but i wanted to make this its own post because its a huge thing ive been seeing in the queer community.

Yes, there are aspec people who can experience sexual/romantic attraction to some degree. There are aro ppl who date, there are sex positive asexuals. Aspec ppl like any other group are not a monolith.

However within the queer community, romantic/sexual relationships are placed in such high regard that whenever someone is aspec, we expect them to somewhat sex/romance positive. There is very little wiggle room for completley celibate/single aspec people.

I am completley sex repulsed. I have no desire for sexual relationships at all. Ace/aro ppl already catch enough flack from cishet society for our orientation. So when I see posts by other sex repulsed aces talking about their experiences and i see comments from other queer ppl going "hi just remember aces can have sex and aces that have sex and experience sexual attraction are also valid and beautiful!!! :)))" it just comes off as completley tone deaf. Its like those ppl that post under fat positivity posts "skinny people, youre also beautiful and awesome!! :)))"

And where this is most prevalent is in fandom/OC culture. So much of fandom culture is based on shipping. So I feel that lots of creators write aspec characters that do feel sexual/romantic attraction to some degree to maximize shippability while also writing in representation. Sure, its great we get some form of aspec rep. But as a sex repulsed ace creator, I want to see more aspec characters like me. I want aros who are happily single. I want aces who have no desires for sex.

Queer communtity, we need to get comfortable with fully sex/romance repulsed aspecs. This post isnt meant to throw shade at neuteral or positive aspecs. But like its exhausting the amount of pressure ive personally felt as a sex repulsed ace to like sex in some form. And im sure im not the only one who has noticed this. If your support and uplifiting of aspec folks only encompases the easily shippable, youre neglecting an entire swath of the aspec community. If you cant ride with all of us, you arent actually an ace ally.

[sam-moss]

*aspec ramble turned incel culture ramble*

The shared cultural understanding of “love” still evades me. Mostly dating as a concept, and the generally accepted/assumed reasons as to why people date or want to date.

Just saw someone say they thought about dating someone because they were attractive. And I was like “??? That’s not why allo people date. Typically they date because they want a life-partner.” And then I thought about the phrase “dating for marriage” and how it’s perceived as unique. And then I thought about flings and thought “yeah, I guess people can date short term for the physical benefits and for non-romantic reasons”.

And THEN I wondered what benefit comes with dating a person that’s attractive. It’s by no means an indicator of your compatibility. I would think it’s a bonus, but for a lot of people it seems to be the bare minimum.

And that’s where I stop, because this line of thinking often leads me down some incel-ish rabbit holes.

I’ll see people online say “everyone wants to date someone prettier, taller, hotter than themselves” and I think “Of course they don’t! I definitely don’t!” but I don’t experience attraction the same as everyone else, so I can’t really confirm that for certain! They do “math” like there’s a formula to getting a date, and as a person that has to think long and hard and logically about a lot of my social interactions it is VERY tempting to think you can math out peoples’ feelings, but you can’t!!! There’s so much nuance!!

I really need to talk to more allo people in my life to get their perspective. The way out of incel-type thinking is by talking to people and understanding that categories of people aren’t monoliths. They aren’t math problems. I’m not gonna convince an internet stranger of that, but I have people in my life that I fear could fall victim to that way of thinking. I want to be able to help them out of that way of thinking if the opportunity arises!

I’d love to hear what anyone thinks about any of this because I think about it a lot. Allo/aro/ace or otherwise :)

[eleiyaumei]

Rambling about aro, ace, aroace, demi Sesshōmaru

romantic attraction =/= sexual attraction, aromanticism =/= asexuality

For most people, their romantic identity matches their sexual identity (e.g. aroace, gay, straight, bi) but that doesn’t mean that they are the same. Alloromantic asexual people and aromantic allosexual people might be the best examples for this but it’s also possible to be heterosexual and panromantic.

As far as I know, alloromantic allosexual Sesshōmaru is the most common representation of him in fan works which makes sense because most people on the planet identify that way.

In regards to “proof” that Sesshōmaru might be one identity or another, in my judgement, there is none, neither in manga nor anime – not even in YH, which I do not include in this because for me, it is not canon. There are several instances where Sesshōmaru’s kind of feelings are ambiguous, especially in the case of Kagura, but none show explicitly that he feels romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. (If you disagree, feel free to let me know!)

So, in accordance with the “lack of proof on sexual and romantic attraction”, I interpret Sesshōmaru to be aroace. But this is influenced by me being ace and thinking in the pattern “asexual until proven allosexual”. Similarly, alloromantic allosexual people might think “allo/allo until proven otherwise” and see Sesshōmaru that way until he says something like “I am not interested in romance and/or sex” and that’s valid as well.

But 1) we can’t look inside his brain, heart or body and determine what he experiences

and 2) we as fans can headcanon him as whatever identity we like.

(I personally separate interpretation from headcanon for interpretation to mean “something that can be supported by the text” and for headcanon to mean “whatever someone imagines – whether supported by the text or not”.)

Interpreting or HCing Sesshōmaru as demisexual and/or demiromantic seems to be the best compromise for a lot of people, allo and aro-/ace-specs alike. Like, he ‘is’ asexual/aromantic until he forms a deep bond with someone and he then ‘becomes’ allo.

Demisexual/-romantic people, please tell me what you think of that wording because I’m not a fan of it. It reminds me of things allo people tell a-spec people, the whole “You just have to find the right person”, or of what supporters of Purity Culture want people to be like: Abstaining from sex, sexual thoughts, fantasies etc. until you marry and then having sex regularly to reproduce, pleasing your partner etc.

I’m also not fond of the wording of the common definition of demisexuality/-romanticism: “Experiencing sexual/romantic attraction after developing a strong emotional bond with someone” because it can make it seem like you automatically experience these attractions once you formed said bond when I don’t think that’s the case for most demi people.

I prefer the definition that I heard from a demi person (Christi Kerr), in the vein of “rarely experiencing sexual/romantic attraction and when you do, it’s towards someone you developed a strong emotional bond with”. [Source]

Demisexuality and -romanticism aren’t experienced in a monolithic way. Some might develop sexual/romantic attraction to every person they bond with emotionally, some might predict a possibility that they will develop attraction once they get close to a specific person and some might get close to people (with the hope/assumption that they’ll develop attraction) only to realize that they still don’t feel attraction towards them.

(As an asexual person who only experiences sexual attraction towards 1 fictional character, I’m pretty jealous of the first two groups. Like, “It’s THAT easy for you guys? GREAT. Wish that were me.” But I know that no experience is “easy”, people can still deal with unreciprocated feelings/attraction, fleeting attraction, and many other struggles.)

What worries me about people HCing Sesshomaru as demisexual/-romantic is the potential that some allo people only use that HC to fetishize/project their own fantasies onto the real identities of demisexuality/-romanticism. Like, they might accept the aro/ace parts only because he does experience attraction towards them/their OC(s)/the person(s) they’re shipping him with (and attraction is kinda a must-have in romance/smut works) and because it gives them a sense of relationship security, fewer reasons to get jealous towards people he’s interacting with.

But I have to be fair and acknowledge that people can separate fact from fiction and can see their fantasies as such. Though, I must admit, I’m pretty pessimistic about that since the spectrums of asexuality and aromanticism are not common knowledge and a lot of misconceptions are roaming about...

[theaceandaroadvocacyproject]

In honor of National Native American Heritage Month, we connected with some ace and aro Indigenous/Native American individuals, resulting in this article on our site: https://taaap.org/2021/11/27/first-nations-aspecs/ . The images above feature some quotes from the articles.

Thank you so much to all of our contributors!

[ID: Two images with light yellow backgrounds, the TAAAP logo in the upper right corners, and the heading “First Nations Aspecs”. Each image features three quotes. The first reads: “We are not a monolith. Not our cultures, not our opinions, not our languages, none of it. - Apollo. I would love for the ace community to have more diverse representatives, as I have not seen or spoken to many that are Indigenous. - Callie. I've had people question my heritage just because I identify on the aromantic spectrum. Mostly other indigenous people. - Toni.” There is a picture of the aromantic flag with the Two Spirit feathers symbols on it. 

The second image reads “As an Indigenous individual, I can safely say that our ethnicity holds infinite diversity. We are not defined by our backgrounds, our orientations, our attractions, our skin tones, or our physical/facial attributes. - Callie. I found the desexualization of ace-spec people from society at large a breath of fresh air - Apollo. I feel like there’s more pressure than there should be. I feel like it’s my responsibility to have kids and pass down my language and culture. - Artemis.” There is a picture of the asexual flag with the Two Spirit feathers on it. End ID.]

[k--havok]

MC Prior Relationship History Tag Game

Huge thanks to @faelanvance for tagging me in this game! It looks like a lot of fun!

Rules: Basically the idea is to briefly (or not) describe what kinds of intimate relationships (platonic, romantic, sexual, or otherwise) your MCs have had PRIOR TO THE BOOK STARTING. Have they had their hearts ripped out before jumping into your fluffy romance? Are they aro/ace and have never been in a long-term relationship before? I WANNA KNOW GDI

I’m gonna tag @starlightscribe @writingpotato07 @bookish-galaxy @wildswrites and @jjm-blogspot for this one!

---

I’m gonna go with Casrath and Rylie from Waking into Divinity for this game!

Casrath

When it comes to Casrath’s past intimate relationships, it’s important to know that demon culture is very different from American culture. Demons are more monolithic than humans, have less individualism, and are more communal as well. I only mention these differences because it affects how intimate bonds are made. 

Casrath has had many lovers -- both other demons and demon lords. And he has fathered many children (around 300 is the ballpark). However, his relationship to these past lovers and children is not as intimate as humans get. Beyond the concept of having a soulmate or a tal’rith, familial bonds are seen as the most important. Children are raised communally by everyone and familial units are large. Casrath himself sees those under him as his family and protects them as so. This is partially inspired by bees and their relationships with one another. 

Although Casrath loves his large family and those beneath him, before Rylie, he was intimately with another demon lord (who I haven’t decided on a name yet, oops! We’ll call her Yah for now lol). Yah is another demon lord from a smaller kingdom and has been wanting to merge her kingdom with Casrath’s for many, many years. Although Casrath does care about her and they do have a sexual relationship as well, he sees her more as a FWB/platonically than romantic. 

I’m still developing Yah and how demonic relationships work in this series. I have a lot more I could write but this is honestly getting long enough and I haven’t even made it to Rylie yet so yeah! 

Rylie

Rylie’s relationships are a little more relatable and understandable. Before meeting Casrath, they also don’t have a lot of romantic experience. But they also do not have a lot of sexual experience either. Rylie is also a hopeless romantic, which makes their relationship with Casrath all the more difficult to navigate. 

Even more difficult is their relationship with their parents, which is already strained at best at the start of the story. Rylie still has both a mother and a father. Both are deeply religious and Rylie was raised Catholic. Rylie’s parents are quite traditional and do not understand or are willing to understand Rylie’s gender identity or sexual orientation. 

Not only do they not agree with who Rylie is as a person, they also do not agree with Rylie leaving the church and their decision to be an atheist. Religion has caused a lot of trauma for Rylie growing up and they want nothing to do with it. Their parents, however, just do not understand this either and wish for Rylie to return, get married to a nice Catholic man, and start a family. 

Rylie does love their parents. And in their own way, their parents also love them. However, Rylie knows that they have to love their parents at a distance, and that they have started down a pathway their parents can’t follow them down. 

It saddens them greatly. But at the same time, it is also freeing.  

[talesofsymphoniac]

Any of you who knows me know that I have had some Complicated Feelings about the Ace Discourse over the years. For a really long time I was very on board the "aces/aros aren't inherently queer" train, but at the same time, my personal lived experience made me extremely aware of how socially and systemically isolating it was to exist under that umbrella.

It's become a little more acknowledged lately that the way a bulk of people on this site spoke about ace/arospec identities at that time was, frankly, reprehensible bullying bullshit that sent the ace/aro community running for cover, and I for one can attest that that behavior severely damaged my ability to connect to a community that I would have immensely benefitted from being able to see and hear the experiences of. I'm glad to have it now. But I mourn the acceptance I might have felt earlier in my life if I had had access to it.

My feeling for a long time (and I still think this is the strongest framework to deal with asexuality personally) was that ace/arospec identity is more its own thing, in the way gender identity and sexual orientation are related but distinct. Just add asexuality/aromanticism as new sliders on top of that.

As for the question of inclusionsists vs exclusionsists, my take these days is this: I do not think being ace or aro is the same as being gay or lesbian or bisexual or trans, and I think that anyone who thinks it is has a severe misunderstanding of what it means to be one or more of those things. I also think that my identity and experience as someone on the ace/aro spectrum has left me feeling much more isolated and misunderstood and abandoned by society as a whole than my identity as a bisexual woman (in a conservative state!) ever has. Not every ace/arospec person out there necessarily considers themselves part of LGBTQ community or feels any connection to that, because the experience just isn't the same-- and surprise, ace/arospec people aren't a monolith-- but there are those that do, because their experiences navigating their attraction (or lack thereof) in a society that is not built to understand or accommodate it are marginalizing, complicated experiences. The fact is, there are a lot of themes overlapping between these communities, and I think it's inappropriate and honestly incorrect to tell anyone who feels a connection to the LGBTQ community on that basis that they just don't understand what the LGBTQ community is about or for.

I think the strongest argument exclusionsists have ever had is that the LGBTQ community developed the way it did in large part around the basis of fighting for political goals, and there aren't a lot of political goals to fight for with regards to ace/aro people. (Note that I say "not a lot of" and not "none"-- but that's a whole other post.) But I think that argument falls flat simply because that's only one aspect of queer culture-- the other part is the social goal. Having a community of people who don't conform to normative sexual/romantic standards, who understand the difficulties inherent in that on an individual and a systemic level, and who celebrate, accept, and educate others on the variety of the human sexual and romantic experience.

Basically, I still have complicated feelings about the inclusionist/exclusionist question. I think it's too binary. But these days I err heavily on the side of the inclusionsists because I think they are the ones who understand that when ace/aro people were asking for inclusion, they were not usually trying to say "our experiences are the same." They were trying to say "our experience of attraction keeps us outside the normative system in a way that is damaging to us. If anyone can understand that and care, it's this community. (Also a LOT of us are already LGBT.)" (When they did say the former, it was almost universally because that was what the standard seemed to be from the LGBT community around them-- we will care about your experiences only if you can somehow Prove they are equivalent to ours.)

And most critically, Ace/aro people who feel a belonging to the LGBTQ community are not there to steal acceptance or resources or out of some misplaced sense of persecution. They're there to do exactly what everyone else is doing-- fight for the rights of LGBTQ people. And when you step outside the internet and the intellectualization of the Ace Discourse, and look at purely the actual experiences of ace/aro people in LGBTQ spaces, I think that's exactly what you'll find.

[rainbowjamblog]

A theologian’s thoughts on being gay

Hi guys! It’s your friendly (sometimes angry) neighborhood theologian.

Since it’s an important and hotly debated topic, I want to look at LGBTQIA+ and theology. I’ll start with the LGB part and have another part of TI later, since it’s pretty different topics. I’m not sure yet if I can do a post about being asexual/aromantic; as always, aces/aros seem to be overlooked. I’ll try my best.

 Let’s start with some acknowledgements. Christianity has not been a good place for LGB people for the longest time and until today. A lot of that stems from the surrounding culture (as most European cultures were rather anti-LGB, the same sentiment was true for Christianity), but a. that’s not always true (Ancient Greece is somewhat famous for accepting certain kinds of gay and lesbian relationships) and b. even if it is, that’s only an explanation, not an excuse.

Even today, in many Christian denominations and churches, LGB people are not welcome, outright demonized, hated, threatened, described as ‘abominations’, and cast out. That has resulted in a lot of pain for LGB people. And I am certain (although I have no sources for that) that people have died because of the anti-LGB mindset that Christian churches have created and perpetuated.

This is our shame and our sin. We (as Christians) have to deal with that.

So, let’s look at the problem and also some solutions!

The central problem is that a few verses of the bible clearly condemn homosexuality. In the Hebrew Bible (=Old Testament) we have Leviticus 18,22 and 20,13, which states that a man having sex with another man is an abomination. Now, you can start discussing the details here – a more correct translation would be ‘am man who lies with another man as with a woman’. This might refer only to anal sex, it might be about the ‘subjugation’ of the man who bottoms – but personally, I don’t see how discussing the details really helps. (And personally, I don’t think the idea that this verse actually refers to pedophilia works. Haven’t seen it mentioned in scholarly work, either.)

Let’s look in the NT, then! Surely everything is better with buddy Jesus?

Nope, not necessarily (also, saying the NT is so much better than the OT is quietly but dangerously antisemitic, but that’s a post for another day). In the Gospels, homosexuality isn’t mentioned at all. But in Paul’s letters there are a few verses. Romans 1,26-27 describes ‘sinful people’ who had homosexual sex (both women and men! Yay equal opportunity condemnation?). 1 Corinthians 6,9-11 and 1 Timothy 1,8-11 are also describing ‘arsenokotai’ (which loosely translates as lying-with-men) as something bad. However: here, it is possible that it’s actually about prostitution, and especially about having sex with a slave.

 So: Yes, there are a few verses that are rather unfriendly towards homosexuality or at least against gay sex. But: There are many verses in the Bible with strong opinions. I’m sure you all know by now of such delightful laws as ‘don’t wear garments made of different yarn! (Lev 19,19), or all the laws about purity and sacrifice. No-one keeps those anymore! And in the NewTestament, you have the idea of sharing everything, all your possessions; and of course all those texts about loving thy neighbour.

And *this* is where it gets interesting. The bible is not a monolith. It’s a collection of dozens of books, each with a different outlook! There are contradictions everywhere. So, every person who reads and interprets the bible has to use their own mind. Yes, you can say ‘these three verses are super-duper important and all of christianity hinges on them’. I mean, okay, if god is that fixated about what a few dudes do in bed, seems weird to me, not very powerful nor very loving.

And that’s where my interpretation comes in.

A) There are many, many texts, in both the Old and the New Testament, that call us to love each other (Lev 19.18; Luke 10.27-37; Matthew 5.43-44; John 13.34-35), to help those who need help, to not judge. So, personally, I see this as the center of my faith – and I want this to be the center of Christian faith: to love and accept each other, and to actually practice that love by being there for one another. Throwing people out of our homes or communities is the very opposite of that love. As the Gospel stories show again and again, Jesus condemns those who think they are better than others, those that cast others out, and instead he praises those who take care of others, reaching across cultural borders.

So, if love is my main orientation – how can I then condemn people who are ostracized, victimized, hurt, made to feel less than? That simply makes no sense.

B) A popular workaround I have heard is: “We are all sinners, so I accept homosexual folks and don’t judge, because I am also a sinner.”

Well. It’s way better than being hateful, that’s for sure. But this stance can still hurt a whole lot, because it still adheres to the principle that homosexuality=sin. A sin that can be overlooked, but still a sin. And can you imagine that a central part of you, a part that harms no-one and is in fact no different than heterosexual love (and sex), be defined as a sin? Because, no matter how you define it, a ‘sin’ always means something that’s a problem, something that you should not do, something that brings you further away from God. But if we believe that ‘God has created each of us in the womb’ (Psalm 139:13), how can we say that parts of that are fundamentally sinful? (Yeah, yeah, original sin, but that’s a different topic for another day; let’s just say there are different ways to think about that, too.) And, again, what do we prefer: following the teachings of love and acceptance, or concentrating on a few verses?

(source: Nakedpastor; he’s on facebook and insta and has a website)

C) Finally: The Biblical texts are very old, between 2.000 and 3.000 years old. They were written in societies that were fundamentally different from ours today. Relationships were different. Homosexuality the way it is understood today was hardly a topic back then, at least in that reagion (yes, I know about the two Egyptian men who were buried together, but nothing like that has been found in Israel/Palestine) because sex and marriage were practical concerns – having children, keeping the family line, that sort of thing. The people back then wrote down their experiences with God, and their understanding of a good society. It’s our job to try and understand their intent, and extrapolate from that.

By the way: This take isn’t that unusual! Lots of churches have learned to treat homo- and heterosexuals equally. I know LGB pastors and bishops, there are Christian LGB weddings and so on. And – maybe the coolest: When the Pope lately said something regrettably awful against LGB people, many Catholics in Germany (where I live) protested loudly; instead of following suit, they fly rainbow flags, hold blessing ceremonies for LGB couples, and wrote very clear, critical statements, risking their jobs. *That’s* what I think the church should be.

  Tl;dr: You have to choose yourself on what parts of the biblical message and ideas you want to focus: love one another? Or focus on a few stray verses. Also, using your brain when reading the Bible is very much recommended.

And to any lesbian, gay, bi people out there who are feeling hurt by the church: I am so, so sorry. They are doing you wrong. I’m certain that you are loved by God, just as you are, and that you are worthy of love, just as you are. Your sexual orientation is *not* a sin. Never has been. And anyone who tells you otherwise hasn’t understood what it means to be a Christian.

[gffa]

:000 dang i didnt know there were so many of us!! hello from a fellow ace/arospec star war fan! there was a jedi order meta you(?? maybe? idr tbh so sorry if it wasnt) had a little while back about jedi culture being like ace/aro that made me

Hi!  This is becoming quite the club, isn’t it?  Sorry to everyone that this is kind of putting a lot more traffic on your dash than usual, it’s just a subject that’s very dear to me obviously, and I’m really having fun getting to talk to people about it! I didn’t start the “Jedi culture is aro culture” thing, that was from this post awhile back, but @jedi-order-apologist and I have both written about it--like here and here!  It was really eye-opening for me as well, as someone who’d had feelings in that direction (paralleling my own evolving understanding of myself and my preferences) that really crystalized why the Jedi struck such a cord with me. And why some of the criticism (not all, mind! no part of fandom is a monolith by any means) started to edge too close to criticizing them for the things that are present in aro/ace culture, that there’s a focus on what they’re “denied”, rather than allowing room for the possibility that maybe this group of people just weren’t interested and found fulfillment in other things, in a way that a lot of aro/ace people just weren’t interested and found fulfillment in other things. Nobody’s obligated to agree with this take on the Jedi Order, I certainly wouldn’t be willing to put money on that it was George’s intention (though, I do think he would believe an entire group of people could value something other than romantic love/not be interested in romantic love), but I think talking about the Jedi through this lens can help illustrate why some people just genuinely and truly are not interested in romance and they’re not suppressing their feelings, they’re not broken, they’re not missing something fundamental about being a human/sentient person. So it makes me really happy that there are a bunch of us, because it’s always nice to have a friendly corner to chat about in, wherever we all end up on the spectrum of how much we do/don’t relate these feelings to the Jedi (it’s totally fine if a person doesn’t relate their aro/ace sexuality to the Jedi at all, if they’re aro/ace and still criticize the Jedi, that’s totally fine, too), it’s nice just to say, hey, yeah, we’re here, we’re not alone, and we’re having a good time, too.  ♥

[romolite]

*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for  “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.) 

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all.  I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. 

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all. 

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course! 

[aro-culture-is]

cupioromantic culture is feeling like you’re betraying the community by having & loving your boyfriend. am I even aro ?? 😭😭

you're not betraying your community by being part of it! time to bring back a favorite phrase of ours here:

aro culture is not a monolith. (definition 3)

there are so many ways to be aro. we are not one singular people with the same experiences, and we will always be stronger together than apart. You are aro because you are part of the aromantic spectrum. If you in good faith (ie, not "attack helicopter"-ing) identify as somewhere on the aro spectrum or questioning it - you belong. You are part of our people. Your experiences are important and should be listened to and respected, even if we don't all understand or empathize with specific elements of it. How can we ever claim intersectional solidarity if we can't even handle differences among us? I'd call that sus :P

aro culture is understanding we are united, not as individuals with one singular experience, but as a people who share an identity.

[aromoji]

FAQ

(Pwease no rebloggy, this is subject to change)

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here. For some reason both black Africans and black Americans seem to have a problem with that. I will not elaborate on this.

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked 

I’ve already answered this

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

This person explains it better than I can. Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriative at all. Also shut up, racist.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-lgbt- cishet, or people who aren’t lgbt

non trans - cis

etc

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. Die mad about it.

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]!

I usually double check myself, just to be sure. If the person’s url is uncensored I’m not going to post the ask

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Are you an anti?

Yes. Here’s why

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you an inclusionist/exclusionist?

Yes and no. I do think aces + aros are lgbt but they still should have spaces outside of the lgbt community because they have issues that both overlap with the lgbt community but are also different as well. Idk wtf is going on with the inclus community, but exclus are nonetheless insufferable, I’ve never met a single ‘respectful’ exclusionist who doesn’t thinks unironically calling themselves an aphobe is a personality trait or doesn’t reblog from people who feel that way. As someone who’s definetly not cishet in any sense of the word, I don’t believe the acecourse is about the “cishet aces and aros” like they claim.

Also as an addendum: I don’t like being called queer nor do I agree with calling people who do not reclaim the term as such, but that doesn’t mean people who are comfortable with the label shouldnt be allowed to reclaim it for themselves and take pride in it. Unironically calling yourself a queerphobe is cringe bro, and calling people “kweers” is disrespectful to asian queer people who use it as a personal identity

I’m also pro-pansexuality, no I don’t think pan people oppress or harm me as a bi (and trans) person. Yes, they should check their transphobia, but that is the case for people of any orientation.

Please don’t send asks about this. I am not a discourse blog, and I’m trying to stay as far away from any lgbt related discourse as possible, but I want to makae my stances clear for anyone that wants to follow me and must know before doing so. 

Do you need dysphoria to be trans?

No. Next question. 

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you pro/anti mogai?

I dont personally engage with the mogai community (and I’m pretty sure a lot of the identies people make fun of are literal trolls. Come on, no one’s actually calling themselves audiosexual...right?) but people who use mogai as an insult or run flop accounts  are cringe.

Please don’t send asks about this

Why do you continue to use the ace flag even though known homophobe David Jay made it?

He didn’t. It was created by a user named standup on the AVEN website, who has no connection to David Jay himself. A lot of aces don’t even know who the fuck this person is anyways.

Edit: I no longer identify as ace but this still stands.

Please don’t send asks about this.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?

Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I dont usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or instagram.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave.I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE.

Hey, I can’t see your blog or reblog your posts!

You were blocked. And now you’re block evading. I don’t remeber why I specifically blocked a user, but it’s most likely because you’re on my dni.

But I’m not on your dni?

You probably said or did something annoying then. Lol.  Or you’ve added a stupid comment to someone else’s posts and I don’t want that nonsense on mine, so I blocked preemptively.

There’s the occasionaly chance while I was blocking people on a spree in the notes of a bad post you may have gotten caught in the fray, and if so, I apologize.

However, there’s also a chance you also blocked me on @mojiis and yet continued to interact here. So I blocked back.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come up on this blog a lot.  I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I’ve decided in order to be fair I’m tagging any possible lgbt related slur as the letter itself. Hopefully those who dont want to see it will have it black listed and I wont offend the people who reclaim it. I don’t tag the n word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals. 

Do you want to be mutuals?

 I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 17. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but don’t post about things I’m interested in.

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but dont take my word for it. I’m also tme, ablebodied, not jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny,  (physical?) ableism, antisemeitsm, “sycourse”, etc. 

I might be able to give advice on school related stuff, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

What’s your main blog?

If you know, you know.

Why do you continuously move mains/change urls/update themes?

I’m inconsitent. Plus someone is stalking me.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?

Of course!

[eventhorizonlarp-blog]

Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Structures in the Galaxy

Before the Expansion Era, the six Homeworlds had developed remarkably different societies. Some, like Agerre were essentially monolithic, while others were more varied like the plethora of separate cultures of Gyr. These differences were reflected in a wide variety of genders and familial structures, as well as how cultures perceived sexuality and romance. With the cultural exchanges and clashes of the Expansion Era, it is not surprising that there are a multitude of different genders, sexualities, and relationships (GSR) in the Galaxy.

Overall, people view gender, sexuality, and relationships as being multifaceted, varied, and non-standardized. It is commonly accepted that there are numerous genders, and the most conservative cultures have three genders: male, female, and a third gender. The standard pronouns are gender neutral – they/them/theirs or ze/zem/zir*. Gender neutral pronouns are used for people whose pronouns are not known, and generally upon introduction people clarify if they use “she/her/hers” or “he/him/his”.

Sexuality is generally understood to be a spectrum of multiple preferences. Statistically, a minority of people are monosexual (attracted to only one gender). An even smaller percentage are asexual, although their distribution among the Homeworlds is notably varied.

"Feminine" and "masculine" have lost their coherency as terms since the Expansion Era, though the words still have some utility. While in some languages, equivalent words are related to the words for "female" and "male", in many Homeworlds the concepts are divorced from sex and gender. There are divergent definitions of masculine and feminine, but generally they are aesthetic qualities that can be noticed by people in a culture, if not explained. Although feminine and masculine are words used for a variety of personal traits, upon closer examination the words are most concretely applied to movements and speech patterns.**

*The spelling varies, but it is pronounced: zie/zem/zhir, not to be confused with the planet Zé.

**Out of Game Note: In the galaxy of Event Horizon, current notions of masculine and feminine are not applicable, as they are very specific to a culture and time period. However, we recognize that people will bring those concepts into game, and they can be helpful for thinking about how to play your character.

Agerre

The genders, sexualities, and relationships of Agerre are directly influenced by the need for population control, and the even distribution of limited resources. There are three main ways that Agerre has historically maintained population control. The first is contraception, which has been around in different forms for over a thousand years. The second is the Sunwalk, their coming-of-age ritual with an extremely high mortality rate. The third is the culture of sexuality among their teenagers. Teens are more likely to experiment romantically and sexually with the same sex. Although in adulthood there is a standard distribution, a minority of teens engage in heterosexual acts.

With contemporary contraception and robust sexual education, this practice is no longer necessary to control the population in Agerre’s cramped caves. However, it is a practice as old as Agerre’s first histories, and Agerrans view it as an inherent part of adolescent sexuality. Additionally, Agerre has the highest percentage of asexual (ace) and aromantic (aro) citizens.

Children are raised communally on Agerre, with various childcare and education work distributed among the adults. Agerran children consider their parents to be the adults who most directly raise them, which usually includes one biological parent. Siblings are similarly considered as the children they are raised with. When Agerrans part from their primary family, they often form sibling bonds with close comrades, whom they call "cousins."

Agerrans recognize three genders in their society--male, female, and third. The third gender is an umbrella gender that encompases Agerrans who transition socially or medically from their birth sex, as well as those with fluid gender or no gender. Statistically, the majority of Agerrans feel neutrally towards their birth sex and do not have a strong sense of gender.

Agerrans have a very straightforward, unromantic, and accepting view of GSRs, an attitude that is known to ruffle feathers. A famous anecdote is The Blackmailing of Representative Komir, in which a Baryosi Representative thought they had incriminating information of Komir's "affairs,"  which by Agerran standards was entirely unremarkably. When released, the intended scandal backfired spectacularly, to the amusement of all Agerre and (privately) half of the UAW. Numerous romance books have been written about the incident.

Baryos

Baryos has always been a culturally diverse planet. Unlike Gyr, whose small cultures squabbled for resources and had limited contact, the cultures of Baryos flourished on the rich, ecologically diverse planet. While there are a variety of GSRs across the planet, there are strong trends in the modern culture.

The Baryosi modern culture is one of planetary pride, and while it celebrates the diverse roots of the people, it looks towards the future. Many Baryosi view themselves as “post-gender” – they recognize the fluidity of biological sex, and believe there are no significant differences between “female” and “male”. The words “female” and “male” are losing popularity in exchange for chromosome markers XX, XY, XXY, etc. While they claim “post-gender” is advanced and accepting, some transgender and monosexual groups have leveled criticisms against it.

The “post-gender” mindset of course affects sexuality. As with the rest of the galaxy, most Baryosi are bisexual (“bi” meaning “same sex/gender” and “different sex/gender”). Few Baryosi label their sexuality, and monosexuals are viewed as having very strong preferences. In general, sex is a private subject discussed only among partners and friends.

The majority of Baryosi are monogamous, and families tend to have two parents, one of which is usually a biological parent.

Dor Len Sono

As a planet of Queendoms, it is perhaps not surprising that there is a higher-than-average percentage of Dor Len who are women who love women, as well as more than average transgender women. The female sex, womanhood, and femininity have historically been revered, and many religions revolve around these aspects.

What Dor Len consider to be "feminine" is wider and deeper than on other Homeworlds, in a way that many non-Dor Len find difficult to understand. On Dor Len Sono, the word generally translated as femininity carries connotations of moral and aesthetic excellence. There are numerous subtle words for types femininity in the languages, including ruthless-femininity, woven-femininity, and bright-femininity.

There is no direct word for masculinity in Dor Len language that encapsulates the same but opposite qualities as femininity. The closest equivalent word is often mistranslated as masculinity although it is closer to adjacent-femininity or balance-against-femininity. Men and nonbinary Dor Len are just as likely to have feminine qualities as women, and besides the Queens, can be leaders. People in high regard in society tend to be more feminine.

Gyr

Gyr was a planet of numerous small cultures that for a long time were isolated from each other. As such, there is not a common thread to weave between the different GSRs. One commonality is that the majority of Gyr cultures have large familial structures. The surviving population of Gyr are generations of space-farers and had contact with a multitude of cultures, so unlike their ancestors, modern Gyr have a flexible view of gender, sexuality, and relationships.

There are a few Gyr cultures of note that had quite different GSRs. One was an island of "all women" that intrigued Baryosi explorers. Another large island chain worshiped third gender individuals as deities, and when these gods danced together it was said to change currents and summon storms. Another ocean-faring culture commonly had triad relationships called the captain, the right hand, and the left hand.

Ottsalia

The home of Evos, the cultural center of the Galaxy, the garden of beautiful nightmares. Ottsalians value change and transformation, especially of oneself. Even before the first Evos, Ottsalia had a large transgender population. Although the animal gene splicing of Evos is not gender, it is worth noting as it can be a large part of a person's identity in a similar way. Although there is a huge variety of acceptable GSRs, Ottsalians are not as concerned with developing a perfect language to encompass them or labeling themselves.

Historically, adolescents experimented with gender presentation publicly. Currently they also experiment with non-permanent special effects makeup to simulate Evos. Relationship structures are varied, and it is fairly standard for Ottsalians to have multiple partners of varying levels of intensity. Relationships are often seen as just as fluid as genders and presentations, especially among young Ottsalians.

Zé

Of all the Homeworlds except perhaps Baryosi subcultures, Zé has the most hierarchal system of GSRs. For hundreds of years, minorities of gender and, even moreso, sexuality had their own caste-like roles in society. Women and men form the majority and share the same societal responsibilities on equal footing. They are thought to be the norm, and tend not to feel that their gender is a defining feature of themselves.

Among the Peakborn, there are many sub-castes defined by gender and sexuality. In the modern era, not everyone in these castes need to have the same gender or sexuality, but the echoes of that historical distinction remains a strong cultural element.

Peakborn trustwomen (women who love women) are trained to become military leaders. The training is gruelling, and often begins at the onset of adolescence. Peakborn twice-minded (trans women) are taken away from society and trained to become “oracles”. While in the past, oracles were seen as those who could predict the future, nowadays the role is of a sage counselor, tactician, and keeper of knowledge. Peakborn innermen (men who love men) are artists of movement and bodies, often becoming dancers, acrobats, martial artists, or physical therapists. Peakborn edge-minders (trans men) are trained to be Martials – individuals who have law enforcement authority outside of the police, and who are meant to be a check-and-balance. Peakborn passage-walkers (third gender) tend to be envoys between peaks, to the other castes, and to different Planets.

Among the merchant class, there are fewer sub-castes and they encompass multiple genders and sexualities. Third gender merchants, as well as trustwomen and innermen tend to be the most talented shipwrights. Transgender and gender-non-conforming trustwomen and innermen are entertainers of various kinds.

In the Sunken caste, some of the sub-castes also serve as religious roles. Third Gender Sunken become candidates for Fog Idols. Fog Idols are said to intuitively understand the fog, and protect those who go beneath it by taking some of the poison on themselves. These Sunken become Fog Idols if they survive exposure to the poisonous mists, and if they do, their skin is marked by it. This ancient practice is in modern times seen as barbaric, and when it is practiced, is done so more safely. Rarer than Fog Idols are Air Idols, who are third gender Sunken who are also deformed or disabled. Air Idols are kept as clean as possible so that, by proxy, the community will not fall to poison.

Among the Sunken, trustwomen and innermen often become healers, whether doctors, therapists, or spiritual healers.

[colorisbyshe]

why is “I don’t wanna frick frack, I Just wanna snick snack!” an 'asexual slogan' anyway if asexuals can still wanna 'frick frack' and have a sexually active relationship... how are these people managing to say that they're oppressed for not wanting to fuck and then shout at people for saying that they think they're oppressed for not wanting to fuck?

The problem is that asexual intentionally means whatever that individual wants it to mean. For many aces, asexual means “does not want to have sex.” For many asexuals, asexual means “does not experience sexual attraction.” For many asexuals, asexual means “does not experience non-platonic attraction at all.”

When AVEN was new and trying to figure out a definition to slap on its front page, a lot of the discussion involved aces agreeing that asexuality could mean whatever an ace wants so the term is all inclusive. In practice, it’s often meant that certain niches adopt specific definitions and then pretend that’s The Only Definition.

This is why when I was first involved, I was told ace meant what we often call aroace. That was what was common place at the time (about 7/8 years ago). Later, I was told you couldn’t be ace if you thought your lack of attraction stemmed from trauma because that’s what that group (which was a large number of adults on AVEN) adopted. Now, it largely means does not experience sexual attraction.

All of these definitions contradict and actually cause problems for people who use the other definitions. The incoherence of this identity is affecting each and every ace.

Which makes your point about the ace claims of oppression even more poignant. If aces theoretically experience romantic attraction, have sex, and even experience sexual attraction (or “aesthetic”/“sensual” attraction), how are they oppressed? How are hey particularly targeted in society?

Whereas trans and gay experiences are somewhat more homogenous—trans people don’t ID with their AGAB, gay people are attracted to the same gender, bi people are attracted to the same gender—there is no real monolithic and tangible ace reality.

A demi cishet ace who forms bonds quickly, enjoys kinky sex, and gets married at 25 doesn’t share anything in common with a sex repulsed ace who defines ace as experiencing no attraction at all. The relationship to sex and this “sex obsessed” rape culture is entirely different.

A cishet ace man and a trans lesbian ace woman are occupying entirely difference spaces in terms of how society responds to their sex lives.

An ace who claims aces can still have sex is actively hurting sex repulsed aces who don’t want people to ever come on to them sexually ever. Meanwhile the sex repulsed ace saying “no frick frack, me snick snack” is keeping the sex positive ace from getting laid and makes them start complaining about being infantalized.

This is a community so obsessed with inclusivity that they’ve lost the idea of common experiences, communal goals, and shared oppression/discrimination. They have nothing in common. Like this isn’t even touching the idea of a spectrum or the supposed alliance between “alloromantic” (😪) aces and “allosexual” (😪) aros, just on the basis of ace meaning does not want sex, does not experience attraction at all, and does experience romantic attraction but does not experience sexual attraction… there’s no shared experiences besides “Wah, I felt broken” which is legit every human being to walk the planet. No one feels adequate when it comes to sex and the culture around sex, we’re not supposed to.

But society doesn’t care if you’re attracted to the person you’re boning if you’re having sex that isn’t seen as deviant (ie straight sex, sex catering to the man’s kink so long as he’s still dominant, intraracial sex, sex only involving cis people, largely PIV unless the man wants anal/oral, etc etc). Society especially doesn’t care if women are attracted to the men they’re in a relationship with, so long as they’re serving them. Society isn’t interested in intangible feelings you cannot measure or quantify, it’s interested in behaviour. And in many ways, it doesn’t even care about behaviour in the sense that if you aren’t having sex, they don’t care. It’s about right sex vs “wrong” sex, not right sex vs no sex at all.

But that’s not a notion aces want to consider because admitting they aren’t oppressed somehow means admitting they aren’t valid. Somehow the two things have been equated with them and it’s not healthy and honestly it’s just not realistic.

[thegreatunfinished]

Science fiction

A short autobiographical fiction.

 My phone has not buzzed or twitched or mewled for attention, but I still pull it out of my pocket anyway. Ahead of me, above me, the red man will soon turn green, and my brain requires distraction until then. My thumb flicks right, then up, then up again and down. With no conscious decision to do so, I’m looking at one newsfeed or another. There are no notifications for me, but I pull the graphics on the screen down to refresh the app just in case. Sometimes there’s a lag.

The red man turns green. I walk.

It’s a cold winter’s evening, it’s already dark and there’s a haze of drizzle in the air. I don’t mind terribly, it makes me feel romantic. Besides, if that were the sort of thing you minded, you shouldn’t be living in Wellington.

I’m listening to music through earbuds, conscious that it’s taxing my data but in need of something to input into my head. My brain is no longer comfortable to exist without stimuli of some sort. I try to remember before cell phones because I am old enough for that luxury. I remember a music festival when I was fifteen (1996) where we all knew the rule: if you lost your mates early in the day, you’d be buggered trying to find them again. I remember another time (1998?) arriving at a lunch and sitting for an hour before I realised that my date wasn’t showing. I found a payphone, dialled my home answerphone service and discovered an apologetic message left an hour and twenty minutes earlier. We used to waste time like that. We used to plan down to the minute when we’d be meeting a person, and get stressed if we knew we’d be five minutes late because we had no way of communicating with that person to let them know, and what if they thought we weren’t coming, or if they left the agreed-upon spot to go looking for us? I remember an earlier time (1995?) when I needed my dad to drop me off at the shopping centre to meet my first-ever then-new girlfriend. He dawdled and I was forty-five minutes late. She scowled at me, and continued to do so for the next year until we busted up.

Phones. Social media. Buzz buzz, little white numbers in red circles driving you crazy. We went from knowing nothing about each other’s lives to knowing everything. People complain either way.

I’m wearing a merino beanie. My face is cold but my head is too hot. The drizzle turns into rain. I’m walking up Willis towards Aro. I enjoy the reflection of the neon lights on the wet ground. It makes everything look like Blade Runner. Wellington doesn’t often have the opportunity to look futuristic, so it’s important to note these things.

In science fiction stories (and let’s remember that if we could tell ourselves in 1995 what 2015 would look like, it would be a science fiction story) there’s often an advanced race that can communicate with each other through a shared hive mind. As I walk in the wet, slightly hunched and feeling dramatic, I wonder if they all started with Facebook. I wonder if Facebook travels around the galaxy landing on the planets of undeveloped civilisations like the monolith in 2001. Facebook probably bought out the monolith after its early start-up success with the apes.

I used to work in a video store, and an old friendly racist used to stop by in the middle of the day to hire horror movies and chat. His favourite theory was that the Chinese would take over the planet because they had one of those hive-mind cultures. “Like ants,” he’d say, sort of cheerfully. He didn’t seem to care about the impending cultural invasion. “They’ve earned it,” he’d say.

I step out onto a street and pull back just in time to miss a courier van with a blaring horn. A muscular Polynesian dude swears at me out the window, but I don’t quite catch it. What was I thinking about?

The album I’m listening to concludes and within seconds I couldn’t tell you what it was. There’s silence through the buds. I leave them in anyway, but the sounds of the city seep in, a little muffled. I score a few dirty looks as I try to weave through a crowd of people waiting for a bus. An old white guy deliberately steps in my way, presumably to block me in case I’m thinking of pushing in front of the line. He doesn’t look at me, stares straight ahead, back curved and chest and massive belly pushed out. Mine, he conveys, in that way that people and animals do.

Maybe we’re not so sci-fi after all. Maybe we’re closer to the apes than we are to the hive mind. Or maybe we’ve missed a step and jumped straight from just out of the caves to flying spaceships and listening to streaming music that doesn’t actually exist anywhere. Give a monkey a bone and he’ll use it as a weapon. Give him an iPhone and he’ll look up porn in the dentist’s waiting room.

I’ve never done that, by the way. It was just the silliest place I could think of to look up porn. I imagine the dental administrator looking disapprovingly over his or her glasses, and you’d say, “Well, that’ll teach you for only having last year’s Women’s Days!”

Without realising, I’m looking at my phone again, my thumb doing its pre-ordained dance back to one newsfeed or another. It’s exactly the same as it was a few minutes ago, with just one extra story at the top. A friend I don’t like much is saying something annoying. His life is good, apparently, and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It’s a sharp little sting like those sour lollies you used to buy on a dare as a kid. I guess that’s why I look, for that little sour hit.

Two young women fall in behind me as I walk. One says, “Yeah, he’s in a band, they’re really up and coming.” The other says, “Ugh, everyone’s up and coming these days.”

In the hive mind, experience is unnecessary because there only exists a single, robust viewpoint, and no need for growth. In the hive mind, art cannot be created because unique insight is impossible. Bees and ants and the theoretical Chinese in old racists’ imaginations never turn to each other and say, “Listen, there’s something I have to tell you.”

Nearing the end of Willis, I turn into Aro, and the city’s gone and now it’s the suburbs. If I were to keep walking, eventually I’d get to the hills with the trees, and then more trees on a steeper hill, and then eventually water, I guess. That’s the problem with New Zealand: you can only walk so far in one direction before you have to turn back. I wonder: in the hive mind, is running away possible? Perhaps, but you’d spend the rest of your life wondering if it were truly you that ran away, or whether it was a function of the hive ejecting an unwanted element. A man on a ledge yells, “Don’t try to stop me!”, and everyone holds up their palms reassuringly and says, “Nono, it’s fine, we’re actually totally on board with this.”

A car drives past, a bunch of young white dudes with thumping music, one hangs out the window and shouts something at me. There is no hive mind, I decide. The bees can see each other, are pressed right up in each other’s little insect faces, but none of them has the first fucking idea of what’s really going on.

My phone buzzes, and in seconds I’m looking at a photo of me I’ve never seen before, from some foreign land I was in two years ago, apparently. I don’t need to look up to know when to turn left onto my driveway, it all happens automatically. All other thoughts are lost.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is discovering you really don't like kissing.

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