#baking without flour

[bitchfitch]

this is a stupid pet peeve but idk. 'Cooking is an art baking is a science ' is bullshit. you can follow a baking recipe step by step mirroring the original cook Exactly and still get a crap end result.

this is because your kitchen is not their kitchen. unless you live very close to them, their ingredients might be Radically different from yours even if they're technically the same thing. and worse of all. even if you're roommates. if they made their thing first the conditions will be different when you make yours.

like. baking is just ratios. ratio of starch to water to binder to leavener to etc etc.

But you have to include things like. ambient humidity and temperature and where the crop your flour is from was grown and what strain of yeast your using and when your starch was harvested and what the cows and chickens who provided the eggs and dairy were fed and what microbes exist in your environment and how thety hurt or aid flavor and rise time. like. You have to know how to account for the messy nature of reality and there is no formula for that. just repetition until you figure out the flow.

[nicco-ck]

He's just a little guy who bakes in all his free time <33

[wideeyedsmile]

Lads do not develop a special interest in baking that shit is such a slippery slope if you are not extremely careful

[arctic-hands]

I love looking up the histories and backgrounds of poverty food, mostly past but sometimes present. Seaweed/channel wrack during the Irish Famine, acorn flour in North America both in Native communities and by European occupiers. Wartime "roof rabbits" (depressing, don't look up if you're sensitive about pet death). Depression-era and WWII rationing as a whole topic in and of itself. Various nuts around the world that are otherwise shunned in times of plenty because of the association with Bad Times. And of course the history of lobster going from being considered water insects in attitude to an expensive gourmet cuisine.

The one time I ever got pissed off by this was watching a Townsends video where he made colonial-era rice bread, because rice was cheaper than wheat at times. Anyone who's forced to be gluten free will tear our hair out at that statement, because most of us have to forgo bread entirely because rice bread and other gluten free bread at this point is 4 times more expensive than white wheat bread and you only get like a third of the portion in both size of the loaf and the amount of slices within (this has only gone up even more with the corporate price gouging of regular food).

[cicadabooks]

2024 Olympic Muffins: Gluten-free and dairy-free option version (with gram and ml conversions)

(Recipe transcript originally from this post above by @norabee)

(Edits: I baked the muffins and I have been rewriting this post with recipe changes!)

Muffins I baked (Gluten/Dairy free version)

Notes:

Makes about 12 standard muffins. Maybe 6 jumbo muffins?

I added gram and ml equivalents based on some websites for converting US measurements. I think 1 teaspoon is same-ish everywhere, it's about 5ml.

The muffins taste VERY chocolatey to me! A friend thinks they have a nice balance of not too much sugar and good chocolate flavor. Either way, it may be nice to pair the muffins with coconut ice cream or coconut whipped cream. Especially if (like me) you baked the muffins with soy milk instead of cow milk - adding back in some cream may complement the chocolate flavors.

FYI, I used decaf instant coffee.

Muffin ingredients:

¾ cup milk (175 ml) (sub in: soymilk or non-dairy milk of choice.)

¼ cup water (60 ml)

2 tsp instant coffee (10 ml)

½ cup cocoa powder (about 40 grams) (Dutch cocoa recommended*)

½ cup chocolate chunks to melt (about 70 grams) (sub in: non-dairy chocolate chunks)

8 TBSP butter (1 stick, or ½ cup, or 113 grams) (sub in: non-dairy butter)

2 cups flour (between 240 grams - 280 grams?) (sub in: gluten-free 1-to-1 mix flour)

1 TBSP baking powder (15 ml)

¼ tsp salt (sea salt or kosher salt) (1 ml?)

½ cup dark brown sugar, packed (about 110 grams)

½ cup granulated sugar (about 100 grams)

¼ cup vegetable oil (about 60 ml)

2 eggs, room temperature

1 tsp vanilla extract (5 ml)

Additional ⅓ cup of chocolate chunks (about 47 grams)

Filling ingredients:

½ cup heavy cream (125 ml) (sub in: coconut cream - scoop out the top cream from a can of full-fat coconut milk.**)

�� cup chocolate chunks (about 35 grams)

pinch of salt (use sea salt or kosher salt)

Cooking instructions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 C).

Add milk, water, and instant coffee to a saucepan, bring to a simmer. (I turned off the heat once it simmered.) Add cocoa powder, mix well, then add chocolate chunks and butter. Stir until melted, transfer to a bowl, and allow to cool.

In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt.

Once the chocolate mixture is cooled - add brown sugar, granulated sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla. Mix thoroughly.

Add a third of the flour mixture to chocolate mixture and combine. Then add remaining flour mixture, folding in gently. Take care to not over-mix. Then add chocolate chunks (video says to fold in these choco chunks, but it also looks like choco chunks were added on top before baking).

Spoon batter into muffin tins. (Spoon about 1/2 cup or 120ml of batter, or just know that the muffin will poof up.) This might be when to add some chocolate chunks on top of the batter.

Bake for 24 minutes. (Baking time may differ with GF and DF substitutes, often takes longer.)

While waiting - For the filling: add heavy cream, chocolate chunks, and salt to a saucepan, heat until melted, taking care not to come to a boil.

After baking, fill muffins with filling (spoon filling into a ziploc bag, cut corner of bag, cut out a bit of the muffin center with a knife, squeeze filling into muffins)***

Serve.

More Notes:

* Dutch Cocoa suggestion is based on a tumblr tag I saw and also this article. “[....] Dutch-process cocoa powder is usually used for batters containing baking powder.”

** Coconut cream substitution as suggested on this recipe page. (One can had a little more than 1/2 cup cream, when I opened it.)

*** Muffin filling tips from @picturesque-about-it from this post:

"[....] But you could definitely just use a knife to cut out the middle and use a ziploc bag with the corner cut off to fill it." And more ideas -

#honestly…….. it would turn out a bit different but i feel like you could put the filling in before you bake it

#that’s how we made chocolate chip muffins at my old job

#scoop of ganache that would sink as it baked and chocolate chips on top

#they were soooooooo good

if you’re craving chocolate muffins after the olympic muffin man videos, jordan the stallion on tiktok has the recipe for you

[humanpersonface]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[bueris]

bored..... i feel itchy in my soul

[ultimate-healing-blog]

Healthy Apple Pan Pie: Chef Bob's Sugar-Free Delight

GET FULL RECIPE ON-LINE: #ChefBobs #FarmApplePanPie #SugarFreeDesserts #HealthyBaking #ApplePie #FallRecipes #GlutenFree #LowCarb #KetoFriendly #BakingAtHome #HealthyEating #HomemadeDessert #FamilyFavorites #NutritiousAndDelicious #CookWithBob

Chef Bob’s Farm Apple Pan Pie (Sugar-Free) Chef Bob’s Farm Apple Pan Pie is a delightful twist on the classic apple pie, crafted with a sugar-free approach that allows you to enjoy the natural sweetness of apples without the added sugars. This innovative recipe maintains the comforting flavors of traditional apple pie while incorporating a healthier perspective. Whether served warm with a dollop…

[sleep1ng-w1llow]

eating a piece of shortbread very slowly in an attempt to feel like a hamster gnawing on a woodchip

[ayamohammed2024]

Hello

my name is Aya, I am 26 years old, currently living in the northern part of Gaza City, and I am a mother of two children. My oldest is my daughter, Sana'a, who is 5 years old, and my youngest is my son, Wasfi, who is 3.

Since the morning of October 7th, 2023, our lives have been turned upside down. We have lived through the hardest days of our lives, facing displacement and homelessness. We have been forced to leave our home more than ten times since the war began. We would leave without knowing where to go.

We sought refuge in schools and relatives' homes, hoping we could return home and that this nightmare would end. But our house was bombed, and our dreams were destroyed. We became homeless and displaced.

Every day, we wake up to the sound of bombs and rockets. I lived in constant fear and terror with my children, especially when my family's house was bombed while we were taking shelter there.

We are experiencing a real famine in Gaza. I’ve gone to bed with my children many nights without dinner because there is no food available. We have had to eat animal and bird feed due to the high cost of flour just to fill the hunger of my young children. Even after eating it, we all suffered from diarrhea and severe stomach pain. My children developed rashes on their bodies due to the spread of viruses and the accumulation of garbage. There is also a severe shortage of water, and even when we find it, it's not safe to drink.

My children cry, asking for vegetables, fruits, and eggs, but we can’t afford them because we have no income. The gas shortage has forced us to use fire for everything—cooking and baking—using plastic and pipes because firewood is so hard to find.

My children also developed jaundice, and I struggled a lot to get them better because there was no access to vegetables, fruits, or medicine. I even feared that my son might have developed polio because he already had leg problems before the war, and they worsened due to malnutrition.

Winter is coming, and we have nothing for it. I need clothes and shoes for my children to keep them warm, but I can’t buy them because they are so expensive.

For this reason, I beg of you and hope that you can support me, even with the smallest contribution, so I can provide my children with the most basic necessities of life.

I was displaced with my children to my family's house, tears in my eyes. On the way, Salah Al-Din Street was bombed, and the Israeli occupation committed horrific massacres. By the grace of God, we survived for the first time. We lived in terror and fear. A few days later, my family's house was bombed, and we were pulled out from under the rubble, miraculously surviving for the second time.

When my husband heard the news that we had died, he came to bid us farewell, only to find us alive by God's grace. We returned with him, but as the situation worsened and the fire belts in our area increased, we started to flee again and again, not knowing where to go next.

I beg of you to share my story and help me continue to live.

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #230 )✅️

Vetted by butterfly nu #1133

[cuntyji]

the first video nanami ever posted was filmed on a shaky phone propped up against a bag of flour.

he was making bread—simple, easy, the kind of thing he found comfort in after long days at work. his hands moved methodically, kneading the dough with a quiet precision, and though he spoke very little, the video was oddly calming.

he hadn't expected much from it. maybe a few views, maybe a couple of people who’d appreciate the lack of unnecessary chatter. but the comments were overwhelmingly positive, people asking about his technique, his recipe, his voice—deep, smooth, effortlessly steady. so he made another video. then another.

it was the late-night upload of him singing "baby one more time" by the marías that changed everything.

filmed on an old macbook with a grainy webcam, the lighting barely enough to make out his face, the video had been an impulse decision—one he almost deleted. it was just him, sitting on his couch, his voice low and hushed, the way he usually sang to lull yuuji to sleep. but the internet clung to it like ivy, twisting and reaching until the video had over a million views by the end of the week.

"who is he." "why is this the most intimate thing i've ever heard in my life." "he looks exhausted and sounds like a dream, i'm in love."

he thought it would pass. but it didn't.

his subscribers doubled overnight. the demand for more was loud, insistent. nanami, being nanami, didn’t rush to meet it. instead, he structured it into his routine: one video a week, a mix of baking and singing—because baking was reliable, and singing had never been something he shared outside of yuuji’s bedtime.

his channel evolved. the baking videos became polished, edited with subtle precision. he switched to voiceovers, explaining each step in that same low, deliberate tone that made people feel like he was speaking just to them. and when he sang, it was always songs that carried a quiet sort of nostalgia.

"he only sings songs he sings to his kid to sleep i’m crying." "his lullabies are better than half the music industry." "i don’t know his name, his age, or his face properly, but i know his banana bread recipe by heart."

nanami never explicitly talked about being a single dad, but it was impossible to miss. yuuji’s voice sometimes made cameos in the background, muffled questions about homework, laughter when nanami burnt the edges of a cake. he didn’t hide it, didn’t play it up. it was just a part of his life, and his audience adored him for it.

his faq video—one of the few times he ever directly addressed personal questions—answered almost nothing.

"are you married?" "no." "how old are you?" "old enough." "what's your name?" "nanami."

the mystery only made people more obsessed.

"i know nothing about him but i’d die for him." "his hands. his voice. his existence." "the fact that he bakes and sings for his kid and still won’t tell us his age is crazy."

he now posted twice a week. one video was always baking, the other was whatever he wanted—sometimes music, sometimes a quiet q&a, sometimes just a video of him making tea while rain hit the windows.

people knew everything and nothing about him at the same time. they knew the exact ratio of brown sugar he preferred in cookies but not what city he lived in. they knew he tucked yuuji in every night with a song but had never seen his full face in a single frame. they knew the precise cadence of his voice when he said “and that’s how you make the perfect loaf” but had never heard him say “i love you”—and yet, somehow, they felt like they had.

the internet had fallen in love with him. and nanami, quietly, without even trying, had changed his life with nothing but flour-dusted hands and the sound of his own voice.

[sayangrafayel]

LADS react to your failed homemade chocolate for them! Happy Val's Day!

It's Valentine's day! So you decided to make them a homemade chocolate or other baked goods for your beloved.. but no matter how hard you try, turns out making a chocolate is not easy... how would they react to it?

Sylus, Xavier, Rafayel, Zayne, Caleb

Sylus

His trademark raised eyebrow is on full display right now seeing his kitchen a big mess and you covered in flour, chocolates, and.. are those strawberry jams? He hopes so.

Mephisto is EXHAUSTED because you used him all day to look up for tutorials and recipes and every single one he had to witness yet another fail.

"This tastes... different than the ones I would usually buy." "Just say you hate it!!!" "Hate it? No no no. This is.. amazing! What do you mean it's burnt? It's so good! So so so good!"

Xavier

Eats it with no problem at ALL. Doesn't even bat an eye.

"So.. what do you think?" "It's good." "But.. it's all.. burnt.." "Oh yeah, they taste like the ones I made." "Sorry?" "Yeah you should try the ones I gave you. They taste almost the same yet yours have more sweetness."

You. Were. Scared. To. Try. His. But your beloved worked so hard on it! So why not try it!? Another trip to the ER would be worth it if it's for your beloved!!

Rafayel

TEARED. UP.

"Do you hate me?" "What?" "You hate me and you want me to die. So you decide to poison me?!" "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" "I CAN UNDERSTAND THE BETRAYAL. BUT DOING IT ON VALENTINE'S DAY?" "OK YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT-"

You end up having to share HIS homemade beautifully designed chocolate with him because he's not gonna eat your batch...

Zayne

He was really silent.

"So? How is it? I know it's a bit burnt but-" "It's okay. It's.. good." "Zayne, you don't have to lie.." "Why would I lie to you? I love these. I'm gonna cherish these and put it somewhere out of anyone's reach for their own safety- I mean, so I can look at it when I miss you."

He took you to a chocolate making class the next day. You know he likes his sweets DIABETIC.

Caleb

This man ate your wasabi sandwich without batting an eye. You think a little burnt dessert is gonna stop him?

"Caleb I know it's bad you don't have to keep eating it-" "What are you saying! It's not bad! Plus it's good, I need to train my stomach. It's been awhile since I ate your homemade food! Is there any left?" "CALEB STOP EATING IT PLEASE"

You had to pry his hands off of the baked goods because he would Not stop. Puppy wants to appreciate your effort!!! Okay!!! 😭🥺 He gives you his own batch and they're sooooooooooo good you almost didn't believe it's homemade, but it's Caleb, so of course he's annoyingly good at everything he does. 🙄

Happy Val's Day, everybaaa!! Thank you so much for every support, likes, reblogs, comments, asks you have given me! I really appreciate it! 🥰

[onlypinkslut]

warning 18+

bulking season bf!toji fushiguro x f!reader🍫 ─────────────────────────── you should’ve known better than to bake aphrodisiac-laced chocolate for a man whose cock is already this heavy on a rest day.

cw: aphrodisiac use, dubcon energy, intense size kink, morning-after continuation, heavy creampie detail, degradation + praise, light choking, possessive, rimming, piss kink, thick cock worship, finger sucking, spit

───────────────────────────

you didn’t even mean for it to get nasty. you were just playing around, honestly. the aphrodisiac chocolates had been sitting in your drawer since that one dumb tiktok trend went viral, and you bought them as a joke, more curious than anything. they were shaped like hearts, barely smelled like cocoa, and supposedly made with some obscure herb that increased sensitivity and blood flow. whatever. they’d probably do nothing. but it was a boring saturday, his stupid team was losing again, and he was in one of his bulking moods always grumbling about macros and how his legs were sore and how his back felt tight even though he spent the entire day sprawled on the couch. so you figured, why not. you crumbled up three of those little hearts and stirred them right into the muffin batter, along with his favorite chocolate whey protein, flaxseed, a little oat flour, and that fake sugar he liked. they looked innocent. smelled good too. you even sprinkled dark chocolate chunks on top so they felt indulgent.

you were still mixing when you felt that big fucking hand smack your ass, the sting warm and sharp.

he walked by without looking at you like it was nothing, wearing nothing but his black compression shorts and one of those old tournament tees that clung to his back. his arms looked thicker than usual he’d been on some mass phase that turned his triceps round and full and his stomach into that heavy, firm softness that made him feel dangerous when he pinned you down. his thighs were beefy and slow-moving, and when he bent down to grab a beer from the fridge, you watched the fabric strain around the curve of his ass like it owed you something.

he popped the can open and took a long drink, foam sliding down the corner of his mouth. you laughed, swatting his arm as he kissed your cheek.

you smell like powder and beer. move.

he grinned, grumbled something about the game, and walked back to the couch.

you baked the muffins. pulled them out golden, warm, fluffy, dark chocolate bleeding from the tops. you left them to cool on the counter and slipped away to the bathroom to rinse the sticky batter off your hands. maybe three minutes, tops. when you came back, the tray was empty except for one.

he didn’t even hide it. he was leaning against the counter with chocolate crumbs on his lip, chewing the last bite of the second-to-last one, like he didn’t just eat five muscle muffins in under three minutes.

you stood there in silence.

toji.

he looked up, mouth full, blinked slowly.

hmm?

you pointed at the tray.

what the fuck, babe. you ate all of them?

he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shrugged, tone smug.

i left you one.

you stared harder.

wow. thank you. king shit. leaving me one of the muffins i made from your expensive ass protein powder.

he smirked, walked past you toward the living room again.

could’ve eaten that one too. i was nice.

you followed him.

you’re a fucking jerk sometimes, toji. greedy ass.

he turned, and his face looked different. not defensive. flushed. like the heat hit him late. his eyes were a little too half-lidded, that casual post-meal glow a little too glassy. he leaned back against the counter, beer still in hand, and you noticed the way he adjusted his waistband. the compression shorts weren’t hiding anything. his cock was already thickening, heavy and outlined, hanging to the side and rising slow, fat from the bulk, veins showing along the shaft like he was halfway hard without even trying.

he blinked at you again.

you say that like it’s not sexy watching me eat.

you squinted.

you high?

he looked confused, then smirked wider.

nah. i just feel good. what’d you put in those muffins?

you crossed your arms.

…chocolate.

his hand reached down and adjusted again. his cock twitched under the fabric.

mm. you put steroids in that shit? ‘cause i feel like i could fuck you through the wall right now.

you rolled your eyes but your thighs clenched.

you’re so full of yourself. big back.

he laughed, deep and slow, took another sip of his beer and tilted his head.

big back that’s gonna fold you over the sink in five seconds if you keep mouthing off.

you stared at the outline of his cock fully hard now, straining, the tip pressing high, the shaft wide and curved with the kind of bulked-up heaviness that made your mouth ache just thinking about it. he was flushed down to his chest, neck pink, voice deeper. the aphrodisiacs were kicking in hard, and he had no idea why just knew he was turned on and looking at you like you were a cheat meal and a challenge all in one.

his beer hit the counter with a loud clink.

you still mad about the muffins?

you didn’t answer.

his eyes dropped to your thighs.

yeah. thought so.

he didn’t give you time to run. didn’t even pretend to play nice. one second you were glaring at him, hands on your hips like you were gonna keep arguing, and the next, he had both your wrists in one of his hands and your body bent clean over the kitchen counter, your cheek pressing into the still-warm granite like it was punishment. the tray clattered next to your face, one lonely muffin left behind, and his beer bottle rolled sideways, forgotten. his grip on your wrists tightened just slightly firm enough to hold you still, loose enough to tease. his other hand slipped under your shirt, palm dragging over your stomach, and you felt the weight of him behind you, chest hot and solid, that firm bulked-up belly pinning your hips down like he was built to keep you there.

you felt it before it hit. his hand lifted, then cracked back down on your ass hard, a full open-palm slap that made your hips jerk forward and your mouth fall open with a breathy yelp. the sting bloomed fast, heat spreading, and he leaned over you, lips against your ear as he growled low.

that’s one muffin.

you twisted your face against the counter, half-laughing, half-squirming, the ache spreading deeper with every second. your skirt was already pushed up, your thighs open, panties crooked and damp from how hard your heart was beating. you wanted to be mad. you were mad. but your ass lifted again, greedy and twitching, and he noticed. his hand came down again. same cheek. sharper this time, more of a slap than a spank.

two.

fuck you, you overgrown glutton.

he chuckled dark against your neck and licked a slow stripe up the side of it. you felt the curve of his cock pressing against your ass, thick and full and leaking into his shorts now, the head wet and bulging against the waistband. his body felt like a furnace, bulking-season heat turning his whole chest into something heavy and suffocating as it dragged down your back. his hand reached around and shoved your panties further to the side, two fingers sliding through the slick between your thighs.

mm. you’re wet. you like being punished for chocolate, huh?

i liked the part before you opened your mouth..

another slap. harder. lower. made your clit jump from the vibration of it.

three.

you hissed through your teeth, but your ass stayed up, back arched like you needed more. he grabbed the side of your jaw, turned your face toward him, and shoved two fingers past your lips sticky from your own slick, the taste already faintly sweet. you sucked them in slow, dragging your tongue along the pads, teeth brushing just barely.

he looked down at you, smirking, and started moving his fingers in and out of your mouth like he was testing depth.

four.

you moaned around them, lips popping, and he shoved your face back down onto the counter, fingers dragging out wet. he spanked you again, same rhythm, a little higher this time, making your whole body jerk forward from the impact.

five.

you giggled breathlessly and rolled your hips back into him.

can you count without losing breath?

he grabbed your hair and yanked your head back just enough to make you gasp, your spine bowing beneath him. his cock pressed harder against your ass now, twitching visibly through the fabric.

don’t make me count with my cock instead.

you moaned louder than you meant to. your pussy was dripping, your thighs sticky, clit swollen and throbbing from the slap-rub rhythm he kept grinding into you with that brutal body weight. he was sweating now too, heat radiating off his skin, mouth hot against your neck as he whispered—

six.

you didn’t even feel the slap before you felt yourself twitch. your clit rubbed up against the edge of the counter. your mouth dropped open in a low gasp.

seven.

he kissed your shoulder, still smirking, and dragged his fingers between your legs again, then brought them back to your lips, slick and warm. you sucked them without hesitation this time. your body was swaying, rolling back into his grip like instinct, ass high and cunt dripping while he lined himself up behind you, rubbing the thick head of his cock between your folds like he was testing how far he could stretch you before you even said a word.

eight.

you heard yourself laugh and sob in the same breath. he didn’t let up.

the whole thing stopped when your phone started ringing loud and shrill, cutting through the heat like cold water. you jumped off the counter fast, pulling your shirt down and stumbling into the hallway while muttering something about it being your friend and how you’d deal with him later. he grunted something but didn’t follow, probably still standing there half-hard, flushed, and foaming at the mouth. you shut the door to the bedroom and answered the call like your face wasn’t red and your thighs weren’t sticky with your own slick. tried to focus. nodded through the updates about someone’s breakup and how the group chat was dead without you. you were just starting to feel normal again, legs still sore, when you heard the door creak open.

he didn’t say anything. just walked in like he had every right to interrupt. sat next to you on the edge of the bed, shirtless now, that thick bulked-up body warm and sweaty, the smell of chocolate and protein powder still clinging to his skin. you tried to keep your voice steady, but he leaned in close and started pressing soft kisses to your cheek like he was innocent. like he wasn’t the same man who spanked you eight times in a row like a delinquent five minutes ago.

you ignored him.

he licked the shell of your ear.

you wet right now?

you flinched, elbowing him off, mouthing shut up, i’m on the phone, but he just grinned and pulled you closer by the waist, mouth dragging along your jaw.

did you touch yourself today?

you hissed through your teeth and turned away from him, still nodding to the phone, but your eyes rolled when you felt the shape of his cock through his shorts pressing to your side.

do you like my cock?

he said it with a straight face like he was asking you about the weather. you shoved him again, whispering you’re disgusting and i’m tired, and he just blinked, offended.

you stood up, phone still to your ear, and said you were going to shower and do skincare. tried to escape. told him to wait for you, literally begged him not to be a freak for ten minutes. but he followed you down the hall like a damn animal, dragging his feet, head tilted low, big arms hanging loose, shorts tenting with the outline of his thick cock already half out the waistband. you were halfway into the bathroom when he yanked them down to his thighs and slapped the heavy thing against his stomach with a loud thwack, the sound echoing off the walls.

you turned around with wide eyes, still holding your cleanser bottle.

you need help. what the fuck is wrong with you tonight?

he was sweating. hard. chest flushed, lips parted, cock twitching thick and veiny with that full weight. he gripped the base lazily, stroking it slow like it owed him answers.

lemme have your panties.

you laughed like you were being pranked.

no. they’re gross. literally sweaty and full of discharge. stop being weird.

he growled, eyes locked on your hips like you were already undressing.

that’s why i want them.

you looked at him like he needed a hospital. you rolled your eyes and tossed them at him from the doorway, half expecting him to joke except he didn’t. he grabbed them like they were sacred, wrapped them around his cock and started stroking harder, groaning under his breath as the fabric dragged slick down his shaft. he smelled them first. then kept going.

baby, come back.

you stared, stunned, jaw dropped, laughing as you backed into the bathroom like he was possessed.

you’re actually disgusting tonight. i’m scared.

he grinned like it was a compliment. still stroking. cock gleaming with spit and your old discharge. voice low and hoarse like he was pleading now.

just come back. five minutes. c’mon, let me fuck you up a little.

you shut the door before he made you say yes.

but you were smiling.

you walked out of the shower with wet hair, a towel wrapped high around your chest and steam still clinging to your legs when you saw him on the bed legs spread, back against the headboard, one hand stroking his cock slow while your panties were on his fucking face. not just held there. stretched across his mouth, the fabric pulled tight under his nose like he was breathing in the scent of you, huffing hard while his palm glided up and down his thick shaft. he was already flushed. drenched in sweat. eyes glassy and wild like he’d been edging himself with your name in his head the whole time you were gone.

you stopped cold in the doorway, one leg still in the bathroom.

are you serious right now?

he looked up slowly. didn’t move the panties. didn’t even blink.

you took too long.

you rolled your eyes and turned back toward the closet, muttering under your breath, already reaching for a shirt. your towel was still clinging to your hips, and the moment he saw you grab anything, he growled.

don’t put that on.

you ignored him.

toji, shut up.

he stood. fast. his cock still in hand, hard and leaking, bouncing with every step as he moved toward you, thighs thick and full and loud against the floor. his shadow covered you in one step. your towel was gone in the next. yanked clean off and tossed straight over the balcony like he had no sense of reality left.

you screamed.

what the fuck?!

he didn’t answer. didn’t care. just stood there staring at you like you were made of gold and filth and his name written on skin. his cock twitched in his hand again, a string of slick still connecting his thumb to the flushed tip, the whole thing fat and swollen and angry looking, like it had been waiting too long. he started stroking again, eyes dropping straight to your tits and lower. your stomach. your thighs. your pussy still damp and shiny from the shower. his gaze slowed down, mouth hanging open a little, lips pressed into your soaked panties again as he moaned like he’d been starving.

you’re fucking insane. what is wrong with you?

he didn’t flinch. his eyes stayed on your pussy. his hand stroked harder. faster. your insults didn’t even register. he was jerking off to the way your thighs rubbed together when you shifted your weight, to the curve of your ass from the side, to the way your nipples perked from the cold air. he kept moaning low, soft, not loud but desperate. the kind that scared you. his chest was rising fast. face flushed, forehead damp. the chocolate definitely hit too deep. and the way he looked at you wasn’t romantic or sweet. it was deranged. feral. the kind of hunger that had no language.

you’re a fucking psycho tonight, oh my god.

he dropped the panties. grabbed your face with one hand, rough, fast, and kissed you like he was dying. not gentle. his lips crashed into yours and his tongue shoved in immediately, messy and hot, licking over your tongue and sucking on it like it was wet candy. you tried to pull away but he held your jaw tight, chest pressed against yours now, heavy and hot and huge, cock still rubbing up against your belly as he ground against you, growling like a man who hadn’t cum in a year.

you tasted the sweat. the chocolate. the spit. your own slick.

his other hand grabbed your thigh and lifted it, shoving it between his legs so he could grind on it, cock dragging across your skin, wet and heavy, the head leaving smears on your inner thigh as he humped it slow, panting harder.

baby. baby fuck. you feel so small. so soft. so tight.

you whimpered when his hand wrapped around your throat, thumb pressing up under your jaw, not squeezing hard but firm enough to make you feel it when you swallowed. his kisses didn’t stop. he was biting now. licking the corner of your mouth. pulling at your lips with his teeth. his whole body was crushing you against the closet door and you could feel the thickness of his arms pressing in from either side, his back broad enough to block the hallway.

you dug your nails into his shoulders, scratching, hissing between gasps.

you’re fucking disgusting tonight, jesus—

he humped harder. his cock twitched. he slapped it against your belly again with a thick wet thud and groaned into your mouth.

he didn’t ask. he picked you up. your leg still caught around his waist, his arms under your ass, that towel long forgotten, your clothes gone, his body hot enough to steam glass.

you weren’t escaping. you didn’t want to.

your back slammed against the wall, chest heaving, breath caught halfway in your throat as his cock rubbed slick and hot between your thighs. he was still grinding on you like he couldn’t think straight, his sweat mixing with the water on your skin, his lips open against your mouth, panting like an animal that couldn’t stop pacing. you pushed against his chest just barely, enough to give yourself space to breathe, but not enough to stop him.

i gave you something, you muttered, almost breathless, voice shaky as his mouth trailed down your collarbone.

he didn’t stop.

something like what?

your hand pushed weakly at his shoulder. you weren’t even sure why you said it. maybe guilt. maybe pride.

in the muffins. they had… like, aphrodisiac shit in them.

he froze. only for a second. just long enough for his eyes to flick up and look at you with something new hunger wrapped in something sharper. his jaw clenched. the muscles in his arms flexed where they held you. then he grinned.

you dirty fucking girl.

he grabbed your thighs and hoisted you up like you weighed nothing, your back thudding against the wall again as he shifted his hips and lined his cock up with your entrance. he didn’t tease. didn’t ask. he just pressed in raw and thick, your walls stretching fast around him as he filled you in one long, punishing stroke. your nails dug into his shoulders, mouth open in a gasp, the pressure dizzying. he was too big like this, too warm, his cock fat and swollen and harder than it had ever been, the aphrodisiac still burning through his bloodstream like fuel.

he fucked into you like he was chasing something down, every thrust heavy and deep, his hips snapping forward fast enough that your whole body bounced up the wall with each one. the air got knocked out of you every time he bottomed out. he grunted into your neck, the sound low and guttural, his words hot against your ear.

you feed me that shit just to get fucked stupid like this? you wanted this cock that bad, baby?

you didn’t answer. couldn’t. your head rolled back against the wall, legs locked tight around his waist, cunt clenching around him so hard it made him groan. he kept fucking you through it, through the twitching, through the tight squeeze, through the way your slick dripped down his balls and hit the floor. he didn’t slow down until your whole body started to go limp.

then he dropped to his knees with you. laid you out flat on the floor and spread your legs wide with both hands, fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs like he was bruising ownership into you. he didn’t even wait to kiss. he dove in like a man gone mad, his tongue flat against your folds, dragging up and down through the mess he left inside you, nose bumping your clit, jaw grinding against your pussy like he was trying to pull another orgasm out of you just by sucking.

he licked like it was work. like he was mad about it. tongue shoved into your hole, fucking you open, then licking his way back up only to slap your clit with the tip of it over and over until you were jerking under him, your legs kicking, hands fisting the sheets.

fuck, toji, you’re gonna make me—

he didn’t let you finish. didn’t care. he moaned into you, tongue curling and dragging, mouth open and messy, chin soaked, his whole face buried between your legs like your pussy was the only thing keeping him alive.

this what you wanted, huh? you wanna drug me, make me lose my fuckin mind?

you slapped at his arm, still shrieking, but laughing now too, twisted and gasping.

you’re fucking gross, jesus christ—

gonna fuck this apology out of you. you wanna feed me sex drugs and then leave me hard? thought you were gonna shower and sleep and not let me breed this pretty pussy?

he had you bent over the balcony railing with your tits smashed against the cold metal, breath fogging up the night air, thighs trembling and slick. his cock was already buried halfway in you and he hadn’t even moved yet, just grinding slow against your ass like he wanted to remember how tight you were before ruining it completely. his body was hot behind you, chest soaked with sweat, the bulk of him weighing down every inch of your spine. his stomach rested on your lower back, firm and heavy from the bulking phase, and the thick stretch of his cock had your cunt fluttering before he even pulled back. he exhaled against your ear rough, panting, jaw clenched so tight you could feel his breath shudder when he spoke.

you think this shit’s funny? you fed me some nasty little pussy drug and then ran away to do your skincare like i’m supposed to sit there hard as fuck and not take it out on you?

you shook your head, voice breaking as you tried to form a sentence, the pressure too much already. your hands scrambled for grip, your hips jerking forward when he shoved in deeper, the base of his cock pressing up against your puffy lips and the weight of his balls slapping hot against your clit. you moaned, loud and unfiltered, thighs already sticky from a mix of sweat, slick, and his spit.

i-it’s not a drug, i swear, i just— it was stupid, i saw it online, it said—

he cut you off with a loud grunt, hips snapping forward, dragging a cry out of your chest as your cunt swallowed him to the root. his cock throbbed inside you, so thick and stretched from bulking it felt like you were stuffed with a hot pipe, every ridge of his length dragging against your walls with slow, deliberate friction.

it’s not a drug, huh? then why the fuck does it feel like i’ve been edged for three hours straight with my cock full and my brain empty except for how bad i wanna watch your pussy leak?

you choked on your moan, your body trembling under him. he pulled out halfway, then slammed back in, hard, so loud it echoed across the balcony and bounced off the buildings across the street. you barely noticed the air. barely noticed the night. all you felt was the weight of him, the rage, the obsession, the way his hips snapped like it was punishment.

he started fucking you harder, rougher, and mid-thrust he suddenly paused, grabbed the base of his cock and pulled out, spit dripping from the head, thick veins bulging. you gasped and tried to turn, but his hand was already in your hair, pressing your face down to the rail as he shifted his weight and growled low.

don’t move. fuck shit, baby, i gotta piss.

your whole body tensed, panic crawling up your spine, and you cried out, struggling under him, your voice sharp.

toji—no, the fuck is wrong with you—

he laughed, soft and low, teeth showing in a grin you couldn’t see, voice hoarse.

nah, this is what you get. you feed me some slick little chocolate pussy poison and leave me like a fuckin dog? you get all of it.

he gripped the base of his cock with one thick fist and let go, piss splashing hot against the top of your ass, between your cheeks, running down over your pussy and inner thighs. your back arched and your moan broke into a sob, the sound caught somewhere between disgust and overstimulation as the heat of it soaked you and dripped past your clit. you thrashed once, gasping your voice cracked and hitched.

you’re fucking sick—oh my god, you’re disgusting, what the fuck is wrong with you—

he moaned louder than you, hand stroking himself through it like it was pleasure, not releases, hips jerking with each squeeze.

mm. you like it. feel that? feel how my cock’s still hard even while i’m marking you? fuck, look at that pussy, twitching while i piss on it. can’t believe you thought you were gonna sleep tonight.

you sobbed again, shaking, cunt clenching involuntarily from the humiliation and the heat of his body, and when he was done he didn’t even give you a second. he gripped your hips and shoved his cock back inside raw, sliding through the mess he left like it was lube, his thrusts wet and vicious, his balls still dripping, the slap of skin on skin louder now, filthier.

he grabbed your throat from behind and yanked your back into his chest, voice rasping into your ear.

you don’t feed me shit like that unless you wanna see what it does, yeah? look what you did. look how fuckin big you got me. made me this way. now take it.

you couldn’t even speak anymore. only sounds. gasps. wet moans. tears on your cheeks while he kissed your jaw with too much tongue, licking your face, biting your earlobe, rutting into you like a dog in heat while one hand slid down to rub your clit fast and messy.

that’s it. let me fuck it out of you. cry about it. you don’t get to come until you learn.

you nodded fast, mouth open, drooling now, body convulsing every time his cock kissed your cervix.

i said cry about it.

you sobbed harder. said sorry. begged. not for forgiveness—just to come.

he let you. and when you came, it was so hard your vision blacked, cunt squirting around him like a faucet, legs giving out, and he held you there, fucked you through it like he wasn’t done.

because he wasn’t.

you woke up sore. not just sore wrecked. your thighs ached deep in the muscle, your cunt was tender and raw, still sticky where it rubbed against the sheets, and your whole lower body pulsed like something had been pulled too far open and left that way. your skin smelled like sex. your breath tasted like his spit. your arms were limp, your mouth dry, and for a second you thought maybe he’d finally stopped.

until you shifted. and felt it.

his cock. still heavy. still thick. pressed to the curve of your ass under the sheets like it had been sitting there all night waiting for permission.

you groaned, tried to roll away, but his arm slipped around your waist and held you there, one big hand splayed over your stomach, pulling you back against the heat of his chest. his voice was low and rough in your ear, sleep-wrecked but alert.

where the fuck you think you’re going?

you sighed, already annoyed, already tired, but he didn’t loosen his grip. just slid his hand down over your hip and cupped your bare pussy from behind, fingers dragging through the dried mess between your folds like he was checking inventory.

you’re still soaked. feels like you leaked in your sleep. maybe we didn’t finish.

you elbowed him weakly, face hot, cunt clenching involuntarily against his palm.

shut up. you’re disgusting. that shit wore off hours ago.

he laughed, deep and low in his chest, cock twitching harder now where it rested against your ass.

nah. i still feel it. still fucked up over you. you think you can drug me, get used like a toy, and then act shy when the sun comes up?

his hand slipped back up to your tits, squeezing one lazily, then back down between your thighs, rubbing slow circles into your sore clit. your body jerked, half-flinched, half-needy, and he kissed your neck.

ride it out. burn off the rest of the dose. sit on it and make it go away.

you turned and stared at him, annoyed, blinking against the light, but the look in his eyes was already glazed over, half-lidded and waiting. he looked like he hadn’t even gone soft in his sleep. you threw the sheet off with a huff and swung your leg over his hips, straddling him. your cunt dragged against his cock, both of you still sticky from the night before, and you rolled your eyes as he groaned under you.

you’re nasty. i should make you apologize.

he grinned, arms behind his head, cock thick and upright between your thighs.

do it with your mouth then.

you paused, breathing heavy, and dropped your hips down, taking the tip in slow, your body already twitching from the stretch. he was hot. swollen. too much for the morning, too much for your still-aching pussy. but you sank down anyway, inch by inch, cunt stretching open around him like it was made for it. when he bottomed out, you gasped, hands planted flat on his stomach. he reached forward and gripped your waist.

now say sorry.

you started riding. slow at first, the slide messy and loud, your thighs smacking against his with each bounce. you felt everything. the weight of him inside, the slick of old cum and dried slick, the sweat that never left his chest. he watched your tits bounce, watched the way your stomach pulled tight with every roll of your hips, his cock dragging up and catching on your clit at just the right angle.

you said nothing.

he sat up. grabbed your face. kissed you full on the mouth, licking your teeth, spitting into your mouth as he growled against your lips.

say sorry, baby. say you’re sorry for getting me addicted to your fuckin pussy.

you whimpered. hips rolled faster. the slap of your skin against his thighs louder now, filthier, the sound of your breath tangled in moans and curses. his cock pulsed inside you.

then make me forgive you.

he didn’t let you clean up. didn’t let you pull your legs together or roll away or even think about the mess between your thighs. you were still catching your breath, chest sticking to the sheets, cheek smushed against the mattress and your whole body soft and fucked-stupid when he pulled your hips back toward him and slid a pillow under your stomach. you barely moved. just let him do it. your arms were slack, tits resting heavy against the bed, lips parted and eyes half-shut as he pushed your thighs apart again and settled behind you.

he was still hard.

you moaned when he pushed back in. not loud, not shocked just a slow, tired moan, your voice almost sleepy from how full you already were. his cock slid in with a wet glide, pussy fluttering open from how wrecked you were, the stretch not sharp now, just deep. aching. familiar. his hips moved slow, shallow thrusts that rocked your body forward gently against the mattress. his hands stayed on your ass. never left. he massaged it in slow circles, thumbs digging into the softness, fingers spreading you apart to watch how your pussy stretched and swallowed him all over again.

good girl. so warm like this. open for me even now.

his voice was low, almost lazy. not teasing just full. like his mouth couldn’t help it. one hand slid lower, fingers pressing between your folds to spread the mess there, the mix of cum and slick and sweat still dripping from where he’d been in you all night. his other hand gripped one cheek and spread you wide, thumb brushing up between your ass slowly, slow enough for you to feel the anticipation build before he dragged it down again. your rim twitched.

you whispered something, slurred and soft, but it came out as a moan when he pressed his finger there just resting the pad against it, not pushing yet, just rubbing slow. he leaned over you, spit pooling in his mouth before he let it drip down between your cheeks, warm and thick, landing right where his finger was. you gasped and arched your back, more from the feeling than the surprise. your thighs trembled.

don’t tighten up, baby. it’s just me. relax for me.

his finger circled again. then slipped in.

not all the way. just the tip. just enough to stretch your rim a little, his finger slick with spit, his cock still dragging in and out of your pussy slow and heavy. your ass clenched and he moaned under his breath, fingers flexing as he pushed a little deeper, then pulled out. he brought it to his mouth and licked it clean like it was natural. didn’t rush. just sucked it slow, tongue dragging over the tip, eyes half-lidded as he groaned.

you taste like sin. i swear to god, you were made for me.

you whimpered into the sheets. your breath stuttered. your cunt clenched.

he leaned over your back, his belly warm against your spine, one hand still stroking the cleft of your ass, his other sliding under to rub your clit slow with two fingers.

pussy’s still milking me. like it doesn’t know we’re done. look at you, twitching like you want more even while you’re falling asleep.

you whispered don’t be gross under your breath but your hips pushed back into him, slow and instinctive, your body chasing the rhythm even if your brain had clocked out.

he chuckled against your shoulder, teeth grazing the skin softly as he whispered against it.

you say that but this messy pussy says otherwise. you want it even like this, all quiet and stretched out and tired. good little fuckhole. can’t help it, huh?

you moaned again, louder this time, breath breaking as his hips met yours harder now, slow but deep, each thrust rocking you into the bed.

you clung to the sheets, fingers weak, nails dragging lazy against the cotton.

he parted your ass again and spit one more time, rubbing it down between your cheeks before sliding the tip of his finger back in, slow and deliberate, while fucking you with his cock at the same time. your body shook. your mouth dropped open.

good girl. let me keep you open a little longer. just like this. just like you were made for it.

he fucked you slow and didn’t stop until you came again. barely able to breathe. moaning into the sheets, cunt tightening, ass twitching around his finger, his cock buried deep while your whole body pulsed around every inch of him.

and then he pulled out, kissed your spine, and licked your hole one more time. slow. wet. his tongue dragging low and filthy as his breath shivered over your skin.

you tasted like something he’d never stop wanting.

(๑･̑◡･̑๑) thank you for reading, you nasty little angels. this was unhinged, sweaty, and absolutely necessary. reblogs keep me fed, filthy comments keep me harder. see you next sin🎀

onlypinkslut

[nekonaps0]

Excuse me… SIR?! Pt1

✦part2 part3

✦ characters: third years

✦ gn!reader

✦the boys suddenly cracked a naughty, suggestive joke

✦you guys really loved the “You are NAUGHTY!!” Series so what if we switch it up and the boys gonna surprise you this time!?👀

Trey Clover

You were just baking together, things were perfectly normal. Flour smudged your cheek, his sleeves rolled up, the kitchen smelled like vanilla and sugar. Then he suddenly leans in and says, casually:

“You know… if you keep looking at my hands like that, I might start thinking you want me to knead you instead.”

Your jaw drops.

Your brain short-circuits.

Did TREY just say that?!

“T-Trey!!”


“What? You like bold flavors, don’t you?”

He just chuckles, unbothered. Keeps going like he didn’t just ruin your soul with that line. And if you try to protest. He’ll lean closer and murmur

“Your cheeks are redder than the jam we’re using… cute.”

He’s so chill but absolutely enjoying watching you fall apart.

Cater Diamond

You were scrolling on his Magicam, casually cuddled on his bed, when he suddenly pointed to a blurry selfie and said:

“Hey, we should totally take a thirst trap together sometime. Like… you on my lap. My hand on your thigh. Caption it: ‘who needs dessert when you’ve got this snack?’ 🍑✨”

You drop the phone.

“C-Cater—!”

He grins so hard and wiggles his brows. He lives for this. Especially the way your face is heating up faster than one of Trey’s ovens.

“Aww~ look at you getting all flustered~ You’d look so sweet. Just say the word, cutie~”

You try to hide behind a pillow. He steals it and takes a selfie of your flushed expression.

“#CursedButHot #ShyBabyEnergy”

Leona Kingscholar

You were sitting together in the greenhouse. It was quiet. Peaceful. He was laying on the grass with his arms behind his head when, without even opening his eyes, he murmured:

“Y’know, if you keep straddling the line between cute and sexy like that… I might have to pin you down and show you what happens to teases.”

Silence.

You choked on air. Your entire face lit up like a tomato.

“W-What did you just say?! I didn’t even do anything!”

He cracks one eye open. Smirks.

“Heh. Look at that. One sentence and you’re already redder than Riddle after a rule-break.”

You stammer. He yawns.

“Come here. I’ll cool you off. Or warm you up. Dealer’s choice.”

You are not surviving this man.

Vil Schoenheit

You were trying on outfits with him, modeling in his room, doing your two private fashion shows. Vil stepped forward, adjusted a strap on your shoulder, then whispered near your ear:

“Darling… if you look this good now, I can’t imagine how divine you’d be wearing nothing but my lip gloss and your confidence.”

You gasped. You literally forgot how to breathe. You couldn’t even form words.

“V-Vil—?!”

He pulled back with a dazzling smile, like he hadn’t just murdered your entire nervous system.

“What? It’s a fashion suggestion.”

Your hands flailed. You made an inhuman noise. He chuckled softly, brushing a lock of hair from your face.

“Mm, I should make you blush more often… it's a stunning color on you.”

Rook Hunt

You were out on a nature walk with him when he suddenly grabbed your hand and spun you under the dappled light.

“Ah, my darling~ Even the sun envies the way you glow… but I envy your clothes most of all.”

You tripped. He caught you with a chuckle.

“Oh? You blush so easily~! Like a rose kissed by morning dew!”

You tried to escape. He followed, twirling you again with flair.

“Shall I write an ode to how divine you’d look draped only in moonlight?”

You are not making it out of this woods walk alive.

Idia Shroud

You were helping him adjust something on his console when he quietly muttered under his breath, clearly not meant for your ears:

“...God, if you bend over like that again I’m gonna need a moment to reboot my systems…”

You blinked. Slowly turned.

“E-Excuse me?!”

Idia's hair flared up like a bonfire and turned completely pink. He absolutely lost it.

“NO WAIT—THAT WAS—THAT WAS A THOUGHT!!! A PRIVATE THOUGHT!! IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT!!”

He tries to crawl under his bed, hoodie over his head, wheezing like you just hacked his server. You’re flushed. He’s panicking. And then, you stammer something like:

“...W-Well I didn’t mean to distract you...”

His head bonks the floor.

“YOU’RE KILLING ME.”

Later? You’ll both blush every time you lean over for anything. Ever.

Malleus Draconia

You were walking in the moonlight, having a peaceful chat, when Malleus suddenly turned to you and said:

“Do you think the stars envy me, my love? For while they must shine cold and distant, I am allowed to hold the sun in my arms.”

You melted a little… until he took your hand and continued:

“...And if the night allows it, I would like to burn in your warmth until dawn.”

Your brain: error 404.

You nearly tripped on nothing. You squeaked. Literally squeaked. And Malleus, ever amused by your reaction, smiled faintly.

“Have I said something bold? Forgive me. I merely speak the truth.”

His voice was low and intimate, like velvet smoke. You were barely standing.

“You are divine, and I am quite undone.”

He knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’s not stopping.

Lilia Vanrouge

You were helping him tune his guitar when he suddenly leaned down, his voice a purr in your ear:

“You know, I’ve got a few songs I’ve never played for anyone before. But for you, I might make a private concert… clothing optional.”

You dropped the tuner. Screamed internally. Possibly externally.

“LILIA— WE ARE I. THE CLUB ROOM!!”

He cackled. So proud. Zero shame.

“Aw, don’t go shy on me now~ You started hanging out with a fae general and didn’t expect a little mischief?”

He’ll chase your flustered face around the room, teasing and winking until you flee. He will literally hover over you upside down just to see you blush harder.

“Oh? Speechless already? Shall I start the encore?”

..............................................................................................................................

[yuwritesstuff]

Satoru was used to the best. The best clothes, the best desserts, the best anything that money — or his charm — could buy. So when he walked into the kitchen and saw you there, cheeks dusted with flour and brows furrowed in concentration, he tilted his head and grinned.

“A cake? For me?” he teased, leaning on the doorway with a smirk tugging at his lips. “Wow, you must really like me.”

You didn't turn around, just gave a soft huff and muttered, “Don't start, Satoru. It's almost done.”

That only made him more amused. He sauntered over, peering over your shoulder like a curious child, nose twitching at the warm, buttery smell. “Is this chocolate I smell? And vanilla? Oh, you're going all out, huh?” His voice dropped to a mock-serious whisper. “Trying to seduce me with sugar?”

You elbowed him gently without looking up. “If I wanted to seduce you, I’d just look at you for longer than three seconds.”

Satoru clutched his chest dramatically. “Oof. Right in the heart. I’m being roasted and baked all at once.”

The cake cooled, was frosted with care, and finally placed before him with your shy, sparkling eyes watching his reaction. Satoru looked down at the plate, then up at you, and for a moment — just a moment — the teasing faded. There was something about it. The slightly uneven layers, the hand-whipped cream, the little chocolate curls on top that spelled out “♡ for Satoru”.

He picked up the spoon, took a bite, and instantly stilled.

It was sweet. Not just sugary — sweet in a way that bloomed warmth right beneath his ribs. His lips parted slightly as he chewed slower than usual, tasting not just the chocolate but the effort. The care. The love folded into every layer.

His face twitched. And then — betrayal. A pink flush began to creep up his cheeks.

He coughed lightly, glancing away. “Okay, so maybe it’s... edible.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Edible?”

“I mean, for a first try, you did okay,” he said airily, though he kept taking bites like a man starved. “Could use more vanilla. Or cinnamon. Or—”

“Satoru!”

He grinned, cheeks still glowing. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! It’s delicious.” He looked at you then — hands still dusted with flour, smiling like you weren’t sure you did good enough. “It’s the best cake I’ve ever had.”

You blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, quieter this time. “Because it’s just for me.”

There was a beat of soft silence between you, the kind that wasn’t awkward, just full of things that didn’t need words. Then, of course, he ruined it.

“I knew you couldn’t resist my charms! Cooking for me? That’s basically a love confession.”

You rolled your eyes, but you were laughing, and oh he loved that sound. You stepped closer, tilting your head up toward him. “What if it is?”

Satoru opened his mouth, but instead of another joke, he leaned in, brushing frosting off your lower lip with his thumb. “Then I guess I have to say thank you properly.”

And he kissed you, pressing his sweet lips gratefully to yours.

It was slow, warm, and lingering — like the taste of cake and the feeling of being cherished. When lips parted, you were breathless, and he was smiling again, even softer.

“Sweet,” he whispered, feeling foolishly happy. “But not as sweet as you.”

[livwritessometimes]

Think Fast, I’m A Random Girl…

: Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz, Lewis Hamilton, George Russell, Alex Albon, Franco Colapinto, Pierre Gasly, and Daniel Ricciardo

: Main Masterlist

…

Max Verstappen

- You had seen this trend on TikTok, and ever since then, you had wanted to try it out on Max. You knew he was never the type to even look at a another women, so doing something like this would be fun.

- There he was, blissfully unaware Max Verstappen, washing the dishes. This was probably the best time to try it, since he wouldn't have time to think. And so you did. You jump from behind and quickly blurt 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' and leaned in to kiss him.

- Without even a second of hesitation, Max emptied a cup filled with soap water on top of you head. "WTF MAX! WHY DID YOU DO THAT" "You said 'think fast' I think this was pretty fast" He said and went back to washing dishes, leaving you shocked and drenched in dishwash. Although now, the only thing on his mind was how quick his reaction had been. Maybe he should do this again but this time with a stopwatch.

Lando Norris

- Over the span of two years that you and Lando had been together, he had pulled multiple pranks on you. So, I think it's fair to say you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.

- The moment you watched the 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' trend, you knew this was the one. So, you began your quest to find Lando and pull off this prank. You found him in kitchen, gathering all the ingredients to make his favourite sandwich. Without wasting a single second, you screamed the phrase and ran towards him.

- In a moment of complete panic, Lando did the only thing he could think off. He threw the entire loaf of bread at you. Yes, you read that right. He threw baked flour at your face. And no, I'm not talking about some soft, half-hearted toss like 'throw the nearest object at someone in a playfully annoyed way' NO. I'm talking full energy, like he's in a baseball game, ready for the first pitch. Think full force, full passion. Then he just stares back at you in shock, as if he's the one who has a reason to be shocked. "You can't just sneak up on me when I'm emotionally vulnerable. You know how seriously i take my sandwich, Y/n. Now pass me the bread, I still need to finish this"

Oscar Piastri

- Lando had sent you this trend, saying, 'Ohhh do this to Osc!!!!!' 'Record the whole thing and send it to me' 'omggg I'm so excited! If its good, I'll ask McLaren's admin to post!!!!!!!!!' I think we all know who was more excited about this trend. It was a good thing Oscar was already on his way home, else, you were almost certain Lando would have tried the trend himself.

- The plan was simple, wait for Oscar to get home, take him to the living room, where you would already have your phone set up, and pull the prank. Except...it wasn't that simple. While waiting for him to be back, you completely forgot about the trend and started to finish random chores you had been putting off. By the time you remembered, Oscar was already in the living room looking, extremely confused. There was no time, it was either now or never. So you looked him dead in the eye and said 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl'

- Out of habit, Oscar kissed you back before he even registered what you had just said. He immediately pulled away, looking even more confused, if that was possible. "Wait- what?" "Wait, stop it" "This is assault. Stay away or else I'll call the cops" He said all of this while slowly backing away from you, frankly afraid of what you might do next. The video ends with you clutching you stomach, falling to the ground laughing, and Oscar just walking off, too tired to deal with whatever that had just happened. I think it's safe to assume the reel made it to all McLaren platforms (all thanks to Lando)

Charles Leclerc

- You see Charles sitting in the living room, looking peaceful, and think, yeah, let's interrupt that. So you spend the next 15 minutes trying to find a trend you could try with him. That's when you see the 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' trend. The plan was simple, go up to him, talk for a few minutes, then throw in the sentence as quickly as possible and finally attack him.

- And so that's what you did. You sit beside him, all innocent, asking him about different things, talking about the upcoming race. The second Charles began his rant about next week's strategy, you knew this was your chance, and so you took it. Quickly throwing in the random girl line and kissing him.

- In a split second, Charles used both his hands and pushed you with such force, that you fell flat on your back. Instantly, he started gagging. As seconds passed, the gagging just got more intense. As you sat up, you saw Charles leaning against the balcony, still pretending to gag. "GET—Blegh—THE—Blegh—FUCK—Blegh—AWAY—Blegh—FROM—Blegh—ME" At this point, even Leo was looking concerned at his father. He slowly turned his little head, looking at you as if saying 'Is this man okay?' Picking him up, you start walking towards the bedroom, "Leo I think it's safe to say your father will never kiss a random woman. Although I can't say for certain, he might give her PTSD. But oh well" Leaving a dramatic Charles still acting repulsed on the balcony, not knowing his audience is now cuddling in the bed away from his antics.

Carlos Sainz

- Carlos had this thing, where he would always prank you by jumping out of random places to scare you. Everyone by now knew you hated jump scares, so naturally, half of Williams' account was filled with videos of Carlos scaring you. It was about time you started planning your revenge. What you didn't expect was for the fans to come through. You got tagged in multiple videos about this trend going on where you kiss your boyfriend and say 'pretend I'm a random woman'. It made sense to try this out, after all, Carlos had this coming.

- You saw him in the bedroom talking to someone over the phone. What better time to do this than now? So you sneak up behind him and say the magic phrase 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' and wrap your arms around his waist, excited to see his reaction.

- You expected Carlos to be confused. You expected him to not pay attention to what you had just said. You even expected him to wriggle away from your hold. What you didn't expect him to do was lift his free hand in full force and elbow you straight in the rib. So there you are, laying on the ground clutching your—now probably—bruised rib. "Y/n you should not sneak up on me! You know I took self-defense classes, mi amor" He said as he abandoned his phone and helped you off the ground. One thing's for certain now: you will never try to sneak up on Carlos Sainz Jr. EVER AGAIN

Lewis Hamilton

- Lewis has always been put together. Always presentable, Always calm. He likes to say 'I'm too old for all this' when he sees the grid being childish. But we all know this man loves to indulge in it from time to time. So one day while, you were walking around in the paddock, all the rookies surrounded you. From far away, if someone were to see this scene, they'd think, 'awww all the rookies are bonding with you' 'they all look so cute together' 'grid mum moment' but if they were to walk closer, they'd hear the planning and plotting. None of the rookies had been able to prank Lewis yet. So far, they had successfully crossed off Max, Oscar, George, Alex, and Charles from the list. There were still many more to go, but the day they saw Lewis shake his head and laugh at their antics, that's when they decided who next in the list.

- But all that being said, pranking Sir Lewis Hamilton turned out to be more difficult than they expected. Which is why they decided to pull in a wild card. The wild card being: you. The plan was simple. Say the phrase to Lewis, see his reaction, and record the whole thing for the rookies to see. And so off you went.

- You texted Lewis that you were waiting for him in his driver's room. You had already set up the camera, ready to pull off the prank. The moment he entered the room and closed the door behind him, you initiated the plan 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' You had barely finished your sentence before Lewis turned around in one swift movement, grabbed your face, and pushed you backwards on the sofa. "I'M MARRIED BITCH" "STAY DOWN" He then calmly walked towards the bottle of water that was on the table. You sat still, unable to wrap your mind around what had just happened, and just before the video ended, you were heard whispering 'But we're not even married yet' It's safe to say the rookies LOVED it!

George Russell

- George Russell was many things—smart, funny, British, a tire whisperer—but more than anything, he was currently getting on Alex's last nerve. Which is how you found yourself in a huddled position with Alex and Lily outside the Mercedes garage. "Y/n, you gotta do this for the greater good" "And what do I get in return?" "My respect, the thrill of pranking George, a dinner treat from yours truly" "Hmmm..." "Ugh, fine! Lily for a week" "You've got yourself a deal"

- So here you were, phone all set, ready for George to return from his meeting with Toto. Your antics had caught the attention of the garage, and you already had three cameras set, ready to record your prank in 4K for Mercedes' channel. You heard George before you saw him turn the corner. The moment he stepped within your reach, you said the phrase and quickly reach out for him.

- 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' George immediately grabbed both your hands and pushed you away from him "Ugg—ahh—back off" "HELP" "SOMEONE HELP" "SECURITY" He screamed as he dramatically launched himself to the wall to get as far away from you as possible. At that exact moment, Toto walked out. Immediately all the cameras turned to catch his reaction. Toto suddenly paused, looked at the entire scene in front of him, then looking at you, then at George. He let out a deep sigh before he turned around and walked back into his office, closing the door for good measure.

Alex Albon

- Alex had always been chaotic. There was never a dull moment in your relationship. From the time he tried to cook pasta in the hotel's kettle and almost burned down your room, to the time he desperately tried to convince you to steal an alligator from the zoo, saying 'I'd make a great addition to the Albon zoo'. Life was full of unpredictable surprises with him. So naturally, when you came across this trend, you knew in your heart you had to try it, because what are the odds you saw this trend the same day Alex was staying over? It was like the universe wanted you to try it.

- So here you were, standing in the kitchen watching Alex contemplate between Harry Potter and Mean Girls. It was go time. You quickly placed your phone and hit record before making your way to him. When Alex saw you, he put the Diet Coke can down and reached out for you. Just as he was about to hug you, you yelled, 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl'

- In an instant, he grabbed the front of your shirt, pulled you towards him, and let out the loudest burp in your face. It felt like an eternity had passed, but his burp hadn't stopped. When it finally ended, it was like your knees gave out, and you fell to the floor. "Did—um—did you just burp on my face?" "Well yeah, I had to do something. It was my defense mechanism" "YOUR DEFENSE MECHANISM WAS GAS??" "You told me to think fast. You gotta admit that was some pretty fast thinking, ay?" And with that, he turned back to the TV, finally deciding to watch Mean Girls.

Franco Colapinto

- Franco was anything but calm. If there was one Taylor Swift lyric he could relate it, it was 'I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me.' From the moment he made his debut in F1, everyone knew, this guy loves to be a menace. Be it his lack of PR-trained behavior or his ability to always do or say something that lands him in trouble (and the two of you in yet another PR meeting) So you thought, why not let his behavior influence you, just this once?

- So there you were, sitting with Alpine's admin, ready to pull this prank on him. The moment you got the signal from the admin, you made your way towards him. Franco saw you and smiled. As he started to make his way towards you, arms open expecting a hug, you quickly screamed 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl'

- Franco: "NO BACK OFF" "I'M GAY" You: 👁👄👁 Alpine's Admin : 👁👄👁 Pierre: 👁👄👁 Everyone Else: 👁👄👁 Franco looked around and saw everyone's reaction and immediately sprinted out of the garage. "FRANCO WAIT" With that, you ran after him. Seeing the chaos, the admin also started running after you guys, because there was no way in hell they were going to miss something like this.

Pierre Gasly

- Pierre had surprised you with a vacation during the one race-free week he had. You were beyond happy to finally get to spend some time with him. You had not been able to attend the first few races due to work, so some alone time together sounded amazing. While you were waiting for your room, you decided to scroll through TikTok. While doing that, one video caught your eye. Looking up at Pierre, you saw him look your way and give you a flying kiss. You smiled and looked back down at the video. You knew what you had to do.

- Setting up your phone near the edge of the jacuzzi, you leaned back into his arms. You tried really hard to suppress the smirk that was itching to make itself known. "Hey babe…" you said, looking at him. He nodded, signaling you to go on. You quickly blurted, 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl' and moved to kiss him.

- It was almost like he knew this would happen, because the second those words left your lips, he dunked your head underwater. So your phone captured good four seconds worth of footage of you flailing your arms and legs, trying to understand why you suddenly couldn't breathe. The moment you were back up, Pierre started laughing, looking at your expression. The whole thing was so unreal that you yourself couldn't help but laugh as you reached for your phone to end the video. Safe to say someone did not get lucky the entire vacation. And someone definitely ended up with a new necklace.

Daniel Ricciardo

- Grocery shopping was always a fun experience. Doing it with Daniel just made the entire experience even better. It was your thing. There had never been a single grocery trip that either of you had refused to go on. You love it so much that every time you see a grocery store trend, you guys immediately rush to the nearest one to your house and record one yourself. So, when you saw a video of someone doing this to their boyfriend in the grocery store, you immediately called Daniel and asked if he wanted to go for a grocery run.

- So there you were, in the cornflakes aisle, setting up your phone to record Daniel's reaction. Seeing you press record, Daniel walked into the frame and started to do a little dance. There couldn't have been a more perfect moment than this, when Danny was being himself. You walked towards him and quickly said, 'Think Fast, I'm A Random Girl'

- Daniel stopped whatever he was doing, turned to look at you, and said "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" The only problem was he said that a little too loud, because now two random shoppers, three workers, and one baby who was sitting on the cart were looking your way. After this, Danny immediately walked away to a different aisle. Leaving you standing there awkwardly looking like a stranger who hits on committed men. You quickly grabbed your phone and ran after him, already yelling "DANIEL JOSEPH RICCIARDO, GET BACK"

...

Tags: @wobblymug | @evasmlp | @ln8118 | @piastri-fvx | @vannylen2144 | @freyathehuntress