#beautiful boy (2018)

[4pologygir1]

✶ BEAUTIFUL BOY ✶

spencer reid x reader | angst / hurt-comfort | 2.6k words

cw: post tobias hankel reid, established relationship, addiction/dilaudid abuse, needles mentioned, withdrawal symptoms, emotional distress, intense arguments, mean spencer but he isn’t mean he’s just struggling, themes of codependency, rehab mentions, recovery, brief mentions of vomiting… overall just pretty sad :( but it’s okay! he’s alright! oh and use of y/n.. (i know, i'm sorry!) basically reader loves him and gives him the support our guy SHOULD have had!!!

summary: he used to be all coffee spoons and poetry, soft hands and fast facts—but now he’s gone, and you’re searching. a fic about staying. about what it means to love someone through. heavily inspired by the 2018 film beautiful boy.

---

He hasn’t come home in three days.

You stop trying to sleep. You stop waiting for his key to rattle in the door. You stop wearing the sweater he left on the couch because it doesn’t smell like him anymore—it smells like dust and old coffee and panic.

You pace. You whisper his name to the walls. You turn your phone up so loud it startles you every time it buzzes, even when it’s not him. 

You leave the porch light on. Always. You tell yourself that it’s for safety, but it’s really a lighthouse. If he’s out there somewhere, maybe he’ll see it.

You check in with Garcia—clumsily, cloyingly, ashamedly. She tells you she’s worried too. She won't elaborate when you ask her if the rest of the team has noticed anything off about him.

You leave notes in bookstores, libraries, coffee shops:

He will sometimes send you funny emails. He prefers spaghetti over penne.

Have you seen my boyfriend?

Have you seen my beautiful boy?

Tell him I miss him.

You talk to strangers. You learn the faces of local street people by heart. You ask, gently, over and over:

Have you seen him? Tall, messy hair, talks fast, brown eyes like burnt sugar. Has anyone seen Spencer?

You start writing letters you never send.

I miss the way you talk when you’re tired. I miss how your hands fidget with receipts. I miss you. Please come home. Please be home so that I can come home to you. Where are you, Spencer? What can I do?

And when you finally sleep, you dream of him as a child, wandering around alone and calling your name like he’s the one who lost you.

---

When he returns, it’s like someone else is wearing his skin. His eyes are glassy and unfocused, the way they were after Tobias Hankel. But this is different. Less trauma, more...hunger.

“Hey,” you whisper. He flinches like the sound is too loud. “Where were you?”

Spencer shrugs, shuffling past you, eyes downcast.

You notice the tremble in his fingers, the way he scratches at his arm absentmindedly.

He doesn't want to talk. He wants to pretend. Pretend this is fine.

So you cook him spaghetti. You ask him about a crossword puzzle. You pretend, too.

But later, when you find the vial in his coat pocket, you stop pretending.

---

He gets mean. Not all at once. It isn’t immediate, It's little barbs at first. Corrections that feel more like punishment than help. Eye rolls. Disdain. Cold silence when you touch him. You start to feel like an intrusion in your shared apartment.

“You know,” he says one night, “for someone who reads as much as you do, you don’t really understand people very well.”

You stare at him, stunned. “Where did that come from?”

He shrugs, smirking to himself bitterly, eyes sharp like knives. “Just saying.”

You walk away. Not because you're mad, but because you're afraid you'll cry in front of him. And he's not him when he sees your tears these days. He twists them into guilt trips or throws them back at you like weapons.

But some nights, when he thinks you’re asleep, he holds your wrist like a lifeline. Murmurs your name in apology over and over again.

You keep letting him in. You love him. Even when it hurts.

---

It happens after he misses your anniversary. After you wait in a candlelit apartment for four hours with a trembling glass of wine and a heart that thuds with dread.

When he walks in at 3 a.m., he smells like motel soap and chemical sweetness.

“Where the hell have you been?”

He scoffs, dropping his bag. “Don’t start.”

“No, Spencer. I am starting. I’ve been quiet. I’ve been supportive. I’ve held you when you shook, and I lied to your friends, and I—”

“You lied to my friends?”

“You told me you didn’t want them to see you like this.” 

He throws his keys against the wall. You try not to react, but you can’t help but flinch. “God, you’re just like them! You don’t actually love me—you love some.. version of me that you made up in your head.”

“This isn’t who you are. This sickness. I know you, baby. I know my beautiful boy, and this isn’t him.”

He throws his hands up in the air. You notice the tremors. “You’re just embarrassed ‘cause I was like.. You know, I was this amazing thing, like, your special creation or something, and you don’t like who I am now.”

“I thought we were close,” you sob. “I thought we were closer than most girlfriends and boyfriends! Why?”

“I felt better than I ever had,” he spits. “What am I supposed to do? After that case… I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think. I feel alive now. You need to quit trying to fix me and just let me be happy.”

“This isn’t us,” you whisper, chest heaving. “This is not who we are.”

He stands there, face twisted in something between rage and grief.

“This is me, Y/N! Here, this is who I am!”

You don’t have the chance to part your lips for your response before he shoots you down.

“What are you doing, huh? You always have to be controlling everything all the time!”

The next hour is spent with harsh words and strained yells confined by the walls that once held nothing but love and domesticity. You confront him about how your shared bank account is seemingly draining more and more each week. He tells you to go through your monthly subscriptions. That’s the moment it becomes even clearer. An alcoholic will steal your wallet and lie to you. A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it.

You collapse into a chair. You don’t look up when he storms out.

---

You wake up to an empty house.

You check every motel in Alexandria. Every street in Quantico. Every subway station in D.C.

You visit every needle exchange program in a 30-mile radius. You even try shelters, pretending you're his wife, or sister, or... anything that makes it easier to say please help me find him.

You carry a photo of him folded in your wallet. You hold it out like it’s sacred.

You tell stories about him to strangers:

He solves puzzles in seconds. He cuts his own hair. He can read seven languages. He cries during documentaries. He never matches his socks. He writes letters for me to wake up to when he leaves for work. He’s a good man. He’s just... sick right now.

It’s raining the night you find him.

He’s curled up outside a gas station, legs pulled to his chest, jacket soaked. You can’t tell if he’s crying or just drenched.

“Spencer?”

He blinks, slow and vacant.

“Oh,” he mumbles. “You.”

You kneel beside him. “Don’t move. I’m gonna take you home.”

“I don’t... I don’t think I want to go home,” he slurs.

You swallow your sob. “Why not?” You manage to say in a way you could only describe as weak.

“‘Cause you’ll hate me if I do.”

“I don’t hate you. Oh, I don’t hate you. I hate-” You can’t help but choke up, brushing strands of hair stuck to his forehead back. You force the words out anyway. “I hate what using has done to you. This- This anger, it isn’t my boy. It’s the drugs talking, don’t you know that? Because I do, Spencer.”

He looks at you like you’re a sort of savior, someone who will take this pain away. You catch your reflection in the car window as you carry him to the passenger seat. You look more like a confessional. Somewhere to voice your sins and be cleansed of them. Again and again. A seemingly endless process that you go through every other time you manage to find him.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he breathes. “I just want to be home.”

You press his head to your shoulder and wrap your arms around him.

“I know,” you whisper. “I know, honey.”

---

It's hell.

He shakes. He sweats through his clothes. He throws up until there's nothing left and still his body heaves. He cries. He curses. He begs you to make it stop.

“I can’t—I can’t—” he gasps one night. “Please, angel, please just a little—just one more time—I swear I’ll stop after, I swear.”

You kneel beside the bed, tears streaming down your cheeks. “No, baby. You know I can’t do that. God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You say through his incessant begging.

He claws at his chest. “I’m dying.”

“You’re healing.”

He knocks a water glass off the nightstand, thrashing as he presses his fingertips into the dark, hollow circles of his eyes. “You can’t do this to me. Just—” He brings his hands down to his inner elbows, scratching.” “Give me some money. I can get it. I need it.”

“And I need you!” you cry. “I can’t give you any money, and you know I won’t. Where does this end, Spencer?

He turns his face away.

But later, when the sun begins to rise, he reaches for your hand.

---

The worst comes weeks later. He’s been clean. Recovering. Trying.

But relapse lurks. 

Days are spent writing on every online page you can find.

Fortunately, I have a boyfriend, my beautiful boy

Unfortunately, he is a drug addict.

Fortunately, he is in recovery.

Unfortunately, he relapses.

Fortunately, he is in recovery again.

Unfortunately, he relapses.

Fortunately, he is not dead.

This repetitive cycle doesn’t feel any easier now, only different. You miss his call at first—your phone is buried in the laundry. 

When you finally pick it up, your hands are shaking. Partially in fear that he won’t be your Spencer, but also sick with the dreadful thought that there may not be a Spencer anymore.

“Y/N,” he whispers. “I wanna stop... but please, please, please, please, please no rehab, alright? Just let me come home.”

You close your eyes, tears falling freely.

“You know what? I realized it’s actually—I need to be at work. Solving cases, helping people. That’s gonna give me the strength to stop. Alright?”

You breathe out. Steady. Gentle. Grieving.

“I wish that I could do that, Spence. But I can’t.”

The silence on the other end is soon ntrrupted by crackling as he shifts the phone in his shaky grasp. You can almost picture him outside, either laying on the dingy floor of a cheap motel room or sitting out on the steps of some old building. Waiting. Waiting for you to give in. Waiting for you to give him money. Waiting for you to leave. Waiting for his dealer. Waiting for it to kick in.

“Y/N…”

“I wish… I wish that I could do that for you, but I can’t. That’s not what you need, Spencer. You need to go somewhere where they can help you.” You sniffle, and hope he doesn’t hear it. “Help you in ways that I can’t.” You specify, keeping your voice level.

He sobs.

“I’ll go,” he says. “I’ll go.”

---

And he does.

It’s hard. It's awful. It's beautiful.

He writes you letters. You visit when you can. Sometimes you don’t talk, you just sit in the sun and read.

He begins to smile again—not often, but when he does, it reaches his eyes.

He comes home different. Softer. Clearer. Tired, but willing.

There are rules. He has a sponsor. You make tea. You learn how to build trust again, slowly, piece by piece.

Some nights, he wakes up crying. You hold him and don’t ask why.

Some mornings, he hums while brushing his teeth.

One afternoon, he cooks you spaghetti and laughs at his terrible sauce. And you know that he is coming back to himself.

---

He’s standing barefoot in the kitchen, hair damp from a shower, wearing his sweater with the fraying cuffs. There’s a cracked mug in his hand—lavender tea steeping slowly—and the sun is melting through the windows like honey. 

He doesn’t see you at first. He’s just standing there, staring at the steam.

You watch him for a moment. You memorize him again. The curve of his spine. The slight twitch of his fingers. The way he breathes deeper now, like his lungs finally remembered how.

He turns and sees you. His mouth tugs into a crooked almost-smile.

“This is the first morning I haven’t woken up already running,” he says, voice gentle again. “Like… my body wasn’t bracing for something before I even opened my eyes.”

You cross the room slowly and press your palm to the center of his chest.

“What does it feel like now?”

He looks down at your hand. Then back up at you. And he glows. Like dusk and childhood and safety.

“Like I can finally stand still. Like the noise of it all has quieted. And— And like there’s space inside of me again for something soft.” he whispers.

You lean into his chest, both hands tangled in his cardigan now. He wraps his arms around you. Holds you like you’re breakable and sacred and the last thing tethering him to this world.

“You saved me,” he murmurs into your hair.

You shake your head gently. “No. You saved yourself. I just left the light on.”

He kisses your temple. Then your cheek. Then the corner of your mouth.

“I want a boring forever with you,” he says. “I’m tired of the battle. I want laundry and grocery lists and falling asleep on the couch. I want a whole life where you’re just... here.”

You smile, wet-lashed and aching. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted too.”

“Thank you. For not giving up on me, I mean. For loving me even when I was...”

You don’t make him ramble his way through that sentence. Instead, you slip your hand into his, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Do you know how much I love you? If you could take all the words in the language, it still wouldn’t describe how much I love you. And if you could gather all those words together, it still wouldn’t describe what I feel for you. What I feel for you is everything. I love you more than everything.”

He kisses you, slow and sure.

“Everything.”

You stand there a long time, swaying slightly in your own orbit. The kettle sings. The sun moves. The planet keeps spinning.

And for the first time in a long, long while—neither of you flinch. The world feels small and safe again.

—

a/n: i’ve always been drawn to stories where love is messy and awful yet still worth it. My first angsty piece… this fic isn’t soft, but it’s devoted. it’s about choosing someone repeatedly—even when it’s hard, even when it hurts. if you’ve ever loved someone who was falling apart, this is for you. if you’ve ever needed to be found, this is for you too. if you like this fic, i recommend watching the film that inspired it! ALSO there are DIRECT QUOTES from the film AND the memoir it is based around written into this fic! i do not take ANY credit for the phenomenal words of david sheff.

with all my aching, awfully sentimental heart,

winona.

[feydpauls]

Timothée Chalamet as Nic Sheff in Beautiful Boy (2018) dir. Felix Van Groeningen

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

[liltimmytiml0ver]

´´i wanna stop, but please, please, please, no rehab...´´ got me crying

[lighthailstorm]

my angsty/sad girl playlists

are we still friends?: playlist based on the song of the same title by tyler, the creator. it's basically just a bunch of songs where you can yearn about a friend/lover.

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy: playlist based off the movie beautiful boy (2018)

distant echoes: melancholy-sounding r&b songs. meant to be listened to in a car while it's raining.

do you feel alone right now?: based off the movie, donnie darko (2001).

eps1.0_hellofriend.mov: based off the tv series 'mr. robot'. i highly recommend the show if you haven't seen it and you are mentally ill or are a film bro.

for 6 months i couldn't sleep: based off one of my favorite movies, fight club (1999). specifically based on the narrator of the story who suffers from insomnia bcs i too have insomnia and it's a very trippy experience.

hell is a teenaged girl: seems self-explanatory

i am the shadows: based on robert pattinson's batman from the batman (2022). its basically just an emo playlist for emo batman.

i don't feel...well: based off the movie pearl (2022) bcs it changed me. this is mostly based off the monologue that pearl does near the end of the film.

i fell in love with a war: based off the song 'a pearl' by mitski. basically for the girls who feel like they've never been normal and their love language is violence/conflict

if you love me, keep it to yourself: based off the songs 'vacillator' by ethel cain and 'i love you' by billie eilish. it's a collection of songs that are based off of the feeling of not wanting people to love you because you know you will disappoint them eventually or it will be ruined in some way.

i just...i wished that you liked me: based off ladybird (2017). if you have mommy issues and are scared of growing up, this is the playlist for you.

i just want so badly to be rid of you: based off of the australian teen tv series, dance academy (2009), and the main relationship between christian and tara. if you don't watch the series, it's also just a sad breakup playlist.

i knew he wanted cool girl: based off of amy dunne from gone girl (2014). basically a playlist for when your fed up being a woman in a man-dominated society but in a barely suppressed female rage type of way.

i'm a liability: based off the song 'liability' by lorde. for those who feel like they are too much.

i'm fine: you're experiencing visceral all consuming rage but you're trying to do it in a pretty and aesthetic way

"i thought you'd love me, jo!": songs that i felt embodied laurie in little women (2019) when he said this line

it's getting bad again: pov: you have crippling depression and don't know what to do with yourself.

"it's never about me": fiona gallagher inspried playlist

it's not your fault: playlist for the girlies with heaps of childhood trauma

i used to be a brother: based off the movie iron claw (2023), another one of my favorite movies.

i was perfect: based off the movie black swan (2010), specifically nina and her crippling perfectionism.

"just love me and eat": playlist that my friend actually put together in slide show form for me and i just copied her. it's based off of the movie bones and all (2022).

loneliness has followed me my whole life: based off the movie taxi driver (1976), specifically the main character, travis bickle

may december: based off the film of the same title, but focused on joe and how he probably feels as a victim of grooming.

meet me in montauk: based off clementine and joel from the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004) and their relationship.

mirrorball: based off of the song 'mirrorball' by taylor swift. In the song, she compares herself to a reflective disco ball that reflects all the personalities around her but when the light is off her she's just there. i relate deeply to this idea and this playlist has a bunch of songs that i feel work with this idea. but i've also added some songs onto it that reflect that feeling of anxiety that goes with being a mirrorball bcs you're scared that other people will eventually realize that you're just reflecting. and songs that show the jealousy that comes from looking at other people who seem to just be naturally magnetizing.

mitski.: all of my favorite mitski songs

mother and child have crazy beef: based off the movie mother (2020) but if you have mommy issues, this playlist is for you.

my year of rest and relaxation: based off the book of the same name because i read the book recently and unfortunately it did not convince me that i don't need a year of rest and relaxation myself.

narc crash: playlist based off the song 'brand new city' by mitski where she says "if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn't know how to be alive". a "narc crash" is basically when someone with npd's grandiose idea about themselves is shattered and they go into a deep depression bcs they've basically lost their sense of self. so the song 'brand new city' kind of reminded me of that experience and how it feels to be so hopelessly depressed but still desperately clinging on to a persona bcs you still want people to like you.

nick dunne: playlist from the perspective of nick dunne from gone girl (2014)

the night we met: songs that clay jensen from 13 reasons why would relate to or enjoy.

no alarms and no surprises: based on the song 'no surprises' by radiohead bcs that song reminds me of how much i wish life was just simple and quiet.

or maybe i was just a girl, interrupted: basically hell is a teenaged girl all over again but with slightly different songs and it's loosely based on daisy from girl, interrupted (1999)

overworked & underpaid: playlist for those who were born to slay but forced to work and study

please, hurry leave me (i can't breathe): all my personality disorder girlies RISE.

pray for the best, prepare for the worst: based on detective loki from the movie prisoners (2013)

radiohead!: all my favorite radiohead songs

the regularness of life is too hard for me: based off of christopher moltisanti from the sopranos.

romeo & juliet: songs that capture the tragedy of their romance

sedate me: a rainy day playlist but sad.

today is not a good day: based on ruben from the sound of metal (2019)

"you all want me to fail.": based on abigail from the series dance academy (2009). basically a good playlist for if you're a perfectionist (derogatory)

"you leave me alone now.": based off the film the hunt (2012), about a man who was falsely accused of a crime and how it ruined his life.

[estellaestella]

The Guardian, 31/05/25 [link]

[isaacarellanesismyhusband]

i don’t want to mess this up

pair: Nic Sheff x reader

requested by @idkchosseyou

can you make timothee like in beautiful boy role

masterlist | navigation

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The house was quiet, the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen the only sound filling the space. You sat on the couch, legs curled beneath you, staring at the worn paperback in your hands. The words blurred together, your mind far from the pages. Nic was supposed to be home by now.

You tried not to worry. He was getting better, you told yourself. He was working on it. But that lingering anxiety never left. Not really.

Just as you were about to reach for your phone, the front door creaked open. You froze for a moment, listening. The familiar sound of Nic’s footsteps on the hardwood floor made your shoulders relax.

He appeared in the doorway, his hair tousled and dark circles under his eyes, but there was a softness to his expression that hadn’t been there before. Nic glanced at you and gave a small smile, the kind that was more for reassurance than anything else.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as he shuffled over to the couch. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay,” you replied softly, setting your book down. You watched as he sank onto the couch beside you, close enough that your knees touched. “You alright?”

Nic nodded, though his gaze was focused on the floor. “Yeah. Just… took a walk, cleared my head.”

You didn’t push for more. He’d open up when he was ready. Instead, you gently reached out, placing your hand over his. His fingers twitched beneath yours, and for a second, you worried he’d pull away. But then he turned his hand, lacing his fingers with yours, holding on like it was the only thing keeping him steady.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” he whispered, barely audible, but you heard him.

“You’re not messing anything up,” you said firmly, squeezing his hand. “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”

He finally looked up, his eyes meeting yours, a storm of emotions swirling behind them. “I don’t deserve you,” he said, his voice cracking.

You leaned in, resting your forehead against his. “Yes, you do. And I’m not going anywhere.”

For a long moment, neither of you moved. The world outside didn’t matter—just the two of you, holding on to each other. Nic’s breathing slowly evened out, and you could feel the tension easing from his body. He wasn’t fixed. He wasn’t healed. But he was here. And that was enough for now.

“I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” you replied, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “Always.”

[eyluvu]

Want to introduce him to agere and just hold him and watch mlp episodes to heal him

[m4carooni]

‘He will sometimes send you funny emails. He prefers spaghetti over penne. Have you seen my son? Have you seen my beautiful boy? Tell him I miss him.’

[an-arch11]

Rate my "Watch Later" list

Call Me By Your Name

Beautiful Boy

When You Finish Saving The World

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Mysterious Skin

Dead Poets Society

As You Are

Brokeback Mountian

Brick

Kill Your Darlings

Sleepers

Eyewitness

I Saw The TV Glow

Portrait of A Lady on Fire

Love, Simon

[dreaming-in-daylight]

i think beautiful boy is such an important movie for everyone to watch because you can understand how an addiction can change someone. you can see the journey from the beginning, trying to get better, pretending to be better for the sake of others, the intense guilt of relapsing, and finally how you change and regret everything at the end. beautiful boy does not only raise awareness about overdosing, but also all types of self-sabotage. remember, you are not alone and there will always be someone who cares. never be afraid to want to be okay. don’t be ashamed for wanting to be better

[nirmiti]

timothee chalamet wasn't alone when he said, "this man saved my life multiple times," referring to bukowski.

[heavymetalluvofmine]

they could never make me hate you nic sheff.

[liltimmytiml0ver]

have you seen my son? have you seen my beautiful boy? tell him i miss him.

[lighthailstorm]

my character/movie-based playlists:

arisu ryohei (alice in borderland, 2020): sad japanese playlist for one of my fav characters from one of my favorite tv shows ever

arthur fleck (joker, 2019): 60's music that i felt really encapsulated arthur and his mental state in the first film.

joker: folie à deux (2024): i actually really like this movie and idk why people hate it so much, so i made a playlist that i think harley and arthur would've listened to together if they had ended up living together

beautiful boy (2018): songs that i feel represent both Nic and his father. rlly tragic, sorry.

chandler bing (friends, 1994): playlist i made right after matthew perry died (r.i.p. to a legend). i think chandler would love these songs and some of these songs are canon.

the substance (2024): not the kind of playlist you're thinking about. It's basically just 80's music that i think would be played during an old episode of 'Sparkle Your Life!'. It's basically just a glorfied jazzercise playlist.

charlie kelmeckis(the perks of being a wallflower, 2012): my idea of what charlie would have on his mixtape. Some songs are canon from the movie and book.

challengers (2024): i loved the soundtrack of this movie just as much as i loved the film itself. because of my almost overwhelming love for it, i decided to make a high energy playlist that i think could have just as easily been played in the movie alongside actual songs from the soundtrack.

dead poets society (1989): a collection of songs that i think really reflect the vibe of the film for me, not necessarily songs that would fit the time period.

donnie darko (2001): playlist that shows donnies declining mental state in the film.

mr.robot (2015): songs that i think elliot would enjoy but also describe his descent.

fight club (1999): songs for the narrator and how he feels during his 6 month bout of insomnia. this playlist is my personal favorite bcs i'm also an insomniac (twinning)

tony stark/iron man (marvel/MCU 2008-2019): literally my favorite character from the MCU ever. bcs of this i decided i NEEDED to make a playlist for him based on songs that i know he likes based on the movies and songs that i think he would like

glee (2009-2015): all my favorite songs from the series in release order simply bcs this is my favorite show of all time

the bear (2022): songs that i think carmy would listen to while yelling "behind!" at his chefs.

you (2018): songs that describe joe goldberg from you, not necessarily stuff he would like (he's much too pretentious to enjoy olivia rodrigo).

the batman (2022): everyone say "thank you robert pattinson" for providing us with the true version of batman: emo batman. my batman is a greasy weirdo that looks like he's about to burst out in tears all the time. in honor of this truly revolutionary movie i have created a playlist that this batman would listen to as he applies his ungodly amount of eyeshadow before terrorizing gotham city in a bat costume.

pearl (2022): a playlist that reminds me of the monologue scene in pearl where she says "i don't feel...well" because i really felt that. once again, not necessarily songs that match the time period or the characters potential interests.

lady bird (2017): lady bird is one of those movies where i'm pretty sure the director was in my house monitoring my daily movements for inspiration. naturally, i needed to make a playlist that i think completely captures the feeling of growing up with a not-so-healthy relationship with your mother.

gone girl (2014): a playlist based on the "cool girl" monologue and how it feels to feel forced to play a caricature of a woman just to for a man.

gone girl (2014): this time it's a nick dunne inspired playlist because unfortunately i relate to him (more so, book version nick). take that info how you will.

miles morales (spider-man: into the spider-verse, 2018): best spider-man, idc. ~ él es el mejor spider-man, no me importa.

jughead jones (riverdale, 2017): songs that i think jughead would have loved.

american psycho (2000): a mix of songs that patrick bateman would listen to in his headphones on his way to work and songs that i think describe him.

little women (2019): specifically this is a playlist based on how i think laurie felt during the famous scene where he confesses his feelings to jo.

fiona gallagher (shameless, 2011-2021): a playlist that i think represents how fiona feels as the older sister and neglected child that she is.

the iron claw (2023): songs that represent the tragedy of the story of the von erich family but also the beautiful bond of the brothers. Once again, these are not all time period accurate.

black swan (2010): a playlist based on nina. lots of swan references in the titles.

jake peralta (brooklyn nine nine, 2013-2021): i love andy samberg and i love jake peralta. he is my favorite character in another on of my favorite shows of all time so it's only natural that i create a playlist based on what i believe is on jake peralta's spotify. this is comprised of songs that are confirmed that jake likes on the show and also songs from taylor swift bcs that is jakes favorite artist and some songs that i think jake would like.

jay gatsby (the great gatsby, 2013): songs that i think represent gatsby's mental state while waiting for daisy to come to one of his parties

bones and all (2022): this playlist was actually made by my friend in slideshow form and then i copied her and made into a spotify playlist

the little prince (2015): i absolutely loved this movie and book when i experienced it for the first time in highschool so i decided that it was high time i make a playlist dedicated to the story.

taxi driver (1976): a mix of songs based on the time period, things that travis bickle would listen to while driving, and songs that encapsulate the movie.

nightcrawler (2014): songs that represent lou bloom, not necessarily songs he would listen to because i don't actually believe he would listen to music on his own.

peeta mellark (hunger games, 2012): ,ovies i think peeta would either enjoy, or capture his personality and plight throughout the movies.

may december (2023): i love this movie SO MUCH, so i ofc had to make a dedicated playlist. it's through the perspective of joe ofc.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (2004): playlist based on the rocky relationship between clementine and joel.

mother (2020): for those who don't know, this is a japanese film based on a true story about a toxic mother and her relationship to her son. so this playlist is based on the perspective of the son, shuhei.

clay jensen (13 reasons why, 2017): playlist that clay would listen to in between tapes.

girl, interrupted (1999): a playlist loosely based on the mindset of the character of daisy

peter parker/spider-man (spider-man, 2002): i never see any love for tobey maguire's spider-man and that ends today bcs he's one of my favorite versions of spider-man. so i've created a playlist that i think tobey's version of spider-man would dance to in the streets, venom/symbiote style.

prisoners (2013): unsettling and melancholy playlist inspired by this film and the perspective of detective loki, one of the main characters.

rush hour trilogy (1998-2007): if lee and carter had a shared mixtape, it would have all these songs on it.

sam evans (glee, 2009): another one of my favorite playlists bcs i'm just so proud of it. like, absolutely sam would love this playlist. i included some glee versions of songs he sang, but only ones that i liked better than the original.

sound of metal (2019): songs that i feel express ruben's reaction to his deafness and his struggle to accept change.

troy bolton (high school musical, 2006): i absolutely LOVE this franchise and so i think i'm qualified to say that troy bolten would love himself some 2000's rnb. This is why i've taken upon the burden and pleasure of making him a playlist that he would jam out to.

scott pilgrim vs. the world (2010): songs inspired by sex bob-omb and the overall playful vibes of the movie.

good will hunting (1997): these are songs that i think will would include in his rotation or songs that represent the journey that will takes during the movie.

the hunt (2012): this was a very tragic movie about a man who suffers greatly based on a false accusation. one of my worst fears is not being believed when i haven't done anything. truly there is nothing worse than injustice and with this selection of songs i tried to convey the dread, sadness, and overwhelming rage that the main character, lucas, felt when everyone he knew turned on him.

mother (2020): playlist based off the japanese drama movie i watched about the toxic relationship between mother and son. you'll probably relate to this playlist if you have mommy issues.

romeo & juliet (1996): songs that encapsulate the tragedy of their relationship. yes 'exit music (for a film)' by radiohead is involved.

the holdovers (2023): this is my actual family. lots of 60's and 70's music.

christopher moltisanti (the sopranos, 1999): one of my favorite characters from the show bcs he's unfortunately very relatable to me. mostly based on what he said in the first season, "it's like the regularness of life is too hard for me." I get that.

abigail armstrong (dance academy, 2009): based on a quote from season 1 where she said "you all want me to fail." Abigail has this need to be perfect and she feels like she's all alone, so i thought that I would turn those feelings into a playlist bcs i can relate.

tara and christian (dance academy, 2009): based off the tumultuous relationship between main characters, tara and christian. based off the quote from season 3 where tara says to christian "i just want so badly to be rid of you". even if you don't know the show, i hope you can enjoy the sad break up playlist of it all.

wanda maximoff (mcu, 2015): she be sad and crazy and stuff

heres my letterboxd account btw (just in case you were curious about how i rated these films): https://boxd.it/3mh3D

[anorexgirl]