#boost poops

[ficandkaboodle]

Y’all I just had the most idea ever —

The Siblings and ghouls tasked with the Ministry’s social media are asked to do something to make the Papas appear more approachable. Something less likely to scare people off.

…

The Ministry presents…

The Emeriti Try

Your favorite (and also one and only) place to see your favorite Papas (and sometimes Nihil also) try out shit they normally don’t fuck with or have not a single clue about!

Episodes include:

The Papas Try the Garbage Plate

The Papas Try Go-Karting

The Papas Try Slam Poetry

[cosmicsproutcake]

Few things kill the motivation for a piece like showing your progress on it to someone and getting literally no reaction at all

[lxzy-bxby]

Domestic

~ ♡ ~

If you had a dollar for every time people called you crazy for getting knocked up by a trooper a decade older, the trooper in question could probably leave his job. Well, if it was that easy to become noncombatant.

But honestly, you don’t give a shit. You are planning on doing it at least one more time in the future.

Those haters would totally understand you once they saw your baby daddy with his shirt off, your infant on top of his bare chest. Because that’s exactly the picture greeting you as soon as you open your eyes.

If it wasn’t for your still aching postpartum lower body, you’d pounce on Leon right away.

“You’re home…” You rub your drowsy eyes. “And I’ve been wondering why she has been so quiet.”

You still feel kinda guilty for allowing yourself to sleep in the first place. You knew it’d be tough with Leon being away half of the time, and you told both him and yourself that you would manage. But as soon as the baby girl dozed off, so did you.

Waking up to Leon finally being home is more than pleasant.

Leon raises his head, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “The best kiddo ever. Let me shower and eat before pooping her diaper.”

You smile slightly, scooting a bit closer. Your daughter looked up at Leon curiously, reaching out to grip his nose. Leon laughed, letting her and then squeaking in a high pitched voice, making her giggle.

“And you were the one to tell me that the battlefield must be way easier than fatherhood.” You tease, twining your legs with his, tufts of hair rough against your soft skin.

Leon just shrugs, engrossed in stroking the baby's onesie-clad back—she was having her daily tummy time, and she seemed to love to see the world from another perspective, currently mesmerized by her father’s stubbled face. “Didn’t expect for the little bean to cooperate. Y’know what they say about wailing and stuff.”

“Our kid is just different.” You huff arrogantly. “Smart and calm and pretty.”

Which is true, though. Your babygirl is way more quiet than average and definitely beautiful: how could she not be with Leon being the father and you being the mother? And even though you’ve been self-conscious throughout your life, seeing your drop-dead gorgeous daughter now feels like a self-esteem boost all the time.

Leon grins, glancing at you. “I bet she is. The real question here is if I can start calling you MILF now that she’s almost a few months old.”

“Just so you know, I’ll start thinkin’ that our marriage is falling apart if you don’t change my name to ‘DILF’ in your phone.” He declares nonchalantly, stroking the newborn's head. She makes a gurgling sound, her big wide eyes darting between you and Leon.

You force yourself to make a disgusted face and swat his bicep lightly. “You’re gross.”

You press a kiss to her downy temple, throwing a glance at the bedside clock. It’s been a few hours since she last ate. You frown in confusion. Technically, you have to feed her now. But it doesn't seem like she’s hungry.

Moments like these make you deeply and utterly despise being a first-time mother. Especially when your pushing-forty husband is as clueless as you are.

“So… the midwife told me that feeding time varies, but… it’s been like two hours. Should I… should I make her eat nonetheless?” You mewl to Leon, tucking into his shoulder.

He strokes your back soothingly. “We can try. If she latches on, then she must be alrighty with boob time.”

You mentally exhale at the absence of any witty tit-related retort.

Then Leon smirks.

“And if she isn’t… Well, I can replace her.”

Not like that surprises you. He always was a sucker for a good pair of breasts—pun intended—but now it's a million times worse. Motorboating kind of worse.

You wrinkle your nose in mock-disgust, snatching your daughter from him and praying for her to latch on. Leon pouts dramatically when you turn to face away from him.

“How low you think of me, baby. I do not salivate anytime I see tits.” He huffs, peeking over your shoulder.

Luckily for you, babygirl does latch on. You look at her content face as she suckles, feeling Leon squeeze your waist softly.

“Does it… hurt?” He asks obliviously yet with genuine concern, nodding to the nursing baby. 

You shake your head, smiling lightly. Finally, your infant pulls away, drool and milk in the corners of her mouth. You chuckle, handing her over to Leon, marveling at the way her small legs scrunch when she’s up in the air.

It definitely does not initiate any kind of heat in between your thighs when you see his veiny arms wrapping around her tiny body deftly to press her upright against his bare chest.

“Alright, here goes nothing.” Leon murmurs, holding her over his shoulder. 

He starts patting the baby's back softly, nuzzling her head. She looks up at him in the hell you my-mother-literal-fucker want me to do adorable way, and before her tiny brain processes it, lets out a loud burp which would earn her a dozen of sexist etiquette comments if she was a few years older.

“That just gave me a Raccoon City flashback.” Leon notes dryly, and you think that if this child makes him make jokes about his PTSD sponsor, then twelve hours of labor were worth it.

Truth be told, Leon really does look at least ten years younger and at least twenty years happier whenever your daughter is within arm’s reach.

He pecks her forehead and nestles her in the crook of his sinewy arm, oh-so-gentlemanly ignoring spit on his shoulder.

You curl up against his side. “And what the hell are we supposed to do with her now?”

Leon lets out a velvety laugh, playing with the ends of your hair. “Well, not now, but someday definitely… make her a sibling. That’s for one. As for now… No idea ‘bout you, but I’m turning into walking dead myself.”

You suddenly feel like a stupid fucking brainless dumb bitch for not even realizing that maybe he is tired as hell. “‘Course. Rest up. We’ll go chill downstairs.”

Before you can go and chill downstairs, Leon gently yanks you back onto the bed, pulling you closer to his side. “As if you’re going anywhere. I missed you and we’re cuddling until… I dunno, until I wanna go pee or somethin’ like that.”

Not like you want to protest, honestly.

So you settle with what he offers—even if that means him falling asleep within the next five minutes and you having to suffer through his snores with the restless kid on top of you.

Right now, you couldn’t think of anything better than that.

~ ♡ ~

[dioslesbianwife]

Hello!!! ^^ I love the work you do for JJBA and really enjoy reading it!! Now for the request. How would the Jofoes react to a child!reader (platonic) they sorta took under their wing having a sorta of imprinting ability (copycat in other words). Like one day they catch the reader practicing outside trying to act cool like them and then all of a sudden a piece of the land is destroyed because they somehow used an ability similar to theirs. After the shock the reader is absolutely jolly and sees them watching them and is just, “Wooooah!! That was so cool!! Hey Dad, did you see that!? Did you see me!? Did you see what I did!?”

hii ^^ i'm so happy you enjoy reading my posts, thank you for requesting and i hope you enjoy <333

DIO

He watches from a balcony like a dramatic theater critic sipping wine- until the ground craters in slow motion with a golden glow.

“...ZAWARUDO- ?! Wait, no. Did you just... freeze time for half a second?”

You beam at him, dust all over your clothes, yelling, “DID YOU SEE THAT, DAD?!”

DIO blinks, then gives the most delighted evil chuckle. “Splendid. My heir already shows promise.”

But then he gets possessive. “No one touches the child. This power is mine to nurture. Mine alone.”

Now you have a tutor. And an ego boost. He’s already planning your world domination arc.

Kars

You’re throwing rocks and mimicking his regal stance when one of the rocks suddenly splits mid-air into tiny shards.

Kars stops mid-thought and stares. You just mimicked the Pillar Men's body manipulation, specifically his arm blade.

You spin toward him, eyes sparkling. “DID YOU SEE THAT, DAD?!!”

He crosses his arms, trying to remain composed- but a proud grin slips out. “Yes. You are... adapting faster than expected.”

From then on, he watches your training like a proud bird mom.

Also, he starts getting way more careful around you because what if you go all Ultimate Life Form mode and grow gills at breakfast.

Yoshikage Kira

You’d been copying his quiet mannerisms, playing with your food and clipping your nails more often. Then you giggle, snap your fingers, and a rock explodes.

His soul leaves his body. “Wha- W-WHAT WAS THAT?”

You squeal, “I did the thing! I did the thing, Dad!! I made it go BOOM like you!!”

Kira freezes. 

He awkwardly kneels beside you. “Okay. Okay. First, we don’t use our powers around... pets. Or school. Or hands.”

You: “Okay! :D”

He: internally sweating bullets for the next 7 years.

Diavolo

A patch of reality skips forward, erasing a few seconds like King Crimson.

You: “WAAAAHOOO!!! I MADE TIME GO WHOOSH!! DAD LOOK I DID IT!!”

Diavolo SCREECHES internally. “HOW- HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT?!”

He immediately spirals into a paranoia loop. “Have I been around you too long? Is fate conspiring through you?”

But also... “Good. You’re strong. But you will never be allowed near my diary.”

You’re now on an extremely strict training schedule with Doppio acting as your babysitter.

Doppio

You copy his “talking on the phone” habit, but one day you accidentally get a vision of the future.

Doppio stares as you perfectly dodge a bird dropping.

You wave. “Didja see that, Dad! I saw that that bird was gonna poop and dodged it!!!”

He drops the imaginary phone. “Y-Y-You did amazing, sweetheart!!”

Then he sprints to call The Boss about it. “Boss!! Boss!! The kid has powers! What do we do!?”

You’re the only person Doppio ever fully encourages. He helps you practice, cheerleading while you do near-future telling.

Pucci

You’d been copying his calm monologues. One day, you mumble a random Bible verse and... gravity distorts. A tree bends sideways.

Pucci goes stone cold still.

You: “I DID SOMETHING COOL, DAD!! DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

He walks slowly to you, kneels, places a hand on your head. “Yes, child. You are touched by heaven.”

Then he goes off to write a 10-page sermon about you. He sees this as fate.

You’re now his little holy prodigy. The church choir starts composing you-themed hymns.

Funny Valentine

You’d been mimicking his posture and patriot speeches. One day, you accidentally swap with your alternate self. You come back with different shoes.

Valentine stops mid-sentence. “...Did you just breach the dimensional veil.”

You: “Yeah!! I jumped and my shoes changed!! COOL, RIGHT DAD?!”

He nods solemnly. “You are the embodiment of American evolution.”

He immediately requests Secret Service supervision for you. You now have a full security detail and your own presidential-themed notebook.

Diego Brando

You copy his confident walk and British insults. Then you snort, stomp your foot- and the ground trembles.

You turn around, grinning. “DAD!! I DID THE DINO THING!!!”

Diego gapes. “How the hell did you do that?! You’re not even... you're not even a dinosaur!!”

But inside he’s SO proud. You get a tiny cowboy hat and he makes you pose next to his raptors.

“You’re my little Velocibaby,” he mutters proudly. Then warns you: “Don’t do that in public or you’ll end up in the newspapers for the wrong reasons.”

Tooru

You’re copying his lazy posture and listening to Elvis. Then you wave at your friend approaching you- and a random boulder flings itself into a ravine near them.

Tooru, sipping juice: “...Was that... Wonder of U?”

You: “I DID A FUNNY THING!! DAD!! I MADE THE UNIVERSE HATE MY FRIEND!!”

He chokes. “What….”

He’s both horrified and deeply impressed.

He now acts like it’s no big deal but is very much watching you all the time.

And if you ever start getting secretive or manipulative- He melts. “…Damn. You really are my kid.”

[melled42]

24 39 and 45 for the lamb asks! (Trying to pick ones I don’t know the answer to!)

24. If they were to be a parent or are, what epithet would they have their child use? Mom? Mama? Dad? Baba? Nony? Abba?

Bell, their child, called them "Baba" and "Nana" as a baby. (Alm and Baal, her "big brothers" were Ah and Bah too). When she's older, she refers to them in public as "my lord" and "shepard" in front of the rest of the flock, since that's their public titles. In private, Ewen still insists on being called Baba by her (like a mom who doesn't like it when you address them by their first name). She'll also call Narinder Nana when she wants to guilt him into giving into something she wants. Same with Alm and Baal. And it usually works

39. Does your lamb eat meat/fish/eggs?

Ewen eats about anything but when going on crusade, they have a preference for diseased hearts and won't hesitate to eat follower meat.

also old piece

45. Would they ever let a follower embrace their dark desire to eat poop?

Ewen would agree to it right away for the faith boost. Narinder would have to stop them.

[maddie-dog-story-blog]

New You Gym - 11

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

"Well, if it isn't just the lying little pants wetter a was looking for!" Julie said with a predatory grin on her face.

Kylee felt a little more urine dribble into her panties as the large woman began stalking towards her. Between the look in Julie's eye and her dominant posture, Kylee felt like a antelope about to be eaten by a lion.

"You thought you could get away with not following through on our bargain, and I wouldn't find out?" Julie raged as she got closer to Kylee. "You didn't think I would have someone check in on you?"

"I... I'm... so sorry," Kylee sputtered as Julie started looming over her. "It was a bad choice."

"Oh, you're right it was a bad choice. I have half a mind to walk up to the CrossFit studio and show your husband this video right now."

Julie pulled up her phone and pressed play on a video that showed everything. Kylee being undressed by Julie, pooping on the training potty, letting herself be wiped by Julie, and cumming at Julie's hand. Kylee's stomach sank with fear and embarrassment.

As Julie played the video, she noticed the puddle forming on floor under Kylee. She started to laugh.

"My God, and I was right too! You have the bladder control of a toddler! And you still decided not to wear at least a pull-up? Pathetic." Julie lectured Kylee. "What am I going to do with you?"

Kylee kept staring at Julie's phone, stunned.

"You... you recorded that?" Kylee asked as she watched herself orgasm while getting her ass wiped by another woman like a toddler.

"Of course, sweetie, we have to record everything that happens in the gym for liability purposes. I also have the video of your little accident in CrossFit, too. Do you want to re-watch that?" Julie asked menacingly.

Kylee could only stammer out, "N-n-no. That's ok."

"That's alright, maybe we can rewatch that later, Little Miss Piddle Pants. In the meantime, though, I asked you a question: What am I going to do with you? Do I need to share this video with Michael?" Julie responded.

"Oh, oh God. Please don't share that with Michael, please! I'll do anything!" Kylee pleaded. Beyond the embarrassment of her husband watching Kylee being treated like a toddler, Kylee knew that he would consider her being brought to orgasm by another person as adultery. Their relationship would be over.

"Anything? I could work with that. You cannot violate the terms of any new agreement we might come to like you did today, understood?" Julie said as she moved into a position hovering over the nervous women wearing urine soaked yoga pants.

"Understood," Kylee said as she broke eye contact with Julie.

"Unfortunately, your word in this is not going to be enough. You already proved that your as trustworthy as the two-year-old you act like. I need you to prove your obedience to me first." Julie stated.

Kylee swallowed nervous. "Ok," she conceded.

"Good," Julie responded, "Now get your pee soaked britches up on that changing table."

Kylee turned around and looked at the gigantic changing table. She knew there was no way she could climb up there without a step stool or a boost from Julie.

"Um, Julie, uh, I mean, Miss Julie, I want to do what you're asking, but I need a, uh, bit of a boost," Kylee said timidly.

"Gah, you really are just a pathetic little thing, aren't you?" Julie said as she grabbed Kylee by the waist and unceremoniously lifted her onto the table.

Kylee gasped at the surprise of being so suddenly lifted, and, also, found herself unfortunately aroused at being manhandled so easily by Julie. Once in the table, however, Kylee knew what to do. She laid on her back and waited for instructions.

Julie began removing Kylee's shoes and wet socks. Once those were removed she expertly yanked Kylee's wet yoga pants and panties off of her. Kylee was uncomfortable with how familiar she was getting to the feeling of having another woman undress her.

Kylee laid naked from the waist down in the changing table. Her pussy, adorned with a full bush, on full display for Julie.

"Just as I remembered, quite hairy. This isn't going to do at all. Hold still," Julie ordered as she produced shaving cream and a razor.

"What are you going to do with that?" Kylee asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

"Ssh, child. I do not need or care about your input right now, that is, unless you want me to show..." Julie was quickly interrupted by Kylee.

"No, no, no. I'll be quiet!"

"Yes, you will," Julie said. Julie then pulled out an extra large pink pacifier and placed the bulb by Kylee's lips. "I want you to suck on this. We will go into more details regarding your new rules soon, but, in the meantime, you must know that when I give you a soother, you have to use it. You are not allowed to remove it from your mouth on your own. Also, while it is in, you are not allowed to speak."

Kylee took the pacifier in her mouth, started sucking on it and nodded her head in affirmation. She was amazed at how the rubber nipple of the pacifier fully filled her mouth. Given how trapped her tongue felt as she sucked, Kylee was fairly certain she couldn't talk with the pacifier in her mouth, even if she tried.

"Good girl, now lay still," Julie ordered. Kylee then watched as Julie quickly and thoroughly shaved away all of her pubic hair until her crotch was completely bare. "There, that should prevent diaper rash a bit."

Kylee's eyes widened in fear at the phrase 'diaper rash.' Was she being downgraded from panties, from even pull-ups, to diapers? Kylee didn't dare remove the pacifier to ask. She got her answer soon as Julie pulled out the largest, thickest diaper she had ever seen.

The diaper in Julie's hand, while clearly sized to fit an adult, was clearly not an 'adult diaper.' It was mostly white in color, but adorned with a childish print with circus animals dancing across the front and back of it. On the back of the diaper, the words "POTTY PANTS" were written in block letters, clearly meant to label the wearer. There was also a yellow wetness indicator down the middle of the diaper to allow a caregiver to visibly check if their charge needed a change. Kylee did not like the implication that came with the strip. It meant the wearer of the diaper couldn't be trusted to tell when they needed a change or not. Finally, the diaper was cut in a style much like an overnight baby diaper. Given the bulk of the diaper, Kylee was certain she would barely be able to walk in the thing. Kylee sucked on her new pacifier harder.

"Oh, I see you recognize this. Good girl! This is the first of what I imagine will be many diapers I get to put you in! Now, raise your little tush up so I can get this on you," Julie said in response to Kylee's bulging eyes.

Kylee, once again, did what Julie asked in the name of her marriage. She raised her soft round ass in the air and allowed Julie to place the padded undergarment underneath her.

"Good girl, now bottom down!" Julie ordered. Kylee complied.

Julie pulled out some diaper cream and squirted it liberally on Kylee's crotch. "Wouldn't want the baby to get a rash!" Julie said as she started rubbing it in to Kylee's skin.

Kylee looked away from Julie, once again turning red at being called a baby. However, Kylee's face soon began to flush for another reason. As Kylee was coming to learn about herself, being babied and humiliated was very much a turn on for her. Also, as Kylee already knew, Julie was VERY skilled with her fingers. As Julie rubbed the diaper lotion in, she paid careful attention to all of the right spots of Kylee's anatomy. Kylee started moaning involuntarily behind the shield of her pacifier.

"Oh, baby likes it when Miss Julie takes care of her, doesn't she? She likes the idea of being my silly little diaper girl?" Julie said.

"Mmmhmmm," Kylee moaned.

"She especially likes all of Miss Julie's **special** attention, doesn't she?" Julie continued.

"Mmmmmmmm..." Kyle continued.

"But, Kylee was a naughty little baby today, wasn't she? Pretending to be a good girl?" Julie asked.

"Uh, huh," Kylee said, beginning to thrust her hips into Julie's hand, but getting nervous as to where this was going. Kylee was so close to cumming. She was mentally willing Julie to work her fingers faster.

"Well, naughty babies who pretend to be big girls shouldn't get special treats, should they?" Julie asked.

At this point, all Kylee could do was buck and moan. She was so close to finishing.

"That's what I thought. So, no big girl treats for baby Kylee from me until she proves herself trustworthy," Julie said, commandingly. With that, she removed her hand from Kylee's throbbing, wet pussy and quicky taped Kylee's sex into the infantile diaper.

Kylee spit out her pacifier. "Noooo...." She bellowed. She was so close to finishing. Having her vagina taped away so suddenly felt like having a floor pulled out from under her.

Julie bent down, picked up the pacifier, and put it back in Kylee's mouth.

"That is not how you prove you are a trustworthy baby, worthy of my treats," Julie said warningly. Kylee blushed and took the pacifier back in her mouth.

"Don't worry Kylee, I am going to give you the opportunity to finish what I just started there, but first, I need you to do something for me."

Staring up at Julie from her place on the changing table, Kylee nodded her head up and down. Kylee's hands also started to drift towards the front of her diaper. She started rubbing the padding before Julie slapped her hand away.

"Stop that! You just keep proving what a toddler you are. I told you you would have the opportunity to finish, but you need to wait!" Julie commanded. "Now, get your padded behind off this changing table."

Kylee complied and climbed off the table. When her feet hit the ground, her suspicions about the thickness of the diaper were confirmed. The padding between her legs was so think she had to stand with her legs splayed apart to an almost comical distance. If Kylee wanted to walk at all, she would have a very pronounced waddle, not unlike that of a real toddler.

"Good," said Julie, looking proudly at her handy work, "now, I need you to prove how committed you are to being properly padded in the gym. If you want to come to any sort of deal with me that keeps me from showing Michael everything that has happened down here, you need to shit that diaper, right now, and when you are done, I want you to finish what I just started."

Kylee's stomach dropped in disgust, but, to her surprise, her pussy throbbed with arousal. Julie was asking her to willing play out the nightmare she had had just a few days before in real life. Worse yet, for the sake of her relationship, she had no choice but to comply.

With no other options, Kylee did what she had to, mimicking the infantalized dream version of herself. She dropped into a low squat, the bottom of the diaper she was wearing--her diaper, she thought with a shudder--hovering barely off the floor. She balled up her fists and started pushing. It felt almost exactly like her disturbing wet dream from the night after her last trip to the gym.

Kylee grunted cutely from behind her pacifier as she scrunched up her face in concentration. Before she released her load, the forthcoming contents of her bowels announced themselves with a few, loud, trumpeting farts. Then, Kylee felt it happen. Thick, solid feces started to slide out of her asshole as deposit itself in her waiting diaper. She could hear the plastic backing of the diaper crinkle as the back expanded with the addition of her surprisingly massive mess. Kylee could also feel the weight of each turd adding to the weight of the diaper taped to her hips. It felt as if someone was slowly depositing rotten fruit in her panties, one piece at a time.

Julie watched the entire show with an amused and matronly grin.

"Good baby," Julie said, looking down at the grown woman, squatting in a messy diaper, sucking on a pacifier. "Now it is time for you to finish what I started."

Kylee couldn't lie to herself. As disgusting as it was to be wearing a messy diaper, being humiliated and degraded like this turned her on to a level she had never reached before. She was ready to finish Julie's request.

NEXT CHAPTER

[sirfrogsworth]

I know I said going out into the world is worth the mental health boost, but I also got two vaccines and then worked in the heat cleaning out my garage for several hours and now I can't move and I haven't been able to move for several days.

I can't deny that sometimes things just need to get done. I didn't really have a choice. This is a consequence I chose and knew would occur. And I feel like I can't complain about how horrible I feel because of the deliberateness of my decision.

But I think I'm going to complain anyway because I feel like poop.

This is why the "push yourself" mentality is so dangerous to chronically ill people. Again, sometimes it cannot be helped. I haven't talked much about it yet, but I have a runway and it keeps getting shorter. And if I don't solve some very big problems before my runway ends, I could be pretty screwed. So I'm going to have to push myself on occasion and I need to try and be smart about it.

But please don't ever suggest "pushing through it" as an ongoing solution for disabled people. I've heard it so many times. There was even a time when my own father would preach from the Church of the Glorious Work Ethic™ because that is how he was raised. But it is also how he ended up with severe chronic pain and a fake hip.

Despite that, in the beginning, he would still tell me to push myself in order to accomplish things. Eventually he saw how damaging it was and how it made things worse in the long run. I was destroying my mind and body and my productivity decreased the longer I pushed myself. My recovery periods would get longer and longer and my productivity became almost nonexistent.

Conserving energy, doing a little bit at a time, and understanding how to pace myself always garnered better results. But that required patience. And patience is a skill. And for me it is a skill that I have spent two decades trying to master and I still fail more than I care to admit.

But during my first few years of being sick I had no patience. And my dad had no patience. So we were just this chaotic ball of impatience. And that was probably the only time we had trouble getting along.

"Pushing through" and ignoring pain and fatigue is the number one piece of advice that has always been catastrophic. I would encounter people with a "strong work ethic" who believed if they had my collection of chronic maladies they could just use willpower and work a proper job and live a normal life. I was just lazy in their minds. They thought accepting my circumstances and managing my symptoms was giving up. They would inform me that "everyone is tired." They would tell me how tired they are and how they still manage. And I just wish I could help them understand the most tired they have ever been is probably what I would consider a "good day."

Sometimes pushing through just puts a hole in the wall.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Kristen Welker and Julia Ainsley at NBC News:

WASHINGTON — Agents at Immigration and Customs Enforcement are under increasing pressure to boost the number of arrests and deportations of undocumented immigrants, as President Donald Trump has expressed anger that the amount of people deported in the first weeks of his administration is not higher, according to three sources familiar with the discussions at ICE and the White House.  A source familiar with Trump’s thinking said the president is getting “angry” that more people are not being deported and that the message is being passed along to "border czar" Tom Homan, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller and acting ICE Director Caleb Vitello.   “It’s driving him nuts they’re not deporting more people,” said the person familiar with Trump’s thinking.  “After four years of the Biden administration’s outright incompetence and negligence, the Trump administration has re-established a no-nonsense enforcement of and respect for the immigration laws of the United States,” Kush Desai, a White House spokesperson, said in a statement. “Hundreds of violent, predatory, and gang-affiliated criminal illegal aliens have already been rounded up and deported by ICE since President Trump took office — and the Trump administration is aligned on securing our borders and ensuring that mass deportations are conducted quickly and effectively to put Americans and America First.” A source familiar with internal conversations at ICE said Homan has a daily conference call with ICE agents in which he has been known to express his frustration with ICE numbers.  Another source said Homan is “unhappy” and has “made his unhappiness known” about the relatively low numbers of arrests and deportations. 

Cry more, Donnie Two Poops!

[badgopher]

Long walks and sunshine and a few minutes alone in my head.

I drove my car through the car wash this afternoon and it's still covered in bee poop but it's shinier beep poop now and that's always a mood boost.

Booked my trip to Oregon in August for mom's birthday party.

My hobby, apparently, is speed running weekend trips to Costco. Today it was 6 minutes. Last time it was 4½. I picked the wrong aisle and lost a bunch of time in a traffic jam.

Protest signs not pictured: "fuck your birthday", "you matter", and "what would jesus do?"

This book is great.

I walked by the house on Del Monte yesterday. Either that place shrunk or the world was a much bigger place when I was a kid.

[liquid-bonhomme]

Okay, to the anon who sent me the breakdown of what happened to Liquid Lily:

Thank you for the write up. I do appreciate you filling me in. But I'm going to use this as a chance to address the ground rules of how we address Courtney going forwards on this blog.

Let me be perfectly clear here:

Courtney's behavior as of late has been very upsetting. To me, to many of you, yes. I have very much privately expressed my own thoughts, feelings and frustrations on the matter in more private settings. There's no sneaky shade here, everything I've said I'd be more than willing to say to her face. I'll send her screenshots myself of everything I've said if she so requests it. I'm not here to gossip and bitch and not stand by it when confronted.

And Courtney on the off chance you're reading this, on the off chance you give a shit what I think of you and want to hash it out, my DMs are still as open to you as they have ever been. I'm not going to be brow-beaten because you don't agree with my perspective on things, I'm not interested in a pointless back and forth, but any concern you have with my presence in this cursed space I am always willing to hear you out on. The offer will always be there if you want me to signal boost something you want out there, of what little I can. It doesn't have to be a whole thing.

I'm also not going to wag my finger and tisk tisk on anyone else sharing their thoughts on Courtney's behavior. Nor do I want anyone to think I'm implying Courtney deserves to be coddled and babied because she's too fragile to handle people criticizing her.

With all that said. . .

Courtney will remain a no-poop-touching subject here on this blog. Obviously, she exists, bring her up when relevant, but we are going to refrain from name-calling and casting judgment. We are not making jokes now at Courtney's expense. We are not psychoanalizing her, speculating, making a circus side show. I will bring her up or respond to asks aboit her if I feel it's appropriate, relevant, or necessary.

Here's the thing gents:

Courtney and I have had some very similar life experiences. I'm not going to pretend to know her whole truth or suggest I'm an authority on her because of that, but. I know for me, having gone through what I did didn't help me become the most pleasant person on God's green earth either.

I never intended to hurt anyone, but I did. I have. I am very aware I have the capacity to do so again if I don't keep myself in check. I take full responsibility for the ways I have absolutely set bonds with friends, family and lovers on fire before. I hate it, I feel the full weight of that guilt to this day, but it's better to accept it and do what I have to to be better than pretend I'm a Saint. I've been told by people in flesh space and online how much they appreciate how "level-headed" I am. There isn't any kind of trickery afoot, I learned the hard way one too many times the cost of me not managing myself appropriately. I've put in the work to learn, and even then it's not like there's zero chance I won't eat shit and have a public meltdown caught in 4k. I hope that doesn't happen, lord knows I'm doing what I can to mitigate that risk-- but if it does all I can do is take the L and try to do what I can to fix it. I'm always hopeful the people in my life will forgive me-- and I'm thankful most do. But some don't, and I understand why. Some do, but it's better for both of us if we give each other a wide birth. Being a big boy do be like that sometimes.

And to be frank, if my abuser became an internet lolcow you couldn't fucking pay me to engage or come forwards. All of Lily's known victims are much braver than me. There's always going to be this extremely isolating disconnect when it comes to passive observers engaging with your abusers shitty behavior and you. The deep, crippling, profound panic and imminent sense of heightened danger is never going to feel the same. You might as well be on a different fucking planet, no matter how empathetic or accommodating they are. I can all but 100% garentee the histrionic way I'd be acting wouldn't paint me in a flattering light either.

I've heard some concerning information on some of the things that might be going on in Courtney's life right now. I trust the source it came from but have no way to verify if it's true. If Courtney publically confirms it I'll consider adding my two cents, having had lots of experience with what may be going on. Not that it justifies her actions, again, just very much contextualizes it.

I will say, I do think the sentiment of Courtney's frustration is more than valid-- I just think she made a lot of very poor decisions in who she directed those feelings at, then escalated things far beyond reason. I also empathize with her frustration over everyone and their mom telling her to log off because she's having an episode. I can tell you from my experience I would not respond well to anyone but a very close, trusted person in my life telling me that regardless of whether or not it was true. I've also seen plenty of OTHER dickweeds call Courtney "damaged goods" and the like all over the internet so I really don't blame her for shadowboxing ghosts now over it. You know who you are.

Being a victim doesn't make you incapable of harm or absolve you of personal responsibility. Lily's the fucking poster child for that.

The thing is, within reason, I believe in giving people a healthy amount of space to be messy bitches. Glass houses. It's one thing for me to comment on Courtney somewhere where there's little to no chance people will see it without context, it's totally different for me to put it out there in a space anyone can see it without knowing what went down.

Anon, I'm not scolding you, but I'm going to ask you be careful where and how you describe Courtney in the future publically. The last thing she needs is for more people to treat her like her trauma isn't relevant-- and unfortunately people routinely do expect victims to be perfect little angels. I'm not going to risk putting Courtney in the line of fire for that kind of behavior.

Thank you for your understanding.

[zoi-no-miko]

Birthday reading?? :D

Hi friends! It's my birthday tomorrow! :D If you have a spare few minutes with your phone while watching TV or pooping I'd LOVE a boost to my Radish algorithm??

Install the app

Watch 6 "Video Ads" from the gift box page (sadly the free coins they give you for signing up don't count ;_; )

Spend the coins on one of my stories <3 <3 <3

Happy Birthday to me!! XD

[eschergirls]

May 2025 Caption Contest Winners!

It's been 2 weeks it's time to announce the winners of the May caption contest!

The captions, as always, were really great so because we had so many good ones, I'll pick 3 honorable mentions and 3 winners (1st, 2nd, and 3rd place ranked).

Each winner will get to choose a prize if they wish (but you don't have to, you can just participate for fun too.) The prizes are extra Steam codes that I've acquired. If you won and want a prize, please contact me. 

The honourable mentions can get a prize if any of the winners decline (I will contact you if that happens, the prize order for honourable mentions will be selected randomly so the order you're listed here doesn't mean that's the order I will contact you in).

So here are the entries, organized by the platform they were submitted on:

Fedi/Mastodon:

Adriano:  I like this new spin on Tetris Waitworry: clearly she is being a shuriken yassie_j: her body is in the shape of a zigzag

Disqus:

 Adriano: "When they go loescape from the military, I go left." Also, it looks like she's pooping directly on Juggernaut's leg. Tsk. Alan D: I will destroy the enemy by the power of interpretive dance and tightly compressed boobage. Leak: "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8 bulletholes - that does it, I quit!"

Tumblr:

chaoscheebs: Shuriken, honey, that's not how you bring your knees in tight for the Time Warp dance. Alternately, behold the rare seated version of the Pee-Wee Herman dance from the hit film Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. drastrochris: "POOM" is the sound I make as I butt-bounce off of Juggernaut's thigh. genrenommer: Behold! The amazing Human Flea! harukami: Not everyone can butt-blast off the Juggernaut with a perfect poom, but her name is Shuriken, not Shuri-can't. heymerle: Giant over-muscled guys and teeny women in painful-looking poses, floating in mid-air: I can't figure out what's going on, either. hsavinien: With her heels accidentally glued to her butt, the only thing left was to propel herself into battle tits first for a devastating nipple attack. ihavearobotpanda: Shuriken over here living up to her sake and throwing herself at the enemy like... Well, like a shuriken spears-and-tears: "Oh no no no no NO! I *knew* I forgot to turn the stove off! But if I use my secret 'Heels-thrust-into-butt' speed-boost technique, I can make it back before my house burns down!" twilight-owl: She doesn't have time for this!  She's late for her interpretive dance class! vo-kopen: Three cuts … it’s the mark of Zorro! Alert Captain Ramon, the fox is in our midst. ward-leon: she saw a great pool party happening in the background and decided to join in - good thing she brought her swimsuit along!

The honorable mentions go to: Adriano, @spears-and-tears, and @twilight-owl

The runner-ups are: 

In third place: Alan D: I will destroy the enemy by the power of interpretive dance and tightly compressed boobage.

In second place: @harukami: Not everyone can butt-blast off the Juggernaut with a perfect poom, but her name is Shuriken, not Shuri-can't.

And the winner is... @hsavinien: With her heels accidentally glued to her butt, the only thing left was to propel herself into battle tits first for a devastating nipple attack.

Congratulations to all the winners and a big thank you to everybody who participated! Your captions are, as always, really funny and great!

Stay tuned in June for another caption contest!

If you won and would like a Steam code as a prize, please message me with which prize you would like.  If you came in 2nd, message me with 2 choices in order of preference...  I'll give you your top choice that hadn't been taken by the other winners. (To clarify, every winner only gets 1 prize, but winners other than the one in first place should give me their list of games in order of preference so if one is taken, I'll give you the next on the list.  It makes it easier for me to hand out the prizes.)

If the winner or the runner ups don't claim a prize, then I will pick from the honorable mentions randomly to claim a prize if they want one.

The Steam codes I have available as prizes are for: Aragami, Blacksad: Under the Skin, Gedonia, GoNNER, Hotel Giant 2, Peachleaf Pirates, Rebel Galaxy: Outlaw, Riot: Civil Unrest, Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun, and Survivalist.

[jillsandwhichs]

Our Future Days

Joel Miller x Reader series, Chapter 2, A helping hand

Masterlist

Pairing: Fem!reader x Joel Miller

Summary: Joel helps you set up new furniture in your new home

WC: 4.4k

Type: Sfw

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Thank you

Waking up bright and early, you felt your dog, Becker, licking the hell out of your face. He most likely had to go potty. "Jesus buddy, let mama wake up." You giggled, scratching his fur. He was also just very energetic. You could see the sun shining through the windows of your new home, it was most likely eight to nine in the morning, the usual time for Becker to go pee and poop. Although, back at your family home, there was a doggy door so you never needed to be awake.

"Hold on baby." You mumbled to him, rubbing your eyes carefully, allowing them to adjust. It wasn't too hard to fall asleep last night, which was a miracle. If anything, the air mattress was most uncomfortable. You assume you'll either get your other furniture today or tomorrow, which will be Heaven on Earth! Becker continued to be a rowdy pup, running through the house and chasing a ruckus. "Alright, alright." You sighed, getting up out of the bed.

Your back was killing you but it was nothing you haven't felt before. You quickly folded up the blanket on the bed before setting it on the end neatly, although you presume Becker will later untidy it, he's a crazy boy. "Gotta go potty?" You taunted him, patting on your thighs. He stuck his tounge out and ran to the front door, pawing at it. You giggled, strolling up to the door and opening it up for him, watching as he bolted into the front yard.

Before going out with him, you grabbed your cardigan off of the hanger, putting it on briskly. The fresh morning air felt good, it smelt like rain outside. You could tell the grass was wet too, maybe it sprinkled throughout the night. Becker made his way behind the brown fence, cocking his leg up and going pee, you didn't watch though, that was weird. Instead, your eyes darted over to Joel's house. That same black truck was still in the driveway, maybe he works later? Or maybe not at all?

There were no lights on in his home. You were also still curious as to who that other person in his home last night was. Definitely could not have been his brother, it was a woman. They had a decently smaller frame and were very short. At least 5'1, if not shorter. It doesn't even matter to you, it shouldn't, you have no right to butt into his business. You're just inquisitive...

Becker ran back over to you, licking your hand as it rested at your side. "Oh what boy?" You snickered, petting the top of his head before he then bolted back off into the sideline of the yard, rolling in the damp grass. "Becker..." You sighed out, also not being able to contain your laughter. You could really go for some caffeine right now, especially with how your back is feeling. If you're going to have to move furniture today, you'll most definitely need the extra boost of energy.

You still didn't know your way around the city. It was massive. Compared to your small, average, boring town in Oregon, this was like Los Angeles. You'd never want to live there though, absolutely not. Dallas wasn't even your first choice. The job offer just wasn't something to scoff at. You were grateful for the opportunity. Originally, either Washington or Arizona were where you wanted to live. But Texas was last on your list, especially specifically Dallas.

Your phone was still inside of the house, charging on the kitchen counter. You'd need it for the GPS in order to find a local nearby coffee shop.

Whistling, you called for Becker to come back into the house. You were contemplating on whether or not you'd bring him with you to get coffee. You'd probably have to, he'd lose his mind being left all alone in an empty unfamiliar house. You didn't mind, he was just so energetic in the mornings. He slipped right past you and through the front door, running around and sniffing areas he hasn't gotten to yet. You giggled silently as you snatched your phone, checking the time. It was 9:25 in the morning, it felt good to wake up at a good time like this.

The phone was also on 100% which was a big plus, the last thing you wanted to deal with today was your charger bugging out. Your data was finicky as it was, barley having service out here which made no sense. Nonetheless, you opened up Safari and searched for nearby café's. There was one not even five minutes away, it was perfect and it was already open. You'll probably get some food while you're out too, Becker will be fine on that, he has some treats in the car.

You tied your cardigan up, setting your phone in the pocket of it as you put your slippers on. You weren't going to get all dressed up just to get some coffee and breakfast, there was no point. "Becker, wanna go for a ride?" You spoke in a high pitched voice. Becker began to pant as he ran over to you, jumping all around. "Let's go boy." You whispered, petting his soft head as you opened the front door, using your car keys to unlock the front & back seat.

As you opened up the backseat, you patted it twice, alerting Becker to jump in, which he did. He made himself comfy on the array of seats. You presume he was quite hungry, you grabbed out two treats and fed them to him. "Don't worry boy, your food may come in today." You said softly to him, kissing his furry side before shutting the car door gently, he doesn't particularly enjoy loud noises.

You climbed into the front seat and stuck your key into the ignition, hearing the affirming sound of your vehicle starting. "Good." You muttered to yourself. Your car doesn't even have any reoccurring problems, it's just an unwanted fear of it breaking down that bothers you. You could hear a song playing on the radio, instantly, you turned it up, enjoying some new noise after sleeping in an utterly silent house... Besides Becker's snoring, that is...

Pulling out of your driveway, you looked to your right towards Joel's house and seen his front door open. You didn't immediately drive off. You watched as he and his brother walked out, clearly ready for the day. Joel glanced up from his stance, seeing you in your truck. His face formed a slight smile as he caught a glimpse of your face. You smiled back, putting your hand up to give him a small wave, which he kindly returned. After that, you drove off, not wanting to make it awkward.

Joel seemed like a kind man. He was willing to help you out, which was a pro. The men back home were similar, it's always made you feel secure. Then again, you can handle yourself well. You moved all the way to Texas with little to no help. The only man by your side was, well, Becker! Best boy any woman could ever ask for!

Driving off, the roads in the suburbs weren't all that busy, in fact, most of them were empty. It's just that the main roads were going to be hell. At least it wasn't even earlier or lunch hour yet, then you'd probably have to take back roads but those would be full of people too. It's just a major change compared to how traffic was back home. Maybe in a way, it was nice? It felt more realistic. More alive in a sense. Becker surely likes it, he loves any & all attention.

"Okay then..." You murmured to yourself, setting up the GPS through your phone. On the screen, the text read it was about six minutes away, it was great. Having a café this close was excellent, you'd definitely use it to your advantage. Every morning, before work, stopping by for some coffee & a bagel sounded like a wonderful idea. You just hope the prices aren't insane. Inflation is a bitch.

"Want some better tunes boy?" You shouted out to Becker with a giggle, changing the station to where a lot of calming, unwinding & serene songs played. Felt like it fit the mood. You also rolled down Becker's window for him, he loves sticking his head out and being obnoxious.

As you turned left, you got onto the main roads. A ton of small owned businesses and shops flooded the area and not only that, within the distance, large & tall skyscrapers towered over the massive city. "Holy shit." You whispered to yourself. This is where you'll be living and it feels extraordinary. If you recall, the tallest building back home was a damn courthouse and even then, it doesn't even compare to these establishments. It was a big change from home, that's for sure.

You spotted some spots you'd definitely wanna check out soon. A boba shop, a retailer, a chinese place and more. There weren't places like this back home, at least no where near your town. "Becker, we're almost there." You assured him, you could hear how quiet he had gotten. He was hungry but you'd just want to wait til the truck comes in, hopefully today, if not, it was really going to be shitty for not only Becker, but you too.

The GPS now said four minutes away but it felt closer than that. The main roads were filled but not to the brim. It was because a lot of people were at work or doing something for the day, it was Saturday after all. At your upcoming job, you won't have to work weekends which was a life saver. It'd be good to give you and Becker time together and time to set up your house. You couldn't wait to see how it will look once it's completely decorated.

Randomly, the thought of Joel came back into your head. For some reason, he was unforgettable. The way he spoke to you was unlike anyone you'd ever met before. You wanted the truck to come by today so he'd help you unload it all like he had offered last night. Imagining him in your house kind of warmed your heart & stomach. You barley knew him and yet, he was on your mind. His brother though? No. Maybe it was because the two of you didn't speak but it was also just because Joel was different. There was a different ring to him.

Minutes later, you pulled into the coffee shops parking lot, noticing there was a drive-thru which was perfect, you really didn't wanna go through the hassle of going in. Not only that, Becker wouldn't be able to come inside and he's a big 'ol whine baby without you. It would also allow you to decide on what you want easier.

You drove through, waiting patiently behind another car. This car had a Florida license plate with flowers around the border of it. "Long ways away from home, huh?" You mumbled to yourself, somewhat projecting. You still need to change your plate to be for Texas rather than Oregon. It's just a tedious process. You'd also have to change Becker's collar to have Texas on it as well, which wouldn't be too bad to deal with. There's just more important stuff to handle right now.

You pulled up, stopping at the mic system and studying the large screen that displayed all the drinks and snacks you could get. "Hi, what can I get for you?" You heard a woman say through the com. "Just one second please." You replied, tapping on your steering wheel. You were just going to get a White Mocha Coffee but you also wanted a snack. They had a lot. Bagels, bread, sandwiches, etc. And everything looked really good.

"Alright, so, I'll get a white mocha coffee and let me get the grilled ham & cheese sandwich." You spoke clearly to the woman. "Okay, in total, that'll be 13.47$ at the first window!" "Thanks." You said softly, pulling up. The sun was officially up. It looked nice in the center of the city, aside from all the people and cars. The buildings, wildlife, nature and atmosphere was all collectively beautiful. Oregon was definitely better compared to the city life but beggars can't be choosers.

As you drove up, the woman whom you were speaking to opened the window and held out your receipt. "Your total was 13.47$, correct?" She asked you with that classic customer service voice. "Yeah, here you go." You beamed, handing her your card. You took the receipt, tossing it into your center console. The woman swiped the card and tapped a few buttons before handing it back to you. "You have yourself an amazing day!" "You too hun." You said nicely to her before she then shut the door.

The next window handed you a bag and a cup. You were practically drooling over how yummy it smelt. "Have a good day." The man spoke, passing you both items. "You too." You nodded, setting the coffee in the cup holder and placing the bag onto your lap. You'd definitely have to share with Becker once you're home. "Onwards and upwards puppy." You giggled before pulling out of the coffee shop. You'll definitely come here again.

-

Hours later, you were sitting out on your front porch, scrolling through Facebook on your phone. You felt a sense of sorrow seeing all the people back home living their lives. You wish you could be there with them, especially your friends. They all mean so much to you and now, you'll rarely see them. Holidays of course and occasional visits but that's about it. It's worrisome, you don't want any of these friendships to fade away. That isn't your intention.

You also miss your family. They're all going on with their lives and it's upsetting to see. You especially miss your cousins, they were your closest members of your family. You don't have any siblings so it was the closest you got to that either. Luckily, your favorite cousin plans to visit you soon. It'll be nice, just to vent to them and hear how the family is doing. You aren't close to much others in it though.

"Becker, c'mon boy!" You shouted for him, wanting him to stop being a trouble maker. You walked towards him and looked up, a huge burst of happiness filled you. It was that truck, the one that had all of your house supplies in. "Yay!" You yelled, grabbing onto Becker's collar, pulling him back carefully into the yard instead of the sidewalk. You were very happy with this outcome. Becker definitely will be too. His dog bed will be a plus for him, no more sharing... Until he jumps into bed anyways.

The truck backed into your small driveway, badly fitting due to how large the vehicle was. It parked quickly and you ran up to the back of the truck, internally screaming. You couldn't wait to set your bed back up. You heard the truck door shut as a slim, tall man emerged from it. "Hey, this for you?" The man asked, showing you the clipboard. You read the name and nodded, "Yes, that's me." You beamed. "Alrighty, everything in here is yours then. I can help you unload if needed, unless you have others to help you." He spoke kindly, hooking the clipboard back.

You took a gander over at Joel's house, he was outside, his brother there too. They looked not busy, why not ask them to help? Joel did offer after all. "One moment." You said in a friendly tone to the man. You ordered Becker to sit and be patient before you then crossed the street. Joel noticed this, his posture forming to be more standard as he looked you up and down. He dropped his cigarette, stepping on it. "Didn't think I'd see you again so soon." His southerness was unforgettable.

Giggling, you set your hands onto your hips. "Me either... Hey, I just have a question though." You said softly, gazing up at him. He chuckled and looked down at you, he was much taller than you. "Anything." "So, that truck in my driveway, it has just about everything I own in it... Would you mind giving me a hand with it? I'll even pay you if needed." You asked with confidence. You don't even know what urged you to come over and feel so free asking him. You feel like he'll say yes, even without pay, honestly.

"Glady." Joel voiced to you, setting his phone in his pocket. "Ya think you'll need both of us or...?" "Just you should work, I don't wanna bother the both of you." You awkwardly chuckled, giving a slight smile to Tommy. Tommy nodded, he didn't seem to really care. "Sounds good to me." Joel expressed, beginning to walk alongside you to the house. Inside, you were screaming and dancing. You don't even understand why either.

"Thank you, I appreciate this. I honestly don't think the driver dude could help." You mumbled beneath your breath. Nothing against him, he just probably does it all day, it gets tiring. Joel gave you a slight laugh, "Yeah, I got it. I don't have these for nothing." Joel teased, referring to his rugged muscles. You blushed before giggling, "I see that." You whisper. Becker ran up to you as you walked into your driveway. "Oh hey there." You spoke to him, kneeling down and kissing the roof of his nose, scratching his head.

"He the only pet ya have?" "Yeah, he's my one and only baby." You vocalized, pulling away from him. "I ain't got any pets, just my daughter." Joel cackled. You were literally shocked when he said that. This man looked way too young to have a daughter. At the same time, this cleared your worries. Was that young woman in the house his kid? "Jesus, no way you have a kid?" You spat out unfiltered. "Sorry, I just didn't think you'd be old enough." You recuperated yourself.

Joel smiled at you, his facial hair scrunching up. "Yeah, had her when I was real young. High school love and having the mindset of a teenager will do that to ya." He admitted, unlocking the back of the truck, pulling it open with his arms, revealing all of what you owned. The way his fibrow arms flexed when he opened it made you feral in silence. He has such a good body. You couldn't help but look at them from time to time.

"I imagine... I never dated in Highschool or College. I just kept to myself." You spoke honestly. It's not that you didn't want to date, you just never had the chance overall. "You don't have to answer but you still with her mom?" Joel didn't reply at first, he just gave you a monotone look before he then hopped into the truck, you did too. "Nah... Her mama isn't a very good woman. I've been done with women for some time now because of her. Sarah is the only girl I need." Joel said with earnest. He was honorable for that. A father putting his children before romance is respectable.

"I totally understand that. That's a good move on your part, father wise." You complimented him. "I try." He chuckled. He didn't seem very open to speaking about her, rightfully so, who'd really talk about their child to a stranger? Joel grabbed ahold of a few large boxes. "Where you want these?" The man asked you, holding all of them with strength. "Oh, inside please, or just wherever is easier, I guess." You rambled, also grabbing a box, you already knew this box was full of Becker's stuff due to him sniffing it and scratching at it.

Joel jumped out of the truck, setting all three boxes in your kitchen, you followed behind him. He scanned the house, whistling at the sight. "Nice, mine looks similar but this is more craftsmen, I like it." He praised your sense of style. "Yeah, me too, it's nice." You snickered. You bent down and opened up Becker's box, grabbing out his favorite chew toy. "Here you go mister." You kissed his head and allowed him to play with it. "You seem like a good dog mom." Joel tittered. "Oh, I try." You said with sarcasm. It was an easy job. Just feed the fattie and baby him, he'll be one happy pup.

The two of you exited the home, Becker staying on the inside now that he had his stuff, he was quite content. Joel double checked the trailer before laughing, it was such a attractive laugh too, super country. "Damn girl, how much stuff do you need?" He teased you. "A lot." You joked. "I'm guessing you'll need help moving this bedframe?" "Most definitely." You sighed, not even wanting to dick with it. "Where's your bedroom at? Upstairs, I assume?" He questioned you. "Yes, like the first door so it shouldn't be to difficult." "Alright." Joel replied, beginning to drag it out for you.

"You're very strong." You muttered, somewhat hoping he wouldn't hear. "This is what being a contractor does to you, darlin." Joel chuckled, lifting the bedframe from one end. The way he called you darling about made you pass out, it was so different, once again, adding onto his character so much. You lost your train of thought. His body glowed in the sunshine. The minor sweat on his forehead and arms was so entrancing. "Hey?" Joel asked you, snapping you out of your head. "You alright?" He gave out a manly southern laugh. "Yes, of course, just the heat is irritating." You lied, grabbing onto the opposite end of the frame.

Until the two of you reached the top of the stairs, you opened your bedroom door, allowing him to fully push it in, placing it down onto the floor. "Want it anywhere specific?" "Just in the center there." You requested. He gently pushed it out, aligning it as well, it was like he read your mind. "Thank you." You said quietly, pulling your hair into a ponytail. You looked over at him whilst doing so, noticing he was staring at you, his eyes were dark and his expression was as if it was focused. You didn't say anything, not wanting to make yourself look stupid.

"We can go grab my bed now? I'll be able to handle the rest of the boxes on my own though." You broke the silence, pulling your hands away from your hair. "You sure? I don't mind helping ya out." "I'm sure." You spoke truthfully, turning out of your bedroom and treading down the staircase, Joel doing the same right behind you. Becker was passed out on the floor, his belly exposed and you couldn't help but snicker, he was so cute.

You stepped outside again and entered the back of the truck. It was still quite full. The couch you had purchased was also there in a clearly hefty box, you weren't excited for that. "If you wanna head home, you can actually, I might be able to handle this mattress on my own." You said, trying not to hold him up. "Don't sweat it, I got it." Joel said with a low & husky voice as he grabbed the end of it. "Y'know, I get the impression you are an independent girl." He chuckled out. You giggled and nodded, "Just how I was raised."

The two of you helped one another slip the mattress into the home and up the fabricated stairs. The sound of Joel's grunts as he moved it upwards were attractive and made you wanna risk everything but you remained silent, of course, you two had only just met. This was just such a new experience for you, that's all. Joel picked up the mattress half way, plopping it down on the frame with a groan, straightening it out too. "I'm guessing you get about 20% of this whereas that dog of yours gets 80%?" You laughed when he said that, but he was correct.

"When Sarah was little, she'd crawl into bed with me and I'd hold her. She stopped doing it as she got older, she's in her early teens now, but I'd kill for it. I have a love-hate relationship with the fact she's gettin older." Joel snickered, rubbing the ridges of his nose. "I bet... I hope someday I can experience that." You tittered, crossing your arms. "You want kids someday?" "Of course I do." You nodded. Joel didn't respond, he just gave you a half smile. "It's a blessing, that's for damn sure." He said hushly. You glimmered at him.

Your guy's eyes locked for a few seconds, your breathing also becoming heavier. He made you feel a type of way you hadn't felt before. It was a welcomed feeling though. Your stomach twisted & turned whenever he was around and you found yourself staring at him any chance you could get. He obviously didn't feel the same but it's whatever, he's not looking for a woman anyways as he stated. A small crush won't hurt, right?

A few minutes later, the two of you were back outside in the Texas warmth, basking in it. There was still a few larger and smaller boxes in the truck but you didn't mind dealing with those alone. You didn't wanna keep him busy for to long. You turned to look at him, his eyes were already down on you. It made you blush because your back was originally faced to him. You shook the thoughts from your head before talking to him.

"Thank you Joel, I'm grateful for your help." You thanked him, crossing your arms. "Course, anything you need, just give me a holler." Joel reminded you, placing his hand on your arm gently. You looked down at it and leered, discreetly biting your lip too. "Will do." You smiled up at him. Joel nodded, pulling his arm away moderately. "I'll see you around." He said softly, giving you a playful wink as he walked off. "See you Joel." You mumbled, watching as he went back to his house.

Now, you just had to deal with all of this hunk a junk. "Here we go." You groaned, hopping into the truck, all alone.

[ryuichirou]

TWST boys getting sick and catching certain infections HCs

Two prompts on health-related topics, and for both of them I don’t really have a lot to say, so I’ll combine them in one post. Thank you for your asks!

Anonymous asked:

How often do you think the twst boys get sick? How bad do you think it hits them? Who gets a cold every year? Who never gets sick? If you v***t and/poop related stuff, please make a clear transition though. I don't do well with any of that.

Honestly, it’s a bit difficult to say, surprisingly I see the majority of the twst boys as pretty healthy overall, even though anything could happen depending on a scenario. I guess it’s too much of a case by case thing for me personally. So if that’s okay with you, I’ll just mention those who I do picture getting sick more often + those who I can say something about.

Nothing related to the stuff you don’t do well with though; I just don’t have anything to say in that particular regard.

Riddle gets sick not too often, but still pretty regularly; at least twice a year. He catches a cold very easily; his immune system isn’t the strongest, but not super weak either. It’s funny because he actually does stuff to prevent himself from getting sick, but somehow being around a sick person for like two minutes is enough to make him catch a cold…

I feel like Deuce in particular almost never gets sick BUT one time Ace got sick though, and Deuce caught his cold immediately. The only thing that could make Deuce sick is Ace…

Trey is prone to colds, he gets very sick at least once every winter, but maybe it’s just his body deciding that it needs some rest after working so hard for everyone… sucks that it always happens right before Winter Holidays.

Cater had a period during which he used to get sick more often, mostly because he was feeling sad and going to school felt too upsetting; somehow it ended up making him feel kind of sick every morning. He is pretty healthy now though.

Azul had the hardest time adjusting to the life on land out of the Octa-trio; he gets allergies every spring, but also catches cold every summer. When it’s too hot, his body can’t quite understand what is going on, and a lot of times he ends up having a fever. He never skips work to just rest and let himself heal, and because of that he ends up being violently sick for a couple of weeks.

Kalim gets sick almost every time he gets too cold, so his first winter out of Scalding Sands was intense. He gets headaches, sleeps a lot and gets even more capricious and clingy than usual. Jamil always has to take care of him, and even though Kalim isn’t awake for the majority of himself being sick, somehow Jamil hates him in this state even more.

Epel gets sick surprisingly often for someone who grew up in a snowy village, but he does. He doesn’t stay sick for long though, after a night of high temperature fever he gets well almost immediately; the only downside is that he already made everyone around him sick…

Idia gets sick super rarely because he never gets a chance to even catch a virus since he is hiding in his room all the time, but because of that when he does get sick, it’s very bad. His entire body hurts, he coughs a lot, and he can’t sleep or eat anything. Ortho always says that he needs to boost his immune system somehow, and Idia always says that there is no point… and gets super sick right after saying that.

Fellow gets sick pretty often, but Gidel – even more often. Poor Gidel is going through it every time he gets sick. He faints, gets extremely bad fevers; he is super helpless and weak when he catches anything. He coughs so badly that people either get scared of him or pity him… Even after the fewer is gone, Gidel could keep coughing for a couple of months; it’s like he is never completely healthy.

Anonymous asked:

Do you think any of the twst guys have ever had an STD?

Hmm, I don’t think any of the students had, excluding Lilia. Grandpa definitely did a lot of stuff about being too concerned about protection when he was younger… Was he just lucky to never get anything serious and untreatable or is it just fae immune system? Difficult to tell~ He consciously stopped sleeping around when he started sleeping with Malleus though, partially because he didn’t want the prince to catch anything from him.

…I can see a scenario in which herpes would travel throughout the entire school because barely anyone uses protection in this hellhole 😭  Floyd is the most likely to get it simply due to the theory of probability.

It also absolutely happened to Crewel, he had herpes a couple of times and maybe something like Chlamydia once. He actually had to skip work because of the latter one, and even after treating it still was in a horrible mood for like a month after that. Maybe it was because Trein scolded him for being so irresponsible, as if it’s his business! A lecture isn’t what he wanted after all this suffering, as if he wasn’t humiliated enough.

Realistically, Fellow probably suffers from STDs the most, and the only reason he didn’t catch something truly horrible and incurable yet is due to his sheer luck. A lot of times people he sleeps with don’t really care about protection and only use it when they’re sensible enough to not want to catch anything from Fellow himself.

A part of me wants a depressing dark scenario though….ahhhhh

[art-g0blin-draws]

Reuniclus is my favorite psychic pokemon. I wanted to make a card based loosely around how i play mine in pokemon violet!

Lv 100

Psychic Tera

Bold nature

236 defense EVs

20 Sp. Atk EVs

252 Sp. Def EVs

Magic Guard ability

Life Orb hold Item

Acid armor

Calm mind

Recover

Stored power

Not accounting for RNG, stored power does 20 damage to start, adding 20 more for each stat boost on the pokemon using it. But since stored power is the same type as Reuniclus, it gets a 1.5 boost, with a 2x boost instead if you make it tera-psychic. So the starting damage is now 40, plus 40 more for each stat boost. But then add on life orb, giving it another 1.3x boost, and the damage ends up at about 50 starting damage, with another 50 more for each stat boost.

In total, 1 turn of acid armor and 1 turn of calm mind means that not only is Reuniclus gonna be able to tank some decent hits especially on the physical side, but it’s also now able to hit with a stored power attack that deals damage around the ballpark of 250! (I typically do 2 turns of calm mind, so it’s 350 if I’m lucky lol)

All this damage is also coming off a boosted Sp. Atk stat of 291 if your IVs in that stat is maxed, which on its own might not be impressive, but if you double it with a turn or two of calm mind, can be pretty terrifying

Some glaring weaknesses would be:

the oblivious ability, which ignores your stat boosts (but not the stored power damage from them, or the stab bonus)

Dark types. They give zero poops about psychic types under normal conditions

Reuniclus’ low speed. Anything able to kill it before it gets the boosts in won’t have much trouble with it.

————————

With the Card, i wanted to give it a way to more quickly gather psychic energies to be able to build on its stored power attack, and i thought that “mitochondria” as an ability was both appropriate, and also a little funny. After all, it IS the powerhouse of the cell.

[penipso]

hey mason do you have that one poop that starts with the "its okay n**** i got that weed card" and then cuts to a jpeg of a fat blowfish with sound effect spam. this is impossible to google for obvious reasons

SIGNAL BOOST