#but I've got experience with outdated books

[mizulekitten]

Looong ramble below. Hoping that typing above it will make sure the keep reading actually shows up.

I get how Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey was like... revolutionary for its time. I can see it clear as day. It's such a... It's so bad, but it's so good. But it's also really bad. But good.

Like the whole Search was pretty good. Lessa was a very strong character with deep roots and clear motivations. F'lar and F'nor have a clear mission: do not allow the same mistake of a incompetent Weyrwoman to happen again.

(Personal side note: please don't name prominent characters names so close together. I don't care that they're half brothers. It's taken me writing this out, 135 pages into reading, to tell who is who. Like if I wasn't about to write F'lar over and over again, I'd still be mixing their names up. That's just me though, not on Anne.)

You get the feel that Lessa is cunning, patient, yet impatient when it feels like success is within her grasp. Clever, but so used to being alone in her planning that the idea of approaching others is impossible. The society she is in supports that from the get go. Drudges are disregarded, the hold is in shambles, even the Fs (F'lar and F'nor) don't look at the drudges at first as possible options. No one came to the aid of her hold when Fax took control. (Which is, in part, time travel shenanigans, I know.) Point is, she feels isolated.

The Fs show us the disrepair and troubling times with their worries of who they'll pick as their option for Weyrwoman, the tension within the Weyr, and there's a clear sense of dread and worry of what's to come. Further supported by Lessa's worrying feelings, and the red star approaching. The goading and taunting F'lar directs towards Lessa to get her to join as a candidate reads so good as he works off first impressions of her, and we get further solidification of the caste system this world works in as he belittles her looks and treatment, clearly calling it out as reprehensible, but also very clearly only doing it to get her to comply. Not because drudges deserve respect, but because he needs her.

And the hatching ceremony itself is awesome. We see a boy get fucking torn apart by a dragon, another gets trampled. We see the harshness of newborn instinct in all its glory. Frankly, the fact that we never revisit any of the male hatchlings is such a... Missed opportunity. It certainly further highlights how isolated she is that she's only spoken to when her dragon is awake by the bronze leaders, but it would've been interesting to see it juxtaposed with the boys. It's certainly not necessary though, I'm just curious what it would've been like (especially for the boy that got trampled, but still claimed a dragon. That's cool, and sad, and traumatizing. What's up with him?)

And then the book just... I don't know. Supposedly this was two stories combined. I'm hoping this part is where that combination happened, because everything after the hatching so far has felt sooooo weak. You're telling me in two years, with the power to communicate with any dragon, that Lessa hasn't gone out of her way to learn anything about her situation? She's just... Annoyed but accepting that she's being lectured in the most boring way possible to her. Like... It's been two years, and she's just now finding out about all the limitations with her dragon. You're telling me she hasn't asked any questions, done any sleuthing? This woman who single handedly turned a whole hold against a ruling party, to the point the castle was near unlivable over the course of ten years, with clear intentions to then rule said hold like... Isn't using all those skills here too?

Like she finds out they don't have enough food, and that's the first time she exercises her magical influence over people??? But then it's heavily implied she's been doing this for months with that one guy. And this whole fight over food starts on page 108. The argument between everyone lasts until page 113. The very next page she's reprimanded for making K'net go on a raid because she's an idiot who understands nothing. They then have a useless fight over how she doesn't know anything (which the Lessa we were introduced to in the very beginning, would've known what everyone was doing as soon as she realized this gig fucking sucked within the first month). She's blamed for "uncontrolled raiding" that hasn't happened yet, but apparently has been happening for months. Like this is very unclear when Lessa started to influence K'net to do this stuff. Like the passage of time isn't there. These scenes are back to back with little to no indication of time passing.

Also, like... I've been taking the rampant sexism as it comes. This was written in the 60s. Do I like it? No. Can I suspend my personal beliefs to read a story? Yes. (Is it terribly confusing on how we got here when the first Pern book I read was First Fall and even with the bits of sexism there, people were all pretty damn equal. Like I get a caste system forming, but how did woman fall even worse under that? It's very white-euro-centric views of pre-technology times which makes sense. Again, written in 60s by a white woman. It just... I don't know how we got here.) Anyways. Rampant sexism, can roll with it. Cannot roll with the glossing over of details though. Page 115. Does F'nor hit her or not??? Like "F'nor swung on her..." and then he says something short, and her very next response is "Why?" Girl did you just get sucker punched in the face or not? There is no indication if that hit landed, or how she reacted. Like as a drudge I fully know she got beat the fuck up by anyone with a tiny bit of power above her, but like... Was she hit or not???? If you're going to have an action, it's not even a sexist thing, it's a writing thing. Did Lessa get hit? That should be clear regardless of ones views on gender. A writer should be answer if she got hit, and the answer, in no world, makes sense that she just asks "why?" to what he was saying. Like no, rubbing her face, no looking up at F'nor, nor physical response.

Point being. We're suddenly being introduced to "We're not going to starve right away but there's definitely a threat of that which needs to be address, you've apparently been causing raids for months, you're fucking with politics you, despite being here for two years, have no understanding of. Oh, also, you're dragon is about to fuck, the guy doing the raids isn't doing them anymore, and the politics you apparently don't understand, you don't need to understand because F'lar got back here fast enough for there to be no repercussions for the fight you just caused."

I completely understand that the change of politics is something that's explored afterwards, as is the repercussions of these raids that she apparently has been causing for months, but the pacing is so fuuuuucked. She's bored at her lessons. She finds out they're going to starve. Oh, just kidding, Ruatha hold sent a bunch of food. Wait, there's a meeting about food shortages and how it's going to be handled. You've apparently been sending raids for months despite the fact that we found out about starvation only a handful of pages ago with no indication that time had gone by.

But then we're in F'lar's pov after he just became the head guy of the house. And now repercussions of things introduced in ten pages are suddenly big and bad? Now that we're looking through F'lar's eyes. You expect me to believe that a whole legion of bitches are marching up to a castle for something I only just barely learned about? Yes, we know that the Fs have been raiding for awhile, but we also know they're pretty damn discreet with it. So like... The way the book presents this sequence of events is: Fs and their group have been doing quiet, discreet raids to keep their dragons fed, since they know things are going south. Lessa finds out about the food shortage, and only during the big meeting of all the bronzes, does she start to try and influence people to go on raids. K'net leaves the meeting, intent to go raiding, for what is being presented as his first time doing this. She is then blamed for two months of raids. This supposed two months of raids, is enough to make all the holds come together to march on the Weyr. This whole conflict, on top of her dragon needing to fuck, is covered in ten pages not even.

There's no build up. There's no believable stakes. The stake of starvation are immediately soothed with "oh, don't worry though we just got a shipment, so its not as bad." So the meeting talking about food shortages suddenly feels so... Less. Like what if they hadn't gotten the shipment from Ruatha yet? Suddenly, this fight has a lot more immediate repercussions. Lessa sends K'net out raiding. Tensions continue to rise as food is scarce, but somehow K'net is being fed, Lessa starts to realize that the Fs dragons never look hungry. Then, boom, they get the food from the Ruatha. They learn that, if they inspire respect in a hold that they're more likely to get good shit. Yeah, Lytol is a previous dragonrider, but clearly everyone in the hold is fine with this because there's no bad news from Ruatha. Now, R'gul's leadership is under scrutiny from the other bronzes, not just traditionalist Fs. What if dragons were out there, reminding people that they exist, they're powerful, they can be helpful. Maybe, throughout this, we can sprinkle in some more signs that dragon mating is a thing. Lessa and her dragon feeling certain things in little blips. It's the 60s, it doesn't have to be a nice like coming of age sex story. It can be "oh my god, F'lar is so aggravating but he's so handsome." Like I don't need ground breaking, equality based character development that would've been out of place at the time.

Like there's a whole book there. Leading up to the mating flight, to R'gul being hoisted out of power, to the Holds marching on the Weyr. But instead it's ten pages. All of Lessa's cunning, even in it's shortsightedness is just... Gone. This badass view of her when F'lar tells her to go get the hold women and keep them hostage is like... So flat. Yeah, she's a predator, and the way he describes her is awesome in those scenes, but I don't believe you.

I don't know if it's because this was supposed to just be a glimpse into the world or what. Like building up to time travel, which sounds awesome. I'm trying so hard to get to that point, believe me, but this start is so rough.

Like I'm not trying to nitpick because I think I could write it better. This concept is crazy and awesome and I love the other Pern books I read. (The very last page of First Fall pisses me off, though, and definitely had me well aware that the sexist for modern 2024 I was going to get into was not exaggerated. Probably why I'm rolling with it so well in this book despite the gratuitous and casual abuse Lessa is going through.)

I don't know. I don't have a point, I guess. Something about this book is just... bad, and I can't name it, while on the other hand being pretty damn cool. It's making it so hard to get through though.

[mmywanda]

Dandelion — W.M

chapter one of Forbidden Pleasure

—

Pairing: CEO!WandaMaximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: When you decided to join your family's business, you had no idea the ceo of the rival company would be so.. alluring. men & minors dni!

Warnings: None.. yet ;)

Word count: 3.7k

A/N: My first series! I promise it’s going to get more exciting soon, this was just setting things up.

Beta read by @poulengp <3

—

You'd never been into business. Despite your family being famous for their own very successful company, Nexus. No, you preferred working in that little library, where it was quiet, and the most stressful it got was when someone returned their books too late. Why would you want to be involved in a business full of money hungry people who think of nothing but financial success?

So that was precisely what you told your father when he called you up one Saturday morning, trying to persuade you into following in the footsteps of the majority of your family. And what didn't help your case was the fact you'd be laid off from your job, as there wasn't enough funding in the library to keep all four employees.

"I don't want to be a part of it, dad, I've told you this so many times." You spoke between chews, the crunch of your slightly burnt toast echoing through the call.

"You're twenty two, (Y/N), it's time you step up and join us. You could be valuable to the team."

You rolled your eyes, "And what value would that be?" Both of you knew that you'd passed through college with barely average results, and was lucky to have found a decently paying job that didn't require better grades.

"You're good with people, we need that."

Glancing over at the small stack of bills across you on the kitchen table, you sighed. "I don't want it to change me." What if you turned into an emotionless robot? And had to work behind a desk everyday? And that desk may be on the twenty fourth level of a glass tower building?

"You won't change, I know you."

Doubt swirled around in your mind, eyes scanning the small apartment you lived in. You would have to find a job soon, though it would be difficult given your low qualifications and lack of experience. Here you were, being offered a job that would most likely be well paying.

"Fine. I'll do it."

—

The first matter of business was shopping. Your wardrobe consisted of cardigans, faded jeans, a skirt you refused to ever wear again and a few shirts that looked very outdated compared to the modern city you lived in.

Walking into a clothing store that wasn't your typical go-to was scary. You'd chosen a different one so you could find more professional outfits— because you'd probably be kicked out of the office if you were to walk in wearing your usual attire.

"May I offer you some assistance?" A woman appeared in front of you almost two seconds after you'd stepped through the automatic doors. Her eyes scanned you, as it was obvious this was your first time in that store.

You smiled, shaking your head, "No, it's okay thank you. I'm just browsing." When she left with a nod, you walked to the pants section, looking at the wide selection of styles, material and colours. You didn't even know where to begin. Eventually you decided that darker shades like grey, black or navy would be appropriate. Picking a few out, you folded them over your arm, ready for the dressing room later.

Next was shirts, that just like the pants, had a very large selection, perhaps even more. A sigh left your lips.

Twenty minutes later you'd accumulated clothing items and two pairs of shoes. It was a bit of a struggle to get to the dressing rooms, and once inside a cubicle, you dropped the pile onto the stool. Another sigh left your lips. Is this what business people went through every year? Well, probably every month, based on what you knew of business people. Granted, your only knowledge of business style was from The Office, and it wasn't like that show was renowned for its fashion sense.

Trying on a few outfits, matching different things, you decided on what you would purchase. Making your way to the cashiers, you avoided the gaze of the store assistant.

"That will be three hundred and eleven dollars, fifty cents." The cashier's bright smile almost smoothed over your shock, but not quite. Three hundred and eleven dollars?!

As much as you wanted to apologise and leave to find a store that had cheaper prices, you wouldn't be able to handle the judgemental stare of that woman. So, you got your card out and pressed it against the card reader. When it let out a double beep, indicating it hadn't been approved, you tried again, to which the cashier said, "You have to put your card in. The contactless limit is two hundred."

Your face flushed. If it wasn't obvious that you hadn't spent this much money before, it was now.

That evening, you laid on your couch, staring at the cracks in your ceiling, instant ramen in a bowl, cooling down from its boiling temperature. You thought about what would happen tomorrow, your first day in the office. Well, you knew you wouldn't have a desk job exactly, you'd be more like an assistant to any of the managers or executives— whatever that meant.

Trying to shake your mind of all the worries, you ate your ramen, despite it burning your tongue. At least it was a distraction from the overthinking anyway.

—

You woke up with a start, phone alarm blaring. Your first instinct was to sit up, but an ache in your neck forced you to pause. It seemed you'd fallen asleep on the couch, head having been in an awkward position all night. You thanked the you from yesterday who set the alarm in preparation and had placed the phone beside you.

It didn't take long to put your chosen outfit on, but what did take long was pleasing the perfectionist in you. You stood in front of the mirror for a while, adjusting your hair this way and that, fiddling with the simple silver necklace you were wearing.

"It's no big deal, (Y/N), you're not going to meet anyone important on your first day."

That's what you kept telling yourself during your journey to the office building. It took a train and a four minute walk until you reached your destination. Walking into the lobby, you were struck by how sharp, clean and unnecessarily big it was. Pale marble flooring, bright white walls, even brighter ceiling lights despite it being a sunny day outside. And the very large 'NEXUS' logo on the far wall. Your shoes squeaked against the marble, and you wondered what sort of material the soles were made out of. Perhaps the marble was made to mock people with shoes worth less than a thousand dollars.

"How may I help you?" The receptionist asked as you approached him. You smiled, masking your nerves.

"I'm (Y/N), I'm meant to be starting my job today."

He nodded quickly, suddenly sitting up straighter, you assumed because he believed he would get in trouble if he wasn't the most professional he could be in front of his boss's daughter. You then noticed his name badge that read 'Evan'.

Evan picked up the reception phone, tapping a few numbers before speaking, telling someone that you had arrived. The conversation was short.

"Take the elevator to the ninth floor, first door on the right." He pointed you in the right direction. You gave him your thanks and then found yourself inside the small metal box also known as an elevator. You hated them, though you guessed it would have to become part of your routine now.

Once arriving on the ninth floor, you examined the decor— plain walls with an occasional framed art piece (the kind that looked like a toddler had painted that would sell for millions).

Hearing distant voices coming from various closed doors, you decided dallying wouldn't make the start of shift any easier. You found the first door on the right, knocking lightly until you heard a familiar voice call out— "Come in." So you did.

The office was spacious, a desk in the middle, and seating behind it was your father. He gave you a warm smile, standing up with an outstretched hand. You mentally sighed at his usual strange way of greeting family members. You shook his hand before taking a seat in front of him.

"It's good to see you here, when was the last time you visited?" He prompted, clicking his silver pen against the table.

"A few years ago, the Christmas party."

You remembered it begrudgingly. The night you fell onto a table that happened to be seating several ice filled buckets for the champagne. Let's just say it was an extremely humiliating memory that always made you shiver. The chill of the ice had never quite escaped you.

Your father chuckled, nodding as he recalled the same night. "Ah, yes. How could I forget." You rolled your eyes, refusing to smile until he changed the subject. "Anyway, let's talk business."

He pulled out a new planner journal, handing it to you. Flicking through it, you noticed a lot of dates neatly jotted in. You gave him a questioning look.

"My assistant kindly added important dates and meetings."

Your eyes widened slightly, "I'm going to join meetings?" That was something you hadn't expected.

"As a note taker, for now." His expression showed how keen he was for you to progress in your role and reach a high position in the company on your own. He wasn't going to get you a higher job just because you were his kid.

Scanning the dates written down for the current week, you saw there was a meeting scheduled for today. Anxiety immediately bubbled inside you at the thought of being in such a professional setting with equally professional people, as an inexperienced ex-librarian.

"Don't worry, (Y/N). It's not a huge deal." He hesitated, before correcting himself. "Okay, it is a big deal."

You groaned, leaning back in the chair that you had to admit was very uncomfortable. "What is it about? Stock shares or something?" It was very obvious that you pulled the term out of your very limited knowledge on business that lived in the back of your brain, because your father's eyebrows creased in amusement.

"It's our annual meeting with Maximoff Industries. And let's just say our companies have difficulty clicking."

The name 'Maximoff Industries' was familiar. You knew that they created things in the technology area, and as it so happened, Nexus did too, so it was no wonder they didn't 'click'.

"How do they normally go?" You had to gauge how terrible the experience would be for you. Scenarios ran through your mind, the most rational being; raised tones, interrupted sentences, perhaps even a few cold glares (gasp).

"We have a small partnership in a few products, so the disagreements normally stem from financial shares, and what name is listed first under the annual report. It normally ends in a handshake though." He attempted a smile, but it was clear that he had a very strong distaste for Maximoff Industries. "It doesn't help that their CEO, Wanda Maximoff is a.. difficult person to get along with in terms of business."

"Why?" You asked, wanting to know what to expect in the meeting, even if you were going to be sitting in the corner.

Your father sighed, leaning back in his chair. "She's.." He thought for a long hard moment. "She has this look, like she knows more than you, like she's superior. And she very obviously craves control over every situation without explicitly expressing it. It's infuriating, but hard to explain."

It didn't seem like much to go on; having a certain expression and craving control. Wasn't that a description of half of the earth's population?

Your father checked his watch, "It's going to start in twenty minutes." You internally panicked, because you hadn't expected things to start so soon. He smiled kindly, leaning forward in his chair a bit.

"It's okay, (Y/N), you're not going to be talking." That didn't exactly reassure you, because it meant you would have to maintain a calm act in case anyone looked your way.

"Alright, let's do this." Faking positivity was the first step, right?

—

The meeting room was empty when you and other representatives from Nexus walked in, including your father. They all took their seats, presumably their allocated ones. There was a chair set aside from the very long table, which you guessed was for you. Sliding it backwards a bit, you sat, spending a very awkward minute trying to decide how to position your legs. Should you cross them or not? Before you could come to a decision, you heard people entering the room.

You looked up, counting five very professional looking businesspeople. Thinking that was all, you opened your notebook, until you sensed one last presence. Glancing across the room, a woman entered.

She was dressed in a black suit, white shirt and heels. Hair brunette with lighter streaks, eyes a deep shade of green. But the overriding feature of this woman was her aura. Everyone in the room fell silent, most of the Nexus members seemed to have a polite but forced smile.

"Ms Maximoff, it's good to see you." Your father announced, making a small gesture with his hand to indicate for the woman to sit at the opposite end of the table— although she'd already done so.

"Yes, it's a pleasure, Julian." Wanda Maximoff replied, her tone smooth, with an underlying accent you hadn't heard before. It was very alluring all the same. You noticed she'd addressed your father by his first name.

"How have you been? I heard y—" Your father began, until he was cut off.

"Let's just get to business, shall we?" Wanda's hands rested on top of the table, revealing her many intricate and no doubt expensive silver rings.

"Oh, yes." Julian cleared his throat, gesturing to his coworker, a manager to start the presentation. You tried your best to quickly note down the points the manager was making, including comments from the other company.

But you felt your attention slipping, because from your angle, Wanda Maximoff was just to the left of the presentation screen. You were inexplicably drawn to her, the way she held herself, and not to mention her immense beauty.

You were suddenly startled when the face you were staring at turned, green eyes locking with yours. All oxygen left your lungs, not from panic of being caught staring during a professional meeting, but because Wanda Maximoff was piercing. Though her head tilted back to the presentation. Finally you were able to breathe, fingers gripping the notebook edges.

"So what's the point of decreasing the amount of products manufactured if it's in high demand?" Wanda questioned, leaning back in her seat slightly, directing the question towards your father instead of the manager.

He paused, thinking through his answer before replying. "Retailers are going to be bidding higher prices in order to stock it."

Wanda Maximoff's eyebrows quirked, a slight upturn of her lips now revealing to you what your father had described earlier; The Look. It indeed felt like she was in control, as if she was negotiating a deal with a child.

"Why don't we ask someone else's opinion?" Wanda's eyes snapped to you. Horror rushed through you as everyone followed Wanda's directed stare. All eyes were on you.

You felt your face heat up, having absolutely no idea what to say or do other than look towards your father helplessly. He nodded his head, as if urging me to speak so they could move on quickly.

"Uh—" Words were failing you. Wanda's expression shifted from expectancy to amusement. She was enjoying your embarrassment, it seemed. "I think it could work.. people tend to want to buy things that are exclusive." You didn't have anything to base that opinion on, but you hoped it sounded more certain than it did in your head.

Wanda's stare remained on you for a few agonising seconds before nodding once, accepting your answer. "Let's take ten, my team need to discuss this." Everyone nodded quickly in agreement. The Nexus members waited for the others to leave the room, but they didn't. Your father let out a very quiet but infuriated sigh at Wanda's blank though slightly smug expression . He stood, muttering to everyone to leave with him, including you. You'd never exited a room so quickly.

Once you were a few metres down the corridor, you exhaled, leaning against the wall, the conversation between your company distant to your ears. You were busy calming down from the humiliation. You hadn't felt this way since falling into a table with ice buckets in this very building.

Why had Wanda singled you out? Surely she knew how uncomfortable that would be for someone who was clearly new.

You needed water. Luckily you knew of the staff lounge that had a supply of refreshments.

The 'lounge' was thankfully empty, consisting of several pristine couches and counter with a kettle and an array of coffees and teas. You headed towards the water cooler. Grabbing a small paper cup, you flicked on the switch for the water to start filling the cup slowly. It was when it reached the halfway mark that you were startled by a voice.

"It's an interesting opinion that you have."

You spun around, facing Wanda Maximoff. It was hard to breathe again.

"Do you know a lot about consumer behaviour?" She asked, emerald eyes fixed on yours. The question stunned you for a moment, not entirely understanding. But you'd done enough reading to be able to guess what her words meant.

"Not really, I just notice what people around me seem to buy." Good, you're doing good— you told yourself.

"You don't do the buying?" She asked, head slightly tilted to the side.

You let out a nervous chuckle, shaking your head. "Oh, no. I'm the type to keep something until it's completely incapable of doing its job." For example; your toaster.

Wanda's lips twitched into a smile that almost felt like a smirk. "That's an unfortunate attitude to have when you're working in this industry." You swallowed, throat feeling very dry as you still hadn't had that water yet. Wanda seemed to finally notice the cup in your hand.

"Drink."

The simple word felt like a command, and you found yourself raising your cup without hesitation and taking a gulp of water. It felt like a relief to your dry throat. The woman's smile was now definitely a smirk, though what she was smirking at, you didn't know.

"I haven't seen you around here before. When did you start?" The question was a simple one, but the way Wanda delivered it made it seem a lot more important, like she actually interested.

You were just glad it was an easy one to answer. "Today, actually."

She nodded slowly, "You're Julian's daughter?"

"Yeah, he's wanted me here for a while, and I needed a job." You had to tell yourself to just chill out, because you were starting to overthink your answers, despite there being no need to.

Wanda reached a hand out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, inadvertently directing your attention to her hands. The silver rings shaped her fingers perfectly, the dark red varnish on her nails standing out as they brushed against her hair. You swallowed, forcing yourself to look away.

"Those plants look half dead."

Your eyebrows raised at her very random statement. Since when did plants become a part of the conversation? You went along with it, noticing the few potted plants and vases with flowers that did look very wilted.

"Do you know the name of that one?" Wanda pointed to a specific plant, green leaves and yellow flowers. You knew nothing about plants.

"Tulip?" It was more of a question than an answer. Wanda let out a chuckle at your painfully wrong answer. She shook her head in amusement.

"Dandelion." She stated, suddenly studying you with some type of curiosity and intrigue. "You remind me of a dandelion."

Your expression was quizzical, wondering why a yellow flower could be associated to you in any kind of way. "Why?"

Wanda smiled mysteriously, carefully leaving the question unanswered as she checked her watch. You could tell by the watch strap alone that it was probably worth more than your student debt. "The break is over." And with that, she began walking away, her heels clicking against the floor. You were stunned for a few seconds before snapping out of it. Realising that the cup was still in your hand, you threw it away, walking as quickly as you could back to the meeting room without embarrassing yourself.

Everyone was in the room by the time you'd survived the walk back. You kept your eyes down and sat in your corner (of shame). The conversations started again, and you tried your best, yet again, to make notes. It was a bit easier to concentrate as Wanda hadn't done any talking yet.

It was boring, really, listening to your father and Maximoff Industries' representatives disagree on very simple things like the font for whatever the damn products they wanted to sell.

Finally, Wanda spoke up after listening to the conversation she appeared to have found just as boring as you had. "Let's do it. Less products for higher sales, as ridiculous as it sounds. Though, something would have to be put in place.”

You glanced up from your notebook, pen hovering above the page. Even Wanda’s own coworkers seemed confused.

“I will have regular meetings with a representative from Nexus, just so I can keep up to date with your side of this new decision.”

You could practically see the cogs in your father’s brain whirring, as he probably didn’t know now if this new idea would be a mistake. He cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ll look at my schedu—“

“It will be (Y/N).” Wanda stated clearly. Once again, you found all attention on you. You were just as bewildered as the other surprised faces.

“Me?” You uttered, cheeks flushed at the idea of Wanda Maximoff wanting to meet you again.

A smile twitched on your lips as she studied you from across the room. You felt the presences around you fade away when your eyes locked with green ones. She spoke in a slow but deliberate way, “You will accept, won’t you?”

Without thinking twice, you simply replied, “Yes.”

—

[goatskickin]

Hi! I know you have played TS2 for ages. Have you ever had a phase where you've gotten tired of it/felt like you have gotten everything it has to offer out of it? Sorry for my not-so-perfect English but I hope you understand what I mean!

Hi! What a fab question.

Also, your English is perfect! :) While I have been playing TS2 'for ages', there was a large chunk of time where I didn't play TS2 at all. This was from about 2015 - 2019.

The reason why I was not playing is not because I was sick of the game. It was twofold: 1) my outdated student laptop could not handle TS2 at all. And I was graduating college, so I had far less time for a time consuming game like TS2. 2) in this time period, I needed to learn how to Be A Person In the World. My mental and physical health went wildly unmedicated. I went to therapy twice. I got my heart broken. I got fired, made lots friends, I was a reckless self-destructive idiot, and I learned how to fix bicycles. I worked 4 jobs at once in an attempt to Not Feel One Single Thing At All. I was so broke that my card got declined at the grocery store because I didn't even have $50.

But I missed TS2! And I really missed creating! I think every person needs a creative outlet to feel like they are living full life.

So in 2020, when my life was much more stable, I bought myself a nicer computer. And I committed to making this ancient and weird game work for me.

I wanted to learn how to mesh clothes, so I did. I knew how to retexture hair, so I did that a lot! I wanted to experiment with CC free lot building, so I did that too. I wanted to put my knowledge of Sims 2 animations to work, and I wanted be challenged by making a story so I did that. I've wanted to do a real apocalypse challenge since forever ago so I did that too! I’ve always wanted to stream, so I do. If someone asks me a question about CC making, I answer it.

And I am constantly inspired by our community! There are so many ways to enjoy this dollhouse game.

~~~

So, if you're feeling like you're getting tired of it - take a break and go do some real world stuff.

Start talking to your neighbors and then pick up trash in your neighborhood with them. Learn how to change the oil in your car. Volunteer at your local historical society. Join a gym. Whittle little animals out of wood and give them to your friends, even if they look terrible. Try new food as often as you can. Go see some foreign movies. Go for a walk in the woods with a plant identification book. Learn the name and back story of the cat that lives in your local bookstore. Get yourself together.

The richer your life, the more creative you can allow yourself to be with TS2. 💫

[subsystems]

hope sending ask is ok rn, i have hard time looking resource. looking for book how to co-exist with independent dissociative parts (have system but not feel safe in saying DID yet). cannot do therapist addressing parts yet but want to cope in daily life. hope can help. or others comment/reblog and give. thank you 🍀

This ask was sent a while ago, I hope you're doing okay now anon. You say you can't talk to a therapist yet but I hope you have someone else in your life who is supportive and you can talk to about these things! You shouldn't have to face this alone.

Even though you don't have therapeutic support, it's still possible to build up communication and cooperation with your parts. I reblog a lot of tips and resources to my coping tag if you want to check that out. Here are some other resources that you might find helpful:

DID/OSDD Self-help Masterlist There are so many resources here, categorized by different topics. You'll find stuff here for both survivors and loved ones, and you don't need to have DID/OSDD to use them!

Beauty After Bruises Blog You'll find so many articles here on coping with daily life as a dissociative survivor. I love how they're written, they feel very approachable and almost calming to read.

Dissociative Living Admittedly, I haven't read many of these articles but the few I've seen have been good. I think their writing is very approachable for people who are new to all of this.

DIS-SOS Lots of advice and informative articles on living with DID here -- in both English and German! I've found some really interesting and unique coping tips here, I definitely recommend it. It's actually because of this blog that I discovered one of my favorite methods of system communication.

CTAD Clinic Youtube Channel A channel run by the director of this clinic which specializes in dissociation and trauma. I've watched probably all of his videos -- they're very good! Lots of the videos provide tools and self-help tips on coping with dissociation & dissociative parts!

Carolyn Spring's Blog You'll find amazing articles here about trauma and dissociation, but do be aware that the author is both a professional and a survivor with DID herself. She isn't afraid to talk about her lived experience, shining a light on the reality of trauma and dissociation which can be confronting but oh-so empowering to read.

System Speak Podcast A podcast run by a DID system. She talks about her own healing journey as well as interviews professionals and dives into the psychology behind trauma and dissociation. Personally, I think the website is a bit hard to navigate but every podcast I've listened to has been extremely informative and relatable!

Self-help books can also be extremely useful if you don't have access to a therapist. You can find a bunch of free downloads here! I would recommend starting with "Got Parts? An Insider's Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder" by ATW. Personally, I think this is the best book to start with. It's a bit old and there are some outdated ideas in it, but I think it's a very gentle entry into learning system communication and coping with DID if you have never worked with a therapist.

Some other resources that might be useful:

Strategies for coping with distressing voices

FREE 100 page e-book for trauma survivors

Talk/vent to listeners on this non-crisis support chat line

Apply for a grant to receive financial help or a therapy box -> (Also learn about the Therapy Box Project! If anyone is able to donate, please do!)

- Sunflower

[cbrownjc]

Hi! I hope you don't mind getting an ask from me even though we've never interacted.

I have a question about Old Daniel in the IWTV series, but I don't know how to put it except: what exactly is his current health situation? He has Parkinson's disease (or at least they show us ha has some symtomps, and Daniel says it is Parkinson's), but in ep 01 of the first season Louis calls it an "autoimmune disease" (which Parkinson's is not).

They show us that Daniel keeps a bunch of pill containers on his table in his apartment, which makes sense with how Parkinson's would be treated, but then there's the "levodopa transfusion" scene which does not. (I could try to explain the pharmacokinetic reason if you're interested).

And then there's the meals, during which they keep filling his wine glass, the two Martini scenes. . . why do they keep giving him drinks?They arrange for a doctor to come and administer the "therapy" (I'm not buying that it's levodopa), but he can have all the alcoholic beverages in the world? When they most likely would interfere with the pharmacological therapy he's supposed to be taking?

It all seems a bit suspicious to me. What do you think?

(apologies for any mistakes, english is not my first language)

Hi! It's fine to ask me questions even if we've never interacted before, I don't mind. 🙂

So, as far as we know older Daniel on the show has Parkinson's disease for sure. Daniel pretty much confirmed he does because Louis said he had it and Daniel confirmed it in episode 1x01. And the shaking very much shows he does have it IMO. Because he was specifically shown to be shaking back in episode 1x01 when he was trying to put the Fall of the Reble Angles puzzle together.

Now, as many who read my blog likely already know, I've talked about how my mom had Parkinson's and I was her primary caregiver (before she passed away). So I know a lot already about how that disease works. And so when Armand -- as Rashid -- was talking about "levodopa transfusions" for Daniel being scheduled back in episode 1x04 I was very much "WTF?" about that. The whole idea of that is sus because I know from experience that Daniel should just be taking his levodopa via pills. The only time my mom ever got levodopa administered via an IV drip was when she was staying overnight at a hospital.

So I've long thought there is way more going on with that "levodopa transfusions" Daniel got, and have talked about it here and here. Though at the current time, the theory I talk about in those links might be outdated at this point, though I think there might still be a little something to them.

But, if you know the lore, Dr. Fareed -- the doctor who arrived back in episode 1x06 to administer Daniel's transfusion -- is not only a vampire himself but runs a clinic in the books where he looks into and does experiments regarding vampire physiology. And something else that caught my eye about that clinic he runs as I've been reading Prince Lestat, is that it is said in the book that Fareed and his vampire Maker (and lover) Seth, "ran a small clinic for mortal incurables."

And Parkinson's is very much "incurable."

So yeah, I think something is going on when it comes to Dr. Fareed giving Daniel that IV drip of levodopa. Because even when it comes to the idea of cloning, that's a lot to go through just to get something like a blood sample or something I think. But hey, there's really no saying when it comes to that I guess . . .

As to such as Louis calling it an "autoimmune disease" I just chalk that up to either a writing mistake or, hell just Louis being a vampire. He might just not know the correct medical term to use for it. That is also something that is going into in the Prince Lestat book -- how it can sometimes be very hard for vampires to keep abreast of tech and other things at any given time if they do not encounter it or use it regularly. (Lestat is always forgetting and losing his iPhones). As to the alcohol that, again, could just be the show not really looking too closely at such things (because outside of medical shows, many drama shows don't), or maybe Daniel only being allowed one glass a night and being given some okay about it we never saw. Who knows at this point. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[carica-ficus]

Review: Exhalation

Author: Ted Chiang

Date: 01/08/2024

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

_________________________________________________

These last two months have been extremely hectic for me, so this review is long overdue, but I finally managed to find the time to sit down and write it all out. I've fallen in love with Ted Chiang's writing ever since I read his first collection - "The Stories of Your Life and Others" - so I knew I'll dive into "Exhalation" as well. Turns out, August was the perfect time to do so as I had extra time to read while traveling, the local bookstore finally got extra copies available, and I was feeling very nostalgic for his writing considering I watched "Arrival" a few weeks prior.

This collection features 9 short stories of different lengths and different themes, but all of them somehow connect to the human state of being and our perception of the world. A big part of this collection is the exploration of what makes us human. Chiang spends a great deal challenging the reader's view on their own definition of humanity and its limits.

Many stories revolve around technology and how it shapes the people who use it, especially the dependency on certain inventions and humanity's reliance on them. Chiang takes on a new approach on traditional ideas - like time travel - and offers a new take that is more personal to the reader. He doesn't judge his characters' actions. Instead, he offers understanding and sympathy, which the reader can connect to.

Love is another inadmissible theme in this collection. The feeling of longing, grief and care are often presented as the main instigators of Chiang's stories, especially when it comes to their evolution or stagnation throughout time. Some stories focus on trying to save what is lost, while others concentrate on analyzing the change that awaits in the future - all while presenting it through interesting theories and imagined, futuristic scenarios.

Unfortunately, as much as this collection offers, there is a few things that demote its impact. A few stories feature an almost precise, direct explanation of the presented ideas, which, consequently, takes away from the experience. Instead of allowing the reader to make their own conclusions, Chiang steps in and proposes them for them. It's a bit disappointing, especially considering most of his work thrives from the freedom to create a personal opinion about it.

Furthermore, "The Lifecycle of Software Objects" turned out to be too long and a little dull. As the longest story in this collection, it should have provided the pinnacle. In fact, it is literally the center of the book, being the 4th story and spreading out almost right at the middle. Unfortunately, it falls short of delivering something greater. The theme is really interesting, especially since it reflects upon modern problems of outdated software and the profitability of "useless" sites, but the story is too stretched out and certain plot points don't provide the impact they should.

Personally, I hoped I would have loved it a little bit more, but my disappointment also stems from my high regard for this author due to the impact his first collection had on me. When all is taken into account, "Exhalation" provided a stunning new collection of stories which truly expresses the greatness of Chiang's creativity and craft. If you're looking for a memorable collection of science-fiction short stories, "Exhalation" is a good pick.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Didn't See That Coming Book Review 🦇

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

❝ The patriarchy is very far from being smashed. In fact, maybe they're even a little bit worse, because we pretend that the patriarchy is done and we're in a society with gender equality, so we can't even fight it because the fight's over. How do I fight something that's already playing dead but is still very much alive behind closed doors? ❞

❓ #QOTD What are your favorite video games? ❓ 🦇 Kiki Siregar is a badass gamer girl brimming with confidence and sass. She never hesitates to be herself...unless she's online. When she gets harassed as a girl playing a single-shooter game, she decides to recreate herself and anonymously starts playing as a guy. She even makes a friend--Sourdawg, who loves baking so much that he's the human equivalent of a sweet cinnamon roll. When Kiki's parents transfer her to an elite private school her senior year, she learns that the harassment doesn't only happen online. Worse yet: Sourdawg attends the same school. Can Kiki be herself in such a strict school, and uncover Sourdawg's identity in the process?

[ Find my review below. ]

💜 Kiki is FIRE. She's sassy, independent, and refuses to sit silent when the world tries to pre-package her into the pristine image of what men expect her to be. Kiki is perhaps one of the most self-assured, confident YA characters I've encountered this year. Unfortunately, the misogyny and sexism she faces lead to reverse character development, causing Kiki to doubt herself. She's forced to fall in line with ultra-conservative rules that favor boys over girls. Sutanto does a wonderful job of conveying the realities women face both on and offline. Even if you're not a gamer, the messages here are universal. Sutanto is also skilled at creating realistic, likable characters. Did I agree with every choice Kiki made? No, definitely not. Did I feel for her and want to give her a huge, warm hug? Definitely. The interactions between Kiki and supporting characters (namely Sourdawg online and her love interest at school) are the adorable fluff you need to offset the disgusting misogyny she experiences from both GROWN MEN and frustrating teenage boys. Thank you, Sutanto, for not dragging out Sourdawg's identity, either. Every secondary character is a delight as well.

🦇 My only real hangup with this story was the pacing, which does drag a little. However, Sutanto does a wonderful job of demonstrating how a "rebellious" female in a conservative, Asian culture can defy outdated concepts of misogyny and sexism without disrespecting her culture or elders outright. Kiki also defies every stereotype and bias thrown at her as Sutanto demonstrates the reality of our times. Whether in Asia or America, these problems still exist. We're not done fighting for gender equality. It's just playing dead, making the fight all the more difficult.

❝ I guess it's much easier for the school if a harassed girl keeps her head down and learns to accept abuse, but I am done keeping my head down. I'm done swallowing my anger and pretending that everything's okay. I'm not crazy just because I speak my mind. I'm a person with equal rights to those of everybody else here, and I am done staying silent to make boys feel comfortable. ❞

🦇 Recommended for fans of You've Got Mail and Jesse Q. Sutanto's Well, That Was Unexpected. This is a sweet, thought-provoking YA romance with a refreshing perspective on inequality, bullying, and feminism; a worthy read!

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🎮 Gamer Girl / Secret Identity 🕹️ Friends to Lovers 👾 South Asian Rep 🕹️ Down With the Patriarchy 🎮 Contemporary YA Romance

⚠️ Cyberbullying, Toxic Masculinity, Class Differences, Gaslighting

🦇 Major thanks to the author @jesseqsutanto and publisher @randomhousekids @delacortepress for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book. #DidntSeeThatComing #NetGalley

[denimbex1986]

'For Andrew Scott, the Hot Priest questions are cooling down.

Yes, the affable Irish actor is still best known stateside as a devout dreamboat on “Fleabag” with Phoebe Waller-Bridge. But lately, he’s encountered more people who are eager to discuss "All of Us Strangers" (in select theaters now, nationwide Friday), a crushing gay romance that reckons with mortality.

“I was at the gym and this girl came up who’d just seen the movie,” says Scott, 47, still in his sweats as he refuels with scrambled eggs, toast and green juice. “Like all good art, it sparks a need in people to speak a little about their experience. I find it really moving they would trust me to talk about their lives – they feel like I’ve seen them.”

In the fantastical drama, Scott plays a lonely writer named Adam who ventures back to his boyhood home, where he discovers his long-dead parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell) are actually alive. Over many visits, he reverts to a childlike state: unpacking his old pajamas and past traumas and climbing into their bed for late-night heart-to-hearts. It’s a remarkably unguarded performance that could earn Scott his first Oscar nomination for best actor.

“He’s one of the most extraordinary human beings I've ever had the privilege of meeting,” co-star Paul Mescal says. “The work that he does in the film is a testament to the person he is. That kind of vulnerability is what’s present in his friendship with me.”

Adam’s parents died in the 1980s, and are still stuck in their younger bodies and mindsets when he returns home. As a result, Adam wrestles with their outdated ideas around homosexuality and what it means to be a man.

“There was so much nuance I wanted to get across that I needed the actor to really understand what that felt like,” writer/director Andrew Haigh says. “So when you see Andrew, that is genuine emotion that he cannot hide or escape. You can’t fake that.”

The film was shot in Haigh’s real childhood home, which added levels of responsibility and intimacy that Scott had never experienced before on a set.

“Because he offered that up, I was going to offer my own stuff up and give my experience,” Scott says. “Whatever it is that we created, it’s certainly authentic to both of us.”

Scott was born and raised in Dublin. His mom was an art teacher, while his dad worked at an employment agency. As a kid with a "very strong imagination," he enrolled in drama classes to help overcome his shyness. He got his start in a porridge commercial at age 6, appearing in other ads and theater before booking his first film, “Korea,” at 17.

Even at an early age, he felt different from his peers. His prized possession was a pair of binoculars, which reminded him of opera glasses from old movies (“Pretty gay, right?”). He remembers “the shame” of wanting to play with Barbie dolls, and the exhilaration he felt listening to disco legend Gloria Gaynor.

“I remember hearing ‘I Will Survive’ and thinking, ‘This song is for me!’ ” Scott says. “Not even knowing why – I was probably about 9. And then you find out 10 years later it’s a big gay anthem. That fascinates me because that has nothing to do with sexuality. That has to do with a feeling of otherness or defiance or drama.”

Scott came out to his parents in his early 20s, before publicly coming out in 2013 at age 37. At that time, he had already found success on TV with “Sherlock” and “John Adams.” But at the start of his career, people advised him not to speak about his sexuality, for fear that it might cost him roles.

“Coming out was the best thing that ever happened to me in relation to my work,” Scott says. “I got more opportunities. I felt like I was happier as a person. I was more experimental as an artist. Before that, you’re in a slightly speculative world where you’re thinking, ‘Well, if they saw this side of me, would I be (rejected)?’ Now, I don’t feel as defensive as I used to be.”

Working the awards circuit in recent months, he’s found camaraderie with other “incredible” gay actors including Colman Domingo, Jodie Foster and Jonathan Bailey.

“That community within my own life has become incredibly important to me as I grow older,” Scott says. “There’s something about having gay friends that is really special to me now. There’s a shorthand and hopefully an empathy among us.”

Like any actor, Scott never wants to be solely defined by his sexuality. “That’s one of the things that I think is a fear for a lot of queer people,” he says. “I don’t want that to be ignored, nor do I want to be drowning in that one attribute the whole time.” Luckily, “I’ve had an opportunity to play lots of different types of parts,” including a villain in the James Bond movie “Spectre” and a lieutenant in the war drama “1917.”

Next up, he stars in the Netflix series “Ripley,” which he describes as a “stunning” and “quite faithful” adaptation of Patricia Highsmith's novel “The Talented Mr. Ripley.” After leading a one-man “Uncle Vanya” in London last year, he would also like to do a musical (“But it’s hard because I can’t sing!”).

He recently got to watch “All of Us Strangers” with his parents, which they “loved.” Going forward, he believes the movie has made him a more open and confident performer.

“I’ve always brought myself to every character, but in this film, I certainly did more than any other one,” Scott says. “The fact that people have responded to it encourages me to share more. We’re not here long, so I’m just trying to be courageous in some way.”'

[likeadeuce]

hi! you follow professional tennis at all levels as an extension of your writing {or vice versa}. is patrick zweig's vagrant hand to mouth existence in challengers just poetic licence on justin kuritzkes's part, or a daily reality for some tennis players on the lower circuits? in the usa is there a union or some form of social security to support players lower down the ranks in times of hardship? until i saw the film i didn't know tennis was so relentless and unforgiving for the less successful.

Oh great question! I'm not an expert on this and as a fic writer I'm influenced by the movie's vibes more than any particular IRL parallels. But the response I've seen suggests that the film's portrayal resonates with people who have experience in the space. (though a few things are outdated -- players in challengers get their lodging covered but if I recall that's a fairly recent development) It's not a uniquely American situation, either, though an American player's situation might be more precarious thsn some due to lack of social safety net in general. But there's no players' union and the general refrain has been that there CAN'T be a union because the players are independent contractors. As an Americsn I think of the situation as analagous to a free lancer and I'm honestly not sure what, say, the health insurance situation is.

I've heard that Conor Niland's recent book 'The Racket' is a good look at how it works from a memoir/ first person POV + most of what I know comes from Andy Roddick's podcast 'Served' (though he's got the privileged perspective of someone who had a highly successful career from early on, he's generally pro-labor in these conversations.)

For something a little bit more fun on the 'what real challengers are like' front, I like this recent piece by Ben Rothenberg.

[novoplata]

New Jeans.

The last time I bought a good pair of jeans was in 2015 when I went to Sandakan (of all places!) to visit my friend, Rebecca, and to write a Sandakan food special for a now-defunct magazine.

Nearly 10 years later, I still find myself wearing the same jeans -- now barely squeezing in, thanks to an additional body fat percentage added over the years and an increased pelvic width that people experience as they age.

Earlier this week, I reminded myself that I should stop looking back at my supposed heyday years between 2015-2018 and start living life in the present. This is my life now and I should make the best of it. Also, this is my body now and I should start wearing clothes that fit me now and reflect the present era.

Not only do my Levi's Demi Curve jeans from 2015 doesn't fit me well anymore, but a pair of outdated low-rise jeans also look ridiculous on anyone, especially a 40-year-old woman.

My two pairs of Levi's are going straight to the SPCA charity shop, along with my mini cheongsam dress from 2007-2008. Not only won't I ever be a size 4 again, but I also won't ever be young enough to pull off a mini dress. So, off they go.

To replace those jeans, I went to Uniqlo and got myself a pair of dark-washed, well-fitting, high-rise jeans. Not only were they on sale, but they also fit better and look better on a 40-year-old lady.

Don't compare your MYR to their USD/SGD/EUR/GBP.

I was already in my early 30s when I started travelling solo on writing assignments. From my neck of the woods, it's fairly uncommon to see people travelling extensively in their 20s -- there's student loan debt to pay off, an emergency fund to build and money, in general, to start saving. That is, unless, that person comes from a rich family background, which most of my friends aren't.

Anyway, I was a 33-year-old solo traveller, staying at a dingy backpackers' motel in Vietnam when I met a bunch of American backpackers in their early 20s looking to 'see the world' before they started looking for a job.

I immediately felt bad about myself. Here I was, a thirtysomething person just experiencing what other twentysomethings were already experiencing. I cursed myself for being Malaysian and earning in Malaysian Ringgit for my delayed experience.

Then again, I reminded myself that travelling is a privilege and that those American/European/Australian backpackers I encountered probably represented less than 1 per cent of the total world population. Many in the world still live in strife and poverty. Be thankful, always, and stop playing the comparison game. You'll never win.

Make the most of where you are.

My favourite Biblical character is Joseph from the book of Genesis. The dude never seemed to catch a break: sold into slavery by his brothers, framed by his employer's horny wife, thrown into prison and forgotten for another two years after he had correctly interpreted the dreams.

Finally, for his obedience and amazing patience, he was rewarded with an opportunity to interpret the Pharoah's dream, which ultimately, elevated him to become the Governor of Egypt.

What we can learn from Joseph's situation is that every bad experience presents an opportunity to demonstrate obedience and make the correct choice. I've wasted the first six months of being at my job having a negative attitude, it's time to view it as an opportunity to make the right choices.

I still don't like the job, but I will choose to steward the opportunity well. Let's just hope it won't last 13 years like Joseph's test.

[gwenthebard]

I think it's interesting that it's taken me a long time to get into Pathfinder 2e, and I couldn't really figure out why. I LOVED Pathfinder 1e, it clicked for me immediately, but 2e didnt't click with me at first and felt a lot less.... something

Recently though I've been reading the core book again in preperation for running it, and it clicked: the reasons I got into Pathfinder 1e werent the reasons Pathfinder 2e are good

My interest in Pathfinder originally came as someone that liked dnd 5e, but wanted a more in depth experience. A lot of older people at my lgs played 3.5, and I was interested in it, but its not a game you can just find the game books. As well, it was old and even just reading on lore and stuff of older dnd I knew it was kinda just outdated and cishet

Pathfinder 1e was an old rpg experience; it was crunchy and had what felt like an ifinite amoint of tweaks and combinations. There wasnt a lot of focus on balance compared to cool and weird options, when it did add options for old classes they tended ti be something surprising or out there. It was also an old fashioned rpg that was undeniably queer, added a bit more nuance than dnd, and felt like an interesting alternative to dnd

Pathfinder 2e is a really well made rpg, but its also meant to be a different experience. Its a more undeniably modern rpg experience, theres a big focus on balance with a bit more pullback on flashy or weird options. The combination of archetypes and prestige classes, while removing traditional multiclassing, means that while you can still make complicated or unique class experiences you are a little more limited and are kept a little more in thepurpose of your class or from becomming skilled in more than 1.5 fields. In general the way rolls are managed and combat plays out is a bit more modern in terms of game design, even while some roots remain

Likewise, while often to play withnideas or to remove problematic elements, pathfinder 2es setting feels just a little less like an alternative to dnd. Usually for the better, and often with good reasoning, but something that can be felt rather often. Ive phrased it this way before, but Pathfinder in terms of more dnd specific stuff often has a "you can get close to what you want, but nothing will have the same feel"

Which, honestly I think Pathfinder 2e getting a remaster is going to help with a LOT. Divorcing itself further from dnd is likely going to help. While small at first, I feel like long term introducing new monsters and having more voids to fill will let the game create more of its own niche

Pathfinder 1e was a crunchy old fashioned rpg that had a gritty feel that felt like a dnd alternative. Pathfinder 2e, while brought up a lot as a dnd alternative, really isnt more so than SWADE Fantasy or Fantasy Age except for the fact its d20 and uses the same terms. The lores increasingly different, it no longer plays like old dnd editions but has a modern feel thats its own, and its weird and unique options are now becomming the mainstream in the remaster

Which I love

Its not the game I wanted when I first played Pathfinder, and I miss a lot of the old design principles around mechanics, but it does what it does and it does it really well. I think my old beef with Pathfinder was I wanted an old rpg experience, I wanted crunchy and too many options etc. 2e is a lot more structured, a lot more focused, it requires running the game with a different principle in mind

I think 2e, especially with the changing focuses in the remaster, has seemed to found a new place for itself. When I reccomend Pathfinder to someone I hesitate to compare it to dnd because it feels like a completely different system. It feels like comparing d20 starwars and starfinder and reccomending them as alternatived to eachother, and I hope that feeling continues

Tldr: Pathfinder 2e took a long time for me to get into, and its largely because I couldnt appreciate the fact it was built with different principles than what originally got me into 1e

[crazycatsiren]

Shadow work isn't witchcraft. Shadow work is psychology. It was invented by Carl Jung, a psychologist, as a form of psychotherapy. It's literally early 1900s psychology, which, by the way, now in year 2025, is quite a bit outdated.

Understanding your own underlying desires, emotions, intentions, and experiences, none of this requires shadow work to accomplish.

You do not need to do shadow work in order to embrace who you are entirely and not just on the surface.

Everybody is different. Everybody learns about themselves differently, discovers things about themselves differently, self cultivates differently, grows and matures into versions of themselves differently. Growth, maturity, learning, living, experiencing the world, these things take time, lots and lots of time, and practice. There has never been a one size fits all for human development. Developmental psychologists have written no shortage of books and papers on this subject alone. Shadow work isn't some therapeutic silver bullet that'll solve your problems, give you a boost of mental health superpowers, voila, epiphany, self realization, you're a better witch. In fact, nothing will magically do this for any of us. There's no rushing life experiences and learning processes. There are things that simply take time, and work.

I've been a witch for 13 years and I've never done shadow work. I have, however, done nearly a decade of trauma recovery therapy. Trust me, by this point, at age almost 38, I know myself and why I'm a witch pretty damn well now. It's been a long while since I've come to learn what I'm capable of and why.

Do you know the damage shadow work can wreak if not done tactfully, carefully, with enough knowledge and understanding, and preferably guided by a mental health professional who knows what they're doing and with a good amount of trauma treatment experiences on their hands? People have ended up with PTSD, and people have had existing trauma disorders worsened, by jumping into it alone, unsupported, uneducated, not knowing what they were getting themselves into, not at all prepared for what would be brought to the surface too much, too quickly, too soon, way before they were ready, because some random witches on the internet who don't even understand what shadow work actually entails got into their heads that to be witches they must do shadow work.

If you're actually interested in this topic, then I recommend reading some psychology books, especially on the history of Jungian analytical psychology.

And by the way? You have no right, no place, whatsoever, to "enforce" anything onto any aspect of anybody's practice, spirituality, life, period. What works for you doesn't work for everybody. Your way of doing things isn't the right way for all.

So mind your own craft. Especially since you yourself appear to be misinformed and have some learning to do.

As a witch, you don't have to do any shadow work, at all, ever, if that's just not your thing. Anybody who insists you must do shadow work in order to be a witch either doesn't understand what shadow work actually is and where it comes from or is trying to sell something.

[thegoddesswater]

13, 22, and 26!

Thanks, TC!

13. Which story has the most lore?

Easily Talentless/Wild Card. I have a separate document for the magic system for that story and am constantly creating new bits of lore for the world, even though I don't actually use that document much anymore - it's a bit like referencing an outdated textbook, since it's been so long since I updated it. But I've got my magic system, religions, human history, faerie history, regional cultural differences, folktales, superstitions... And most of it doesn't wind up touching the main plot.

22. What are all the “kinds” of writing/art you do? (short stories, poetry, screenplays, digital, painting, clay, etc.)

I mainly work in novels for my writing - though I used to have a tonne of little character vignettes for Miadhachain Legacy so I could write out scenes that otherwise wouldn't actually ever make it into the story. I also play around a lot with visual arts - my main medium there is fibre art. I've made crocheted dolls of characters (both my own and 'Fan art' characters - the first character doll I ever made was Soren from Fire Emblem). I also cross-stitch, paint (occasionally), and draw. I tend to draw in a physical sketchbook and then transfer them all to a digital program for colouring.

26. What are your favourite books?

I freaking love Brent Weeks' Night Angel Trilogy. I've reread it so many times. Though I acknowledge that the actual quality of those books is a little...whatever in places. I was super excited to discover he went back to the series this year, but I'm also so worried that the new book won't meet my hopes after...15-ish years. Also Saga by Brian K Vaughn and Fiona Staples. That is a comic/graphic novel experience that I have also reread too many times. And I should also definitely mention the Abhorsen Series by Garth Nix - those were critically formative for me and I still love them (particularly the original three)

[tygerbug]

Out of pure curiosity, what's the origin of the title "tygerbug"? For some reason it makes me think of "snug-as-a-bug" but I'm sure there's a more interesting story involved.

"Tygerbug" is one of the names I've used online since the late 90s on AOL, when I was a teenager (born 1981). Sometime between 1996 and 1999. You'll pardon the outdated references for that reason.

I first got online properly and was making webpages around 1997. For no special reason, I chose the name "Ambush Bug," a D-list DC comics character who I had a "Secret Origins" issue of in my comic collection.

"Tyger" is from the William Blake poem (1794).

"When the stars threw down their spears And water'd heaven with their tears: Did he smile his work to see? Did he who made the Lamb make thee?"

"Tyger Tyger burning bright, In the forests of the night: What immortal hand or eye, Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?"

I vaguely recall that some years later I visited a museum and viewed William Blake's illuminated manuscripts from the Songs of Innocence and Experience. I don't know where or when. Possibly The Met in New York around 2010.

I set up two webpages then, in 1997 on AOL. One was a small fanpage for Monty Python, which became PythoNET, and was the #1 Monty Python fansite for awhile. It reflected my interest in obscure media, as it was largely a catalogue of rare Python-related projects I'd managed to track down via bootleg VHS.

I now run a Facebook Group called "Knights of the Lost Media (Obscure TV and Film)," and restore film and video.

The other website I set up was dedicated to "Dr. Fred's Amazing Exploding Cow Show," a no-budget sketch comedy series I was making at the time, inspired by Monty Python. I was 15 or 16, and this was very nearly my first attempt to make a movie.

I'd bought a cheap rubber tiger mask, the sort that only cover the face. I'd paired it with a helmet to cover my hair, and waddled on my knees doing a vague impression of Tony the Tiger, to introduce the next sketch. I would keep doing cameos as this character, who was barely a character and more of a visual gag.

We made seven comedy features on home video at the time, with my friends in Connecticut. They were shot on 8mm or Hi8 video, without digital editing. Three were Dr. Fred movies and the others might as well have been. I was between 15 and 19 years old.

I was trying to learn how to make movies, and being very silly about it. I kept the Tiger around as my logo for awhile when making movies in the early 2000s.

I left Connecticut for film school in Los Angeles in 1999, a decision I immediately regretted.

I've kept the name all these years.

Another name I've used online is "OCPmovie," which stands for "Orange Cow Productions" movies.

When I was about twelve I was given an orange Nickelodeon cow pin, and as a joke I would use it to control my friend David. "The orange cow commands you," that sort of thing.

I continued to control my friend David for awhile, when we made the "Dr. Fred" comedy movies together.

In my early teens, I wrote a little book of philosophical poems from the point of view of a cow. Living in harmony with nature, and being happy with what you have. That sort of thing. It was called "The Tao of Cow" and I revised and republished it when I was in my early twenties.

I used the name "Orange Cow Productions" for my early attempts at movies and other creative endeavors, because it felt more spiritual or philosophical than just saying "Garrett Gilchrist Productions," because it was a reference to a particular philosophy I'd had when I was younger. I kept the "cow in a robe" around as my logo for ages.

My website is still at orangecow. org.

These are not the names I would choose now, if I were starting again, but I've never felt any particular need to change them either. At least it reminds me of how it all started.

[flyingpurplepeopleprogrammer]

You know, I get some questions often enough that I think I'll just start posting the answers.

Let's start with a classic: "How did you get into hypnosis?"

The short answer? I like brains! That and lots and lots of reading.

The long answer? Well...

It was a long time ago. I can't recall exactly what all happened in what order: there was bad television, of course: cartoon hypnosis and movie mind control. X-2? Telepathy. Matrix 2? Who remembers the scene with the cake? I could list bits of media that are fun with kink glasses for awhile, but you've probably already heard of most of them anyway.

I was curious outside of that, though. There were also encyclopedia artcles about the mind and a grab-bag of probably-mostly-nonsense you could find in books and on the internet about meditation, altered states of consciousness, psychoactives, brainwashing, cults, ritualistic spirituality, BDSM, MKUltra conspiracy theories... whatever. If you can name it, I probably read about it. It's alarmingly easy (or, at least, it was for me) to find your way back to mind control from philosophy, religion, any kind of "why?" question you might go about exploring while you're young and don't know anything.

This was back in pre-video days of the internet and - honestly - I think it was mostly easier to find sources on obscure stuff in the days before youtube and AI generated clutter. I can't really say how much of what I read stuck, but I definitely spent some of my days sat around trying to figure out meditation or getting my awareness out of my head experimentally. It's kind of wild to think back on that, honestly. I can still remember a nice out-of-body experience against a lone oak trea out in a pasture. The dirt around it was always fine and powdery because the horses would clomp and roll by it, and it made the loveliest spot to lay and daydream in a summer heat.

But I digress -

I also worked my way through the EMCSA: first by looking for keywords and themes I liked, then alphabetically - compiling reading lists based on whether or not a given sypnosis caught my eye. Ya boy has read a lot of smut. Hypnosmut - like all art - is mostly rubbish, but you'll find some writers that give wonderfully educational descriptions of hypnosis. That and a few scraps from outdated, untrustworthy papers by Names of hypnosis past and a couple of ill-advised, late-teenaged forays into power exchange and I ended up playing with brainwashing, imagery, and... yeah. I had the tools and opportunity to experiment with some kind of mental play that was hypnokink or hypnokink-adjacent. I can safely say I've been doing this shit since before I was old enough to vote.

Now, nobody should be reading this who's under 18, but just in case you are:

- I cannot stress this enough: do not be like me. I got into a lot of trouble that wasn't good for me and I would've been better off in a lot of ways if this hadn't been the route I'd taken.

- You shouldn't be reading this. This blog is 18+ for a reason. Feck off.

Eventually, like so many of us, I found my way to some shady corners of the internet and made an ass out of myself in ways that - while new and exciting to me-from-the-past - are fairly standard for newbie hypnokinksters. (I'm still out there, btw: Out on the internet, Being an asshat. I don't use this name, though. This Flying Purple People Programmer business is my first foray into not using my usual name.)

When I started out in these spaces I set out to get hypnotised by a bunch of different people because - well - what better way to learn different approaches then to see them firsthand? This taught me a lot about different techniques and - perhaps more critically - what it was like to be hypnotised by a shitty hypnotist. I don't recommend that second bit, but it probably did a good job of encouraging me not to be a dick. I've run into a lot of community folks over the years, but not in a very loud way. That's not uncommon in the hypnocommunuty, by the way: if you've been around for any length of time, a lot of people are floating around who will know who you are and remember you from this event or that website. It's a small world.

Looking back on it as if I had a thesis when I started writing, I think that the best thing I picked up in my adventure was the idea that we don't know what we're doing, really, and that our ways of experiencing things are both wildly diverse and not quite knowable. Hypnosis is a big fuzzy mess in a range of human experiences and hypnokink might not actually have all that much to do with hypnosis. We can be meditating or conditioned or daydreaming or a million other things in the course of our play and often times "hypnosis" is just an aesthetic we dress it up in. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So. There's me rambling about me. Hopefully that saves me going on for a thousand words next time somebody asks me that question hoping for a gentle conversation starter.

[the-aviary-system]

I can't tell you the amount of times we've interacted with christians who do those exact things- and more. Our experiences with that religion has traumatized us enough that the very way our system formed was affected- some of our headmates are demons for hell's sake, because we find that we are seen as closer to them than we will ever be to heaven's idea of "good." Because the idea of being a demon and a sinner is more appealing to us than the idea of being one of them.

They say "Jesus loves you, though" like that's somehow some new and incredible thing that none of those "bad" christians ever believed or said. Like those people didn't say that in the same breath that they condemn and control us. Like they don't control and condemn us because they so strongly believe that Jesus loves us.

To them, love and control are one and the same. To love someone, you must force them to worship you and follow you unquestioningly. Of course they have told us Jesus loves us. That's the problem.

They always say that he loves us to shame us. To try and guilt trip us into coming back. It's insidious. My mother handed me this letter meant to be "from god" to me about how much he loves us because she knows we've left the religion. This kind of manipulation tactic is so commonly used that this letter has an entire website devoted to it, which is where she got it from.

Shame is a core part of the religion. The religion teaches you to wallow in shame, that you are a horrible and sinful being that can only be saved if you grovel and follow this god. The way god expects his followers to act is textbook abusive behavior. And this is told to kids- kids are told to be ashamed of themselves from a young age. This religion is set up to allow control and abuse of the people under you by wittling their self worth down so that they only worth they recieve is through superiors such as god or the pastors of the church. Why do you think the abuse of children in the church has become a stereotype? Because this religion is designed to victimize, shame, and silence. If you try to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, or be proud of yourself in any way that doesn't link back to the cult? You're worshipping yourself, that's Satan telling you these things, that's bad and you're a sinner.

They say that the other christians "aren't following the bible" or "aren't real christians" all the time, when in reality the cruelest ones I've seen are the truest ones. The bible encourages war, conquest, murder, enslavement, rape, and bigotry. It encourages men to control their families rather than treat their wives and children as equals. It is a book of control and cruelty, and anyone who strays from that is much closer to a "fake christian" than the ones they claim are fake.

It is not a religion of love. If someone wants a religion of love and acceptance, this is not the right one. This is a religion of control and power. That's why it's one of the most influential and popular ones today, because its followers killed everyone who didn't convert.

They make the excuse that the old testament "doesn't count" anymore because of Jesus- if that were so, then why is the old testament still taught like it's meant to be followed, rather than displaying it as something outdated to learn from rather than emulate? Why do pastors still cherry pick from it to support their hateful ideologies? Why is their god still the head of the religion and not seen as an antagonistic figure who oversaw so many atrocities if you're "not supposed" to act that way anymore?

I used to hestitantly accept christians because some of them insist that those other ones are "fake" and god would "want us" to accept people regardless of identity. But they always have some nasty beliefs hidden under a veneer of love and holiness. Conscious or subconscious biases baked into the very nature of the religion. They always side with others of their religion over the people that the religion hurts, even when those people are the "bad ones," the ones actively trying to exterminate people from me for being "sinful" or "a groomer."

They claim to support us on the surface with weak and meaningless displays, but their votes and donations speak far louder than they do. They never listen to us when we tell them that the people in their own group hate and want to harm us, because they don't believe us over their holy men and pastors. After all, the messengers of god can do no harm, right? They would never lie, would they?

If they really cared about supporting people like us, they wouldn't associate with the group that wants us dead. The idea of being associated with that group and what they stand for should disgust them. They wouldn't follow the bible because it endorses horrible things that go against the idea of a religion of love. For all intents and purposes, they would not be christian.

If someone tells me they're a christian, I immediately distrust them. This is not an unfair judgement to make. This is not prejudice. Being christian is a choice. Reading that book of hate and deciding, "Yeah, I like this! I'm going to devote my life to it and support it" was a choice. Looking at the atrocities that christians have committed throughout history against minority groups and nonbelievers, a war which they continue to fight today, and deciding that you're okay with supporting that was a choice. Watching christians in the US and other contries actively strip away human rights and supporting them via joining their groups, voting for them, etc., is a choice.

And in distrusting and not wanting to interact with them, I'm just holding them responsible for their decisions. Same as I would hold someone responsible for joining a hate group. Even if that person has not personally expressed hatred of the people those groups target, I'm going to assume that they probably do, because why else would they join it?

Of course there were those who were raised christian and never really had a choice due to childhood indoctrination, like myself, but for my own safety I have no choice but to avoid and distrust those people as long as they actively practice and believe the religion. It's their responsibility to question and evaluate the beliefs they parrot, not my responsibility to put up with their hatred against my right to exist.

-Emyr (he/it)

To whomever needs to hear it: If someone tells you that they have religious trauma from Christianity, saying something to the effect of "Jesus loves you, though" is the exact opposite of helpful. It doesn't matter how kind or supportive you're trying to be, pushing Christianity or Jesus onto people who were hurt in a Christian context will most likely just make them feel unsafe around you, and might even retraumatize them.

Also, don't tell them that the people who hurt them just weren't following the Bible, because the odds are very good that they actually were following the Bible to the best of their comprehension. The New Testament alone contains numerous opinions and perspectives, some of which are quite harsh. Your interpretation might be kinder, but that doesn't mean it's more "Biblical."