#cause it's ALSO a lore dump about the kind of Monika we have goin on here...the circumstances of her existence and such...

[theabyssalmuses-a]

Sleepover!~ Drabble

The light of the moon shone through the window, illuminating the various pens and papers placed haphazardly all across the room. Stars twinkled in the sky, scattered like crumbs upon the oaken table...

“Ugh...what a mess.”

Monika sighs, hands on her hips as she surveys the room. Several books, pieces of paper, pens were cluttering up the free space, while crumbs, wrappers and packets fell in between. Dutifully, she took hold of a dust pan and brush and got to work, sweeping up the undesireables and emptying them into the bin. She was thorough, checking every spot twice before finally moving on to organising. The paper was all put into one neat stack, the various work books placed into another- and the pens slot neatly into her pen holder.

“There.” She says with a self-satisfied tone, looking at her handiwork with a small smile. Pleased with the state of the room now, she sits down, taking a moment to think back on the day’s events. Now that she was thinking on it, she found it kind of ridiculous just how messy a single person could be...

Right- she was really surprised when Sayori ran up to her this morning- practically begged Monika for help with her homework- and so this study session was arranged just like that. For something so spur of the moment, Monika was happy with how it turned out. Even if she had to help a bit, Sayori managed to do a lot of it herself- which in a weird way, made Monika feel proud...although, there was something on her mind even so.

“This...hasn’t ever happened before...” She muses, tapping a finger to her cheek in thought. She didn’t want to overthink it-- as she was so often prone to doing-- but a [new event] like this is something she really needs to consider the consequences of.

...Back then, she promised- both them and herself- she would keep herself, her friends, her Reality safe. Back then, she told that person that, ‘even if you aren’t here, I’ll make sure to keep them happy’ . She promised, ‘I’ll show them the love you did, forever, until they understand.’

It was her responsibility, her burden, and her gift. After all that she had done, the horrible, monsterous things- she felt sickened to her stomach so much as remembering, but she could not allow herself to grow complacent. She knew just as much as anyone else how flawed she was.

But her friends? Her friends...were simple. They weren’t like Her, or ‘that person’. They were simple minded, predictable even. She loved them, of course, and she had vowed to keep them happy, to keep this carefree, everyday life running, but... at the end of the day, it wasn’t hard to satisfy them. Algorithms and Code dictated their actions, not any semblance of Free Will...as much as it pained her to admit.

...But this, right here, had never happened before. Not once. Never had any of the girls wanted to spend time with her out of school hours. (She didn’t take it personally, of course. By nature of being the Guide Character; a role she had long since accepted, she wasn’t supposed to get involved with them as much as they would each other...and ‘that person.’ )

But, here they were. 

She begins to think, and think, and think. Remembering every interaction she could, overanalysing and reaching for every little detail. “Think, Monika, think! There has to be a reasonable explanation. Perhaps the script is loading data from one of Yuri’s stories, or...or...” she mumbles, pouring over any little thing she could, mind racing to find an explanation- but there was nothing- nothing except...more, smaller, unoticed incidents.

The other day, Natsuki called her- she started the call with ‘Can you hear me?’ -- Monika had thought nothing of it at the time, but now-- isn’t it strange not to say ‘Hello’ a couple times first?

No, before that-- what was it Yuri had said as they left school for the evening a few days prior? ‘Is there any more than this, Monika?’ - At first, Monika brushed it aside as just Yuri being...well, Yuri- but with all this in mind...What does it mean? Just what does it mean?

She took a deep breath. Calm yourself, Monika, calm yourself; Just what does it mean?’ -- come now, you’re surely over thinking things again. Another deep breath, she tells herself to calm down over and over, the pounding in her chest gradually fading away.

“Ah...goodness me. To think I got all worked up over...” she goes silent, glancing at the still sleeping Sayori. “....over the thought that...my friends might one day...”

She exhales, biting her lip to ground herself. The welling emotions within her threatening to spill out. After all this time functionally alone, after all that had happened, all that she did-- if they all, some day, became like her...

would they...even want to be around her? would they hate her?

She takes more deep breaths, trying to focus herself, to push away this feeling of panic and dread taking root in her mind, before her emerald eyes finally land on Sayori’s face, sleeping soundly as ever.

Right. Its all for her. For Natsuki, and for Yuri. All of this is for all of them. If they ‘wake up’ as it were, she has to make sure they can live as happily as possible...even if they hate her. Even if they despise her. That would be her burden, but their smiles would be her gift.

She takes a seat once more, her mind finally calming down after the onset of panic. Then, glancing at the time, she sighs- before beginning to get changed into her own pajamas...

“Wrap your arms around me, we’ll take a little time, you know that i’d do anything just to make sure that you’re fine... and I know you deal with many things that occupy your mind... you can tell me...you can tell me.... Eyes are getting heavy as we wallow in the warmth, I know you’re happy because that’s all that this is for, cause you told me that you wanted this but now i wonder who it’s for... can you tell me? can you tell me?

--

“Whoaa, Moni-! I had no idea you could sing so well~!”

“Bwah-!? Sayori? You’re awake!?” Monika almost screamed in shock- but thankfully held most of her composure. “Ehh..uhm...th-thanks...How much of that did you hear?!” She asked, her voice maybe a little shaken.

Sayori giggled sleepily, grinning her trademark smile as she spoke. “Mhmmm...all of it? Your voice was so nice, I heard it in my dreams~ or something~ like that~” childish as ever, Sayori speaks non-sensically but with suck a tone of earnestness that it’s impossible to get mad at her. “Say, what’re you still doin’ awake anyways...? It’s like, Sleep O’Clock right now!”

Monika sighs, though there’s a smile on her face. Sayori was always like this, no matter what, and something about that was relieving. Even back then, with ‘that person’ -- there really wasn’t much difference between then and now. With a weight off her chest, she thinks: ‘maybe...I don’t have anything to worry about.’. She folds her clothes up and places them in her laundry basket as she speaks back, already feeling alot better than earlier (that’s just the kind of difference Sayori makes, she supposes.) “Oh, uhm...I cleaned up! Don’t worry, I was just about to go down and hit the couch, haha~!”

“NONSENSE!” Sayori suddenly excalimed, catching Monika off guard. “You can’t be sleeping on the couch in your own house! That’s crazy~!” Out of nowhere,t the club president then found herself unceremoniously dragged by an unknown, mysterious force (read: Sayori’s Hands) and pulled down onto the bed. With a cry of surprise, she faceplants into the pillow.

“Sayori, hey--! Is there really enough room for both of us?” She asks, re-adjusting herself so that she isn’t face first into a pillow. The other club member just grins to herself, almost snickering as she moves closer, and closer, and closer...like some kind of shark!

“There is if we snuggie up! C’mere!” “Waah, S-sayori?!”

“See, it’s fine! Plenty of room here, Monika~!” The exciteable, yet sleepy girl excalims. “Don’t you worry...everything will be alright.” --though inline with something Sayori would normally & casually say , there’s a certain weight, or intention, to her words. As if said with meaning, with feeling, with purpose.

Monika can only huff, before closing her eyes.

“Mhm...I’m sure you’re right, Sayori...I hope you’re right....” “I’m not too smart, but...I like to think even I can be right sometimes. Ehehehe~ Oh, but...we should get some sleep, so... G’night Moni~!” “..Oh, yes, right!...”

Monika smiles, closing her eyes contently. A sleepover, that’s what this was. It had never happened before, but because of that, she had never experienced one either. Putting aside doubts of the future, regrets of the past, and even concerns of the present- Monika allowed herself to enjoy this simple moment...

“Goodnight, Sayori...”