#coldfucker

[coldfckrrrr]

A sickie with a sexy, snotty headcold. They're so delirious from fever they think sharing their cold with you will cure them... They just need to get close enough to you and relieve their stuffy nose... "snfff!"

GOD

[veersnz]

A sickie with sinuses so full they literally can't hear anymore-

A sickie on the verge of a fever, feeling hazy and out of it-

A sickie whose nose can't decide between getting plugged up or running like a faucet-

A sickie who blows their nose and feeds the growing pile of tissue next to their bed-

A sickie completely exhausted by their snotty, messy cold ✨

[wetsnifflesneeze]

I’ve been thinking about… you know when you’re sick and you’re stuffy but your nose will not stop running and you need to keep dabbing at it with tissues and you don’t know how you’ll be able to sleep… this situation but your caretaker keeps a tissue held gently under your nose until you fall asleep

[messysneeze]

someone coming down with a cold in the nose. it's tickly and runny and prickly and blocked and they just can't stop sneezing.

not going to work is simply out of the question, and they must attend to all their duties. they do them dripping into a handkerchief or a series of tissues, with big wet sniffs and a lot of sneezes.

a cold in the nose develops into a cold in the head. their head is fuzzy and they can't quite think clearly. their ears are blocked, and their voice becomes deeper, hoarse and husky. their mouth hangs open, and their still-constant sneezes turn from explosions of spray into expulsions of persistent, gluey snot.

the cold in the head develops into a cold in the head and chest, and a thick, productive cough that rattles their chest and leaves them feeling battered, like their lungs are lined with frost and filling with snot. the sinus infection that had been brewing kicks in full force; the mess is endless and miserable. they are breathing completely through their mouth, but snot bubbles form in their hypersensitive, deep red nostrils and slide down their red philtrum to their panting, open mouth. still, they are dragging themselves to work.

the cold in the head and chest develops into a cold in their entire body. they're exhausted and achy and shivery. their sneezes have endless thick snot but are also exploding in clouds of spray again. their fever-glassy eyes try to close, but they force them back open. they just want to lie down and go to sleep, and it's getting more tempting by the minute.

[snzcaretaker]

A Cold in the…Oh!

Consider the concept of a casual, pants-free society in which people get colds in the dick/pussy.

CW: veeeeery NSFW, contagion, mess, casual public sexuality in a world where that’s considered normal

Cum shoots across the floor, followed by a soft moan. “Bless you!” “Thanks. Sorry, I think I must be coming down with something.”

Someone grabs a tissue and blows their cold-filled cock/pussy. It’s bright red from being rubbed with tissues so many times. “Ugh…I’m so congested.”

Two people having a conversation, while one’s dick is twitching and throbbing as they try to hold back. Suddenly, it “sneezes” all over the other one, which stiffens instantly. “Oh god, I think you just gave me your cold…”

Inducing a few orgasms to help with the congestion.

Someone standing at a bus stop on a cold day, soaking wet, shivering through orgasm after orgasm as they nurse their freshly caught cold.

A cock/pussy dripping and sniffling so much that everyone realizes the person is sick no matter how much they may claim to be fine.

At work: “You’ve been coming all day, poor thing. We can all tell you’re sick. Go ahead and take the day off.”

A person with a cold giving a lecture and spraying all over the front row. “Seriously? Cover!” “My apologies.” They stuff a handkerchief between their legs just in time to catch the next orgasm.

A contagious person wearing a “mask” (underpants) as a courtesy. It’s absolutely soaked.

Someone having a fit of ten orgasms in the middle of the grocery store. They glance around them sheepishly. “Sorry. Once I start coming, I just can’t stop.”

A person lying in bed, sick and feverish, taking a much needed rest day. The blankets are wrapped around their shoulders and some nice, comforting porn is playing on the TV. They jerk off into tissue after tissue.

[sntlvr]

Messy thoughts

What's more beautiful than a pretty girl with a heavy cold in the winter, with light dark circles under her eyes, a nose (better if bulbous) not too red but obviously red on the sides of the nostrils?

She's had this cold for five days, at first it was only in her nose but in a couple of days it has also moved down to her chest, clogging it completely. And it's nice to see this girl who is normally so careful to be clean and presentable forced to breathe through her mouth, making disgusting noises when she sniffles, snorts or wipes her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie. In her hoodie pocket she always keeps a pack of tissues and some used tissues, she doesn't use them often because her snot is very thick and she can keep it in her nose easily.

Her coughs and sneezes are messy and productive as are her nose blows and are always followed by wet gurgling sniffles that annoy her friends.

If you get close enough to smell her (germy) breath you realise it smells like cough drops, and her voice is really hoarse, nasally and congested and can give you an idea of how full of slime her nostrils and throat are.

And who knows what it would be like to open one of those snotty tissues and look inside...

[coldfckrrrr]

character A has been stuck on the couch all afternoon. this is the nastiest cold they’ve ever had, and unfortunately, they get to spend it looking like a sick mess in front of their partner. character B is carding their fingers through A’s disheveled hair when the sound of stuttering, wheezy, sharp inhales catches their attention.

a sopping wet sneeze forces its way out of A’s suffering nose. the snot tethers itself to A’s nose and sleeve. based on the gurgling sound alone, the wide eyed flustered panic on A’s face, and the fact that they don’t move a muscle after, B knows it probably made a whole puddle of germs, too much to sniffle and snort back up.

“oh, jesus, that sounded like a mess.” they wince, patting A’s back. “you need a tissue, sweet thing?”

A stays frozen, but quickly accepts the offer, holding out their free hand expecting the whole box. “fugck.. sdnffffk! i ndeed tissues. plural.”

[aller-geez]

Kriia slumped in the too-bright, over-sterilized hospital waiting room, wedged uncomfortably into the rigid plastic chair, her body thrumming with heat and exhaustion. Every inch of her face ached—from the pressurized throb behind her cheekbones to the raw, chapped edges of her twitching nostrils. Her breath kept catching in her throat, rising in sharp, gasping hitches that never reached the release her body was begging for.

“hh-HHHhh… h-hehh… H-hh’—!”

Her crimson hair clung damply to her flushed cheeks, and sweat beaded along her brow despite the chill crawling over her skin. A thin, humiliating ribbon of clear, watery mess had begun to leak from one nostril, trailing down the slope of her philtrum and catching just above her trembling lips. She sniffled, a congested, gurgling sound, and wiped it with the heel of her palm—but it was already back a moment later.

Her chest rose and fell with every torturous false start, each breath drawing in just enough air to stoke the unbearable tickle deep in her sinuses, but never enough to push it over the edge. Her glowing purple eyes were glassy, fluttering shut as she tilted her head back slightly, jaw slack, mouth open, waiting—praying—for the sneeze to come.

It didn’t.

“Hhh-huhhh… huhh-hh—nnnghh…”

She whimpered beneath her breath, too worn out to be embarrassed anymore, one trembling hand curling around the crumpled tissue in her lap like a lifeline. Her other hand braced on the armrest as she rocked forward slightly, desperate for relief, nostrils flaring, her whole body wound tight like a spring.

And still—no release. Just more pressure. More burning. More mess she couldn’t keep up with.

Across the room, a nurse called out a name that wasn’t hers. Kriia didn’t even lift her head. She just sniffled wetly again, defeated, whispering through chapped lips:

“F-fuckin’ hurry ub…”

[hetchiew]

Hi y’all!! I know I kinda went MIA for a bit there in the middle of being sick, and I hope I didn’t worry anyone!

Basically, school just got insanely busy, and so my mental health got exceptionally bad. But the semester is over now, so I’m okay again! :)

Anyways, here’s a wav that I recorded while I was sick but never got around to posting because shit really hit the fan lol—enjoy!!

Contains: sneezing, sniffling, nose blowing, & coughing

[sky-snz]

i just wanna say i absolutely ADORE your writing. i keep rereading your stuff dude, all of it is just so, SO GOOD. and man if you ever feel like writing some really sick dude who's miserable with a cold on his way home from work (left early, ofc) who's just dripping and feeling gross and stuffed up and itchy and sneezy as hell on public transport and he's out of tissues and oh fuck everyone's staring??? I'D LITERALLY DIE HAPPY 😭

hey anon, thanks so so much for the kind words, and for this prompt. this may just be the grossest thing I've written in a bit, and boy was it fun. hope it fits the bill 🫶🏼

cw mess

-

His head leans against the bus window, eyes staring into space. His relentlessly drippy nose produces constant vulgar, liquid sounds with every unavoidable sniffle, and the sight of it isn’t any less forgiving. Deep red, like a stain from the juice of blueberries. All around his nostrils, down to his philtrum. His breathing has a shaky rhythm to it, between noisy, slurping sniffles, and coughs that are too weak to move the phlegm lining his throat.

At a certain point it seems as if he’s dozed off. Mucus streams down his upper lip, and the next breath seems to catch on the muck in his throat. His brow crumples as he coughs and draws in more deep, liquid sniffles. He lifts a folded, sodden tissue to dab at the moisture oozing from his chapped nostrils. It’s all he has left. 

The sound of a shaky breath arrives like a distant siren. His eyes close, not just out of exhaustion, but in resignation of what’s to come. With fumbling fingers, he lifts the damp one-eighth surface area of tissue over his flaring nostrils.

“hrrRR’USSCHHIUE!!!-USSHIEWW!! hiH-! huUDZ’EEISSCHHIUHh!!! …. *snnnrgk~* … *snrgk*”

If the ‘Move Out Of The Way’ siren-like gasps hadn’t been heeded by any passengers a few moments earlier, they were certainly alerted by the sudden hurricane-caliber burst of sneezes, which had expelled an uncontainable amount of warm, goopy mess into the small folded-up tissue. He pants for breath, clutching the soaked fibres over his still tingling nose. His other hand moves to his pocket, but any tissue that’s left is wet and unusable, leaving him to try and pinch-wipe the mess away with the sopping one he’s holding. His upper lip stings as the tissues grazes it. 

“AAIY'ESSCHHIEWWw!!!” 

Fuck. He isn’t exactly a fan of surprises, and that one had been particularly un-delightful. By now the passengers on the bus have parted like the Red Sea - some spooked, some disgusted. The man can barely sniffle, and trying is far too ticklish. Both hands hurriedly rise to cover his mouth and nose as the urge reappears with violence.

“-'EDSSCHHIUHhh!!!”

Oh dear. 

His eyes blink hazily through a film of moisture. There are tear tracks he can feel, but that seems to be the least of his troubles right now. Muffled coughs seem to expedite the unending flow of thick mucus, pooling into his palms. Sniffles are merely instinctive, no use to him now. The air is warm beneath his steepled hands. He doesn’t dare move them.

[zanyartisanrunaway]

When I was still a vanilla(14 I think), I discovered a weird animation about having a cold and despite the fact it was very gross, I kind of liked it a the time. I couldn't take my eyes off the video and I remember being confused about this feeling hahahaha

I wonder if I was the only coldfucker who found it :)

[sorryaboutmynose]

Letting out a big coldy sneeze into a tissue at the same time as your partner because you've both caught the same cold. 🥵

[sntlvr]

CW: mess

Two friends, A and B go on a trip (by car or train) and B has had a cold for a few days and is all stuffy and snotty. B is very easy-going and has no problem sniffling loudly or coughing openly, she is also one of those who, rather than blowing her nose, prefers to keep all the snot inside and constantly suck it in. After another extremely snotty sniffle A teases her and says things like: gross! blow your nose! B then as a joke sniffs even harder near A's ear and she is disgusted but they laugh together (B's laughter turns into a phlegmy cough and this makes her laugh even more)

A: wow, you sound terrible. B: really... I'm so full.

and saying this she points to her nose which is also a little red under the nostrils.

Then during the trip she finally blows her nose and looking at the tissue she says to A: wow there was a lot in here... do you want to see?

A: ewww no thanks. B: you don't know what you're missing! However, I should have brought more tissues...

Or she sneezes loudly into her hands and then holds them pressed to her face and in a nasal voice complains about the mess she has made: "oh by god..." followed immediately by a huge, gurgling sniffle as she tries to pull all the thick snot that has dripped on her lips back into her nose.

A knows it will be a long journey.

[sweetlysniffly]

Character A and character B are dating, and B always feels embaressed whenever they get sick. They hate looking gross and sounding gross in front of other people, especially when they want the other at person to find them attractive.

A and B had a really cute date planned, but B wakes up full of a head cold that no amount of makeup or speaking in a higher register is gonna hide. So they decide to call B, no FaceTime, to tell them they’re not feeling well and they should go some other time.

This sends A, who has quite the sneeze kink but hasn’t told B yet, absolutely REELING.

“I’m sorry, I’m pretty…pretHETTzzccieew! *sniff sniff* sneezy and gross, you do not wanna see me right now.”

And all A can think of is how they very much do want to see them, and take care of them of course ❤️.

After cooling down from getting so hot and bothered with just a phone call, the pervert, A decides to make a quick stop to B’s apartment with all the sick day essentials. B is touched, but immediately embaressed that A has seen them all gross.

“You don’t look gross, you look cute.” And a has to stop themselves before they say anything too suspicious

[coldfckrrrr]

i think i died

my sinuses feel like they’ve been hit with a sledgehammer

i’ve never sneezed this harshly in my life, my whole face and head were TINGLING

cw: fish tank filter noises, nonsexual whining, hitching, occasional coughs

[mimikusu]

@thedevillionaire was so kind as to comission a short comic for this lovely fire and ice ficlet, which of course I was very happy to do! I love them both and I love working with you as always!! Thank you so much for your patience, trust and listening to my useless rant about details. 🥲