#considered adding my sources. wanted to sleep. and therefore did not apologies

[scuderiaspringsteen]

circular narratives, passing the gauntlet, and boy kings // inspired by @mnyd 's tags on @drivestraight 's post

[benyhw]

Day 3 - Reflections on emotional maturity

"Wielding sensible arguments can at points be as effective as telling a person with vertigo that the balcony wont collapse or a person with depression that there are perfectly good grounds to be cheerful" A lot of our mind is not amenable to hard-headed logic, not when emotions are involved

Yet, truly facing and understanding our emotions and then still be able to act with some rationality and logic is a testament to emotional maturity. There is more to love, forgiveness, trust than what we think we know.

I am sorry for my hurtful words, said in times of emotional turmoil. I regret my texts and posts, impulsive and raging. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions, your thoughts and feelings and ultimately your decision. The turmoil I initially faced was truly a mixture of shock from how sudden things changed as well as the immense void your disappearance has caused. Given time, I have calmed down and could examine myself deeper on many levels.

I learned that I can be loved and that I can have wants and needs. I learned that my careless acts can hurt even when I don't recognise it at that point of time.

I know my mistakes and can see its damages. I triggered this whole chain of events, rocking what was a seemingly stable relationship. I see that we are flawed, but not un-deserving of love. Our innate reactions and nature is built upon by our past, regardless whether we consciously know it or not. Some traumas and hurt that forms our current insecurities are born from history we may not even remember. Though this doesn't discount our current wrongs, it does help to allow us to understand people better.

I do know, that I can and should listen to what I want and love, not only to that of other's demands or requests. I can be selfish in love and loving. I can earnestly seek forgiveness and then put in action to repent and atone for the wrongs I've made. Yet forgiveness and moving on from the hurt I've caused, is not mine to give or take. It is for me to earn and for you to heal from. I can only do what I believe is best, in terms of my love for you and love for myself. I do feel, we both have a lot to learn in terms of emotional maturity and have ways to go to truly understand what it means to love, to hurt, to trust and to forgive.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGV5o6UHjxM - Stay in or Leave a Relationship We expect to be deeply happy in love, and, therefore, spend a good deal of time wondering whether our relationships are essentially normal in their sexual and psychological frustrations or are beset by unusually pathological patterns which will impel us to get out as soon as we can. What films or novels we've been exposed to, the state of our friend's relationships, the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating aps, not to mention how much sleep we've had, can all play humbling large roles in influencing us one way or another. How much of our unhappiness can be tightly attributed to this particular partner, and how much might it, as we would risk discovering five years later and multiple upheavals later, turn out to be simply and inherent feature of any attempt to live in close proximity to another human? Try to have another conversation with your partner in which you don't accuse them of mendacity, and instead simply explain, quite calmly, how you actually felt and how sad you are at quite a few things Consider the annoying traits in all previous partners we've had and people we've known, that our current partners happen to not have, what do we manage not to fight about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLq1ktogxn4 - What infidelity means There are, of course, many cases where infidelity means exactly what Romanticism takes it to mean: contempt for one’s relationship. But in a great many other cases, it may mean something really rather different: a passing, surface desire for erotic excitement that coexists with an ongoing, sincere commitment to one’s life-partner. The best way to recover after an infidelity may therefore be to ignore what Romanticism tells us that infidelity has to mean, and to consult instead a more reliable source of information: what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea crossed through our minds or our lives. It is on this basis that we may – with considerable pain of course – come one day to be able to forgive and even in a way understand and accept the apologies of a repentant partner. It is on the basis of subjective experience of unfaithful thoughts that we may redemptively enrich, complicate and soften what happens when we end up as their victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRaaqN2Atxw - Why We Go Cold On Our Partners Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity. he loss of interest isn’t either natural or inevitable. The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active. It exists because we feel hurt by, angry with, or scared of our partner and because we haven’t found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it. Tuning out isn’t inevitable, it’s a symptom of disavowed emotional distress. It’s a way of coping. We’re internally numbed – not just a touch bored. To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress – and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend. When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners, we might just need an opportunity to imagine that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them and we should access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgQvqi6aYD8 - The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair Repair refers to the work needed for two people to regain each other's trust and restore themselves in the others mind as someone who is essentially decent and sympathetic and can be a good enough interpreter of their needs Repair isn't just one capacity among others, it is arguably the central determinant of one's mastery of emotional maturity Good repair relies on at least 4 separate skills: The ability to apologise The ability to forgive - To do so requires us to extend imaginative sympathy for why good people can end up doing some pretty bad things, not because they are evil but because they are in their varied ways tired or sad, worried or weak. It lends us energy to look around for the most generous reasons why fundamentally decent people can at points behave less than optimally. We cling to rupture because it confirms a story which, though deeply sad at one level, also feels very safe: that big emotional commitments are invariably too risky, that others can't be trusted, that hope is an illusion The ability to teach - They give their listener time and know about defensiveness and as a fallback, accept that they may have to respect two different realities. They can be in the end bear to accept that they will always be a bit misunderstood even by someone who loves them very much The ability to learn - They have a lively and non-humiliating sense of how much they still have to take on board. It isn't a surprise or a cause for alarm that someone might level a criticism at them. Its merely a sign that a kindly soul is invested enough in their development to notice areas of immaturity, and in the safety of a relationship, to offer them something almost no one otherwise even bothers with: feedback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci-zID4EAPU - How to deal with trust issues 1. Ask yourself how your reactions line up with reality - The thoughts we may have may not always be an honest perception of what is happening 2. Learn to be non defensive when you communicate - Chances are, people take the time to talk to you because they care about you and not because they want to hurt you 3. Let people know what you need and be direct about it - In order to build trust, you have to be open and honest. People often have trust issues because they are afraid of getting hurt. Trust issues are developed when too much focus is concentrated on the pain, but not enough on overcoming the pain. 4. Give people a chance to show you who they are - Give people time to show you their true colours, and you may be surprised that you can go through challenges well together 5. Practice open-ended conversations that allow disagreements 6. Confront your fears and don't allow them to hold control over you - Remember, you have the power to work through your struggles openly and honestly. You have it in you to connect and build trust with others

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-K5btaxEFY - How to forgive It can be so hard to forgive because – so often – we simply are in the right and the scale of the folly, thoughtlessness and meanness of others seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are 2 inviolable ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of the grossest behaviour, be kept in mind to increase our changes of being able to forgive: 1. We must remember how the other person got there, to this place of idiocy and cruelty - Every irritating fault in another person has a long history behind it. They became like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty 2. There are difficult things about you too - Not in any area remotely connected to the sort of lapses that destroy your faith in humanity. But in some areas, quiet areas that you forget about as soon as you've travelled through them, you too are a deeply imperfect and questionable individual. Gently, you have - in your own way - betrayed. Nicely, you have been a coward. Modestly, you have forgotten your privileges'. Unthinkingly, you have added salt to the wounds of others. We must forgive because - not right now, not over this, but one day, over something - we need to be forgiven too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVeq-0dIqpk - How to build (and rebuild) trust There is 3 facets of trust: Authenticity in actions, Rigor in logic and communicating that logic, True empathy towards the other

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyfBi-Ad4c - Loving and Being Loved We start knowing only about being loved. It comes to seem, very wrongly, like the norm. Parent and child may both love, but each party is on a very different end of the axis, unbeknownst to the child This is why adulthood, when we first say we long for love, what we predominantly mean is that we want to be loved as we are once loved by a parent In a secret part of our minds, we picture someone who will understand our needs, bring us what we want, to be immensely patient and sympathetic to us, act selflessly, and make it all better we need to move firmly out of the child and into the parental position of love To be adults in love, we have to learn, perhaps for the very first time, to do something truly remarkable, for a time at least, to put someone else ahead of us.

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I know, making this decision has not been easy on you. You struggled internally alone for 5 weeks before taking the brave step to pursue what you believed was right now. I can only imagine the turmoil you've been put through. I cannot and will not blame you for loving yourself more.

When I look at myself and what I've gone through in the past weeks, I do wonder how you are coping along as well. I do believe in what we had, which meant that these days were probably not as easy on you too as you make it seem. I never imagined that my actions were seen as infidelity to you and that while we know it was not ill-intentioned, the feelings you've felt and the hurt I've caused you are valid.

I hope the above few points and videos can eventually help you to heal and move on, to feel ok enough to love another again some day. I am always here to openly talk about us, about our feelings and about what we each want now or in the future for ourselves. In the past 2.5 years, have you done and said anything to anyone or just innately felt that you would feel afraid to tell me of? Has there ever been any breach of trust on your end or guilt, before my current mistake that made you feel betrayed? I am open, with no judgement or shame, to talk about these, if you are ever willing. I have done you wrong, and I truly have repented. I will never ever breach trust like that ever again, not even at the cost of feeling uncomfortable in sharing how I feel.

I too will love myself, doing my utmost best to pursue things I want and love because they make me happy. It is ok to be selfish in love, something I have learned from you that I am grateful for. Take care, I am only 1 text away

Love, Ben

[calliecat93]

RWBY V6 CH6 Review: Alone in the Woods

Have you ever felt terrified of an episode? Well, that’s a silly question! We’re watching RWBY! Of course we have! But man this may be the most worried about what’s going to happen that I’ve been for a long while. I could say that about the whole volume so far tbf, but MAN have been concerned. So after the outright uncomfortable atmosphere that the last episode presented, what does this one have in store for us? Lets find out.

Overview

Night has come, and our heroes aren't doing great. WBY looks outright ready to pass out as they sit infront of the fire as Ruby checks in on Qrow, whose mood is no better. The good news is that the storm is clearing up and all should be clear by morning. Ruby however is more concerned about if Qrow is doing okay, especially since she sees that he's found a bottle of alcohol. But Qrow shrugs it off, telling her to get everyone to sleep and that he'll wake them up in the morning. During this, Maria is reading the owners journals and as with all the other places, the Brunswick Farm owners were people trying to make a life for themselves, but they didn't make it. Everyone goes to bed... well except Maria who refuses to follow Qrow's orders. Maria is such a blessing.

Morning soon arrives, Ruby being awakened when she hears a bottle that Qrow had shatter. She realizes that they overslept and goes to get up her uncle... who now has a couple more bottles than eh previously had. She isn't happy about this. She looks outright... frustrated tbh. She can't shake him awake so, clearly mad, she simply tosses a bottle at the wall and that wakes Qrow up. It's... an interesting reaction. IDK any alcoholics or had family or friends who became alcoholics, an Thank God for it. But this felt... real. Lie this is how it is when someone you care about is too deep in their alcoholism. Ruby's clearly seen this before, as V5 also hinted. Only this time instead of being annoyed,s he's frustrated and tired of it. But as Qrow comes to, she calms down and hugs him, telling him that he can talk to her or Yang if anything is wrong. Qrow again just brushes it off, wanting to get out of the place. It's such a small, but impactful scene that really amps up the concern for Qrow.

The group gets ready to connect the wagon (I know there's a name for those things but I can't thin of it) to Yang's bike and get out, though all of them are clearly tired. It's not made any better when Qrow's bad luck hits and causes a flat tire. This seems to be the last straw for him as he goes off in a huff. Ruby seems to be the only one not delirious aside form Maria, saying that they can find a spare. But Yang isn't keen on it, pointing out their bad luck. Crashes, storms, monsters, it just looks like something doesn't want them to get to Atlas. It feels like no matter what, they always have to fight in order to pull through. When Ruby says that this is what they signed up for, Oscar makes a very strong point. They signed up to save the world, not to delay the inevitable.

Weiss brings back up the point that she brought up last time, why are they even going to Atlas? Ruby is again shocked that this is even a consideration, but Yang and Blake agree. The Relics may be in vaults currently, so why not just leave the lamp where they are? It could take her who knows how long ti find it if they just drop it down the well. I'd argue that since the Grimm re attracted to them, it wouldn't be too long, but then again she hasn't found the Beacon Relic, so... and even then,t hat's not the point. It's pretty clear that all that the others want to do is just give up on this whole thing and be done with it. Their eyes are lifeless. Their talk is in complete monotone. They look outright lifeless as they tell Ruby to just drop the Relic, all of them tired...

Throughout this, Ruby just looks outright horrified at what she's hearing... but soon she starts to think about this. She walks towards the well, also admitting that she herself is also tired. She takes off the Relic, holding it above the well with trembling hands. Her eyes too look lifeless and her expression emotionless... before she lets out a sigh. She slowly pulls back her hand, seeming to decide that no matter how tired she is, she can't just abandon the Relic until it's safe in Atlas. Unfortunately, she gets startled by a pair of glowing red eyes and that is enough to snap her out of her tired state... but also drop the Relic. She panics, even as the others say that it's fine and that her exhaustion is making her see things. Qrow starts to have Oscar work to fix the tire, but Ruby finally realizes that something is wrong and puts her foot down. She angrily refuses to go anywhere without the Relic. The girls, while still emotionless, agree to go down with her as Qrow angrily goes back into the house, ordering Oscar to fix the tire.

As the girls go through the caverns below, Maria continues to read through the journals. As she reads on, there is clear tension as the girls turn off their Scroll lights to find the lamp glow. Ruby outright even gets Crescent Rose out. SH finally finds the glow of the lamp and runs to grab it... as Maria stumbles upon a page titled The Apathy. One that clearly startles her. Why? Well when Ruby gets the Relic, she also finds the source of the glowing eyes... a horde of Grimm. But not like an that we've seen before. These look humanoid, kinda like the rider part of the Nuckalavee, and... it is creepy. Really, REALLY creepy. Ruby screams as she runs out, which snaps the other three out of their trances. Thy get ready to fight... but their weapons suddenly feel heavy and they once again start feeling tired.

Maria appears, telling them that they have to run. They do so, The Apathy giving chase. They are slow, heck it feels a LOT like a zombie horde. Considering their skeleton-like designs, I imagine that it was intentional. It doesn't help that throughout, all the girls keep feeling the same exhausted feeling. They finally make it into the same cellar that was locked before, but the feeling finally get the better of them. Only Ruby and Maria seem to have any kind of will left and worst, Blake is the farthest back and seems to resign herself to being killed as the Grimm close in. Ruby tries to crawl over to her, and the scene is just... creepy. In her state, Blake already looks lie she's dead. Motionless, wide but empty eyed, her weapon discarded as the horde start to close in on her. Poor Ruby can't get over to her and the others are in no state to help, so all that she can do is scream out Blake's name... and that is enough to activate her eyes for a brief moment. It kills a couple of the Grimm and again breaks everyone out of their daze. Ruby gets Blake and all that they have to do now is get out.

Unfortunately if you recall, the cellar is locked. Yang gets ready to go and break it open... but The Apathy still has plenty of numbers as they again cast their spell. Everyone but Maria goes down, Yang outright panicking ad she screams no while just steps away from the door. But Maria seems to realize something as she crawls over to Ruby. She asks her what her eye color is, to which Ruby replies silver. This makes Maria outright happy as she asks Ruby if she has a family and loved ones. Why? She tells her to focus on the way that they make her feel To focus those feelings as she speaks of how life is a beautiful thing. How life is precious. And how it must be protected. With all of that in mind, Ruby regains her resolve, her eyes flashing. She gets back up and this time, without and provicaiton from trauma or fear, unleashes her Silver Eyes power.

The eyes kill the Grimm, allowing everyone to regain their will. Yang breaks open the door and they all find themselves in the bar where Qrow unsurprisingly is. He's clearly drunken himself into a stupor however, grouchy and seeming detached form everything going on. The objective now is to get out of there as Maria, Yang, ad Blake run outside to where Oscar has fixed the tire. But Weiss isn't ready to go yet. She grabs several alcohol bottles and shatter them at the cellar door. The Apathy start to emerge... and Weiss sets everything ablaze. She and Ruby drag Qrow out, who argues and fights back... until he finally sees the burning Grimm. He's shocked into silence seeming to realize how badly he let himself go, as everyone loads up. Yang drives them all away form the Farm, which continues to burn...

Maria reveals what caused the farms downfall. They came upon financial hardships so hoping to save costs on hiring a Huntsman, the owner went and captured two of The Apathy. He locked them into the cellar, hoping that their influence would keep everyone calm and therefore the negative emotions wouldn't draw any further Grimm in. No Grimm, no Huntsmen needed. But unfortunately, the rest of the horde seeked out their own and their presence soon sucked out all of the residents wills to live. Maria just seems sad as she realizes all of this, throwing the book into the snow. Weiss and Yang apologize for how they acted, resolving to not give up until the Relic is safe in Atlas. Maria feels guilty for not realizing what was happening sooner having never seen a settlement die like Brunswick did.

Ruby however has her own questions. She realizes that Maria knows quite a lot about the Grimm an asks how. But that's not all. She remembers how Maria knew exactly what to do in order to get Ruby to release her eyes power. That's right guys, Ruby is finally asking about the Silver Eyes. She ass how Maria knew about this. Maria answers her question, and he gives the answer that we had all been waiting for since this volume began. Yes my friends, our assumptions have finally been confirmed. Maria was indeed a Silver Eyed Warrior.

Review

Damn man, just... DAMN. Okay, we have quite a bit to talk about. So lets keep the scary part out of the way, and then we'll get to the part I REALLY want to talk about.

This episode didn't go the route that I was expecting. I thought that it was going to be some kind of dream Grimm or a Headless Horseman Grimm. I did NOT expect Zombie Horde Grimm. I also thought that this would be some kind of nightmare episode, but nope! And I'm not complaining, in hindsight that would require a LOOOT of time. Having the cast give into apathy and slowly lose their resolve to continue the fight And even the will to live? That is more horrifying then any nightmare could be, especially since none of them even seed aware of it until Ruby snapped out of it. The Apathy may very well be the most terrifying Grimm in the show, They aren't as vicious as say a Beowulf or Ursa, or even as powerful. But they kill you by simply draining your will power, and as this episode demonstrated, that is more lethal than any Grimm attack so far could ever be.

Because of the apathy, the darkest thoughts of the cast really come out. Qrow becomes more drunk than usual and as I already said, it's pretty uncomfortable and realistic. Especially at the end where he's just full out angry and detached, getting angry at Weiss when she breaks the bottles. The look of horror on his face when he finally sees the Grimm and realizes just how badly he let himself slip is... it's shocking. Yang wants to outright quit after all their bad luck and the recent revelations. Weiss gets the idea in everyone's heads after thinking about it last chapter, and this time doesn't snap out of it. Oscar points out that all that they are doing is delaying their inevitable demise since Salem can't die. Everyone is questioning why they should continue the fight at this rate. Even Ruby even if just briefly, gives in and nearly discards the Relic, showing that even she has her limits.

The entire episode is very creepy and outright depressing. The girls emotionless eyes did NOT help. There was no life int hem, or even in their voices. There was just... nothing. They all almost died because of the Grimm making them not care anymore. And all of this happened because one guy wanted to save money. IDK if he did it out of desperation, greed or both but because of it, everyone died. It's a pitiful situation regardless of the motive. I felt like Maria did, just exasperated. It really further demonstrates how hopeless it seems to be for those outside the Kingdoms. Like what we saw with the girls? Imagine that with a small group of people. Imagine that with a whole city. It's a terrifying. Apathy can be a very dangerous thing, for both those who receive it and those who feel it. IDK if I can ever watch RvB, a show that has tons of it, the same way again... God probably none of them would survive The Apathy... well maybe Caboose would. Grif would be a goner though, although maybe already being apathetic would make him immune or... and I'm getting off track XD Sorry!

So yeah creepy as Hell. The atmosphere and acing were just right. It still had some light moments, like Maria refusing to go to bed and both Blake and Oscar being too tired to make food despite wanting it. That is such a mood. But overall the atmosphere was an uncomfortable as last week, only with plenty of fear for our heroes lives sprinkled in. Very, very well done.

But lets get to the real star of this episode: Ruby. In the past, I expressed how I felt that she got the shaft VERY badly in V5. Clearly, CRWBY is fixing that. Throughout these past six chapters, Ruby has been such an amazing character. Still optimistic and good-intention but she's showing much more of her development and growth. She's stepped up as a leader and is keeping alert. She's questioning things and thinking for herself, but still doing her best to take care of her team. She's frustrated at Qrow and upset about the revelations about Ozpin, but she's not letting them control her. She's outright trying her best to get Qrow to open up infact. She's the only one who gave a damn about Oscar and tried to comfort him, even if Qrow shot her efforts down. And in this episode? Despite The Apathy's effects on her, she refuses to give up. Even as she holds the Relic over the well, her hands are trembling in doubt. She was pulling it away from the well, deciding to keep fighting and go to Atlas because it is the right thing to do. But she also put her foot down, showing frustration with Qrow and REFUSING to leave without the Relic despite everyone around her not caring.

Then we have the climax. First, her attempt to save Blake. Weiss and Yang seem to just give up and even Blake resigns herself to death. But Ruby, despite being weighed down, still tries her damnest to save her teammate. And then when she herself is finally brought down, Maria is able to give her the exact encouragement that she needed. Maria got her to think about the happiness and love that her family and friends give her. That life is a precious, beautiful thing. She signed up for this to save lives and make the world better in any way that she can. That is what motivates her. That is why she is where she is. And it is what gave her the strength to break free and use her powers of her own will. And finally at the end, she FINALLY asks about the eyes. Sure it's not to Ozpin, but it IS to someone who clearly knows and can give her at least some kind of answer.

Maria s exactly the kind of character that Ruby NEEDS to help her along. Maria is a sassy old lady, but also wise, knowledgeable, and also seems to care about saving other lives. She seemed just sad when reading about what happened to the farm. Infact that was where her focus was, finding out what happened that cost so many their lives. It seems like, to me, the Silver Eye powers are fulled by the desire to protect and live. It is fulled by positive emotions, which make sense since the Grimm are fueled by negative emotion. It's hwy Maria got on the girls in Chapter  for spewing negativity, It's why she's been so far overall very positive, even though clearly SOMETHING happened that cost her her eyes. She is the wise, but kindly person that Ruby currently needs. Ozpin's shadiness and current broken state can't do that right now. Maria is such a welcome addition to the cast, and so far her inclusion has been so good and looks to be leading to even greater things. I frekain' love her.

Going back to Ruby though.. this is what I have been wanting form her since Volume 3. It feels like the multiple timelines and other characters needing the focus is why Ruby got shafted so badly. There was clearly so much going on that something had to be put on pause, and Ruby ended up being the one to get it. This has everything that I have been wanting to see from her. Her growth as a leader, her encouraging nature in spite of all the bad luck, her questioning things and showing some semblance of frustration and anger, her learning about the Silver Eyes. This is the Ruby Rose that I have been waiting for. I've been incredibly patient with CRWBY getting to this, and it is FINALLY paying off. You guys have no idea how happy I was when Ruby willingly used the eyes. How she refused to give up despite everything and everyone around her trying to provoke her. How she is still resolved to do good no matter what. I'm still hoping for her to open up more about her more negative feelings and have a breakdown so that she can move forward, but right now? This is very much the right direction for her, and I could not be happier about my favorite character right now.

Final Thoughts

This volume continues to give. This chapter was creepy and unsettling, but also tense and impactful. It had an awesome if horrifying Grimm concept that is going to haunt my nightmares. It had one Hell of an end and let us see the true dark feelings of most of the characters. It did wonders for Maria as well. Ut this chapter was especially great because of Ruby. She is truly showing the inspiring figure that she is meant to be as she continues to step up as a leader and try to do what's right. I feel like the missteps with her in V5 have now been amended, and hopefully we'll see things continue to go uphill as we reach the halfway mark. Awesome chapter and I loved every single second of it! Well done CRWBY!